The Gospel According to Matthew According to Vlorbik These are the fathers of Joseph the Carpenter: Abraham, Isaac

, and so on. Why bother? None of it’s relevant geneologically touching on Jesus if Joe’s not his father. “Make straight the way for a voice in the wilderness! Here comes The Branch! He’ll be King of the Jews! I, John the Baptist, preach soteriology! This is the end of the world! That’s good news!” Verily, verily, Jesus of Nazareth sat on a hill and he spoke from on high, never once mentioning parthenogenesis, reincarnation, or how he would die. Andrew, Bartholomew, Matthew and Thaddeaus, James son of Zebedee, John his dear brother, Phillip and Thomas and James son of Alphaeus, Simon called Peter, and Simon (the other) followed him faithfully all over Galilee hearing his parables all through the land. “Why won’t he talk to us nonallegorically? Sure, we can hear, but we don’t understand!” Then in the city of Holy Jerusalem Jesus’s enemy, Caiaphas, said “How dare he speak to me authoritatively? Infamy! Blasphemy! I want him dead!” Treacherous wretchedness! Judas Iscariot came to Gesthemane leading a mob; tipped off the enemy osculatorily. Jesus forgave him, of course; that’s his job. Jesus was sentenced by Pilate the Governor; tortured to death as he ranted and raved. “God has forsaken me! Lama sabachthani!” He is still with us. Repent and be saved.


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