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THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE

1

Aardvarger, Newly discovered

the

American

Civil

war

by

breed of tiger that has become the

implementing

 

the

mass

dominant predator of the Aardvark.

manufacturing

of

silver

bullets

By the 21 st century, the aardvarger

used

to

kill

vampires

in

the

hunted the Aardvark into

Confederate

Army.

Abraham

extension, thus taking its place as

Lincoln

was

also

the

sixteenth

the first word in every alphabetized encyclopedia.

president

of

the

United States.

THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE 1 Aardvarger, Newly discovered the American Civil war by breed of

Abbreviation, The most common form of language found in North America in the tribes of Sorority and Fraternity. Similar to American English, Abbreviation minimizes every word of English into one- syllable words.

Abdominals, Also known as “abs”, abdominals are the muscle group most closely equated with having a better spring break Facebook album than everyone else.

Absinthe, A potion that causes the drinker to gain the ability of seeing green fairies. Absinthe is commonly green, but can come in a variety of colors and flavors depending on the species of fairy the potion maker intends to be able to see.

Acai

Berry,

A

wild

berry

which,

when

consumed,

makes

one

a

basic white

girl

who is definitely

going

to

lose

five

pounds in just

three days.

THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE 1 Aardvarger, Newly discovered the American Civil war by breed of
THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE 1 Aardvarger, Newly discovered the American Civil war by breed of

Aberforth

Acupuncture,

The

art

of

Dumbledore, The

transforming oneself from a human

older

brother of

being

to

a

porcupine

by

slowly

famous

wizard

Albus

inserting hundreds of tiny needles

Dumbledore.

into the surface of the skin.

Aberforth

played a

significant role in the Battle of Hogwarts. His known past times include inappropriately close relationships with goats, talking to his dead sister’s portrait, and hanging out in dodgy pubs.

Abraham

Lincoln,

Prominent

Adoption, The only legal way to buy a child.

Administration, An authority that determines the fate of lesser human beings. Administration is the known common enemy of the hippy and the liberal alike.

vampire slayer and certified

badass. His weapon of choice is a

tree axe. Lincoln

played a pivotal

role in fighting the vampires during

Agave, a sweetening syrup used by hippies and liberals to ensure that their tea and baked goods give

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THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE

them

the

super

power

of

legitimized entitlement.

2 THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE them the super power of legitimized entitlement. Alcatraz, A maximum-security

Alcatraz, A maximum-security island prison The United States built in order to safely contain all of the nation’s scientologists.

Alcohol, A less powerful potion than Absinthe, but still possesses the power of transforming pleasant people into a state of capability that of a two-year-old human.

Amazon Rainforest,
Amazon
Rainforest,

The largest forest located in South America with over 1.7 billion acres of land that hosts an astonishing variety of bulldozers, dump trucks, mechanical cranes, and power tools. Once an uncultivated land completely devoid of modern machinery and economic progress, the Amazon Rain Forest may one day be the first portion of land in the world to become fully cultivated by humankind.

 

American Civil War

II,

The

Allergy, A type of trendy form of

American Civil War II is an ongoing

restricted eating.

Some

war in the United States between

recommend

that

 

others

have

conservative

republicans

and

allergies

to

foods

that

have

liberal

democrats.

This

war

has

recently

gone

out

of

style.

The

been egged on by media

most common example of a food

propaganda between news stations

that

has

gone

out

of

vogue

is

such as Fox News and MSNBC. The

wheat.

When

Americans

decided

battle of Capitol

Hill

is

known

as

that they were so done with wheat,

the most significant battle thus far

millions of Americans decided to

because Democrat and Republican

become allergic to the substance in

armies

in

congress

managed

to

wheat

called

gluten.

Very

few

shut

the entire

US

government

people know what a gluten is, apart

down

in

this

battle

in

the year

from

food

reps

at

Whole

Foods

 

farmers markets.

THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE

3

2014.

THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE 3 2014. Ambulance, tiny hospitals on wheels that are the quickest

Ambulance, tiny hospitals on wheels that are the quickest way to get through rush hour traffic. When people are late to work or find themselves stuck in traffic, they will purposefully injure themselves and call the ambulance number to ensure their speedy arrival to their intended destination.

Antelope, a kind of melon similar to a cantaloupe, but oddly shaped like a deer.

Apartment,

a

place

where

one

lives while looking

for another

place to live.

 

Apology,

a

spoken

or

written

confession

that

typically

only

occurs

when

a

person has

been

caught in

 

the

act

of

doing

something incredibly stupid.

Apple,

a

computer

company

known

for

designing

THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE 3 2014. Ambulance, tiny hospitals on wheels that are the quickest

software,

phones,

laptops,

and

mp3s that nobody knew they needed until the moment they saw such products being advertised by Steve Jobs. This company is currently making more money than most of the world’s countries GDP

combined.

It is estimated

that

by

year 2025

Apple

Inc.

will

have

joined forces with Disney and

successfully taken over the entire free world.

April, 8th, 1994,

the year that

the world became a little bit better

of a place.

Argument, a type of conversation that constitutes nearly 50% of all conversations and never ends with mutual understanding.

Arby’s,

a

fast

food

chain

restaurant whose only edible item

on

the

menu

is

the

“Jamocha

Shake.”

 
THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE 3 2014. Ambulance, tiny hospitals on wheels that are the quickest

Archery,

the

practice of using

a

bow

and

arrow

to

kill

all

your

enemies in the 74 th and 75 th annual

Hunger Games.

Archaeology, the professional and academic discipline of digging in

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THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE

the dirt.
the
dirt.

Arson, the act of setting fires on purpose for the sheer enjoyment of watching things burn when you are no longer a child human.

Asparagus, the most difficult

vegetable

to

eat

in

the

entire

world.

Eating

this

tricky

string

shaped vegetable is a sure fire way

to make

any first date extremely

awkward.

It

also

possesses

the

super power of making human

urine smell like garlic bread.

4 THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE the dirt. Arson, the act of setting fires on purpose

Assembly line, the very worst kind of line ever invented. The assembly line has invaded many a city and ferociously consumed every immigrant, person of color, and uneducated citizen living in the area, forcing them to work for long hours doing one mundane task over and over again.

Atheism, the only religion that uses a personal hatred of God to defend the nonexistence of God to anyone who begins a conversation with a practitioner of said religion.

Arthur,

a friendly aardvark who

was

devoured

by

an

aardvarger

after his television show

on

PBS

was cancelled.

4 THE BOOK OF ALL KNOWLEDGE the dirt. Arson, the act of setting fires on purpose