Running head: EXPLORATION OF ADOLESCENCE

An Exploration of Adolescence
Anika Davis
Wayne State University
SW 3510

EXPLORATION OF ADOLESCENCE
An Exploration of Adolescence

This paper will review my most meaningful experiences during adolescence. We will take a look
into my family history and dynamics as they are an important factor in my developing self. I will explore
experiences from early adolescence through late adolescence and their effects on my moral development
and self-esteem. My experiences will be analyzed to identify what, if any, effect they have had on my
behaviors in the past and present. I will be compared them to various human behavior theories in order
to determine if there is any correlation.
A Glimpse at Family Dynamics
When my mother met my father, she had a seven month old son and was pregnant with another
by her previous boyfriend who had been sent to prison for fifteen years. They married in March of 1969
and the second child was born in August. My father raised both boys as his own and never spoke of
them not being his biologically. My father joined the army and went to Vietnam where he became
addicted to heroin. When my father returned he and my mom separated because of his drug use,
infidelity and abuse. During the separation she became pregnant with me by an ex-boyfriend from her
childhood. My mother and father reconciled and I was born. Again, he accepted me as his own and
never spoke of anything else. Only my oldest brother was aware that our dad wasnt his biological
father. My other brother and I always just assumed that he was our biological father and never asked
any questions. By the time I was eleven my parents had separated again several times and finally
divorced, although they would reconcile again later in the years.
When I was sixteen years old my mother told me that the only father I knew was not my
biological father. A lot of people would be devastated to learn this information but I believed I was ok
with it. I remember wondering many times growing up why I didnt have any physical characteristics of
my brothers or my mother? She and my brothers were a light complexion with fine, curly hair, and she
had freckles. I on the other hand was a more caramel complexion with thin, courser hair. Soon after my

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mother delivered the news I met my biological father and two half sisters. Meeting the three of them
gave answer to my earlier posed questions.
Most of my adolescent years, my father (step) was out of the house but my mother created a very loving
atmosphere. She was an authoritative style parent and was always supportive and encouraging to my
siblings and me. My brothers and I had very close relationships and spent most of our time together.
Unfortunately I dont think my mother focused enough, if at all, on instilling racial pride in us.
We were always around other races and ethnicities so when we were home in our neighborhood or
around extended family, we didnt really fit. We had friends because our house was always the fun house
but I remember my neighborhood friends telling me that I spoke funny and had an accent. This disturbed
me because I didnt understand why they felt that way. As a result of the conflicts in my environments I
was very insecure and self conscious regardless of whom I was around. Eventually I learned to speak
using Ebonics just as the neighborhood children did, and use, correct English when I was in the
presence of others. Most of my adolescent life I had to flip flop from behaving like family and the
neighborhood children to behaving like the children I attended school with or socialized with in activities
outside of the neighborhood.
Early Adolescence
During middle childhood and into my early adolescent years I was also molested by an older son
of a family friend. My mother and I had a close and open relationship but I was unable to tell her about
the abuse mostly for fear of breaking up her close friendship as well as the embarrassment of what was
happening to me. I never wanted to talk about it to anyone. The abuse ended because my abuser moved
out of his mothers home so there was much less contact with him. On occasions when I was in the
presence of him, I had become savvy enough to avoid being alone with him.
After the abuse stopped I found myself getting into many compromising situations with boys. I
had many different boyfriends and a lot of intimate encounters. For me it was a normal part of a
relationship. I would allow boys to grope and fondle me even though I didnt enjoy it. The main reason

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I had so many boyfriends is they would usually grow tired of my, teasing and move on. Often I was
left feeling inadequate, as if I was unable to please a boy.
During junior high school I attended St. Vincent de Paul middle school. The school was located on
the southwest side of Detroit in what is considered, Mexican village. The school population was
predominantly Hispanic. I got along very well with my classmates and felt a sense of belonging. The
experience afforded me the opportunity to learn more about Hispanic culture as well as Catholicism
because it was a catholic school. During junior high school I found that I suffered from self-esteem
issues. The experience was one of conflict because in my neighborhood of predominantly AfricanAmericans, I was considered very pretty and received a lot of attention. However in school I believed
that most of the girls were prettier than I was. They had longer, straighter hair, their skin was lighter and
they received more attention from boys. As a result of my insecurities, I was always preoccupied with
looking my best. Everything needed to be perfect, my hair, nails and clothing.
Middle Adolescence
My insecurities grew more intense during high school. Most of my time during school hours was
spent with male family members including my brothers. I had very few friends that were girls. I
discovered that most the girls who had befriended me were only interested in me because of the boys I
had access to. All of my friends either dated or wanted to date my brothers or male cousins. I was only
popular among boys who were much older than I but my mother would not approve of me dating any of
them. Its important for me to mention that I was younger than all of my classmates because I started
school one year earlier than most people. During high school I never attended any school functions with
the exception of the senior prom. I never put much effort into academics, and had to repeat several
classes in order to graduate on time.
Late Adolescence
Shortly after my seventeenth birthday I graduated high school and went away to a university in
Alabama where one of my half sisters was attending school. My mother thought it would be a good

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idea for my sister and me to become closer and to break some of my dependence upon her. Although
there were usually people around me, I was very lonely there. During this time I turned to heavy alcohol
drinking. Since there were lots of students engaging in the same type of activity I didnt believe it was a
problem. Drinking proved to be a problem for me because I started to skip classes in my dorm room
watching television. I had inadvertently decided that watching soap operas was more important than
education. I had never set any real goals for myself anyway. There were girls I would observe and
compare myself to, wondering if I was as pretty. There were many young men in my life as well.
College was where I had my first consensual sexual encounter. After having sex, I was uncomfortable
with saying no to guys. I realized this after having sex on three different occasions with guys I didnt
want to be intimate with. Finally I learned that since I wouldnt say No it was best to avoid situations
where I needed to. Once I returned home for Christmas vacation my mother was able to witness my
drinking habits and informed me that my maternal grandmother had been an alcoholic. When I learned
about my grandmothers problem I was shattered. I always considered her as having it all together.
Because of her I decided to stop drinking; Although I didnt completely stop until I was thirty-three and
pregnant with my son, I discontinued drinking on anything more than an occasional social basis.
This was the turning point in my life. The beginning of my reflection on who I was and deciding
who I wanted to become. I made a choice to change to make sure that I never again was ashamed of
who I was or what I had done. The main factor in my ability to move forward in building self-esteem
was that until college I was still technically a virgin never having engaged in sexual intercourse. During
that time I didnt know many young ladies who could truthfully say the same.
Biophysical Dimension
The onset of puberty was a significantly negative experience for me. I was not an early maturing
girl, my menstrual cycle started around age twelve and a half. I remember feeling anxious for it to start
because I knew that some of my friends had already started theirs. Once it finally came I didnt respond
at all the way I had expected. My stomach hurt really badly every time and I had no energy. I gained

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weight rapidly due to my inactivity. The weight gain was difficult for me because I could see the
appearance of stretch marks which caused me to feel self-conscious. My menstrual cycle lasted for
seven days during the first few years. For me that was torture. During that time I recall being very
egocentric accompanied by mild depression. In my opinion everyone was aware that I was menstruating
and trying to see if they could tell I was wearing a pad. I was always preoccupied with whether or not I
would stain my clothes and it would be visible to others. Headaches were another huge issue for me
during my menses. On one occasion I stayed in my room for five days during my seven day cycle until
my mother intervened. She forced me to come out and join the family which was the last thing I wanted
having two older brothers in the family.

Psychological Dimension
Throughout adolescence my, Self-image has always been poor. This is due in great part to the
diverse environment I experienced. Since many adolescents self-concept depends significantly upon
what their peers think it was difficult for me to develop a positive self- image. It was very challenging
for me to overcome the insecurities I suffered as a result of my environment. I also suffered from a very
low sense of self-efficacy therefore never put forth much effort in achieving any goals early in life. I
never looked toward the future and how my lack of ambition would affect me later in life.
As a result of the molestation I endured I was unable to develop deep emotions or attachments
to men. Because of this I suffered from difficult relationships and a lack of closeness.
During the time in my life when I was being abused I would often urinate standing up. At first I thought
it was from having two older brothers. I was old enough to know that we had different body parts so as
a take a deeper look into the behavior I realize that it was more likely a rejection of my female parts as a
result of the unwanted touching.
Social Dimension

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My alcohol use was a coping mechanism for my adverse experiences. There was a lack of
understanding on my part as to the effects of the pressures of my life.
After my molestation ended I inappropriately touched a male child of a family friend on more
than one occasion. Fortunately for both of us I was able to identify the behavior as wrong and because I
cared for him enough, discontinue the inappropriate behavior. There have been many times throughout
the years that I pray he doesnt remember my behavior. I never want any child to feel the way I did
growing up being molested. My social behaviors were predominately those of learned behavior. An
example of this type of learning is described in Albert Banduras social learning theory. According to
Bandura (1986), behaviors or responses are acquired through social-cognitive learning (as cited in
Boyd, E. Wood, & S. E. Wood, 2004, p. 138).
Summation and Conclusion
As I reflect on my adolescence, I realize that my family and neighborhood friends teased me
about my grammar because I was more articulate than they were. At the time I didnt understand that
being different or articulate wasnt a bad thing. It was very difficult for me to overcome the conflicting
messages I perceived from my surroundings. In my opinion this was a result of my unsuccessful
resolution of the identity v. identity conflict stage of Eriksons Psychosocial Theory (Ashford & Lecroy,
2013).
I believed that I was fine when I learned that I had another father but in hindsight I realize the
information may have contributed to a lifetime of identity issues. I often wonder if it was the real reason
I never told my mother about the molestation. Although I developed a healthy relationship with my
biological father I always identified more with my step-father. Infidelity and abuse of my mother from
both my fathers contributed to the lack of trust I had for men. This lack of trust has followed me into
middle adulthood. After one failed marriage Im finally able to feel a sense of trust with my current
husband.

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For years I worked at not displaying any adverse emotions as a result of being molested. I
realize that the molestation inhibited me from accessing any deep emotions. My decision to change my
life and decision making process after returning home from college is indicative of James Marcias
Identity achievement classification for adolescent identity status theory.
According to Ashford & Lecroy (2013) Marcias identity achievement status is:
The final stage in which adolescents have undergone and resolved their crisis by making strong
commitments to things such as an occupation, sexual orientation, or religious ideology. (p. 435)
It wasnt until my son was born that I was able to access those feelings and finally develop a
meaningful connected relationship.
I never sought help from a professional during my times of conflict but it is very important for
social workers to recognize biological, psychological, and social aspects that contribute to human
behaviors. When I finally did seek help from a social worker regarding relationship issues unfortunately
she did not delve deep into my past in order to gain a full understanding of my contributing factors.
Social work when practiced thoroughly is an integral part of helping others to improve their quality of
life.

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References

Ashford, J. B., & Lecroy, C. W. (2013). Human Behavior in the Social Environment: A
Multidimensional Perspective (5th ed.). Belmont, CA: Cengage Learning.
Boyd, D., Wood, E., & Wood, S. E. (2004). Mastering the World of Psychology. Boston, MA: Pearson,
Allyn & Bacon.