Jaycelyn Bland

Simone Suddreth
English 1010
16 February 2015
Your Husband Is Gay
As 2015 begins, 37 out of 50 states have legalized gay marriage in the United
States (ProCon). This trend of gay rights activism has elicited much emotion between the
opposing parties. With the revolution of equality, especially with gay rights, religious
sects are compelled to propagate their beliefs and agendas. Individuals, religious sects,
and other organizations are being met with much negative criticism for putting up
resistance to the equality for the LGBTQ community. Those opposed to gay rights are on
the downward spiral of popular opinion. Similarly to racial and civil rights in the 1960's,
change is coming and gay rights and equality for the LGBTQ community are becoming a
necessity in our culture.
In January 2015, TLC broadcasted a very controversial television special titled
"My Husband's Not Gay." The premise of the special showcased four men who were
attracted to men, but were choosing to be in heterosexual relationships in order to obtain
their LDS religious standards. In most of today's culture these men would be considered
"bisexual," something that they don't accept themselves as being, due to their religion's
non acceptance of sexuality beyond heterosexual. The show followed the lives of the men
and showed the interactions among other men, each other, and strangers. It also included

a large amount of interviews with the men and their wives (three of the men were
married). An uproar of the inappropriateness of the show sparked before the first airing. A
petition asking for the network to not air the show with over 100,000 signatures surfaced
on Change.com, a popular website that promotes social change (Bolles). The LGBTQ
community said the show made homosexuality seem like a curable choice. GLADD (Gay
& Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) president and CEO, Sarah Kate Ellis said, No
one can change who they love, and, more importantly, no one should have to. By
investing in this dangerous programming, TLC is putting countless young LGBT people
in harms way" (Bolles). Despite the petition and the controversy TLC continued with the
scheduled airing.
The show manipulatively promoted Reparative Therapy modalities. They had
weekly support groups, sometimes even involving their church clergy members to come
and reinforce that same sex attraction is wrong and how they can combat it. The
individuals in the show glorified not acting upon their homosexual desires, and made it
seem like being homosexual was nothing but a sin, and ignoring their feelings was
admirable. Reparative Therapy, or also known as Conversion Therapy, is the belief that
sexuality can be changed from homosexual to heterosexual with a range of therapy
methods (American Psychological Association). Reparative therapy is most commonly
used in fundamentalist Christian religions to "pray the gay away" (Sinor). Reparative
therapy has been proven to be destructive, non effective, and very dangerous. The suicide
rate in homosexual Christians is an epidemic. The suicide rate increased 8.9 times with
LGBTQ individuals when they did not get the acceptance or support from their family
members based on religious beliefs (Human Rights Campaign).

The LDS Church has been very outspoken and public with their intolerance for
homosexuality. In 2008 they funded a very large amount (about 20 million dollars) to
support Proposition 8 in California (Breen). Members were encouraged to protest in favor
of Prop 8. The LDS Church released a statement about the 40 minute special, giving it a
non official endorsement, "Couples who are trying to be lovingly supportive of each other
while being true to their religious convictions deserve our support and respect" (Mormon
Newsroom). Weeks after the airing of the show, the LDS Church released a rare press
conference with LGBTQ Rights as one of the main topics. The press conference seemed
like the LDS Church was calling for anti-discrimination rights for the LGBTQ
community, but they also called for protection of religious beliefs.
The individuals on "My Husband's Not Gay" are members of a larger group
known as North Star International. North Star International is a LDS support group for
people with, and family members of those, "experiencing same-sex attraction." They
refrain from using the term "gay", but instead say "experience SSA." Saying their
attraction to the same sex is an experience dehumanizes attraction to another human as it
takes away the levity of attraction between two people because it doesn't "fit a certain
criteria." These men do not act upon their homosexual tendencies to continue living the
teachings of their LDS faith. The LDS Church believes that marriage is a sacred covenant
between a man and a woman. These individuals, practicing their own form of conversion
therapy, promote infidelity in their own marriages. The men have made a 0-4 scale to
judge the danger of attraction to another man (Petrey). The wives seem to find it a
bonding experience with their husbands to check out other men. One of the wives when
asked what she does when she catches her husband checking out other men responded

with a joke saying, "I look too." The interpretation of the religious standard on infidelity
vary from leader to leader within the religion. Some leaders go as far to say that simply
looking and lusting after another outside your marriage is as bad as committing the act of
adultery.While not acting upon their homosexual tendencies does meets their religious
doctrine, the act of lusting after another man (along with their wives) promotes infidelity,
which does not meet their religious doctrine
The title itself, "My Husband's Not Gay," states a negative argument about
homosexuality. The women spend their time on the show arguing that their husbands are
not gay, making it a case of "thou doth protest too much." Even the title sequence is a
mockery of the individuals and their situation. The title "My Husband's Gay" appears on
the screen, and a seconds later the word "Not" pushes it's way in front of "Gay." North
Star International saw airing a special as a way to spread the word about their "alternative
to an alternative lifestyle (Wong)." They were portrayed more of a circus act, and several
parodies, including "My Husband's Not Straight" from actor/comedian George Takei
surfaced on the internet after the special. So much controversy, parodies, and outcry came
from this one time TV special. With so much backlash from a limited airing special, it
shows how socially unaccepted the views and actions of North Star International
members are to the majority of the LGBTQ community and their supporters.
Human culture is always changing and evolving. In the fast paced day and age
that is the norm today, change is inevitable. Civil rights changed drastically in the 1960's,
those unwilling to accept the change and equality were left in the dust. Today, it is
socially unacceptable to be against civil rights. Gay rights are on the rise to becoming
accepted as an absolute. With the direction human culture is evolving around gay rights

today, hopefully one day it will be socially unacceptable to be against gay rights.

Works Cited
"37 States with Legal Gay Marriage and 13 States with Same-Sex Marriage Bans - Gay
Marriage

ProCon.org." ProCon. Web. 10 Feb. 2015.

Bolles, Alexandra. "More than 70,000 Call on TLC to Cancel "My Husband's Not Gay"

GLAAD 5

Jan. 2015. Web. 15 Feb. 2015.

Breen, Matthew. "Mormons, God, And Gays." Advocate 1072 (2014): 43-45. Academic
Search Premier. Web. 18 Feb. 2015. "Just the Facts about Sexual Orientation and Youth:
A Primer for Principals, Educators and School Personnel." American Psychological
Association. Web. 16 Feb. 2015.

<http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/just-the-

facts.aspx>.
"Mormon Newsroom - Church Responds to Questions Regarding Upcoming TLC
Program."

Www.mormonnewsroom.org. 7 Jan. 2015. Web. 13 Feb. 2015.

Petrey, Taylor G. "My Husband's Not Gay: Homosexuality and the LDS Church."
Religion Politics. 4

Feb. 2015. Web. 10 Feb. 2015.

Sinor, Jennifer. "Out In The West: The Mormon Church Is Going MainstreamAnd
Leaving It's Gay

Members Behind." American Scholar 80.4 (2011): 76-87.

Academic Search Premier. Web. 18 Feb. 2015.

The Lies and Dangers of Efforts to Change Sexual Orientation." Human Rights
Campaign. Web. 16

Feb. 2015. <http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/the-lies-and-

dangers-of-reparative-therapy>
"Transcript of News Conference on Religious Freedom and Nondiscrimination."
Www.mormonnewsroom.org. 27 Jan. 2015. Web. 18 Feb. 2015.
Wong, Curtis. "Thousands Sign Petition To Cancel TLC's 'My Husband's Not Gay' Over
Show's 'Ex-

Gay' Message." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 7 Jan.

2015. Web. 12 Feb.

2015.

Visual Medium
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NccyqI4L2EE