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The Eyeopener - February 10, 2010 - Love & Sex issue

The Eyeopener - February 10, 2010 - Love & Sex issue

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photo: Chris Dale

2 • The Eyeopener

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

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news

The Eyeopener • 3

Rye chooses Student Learning Centre architect
by julianna cummins newS editoR

Ryerson University has picked the architecture team to design the Student Learning Centre (SLC), a building president Sheldon Levy said will help Ryerson shake it’s commuter-campus reputation. The SLC, to be built on the former site of Sam the Record Man at the corner of Yonge and Gould Streets, will be designed by Zeidler Partnership Architects of Toronto and Snohetta of Oslo. “It can be . . . a place where students can feel comfortable in using their technology, and would rather be there and study there than take the TTC and Galabuzi wants campus to be “safe” for all. photo: lauRa blenkinsop study at home,” Levy said. In addition to serving as an academic hub with an emphasis on technology, the SLC will also focus on student space and will feature retail space on the ground level. Access to Dundas subway station may also be a possibility. by hilaRy hageRman advisor on outreach and access. The A key part in the decision to go with university is also looking into working Ryerson has dedicated itself to im- with the Ryerson Diversity Institute to proving diversity on campus after the collect data to help plan future decischool’s anti-racism taskforce released sions. its final report last Monday. The taskforce called for reforms in The taskforce, which was developed areas like employment equity, harass- by caRys mills after reports of racism and hate-moti- ment and discrimination, and the de- aSSoCiate newS editoR vated activity in 2008, recommended velopment of an inclusive curriculum reforms in education and administra- which includes a mandatory course on A Ryerson student was hit by a car tion to promote an inclusive environ- diversity. Equity and training and work- outside the International Living and ment. Nearly half of all students at the shops are also recommended, especial- Learning Centre (ILLC) on Friday eveschool are racialized or Aboriginal. ly for senior administration. ning, according to witnesses. Ryerson President Sheldon Levy enOther findings include indications “He flipped in mid-air,” said Shancouraged everyone in the Ryerson com- of offensive speech in classrooms and munity to reflect on the report. “This is concerns that curriculum that does not I pressed my brakes but it was a great goal for us, and one we take up address issues like colonialism. too late. with not only commitment, but with Taskforce members collected data — Zack Jeebhai, pride,” he said at the presentation. “Ry- over the past year through several driver of the car involved in erson should aspire to be a model in eq- methods including interviews with ina collision outside the ILLC uity, diversity and inclusion.” dividual students and faculty, research In a prepared statement available projects and online surveys. non Hamilton, a witness and first-year online, Levy said the school is planning Grace-Edward Galabuzi, co-chair of York University student who was visitto create a senior position that focuses the Taskforce, said despite the findings, on equity, diversity and inclusion. Ryerson is a largely positive experience “While we as a community have a for most. track record of leadership on diversity, “A lot of students, faculty and staff we know that there is more we can do,” love to work and learn at Ryerson,” he the statement reads. said. The new administrative position is “Now we need to make sure it is a currently filled by Rona Abramovitch, safe place for all to work and study.”

this team, said Levy, was their understanding how to make a library designed in 2010 adaptable to the needs of a library 20 years from now. “They’ve shown the ability that their libraries were really creations of the forever,” said Levy. He said the Bibilotecha Alexandria in Egypt was one of his favourite buildings

It’s probably the most intersting project going on in Toronto right now — Tarek El-Khatib Lead architect from Zeidler Partnership Architects
designed by Snohetta, which features four art galleries, an Internet archive and eight academic research centres. Tarek El-Khatib, a senior partner of Zeilder Partnership Architects, said he was attracted to the project for the chance to look at how to take a university’s library in different directions. “It’s probably the most interesting

Ryerson takes aim at campus racism

project going on in Toronto right now,” El-Khatib said. While there are no renderings yet, Levy said the partner’s history of innovative design will ensure a striking — and perhaps controversial — building for Ryerson’s face on Yonge. “You can’t go around in life trying to find the one object that everyone will like, because it will end up like arrowroot cookies,” said Levy, explaining that he doesn’t want to cater to everyone. Zeidler was also the architect for the Ted Rogers School of Management. Craig Dykers, the co-founder and principal architect of Snohetta, said the firm spent a few hours at the corner of Yonge and Gould streets before their interview for the project, asking those passing by about what they would like to see there. “They want something fresh — they don’t want something that is sort of a standard block of a building. So there’s very strong desire to make it a lively building,” Dykers said.

student hit by car near illc: witness
ing a friend at Ryerson. The male, who Toronto Police estimate to be about 18 years old, was conscious and breathing at the scene. He was bleeding from the forehead but police said he had only minor injuries when taken to hospital in an ambulance after the collision, which occurred at about 5:30 p.m on Feb. 5. Zack Jeebhai was the driver involved in the collision. He said he was driving north on Mutual Street after work because there was too much traffic on his normal route. Jeebhai said when he got to Mutual and Gould Streets, he stopped at the stop sign. When he proceeded, the male ran across the street. “I pressed my brakes but it was too late,” said Jeebhai, who was driving a Chevrolet Cobalt. Hamilton saw the incident on her way from Metro to the ILLC and crossed Mutual Street while Jeebhai was stopped at the stop sign. She said he accelerated soon after her and her friend got to the other side of the street. They were the first to help the male after the collision, telling him not to move in case of injuries. Hamilton also said the victim’s knee was in pain after the incident.

In an unscientific Eyeopener social experiment, we dropped wallets and purses in buildings around campus. We loaded each of them with money, some cards and in most of them, a piece of photo I.D. we could afford to lose. All of them had a contact number. We figured we’d be robbed silly. But it turns out Ryerson students are a lot more trustworthy than we thought. We “lost”

13 wallets. Happily, we got 11 back. $2 to $10,

Our wallets, each loaded with anywhere between

were either “dropped” or “left behind.” We also “lost” purses. We only got back from the ILLC. Our undercover reporter saw a purse get turned in at the RAC — but no one’s given us a call!
With files from Ross Arbour, Tashika Gomes, Alicia Hayashi, Jeff Lagerquist and Lee Richarson

3

1

A male, 18. was taken to hospital after being hit by a car on campus. photo: lauRa blenkinsop

4 • The Eyeopener

EDITORIAL

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Masthead
edItOR-IN-ChIeF Amit “TRUE LOVE” Shilton NeWs Julianna “FUCKING” Cummins Aleysha “TOONIES” Haniff assOCIate NeWs Carys “BIG GAMBLER” Mills FeatURes Rodney “PENIS POPPER” Barnes BIZ & teCh Lauren “HANDS ON” Strapagiel aRts & LIFe Amanda “SMOKEY” Cupido Shannon “FLUFFER” Higgins sPORts Erin “MATCHMAKER” Valois PhOtO Matt “WHOOAH!” Llewellyn Chris “SILVERTONGUE” Dale assOCIate PhOtO Laura “BEAR ATTACK” Blenkinsop FUN Leif “SCAT” Parker ONLINe GURUs Kerry “ONLINE” Wall John “ELECTION!!!” Shmuel GeNeRaL MaNaGeR Liane “WHAT THE WHAT” McLarty adVeRtIsING MaNaGeR Chris “GOING CONCERN” Roberts desIGN dIReCtOR Ryan “CHAIR FAIL” Price INteRN aRMY Brian “LIKE” Capitao Johnny “HUNDREDS” Vouyioukas Avie “OF BUNNIES” Engler David “HUGGING” Goncalves Imman “YOU” Musa VOLUNteeRs Adriana “PORN STAR” Rolston Nicole “SUBJECT: SEX” Clark Gianluca “SURVEY” Inglesi Rebecca “CHAMPS” Burton Graham “STEPS UP” Slaughter Tashika “MAYOR?” Gomes Lee “UNEXPECTED” Richardson Jeff “KINGER” Lagerquist Alicia “INITIAL TWIN” Hayashi “THE” Ross “INATOR” Arbour Hilary “NEWS CHERRY” Hagerman Allyssia “DOUBLE THREAT” Alleyne

We don’t deserve the ‘D’
aMIt shILtON eDitor-in-chief

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Every time I travel, I run into people who want to know my favourite thing about Toronto. And my response, whether I’m in Russia, India or Japan is always the same: diversity. Their response is always the same too. A knowing smile and nod of the head. Because people, no matter where they’re from in this world, know about Toronto’s multicultural reputation. So it was a shock picking up the Metro newspaper on Monday morning and seeing the mess in my own backyard. Ryerson gets a D for diversity? Really? Don’t get me wrong, the report released by the Taskforce on Anti-Racism at Ryerson highlighted a number of important recommendations. Yes, we should have an equity position in the upper admin. Yes, we should make more resources available. And yes, there needs to be better hiring practices when it comes to profs and teachers. But the house is not on fire. To take Ryerson and use it as an example of racism at the university level is just not fair. If the problem is so bad here, then I can’t imagine what the same people would say about the constant riots and clashes that go on at York University. If we get a D, what about them? Problems at Ryerson exist. If you look hard enough anywhere, you’re bound to find things you don’t agree with. But the report should be treated as a set of guidelines rather than the bible.

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Playing the role of the Annoying Talking Coffee Mug this week... Finding love in all the right places. The Eyeopener is Ryerson’s largest and independent student newspaper. It is owned and operated by Rye Eye Publishing Inc., a non-profit corporation owned by the students of Ryerson. Our offices are on the second floor of the Student Campus Centre and you can reach us at 416-979-5262 or www. theeyeopener.com.

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Intro

The Eyeopener • 5

Love and Sex
Photography by Chris Dale

How to Turn Heads and Save the Planet

Forget kink.
Forget anal, bondage and sado-masochism. Every day hundreds of new porn sites go online. I can pull up videos of women fellating men, men fellating men and women performing cunnilingus. There are videos of women fucking dogs, fucking horses, fucking humans.

There is nothing extreme about sex anymore.
Chances are good the pharmacist filling my prescription or the prof in my english class goes home and puts on a latex suit. Wikipedia has taught me more about sex than any grade 10 physical education teacher. In a time when the Internet has made sex public, what is kinky anymore? There is more to sexual relationships than sex. We’ll take a look in the first section at the science of sex: the sounds and sights, what happens to our bodies during sex, and one of the more mysterious attractions we have. In the second section we’ll go through the history of kink and investigate how porn has changed the way young people fuck. And on page 13 we answer all of the sex questions you’re too afraid to ask. In the third and final section we’ll explore the emotional depth to be found in relationships, and discover that maybe the kinkiest thing we can do with one another is to be intimate. -Rodney Barnes, features editor

Ryerson grad Heidi Ackerman makes the planet a better place … and better dressed
Environmentally friendly fashion brings to mind hemp outfits that are just a little too close to Mother Earth for our liking and evoke a feeling of, “I want to save the planet, but do I have to wear that?” Heidi Ackerman, Ryerson University School of Fashion graduate, takes the drab out of eco-clothing and injects colour and innovative design into her Flight knitwear collection. Heidi’s passion about design led her to Ryerson, and in her third year, she studied sustainability in an exchange program in Australia. This opportunity proved to be a catalyst in developing her sustainable clothing line. She now uses organic cotton and wool, recycled polyester and bamboo fabrics to create designs that transcend existing perceptions of eco-friendly clothing, and produces work that is unique and fashion forward. Flight has been winning minds and turning heads, and she and her team received the Beefeater Innovative Spirit Award for her work at the Toronto Alternative Arts and Fashion Week 2008. Heidi is one of many Ryerson School of Fashion graduates who are making their marks by combining academic smarts, creative vision and an entrepreneurial attitude. That’s why you’ll see Ryerson grads leading the fashion industry across Canada and around the world. Hear more about Heidi’s experiences at www.ryerson.ca/marks.

www.ryerson.ca/marks

Everyone Makes a Mark

6 • The Eyeopener

sciEncE of sEx

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

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Science of sex
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

SCIENCE OF SEX

The Eyeopener • 7

Ooh, oh, mmm yeah...
Brittany Devenyi finds out the good, the bad and the noisy details of Rye students’ sex lives
It’s not just stress that forces students to pull those dreadful all-nighters. That boom, boom, pow and hankey pankey play coming from next door have probably played a role in some sleepless night. Ryerson students know what it’s like to be kept awake by the sounds of sex, but they also know how to let loose. The animalistic sounds are sometimes what they secretly desire. “I guess I’m a victim of [having] loud sex,” said Alyssa Garrison, a first-year journalism student. “Last year my roommate told me she had to put her headphones up to full volume because I can get pretty rowdy.” For other students, drowning out those thumping noises they hear from above is quite the chore, as the task can involve a broom. Dean Park, a first-year radio and television arts student admitted to being a culprit. Park and his friends refer to the broomstick approach as “pooking.” “I was in my room doing the deed, when all of a sudden I started to hear pooking noises coming from downstairs,” he said. “People do that a lot.” But stabbing a broomstick at the ceiling can’t put an end to all sensual sounds. Duncan Peng, a first-year business student experienced a noise during sex that ruined more than just the moment. “I was having sex with my girlfriend in her friend’s attic, and in the heat of passion, I accidently knocked over a big glass coffee ta-

It pretty much sounded like I had just destroyed the whole house.
—Duncan Peng, first-year business student

ble,” he said. “It pretty much sounded like I had just destroyed the whole house.” Fortunately, there are students who find other ways to enliven the mood. “I know it’s corny, but I love when soft music is playing in the background,” said Melissa Stuart, a second-year early childhood education student. However, there are some exceptions where no noise is actually preferable. Sheila Edwards, a first-year arts and contemporary studies student, provided an anecdote from her friend’s sex life. “Right in the middle of it she looks over at him and says, ‘after we’re done can we make a pizza?’” It’s clear that silence really can be a virtue.

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DO: “Round two?” Whether you’re taking a break or still in the act, your partner would love to hear they’re good enough for another go. Morning sex, anyone? DON’T: “Yeah, daddy”

Your partner should not be your daddy. Leave the parents out of the bedroom.

8 • The Eyeopener

SCIENCE OF SEX

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hot spots to stimulate
Head By running your hands through your partner’s hair, you can evoke a tingling sensation, which is relaxing and will release tension.

Neck The neck area is very sensitive, but many people focus too much on the front. Try kissing the back of your paretner’s neck. It will be a sure shot to send shivers down his or her spine.

Forehead The face has many nerves and blood vessles. Try a soft kiss on the forehead or outlining your partner’s facial features with the tip of your finger.

Stomach Slow kisses down the stomach will create sexual tension. Running your hand slowly along your partner’s waist and gently outlining the pelvic bone is a definite turn on.

Elbow The inside of the arm, where the elbow bends, is an extremely sensitive area. Try stimulating this for a change in foreplay.

Inner leg Running your hand on the inner leg will create sexual tension and anticipation. By doing soft strokes and slowly making your way upward, you will have your partner craving your touch.

Feet Paying attention to your partner’s toes can help stimulate other areas of their body. Reflexology techniques outline that the big toe correlates with the neck and the middle toe stimulates the ears. Use your thumb in a circular motion to massage the bottom of the toes and foot.

TexT: AmAndA Cupido

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

SCIENCE OF SEX

The Eyeopener • 9

Biography of red
BY AMANDA CUPIDO Arts And Life editor

Red has a split personality. She may strut around town on stilettos or be the one chosen to write a love letter. If caught on a bad day, she’ll show up on an angry face. She’s known for catching the eye and stopping people in their tracks. The colour red is scientifically proven to stand out more than any other colour. Alice Chu, a Ryerson fashion professor and author of Design and Colour, says, “We look at red as a very noticeable and very strong colour.” Red wants to be in the spotlight. Chu’s book explains how red draws the attention of the human eye because the, “rate of energy which is expressed physically through wavelengths.” Red has long wavelengths with a low frequency of vibration. The retina distinguishes colours based on these wavelengths. This makes red at the top of the natural order of colours, followed by orange and then yellow. Red likes to be first. According to Pigments Through the Ages, a web exhibit, red is the first colour humans can see. It also says, “brain-injured persons suffering from temporary colour-blindness start to perceive red before they are able to discern any other colours.” Historically, red was put on a pedestal, just the way she wanted it. In the

Neolithic era, warriors painted axes and spears with red in order to repel evil influence. Cave painters from that time also believed she had magic powers. But red wanted to show people her darker side. The ancient Greeks associated her with the gods of war, Phoebus and Ares. In turn, she became linked to blood and fire. In ancient Egypt red was also the colour which represented the destruc-

With every relationship, there is love but there is also sex. Red soon became a colour of sexuality and was being labelled for her promiscuity. Because of this, she is still seen as seductive. In 2005 Rabbi Eliyahu Abergil, from Israel, banned women from wearing red since it was the colour of prostitutes. Red pushes her way into the media and isn’t afraid to come across as pro-

Red isn’t just about colour, she’s about context. She’s hot, but loving. She’s captivating, but angry.
tive god, Seth. She began to develop a negative connotation and was related to all that was evil and wrong. Egyptian scribes used her when writing nasty words. The schizophrenia begins. Red moved away from her evil side at cultural events. India, Korea and China used red for the colour of wedding gowns. It is still prevalent to this day. Chu says that in this case, red represents joy and good luck. Red also attached herself to garlands and scarves at Roman weddings where she represented love and fertility. miscuous. In Gary Marshall’s Pretty Woman (1990), Julia Roberts portrays a prostitute, where she is depicted wearing red lipstick and a red coat. Similarly, Kim Cattrall, who played Samantha in the television series Sex and the City, was often wearing red attire to accompany her promiscuous character. Paula Brancati, the actress who is Jane on Degrassi: The Next Generation, notices how the colour red is is used in television. “When red is chosen it’s very deliberate,” says Brancati. “When I’ve played

promiscuous characters, it’s always the colour of choice.” She explains that certain costumes allow for specific characteristics to be portrayed and how red exudes “power and confidence.” Chu explains how red is not only the colour of confidence, but hierarchy. She references the uniform of the RCMP and England’s soldiers. “It’s used to show royalty, power and authority.” With her booming confidence, red calls the attention of anyone and everyone. She is used by companies to draw in potential consumers. Coca-Cola, Canada Post and the TTC like to use her for what she does best. She is able to get all eyes to look at her, no matter who is else around. Red will make her escape when it gets to be too much. According to Chu, it is proven that the first crayon out of a child’s collection to go missing is most likely the red one. “That means it is really attractive and they like to use it,” she says. Design and Colour explains that children learn certain responses to colours as they are growing up and how colour can be related to tastes, sounds, temperatures, textures or scents. She writes, “At times, our feelings for a particular colour may exist only at an unconscious level.” Red isn’t just about colour, she’s about context. She’s hot, but loving. She’s captivating, but angry. She’s lucky. She’s promiscuous. She’s evil. And it’s certain that she’ll flush your cheeks in every moment of embarrassment and ecstasy.

Orgasm: The four stages of pleasure
1. Excitement phase 2. Plateau phase 3. Orgasm 4. Resolution phase

This phase has an increase in heart rate, breathing rate and blood pressure. The nipples usually get hard at this point. No pun intended. The body also prepares for sexual intercourse.

In the second phase, the body continues to increase heart rate and circulation. Muscle tension also is noticeable. Women will find the tissues of the outer third of the vagina will swell. Men pre-ejaculate.

This is the conclusion of the plateau phase and is known for muscle contractions in the lower pelvic muscles and involuntary actions. This includes all of that screaming and moaning.

The muscles relax, the blood pressure drops and the body calms down. The time it takes to fully relax differs from person to person. For some, it can take as long as a full 24 hours.

10 • The Eyeopener

lovE & SEx SurvEy

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

lovE & SEx SurvEy

The Eyeopener • 11

“Love is like the inside of a moist, warm brownie.”
The Eyeopener’s annual Love and Sex Survey reveals Ryerson’s inner kink
By REBEcca BuRTon anD GianLuca inGLESi

Draw your favourite sex position

The “Viennese Oyster” is a sex position that involves the woman (or man) on their back with their ankles up by their ears while the partner on top holds the calves for stability and thrusts. To the average person this may sound tricky, but one Ryerson student listed it as their favourite position in this year’s love and sex survey. Each year the Eyeopener sends out interns to gather Ryerson’s deepest secrets and dirtiest desires. After collecting 181 surveys from across campus and spending 10 hours tabulating the data, we discovered students get creative when it comes to pleasing each other. Twenty-eight per cent get rough with their partners by biting and scratching, while 19 per cent get off on dominance or submission. On the extreme end, nine per cent liked fantasy rape, and three per cent enjoyed erotic asphyxiation. Now things get weird. Eight per cent of students polled are turned on by vampirism. Eleven per cent enjoy exhibitionism — and they’re doing the dirty all over campus, from oral sex in the Ram to intercourse in the cafeterias. Bathrooms and stairwells are easy targets, but you might want to check the seat before your next lecture: one of the students polled “began to masturbate [in class] but stopped before too intense.” We know you are lying when only 58 per cent admit to masturbating, but the 68 per cent of you who are in love seem sincere. Love, you said, feels “like hundreds of bunnies hugging you,” and “like a long wonderful session of laughing.” And the sex is better when you’re in love. “The fucks are harder — more intentional,” you said. Love “makes it feel more personal (and I can fart and it’s okay).” Well, keep farting, and keep making love.

Per cent that are in love

68% 25% 23%
Per cent in long-term relationships Per cent that are virgins

Per cent turned on by bondage

8%

Per cent turned on by role playing

25%

12 • The Eyeopener

sEx is fuckEd

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Sex is fucked

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

SEX IS FUCKED

The Eyeopener • 1 3

A decade of sex
2000: Casual Encounters
Craigslist’s infamous Casual Encounters section has made bootycalls and nostrings-attached hook-ups easier than ever. The section, which allows users to post requests for sex that range from innocent to indecent (pictures of private parts optional), is available in all cities served by Craigslist. If you think that few people would actually consider posting on this site, think again. About two per cent of all posts on Craigslist are in this section alone. the public psyche, but also transformed the celebrity sex tape into an accepted part of pop culture. We’re no longer scandalized by the thought of our superstars getting down for the camera. Since then, various celebrities from socialite Kim Kardashian to beauty queen Carrie Prejean to G-lister Dustin Diamond (AKA Screech from Saved By The Bell), have released sex tapes that have been met with more yawns than gasps.

The last ten years changed everything about doing the dirty. Allyssia Alleyne lists the stand-outs
for the opportunity to perform fellatio on him. Glen Murphy Jr., the former president of the Young Republican National Federation, faced criminal investigation after a young Republican claimed that Murphy got him drunk, and sucked him off as he slept. Clearly this party has more than skeletons in its closet.

2008: Sexting

2001: Dating voyeurism
Reality television dating first started in 2001, with a little show called Temptation Island. Viewers watch couples living in a house with a group of singles to test the strength (or more commonly, weakness) of their relationships. The show ushered in a wave of other TV dating shows, including The Bachelor, Joe Millionaire, and Flavor of Love.

2002: Collarme.com
Collarme.com is where Facebook, Craigslist, and the Marquis de Sade come together. This free BDSM web community allows visitors to create a profile and then either approach or be approached by others interested in the scene, including dommes, subs and switches of every orientation. The site typically receives over 100,000 unique visits a day, and 100,000 of those are unique visits.

2003: Stripping at the gym
There was a time when stripper poles were confined to seedy clubs and classy party buses. Nowadays, the pole can be found in gyms and fitness studios across the continent. Like most other mildly disturbing trends, this one can be traced back to Oprah. In 2003, Oprah featured California-based Sheila Kelley’s S Factor, a now popular pole dancing and striptease studio, on her show. In Toronto, Arcadia Fitness offers pole dancing lessons.

2004: Celebrity sex tapes
When Paris Hilton’s personal porno 1 Night in Paris was released, nobody knew who she was. After releasing the film she not only imprinted herself on

The attention that sexting (sending sexually explicit messages or photos) 2005: Sex clubs are eh-ok received in 2008 forced the public to We don’t have laws on abortion, we question whether it was simple child’s let our youth drink at 19 and our pot play or child porn. The public was so laws are flimsy as wet rolling papers, concerned that The National Camso it should come as no surprise that paign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned in 2005 the Supreme Court legalPregnancy and Cosmogirl.com felt the ized on-premises sex clubs. The 7-2 need to come together and conduct a decision ensured that group sex and survey. The results showed that, of the partner swapping in Toronto hedonist almost 1,300 youth surveyed, 20 per and pansexual clubs like Wicked and cent of those between 13 and 19, and Goodhandys could take place without 33 per cent of those between 20 and 26 fear of awkward (and downright rude) had sent nude or semi-nude photos of police intervention. themselves. Almost twice as many had sent sexually suggestive text messages. 2006: Brokeback Mountain But horny students weren’t the only Could an unabashedly homoerotic film ones in on the game. High School Mutake home Best Picture at the Academy sical star Vanessa Hudgens had dirty Awards? Decades ago, the idea of this cell phone pics leaked three times. would have seemed impossible, but in 2006, Brokeback Mountain came 2009: Love thy father extremely close to making this happen. Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) is The Ang Lee-directed film, which was sexual attraction between adoptees the first gay-themed, star-studded and their biological family members, movie made for wide-screen release, including parents and siblings, after may not have taken home the top prize they are reunited during adulthood. of the night, but winning Best Director In all honesty, this is more sad than and breaking down social prejudice kinky. The almost 250,000 Ontarians weren’t bad consolation prizes. adopted in the last 88 years could find this out the hard way since Ontario 2007: Gay Republicans! gave adopted adults and their parents This seemed to be the year that all of the right to access birth registration the pink elephants were on parade. and adoption orders for the first time In this momentous year, not one, but since 1927. three prominent, anti-gay Republicans were caught engaging in a variety 2010: Roxxxy of very illicit homosexual acts. Larry The decade truly ended on a bang. Last Craig, a former Senate Liaison for Mitt month, True Companion, a New JerseyRomney’s presidential campaign, was based company, unveiled the first sex arrested after trying to solicit sex from robot at the 2010 Adult Entertainment an undercover police officer in an airExpo last month. The fully-customizport bathroom. Bob Allen, the former able and anatomically-correct dolls are Florida Chairman of John McCain’s designed to be the ultimate companpresidential campaign, was arrested ion. They talk, have five personalities after offering an undercover cop $20 to pick from and even orgasm.

You asked...
Q. How much is too much sexting?
A. One in six teens do it. It only takes a few seconds to send a filthy text that would make your mother blush. And you can do it anywhere without anyone being suspicious. As for being excessive, just keep it under control. As long as you can still have a serious conversation with the person you’re seeing than it isn’t really an issue. If not, maybe it’s time to question their intentions.

Q. Is it bad that I Q. Will my boyfriend Q. Threesomes. like the taste of cum? like an anal sex toy? Good or bad idea?
A. Hardly. Your male fan base will be huge — it drives most guys wild. And as long as you know your partner is clean, then it’s not bad for you. It’s made up of things we ingest every day, like protein, citric acid and zinc. Experts have even gone as far as calling it healthy. Studies are leading towards proof that semen acts as an antidepressant, lowers blood pressure, and even clears up acne. Sounds appetizing. A. Many guys like to be the one giving, and think anything else is emasculating. But guys have their own version of the G-spot; the prostate. That’s why the perineum is so sensitive, because it’s located beneath the skin. It can be stimulated from outside, but if he really wants to feel it then venture deep, either yourself or with a sex toy. Use lots of lube and make sure you start small. A. It could be fun. It adds to the sex positions you can tackle and minimizes the chance of being bored. There are a few things to consider though. All three parties should be comfortable with the idea. Try thinking of it this way, if you were to have sex with just that friend, would it just be a funny memory, or would it have a lasting impact on your relationship? You decide.

Q. I wanna do it in a park. Is that weird?
A. Doing it in public is hugely popular because it only increases the danger factor. Rebellion is sexy, whether it’s the anxiety that you might get caught or the fact that you may offend a family enjoying a sunny afternoon. But you can’t be completely careless because the police can charge you if they catch you. So try and find some cover. Try a car or a washroom. — Gianluca Inglesi

14 • The Eyeopener

sEx is fuckEd

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How porn fucked sex
Is porn screwing with the way we have sex? Adriana Rolston investigates

The 15-year-old babysitter peruses the living room’s VHS collection, slipping movies out of their cases until a cheesy title catches her eye. The parents are out until 11 pm, the kids asleep, so she pops it in the VCR. A typical 80s style porn scenario unfolds on the big screen TV. A man strips off a woman’s clothes and she kneels to slip her lips around his cock. At this moment *Christine pulls the tape out. “I remember being instantly fascinated and repulsed,” she says, laughing. “It’s quite titillating and natural so I wanted to look but then sort of felt bad about looking,” says the former Ryerson student. When it comes to erotic videos almost everyone is looking, and thanks to the internet (does it serve another purpose?) our eager 10 digits can play with more than 4.2 million web pages of pornographic material. Fourteen per cent of porn users fall into the postsecondary student bracket between 18 and 24 years old and 25 per cent of daily search engine requests are for porn. Gone are the days when you had to make a sketchy trip to the corner store with the squinty eyes of the elderly clerk screaming “SINNER” as you slide Cum Candy Cunts in Space 4 across the counter. Now that we can access our kinky fetishes within seconds, the fast food consumption of porn is screwing around with how we fuck.

Jeff Perera thinks so. The co-chair of the Ryerson White Ribbon Campaign, a group dedicated to ending men’s violence against women, says that if men who watch porn aren’t conscious of the unequal societal power dynamics between men and women it can be a destructive thing. He grew up in a Christian household where sex was a blacklisted topic and bought his first hardcore video at a nearby mini-mart for $9.99 at 20 years old. Porn became a way for Perera to explore and alleviate his growing sexual appetite. “What I liked about porn is that it usually gets to what it’s all about,” says Perera, snapping his fingers in a booth at the Ram in the Rye pub. Porn skips the dinner date and runs right to the bedroom. “Its male-centric, it’s tailored for my need, that I need to get off.” Statistically speaking, males use the web to feed that need in larger numbers, making up about 72 per cent of porn users. During a sexually unfulfilling relationship Perera began to watch porn a lot. Preferably blow job scenes where he couldn’t see the man’s face, to better insert himself into the scenario. But he soon found the fantasy wasn’t enough, he needed the whole picture. He began sleeping around with different women at work, bars, strip clubs, even in an empty classroom in the Sally Horsfield

Eaton Centre. “I started to get more sexually active and my morals were just thrown out the window. I became that person that in my campus work now I try to reach out to.” According to a study conducted by Université de Montréal assistant professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse, men’s sexual tastes have more influence over types of porn they watch, not the other way around. He conducted informal interviews with 20 heterosexual, mostly Caucasian university students in their twenties in 2009 and found that many of their sexual preferences were similar. “The guys already had in their heads the sexual fantasy,” says Lajeunesse. Although individual preferences stem from cultural scripts, in general it’s all the same. But despite the increase in porn’s accessibility, men’s sexual habits were in the same conventional vein as their parents. “It’s easy to say sexuality is everywhere. It’s an illusion.” Marianne*, a Ryerson student, agrees we are probably no kinkier. But she says porn can influence men and women into adopting some fucked up perceptions of sex if they can’t separate what’s going down on the screen from reality. Marianne was called “a little whore” while lying across a former partner’s lap receiving a spanking. She responded by slapping the spanker in the face. “Fuck no, we’re

Ejaculating on a woman’s face, or in her eyes, deep throating to the point of gagging, and ego-stroking moans are a few other popular techniques often found on men’s porn-come-true-wish lists

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

sex is fucked

The Eyeopener • 1 5

Men are held to unrealistic performance standards in porn, like having to transform into a non-stop human jackhammer or deliver mind-blowing orgasms through vaginal intercourse alone

not going down that route.” She considers that kind of language degrading to women and says the cliché lines are tangled up in the porn we watch. Ejaculating on a woman’s face, or in her eyes (“pink eyeing”), deep throating to the point of gagging, and ego-stroking moans are a few other popular techniques found on men’s porn-come-true wish lists. Women are also splattered with porn-inspired misconceptions about what is realistic and attractive during the horizontal limbo. Marianne says how the goods appear cinematically is sometimes in the back of her mind. “You become used to seeing yourself very much from a male perspective. Not in terms of looking like a blonde, fake boob, bubble-assed, skinny slip of a thing. In terms of how you position yourself and how you kind of display your body to your partner. You do a lot of arching your back to stretch yourself out.” Men fall into this trap when comparing how their cocks measure up. “You start to imagine how big is my dick compared to that guy’s dick? So it really extends to, would I be able to please this woman if it was me?” says Perera. Men are held to unrealistic performance standards too, like having to transform into a non-stop human jackhammer or deliver mind-blowing orgasms through vaginal intercourse alone. These standards are ridiculous and can be detrimental to a woman’s orgasm. Eight thousand nerve endings

are concentrated in the clitoris. So it needs to be given some attention, and that’s largely overlooked in mainstream porn. “They (men) never do the reach around. “That’s essential!”exclaims Marianne. Despite all the stereotypes, she says porn can still be a positive influence. “I’m sure some people watch it and it gives them ideas, makes their sex life much more interesting.” Most porn is, after all, fantasy. It is an idealized version of what we want sex to be. Chelsea Miya, a fourth-year Ryerson broadcast student, agrees that although porn reflects our natural desires, a majority of porn reflects straight, male desires. As a lesbian, she is turned off by an industry that she feels misrepresents her sexuality. “Typical straight guy lesbian porn gives you the totally wrong view of lesbian sex. And they almost always have strap-ons or something like that because guys cannot fathom a woman having sex without some sort of penis involved, even if it’s a fake one. It’s ridiculous.” She would rather see porn that depicts realistic sex made by women for women. According to Good For Her, a woman-positive sex shop, feminist porn needs to depict real pleasure and challenge pornographic stereotypes. Christine enjoys watching feminist porn because of the natural bodies and dynamics between actors. After her teenage babysitting incident she chose not to watch mainstream porn because it was so fake that she couldn’t relate to

it. “What totally shuts down any part of my sex drive is if the performers don’t look like they’re totally into it and they don’t have chemistry. It’s just sort of this acted out routine.” She says the glut of porn is fuelled by profit, while independent films focus more on artistic value. “I really feel like it is this fast food versus organic, free-range food that you can have and maybe you don’t have one of those markets in your city.” Christine says porn has the potential to document the beauty of real sexual experiences, but most flicks transform the act into circus sex. Huge cocks, gigantic tits, big asses, grannies, fat women. Come one, come all. Miya says there is no such thing as a wrong fantasy. “You can fantasize about something that’s not morally right and it’s still OK, because you can’t control what your fantasies are,” she says. Think rape-tastic tentacle porn, bestiality, incest or lolita-style vids. But sex rarely plays out like cliché, cookie cutter porn scenarios and it’s better that way. Genuine sex can be fulfilling because it involves natural flaws, playfulness, and spontaneity, much like an erotic blooper reel. “The reality is sex is sloppy, you make mistakes, you fall down, you say something stupid, you go limp, someone gets hurt, pulls a muscle, you finish in two minutes, whatever it is, it’s all those things,” says Perera. While porn may deliver a shiny, perfect package of sex, real sex is always a hell of a lot more kinky.

16 • The Eyeopener

inTimacy

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

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Intimacy

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

intimacy

The Eyeopener • 1 7

Getting close: a hands-on guide
There’s a reason you don’t want to cuddle after a one-night stand. Intimacy takes time. Behavioural psychologist Desmond Morris identified 12 steps that lead to physical intimacy. He found that couples who followed these steps were more likely to stay together. Those who rushed or skipped steps were likely to end up alone.

1. Eye to body 2. Eye to eye 3. Voice to voice 4. Hand to hand 5. Arm to shoulder 6. Arm to waist 7. Mouth to mouth 8. Hand to head 9. Hand to body 10. Mouth to nipple 11. Hand to genitals 12. Sexual intercourse

Get a start

on finishing your degree early.

Troubleshooting intimacy
by rebecca burton

AU student Marc in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Make it happen with transfer credit from Athabasca University.
At Athabasca University, our transfer credits can help you expand your academic options. Just ask Marc, who is on track to finish his degree at an Ontario university a year early. He’s doing this by taking some AU courses online during the summer while he works full-time, and is applying his AU course credits towards his degree. AU offers over 700 courses delivered online and at a distance. And our flexible start times mean you can fit your course work into your schedule. Transferability. Another reason why AU stands out as a global leader in distance learning excellence.

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If you don’t say what you want, you aren’t going to get it. It’s a basic mantra you might read in the latest Cosmopolitan to improve your sex life but also one of the biggest roadblocks to intimacy — lack of communication. “The first form of intercourse is verbal intercourse,” says personal therapist Betty Stockley. To become truly intimate with your partner is very difficult because you have to be emotionally and verbally intimate as well, she says. Lisa*, 18, knows she’s been in love before but still finds it hard to have intimate sex rather than ‘free for all’ sex — sex just because it feels good. “Intimate sex needs to start off somewhere — foreplay, massages, wine. Something to take off the pressure and enjoy sex,” says Lisa. But getting to that truly intimate stage is hit with common roadblocks like self-esteem issues and anxiety over past relationships. Carlos*, 18, recalls a sexual experience he had with a girl that apologized profusely for how bad she was because she hadn’t had sex in awhile. But this lack of self-esteem is com-

mon to many people, particularly during university. It’s an awkward stage of life as most students aren’t that selfassured, says Pam Goldasworthy, assistant manager of the Condom Shack. Carlos and his partner were able to work it out, but it really turned him off. “In an extreme case, I might not have been hard anymore and then you get very conscious about trying to get it back up. Plus then your partner starts to help out. It’s a big downward spiral,” he says. Denise Rkulovic, manager of Change lingerie store on Queen St. W., witnesses a lot of women having self-esteem issues before they even make it to the bedroom. Women often come into the store looking for lingerie to hide their “flabby” areas and talking about bad fat that isn’t there. “It’s the thinnest girls, usually on the border of [size] four to six that want to cover their bellies. The women that are larger accept it more,” says Rkulovic. “It should be all about making what you’ve got look amazing.” Rkulovic feels that men just aren’t in tune with what women are insecure about. They don’t see the depth of women’s pores or how straight women’s hair is, she says. Carlos doesn’t like how many women

turn off the lights during sex. “I want to see the body that I’m going inside of,” he says. Self-esteem issues go both ways and men experience it too. First year student Will*, 19, gets worried when past relationships are brought up by his partner. He asks himself the question: “am I bigger?” Will knows at this age many people

Intimate sex needs to start off somewhere — foreplay, massages, wine. Something to take off the pressure and enjoy sex — Lisa
have had multiple partners but he doesn’t want to be reminded of them. Stockley believes the easiest way to have truly intimate sex is to talk to your partner. If one partner has low selfesteem than by talking about it — no whining — the other can reassure them. “There is a specialness at the beginning [of a relationship] but it can go out once the couple gets together. You need to keep the sparks flying. It’s important to make the other person feel special,” said Stockley. *names have been changed

18 • The Eyeopener

inTimacy

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

When kink isn’t hot enough

Lauren Strapagiel looks at how intimacy is the key to the most intense sex of your life

F

or the first six months of her sex life with Greg, Sarah* only orgasmed twice. It’s not that he wasn’t trying to make her cum. When Greg felt himself getting close he would switch it up and go down on her, trying to make sure they both got a chance to climax. But then she would stop him. “She didn’t want me to waste my time or something stupid like that, but I loved doing it,” says Greg. “I just wanted her to feel good.” Sarah became fixated on getting off every single time from penetration. She resented Greg when she didn’t finish, to the point where, “Her day was ruined, abso-

lutely ruined, if she did not [orgasm].” Sarah would spend the day silently fuming. She bottled up her resentment, then felt worse when the guilt of being upset with Greg set in. She didn’t blame him personally for it, and didn’t want him to feel bad about it, so she would stop herself from talking about how she felt. She wasn’t saying a word, but Greg knew she was upset. He didn’t blame himself either, but he also didn’t want to feel like he couldn’t get her off. “It made me feel like I wasn’t necessarily doing what was right for her.” And

he admits that at the time, he got quiet about his feelings too.

T

hat silence isn’t exactly a precursor for intimacy, which requires communication to work. Getting there can be tough, but the payoff is worth it. Intimacy means a closer connection between partners. And that translates to better, hotter sex. “That’s what intimacy is, being able to say ‘I have no clue what the hell I’m doing’ as opposed to ‘I’m going to do what I think I’m supposed to do,” says Carlyle Jansen, owner of Good For Her, a feminist sex toy shop in Toronto. She says when a relationship lacks intima-

cy, asking a partner to do something differently just becomes a threat to their sexual prowess. Asking for a little more touching here, a little more licking there, just gets interpreted as “you’re a bad lover.” To Jansen, intimacy is a deep, emotional connection with another. But achieving intimacy isn’t easy. Jansen says it can be downright terrifying. “It’s a really scary thing to be intimate. It’s about being vulnerable and that’s not valued in our culture. “It’s about allowing someone to see you and trusting they’re still going to love you. That they’re gonna still be hot for you and they’re not going to drop you there and tell everybody your secrets.”

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

intimacy

The Eyeopener • 1 9

G

reg never had that sense of security. “I just always had this feeling of doubt, like I could get dropped off at the edge of a cliff at any second.” Both in their third year at Ryerson, they met in first-year residence, but had known of each other by a friend-of-a-friend connection. They quickly grew close, and Sarah found herself going in and out of “massive crushes” on her new best friend. By summer they were dating. Right away, Sarah’s friends warned Greg: don’t get too comfortable, she doesn’t like being tied down. The first break-up lasted 15 minutes. She surprised him with a ticket to see indie rock band Bruce Peninsula, and just before the show they had a fight, and arrived at the venue pissed off. Sarah looked Greg straight in the eyes and yelled, “we should just break up.” “What?” He couldn’t hear over the music. “WE SHOULD JUST BREAK UP!” Sarah felt liberated. Greg was crushed. They found a quieter spot and talked it out. Neither of them really wanted to break up, she just wanted some space. That break-up, albeit short, set a precedent for the rest of the relationship. The breaking up and making-up continued. The constant ups and downs made Greg feel like he was never 100 per cent into the relationship, and the disconnect showed itself when it came to sex. “As soon as we were actually intimate and really close, whenever we felt connected as people, the sex was great,” says Sarah. “But as soon as we weren’t, then it was bad.”

eing physically close, touching one another, having sex — it can sound like intimacy, but James Cunningham says this is a misuse of the word. “If we have sexual contact but there is no emotional connection made at all, then we might as well be masturbating.” Cunningham has been teaching PHL 606, Philosophy of Love and Sex at Ryerson for nine years. “We confuse physical contact with physical intimacy. I can imagine circumstances where sexual contact makes no connection, and we’ll still call that intimacy. And I think that’s wrong.” To find that connection, couples need to work on their intimacy when they’re not between the

B

For Her, and she gets couples to finish sentences like “I love it when you...” and “It really gets me hot when you...” She uses physical intimacy exercises to bring couples together. In one, someone lays down and tells their partner exactly how to touch them. The giver’s only job is to follow instructions with no assumptions, no interpretations. As the directions continue they should always offer a positive and a new suggestion: “I like where you’re touching me, but do it more softly.” Keep it up for 20 to 30 minutes, then switch roles. Jansen says this teaches couples how to communicate what they want. Sarah and Greg tried this out, and in Sarah’s words, “it was epic.”

get too wrapped up in how Greg felt and didn’t concentrate on her own pleasure. But with the exercise she focused on every touch. And where before she would wait for Greg to do something to her — to turn her on, to make that first move — this time she took a more active role. “I realized that it was my responsibility to get myself into the mood too.” recent study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality explored what made for “great sex.” The researchers found eight key things: “being present, connection, deep sexual and erotic intimacy, extraordinary communication, interpersonal risk-taking and exploration, authenticity, vulnerability and transcendence.” In a word: intimacy. Note that technical expertise didn’t make the list. Physical sensation and orgasming were only minor components and study participants said they weren’t even required for a good romp. Satisfying sex doesn’t come from orgasming every time, and it can’t be found by trying to spice things up with kink. “That’s how people think they’re going to find intimacy,” says Jansen. She says kinky relationships can have intimacy, but it’s because that bond was formed first. Otherwise it’s just roller coaster — it’s a rush, but there’s no substance. “It’s fun and it’s in the moment. It’s wild. It’s exciting. And then when you’re done, it’s done,” she says. “If you’re looking for something a little more sustainable and something a little deeper that can incorporate an endorphin rush, then what you’re looking for is intimacy.” *names have been changed

A

As soon as we were actually intimate and really close, whenever we felt connected as people, the sex was great. — Sarah, third-year Ryerson student
sheets. And it’s all about communication — but a very particular kind of communication. Jansen says people assume their partners know why and how much they’re loved, but they still need to hear it. Couples need to actively communicate their appreciation of one another. “It’s not about being really clear when somebody pisses you off or being honest about everything, although those are really important too,” says Jansen. “It’s about the things we all like to hear and we think the other person already knows.” Even “I love you” can lose meaning when said out of habit, so it’s important to be more specific. Jansen runs intimacy workshops out of Good

t was late, and they were both tired and heading to bed. Sarah suggested they try out the exercise, just for 10 minutes. Then it turned into 15. Then it turned into an hour. Then it turned into sex. Twice. “We had sex once and were like ‘woah that was so amazing, we loved it,’” says Sarah. “We felt really intimate and close.” They both felt more in the moment. “There wasn’t pressure. I just took time to feel everything and enjoy and savour,” says Sarah. “It made me feel everything so much more intensely.” Sarah even had an orgasm. Before she would

I

Ryerson Black History Month 2010

The R yerson Students’ Union & United Black Students at R yerson present:

All Eyes on Haiti
Panel Discussion:
POD152, Hub Cafeteria

Thursday, February 11, 2010
Haiti Then to Now:
Featuring:
What Can Be Done to Ensure Haiti’s Future?

6:30-8:30pm

• Haiti Action Network • David Delisca • Professor Melanie Newton of the University of Toronto

Ram in the Rye

9pm

Haiti Fundraiser
Performances by:
Ian Kamau, J. Nichole, David Delisca and many more.

All funds go to Haiti though Partners in Health

For more info contact: Lise de Montbrun,

Vice-President of Student Life & Events, vp.life@rsuonline.ca

20 • The Eyeopener

Fun

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Get some

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