10 Secrets of the Female Mind 1) We want to be emotionally swept away, not *just* impressed Have you ever gone out with a woman and told her all sorts of impressive things about yourself only to find out she just wants to be friends? I’m willing to bet this caused you to either swear her off or ruminate on what the heck is wrong with you. Well, to be honest as modern men, especially Americans, we are led to believe that women have a checklist and we need to meet their criteria. Truth is that a woman wants more than anything else to feel emotion. The male mind processes language more in terms of facts and outcomes where the female mind responds much more to emotion and empathy. The key to winning her over is to create a way for her to feel something. A great way to do this is to draw her into your world by sharing stories in a way that she can associate into; she can experience the story as you tell it. The neurons in her brain will actually generate the same response as if she was right there with you. But at all cost stay away from the facts….they may impress her to the point where she wants you in her life as a friend. You may even want to withhold some of the facts and let her uncover them. She’ll enjoy the process. 2) We rely on you to make us feel comfortable Women really dislike awkwardness and they will avoid it at all cost. A woman evaluates how comfortable she is with you from the first moments together….and she uses her comfort level as an indicator of how comfortable you are with yourself. Only when she is comfortable will she be willing to open up emotionally, mentally, and physically. A great way to lend comfort is to avoid such things as dinner dates or anything extravagant in the beginning. Just go somewhere, well, comfortable. A coffee shop, the beach, or an activity you can do together. And back to point number one, don’t try to impress her or you will make her uncomfortable. Certain topics can make women uncomfortable: Don’t discuss sex too quickly, DO NOT talk about getting serious, marriage, kids, or anything else quickly. Any sort of trying too hard and social awkwardness also makes them uncomfortable. The easiest way to make the conversation comfortable is simply to be there fully and allow things to flow naturally. 3) Don’t argue, it’s pointless. Often we don’t even know why we’re feeling emotional Ever try to argue with a woman only to find yourself becoming increasingly frustrated because she just wasn’t getting your logical arguments? When a woman is upset, she is not thinking logically and therefore what she is saying may not make sense and probably won’t even be anything close to what’s really bothering her. For example, if she snaps at you because you left your socks on the floor again, it’s very likely it has nothing to do with that at all. When a woman is upset, she wants one thing – reassurance. She relies on you for that reassurance. So, give her a hug that says “I’m here for you and you’re not alone” and make her feel safe. Then when she begins to calm down, then you can discuss the point at hand. And while you’re doing that, it’s usually a good idea to ask her about her day or anything else that’s going on with her so that you can get to the root of what’s bugging her. 4) We are just as, if not more, sexual as you are. For us though, it’s compartmentalized Yes guys, the good news: Women love sex. But there is one key difference between women and men when it comes to that and it’s not what you’re thinking. Women are a bit more sexually and emotionally complex than we are and as such, their sexuality is experienced differently. It doesn’t take as much to stimulate men….we can easily become stimulated by the hot blonde walking down the street or just the thought of an attractive woman. Women, on the other hand,
compartmentalize their sexual thinking. She keeps it in one particular place in her mind which is locked away until the right time or the right key comes along. This means she can do her laundry, work her job, or walk her dog without thinking about sex. As women are the choosers, this is exactly as it should be. But, this mechanism can very much work in your favor. If you bear the key that unlocks that place, the floodgates will open and you will be the one with whom she shares her most intimate thoughts, feelings, and desires. One of the best ways to bear that key is to allow her the space and time she needs to first imagine being intimate with you. If a woman has sex with you first in her mind, all you have to do is not screw up. When you let her unlock that place herself, it’s very powerful. And, this is very important - you need to be comfortable with HER sexuality. You need to be the man who makes it not only okay but comfortable and exciting for her to open her fantasies. Women want to be sexual, very sexual....but there is a societal condition that prevents them from being open about it. So, when you become the one who makes it feel really good to open........There is so much more I can say about this but I am running out of space. 5) We EXPECT you to respect us and YOU BETTER respect yourself first This is especially true if and as you become the man she allows into that place of intimacy and sexuality. Respect is what will allow her to be comfortable enough and develop enough trust to open up to you. Respect in this sense means a few key things: It means that you allow her to be her without trying to control her and that will show her that first and foremost you respect yourself. It also means that you respect what’s important to her even if that is taking a 3 hour shower or an equal amount of time to pick shoes. It means having integrity and doing what you say you will do when you say you will do it. She wants to rely on you and she can only do that if she knows you will respect her. The dictionary defines respect as “Holding in high or special esteem.” She needs to know that you care about her and will be there for her. On the other hand, it also means that you respect yourself and are comfortable with both her boundaries and your own boundaries. It means retaining your integrity and self respect always and not supplicating to her. Holding her in esteem can only come from a place of power and strength when you hold yourself in esteem first. Respect is a two way street and first you must respect yourself as a man before you can respect her. 6) We are not that complicated; we long to love and be loved. Women are emotionally in the moment. This means that it really doesn’t matter what she was feeling before, what she feels now dominates her consciousness and she will often remember the “screw ups” more clearly than the positives. This and women’s tendency to communicate emotionally and inwardly often leave men shaking their heads in an attempt to understand what women are really saying and more importantly what they really want. Where men are validated by freedom, wisdom, and mission, women are validated by love and compassion. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt irritated by what seemed like an endless need for affection from your woman? The need to love and feel loved is one of the highest characteristics of the feminine. Her desire for affection is her expression of her femininity. Conversely, your desire to find and live out your mission and grow in wisdom is what nourishes and supports your masculinity. So, the next time she needs affection and reassurance, find a way to provide that to her knowing that nothing will allow her to feel more feminine. Better yet, give it to her freely without waiting until she is calling for it. Open your heart and share a deep emotional connection with her, one that she can feel to her core and lean on whenever she wants or needs to. 7) We want to be high on your priority list; but not higher than your mission
A woman will often test you by making requests of you. Of course, sometimes she needs something and wants your assistance but other times she is testing you to see where on your priority list she falls. She wants to be higher than most of your activities, but second to your mission and direction. This means that she will lose some of her attraction to you if you are constantly losing yourself and your backbone in an attempt to please her. On the other hand, she will be extremely attracted to you if you are in touch with your purpose and moving towards goals. Her attraction will increase if you are both a leader of your own life and a leader of other men. She wants to support you on your journey. So don’t be afraid to take care of you as you take care of her even if this means giving her your undivided attention for a period of time before returning completely to your work or task at hand. If you don’t take care of your needs, how will you ever be fully available to care for hers? 8) We don’t want you to appear flawless, smooth, or too perfect. While women definitely do appreciate a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to take the lead, he also must be down to earth and human. She doesn’t want the perfect approach and courtship nor does she want you to be a guy who sleeps with every opportunity you have. She will however be attracted by your desirability to other women and your choice to be with her. This means that she wants a guy who other women want, not one who sleeps with every woman who comes along. Further, she wants you to understand and relate to her world and accept her imperfections - someone with whom she can see herself in a relationship. Remember, women love and need to be loved and as such they evaluate relationship potential very early in your courtship. To her, a player or a smooth operator does not represent someone who can provide and care for her physically, emotionally, or spiritually. So, come down to earth and reveal more of yourself. Let her see your vulnerabilities so she can be comfortable with hers. And be someone she can connect to and desire more of, someone who shares many commonalities with her that you can enjoy together, and someone who can laugh and be silly with her often and easily. 9) We want to flirt and enjoy the tension As men, we like to know right now where we stand. We prefer black and white objectivity and would rather not have to deal with the shades of gray that may present in the very early stages of a courtship. What makes you feel more powerful and secure than knowing that she wants you and having a clear cut plan to move things forward? Women, on the other hand, enjoy the tension that is created in that gray area. They relish in the mystery of a new connection and the unknown of what will happen next. She loves to play with you in her mind when you are not there. Most women have very active fantasy laden imaginations and will role play all sorts of scenarios and details in their minds before those scenarios and details become reality. She enjoys the challenge of not knowing where she stands as long as she gets signals from you that tell her you are interested and attracted to her on some level. She thoroughly enjoys the pleasures that her mind can bring her. So, guys don’t be in a hurry. Give her the time and space she needs to fully enjoy her anticipation. Flirt with her by giving a little bit and then taking a little away in the way you touch her, the way you communicate with her, and in your actions. Playfully tease her. Use inuendo, subtle implication, emotional language, and enticing glances to engage her imagination. Allow her to feel safe and honored through her bond with you. And finally, at the appropriate time, embrace her. 10) We want be able to fully embrace the power and seductiveness of our femininity. Since the feminist movement beginning in the 1970s, women have been feeling societal pressure to take on more masculine qualities. They grow up expected to take leadership roles, be self
sufficient, independent, and autonomous. This is empowering for women and has created opportunities that were previously unavailable. But regardless of how successful and directed they become, their feminine core desires the full embrace of love. Opening this deep feminine part of themselves and letting it fully flow forth in its unobstructed power and beauty can be challenging for women in western society. It requires a strong masculine presence in her life of strength and relaxed but directed comfort which allows her to let go. She wants to embrace your authentic strength. Further, the true measure of a man for a woman is not his outward characteristics but rather how comfortably he can accept her vulnerabilities without taking them on as his own. You must meet her vulnerabilities with strength, love, support, and humor. You can encourage her to be more feminine by providing guidance and reassuring support. She can then let go of her masculine qualities even if just for the moment and embrace you fully and unhindered while you take her.