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Revision Matrix

Text from my
initial WP
submission:
(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move, punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)

An observation or
question I
received from De
Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
How this change
made to what I
impacts my paper:
initially wrote: (ie, the
change[s] I made to
column 1)

The hook using


definition intro.

Not really hooked Lead with thesis,


by this opening.
question, and a
definition intros
transition to body
are hard to pull off

This allows me to
make a clear
argument to start my
paper

Using terms like we


and you.

Who is you
here? you and me?

Eliminated the use of


we in the paper

This defines who the


author is writing to

steer clear of using


too many yous/
wes
Having a casual
approach to paper

This is too casual


for a somewhat
formal paper

Corrected paper for a


more formal approach

A semi formal paper


always makes a good
read for the audience

Using the eventful


conversation as the
basis of the paper

Im confused is
this what you
mean? is this
significant? if so,
how?

Restructure my paper
to be more purposeful
and straight to the
point

This allows me to
direct my audience
to the main points I
am making in my
paper

Major concept of
conversations that
lead to the
understanding of
Rhetoric

If Im having
Formulated new ideas
trouble seeing how that made the paper
these ideas fit
flow better
together and
connect, you might
need to re-think
HOW youre laying
out there ideas

The ideas now


connect better with
the paper

Seeing how Rhetoric


unfold in the
everyday
conversation

Sell me/
convince me that
you were, in fact,
really seeing
rhetoric unfold.

Use artifacts and


interview materials to
sell my argument
that Rhetoric exist

The research paper


now sell better by
adding more
evidence

Lunsford points out


that When writers
and speakers come
across as
trustworthy

Who is this
person, and why is
it worth listening
to what theyre
written/said?

going straight to the


quotes since I do not
know who Lunsford is

No more questions
about who the
person using the
quote is by using
direct quotations

Using Pathos, Ethos, I do think that


and Logos to
pathos plays a
explain Rhetoric
major part in
understanding
rhetoric but I
feel like youre not
really adhering to
the assignment.

Added more evidence


to support my
argument that Rhetoric
is used in the every
argument

By adding more
supportive evidence,
the point of the
paper now becomes
more clear

Interview/Artifacts
usage

Wheres your
interview? What
artifacts did you
analyze, and what
do state about
them?

Using more materials


from the interview,
adding more analysis to
the artifacts being used

Adding more
materials means
more evidence to
make the argument

Usage of evidence

Convince me with
textual evidence,
Chang! Dont talk
about his
Statement of
Purposebring
out specific quotes,
phrases, sentences,
etc.

Using more textual


evidence rather than
talking about the
statement. Brought in
more quotes and
phrases from the
artifacts

By using textual
evidence, it speaks to
the audience more
than trying to make
a point.