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GIRLS Season 3 Episode 10 1/2 - Spec "HALF-ASS MEASURES"

By
Jarred Hodgdon

GIRLS by Lena Dunham

Jarrhod@gmail.com

FADE IN:
INT. GQ / HANNAHS CUBICLE - DAY
HANNAH attempts to type a Patti LuPone article on her
laptop. Her fingers hover above the keys.
Flustered- she blows hot air out of her mouth.
She leans back in her chair, then spins side to side.
Hannah attempts to put her feet up on the desk, the wheels
of the chair slide back and pull her away.
She tries again-then tries again-and again.
JOE (O.S.)
Hey!
Hannah pops up and looks to JOE at his cubicle.
He attempts to slyly point and indicate with a head gesture
the approach of BROOKE (32), a GQ writer.
Brooke passes Joe and glares, then arrives at Hannahs space
- holding a jar. Hannah, now back in her seat, looks up
meekly.
HANNAH
Hi.
BROOKE
Hannah, right?
HANNAH
Yup, Brooke. We had the
conversation about potential
feminist analysis of Archie comics.
BROOKE
I have a page tracked for next
print and need a hand. Heard of oil
pulling?
HANNAH
I think so. An environmental thing
right?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.
BROOKE
Its a centuries old folk remedy.
The latest thing. Involves swishing
coconut, or sesame seed oil around
in your mouth for twenty minutes to
detoxify and whiten teeth.
HANNAH
Oh, okay. Do you recommend it?
BROOKE
Yeah were going to but I need you
to tell me why.

Brooke pulls a jar of coconut oil from her purse then hands
it to Hannah.
HANNAH
This sounds like research, or maybe
a task to delegate to a writer.
BROOKE
(rhetorical)
It does sound like something a
potential GQ writer might have to
do doesnt it?
HANNAH
Right. Oh! Yes, I just meant- I was
surprised, because I know you have
interns and-BROOKE
--I cant legally ask an intern to
do this kind of thing and these
writers are a bunch of fucking
divas. This is more for someone
who might want to prove their
talents and aptitude for a real job
by swishing a little bit of coconut
oil around in their mouth for one
fucking week.
HANNAH
Yes! Exciting. It sounds great.
BROOKE
Awesome. 20 minutes every night. A
heaping spoonful, dont eat after,
really swish it around and write
down everything.
Brooke darts in close, putting her face right in Hannahs.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

BROOKE
Open.
Hannah opens her mouth.
BROOKE
Good. Were starting with a good
point of reference.
HANNAH
(with open mouth)
What does that mean?
Brooke begins to walk away.
BROOKE (CONTD)
Dont write poetry.

HANNAH
Got it!

Hannah examines the jar of coconut oil like a curious


monkey.
INT. HANNAHS APARTMENT - NIGHT
Hannah shuffles about, walking room to room to room.
Finding some of Adams woodworking tools, she inspects them
intensely - carving knives, archaic blades, a drill with a
scary looking bit on it.
INT. HANNAHS APARTMENT / LIVING ROOM - LATER
Hannah kneels before the coffee table carving a heart with
Adam and her initials in it. She is talking into the phone.
HANNAH
(on phone)
Its like I cant even tell if this
is romantic or pathetic and I made
the heart first and now Im running
out of space and all it says is
"ASH" .
We see their incomplete initials carved on the table.

4.

INTERCUT / INT. ELIJAHS APARTMENT - DAY


ELIJAH lays on his floor with a cosmetic skin wrap over his
eyes.
ELIJAH
(into phone)
Put that knife down! You are going
to cut yourself, girl!
HANNAH
I dont want to be the obsessive
girlfriend, but I dont want to
lose what Ive built up. I stood by
him for his salad days and I feel
like I wont be there for the
entree.
ELIJAH
What would you do if he left you
forever and you just never saw him
again?
HANNAH
Id cry and cry and cry and be
totally lost...for days at least.
Then Id just move on.
ELIJAH
If he was there right now, what
would you two be doing?
HANNAH
I would jump on top of him and-ELIJAH
--No! Not the romantic fantasy, the
for real edition.
HANNAH
We would have just eaten dinner and
Id probably be on my laptop while
he watches some terrible movie.
ELIJAH
Thats a totally shit life. So you
should like, make the most of this
time apart and try to have some
incredible Hannah time.
Hannah considers.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

HANNAH
(smiling)
Thanks.
ELIJAH
(like Hammer time)
Its Hannah time.
HANNAH
(musical)
Oh ow, oh ow, oh ow, oh ow.
ELIJAH
Too legit. Youre just so fuckin
legit that theres no way you can
quit.
HANNAH
Youre right. Come over! Lets act
like were young and stupid again.
ELIJAH
Sorry girl, Im doing me tonight.
INT. MARNIES APARTMENT - SAME
MARNIE sits on her couch, sipping tea and writing in a
notebook.
She looks at the clock. She looks at her phone. She looks at
the muted TV.
INSERT - an old black and white movie- a couple embracing.
Marnie frowns. Her phone RINGS, she answers.
INTERCUT - INT. SOOJINS GALLERY - SAME
SOOJIN waits on her phone in the dark- the gallery lights
off.
MARNIE
Soojin.
SOOJIN
Hey beezy.
MARNIE
Whats going on.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

SOOJIN
Girl I need you to come down to the
space.
MARNIE
Yeah? Whats going on.
SOOJIN
Remember those boxes? The opening
night gift bag bags we ordered? We
need to move all those boxes.
MARNIE
(hesitant)
Okay. We can do that right now.
There was like three small boxes
right?
SOOJIN
Is this a problem?
MARNIE
No, no. I can be down there in like
thirty?
SOOJIN
In like twenty or less is fine. And
bring your keys okay?
Marnie thinks.
MARNIE
Did you forget your keys, Sooj?
SOOJIN
I have like ten million balls in
the air right now okay. I didnt
forget my keys, I forgot my clutch
and the keys were in it. But I
mostly just need help with these
boxes right now, okay?
MARNIE
Sure. Of course. Im on the way.
Soojin hangs up- sets the phone down. She walks to the back
of the gallery and around the corner.
Soojin returns with a small box, carries is to the center of
the gallery, then sets it down.

7.
INT. SHOSHANNAS APARTMENT - NIGHT
JESSA is asleep in bed while SHOSHANNA studies at the table.
BANGING at the door. Shoshanna quickly crosses the room,
shooting a concerned look towards Jessa.
Shoshanna OPENS the door a crack to see Hannah, immediately
SHUSHING her.
HANNAH
What up, sista?!
Shoshanna again SHUSHES. Hannah hoists up the bottles she
holds - peach liqueur, the jar of coconut oil, and cooking
sherry.
SHOSHANNA
Not a good time.
HANNAH
Lemme in, lemme in.
Shoshanna exits into the hall to join Hannah.
INT. HALL - CONTINUOUS
SHOSHANNA
Are you okay?
HANNAH
Im great. Why?
Shoshanna examines the frazzled Hannah. Not so sure.
SHOSHANNA
We have a friend in there who is
catching up on some much needed
rest and actually I am enjoying the
quiet around here for once. Im
finally getting a chance to study
and I have a final for Glaciology
tomorrow- which Im totally
unprepared for- and not even
because I was all irresponsible for
my own sake but because Ive had to
babysit Sid and Nancy or Kurt and
Courtney or whatever.
HANNAH
Is Jessa home? I need girl time.
Hannah tries to push past, Shoshanna blocks her.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

SHOSHANNA
I told you shes asleep, and FYI
she has been up and down these last
few weeks and I think maybe she hit
rock bottom finally which I think
could be totally good for her.
HANNAH
Oh come on, dont be a puritan.
The door OPENS, JESSA - bleary eyes - leans into the frame.
JESSA
Hannah? Whatre you doing?
SHOSHANNA
Great you woke her up.
Hannah takes this as an invite and pushes past Shoshanna
into the apartment.
INT. THEATRE - SAME
ADAM is
working
cockney
squared

with DESI and COURTNEY in a corner of the stage


on a scene from scripts. They are speaking in the
accents of their characters. Desi and Courtney are
off.
DESI
" Cause I believe in talent. And
if you win, you sign an exclusive
contract with Bobby Lee and I take
you all the way to the top."

Adam addresses the backside of Desi.


ADAM
"More like the bottom. Get this
Sam. Robert Z. Lee. Small time
business man. Part-time pimp."
DESI
"Well? What do you say?"
ADAM
"Owner of the Blue Note Nightclub,
ended up doing twenty in the big
house for statutory rape."
COURTNEY
" Lynell? "

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

Adam leaps and turns from the two in frustration. Courtney


and Desi look to each other and then to him.
ADAM
(accent dropped)
This is so fuckin confusing.
DESI
If you can live in the voice you
can take it anywhere-ADAM
Yeah, I get it. But fucking Quantum
Leap? Theres too much to unpack
here. Like Im Adam as Price as Al
who only fuckin you can hear as
Sam as some 50s female doo-wop
singer!
COURTNEY
Hey. Its just an exercise.
DESI
Im just reading the words. Im
with you, Im not even following
this.
COURTNEY
And Ive earned my booze.
Courtney begins to exit.
COURTNEY (CONTD)
If youre wise youll come with me.
DESI
Well catch up.
Desi watches her leave then looks to Adam.
DESI (CONTD)
Its easy.
(raises script)
This is just a game so we can
convince ourselves its actual
work. Just use your voice whenever
you can.
(in cockney)
and youll ave it laddie.
ADAM
Thanks.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

DESI
Hannah. Hows she taking it? You
stay in character at home with her?
ADAM
Yes. Yes and no....Had to take a
break- Im staying with my friend
Ray so Im not distracted, and I
can just focus.
DESI
Hmm...Uh, its just a role. One
role... You have to find what
grounds you and nurture that part
of you.
ADAM
I appreciate it. The advice. But I
need to make sure I really do the
work. If I fuck this up, I need to
know who to blame.
INT. SHOSHANNAS APARTMENT - NIGHT
Hannah and Jessa sit on the couch, while Shoshanna paces.
SHOSHANNA
This is like, a real vulnerable
time in her life right now and Im
just not sure this is appropriate
for where shes at.
Hannah swigs her cooking sherry.
SHOSHANNA (CONTD)
And besides that Im having major
insecurity about my preparedness
level for this final tomorrow and
feel like I just need to keep my
nose in the book here.
HANNAH
That all makes complete sense,
Shosh. But its not like Im some
incubus or-JESSA
--Succubus.
HANNAH
What?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

JESSA
Succubus is the female one, incubus
the male.
HANNAH
Right. Bad term anyways as no one
is implying that Im going to
seduce you in some sexual way, she
is only calling into question the
appropriateness of my presence.
SHOSHANNA
It just seems to me like your
energy right now is kinda manic and
whimsical- which is totally fine
and normally Id be a hundred
percent on board - but I think
Jessa and I are into a much more
chillaxed state of being at this
moment in time.
JESSA
Dunno. Reckon Im game for trouble.
Jessa raises her eyebrows at Hannah.
JESSA (CONTD)
Whats on the menu?
Shoshanna crosses her arms.
HANNAH
I really just wanted to see you.
See you guys. I dunno, you always
have a plan.
JESSA
The best laid plans darling...Im
back on the wagon.
HANNAH
Im sorry. Im so sorry. I always
live vicariously through you. Im
a total enabler!
JESSA
No darling--But. But, thats it!
A look of dread crosses Shoshannas face.
JESSA (CONTD)
Tonight I can live vicariously
through you and murder some of this
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

JESSA (CONTD) (contd)


fucking boredom thats gnawing my
face off.
Hannahs face lights up - interested.
SHOSHANNA
No. NO. Bad idea.
INT. PUB - SAME
Adam sits with Desi and Courtney at the bar, he fiddles with
a straw in his water.
COURTNEY
An actor who doesnt drink is like
a dickless racehorse. You might win
this match but-ADAM
Fuck you, okay?

DESI
Hey, hey alright!

COURTNEY
Im just saying. I see a guy who
thinks abnegation is dedication.
Youre sure to implode.
ADAM
I wouldnt be here right now,
having opportunities and
experiences like this, if I was
still boozing. Okay?!
DESI
And I commend you for that sir.
Pushing your girlfriend away
though? Not so sure thats a
requirement of a healthy work
ethic.
COURTNEY
(prodding)
That I think. That is something
else entirely.
ADAM
Oh yeah, like what?
Courtney produces a mischievous look - turns around to face
another table of ACTORS.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

COURTNEY
(calling)
Lexi. Hey Lexi!
ADAM
What? No.
Desi smirks as LEXI (22) hops up and approaches the bar,
sidling up next to Adam.
COURTNEY
I know you and Adam havent really
had a chance to talk much yet. And
I just learned that he is really
good with his hands.
Adam nods uncomfortably towards perky Lexi.
COURTNEY (CONTD)
Lexi here is pretty crafty herself.
Adam shakes Lexis hand as she beams a smile towards him.
ADAM
Hello. Nice to meet you.
Lexi shares his hand demurely.
LEXI
I crochet hats.
ADAM
I work with wood. And things.
Mostly Im a woodworker. But I hope
my etsy days are behind me.
LEXI
But whatll you do when the plays
over? When youre back to being out
of work?
Adam scowls as Lexi smiles her clueless smile.
INT. SHOSHANNAS APARTMENT - LATER
At the table: Shoshanna is attempting to study, Jessa has
her head down, Hannah drinks.
JESSA
Go and burn. You are no friend to
me.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

HANNAH
Im not going to do cocaine! I
tried it before, its not for me.
Jessa wails, "AUGH".
HANNAH (CONTD)
Look, I have an idea. And its a
wild and crazy one-youll love it!
Hannah leaps up - Shoshanna glares towards her. Hannah
raids a cupboard and returns with a bag of sugar.
Hannah pours a pile on the table.
SHOSHANNA
Thats all my sugar.
Jessa peers up from behind her hair, looking like a wild
beast.
HANNAH
This is fun. This is crazy. Plus it
will legitimately give me a real
buzz.
JESSA
Dont be a child.
Hannah cuts the sugar and lines up a row with her ID Card.
Shoshanna pouts. Hannah takes a straw.
JESSA (CONTD)
Dont pussyfoot around and come in
here and throw our shit off with
your half-ass measures.
Hannah SNORTS a line, then instantly reacts-HANNAH
Oh no! Ow. Ow. Ow.

JESSA (CONTD)
As a writer you need some
bloody experiences- real
life, the gutter and the
morass- I can can show
you the fucking ropes,
kiddo. We could nail a
whole chapter for you book
or blog or whatever in ten
minutes.

Hannah SNORTS, clearing her sinus.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

HANNAH
But that completely worked. Im
already buzzed. Oh my God.
Shoshanna glares at the two then pounds her head on her
book.
JESSA
Oh come on. Shit or get off the
pot.
SHOSHANNA
Yes. Please. I love you, but please
just leave us for tonight, we were
having a perfectly fine evening in
where I could cram and she could
just come down or detox or
whatever. Im at the finish line
here, and just have this one big
glacier in front of me. Please just
let us focus tonight.
HANNAH
(to Jessa)
What do you want me to do?
JESSA
Just a little but of coke. Just a
teensie eensie bit.
Jessa indicates a little bit with her fingers.
JESSA (CONTD)
Lil teenie bit.
HANNAH
Yknow its not like I havent done
it before. I can tell you
definitively its just not for me.
JESSA
Exactly! This isnt for you, this
would be for me.
HANNAH
This is textbook peer pressure.
Shoshanna bolts up -- points to the door.
SHOSHANNA
We dont need two junkies in our
group of friends. That would just
totally tilt the scales and instead
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

16.

SHOSHANNA (contd)
of hip young women climbing the
social ladder before you know it
were just a group of waistoid
burnouts. Im sorry but that is NOT
me. Im studious, and a doer and I
get things done and I dont stop
until I earn whats mine! So please
just go for now, Hannah.
HANNAH
(to Jessa)
Okay, Ill do it. But just a little
bit, and with the caveat that you
will not try to join me and you
will never do coke again.
JESSA
Sure, yeah of course- and I need to
break it off with my guy anyway so
thisll soften the blow.
SHOSHANNA
AUGH! You have to break it off with
a drug dealer?!
JESSA
Yeah, I am a member of polite
society.
HANNAH
Thats pretty smart. Well make
sure you cut all ties, and this
transaction will be like a fond
farewell.
JESSA
Sounds good to me.
Jessa looks to Shoshanna whom is seething.
HANNAH
Shosh, you gotta come with. I trust
you to keep an eye on me...and
her-- and I promise to help you
study tonight!
Shoshanna throws her book down on the ground and stomps on
it.

17.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET

- NIGHT

Marnie and Soojin walk along the sidewalk.


MARNIE
Sooj, this isnt working out for
me, and tonight was just more
evidence of that.
SOOJIN
Like the job isnt working out?
Like youre going to just leave me
before the opening?
MARNIE
No offense, I think Im just past
being an assistant. Im better than
this, have more experience and a
lot more to offer.
SOOJIN
Yeah, no shit. You think Id hire
someone qualified for this
position, like an intern or
something? I swear.
The two stop and face each other.
SOOJIN (CONTD)
I dont need you. Im doing you a
favor whether youre willing to
recognize or not.
MARNIE
Really?! Dont give me that-SOOJIN
--You might be smarter than me, you
could have a better CV than me, but
this is my moment. The sun is just
rising on Soojin and you can bask
in the light beside me or get in
the shade behind me.
Marnie relaxes, looks at Soojin.
SOOJIN
My moment. And if there comes a day
when its your moment Id be there
for you.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

MARNIE
Yeah. As long as you know Im
capable of so much more than this.
SOOJIN
Of course, youre my beezy. Girl
power, RAHR!
Soojin makes tiger claws -- Marnie smiles disingenuously.
INT. LOUISES FLAT - NIGHT
Hannah, Jessa and Shoshanna (nose in book) are seated on a
swank couch, in a spacious modern flat - the walls decorated
with net aesthetic art.
LOUISE (25), rail thin and dressed ironically like an early
90s hip-hopper, paces beside an all glass coffee table
while frantically smoking.
LOUISE
Please believe, becoming
insta-famous was not like
insta-taneous.
Louise grabs a "My Pet Monster" like doll off a shelf and
shoves her hand up its ass.
LOUISE (CONTD)
Its like anything else, if you
aint hungry you dont belong at
the troff.
HANNAH
Thats a really valid point. I feel
like the intelligentsia and
academic elite are like,
just defending the castle at this
point. Instagram, tumblr and
twitter or what have you are the
trenches where the next level of
art and experience is fomenting.
Louise holds out a baggie of white powder- retrieved from
the doll.
LOUISE
Preach that.
Jessa pulls a few bills from her pockets- holds her hand out
expectantly at Hannah and Shoshanna. Shoshanna scoffs while
Hannah reluctantly pulls some bills from her pocket.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

19.

Jessa grabs cash- hands off to Louise - Louise SNAPS her


fingers and the exchange takes place.
LOUISE
So what yall gettin into? Pitch
me an idea--well cut a "Vine"
together.
SHOSHANNA
I like, really need to study.
HANNAH
A "Vine"? Like the app?
LOUISE
Fuck yeah, I need some content,
people be runnin laps around me
right now up on there.
HANNAH
You want to make a "Vine"? With us?
(to Jessa re: baggie)
Well, we have something to do
right?
JESSA
Heres as good a place as any.
(to Louise)
Tell me more about this "Vine"
thing.
LOUISE
You tell me, bitch. Imma fountain
of inspiration sure, but not like a
Bellagio Vegas fountain show an
shit.
HANNAH
Pitching is actually one of my
strong suits...Im good in a room.
Louise stares expectantly.
HANNAH (CONTD)
Well I have to do this oil pulling
thing anyway, so maybe we can-BEEP BEEP BEEP -- BEEP BEEP BEEP. An alarm.
Shoshanna is shocked--pulling up from her book. Jessa and
Hannah look around.
Louise sprints out of the room and then returns with her
phone shutting off the alarm.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

LOUISE
Whats oil pulling?
JESSA
Do you have somewhere to be?
LOUISE
(re: phone)
Aw this? Naw. I just have an alarm
for every hour. So when I lose this
shit its easy to find.
Shoshanna, Jessa and Hannah stare up at Louise.
HANNAH
Thats a really good idea actually.
INT. PUB - SAME
Adam is trapped between Desi and Lexi at the bar--the two a
bit buzzed.
DESI
--Then my director just sat there
and cried.
ADAM
No shit. Literally?
DESI
Yes. One hundred percent real
tears.
Lexi plays with Adams hair--Adam jumps back.
ADAM
Whoa. Hey!
LEXI
Your hair is flippy.
ADAM
(awkward)
Thank you.
Desi smirks - taking it in.
ADAM (CONTD)
Um. This is bullshit, I should be
doing my exercises.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

21.
DESI
Shes just being friendly.

Lexi GIGGLES at this.


DESI (CONTD)
Hey Adam, how do you get to
Carnegie Hall?
ADAM
Practice. You fucking practice.
Desi CHORTLES in Adams direction. Adam rises and looks the
two over.
ADAM (CONTD)
Alright. Im outta here.
Adam turns for departure.
DESI
(after Adam)
You act like you always belonged
there in the first place!
Adams gone. Desi gives a momentary look to a disappointed
Lexi, then he turns to his other side where Courtney still
sits.
INT. LOUISES FLAT - NIGHT
The girls sit on the couch around the coffee
table--Shoshanna, Jessa and Louise look to Hannah...waiting.
Hannah looks to each of them. One at a time.
HANNAH
Stop you guys. I feel like a lab
animal.
We see up towards Hannah through under the glass surface of
the coffee table. A neat line of coke is there, waiting for
her.
JESSA
Do it.
SHOSHANNA
Get it over with Hannah, I just
know Im going to be like
babysitting you two all night now
the sooner you get started the
sooner itll be over with.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

Hannah hoists a straw and moves in towards the line.


JESSA
NOOO!
Jessa throws herself on top of Hannah and smacks the straw
away from her.
Hannahs nose is close to the cocaine atop the table.
HANNAH
What the fuck?! Im just about to
do it already!
Hannah flares her nostrils, poised to inhale.
JESSA
NOOO!
Jessa covers Hannahs face with her hands, keeping her from
snorting.
Hannah flails her arms--struggling.
Shoshanna is peeved -- Louise amused.
Louise realizes something- pulls out her phone and starts
taking photos, or video or something.
HANNAH
What the hell... are you doing?!
JESSA
Im stopping you from being a cunt!
Youre supposed to tell me to shut
the fuck up! Youre supposed to tie
me up and save me from myself!
Hannah unhands Jessa- steps back.
JESSA (CONTD)
You! Youre a SUCCUBUS! I dont
need to live vicariously through
you, Hannah. I never needy any
bloody role models or bad
influences. I need you to stop
picking me up at rehab, stop
smiling at me and laughing at my
clever wit. Make me know Im a fuck
up. Make me stop!
Hannah stands at a defensive pose, looking into Jessas
eyes.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.

We see now that Louise is recording everything on her camera


phone.
Jessa holds up her hands in horror.
JESSA
Fucking cocaine, all over my hands!
Do you have any idea how tempted I
am to shove these hands right into
my mouth?
Jessa moves her tongue towards her fingers - ready to lick.
Shoshanna and Hannah move in to stop her.
HANNAH
No! No! Bad cat!
The three tussle.
EXT. SOOJINS APARTMENT - SAME
Soojin walks the steps up to her apartment, a beautiful
brownstone on a quiet street. Marnie stands at the bottom of
the stairs.
MARNIE
Goodnight.
Soojin doesnt answer as she ascends the stairs.
MARNIE (CONTD)
See you tomorrow then.
Soojin slowly turns around. Marnie meets her blank gaze.
SOOJIN
Damn it.
MARNIE
Your keys.
SOOJIN
Duh. I left them in my clutch.
MARNIE
I guess youll have to wake the
roommate.
SOOJIN
Roommate? No way! I live alone,
this is life not college.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

MARNIE
Can a neighbor get you in the
building at least?
SOOJIN
No. Daddy has the spare key, Ill
just have to call him.
MARNIE
Sure. I can wait for you I guess
till he gets here.
SOOJIN
Wait? No I cant call him right
now! I just have to crash with you
tonight.
MARNIE
Okay. Fine, Soojin.
SOOJIN
Aight. Move, bitch.
Soojin descends the stairs and starts walking.
MARNIE
Hey. Its this way.
Marnie points in the opposite direction. Soojin does an
about face, and immediately starts the other way.
SOOJIN
Sleepover. Pajama party! What,
what!
Marnie sets off at the heels of Soojin.
INT. HANNAHS APARTMENT - SAME
Hannahs bedroom - dark and empty.
Hannahs bathroom - the shower head drips.
Hannahs kitchen - the fridge BUZZES.
Hannahs living room - no ones home.
The front door OPENS. Adam rushes in. He cranes his neck and
runs room to room.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

25.

ADAM
Hannah!...Hannah!
He halts in the living room. One last glance of the room and
he ends his search. He clicks on a lamp and flops down in a
chair.
Rubbing his brow, he throws his feet up on the coffee table.
He stops rubbing and looks down towards his feet.
Adam sits upright and brings his eyes up to Hannahs coffee
table carving.
ADAM
Ash?
He EXHALES - frustrated. Bolts up, kills the light and moves
towards the front door.
We hear the SLAM.
The room and home is empty again.
INT. LOUISES FLAT - NIGHT
Hannah, Jessa and Shoshanna sit at Louises dinner table as
Louise walks circles around them. Their cheeks are puffed
out, mouths full of spit and coconut oil. Their speech is
garbled and spit threatens to fly out as they speak.
JESSA
Howr long do we do ish for again?
HANNAH
Twentshy minush. At leasht.
Louise extends her phone out- selfie pose. She has the app
"Vine" open.
INSERT SCREENWe see Louise with the rest of the women sitting behind her.
Louise attempts a rap:
LOUISE
"Oil pullin,
bishes oil pullin,
coconutsh in the mouth,
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

26.

LOUISE (contd)
an we dental health chillin."
Hannah and Shoshanna scrunch their noses and look to each
other disapprovingly.
Louis closes the app- not so sure either.
HANNAH
Wha ooh you feeling rike now?
Hannah readies pen and paper.
HANNAH (CONTD)
Tell me bow the sensa-shun of oil
pulling?
LOUISE
Feelsh like a mouf full of cum.
JESSA
No dash jush what it looksh like.
Jessa opens her mouth to show everyone her foamy white spit.
JESSA (CONTD)
Tastes more like chalk an dying
illusions of oneself.
SHOSHANNA
(worried)
I hate this. How mush longer?!
Hannah checks the time.
HANNAH
Jush like fifteen. Sixshteen
minutes.
Tears well in Shoshannas eyes.
SHOSHANNA
I can do dish. Im gonna like barf.
Shoshanna frantically grabs a paper towel from a roll, and
spits into it. The huge mess cant be contained, spittle
covers her hands and spills onto the table.
The disgusting sight causes Louise to start LAUGHING. She
covers her face, but then loses it. Spit flies out of her
mouth and she aims it atop the table. Shoshanna recoils in
disgust.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

27.

Jessa is pleased by the spectacle and then stands on top of


her chair. She poses dramatically, then purposefully spits
the contents of her mouth on top of the table. Louise loses
it- LAUGHING. Shoshanna covers her eyes- CRYING.
Hannah has taken it all in, observing everything.
HANNAH
Shorry. You guysh are immature. Im
the professional here.
The LAUGHTER of Jessa and Louise peters out. Shoshanna rubs
her eyes and looks up. Everyones gaze meets Hannahs.
Composed- Hannah wears her serious face.
But then...SPLOOSH. She loses it. Her mouthful of spit and
oil flies everywhere.
FADE OUT.