Gonzalez1

LisetteGonzalez
Writing39C
7/18/2015

Asdogsbecamedomesticated,manyhaveabusedtheirpowerovercreatureswhohave
donenothingbutprovide,protect,andlovetheverypeoplewhoharmthem.Dogshaverecently
evolvednaturallytomeetdifferentneedssuchasguarddogs,policedogs,orspecialneedsdogs,
eachhavingtheirownsetofqualitiesmeantforthatcriteria.However,pictureourcaninefriends
lockedupincages,somesufferingfromexaggeratedanddistortedfeatures,squashedmuzzles,
andhairlessbodies,whichdiminishesananimalslifeandsometimesprovesfatal(Gibson44).
SincetheVictorianEra,whenpeoplediscoveredtheycouldmanipulateadogsappearancefor
shows,ithasnotbeenstopped.KennelClubsinEnglandcreatetherightlookfordogsto
competeindogshows,hauledupincages,neverabletoexperiencewhatitisliketobefreeand
run.
Inasense,theydontknowthepaintheybringtodogsandthattheseanimalsareactually
capableofcomprehendingwhatishappeningtothem.MarcBekoff,cofounderofEthologistsfor
EthicalTreatmentofAnimals,mentions,inallmammals,theresalimbicsystemandthe
amygdala,areasinthebrainrelatedtofeelingslikepainandhunger,meaningeveryanimalis
hardwiredtohaveanemotionallife(Clemmitt878).Iwillreviewdifferentstudiesand
argumentsinwhichtheprocessofdogbreedingbegan,howdogcognitionprovesthatit
possiblyaffectsdogs,consideringtheycomprehendwhatishappening,andwhatisbeingdoneto
preventsuchcrueltreatmentofanimalsthatpracticallysharethesamemindashumans.
Itusedtobethatdogsnaturallybredforqualitiesthatwouldhelphumans,suchas
huntingandprotection.
Thestrongerandmoreusefulthedogwas,themoreitwasguaranteedto

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liveandpassonitsgenestofuturegenerations.Aspeoplegrewmorecomfortablewithdogs,
thesequalitieswerenolongerthemainreasonforbreeding.ProblemsaroseastheAmerican
KennelClub(AKC)wasfoundedin1884intheUnitedStates.Theymanagedover100breedsof
dogs,keepingaregistryofancestryjusttomaintainpurebreddogsinlineforspectaclesputon
byhumans(Cohen,HartCohen26).PaulMcGreevyandFrankNicholas,bothprofessorsof
VeterinaryScience,arguethatappearancewasprioritizedoverfunctionalityasdogbreeders
competedtogivetheirdogthebesttraits,evenifitmeantriskingtheirwelfare(330).Thesedogs
facedandstillfacehealthproblemsassociatedwithselectivebreeding,includingheartproblems,
eyedisorders,andskindisorders.JohnSmithBaxter,avetfromLeeds,hadnoticedtheplatellas
ofatopCruftsspanielslippingoutofplace,certainitwascausedbyaninheritedabnormality
frominbreeding(Gibson44).Dogsgetputinthesepositions,andsometimesgettossedoutto
thestreetswhentheydontmeettheirownersneedsandtheresaveryhighpossibilitythese
animalsknowwhatisbeingdonetothemandfeeljustasmuchpainasanyhuman,andluckily
sciencehasalreadybegantopartakeinthissubject.
Scientistshavebeenstudyinganimalcognition,tounderstandthembetter,knowwhat
theythink,orhowtheythink.Dogshavebeenloyaltohumanseversincetheywere
domesticated,soitisonlyreasonabletofigureoutwhattheyfeel,especiallywhenthereare
peoplewhodoubttheirmentalcapacities.
Astudyusingeyetrackinghashelpedfurtherprove
thatdogscanmentallyrelatetohumans,chimpanzees,andmonkeysinaway
.Dogsweretrained
tositinacertainpositionandlookatavarietyofimagestoseehowtheyreacttoeachone.None
ofthedogswerecuedtolookatimagesorforcedtostayintheirdesignatedpositionsothatitself
showedtheirabilitytofollowcommandsastheyweredirectedinthebeginning.Theireyeswere

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trackedwithaninfraredbasedeyetrackingsystemthatwascalibratedtoeachdogseyes.Inone
experimentthedogswereshownfourimages,adog,ahuman,anobject,andaletter.Itwas
shownthatdogsfixatedonthedogpicturemoreandforalongerperiodoftimethananyother
picture,suggestinganexpertiseintheperceptionofownspecies
(
Somppi,Tornqvist,
Hanninen,Krause,Vainio166
)
.Thefollowingimageshowstheexacteyemovementsofthe
dogstested,wherethelinesrepresentthetracedpathoftheireyemovementsandthecircles
representafixedgaze.Thelargerthecircle,thelongerthegaze.

Figure1.
McGreevy,PaulD.,Nicholas,FrankW.SomePracticalSolutionstoWelfare
ProblemsInDogBreeding.
AnimalWelfare
8(1999):329341.Print.

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Obviouslydogswereabletodistinguishmanythings,showingtheirmentalcapabilities,although
scientistsarestillnotabletoproveexactlywhattheysee.Thefactthattheycanrecognize
picturesdemonstratestheyarecapableofformingmentalrepresentationsthroughpictures
(
Somppi,Tornqvist,Hanninen,Krause,Vainio172
)Iftheycandothiswiththeirminds,what
elsearetheycapableofdoingorknowing?
Objectpermanenceandsocialcueingarebothsimpleandinterestingformsofcognition,
whereoneisthetheideathatanobjectexistseventhoughitisnotvisibleandtheotheris
directingtoanobjectbypointing,respectively.Objectpermanencewasoriginallyusedfor
studiesinvolvinginfants,untilthe1980sand1990swhenpsychologistsappliedittodogsand
foundtheyhadconsistentlevelsofperformance(Clotfelter,Hollis293).Inanexperiment
conductedbystudents,thesephenomenonsweretestedfordogs,inanefforttounderstanddog
cognition.Successratesslowlydroppedasdogsmovedfromstagetostageintheobject
permanenceexperiment,butnonethelessshowedtheirabilitytounderstandtheexercise.Itis
possibletoothatthedogsoptedoutasathirdchoice,becauseofanuncertainfeeling,
describedbyJ.DavidSmith,apsychologyprofessoratStateUniversityofNewYork,proving
recognitionoftheirownmentalfeelingofuncertainty,asignofmetacognition(Clemmitt
875).Socialcueingpresenteddifferentresultsasdogsperformedbetter,leadingresearchersto
believeonlycertaincognitiveabilitieswereselectedduringdomesticationforhumandog
communication(Clotfelter,Hollis293).Fordogstodisplaysuchcharacteristicsonlygives
furtherevidenceofthemindstheyhaveanduseonadailybasis.Sothequestionremains,do
dogsknowwhatisgoingon?Dotheproblemsofinbreedingorbreedingingeneralaffectthem
inanyway?Ifithasbeenproventhatthegapbetweenhumanandanimalmindsisgetting

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smaller,itsverylikelytheyexperienceandunderstandthetroublestheyareputthroughwhenit
comestothisissue.
Breedingdogscontinuestobeanissue,physicallyandmentally,butpeoplecontinue
doingit,despitethesciencebehindthisdilemma.
Deleteriousgenesareusuallykeptatlow
levelsbecauseofnaturalselection,butoncehumansinterferewithinbreeding,thoselevels
changefortheworse.Genepoolsbecomelimitedasdogssufferthroughproblemstheyshouldnt
havefacedinthebeginning(McGreevy,Nicholas334).However,therearepeoplewhoknow
andunderstandtheimportanceofimprovingthewelfareofdogs,consideringweliveinaworld
wheretheyarebeginningtobecomemorethanjustanimals.Scienceshowstherearemany
animals,includingdogs,whohavelearnedhundredsofspokenwordsandcommands,evidence
showingtheirknowledgeofthehumanlanguage(Clemmitt877).Dogscontinuetoshowpeople
howmuchtheyactuallyknowandthethingstheyareabletolearn,butthiscanquicklybe
challengedwhendogbreedersintervene.Theyoverselectthetraitstheyfavor,causingbehavior
problemsthat,insomecases,leadtoeuthanasia(McGreevy,Nicholas332).Alteringadogs
appearance,incertainbreeds,canalsoaffecttheirwaysofcommunication.Difficultiesinin
displayingtheirteethorevenwaggingtheirtailisproofofthechallengesadogfaceswhentheir
ownertriestorefinethemintosomethingtheyareclearlynot(McGreevy,Nicholas332).People
tendtoforgettheenvironmentdogsneedtosurvive,whichissolelybasedoncommunication
withhumans,socuttingoffthatrelationshipdistanceshumansfromdogs,abondthattookyears
tobuild.
Oneofhumansclosestcompanions,thedog,ismistreatedorloved,aclosefamily
memberorastrayanimal,yettheycontinuetointegratethemselvesintoaworldthatusesthem

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withoutdiscipline.Ani
malactivist,TempleGrandin,takesthetimetoremindeveryone,People
wouldnthavebecomewhowearetodayifwehadntcoevolvedwithdogs.(Klinkenborg).
Dogshavebeenabletoshowhumanswhattheyarecapableof,mentally,throughmany
experimentsandexercisesand,althoughtherewillalwaysbeskeptics,peopleneedtorealizethat
theyarefilteringanimal'sintelligence,basedhumanlives.Whateverpeoplemaythinkwhenit
comestodogcognition,theirhealthandwellbeingshouldstillbeapriority.Puppylemonlaws
havebeenenacted,mostlytowardspuppymills,tomakesuredogbreedersraisethesedogsina
healthyandconsiderateenvironment,anattempttocontrolbreeding.(Cohen,HartCohen29).
Peopleareawareofthisproblem,hencetheselaws,soitiscrucialthatbreedsocietiesand
associationsalsoplayaroleinthisissuebyregulatinghowbreedersalterandmanipulatetheir
dogsforshows.Bydoingthis,theynotonlyliberatedogsoftheirpain,butalsoencouragethem
togrowandthinkliketheynaturallyshould.Iflessattentionwerepaidtotraitsofonly
peripheralimportance,itwouldbepossibletoimposequitestrongselectionforrelevant
temperamentandperformance,saysMcGreevy,andusestheracinggreyhoundasanexample,
statingtheyhavefewerorthopaedicproblems(333).Dogsaredevelopingamindthatismore
humanlike,sosaysPsychologyprofessorfromtheUniversityofKentucky,ThomasZentall,
Humansarespecial,buttheymaynotbeasspecialastheythink,(Clemmitt881).Dog
breedingissomethingthathasbeenbuildingupforalongtime,butitneedstobefixedinorder
toprotectoneofourlongtimefriends.

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WorksCited

Clemmitt,Marcia.AnimalIntelligence.
CQResearcher
20.37(2010):869892.Web.

Clotfelter,EthanD.,Hollis,KarenL."CognitioninDomesticDogs:ObjectPermanenceand
SocialCueing".
AmericanBiologyTeacher(NationalAssociationofBiologyTeachers)
Vol.70
(2008):293298.Print.

Cohen,LloydD.,HartCohen,DebraS.ShowDogsandBreeding.
GPSolo
July2009:2630.
Web.

Gibson,Helen.AFlawedBeauty.
TimeEurope
6Aug.2001:44.Web.

Klinkenborg,Verlyn."WhatDoAnimalsthink?".
Discover,
KalmbachPublishingCo.,01May
2005.Web.n.d.

McGreevy,PaulD.,Nicholas,FrankW.SomePracticalSolutionstoWelfareProblemsInDog
Breeding.
AnimalWelfare
8(1999):329341.Print.

Somppi,Sani,Tornqvist,Heini,Hanninen,Laura,KrauseChristina,VainioOuti."Dogsdo
lookatimages:eyetrackingincaninecognitionresearch".
AnimalCognition
Vol.15(2012):
163174.Print.

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Name

ChristineChoi

Trait

MinimumRequirements

Purpose:
Reviewof
Literature

Thepurposeoftheessay(areviewofscientific
literatureonthetopic)isclearlysignaledinthe
introduction.Asareader,youaresureveryearlyon
thatyouareabouttoreadareviewoftheliterature.

Above

Meets

Below

Comments:Youclearlydidthisattheendofyourintroduction.
Thesis
(Controlling
Idea)

Thereviewisheldtogetherbyacontrollingidea(it
maybeimplied)thatclearlysummarizesthe
scholarlydiscussiononthistopic.Thecontrolling
ideaisnarrowedenoughthatthereviewcanoffera
comprehensivepictureofthehistoryofthisscientific
conversation.Thetopicisnotadvocatingortakinga
standonanissue,butisrathersettingupascientific
foundationforadvocacy.

Comments:Overall,youstayedfocusedononetopic.

Historical
Dimensions

Theessayprovidesdetailsaboutthehistoryofthe
topicbeingreviewedafterreading,youknowwhen
thistopicwasfirstresearchedandalittleaboutthe
historyofthistypeofresearchsincethen.

Comments:IthinkyouhaveitsomewhereinyouressaybutIamnotsurebecauseitisnotclearin
youressay.Maybeyoucandirectlypointoutwhenyourtopicwasfirstresearched.

Development

Thereviewoftheliterature(bodyparagraphs)
summarizesscientificresearchandwritingaboutthe
topic.Theauthormakesconnectionsbetweenthe
studiestoshowtheaspectsofthisconversation

Comments:Youdidaverygoodjobsummarizingtheexperimentsandresearch.Itwasnotdifficult
tounderstandthescientificresearchyouusedasasource.

Multimodal
Element(s)

Theessayincludesatleastonemultimodalelement
(imageorvideo)thatstrengthensand/ordeepensthe
ideabeingdiscussedinthatsection.Theelementis
addedintotheessayusingMLAformatwithan
appropriatecaption.

Comments:Youshouldincludemoreimagesorgraphstosupportyourwriting.

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Arrangement,
Organization

Theessayisorganizedinalogicalwaythat
contributestothereadersunderstandingofthe
scientificliteratureonthistopic.Theauthoruses
topicsentences,transitionsandsignpostwords
throughouttheessaytoguidethereader.

Comments:Icouldnotreallyseeanyarrangementinyouressaysoifyouarrangethemfrompastto
presentorsomethinglikethat,itwouldmakeyouressaymoreorganized.

Research

Themajorityofthesourcesarescientific
studies/articlesaboutthetopic.Allsources,even
thosethatarenotscientificstudies,arecrediblefora
scholarlyaudience.

Theauthoruseswordchoiceandtonethatmakesthe
essayappropriateforascholarlyaudience.After
readingtheessay,youaresurethattheauthordid
adequateresearchtowriteinaknowledgeableway.

Theauthorintroducesthescholarlyauthorsofthe
sourcesandintegratestheexcerptsintohis/herown
writingingrammaticallycorrectsentences.Correct
MLAintextcitationisused.

Comments:

Scholarly
Ethos

Comments:

Source
Integration&
Citation

Comments:Makesuretointroducealmostalloftheauthorsyoumentioned.

WorksCited

TheessayincludesaWorksCitedofallsourcesused
thatisformattedinMLAstyle.

Comments:Justmakesuretofixtheverybeginningofyouressayandincludeatitle.Iamnottoo
sureifyoudidtheworkcitedpagecorrectly.Youmightwanttodoublecheck.

Languageand
Grammar

Theessayisnotriddledwithgrammaticalor
languageerrorsitiseasytoreadandunderstand
withouthavingtodecodebecauseoferror.

THREEPRIORITIESFORREVISION
1. ArrangementsandOrganization
2. HIstoricalDimensions

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3. MultimodalElements

Name

SurajKhurana

Trait

Minimum
Requirements

Purpose:
Reviewof
Literature

Thepurposeofthe
essay(areviewof
scientificliteratureon
thetopic)isclearly
signaledinthe
introduction.Asa
reader,youaresure
veryearlyonthatyou
areabouttoreada
reviewoftheliterature.

Above

Meets

Below

Comments:Goodjob!Youmentionedwhatyouwillbetalking
aboutlaterintheessay.
Thesis
(Controlling
Idea)

Thereviewisheld
togetherbyacontrolling
idea(itmaybeimplied)
thatclearlysummarizes
thescholarlydiscussion
onthistopic.The
controllingideais
narrowedenoughthat
thereviewcanoffera
comprehensivepicture
ofthehistoryofthis

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scientificconversation.
Thetopicisnot
advocatingortakinga
standonanissue,butis
rathersettingupa
scientificfoundationfor
advocacy.
Comments:Goodjobonthethesis,andadvocacyargument

Historical
Dimensions

Theessayprovides
detailsaboutthehistory
ofthetopicbeing
reviewedafterreading,
youknowwhenthis
topicwasfirst
researchedandalittle
aboutthehistoryofthis
typeofresearchsince
then.

Comments:Tellmemoreabouttheresearchers
Development

Thereviewofthe
literature(body
paragraphs)
summarizesscientific
researchandwriting
aboutthetopic.The
authormakes
connectionsbetween
thestudiestoshowthe
aspectsofthis
conversation

Comments:Youdidagoodjobexplainingyourresearch.

Multimodal
Element(s)

Theessayincludesat
leastonemultimodal
element(imageor
video)thatstrengthens
and/ordeepenstheidea

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beingdiscussedinthat
section.Theelementis
addedintotheessay
usingMLAformatwith
anappropriatecaption.
Comments:Moredetailgoingintotheexperimentconductedwould
begoodinmyopinion.Trytouseasmuchspacetowritesomake
thepicalittlesmallerinmyopinion

Arrangement,
Organization

Theessayisorganized
inalogicalwaythat
contributestothe
readersunderstanding
ofthescientificliterature
onthistopic.Theauthor
usestopicsentences,
transitionsandsign
postwordsthroughout
theessaytoguidethe
reader.

Comments:Organizationcouldbebetter.Sometimesthesentences
areverydifferentthantheprevioussostayontrackwiththe
sentencestosupportyourtopicsentence.
Research

Themajorityofthe
sourcesarescientific
studies/articlesabout
thetopic.Allsources,
eventhosethatarenot
scientificstudies,are
credibleforascholarly
audience.

Comments:Youhaveverygoodsources.

Scholarly
Ethos

Theauthorusesword
choiceandtonethat
makestheessay
appropriatefora
scholarlyaudience.

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Afterreadingtheessay,
youaresurethatthe
authordidadequate
researchtowriteina
knowledgeableway.
Comments:Yourresearchineveryparagraphsupportsyourethos
sentencesyouportrayattheendoftheparagraphs

Source
Integration&
Citation

Theauthorintroduces
thescholarlyauthorsof
thesourcesand
integratestheexcerpts
intohis/herownwriting
ingrammaticallycorrect
sentences.CorrectMLA
intextcitationisused.

Comments:Citeeverythingunlessitiscommonknowledge.Some
placeshadproblemswiththisbutoverallgoodjobonciting.
WorksCited

Theessayincludesa
WorksCitedofall
sourcesusedthatis
formattedinMLAstyle.

Comments:Makesuretheworkcitedpageiscorrectlyformatted.

Language
andGrammar

Theessayisnotriddled
withgrammaticalor
languageerrorsitis
easytoreadand
understandwithout
havingtodecode
becauseoferror.

Comments:

DraftLength
Theessayisaminimum
&Source
of5pageslong(word
Requirements countapproximately

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12501300words)and
usesaminimumof5
sources.
Comments:Goodjob!:)

Threethingsforrevision:Moreinformationonresearchingandresearchers(multimodalpic),
makesureeachsentenceineachparagraphsupportsthetopicsentence(organization),make
suretopicsentencesareclear

Greatjob!