NEW MOON

[Edwards's P.O.V]

''Bella come take a walk with me '' I ordered . I hate myself for doing this , everything we had will be ruined , but I'm doing it for Bella .I love her more than anything , but it's not safe for her , she doesn't belong in my world . She looked so nervous that I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright. Stop Edward I thought to myself , and I made myself think of all the possible outcomes of me staying here. I thought back to the ballet studio , of her lying on the ground in pieces. My fault! so I had to do this . Not for me for her. ''Ok let's talk '' she suggested . Her voice sounded fairly normal so maybe this won't be as hard as I thought it would be . I practically smacked myself on the head , of course it will be. ''Bella we're leaving ''I told her. ''Why now , another year '' she asked. Oh no , she thought she was coming , why didn't I say my family and myself. ''Bella it's time .How much longer could we stay in Forks , after all ? Carlisle can barel pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty tree now.We'd have to start over soon regardless.'' She looked confused . Had I not made her understand that she couldn't posssibly come with me ?.Then with a look of conprehension on her beautiful face , she understood , but she looked in pain . Worse than in the ballet studio . She just

looked like someone had died . Me because I will be practically dead without her , how will I live for another million years without ''when you say we '' she whispered interrupting my train of thought . ''I mean my family and myself '' I said slowly and clearly with a cold look on my face. Oh no now she looked even worse I needed to have her in my arms , to tell her I would always love her no matter what , that I needed her , I couldn't live without her, but obviously I couldnt . She had to live a normal happy human life , marry a loving husband and have children . If only I was human , I wished for the millionth time in my life .I won't mention the rest of what I said ut let's just say it broke my dead heart , and hers too.

I am now on my way to Denali to the other coven of civilised vampires there. I only think I'll stay there for a few days and then leave . I don't want company right now and Tanya and Kate will keep trying to make everything better when they may as well be tryin to bring me back to life {human} . Everything was fine last week I was madly in love , Bella was too , and Alice had her best friend. Then when Jasper lost control the other night (Im

not blaming him ) it made me realise that Bella shouldn't have this kind of life . She should marry a man who loves and cares for her (it could have been me , but preferably one who doesn't want to drink her blood) , have children , and grow old and have grandchildren . The way it's supposed to be . I should have fallen in love with her. The second I realised I was in love with her I should have left . Instead I was too weak , and I stayed . I was always selfish , only cared about myself . Thats how I convinced myself to leave , it was for Bella's sake , so people would realise that she has changed me . Brought out the best in me . 'STOP EDWARD ' I thought . I left it was my choice so I had to deal with the consequences.

3 weeks later
Here I am . Like I said Tanya and Kate are trying to do everything . They think their helping but they're just making me feel worse (if that's possible ). ''Ed , come hunting with me it's been too long '' suggested Tanya . She musn't have caught on that I am dealing with the worst kind of depression . My mind kept drifting back to Bella . The state I left her in . I hope she wen't home after I left . I couldn't think of anything better to say to Tanya then ''no'' . ''Very well then ''she answered

''you keep moping around here all day , and pretend your going to see her again when your not , excuse me for trying to help'' . She continued on ''I don't even understand why your so into her , she's just a stupid girl , she probably never loved you , just liked you for the money '' . Now this was over the line I thought I was going to kill Tanya that very second . Bella never wanted money . She wasn't stupid , she was the most interesting person I 've ever came across and was beautiful beyond comparison . I couldn't sum it up so instead I just walked out . I left Tanya . I wish I could cry , just let it out .It's here stuck inside me , the pain grief , loss and I have no way to let it out. ''Tanya '' I heard Carlisle say. ''Don't say that to him , Bella was a lovely person. It even offended me when you talked about her like that , to me she was a daughter . She was unique , she loved my son , and made him happy '' . ''Yeh dude , I heard Emmett say ''She was the only person to ever make him happy , no offence but she beat you in beauty , her personality was beatiful and you'll never stand a chance with Edward , she was more a part of our family then you'll ever be ''. Wow he really stood up to her there . I appreciated it . He was the brother everyone wanted , the best . Jasper was a good brother , but not as supportive as Emmett.

I have decided that I need some time alone . I'm just going to wallow on my own . No need to bring my family into it . ''Hey Carlisle I'm going to go and spend some time alone , I haven't thought of a place , I'm just going to follow my instincts'' I stated . ''Ok son , but make sure you come back to us , we all wan't to see you happy again , but I know it's hard ''. ''Yes , sorry Carlisle , you've been the best father I could have asked for , I don't really wan't to say goodbye to the others , so just tell them I said thank you , and tell Jasper that I'm not mad at him ''. I didn't wait to hear his response , I just ran .

6 months later
It's been 5 months , the time is ticking by so slowly . Ever hour seems like a day. I think of her all day . Her face in my mind . I needed to go back . I decided that I will go back I will see if she is ok . Ring , ring , ring . My phone rang . ''Hello '' a bell like voice said it was Rosalie . ''Hello'' I answered. '' Edward , it's Bella she's dead , Alice

had a vision of her going into the water , she jumped off a cliff . She hasn't seen her getting out'' . I felt numb it was like the whole world has frozen . Bella , my Bella is dead. I dropped the phone. I couldn't respond to that . Bella Swan , my love was dead because of me . ME ME ME ME ME my head was screaming at me . There was only one thing to do , and that was die . With some luck I could be reunited with her . If I wasn't sent straight to hell. That thing was very obvious , I would go to the volturi.

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