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Peer Review: Writing to Make an Observation

Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible. Pick a
bright color for your responses so they stand out from the questions. Make sure you offer
both positive and critical feedback.
Authors: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like to
discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)
What kind of restaurant does your dad work at?
What kind of food does he cook?
1. Point out any confusing words, sentences, or passages.
There werent any confusing words or passages
2. Were you able to follow the general direction of the essay easily or did it seem to
jump around? Explain.
Yes, his essay was written very smoothly and easy to understand
3. What types of evidence are included (research from appropriately scholarly text
sources and/or an interview with an expert)?
He had observed his father cooking in the kitchen at the restaurant he
works at
4. Is this evidence persuasive? Does it teach you anything, the way The Overprotected
Kid taught us about the history of playgrounds and the effects of childhood
experiences on the adult psyche? If so, what?
Yes it is, yes it teaches you what people go through to make your food
when you go out to eat.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details from their
observation to illuminate their ideas (to make their topic come alive). Point out places
where they could include additional imagery.
His first paragraph, he could add more imagery in the middle of paragraph
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create interest or is it too vague? Why?
Yes it does create interest to me because I like to eat out alot
7. Does the conclusion discuss the so what? factor? Does it show why this topic is
important to explore, what the writer learned about it, and why is it important for
others to learn about it?
Yes because he talks about how being a chef isnt easy and how its not just
cooking and serving, its more than that.
Most Successful Passage
8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
The beginning of the second paragraph because he talks about his dad and
how he got up from being a bus boy to the head chef

9. Does each body paragraph focus on a single point? Summarize, in a word or two, the
topic of each body paragraph.
10.If the answer to #9 is no, which body paragraphs include multiple ideas that should
be broken up into multiple paragraphs?
11.Is the language in the essay appropriately formal? Offer examples from the text to
Yes it is, my dads been a chef all his life. He started out as a bus boy then
moved up in the ranks as hid life went on.
Next Steps
12.Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
He should add more detail about everything that his dad goes through and
what goes on in the kitchen
13. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is

important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.

English 0492

Peer Review: Writing to Make an Observation

10 Mar. 2014