Andrew Weber

Dr. Alan Desantis

November 13, 2015

COM 101
Friendship - Paper #2
Task One:
Ive been blessed in life to have multiple guys whom I could call my best friend. All of
them make it hard to pick just one. But if I had to pick a friend who I believe Im closest to and
share the most with, it would be Noah Neike. Like the shoe, but he hates when people say that.
My best friend for about five years now, we went to the same high school and met through our
freshman baseball team. A similar sense of humor and bonding through the team put us in a
clique of about eight guys in total, some of which I would still call my best friends as well. But
Noah was different, he was more mature and had a darker sense of humor that made everyone
around him laugh uncontrollably. He was our peer but we all seemed to look up to him as if he
was older, there was always a natural aura of leadership around him.

Task Two:
I never noticed it when we were just beginning to be friends but Noah has always been a
cross between role model and friend for me. Our similar interests have always put us together,
sometimes working with each other and sometimes working against. I actually hated him in the
beginning of our freshman baseball season because we were both competing for the 1st base

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position. Also along the lines of baseball, hes a Pittsburgh Pirates fan and Im a Chicago Cubs
fan so we tend to get into it whenever we can about it whether they play each other or not. It
tends to be quite entertaining for myself and our friends, as Noah is an adamant arguer. Hes also
the friend I can be open with my nerdiness and we would geek out on video games for hours
together.
Sometimes were Collaborators, but no matter what, I know Noah is always my
Companion for anything. When my parents were having troubles, I stayed at Noahs for a few
nights and away from my own house. Even when we don't get along well, which can be often at
times, I know hes got my back. Unlike a few of my friends I have never outgrown Noah, and
since he goes to Eastern Kentucky University Ive seen him twice throughout the semester. We
stayed up talking until five in the morning just like we used to and it was one of the best nights
Ive had so far in college. Yet being apart and seeing each other after a long period of time I
realized something else about Noah, hes also become my Champion. As soon as he got out of
the car he says to his friends Guys, this is my best friend and gave me a big unexpected hug.
It doesn't seem like much but he continues to praise me throughout every day we spend together
now and I believe during our time apart he genuinely missed me.
I may have missed him more as there are few to none who I know that would stay up late
just talking with me. Its honestly not something I would normally do either, but for Noah Id do
just about anything. A fellow Companion, as well as a Collaborator, but when it comes to
Champion Im just a little more external and reserved with my expressions of endearment. I
don't give Noah the same amount of admiration and love as he does me. Yet one thing I offer in
substitute is motivation and words of encouragement. Throughout high school I was the friend

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who checked up on other friends grades and told them their smart enough to be doing better.
Otherwise known as the Builder, or Motivator. In college, Noah has been failing. I feel as
though I failed him, to check up, or encourage him to do his work and succeed like I know he
can. Hes always been a bit lazy, similar to myself, but I don't sleep and he's like a bear in
constant slumber. There is nothing I want more than him to succeed in school and life in general,
because I know he has the heart and mind to do so. Sometimes he just needs to be reminded to
use them.

Task Three:
Concept One: Internal vs. External
I think what draws me and Noah so close together is our ability to dive into more internal
topics. Unlike most of our friends who remain external, Noah is the one friend who talks most
about topics with depth and meaning, relationships, family, or even feelings. Although he may
seem a tough and stoic, in a personal setting Noah is very open with the inner workings of his
emotions. Yet he has no problem talking about general external topics, especially sports, in a
more socially pressured environment.
Recently Noah and I happened upon our most internal discussion ever, the topic of
Depression. About a week before, Noahs friend and pledge brother died in an accident. Noah
and I talked on the phone a few times before he came to UK to talk in person, and he told me of
all his struggles at school. How he loved the school and pledging but was failing his classes and
planned on moving back home. And then he said he had been depressed for a long time now,
and had even been going to help throughout high school. The emotions I felt are hard to put into
words, a feeling as though I had failed him as a friend engulfed me. I tried to motivate him with

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words of encouragement and relate to his depression with times I felt I had been through it.
Eventually he took the conversation away from the topic and into more superficial, external
things.

Concept Two: Talking vs Activities

Whenever Noah and I talk were doing something as well, theres really never a motionless
conversation between us. As before mentioned we tend to be a little nerdy and talk while playing
video games. Sometimes this is in person but it may also take place over the gaming system
with headphones. There have been but a few instances where we have actually sat down and just
talked. As we usually only talk seriously when theres a serious topic available, otherwise the
topics of discussion remain external. I believe were such active talkers because were both a
little ADHD and need a bit more than conversation to keep our interest. One of our best
conversations actually happened while we were tubing on the back of his families boat at Norris
Lake. We were basically screaming at each other to hear but we got some interesting
conversation about women and the summer in before we were flung into the lake.

Concept Three: Friendship Meta-Communication

Affirmation was much less prevalent from Noah in high school, especially in the presence
of our friend group. This could have been a social pressure to suppress feelings and be a cool
kid but most likely it was about not making anyone else feel left out. The praise Ive received
recently from Noah has been entirely in the presence of new friends weve met in college.
Therefore it may have been his way of establishing who was who's best friend.

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Occasionally Noah and I would argue, always about ridiculous things like sports or girls.
But one time it got a little out of control and we were full blown throwing fists at each other. It
ended up in a little bit of wrestling, jeering and laughter from our friends and about an hour later
we just hugged it out and laughed. It was as if nothing happened.

Concept Four: Breadth and Depth of your Communication

If I had one choice of what Noah and I talk most about Id say its family. We cover just
about everything imaginable, and sometimes unimaginable. Ive told him most of my deepest
secrets and Im sure I know a few of his, but I don't have a doubt he keeps some things to
himself. I know I do and some things just should just be kept that way. But regardless of the
situation Ive always gone to Noah with issues about my family, mainly cause he understands
what its like to have a crazy family. Our family issues aren't similar, besides maybe our crazy
siblings causing havoc. But its just the fact that someone relies on me when they need to talk,
and this becomes amplified when I really just as much on him. It would be embarrassing if more
people knew about my families issues sometimes but I can always rely on Noah to keep things
between us, and thats worth the world to me.
Gender research seems to be biased on guys who have a gender complex and are too afraid
of being less manly to actually talk to their friends. I think it depends more on the personality
and willingness of a person to be open than anything, not simply gender. Otherwise Noah and I
might as well be girls when it comes to our deep conversations. Although research was correct
when it claimed males prefer activities of simply talking, we both clearly prefer to be doing
something while talking. When it comes to affirmation as research shows men are less likely to

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express their affirmation of a friend, Noah however, is unique. I on the other hand assume
friendship and that he knows hes my dear friend, therefore sometimes I regret not telling him he
is. The depth and breadth of Noah and Is conversations also defy the researchers findings, I talk
about anything I want to with Noah with key detail. With three of the four findings being
somewhat false for my best friend and Is relationship it is apparent the research on Gender
Differences inaccurately depicts all friendships.

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