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AlejandroChavez

DerekHenson
ELA
September24,2015

ShortEssay

Sometimeswebelieveorsaysomethingthatothersmaynotfindtrue.Toprove
youridea,youhavetouseevidencetobackupyourclaim.Thiscanbetrueinmany
situationsandcanevenbeusefulforrebuffingsomeoneelse'sclaim.Youcanprove
thatwhatyousayorbelieveistruebyusingevidence.
Withevidence,youcanmakepeopletakeyourideasandacceptthem.Inthe
play
TwelveAngryMen,
juror8findsevidencebyrecreatingthetimeawitnesstookto
seethemurderer.Therecreationprovesthetimementionedbythewitnesswasfalse
andthathedidn'tseethemurdererrunout.Thisevidencemakeshisclaim,thattheboy
isnotguilty,muchmoreconvincing.Thiscausessomejurorstotakehisside.The
evidencehadaninfluenceonwhetherornottheybelievedjuror8sstatement.
Tohaveevidencetobackupyourclaim,youhavetorevisitthemostinsignificant
details.Intheplay,thejurorsthatwerenotinfavorofjuror8sdecision,lookoverdetails
andtheyendupprovingthatsomeoftheevidencethatwasdiscussedearlierinthe
playwasmissingvitaldetailsthattheyusedtocounterjuror8sclaim.Juror4says,The
trackisstraightinfrontofthewindowSotheeltrainwouldhavemadealowrumbling
noise.ElTrainsscreechwhenevertheygoaroundcurves.Sotheoldmancouldhave
heardascreamBecauseofthesedetails,somejurorschangedtheirvotetoguilty.
Intheclassdiscussion,weusedevidencetomakepeopletakeoursidewhenwe
discussedthequestion,Isitbettertoletaguiltymangofreeortokillaninnocentman.
Aclassmaterebuffedanotherone'sclaimswhenherealizedthatherclaimwasbased
offanassumptionthathadnoevidence.Shementionedthatifguiltymanwassetfree,
hewouldkillmorepeople.Myclassmatenoticeditwasanassumption.Hementioned
thatandthatmadeherclaimobsolete.Thiscausedpeoplethatbelievedinherclaimto
believeinmyotherclassmatesclaim.

Evidencehelpedaclassmateconvinceeveryoneabouthisideas.Intheplay
TwelveAngryMen,
itsavedthelifeofaboychargedformurder.Italsohadanimpactin
reallifebyallowingaclassmatetohaveanadvantageinadiscussion.Youcanprove
whatyousayorbelieveisbyusingevidence.

Introduction
AIntroducesreadertoyourpapercatchestheirinterestinsomeway
BClear,concise,andrelevantclaim(thesis)

A3
B3

Comments:SolidIntro
BodyParagraphs
AClear,concises,relevanttopicsentences
BContexthelpsreaderunderstandevidence
CStrong,clear,relevantevidencetosupporttopicsentenceandthesis
DAnalysisthatclearlyexplainsHOWyourevidence/examplesupports
yourtopicsentenceandthesis

A3
B2
C1.5(2)
D1.5(2)

Comments:Yourfirstparagraphisgreat.Dothatwithyourotherparagraphs.
Conclusion
ARestateyourthesisinsomewayasyouwrapupyouressay
BLeavethereaderwithsomethingtotakeawaythatisrelevanttotheir
ownlife(whatshouldtheylearnorrememberfromreadingyourpaper?)

A3
B3

Comments:

Conventions
ALimitmistakes
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuationespeciallycommasplices
Awkwardwording
BOverallclarityandcoherence
Eachsentencemakessense
Eachparagraphmakessense
Theentireessaymakessensealltogether

A2

B2

Comments:

Related Interests