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Assertive Behaviour

Presented by:
Senuri Yudara
Ziyan Jaufer

90% of managers are fired, not because of


their lack of technical competency or job
knowledge, but for their lack of
interpersonal skills.
- New Directions Consulting

Human Behavior
Behaviour is a broad term, however; behaviour in its simplest
form is our style of communication. Human behaviour falls
into 3 types (Myptsd.com, 2015).

PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE
ASSERTIVE

Passive - The passive style is basically becoming a doormat. You cant say
no, you dont make accurate decisions to manage yourself because you fear
being rejected or failing others, yet this exact style leads to these end results,
thus confirming your irrational beliefs to begin with (Myptsd.com, 2015)

Aggressive - Aggressive behaviour fails to consider the views or


feelings of other individuals. Those behaving aggressively will rarely
show praise or appreciation of others and an aggressive response
tends to put others down. Aggressive responses encourage the other
person to respond in a non-assertive way, either aggressively or
passively.
Assertive - Being assertive means being able to stand up for your
own or other peoples rights in a calm and positive way, without
being either aggressive, or passively accepting wrong. Assertiveness
is not a strategy to get your own way, it is a behavior where all
persons desires are respected. Assertiveness is deciding for yourself,
owning your decisions, and accepting this exact right that you have,
so does everyone else. Assertiveness allows us to acknowledge our
own thoughts and wishes honestly, without the expectation others
will give into us. You respect their feelings and opinions are just as
valid as your feelings and opinions (Myptsd.com, 2015).

Source - The differences between Passive, Aggressive and Assertive behavior (Spence, 2012)

Heres an Example..
Husbands Aggressive Request:The least you could do is
pick up my goddamn dry cleaning! And dont forget this
time like you did last week! You never do anything right
around here!
Husbands Passive Request: "After you get your pedicure,
would you mind picking up my dry cleaning for me? That
is, if you are not too busy.
Husbands Assertive Request: "Will you please pick up my
dry cleaning for me on your way home tonight?"

Assertiveness in Specific Situations


Dealing with Demands

Dealing with unacceptable demands can be a daunting experience and


having the courage to be assertive in such circumstances is not easy for
some people. It must always be acknowledged that everyone has the right
not to fulfil a demand and deny one as well.

Dealing with criticism

An assertive person will always acknowledge the truthful elements of


criticism and change for the benefit of him/her and others.

Dealing with giving and receiving compliments.

Complimenting is a positive way of giving support, showing approval and


increasing the other person's self-confidence. Learning to both give and
accept them gracefully is an important life skill. If a compliment is
rejected, the person giving it may feel embarrassed or discounted and
might be less likely to pay a compliment in the future.
(Somerton, 2015)

Why People are Not Assertive


Low Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence - Feelings of low self-esteem or self-worth
often lead to individuals dealing with other people in a passive way.
Roles - Certain roles are associated with non-assertive behavior, for example you
may be less likely to be assertive to your boss at work than you would be to a
colleague or co-worker who you considered to be at an equal or lower level than you
in the organization.
Past Experience - Many people learn to respond in a non-assertive way through
experience or through modeling their behavior on that of parents or other role models.
Learnt behavior can be difficult to unlearn and the help of a counselor may be needed.
Stress - When people are stressed they often feel like they have little or no control
over the events their lives. People who are stressed or anxious can often resort to
passive or aggressive behavior when expressing their thoughts and feelings.
Personality Traits - Some people believe they are either passive or aggressive by
nature, in other words that they were born with certain traits and that there is little they
can do to change their form of response. This is very nearly always an incorrect
assumption since everybody can learn to be more assertive even if their natural
tendencies are passive or aggressive.
(Skillsyouneed.com, 2015)

How to be assertive ?
Explain your emotions and actions
Communicate with others in clear and specific
ways
Be aware of your non-verbal behaviours- these
includes facial expressions and body languages.
Prepare for others response to your changes.
Learn to take genuine compliments from
others.
Learn to give and receive criticism.

STAR/STAAAR
Assertive way to give feedback

STAR

Example for positive feedback

ST

: situation or task that you are about to


comment on

I really enjoyed your speech on assertive


behaviour

A : Action or example of what you are

I thought the way you presented and delivered


the speech was professional

commenting on

: Result or benefit that enable you to be


specific constructive

You highlighted the meaning and importance of


assertive behaviour in a way that made the content
easy to understand

STAAAR

Example for negative feedback

ST : situation or task that you are about to


comment on

AA: Alternative action or example of what to


do in the future

AR:

Alternative result or specific planned


outcomes identified and discussed constructively

Your powerpoint was ok


I think you could have condense some of the
information on the powerpint through and relied
on it less
Focusing less on the powerpoint as the main
source of information will allow your speech for a
personal feel that flows better

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I Statements
A technique for demonstrating assertive behaviour
is using the I statements.Using these statements
shows personal involvement as well the willingness
to share their feelings and how it affects you.
I feel when this causes a better way of going
about this is to
They key to I Statement is to own your reactions.
This is done by recognising the behaviour and your
reactions towards it. when you scream I get
annoyed.
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Benefits from behaving assertively


It enables you to obtain more of what you need and want in life
Improved interpersonal skills
It allows allows people to recognise and understand your feelings
Helps to create honest relationship
Improves your decision making skills
It helps you to earn respect from others
Creates win-win situation
You gain self-confidence and self-esteem

Conclusion
Assertiveness is a very effective way to communicate emotions and help make a friendly
environment
Recognising the value in being assertive
Increasing the prospect of your rights, feelings, needs & wants being met
recommended leadership trait for leader to have
Overall

Assertiveness is not just a workplace behaviour but a lifestyle that will contribute to your
academic success, and it helps fulfil your career & life ambitions

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References
Assertive vs. aggressive leaders What works?. (2012). BookBoon. Retrieved from http://
bookboon.com/blog/2012/12/whats-the-difference-between-an-assertive-and-aggressiveleader/
Myptsd.com,. (2015). Behavior | MyPTSD. Retrieved 28 December 2015, from https://
www.myptsd.com/behavior/70/
Skillsyouneed.com,. (2015). Why People Are Not Assertive | SkillsYouNeed. Retrieved 28
December 2015, from http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness2.html
Somerton, I. (2015). Assertive Behavior. Presentation.
Spence, J. (2012). The differences between Passive, Aggressive and Assertive behavior.
Retrieved from http://counsellingservice.eu/tell-the-difference-between-assertive-passiveand-aggressive-behaviour

Thank You