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Also coming soon in Mario and the Toads

:
The Search for a Game
It SHOULD be T.O.T.
Jobs, Slobs, and Mobs

Financial
Fakers
Book #1

ToadworksStaff

“Peachy, this ain’t-I mean-isn’t looking good.”
Mario was at the kitchen table after work, which was
normally a time he savored his limited minutes with
Peach and without the toads, brothers, and cousins. But
instead, he was looking over his credit report, along with
bills, (a lot of them) and a letter from his boss informing
him he was cutting his pay.
“I know, Mario, I know,” Peach said. She was at the
counter cutting up vegetables for dinner.
“And all at once!” Mario said angrily, waving the letter,
bills, and credit report over his head. He slammed them
onto the table as he heard a car pull up. Mario furiously
looked over the report, muttering under his breath.
“Yell laptop: Luigi, Pear iPhone 4S: Luigi, Lawn Mower:
Waluigi, some shelves: Wario…None of this is me!” he
started to yell, “Your Corvette, a desk…okay, maybe the
desk’s me, but it’s one thing! All this is everyone else!”
He slammed his fist on the table as the front door banged
open. He heard Luigi walking in.
“Aw, darn it, and now Luigi’s home,” Mario said bitterly.
“Hi Mario!” Luigi said happily, “Ooh, a letter, can I read
it?”

“No, it’s private,” Mario growled, still reading the credit
report, “And-”
“Is it from your girlfriend?” Luigi teased, trying to read
the papers over Mario’s shoulder. He moved into Luigi’s
way.
“No, you idiot, I’m already married, now go away,”
Mario sighed, “And, you owe me around a thousand
dollars.”
“I do?” Luigi said stupidly, “Wait-how do you know that?
Is that a spy report? You’ve been spying on me!”
“No we haven’t, dumbbell, it’s a credit report.”
“That’s just a fancy way of saying spy report!” Luigi
protested, “You’re taking advantage of my-my small
word bank!”
“It’s called a limited vocabulary,” Mario said flatly, still
not looking up from his papers.
“See?” Luigi said loudly, stamping his foot, “I don’t even
know what those words mean, li-lie-lee-auuugh!”
“Ugh, how are we going to pay these off?” Mario sighed,
“And Peachy, make him shut up.”
“Luigi!” Peach said sternly, “Quiet!”

Luigi sniffled. “But he’s been spying, and I have a small
word bank!” He began to whimper.
“No, Luigi, a credit report is not a spy report,” Peach said
exasperatedly, “A credit report tells you how your credit
card is doing, and Mario’s isn’t looking so good.
Everybody owes him over a thousand-”
“What’s a credit card?” Luigi asked dumbly.
“You know that card everyone uses to buy things that you
swipe through a machine?” Peach asked.
“Yeah…” Luigi said, “But what did it do? Why is it
looking bad?”
“Well,” Peach said, “You still have to pay. And we owe a
lot. So we…are running a little low on cash, so-”
“We’re poor?!” Luigi yelped, a huge grin splitting across
his face, “Awesome!”
Mario, who had been trying to tune out the arguing,
looked up finally.
“Luigi!” he snapped, “being poor is not a good thing!”
Luigi stared at him, then ran into the living room calling
out: “Yoshers! Guess what-WE’RE POOR!”
Yoshi came bounding down the stairs to Luigi and said,
“Poor?”

“Yeah!” Luigi said, “Isn’t it so cool?”
“I…guess so…” Yoshi said.
“YAAAAAAY!” Luigi hollered, sprinting around the coffee
table to Yoshi, and singing-“We’re po-or, we’re po-or!”
Mario looked up and gave Luigi the evil eye, which did
nothing but make him say “I know-exciting, huh?” just as
the toads opened the door.
“Hello, home from sch-whoa…” Red Toad stared at Luigi
and Yoshi, who were now folk dancing around the room.
“Guess what?” Luigi said happily, “WE’RE POOR!”
“What the−” Blue Toad said, staring at Luigi and Yoshi.
Luigi had turned his hat sideways and was holding the TV
remote like a microphone, rapping: “Yo-yo-yo, whazzup,
we’ poor! We-cannot buy nuttin’ from the store!”
“I-we’re poor?” Yellow Toad repeated, “I knew it! We’ve
always told you to take our products; they’re free! But ha!
You wouldn’t listen, and now you’re poor!”
The toads walked out of the room sniggering.
Mario looked down at the papers miserably, and sighed.
“How on earth-how are we going to pay these off?”
“I’ve got an idea,” Peach said slyly. She put her knife
down on the cutting board and walked over to Mario.

“I-What is it?” Mario said eagerly.
“You know that life insurance you have?” Peach said.
“Yeah-wait-oh, no…” Mario gasped. He began to slowly
back away as though she were a lion, then sprinted. He
collided with the coffee table, hit his shins on it, howled
in both pain and rage, fell onto the couch, saw that his
foot was lodged under the coffee table, and that he could
not move, and that he knew what Peach was talking
about.
“I’m not committing suicide!” he yelped, wrenching his
foot out of the table and backing away from Peach. The
toads burst out laughing, and even Peach cracked a grin.
Luigi, on the other hand, stared stupidly then said,
“What’s sewerside?”
“It’s not sewerside, genius, its suicide,” Mario said
grumpily, “And it means you kill yourself.”
“Oh,” Luigi said in a disappointed voice, “So it hasn’t got
anything to do with sewers?”
“No,” Mario said, “Nothing to do with sewers.”
“Oh, okay,” Luigi said, “But why would you-”
“Luigi, go away, I need to speak with Peach.”
“But I don’t feel like it!”

“Too bad,” Mario said flatly, “Go away. C’mon. Get!”
Luigi skulked out of the room and plopped onto the
couch, where he opened his laptop and began to type
rapidly.
“So, anywho, Peachy, I’M NOT COMMITTING
SUICIDE!” Mario yelled.
“I know you’re not,” Peach laughed, then added, “But
only we will know that.”
“What?”
“Listen, we need a plan. A plan to fake your death and get
the money from life incurrence. A plan to-”
“A plan?” Luigi cried, running into the room, “If there’s a
plan, my pet Computy’s the man!”
“Computy’s not a man at all, he’s a personal computing
device.” Mario snapped, “Now I said get!”
“But-”
“No buts! Out!”
“But I wanna type our plan,” Luigi whined, “Computy’s
good at typing!”
“I really couldn’t care less,” Mario said. He turned to
Peach. “So, a plan to-”

“I WANNA TYPE OUR PLAN!” Luigi howled, “I WANNA
DO IT! WHY CAN’T I?!?!?!”
“Because!” Mario roared, and Luigi skulked away, after
saying “Computy’s smarter than you; he can remember
more; he’s got over 400 gigabytes of-”
“Out.”
“Fine.”
“Good.”
“So, Mario,” Peach said, after Luigi had finally gone
away, “The plan. We pretend you fell down the back door
steps and died.”
“Can I do something a little more, you know, tragic?”
Mario interrupted.
“Fine,” Peach said exasperatedly, “You…uh…were
cleaning out the gutters and fell off the roof.”
“Sure, that’s better,” Mario said sarcastically.
“Okay then, you died.” Peach continued, “We’re gonna
have a funeral, but be careful not to open the coffin. We’ll
put something in there so it’s not too light, like a…a…I
don’t know, something.”

“What about when we’ve got more money?” Mario
inquired, “What about when I don’t feel like vanishing off
the face of the planet anymore?”
“You’ll still get to see our family, like Luigi, me, Wario,
Waluigi, Yoshi-you get it. As for when we’re done with
all this, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
“I hate that saying,” Mario grumbled, “And what kind of
planning is that?”
“Good planning,” Peach said simply.
Mario glowered. “When are we doing this, anyway?”
“Soon as possible, why don’t you die tonight?”
“I-I can’t die yet, I haven’t said goodbye to all my friends
yet!”
“You can’t say goodbye, Mario,” Peach sighed, “It’s an
unexpected death, remember? Perfectly healthy men in
their early forties normally don’t drop dead of sicknesses
or old age.”
“Oh, right,” Mario said. He scratched his head.
“Okay, you’re now-dead!” Peach waved her arms over
Mario’s head.
Mario looked up at her waving arms, and when they
stopped, he said, “Okay, now I’m off the grid.”

~

~

~

The next morning, (Mario was always the first up) Mario
got up at 6:00 a.m., got dressed, made breakfast, ate
breakfast, started the car, and was about to drive away
when Peach opened the door and yelled after him,
“Mario! Where are you going?”
“To work, genius, not gonna-oh, right.”
Mario got out of the car and walked back inside.
“That was close,” Peach said, “Honestly, Mario, you can’t
go anywhere! Now I’m going to go back to sleep for an
hour or two.”
“Okay, have fun.” Mario said dully, “But what am I
supposed to do?”
“I don’t know, isn’t it every man’s dream not to work?”
“No, only men who want to waste their lives away, work
is good, Peachy, its-”
“Goodnight, weirdo.”
“I’m not a weirdo! And, it’s not even night-you’re just
going to bed! And sleeping’s a waste of time too-oh,
never mind.”

Mario shut the door and sat down at the table. He turned
the TV on.
“And now, for a “Yesterday” Live Update, with Matt
Frowner, and Savanna Smiles-”
“Ugh, I hate the news. All it does is make you depressed.”
Mario snapped at the TV. He changed the channel.
“Too violent.”
He changed the channel again.
“Too slow.”
“Too babyish.”
“Too disgusting.”
“Too-what is that? Is that-oh man, it’s –it’s…sports! Noo!
Change! I don’t need to see this!”
Mario fumbled with the remote and changed the channel.
“Aah, now what I like, sweet, sweet, commercials. Oh,
now Judge Jerkface is on; I hate Judge Jerkface.”
He shut the TV off.
“There’s never anything good on,” he grumbled as he
poured a cup of coffee. He sat down at the table, and
opened the newspaper to the crossword page.

“Aah, I’ve always wanted to do a crossword every day
like my parents, and now I can.”
He looked at the first question.
1. What year was the book “Killing Some
Famous Guy” published?
“What-how am I supposed to know that?!” Mario
yelled at the paper. He drew an “X” next to the clue.
2. In what town did the Declaration of
Independence get signed?
“I don’t know! It was 5 zillion years ago, for Pete’s sake!”
He angrily marked an “X” next to the clue.
3. Who is the accused in the episode of “Judge
Jerkface” from last Wednesday?
“I hate Judge Jerkface!” Mario howled at the paper. “How
the heck am I supposed to know these? These are too
hard! I hate this!”

He picked up the newspaper and tore it in half, quarters,
eighths, and threw it on the floor.
“I hate being dead!” he pronounced loudly.
“Mario,” Peach said nervously, walking down the stairs
and over to Mario, “Why are you tearing up the
newspaper?”
“Because I hate it!” Mario yelled. He stormed out of the
room. “And I hate the news, and I hate Judge Jerkface,
and I despise sports beyond all other things in this stinkin’
UNIVERSE!” he called, before stomping up to his room.
The toads walked into the room, laughing.
“What was that about?” Red Toad asked.
“Apparently Mario isn’t taking being dead all that well.”
Peach answered, picking up the pieces of newspaper off
the floor.
“Mario’s dead?” Orange Toad said, confused, “He looked
pretty alive to me. Unless his corpse is as temperamental
as him.”
The toads howled with laughter.
“No, he’s not really dead, he just faked his death to get
the life insurance money.” Peach sighed.
“Mario broke a rule?” Toadette said, “I never thought this
day would come!”

Peach smiled. “Well, get ready for school. And we’re
picking you up early for Mario’s funeral today.” She
winked.
The toads all got ready for school, and once they were on
the bus, Peach went upstairs.
“Luigi, time to get up!” she called. Then she heard noise
from the bedroom. She walked in to find Mario, on the
floor next to the treadmill with his tie stuck between the
belt and the bottom of the treadmill.
“Get me out!” Mario yelled. Luigi was still sleeping, and
did not help.
“Peachy! Help me!”
“Hang on, we could get money for this,” Peach said. She
pulled out her iPhone and pushed record.
“A little stuck, Mario?” she said cheerily.
“YES! I AM in fact STUCK! So GET ME OUT!”
Peach laughed, turned the video off, and walked over to
Mario. She turned the treadmill off.
“Hey, thanks for rushing to my assistance!” Mario said
sarcastically.
“Hey, you weren’t dying, and if you were, we wouldn’t
have to fake your death.”

“Haha. Very funny.” Mario snapped. He sighed, and
pulled his tie off.
“Wash it.” he instructed grumpily.
“Okay,” Peach sighed, “And while I’m at work, please
email this video clip to USA’s Laughiest Videos.”
“No.” Mario said flatly.
“Fine, I’ll do it after work.” Peach walked out of the room
and Mario heard her car start. He saw it drive down the
road, and out of sight.
“Luigi, up, Peach already told you to get up.” Mario said,
before heading down the stairs to the couch, where he
opened his book, “Killing Some Famous Guy.”
“Oh, I could have looked for the publication date in here.
Silly me! Too late now though!” He began to read, feeling
particularly happier than before.
~

~

~

That happiness vanished fast when Peach and the rest of
the family got home, ready for his funeral.
“So, Mario, I couldn’t find anything to go in the coffin,
so-”
“I’M NOT GOING IN THE COFFIN!” Mario yelped.

“I know you’re not, Luigi is,” Peach said, “He racked up a
lot of the prices on the-”
“WHAT? WHAT AM I DONG?” Luigi bounded into the
room.
“You’re being buried alive,” Mario said.
“Cool!” Luigi said. “Wait, what-why?”
“’Cause we need someone to go in the coffin, Luigi,”
Peach said.
“And you were the one who racked up a lot of the prices.”
Mario added.
“Yay!” Luigi said.
“Don’t worry,” Peach assured him. “We’ll get you out
later.”
“Aw…” Luigi whined.
“Now, Mario,” Peach said, “Everyone is getting here for
the wake at six, so that gives you two hours to hide. I
think you should go in our room and shut the door.”
“Why do I have to shut the door?” Mario protested.
“Because people might go upstairs to use the bathroom.”
Peach answered.
“I get to be the cor-ropse!” Luigi sang gleefully, “I get to
be the cor-orpse! I get to be the cor-orpse!”

~

~

~

That night, Mario was reading “Killing Some Famous
Guy” when the doorbell rang.
“Oh, someone’s here Mario,” Peach said eagerly, “Head
upstairs.”
Mario walked up the stairs and into the bedroom. He shut
the door and plopped down on the bed with his book.
Downstairs, Peach opened the door.
“Hello, Daisy.” Peach said in a saddened voice.
“Hi, Peach,” Daisy said, “I’m sorry about Mario.”
“Oh, don’t be,” Peach said, “I know, though, he was so-so
young!”
“I know, sweetie,” Mrs. Fattington said as she stepped in
the door.
“Hey, mom.” Peach said. She led everyone to the kitchen,
where Luigi was pouring crackers onto a plate.
“I’m sorry about Mario,” Mrs. Fattington said to Luigi,
patting his arm.
“Hey, I’m cutting cheese!” Luigi yelled, “Don’t pat my
arm!”
“I-dear!” Peach said, “Luigi, don’t talk about that right
now!”

“What?” Luigi said stupidly.
“F-farting,” Peach said.
“What-no, I’m actually cutting cheese, see?” Luigi held
up the cutting board.
“Okay, well, let’s head to the family room while I wait for
everyone else to arrive, so you can just-”
“A-choo! A-a-choo! Ha-Choo!”
Peach looked up at the ceiling, where the sneezing
seemed to be coming from, and said, “I must have left the
TV on” hurriedly before sprinting up the stairs and down
the hall.
“Mario!” Peach said quietly, but sternly, “What on earth
do you think you’re doing?”
“I-something in here is making me sneeze!” Mario
gasped.
Peach opened her closet and pulled out two cats.
“What the heck are those?!” Mario yelped, falling
backward onto Waluigi’s bunk bed.
“My cats,” Peach admitted, “When I was little I always
wanted a cat, but my mom was allergic, so I vowed that I
would finally get one when I grew up for me and my
husband. But when you were allergic, I still got them, and

hid them in the closet downstairs. Now, every family
event, I’d bring them up here, because my mom’s coat
would get fur on it, but now, you’re up here, so-”
“Ding-dong!”
“Oh, that’s the doorbell, I’ll go hide these in the toads’
closet and head downstairs.” Peach hurried out of the
room.
Mario sat down with his book and began to read, and at
nine, Peach finally came up.
“Funeral’s over.” Peach said.
“Good, I’m going downstairs to-I don’t know, as long as
it’s not in here. I’ve been tortured, five hours in a cat
smelling room with nothing but a violent book I’m
wishing now I didn’t read; I’ll never get that image away;
anyway, five hours in a-”
“Stop moping, Mario, if you want to go downstairs, go.”
Peach said as she emptied the garbage.
“And your Killing Some Famous Guy book is in the
trash.”
“Were you even listening?” Mario snapped.
“Not really,” Peach said, dropping the book back in the
bag.

Mario groaned and headed out the door. He walked down
the stairs and sat down on the couch next to Luigi, who
was on his laptop with a proud look on his face.
“What’re you so happy about?” Mario snapped.
“Didn’t you hear?” Luigi said loudly.
“No.”
“Well, I almost ruined the secret.”
“Congrats.”
“Aren’t you…um…I don’t really know that word.”
Mario sniggered and called back behind him as he got up
and walked up the stairs, “surprised, astonished, blown
away…”
“Oh, I thought I knew that word.” Luigi said, “And does it
mean-oh, never mind.”
Mario got to the top of the stairs and bumped into Peach.
She was carrying the garbage.
“Did Luigi almost ruin this?” Mario asked.
“Yeah, he started to go on about secrets, and was about to
reveal ours.” Peach said, “And are you sure you don’t
want your book-”
“Peach, I want nothing to do with that darn book.”

“Okay, then, suit yourself. It’s actually pretty good if you
finish it-”
“Peachy, I’m gonna have nightmares because of it, I
really never want to see it again.”
And with that, Mario pushed past Peach and lay down in
bed. Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.
~

~

~

“HOOONK!”
“What the−?!” Mario yelped, leaping up and slamming
his head into Peach’s bunk. He rolled off the bunk and
onto the floor, landing on top of his nightstand and
knocking a glass of water onto Wario.
“Whoo, nelly-welly-ding-a-dong-long-bong-song-gongding-dang-dingy-dangy-”
“Wario, shut up.” Mario said.
“-nilly-filly-ooh, I like the Phillies, -uh, gilly-willy…”
Mario sighed, and turned to the toads. Purple Toad was
holding an air horn, sniggering at Wario, who was still
chanting nonsense words.
“Dong-a-fong-a-ding-a-dang-boo-boo!” Wario continued.

“Okay,” Mario said, “Anyway, why would you do
that?!?!”
“’Cause we felt like it.” Orange Toad said happily.
“Hmmph.” Mario growled, “Well, I don’t appreciate
getting woken up at 6 am, even if that’s when I always get
up, so, hmmph.”
“Dong-a-ding-dang-a-ling-dinky-donky-ooh, donkeys are
my favorite animals-uh-dinky-donky-dinger-fing-”
“SHUT…UP!!!” Mario roared.
“I wasn’t talking!” Luigi whined, sitting up and beginning
to cry. “You’re yelling at me for-for nothing!”
Luigi began to scream.
Wario stopped his nilly-willying and stared dumbly at
Mario.
Peach told Mario not to be mean.
Mario would have had steam coming out of his ears had
he been an old cartoon character. And even though he
wasn’t an old cartoon character, he might have still had
“fury steam” coming out of his ears.
~

~

That afternoon, the mail truck drove up.

~

“Ooh, that’s our check!” Peach said happily as the
mailman put the mail in the box.
“Shoot, we’re not poor anymore,” Luigi whined.
“Oh, yes, how tragic!” Mario said grumpily. He walked
outside and opened the mailbox. He carried the mail
inside and opened each letter.
“Aaah,” Mario said. He held up the check. “750,000
buckeroos!”
“We’re rich!” Luigi said. “Dang it!”
Mario rolled his eyes, but in a happy way.
“Peachy, do you know what this means?”
“Yeah!” she said, “Cures for cancer! No more hunger!
World peace!”
“Um, I was thinking more along the lines of living in
luxury, but those things are all right…” Mario said
uncomfortably.
“You’re no fun,” Peach said.
“No, you’re no fun!”
“You’re selfish!”
“You’re overly unselfish!”
“That’s a darn good thing!

“Good? How does it benefit me?”
“It doesn’t, darn it!”
“Then-”
“I’m OUTTA HERE!”
“FINE!”
“GOOD!”
Peach stormed away, and threw open the garage door. It
slammed behind her.
“P-Peachy?” Mario asked after a few seconds. No answer.
He heard her Corvette start, and saw it turn out of the
driveway. It sped down the road, her long blonde hair
blowing in the wind. Mario sure would miss that long,
flowing, bright, beautiful“See?” Luigi said. “That’s what happens when you don’t
stay poor-”
“Luigi, shut up.” Mario said firmly. He sighed, and
walked up the stairs.
~

~

~

That night, at 11 PM, Peach pulled into a hotel parking
lot. She had no idea where she was, just knew she was
tired and wanted to sleep.

“The Butterfly Flutter-By Hotel.” Peach read. She looked
over a fence and out into what was apparently butterfly
meadow, from what the sign said. She had never seen a
place that looked less like a meadow. Or a place less
butterfly-filled.
“More like Empty Swamplands,” Peach said grumpily,
kicking the sign. It fell backwards into the swamp. She
sniggered, and turned to the hotel. It was an old wood
building, with half the windows boarded up and the other
half either cracked or filthy. It was two floors, but as all
the lights were out on the second floor and the windows
smashed, they most likely weren’t putting people on the
second floor. But then again, the state of the rest of the
building wasn’t really fit for living either.
“It’ll have to do,” Peach said to herself. She pushed open
the creaky wooden door and emerged into a very dingy
lobby. An elderly man sat at a high wooden desk. Peach
doubted whether the chair under him could hold human
weight for very long.
“Just tonight,” Peach said, approaching the desk.
“Would you like a balcony?” the man said croakily.
“No thanks, just a normal room.” Peach said, doubting
she would use a balcony if it was in the same state as the
rest of the building.

“Alright, that’ll be $19.98,” the man said, tapping some
buttons on the old cash register.
“Are you sure that works?” Peach said, pointing to the
register.
“Nope!” the man said, “Broke years ago!”
“Then why’re you-”
“Right this way, ma’am.”
Peach followed him down the hall, thinking she was
probably the only customer, considering that every door
was open, until finally they arrived at the end of the hall.
They went upstairs, and down another hall, until they
reached the end. The man opened the door and Peach
stepped inside.
“Have a nice stay,” he said.
“Wait,” Peach said, noticing the balcony, “Does a balcony
cost extra?”
“Yes,” he said.
“But I didn’t want a-”
But the man was shutting the door.
Peach grumbled at the man under her breath, and plopped
down on the bed. It creaked, and then Peach heard a loud

bang. The bed jerked down a few inches, and she fell off
onto the dusty carpet.
“They don’t even have a cleaning lady here, do they,”
Peach said grumpily. She got back on the bed, and picked
up the TV remote. The back popped off, and a dead rat
fell off and land on the bed next to her.
“EEK!” Peach squealed. There was some footsteps
outside in the hall, and the man opened the creaky door.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked.
“YES!” Peach hollered, “There’s a dead rat in the
remote!” She flung the half of the remote she was still
holding at the man’s head. It missed by an inch.
“I’m sorry,” the man said, “The cleaning lady died last
year.”
“GOOD!” Peach hollered. She ran to the door, shoved the
man out of the doorway, and slammed the door. One of
the hinges fell off and landed on her head.
“AAAAH!” She ripped the door off the wall, (which
surprisingly wasn’t actually that hard) threw it at the TV,
and ran down the hall and down the stairs.
“I asked for no balcony!” She spat at the man.
“I’m sorry ma’am, now that stay will cost you-”

“NOTHING!” Peach screamed, and flung open the old
wooden door. It too fell off its hinges.
“This place is GARBAGE!” Peach yelled, “GOSH!
DARN! GARBAGE!”
“Ma’am, this is the most luxurious hotel in the area…”
“THEN THIS IS GARBAGETOWN!” Peach hollered,
“But then again, garbage is more luxurious then this
junk!” She laughed angrily (yes, I know that doesn’t make
much sense).
She flung open the car door, started the car, and slammed
on the gas. Unfortunately, she forgot to put the car in
reverse. She sped forward, dropping her phone onto the
pavement next to the car. The car smashed through the
fence blocking “Butterfly Meadow,” and splashed into a
swamp. The car began to sink slowly.
“No, no, no, no NO!” Peach squealed, forcing the door
open. The mucky water splashed in. Peach leapt out of the
car into the four-foot deep mud, and splashed towards the
parking lot. The car was still sinking, and just as Peach
pulled herself out of the - um, water? - the last of the car
disappeared under the surface.
“There goes ninety thousand dollars,” Peach said
miserably. She looked around, and spotted her phone
lying face down on the pavement.

She picked it up, and gulped. The screen was shattered.
“And there goes another six hundred,” Peach said
miserably. “Great. I got no phone, and no car, and it’s
midnight. Dang it.”
She walked grumpily inside.
“Hey,” she snapped at the man. “You got a phone?”
“Yes, it’s over there,” he said, pointing to a corner. Peach
walked over to the phone.
“A payphone?” Peach said disgustedly.
“We couldn’t afford a real one,” the man said.
“Ten cents,” Peach said. She felt around in her pockets.
“Dang, I left my wallet in the car.”
“What happened to your car?” the man asked cautiously.
“It went in ‘Butterfly Meadow.’ In other words, the four
foot mud puddle you’ve got out there.” Peach scowled.
“You got ten cents?”
“Yes, but I’m afraid I can’t give it to you,” the man said.
“Why not?” Peach said grumpily.
“Because that ten cents is mine,” he said, “You can give
me ten cents for it-”

“I don’t have ten stupid cents, so give me the darn
THING!” She leapt over the desk and onto the man,
making him fall backwards off his stool. He stumbled to
his feet as Peach ripped the door off the cash register.
Bills and coins rained down onto the floor. She threw the
cash register over the desk and it smashed on the floor.
She picked up a dime, and sprinted for the payphone. She
ripped the receiver off the box, and shoved her ten cents
in.
“Eight! Six! Oh!” Peach said, pounding the buttons. “Six!
One! Six! Five! Five! Fo-waugh!”
Peach leapt back as the box fell off the wall.
“GOODNESS GRACIOUS, WILL THIS END!” Peach
howled, running for the door. She held the receiver,
dragging the box behind her. She kicked the broken cash
register as she passed it and walked out the broken doors.
She threw the phone into the swamp, and ran over to a
bench. She curled up on it, and began to sob. She was
lost, car-less, phone-less, heart-less, husband-less, and all
those other “-less” words. Slowly, she fell asleep.
~

~

~

The next morning, Mario woke up. “Mornin, Peachy-oh.
Right.” He groaned.

“I wonder where she is,” Mario said nervously, “Maybe I
should call her.” He picked his eyePhone and dialed
Peach’s number.
Peach awoke with a start to the sound of her ringtone. Orwait-was she dreaming still? She must be, her phone was
broken! But she got up and walked over to the phone,
which was lying on the pavement parking lot. Sure
enough, it was ringing. She picked it up. The screen was
smashed, but she could see the caller ID: Mario cell.
Peach scowled at the phone and muttered “selfish jerk”
before tapping the smashed screen. She raised the phone
to her ear.
“Peachy!” Mario said.
“Mario,” Peach said coldly.
“Um,” Mario said, “Is there a reason I’m getting the cold
shoulder?”
“Yes,” Peach said in a falsely cheery voice, “And I’ll say
one word to describe the-”
“Peachy, I’m sorry I was selfish, darn it!”
Peach sighed. “Mario, if you let me donate five hundred
dollars to charity, I’ll let this go.”
“I-fine!” Mario said.

“Good,” Peach said happily, “Now, I’m gonna need you
to pick me up.”
“What’s wrong with your car?” Mario said.
“To make a long story short, Butterfly Meadow is not a
much of a meadow.”
“Um…” Mario said, “I’m not gonna ask. And yes, I’ll
pick you up, just give me the address of the hotel.”
~

~

~

That afternoon, disaster struck on Fatterson Rd. Yes,
that’s the road they live on. Where else would disaster
strike?
Anyway, Peach got a letter from Mushroom Kingdom
Auto Insurance. (2 minutes could save you 15% or moreHA! Beat that Geico and Esurance!)
“Mario, um…companies just hate us don’t they!” Peach
laughed nervously.
“Peachy, what is it this time,” Mario sighed, looking up
from his laptop.
“Um-yeah…well, you can just-”
Mario got up and pulled the letter out of Peach’s hand.
Mushroom Kingdom Auto Insurance™
July 30, 2014

Dear Uh-Oh Spaghettios Family,
We are sorry to inform you of this, but we are
afraid we will not be able to insure you with your wreck
involving the swamp at 462, 34th Street. There are a few
reasons, of which include:
-the accident was at the fault of Butterfly Flutterby
Hotel, so they should take the blame (but we can help you
hire a lawyer and file a lawsuit at a discounted price).
-the driver wasn’t driving in a safe and orderly manner.
-you haven’t paid a bill in two months.
So, if you fix these things, we would be happy to help
you. Again, we are sorry, and will most certainly help if
you want a lawyer and to file a lawsuit. We are sorry
for any inconvenience. Have a nice day.
Yours truly,
John Gilson
John Gilson
President of MKAI™
“Those −” Mario roared.

“Please, Mario, calm down. I’m sure we can reason with
them.”
“NO WE CAN”T!”
“Mario, if we can’t, we can just buy a new car with our
money. We have an extra…” She checked the check.
“…$789,219.99 in our pocket. Plus, we can pay the bills
too.”
~

~

~

Unfortunately for them, they couldn’t reason with the
insurance company.
That afternoon, they went to MushroomMax (Mario
staying home, of course).
“Oh, wow, can we get a Lamborghini?” Red Toad asked.
“Well, $347,000 seems like a lot, but we are rich now…”
Peach said thoughtfully.
“Oh, oh!” Luigi shouted, “How about-about-how about
the-th-the JEEP!”
“Now Luigi, calm down,” Peach said, “If you want to buy
a new Jeep, just ask.”
“Ooh, Mom, can us toads get a new car?” Blue Toad
asked.

“Of course, sweetie,” Peach said, “Why don’t you go pick
one out while Luigi and I look for ours. Oh, and I’m sure
Mario wants a new car too.”
The toads ran off to the SUV section, while Luigi
announced “I want the 2014 Jeep Cherokee.”
“Okay, Luigi, and I’ll get this Lamborghini the toads
suggested.” Peach said.
Receipt
Original Money: $789,219.99
Purchases:
2014 Lamborghini Aventador

$442,287

2014 Jeep Cherokee

$81,429

2014 Nissan Juke

$54,999

2014 Chevrolet Suburban

$69,987

Grand Total: $648,702
Current Money: $140,517.99

Mario was reading Killing Another Guy, when he saw
four cars driving up the road. They were all very
expensive looking cars.
Man, this book is just as bad as the last one! Mario
thought, slamming the book and setting it down on the
coffee table. Then he looked outside at the four cars,
which had pulled into the driveway.
“Wait a second,” Mario said. “Peachy’s driving the crazy
sports car, the toads are driving a Juke, Luigi’s driving the
Jeep, and some random guy is driving a Suburban!”
Mario got up and yanked open the front door just as
Peach opened it from the other side.
“Mario, we know it was only my car that got ruined, but
we decided to surprise you by getting all of us new cars.
“Peachy, you do realize the toads are five, right?”
“Yes, but they have licenses! They showed me!”
“They’re little counterfeit artists, that’s what!” Mario
howled.
“Now, Mario, we got them for a fairly good price-”
“What, six hundred thousand?” Mario snapped.
“About…” Peach said.

“WHAT!?!?!” Mario screeched, ripping the receipt out of
Peach’s hand. “What the heck is this? You already used
almost ALL of our money!”
“Yes, well it was put to good use-”
“Who was driving the Suburban, anyway?” Mario asked
angrily.
“A guy who was at MushroomMax,” Peach said, “We
gave him ten bucks to drive the car home.”
Receipt
Original Money: $140,517.99
Purchases
Some Guy at MushroomMax

$10

Grand Total: $10
Current Money: $140,507.99
“Okay, well no more wasting money!” Mario proposed.
“We need to be…um…drifty. Shifty. THRIFTY! We
need to be thrifty!”
And they didn’t exactly keep that promise.

~

~

~

The next morning, bad luck made another move.
“COMPUTY GOT A VIRUS!!!”
That was what Mario heard as he was reading Killing
Some Other Guy.
“Luigi, calm down, we can fix it.” Mario walked into
Luigi’s office.
“See!” Luigi whimpered. He pointed at the screen.
“It-it says that-that unauthorized files are-are scanning
and reading Computy!” Luigi cried, “I don’t want
unauthorized files!”
“Luigi, chill. We just need to install an antivirus. That
will take care of it.”
“BUT IT WON’T!” Luigi screamed, “P-p-poor
Computy’s SICK!”
“Luigi, get a grip! We’ll install Horton Security Suite and
let it do it’s stuff. Now how did you get this, anyway?”
“I-I was searching for a fun game on Doogle and-and then
it brought up this game where you p-p-protect the
computer from viruses!”
“How ironic.” Mario said.

“It was a-a website called freegamersworld.com. And
they even-even said that-that it wasn’t a virus! It said-said
‘this isn’t a virus, so get it!’ and had a-a big green
download button!”
“Luigi, how dumb can you get! Now let’s get Horton at
Wall-fart.”
“But w-what about the un-unauthorized f-f-files!”
“They will go away if you get Horton! Now let’s go.”
Mario and Luigi pulled into the parking lot.
“Hurry!” Luigi urged, pulling Mario out of the car.
“Yeah, yeah,” Mario said.
They walked into the store and towards the electronics
section. They walked down the aisle (well, Mario
walking, Luigi sprinting, muttering nervously).
“Mario!” Luigi howled, picking up the box, “Here it is!”
“Horton Security Suite,” Mario read, “Ultimate DefenseIncludes all Products in one-Family Safety, Antivirus XL,
Password Protection, Keylogger Preventors…my
goodness, the list goes on forever!”
“Can we get it?” Luigi said.

“Um…” Mario said, turning the box over in his hands.
“Five hundred fifty six dollars?! I think not!” He hung it
back on the rack.
“But-but we have to save Computy!” Luigi wailed, “We
can’t lose him!”
“Um, you can’t,” Mario corrected. “I could live.”
“How DARE you!” Luigi gasped, clapping his hands to
his mouth. “You evil, horrible, lying-”
Mario shoved Luigi. “Shut up!”
Luigi punched Mario’s arm. “No, you shut up!”
“Shut it!”
“Zip it!”
“Can it!”
“Jerk!”
“Meanie!”
“YOU IDIOT!” Mario body-slammed Luigi, knocking
him into the shelf. The DVDs rained down onto Luigi,
who stood up. He leapt into the aisle and toppled onto
Mario. They fell backwards into the shelf with the demo
laptops. Mario’s foot collided with one of them as him
and Luigi were rolling around on the floor. Sparks
showered down on them, and Luigi burst into tears.

“Owie!” Luigi yelped, pushing Mario into the shelf of
raincoats. The coats fell onto Mario, and he fell onto the
ground, tangled and yelling. He stood up and the coats fell
to the floor.
“Luigi, I will murder you!” Mario grabbed a lamp and
smashed it over Luigi’s head.
“Yaah!” Luigi grabbed a stool and jabbed Mario in the
stomach with the legs. Mario howled and fell to the floor,
dropping the lamp. It shattered, and glass scattered across
the floor. Mario stood up, and was about to retaliate when
two security guards came over. One grabbed each Mario
and Luigi, and pulled each of them down the aisle. Mario
picked up one last keyboard and flung it at Luigi, as they
were pulled out of the store.
The car pulled into the police station. The guards pulled
on Mario’s sleeve, and he tumbled out of the car.
“Watch it!” he snapped.
Once they were in the building, the guards muttered
something to an officer. The officer nodded, then walked
towards the door.
“Right this way,” he said.
Mario and Luigi walked down the carpeted hall, with
glass cases on every wall showing awards the police

department had won. The officer pushed open a heavy
door, and dragged Mario and Luigi inside.
“Stand over there,” he said flatly.
Mario and Luigi went over to the white wall.
“Ooh,” Luigi said, looking at the wall behind him.
“I’m…five foot four.”
“That’s for them to take your mugshot, genius.” Mario
snapped.
“Oh, a picture!” Luigi said happily, as the officer took out
a camera.
“Cheese!” Luigi said, smiling broadly, and holding a
thumb up to the camera.
Mario, on the other hand, just glowered at the camera.
The camera flashed. Mario sat down in a hard plastic
chair, just as the officer hung up his phone.
“Okay, I’ve called your wife, she’ll be right over.”
Luigi, who had been entertaining himself by picking at
the paint on the wall, turned around.
“I don’t have a wife!” Luigi said loudly.
“My wife, you idiot,” Mario said.

Luigi went and sat down in a chair next to Mario, and the
officer sat down at his desk and opened his laptop.
“Computy!” Luigi yelled all of a sudden, making Mario
jump, “Computy has the virus!”
“Shut it.” Mario said grumpily.
Luigi whimpered.
A few minutes later, Mario heard a very expensive car
engine. He turned around to see Peach pulling into the
parking lot in her new Lamborghini. She opened the door,
and walked towards the front door. A second later, she
emerged into the room.
“Ah, ma’am, you’re here,” the officer said. “I’m Officer
Paul.”
Peach shook his hand, then turned to Mario and Luigi.
“Can you explain this?” Peach said coldly, “Why I got a
call from the police department telling me you were under
arrest for rioting in WALL-FART?”
“It was him!” Mario and Luigi said.
“You’re acting like a bunch of four-year olds!” Peach
scolded, “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Luigi hung his head. Mario glared at Peach.
“Um,” Officer Paul said uncertainly, “We will have to
press charges.”
“You should,” Peach said.
“They will be…” Officer Paul checked his laptop. “A fine
of Five hundred forty nine dollars, also a fine from WallFart covering the cost of all the destroyed products. This
will add about fifteen hundred.”
“You’re making us pay two thousand dollars?” Mario
gasped.
“And it’s coming out of your pocket,” Peach said.
Mario scowled.
“The charges also include a seven day jail term, and-”
“Hold on, jail?” Mario said.
Even Peach looked a little surprised, but quickly regained
her sour attitude.
“It will teach you not to have fights with your brother in
Wall-Fart when your forty years old.”
Mario sputtered furiously, but Officer Paul continued.
“Um, yes, jail, and ten hours of community service.”
“Oh, good, we get to help people!” Luigi said.

“Oh, shoot, we have to help people,” Mario groaned.
“That will conclude the charges.” Officer Paul said.
“Have fun in jail,” Peach said, and was about the leave
before Officer Paul stopped her.
“Hold up, we have to let them go home to prepare.” he
said. “Normally, I or another officer would accompany
them, but with you, I really don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Fine…” Peach sighed.
A few minutes later, they pulled into the driveway, and
Luigi sprinted inside to his desk.
“Mario!” Luigi screeched, “It says he has a virus still!”
“Hang on,” Mario said. He pulled open the desk drawer
and fished through it. He came out with a DVD.
“I thought we had an antivirus somewhere,” Mario said.
He slid the disk into the side of the laptop, and a window
popped up over the virus.
“Scanning your PC…” Luigi read. “NOO! I DON’T
WANT COMPUTY TO GET SCANNED AGAIN!!!”
“Luigi, it’s scanning for viruses, genius.”
“Oh,” Luigi said.
“Found 1 security threat…” Mario read, “and…removing
suspicious software…and…it’s fixed!”

Mario pulled the disk out as Luigi burst into tears of joy.
“COMPUTY!” Luigi cried, picking up the computer and
hugging it, “You’re okay!!!” He set it down on the desk
and started to type.
“Uh-uh-uh,” Peach said, strolling into the office. “You
two need to get packing. No time for that.”
Mario skulked upstairs, and Luigi followed, carrying his
computer, the charger trailing along behind him.
When they got into the bedroom, Mario pulled up the
shades as Luigi plopped down on his stomach and started
to type again.
“Luigi, you need to pack. Put that away, it’ll be waiting
when you get back.”
“You mean I can’t bring him?” Luigi yelped.
“Nope!” Mario said. “Just clothes.”
“What about eyePhones?” Luigi said nervously.
“Maybe,” Mario said absentmindedly, pulling open the
closet doors and dragging two suitcases out.
Luigi muttered angrily, before Peach came in.
“Luigi!” she scolded, “I thought I told you to turn that
off!”

“You did,” Mario said, pulling down a shirt and putting it
in the suitcase.
“Mind your own business, Mario,” Peach said grumpily.
“Now give me that.”
“NOOO!” Luigi screeched, but he was too slow. Peach
picked up his precious laptop and held it over her head.
Being taller than Luigi, he couldn’t reach it.
“GIVE HIM TO ME!” Luigi screamed, leaping up and
down.
“Not until you get back.” Peach pulled the cover off the
attic, and standing on tiptoes, slid the computer into the
darkness.
“Computy!” Luigi cried, tears streaming down his cheeks,
“Noooooo!”
“You can have him back on Wednesday, once you get
home.” Peach said, before walking out of the room.
“Computy!!” Luigi cried, falling into his still empty
suitcase.
“Luigi, it’s not really the end of the world,” Mario said,
folding his pair of pants and then setting them in the
suitcase. “I haven’t gone on mine in like a month.”

“The poor neglected thing!” Luigi sniffed. He ripped a
random shirt off its hanger and slammed it into the corner
of his bag.
“You sure you wanna wear that?” Mario said, looking at
the shirt. It was a hot pink t-shirt, with a purple heart and
blue pony on it, reading “Pretty Pink Ponies.” “I dunno if
that’ll impress the criminals.”
“I want to express who I am!” Luigi said defensively.
“A four year old girl?” Mario said, raising his eyebrows.
“No, a proud fan of Pretty Pink Ponies,” Luigi said
stubbornly. He turned to his closet and started ruffling
through the shirts.
“Why don’t you wear something tough, like me,” Mario
said, holding up a tank top. “Like this.” He went into the
bathroom and squirted some red cherry soap on it, and
swirled it around.
“That just looks like someone stabbed you in the
stomach…” Luigi pointed out, grabbing a pair of purple
shorts.
“Yeah…hope that comes out.” Mario tossed the shirt into
the hamper and folded up a pair of pants. He threw them
into his bag, and zipped it.

“Well, we gotta leave, so hurry up, Luigi.” Mario dragged
his suitcase down the hall.
Soon enough the police car arrived. Mario hopped into the
backseat as the Officer put the suitcases in the trunk.
Luigi took out his iPhone and began to play.
“Hey, maybe I can beat Ducks vs. Geese in my free
time!” Luigi cried.
“It’s all free time, all you do is sit around.” Mario
remarked.
“It is?” Luigi said excitedly, “Then why is it punishment?
Awesome!”
“It’s punishment because you can’t visit anyone or leave
the jail.”
“So?” Luigi said, “Still sounds epic!”
Mario rolled his eyes. The police car rolled out of the
driveway, and drove down the road. Mario took one last
look back at the toads and Peach standing on the front
steps, before they rounded a corner.
“Alright,” the cop said. “I’m Officer Martin.”
“Hey,” Mario said flatly.
“Uh-huh,” Luigi said, not looking up from his eyePhone.
“C’mon, c’mon, die, die, DIE!” He pounded the screen.

The cop looked in the rearview mirror.
“Hey-” he said to Mario, “You look familiar.”
“I…do?” Mario said, realizing something. He was
supposed to be dead, and he was surrounded by cops.
“Yeah,” Officer Martin said, “Where have I seen you?”
“Nowhere,” Mario said quickly.
“Let’s see,” Martin said thoughtfully, “This week I’ve
gone to some criminal judging, and…and I went to a
funeral.”
“A-a funeral?” Mario said.
“Hey-Mario!” Luigi said, finally looking up from his
phone, “What a coincidence! We had your funeral this
week!” He had ignored Mario’s gesture’s to stop.
“Your funeral?” Martin said.
“Uh,” Mario said, elbowing Luigi in the ribs, “He’s not,
uh, exactly right in the head…”
“I’m right in my head!” Luigi howled angrily.
“Who was that funeral for, anyway?” Martin said.
“Mario!” Luigi said.
“Shut…it!” Mario hissed at Luigi.

“Oh, yeah!” Martin said, “It was some guy named Mario.
Were you at the funeral?”
“Mmm-hmm,” Mario said.
“Of course you were!” Luigi said, “Don’t you remember?
The funeral was for you!”
“THE FUNERAL WASN’T FOR ME!” Mario screamed,
winking at Luigi three times.
“Who was Mario, though?” Martin said.
“My-uh-cousin!” Mario said, “His last words were to me.
He said, uh, ‘I’m gonna miss you, uh-Frank.’”
“You changed your name to Frank?” Luigi said stupidly.
Mario began to pull his hair out. “Luigi, there’s gonna be
another dang soon if you don’t shut up!”
“Huh?” Luigi said.
“What’s your guy’s names?”
“Frank,” Mario said.
“Luigi!” Luigi said proudly, “And his is-”
“FRANK!” Mario screamed. “Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank,
FRANK!”
“Mario!” Luigi said, “His name is Mario!”

“Hang on, you and your cousin are Mario? But you just
said you were Frank!”
“Never trust a criminal!” Luigi said.
“You’re a criminal too, you idiot!” Mario howled.
“Wait-explain all this to me…” Martin said.
“THE FUNERAL WAS FOR HIM!” Luigi yelled, “HE
FAKED HIS DEATH!”
Mario unbuckled and leapt onto Luigi.
“You will die!” Mario screeched.
“Oh!” Martin said, “Tricky, tricky.” He pulled out his
walkie-talkie, and next thing they knew, Martin was
opening the door and marching them into the police
station for the third time in a week.
“Luigi, how-how the heck are you so…dumb?” Mario
asked.
“I cannot tell a lie,” Luigi said, “I had to confess!”
“Luigi, remind me to murder you when we get home.”
Mario said flatly. They went back into the room with the
dingy carpet and white striped wall they were in before,
and sat down in those hard plastic chairs.
Officer Martin pulled out his phone and dialed a number.
He put the phone to his ear.

“Yeah, I’m Officer Martin…uh, your husband’s brother
confessed to have faked Mario’s death for money, so…”
They heard Peach scold Luigi over the phone.
“That’s not a nice word!” Luigi said indignantly.
“Mmm,” Mario said.
“Yeah, uh-uh.” Officer Martin said. “Yep, alrighty then.
Ba-bye.” He hung up.
“Now, we wait.” Mario said.
A few minutes later, a Lamborghini pulled into the
parking lot.
“Well, I can see what you did with the money,” Officer
Martin said coldly.
Peach pulled open the heavy door, and walked inside,
furious.
“Luigi!” Peach said, narrowing her eyes, “Why? Why,
why, why, why, why?”
“I’m a good person!” Luigi said, smiling proudly.
“Yeah, be proud,” Mario sighed, “Be proud of being a
good for nothing, rotten tattletale!”
“I’m being a good person!” Luigi repeated stubbornly.

“Okay,” Officer Martin said once Peach had taken a seat
next to Mario, “We’ll take you in the next room. I need
some answers.” He gestured to Luigi.
“No!” Mario hissed, “No, don’t rat us out!”
“I’ll give you a lolli-pop!” Officer Martin said, waving
the glimmering ceramic bowl of Dumb-Dumbs. (I know
that’s spelled wrong, it’s a joke)
“Yaaaaay!” Luigi cried happily, leaping up and following
Officer Martin out into the hall. The heavy door swung
shut with a bang behind them.
“As my Granddad always told my family,” Mario said,
leaning back in his chair, “Luigi’s a dud.”
After a while, Luigi and Officer Martin came back in.
“Here you go,” Officer Martin said, holding out the bowl
of Dumb-Dumbs to Luigi. He picked out one, two, then
three lolli-pops, then handed them to each Mario and
Peach.
“Because you’re so nice to me!” Luigi said lovingly to
them.
“Oh, Luigi…” Peach said, standing up and hugging him.
“I know you’re just trying to do the right thing.” She
kissed him on the forehead.

“Trying?” Luigi said raising his eyebrows, “I’m doing the
right thing just fine!”
Peach chuckled. “I know.”
“I still think he’s just a dud,” Mario commented. Peach
scowled at him.
“Okay,” Martin said. He clapped his hands. “About the
crime. As you very well know, faking your death to get
money us illegal, so Mario, and Mario only, will be
charged with an extra month of jail.”
“What?!” Luigi gasped.
“I know,” Martin said, “You’ll just have to deal with not
seeing your…um…pal…for a month.”
“No, it’s not that!” Luigi cried, “I wanna be in jail too!”
“Why?” Martin said.
“So I can play on my phone!”
“You do know-” Martin began.
“I WANT TO!” Luigi howled.
“Suit yourself,” Martin said, rolling his eyes. “And Mario,
you will also have to give back the money.”
“Ah…” Mario said, “About that, um, we actually…spent
all of the, um, money.”

“I don’t care,” Martin said, “I just need $789,219.99 by
August 15.”
“How do you know that?” Mario gasped.
“Cops know everything,” he said.
“Like Mommies!” Luigi said happily, “And Santa!”
They all laughed, because even if they had just been fined
eight hundred thousand dollars, and been sentenced to a
month in jail, and had just been ratted out by their own
stupid brother, they knew that everything would be all
right. Because they were the Uh-Oh, Spaghettios. They
could survive anything.
~

~

~

A long story short, Mario did not like jail. And for Luigi,
well, let’s just say it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. He
spent a long, boring, and depressing month being bored
out of his mind, and worrying his brain out over
“Computy,” who was still in the attic. And he was deeply
disappointed when he wasn’t allowed a phone. As for
Mario, well, it was also worse than he expected, and he
had had pretty low expectations. He claims to this day
that his cell smelled funny. And Officer Martin always
brought Luigi the day’s newspaper, and gave Mario the
Yankee Flyer. And he gave Luigi lolli-pops. But neither
of them were allowed out.

A month later, they were released. It was a bright, sunny
August day. When they got home Luigi raced to the attic
and got his dust covered laptop, only to find the virus had
snuck back. Mario spent the whole day fixing that
computer.
As for Peach, well she spent the day filing a $750,000
bank loan. So instead of being rich, they were $750,000 in
the hole.
Unfortunately, that Uh-Oh Spaghettios optimism had
worn off, and it was back to normal. Toads causing
trouble, Luigi being obnoxious, Peach being annoyingly
forgiving to things Mario would have given a death
sentence to had he had the choice, and Yoshi, eating them
quite literally into the poor house.
As for making money, Luigi wasn’t fired from his job at
Paint-a-Picture, as the boss wasn’t exactly the sharpest
knife in the drawer, and understood Luigi’s need to play
Ducks vs. Geese, a game he was also a large fan of. So
the steady twenty bucks every time Luigi sold one of his
painting gave them something. Unfortunately, Mario’s
boss wasn’t quite as forgiving. He was stuck working
overtime for three months.

But eventually, they were only 600,000 dollars in the
hole, and that number was slowly decreasing. Until
finally, six years later, they had a solid twenty bucks.
They had twenty bucks! I doubt you’ll ever seen happier
people than Mario Luigi, and Princess Peach when Luigi
sold a copy of his painting, “Bros.” And for once Mario
didn’t criticize it, because if it wasn’t for Luigi’s awful
art, they wouldn’t have made twenty dollars. They all
celebrated with a wild party. Unfortunately, that party put
them back one hundred dollars. So they learned they
weren’t exactly the thriftiest people. And that’s just how
they were. Except for Mario, of course. Cuz according to
Luigi’s recent Wikipedia article, his family…is perfect.
And I’m not gonna argue with that. Not cuz it’s true, but
because last time I argued with Luigi…well, I didn’t
come out on the better end. And it’s also a little true.

THE END