State of the World Spiritual Address 2010

Jonathan Douglas Francois O'Haly 4/20/2010 What can I tell you that you haven't heard before? How can I awaken you to action? That great seed of higher consciousness that exists in each of us must sprout now. I can help provide you with the proper knowledge. I can show you how to cultivate the proper growing medium. I can tell you when to water, what season to plant in, etc. The proper information. There are things I can do. My words are like a raging forest fire burning down all of the great trees of spiritual knowledge. Only then is there room for us to grow. We don't understand the language of the past so we must seek for truth in our language. We must redefine truth and understanding for the present age. Things change, information is now transmitted via wifi. God is now dead. When god became a force that only scared people off of the great path then his demise became imminent. After living for more than 2000 years Jesus Christ has almost finally died as well. A man who was more of a myth than a man, even from his earliest years, has served almost no spiritual purpose for humanity. A man who right after his death was given great myth making that mirrored his life to the great sun gods that existed in all of the neighboring states thus making his religion more commercially viable. A man whose only religious reason is that u have to worship him or else you will face eternal damnation. Being the only religious figure to ever make such a claim has for a long time meant huge success in the spiritual industry. People have traditionally taken a better choose this religion approach to it because it's the only one you're really going to get fucked big time in if you don't. The other ones you don't have to worry about. So they're not really important. The worship him and then you are free from sin because the Romans killed

him ,and then later brutally took over his religion and institutionalized it, bit is clever as well. The free from sin bit has made getting to sleep at night a little easier for the large number of his priests that are child molesters. As it must have done for the corrupt Roman imperialists. Lately his super star status has been taking a huge hit as people realize that it's only hillbillies , rednecks, soccer players, and Mexicans who really believe in him. The Mexicans worship the Mother Mary more than him anyways. And he does look good on a candle. And he does have a Spanish name. Rednecks will probably always be believers and soccer players, well they'll believe in anything that might affect the outcome of the great game. So he's still around but he's fading. We have new spiritual superstars now. We have the Dalai Lama and Deepak. The Buddha, never a very exciting guy, is well, after a brief bit of excitement which started in the 60's, once more not a very exciting guy. Buddhists are incredibly boring people. People who think it makes sense to do things like stare at a wall for years at a time. The average person would probably rather party with Jews but not Roman Catholics because that could get dangerous if they decide to sacrifice you for some archaic Pagan spell in the ancient catacombs underneath the Vatican. Indian spirituality which has been gaining momentum lately because of the huge commercial success of Yoga is a surprising development. The spiritual worship of the Guru as the only means to enlightenment seems like something out of the last millennium. Giving your wives and your fortunes to some East Indian charlatan is a hilarious way to go out. Furthermore India is not the great spiritual haven that people would like to believe it is. It is the country with the caste system where the original race of India have been locked in the very lowest rungs of the caste system for

thousands of years. After having their country overrun by barbarian hordes, the Aryan invaders. Kind of like the caste system that Hitler wanted to implement in Germany. There's even swastikas on many temples all over India. Creepy. Shamanism has been making a huge comeback. Once the only religion on the planet, almost completely forgotten for a couple of millennium, now in fashion again for many people. However Shamanism is still way too mystical for most modern people to accept. Having telepathic conversations with nature's spirits is way too crazy for the modern man to consider. Shamanism mostly finds relevance with people who have done a lot of hallucinogenic drugs, a whole lot. The most significant development of late however would have to be robot worship. The extremely popular Zeitgeist movement having introduced the idea of developing a huge super computer that would make all of our decisions for us has become an extremely attractive idea to many. People now believe it is not technology that is responsible for environmental destruction but conversely it is our lack of technology that is. Humans can not make good decisions for various reasons and our salvation lies in the robot making decisions for us. These robot cultists are the same people who are most critical of religion and spirituality not realizing that they in fact are probably the most fervent religionists on the planet today. The number of us who now worship technology is staggering. Most people on this planet spend a good part of their day staring at or interacting with a computer, television, or video game console. The market for new technology is so huge that our level of technological sophistication is increasing rapidly. People already have sex with their computer. Think about the future. We can safely say that in the future we will either be ruled by self aware robots or we will become robots ourselves.

Communism is all the rage in South America now but the capitalists seem to be either sleeping or just not powerful enough anymore to do anything about it. Their great victory, finally defeating the specter of Communism, seems a celebration of irony now that the Chinese are taking over the Western World. Marx once a religious icon of maybe even greater importance than J.C. himself seems to have completely disappeared. Communists don't talk about him, new movements like Zeitgeist aren't either. Only Obama bashers are left paying him any sort of lip service. Poor Karl. The guy who took the blame for the rise of evil Communist dictators like Stalin is gone. He's actually the one guy out of all the religious wack jobs here who deserves some attention. There are obviously many important spiritual trends that I haven't considered here. The Buddha and Jesus are important spiritual influences in my own personal life. I'm just looking at their relevance in the modern imagination in a light hearted fashion. Somebody was telling me the other day about a buddy of theirs who was seriously worshiping Odin and that went off in my head like a light bulb kind of thing. For me, 1. Pagans of all religious people are all about partying and 2. being able to tell people you are worshiping some now irrelevant ancient deity would be awesome. Like excuse me for a sec, I have to make an offering to the ancient Sumerian fertility goddess that protects me and guides my life. Sounds ridiculous yes but probably not anymore than getting your Roomba to make decisions for you.