Reviewers: Nadiah Rayyes Lucas Marcondes Ariana Locido

Writer: Leah Hampton

Peer Review: Photographic Memory Narrative

Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd
like to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions
here)
Does this feel more like a summary instead of a story? How can I improve that?

Do I need to add more characterization? (Trying to avoid flat characters)

Conflict
1. Does the narrative have conflict or tension? Remember, we want to share the
complex, messy realities of our experience, not the Instagram version. Explain.
Yes, the conflict is about her relationship with her brother and the tension there
and rethinking her relationship
Persuasiveness
2. Are you persuaded to sympathize with the narrator (the writer)? Have they
crafted themselves into complex characters, or do they feel flat and vague?
Provide examples from the text and explain.
Good job explaining how she felt about how her situation changed when her
brother came along. Relates to how people feel about their siblings.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich? Is the essay
turning the familiar on its head or should these phrases be reworked so they are
striking and novel?
Na
4. In our practice Peer Review, we discussed how the author was summarizing her
experience, rather than slowing down and crafting a narrative. We concluded that
what she had written wasnt the story she needed to tell. Do the storys
constraintsits framing, what includes and leaves outfeel comfortable? Would
a narrower version of the story be more effective? Explain.
Really captured the elements of a story.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their characters or setting. Why are these so powerful?
The part where the brother and sister were playing beany babies with each other.
Because it demonstrates their relationship.
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create genuine interest? Does it fall into the trap of
being vague context, and the story really begins in the second paragraph or
later? Why?
You can relate to the characters and situation which makes you want to read
more.

7. Does the essay illustrate the writers revelation or evolution? How?

Yes, during the part where the main character wants to make up for her past
mistakes.

Most Successful Passage

8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
We were the god and goddess of our own little world shows strong imagery and
relates to childhood games.
Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy or pretentious (needlessly esoteric or verbose).
Editing
10. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
Title and heading
Other
11. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.
Small editing work.
Next Steps
12. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.