The New Face of Infidelity

Research shows women may be cheating now almost as much as

men; the toll of new temptations

ENLARGE

Researchers believe that the incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of
husbands. MILLENNIUM IMAGES

By
PEGGY DREXLER
Oct. 19, 2012 8:16 p.m. ET

Some 60 years ago, Alfred Kinsey delivered a shock to midcentury sexual sensibilities when he
reported that at some point in their marriages, half of the men and a quarter of the women in the
U.S. had an extramarital affair. No one puts much stock in Dr. Kinsey's high numbers any more

his sampling methods suffered from a raging case of selection biasbut his results fit the
long-standing assumption that men are much more likely to cheat than women.
Lately, however, researchers have been raising doubts about this view: They believe that the
incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of husbands. The lasting costs
of these betrayals will be familiar to the many Americans who have experienced divorce as
spouses or children.
23%

Men who reported being unfaithful in their marriages in a 2011 survey

Among the most reliable studies on this issue is the General Social Survey, sponsored by the
National Science Foundation, which has been asking Americans the same questions since 1972.
In the 2010 survey, 19% of men said that they had been unfaithful at some point during their
marriages, down from 21% in 1991. Women who reported having an affair increased from 11%
in 1991 to 14% in 2010.
A 2011 study conducted by Indiana University, the Kinsey Institute and the University of Guelph
found much less of a divide: 23% for men and 19% for women. Such numbers suggest the
disappearance of the infidelity gender gap, but some caution is in order.
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An enduring problem for researcherseven those who sample with meticulous careis that any
such survey is asking for confessions from people who are presumably lying to their spouses.
Researchers generally believe that actual infidelity numbers are higher than the results indicate.
It should also be emphasized that cheating in the U.S. isn't epidemic or inevitable, for either sex.
Surveys consistently find that by far the majority of respondents value monogamy and think that
infidelity is harmful. And if you believe the General Social Survey's finding that 14% of women
are cheating, keep in mind that 86% aren't.

Still, even though survey accuracy is difficult to achieve and experts are by no means unanimous,
it would appear that women are, indeed, catching up. In my own work as a psychologist and in
my social circle, I see more women not only having affairs but actively seeking them out. Their
reasons are familiar: validation of their attractiveness, emotional connection, appreciation, ego
not to mention the thrill of a shiny new relationship, unburdened by the long slog through the
realities of coupledom.
19%

Women who reported being unfaithful in their marriages

Source: Archives of Sexual Behavior

Researchers also point to other factors that might be leading women to stray more. One is what
might be called "infidelity overload." Scan the plots on any given week in television, and there
seems to be more extramarital sex than marital sex. (Few spouses stay put in "Mad Men.") With
women portrayed as eager participants and aggressive instigators, there may be a feeling that
infidelity has become more acceptable.
And then there is the opportunity factormore travel, more late nights on the job and more
interaction with men mean that the chances and temptations to stray have multiplied for the new
generation of working women.
A 2011 study at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, published in the journal Psychological
Science, argues that infidelity is also a function of greater economic and social power, which
creates confidence and personal leverage for both genders. Women can now use their power in
ways to which men have long been accustomed.
A broader cultural shift may also be at work. According to a Match.com study conducted earlier
this year by the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, women are becoming less traditional
about relationships. Men, interestingly, may be going the other direction. In the survey, 77% of
women in a committed relationship said they needed personal space, as opposed to 58% of men.
While 35% of women wanted regular nights out with friends, only 23% of men said the same.

Social networks are another factor, if only by expanding the pool of possible partners. Emotional
friendships that turn physical are the traditional point of entry for female affairs. It is now easy
for those friendships to take root online. Some argue that social networks are merely an expediter
and that cheaters will always find a way. Still, if you've never quite gotten over your prom date,
today the chances are much better that you can find him.
Do women account for more of today's affairs? Probably. But in a society that has been
preaching, legislating and celebrating gender equality for decades, equality in marital misdeeds
might be expected too.
Dr. Drexler is an assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical
College and author, most recently, of "Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the
Changing American Family."