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Essence Williams

March 4 , 2016
Written Communication II
Dr.Wynne

Using data from many different researches have allowed me to examine all aspects of
divorce. Many people assume that marriages are discontinued due to infidelity , however studies
and statistics show that this is false. Studies reveal how mis communication , financial
wellbeing , financial disagreement and infidelity are main causes of divorce. In the past divorce
was something that was looked down upon and considered unacceptable , however in todays
society it is an occurrence that is not very rare. Not only is divorce increasing in todays society
for many reasons , but infidelity seems to be the least of the problem. Lack of communication
seems to be more problematic in a relationship than cheating. In addition children can be effect
by the legal aspects of a divorce .These psychological problems can be both long term and short
term and appear in numerous ways. In order to fully understand the divorce we must first
consider these questions .

1. What are the main causes of divorce ?


2. What are the psychological effects divorce has on children?
3. What race is most likely to get a divorce ?

What are the main causes of a divorce ?


Marriages often end in divorce due to finances and lack of communication.Many people
assume that infidelity is the top reason for divorce however it is mis communication that

ultimately results in the separation of a union. A survey was done that confirms that the mis
communication was most common factor to divorce. One hundred mental health professionals
found that communication problems was cited as the most common factor leads to divorce ( 65
percent) (2016 The Huffington Post) . (see Figure 1 ) Figure 1 : This graph shows the
percentage of the survey that was taken out of 100 health professionals and reflects of the
question What are the main causes of divorce?

It is lack of communication that is responsible for internal separation of a marriage. In a marriage


or in any relationship communication is the key to success ; however in the case that you lack
this major skill it can result in a dissolution of a marriage. Divorce is commonly done because
of this lack of being able to talk openly to each other and express their feelings and emotions
( Isai). She explains that A good communication between couples consist in listening and
understanding each others problems and needs( Isai). The absence of communication can lead to
lack of compromise.

The result of bad communication can lead to a build up of things

[such as ] the couple may start to avoid each others problems due to the fact that they know
their spouse will not understand(Isai). Having effective communication is important in any

relationship and can make conversing much easier. Communication is much more than
exchanging information but actually understanding and processing what the person said to come
up with an appropriate response. They often use the phrase It is not what you say but how you
say and this saying is very useful when trying to communicate effectively . Communication
consist of may skills that are needed to make the person youre talking to feel comfortable .Being
able to be a good listener , body language and responding. Research shows that The foundation
of good communication is built during the wedding planning process ( OGrady). He elaborates
on how In the process of planning the wedding if the communication tends to be one sided it
sets the marriage up for failure ( Grady). In this article he discusses the meaning of a lazy
communication in which he states this is when you aren't building the house of your
marriage on a solid foundation but instead a quicksand (Grady). A solid foundation in a
marriage is very crucial , and if you lack in that area than your marriage will quickly fall . It is
important that both people in the marriage contribute to decision making to avoid
communication meltdowns which is a bad habit . Not one person in the relationship should be
making all of the decisions , instead it should be a joint effort in which both of the spouse work
together.

Money and stress seem to go hand to hand when discussing divorce . Aside from lack of
communication , finances can cause stress in a marriage which can eventually lead to divorce.
Seth Meyers Psy.D. expresses that differences in money management styles between two
partners can ruin a marriage ( Meyers). Depending on how your partner decides to manage

your money can cause problems. For instance , if your partner is an emotional shopper who does
not spend wisely however you are the opposite ,this can have a negative effect on the marriage.
He points out some signs of bad money management : (Meyers)
you are almost always worried about money
you have a penchant for expensive things
you have credit card debt even though you make a decent salary
you have an expensive car but dont yet own a home or condominium
If a money issue is appearing in a marriage it is important to confront the issue head on so
that you can handle it and come up with a solution before it gets too late. Sonya Britt , a Kansas
University researcher found couples who argued about money early in their relationships
regardless of their income, debt or net worth were at a greater risk for divorce(Britt). Many
married couples also find issues in who has control over the main source of income. Unstable
income and inconsistent funds can put stress on a marriage and force one person to work harder
than the other. Managing money responsibly can causes less problems in a marriage . Though
money is a major problem when it comes to divorce if you analyze the financial problems you
can fix the areas in a marriage where you are failing in.
Grady says , Divorce is caused by lack of communication and it takes a strong
foundation to have a successful marriage on the other hand Meyers says finances and issues
with money management often lead to divorce .Research shows that miscommunication and
financial disagreement are things are the main causes of divorce. It is advised to understand and
respect each others financial beliefs and to decrease the stress communicate with each other . I
decided to interview my father , Alfred Williams , who has been divorced twice .When

Interviewing my father I asked him What do you think is the main cause of divorce?. He starts
with saying divorce can stem fro many aspects such as lack of communication, infidelity ,
finances and spiritual differences. He explains that when two people who come from two
different places marry each other they have to learn to except each other for who they are . If two
individuals do not remove the things in their life that are not conducive then they will have
problems. Your partner is going to expect certain things out of you that you are not used to , this
is when you start to compromise and positively change. If you communicate with your partner
about your problems in the relationship than things will be easier. He says that Communication
is key and without this your partner will not be able to come to common grounds and fix things
(Williams).
What are the psychological effects divorce has on children ?
Aside from the things that cause a divorce there are numerous effects that come with it
.Not only are the parents effected from this legal process but the children have both a long and
short term effect as well . In order to have a healthy transition from married to divorce you must
take proper steps in helping not only yourself but your children get comfortable with the
decision they had no control of. Carl E .Pickhardt Ph.D states Divorce introduces a massive
change into the life of a boy or girl no matter what the age. When children witness the lost of
love between their parents changes will start to arise whether it is long term or short term.
Having parents break their marriage commitment , adjusting to going back and forth two
different households , and the daily absence of one parent while living with the other , all create a
challenging new family circumstance in which to live ( Pickhardt). Children will quickly start to realize

that nothing will be the same again and that life will significantly change . Micheal Shaffran suggest The
stress that this [divorce] causes the children can lead to anxiety , depression , substance abuse , delinquent
behavior and teen pregnancy by girls. She also explains how children feel like it is their fault for the
divorce , One of the major problems for the children of divorce is that they blame themselves often and
think : Its my fault that my parents ate divorcing (Shaffran). The children often start to point all the
things in themselves that could have caused the parents to get a divorce which re mostly negative. Some
younger children make start to wet the bed or even have academic problems or troubles in school .
Depending on the relationship with the parent the effect on the child will be different , some children will
start to side with one parenting blaming the other for the reason of divorce. Divorce has a very powerful
effect psychologically on children , however if even came across A good therapist can help work though
their guilt , restore their self esteem and help them resolve anxiety , depression , substance abuse and any
harmful thoughts or behaviors that might have as a result of the devastating effects that separation and/ or
divorce have on them and their family unit ( Shaffran).
Which Race dose divorce occur the most ?
Divorce is constantly occurring in marriages all over the world , however we often ask where is
it happening the most ?/Statics have shown that African Americans are less likely to get married and
more likely to get divorced , according to experts who have studied divorce rates around the United States
( Moore). This research biggest indicators are age , poverty and level of education. Divorce among
black couples is ore prevalent than it is among whites or hispanics couples ( Moore / Demographic
Research). Professor Andrew Cherlin explains how Blacks are more likely to get divorce because ,first
they are poorer. This statement refers me back to reasons of divorce which is finances . When a couple is
not financially stable is it more likely for them to divorce . Stress in the marriage cause this because

finance is important whether it is managing it or not having enough of it can cause serious issues in a
relationship.
In conclusion , although divorce is increasing there are many ways we can stop this from
occurring . Communication is key and without this in a relationship it will be almost impossible. Money
management is crucial , you must be respectful of each others financial beliefs and equally have control
of the income. To add , when choices are being made in a family environment everyone around you are
effected , from the parents to the children . If not positively handle in a proper manner it can cause long
term effects on the child. Divorce rates in African American couples care decrease if these reasons for
divorce improve . Every problems has a solution , biblical the order of God is God , the husband as the
head , the wife and then the children . Family is everything and once you say your vows , you should try
to do anything possible to keep the marriage together.

Reference Page

- "The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children." The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children.
Web. 22 Apr. 2016.

- "Counseling of a Child Benefits - Google Search." Counseling of a Child Benefits - Google Search. Web.
22 Apr. 2016.

- "Dr. Dennis O'Grady." Avoid Communication MeltdownsThe Leading Cause Of Divorce . Web. 22
Apr. 2016.

- Wong, Brittany. "Poor Communication Is The #1 Reason Couples Split Up: Survey." The Huffington
Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com. Web. 22 Apr. 2016.