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Written By: Will Schifrin and Ray DeLaurentis
Circle Take Action: September 25, 2008
cc : Bu tch Hartman, Ray DeLaurentis, Kevin Su llivan , Ed Valen tin e, Dave Thomas, George Goodchild, Deirdre Brenner, Ja ck Kinman, Dia na LaGra ndeur, Sara Jerzykowski, Kelly Matten , Ken Mu, Ilia na Friedson, Rich Magalla nes, Kelly Ga rdner, Sta cey Kim, Ma ry anne Dacey , a nd Lorena Gallego
Copyright 2008, MTV Networks, a division of Via com Inc. All Rights Reserved. This sc ript/ story board is the property of MTV Networks a nd may not be copied or distribu ted without the express written permission of MTV Networks. This copy of the sc ript remains the property of MTV Networks. It ma y not be sold or tra nsferred and it mu st be retu rned to MTV Networks promptly upon demand. THE WRITING/ STORYBOARDING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED FOR P UBLICATION OR ADVERTISING PURP OSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING WITH THE MTV NETWORKS' BUSINESS AND LEGAL AFFAIRS DEPARTMENT.
FADE IN: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - DAY CLOSE ON - WANDA and TIMMY, who wear SURGICAL MASKS and SCRUBS as they appear to be doing surgery. We hear a life support system <BEEPING>. It gets progressively louder. 1 WANDA Sponge. (Timmy hands her a sponge) Powder. (Timmy hands her powder) Clothespin. Timmy puts a CLOTHESPIN on Wanda’s nose, as we reveal they’re changing POOF’s diaper. The loud <BEEPING> makes Wanda wince. WIDEN to see: COSMO BEEPING loudly in Wanda’s ear. 2 Cosmo! WANDA (CONT’D) What are you doing?
3 COSMO I’m helping - duh. 4 WANDA If you wanna help, help us change Poof’s diaper. 5 COSMO Okay! I’ll change it to a puppy! Cosmo raises his wand and changes Poof’s diaper into a WOLVERINE, which leaps on Timmy with a <SNARL>. 6 TIMMY That’s a wolverine! 7 COSMO Silly Timmy. This is a wolverine. Cosmo poofs up an “ELECTRIC WALRUS”. It fires ELECTRICITY from its flippers, zaps Wanda and Timmy and trashes the room. 8 Aaah! TIMMY That’s an electric walrus!
9 COSMO Well, they both start with a “K”. 10 WANDA That’s it! Cosmo, go sit in the corner where you can’t do anymore damage.
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Cosmo sits on a STOOL in the corner. He notices a NAIL sticking out of corner of the baseboard. 11 COSMO Ooh! I can add this to my loose nail collection. Cosmo pulls the nail out. EXT. TURNER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS The house collapses. Wanda and Timmy are under a huge PILE OF RUBBLE. Poof floats next to them in a new diaper. 12 WANDA Cosmo! You’re not helping! Just go! 13 COSMO Fine. I can take a hint. I don’t need a house to fall on me. 14 TIMMY It fell on us! 15 COSMO Whatever, Mr. Lint-picker. 16 WANDA You mean nit-picker! 17 COSMO There you go again. Come on, Poof!
Offended, Cosmo poofs out with Poof. EXT. PARK - DAY Cosmo poofs Poof onto one end of a SEESAW. 18 COSMO Well, at least we’re away from those lint-pickers. Now how about a super-fun seesaw partner? Cosmo raises his wand. A BLUE WHALE falls from the sky and lands on the seesaw across from Poof, shooting him upwards. 19 COSMO (CONT’D) Whoa. That’s one big chicken. I’ll save you, Poof! Cosmo flies after Poof, who bounces harmlessly off of BUILDINGS and a SMOKESTACK. Cosmo follows, toppling the smokestack. SMOKE billows.
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Cosmo blindly flies into a CLOTHESLINE. He gets tangled in UNDERWEAR and a TOWEL. ANGLE ON - CHET UBETCHA reporting. 20 CHET UBETCHA Chet Ubetcha with the weather report. It’s raining babies. Chet opens an UMBRELLA. ANGLE ON - Cosmo, now wearing an UNDERWEAR MASK and TOWEL CAPE, swoops in and heroically grabs Poof. 21 Gotcha! COSMO (O.S.)
22 CHET UBETCHA Well, stick me in a dress and call me Sally! A floating something just saved that baby. It looks like Dimmsdale has its very own superhero! Who are you, masked something? PEOPLE crowd around as CAMERAS push in. 23 COSMO (nervously to Poof) Uh-oh! Fairies aren’t supposed to reveal their existence. 24 CHET UBETCHA Well? Tell us your name! world wants to know! 25 COSMO Uh...It’s not Cosmo. 26 CHET UBETCHA Don’t you mean...“Super Not Cosmo”? 27 Okay! COSMO The
28 CHET UBETCHA People of Dimmsdale, let’s hear it for Super Not Cosmo! The crowd of people <CHEER> and <APPLAUD>. Lying on his side, the whale <CLAPS> his flippers. Cosmo beams, feeling proud.
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INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - MINUTES LATER The house has been totally rebuilt. as Wanda hammers it into the wall. Timmy holds a final nail
29 TIMMY There. The house is good as new. It’s like Cosmo was never here. Cosmo (still in his underwear mask and cape) bursts through the wall superhero-style, holding Poof. 30 COSMO Greetings, citizens of Timmy’s room! (gives Poof to Wanda) Fear not, madam. Super Not Cosmo has saved your baby from a giant chicken! 31 WANDA Cosmo, what are you talking about? And why is there underwear on your face? ...Again. 32 COSMO Who’s this “Cosmo” you speak of? I’m Super Not Cosmo. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom. I mean, my super secret lair. Cosmo exits to the bathroom. O.S. a toilet FLUSHES. Cosmo reenters wearing Clark Kent GLASSES over his underwear mask. 33 COSMO (CONT’D) Hey, did someone say Super Not Cosmo was here? I wouldn’t know since I’m just a mild mannered Average Joe. In fact, that’s my name: “Mild Mannered Average Joe”. Cosmo steps back into the bathroom and SLAMS the door shut. 34 COSMO (O.S.) (CONT’D) Fools! They fell for my clever disguise. Timmy sits on his bed. 35 TIMMY We can hear you. (to Wanda) If he wants to be a superhero, let him. He’s not hurting anyone.
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37 COSMO (O.S.) A cat’s in trouble! To the Super Not Cosmo Copter! One end of Timmy’s bed suddenly springs up, smashing him against the wall. Cosmo flies a MINI-HELICOPTER from a secret passageway under the bed and rockets out the window. EXT. OLD WOMAN’S YARD - DAY An OLD WOMAN looks at a CAT <MEOWING> in a high branch of a TREE. Cosmo roars in, flying the Cosmo Copter. 38 COSMO Super Not Cosmo to the rescue! Cosmo extends a MECHANICAL CLAW from his Cosmo Copter. He snatches the cat and hands it to the old lady. 39 COSMO (CONT’D) Here you go, really old lady! You and your kitty are happily reunited! 40 OLD WOMAN It’s not my cat! 41 COSMO No need to thank me! Seeing you two together is my reward. Cosmo flies off. PAN DOWN TO - Chet Ubetcha, on the scene.
42 CHET UBETCHA Well, stick me in a kilt and call me Sally! Super Not Cosmo has saved the day again! BEHIND CHET - The cat clings to the old lady’s face. 43 OLD WOMAN Oh, please get off! CLOSE ON: An image of Cosmo’s face in his underpants mask. The image spins (a la Batman), TRANSITIONING us to: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - DAY Wanda poofs out of the FISH BOWL holding Poof.
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44 WANDA You know, sport, with Cosmo off doing his superhero stuff, I’m really getting a lot more done. I wrote a rock opera and taught the electric walrus to river dance. The walrus dances by. Timmy’s on his bed with a BAG OF GOLD. 45 TIMMY And I had time to clean out my sock drawer. I found a bag of gold! 46 MAN (O.S.) Help! The dam is bursting! 47 COSMO (O.S.) To the Super Not Cosmo Car! Timmy’s bed flies up again, smashing him into the ceiling. Cosmo drives out from under Timmy’s bed in a tricked out SUPER-HERO CAR. Super Not Cosmo SPINNING TRANSITION TO: EXT. DIMMSDALE DAM - CONTINUOUS A CRACK forms in a huge DAM, which starts to leak. Ubetcha reports from the scene. 48 CHET UBETCHA Chet Ubetcha with a special bulletin. The Dimmsdale Dam is breaking! In other news, I didn’t even know we had a dam! Cosmo zooms in driving the Cosmo Car. Two MECHANICAL ARMS shoot out of the car and place a GIANT BAND-AID (with Super Not Cosmo’s face on it) over the crack. 49 CHET UBETCHA (CONT’D) Well, stick me in a wet suit and call me Aqua Sally! Super Not Cosmo, thanks for saving us again! 50 COSMO You betcha, Aqua Sally! Super Not Cosmo SPINNING TRANSITION TO: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - NEXT DAY Timmy, Wanda and Poof (in a HIGH CHAIR) sit at a banquet table eating a FEAST. They are dressed as ENGLISH ARISTOCRATS with POWDERED WIGS. Timmy and Wanda speak in English accents. CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYS. Chet
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51 WANDA I say, Timmy, life is so much more civilized with Cosmo not around. 52 TIMMY Quite right, Wanda. Oh Jeeves, may I have some more Beef Wellington? The Walrus dressed as a BUTLER offers Timmy BEEF WELLINGTON. 53 TIMMY (CONT’D) What shall we do until the next fox hunt? 54 WANDA I don’t know. I dare say without Cosmo around, perhaps we have too much free time on our hands. 55 TIMMY Well, this superhero nonsense can’t last forever. With any luck, Cosmo’s over it by now. 56 WOMAN (O.S.) Help! The volcano’s erupting! 57 COSMO (O.S.) To the Super Not Cosmo-Sub! Timmy jerks his chair away from his bed. But this time the bed flips open sideways, smashing Timmy in his chair. Cosmo shoots from under the bed in a MINI-SUB. EXT. MOUNT SAINT DIMMSDALE VOLCANO - DAY LAVA bubbles up from a huge VOLCANO. Chet Ubetcha reports.
58 CHET UBETCHA Chet Ubetcha here at the Dimmsdale Volcano, which is right next to the dam I never knew we had! I have really got to get out more! Is there anyone who can help? Say it with me people! PULL BACK - To reveal a CROWD. 59 CHET AND CROWD Super Not Cosmo! Super Not Cosmo! In his Cosmo-Sub, Cosmo flies to the top of the volcano.
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Two giant mechanical arms extend from the sub and stick a CORK (with Super Not Cosmo’s face on it) in the volcano. Everyone <CHEERS>. Cosmo zooms off in his Sub. 60 CHET UBETCHA Come back soon, Super Not Cosmo! This is Chet Ubetcha saying, gosh, I like that guy. Super Not Cosmo SPINNING TRANSITION TO: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - LATER Timmy, Wanda and Poof still sit at the banquet table dressed as English nobility. They still talk in English accents. 61 WANDA ...So I asked the Duke of Cornwall, “Do you really have a wall made of corn?” 62 TIMMY Wanda, don’t take this the wrong way, but without Cosmo around you’ve become a crashing bore. 63 WANDA Oh really? Well, take that. Wanda hurls MASHED POTATOES at Timmy. Timmy hurls a CHUNK OF BEEF back at her, accidentally splattering Poof. Poof fills his mouth with PEAS and fires them machine gun style at Timmy and Wanda. An all out food fight erupts. Cosmo bursts through the wall, his arms extended like a superhero. He knocks down Timmy and Wanda. Timmy and Wanda drop their accents. 64 WANDA (CONT’D) Cosmo, I’m glad you’re back! 65 TIMMY Why don’t you hang out for a while. You can help me throw scones at Wanda. Wanda hits Timmy with a slab of Beef Wellington. 66 COSMO I’m afraid I don’t have time. I need to use the bathroom where my superhero lair is not. Cosmo floats into the bathroom and shuts the door.
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Wanda, Timmy and Poof follow and open the door to reveal: INT. TIMMY’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS The room is a huge CAVE with CRYSTAL SPIKES everywhere, high tech COMPUTERS and a TOILET. Cosmo has taken off his glasses. 68 COSMO Aah! How did you guys discover my secret lair? You guys must be criminal masterminds! 69 TIMMY What is all this stuff? 70 COSMO My super crime fighting computer, my super crime fighting toilet, and of course, my faithful butler, Wolfie. WOLFIE, the wolverine, crawls up <GROWLING>, with a SILVER TEA SERVICE TRAY strapped to his back. Cosmo sips TEA. 71 COSMO (CONT’D) He may have tried to eat me in my sleep, but at least he never told me to go sit in the corner. 72 WANDA Cosmo, we’re sorry about that. But we miss you. 73 TIMMY Yeah, and it’s boring without you around. 74 COSMO Sorry, but the people of Dimmsdale need me. Cosmo points to the skylight. 75 COSMO (O.S.) (CONT’D) Look! It’s the Super Not Cosmo signal! Someone’s in trouble! Timmy and Wanda look up to see the Super Not Cosmo INSIGNIA (Cosmo’s face in silhouette) in the sky. They look back to Cosmo, who is shining the signal with a FLASHLIGHT.
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76 TIMMY You’re signaling yourself! 77 COSMO Maybe... or maybe that’s what the criminals want you to think! Anyway, it’s only a matter of time before someone needs my help. 78 CHET UBETCHA (O.S.) Help me, Super Not Cosmo! 79 COSMO I’m coming, Sally! Cosmo rockets through the wall. cornering Timmy and Wanda. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - DAY Chet Ubetcha stands in a parking lot with a SHOPPING BAG. 80 CHET UBETCHA I’m at the mall and I can’t remember where I parked my car! Is there anyone who can help me? Cosmo swoops in and scoops up Chet. 81 COSMO I’ll save you, Sally! You can see the whole parking lot from here. 82 CHET UBETCHA Thank you, Super Not Cosmo! Chet clings to Cosmo (Lois Lane style) as they soar into the sky above the MALL. MUSIC PLAYS (a la Superman carrying Lois Lane music) as they fly together, passing MOUNT RUSHMORE, the STATUE OF LIBERTY, the EIFFEL TOWER, BIG BEN, and the GREAT PYRAMIDS. We hear RUMBLING. Chet sees the Band-Aid pop off the Dimmsdale Dam. The dam breaks, flooding the town. 83 CHET UBETCHA (CONT’D) Oh no! It appears the dam I didn’t know we had has burst! We hear another RUMBLE. Chet sees the giant cork pop off the volcano. Lava blasts out and flows down toward the city. 84 CHET UBETCHA (CONT’D) More bad news! The volcano next to the dam I didn’t know we had has erupted! The wolverine GROWLS,
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PEOPLE <FLEE IN TERROR> from lava and the flood. Chet listens to incoming news though his EAR PIECE. 85 CHET UBETCHA (CONT’D) This just in! The cat rescued by Super Not Cosmo was in fact the rare, Dimmsdale tree cat! When removed from its tree, it attacks anything that’s running and screaming! ON THE CAT - As it <HISSES> and leaps onto the heads of running, <SCREAMING> citizens. BACK TO - Chet reporting. 86 CHET UBETCHA (CONT’D) Ladies and gentlemen, it appears Super Not Cosmo is a super zero! PULL BACK - To see Cosmo, still holding Chet. 87 COSMO Well, at least I saved that cat. 88 CHET UBETCHA Everything he’s done has backfired! In this reporter’s opinion, Super Not Cosmo should sit in the corner! As Cosmo looks down he sees an ANGRY MOB below. 89 CITIZENS Sit in the corner! Sit in the corner! Sit in the corner! 90 COSMO Wanda and Timmy were right. I’m nothing but trouble. There’s your car, Sally. Cosmo drops Chet into the volcano. Chet <SCREAMS>. UP ABOVE, Cosmo scribbles a NOTE, folds it into a PAPER AIRPLANE, then throws it. He sadly floats off. INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS Timmy, Wanda and Poof watch the disaster on TV. 91 WANDA Whoa. This is bad even for Cosmo. 92 TIMMY I wish the town was back to normal.
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Wanda waves her wand. Poof! QUICK SHOTS: The dam seals; the volcano stops erupting; the cat returns to its tree. Cosmo’s paper airplane flies through the window. Wanda reads it. 93 WANDA “Dear Family, I’m going away forever. Or three weeks. Whichever comes first.” Poof looks on sadly. 94 TIMMY Don’t worry, Poof! We’ll find him!
EXT. DIMMSDALE HIGHWAY - SUNRISE Cosmo sadly floats out of town with his HOBO STICK, as Wolfie walks next to him with the TEA SET on his back. As Cosmo speaks, he obliviously passes crimes happening all around him: BANDITS holding up a TRAIN; VIKINGS using a BATTERING RAM to break down the door of a BANK; Crocker stealing a LOLLIPOP from a BABY in a CARRIAGE. 95 COSMO Let’s face it, Wolfie. This town never needed a superhero anyway. It’s the safest place on earth. (then; to a Viking) Want some tea, Mr. Viking? Cosmo offers a tea cup from Wolfie’s back to the Viking. EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS Timmy, Wanda and Poof look for Cosmo. 96 TIMMY/WANDA/POOF Cosmo?/Da-da... 97 WANDA We’ve searched the whole town and there’s still no sign of Cosmo. What are we gonna do? 98 TIMMY Well, Cosmo felt needed as a superhero. So we need to make him feel needed again. I know! If we wanna bring him back, we need to create a super villain! Wanda nods and raises her wand.
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EXT. DIMMSDALE MAIN STREET - MOMENTS LATER MILK MAN (a MILKMAN themed ROBOT with MILK CANNONS for hands) lumbers down the street. Timmy controls Milk Man with a REMOTE, creating a booming voice through a mic. Wanda and Poof float by Timmy’s side. 99 MILK MAN I am Milk Man, delivering destruction in three flavors -regular, chocolate and delicious holiday eggnog! He blasts PEOPLE with milk. 100 WANDA Milk Man? What kind of super villain is that? 101 TIMMY The lamest one I could think of. Which makes him perfect for Cosmo! Poof shines the Cosmo signal into the sky. EXT. DIMMSDALE HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Cosmo sees the Super Not Cosmo signal and turns to Wolfie. 102 COSMO Could it be, Wolfie? Do the people of Dimmsdale really need me? Wolfie <GROWLS>. 103 COSMO (CONT’D) I don’t speak Spanish, but I’ll take that as a yes. Super Not Cosmo to the rescue! Cosmo flies toward a tree. It opens, revealing a POLE. He slides down the pole and emerges at the base in his COSTUME. EXT. DIMMSDALE MAIN STREET - SECONDS LATER Milk Man continues blasting milk at people, who just stand there scratching their heads. Milk Man stumbles into a TELEPHONE WIRE, shorting himself out. He turns his milk cannons toward Timmy, Wanda and Poof and fires milk at them. A blast of milk knocks Wanda’s wand and Timmy’s remote out of their hands.
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104 TIMMY Uh-oh. This wasn’t part of the plan! Timmy, Wanda and Poof flee from the Milk Man. Cosmo (now back in his mask and cape) flies in heroically. 105 COSMO This is a job for Super Not Cosmo! Leave my family alone, Mail Man! Milk Man aims his milk cannons at Cosmo. 106 COSMO (CONT’D) Super Cork power! Cosmo poofs into his Cosmo Sub, and plugs the cannons with corks. 107 COSMO (CONT’D) Super bandage power! Cosmo poofs into his Cosmo Car and cuffs Milk Man’s ankles with a bandage, causing him to trip. Milk Man falls to the ground and EXPLODES. Milk pours everywhere. 108 COSMO (CONT’D) And now to clean up this mess: Here kitty, kitty... The tree dwelling cat leaps into view and begins lapping up the milk. Everyone <CHEERS>. ON CHET UBETCHA - at the scene. 109 CHET UBETCHA This is Sally Ubetcha with breaking news: Super Not Cosmo isn’t a super zero after all! INT. COSMO’S BATHROOM LAIR - LATER Timmy and his fairies are back together again. wears his superhero costume. 110 TIMMY You saved us, Super Not Cosmo. really are a superhero. You Cosmo still
111 COSMO Trouble is, lately I haven’t been a super dad, a super husband, a super godparent or a even a supermarket. Cosmo poofs off his costume and poofs the lair back into Timmy’s bathroom.
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112 COSMO (CONT’D) My superhero days are over. Fighting bad guys like The Mail Man was cool, but I’d rather be with you guys: my family. 113 WANDA Speaking of helping, how about changing Poof’s diaper? 114 COSMO What should I change it to? know! A bunny! I
He poofs up a PTERODACTYL, which carries Poof out the window. Wanda <SCREAMS> and flies after Poof. EXT. BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS As Wanda chases Poof and the pterodactyl, she gets tangled in a CLOTHESLINE, winding up with an UNDERWEAR MASK and a TOWEL CAPE. She heroically grabs Poof from the pterodactyl. REVEAL - Chet Ubetcha, reporting on the scene. 115 CHET UBETCHA Ladies and gentlemen, Dimmsdale has a new superhero! A CROWD <CHEERS>. Wanda beams.
INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - NIGHT Timmy reads in bed. Cosmo poofs in with Poof. 116 COSMO Hey Timmy, have you seen Wanda? 117 Help! MAN (O.S.) Wanda
Timmy’s bed springs up, knocking him into the ceiling. bursts out on a JET SKI, wearing her MASK and CAPE. 118 WANDA Wanda Woman to the rescue! 119 COSMO Don’t save the cat! FADE OUT. THE END.
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?