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Issue 927 - Weekly Election Special Issue Thursday 5th February 1998

Elections: the biggest

choice in years
But turnout at the
voting booths will be
the acid test, say
observers
President, Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina,
Matt Pannell said it was “brilliant” to see so
Editor many candidates showing an inter-
ourteen candidates are this est. She added that “what will real-

F week standing in the Student

Union’s annual sabbatical
elections. All five posts up for
grabs are being contested - the first
time this has happened in years.
The five winners will replace the
current sabbatical team in June,
working on one-year contracts in
the Students’ Union building, for
around £9,000 each. All except two
of the candidates are final years, and
five of them are running for
President - this year’s most hotly
contested position. Welcoming
what she described as ‘healthy com-
petition’, the current Union
ly count this year is the number of
votes. I hope the candidates,
between them, manage to drum up
more interest in the elections than
in previous years, and don’t resort
to foul play in order to gain a few
extra votes”. The three returning
officers, voted in earlier in the year
at Students’ Union meetings to
ensure fair play in the elections and Returning officers (front) andCandidates in the Sabbatical elections pose for the cameras an hour after the close of nominations last Friday
oversee voting, agreed that arrang-
have now been allowed to start cam- part-time students - but with the appear in the following issue of
ing this year’s manifestos, voting
paigning, and will be able to stick exception of two students who have Bare Facts.
times, and ‘hustings’ (the evening
publicity material up around cam- handed back their membership of
question session where candidates
pus on Saturday morning. All the the Students’ Union - are eligible to Election Special supplement, centre
are grilled by students) amounted to
students enrolled at the University, vote. The results will be announced 12 pages.
“a bit of a nightmare”. Candidates
including placement, overseas, and on Friday 23rd February, and will

Green Week ‘out of this world’ say campaigners

Last week saw green/amnesty ‘awareness’
people taking over the campus. Thomas
Beguin, Dia Namari, and Lorraine Fisher give
the insider’s view...
Monday: Thanks to very conservative representatives of
Senate House, the authorisation of abseiling down ‘any’ of
the campus buildings was not given. In other words, Senate
House has not dared doing our abseiling demonstration
(which had previously taken place in 88 without a single
problem ).The rest of the day consisted on quite a few phone
calls, trying to keep people motivated, and painting, prepar-
ing deco and banners.
Tuesday:Umm, what a day…
After contacting bikers to pedal for you, the, bands, Nick
Mercer (for the pedal generator), drummers, and a few bub-
ble makers a different evening was almost ready to begin.
Although some bits of the organisation were stressful (sound
checks, timing program) the evening flew like a peacefull
water stream which carried people’s minds. And what about
the atmosphere? Excellent music from “Adrenaline Junkies”,
“Calling Orson” and the “Sex Mad Turkeys”, drums sessions
between the bands, poetry (by Ewan, Kevin and Robin
Shirley), A few excellent nutters who so kindly accepted to
pedal on a wierd machine providing 100% of the energy
while “Calling Orson” was playing.
Wednsday:A very “silly green and amnesty” evening:
Silly night, FTSE bar , Interactive decoration making from
recycled materials from the Scrap Centre. We were really
pleased to see how people participated and reacted. The Net
Gamers Soc. was providing a stand with six computers
linked together, ready to play different wicked games up to
six players at once. Quite packed, the Union was under the
influence of Del and Jake, who were having a nice warm up
before Saturday. Some people even reported some weired
glowing red things on Jakes’ hat and various places in the
union.
Thursday emm……. It was totally cool, we had two speak-
ers from Mclibel and Free Tibet Campaign. For all of you
who mised it, - continued on page 2, col3

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 .

Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 .
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:28 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 5th February 1998 n

The news in brief

and an influx of Chinese settlers caused
famine resulting in thousands more death.
In the 1960s thousands of Buddhist monaster-

Iraq gives some ground
Iraq appears to have yielded slightly in the
stand off over weapons inspections. Faced
with imminent air strikes and intense media-
tion by Russia, Sadam has agreed on access
by UN officials to 8 of his “presidential
palaces.”
A Kremlin spokesman said: “We
can see a clear shift in the position of the
Iraqi leadership.” As a veiled threat to the US
and Britain he added “We think this would be
ies were destroyed and thousands of Tibetans
are sent to labour camps.
a most grave mistake which would have a In the last 2 decades unarmed Tibetan demon-
painful effect on the whole system of interna- strations are fired upon by police/army.
tional relations.” Tibetans continue to be detained and tortured
America acknowledged the Russian for political offences.
efforts but said the concessions were “no
solution” and vowed to keep up the pressure. In 1994 a trail began between the $30bil-
Russia is keen to maintain good relations lion(+) a year McDonald’s Corporation and 2
with Iraq to safeguard oil supplies and debts London Green peace supporters, it involved
on military hardware totaling more than $7 alleged libel over a 6-sided Factsheet pro-
billion. duced by London Green peace, entitled What
is wrong with McDonald’s- Everything you

Lottery losers
Camelot Director Guy Snowdon has been
forced to resign. Lottery watchdog Offlot
called for his head after Richard Branson
sued him for £100,000. The case concerned
allegations of bribery at the time of bidding
didn’t want to know.
‘Green’ people in action last week
Issues included the connection between the
- continued from page 1
for the National Lottery. Lottery head Peter Multinational companies like McDonald’s
you really missed a great speach about one of
Davis was then forced to resign after a four- and cash , crops and starvation in the third
the most controversial issue of our time, the
hour showdown with Culture Secretary Chris world . Damage to the environment, packag-
rape and murderer of the
Smith on Tuesday night. ing and waste, nutrition, exploitation of chil-
dren by its use of the advertisements and
so-great Tibetian culture. And another amaz-

Ulster troubles rumble on
The Loyalist Ulster Volunteer Force, blamed
for recent terrorist attacks, has threatened to
intensify it’s campaign against Catholics.
Japan scores with sex industry
In preparation for the winter Olympics the
Japanese city of Nagano is toning down it’s
notorious sex industry.
The city has the unique Japanese status of
having semi legal “brothels” and a legal age
of 13 for sexual consent. Meanwhile the
authorities have an extraordinary, cooperative
relationship with the local yakuza (Mafia).
To avoid tarnishing the city’s image while on
ing talk about how two green activists took
Mac Donalds to court and eventually won
after a three-year trial.
Coded warnings spoke of “holy war” if death
threats against it’s murdered leader family were
What is going on in Tibet ?
not revoked by Republicans immediately.
It is something which you don’t hear of in
the news. Tibet - political prisoners, torture,
systematic persecution and people whose reli-
display to the world, the porn barons have gion, culture and beliefs are on the verge of
agreed to: cut their advertising, cover up extinction.
pornographic video vending machines and
stop illegal gambling. They have even offered Tibet consists of 3 original provinces of
to give up their club car parks to police cars U’Tsang, Kham, and Amdo and lies amongst
and help cut police paperwork during the India, Pakistan and China.
event.
In October 1950 40,000 Chinese troops
- News in Brief written by James Buller invaded Tibet, unprovoked and with no
accepted legal basis for claims of sovereignty.
Their aim was “ to liberate Tibet”. In 1959 a
national uprising by Tibetans is met with a
crackdown by the Chinese government result-
ing in the death of 430,000 people. 100,000
Tibetans fled with the Dalai Lama into exile
in India. Forced agricultural “modernisation”
gimmicks to sell unhealthy products, cruelty
to animals, and treatment of employees.
So, Thursady was not what you would call a
square night, Bob el presidenté was there.
Well the night was ended by an amazing Taï-
Chi lesson / demonstration by the master
Akira who might come round more often for
more lessons maybe.
Saturday The Finalè -man, it was out of this
world dude, it was the beauty of it all . Oh
really, isn’t that a wee bit pretentious mate?
Well, ask around and find out by yourself
man...
If you have any comments or questions opin-
ion or complaints about any aspect of the
“ awareness week ” contact li41tb but do
not forget complaints are no good, just tell us
how to make it better for next time....
All are welcome at the Amnesty group on
campus. It meets every Thursday at 7:30
PM TB12b.

University Notice
The notice below was submitted for publication by the Vice-Chancellor’s Office early this week
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:28 Page 3 (1,1)

n Thursday 5th February 1998 Features 3

How do you like your puke, sir? It’s Like

Sleeping in a
yards, handing the mizzen or
overhauling the mainstay widow
maker (and other silly com-
mands.)
The rewards for the hard work

Tent....
were plentiful and in that sense it
was more rewarding than out-
right fun for me. There were
some beautiful sights of sun-
sets, star-scapes, the islands that
we explored and of course lots
and lots of water. There was the
thrill of taking the helm and
steering the ship, climbing the
rigging, manning the yard arms
and the tense moments of dock-
ing. There was living in primi-
tive conditions with strangers
ell, almost. OK - so it’s some as simple as requesting the
and making new friends. It was
no ‘holiday’ but it kicked the
arse of staying at home. W not. At all. But, remem-
ber when you were knee
high to a grass hopper and slept in
Pizza + number, others are drop in
callers. Fancy a cup of tea and a
the camp you’d made with blan- yap, just pulled but have no con-
patron of the STA (a registered
Chris Brookes charity) described them as, “A
kets and a clothes horse - it was all doms, need to know the next train
snuggly and warm and secret…
taste of fright, discomfort and time to home? We’re always there.
fter meal times, adventure in an age where it is

A usual ingredients
and make it pink.
I had seconds of the trifle before
we went to sea for the first time.
It was good but I should have
known better. Still, I got rid of
the meal over the side and felt
OK. It took a couple of days to
get my ‘sea legs’ and then even
the biggest swell didn’t bother
my stomach, just made me fall
over a bit.
I was a crew member on the Sail
Training Association tall ship
‘Sir Winston Churchill’ in the
Canary Islands this January. I,
among about forty others sailed
this three-hundred tonne
schooner around the Canaries for
ten days, visiting five of the
seven islands and covering over
five-hundred miles at sea.
Voyages of this sort are best
described as ‘character build-
ing’. Indeed, Prince Philip, the
possible to live comfortably,
securely and borringly.” The
accommodation was basic with
everyone, male and female,
young and old, sharing the con-
fined living space. This also
doubled as the dining quarters.
There were three ‘watches’
working theoretically four hours
on eight hours off. But the way
it worked out was not quite like
that. In order to rotate the
watches there was a two hour
‘dog watch’ in the afternoon and
everyone had to be involved in
‘happy hour’, 9 till 10am, when
everything was made clean and
ship-shape from the brasses to
the toilets. Although it seemed
like as soon as I put my head
down for a few hours sleep,
someone was shaking me to get
up for the next watch, there was
enough time to chill out and just
enjoy the sailing while the other
watches were heaving on hal-
Well, it’s Sunday night and this is
my first duty of my second year of
being a Nightliner. I’m lying in bed
all snuggled up in the Nightline
I’m not here on my own either!
There’s usually a male and female
Nightliner on duty and the office is
open Monday to Thursdays from
phone room at the bottom of
8pm to 8am. We’re always recruit-
Surrey Court. I’ve eaten too many
ing new people and desperately
chocolate biscuits and watched too
need more men (but hey, who
much naff Sunday night drama and
doesn’t?!). Basically, if you fancy
I just know the minute I shut my
a warm bed on campus 3 nights a
eyes the phone will ring. Still, semester, as much tea, coffee and
that’s what we’re here for. choccie biccies as you can stand
photo: Chris Brookes I’ve already had two calls tonight. and want something on your CV
One wanting to know whether showing your commitment, com-
For information about future munication and listening skills
Chancellors was open and the
voyages, contact:
other just for a chat. You see then get in touch! Pop a note in our
Nightline is listening and informa- pigeon hole in the union, under the
Sail Training Association
2A The Hard tion service for the students, by the door of our office (between
Portsmouth Wandle and Wey) or leave a mes-
PO1 3PT students. Some calls are from peo-
sage on our answer phone - inter-
Tel:01705 832055 ple who are perhaps a long way
nal ext 4949 or externally 532710.
from home and feeling a bit lonely,

NOWADAYS EMPLOYERS WANT MORE THAN JUST

A DEGREE...

Apply Your Knowledge

Gain Some Practical Experience Which Compliments Your

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Meet New People

WE CAN MATCH YOU UP WITH A PLACEMENT

THAT WILL INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF GET-
TING A GOOD JOB AND YOU’LL ONLY HAVE TO
GIVE UP AN HOUR OR TWO PER WEEK.

Everyone who completes 10 weeks of a placement will receive

a certificate which lists the skills developed through particpa-
tion in the scheme.

Contact Joanna Austin on 01483 300800 ext:3177 or visit

Senate House, Floor 5 Rm 15 for more information or to
browse through the placement file.
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:28
4 Letters/Editorial
Queuing is no joke...
Letter of the week -
4 cinema tickets await author
Dear editor
I would like to complain about the rather
ridiculous decision to sell newspapers from
the shop-formerly-known-as-Spar instead of
the Bookshop. This has lead to quite mon-
strous queues, stretching all round the stupid-
ly small shop. Back in the good old days both
shops had long queues. If you wanted a paper
in breaks between lectures, you knew you
would have to wait for around 5 minutes. If
you wanted to buy some food or a drink, a
similar assumption was made. However, with
the decision to put the main reason for the
bookshops queues INSIDE “one stop” has,
rather inevitably, led to hordes (well, quite a
few anyway) of people descending upon the
shop in those ten minute gaps.
Are you aware of the thousands of man hours
being wasted queuing up for Mars bars? My
Finley quaye was the Union’s best band ever...
Dear Editor,
I am just writing to say that I almost com-
pletely disagree with Mark Stuart’s views
about the Finley Quaye gig (BF issue 926). I
thought thet £6.50 to see the most definitely
NOT unknown Finley Quaye was a bargain -
you could easily pay twice that in London. I
think that judging from the audience
response, it most definitely was the right sort
of music for an FNO.
I do agree that the sound quality was
absolutely terrible for the first few songs, but
when it was sorted out I heard a really good
Bare Facts is showing signs of ‘leftist permissiveness’...
Dear Sir,
Your editorial (“Iraq: why make things
worse?”, 22nd Januray) surely missesthe
whole point of the situation in Iraq. It is not
for Saddam Hussein, or any members of his
government, to dictate whether or not more
members ofthe Unscom teams in Iraq should
be from France or Russia. The team on the
ground have made over 30 inspections since
1991, but only now, it appears, have Iraq
realised that they predominantly consist of
Americans and Britons. More likely, this is a
determined attempt by Iraq and Hussein to
exploit what it perceives as divisions amongst
the Allied nations in order to protect its
weapons programme.
Your comments on the “inspectors” are mis-
guided. The inspectors on the ground are
merely the visible element of an otherwise
unseen inspection team, who, via a substantial
intelligence effort, pinpoint the location of the
sites in question. The American (CIA) and
British (MI6) intelligence is by far the best
that the UN has, and, as even UN member
states do not share sensitive information on
intelligence methods for obvious reasons, the
inspection teams making use of British and
American intelligence consist largely of
British and American nationals. Moreover,
Page 4 (1,1)
Your Letters
lecturers are becoming increasingly alarmed
at the length of time I spend obtaining a mid-
lecture snack from the aptly named “one
(long?) stop”. The emphasis is on the stop, I
feel.
Why oh why was this decision taken? Surely
One Stop were aware of the problems this
would cause, especially given the failure to
adequately increase productive capacity (ie
more tills). And are they aware their greed in
procuring the newspaper franchise has actual-
ly led to them losing sales in their core busi-
ness, that of selling cans and chocolate for
people like me? I have seen numerous people
storm out at the first sight of people queuing
to the milk counter. And I should know, as I
am one.
Yours fed up of waitingly
The Bring Back Spar Campaign (BriBaSpaC)
Name and URN supplied
Ps – Dust Junky’s are brilliant !!!!
performance from probably the best band I’ve
ever heard in the Union. I completely agree
with Al Mooney’s review, printed in the same
issue - “What we had in here was one of the
most talented musicians around at the
moment, playing to a small, friendly, chilled
out audience”. It’s hard to believe that Mark
Stuart saw the same gig as Al Mooney and
myself.
Richard Linecar
Final Year Tonmeister (music and sound
recording)
both France and Russia have trade interests in
Iraq which are, at present, compromising the
degree to which they wish to be seen acting
with the Unscom team.
It would be regretable if force had to be used
against Hussein, but force seems to be the
only language he understands. He needs to
realise that he cannot simply turn the inspec-
tion switch on and off as he wishes, or keep
issuing his pleas of indemnity to “Presidential
sites”, most of which, incidentally, resemble
industrial estates more than any kind of pala-
tial complex. The Allied victory in 1991 was
both absolute and permanent- it does not
expire after seven years. You admitted that
there was a “need to see UN resolutions
enforced properly”. But by giving in to Iraq’s
demands exactly the opposite would be true-
the resolutions, instead of being enforced,
would be unofficially adjusted, pandering to
the whim of the very man whom they were
designed to restrict. This sort of leftist per-
missiveness, advocated in your editorial, may
avoid conflict in the short term, but our chil-
dren may not thank us for it.
Yours sincerely,
Simon Ashall
Thursday 5th February 1998 n
Students’ Union staff are ‘dense’...
Dear Bare Facts, gate - surprise, they had been too dense to
look.
I am writing to complain about the staff at the
Hello - these guys are supposed to be at
Piano food bar. A friend and I ordered some
panini when there were about 10 people in University, what’s going on? Whatever
the bar area. We sat at a table two away from they’re being paid, it’s way too much. Sort it
out!
the table we originally chose, in order to obey
the ‘no smoking’ sign.
James Dowling
After 15 minutes, we joked that perhaps the
staff were too stupid to notice we had moved.
After a further 10 minutes, I went to investi-
TV licences: time for a students discount...
Dear Editor, have an income therefore they cannot afford
to pay a total of £366 for the four years they
As you are probably aware many students are in University. Why can’t the government
have been getting TV licence warnings exclude students from having to pay for a TV
through the post in the last couple of days. licence. I am sure that a lot of students who
As many students will agree with me, TV have a TV in their rooms just watch it for a
licence is not fair, it’s not right and it should total of a few hours every week anyway so
definitely be against the law. it’s not worth it to pay so much money for a
Students cannot afford to pay £91.50 every TV licence.
year for a colour TV especially when the cost
of attending to University has increased by Something needs to be done to stop the gov-
£1000. Britain must be one of the few coun- ernment charging us for a TV licence. Before
tries in the world where you have to pay to you know it, they will start charging us for
watch TV whether you like the programmes oxygen.
Regards,
on BBC channels or not. The argument of
BBC is that they do not have advertisements
therefore we should be paying them to make Bulent ‘B’ Yazici
programmes for us. That is just bullshit.
1st year computing
Why hasn’t the university done something
against TV licensing? Most students don’t
The poetry corner
Lady Day
To cleanse oneself
thru ripping hours.
They’re slow proud tragedies,
Medusa’s pubic hairs.
Sun sinking, whirling & rising,
gleaming like an empty mirror
beneath a red-blue bonfire.
And the shabby moon undulates
gracelessly
hoping to do something better
than ruling tides
in a near future.
True solar days have left us,
abandoned us,
& you call it murder, slaughter, slain...
Treason! I say.
Everything agonizes, come this moment,
like a whale stranded off-shore.
Love to live this lie!
Yesterday was a grinding abortion,
you ought to kill yourself
to-day.
Rafael Martin Calvo
Join the Poetry Society - melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 5pm
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29
n Thursday 5th February 1998
hown here are some of the
S entries to the I can Use
Microsoft Word too... com-
petition. For those of you who don’t
remember seeing it, the challenge
was to sit down with a pint and a
computer loaded with Microsoft
Word, spending no more than 10
minutes on designing a new logo for
the University.
2.
4.
STOP PRESS........ For more on the unis saga then go to this web address (all credit due to Lloyd Wood )
Page 5 (1,1)
Features 5
We were inundated with entries, some point (with your Union card) 1.
some more serious than others. The
cause has even been given a cash
boost from some unnamed acade-
mics belonging to a mysterious anti-
you can collect your CASH prize
(first three) and for the runners-up, a
choice of kitkats or polos. ahhhh
we’re so generous.....
logo rebel faction, who have
pledged £20 in prize money.
(Unfortunately, a couple of you couldn’t
grasp the concept of using Word, but the
After much deliberation, we decid-
results where just as good.)
ed on the winners. If you want to
pop into the Bare Facts office at
3.
5. 6.
http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/Personal/L.Wood/unis/
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29
6 Music
SINGLES
ARMIN - Blue Fear (Xtravaganza)
Another selection of mixes of what was for me
the tune of 1997. This time the Trouser
Enthusiasts have dabbled in this masterpiece.
Three varied mixes make this single worth buying
to supplement the already amazing original
release. If you haven’t already bought the origi-
nal, the “Original Extended Version” features at
the end of the selection. With its booming bass
line and Balearic sound, this tune must feature
highly in many a DJ’s record box. 10/10 M.B.
THE BLUETONES - Solomon Bites The
Worm (A&M)
We didn’t hear much from The Bluetones last
year, but this new single makes up for it. It comes
off their new album, which is released next
month. It’s upbeat, fresh and stylish. Sure to get
them back in the charts. Brilliant. 9/10 G.D.
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
GROOP DOGDRILL - Oily Rag (Mantra)
Smokin’. Pete Spivey screams for his cigarettes as
he and the rest of his groop hammer out a blues
punk rifferama that makes the John Spencer Blues
Explosion sound tame. Cool. Smoke ‘em if you
got ‘em. 9/10 R.W.
VELVET JONES - Twisted (Naked)
Imagine that you are floating up into a blissful
world of contempt and mindless wonder. And
there you have it, an enthralling, talented, and
exquisite piece of music, which oozes the dreamy
feel of being out there. 9/10 K.M.
HINDA HICKS - Introducing... (Island)
Hinda’s got it going on. She’s got the looks and
she’s definitely got the talent. If this sampler is a
true taste of the forthcoming album, then it’s
bound to be blazin’ hot. Displaying a vocal range
and dynamism that belies her age, Hinda captures
your attention from start to finish.
Productionwise, Jazz Black does a good job
behind the mixing desk, serving tracks that do
justice to Hinda’s vocal abilities. Watch this space
‘cause this could be the start of something big.
9/10 P.A.
STRANGELOVE - Another Night In (Food)
What??!!!.. Has Mr. Patrick Duff turned into an
amazingly happy person from the land of
Bunnysville, please tell me it isn’t true, how can
the man who came up with the beautiful album
‘Love and Other Demons’, suddenly sound so
upbeat. OK it is a good song and the lyrics aren’t
quite as fluffy as the music makes out, but for a
moment it was pretty scary. 8/10 D.N.
This weeks music bought to you by
Matthew Beal, Daniel Jones, Frank Fraulo,
Emma Clarke, Ikaraam Ullah, Honey Butcher,
Gabriel-Oliver Chamero,Denise Nicholson,
Dean Arif, Kevin Marston, Georgina Tarrant,
Paul Amani, Ian Purvey , Nick Walsh,
Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent, Rob Winder
Page 6 (1,1)
Thursday 5th February 1998 n
GUS GUS - Polyesterday (4AD)
Brass and vibrant... a delight to your ears!!
Strange yet groovy, the music pulsates with a hec-
tic jazzy frenzy that leaves your head spinning in
ALBUMS
PHILADELPHIA
circles... a must for the true alternative fans out
there. 8/10 G.C.
BLUNTZ - Philadelphia
Bluntz (Autonomy)
A largely musical effort,
SHELTER - Whole Wide World (Roadrunner)
in fact there is no singing
Released from their latest album ‘Beyond Planet
Earth’ this is quite a bright and catchy number. at all on the CD which is
The song tries to oppose the notion that “the grass fine if you don’t want to
is always greener on the other side of the fence”, be singing the lyrics all
and that peace comes from within... hmmm, the time (ala
makes you think. 7/10 E.C.
Chumbawamba). The
RELEASE - Day (Release)
music, which is a funky
A mixture of sorts from the cultural epoch that is style of hip-hop beats and
Birmingham claim “they don’t want to sound like ambient Portishead-like
anyone else”. The single actually sounds like an music. Excellent if you
acoustic ‘Delirious?’, but something good lingers want something in the
under all of these songs. 7/10 D.J. background or need
something to play while
you’re going your work
or something. 6/10 F.F.
SPIRITUALIZED - I Think THE HIGH LLAMAS – Cold And Bouncy (V2)
I’m in Love (Dedicated) COLD - Cold (A+M) This album is a heady blend of melodic rock, orchestrated and
Nothing new under the sun? After the first spin of this intriguingly arranged but set against contrasting angry, bitter
There is if you try hard CD, the debut from Cold, lyrics. The songs are like Hollywood soundtrack, a hybrid of
enough. This, the second the latest hyped alt-metal Jimmy Webb song structures, Bacharah and Henri Mancini
single from the already clas- act from the USA, I was inspired arrangements – nestled together with great charm and
sic, ‘Ladies and Gentleman left erm... cold, I could remarkable originality. ‘Cold And Bouncy’ more strongly reflects
We Are Floating in Space’ hear little of originality Sean O’Hagan’s (vocal) fascination with Brazilian music set
album, isn’t anything but an and little to drag my against a backdrop of European music – the likes of Frances Lai,
amazing tune. From the attention back. However, Michel Le Grand and Morricone, whose name initially gave the
after subsequent spins working title to one of the tracks on the album. ‘Cold And
opening wah wah slide guitar
Cold’s amalgamation of Bouncy’ represents a monumental communicative effort on the
to the self-depreciating
the early nineties Seattle part of all the musicians in The High Llamas. 6/10 D.A.
humour of the lyrics it is at sound with the current
its heart a love song but pro- LA metal sound, probably thanks to their Try listening to these fuzzy breathless vocals
duced in an exciting drugged producer Ross Robinson (famed for his work over watercolour guitars – it’ll send you to
up, multi-layered, psychedel- with Korn), and ‘Violator’-era Depeche sleep halfway through the first track.
ic way. Thrown in for added Mode is somewhat more interesting than I Dragged out, spun slow, and mumbling
value on the CD is a had originally thought it to be. The songs are music that screams (metaphorically) “They
Chemical brothers remix, all pretty aggressive with down-beat lyrics, don’t understand me”. Shit like “I saw my
which the duo themselves taut guitar rhythms and thundering drum pat- parents having sex in the garden” is hard for
reckon is one of the best terns throughout. Definitely not a fun fest. me to stomach. Take off the parking brake,
things they have ever done, Cold certainly are interesting, but I don’t buddy and take some aspirin so your pussy
think they are worthy of the hype they have doesn’t hurt so much. Geez… if you hate
and they’re right. 10/10 N.W.
been getting in some of the metal press. 6/10 yourself or know someone who does, this is
R.W. right in their little black hole but don’t do a
DAYS OF THE NEW - Touch, Peel and Stand recording about it – maybe only for people
(Outpost)
J J RATTER – The Death Of Imagination who have no friends and like to eat bugs
While Layne Staley’s alleged drug problems keep
Alice In Chains out of the spotlight, up step this (Red Herring) would dig this. The only nice thing I could
very young four-piece from Kentucky to try and Just because the CD format can withhold say that the CD case makes a nice beer
fill their shoes. Produced by Scott Litt, famed for seventy minutes of music doesn’t mean that coaster on the futon. Boy this sucks… 0/10
his work with REM, ‘Touch, Peel and Stand’ is an the average listener can. Don’t believe me? D.A.
aggressive acoustic guitar led tune with haunting
vocals, and a pretty good hook-line to catch onto. ALBUM OF THE WEEK
Could be a band to watch for this year. 7/10 R.W. THE INTERPRETERS - Back In The U.S.S.A. (Freeworld)
This is a good attempt
HURRICANE #1 - Only The Strongest Will at an album considering
Survive (Creation) the apparent eccentrici-
This is slow guitar pop which is not depressing
ties of the band (they
like Radiohead. It is a pleasant tune with some
nice bits but it’s not as good as their previous sin-
are said to have jumped
gles and overall it’s just a bit dull. 6/10 I.P. out of a window togeth-
er believing they could
ANYWHEN - Blank (Clearspot) fly. What were they on?)
Creaming the better elements of 80’s and 90’s and This debut album plays
smearing them across Swedish indiepop because rather like a demo:
they’re happy to do nothing and freshen the stereo Many of the songs are
while they’re about it (and they slate the only about two minutes
Cardigans). 6/10 H.B.
in length and the band
ASIAN DUB FOUNDATION - Free Satpal
appears to drop dead
Ram (Ffrr) (or some similar cata-
Frequently inspiring. Chaotic heavy metal (and strophe such as running
dub) with snippets of what appears to be rap. The out of coins for the elec-
theme is to “free Satpal Ram”. They seem tric meter) before finish-
overzealous to see justice, accordingly, the song ing each song.
just disintegrates into noise. Would have better However, the raw talent
with lighter with the background music and con- is there, and there is the
centrated lyrics. 5/10 I.U.
occasional gem such as
THE HYBIRDS - See Me Through (Heavenly)
‘You Are The One’,
And so another band is added to the E.C. surplus which (unlike most of
the songs) actually goes
Noelrock mountain. Just like Northern Uproar and
Cast, The Hybirds write “proper” songs with grit- somewhere! Essentially
ty Northern sensibilities. Probably good with pie this is a promising start
and chips. 2/10 A.T. to the career of this
band. 7/10 G.T.
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29 Page 7 (1,1)

Who will be running your Union?

In association with:
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29 Page 8 (1,1)
II n Welcome to the elections!
Elections - why?
You may be of the opinion that elections are all about
minibussing senile elderly folk from their nursing home to the
nearest polling station so that they can vote for the candidate with
the stupidest sounding double-barelled surname. Well that’s not
the way we do things at Surrey!
We give you the chance to vote for something that affects you -
you get the chance to decide who will be the Sabbatical Officers
running your Union next year. Your vote could make the differ-
ence between having a great year and having a mediocre year. Do
you really want those poor fees-paying freshers to get a mediocre
welcome to Surrey? Do you really want a mediocre final year? Of
course not! Here’s your chance to get the year you want.
But I’m going on placement - so
what’s the point in me voting?
OK, so you may not actually be here next year, but the
Union will be working for you in your absence. You
might need the help of the Union if your placement goes
sour. You will need the Union to keep you informed of
what’s going on at Surrey whilst you are away. You will
need the Union to fight for your interests when you are
on placement. Imagine coming back to your final year
and finding something like a new policy that says no
final years are accommodated on campus - and all
because none of the Union Officers that got elected
could be bothered fight your corner! You really do need
to vote!
Right, I’m going to vote.
What’s the system?
We use a Single Transferrable Voting system where
rather than just picking one candidate, you get to rank
the candidates in your order of preference. For example,
Mr Happy 2
Mr Tickle
Mr Uppity
Mr Forgetful 1 the post, and the ballot paper on the back page
Re-open Nominations
This would mean you want Mr Forgetful to win, and if Mr
Forgetful doesn’t get the job, then you would like Mr Happy to get
it instead. If Mr Happy didn’t win either, you are effectively say-
ing you don’t mind which of the others gets the job (because you
haven’t given any other preferences)
If, however, you voted liked this:
Mr Happy 2
Mr Tickle 3
Mr Uppity
Mr Forgetful
Re-open Nominations
1
4
Then you would be saying that your preferences would be Mr
Forgetful, Mr Happy, and Mr Tickle, in that order. Then, if none of
those won, you would prefer to scrap the whole election than let
that grumpy bugger Mr Uppity win - this is indicated by RON
being your fourth choice.
When we count up the votes, we first count the number of 1’s each
candidate has. If no candidate reaches the quota required to win,
then the the candidates with the fewest votes is eliminated, and his
or her votes are re-distributed according to the voter’s next prefer-
ence. This process is repeated until somebody reaches the quota -
and then that person is the winner
Where can I find out more?
All the manifestos are on the worldwide web at:
http://ussu.ml.org/elections/
Bare Facts intends to cover the elections, so keep reading. Election
news will also be put on the web so placement students will be able
to keep up to date.
So how do I know who to vote for? Who is this candidate called RON?
For starters you could read the manifestos in this Election
Special. Perhaps the best way to convince yourself of the right RON (meaning Re-open Nominations) is your way of say-
candidate is to ask them some questions to find out what they ing “stuff you” to all the candidates standing for a particular
intend to do for you. You can do this either when they are out post. RON is, to all intents and purposes, yet another candi-
canvassing, or you can grill them at Hustings - where you get date, except you won’t see him on the campaign trail or at
hear them make a speech about what they are offering, and Hustings. The difference is that, if RON wins, the election
see them get embarassed as they compete in our wacky, dirty, for that post is scrapped we start all over again - both the
and possibly even smelly, challenges. Stand aside Stu Francis original candidates, and new candidates, are free to stand. If
you don’t want to endorse a candidate, but don’t wish them
any ill, then just don’t vote for that candidate. If you posi-
tively want to prevent them getting elected, then use your
RON vote
And who are these NUS delegate
candidates?
This lot aren’t standing to become Sabbatical
Officers. They are hoping to represent Surrey at the
National Union of Students Annual Conference at
Easter. Surrey can send seven delegates to the confer-
ence, so you actually get to vote for your seven
favourites.
Can I vote? And how?
Every full member of the Union is entitled to votes -
so that means virtually all students. And here’s how:
If you are not on placement
Do not use the ballot paper printed on the back page!
Bring yourself and your campus card along to one of
the voting sessions in the Union, Lecture Theatres,
or Austin Pearce building. Your name will be
checked to ensure you are a student, and we will
give you a stamped ballot paper. READ THE
INSTRUCTIONS ON IT! Fill it in, and put it in the
ballot box. Simple. If you make a mistake, tell the
desk attendants, and we’ll issue you with a new bal-
lot paper. If you make any bizarre marks on your
ballot paper, then we may have to reject it.
If you are on placement
You should have got this Election Special through
should be stamped indicating its validity. Read the
instructions printed there, fold it up, and post it back
to us by 2pm on Friday 20th February. We have a
FREEPOST address, so you don’t need a stamp.
You still need to use this ballot paper, even if you are
on placement near Guildford, then but you could
bring it along in person if you prefer.
ps: We did hint that we may be introducing e-mail
voting for placement students, but unfortunately it
wasn’t feasible this year. Sorry. Maybe next year...
VOTING TIMES
Mon wk 5 1 1- 2 Lecture Theatres
Tues wk 5 11- 2 Austin Pearce
Building
Weds wk 5 11 - 2 Students’ Union
Thurs wk 5 11 - 4 Austin Pearce
Building
then 7 - 11pm Chancellor’s Foyer
Fri wk 5 9 - 2 Lecture Theatres
Hopefully we will have a voting session at St. Luke’s on one afternoon -
keep an eye out for posters!
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29 Page 9 (1,1)

Student Affairs Officer n III

MATT ‘POB’ LEFEUVRE FOR

STUDENT AFFAIRS 98/99
Who am I?
I am a final year chemistry student and have enjoyed my time at Surrey University. For two years I was actively involved in Nightline and was co-
ordinator in my second year. During this time, I rewrote the Nightline constitution to bring it into line with current Students Union policy. In my indus-
trial year, I assisted in the current Presidents election campaign. Also during my second year I was the Ents officer for the Student Enterprise Society
and organised the infamous Circle line pub-crawl.
This year I am the Internal Affairs Officer, which involves the overseeing of all Union Societies and so far, amongst other things I have rewritten the
basic society constitution and The Beano. In carrying out my duties, I have become very aware of what is going on in the Union and what being
the Student Affairs Officer entails and in my present position I have helped organise and run training for this years sabbaticals.
On the Thursday that the manifestos are published, I will be attending the NUS Southeast regional conference, which will allow me to forge links
with the NUS and to establish what NUS can do for us at Surrey.
Accommodation, Accommodation, Consultancy If elected other issues I aim to tackle are: -
Accommodation As a member of the present Union Childcare – Childcare provision for mature students is presently at best
One of the most important issues to students, is Executive Committee I am aware inadequate and at worst, non-existent. My aim if elected is to ensure
the provision of adequate accommodation for all of the issues involved and I am that the University provides adequate childcare facilities throughout the
years. For several years an increasing number of fully committed to carrying out any year.
final year students have been forced into finding recommendations that the report Course reps – My aim is to ensure that all departments have repre-
off site accommodation when they were under the suggests that will be for the good sentatives on the course board of studies and that all students under-
assumption that there would be room on campus. of the student population. stand what the course board of studies is all about.
The Accommodation office has now got to the Postgrads – Presently we have a particularly active PGA and I hope to
Tuition fees be able to assist them in continuing this trend.
point of handing out B&B lists to people requiring
This together with the current financial hardships already Industrial years – I aim to liaise closely with the professional placement
rooms. This is utterly disgraceful and can not be
facing students will ensure that fewer and fewer sixth for- officer to ensure that all students on placements still feel that they are
helpful to anybody’s education. There are also not
mers feel that they can afford to go to University, as has part of the Union and are kept up to date on the relevant issues.
enough properties available for 6-month tenan-
already happened in Australia and this year UCAS appli- Disabled students – The access for disabled students is poor at the
cies as required by LIS and management stu-
cations are down by 30%. I am totally against tuition fees moment and I aim to ensure that disabled students are able to access
dents. The Accommodation office needs to pro-
and I will ensure that this Union and this University con- all facilities provided by the University and the Union.
vide more property managed houses and to
tinue to vigorously campaign for the abolition of tuition Overseas students – A large percentage of Surrey students are over-
ensure that prices are kept to a level affordable by
fees and against the introduction of top up fees. seas students and the issues relating to all international students need
students.
While the Dearing report has many things to recommend to be looked at in greater depth.
We are all aware that carbon monoxide is very
including greater access for the disabled and teaching Nightline – My aim is to assist Nightline in its operation in any way that
dangerous and that there has been at least one
qualifications for lecturers. Tuition fees does not count I can as I believe it provides a very necessary worthwhile service.
case of carbon monoxide poisoning in a property
amongst these. Safety – I intend to liase with the police and local council officials with
managed dwelling. It is my aim to ensure that the
I aim to promote the availability and awareness of hard- the aim of making the areas around campus safer with more street light-
accommodation office does something about this
ship funds in an attempt to eleviate some of the financial ing and greater police vigilance where there have been attacks on stu-
very serious issue by routinely checking all gas
hardships facing students today. dents.
appliances in managed properties.

Vote Pob For The Job

GILL VENABLES: STUDENT AFFAIRS 1998/99
What does the Student Affairs Officer do?
The Student Affairs Officer works as part of the Student Advice
Service, which is based in the Union. He / she deals largely with
academic problems, but also with issues to do with accommoda-
tion, finance, health and general welfare. In practice this means
advising individual students and also representing them on the
relevant committees. The job involves liaising with the Welfare
Officer, heads of departments, the health centre and the accom-
modation office, in order to give correct information and the best
possible advice and help to students. He / she needs to be some-
one who can put people at their ease, so that everyone feels that
they can drop in at any time for some friendly advice, however
big or small their concern is.
Welfare
This fairly broad term includes issues such as :
l health awareness campaigns
l safety (e.g. lighting around campus, promoting personal
alarms,informing freshers of safe routes in
Guildford at night )
l informing students about services such as the Chaplains
and Councillors
l making sure that the needs of all students are met
(e.g. postgrads, mature students, industrial year students,
overseas and disabled students)
Finance
Obviously a major aim of the Student Affairs Officer is to keep
up the pressure on issues like top-up fees and grants. On a more
personal level, he / she can give individual students advice and
help with using the services that are already available, such as
hardship funds.
Education
The Student Affairs Officer is the person to see if you need to
make an academic appeal, or have any grievances to do with your
course.
Accommodation
There are various problems to do with accommodation one-to-one basis, and I have experience of working as part of a
that need to be addressed :
l more of it is needed, both on and off campus
l better arrangements are needed for students with
split industrial placements, who need short leases
l general upgrading of Hazel Farm, particularly the
communal facilities and transport to and from
campus and supermarkets
l better guidance for students who sign leases with
independent landlords, so that they don’t end up
with unexpected expenses (e.g. water bills)
Positive steps could be taken in each of these areas, in other Sabbaticals and the Advice Service.
close conjunction with the accommodation office.
Proposer : Gavin Berman
Final Year Economics
Seconder : Joanna Waldren
Final Year LIS
Guarantor : Tom Sherwen
Final Year LIS, President of Unplugged
Guarantor : Matthew Spencer
Second Year Sociology, Vice-Chairman
of the University of Surrey Football Club
Guarantor : Sabine Haigis
First Year Hotel & Catering Management
Guarantor : Amelie Geeson
First Year Dance and Culture
Why choose me?
As a Student Affairs Officer, students would find me friendly,
approachable and enthusiastic. I enjoy talking to people on a
team on a committee. I would therefore be confident when rep-
resenting students in all sorts of different situations. My recent
work with the University Nightline has given me valuable expe-
rience in talking and listening to people, and an insight into how
some of the campus advice services work. I would aim to pro-
mote awareness of these facilities.
As I am a final year music student, I have spent three and a half
years at Surrey University, and have really enjoyed almost all of
it. Every student experiences problemsat some point, and I would
like to work with determination for the individual student’s need,
the larger scale issues and, very importantly, as a team with the

VOTE [1] GILL VENABLES FOR STUDENT AFFAIRS OFFICER 1998/99

ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29 Page 10 (1,1)

IV n President

It’s time to build on our strengths and turn the union into a centre of excellence

Vo t e A n n e Ke h o e P re s i de n t 98/ 99
I started at Surrey in October 1985 and became a Civil Engineering graduate in 1990. I have now returned as a postgraduate student on an MBA (Master of
Business Administration) course. As an undergraduate (although never holding a union official post) I was an active member of Bare Facts, GCR and Rag (the
year I was in Rag we made over £25,000). I was also an intro week helper for 9 years. I have had numerous part-time jobs in the union ranging from bar staff
to security. After graduating I became involved in Ents and Crew and joined Karate Club. I also contributed to Student Enterprise by leading classes in
Presentation Skills, Report Writing, Data Presentation and Leadership Skills.

So Why Am I Standing? The Business Perspective The Union Matters Overseas Students
When I first arrived at Surrey the union was thriv- The Union Club has a turnover of over £1 million Student loans, tuition fees and student grants - Why do we only see some of you in International
ing and was packed almost every night. Several - we’re one of the biggest consumers of alcohol in what can I say other than we’ve been stitched? I Week? Why haven’t we got an Overseas
years ago the place was dead when there wasn’t a the county. So why are our beer prices so high? will campaign for students on every occasion Secretary? Overseas students make up a consider-
main event on, but over the last year or so the place Let’s face it, the one thing most of you reading this when I think we can make a difference, on matters able percentage of the student population. I would
has really picked up. I want to see this place go want is cheaper beer! such as this and anything else the Government like to see overseas students taking a more active
from strength to strength and become a centre of The Food and Beverage Department are doing all may choose to throw at us. part in their union, both in terms of socialising and
excellence for the students. I want to see the union they can to keep prices low. I will work closely NUS is a body costing us £24,000 a year that sup- holding union official posts. I need you to tell me
become regarded as THE place to go. I want to see with them to ensure that students don’t pay any ports the needs of students nationally. Many stu- what you want from the union.
as many students as possible being actively more than they have to. I will be actively encour- dents are unaware of what they actually do. If
involved in the Union. aging them to get in more promotions - look at the they’re worth it then we’ll keep them. I will con- Nurses
success of Silly Night and Bar FTSE. tinually review whether this expense is beneficia-
In terms of the catering outlets, I realise this is a ry to us at Surrey. The union needs to seek better It is regretable that the University cannot house
growing area that needs to continue to be promot- deals with NUS with regard to the price we pay for you all on campus, but that shouldn’t stop you
Proposer: ed as much as possible. our beer. being an active member of the union. I will work
Kevin Blain - Stage Manager 97/98 The union minibuses cost us a fortune. This area The union has spent £18,000 getting “profession- closely with the Liaison Office to ensure the union
Club Committee Member should be financed by sponsorship and this will be als” in to look at how this place runs. I will give is doing all it can to meet your needs.
Seconder: high on my agenda, working closely with the serious consideration to their recommendations
Noreen Kearney - Fitness Centre Manager, Sports Officer. This essential service to the Clubs with the aim of making our union a better and Postgrads and Mature Students
Sub Aqua Ass Club Instructor and Societies must be maintained without any more financially efficient place.
Assistant Warden increase in costs to club members. This is another group of people that is under-repre-
Postgraduate Student sented in the union. As a part-time student, a post-
My last 12 years involvement with the union has given me the opportunity to observe how the union runs graduate and a mature student I have an apprecia-
Guarantors:
and work out what makes it tick. tion of the issues that affect you. I intend to see
Chris Bradshaw - Ex Stage Manager,
I believe that my management experience and my passion for the success of the place is the winning for- that the union hosts more events that appeal to you
Silly Night DJ,
mula to lead the sabbatical team and make our union a damn fine place to go. guys and some events that are specifically aimed at
Grad Ball Production Team
Mike Pantrey - Scout and Guide Club, you.
Silly Night DJ Vote KEHOE [1] to make OUR union a better union.
Jon Franklin - EIHMS, Nursing Studies
John Mitchell - My mate! and postgrad Any questions? Email me at emm7ak@surrey.ac.uk

Kamran - The Lockman For The Key Job President

1998/99
Hello, my name is Kamran Loqueman. I graduated last year in Retail Management and after a successful campaign was elect-
ed to the Sabbatical post of Liaison Officer. These are the reasons why I’m running for Union President 1998-99.
The story so far...
It has been an exhilarating time being a Sabbatical Officer this
year. On a local level we’ll be receiving the final results of the CEL
Report soon. This is an in-depth look, by an external consultancy
firm, at the needs and wants of Surrey Students and the services
provided by the Union and the University. This is the first time the
Union has ever actually taken a physical, positive step to tackling
the need for overall direction. This year has been the beginning of
a major chapter in the life of the Surrey Student body and I am so
keen to be here, where it counts, to help Surrey Students.
Tuition Fees have stirred up a lot of Universities and Unions
around the country. We must ensure that the Students’ Union
maintains and improves the support we currently provide to the
Students, many of whom are going to need more of our help. I
know this will not affect you undergraduates out there already, but
I must be responsible and look towards the forthcoming intake of
students and those that will follow.
The Union is not just a building
Some people may not perceive the Union as a place to go. This
doesn’t mean we should ignore these Union members, it just
means we need to provide support and services outside the Union
Building and even outside the University.
Clubs and Societies
These are our contacts with minority groups. Not all society mem-
bers may enter the Union building, but they are at least involved
with their Union in some way. It is my aim for these groups to
receive better support from the Union, not only financially, but with
regards to help in organising events and planning new projects.
Expand your mind through Sports Clubs, Societies and other
programmes such as the Skills Development Programme,
University Education is not just lectures, essays and exams, but
the progression of extra-curricular interests.
Mature, Postgraduate and Part-Time Students make up around
50% of the Student population at Surrey, and the Dearing Report
recognises that Students’ Unions do little to provide relevant ser-
vices and support. My aim will be not necessarily to solve these
problems overnight, but to set up a programme that will draw them
into making the most of their Union membership.
Hazel Farm residents need to be consulted and their situation
improved dramatically. I aim to make the Union and the University
reach these Students to their satisifaction.
We need a more attractive Union. Why is the Union packed out on
a Friday Night but empty during the rest of the week? The Union
should be a place for all, at any time of the day, for any reason.
Services such as Banking or Shopping will not only benefit you, but
also provide more revenue for the Union, which will in turn provide
more funds for future services.
Entertainment
This year saw the introduction of the very successful Silly Nights.
Proposer They were thought up by students and put into practice by Students.
Carl ‘Cookie’ Cookson - Final Year
This is something of which I would like to see more. I recognise the
Electrical Engineering Student, Bar need for a balance between ensuring an event is successful and the
Supervisor, Ex Stage Manager, Ex need for variety, but not all Union events should be an excuse for the
Union Chairperson.
consumption of alcohol! Do you have to be drunk to have a good
Seconder
time? Union events cannot be appealing to everyone all the time,
Jane Sharpe - Electrical Engineering
but by organising many different events we can cater for all mem-
Postgraduate, Campusport Fitness
bers.
Instructor.
Guarantors My focus is on spreading the use of the Union to those who don't
Cerise Andrews - Dance Student, necessarily use it at the moment and improving it for those that cur-
Entertainment’s Chairperson. rently do.
Chris Handy - CIT Course
Representative, Photosoc Spending £18,000 on a consultancy report must not be wasted. It
Chairperson, Mature Student. will provide us with strategic direction, however, we need to take
Matt Robertson - 2nd Year things one step at a time.I believe with my experience as a
Tonmeister. Sabbatical and personal qualities, I can help take the Union through
Anne-marie Hiscock - 1st year these first few crucial steps towards building a bigger and better
Union for Surrey Students.

Vote [1] For Kam Loqueman. He Has The Key To Your Future.
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29 Page 11 (1,1)
Why me?
I’m Union Chairperson (organiser of Student
Councils), Senior Resident, Secretary of Unplugged
Society (event co-ordinator), a member of Ents
Committee and a final year Tonmeister student.
This hectic lifestyle gives me experience, enjoyment
and a thorough understanding of University life. My
aptitude and determination is second to none and I
want your help to shape the Union from a sleeping
giant into a vibrant community of students who get
the most out of University life.
The Financial Nightmare
Tuition Fees have arrived and ‘Top-Up Fees’ are
threatening our horizon. I will act NOW to urge the
University not to enforce these extra fees for any of
our courses, before it’s too late.
The BIG picture
NUS: it’s not about militant campaigning, it is the
powerful voice and network of support for UK
Universities.
Consultancy Review: we need realistic proposals for
long-term planning and short-term action.
Second Campus: quest for the truth…
Your voice will be heard locally and nationally. I will With experience, dedication and a need to suc- Wendy France (Ex - External Affairs Officer and Student Initiatives
liaise with other Universities to bring you the best.
About me…
Hello. My name is Harriet and I’m running for
President. I’m lively and enthusiastic and hopeful-
ly over the next few weeks, you’ll get to know me
better! I collect pants (current collection 68) and
like nothing better than a storming night at the
Union followed by a delicious garlic naan bread
with cheese. I believe in moving on; improving
student life and raising the profile of our Union.
WHY ME?
l Experience and Enthusiasm
l No! to Top-Up Fees
l Yes! to a First-Class Union
ceed, I have what it takes to be President. Vote Officer
Alex Dechamps (Mountaineering Club,Ninjitsu, No-Wave Society)
for Harriet Sims and invest in the future. Thomas Béguin (Amnesty Society, Bongo Expert)
President n V
Fun for all
Societies are an important part of University life.
Overseas Societies provide a valuable link for
students who may feel isolated from home and
culture; they need better representation. The Mature
Students’ and the Post Grad Students’ Associations
are thriving; their voice should be heard. I will encour-
age all clubs and societies to raise their profile within
the Union and beyond. We will work together to max-
imise sporting opportunity and potential, ensure fund-
ing and enhance your social life.
Facilities
The new campus Launderette is first-class and Hari’s
Bar is great. Improvements for ‘98/’99:
Library - for a broader education
Computing - access and safety
Hazel Farm - a vital part of our community
Beer and Entertainment - low prices, variety and pub-
licity.
I will keep the University and the Union informed of
students’ needs and ensure action is taken.
Harriet’s Supporters
Proposer : Jez Carr (Course Representative, Ex. CU Committee)
Seconder: Liz Cox (My Best Friend, Orchestra Leader)
Guarantors: Mark Pascoe (Volleyball Chairperson,
Badminton Club)
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:29
VI n President
PRESIDENT 1998-99
Mark, why don’t you start off
by introducing yourself to the
readers?
My name is Mark Stuart and I am a second
year Economics student aiming to be Union
President during my industrial year. You
may know me from Rag, bar work, union
stuff, Course Rep, Intro Week helper or even
as that person staggering around the Union
during a FNO. If you still have no idea who
I am or you think I’m not serious about this
job then read on and you may be surprised!
Isn’t the second year a little
too early to be thinking of
becoming a Sabbatical?
Although a second year I am 22 and spent
two years working before coming to Surrey. I
worked for eighteen months at a top interna-
tional investment bank and a further six
months for Eurocamp in Italy, equipping me
with the skills and experience invaluable to
the role of president; responsibility, decision-
making, communication and teamwork.
Apart from these personal skills, I also have
considerable knowledge of the day to day run-
ning of the Union. I have been an active
member of both Club and Union Executive
Committee and I am currently helping to
oversee the Consultancy Review. I also work
ABOUT ME
Final year “Mechanical Engineer with
Business and Management” Student
Long-standing and passionate member
of UOS Rugby Football Club
Frenzied social participant in union
nightlife and anything else that is going
on.
WHY ME?
Why not me! I have to offer:
n A love of people
n A realistic “no holds barred” approach
to life
n A commitment of getting the very best
deal for you!
n A talent of bringing out the best in a
team through recognising and utilising
the skills in others
n Excellent communication and inter-
personal skills, covered with a delicious
cheese topping
n The ability to get the job done - suc-
cess is the only option and if that fails
compromise will do
n The missing link between the Union
and you!
Page 12 (1,1)
at the bar and am Rag Vice-Chair (a.k.a.
Dipsy) where I helped to organise the fantas-
tic Rag Week held last semester, although I
am a bit biassed!
OK, so you’re an ideal
candidate but what ideas have
you actually got to improve our
Union?
As we all know there are many areas that
need improving within the Union but I will
be focusing on certain items:
Communication - The communication
between the Union and the students has to be
improved. I will ensure that each letter in
Bare Facts is answered by a relevant person
and there will be a column where I will keep
you informed of changes going on in your
Union.
The Consultancy Review - I will use the
review as a guideline for what the
Sabbaticals should be prioritising their
efforts on and to ensure that we all look at
our development work and not just our day
to day duties.
“Drop-in sessions” - Sabbaticals are busy
people so I intend to set up “drop in ses-
sions” where each Sabb has a set time when
they will be in their office to answer any
queries from students.
INTENDED CONQUESTS
Cash in your pocket
n Cheaper Beer - there must be a way!
n New shop, new image - how about
new lower prices?
n Restaurants - Do you really need to
pay this much?
n Financial advice - Banks and life
Your Union, Your Local - let’s
n Your Union has a lot to offer - let’s
make it that way!
ensure you’re informed and involved
n Day time chill-out environment for
those mid-day blues
Vote Mark and put the
SPARK back into your Union
A multi-national union - There are current-
ly 8000 students at this Union of which
around 19% are overseas. One of my greatest Any other ideas we should be
concerns is that a large majority of these stu- aware of?
dents are not utilising the Union’s facilities.
l Improve facilities at Hazel Farm
The Union is not just one big bar, there are a
l Provide support and information to
range of non-commercial services, such as
students regarding the introduction
the welfare officers. I would like to see an
of tuition fees
increase in the number of international nights
l Keep industrial year students more
and the number of societies using the Helyn
informed of what’s happening in
Rose bar.
their Union
l Increase external revenue through
NUS/WESSEX - I aim to continue working
advertising, stalls, promotions and
closely with both organisations throughout
next year. The union can only benefit from
sponsorship
l Increase the number of students
increased communication with other unions
in our area.
involved in the running of the Union
l Increase the number of post-graduates
using the Union facilities
Value for money Ents - A greater variety of
l Improve relationships between the
Ents, like theme nights and beer promotions
Union, University and local businesses
are needed. which currently is not happening.
But if students are expected to pay steep tick-
Any final comments?
et prices, they deserve better value for money
than is currently being shown. Yes, I firmly believe that being a second year
is a huge incentive to do a good job as pres-
ident as I still have another year to go here.
Proposer: Wendy Bowater, Rag Chair
I fully intend it to be a storming year for both
Seconder: Eddy Clarke, GCR DJ
myself and the rest of the students and if I
Guarantors: Jo Thompson, 4th yr LIS
mess up, there’s nowhere for me to hide. On
Omar Rehman, 2nd yr CIT
a final note I’d like to remind everyone that
Justine Rose, 1st yr Raggette
“it only takes a few minutes to vote. Surely
Katie Fiske, 2nd yr Nurse
that’s worth a great 12 months!”
n “Oldies” week for returning Industrial Long-term Strategies
Placementers
n Computing facility shake up - getting
Stronger support for off-site our finger back on the pulse
students n Financial plans and student surveys
Hazel Farm, LIS and H&C
and.......
you’re not forgotten
Hazel Farm Union-run bar
n Guaranteed improvement in legal
guidance and protection
n Critical assessment of accommoda-
tion office performance
Proposed
n Improved off-site bus services for all
Union events and week-day club nights Thokozani Myfanwy Price Jones
(Former Economics Society)
Communication: Flooded in
Seconded
Fresher’s week -
Left in the wilderness when the Richard Saulet
(Law Society Chairperson and columnist)
hangover sets in?
Guaranteed
Afam Onye (Phat Vibes and Afro-Caribbean
Soc.), Nick Turner (Equal Opps Officer and
Ex LGB President), Helen Davis Former
whatever your creed or colour Secretary of Christian Union), Theodore
Baltas (Treasurer of HellenicSociety)
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 13 (1,1)
Who am I?
I’m a final year Biochemical
Toxicology student, and I
am currently the
Entertainment’s Team secre-
tary. I am an avid attendee at
the Student Council, and I
am also a member of the
Student Industrial Society.
So why do I want the post of
Liaison Officer?
Well, initially the post was something I had not even consid-
ered. It was a friend who suggested that I try for the position,
believing that I possessed the ‘desired qualities’. And the more
I learnt about the nurses, their courses (both diploma and
degree), and their general situation, the more I realised that the
position of Liaison Officer was one that was greatly needed.
No student should have to put up with communication prob-
lems, inadequate transport facilities, and the extra worries that
often results from lack of personal finance. But many nurses
have an even greater problem because the accommodation and
teaching facilities are often as far field as Crawley, Redhill,
Chichester and Chertsey.
One thing I have learnt from my four years at university is that
if you want something done, then you have to do it yourself.
That may be an old cliché, but whether it’s just going to ask
your tutor for help or whether it’s helping organise Ent’s for
the semester, you have to put in the effort to see any results. I
believe time spent at University should be as stress free and
enjoyable as possible, and just because most of the student
nurses are off campus doesn’t mean they should miss out.
The post of Liaison Officer is only two years old. There is not
even a proper job description to define what is required from
me. But that is to your advantage. For it means there is enor-
mous scope for development.
CIARAN WATTERS - LIAISON OFFICER 1998/99
Who am I?
I’m a final year student nurse. When I started nursing in
1994, there was no such thing as the E.I.H.M.S., semes-
terisation, common foundation & branch programmes. I
have seen first hand how these changes have affected
our education and morale. Every student nurse (both
degree and diploma) that I have spoken to is fed up with
the lack of support, communication and standards. We
were never involved in the changes, we never had a
chance to make our voices heard. Our course reps did all
they could to represent us, but the decisions were
finalised before they were informed.
I am aware that every department has its difficulties,
however the problems with nursing are unique, and can-
not be full appreciated by anyone outside nursing.
Through my experiences I have amassed a great deal of
knowledge on how our department works and what to do
when things go wrong. I have been an integrated course
board representative for one and a half years, with my
friend and colleague Claire Hopkins.
The fundamental purpose of the liaison officer’s post
was to improve communication links between the uni-
versity and all the satellite (non-campus) sites, until the
new E.I.H.M.S. building is completed in mid 1999. The
current Liaison Officer has expanded this role, and has
worked on numerous ventures within the Students
Union. I wish to follow in his footsteps and continue
where he has left off.
Let a Nurse represent nurses for a change
Aims:
One of my aims is to be in contact with all the European
Institute for Health and Medical Sciences (EIHMS) students,
by one method or another (although preferably over a bottle or
two!) in the coming year. I want to ask how you would like
this job to be moulded to suit your needs.
On top of this I will maintain regular surgery sessions in all
the EIMHS satellite sites, to give you a regular time and
place when you know I’ll be available to discuss any prob-
lems, concerns, complaints or ideas that you may have. I will
also ensure that the degree students don’t get left out either, so
surgery sessions will be established at a regular time on
campus for anyone to attend and share their gripes!
Encouraging honest and open communication is a priority for
me, for it is my belief that problems can only really be solved
by bringing them out in the open and discussing them. Better
communication also leads inevitably to more efficient organ-
isation, which is beneficial to everybody, with respect to time,
finance and general state of mind!
Since the merger to form the EIHMS is such a recent event,
there are still the inevitable teething problems between both
the degree and diploma nurses, and also between the students
l I wish to improve the transport arrangements
between the university and satellite sites, both
during the day and for social events. Hazel Farm
is part of the university, why can’t we have a
similar service.
l I wish to propose an alternative communication
network, where one person in each satellite site is
responsible for all communication, both internally
and externally.
l I will support all course representatives, and offer
any assistance I can.
l I wish to develop communication links between all
nurses. This is a difficult task I know. However I
know that if we all shout together something will
have to be done, and we will all have a good time
doing it.
l I will be there for every nurse that feels that they
have been unfairly treated or discriminated against.
I am very aware that placements can very easily
turn nasty, and the student nurse can feel alone and
isolated.
I want to be your advocate!
Together we stand, divided we fall.
It’s time to do ourselves good.
Liaison n VII
and the staff. And due to the offsite accommodation and
teaching facilities, and also practical placements, transport is
another problem. These are areas where a lot of work will be
required to open the channels of communication and to solve
the problems in a practical way, but when successful, the pay
off will be enormous. I will also campaign for increased
financial support.
I also believe that more regular social events are a much
needed addition to the diary. Social events are a great way to
break down barriers, but most importantly - they’re a laugh!
Conclusion:
In summary, my main priority is to encourage all channels of
communication, with a primary method being regular surgery
sessions to which all nurses can attend. With this as a base, dif-
ficulties between degree and diploma course nurses, and
between staff should be easier to resolve. Improvement to
general organisation will pave the way for better transport and
facilities in general.
A lot of you are not on campus, some of you just feel dis-
tanced, and so there is difficulty in tackling these issues on
your own. It will be my job to channel your ideas and prob-
lems to the appropriate ears, and to keep you informed of the
progress we make. The position of liaison officer therefore
requires an approachable individual, who is motivated and
enthusiastic about your thoughts, ideas and needs; and will act
on your behalf to put them into practice.
I believe I can be your link.
Proposer - Alex Pearson (Biochemical
Toxicologist)
Seconder - Karen Swales (Biochemical
Toxicologist)
Guarantors -
Siobhan Corbett (Nurse)
Alison Cordle (Nurse)
Anthony Lawrence (Biochemist)
Tania Rocks (Applied Psychology &
Sociology, Union Treasurer, OFU Treasurer,
Ballroom Treasurer)
Proposer: Claire Hopkins
Seconder: Lisa Worden
Guarantors: Baljit Bhandal
Willem Boon
Sian Kendall
Sophia Petousi
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 14 (1,1)

VIII n Sports Officer

ALEX LANGLEY [1] FOR SPORTS 1998/99

Proposer :
Adam Bowen (Windsurfing
Chair, Ex Duke of Edinburgh
Treasurer, Ex Welsh Soc. Chair)
Seconder :
Alexis Philippidis (Water Polo
Captain)
Guarantors :
Tony Ede (Duke of
Edinburgh Club)
Rob Alter (Golf
Captain, Sports Exec.)
Ross Nichol (Rugby
Chair)
Jo Lancaster (Netball
1st Captain)
SPORTS FOR ALL- GETTING
INVOLVED
The sporting facilities and clubs on
offer at Surrey are open to people of
all abilities - however every year the
problem reoccurs with those who
consider themselves “not good
enough”. Everyone is good enough,
everyone has potential. I intend to
ensure that clubs encourage all stu-
dents to join in at any level.
For those of you who may not see
clubs as being the thing for you,
Inter-departmental sports is the per-
fect opportunity to spend a fun lunch
Hi, I’m Alex – final year Civ Eng, dedicated rugby player, proud Civ Eng sports rep, regular union socialite
and I want to convince you to vote me as sports officer 1998/99. Like the other candidates I have a list of
sporting achievements to my credit which include captaining Kent under 19 rugby, trials for London and
the South East region and organising charity sporting events, however I am first and foremost a commu-
nicator and an organiser. I am dedicated to all aspects of sport at Surrey.
time competing for your department.
Campusport runs an excellent pro-
gramme of events upon which I aim
to capitalise by raising the profile of
competition.
SPORTS AWARENESS
Not a fresher but want to join in the
first time? No problem!
The Sports Fayre should be the
ideal opportunity for all students to
find out about sports at Surrey. I
intend to change the stereotypical
image of the fayre as being for fresh-
ers only, and as such to promote it to
all undergraduates and postgradu-
ates alike.
If you don’t want to get out those
white winter legs for everyone so
see - don’t worry! You do not have
to play to take an interest/be
involved. One of my endeavours is
to improve the awareness of sport
and to encourage more spectators
and also develop the sports cover-
age in our university publications.
This would include the improvement
of the results service and the addi-
tion of forthcoming fixtures. This
increased publicity is a theme that I
would like to develop throughout all
sports at Surrey.
FUNDING
It’s an unfortunate fact that funding
for Sports at Surrey is not always
sufficient to meet the demand of our
clubs. Sponsorship is a highly lucra-
tive area - one I believe we must
pursue. I aim to capitalise on
Surrey’s prestigious reputation in
order to gain club sponsorship and
investment. Association with rep-
utable companies will build a firm
financial structure for Surrey sports
find this more daunting I intend to
open a Sports Clinic at a specific
time every week, during which I
would be available for discussion in
general.
CHARITY SPORTS I myself have spent four fantastic
years at Surrey, during which I
Still not found anything for you? I,
have benefited from the all round
myself have been involved for over 3
sports facilities available and feel
years in charity sports events and
that it is time to give something
believe me, it can be FUN! We are
back. You’ll find that my outgoing,
11,000 students here at Surrey,
approachable character makes
together we have great potential to
me the ideal choice for sports
not only have an excellent time
sabbatical for 1998/99.
through various sporting activities,
I am always open to any ques-
but we can raise money for worth-
tions, comments or suggestions
while causes at the same time. This
so feel free to contact me either
would greatly develop the profile of
by phone X4739 or via Email :
sport at Surrey, and enhance its rep-
cv31al@surrey.ac.uk and remem-
utation within the surrounding com-
ber vote [1] for Alex Langley.
munity.
WEDNESDAY AFTERNOONS
Due to the introduction of semester- Vote Al and I shall :-
isation and modularisation, we have
seen increased pressure on the ü encourage more
timetable. This has meant that sports involvement
Wednesday afternoons are no
longer kept free for extra-curricular ü make all aspects of
activities. We as students have not
sport more accessible
been consulted about these deci-
sions - this is something I aim to
change. There are many benefits to
ü organise charity
gain from Wednesday afternoon sporting events
sports : let’s not lose them!!!
ü actively seek funding
I’M HERE TO LISTEN TO YOU

JUST DO IT
in the future. Let’s not forget that it
is also possible to top up our own
budgets from theme nights which I
intend to initiate right here in the
Union. I’ll help you to help your-
selves.
Being approachable is an important
ü keep Wednesday
aspect of being any sabbatical. If afternoons free for sport
you have any questions basic or
complicated, my door will always be ü be approachable
open, however for those who often

If YOU care about sport read this!

Proposer Mike Spradbery USMC Training Officer
Seconder Jo Austin Community Action Chair
Guarantors Dave Hamilton Hiking Chair & Sports exec
Phil Mann Cricket Chairperson
Alexandra Cass Christian Union Secretary
Dia Nammar Amnesty Secretary
Sport for All
Even though the last few sports officers have had
strong sports for all polices and have implemented
them well there still seams to be a lack of interna-
tional, mature and postgraduate students involved. I
certainly do not think that there is any discrimina-
tion against these groups but for whatever reason
these groups are not in general participating in the
sports. The recent CEL consultation highlighted that
the union is failing minority groups and I feel that
this carries right through to sports.
I am committed to developing ways that allows
every area of the student community to make the
best use of the universities facilities.
Student development
At the moment there are a few very successful
schemes where students can use their skills to gain
qualifications or useful experience. I will continue to
support and encourage these schemes and will be
happy to support new ones.
I am also keen that both students and industry see
the commitment that many people give to a club as a
highly worthwhile attribute,and that students see the
value in being part of or running a sports club.
Community
A number clubs tend to socialise separately from
one another. I will encourage greater integration
‘apres-sport’ on a Wednesday night.
Who am I?
I am a Final year physicist and Chairperson of the Mountaineering club. I have
been an active member of the club for four years and have held committee posi-
tions for two of these.
I strongly believe that I have the skills to enable clubs to realise their potential,
both in the development of current sportspersons and the encouragement of new
ones.
Keep Wednesday free
At Surrey we are incredibly fortunate to have the facilities and structure
available to use them, One thing that I will fight for is that these facilities
are not only available but kept accessible by keeping Wednesday after-
noons free. Senate are currently reviewing their policy on Wednesday after-
noons. Whoever you vote for, join the campaign to keep Wednesday after-
noons free for sports societies and other student development!
If we don’t fight for it we’ll lose it!!!!
Taster days
Whilst the sports fair is highly successful it only gives the freshers the
briefest hint of what the clubs and sports are about. In addition to the fair I
intend to introduce a system of “taster days” where students will be able to
spend a day with the club getting a real feel for the sport. I believe that
many students find it hard/daunting to approach sports clubs especially
mid-way through the semester. Taster days will give students another open
invitation to participate in sport. It will also give an invaluable opportunity
for current sports men and women to try something new.
Diversity
Sport at Surrey takes many different forms; from competitive clubs such as
football and rugby through to recreational sports including gliding and hik-
ing. There is not enough space to name all of the clubs at Surrey in this
manifesto, and this is exactly how I will ensure that it stays!! If any club
should run into trouble for whatever reason and become “dormant” it will
be the sports exec’s responsibility to promote that sport and establish if
there is still an active interest in the club.
Quality
Whist I will be careful not to
promote an elitist ethic I strongly
believe that the competitive clubs
should receive support they need
so that they are in a position not
only to compete at the same level
as the opposition but to win!!
Finance
Over the past few years sport at surrey has been progres-
sively improving, and growing. Whilst this is fantastic
there is an obvious problem. Higher numbers of students
participating in sport cost more money.
One of my priorities will be to secure funding from as
many different avenues as possible such as sponsorship,
Club Support
First and foremost I intend to be as available, accessible
and approachable to students as possible with a complete-
ly open door policy. In addition I feel it will be useful to
have Captains/Chairpersons meetings. Where the
Chairs/Captains of a particular group of clubs and their
exec representative meet me to discuss in more detail how
I can best be of service to them and how they can help
each other.
More training days for club committee members so that
students are trained as close to being elected as possible.
I am currently developing a fully self maintained on-line
minibus booking system, which I should be ready before
Easter, this will leave the sports officer with more time for
more important matters than booking minibuses.
Sport at Surrey is to good to let decline Vote
for someone who cares about sport.- Vote Joe

BE A SPORT...................VOTE JOE [1] To contact me for any reason

e-mail: jmh@cheerful.com
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 15 (1,1)

Sports Officer n IX

For all your sporting needs - Vote Graham Meads.

The name’s Meads, Graham Meads. Age 21. Height 5’9’’.Weight 12 stone 7lb.
Proposer: Steve Russell (former Hockey 1st team Communication.
Captain) By working closely with the Sports Standing Committee, Sports execu-
Seconder: Matthew Spencer (Football Vice-Chair and for- tives and Club Captains/Chairpersons I will strive to do all in my power
mer Tour Organiser) to aid with the smooth running of our clubs. This, I see as an integral part
Guarantors: Richard Saulet (Sports Editor for Bare Facts) of my prospective role as future Union Sports Officer for it is they who
Steve Conlon (Environment Officer) know the logistics of their own sports and can provide me with the nec-
Yogesh Thankey (Cricket & Asian Society) essary information needed for improvement.
Rosalind Southall (Hockey Chair) I aim to improve the infrastructure and enforce a clearly defined process
in respect to the way Surrey conducts it’s Sports Programs. This will
Sport has always played an important part in my life. During my four eliminate disappointments such as the double booking of
years at Surrey I have seen sport as a vital part of University. It has pro- Minibuses/Pitches, which will in turn increase our enjoyment and con-
vided me with an opportunity to escape from the pressures of study and tribute to Surrey’s continuing success.
served as a fundamental part of my social life.
I firmly believe that everybody should be in a position to participate in Wednesday Afternoons For All!
activities, whether it be competitive or non-competitive, so that each
In order to reduce the costs of officials the
and every student can experience the sense of camaraderie which In agreement with the sports development program, my primary policy opportunity will be provided for any inter-
comes from representing Surrey. will be to do all in my power to turn back the ever growing tide of ested members to
scheduing lectures on a Wednesday afternoon. Which denies individuals attend various respective courses to attain a
Interdepartmental and Non-competitive Sport. of their right to sport and robs our sports clubs of continuity, which is qualification that will enable them to offici-
I am dedicated to the development of sport at grass roots level. This in essential to ensure our continuing success. ate their own matches when they are unable
my opinion starts at the level of increasing the availability and standard Following the removal of block fixtures there has been an inevitable to take part themselves.
of facilities, improving the communication with University staff, further decline in club unity on a Wednesday afternoon. I will strive to make Sport has in the past few years received an
development of the Interdepartmental sports program, along with con- Wednesday nights special once more. Along with these evenings of joy- enhanced profile nationally. I want us to be
tinuing and improving the assistance our non-competitive sports clubs ous stupor, the aim is to introduce other various social events. I firmly part of the promotion towards the growing
receive. We should be able to enjoy the availability of these sports with- believe such measures will redress the balance and aid the continued awareness of the importance of sport in all
out being burdened by the huge financial costs associated with such restoration of club spirit. our lives.
activities. Non-competitive sports have so far been unable to benefit I believe that my energy, experience and
from the assistance or profile they clearly deserve in days gone by. They
contribute an enormous amount to our University, and deserve to be rec-
Dosh! enthusiasm will allow me to propel Surrey
I believe there is much scope to improve the funding of our sporting into a University of high profile sporting
ognized accordingly. achievement, building Upon the strong
clubs. This I intend to do by approaching local businesses and securing
sponsorship, therefore enhancing our facilities, equipment and thus foundations laid by previous sports officers
improving our capacity to compete at the highest level. allowing Surrey to be at our rightful place.

VOTE MEADS - SEE SPORT SUCCEED!

Do you have too much

time on your hands?
re you interested in what goes on in the Union? paigns

A Do you want to get involved? If so, now’s

you’re chance. Part-time Union Officer posts
are currently up for election and any student is eligible
Union Treasurer, who is responsible for Union funds
and organises and chairs the Finance Standing
Committee
to apply. These part-time Union Officers are the people Sports Chairperson, who organises and chairs the
who work with the Sabbatical Officers to shape Union Sports Standing and Sports Executive Committees
policy, and help with the general running of the Professional Placement Officer, who lets Industrial
Student’s Union. If you’ve ever been to a Student Year students know whats going on in the Union
Council (SC) meeting then you’ll probably have heard Rag Chairperson, who runs Rag, and chairs the Rag
what individual officers do Committee VOTING TIMES
It’s a great thing to do if you have ideas on how we can Entertainments Chairperson, who liaises with the
make the Union better. It’s a good way to meet new peo- Ents Manager and chairs the Ents Committee
ple. It’s also a very good thing to put on your C.V. In Women’s Officer, who makes sure women are repre-
Mon wk 5
1 1- 2 Lecture Theatres
fact it is possible for any Union Official to get a NVQ sented on Union committees and provides welfare sup- Tues wk 5
11- 2 Austin Pearce Building
in Management Skills. poprt for women students Weds wk 5
11 - 2 Students’ Union
The posts available are: Environmental Officer, who promotes enviromental Thurs wk 5
11 - 4 Austin Pearce Building
awareness within the Union and University then 7 - 11 Chancellor’s Foyer
Union Chair person, who organises and chairs SC Equal Opportunities Officer, who ensures the Union
meetings. adheres to equal opportunities policies
Fri wk 5 9 - 2 Lecture Theatres
General Secretary(me), who helps the Union Bare Facts Secretary, who chairs the BF Editorial
Chairperson, and the Internal and External Affairs Board, and ensures the smooth running of BF Hopefully we will have a voting session at St.
Officers, and minutes the Student Council and Union Luke’s on one afternoon - keep an eye out for
Executive Committee , meetings. So if you’re interested in finding out more,leave a note posters!
Internal Affairs Officer, who oversees the running of in the General Secretary pigeon hole at the back of the
all Union societies and organises and chairs the Union pigeon holes room in the Union, or fill in a nomination
Exec meetings. form, available in the General Secretary pigeon hole.
External Affairs Officer, who lets the Union know Alternativly e-mail me - mu41rl.
what the NUS (the National Union of Students) are
Richard Linecar
doing and vice-versa and organises pro-student cam-
General Secretary
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 16 (1,1)

X n Communications Officer

Sophie Rocks [1] for Comms

P r o p o s er - M a r c u s M a y e r s ( 3 r d y e a r S O M S ) Sophie’s Bare Facts
J Facts and Union since 1st year
S ec o n d er - S a r a h G y l e s ( 2 n d y e a r N u t r i t i o n , B F S e c ) Final year BSc (Hons)
Biochemistry (Toxicology)
G u a r a n to r s - J Currently Professional
Cerise An drews ( 2n d y ear D an c e, En ts Ch air) Placement Officer (Union official
Alex Cass ( 2n d y ear Ch em En g ) position); editing, writing, produc-
T o n y Ede ( 1st y ear Ph y sic s Ph D , Po st G rad ing newsletters and maintaining
web site
A s s o c ia tio n En ts )
J Bare Facts Secretary in 1st and
Ewen Ferg u so n ( 3rd y ear Elec En g ) 2nd year
J Actively involved in Bare
J Previous member of Club
Committee
J Currently involved in G&S,
Archery, Charter Ball Committee
and Graduation Ball Committee
J Work experience in press
office and public relations compa-
ny

Bare Facts J Running mentoring and work-

Virtually all students agree that
Bare Facts is the main form of com-
munication on Campus. This year
has seen the paper go from strength
to strength; I want this to continue.
Originally, the paper was staffed
entirely by students. I believe that a
return to this would benefit both the
Union and its members, with the
Communications Officer maintain-
ing overall control.
This move would increase student
involvement and lighten the burden
of Bare Facts on the
Communications Officer, allowing
more time to be spent on Union
Information and increasing commu-
nication with those outside Campus.
Each student should have the oppor-
tunity to be involved with and have
access to Bare Facts. I intend to
accomplish this by:
J Increasing distribution of Bare
Facts
shop programmes for photographers
and writers
J Recruiting Web writers for Bare
Facts
Clubs & Societies
Recently, training for Treasurers
and Presidents of Clubs and
Societies has been made available
by the Union. Yet this training
ignores one of the major problems
at Surrey - advertising.
Overcoming this obstacle should be
the job of the Communications
Officer. I believe that some Clubs
and Societies would benefit from
workshops on:
J Writing for the World Wide
Web
J Publicising events
J Article writing for events
Courses such as these would be
organised for early in the year and
run in conjunction with the Skills
Development team. This should
increase WWW usage, ensure that
publicity adheres to USSU guide-
lines and increase the number of
submissions from Clubs and
Societies to Bare Facts.
Keeping up the momentum for
these courses has the added advan-
tage of informing the Clubs and
Societies what is happening in the
Union and encourage inter-society
co-operation.
Surrey’s problems of poster blind-
ness and information deafness need
to be combated.
Off-Site
Communication
In the position of Professional
Placement Officer I am only too
aware of the problems involved
with Union communication. This
was the main reason I began the
Professional Placement Web Site.
Bare Facts is now readily available
on the web but there is still the need
to improve communication to off-
site students. I will do this by:
J Maintaining pressure to
improve information flow to stu-
dents on placement, on Hazel Farm
and off-campus with year planners
listing major Union events
J Increase circulation of Bare
Facts in Library, teaching facilities
and Campusport facilities so that
postgraduate students and mature
students can easily get hold of a
copy
Town Relations
I believe that part of the
Communications Officers role is to
act as a public relations liaison
between the Students, their Union
and the surrounding community. I
aim to increase awareness of student
issues by:
J Promoting student activities to
the local community
J Increasing ties with local publi-
cations, such as the Surrey
Advertiser and Guildford Times.
Union Information
Each year the majority of the flow
of information out of the Union falls
on deaf ears. I would improve this
by:
J Posting all information on the
WWW
J Collating all services and
facilities available in the Union into
a “bible” of information
J Ensuring all publications from
the Union pass through the
Communications Officer, allowing
other Union Officials to concentrate
on their specialised jobs
Advertising
At the present time the Union is
strongly pursuing advertising. I
want to see this passed on to Clubs
and Societies for events, increasing
their revenue.

Wh en stu c k b etween a r o c k an d a h ar d p lac e - g o fo r th e Ro c k( s) ever y tim e

Vote Tom Sherwen

Proposer: “Spiky” Ben Michie (Silly Night, Final Year Biological Sciences)
Communications Officer

Seconder: Nadine Al-Said (Final Year H&C)

Guarantors:
Gill Venables (Final Year Music)
Andrew “Foggi” Forgham (Rugby 1st XV, Calling Orson, Final Year L.I.S.)
Jon Greensmith (Law Society, Final Year L.I.S.)
Wendy Bowater (RAG Chair, Second Year Nutrition and Dietetics)

Why me? Awareness and Representation

I am a fifth(!) and final year LIS student,
enjoying my time at the University of
Surrey far too much to leave just yet.
As President of Unplugged – voted most
active society last semester – and a
devoted member of the Ents Committee
I have gained experience in the running
of our Students’ Union. I am combining
this with producing a Yearbook for my
department and seeking to improve
Hazel Farm in any way that I can.
Ah yes, and I’m completing my degree …
I have completed professional placements in
Sweden and France, the latter including the
production of a handbook and preparing
documents for international conferences,
and am currently living at Hazel Farm. As
a result I have experienced some pros and
all too many of the cons of communication
or the lack of it between the university and
students.
The University of Surrey is a multinational, multicultural centre
for over 8000 students. Good communication between all
groups, regardless of size, is vital in order to keep every student,
club, society and nationality fairly represented and aware of
what is happening at their university.
I see the Communications Officer’s role as having a dual
purpose. Everyone must have the chance to voice their
feelings and opinions on all matters, ranging from the
continuing struggle against tuition fees, to financial
hardship or accommodation problems (which I know all
too well!).
Whether an issue is small scale, local, national, or global, I
will, as Communications Officer, represent you and promote
the views of Surrey students at every opportunity. And your
voice does count – just look at the recent boycott of Bo’s.
By keeping students aware of the situation and with strong
publicity and communication we, the students of Surrey,
forced the club management to wake up.
The other side of the job is for me to keep you informed
about all relevant issues, to report back on progress made,
and to make you aware and keep you posted on all social
aspects of Union life, a part of my student years that I value
greatly.
Committed to representing everyone’s point of view
The most obvious part of the Communications Officer’s job is responsibility
for the publication of the Union Handbook, the Alternative Prospectus,
Surrey for Beginners, the Industrial Placement Newsletter and, of course,
Bare Facts.
I am determined to resolve the problems of accessibility that countless
industrial year students have encountered. Keeping all Surrey students
informed, wherever they are, is my number one priority and Bare Facts
needs to keep up with the technological advance of the world wide web as
a communications tool. I also want to develop a closer relationship between
Communications and GCR, Guildford Campus Radio, an often neglected
source of campus information, so that students are kept up to date with
activities, ents, match reports, ticket sales, etc!
I hope to change Bare Facts from being a paper with space to fill to one
bursting with news, reports, sports coverage, action photos, ents promotions,
travel arrangements, special offers, competitions, outside entertainment,
accommodation ads and whatever else you want!
...And Finally
I want the Communications Officer to be a full sabbatical position working at
and involved in all aspects of Union life.
I can make your time at Surrey even better than mine!
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 17 (1,1)

NUS annual conference delegates n XI

Jackie Beer Cazza Betteridge Sam Birmingham Wendy Bowater

I am standing as NUS delegate because I think
that it is really important that our National Union
is independent, dynamic and accountable.
As Women’s Officer I am already involved in stu-
dent politics at a local and national level. I have
attended other conferences, understand how they
work and have close links with other Student
Unions.
I understand the issues that will be discussed at
conference and I know many of the candidates
(and their political affiliations); therefore without
being misled or intimidated by the factions, I will
ensure that our National Union listens to the views
of Surrey students.
I want to see a vibrant and inclusive movement
which is proactive, not reactive.
This will be our only chance this year to choose
and change the policies that directly affect us and
to choose a truly independent National Executive.
Make sure you make the right choice.
Vote Jackie Beer [1] for NUS Delegate.
Nominated by: Julia Hamon, Tanya Borsi,
Joanne Austin, Paul Hopkins
As Campaigns Officer for the WES-
SEX area I have had considerable
dealings with NUS and understand the
issues that are involved. I have been
involved in prioritising the motions
that are being sent to conference and
therefore have a real desire and also
commitment to see them fulfilled. I
have a particular interest in the Student
Development and Sport motion and
feel that I have the experience to
ensure that the NUS listens to the
views of Surrey students.
So, vote Caz Betteridge [1]
for NUS Delegate
Nominated by:Paul Cliff, Hannah
Field, Tom Sherwen, Ross Nichol,
Tania Rocks, Danny Bryant
I am a candidate who: Last Easter I attended NUS conference
and so I understand the workings and
*Has already attended NUS Conference
jargon used. I am standing as a dele-
and understands its workings.
gate again as I believe I am in the posi-
*Has prepared this Unions submissions to
tion to introduce first time delegates to
NUS Conference.
the proceedings of conference. I know
*Is fully aware of Surrey Students concerns and will
the issues at stake, and understnad the
voice them where it counts
importance of reliable representation
*Can act as a political independent and still make a
for Surrey students.
difference.
*Already represents you at very level within the
Since May, I have been actively
University.
involved in the Union through my
position as Rag Chairperson. More
What this means is that I am the right choice if you
want to be sure that Surrey makes its presence felt at recently I have been involved with the
CEL consultancy review, by being on
conference. I am the right choice if you want to ensure
that the Surrey contingent act as a team and speak on the steering group to improve your
the behalf of all Surrey students rather than voicing Union.
their own individual opinions. I am the right choice if
you want to ensure that you send candidates who have I want to represent the views of the
students of Surrey at NUS conference,
more than a superficial understanding of the new stu-
dent support arrangements and how they will impact on so vote Wendy Bowater [1] for NUS
Delegate.
Surrey students.
So, vote Sam Birmingham [ 1 ]
for NUS delegate
Nominated by: Kamran Loqueman,
Nominated by: Sophie Rocks, Mark Pullinger, Fiona Kevin Blain, Mark Stuart, Tania
Warner, Tony Ede, M. Mayers, Jeff Blackham Rocks, Tom Sherwen, Robert Ellis

Steve Conlon Andy Gale Laurie Hurman

VOTE STEPHEN CONLON [1] FOR NUS DELEGATE The NUS is our voice at a national level.
You’ve heard of the three R’s, Throught the annual conference, we get the
NOW vote for the three E’s. chance to shape NUS’s policy for the year, so
it is essential that our conference delegates
ENVIRONMENT:- recognise and act on the opinions of Surrey
Environmental officer 1996, 1997-8. University Environmental students. My involvement in the Union and the
committee. The environment is no.1 priority this year at Postgraduate Association keeps me aware of
Conference.VOTE for the candidate who KNOWS about what the views of a wide range of Surrey students.
he’s voting for.
NUS conference often gets bogged down by
EDUCATION:- delegates who enjoy wasting time on internal
Student development through sport is part of the educational squabbling. This dis-unity only weakens the
experience. After the debate on this at Blackpool, I WILL vote NUS’s influence nationally, We at Surrey can
to protect Wednesday sport. set an example to those delegates by focussing
on the task in hand - ensuring that the NUS
EXPERIENCE:-
represents the views of the majority of stu-
I attended Conference in 1996 and made a speech there to 1000
dents, and not just those who shout the loudest.
+ delegates.
I am a final year Mech. Eng. student. I have
represented the university at both Hockey and
running, and I am a past president of the
Mature students association.
Although I am a member of the Labour party
and a socialist by conviction I am a pragma-
tist. If I am elected as a delegate to the NUS
conference I will work towards realistic goals
trying to make the voice of students both at
Surrey and nationally credible in order that
we can expect to be consulted on major issues
and not marginalised.

Vote for the Only candidate who has made a speech at
Conference.
Vote for the Only candidate who has been connected with
environmental issues for 3 years at Surrey.
Vote for the Only candidate worth voting for.
Earlier this year I represented Surrey students
on a fees demonstration in Southampton. I’d
like the chance to do more, so please vote
Andy Gale [1] for conference delegate.

VOTE 1 FOR CONLON Nominated by: Jon Greensmith, Rob Alter,

Nominated by: Sam Birmingham, Tony Ede, Kate Jones, Victoria Gale, Kristen Larkin,
Nominated by: Cazza Betteridge, Cheetah Chhatralia, Sam Sarah Gyles, Tania Rocks, Simon Hart, Nick Nevin Moledina
Scheck, Tim Pickop, Richard Nightingale, Graham Meads Antonopoulos
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 18 (1,1)

XII n How to vote if you are on placement

THIS BALLOT PAPER IS FOR USE BY PLACEMENT STUDENTS ONLY

This ballot paper is only valid if stamped by the Returning Officer Voting instructions
For each post:
READ THE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE YOU REGISTER YOUR VOTE! n Select your first-choice candidate and write ‘1’ in the box next to his or her name
n Select your second-choice candidate and write ‘2’ in the box next to his or her name.
PRESIDENT n Continue in this way until you have no choices left.
n You do not have to use all your choices, and you may make ‘Re-open Nominations’
KEHOE, Anne one of your choices. During the count, ‘Re-open Nominations’ will be treated as
Vote for Anne - the one with plan though it is a candidate, and should it win, nominations for that post are re-opened,
and another election held.
LOQUEMAN, Kamran
He has the key to your future. Do not make any other marks on the ballot sheet or you may invalidate it. If you use a
tick or a cross to indicate your preference, then we may also discard your sheet.
SIMS, Harriet Do not separate this form into sections - post the whole form to the Administrative
` Harriet Sims ~ Freak or Unique?
Returning Officer at the address shown. Fold this sheet so that the address is showing, fix
STUART, Mark with sellotape, and pop it in the post - no stamp needed!
Vote MARK STUART. Need I say more?

WHITBREAD, Nathan
The Link is missing between the Union and you
POSTAL VOTES MUST BE
RE-OPEN NOMINATIONS RECEIVED BY 2PM ON FRIDAY
STUDENT AFFAIRS OFFICER 20TH FEBRUARY 1998
LEFEUVRE, Matt
Vote Pob for the Job

VENABLES, Gill VOTER SURVEY

Student Affairs, not Slogans!
We are keen to find out which groups of students tend to vote in our elections, so if you
RE-OPEN NOMINATIONS would tick which category of students describes you most accurately, we would be most
grateful! (Mark all boxes that apply.)
[ ] Undergraduate [ ] UK student
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER [ ] Diploma [ ] Overseas student - European Union
[ ] Masters [ ] Overseas student - non European Union
ROCKS, Sophie [ ] PhD Postgraduate
When stuck between a rock and a hard place - go for the Rock(s) every time
[ ] Mature student
SHERWEN, Tom
Committed to representing everyone’s point of view

RE-OPEN NOMINATIONS

LIAISON OFFICER
TINKER, Louise
Make Tink Your Link

WATTERS, Ciaran
Let a Nurse represent nurses for a change.

RE-OPEN NOMINATIONS

SPORTS OFFICER
LANGLEY, Alex
Just do it.

McCARTHY-HOLLAND, Joe
Be a sport - vote Joe

MEADS, Graham
Vote Meads - see sport succeed!

RE-OPEN NOMINATIONS

NUS DELEGATION
The NUS delegate ballot will determine who shall be leader,
and who shall be the other six delegates. GU2 5XH
BEER, Jackie SURREY
BETTERIDGE, Cazza GUILDFORD
BIRMINGHAM, Sam UNIVERSITY OF SURREY
FREEPOST
BOWATER, Wendy
STUDENTS’ UNION
CONLON, Steve THE ADMINISTRATIVE RETURNING OFFICER
GALE, Andy
HURMAN, Laurie

This ballot paper is only valid if stamped by the Returning Officer

ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 19 (1,1)
n Thursday 5th February 1998
23:35 Film: Far and Away
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday
22:05 Game On
6th
23:30 Still in bed with
Medinner
22:00 Frasier
23:05 TFI Friday
13:50 Winter Olympics
20:10 Casualty
21:00 Jonathan Creek
7th
22:00 Film: The Assassin
20:05 Police Academy
19:00 Film: Jurassic Park
22:05 Billy Connolly: A Scot
in the Arctic
8th
21:00 London’s Burning
21:00 Film: Jack and Sarah
22:40 They Think It’s all
over again
23:15 Film 98 with Barry
9th
Norman
22:00 Goodness Gracious
Me
22:55 Father Ted
20:00 Eastenders
10th
19:00 Essential Winter
Olympics
20:00 The Brit Awards 1998
23:40 Renegade
20:00 Shop till you drop
22:40 The Big Match
11th
21:00 ER
22:30 Friends
22:20 The Best Show in the
World...Probably
12th
21:00 The Truth about
Women
22.:40 Film: Silence of the
Lambs
22:05 Game On
13th
23:30 Still in bed with
Medinner
22:00 Frasier
23:15 TFI Friday
Union Club opening hours
Every weekday:
7pm-midnight Pizza +
14th
Helyn Rose Bar Breakfast 8:30-11am
Helyn Rose Bar Lunch 12-2pm
Hari’s Bar (drink & snacks) 11am-7pm
Chancellor’s lunch 12-2pm
Chancellor’s afternoon tea 2:30-5pm
Entertainments Guide 7
GIG GUIDE
It is always advisable to confirm with the
venue before travelling. Cineline - (01483) 578017
PICK Bennet, Redwood, Jaguar, From Friday 6th Feb to
OF THE
Inter - Aldershot Princes Hall
WEEK Thursday 12 Feb 1998
Disco Pistol, Spillage - London Kings
Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) Fri & Sat (6th/7th)
Pitchshifter, FPC, Choke - Reading
Titanic, 12
Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
12:10, 12:55, 16:15, 16:55, 20:20, 21:00
Flubber, U
12:15, 14:40, 17:05, 19:30, 21:50
A, Understand, Ventolin - Reading George of the Jungle, U
Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 13:15, 15:25
Dubstar, Wireless - London Shepherds Tomorrow Never Dies, 12
Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) 12:45, 15:40, 18:40, 21:40
McQueen, Llama Farmers - London The Borrowers, U
Fulham King’s Head 12:30, 14:45
Monkey Mafia - London Adrenalin Boogie Nights, 18
13:45, 17:45, 21:20
Village
Spiceworld: The Movie, PG
12:15, 14:25
Up ‘N’ Under, 12
IN A, Vitro -
YOUR 13:45, 16:35, 19:00, 21:30
Guildford, Surrey University Home Alone 3, PG
UNION
13:30
Pete Hugh, Gemma McQueen - The Woodlanders, PG
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 13:30, 16:15, 18:50, 21:20
Picture Perfect, PG
13:55, 16:30
Devil’s Advocate, 18
18:50, 22:00
The Jackal, 18
Mink - London Borderline (0171 734 13:30, 18:55
2095) The Full Monty, 15
Pollen 8, Obsidan Elementary - 16:45, 21:50
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
Sun - Thurs (8th-12th)
Titanic, 12
11:20, 14:20, 15:20, 19:00, 19:25
Flubber, U
12:15, 14:40, 17:05, 20:05
George of the Jungle, U
12:30, 14:45
Inter - London Kings Cross Water
Rats (0171 837 7269) Tomorrow Never Dies, 12
12:15, 15:00, 17:45, 20:35
The Borrowers, U
12:15, 14:20
Boogie Nights, 18
13:00, 16:30, 19:55
Spiceworld: The Movie, PG
Natia Blue, Wake, Shifter - Reading 12:10, 14:15
Up ‘N’ Under, 12
Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
13:10, 16:20, 18:35, 20:55
Six By Seven - London Kings Cross Home Alone 3, PG, 12:30
Water Rats (0171 837 7269 The Woodlanders, PG
Strangelove, Simon Warner - 12:15, 14:50, 17:45, 20:15
London Shepherds Bush Empire Picture Perfect, PG,
(0171 287 1331) 12:15, 14:35
Devil’s Advocate, 18,
Dandy Warhols, Velvet Jones - 16:50, 20:05
The Jackal, 18
London Garage (0171 607 1818)
12:45, 18:15
Disco Pistol, Gel, Pimlico - Reading
The Full Monty, 15
Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 15:30, 20:55
Pitchshifter - London Camden
Underworld (0171 482 1932)
Snow Patrol - London Kings Cross Wednesday only
Water Rats (0171 837 7269)
Smilla’s feeling for snow, 15
12:15, 14:55, 17:35, 20:20
Air Liquide - London 333 Club
Everclear - London Garage (0171
607 1818)
Glamorous Hooligan - London
Islington The Complex
The Godfathers, Burt - Reading
Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
Pitchshifter - Camberley Agincourt
The Godfarthers - London Garage Sunday 8th at 5pm and 8pm,
(0171 607 1818) Monday 9th 8pm only.
Primal Scream, Alabama 3 -
MEN IN BLACK.
London Brixton Acasemy (0171 264
LTG
1525)
Release - London Camden Dublin
Castle (0171 485 1773) Tickets in advance from the
Turky - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 OFU box in the Students’
1116) Union.
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:30 Page 20 (1,1)

8 Music and Jobs Thursday 5th February 1998 n

CATATONIA Dr Russ Replies

Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 29/1/98. Review and Photo by Daniel Jones
Dear Russ they’ve expressed or by asking them to clar-
hat a

W
find - The
place
to
I’ve heard that selection centres
often include discussion groups
as part of the assessment proce-
ify something they’ve said. You will be
given marks for these contributions because
they are seen as supportive and helpful.
Wedgewood
Rooms. Even dure. I haven’t got a clue what Thirdly, if you are chairing the discussion
Mulder and
Scully would
to expect. Can you help me? you should aim to: introduce the topic; set
have trouble. down any guidelines such as encouraging
And you get Dear David, only one person to speak at a time; curtail
there and there’s overbearing participants whilst involving
not a cup nor a Having watched a number of discussion those on the fringes of the discussion; and,
saucer in sight.
groups over the years, the main thing I’ve finally, steer the group towards a point
But, tonight,
there is the noticed is that they tend to come in all sorts where you can make a short summary of the
sweet sound of a of shapes and sizes. A chairperson might be discussion. Keep your eye on the clock
band, relaxed, appointed or the group be left leaderless; a because if you over-run, you might be
refreshingly specific topic might be thrown in for discus- penalised. The discussion might even be
lively and on the
sion or you might be left to develop some- terminated by the examiners before you’ve
brink of bigger
things. thing yourselves; sometimes you are given a had a chance to draw it all together and that
Proceedings brief beforehand, other times you’re not. would be disastrous.
were delayed
until 10:30 when Whatever form they take, there are a number However, as with every part of the selection
the expectant
crowd were duly
of things you can do to improve your perfor- procedure, don’t panic if you think you’ve
rewarded with a mance. First of all, it is essential that you made a mess of it. Candidates are seldom
picturesque tree- say something early on. The longer you rejected on the results of just one exercise.
top full of sharp leave it the harder it is to get going. Don’t What’s more, if you stay calm and can
but also mean- worry about making a fool of yourself at this bounce back for the next test, your positive
dering melodies
better suited in
stage, it’s far more important to get used to attitude is certain to impress the examiners
to an expectant the sound of your own voice. You will gain and will often more than compensate for
spring or a in confidence the more you speak. previous disappointments.
melancholic,
reflectant Secondly, if you feel shut out of the discus- Russ Clark
autumn rather
than a late
sion at any stage - you can come back in Careers Service
January night. fairly painlessly either by complimenting
Opening and someone on a view or an opinion which
bursting with
exuberance, ‘I
Am The Mob’
bubbles along
like the indie
anthem it should have been, need to be adored like they are tory.
perhaps wondering why it, like tonight for all time. The new songs are as necessary
so many of Catatonia’s previous The band are tight, displaying and vital to the world as those
singles, it only stumbled into the measured perfection and before. ‘International Velvet’,
the Top 40. But it should worry glamorous swelling of the music with its stuttering funk pro-
no more. After a plaintive ‘This - the songs peak and flow like a claims “Everyday when I wake
Boy Can Swim’, Cerys butterfly would roll and glide up I thank God I’m Welsh” and
Matthews, in one of the brief around a sweet smelling, bright- the verse in the words of singer
but never less then informative ly flowered garden. Cerys, and songwriter Mark Roberts
moments of inter-song banter, renowned for getting plastered lists “a whole load of cliches
informs that the band have just on home-brew as well as for about what it is to be Welsh”
recorded what was a triumphant having an active interest in box- whilst in ‘Johnny Come Lately’,
first TOTP performance. It ing (and particularly Chris Cerys takes the guitar for a
marks the success of new single Eubank), tonight looks more moment of introspection. ‘Lost
(and next song tonight), gorgeous than ever. The awe Cat’ purrs thumpingly creating a
‘Mulder And Scully’, which inspiring voice, the voice that is vigor in the crowd which is
debuted at number three in the Catatonia and absolutely no-one matched during ‘You’ve Got A
charts. It’s a song that many else’s soars through the songs - Lot To Answer For’ and over-
have already decided they wish swirling as it accelerates and shadowed during ‘Sweet
to be with for the rest of their brakes, ripping through corners Catatonia’.
life, in the same way Catatonia and ultimately powering to vic- Very sweet indeed.

DUST JUNKYS
Union 1/2/98. Review and Photo by Andrew Thomas
ast time this band played here

L there were a handful of people

who got into “the fever”.
Obviously this small group had told all
their mates about this fairly original
four piece and this time the Dust
Junkies came on to a crowd filling the
dance floor.
Songs like, ‘Living In The Pocket Of A
Drug Queen’, and, ‘What Time Is It’,
got the crowd grooving their hips and
waving their arms. Despite technical
difficulties and the singer (who people
may remember as M.C. Tunes) being
utterly tanked up, the set was very tight
and spontaneous solos crashed in at
opportune moments. A great display
from the funk rock hip hop non stop
operation!
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:31 Page 21 (1,1)

n Thursday 5th February 1998 Notices & Personals 9

Personals (sorry they won’t all fit - watch out next week)

nHeather Newman (AKA Coat
Woman) Happy Birthday! we hope
it was memorable. Love always
your best mates Abbi and Sarah
nHeather Please go out with me -
you never know till you try!!!
nFencers do it in masks - we know
protection counts
nFencers know its not the size of
your weapon that matters but how
you handle it
nWe get our kicks with a metre of
hardened steel
nJames loves Kathxxxx
nSusan, I really was watching Peak
Practice!
nBourne 4 - any more gossip?
nKristian....nil points..allegedly!
nNo other shirt? oh well, green
suits you
nKate, fancy a tequilla?
nMatt, it really is green!
nBourne 4 - who’s got all the
knives and forks?
nLover..How about the gents toi-
lets!!! Gorgeousxxxx
nWeyside birds hit Brighton -
Ocean Colour Scene - Lock up your
pants!!
nHey single weyside birds - isn’t it
about time you notched some up??
Bean, Bear, Mo and Clumsy Idiot -
I love you all - thanks for a fab
birthday!!
nDid a Weyside Bird fancy a go on
Dickie’s Column??
nHey Nikki Sharp - you’re fab
nForger and Firkin Barmaids don’t
just pull pints _ ask jo and sara!!!
nWEYSIDE BIRDS are still vibrat-
ing........
nwhere are REBECCA’s
words.......? (try the parkway!)
nJoanna - that bloke Simon how
rude was he?
nTight t-shirt Nick - fancy asmar-
tie!!
nSara - you scream too much
nTo the bloke who smiles at me on
tuesdays, I’m up for it if you
are..love from the barmaid!!!!
nSara - i can hear you.......!!!!
nMAX - buy some bin bags
please!!!!!!
nFingers-Just because you are not
man enough to pull doesn’t mean
you can skip lectures pretending to
be sick. Woos.
nA & I, do I live with a couple of
women???
nTo the girl at Bo’s dancing with
skinny blonde bloke please e-mail
him its the only chance he’ll get this
semester.
nTo all in RM2 where were you?
You want a personals war? You got
one.
nGreen & Amnesty Week; For The
Beauty Of It All. To everyone who
particpated, who made it great -
especially Tom and Dia - it was
wicked! Nice one. Let’s do it all
over again. - Bob
nToo many welshmen are gathering
in one place!!! We will be overrun!!
It was nice of you to tell ME your a
dad!!
nNo pain, no gain!!!
nLittle Katie - have you pulled it
out of the bag recently?!
nOi Moonbeam! Sunshine! Do you
still chat?
nArmadillo?
nOne blue Rugrats ruler, please
find and e-mail bs41am.
nI want my old BF back, he is turn-
ing into a drunken yob!
nIs life not complete without a Rug
rats ruler
nSOMS students - don’t you just
love law lectures!
nMoneypenny, is it true what they
say about the quiet ones?
nJon & Rosie? Who’d have thought
it!
nMy best friend Ro - Have you had
that second dream yet? I’ll be here
waiting!
nThe penis rumours were all false,
sorry, from Jon.
njE cROIS qUE vOUS vOUDRIEZ
cOUCHER aVEC mOI cE sOIR,
nON?
nHave you seen fishface dance?
John Travolta I think not.
nHot Potato, Hot Potato, Cold
Spagetti, Cold Spagetti, Mashed
Banana
nMalta......Old couples
nIbiza - Watch out Fisty’s about
(she only charges £150- and you get
the t-shirt)
nMalta - lock up your grannies des-
perate lads on the loose
nWe all know why Theresa doesn’t
use the treadmills, 2 black eyes are
pretty difficult to live with.
nWhy do parents always get deliv-
ery destinations wrong.
nRo, put Andy down.
nTo put everyone at ease, I found
my missing manhood (a relieved
Twyford resident).
nI really wish you would stop giv-
ing my son grief (Michael’s
mum),and an answer to your ques-
tion, yes I do send him to work with
a packed lunch.
nWe love you Michael we do!!!!!!
nEmma how about a date snuffling
for truffles?
nGod dalming!
nRaRaRaRaRaRaRa, Ro.
nI just want to partee, parteee, par-
teeee.
nOh but I need to miss politics,
Perky.
nWill Sarah survive FNO this
week?
nAnd will Emma too?
nSarah, Let’s go and pull some
blokes!!, love Emmax
nThree cheers for coatwoman!!!
(and happy belated birthday!)
nBuilding Site Soc now convened
at Uni Ct. For anorak fun watching
diggers,JAMES
nBuilding Site Soc. - The fun of
waiting for trucks to fall down the
hole.
nPaul. How many different trucks
today?
nHe’s ginger, he’s a whinger, what
colour are his pubes?
nPoor little ashley, did mummy
look after you?
nWhy do welsh lads buy dirty mags
with men in?
nOi G! Why so Michael
Scmiechal?
nBeware All You Southern Wine
Drinkers!
nNext Year - Palace Nationwide,
Leicester Europe!
nNever mind Andy, next time don’t
eat all those dates! They make your
bowels ‘move’ a little!
nLittle Miss Unigate - love you
loads - Jimmy Moonbeam
nSale - get out of bed you lazy arse.
n“The Lights” are out....
nIt’s dark in here.
nDon’t forget the condoms you’ve
got in your cabinet next time you’re
goin’ to ram!...
nHAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY LIT-
TLE KATIE! Wish I was
there....have a good one...xxxx
nDave - can all these girls prove
their age?
nNanny Ogg doesn’t need to take
men home - they’re already there.
nNext time I’ll get my own straw
then - Mortica.
nOh no Zinc levels dropping, I
cant get my coat up!!!!
nOI I dont come from Sutton
Coldfield I come from Dudley!!!
nDuncans Zinc curve has reached
an all time low after friday night..
ALLEGEDLY!!!
nMark 3/4 of a pint not the bowl!!!
ndon’t worry Mark you only have
to go to spain to replace it!!!
nWho dares to nick my name then?
A. Tiger.......Grrrrrrh!
nHola Penny, me llamo Holly. Que
tal?
nWhat’s Andy C’s number?
nZaphod is just zis guy you know
nDon’t P U S H me or else I’ll
FALL
nMark was 20 mins. too long ?
nWas is it a bird, was it a plane
?....no it was mark’s pasta !!!!!
nResidents of 3A alarmed at UFO
sighted on February 1st - On
inspection it was found to be a small
bowl of pasta.
nBurn the witch?!? Snog her more
like. You know who you are!!
nMark was 20 mins. too long ?
nFun or faithful?
nMatching pair of green-checked
Calven Klein pyjamas required
urgently. If found, please contact
EMH asap.
nPRINCESS LEA - please show us
yer buns again next FNO. You never
know, Luke Skywalker might be
there to save you.
nLOST: One cherry, if found
please call ext.
nWhat’s the only way to interest
Mike in a woman....A. smother her
in ketchup!!!
nJose I thought that bet was going
to be easy money...Bo****ks
nTo my gorgeous lover, you are
more than I could ever ask for; you
arethe best
nSometimes People Are Rude!!
From 5 H.
nSam - incest in Uni court....when
will it all stop!
nNeil Neil Orange Peel did that
bump make you squeal??
nSam 90 Megs!! So thats what you
do all day!
nPerdone OJ, pero South 3 North 0!
Not bad Beastie Boy but I’m still
slightly ahead!!!

Build your Own Computer! Save hundreds of pounds.
Detailed, illustrated manual on floppy disk only £6.50 post
free. Order from: IST Software, PO box 46, Penzance. TR17
0YF (Send 2 first class stamps for catalogue of exciting PC
software/CD Roms at bargain prices - games, utilities, educa-
tional, etc).
International Week. (Week 8) 9 to 14 March. International
Quiz Night, Exhibition, Gala and Disco all in one week.
Overseas students societies, get thinking about what you want
to do and remember: one representative from each society
must come to Overseas Standing meeting, every Wednesday,
7pm, Grant Mitchell Room in the Students’ Union to get their
money and more information. Oh and this year there’s an
International Sports Day on Sunday 1st March.
The Boat Club and Badminton Club are having a 70’s Pub
Crawl on Wed 11th Feb.
Meet at 7pm in Chancellors. Everyone welcome. Bring your
funky 70’s gear.
Fruit & Veg stall in the Union - today, and now every
Thursday, 10am-3pm, so no need to slog over to Tesco’s.
Tax Clinic
12-2pm Wednesday 11th Feb, at the Union front desk. Get
those tax problems sorted!
Notices
Ballroom Dancing is back! Ever fancied trying the Cha-Cha,
Rumba or the Tango? Then come along to the Ballroom
Dancing Society workshops, Wednesdays 7:30pm in the
University Hall. No partner or previous experience is neces-
sary, so why not give it a try- you never know you might like
it!
We are able to draw on the expertise of a professional teacher
and it only costs £1.50 (students) and £2 (non-students) per
session. Dress code: wear what you like!
Email bs41vs or S.Wesemeyer@e.e.surrey.ac.uk
Ents Committee seeks new Chairperson
Ents Committee, a lively and friendly meeting open to anyone,
will shortly be requiring a new Chairperson. Any motivated
person or persons (working in groups) currently in their first
year, would suit. And it would be a great opportunity for any-
one wanting to become more involved in the entertainments
side of the Union (still only part-time!) Contact Cerise
Andrews on 567721, or Email da61ca.
Dangerous Sports Club at Surrey. I want to start one.
Anyone interested, or knows useful contact details, please
leave a note in the BF box, Email php1ae, message on the
USMC web page or with Cazza.
Charter Ball Committee - do you want to help? Be involved
in a major event at this University. Contact Sophie Rocks on
bs41sr or via the Professional Placement Officer’s pigeon
hole.
Ski Club AGM Thursday 26th February, 6pm Grant Mitchell
Room.
Nightline needs you! If you’ve been involved in the past,
PLEASE let us know your new contact details. Information
evening for anyone interested in joining. Thurs 29th Jan,
TB21, 7:30pm.
The annual talent contest: weeks 7, 8 & 9. (3rd, 10th & 17th
March). Final is on March 22nd (Sunday). Music, comedy,
mime, dance, juggling, poetry - anything you’re good at. Look
out for entry forms in the Unplugged pigeon hole.
There was a problem last weekend with the guest tickets on
Friday night. 200 guest tickets are put aside for Friday Night
Out’s. On Friday 30th January (Week 2) only 100 were found.
Members were told that they could sign in their guests until
10.30pm to alleviate the problem. The other 100 tickets were
then found. We apologise for any inconvenience caused and
will ensure that there will be 200 guest tickets on sale for every
normal Friday Night Out. These tickets can be purchased
between at least 11-3pm every week day and up until one hour
before doors open for the event (7pm) - Students’ Union Club
Students should remember to park considerately in areas
around campus. In Alsford Road, some cars are suffering dam-
age to tyres and mirrors, and in other areas residents are
becoming irate and cannot park outside their houses. Please
use alternative transport wherever possible. - Sergeant David
Chave, Surrey Police
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:31 Page 22 (1,1)

10 Crossword and Other ‘Fun’ Things Thursday 5th February 1998 n

Crossword No. 63 Chess Puzzle

Across Down Solution to crossword no. 62

1. To stupefy (6)
4. Mimosa (6)
9. Hopelessness (7)
10. Stage parts (5)
11. A wooded ravine (5)
12. Salvoes (7)
13. Division of a railway car-
riage (11)
18. Gigantic (7)
20. Prickly plants (5)
22. Deluge (5)
23. A great achievement (7)
24. Feeble from age (6)
25. Military policeman (3-3)
1. Spanish wine-shop (6)
2. Stale-smelling (5)
3. A shellfish (7)
5. Boy’s name (5)
6. Irish girl (7)
7. To aid (6)
8. Evade the truth (11)
14. Obsolete (7)
15. An engine (7)
16. Sticks used for support (6)
17. Accident (6)
19. Knotty (5)
21. Funny (5)
Across: 1. Peseta 4.hyssop
9.twain 10.release 11.sympathy
12.stag 14.presently 18.racy
20.Florence 23.windbag White to move and mate in 4
24.lieder 25.Edison Difficulty: 4/5
Down: 1.potash 2.star-map Solution will be printed in next weeks BF
3.Tintagel 5.Yale 6.shaft
7.pledge 8.archeology
13.starched 15.Yankees
16.trowel 17.person 19.canoe
Charter Ball: hitting this
21.able
Union 20th Feb
Crossword Compiled by
Jeff Blackham
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:31
n Thursday 5th February 1998
erhaps the most neglected
P parameter of fitness - FLEXI-
BILITY - can be defined as
freedom to move, or more techni-
cally, the range of motion (ROM)
achievable in a joint or group of
joints.
Sporting performance benefits
greatly from the improved flexibili-
ty which comes from stretching. A
muscle has to work harder and use
more energy to move a joint if the
muscles opposing that movement
are too tense. With greater flexibili-
ty, movement becomes more effi-
cient so performance and technique
can improve.
All muscles work over joints. If
muscles around a particular joint are
too tight they can effect the way that
joint works. This can cause specific
pain and interrrupt it’s range of
movement. This can in turn cause
an imbalance in the way other mus-
cles around that joint work.
To obtain maximum benefits from
flexibility exercises you need to be
aware of the difference between a
flexibility training programme and a
flexibility warm-up/cool down pro-
gramme. A flexibility training pro-
gramme is a planned, deliberate and
regular programme of exercises that
can permanently and progressively
increase the usable range of motion
of a joint or set of joints over a peri-
od of time.
A flexibility warm-up/cool down
programme is a regular routine of
exercises that are done immediately
before and after activities.
Consequently, a flexibility warm-
up/cool down programme alone will
Page 23 (1,1)
Campusport
not improve flexibility significantly.
The benefits of improved flexibility
include:
- Increased levels of performance
- Reduced risk of injury
- Greater efficiency of movement
- Symmetrical muscle balance
Andy Goring can be contacted at the
Sports Massage & Injury Clinic,
Campusport or on 01483 452028
(mobile 0370 670240).
SPECIAL DEAL FOR
STUDENT CLUB MEM-
BERS
If you have an injury problem, con-
tact Andy for an appointment. On
production of a valid Club card he
will treat you for £3.00.
BUSA REGIONAL TRAM-
POLINE CHAMPI-
ONSHIPS 1998
The University of Surrey will be
hosting this regional event involv-
ing over 200 competitors, with the
Novice and Intermediate trampolin-
ists performing their compulsory
and voluntary routines.
SUNDAY 8TH FEBRUARY 10.00
am - 5.00 pm at the SPORTS CEN-
TRE
The Surrey University Trampoline
club and Campusport will not only
be organising the day but twelve
novices and intermediates from the
club will be competing - good luck
to you all!
One of the highlights for spectators
will be between 3.00-4.00 pm when
our own National jumpers, Caroline
Smith and Louisa Philipson, will be
performing synchronised and indi-
vidual demonstrations. It’s ALL
happening this Sunday - do drop in
to support your University. We
might inspire you to start trampolin-
ing!
INTERDEPARTMENTAL
SPORT (Sport at a social
pace at lunch times)
A reminder that the Spring
Semester fixtures start next
Monday 9th February with
Basketball, Soccer, Mixed Netball,
Pop Lacrosse, Badminton and
Ballroom Dancing on the pro-
gramme. If you’ve never played
before, contact your departmental
sports representatives (your depart-
ment administrator should have this
information) and let them know
that you and your friends would
like to get involved. Matches last
only 10-15 mins and the emphasis
is firmly on fun and a light hearted
workout.
OPPORTUNITIES AVAIL-
ABLE FOR COACHING -
IT’S NOT TOO LATE!
Places on the following courses are
still available -
step aerobics, squash, badminton,
tai chi, intermediate yoga, and
dance classes.
These places are heavily subsidised,
so enrol at the Sports Centre recep-
tion NOW
features
University 5ths 3 -
0 The Farmers
Neil Wilson
n a cold Wednesday after-
O noon, we travelled to
Merrist Wood Farming
College for what was deemed to be
an easy game.
After eventually being let into our
changing room by Swampy’s best
mate, our mood was optimistic,
especially with a couple (to say the
least) of ringers playing. Our Club
Captain forecast a score of 10-0,
however, on later reflection, a score
of 10-9 was more likely with Tyler
in goal.
The first half saw the 5ths dominate.
After 15 minutes, Richie Bedford
was sent clean through but did he
score .... did he f***! He hit it
straight at the keeper and the ball
rolled out for a throw in.
Nevermind, Richie made up for it
with a 25 yard lob that hit the top of
the bar and was again unluckily
close to the interval.
The captain then spoke his usual
half-time rubbish, made a substitu-
tion which saw the introduction of
Sparky and we began the second
half.
Within 15 minutes we were 2-0 up
with a duly deserved goal for Dave
Green stopping low at the far post to
head in a Dan Babbs long throw.
Merrist Wood then brought on pos-
sibly the largest football player I
have ever seen. Imagine Jimmy
11
“five bellies” wearing a football
shirt and you’d be somewhere near.
Unfortunately with his first touch he
controlled the ball, his second sent
him off on amazing run and with his
third he nutmegged me and flew
towards goal where he was stopped
at last, by Darrell Thomas. With
that, the Merrist Wood supporters,
who incidentally consisted of 8
girls, two farmers and a dog,
believed they had found their own
Paul Gascoigne and started to cheer
everytime he got the ball. The big
fella seemed slightly bewildered by
this and for the rest of the game did
not move from the Center Circle!
Strange Chap!
Anyway with 5 minutes left, Dave
Green was clean through and slot-
ted the ball home to score his sec-
ond and wrap up the teams 3-0 vic-
tory.
For the whole match Merrist Wood
posed no threat. Henri and Belton
looked firm at the back., Cliffy and
Darrell were untroubled by their
wingers, Lee Turner was superb in
the middle of the park and Paul
and Pete down the Flanks ran their
hearts out. A good day was had by
one ad all. Thanks go to Dan for
driving and Pete for the deep heat!
ed980205.qxd 25/11/98 22:31 Page 24 (1,1)

12 Sport Thursday 5th February 1998 n

DICKIE’S IMPRESSIVE COLUMN

I feel that after having written around 16 columns on “sport” for Barefacts that the meaning of the word “sport” need to be examined. After all, chess reports have appeared on these sacred
pages, whereas last week, it made its appearance on page 2. Confused? You want to know where such items will appear. Good. So what follows is a table with certain carefully chosen cri-
teria applied to various activities. Enjoy and disagree if you want.
MONOPOLY RUGBY / FOOTBALL TRAINS-POTTING CHESS CONKERS SEX

Is it possible and neces- family involvement makes Obviously Only in 1st class Highly undesirable It would be a “schoolboy” Highly enjoyable. (see
sary to have group show- this unlikely, unless games error not too rugby column)
ers? take place in jail.

Does it involve move- only of the wrist Unless you play for Not if specialising on the Sort of Minimal Depends on how good you
ment? Ireland, yes South West Train service. are.

Does or can physical con- No, but landing on see above Dirty trains have been Possible if “Chess Rage” Yes- bruised fingers are a Has anybody really tried
tact occur during the Mayfair/Parklane 4 times in known to cause confusion sure sign of a hard days tantric sex?
activity a row can be provocative and scuffles conkering

Alcohol rated? Rare, but can be done. Shit -hot Blurred vision doesn’t help I think not Can produce the above Good for experimenting
spot the c1542 from symptoms but often bad final result(ie
Gatwick morning)

Can you get less fat No. Yes. Well maybe- plenty Depends on quality of I don’t think so, but then Unlikely Yes
doing it? of fat bastards do play packed lunch how many fat players do
though. you know?

Sunday afternoon TV Too busy playing Match of the Day etc... The train numbers lottery? “Chess of the Day”? Not intersting enough, so Who needs higlights?
watchability/Highlights True Train stories? watch for its first
possibilities Grandstand appearance

Person of the match The one who steals the Yes The first to spot the eva- The one who mates the The one with the biggest Me.
awards most money from the bank sive 12.59 from Pompey most. swing
and gets away with it.

Possible number one hit “Money, Money, Money” 3 Lions etc.... “Ticket to ride”; “Traveling “Knights in white Satin”; “It takes two baby” “Smack my Bitch Up”;
song. without moving” “Like a Virgin” Fast Love” etc....

Does it involve curry? No. Takeaway possibilities. Yes Unlikely Would mean a messy No. Flavoured massage cream
board.

Conclusions More of a game. Unlikely Definately sport. Not a sport. Despite the heavy thought Not a sport enjoyed by the Should appear in these
to appear in these pages processes involved, is only sane pages. E-mail any pictures
a game to me

So here you have it. If you want to know if an activity is a sport or not, apply the above. As can be seen from the conclusions, they really work.

BUSA Knockout Results next week......

Watch this space