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Barefacts (1997-1998) - 19

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Issue 932 - Weekly

Thursday 12th March 1998

Money for University tuition to come “from public purse” said spokesman

Exposed: Labour’s year-old lie over fees
Exclusive
Matt Pannell Editor
media-managers teamed up with the Labour student movement to bring in as many student papers as possible, only a few weeks before the May general election. At the time, debate on higher education funding centred on the issue of maintainence grants, and Labour’s manifesto made vague promises about ‘reform’ in this area. On the subject of tuition fees, though, the education spokesman - well aware of his audience - went further than the manifesto line, stating that the party believed tuition should be funded “from the public purse.” When pushed on exactly how - if elected - Labour would be reacting to proposals made by the Dearing Committee of enquiry into Higher Education, he replied “On Dearing and Tuition Fees? Our proposals only relate to maintainence support. We believe there is a balance to be struck in the contribution to the cost of higher education, between the individual and the public purse. The public purse should support tuition fees, and the individual - in a fair and much more progressive fashion - should repay their maintainence costs.” Labour has since insisted that no such promise was ever made, as the election manifesto made no reference to tuition fees. It appeared yesterday that no other paper had approached the party at the end of the conference for copies of the taped records, currently held by Bare Facts, of everything that had been said. Journalists had already been disappointed to find themselves confronted with brochures and promotional literature, rather than answers to hard questions. Mr Mandelson spent nearly twenty soundbite-filled minutes answering two questions, then left shortly afterwards, leaving spokesmen to give answers on more specific education issues. Bare Facts raised questions about division within the party, and the lack of spontaneous questioning in the election campaign. Party managers ironically offered to respond to this last question by fax. At least one aspect of labour’s policy on higher education does appear to be clear, though. Peter Mandelson said at the briefing that “the existing sysetem of maintainence support is a muddle.” There was confusion at the time about what the Conservatives wished to do with student grants, having cut them by 10% for three years running. Labour has since clarified the situation by abolishing them altogether.

year ago, almost to the day, senior Labour party spokesmen misled students across the country by lying to student newspaper Editors over plans for the reform of Higher Education Funding.

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Editors and news writers from University papers were invited to a pre-election press conference on March 11th last year, given by Peter Mandelson, Labour’s election campaign manager, at the party’s Millbank headquarters. In a bid to corner the student vote, as well as to try and increase turnout among young (and mostly Labourvoting) students, the party’s

The aftermath: tapes and manifestos contradict one another a year after Labour’s Student News Conference.

International Exhibition goes down a treat
Justin Beavis
It’s March 1998, and once again we are in the middle of the famous Surrey International Week. On Tuesday evening numerous festivities occupied the main Union with displays from all the Overseas’ societies.
Visitors at Tuesday night’s International exhibition risk the special Norwegian alcohol samples. Photo: Mary Elizabeth Phillips

Each society presented their country, with information, pictures, artefacts and ultimately, wonderful cultural cuisine. There was a spectacular attendance of people to view the flamboyant displays and President Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina commended the societies and Overseas

Secretary on all the hard work that they put in and agreed that it had to be the best ever. A superb evening was had by all, especially delegates from the International Office, who seemed to particularly enjoy the special Greek Ouzo on display.

n n News 1 Features 3 Letters 4 n Cinema and Arts 8 Union News 9

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n Music 6 Entertainments Guide 7 . n Notices & Personals 9 Sport 12 .

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News
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Thursday 12th March 1998 n

Murder victim’s memorial vandalised
The memorial for Stephen Lawrence, the 18yr old black teenager murdered in a racist attack, has been defaced. The plaque at the Eltham bus stop where he died was chipped and covered in white paint by vandals, police said. The murder remains unsolved.

News in Brief

Duke visits Students’ Union for the first time ‘in a while’
HRH the Duke of Kent, the University Chancellor, visited the Students’ Union last Friday, for the first time in years. Some estimates suggested that his last visit was in 1976. He enjoyed a display put on by student clubs and societies, and even inspected the armaments of the Paintball Society (right). Fears for his security were high, and his guard doubled, amid concerns that the authors of the ‘Naked Truth’ were going to attack him.

MPs to vote on Minimum Wage
The National Minimum Wage Bill will have it third reading this week in the House of Commons this week. Next the House of Lords will have its say, but it seems the bill will soon become law. Trade Minister Ian McCartney said: “The minimum wage is part of a range of policies which aim to achieve high and stable levels of growth and employment. Together with tax and benefit reform, it can promote work incentives and form part of a strategy to ‘make work pay’.”

Titanic the movie in 3D
A 14 minute, 3D film showing the wreck of the Titanic has been made by submariner Emory Kristof. He said “I wanted the audience to experience the Titanic like I have, without having cold water drip down their backs.” The film uses polarised light and new grey 3D glasses, to create the effect of protruding girders and stalactites of rust. Kristof also helped director James Cameron make his movie, “Titanic” which has become the biggest grossing film of all time.

Hackers get in by the Windows
Hundreds of US computer networks crashed last week after a “bug” was released via the internet. Computers using Windows NT received bogus data from the net and crashed trying to process it. NASA and US defence networks were all affected although no data was lost or stolen. Microsoft has provided a patch to protect computers from the vindictive hacker in future.

HRH the Duke of Kent during his visit to the Students’ Union on Friday Photo: Matt Pannell

Sordid goings-on in Students’ Union ‘Drag Strip’
Steven Alexander
Friday Night Out’s are world renowned for their audacity and perversity. But last Friday, the students surpassed themselves in a never before seen display of lechery. If you missed Chancellor’s Bar because you were busy plucking up the courage to put your fake breasts and beards on, then you missed a treat. A lovely young lady and a Guernsey boy cavorted about like pixies on the jive. If you were there, the chances are you were with Union Security, whose presence was appreciated, even if there were quite a lot of them. Drag Night was also a terrifying success, where a vast array of ‘incorrectly’ dressed students danced the night away in true FNO fashion. For those who can’t remember, here is what you looked like.

Crime never pays
staff on the welfare stand at the exhibition set up for the Duke of Kent’s historic visit to the Student’s Union on Friday found that about 140 condoms had been stolen from the display. The fast-acting thief had not noticed last November’s use-by date on the packets. Student Affairs Officer Sam Birmingham said “it just shows that crime doesn’t pay”.

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Thursday 12th March 1998

News

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Where was Surrey on Wednesday?
Marcus Mayers Students’ Union External Affairs Officer
Apparently last week saw the shut down of Universities around the country with students boycotting lectures. This momentous occasion made at least page six of the Independent. The occasion also caused the usual problems of millions of commuters being stranded at home for the day and all those normal strike related problems. Or did it? On reflection what exactly did happen on this momentous day as students stood solidly against the State and demanded an end to fees. Perhaps some of the most notable events within the South East was a female student posing naked outside of Southampton Institute in the Daily Sport (officials are still trying to get her phone number). 1000 balloons launched form Reading University which would have made BBC1 if something more interesting had not happened with Great Western Trains. And Surrey having their usual Silly night, but starting a bit early. A quick survey of two students found that one didn’t have any lectures that Wednesday, and the other didn’t go to his lecture because he couldn’t find the right room. Did anyone actually avoid a lecture? For those of us who didn’t know the strike was on our idyllic lives shot to pieces by the appearance of small posters around campus on Tuesday night with cutting slogans such as “£uck the Fees”. Where exactly did the Student Union stand on the matter and why was an effort made to advertise this event? The plain truth is that going on strike had been discussed within the Union some weeks before and voted upon, although the decision was split the majority decided that it was not going to be a success as it was a Wednesday, no one at the time and was willing to arrange an alternative. However, as could be seen a token group of dedicated students made an effort and something did happen. What has to be looked at is did the shut down around the country have any effect on the powers that be? What else could we do which would generate more publicity to our cause? And do the general body of students care? I look forward to your replies.

Serbs continue strikes against Albanians
James Buller
The Serb village of Prekaz lies eerily deserted after three days of “anti terrorist” opertions by Serbian police. Hundreds of spent cartridge cases litter the road. Their spent AK 47 bullets buried in the walls of numerous burnt out houses, already blasted by artillery shells. The targets of this onslaught, were the militant Albanian Jashari family. They are accused of murdering several Serb policemen and their informants. 26 of their number were killed and their houses destroyed. However, it is reported that the killing went unchecked as police carried out their crack down on the village’s ethnic population. Albanian sources claim more than 80 were killed. Men of military age are rumored to have been executed while women and children fled their fire bombed homes. Those trying to escape into the woods are said to have been shot by police snipers. Although Veliko Odalovic, deputy governor of the Kosovo region claimed the operation was over, journalists who traveled to Prekaz tell of marksmen still concealed in the undergrowth. It is also believed that four other villages nearby are still under siege. Representatives of the countries involved in the UN peace keeping force met this week to discuss the situation. German foreign minister Klaus Kinkel said they were determined to prevent “another awful conflagration in Europe.” Madeleine Albright the US Secretary of state lobbied for the 6 countries to commit more troops to stop the situation escalating. The Russian delegation initially refused to support the renewing of the Serbian arms embargo. However, Britain’s foreign minister, Robin Cook helped convince his Russian counterpart Yevgeny Primakov otherwise at the last minute. The police action also spurred several thousand of Kosovo’s inhabitants to demonstrate in the streets for independence from Serbia. Such marches were declared illegal by the authorities Although no action was taken busloads of heavily armed police were parked in the backstreets. The tension and violence of the Balkans is still far from over.

Parking Now Available for Motoroycles
Steven Alexander
Parking is now available in the University for Motoroycles, after a long campaign by the Motoroycling Soc at Surrey. A spokesman said “At last, we Oyks can park our motoroycles on campus, instead of having to park in Tesco’s and walk down”. Now all that remains for the University to do is provide parking spaces for curs and bisycoles and the whole of student society will be served adequately.

Women’s Day: the update
Jackie Beer Students’ Union Women’s Officer
here is a chance that for some of you the significance of last Sunday may have passed you by. However it was International Women’s Day (IWD) and it was important! and the Communist Party. March 8th was also the date for expressing opposition to fascism in Europe and both were stressed during the celebrations until 1945.

A motoroyclist pleased with his new parking space. Photo: John Dear

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Britain has been celebrating IWD since 1926, which was also the year of the general strike.IWD was the product of an alliance between the Co-operative Women’s Guild

IWD did not regain prominence until the late 1960s, emerging with the new women’s liberation movements. 5000 women demonstrated in London in 1971, demanding equal pay, equal opportunities, free 24hr childcare, free contraception and abortion on demandsome of this may sound familiar? Since then the celebration of IWD in Britain has continued to grow. Thankfully our

demonstrations are no longer suppressed by police violence and we do not have to fight for such basic principles as women’s suffrage. However, women are continuing to fight for the original agenda of the women’s movement; access to free comprehemsive childcare, an end to sexual harassment and a women’s right to choose are issues that remain unresolved.

On a lighter note, the director of Miss World has had to resort to oferring a donation of £25,000 to charity to persuade the BBC or ITV to televise his parade! Mr Morley has even tried to sell his desperately unfashionable show to Channel 5. BBC stopped screening it in 1980 and looks set to respond to public opinion by keeping it that way. A sign of more positive times!

International Women’s Day helps to celebrate the achievements of women and raise awareness of the current goals of the women’s movement.

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Letters/Editorial

Thursday 12th March 1998 n
Think twice on fees Letter of the week 4 cinema tickets await author
now decided to do something completely different. They want to abolish the maintenance grant. That is the crux - not the fees. One third of students will be exempt from fees, and another third will pay a “reduced fee”. What the Prime Minister seems to have trouble with, and what Mr Hague tried to point out in the Common’s, is that the many students who will be exempt from tuition fees now. But they will have no student grant to help them, and instead will be forced to take out a larger loan. Somehow, the Prime Minister has deluded himself into believing that these proposals are advantageous to students from lower-income backgrounds. All in all it’s quite a coup for the government - not only do they get some money from tuition fees, but they also save the money which would otherwise be spent on grants. The real issue here should be where all of this money is going to end up, Surely it should all, apart from the DoE’s administration costs, go to the universities? This might not be the case. Worryingly, the matter is still “under review” - suggesting that the government has other plans for the money, and will either break the news quietly in a written answer, or save it until something positive arrives to spin it with. Yours sincerely, Simon Ashall

Your Letters
Naughty panties must be stopped

Dear Editor,
Thank goodness someone had the audacity and courage to speak out against the deplorable acts occurring within University campus, i.e.: with regard to the recent pornography case on campus. This has prompted me to speak out on behalf of the male students at Surrey, on the plight which they suffer regularly, even more so due to the uprise of sunny days as summer approaches. I am of course referring to the large number of intimidated and petrified male students who fall foul of semi-clad, underdressed Birds who can be commonly found at FNO (and outside Chancellors once it gets hotter !) These scantily clad, assertive, corrupt, young ladies should be banned from the

union on FNO’s from wearing such offensive clothing, such as the short skirts and revealing crop tops which they choose to wear. Since we all know this leads to many embarrassing attempts to perform natures mating rituals, which in turn usually result in failure due to the condition brought upon by the copious consumption of alcohol. If young ladies of Surrey insist on wearing such revealing clothing, maybe a separate room could be allocated where they could flaunt in private without offending the University of Surrey’s male students. So for the sake of all our students: BAN SUCH ABYSMAL SOCIAL BEHAVOIR

Sir,
It is all very well students throughout the country “walking out” of lectures in protest against the proposals of the government to introduce tuition fees, but they are protesting about the wrong thing. It is unrealistic for students to expect the taxpayer to continue supporting a higher education system which the majority of people never utilise, so unless we want to see income tax increased, the logical solution is for the students who take advantage of the system to pay for its sustenance. Students who voted Labour on 1 May can hardly complain about this now whilst Labour conveniently omitted any mention of it from their manifesto, both Mr Blair and Mr Blunket stated during the election that they would adhere, with Opposition support, to the Dearing Report. Anyone who listened to Prime Minister’s Questions on Wednesday would have heard both the Prime Minister and Leader of the Opposition arguing over the Dearing Report, which recommended two main points. Firstly, it said that means-tested maintenance grants should stay. Secondly it wanted everyone except the 20 percent least well-off students to pay a flat rate of £1000 per annum. The trouble is that the government, having promised in Opposition have

Name and URN supplied

More ‘free’ cider controversy

Dear Editor,
Last week Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina implied that selling 240 bottles of DONATED cider at the Charter Ball was a ‘responsible’ act. I would like to suggest that the Students Union take this responsible act further and respond to Matthew Clark’s act of kindness with an act of kindness directed towards the

local community who seem to suffer due to the irresponsible attitudes of some University of Surrey Students. I propose that the £240.00 profit is donated to a local primary school to buy some much needed equipment instead of being absorbed into the profits of the Union Club. Name & URN supplied

Pornography crusaders have their ‘grey M&S Knickers in a twist’

Dear Editor,
Good one Mr H. I’m all for telling looney females to piss off when they rush into my room and demand that I tear down my Mr Tickle calendar on the grounds that he’s got no clothes on. On demanding to know about my feelings on the issue of respect towards females, I’d offer the view that respect is a commodity to be earned on ones merits, not issued on demand to half the world’s population. As for trying to incite fury within the student body by complaining to the student magazine- why have these people got nothing better to do? Why do these bored, uppity individuals feel it necessary to encroach upon other people’s pleasures? Having scoured the university’s workshops and found to their horror that girly calendars are in residence, are they next going to launch a campaign on all of the boys’ bedrooms on campus, banging on doors and demanding that Melinda and Claudia be replaced with pictures of Whinnie the pooh? AND what about the girls? I bet that more than 50% of birds rooms upon this very campus sport the naked, rippling images of young men upon their walls. Should they be hauled up in front of the officials in charge of the accomodation office? Whatever happened to human liberty? The very first point that the writers of the article mentioned was that the shocking event occurred last term. That’s three months ago. Why has it taken these people a term to react to their terrible finding? Have they been receiving counselling for post traumatic stress and it’s only now that they can find the strength to talk about it? Perhaps Esther or Vanessa could help. Can I advise that these plighted ladies check out the BBC 2 website for details, taking care to steer clear of the hardcore porn sites that they might encounter whilst browsing on the worldwide web. As for the security office condoning the

Letters: what’s going on?

issue of personal attack alarms (v. sensible) but resisting pressure to rush around ripping “offensive” material from workshop walls, I for one am glad that they take their jobs seriously. Security, as we all know, have much more important duties, like clamping cars, and can’t be dealing with freaks in DMs and chastity belts (sterling job, chaps!). Perhaps security could issue a new type of personal alarm that sounds off very loud in response to irrational censorship attempts. It is terribly unreasonable of these young ladies toattempt to curtail an activity which involves nothing more sinister than a bunch of blokes trying to brighten the dreary walls of their working environments. A grand survey of offensive items could feasibly result in the banishment of red meat, most vegetables and, probably, whinging feminists. “Gaylords”, foreigners and lectures would also be out. And so would democracy. In this society, we citizens must tolerate the harmless foibles of our fellow homo-sapiens if civilisation as we know it is to be sustained. Have these people read the newspapers recently? Complaining about ladies with no clothes on is so eighties. These days there are real causes like child murder and terrorism to get your sensible grey M&S pants in a twist about. Talking of newspapers, is another stage of the campaign going to involve cutting the naughty pictures out of the papers in the One Stop shop at six o’clock in the morning before the perverts arrive to buy their breakfast reading matter? I would like to propose a campaign within the university to stamp out irrational outbursts. Surely something constructive can be found for these people to do. Don’t we need some trees planting or something? Please e-mail Barefacts with ideas. P. r Groves

Dear Editor,
In the last issues of Bare Facts, some important points have been raised, which I would like to see answered. Most disturbingly, the letter from the Charter Ball committee claimed that Bare Facts is not allowed to print any adverse comments about the Students Union or the Sabbaticals and as such they were restricted from criticising certain members of the Union. I thought Bare Facts was a newspaper for the students and incorporated the notions of free speech, comment and diversity. If not then maybe we should rename it to “Almost Bare Facts” or “Bare Facts -but only if your opinion is convenient”. In the following issue, Nevin Moledina, in her answer to the committee letter said that any criticism (of the committee) has to be taken on the chin. Coming from someone who it appears cannot be criticised, is this not a case of double standards or, dare I say it, hypocrisy? Secondly, I’d like to address the fallacy that it would be dangerously irresponsible for any licensed establishment to give away free alcohol. Is this in the belief that this will encourage people to drink too much? In that case I can tell you that every time I’ve been to the Union I’ve not only seen people drinking too much but also that the Union is “irresponsibly” encouraging people to drink too much by not only selling the stuff, but by offering promotions. In fact, at the Postgraduates welcome to the University in the lower bar last October, I distinctly remember enjoying several (free) glasses of wine whilst almost all the sabbaticals were present. Apparently, this is not the first time the Union has given out free drinks either. Additionally, I have also seen this kind of behaviour up and down the country in bars, pubs and night-clubs and have even been to

many (successful) balls and parties where I received free drinks and I don’t remembers any of them being marred by dangerous behaviour. Finally, it does Miss Moledina no good to deride “the committee” who “organised” the Charter Ball in an otherwise well thought out response to the original letter. She would do better to remember who her employers are. Yours, L Hill & J Savage

Ed’s note - which I know is too long especially after all the long letters, but there’s no space for the Editorial, so there you go. To clear this one up - although all kinds of people try to dabble with the content of Bare Facts, nobody’s letters are changed except by the editorial team, and in very limited circumstances. These are: (1) If they are defamatory. The author, editor, publisher and printer could be sued together if we were to run a libellous letter. Libel actions are rare (and they rarely succeed) but they can be costly. If we were clobbered for £30,000, we’d have no Bare Facts production budget for two years, and that wouldn’t be good for free speech. This year, only one such letter has been pulled, and only after consultation with a solicitor. (2) If they break the Student Union’s propoposed new ‘staff protocol’. This means that nobody can comment on the performance of the permanent staff at the Students’ Union. The Union, other students, the sabbaticals, the University, the Government, the launderette, Saddam Hussein, and the Charter Ball are all fair game. (3) If they’re too long, so deprive other people from getting their letters in. Basically, keep on writing - and if you’re interested in what the editorial team does, join it! 6pm Mondays, BF Office. All students are welcome.

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Thursday 12th March 1998

Letters

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Your Letters
Iraq letters are swayed by ‘paranoid propaganda’ of tabloids Leave the Iraqi people alone
Dear Editor, I refer to the letters on issue 931 about the situation in Iraq. I’m informing the authors of these letters that the American embargo in Iraq has killed 750,000 people so far, most of them babies children and elderly people. This genocide will only be completed with the bombing of Baghdad. The authors of these letters seem very proud of their political leaders actions: Arming a dictator and then revenging on his people because he dares disagree with their Order. Building the fake profile of the sensitive leader who wants to save us from mad Sadam. Well, Blair and Clinton, when you deal with a lunatic you put him in a mental clinic, you don’t take revenge on his family. The role of the U.N was also mentioned. Well, not only has this organisation failed to keep its promise of fighting for human rights and preventing catastrophic wars, it is under the full authority of the USA backing every move they make. So please understand that no one is threatening you, you will all be enjoying our beers while thousands of people will be killed by your governments weapons. The murder of a nation is something we should be ashamed of -not supporting it. The US and UK government have no intention of saving this world - they can only make it worse. Say no to war -say no to UK-US international terrorism. An anti-west, anti-British, anti-american, anti-UN, anti-war student who loves speculations. Name and URN supplied

Dear Editor,
In response to Simon Ashall’s criticisms (BF letters issue 927) of a previous editorial concerning a the situation in Iraq I would like to point out a number of inconsistencies in his arguments.Firstly, in regards to the “need to see UN resolutions enforced properly” Simon Ashall chose to ignore Israel’s defiance of the UN resolution concerning the occupation of Golan Heights (a Syrian territory). I wonderwhether Mr. Ashall considers that this could be due to the economic interests that both Britain and America have within Israel ? Secondly, the author referred to the need for military intervention because “force appears to be the only language that he [Saddam Hussein] understands”. However, Sir Peter de la Billiere (the commander of British forces during the Gulf War) has pointed out that a vast number of weapons remain unaccounted for and thus the only victims will be innocent civil-

ians. In addition, if the U.S. and British governments are so concerned about the stockpiling of weapons why did neither condone sanctions against France following the testing of nuclear weapons in the Pacific while the British government has sold over 800 million pounds worth of weapons to the oppressive regime in East Timor? Thus, it appears that the threat of military action from Mr. Blair and Mr. Clinton is merely an attempt to deflect attention away the crises that both leaders are currently suffering from. Therefore I hope that in the future Simon Ashall will not be so easily swayed by the paranoid propaganda of the tabloid media. Yours Sincerely, Andy Deegan

Postgrads invite you on their riverboat trip

Dear Editor,
I am writing in reply tolast week’s letter from two AMAZED final years concerning their annoyance at the Grad Ball rumours. I’m afraid that I have no definite knowledge of the price of the grad ball this year except that I heard £50, which is what I paid last year. Fifty pounds is a lot of money to ask final year students to pay out, there is no doubt about that and I had several friends last year who decided not to go to their only ever Graduation Ball because of the price. Fifty pounds is just the start! If you had to hire a Tux you could add at least forty to that fig-

ure. Sorry, I don’t know anything about the cost of ball gowns. As a point of interest the PostGrad Association here has organised a riverboat party for June. Although it is the PostGrad Association that are doing this it is open to any student at the university and we will be happy to have anyone there who is unable to afford the Grad Ball. The expected cost is in the range of £15. We appreciate that most, if not all of the undergrads will have finished by then, but not the postgrads so as long as you can find some place to stay then come along. Tickets available (Right, that’s enough free advertising - ed) Tony Ede people are highly disturbed individuals to begin with - to equate a soft-core porn calendar with attacks on female students as you seem to be suggesting is groundless and down-right dangerous. I think most of us at this University possess enough intellectual capacity to separate fantasy from reality something you seem to be a tad confused with at present. As for your cry “For the sake of all students at the University of Surrey; ban pornography within the university”: who the hell do you think you are to censor or decide on what is in the best interests for myself and other students? Please do not attempt to dictate or pass off your narrow minded views as being representative of myself or any other student or member of staff at this University unless you have spoken with us all. It is not the University of Surrey that allows legal pornography - it is the laws of the land (which does not mean they are morally or politically ‘correct’), so take up your argument with the politicians, not with certain members of staff who (as with most students I would imagine) no doubt have considerably more important things to worry about than a pair of tits on a piece of paper. Get on with your own life Miss ‘X’ and stop trying to interfere with the lives of others. Garry Gulbrandsen

Security: don’t drag us into pornography row

Dear Editor
I am writing in response to a letter in last weeks edition, entitled “Ban Pornography within the University”, and to set the facts straight as regards the Security involvement. Some months back 2 young ladies came to the desk to complain of a pornographic calendar displayed in a workshop. The man they spoke to took the details and the offending material was later checked. It is a promotional calendar of a scantily clad female which is hung inside a workshop, it can be seen through the window. One of the young ladies returned to Security later that day and spoke to my Mr Moir, as a result he went to the workshop and asked them to remove it. The man declined. Some days later the young lady returned and again spoke to Mr Moir, I was in the office at the time and interceded in the conversa-

tion. I pointed out to her that the calendar was not illegal and as such we had no power to demand its removal. I recommended that she spoke to the Students Affairs Officer with a view to approaching the University Authorities if she wished this type of calendar to be banned. Neither Mr Moir or I said we did not object to the calendar, infact we both said that on a personal level we thought it inappropriate. As the letter reads the part relating to us is incorrect. We actively promote safety, both directly and through our links with Sabbatical Officers. The attack alarms are subsidised from the Security budget. Yours sincerely

Pornography crusaders: look the other way

Dear editor,
I am writing in response to a letter that was published in BF last week - ‘Ban Pornography Within the University’. Firstly, I would like to say to the anonymous Miss ‘X’ (why did she not wish to have her name printed alongside her views?), how dare she (and her friend) have the audacity to march into someone’s office and demand (however politely) that they remove a perfectly legal item from a wall? Who do you think you are? If it offends you, LOOK THE OTHER WAY. Do you really wonder why you received such a reply from Mr H? For once I agree with security - everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You also wrote “It is common knowledge that pornography degrades women and that people are influenced by the image of women presented in pornography” - would you care to back that sweeping statement up with something as trivial as factual evidence? Not so long ago it was common knowledge that the Earth was flat and that you would only contract HIV/AIDS if you were homosexual. Get the point Miss ‘X’? What about “Pornography indicates that women are inferior to men and that women need not be respected” - where does that conclusion come from? Also, are you trying to say that men who watch/look at porn will be ‘influenced’ to attack women on and off campus? People who attack or rape other

A Watling Chief Security Officer

6

Music
Ordinary’. This is promising stuff. 6/10 G.T. MOVER - Tricolore (Superior Quality) A guitar led, gravel voiced Elton John sing-song that waltzes along whilst the harmonies flow. You wonder if this is Mike Flowers Pops covering Status Quo but ultimately you find it to be just the sort of thing Steve Anorak (Lamacq) will like. And why not - it’s catchy. 6/10 D.J. CUCKOO - What’s It All About (Geffen) Classic guitar rock. Hints of 3 Colours Red with a leaning towards Shed 7! The lead track contains all the pre-requisite fuzzy guitars with fiddly lead and strong male vocals. Mindblowingly unoriginal but good enough. 6/10 A.T. IMOGEN HEAP - Shine (Almo) Imogen Heap has a wonderful style and originality but still has some way to go before being really brilliant. She could be big in the future. Her album, which is released in the summer could be worth checking out. 5/10 G.D. CHEMICAL PILOT - Astral Dominoes (Eruption) The beat breaks in sweetly, soon enough you’ll be tapping your foot. It becomes a bit of a headache when you get to the third version. There needs to be, I think a diffusion point between monotonic repetitive beats and actual creativity. 5/10 I.U. CECIL - The Most Tiring Day (Parlophone) Eighties plod plod bass combines with Bon Jovi guitars to a make a low key rock song. The vocals are powerful yet fragile. Unfortunately, after the first twenty seconds you’ve heard all it has to offer. Directionless. 4/10 A.T. STREEM - Coming Down (Roadrunner) Every track on this single sounds like a copy of something else. It is already familiar before you have even listened to it. Track 3 sounds like a take off of a popular James Bond theme. This single annoys me since it is slow, lacking in action and sounds like something an amateur would create on a boring Sunday. It has it’s plus points but it largely leaves me cold. 4/10 G.T. SOFA SURFERS - The Plan (Geffen) The new fascination of the alternative music press is, in my opinion, blatantly over-hyped. This single is just another collection of unoriginal, heard-it-allbefore, run of the mill indie songs that seem to be spurting out of record companies like water out of a hose... crap. 4/10 C.H. HOODWINK - More Millionaires (Mute) This is nothing more than your average dull, repetitive club mixes. This stuff always gives me the impression that the tracks could have been produced by a spotty teenager sitting in a dark room, with the most daunting task being which sampler button to press every minute or so. Don’t even give this crap house room. 1/10 E.C.

Thursday 12th March 1998 n

SINGLES
PULP - This Is Hardcore (Island) Amazing. A superb spring bloom of gradually soaring, understated pop that could easily be dismissed as undeveloped but overblown Britpop. But Pulp give you a moody orchestral sounding, alpine masterpiece - desperately swallowing you up. “You can be a spectator?” but you’ll wanna be immersed. 9/10 D.J. RIALTO - Dream Another Dream (East West) Another epic feeling classic from Rialto. The subtle guitar work and laid back drumming well compliment the distinct vocals. Special credit must be giving for avoiding the strap on strings section and only minimal brass. 9/10 A.T. THE BETA BAND - The Patty Patty E.P. (Regal) Sometimes some bands make it hard for people, by being just stubbornly undefinable, this second e.p. by Anglo Scottish The Beta Band are one such band. Hailed as one of the most interesting and promising bands for a while, they’re mates with the verve, they sound a bit like Beck, loaded era Primals, second coming Roses sans lead guitar, just amazing dazed rock mantras seemingly about hanging loose and expressing yourself. 9/10 N.W. THIRD EYE BLIND - How’s It Going To Be (Elektra) It’s great to be able to be really positive about a group that you don’t know that much about. This is a brilliant single which is backed with their huge American hit ‘Semi Charmed Life’. This group are already big in America and are rising in this country. ‘Semi Charmed Life’ got into the top 40 and hopefully this will too. Go out and buy it. 8/10 G.D. WILLIAM - Tired of Fucking (Creation) William, as in one of the Reid Brothers out of the Jesus and Mary Chain. Excuse the title, the track is pretty good. If you like any of the Jesus and Mary Chain material you will like this, if you like any American lo-fi stuff you may like this, if you haven’t then you won’t. 7/10 N.W. EVIL SUPERSTARS - B.A.B.Y. (A&M) Evil they may be, but superstardom still awaits. Their stuff is quite good but lacks anything that makes them stand out from the crowd, but is still worth listening to. 7/10 E.C. DREAM CITY FILM CLUB - The Peel Session (Beggars Banquet) This an interesting offering from a group which has a lot of different styles to offer. ‘One Sweet Moment’, is a beautiful and haunting song. ‘Stick Girl’, tackles the difficult subject of anorexia in young girls very perceptively. The other two songs are faintly reminiscent of the Beck and Ash contributions to the soundtrack of ‘A Life Less

ALBUMS
LEVERT SWEAT GILL - LSG (Elektra) Some of the fattest tunes I’ve heard in a long time. I’m stunned. The album pulls together really well. Listen out for ‘Round & Round’. I won’t be putting down this CD for a long time to come. 9/10 I.U. THE HYBIRDS - The Hybirds (Heavenly) The Hybirds give you the impression that every second of every song they play is something that their life depends on. Richard Warren’s extensive repertoire of guitar styles deserves to be mentioned apart.. it is simply breathtaking, like an early Jimi Hendrix meets John Squire. Each song has a different twist that add something to the overall effect, making this a well crafted, enjoyable album. Well worth it. 8/10 G.C. FU MANCHU - The Action Is Go (Mammoth / Polydor) It certainly seems that 1998 is going to be the year for the stoner rock scene, despite the demise of its flagbearers the mighty Kyuss. This, the fourth album from Fu Manchu, looks like it will install the Orange County rockers at the forefront of the scene. The riff heavy sound takes its lead from late sixties/early seventies hard rock underpinning Thin Lizzy-like dueling guitars. The overall effect is not far removed from that of the recent Corrosion Of Conformity records. Fu Manchu deliver powerful grooving hard rock and they may just fill the void left by Kyuss. 7/10 R.W. LIBIDO - Killing Some Dead Time (Fire) At first looking at Libido’s debut album cover you may be mistaken for it to be the new Oasis album as the similarities are striking, there’s a swimming pool with a house in the background. Even Libidos logo is similar. So is there any similarity or is it coincidence. Well, no they are not exactly an Oasis sheep, but they are in that left-field rock’n’roll band genre except that there are hints of genius

lurking under the covers. The best of the bunch is probably the latest single ‘Overthrown’ which disrobes the repetition of other people’s style and shows who they really are. A lulling but compelling track. Including the other singles ‘Blow’, ‘Supersonic Daydream’, In My Shadow’ and there next release ‘Revolving’. A very good debut from this three piece band form Norway, but the only question is how many singles can be released of one album? 7/10 K.M.

ALBUM OF THE WEEK

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

LIONROCK City Delirious (Concrete) This album seems to sound like so many other bands but still manages to pull off a fairly decent album. They have a tendency to sound like the Sabres Of Paradise quite a lot as well as Death In Vegas, Massive Attack and Future Sound Of London. The album starts with ‘Push Button Cocktail’ which has whispery vocals, an oriental type bit and sounds very urban. Next is ‘Rude Boy Rock’ is where the big beats kick in big time with a great brass bit. Quite a few tracks have some laid back but fast rapping, like on ‘Best Foot Forward’ a great ballroomesque tune with rapping over the top. ‘A Cellar Full Of Noise’ somehow manages to such an appropriate title with odd noises and a slightly spooky feel. Whilst ‘Zip Gun Rumble’ sounds like they’ve listened to the Pulp Fiction soundtrack to much. 7/10 I.P.

SUICIDE - Suicide (Red Star/Blast First) Many people may not of have heard of this band, but will have partially heard the effect which Suicide created back in the seventies. One of the first synth pop groups of that generation, influencing such bands as Soft Cell, Depeche Mode and Sisters Of Mercy in the eighties and now Spiritualised. Suicide’s sound is primitive, using simple electronic pulses and melodies yet encompasses a stark beauty. Songs like ‘Frankie Teardrop’ shows how powerfully emotional Alan Vega’s lyrics can be. While the simplistic sounds of the synth (Martin Rev) blends in creating the imaginary life of Frankie. Other songs like ‘Cheree’, ‘Girl’ and ‘Ghost Rider’ epitomizes the sound of Suicide. This album is still as hard hitting as when it was first released in 1977, and is a must for the more avant garde of you out there. There is even a bonus live CD for you to lap up as well. 9/10 K.M. Washington ‘s latest talents. Shouty vocals all the way, slightly funky base line and some pretty awkward riffs. However, beware Cannibal Corpse fans, the lyrics are pretty light hearted and down to earth. 7/10 C.H. SVEN VATH - Fusion (Virgin) To some the guru of techno, to others the greatest techno DJ. The album contains ten tracks and as you might have guessed , it’s influenced by the American dance scene. Apart from ‘Scorpion’s Lament’ it’s a bit slow for Sven and a touch too housey for some of his old skool fans but still worth listening to. Fusion it is: trip hop, house, bigbeat, liquid spheric sounds all take part in this, perhaps slightly tame effort by Sven. 6/10 C.H. THE DELGADOS - Everything Goes Around The Water (Chemikal Underground) I can’t decide whether this is a great tune with a great wall of sound and male and female vocalists coming together in sheer brilliance or whether it is dull boring indie pop. I think I’ll opt for the latter. 4/10 I.P. V/A - Happy Hardcore (Massive) Haply Hardcore. A major theme in this is homogeneity. Each song sounds like the last, until it gives you a headache. I’m unimpressed with the originality and creativity by the DJ’s. If your into beer, beaches and nightclubs, this may be your thing. 1/10 I.U. This weeks music bought to you by Daniel Jones, Christian Hunter, Ikaraam Ullah, Ian Purvey, Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Emma Clarke,Kevin Marston, Nick Walsh, Georgina Tarrant, Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent, Rob Winder

BERNARD BUTLER - Not Alone (Creation) Second single, from guitar genius turned solo artist, whereas ‘Stay’ the previous single was symphonic, ‘Not Alone’ is more upbeat, a classic Phil Spector inspired pop song. Extremely catchy, top ten easily, miles better than anything else released this week, a snapshot of greatness from his forthcoming album, plus the B-sides are amazing too. 9/10 N.W.

KEROSENE 454 - At Zero (Slowdime) Ever heard a bunch of EMMA TOWNSHEND - Winterland (East West) Having a famous surname in the world of rock & roll is always a punks when they’re given sure way to draw attention to your debut album (Jakob Dylan musical instruand Ziggy Marley to name but a few), and in this case Emma’s album lives up to its expectations. ‘Winterland’ is a work of frac- ments? tured idiosyncrasy, the sort of record one would find in an attic. Kerosene 454 Something you can play and not know when it is from, that has a keeps the word up for timely ethereal aura to it... quite brilliant. 8/10 G.C.

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Thursday 12th Marh 1998

Entertainments Guide

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GIG GUIDE
It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling. 20:30 Only Fools & Horses 22:20 Parkinson 21:30 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 20:00 Frasier 23:35 TFI Firday
PICK OF THE WEEK

Cineline - (01483) 578017 Fri/Sat (13th/14th) As Good as it Gets 12:00, 15:10, 18:30, 21:40 Good Will Hunting 12:20, 15:30, 18:30, 21:30 Titanic 12:15, 12:55, 16:15, 17:00, 20:30, 21:10 The Butcher Boy 13:30, 16:30, 19:10, 21:50 The Ice Storm 12:15, 14:40, 17:00 Fallen 13:40, 16:35, 19:30, 22:20 Kiss the Girls 13:00, 16:15, 19:20, 22:10 Amistad 13:45, 17:55, 21:20 In & Out 19:50 The Edge 22:00 FairyTale 12:45, 15:00, 17:20 (sat only) Flubber 12:30, 14:45, 17:00 (sat only) Paws 13:30, 15:50 (sat only)

Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday 18th 14th 13th 19th 20th 21th 15th 17th 16th

Levellers, The Crocketts Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555)

Ether, Transister - London Borderline (0171 734 2095) Trailer, 101, Pinnacle - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

23:25 The Mrs Merton Show 19:25 Correspondent

Groop Dogdrill, Foil - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 960 4590)

21:00 Touch of Frost 22:15 Frantic

12:00 On the Record 21:55 Full Metal Jacket

IN YOUR UNION

Coade Guildford, Surrey University

21:00 Father Ted 22:00 Film: Full Metal Jacket 21:30 They think it’s all over again 22:00 Panorama 20:30 Ainsley’s meals in minutes 22:55 Whose line is it anyway 22:40 Budget 1998

“Feast” - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

Bluetones - London Astoria (0171 434 9592) Strange Time, The Convertables, Rising Star - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

Sun 15th - Thurs 19th As Good as it Gets 13:15, 17:10, 20:20 Good Will Hunting 12:10, 14:55, 17:40, 20:30 Titanic 11:15, 14:00, 15:20, 19:00, 19:25 The Butcher Boy 12:45, 15:30, 18:10, 20:50 The Ice Storm 11:40, 14:00, 16:15 (nb not Wednesday) Fallen 14:15, 17:15, 20:10 Kiss the Girls 12:30, 15:20, 18:10, 20:40 Amistad 13:00, 16:30, 20:00 In & Out 18:30 NB not Wednesday The Edge 20:40 NB not Wednesday FairyTale 13:00 (sun only) Flubber 12:00, 14:05, 16:10 (sun only) Paws 12:30, 14:30 (sun only)

21:00 Cutting Edge

22:50 Jack Docherty Show

Bernard Butler - London Upstairs At The Garage (0171 607 1818) The Hybirds - London Borderline (0171 734 2095) The Jesus And Mary Chain Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Redwood - London Camden Palace

Bluetones, Regular Fries - London 21:30 Budget Response by Astoria (0171 434 9592) the Shadow Chancellor Clawfinger, Cold, Bullyrag - Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911) Lower, Threat Blanket, Shovel Tongue - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Moke - London Camden Monarch (0171 22:30 Friends 916 1049) Burt, Blink - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Clawfinger, Cold, Bullyrag - London Garage (0171 607 1818) The Delgados - London Dingwalls No Santa, Stash - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Spiritualized, Acetone - Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555)

22:55 Question Time 20:30 Top Gear 22:35 Newsnight 20:30 Neighbours from Hell 22:40 Budget ‘98

21:30 The Client 21:00 Blackadder II

21:30 Father Ted

Athletico - London Camden Underworld (0171 482 1932) Ferry ‘Cross The Mersey - Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) The Hybirds, The Smiles, Sol Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

Union Club opening hours Every weekday: 7pm-midnight Pizza + Helyn Rose Bar Breakfast 8:30-11am Helyn Rose Bar Lunch 12-2pm Hari’s Bar (drink & snacks) 11am-7pm Chancellor’s lunch 12-2pm Chancellor’s afternoon tea 2:30-5pm

Athletico - London Blue Note Beekeepers - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Finley Quaye - London Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) Snug, Carrie, Headcopter - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 960 4590)

Face/Off Sunday 15th at 5pm and 8pm, Monday 16th at 8pm

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Arts

Thursday 12th March 1998 n

BACKYARD BABIES
With The Unrehearsed, Kings Cross Water Rats 2 March 1998. Words and Picture.Rob Winder
he rumours about just who would be supporting the Backyard Babies had been rife for a couple of weeks before this show, so it was a surprise to some to see former Wildhearts mainman, Ginger lead some friends onto the compact Water Rats stage and declare “We are the Unrehearsed, for reasons that will be very soon apparent”. They blast through a six-song set of covers delivered with passion and power, despite their lack of musical accomplishment. Bowie’s ‘Queen Bitch’ is dedicated to “the late great Mick Ronson and the late great Father Ted”. The band are joined for a couple of songs by Kerrang! cartoonist Ray Zell and then by ex-RealTV singer Jay as they slam through Hanoi Rocks’ ‘Malibu Beach Nightmare’ and The Wildhearts ‘Anthem’, which is revealed as an even greater song when stripped of the production that detracted from that last album. It seems like Ginger’s record collection is somewhat like mine, Unrehearsed - certainly, but definitely fun and the perfect warm up for the Backyard Babies. It seems that in music what goes around, eventually comes round again, and that is the case with the Backyard Babies. You can certainly pick out some of the Swedish rockers’ influences in their sound; they draw on the punk edged rock’n’roll rooted in the early seventies with the Stooges and the New York Dolls, and the mid-eighties sound of Hanoi Rocks delivered with the arrogant aggression of The Ramones, Guns’N’ Roses and

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Cinema review: Good Will Hunting (15)
Bruce Chapman
The best things often come out of the blue. In the case of this film, the subject ‘Will Hunting’ (Damon), a lowly Harvard janitor proves himself to be vastly superior in Mathematics than even the most talented professor. And in this film. which has come out of nowhere, there is perhaps something to take the steam out of all the hype surrounding Titanic. Hunting is a wise cracking, street talking Boston lad, who survives from day to day on his wits and his capacity for hard manual labour. Cleaning at Harvard, he is surrounded by the cream of academia, yet manages to outshine all those about him due to his mathematical genius. His problem, however , is hiding from his street wise past and avoiding the trouble that leads to him being imprisoned. Recognising his natural ability, a Harvard professor

The Wildhearts. When the band hit the stage the room is full, with nearly as many people stood in the back room who just can’t fit in, and the first thing you notice is the bands undeniable energy. They are a blur of action on the tiny stage, guitarist Dregen totally manic as the throws himself backwards and forwards between the amps and the monitors. Nicke’s voice is fantastic, between songs talking in near-perfect English, introducing ‘Subculture Hero’ by railing against “bands who keep changing their names, keep changing their music to whatever fucking trend is

going on”. The audience response is rabid particularly during ‘Look At You’, the forthcoming single, and ‘Bombed (Out Of My Mind)’. The set ends with their best song a totally awesome run through ‘Rocker’, the title saying it all, then they return for a frenetic cover of Hanoi Rocks’ ‘Taxi Driver’. Quite simply, this was fun, the best night out in years. Backyard Babies release ‘Look At You’ on March 23, their album and a UK tour follow in April. Don’t miss out.

DEFTONES
Portsmouth Pyramids 5 March 1998. Review and Photo Kevin Marston.
fter the long and disquieting walk from the station to the venue I am greeted with the sight of hundreds of fans already queuing outside waiting to get in, all hyped up and ready to go. A few minutes later the members of Deftones walk out casually with the shouts of “Chino, Chino” echoing out of the audience. Then the avalanche of noise cascades down upon you, and with the raw energy pulsating throughout your body you feel the need to join the many lemmings hurling themselves over the barriers, with that desperate reach for their idol Chino. It is a ferocious attack of deafening quick guitars and the mind numbing basslines added to the steel of Chino voice. Crackling energy exploding round the stage continuing the never ending acrobatic skills of Chino pushing him into the act of stage diving. With his searing voice cutting through the air on numbers like ‘7 Words’, ‘Root’, ‘Bored’, ‘My Own Summer(Shove It) and many more. Not being afraid to mix and mingle with the daunting crowd. And still, they have enough energy to come bounding back for an encore, but this time instead of hurtling through their own songs. They played a cover of one of their favourite tracks and then just jammed for a little, while covering tracks from groups and adverts. Finishing of with one of their own but with a guest appearance from one of their friends as a backing vocalist. When the audience was asked if

offers him bail on the condition that he can nurture Hunting’s passion for Maths and that he sees a therapist. After destroying many of the America’s finest shrinks, Hinting meets his match in Sean (Williams) who manages to take the boy on a voyage of self discovery, introducing him to who he is and what he desires. Whether this happens to be love interest Skylar, Hunting only finds out at the end of the film. The performances are first class. New kid on the block and co-writer of the film Damon portrays all of Hunting’s emotions perfectly. And Williams is on a

par with his Dead Poets Society best and on the strength of this film, should perhaps consider knocking comedy roles on the head./ Feeling longer than it actually is, Good Will Hunting actually is superior to the people’s current favourite, ‘Titanic’. Sharp dialogue goes hand in hand with touching story telling to create a film that must be seen. An unexpected delight that should sink Titanic come Oscar night. 9/10 Good Will Hunting (15) Robin Williams, Matt Damon, Minnie Driver

A

they would come back again if they (Deftones) played there again. It virtually responded into a riot. Well, what more could I of asked for, a thoroughly energetic and brilliant performance.

HEAVY DUTY DRILL
Groop Dogdrill at your Union, 8 March 1998. Review - Daniel Jones
entleman’s Excuse Me’ opens and prepares you with the line “whatever it takes”. Tonight Groop Dogdrill give everything in a frenzy of inspired noise, whilst remaining detached from the reluctant crowd. Rightly so - they are too cool, too adamantine to be associated with such people. Yet from whom they grab an attention - an attention borne of respect from people who would like to be what they see. ‘Gracelands’ blends funky hard-core and committed vocals before developing a bout of crazed mayhem. This is inspiring, powerful stuff. ‘Personal’ personifies this, an omnipotent, melancholic beast - desperate but assured; comforting you within a cauldron of

Nightclub advert to be supplied on disk

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sharp, unforgiving guitars. The bassist could be the JFK assailant. The singer/guitarist could be anyone but JFK. But despite this, ‘Jackie O’ pulsates. It pulsates from a clean arpeggiated intro into a broadscape chorus and beyond. ‘Texaco’ sees the singer go bare chested with the mike sellotaped to his face. He resembles Hannibal Lector and the band suddenly sound lo-fi - the song is a sweet surprise that blends and moulds to your ears like you can only dream of. A very real rock experience with a big twist of alternative and then, finally, ‘Oily Rag’ encourages crowd participation - surely not at the Union.

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Thursday 12th March1998

Notices & Personals

9

Personals
s It wasn’t me! Not guilty. The murderer was the resistance.! s What’s the difference between Joe & Homer? One’s yellow and stupid - the other likes saying D’oh! s Congratulations to the rugby lads for winning the leagueand making fools of themselves on Saturday evening. s Will ant’s bed ever be the same again? s Ross Nichol Rugby, beer, women!!!! s MIKE - I mean’t Im not into balls of the charter type! s Emma W, how could you? And with TOM too!!! Wednesday will never be the same again!!! s Put the lotion in the basket. s Happy Birthday Victor my son, best wishes, Harold xxx s James (I love Eddie) - Tell me your email address sexy and I’ll send s CHET, WHERE ARE YOU?!! s Two little froggies shagging on the bog... s So you think you are going to have a great Birthday party Nav? s PEMBLE- look out M&S (or is that S&M ??) s Krustie. Why is it that you have that name? should I mention Madam.Paddington s Raf ( not to mention other Tonmeisters) have finally got it in - that’ll be a relief for the rest of us. s Rolf’s cartoon club invites Biffy the vampire slayer to murder his conscience s Mad March Measures - Are you seeing double? s Dirty, Sweaty B*ll*cks, but then I am Irish - Emmet Browne s Green Shirt for Prime Minister! s Cath Court Metal man prepares weaponry to subdue rival s ALL GOT BERNIE ON FRIDAY!!! s Munter Magnet Musky teams up tith Ripper Ravager Rawlings AWESOME! s Hisham! wilcome back, love Bourne 4xx s Beware Mr Ellis you are being watched!!! s One WEYSIDE BIRD looking for a funky bloke....Anyone up for it...? s HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best friend NAV....Have a ball on your B’day!! From ur “true” friend!!! s Andy don’t be a custard, be a tart! s Whatever did happen to the chicken in Cathedral court s Has Kostis’ friend found who was watching him that night? ‘cos I know who it is!! s To the new sabbaticals:well done!!! s Go Mad for £2.25 at the Rat’s Castle - Bargain! s Avez-avez-un-vesh-vesh, I’d rather have a Kim - Matt Cook ‘98 s If you are at someone else’s house, wet,and wearing only a towel, make sure you go in the right room s Cath Court metal man and Dex limber up for the battle of the Goths! s Hi from all the L.I.S people to those back in Guildford. s Bows knees have nipples - love from Adam s Happy Birthday Ruth! Enjoy the Ram! s Newcastle will win the Premiumship so watch out you Lot!!! s 2nd year Psychologists - united in stress.........!!!! s To the G4 of Worplesdon Rd.....Kick some S.C Ass!!!!! s Can you stick these in please? s Nav aka Lumbhoo...Janamdin Mubarak!! From a friend!!! s Mark would never even consider being unfaithful!! s My foots better but I haven’t got any do-nuts now. UM s pushtara ! Do you want to be my personal bodyguard? Love... s There’s this bloke and he’s got a pork pie on his head... s Did anyone hear about Chris’s cosy cross-dressing co-habitation?? (no lard though) s Dexter looks desperately for a safe corner (or should!!) s Jim why haven’t you written to spam yet? s One day Adam will do some work on a Tuesday night s Roo, thanks for visiting....at last! s Nicole, now that Ian is here don’t make too much noise banging in the shower! s WEYSIDE BIRDS...look out london!!!!! s Looks like Liz and Chris had a really good Friday night out! s Liz. I lurve those stockings.from Jokerface s Harri stop lying about how many people u have had sex with!!!!! s Helen, I told you, I haven’t got anything to say to you!! s Dave and Giles playing table tennis, at four in the morning? It’s enough to make anyone flip. s Karina! Davai vypiem za nashe zdorovie!!! You know who I am, don’t you? s Happy Birthday Little JO!!!!!! s The Cub loves the Bug! s Ooo aarr Davey Coulthard, I said ooo arr Davey Coulthard. s MATTHEW BARRETT , whats that in your pants ............Talking Bollocks s One day Adam will shag his bird s Jen - Hope everthing works out!! s H “I’ve had enough sexual encounters for one day... and now I’m dripping!” s Ginger pete - I LOVE YOU!!! s Looks like Chris has worked his ‘Ice man’ into the Grange! s Robocop. Doesn’t ALL that gel damage your circuits? s Tina A....How many blokes fancy u now?????? s Thanks for an excellent night out lads, Guernsey. s The Gulshan? BETTER THAN THAT THE BOMBEY SPICE!! s Kareem! Vice President of the Russian society is waiting for you in WC. Bring the contract. s Sandra, Angela & Sara at Ministry of Sound?? Warning, wild girls loose. s Hello house of 95 Addison Road, SS. s Lesson One for making a race of it. Go through the pits every 10th lap. s Bruce - you old flasher, stop showing your calvin’s to allthe girls and boys s Lou - blone hair and blue eyes are the future s J - so you do know how to cook!!?? love S xxx s Do you want to come, for a bit of tart, in 1A? s Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sara likes rugby players, and Becca Does too!! s Liz and Chris - you were made for each other xxx s Andy-JD wants his Y-fronts back ASAP. s Tina....we know u fancy Paul in the final year!!!! s Alix - Make Helen confess about the chicken remarque! s LOST - MEMORY FROM LAST FEW FRIDAY NIGHTS, IF FOUND PLEASE CONTACT BRAVEHEART!! s Kat’s finally a fully fledged student. She’s off her trolly!!! NURSE STEPH, HAPPY ‘HALF WAY TO Alan & Duncan Locksmiths and handymen for all occasions. s Hello? Is that the AA? The M25’s moved to Guildford railway station! s FMF, Where are you? Where did you go this weekend?SS s I wonder how many times will this personal get printed ? s Stand upand be counted! Saturday 28 March s Zaza - held anyones hand lately?? s 2 hrs, 14mins and 28 secs is the record for the longest loo stop at St Lukes, this prestigious honour is held by Carla, lucky girl s Oi, Jarvis, Get yer Cock-upHer” next time but hey, remember the talcum powder!” s Weyside birds at Bo’s - shocking behaviour s So Julie hot date with that guy you pulled on Thursday? Don’t worry love he wasn’t that DODGY....... much, love Krustie. s Javier has lovely hands Helen s Thanks...i would be greatful if these personals were published in the next edition of barefacts!!!! s S: Thanks for a “wicked” weekend! s Three people still waiting for an apology!!! s DF - “Always ready for a large one”. s Get some morals Essex-boy! SCORE SCORE SCORE SCORE SURE SURE SURE!!! s Dave.C.M, I love you; your lover H. s Want to know more about Honey, then goto www.honey.com! s Heed our rallying cry. Saturday 28 March s Uni Court House 51 top floor for top people! s The secret of Carla’s success is fibre! love from Kam and the girls s Hey, “big ears” Could you not face the fat on the burgers on Saturday ‘cos you ate too much fat on Friday Night??!!. s Hey Dazza - We think you’re great. You the man s Paddington, the best shag in months not years, I haven’t got to that stage, unlike you. love Krustie. s The Ginger Fox is thinking of having vegetarian for supper tonight. s HUGE Thanks to all the silly crew for an excellent Wednesday the fees anarchists s Run out of loo roll? Just look for a hampster! s 2000 pounds Dunc Tut Tut Tut s Wanted for DJ Donuts: New Coat, present coat need not apply s Alright D.C. got any bat gas!! s Chinese for all courtesy of Andrew Wood !!! s Alex and the eskimo!!!! s Don’t break the law, change the law. Saturday 28 March s Abbi, Hangover and buffalo = four stitches s Hey gorgeous Nav......HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! s Jo - when’s the offy open?? s Krust 2. Helen 13. The gap is getting longer. s The more I think, the more worrying I get s Swpitwist s To be, or not to be. That is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings...

Notices
Rifle Club AGM, Today, Thursday 12th March, 6pm Grant Mitchell Room (Students’ Union). For further info, contact mt41hb Women’s Football AGM, Today, March 12th 1998, 6pm in Hari’s Bar. All members must attend. Any queries phone Lou 579993. Rugby Club AGM Tuesday week 9, 6pm Grant Mitchell Room. Contact Ross Nichol for details - 01483 565242 University of Surrey Football Club AGM, Saturday 14th March. Varsity Centre, 6pm. Contact Dan Babbs (ext 4933) or Paul Cliff (ext 9711) SBS Bio Soc. AGM on March 16th at 1pm in the Wolfson building. Want an SBS ball? Beerfest? Cocktails? Academic help? Outside speakers? Good, so do we. So come to our AGM. 2 companies will be conducting surveys around campus in the coming week: NOP (on Telecoms), and WSP (on Student Travel). All survey personnel will carry identification, and would appreciate your co-operation, though you’re not obliged to answer any questions. Student needed to cook meals for another student! If you make enough for two, I will pay the food costs plus £2 per meal. Please contact Ghazi Ramadan, ext 4973 To all University Swimmers. There will be no swimming 9-10pm at the Spectrum on the following Monday nights: March 23rd, May 11th. The Jewish Society is now functioning! We are organising many social and cultural events. We really hope to attract more and more people. So please, if you are interested contact Spam (Student Affairs Officer) on ext 9228. 2 rooms to Let in Guildford Park Avenue for summer period (June -Sept) for further info ring 01483 833276 WINDSURFING CLUB. Windsurfing tops for sale £32.50, mostly navy blue, some other coulour available. Contact Adam, ext. 4241, cv4ab or via the windsurfing pigeon thole. We still meet every Friday at 1pm upstairs in the Union. All abilities welcome, we will be running a beginners course later this semester. Come along and find out what we’re up to!! English tuition required! Overseas student is looking for help with writing English. 2-3 sessions a week if possible (paid). Contact ext.4183 room No. 2 (after 7 pm) Room available in student house off Northway about 15 mins from campus. Rent £195 pcm until July All mod cons, newly refurbished etc. Phone (01483) 504629 For Sale BC-06 Photo Cartridge for BCC240 Canon colour printer. James B, 4216 Parachute Club AGM Weds 18th Mar 67pm Grant Mitchell Room ext 2735 Fencing Club AGM Tuesday 17th March, TB21 20:30 ext 4356 Gamesoc AGM 15th March, 2pm LTA tel: 566272. Oscar Film Unit E.G.M.: Election of new Treasurer, Tuesday 24th March 1998, LT H at 6p.m. Anyone wishing to stand for the position of Treasurer please leave a note in the OFU pigeonhole ASAP. The G&S Society are having their AGM on Monday 23rd March at 7.30pm in TB18. Applying Skills After University workshop - For all those students leaving the University this year for a placement or career. It will focus on the skills that you have picked up here and ways that you can use those skills in later life. This workshop is free and will be led by "Bob" Moledina and Rodney Bates. TUESDAY 17th MARCH in Committee Room Z, Senate House. Volunteers needed to help blind student type up coursework, fill in application forms and other general administration. Any help welcome. Please call Supriya, Ext 4240. This is your last chance to reclaim your prizes from the SURVEY ON SALT INTAKE!!!! Number 29 (prize no.1), Number 65 (prize no.2) and Number 38 (prize no.3). Congratulations! Please contact Sandrine on extension 4789. Decriminalise Cannabis March. Sat 28th March, assemble Midday at the reformer’s tree in Hyde Park, for march to Trafalgar Square. Keep ‘em peeled for more details. Postgrad Association barndance, Fri 20th March, tickets £3. Contact PGA via pigeon hole for details. EGM - Postgrad Association. To elect a new President and Vice-President, 6pm Wates House, Tuesday 24th March Fancy a bit of International Rugby after the exams? The Sanyo Cup at Twickenham will feature the star-studded World XV versus 1998 English Club Champions on Sat 23rd May (end wk 14) Tickets £20 or £26 including transport. Contact Alex Langley, ext 4739, Email cv31al Technology and Education Essay competition. Students are invited to submit essays (1000-3000 words) on the theme of Technology and Education. Prizes for best four entries (Blackwell’s bookshop vouchers worth up to £40). Entries to Mr Z. Gilpin, PO box 2369, Reading, Berks, RG6 1YP by April 30th.

10

Features

Thursday 12th March 1998 n

Postgrad conference
Jane Malcolm-Davies reports on the work of the National Postgraduate Committee and its recent visit to our own Postgraduate Association.

Dr. Russ replies...
Dear Russ I’m thinking of putting a curriculum vitae together. Is there a recommended way for doing it? Dear Louise Let me say, first of all, that there are no rules about what you can or can’t put in a CV. I’ve been collecting CV’s for years and they are all different. One of them is presented in the form of a cartoon strip, another one has a picture of someone trapped inside a bubble with the caption underneath “untapped potential”. Mind you, for most jobs it will not be in your interests to produce an unusual CV. It should look attractive, but not bizarre. You’d do well to get it laser printed on a decent quality paper. It is also a good idea to embolden a few key words such as your degree subject or job titles, especially where they are relevant to the job you’re applying for. What you choose to put in the CV is crucial. I’ve seen 5-page CV’s with the person’s life history on it. Bearing in mind the average CV gets about two minutes of an employer’s time, this doesn’t seem like a good idea. So you have to emphasise only those things which are relevant to your application. If you’ve done a Professional Year, for example, you should give this greater prominence on your CV than other more casual jobs. If you are going for degree -related employment you should provide a breakdown of your course which emphasises the relevant subjects you have covered. Basically you’ve got to anticipate what the employer wants to read and leave out the irrelevant. This could mean it ends up on one page. A two page CV is OK as well. Three pages is probably too long. By the way, if you’d like to see a model CV, why not pick up the yellow leaflet called “Curriculum Vitae” on the display rack in the Careers Service. In the meantime, if you want someone in the Careers Service to check over your CV we’d be glad to.

T

he university’s Postgraduate Association (PGA) recently hosted a visit by Martin Gough of the National Postgraduate Committee (NPC). Martin is the general secretary of the organisation which represents the interests of more than 200,000 post-graduate students in the UK. He is the only full-time employee, which makes him a very busy man. His visit to the Surrey campus in January was part of a gruelling tour around many colleges and universities. “The sole general secretary of the organisation cannot do all of this on their own without omitting tasks of running the NPC effectively,” says Martin. He is supported by a team of volunteers, most of whom are on fulltime courses. However, in his short term of office since October, Martin has managed to shift the national debate on funding of studies to include the postgraduate perspective, with significant coverage in the press. He is based at the University of Leeds. His post and the NPC itself is funded by subscriptions from affiliated institutions. The NPC aims to influence education policy nationally, acting as a campaigning voice and resource base of information for postgraduates. It has links with the National Union of Students, the Council for Graduate Education, research councils, government departments and the media. The organisation also has a representative on the Review of Postgraduate Education set up by Higher Education Funding Council for England, which is researching recommendations for the improvement of postgraduate education. Although the positions of honorary president and minutes secretary are currently vacant, Martin, the chairperson and treasurer are supported by two part-time members of staff - a publications assistant and an information assistant. There is a substantial committee of 12 elected officers, 12 regional representatives and a host of posts on sub-committees too. The committee of Surrey’s own PGA is looking at ways of improving communication between the national forum and other postgraduate organisations throughout the country. The NPC holds quarterly meetings - these offer an opportunity for post-graduates to discuss issues which affect them. The PGA committee is considering hosting one of these conferences at

Surrey in the future. The most recent meeting was on Saturday 28 February at the University of Birmingham, where the PGA was represented by Tony Ede, Andy Gale and Richard Smith. The agenda included elections for vacant posts (see above), nominations for an honorary president and discussions on the writing-up period of research study, strict submission deadlines, full-time versus part-time issues and a number of official reports and reviews of postgraduate education. “If any postgraduate students want to raise issues of importance in a future meeting, please let us know” says Andy, who can be contacted at the Students Union or on eep2ag@ee.surrey.ac.uk. The NPC’s constitution sets out its aims and objectives, which include promoting the welfare of postgraduate students, communication and co-operation between postgraduate student associations and societies and representing and advancing the interests of postgraduates in the UK while remaining politically unaligned. Work towards these aims is carried out by a committee, elected at the summer conference each year. These positions include: general secretary, treasurer, minutes secretary and chairperson plus two ordinary executive officers. The organisation is concerned to highlight the problems specific to postgraduates, which are often overlooked in national student politics (eg the year-round nature of many research degrees and the higher proportion of overseas students). The NPC is concerned that recent changes in higher education in the UK have led to a dramatic expansion in the numbers of postgraduates without additional funds for staff and facilities, leading to an unsatisfactory mismatch between student numbers and resources. The NPC also offers a number of useful publications, known as the “guidelines”. Each booklet provides a set of draft guidelines on which institutions can base their own. They provide a standard against which good practice at institutions may be measured, and support for individual postgraduates or their representatives as they argue for improved provision. The Students Union has a complete set of these guidelines, which are available for consultation if any student wishes to find evidence to suggest or support a change in the university’s provision for postgraduates. Titles include “Codes of practice for postgraduate research” (1992), “Guidelines for instructional postgraduate courses” (1993) - this covers taught courses,”Guidelines for the employment of postgraduate students as

teachers” (1994),”Guidelines for the conduct of research degree appeals” (1995), and “Guidelines on accommodation and facilities for postgraduate research” (1995). The Students Union itself is offered advice on providing a service for postgraduate students in The Postgraduate Book - the NPC’s welfare handbook. Also on offer from the NPC is the Journal of Graduate Education, which provides a forum for the discussion of relevant issues each quarter, particularly postgraduate administration systems, quality assurance and the need for formal training programmes. Other matters include a re-examination of the PhD and the likely effects of forming Graduate Schools at educational institutions. There is a more regular newsletter (on line and in print) offering news and reports, with refereed contributions from postgraduate students. Features in the current issue cover funding in the light of the Dearing Committee and the creation of a national directory of programmes which will draw together information on the 9,000 taught courses and 4,500 research opportunities available in the UK. All NPC conference proceedings are also published. Two discussion groups exist on line, too: one for postgraduates to share ideas, opinions and problems and another specifically devoted to NPC business. Individuals can join these groups at the NPC’s worldwide web site address: http://www.npc.org.uk.

Russ Clark Careers Service

Individuals may also subscribe to the NPC - membership offers a copy of the bi-monthly newsletter, free copies of the “guidelines” (usually £2 each), and copies of the Quarterly Journal of Graduate Education at a reduced rate. The annual fee is £12 (without the journal) and £20 with it.

Careers service

If any postgraduate students wish to know more about the NPC, please contact our own PGA via Mark Pullinger (Secretary), at lab 22AZ20 (tel extension 2617), at home on tel (01483) 577919 or chp1mp@surrey.ac.uk or Martin Gough himself c/o Leeds University Union, PO Box 157, Leeds LS1 1UH, tel/fax 01924 370504 or npc@npc.org.uk.

A full Birmingham conference report will follow soon...
(So that was just the brief version, then? -ed)

n

Thursday 12th March 1998

Features

11

Face/Off

OFU

believed to be dead, wakes up from his coma and does the same. Showing on Sunday 15th at 5pm & 8pm and Monday 16th at 8pm Reserve your tickets now via the post box in the union post room and watch out for the Easter Bonanza, 4 Films on 2 Days at a bargainousprice, featuring- Event Horizon + Bullitt + Chasing Amy + The Devils advocate.

Burway Head of the River Race
Jilla Ferguson and Annie Preston
Our next race is Kingston Head on Saturday 14th March where the same crews are competing. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Only the tough-skinned braved the cold, drizzle and general dampness of this Saturday afternoon at Burway. We had two crews representing the University of Surrey, a men’s novice quad and a women’s (very novice) four - the first women’s race of the season. The day started with bright-eyed crew members, prepared after a good feed the night before and lots of sleep ready for the day. Cox was not quite as prepared, ball dress in one hand, bottle of Bud. in kit-bag and ready for....hic...action. Your’re a star Carla! The women’s crew struck a few difficulties with grounding whilst waiting for the start, but trusty cox, with joggers rolled to the knee, hangover setting in nicely, got out and pushed! (Girls, what did I say about that very large piece of chocolate fudge cake?). Both crews rowed the 3000 metres superbly and it was a great experience for us all. The men’s quad finished with a time of 10.00 minutes and the women’s four a time of 13.50 minutes. Congratulations to all that took part and many thanks to all those that supported and encouraged us along the way and kept us well watered, armed with water-bottles and jumpers for the finish.

This weeks OFU film is Face/Off with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage playing each other and they do so brilliantly. Travolta plays Sean Archer, an FBI Agent who has to try and find a biological weapon that has been placed in L.A. by a sadistic terrorist-for-hire and criminal mastermind Castor Troy (Cage). Archer has hunted Troy for the last 8 years and is consumed by revenge because Troy is responsible for the death of his son. To find the weapon, Archer ‘borrows’ the face of Troy however, Castor who was

Crossword No. 68

Across: 7. Extinguish (6) 8. A rectangular figure (6) 9. To gambol (4) 10. Spectres (8) 11. Loud and grating (8) 13. Poet (4) 14. An electrical unit (4) 16. Bitter quality (8) 18. Lethargic (8) 21. Haystack (4) 22. Musical studies (6) 23. Pruned (6) Down: 1. Dish of sweetened curds (6) 2. Unimpaired (8) 3. Consignment of goods for overseas (8) 4. A continent (4) 5. Injured (4) 6. A slight quiver (6) 12. Song-thrush (8) 13. Insolvent (8) 15. A drug (6) 17. A hollow receptacle (6) 19. Orderly (4) 20. The Orient (4)

Last weeks solution: Across: 1.livid 4.polygon 8.gravels 9.fined 10.cue 11.multitude 13.litany 15.studio 18.wayfarers 20.rut 21.fudge 23.lumbago 24.righted 25.adder Down: 1.logical 2.violently 3.dream 4.pestle 5.leftist 6.gin 7.nudge 12.underhand 14.nearest 16.outdoor 17.yelled 18.wafer 19.samba 22.dog

12

Sport

Thursday 26th February 1998 n

Wales fans sing their way to victory
Matt Pannell Editor
They may always complain about the stereotype they put up with over here, but you should have seen them on Saturday. Thousands upon thousands of Wales supporters packed into Wembley Stadium to see the five nations rugby match against Scotland. And what do they bring with them? Daffodils, leeks, flags with dragons on them and you’ve guessed it - an inflatable sheep. The platform announcements at Marylebone station had already been suspended becaue of their persistent (and very good) singing. If your involvement in Rugby goes as far as trying to hear yourself think over the din of their brash and boorish singing in the Union, then going to see a game like this really is a bit of an eye-opener. You can watch the game unfold like a cricket match, yet it comes with all the pace and unpredictability of football. The crowd don’t spit and swear at one another as much as football fans, either. It’s a good way to spend your Saturday afternoon.

Campusport The Latin American Night we’ve all been waiting for
OLE!! THAT’S RIGHT FOLKS - THE POSTPONED LATIN AMERICAN EVENING IS HERE AT LAST! NEXT FRIDAY 20TH MARCH 7.00 P.M. AT THE VARSITY CENTRE. Tickets are on sale at the Sports Centre - special student price £4.75 which covers your lesson, a hot chilli (vegetarian available), a free tequila and a disco. A brilliant evening and excellent value - don’t delay tickets always go fast. No previous dance experience necessary - just a sense of fun - you won’t be disappointed. Reluctantly we have had to cancel the Friday I.D. Ballroom Dancing due to lack of numbers. Those of you who want to continue can join up with the Ballroom Dance Society, who meet every Wednesday, 7.30 p.m. in the University Hall. however, did not take up their invitation ... I wonder why?!!! Regular instructors, Kate, Clive and Yvonka taught the class how to boogie on down ‘70s style. With moves like the ‘Funky Chicken’, ‘John Travolta Strut’, ‘Scrub Your Pants’ and ‘Shimmy’, who could have failed to have had a laugh. If you didn’t make it to the class, just imagine the combination of the groovy moves with the afro wigs, flares and sequins sported by instructors Kate and Clive and well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination! It is important to keep in mind that whilst the class was fun it had a serious element, that of fund raising. On a positive note I cannot think of a better way to raise money for that particular charity than by exercising aerobically and therefore increasing the efficiency of the heart and helping to decrease the risk of heart disease. The class was a success and, if you are desperate for more or missed out this time, there are plans to repeat the event later in the year. If you have any suggestions on other possible themes for a charity aerobics class, drop them into Campusport, or better still join in one of the aerobics or dance classes at Campusport and tell your instructor afterwards! Kate Scanlan

Dance to the heartbeat
The Wednesday night aerobics session underwent a dramatic makeover last week when it jumped back two decades to find inspiration from the 19070s. The class was a one off event for charity. It is the third year running that Campusport have organised events to coincide with the British Heart Foundation’s “Dance to the Heartbeat” campaign. The class raised over £60 for the charity - so well done to everyone! The event was attended by a mix of students and lecturers and not just the diehard aerobics fans - it was great to see so many new faces. The Rugby Club,

Wales fans at Wembley for the 5 nations rugby match against Scotland on Saturday. Photo: Matt Pannell

....The Results.....The Results....The Results.....Res
Sporty Thang
FOOTBALL M1 FOOTBALL M2 FOOTBALL M3 FOOTBALL M4 FOOTBALL W1 BADMINTON M1 BADMINTON M2 BADMINTON W1 BASKETBALL FENCING GOLF HOCKEY M1

The Enemy

Us

Them

Sporty Thang
HOCKEY W1 HOCKEY W2 NETBALL 1 NETBALL 2 RUGBY M1 RUGBY M2 RUGBY W1 SQUASH M1 SQUASH M2 SQUASH W VOLLEYBALL M VOLLEYBALL W

The Enemy

Us

Them

Cazza’s daft bit that’s always in capitals, and that only the sports mafia understand, isn’t here. She’s too busy worrying about her minibus road tax forms, and finding someone to drive the women’s waterpolo team up to Leeds. Let ‘em run, I say. She’s also got to find those chairs she nicked from the Bare Facts office last week and still hasn’t brought back. And after all, what has she got to write about with no results in the table? (no matches, apparently). The only action seems to have been off the pitch - as Paul ‘Stiffy Cliffy’ has been in to look at the personals page anxiously, saying ‘there might be some about me from last week, and they might start chiselling me about it.’ ‘Chiselling’? What are they like?

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