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A collection of poetry
With introduction by award-winning poet and author Mark Orrin
Copyright © 2010 Edward Val. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, typing, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher.
Eloquent Books An imprint of Strategic Book Group P.O. Box 333 Durham CT 06422 www.StrategicBookGroup.com ISBN: 978-1-60911-414-5 Book Design: Bruce Salender Printed in the United States of America
. In this darkness may you one day find light and meaning.Dedication This book is dedicated to all the world’s Lost Souls trying to make their ways.
Kneel and pray. but never forget the loss On that bitter July day. battle the passionless feelings and gray. Another innocent soul lies wounded. that so tragically flew away. another innocent soul lies dead. 1981—July 24. spraying searing lead.In memory of… May this book evoke the memory of the many soldiers who have died serving their country during these bleak times. As the Hammer Falls: As the hammer falls. A victim of random violence Frequent in our world today So pause and give silence For the life thread. 2009 . In Memory of Nikkiana Seals Jones August 13. Strive for a brighter future.
i Part One: Spring. 17 Alas 19 Confused 20 . by Mark Orrin. 1 A Flicker in the Dark 3 A Silhouette of Beauty 4 Art 4 Beside Me 5 Canvas 5 Concrete Rose 6 Dear Lord 7 Dear Wife 8 Eternity 9 Haiku 1 9 I’m Sorry 10 Life Defined 11 My Love 11 Senryu 1 12 Smile 12 The Message: Part One 13 True Beauty 14 Virtues of a Noble Man 15 Warrior of the Light 16 Part Two: Summer.Contents Introduction.
35 Angel Fallen 37 As I Live 38 Attraction 39 Blind 40 Cause and Effect 41 Complexity 42 Disposed 43 Fall of an Age 43 Fate 44 From Myself to Myself 44 Haiku 2 44 I Dare Not 45 Illusion 46 Image 47 In a Fallen World 48 In His Name 49 .Empty Pot 21 Fork in the Road 22 Horse and the Fly 23 House of Cards 24 Life’s a Revolving Door 25 Maiden to Her Warrior: (Part One) 26 Warrior to His Maiden: (Part One) 26 Me and You 27 Metamorphosis 28 Precious Forever 29 Reflection 29 Searching for Answers 30 Slaves of Them 31 Truth 32 Whispered Warning: (Part One) 33 Words 34 Part Three: Fall.
J.. Silent Plead 55 Silently 56 The Message: Part Two 57 Unanswered 57 We’re Through 58 Part Four: Winter. Heart of Mine 52 One Last Question 53 Paper Tears 53 Rant 54 Silent Pain. a Soldier 69 In Remembrance 69 Let Me Go. White and Blue 71 Struggle 72 Today 73 . I’m Tired 70 Man 71 Our Red.Inside Me 50 Life/Death 50 Love Is… 51 Oh. 59 A Soldier’s Tears 61 After a Bride’s Death 61 Bedside Farewell 62 Broken Stones 62 Children’s Nightmare Rhyme 63 Damaged 63 Death 64 Death Is… 64 Downward Spiral 65 Empty and Bitter 66 Haiku 3 67 Haiku 4 67 I tried 68 In Memory of T.
True Love 74 Unsaved 75 Vampire 76 War 76 Where I Walk 77 .
By Mark Orrin, M.A. Award-Winning Author/Poet With Black Rose, Dying, his eloquent, four-seasonspanning, tour-de-force collection of poems, young Edward Val (E’Val) joins the honored ranks of war-haunted poets who include Britain’s Sir Walter Raleigh, Wilfred Owen, and Siegfried Sassoon, and America’s Stephen Crane and James Dickey. E’Val comes by his warrior status authentically and gravely: Born in Camden, N.J., in early 1983, E’Val has completed three Army deployments in Iraq; wounded in combat, he’s received a Purple Heart and lost many friends to battles’ ravages. As a wordsmith, he’s published a previous poetry collection, Enlightened Heart/Darkened Soul; at this moment he’s working on a third book of poems and a novel to be titled Of Tooth and Nail. Personally, E’Val is a husband, father and a man of art and passion who wishes to create in all facets of his life and effect change in his world by his words – which he wields in startling variety. E’Val’s poetry in Black Rose, Dying ranges widely in forms and themes, from free to rhyming and off-rhyming verse to Haiku to several brief prose poems, rendered with terse wit, irony and probing clarity. “Truth” is suffused with a wry brevity that indeed reminds one of Stephen Crane. “Haiku 2” distills Dickey’s observation (in his “Firebombing”) that death can spread in bleak beauty. “A Soldier’s Tears” shares the poet’s wrenching regret for the unavoidable yet tragic “collateral damage” a soldier deals in the “line of duty.” “Me and You” reflects the ambiguity of pain in parting from a loved one to go and make war. “Rant” assails a love-
betrayer in stark imagery. “True Love” – does this poem deconstruct a myth… or depict a reality one irresistibly pursues, though finding it impossible to reach? “Metamorphosis” relates how love melts a bitterness of soul; “Fall of an Age” cries the protest of a “pawn” in the deadly game played by “masters of war”; “Complexity” shares the poet’s conflicted relationship with God in the face of war and other of the world’s evils; “Children’s Nightmare Rhyme” and “Today” are ironic portraits of evil that will chill adults’ blood; E’Val’s “Concrete Rose” encourages by showing the tough yearnings of gentle yet indomitable love. Matters neither little nor great escape the intense yet fervent eye Edward Val casts, with strong tenderness, on our times and the human condition. Prepare as you read to hurt, to weep, to laugh, and superseding all emotion, to think, of the forever in now, with this young man of ancient heart.
Part One: Spring .
But today is a day like any other. remembering my own moments in hell. my heart no longer alone. Dying A Flicker in the Dark I walk in the darkness and I know no peace though I feel the Lord’s love with each heartbeat. recalling the torment. and my hope comes alive all the quicker because I now know you were there. Then I remember the light. wondering how I’ve remained sane. toward something so wonderful and rare: on toward the arms of that one who cares. 3 .Black Rose. of a glorious kind. So I step forward. So I seek guidance and hope to find love one day. reliving the pain. I stand alone apart from another and stare into the darkness I know so well. the brief distant flicker. calling me home.
a goddess in my eyes. so curses on those who’d ever make her sad. an angel on the sand. she’s a masterpiece painted. so curses on those who’d ever make her sad. an angel upon the sand. She’s smart and funny. so all praise this angel of beauty who can never die. A silhouette of beauty. 4 . so all praise this angel of beauty who can never die. for things to capture her mind. She’s a sight to behold and a treasure to be had.Edward Val A Silhouette of Beauty A silhouette of beauty. she’s the image of a perfect rose in your hand. She longs for adventure. crafted perfectly and strong. a goddess in my eyes. she dreams of far-off places and different times. her mind’s lost in wonder. She’s smart and funny. a sweetest song. Art Artists create joy: Romantics praise love and life to sway the darkness. she’s like a marble statue. dreaming of distant lands. She’s a sight to behold and a treasure to be had.
they are lost in each other’s eyes. You see in his eyes an endless sea of blue. The man climbs down from his night-black horse. her long brown hair blowing across her face. and there you were beside me. and there you were beside me. I swam across the rampant oceans. You see her rubyred lips. Locked in an embrace long forgotten. since I know you’re here beside me. I flew from earth’s one end to the other. 5 . you hear. white satin ribbons tied in tiny braids in her hair. and there you were beside me. and there you were beside me. his hand on her cheek. The world fades around them and disappears as if melting off a canvas. then see a man approach on a night-black horse. you see a castle. A woman stands near the edge of the cliff. To the right. Waves crashing on the cliffs. pale-green eyes. as I walk blindfolded across this tightrope I can see without looking. her hand in his hand. In the distance to the left. And now. Canvas Beautiful: Endless blue sky overlooking the ocean. He comes to the woman and caresses her face.Black Rose. looking for myself. her blue dress fluttering in the breeze. I climbed the steepest-cragged mountain. Dying Beside Me I walked the deadliest road I could find.
6 . You pass by me every day. silently hidden in shadow. struggling to survive. a winner at the odds. Nothing can make me give up. not by mortal or by GOD. Long years I have spent here. I can’t be broken. you’d surely be amazed. and I shall prevail. Your eyes never linger long enough to glimpse me. my will unwavering. Hopelessness I won’t allow to touch me. I’ll never fold. nor depression to take hold. I will make it. For I’m the rarest piece of creation. yet never take the time to look – only if you would stop. my determination strong. beautiful.Edward Val Concrete Rose To you I still remain unseen. yet I am still here. for I’m the rose that grew from concrete.
so full of deceit and lies. Look at the web I’ve woven. nor the slightest remorse? You gave me your warnings. Where to go from this junction? Not the slightest hint I’m shown. Why I didn’t listen.Black Rose. 7 . I really don’t know. so I’ll continue to walk forward into the vast unknown. Dying Dear Lord Dear Lord. but I stayed my destructive course. and turned friend into foe. but I made friends of my enemies. How can I say I’m your child when I hold no regret inside. always searching for a way back toward your eternal throne. and at the end there was nothing. nothing for me to find but a heart full of emptiness and punishment for all time.
8 . and may our love always last. with you beside me I’m surely not destined to wilt like a rose. Now at the end.Edward Val Dear Wife Dear Wife. so I thank you. the sorrow that once filled my heart diminished – in its stead now is hope – then you helped guide me down a far different path from the one I previously chose. You changed my aspect. You’ve changed my world. my very approach. my very simple views: The black and whites I’ve always seen are now violets. forever into the future drawn from wondrous memories of our past. reds and blues.
overlooking the ocean. I still remember the castle by the cliffs. and the sun set into the sea. not just hearts. a bond between spirits. Now and for all eternity. endless as the ocean. orange and red clouds faded to purple. sun painting the sky. as true and beautiful as the sky. mauve and blue… Remember all the things we said. promises of eternity. Dying Eternity Remember the time I kissed your lips upon a cliff with grass true green? The ocean crashed beside us.Black Rose. your mind and heart joined with mine. Love – everlasting like the castle. I never forgot. the little things. You kissed my hands and asked me to live for you alone. 9 . Haiku 1 Today slowly fades as tomorrow begins to open its eyes. love no other for all time and beyond. true love and more? On your knees that night you promised your soul would love me forever.
or protect you from. I’m sorry it doesn’t always seem like I love you. I’m sorry you hardly see me. 10 . our only connection. I’m sorry we’re so far apart. I hope you know it’s true – but no matter how many sorries. I’m sorry the distance makes it so hard. right now by your side. I’m sorry I can’t be there.Edward Val I’m Sorry I’m sorry I can’t be there to hold you when you cry. I’m sorry that so many times I say. that I’m rarely ever home. “I’ve go to run. I’m sorry you must take care of our son on your own. I’m sorry for everything I cannot share with. it seems. the stars. remember I’ll always love you.” I’m sorry baby.
Black Rose, Dying
You were born from the earth as all things are, and one day you will dissolve much like the stars. Nothing can stop these motions in place; all one can do is patiently wait; for the cord has been cut, its length though unknown; minutes pass as sure as we die alone. So strive for nothing but happiness, love and peace, and do the best you can before you cease. There’s only so much time in a day, and each day quickly flowers, then fades away into a vast expanse of ever-flowing time, and nothing can make it stop on a dime. So with all simplicity take what you’re given, make the best of each moment and get on with living, for truly our lives are but a flicker in flame, of hopes, of dreams, of trials and pain.
My love, you are the snow of my winter, the flower of my spring, the sun of my summer, the leaf of my fall. Simply put you’re my everything and all: I love you.
that brightens the hearts of all and our souls within. severe thunder and lightning: I see cats and dogs.Edward Val Senryu 1 Newspaper said storm. too. a perfect piece of sunshine. uplifting and pure. 12 . Smile Your smile melts the world.
listen for my voice and your chance. and I’d hate to see you fall tragically like generations before and mine. I’m the cold touch of death that’s only felt by those like you. 13 . lend an ear to the darkness. I’m a shining star among so few. So open your eyes to the world and learn from each precious lesson. Dying The Message: Part One I am lost but not forgotten.Black Rose. because beyond these doors lie secrets trapped in a constant flow of time. and this remains our hope and blessing. for history gives us many chances. So as my essence lingers and I fall victim to a bitter romance.
you are my salvation from the darkness that called. you are my heart’s content that can never die. You are the love of my summer. and I thank you. just when I almost gave up and let my heart die. spring. Alone and cold inside I felt. You are true beauty’s definition. You take me for who I am. so there’s no surprise why we long for each other from homeland to foreign shore. 14 .Edward Val True Beauty True beauty has finally beset my eyes. an angel with deep brown eyes. you don’t just want a piece of the pie. you want the man. You understand my trials and tribulations just as I understand yours. winter and fall. but now the ice has begun to melt because you give me understanding.
In a world of evil men.Black Rose. In a world of indifference. I am understanding. I am the hero. I am change. In a world of war. I am direction. In a world of disease. Dying Virtues of a Noble Man In a world of conformity. In a world of hopelessness. In a world of pain. I am a cure. I am the answers. I am a beacon. In a world of misguidance. In a world of questions. I am love. 15 . I am peace.
searching for salvation. Yet what can I do but fight until all my power is gone? Who would I be if I did not struggle from night to early morn? 16 . I can feel my strength seeping into a slow. Every day I fight to hold my own against the odds. each day I meet the test. my lungs feel so compressed… I’m tired of fighting all these battles. yet constant drain. And nothing seems to get easier… every day’s full of agonizing pain.Edward Val Warrior of the Light I feel as though I’m breathing underwater. battling the demons of dark as I walk the path of gods. unwavering in my quest. carrying the many burdens. I desperately need rest.
Part Two: Summer .
heart always true. living in daydreams of me and you. Dying Alas Long I have fought. you’ll never be mine: An old copper penny can’t court a new dime. though I remain hopeful. tainted with too much passion and sin. But it’s all for nothing. knowing I could never win.Black Rose. 19 .
down the only path I know. 20 . so out here I wonder. confused by it all. forgotten and misplaced. For I’ve been dropped and shattered. but without you to guide me I’m destined to fall. still closed is the gate – no admittance for one such as me – the answers to such questions remain a mystery. remember that I came seeking forgiveness. tried to cleanse all my sin.Edward Val Confused I stand outside the gates – won’t someone let me in? I’ve asked for forgiveness. none among them is hate. What am I to think? What am I to do? I wander back to where I started. seeking another route… confused. yet. through the forest of darkness with its ever-biting cold. but the gates stayed unopened. So as I walk away. I was not let through. willing to pay my dues. though I carry many burdens.
something to nurture me inside. I am but an empty pot. And like an empty pot. I am alone. nothing fills me. nothing fills me. a reason to be. I might as well crack and die. I need something to sustain me. void and hollow. And like an empty pot. void and hollow. I am alone. I am useless and serve no purpose on my own. I am useless and serve no purpose on my own. Dying Empty Pot I am but an empty pot.Black Rose. So please give me something. 21 . because without that I’m gone: Never again will you see me. if not.
giving me two completely different selections.Edward Val Fork in the Road As I stand upon this road I only ask: Why? Why? Must this fork divide. when I know that after choosing one path I’m never to know the other’s directions? 22 .
I’ll be damned before I give into the night. So here I stand overlooking a world of death and decay. longing for love and some I might call friend. but I’ll never sell my soul (that which is I). I’ll admit to each of my mortal sins. Yes. And nothing will change my view because of what I’ve seen: Darkness engulfs us. but the paths set before me are hard to endure. 23 . Yet I keep a spark of hope.Black Rose. Dying Horse and the Fly I have walked these roads again and again. because I’ll never give in. all beauty has faded. with lies seeming ever so clean. that’s why I see things this way. Though the struggle’s difficult (and harder by the day). I’m far from pure. Though I remain faithful. I’ve walked through brimstone and fire and still travel burnt shores. always searching for light. and that’s the difference between the horse and the fly. I’d burn for all time before I’d give my soul away.
though puzzled by the many choices I try so hard to keep my eyes open to see. truly on my own.Edward Val House of Cards The fragile house of cards has fallen. With nowhere to go and no place to be. Everything that’s possible and life could ever offer. each single moment of bliss – I live each day by the moment. standing with my back exposed to the world. now I’m all alone. 24 . and it’s worth standing solo for this. I live each day free.
Black Rose, Dying
Life’s a Revolving Door
Every day’s the same, nothing ever changes, just repeats, again and again, a continuous, repeating circle that comes and goes, comes and goes. Like playing follow-the-leader, marching to the beat of the same drum, twenty-four/seven, there’s no exit ramp to freedom, just bumper-to-bumper traffic we must follow always, much as the hands of a clock make one complete round after another; we’re stuck in the constant round and round, like the earth we rotate on our axis, the sun and moon rise and fall, up and down, up and down… Every day’s the same, nothing ever changes, just repeats, again and again…
your sword stays by your side. I would surely stay by your side forever. stay by my side. you say of endless feats. far into the night of battles long gone. for eternity! Warrior to His Maiden: (Part One) Sweet love. to calm your misery. a dagger up your sleeve. your weary horse. safe inside my arms! Let me end your quest – be my love. then our love can never truly be. a gentle touch. sadly I cannot venture from my path. noble and strong. If I but could. Warrior. and there’s one more troubled soul I must free. love me. So I beg you to wait. fights on with you. brought down by your hand. A quest you now ride for. still weighted with armor. if not. But the task at hand is not yet finished. what do you still fight for? Your enemies are long gone. still.Edward Val Maiden to Her Warrior: (Part One) Warrior. please bide your time. you long for love. stop your fighting! No longer search the lands! Come be my love. 26 . pure as gold. that one day our true love may shine and breach the darkness that will torment my heart once I finish freeing my soul. as I love you.
true. 27 . my love. till the end of all time. Dying Me and You I leave with a heavy heart: Every time I say goodbye it saddens me to see the tears behind your eyes. soon I’ll be home to you. then I’m yours forever. everlasting. I only have a few more things to do. I can’t remain. my heart you’ve bought. yet know that I love you. I must go. and I hate to bring you pain. you fill my every thought.Black Rose. me and you. But alas. always. So don’t fret or worry.
I live within a darkness unknown to the light. I find comfort in the land of nightmare and fright. I’m a creature of destruction; evil is all I know. My heart is cold and barren; I’ve always been alone. So what do you expect by beating down my door? Love is as much a mystery to me as white sandy shores. I don’t know how to act in the presence of your grace; all I know is darkness; all I breathe is hate. But I’m starting to feel different, a slow, steady change within: My anger is settling, my heart begins to beat again…
so precious… But all this is long gone. her eyes. no more do we hear her song. her face so sweet. a song carried by the wind. Reflection Lost in thought. no longer shall we see the dance of unheard beauty. un-kissed her lips of true love. always a dance. Dying Precious Forever Her voice. lost eternally. an ocean of endless blue. her lips. no sea of blue. 29 . But her face in memory shall stay precious forever. a soft silky peach. her graceful walk. distressed by many reactions… but the past can’t be changed. pondering all the choices made. her eyes closed.Black Rose.
So I continue on the path set before me with no idea where it may lead. I haven’t found the answers to all my questions. to which I feel bound. and sailed plentiful seas.Edward Val Searching for Answers I’m a world away from where I started. it’s barren and desolate as I move forward alone searching for something I couldn’t find where I started. I’ve lost and I’ve gained along the way when enemies turned friends. unpleasant death. though I’ll never give up. ‘cause I know they’re so near. because to stop would mean failure. though I’ve crossed many deserts. in the land of the living who’ve yet departed. yet on I continue without stopping. And this land I travel is far different from my own. I still haven’t found the thing I desire most. 30 . without even pausing for breath. and my journey’s yet to end. And though I search. still I’ve not found what I’ve been searching for to make everything so clear.
The masses begin to crumble. quick to make an example of anyone who steps a fraction outside their bounds. not justice rules here. we’re drones until the grave. no longer free men are we. A hundred frowns replace one smile as our society descends. speech is still “free. Injustice. our Mark Twains grow fewer as our rights fly away. No longer is free thought welcome. but slaves of them. caught up in self-loathing. Dying Slaves of Them The era of the abacus is over. No one’s willing to take a stand. iron-gloved and vile. 31 .Black Rose. Yes. computers rule today. and thus our world becomes damned.” but “freedom” is also chained.
thoughts erase. Truth evades all who chase. Memories stay just so long. 32 .Edward Val Truth Truth hides. lies we find. hearts burn. we don’t learn. Passion’s flown. Secrets gone but from eyes. Time ticks. Essence dwindles. People sway. roads are gone.
Dying Whispered Warning: (Part One) Why are we falling. and today's not today. the world is bleeding – feel its pain in your chest? So I beg you keep fighting. the ground’s now all paved. because life is descending into darkness without depth. just a glimpse of an unforgiving tomorrow.Black Rose. burnt out like the rest. So do what you can now before we drown in joyless sorrow. give it your best before our candle dwindles to nothing. 33 . fading further away? We've lost sight of our roots.
My words echo in darkness. loving words escape those who seek. wise words come from those who are not far from dust.Edward Val Words Few words escape those who’ve already said so much. Many words leave those with youth enough to forever speak. heard by but a few because my words are complex – if you only knew… 34 .
Part Three: Fall .
Black Rose, Dying
I’m everything and nothing; I’m his lost and treasured son; I’m the begotten and the lonely; I’m the last and single one. No words can describe my sorrow or the pain I’ve been dealt, and no soul on earth shall ever know the anguish I’ve felt. For the path chosen was mine alone: “Prophet of the ages,” though my hopes and dreams are now set in stone, and I’ve not yet learned a way to set them free, even with the knowledge he so graciously gave me. Yet on I continue, trying to find a way, though the weight I shoulder grows heavier each day.
longing to embrace the end: Death holds such possibilities.Edward Val As I Live Even as I live. So as each minute passes. 38 . time for goodbyes. that’s why I’m not afraid to die. where emptiness crowds my plate. and walk peacefully on death’s lane. know that I’ve lived deeply – but now. my friend. the complete silence of the tomb – something I’ve missed since long before the womb. Yet I long for the peace I’ll find there. because this world I’m not meant for with its full degrees of pain. each step carries me closer to the eternal grave. I’m dying. so unlike living. smiling always. where infinite paths wait. counting closer to my demise. with each breath I fade farther away. This is the course I’ve chosen. no need for tears.
you may never know. I can’t ask you to tell me if you feel the same. these feelings I have for you are that strong.Black Rose. I can only say there’s something about you that strikes me and holds me so near – it’s like stained glass: clear. the cruelty I see all go away when you’re close to me. yet unclear. for these things I just cannot show. Though it may seem crazy. so I’ll sit here and wonder how deeply you feel about love’s attraction. my self-doubt’s to blame. But how I feel deep inside. Dying Attraction The pains I feel. with heartache too real. too afraid of the answers. 39 . I can’t explain why I feel as I do. perhaps even wrong.
kick you when you’re down just to get their fix. 40 . So to faces like these I hope you remain blind and continue to walk where the sun always shines… forever blind. drain your well dry. nor care if you die. people who stab in the back. heartbreak and deceit. Some will use you.Edward Val Blind To many faces of the world you remain blind. make you feel sick. Some will steal things of much value to you – much more than money or expensive shoes: For some will take everything. then act innocent next week. and some things in the world’s darkness I hope you never find: Lies by the millions.
Black Rose. Now I’m nothing… because of you. So here I stand. Dying Cause and Effect You walked over me. seeking salvation all alone. you blurred my vision. heart grief-filled. now I feel used. left me confused. 41 . unable to smile because you used me. destroyed all I knew. pondering thoughts not my own. lost for awhile.
after all the battles ever fought. war has yet to cease? Or are we just too simple-minded in the complexity of it all? Are we not more beasts than men. hold me to your chest. thinking war will bring about peace. when. please O Lord. and all I do now seems so wrong. designing our own downfall? So I ask for an answer to the questions I seek – or are we doomed to sow always that which we must reap? 42 . I’m calling on you. bless me. will it ever change? Or shall we remain deranged. I’ve seen so many of my brothers fall. no longer strong.Edward Val Complexity Not far now. Because I’m too weak. end in pain: War begets war. please help me be saved from this world so full of sin before my destruction begins. just a few steps away. and I fear for the rest as I wonder if there’s a point behind this madness as bullets fired. Lord.
constant and vowel. You pull your queen beside you and helplessly cling as the death-blow comes nearer… checkmate for the king. heart’s been torn away.Black Rose. tossed to the floor. these meant nothing to one heartless as you. waiting to be stepped on and crushed to tiny bits. But when the rooks and knights forever rest the pendulum begins its downward swing. Then. Dying Disposed The candle that was is nevermore. I meant each syllable. you sit and ponder what you’ve done as the alarm bells ring. 43 . when the bishop tragically falls and mortality begins to sing. all because you broke me beyond any fix. sound. Fall of an Age It’s easy to send pawns to war when you’re sitting on high as king. and that’s why I’m now merely disposed of after use. I loved you.
So until the end of days. So is this that great thing they call Fate? From Myself to Myself I cry real tears. I’m all you despise. you long to say goodbye. bittersweet song sung: death has come calling. Haiku 2 Rose petals falling. you hold none inside. 44 . we’ll battle for control. I struggle every day. I fear to see myself and all I’ve become. while your eyes are dry. You’re everything I hate. you show no remorse for what you’ve done.Edward Val Fate I was born to this world and one day will be erased. I’m one you wish would die. I run from fears. You’re one I can’t stand. But one of us without the other would be only half a whole.
because I might risk losing you. I dare not shed light on my emotions.Black Rose. I dare not hint toward a meaning for all the things I do. and never shall we be. for fear of rejection and its sad appeal. 45 . Dying I Dare Not I dare not put into words the way you make me feel. I dare not. for rejection is a vast and lonely ocean. so I will not.
a particle in air. yet I can see the truth behind your eyes. But does it really matter? Truth be told. lost somewhere between love and hate. but I could always tell when you lied. because I realize now that I always loved you. but you were never really there: Our love was but a figment of imagination. Because yesterday everything was fine. then in a blink it all changed: We went from laughter and love to hatred and pain. I don’t quite understand our situation. And you say it’s my fault. and I’m unable to digest what’s been thrown on my plate. 46 . I don’t really care.Edward Val Illusion Standing beside myself. You’re hiding some dark secret.
47 . as he fights off the world because the truth is too much to bear. Dying Image Lying in bed. He tries not to wake. He’d rather give up and forget life than deal with the pain… of having lost her. the memories of better days and what used to be. heartbroken and alone he prefers to live in his dreams rather than face reality with all its anguish. his hand stretched out. only his dreams comfort him. As his feelings tear at him so.Black Rose. subconsciously seeking the person who once slept beside him without luck.
I live in a world of confusion. or is it just another lie? I live in a world of chaos.Edward Val In a Fallen World I live in a world of devastation where death always circles so near. I live in a world of seduction that takes from god’s great plan. or is it just another lie? I live in a world that’s fading faster with each breath. So where in this world does hope live – or has it already died? Where in this world is there peace. answers are always in demand. or is it just another lie? I live in a world of sadness that drains the soul of man. 48 . pain is always close at hand. So where in this world does hope live – or has it already died? Where in this world is there peace. I live in a world that’s fallen close to living death. So where in this world does hope live – or has it already died? Where in this world is there peace. I live in a world of destruction where the truth remains unclear.
took what once made me whole. Feel the wrath of your creation as the world starts to violently shake. bridging gaps that need much mending on this earth we once called home. So now my every thought is sinister. You took away my very innocence the moment you covered my hands in blood. You destroyed my youthful spirit. molding a new paradise from the ashes so none shall ever again feel alone. and destruction follows in my wake. 49 . Dying In His Name You’re the master of manipulation. for I am he who has come to punish all who against me stand: with sword and cleansing fire I will craft and reshape the land. a monster even you can’t control? It’s because you destroyed me. turned me against those I loved.Black Rose. Now you wonder why I’m this demon. you made me feel things that were never there. You turned the once beautiful world I saw passionless and gray. You unraveled my coils and just let me fray. You turned what could have been love into something untruthful and unfair.
Unpleasant. this thing deep inside. it hurts me and rules me. A slice here. slowly eating away… Life/Death Life: New. so I do as it says. to make me forget. I cannot describe it. Ending. Loving. Suffering. with no one to turn to. it’s there every day inside me. Dead. Breathing. slowly destroy me. Fresh. always to my regret. Gone: Death. Painful. a burn there – no one will see this thing that’s inside. I face it alone. by it I abide. Wonderful. it’s there every day inside me. slowly eating away. 50 . It cuts like a knife through my flesh to my bone.Edward Val Inside Me I feel it. Dying. I feel it. It tells me to do things. Enjoyable. Living.
Black Rose, Dying
Love is a gateway to destruction, a pathway to a broken heart. Love is a road of sacrifice, a way that can tear you apart. Love is pain in many forms, a question you can’t answer. Love is never-ending torment, a plague like cancer. Love is vile and crude, and love is often untrue, But… Love is also a door to passion, a cure for the emptiness inside. Love is a wonderful union, linking two souls side by side. Love is blissful existence, powerful and wondrous romance. Love is sharing feelings in a long exquisite trance. Love is caring and love is kind, and true love is always there to find.
So.Edward Val Oh. bar it shut. oh. and I can’t handle another quake. Heart of Mine Has my heart yet again led me down a broken road. I’m done. keep out the pain before it’s too late. my lonely heart’s hung. this is it. heart of mine – I beg you: Lock yourself away. for my world’s crumbling. I’m tired of playing. So please I beg you. oh. Numb to the world I am. heart of mine. and all I’m holding onto is about to break. I can’t take it any longer. I’m tired of trying and always getting the same. This is it. close your broken gate. and my world’s already falling apart. The noose is drawn up. one all too familiar and unpleasantly cold – or has it just selected for me another rotten apple in my never-ending battle for a key to my heart? Truth be told. 52 . it’s over. secured with chain.
just a solemn face. why not a voice to be heard except on paper. no defense. each unspoken word. hidden elsewhere. paper tears. But through the door in his Sanctuary true emotions you can read with every line. no feelings to show. never fallen on one who’ll ever know? 53 . sharp pieces of glass now litter the ground. What made you so unhappy? Why’d you go away? I still don’t understand it. Dying One Last Question Everything has been broken. The world I once knew is falling apart. Why is he the mime. no reaction. One last question: Must I have lost everything when I lost you? Paper Tears The hurt in his eyes isn’t easy to read: Walks on. the walls are coming down. as I sit here confused. Why did you have to leave and turn my life so black? Why did you have to walk away and never come back? Didn’t I give you everything? I sacrificed in every way.Black Rose. every letter. stands tall. head held high.
but it’s always on the other side of a bottomless void. So as the brimstone rains and your world dissolves in fire. and hope he lives in pain. I beg. But don’t fret. So all I see is a river red. I’m knocking on the door: Please. let me be dead. I hope you can find happiness… walking barefoot on barbed wire. I beg. no smiles nor joys. I’m going to hell. I blame the one who stole you. I long for happiness. let it all be over soon. maybe I’ll meet you in the afterlife. 54 .Edward Val Rant Razor blades slice through skin like paper. ’cause life gives me no comfort. I need to get away. and you’re coming with me ‘cause you brought on this disaster. I don’t know how much longer I can survive looking at all the memories in our old room. let me bleed out. and suicide seems faster. everything seems to be spinning. So please. it’s not solely you I blame.
Black Rose. Though she wept many tears. You couldn’t see it. the moment she chose to close that door. Dying Silent Pain. Silent Plead The silent pain took her. until at last he granted her wish and gave her release: She saw her husband once again and knew true peace. clawed at the haunted walls year after years. as it had so many before. But she begged and pleaded with the Lord. nothing could change the fact that he’d passed. but only in her eyes because she chose to live in lies. 55 .
selfish thoughts all my own. long I have stood here frozen in place. vacant of light. thus I became misguided. silently searching for what I need. 56 . not the slightest reprieve. for long ago I fell. all the times of hate. silently remembering. silently traveling into the vast unknown with no slightest direction. though knowing I deserve no forgiveness. silently missing each and everyone. consumed by desire and greed. silently hoping you’ve not forsaken me. silently needing something to believe. but this fate I’ve chosen. silently waiting for it to be my turn. all my bridges burned.Edward Val Silently Standing on the brink of damnation. silently hating the fact I couldn’t change. understanding that nothing can be done. so here I stand in judgment. no one else to blame. awaiting the decree. silently seeking a way through the night.
like birds in flight. put your differences aside – too much violence plagues the world. the question so clear. you cannot make it. rise up and make a change before it’s too late. I search for the light. so take solace in all you’ve been given. through seas of confusion with no answers near and with no one to guide me. so throw away your guns and knives! Use your voice to make a difference. Every step’s a mistake. but rise together. hand in hand. to show me the way. I plead for just one. I search on for hours.Black Rose. and the world drowns in its own ignorance and pain. Show me the path to the light of the sun! Yet my questions aren’t answered – is this how it shall stay as fear and much sorrow take my life away? 57 . for which I’ll eternally pay. so form a chain. I look for the answers. Alone in this world. You’re clueless as the earth begins to shake. Unanswered I walk all alone on the darkest of nights. like wet paper you’ll easily break. rise together and make a stand – strength is found in numbers. so I ask for the answers. Dying The Message: Part Two Stop the hating.
just an end to a means. I can’t remember when last I smiled. so how am I supposed to enjoy my freedom when I get none from you? I feel like a breath of air. that’s right. I feel as though I’m slowly being hung. uncared for but always used. you simply use. I’ll remain unseen. You care nothing for others. And how can I tell the truth when all you give me are lies? And how can I speak my mind. and I’m tired of being a tool in your kit. when you try to control my tongue? Gasping for air. we’re through. because I don’t need this. My thoughts are always on the future. You make me so miserable. somehow it’s always about you. or anything you do – we’re over my darling. 58 . yours are like an immature child’s. So from this day forth.Edward Val We’re Through I can’t walk on eggshells in a world you love and I despise.
Part Four: Winter .
After a Bride’s Death Staring out the window. as his tears fall with thoughts of what could have been. He looks not forward to old age or the days to come. to abolish my fears. for to him that was the most tragic of days. Dying A Soldier’s Tears Perplexing thoughts still linger as I hang onto but a thread. 61 . and sadly. he cares only for the past and his bottle of rum. it seems I’ve ran out of places to run. hurt and pain can’t easily be undone. remembering what was: The shower of flowers and the woman he loves. I’ve tried all my days to avoid this ending. His thoughts fix on the days when he held her close. those times he misses the most. His home’s dark and forbidding. and nothing said seems to fix the great damage done. but couldn’t prevent being doom-led. He doesn’t dare think of when she was taken away. So with a weakening grasp I turn to face my fate. lost in memories. no one gives much comfort to one such as he. it’s long since he’s let another in. and to ask forgiveness for all I’ve done over the years as I cry a soldier’s tears.Black Rose. Old pictures hang on the walls. He stares out the window.
to eternal darkness I fall. I’ve loved you always. stone by stone. of just one more kiss. 62 . Then walk away – I couldn’t bear to see the tears you’d cry. faster then I wish. my love. but for now let us enjoy this dark. you took it all. distant though you are. know that because I had you I’ll be happy as I rest. I long to repair our broken home. I’ll be twinkling afar… always there to love you. splendid night. But sadly. For I love you in so many different ways – if only I could hold you once again in the sun’s warm rays. Broken Stones Lying here bleeding. But you destroyed everything. I’ll love you even after I die So as I slip away from this world into the next. so grant me the pleasure. so when you grow lonely. look up. thoughts all my own. my bright evening star. You were my everything. so with one last slice.Edward Val Bedside Farewell Dead I shall be come the morning light. I am fading.
Damaged Destroyed beyond repair. monstrous now to behold. None know my true name. I am death’s champion. in my wake flow tears. I can strip flesh from bone. but their whispers I hear. Dying Children’s Nightmare Rhyme I walk in stealth and shadow. my work is quickly done.Black Rose. asymmetrically formed. My blade is always sharp. grotesque in appearance. cunning beyond my years. annihilation complete. my skill is world renowned. estranged from all others… damaged for good. 63 . I cause nothing but fear. my passing goes unknown. I’m deadly as a viper. I come late at night – beware when you’re alone. silent as a falling feather.
Death Is… Death is hard. Death is darkness. everywhere. for I and this world just don't care. Death is a poison. 64 . Death is the eternal night. another death I hold under my breath. one last chance to gasp for air. final. Death is despair. Death is a tunnel bare of light. Death is here. cold.Edward Val Death Another day. Death is eternal beauty. there.
deeper we fall into nothing.Black Rose. to depths untouched by even the night. as death takes his hold and the world starts to burn. sinking further down and down deep into darkness empty of light. pealing back the pure shell that sheltered us two. shock scars faces of all who find it their turn. 65 . until nothing remains except for a void: This road we have followed till all’s been destroyed. Dying Downward Spiral Circling. its true. circling round and round.
when they’ll only bring me heartbreak tomorrow? Is it not better to live in the world I know. Nothing ever seems to go my way. concrete-shoed. So how can I believe your divine words today. I’m tired of seeing smiles while I can only frown. rather than be torn apart by the love of lovers. I know I have no choice but to live. if you like. with no hallowed ground? I say I can’t take it if what I guess is true: You see. am I not to drown? Or is this supposed to be some test. resistance fights me pound for pound. though I’d rather give up and take my rest. this one of bitterness and sorrow. but all I ever do is lose. a rite of passage. all ups and downs. come tomorrow? 66 . I’ve always aimed to win. where answers will be given that I’ve sought all my life – or am I to find the same emptiness I’ve always found in this world of man. so how.Edward Val Empty and Bitter Empty and bitter. I dare not move a step. Life is so complicated.
Haiku 4 Drooping. falling down. Dying Haiku 3 Great gaps divide us even to this very day: Your touch forgotten.Black Rose. 67 . slowly turning red to brown: Petals on the ground.
all thanks to me. I tried to give you a better life. And now your once bright red roses turn black as I die. now black as hell’s depths. 68 .Edward Val I tried The roses are dead now. but I tripped and all the roses fell. so their surviving strength depleted. They never made it to your home and the water they needed. Once bright red roses. not you.
because with pride and honor he protected his home. for sacrifice never to outweigh the loss. one more soldier set under stone. a Soldier Sadly another star has fallen. ever fearless. blue and your pain.Black Rose. He was brave.J. a soldier. He was a man. Think only to remember one once like you. life taken. a friend who would stand beside you until the end. In Remembrance Thousands of lives lost: The ultimate cost paid in full by the most valiant groups. a brother. and pray that god takes him with open arms… and know he’s in a better place now. 69 . his memory will always remain even as his coffin’s draped in red. white. He’ll always be remembered. his life he gave defending a cause. laid to rest. So he’ll not be forgotten.. Dying In Memory of T. far from harms. fighting troops. the young.
” Why must you insist on my survival? Don’t give me. to escape this place. I’m the one chosen to both live and die. empty of hate. I don’t fit in. I’m the one who can’t shed tears while others cry. I just want to go away. let me fade away. “You’re in denial.Edward Val Let Me Go. In truth. I’m a secret kept yet carried on wind. I’m the silent shadow that lurks by. nor does he hold my hand. yet so alone. So I ask again: Why must I remain? Just let me go. Weary of all the pain. So why not just let me go. tired of being a stain. and I’m tired of being “saved. I’m the black star hidden in the night sky. torment and lies. I’m like rust on a throne of bone.” for I know who I am: Long ago I was banished to this distant land. I serve no further purpose. 70 . and nowhere along the path are my boot-prints absent from the sand. I’m Tired So full of love. I don’t belong. and find somewhere understanding. I’m tired of the deceit the lies behind your eyes.
You’ve raped and pillaged. White and Blue As day transcends to night and night to day. You’re a living plague upon the land. lied and stolen.Black Rose. 71 . whose spirits have gone away. high though the price to pay. They’re the ones who walk through hell. You’ve conquered lands and vanquished kings. You’ve watched men. women and children murdered. You are man. So never forget those who’ve fallen. You’ve mastered the art of killing and do it for sport. you’ve brought about the death of millions. you’re the greatest power the world has ever known. you’ve razed cities until they were all but forgotten. white and blue turn deep. knowing all along it might be their last day. Dying Man You’re the most destructive force on earth. Our Red. for if not for their sacrifice our freedom might stray and our red. remember those who fought the battle but didn’t survive the fray: They’re the ones who ensure our freedom. you’ve betrayed allies and broken bread with enemies. depressing gray. you’ve laughed and joked about their cries of pain.
the sun’s no longer smiling. destroying the weak. I’d rather burn for all time than give in to your will. Damnation I feel is rising as the world turns black and gray. 72 .Edward Val Struggle Have I been captured and severely tortured. the strong prevail. lies are all they speak. but my body has nothing to say. why alone I stand: why you’re still a boy. and I’m already a man. yet I know that despite the chaos and havoc I still won’t let you consume me or have your fill. and that’s what sets me apart. a shell of what used to be. All I see is brimstone and fire. trapped and locked away? My inner voice is screaming. nothing can change our plight. So misfortune alone now guides us. it says goodbye and fades forever away.
you’ll never see them again: I’m a destroyer of worlds. I am death by many names. it’ll do you little good. raised to hate the light. 73 . So say farewell to those you love. fear me. you’re my enemy to fight. Cower before me. a demon in disguise. I’ve fallen from above. a soul collector and liar. So pray all you want. but from the fires I shall rise to strike fear into the world and set it afire – I’m a thief in the night. for you should: I’m the executioner the great taker of lives and sadly. I was born from total darkness. today is the day you die.Black Rose. Dying Today I’m the shell of a man. and yours is at its end.
True love’s painful to pursue. nonexistent. 74 . rotten. True love is a trick that cannot exist. Most evil of things. it’s the path to a heart absent of all light. the unreachable summit from whom all will fall. impossible to find. true love is a fairy tale for little boys and girls. it’s devoid of feeling. True love’s a lie. true love is a deception that rends and tears apart. like digging for treasure above a land mine. an unlearnable lesson. yielding only pain to find. a whisper on wind. It’s the dead cold of winter with no thaw in sight. bitter to all. a pointless journey better not to embark. with no place in our world. as deadly as dark.Edward Val True Love True love is a myth with no form of conception. It’s the endless battle to win a broken heart.
75 . watching each card cautiously played. careful every moment. and it’s in this world of madness I’ve chosen to roam ‘cause no peace could I find where I once used to call home. Dying Unsaved The struggle within has me baffled as disillusioned dreams become my only friends in this world of madness without ends.Black Rose. but I hold no regrets because I stayed. So on my own I survive day by day. though the world shifts from light to darkness and my soul remains unsaved. I know I should have left long ago.
calling out my name. So run while I still remember your name. Absolutely traumatic. Each heartbeat brings you closer to being drained. I hear your blood calling. I don’t know how long I can withstand the pain or hold back the frightful change. Again. Repentance a must 76 . calling out my name War Wondrously wicked. run to keep us both sane. I hear your blood calling. pumping through your veins.Edward Val Vampire Pulsing.
to your slumbering nods. 77 . striking fear into the hearts of men. my companion at odds. So I beg you. hoists a toast in your favor. do not fall or you’ll risk losing all: He. the dark specter.Black Rose. Dying Where I Walk Where I walk death follows. Only those who doubt not life shall survive till the greater end.
myspace.com or www.edwardvalpoetry.You can visit Edward at: www.com/edwardval .