March 2010 > Issue 5

Northampton’s New Look Student Magazine

TREVOR NELSON
EXCLUSIVe
THE SQUIRREL talks with
RADIO 1’S SMOOTHEST DJ

EXHIBITION
SPECIAL
We visit two of the biggest
shows at the university

PASSION PIT
OUR ARTIST OF THE MONTH reviewed

EMILY DEAN
PRESIDENT ELECT
STUDENTS’ union election results announced
twitter.com/uonsquirrel
Published by the University of Northampton Students’ Union facebook.com/squirrelmagazine
 March 2010
Issue 5

Hello everyone, over the last few months we have been working extremely hard to
make some changes to The Squirrel. Fresh from our relaunch night held in January we
present to you the new look Squirrel magazine. I would like to thank all contributors
to this edition. We have a selection of photos from the event below. Hope you enjoy.

Sibonile Mathe - Editor

C H I L D HOOD
SECOND CH Partostbey
LAUN For more pho couirrelmagazine
me a fan

.com/sq
facebook

EDITORIAL > thesquirrel@northamptonunion.com News David Hannant dhannant@googlemail.com

Editor in Chief Sibonile Mathe sibonile.mathe@googlemail.com Entertainment Neena Suchdev neenasuchdev@live.com
Sub-Ed/Design Darran Gange darran@darrangange.com Culture & Style Lorena Chin-A-Foeng lmchinafoeng@live.com
Additional Design Marvin Mudzongo gdvoriginals@googlemail.com SPorts Mitch Sayers mitchell.sayers07@my.northampton.ac.uk

The Squirrel is a publication of the www.northamptonunion.com

University of Northampton Students’ Union. To advertise in The Squirrel email indie@northamptonunion.com
2
news GOT A STORY?
E-MAIL thesquirrel@northamptonunion.com

ELECTION WINNERS CELEBRATE

By John Boden & David Hannant
February 26th struck a historic note
as Emily Dean became the first female
Students’ Union President to be elected
since the University was accredited in
2005, defeating Colm Bannon in a heavily
contested election.
In what was described as an election
not short of “hiccups” by current Presi-
dent Eamon Lindsell, it was Dean who
emerged victorious, accumulating over
500 votes.
Following the announcement of her
victory, Dean was visibly shaken by the
whole experience.
“I’m definitely excited,” she explained.
“When the handover happens, I really
want to make sure everything I promised
people in my manifesto gets introduced
Emily Dean was elected President of the Students’ Union by over 500 votes
straight away.” Photo by Darran Gange
The victory followed a series of contro-
versies, which saw allegations of mani-
festo-copying directed at the President- his position, was relatively diplomatic in that come September there will be a new
elect’s opponent, however Dean had only the face of this controversy. name on the President’s office, and this
positive things to say about her adversary. “I’m quite shocked,” he explained, “but name is that of the jubilant Emily Dean.
“He was a really great opponent,” she in democracy, these things happen. Hope- “I’m really pleased,” she said. “I’m really
enthused. “I wouldn’t want to have run fully we’ll find out what’s going on soon.” grateful. I appreciate everyone’s vote, and
against anyone else, we’ve got on really Nonetheless, one thing remains certain, I just want to make everyone proud.”
well, all through the campaigning. He was
brilliant”
After delivering the announcement, the
GENERAL ELECTION CANDIDATES TO BE
GRILLED AT UNIVERSITY QUESTION TIME
man whose shoes Emily will be stepping
into, Eamon Lindsell spoke highly of his
successor, and her prospects for the com-
ing academic year.
“Emily has done an excellent job as RAG
By Darran Gange
Officer this year,” he explained. “Obvi-
ously, stepping up to President is a big While the date of the upcoming General
role, but she performed well during the Election is still not known to anyone other
debates. I do think she still has some than perhaps the Prime Minister and his
work to do before she steps into the role, closest allies, the campaigns for parties
but she has great potential and I definite- and candidates who seek to control the
ly think she’s up to the task.” next parliament are well under way.
Meanwhile, Abdi Kater retained his Later this month the University’s Debat-
position of Vice President for Education ing Society (UNDS) will be holding their The Debating Society’s Previous ‘Question Time’ Event
and Welfare, in a landslide. However a second major ‘Question Time’ event, and Contributed
Team D.N.A. white-wash was not possible it will be their biggest yet, as the Society
on the night, as further controversy inter- expects candidates for the upcoming The event is to be held on the evening of
fered in the election, affecting the race for General Election to appear on the panel. Thursday March 18th, in HLT 1, Holdenby,
the position of Vice President for Student Candidates running for the ‘Northampton Park Campus with a reception to be held in
Development. North’ seat including the existing MP Sally HLT3 afterwards.
Due to irregularities in the voting pat- Keeble (Labour), and candidates Michael The Debating Society previous Ques-
terns -which saw more votes cast than Ellis (Conservative), Andrew Simpson (Lib tion Time event proved popular, allowing
number of students registered to do Dem) and Tony Lochmuller (Green) have students and guests to question a panel on
so- the victor in this race could not be said they will be taking part, along with a variety of news worthy topics last year.
confirmed on the night. another candidate yet to be confirmed. For more information on the Question
Inderjeet Nagra, current holder of the Topics to be discussed are expected to Time, or to watch the video of the previous
position, who was also aiming to retain vary widely, but will include issues of event, visit the Debating Society’s website:
importance to students at the University. unds.org.uk

3
news
CAN WE TRUST OUR POLITICIANS?
By Tom Bedford
It has been a long time since anybody who
picked up a newspaper was able to read
through it without learning about one
thing or another regarding a politician and
something bad they have done. Bad news
sells papers but does this mean we ever
going to trust our members of parliament?
Leslie Benson, a lecturer in Politics and
Law at our University believes that it is
impossible to see parliamentary figures in
a, “good and positive way.” He said, “Politi-
cians have never been trusted. Even before
the expenses scandal they ranked close to
estate agents in terms of how much people
trusted them.”
For weeks there were stories circulating
about how MP’s were bending the rules
regarding second home expenses. Former
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was made
to apologise publicly after she was found
to have breached the rules regarding the
ownership of second homes. This story
was picked up by the national press and
soon entered the public domain, once
again thrusting the expenses scandal into
the limelight.
“Politicians sell copies,” Benson said,
“Each time something relating to expenses
is uncovered it will be splashed all over
the front pages. This is a problem that will
CHARITY WATCH: BRAIN TUMOUR UK
By Sibonile Mathe
Brain Tumour UK is a very important
charity that does a lot of work to raise
awareness of brain tumours in the UK.
Many of us have never really thought
about brain tumours let alone the work
carried out by this charity. One student
who understands their plight is Alice
Heavyside second year English and Crea-
tive writing student, whom I met up with
recently to talk about her involvement
with the charity.
Brain Tumour UK do important work in
raising funds to help find treatments, how-
ever as Alice pointed out “it is difficult to
cure this type of cancer”. The charity also
work with families by proving support
“they support families to help them deal
with what’s happened and cope with it.”
Compared to other charities such as
Breast Cancer UK and The British Heart
foundation, Brain Tumour UK is less well
known I wanted to establish the reason
behind this. There are a number of factors
but what motivated Alice to get involved
4
Sally Keeble is the MP for Northampton North
Contributed
not go away.”
Even in local politics there is scandal.
Northampton Borough Council leader,
Tony Woods came under fire after allega-
tions were made against him. “Astragate”
as the case has been dubbed revolves
around allegations that Councillor Woods
left his untaxed Vauxhall in the Guildhall’s
town centre car park. The car had been
left there for four months, despite repeat-
ed calls for him to remove the 12-year-old
vehicle. This led to claims that the council
leader abused his position by parking his
car for free, in the town centre, for so long.
“The press people are like Piranhas.”
Benson said, “If you are a politician or a
respected member of a council and you
step out of line, even a little bit, then the
press will rip you to shreds.”
With allegations and claims being made
with the charity was the diagnosis of
her brother. She went on to explain “it is
strange the first thing that came to mind
when we found out my brother had a brain
tumour was death. He was diagnosed in
August 2008 and seven months later he
died on the 3rd of March last year.” Alice
is adamant that “it’s important to raise
awareness about brain tumours because
they are more common than people
think. 20 percent of cancer sufferers get
a secondary tumour which is quite a high
percentage.”
Alice’s family have put on a number of
events in her home town of Barrow-in-
Furness to raise money for Brain Tumour
UK but being at university she has not
been able to help out or take part. “I want-
against the majority of politicians are we,
as students, likely to trust our MP’s?
Victoria Moor, a BA Acting second year
student argues that it is unlikely, “I don’t
trust any of them. All I read is that they
are doing this and that wrong.”
Voting for any MP shows that you trust
that particular member of parliament to
do the best he or she can for you and the
constituency in which you live. With the
constant stream of negative press sur-
rounding each politician now though the
public is growing wary of its once trusted
and respected MP’s. With this there has
been a backlash, a rise in votes for minor-
ity parties, most notably the BNP.
Timothy Lawson who resides in Leices-
ter said, “I changed my vote. The current
government cannot be trusted with my
vote and certainly not with the money I
pay in taxes.”
Sally Keeble, MP for Northampton North
responded by saying, “Being an MP means
that you are in a position of trust, in rela-
tion to a large number of people who rely
on you, or who look to you to represent
them to government. In terms of do people
trust me - the dozens of people who come
to my advice surgeries week in and out
must trust me. As for those who don’t -
you would have to ask them why not.”
ed to do something myself as well to help
me cope with my brother and to help other
people really, going through the same
thing.” Having initially decided to do a
sponsored swim Alice has had to postpone
this due an ankle injury, however she has
come up with some other ideas such as a
sponsored fast for 48 hours or a sponsored
silence which Alice admits “It’s going to be
hard for me.”
Alice currently has a Facebook group with
160 members promoting Brain Tumour
UK and promotes donations through use
of her JustGiving site. The money donated
goes straight to Brain Tumour UK and
does not go through any other party.
March is brain tumour awareness month,
and there are a number of events including
sponsored sky dives to be held later this
month, more information on these can be
found at braintumouruk.org.uk
To make a donation visit
justgiving.co.uk/aliceheavyside
The Squirrel would like to wish
Alice the best of luck with her fund-
raising for a truly worthy cause.
culture & style
Exhibition: Separation Anxiety
By Stephen Frost
Until the 5th of March the University of
Northampton’s Avenue Gallery is playing
host to a new, fresh exhibition of work by
Michael Evans, Senior Lecturer in Paint-
ing.
The exhibition provides the first opportu-
nity for the public to view a series of paint-
ings which the artist has created as part
of his research towards a practice-based
PhD, with which he is investigating ques-
tions relating to the imaginative creation
of form in abstract painting.
In this collection - 12 paintings of oil
and acrylic on canvas - Mr Evans tries to
take the concept of abstract art back to
its earlier origins, ignoring the tired and
repetitive trends that modern abstract
art has fallen into, rejecting both empti-
ness and simplistic materiality. Instead he
focuses on form, and how the imagination
often defines a form and characteristic
that doesn’t actually exist.
“Often form is evasive, and what may
initially appear solid can subsequently be
Fashions [Re]fashioned for uni show
Models show off the new creations
Photo by Zoe Plummer
seen as space.” At least, that’s what many
of Mr Evans’ painting manage to achieve;
from a distance, the mind can form clear,
almost definable shapes. But upon closer
inspection such shapes are blurred and
misguided, where there was once form,
there is now space.
Whilst most contemporary abstract art
often appears random, with no connection
to the outside, Mr Evans uses the collec-
tion to explore how, and indeed why, the
imagination itself can define a meaning
for its audience rather than impose a
single meaning which is forced upon its
audience. Through the ambiguous nature
of the collection the artist hopes to achieve
a “desire for an openness which remains
free from the deadening weight of a fixed
reading”, instead ensuring his pieces
opens on to “multiple, shifting and uncer-
tain interpretations.’’
Unlike most contemporary abstract art,
the collection has been produced in new
combination of technology and art; ap-
parent abstract art is passed through the
imaging software of a computer in order to
define some form or reality, and Mr Evans
By Rachael Preedy
Fierce fashion with a new function
was the theme of the ‘[Re]Fashion
show’ that took place at Avenue
campus late last month.
The sell-out production was created as
part of a programme for National Stu-
dent Volunteering week and took place
at 7pm in Isham Studios on Wednesday,
February 24th to an audience of over one
hundred people.
The concept for the project was to re-use
second hand clothing and fabrics in order
to create new fashion and encourage peo-
ple to consider Charity Shops more often.
The brainchild of the Centre for Commu-
nity Volunteering team, it was inspired by
the 2009 television programme, ‘Mary,
Queen of Charity Shops’.
The show included work from twenty-
four first-year fashion students, using
materials donated by the University’s five
selected charities- Age concern, Oxfam,
Save the children, Friends of North-
ampton General Hospital and Friends of
Cynthia Spencer Hospice- which is also
the University’s Charity of the year.
The evening showcased an array of
visionary fashion from recycled materials,
incorporated catwalk, auction and shop-
ping elements.
The Paintings have “multiple, shifting and
uncertain interpetations”
creates the new final paintings from the
concept shown within these digital im-
ages. An unusual event, where a computer
has been seen – even only arbitrary – to
replace the needs of a human imagination.
Where once the unconscious transcen-
dental spiritual or sublime may have been
cited as inspiration for the creation of
paintings, with the human imagination
once seen as an extension of the divine.
I spoke to Amelia Chalmers, one of
the designers, shortly before the show
commenced to ask how her designs were
inspired. “My inspiration was myself,”
she explained. “We were asked to think of
three words that described ourselves and
use them as the impetus. My words were
feminine, eclectic and historical.”
Amelia, who studied Fine Art for 6 years
before enrolling on the BA (Hons) Fashion
course is one of the many volunteers who
took part in the campaign to make the
[Re]Fashion show a reality. Students from
Fashion, Drama, Retail and Fashion Mar-
keting, Journalism, Events Management,
and Photography worked collectively with
the Centre for Community Volunteering to
heighten awareness of recycling as well as
raise money for the elected charities.
The Vice Chancellor, Ann Tate, was
pleased to see the extent of the collabora-
tion across student disciplines.
Staff at the University, have been sup-
porting the ‘Donate Don’t Dump’ appeal
which ran alongside the build up to the
fashion show, by giving generously to the
designer clothing collection. The items
were sold in the auction on the evening
and with early estimates indicating pro-
ceeds of around £1200 have been raised
for the 5 charities, it has been a resound-
ing success for all involved.
5
entertainment
ENTERTAINMENT

THE
ADMIRAL
SIBONILE MATHE TALKS
WITH TREVOR NELSON

6

In early February, Fever nightclub’s
‘Wicked Wednesday’s’ hosted Radio
One DJ Trevor Nelson. The Squirrel
secured an exclusive interview with
the man himself.
Trevor arrived at around 1:30am to
huge applause from the raving crowd.
With the grace of a true professional,
he took over from DJ Beat-man and
went on to perform an electrifying set,
with a potent mixture of R’n’B, Funky
House, and ‘old-skool’ Hip-Hop. At
3am, after it was all over; I finally
got the chance sit down with Trevor.
I was curious to find out just what
makes the 45-year-old DJ tick, and
in a small side room surrounded by
stacks of empty boxes, with two small
stools in the middle, I was given my
chance.
Trevor’s MTV show, “The Lick”, was
one of the first urban music shows
on television. I was curious to find
out whether he would ever consider
bringing it back.
“I did it for 11 years,” said Trevor. “It
went all over the world and it was
great for me. I did so many parties.
I think TV has changed; I did it at a
good time. YouTube is now the thing.”
However, Trevor felt for us students
–those who were too young for the
shows first time round- claiming he
was “gutted” for all students who
missed it.
“Artists respect you for talking about
the music and not the scandal.”
On the show, Trevor Nelson was
renowned for the in depth interviews
he conducted with so many stars,
including Beyoncé, Jay Z and Samuel
L Jackson (to name just a few.) Surely
he must have had a favourite.
“Lauren Hill, because I love her.”
he said laughing, before taking on a
more serious tone.
“To be honest I get on well with most
of them,” he recalled. “The reason
being that when they first got to the
UK no one wanted to interview them
much on telly”.
Trevor illustrates the importance The
Lick played in the urban music scene
and he was keen to share the secret
behind those great interviews.
“They respect you for supporting
them talking about the music and
not the scandal. I didn’t really have a
favourite, I wouldn’t really interview
someone I didn’t like or whose music
I didn’t like.”
Trevor is considered by some to be
one of the pioneers of the UK urban
scene, and so I was interested to learn
what his thoughts were on current
urban music.
“I think it’s been the best time in
history for British urban artists,”
he said enthusiastically. “We’ve
had seven number-one artists
from our genre alone, and that’s
entertainment
amazing. Every level, underground to
commercial, it’s very healthy.”
Epitomised by her awards at last
month’s Brit Awards, 2009 was
undoubtedly Lady Gaga’s year. I
was eager to find out whom Trevor
thought 2010 would belong to.
“Tinie Tempah is an example,” he
claimed. “We’ve been following him
a long time. We put him on in Bristol
and he has got the right attitude to
make it.”
“Drake is another one to look out for”
he added.
Trevor Nelson has reached a level
of success in the music business or
“the industry”, that many of us can
only dream of. Having hosted what
he claims to be the longest running
show on MTV, presented a daily slot
on BBC 1xtra, and a Saturday night
show on BBC Radio One. He also has
the accolade of being known as the
maestro of UK urban music. I wanted
to know if he had any tips for anyone
trying to break into industry as a DJ.
“You’ve got to love music first and
foremost or else you will get found
out,” he claimed. “The second thing I
would say, try and do it on your own
terms. Just be yourself, don’t put on a
persona. And of course, you’ve got to
be competitive.”
7
entertainment
NEENA SUCHDEV’S Restaurant of the Month
The Royal Bengal, Bridge Street
Having been fixated on nothing but
Chinese and Italian restaurants for the
three years I’ve had the privilege of
knowing Northampton, we decided to try
something new. Where does the best curry
in Northampton? We’d seen the South
Indian restaurant up past Maria’s in the
little alleyway by Marks and Spencer’s, but
were somewhat freaked out by the massive
blue face on the side of the wall. We’ll visit
the gods another day, I decided, and we
ventured instead to Bridge Street.
I must have walked past it several times
without noticing that The Royal Bengal
even existed. Original name, I thought
with a wry grin, booking a table there
for 8 o’ clock on a Friday night. I’d been
advised by trusty internet reviews to leave
it no later than that, due to the masses
of chavs and tarts that will, without fail,
Disappointment: No live Tigers
in the Restaurant.
arrive screaming and gripping their bottles
of blue WKD with vigour before ordering
something so spicy that they’ll be shitting
it out for days.
We arrived to a virtually empty
restaurant, which luckily picked up within
about half an hour. All customers were
seated in the same area, giving the effect
of a full, lively atmosphere. We ordered a
red wine from a splendidly robust waiter
with fantastic facial hair, and started the
meal with poppadoms and dips. Mike, my
dinner partner, had never ventured as far
as a Samosa in terms of curry, so I ended
up doing most of the ordering. For starters,
I ordered a Chicken Balti on Poori to share.
This has always been my favourite Indian
starter: fried golden bread with a lashing
of curry over the top. After this I ordered a
mild Lamb Curry for myself, the proverbial
Chicken Tikka Masala for Mike, Saag Aloo,
and some rice and naans. The chicken was
exceedingly moist (I hate using that word)
and overall the meal was very pleasant,
with gorgeously thick sauces and slightly
pink lamb which tasted delicious. Looking
back I would have ordered a medium
Lamb Curry, as mild turned out to be
practically spiceless. My fault for playing
the safe option. For desert we shared a
Chocolate Bomb, for the simple fact that in
the menu the picture of it made us laugh
(you’ll see why if you go!).
Luckily, we were out before the chavs and
tarts arrived, with a bottle of wine to take
home and a very rounded paunch.

ARTIST OF THE MONTH Passion Pit to my ears.

By Kershia Eade
On first appearance Passion Pit look like
five vestal nerds who perhaps don’t know
one music genre from another.
Some people maybe be unaware of who
Passion Pit are because they are still a
relatively fresh band. The five college
students only originally formed together in
2007. This was after lead singer Michael
Angelakos wanted to make a ‘special’
Valentine’s day present for his girlfriend,
so roped his fellow diacritic friends in to
help. The Valentine’s gift led to the band’s
debut EP ‘Chunk of Change’
Sleepyhead was the first song of the
band to be released of the EP, which also
features on their debut album ‘Manners’.
To me, this is most definitely the best
song on the album, if you haven’t heard
it, definitely worth a listen. It combines
electrifying melodies beautifully combined
with squiggly chants, most definitely music
Other brilliant songs on the album include
‘Moth’s Wings’, which has a sound similar
to the likes of MGMT, though when I listen
to this song I feel like I should be running
in slo-mo. Another great song is ‘Seaweed
Song’ an great song to match such a great
title.
I think Passion Pit will always be one of
those bands that reminds me of my final
year at university, whether it be getting
ready to go out, attempting to write my
dissertation when really I am heavily
procrastinating by doing copious amounts
of Facebook stalking, or if it’s simply
chilling in my room while suffering with a
hangover from the night before, there is a
song by the band to suit any mood.
Not every song on the album is perfect, but
perfection is boring. I like the quirkiness
and seemingly flawed qualities that
Passion Pit display, after all the musical
The guys on the chess team were always pleased
landscape would be much greyer without
to welcome new members.
them.

8
sport
Netball: Hunter’s legacy lives on
By Jonathan Dunne
Netball looks as popular as ever at UoN.
The current squad has 25 players mak-
ing up three teams, which compete in the
BUCS competition. But netball might not
be in such good shape, had it not been for
Ian Hunter who sadly passed away re-
cently. Ian worked at the Union reception
on Park campus and has inspired change
throughout the sport teams.
So how far has netball come at the Uni-
versity? I spoke to Charlotte Rogers to
find out how the team have progressed
in the last couple years and what Hunter
has done for them. Rogers is a third year
student studying fashion marketing and
has played for the team since she started at
Northampton.
“I have been a part of the netball team
since I started here and we really didn’t
have much in the way of kit and equipment
etc. Today we now have a sponsor-’Momo’s
Bar Kitchen Club’. They have bought kit
for us and we now have new balls, pumps
and bibs.”
“We wouldn’t have got all this if it hadn’t
been for the hard work that Ian put in for
us over the last year or so. On behalf of the
Football cancellation controversy
By Mitch Sayers
The 2009/10 season of UoN football has
kicked off with some amazing results,
league campaigns and cup progressions.
The football on the pitch, has lived up to
UoN’s proud tradition of fielding good
sporting outfits. However, off the field con-
troversy has threatened to ruin a promis-
ing season for all involved. On December
7th the footballing community were rocked
by the circulation of an email saying foot-
ball had been suspended and is pending
cancellation.
Indie Nagra, the Vice President of the Stu-
dents’ Union who sent the email, had rea-
GOT A STORY?
E-MAIL thesquirrel@northamptonunion.com
The Netball Team
Contributed
Netball squad I would really like to say the
biggest thank you to Ian as he really did
help turn the netball squad around.” added
Rogers.
It seems the girls are very full on, training
three times a week and have around 10 so-
cials a year. They also have a tour to Spain
to look forward to later in the year, with
around 20 of the squad taking part.
“Our social nights are always on a Wednes-
day after our game and carry on through-
out the night, starting with a game of
court. I’d love to tell you about it, but what
happens in court stays in court!”
On the netball court however the girls have
sons to why the club were facing liquida-
tion. “Lack of communication between the
club itself and the SU, fines, registration
forms, membership fees, budgets and lost
equipment were the main reasons. Right
from the beginning of the year I made
it clear that football needs to be a club
with all five teams. The President is fully
responsible for his or her club regardless of
how many teams the club may have.”
The men’s third team had progressed in
the BUCS cup, overcoming strong opposi-
tion in Birmingham firsts on penalties in
a tough tie, but were eliminated from the
competition because of the suspending of
games. The team had paid their registra-
tion fees and were one of the only two
teams to do so in the season. Indie had this
to say on the situation, “I’m saddened to
see the thirds being eliminated from the
BUCS cup, however, registration fees were
only a fraction of the reason why football
was stopped.” Football Club President Aar-
ron Green took charge of the club this year
and had to query the previous regime. “If
a team has not paid their registration fees
or fines, it is them who should be punished
accordingly. There is only so much one
had a mixed season. The first team have
missed out on promotion from the East
Midlands 3B league. The final blow that
put them out of contention came when
they lost to a strong Nottingham side in
early February. However a promising cup
run and big win over Wolverhampton 37-
23 have been highlights.
“We had a lot of supporters come to watch
us play Wolverhampton and the atmos-
phere was amazing. Before the game we
didn’t fancy our chances as we had seen
that they had been doing really well. We
went out there and we played so well as a
team. We all really enjoyed this match and
can say it was one of our best.”
They do have two games left to cement a
place in 3B next season. They will need at
least one win to guarantee they avoid rel-
egation in what seems a very tight league.
On a final note Rogers said that she recom-
mends joining a university sports team
to anybody. She and the other girls seem
to be having a great time. Log onto bucs.
org.uk to get all fixtures and results.
The Squirrel would like to wish the
Netball team good luck for the rest
of the season.
person can do, and I have made sufficient
steps to rectify what has happened to no
avail.” Aarron went on to say, “the role of
President of Football has not been explicit.
Before the current academic year started it
was suggested that a pack of information
containing what was expected of the role
from the previous President Steven Walpo
would be created, but I’m yet to receive
anything.”
When asked if Football would be better
run as individual clubs the answer from
Indie was quite simple. “No it wouldn’t
be easier. Other clubs can act and have a
proper structure in place, it may not be
perfect but they have one.” Indie added,
“I and UNSU would rather support the
football club to come up with a committee
structure and ways of dealing with internal
teams.” The Club President finally said,
“ I understand I am at the front line and
therefore consequently to blame, but the
role of President is predominantly based
on the co-operation from captains, manag-
ers and ultimately all of football.”
We can only hope that Football and UNSU
can have a good working relationship to
complete what could be a fantastic season.
9
fun times
IMPOSSIBLE CROSSWORD
1 2 3
4
5
6
7 8
9 10 The price of venison (1,3,4)
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11
13
14 15
16
19
20
sfkin tfree
LYING
un for
Lying is something people do every day.
It is the process of not telling the truth,
otherwise known as porky pying. The
latter phrase was originally invented after
Simple Simon(of ‘met a pieman’ fame)
told a whopper of a lie about how he came
to be in ownership of a rather large pork
pie. He said he ‘found’ it. The truth was he
killed the pieman, bludgeoning him with
a large book of Nursery Rhymes (turning
into a Nursery Rhyme Crime book). This
book was later used as evidence in the
Simple Simon Porky Pie Lieman Pieman
Died Nursery Rhyme Crime Trial. Not so
simple after all, eh, Simon?
Here is how you lie. First, think of
something you know to be absolutely true.
For example, ‘this is the best article I’ve
ever read’, or perhaps ‘Michael Jackson
was NOT a paedophile’ or even ‘This
isn’t a lie’. Something indisputable. Now
turn that on it’s head, say the complete
opposite of it. For our purposes, we’ll
use the last example ‘This isn’t a lie’. The
opposite of that is ‘This is a lie’, which is
a lie. Wait, so then it’s true, so then it’s a
lie again, and...ah shit. I’m confused. Let’s
say to lie, you need to be deceptive.
Never trust a man who says ‘I always lie’,
he’s probably lying. Lying is also not to
be confused with lying down, which is
another fun thing to do for free (along
10
ACROSS
5 He takes pictures of girls in
DOWN
1 Spell fish in the Cough Woman Nation? (5)
Northampton town. (10)
2 What would you get should you eat a whole
6 You’ve been shot in the knee but your tin of beans? (6,5)
ears dissagree? (8)
3 What do ghosts eat for dinner? (11)
9 Knocking doesn’t work to get into this
home (3,3,8) 4 Who originally sang the song ‘Hurt’? (3)
7 What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
(12)
12 What’s yellow and stuck in a pot? (4)
8 An ocularily challenged swine...? (4,2)
12
14 A King/President who gives up his
throne/position, but spelt like someone 11 He’s been everywhere but no one knows his
who might vote D.N.K? (9) name? (8)
17 Where the Battle of Hastings was 13 The reply to the phrase ‘Allow me’? (2,2,5)
17 18
held? (6)
15 What do you call a man with cake on his
19 Food for dogs (inc. punctuation)? (9) head? (2,5)
20 He takes you there but doesn’t 16 What do Hungary Ghosts eat for dinner? (8)
charge you a fare?
18 Abbrev. abbrev.? (6)
idea #4
The x’s on the end of messages
people send. THOSE AREN’T REAL
KISSES. They are not an excuse to
go round to the person who sent you
these kisses house and start getting
off with them. This is called ‘illegal’
By Joseph Hilton Marion Bunn and in some cases ‘rape’.
‘This is the best film I’ve ever seen.’
‘This is the worst film I’ve ever
seen.’
You see, there is no point telling the
truth on the internet, because you can be
whoever, and wherever, and whenever
you want. You could pretend you are from
the past even, if you wanted.
For any of you that frequent the
Dozens ‘o’ Girls 4 U (tm) ChatRoomz,
allow me to introduce myself, I’m
BigBreastedTriplets2002. I lied. I’m not
a real life big breasted triplets, I’m sure
with there being several fun things to if that’s even a good thing and I’m sorry
do when you’re lying down, especially if , I won’t be able to make our meet on
you’re a woman). Saturday at 9. However, thanks for all the
The perfect venue for a first lie would times you cybered me, my real life cock
be The Internet. This is a place that is was sore after all those racy innuendoes
almost entirely full of lies. Here is a list of you typed at me (you really are marvellous
internet lies: at multitasking, there were no typos
whatsoever). I’m not sure, but I think you
Old people pretending to be might be gay now.
children.
So to cut a long story short, lying is when
Children pretending to be old you fight a walrus with toothache using
people. a large toothbrush, to get the plaque and
plankton out of his teeth, just like I did
Middle aged people pretending
they’re attractive. last night. Goodbye.
THIS WHOLE ARTICLE WAS UNTRUE.
LOLcats, no one actually finds these
funny.
JAM MAN - THE TOAST WARS #3

Written by Joseph Hilton Marion Bunn. Illustrated by Neena Suchdev. To be continued...

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