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The Process of Awakening by Suzanne Lie PhD
We stand at the end To see the beginning And dream of an Earth Where ALL life is winning No one is hungry And no one is poor No one is greedy And no one wants more We dream of an Earth Where the land and the sea Become ONE with people, Like you and like me On this Earth we are ONE With the rocks and the trees And commune with all nature Through the land and the breeze We open our senses To dear Mother Earth Who offers a platform Where we can know birth This birth gives us form, A world filled with mystery And offers a theater Where we create history
But history is ending The future is NOW We know we’re a planet But don’t know quite how Something inside us Remembers a deal We made long ago Before we were “real” We didn’t have form as We soared through the sky But wanted a body And didn’t know why An urge deep inside us Called from our Being For a “place” that had “time” For hearing and seeing A place we could learn A time we could grow And share our true Spirit With “others” we’d know The concept of “others” Was new to our “ONE” We’d not known a planet Or even a sun Together with Gaia, The heart of us all, We entered a form And began our great fall We fell from the heavens And landed right here To remember our love And learn about fear We’ve learned all we need And feel quite complete, Our memories are gathered, Some bitter, some sweet Together we journey Deep—deep inside Where only the TRUTH lives With no place to hide
We know that this journey That starts will NOT end And that is the message That we will all send Awaken, dear Spirits, Adventure is here We can ALL live in Love And release ALL our Fear If we open our hearts And let the TRUTH in That’s all we need do So it can begin And what will begin We are not quite sure But FEEL it is Loving And KNOW it is Pure For with our hearts open Our “feeling” and “knowing” Projects the reality Our Being is showing “Our” Beings are many For together we stand The people, the creatures, The sea and the land For NOW, we remember, We chose to come here To call in our Soul/SELF Who resides beyond fear This true SELF we ground Into the Great Mother To return to the ONE Where there is NO “other” Then people and planet Will all Become ONE As TOGETHER our Light Will outshine the Sun
SEVEN STEPS TO SELF The Process of Awakening
When we accept the Call to Awaken, the multidimensional light of our true SELF begins to take residence in our physical body. This higher frequency light of our SELF moves into our chakras
and causes them to spin faster. The accelerated spin then creates a centrifugal force, which clears each chakra by spinning out lower frequency physical and psychic toxins that have become trapped in our body, mind, emotions and behaviors. As each chakra is cleared of toxins, the life-long patterns of fear and beliefs in limitation, separation, and unworthiness are released from our body and our deep unconscious. As these patterns and beliefs are released, they are played out in our body as illness and/or pain and in our life as behaviors and problems. Fortunately, as these lower frequency expressions of our ego/self are released, we can begin to embrace the higher frequencies of our Soul/SELF. Our ego/self functions from the self-image that our past has created, as well as the self-image that we have accepted from others. Once we have begun this process of balancing and healing our body, our emotions, our thoughts and our behaviors, we can learn to accept who we are and not whom we think we should be. Therefore, it is important that we observe our body, thoughts, emotions and behaviors, so that we can consciously participate in our process of Awakening. If we deny the pain of both the past and the present, we become locked into unconscious reactions to life, as we are still operating under the influence of our ego rather than our SELF. On the other hand, when we are able to consciously observe the effects of these old 5
beliefs and patterns in our body and in our life, we can call upon our SELF to assist us in releasing them. Once we reveal, heal and release our old patterns, the echoes of the past will no longer haunt us and cause us to react inappropriately. If we can observe our behavior, we can begin to understand the unconscious motivation behind it. Often it is only through our behavior, and through our "failures," that we are able to flush out and heal old pain and fear. This personal history of awakening is offered as a case study for others to better understand how behavior and our life can tell us the truths that our minds and emotions cannot. This journey is presented in seven steps, with each step representing the sequential clearing of the chakras. I invite you to take these steps with me, as we ascend:
THE SEVEN STEPS TO BECOMING YOUR SELF
The Process of Awakening
THE FIRST STEP
CHILDHOOD The small child longed to go Home, but she did not know the way. She could remember the sights and sounds of Home and she could remember her wonderful friends. She was lonely here, in this strange and barren land. She longed so to experience all that was Home True Love, Complete Acceptance, Divine Beauty, and Union with all life. Here she felt separate. There were great walls dividing each portion of life. And there was a smaller wall around her.
When she first came to this place she was afraid. She did not understand these strange people or their strange ways. Flowers, trees, and animals did not speak to her. And, if she tried to speak to them, others laughed. Therefore, she began to build a wall around herself. With every laugh and every condemning thought, a new brick was laid. She could no longer speak to her plant and animal friends, no matter how hard she tried. The wall became so heavy and high that she could barely see the sun or feel the breeze or view the world around her. She was alone inside her wall, alone and afraid. One day, when the sun was invisible and the breeze nonexistent, she decided that it was time for the wall to come down. Even if they laughed, she could feel the sun. Even if they condemned her, she could see the flowers. So she began. At first, it was very difficult. The bricks were cemented fast, and it took great effort to remove even one. 8
However, the bricks were somehow connected and as one was released the others were weakened. With the release of each brick, the process became easier and easier. As the wall became smaller the sun became brighter and the breeze more refreshing. She had forgotten that the world was pretty after all. She had not realized that for every one who laughed at her there was someone else who cared. She had not realized that if she ignored the ridicule of others, she could then hear the plants and animals hungrily returning her call. As she gained courage through removing her wall, she became confident enough to face what hid behind it. Eventually, the wall seemed very small. Or, perhaps, she had grown. It had seemed that, as she removed each brick, she had grown taller. She wasn't sure of this, of course. It had just seemed that way. In fact, she wasn't sure of much. She only knew that life was better.
She did not know what would happen when all the bricks were gone. But she did know that fear had built the wall and only LOVE could totally remove it!
Childhood ~ A Life Begins and Soon Forgets
When we are born into out physical form we forget most of our greater SELF. Fortunately, our inner child holds that secret for us until we are ready to remember. But why do we forget? Most of us are taught to forget by the people in our world who no longer remember. And, often, we forget because of painful events that are too great for a child to bear. In the process of that forgetting we lose the happy memories as well. We also forget because our emotional reactions to the world around us blur our memory and interrupt our connection to the portion of ourselves that remembers. Therefore, we must learn to hear, express, and release our emotions without judgment or criticism. This process often takes years, as most of us have learned in our childhood that it is not safe to be completely open and honest with others or with our self. We must learn to NOT judge our emotions or we will not feel safe enough to allow them to the surface to be healed and released.
TAKING THE FIRST STEP
We see the first step before us and realize that it is very familiar, like something from our childhood. Yes, that is it; this is the first step on the staircase that lead to our childhood home. Something had happened in that home, something that we have forgotten. Now the memory is stirring in our mind, flirting with our heart. We see our self as a child climbing that stair. Yes, there are many memories, some make us sad and some make us laugh. Most important, all these memories make us our SELF. Personal History, First Step First Chakra TIME FRAME 1974-1979 My process of Awakening began in 1974. According to my ego’s standards, I had it all. I was married, which meant I was "good enough," and I had two children who loved me unconditionally. Unconditional love, yes, unconditional love was a secret yearning that came from a memory of the time "before." However, I had never found it on this world, this place in which I lived, but could never call Home. I owned my house, I didn't have to leave my children to go to work (a strong 50's message), and I had lots and lots of time to look at my life. Or was it my life? No, it was everyone else's life. It was the life that I was “supposed” to have. It was a good "outside life." By that I mean that anyone on the outside could look at my life and say, "What a good life." But, what did I say about my life? I said, "Where did my SELF go?" Therefore, in order to find out where I had gone, I had to find out who I was. I had spent my life being who I was supposed to be and had never had time to be who “I” was. Early in my childhood I had neglected my inner life, my real life, my SELF. I had hidden my SELF away because it was too different from everyone around me. Being different was a very "bad" thing. If you were different you were NOT "good enough." I had grown up in the 50's and early 60's, the first wave of the Baby Boomers. I had been programmed well by my family and my society. I had lost the sense of who I was and had embraced the idea of who I was supposed to be. And now I had it all! I was miserable and lonely. I was lonely for my SELF. The only time I could be my SELF was with 11
my kids and a very few friends. I was 28 years old and I was VERY tired. I looked around at the life that SHOULD have made me happy. I had everything. I had a new home that we owned; a marriage, two kids, a girl and a boy, and I could stay home with the children. According to the 1950's sit-coms, I should be gloriously happy. However, it was 1974. Luckily, I was still cashing in on the tail of the hippie era. We had huge parties, two to three times a week, and our home was always filled with people and fun. When we moved into our new house, I planted the entire yard, from weeds to landscaping, planted a vegetable garden and made all the curtains, pillows, quilts. I was very creative. Now I needed to begin to create ME. All my creativity aroused the Goddess within me and she began calling me to join Her. But, I could not feel Her love. All I could feel was Her intense loneliness. "Where am I?" I would ask myself, and "What is this place?" I have everything that society and my family told me to get, yet I am horribly unhappy. Why? I began my search with my best friends, books. I searched furiously because I could feel the demon of depression closing in on me like a dark cloud. All that I had, all that I had attained, meant nothing to this demon for it engulfed everything in its darkness. The doors of my unconscious were opening before me, and I could not close them. "Perhaps I should stop resisting and allow the craziness to overtake me," I pondered. But two of my book friends, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, and Eden Express, showed me that insanity was NOT the answer. Then I found another book, Richard Hiddleman's 28 Day Plan for Yoga, which showed me another path, the spiritual path. Instead of giving in to insanity, I decided I would let go of what THEY wanted me to do. But I didn't know how. Luckily, my SELF had heard my call and gradually started altering my behavior. I had gone down to my deepest unconscious and felt the ancient pain that had been hiding there my entire life; in fact, my entire "lives." Because of that journey, a glimmer of my spirit was able to filter through the vast network of walls and camouflages that I had built around me in 28 years. 12
At the end of each day's yoga session, Hiddleman wrote, "Now, listen to your body." I had no concept of what that meant. My body was not me, it never had been me. My body was the trap that kept me from going Home. My body was what separated me from...what? I did not know. I only knew that I wanted to feel connected again, connected to something INSIDE. I continued to read every book I could find about yoga, yoga sutra, spirituality, meditation, everything. One book, and I do not remember which one, said, "When you step upon The Path, you must do so ALONE." Well, I had felt alone my entire life so that was not too ominous for me. In fact, the only time I didn't feel alone was when I was with my SELF, the one I had abandoned to get married and live in denial. Fortunately, there were also my children and a few, very few, special friends. My spirituality had always been something I had experienced alone. Even when I was with my gregarious teen church group, I felt different and alone. Then I met Mrs. Reed. My friend, one of the special ones, introduced me to her, and I instantly knew she was my teacher. However, I think it was about a year before I was ready to begin studying with her. I had to decide to make my spiritual growth more important than the many emotional dramas that filled my life. Practicing yoga is what helped me make that decision. Yoga gave me a taste of peace, and I wanted more! After studying for awhile with Mrs. Reed about Ascended Masters, I gained the courage to go to finish my major and get a license. I was beginning Goddess told me that I could not be free in the support my children and myself. CAREER LIFE Graduate school was a great mirror for my many unconscious fears. My first fear was that I was too "stupid" to get a MA degree. Therefore, my second fear was that I would fail the comprehensive examination. However, both of these conscious fears paled behind my unconscious fear, which was, "If I get a masters and a job, I will have to leave my unhappy marriage and be ALONE." There is that word again. I thought I wasn't afraid to be alone, at least not consciously afraid. 13 Astrology and the graduate school to to awaken, and the world until I could
Because my conscious and unconscious mind were not in agreement, I had to create a cover story. "I know," I told myself, "I am going to school to save my marriage." In reality, the reason I was going to school was to leave my marriage, two very different opinions to be locked in one mind. Luckily, or unluckily, my mind was very busy learning many new things and worrying about "failing the comps," which of course I did. But, that was much later. PHYSICAL BODY My mind was a wonderful liar, and it believed my cover story. I thought that I was determined to achieve my goal, but which goal? Was my goal to leave the marriage or save the marriage? Was my goal to get my degree or fail my comprehensive examinations? Was my goal to follow my inner guidance as I had learned from Mrs. Reed, or was my goal to manipulate the "Higher Beings" to give me comfort rather than the truth? My body was very confused and a very poor liar. My body knew that the first chakra's adrenal glands were firing adrenaline into my system, that I was totally ungrounded, and that I was going in opposite directions with every thought. My body also knew that a war, about which I was totally oblivious, was being waged inside me. It will be "fine," came a voice that I labeled as spirit. In actuality, it was the voice of denial. Denial is a tricky deal. When you live in denial in your outside world, how can you determine if you are living in denial in your inside world? Was I saying it would be fine, or was my spiritual guidance saying that it would be fine? Well, I had a simple solution; I denied that I was living in denial. Meanwhile, my body was in stop/go, stop/go, stop/go mode. I had five car accidents in one year. None of these were my fault. Denial! And while doing yoga, one stormy evening when I was alone, I wrenched my right knee. Now, that was an interesting message from my body. The right knee, the masculine side, which teaches us how to step out into the world, the shock absorber of "learning-how-to-go-out-intothe-world-to-take-care-of-yourself," was giving me a message. The right knee, which is on the right leg that pushes the brakes and the accelerator in the car so that you DON'T have five car accidents, was in great pain. Was my body telling me to slow down and watch 14
where I was going? Was my body telling me that I was experiencing a great deal of psychic pain? Was my body telling me that I should bend my knee to my higher guidance and listen rather than direct? No, I denied, my hurt was bad luck, just like the car accidents. But luckily my higher guidance was protecting me. I did listen to it sometimes. On the way to school I would chant "Blaze, Blaze, Blaze the Violet Fire, transmuting all shadow into Light, Light, Light". When I tried to study in my tension-filled house, I would chant, "Nothing will disturb my harmony." My higher guidance even came to me in a blazing ball of golden light one night when I was ALONE. It was just before I was to take the comprehensive examinations. The golden light entered my bedroom and slowly approached my bedside. Had it come to warn me, to tell me that I was NOT in the state of mind to take on such a big challenge? I never learned the answer because I hid under the covers until it was gone. Oh, the joys of denial. When I learned that I had failed the "comps," I blamed God for "leading me astray." But later, after I had taken the responsibility for my own inner battle, after I had learned that I created my own reality, and after I had learned that fear has as much power to create as love, I passed the exams.
FINAL INITIATION OF THE FIRST STEP
I can forgive myself for my youthful mistakes because now I see that it all was a grand drama, “all the world is a stage," that would crescendo into my final initiation. Through the last year of graduate
school, I had dream after dream of great disasters involving just my children and me, ALONE. We always survived. I can look back at this time and think that I was having a nervous breakdown, or I can look back and think that I was having a spiritual initiation. I choose the latter. A nervous breakdown can be "bad luck" or "a major setback", whereas as spiritual initiation is "a difficult transition into a better person." Well it WAS a difficult transition, and I do believe that I became a better person. I became a better person because I learned some very important lessons. When I got the grim notice in the mail that I had failed, all my illusions burst in one great explosion. I could no longer deny that I was miserable. Then, when my husband spent that night of my "bad news" away from home, away from me, I could no longer deny that my marriage was over. The next day, after one of the worst nights of my life, with my kids, our dog, and my school and spiritual books, I left. I left that house and I left that life. I would take the test again, and I would pass because I was no longer at war with myself. My unconscious and my SELF had won. I learned that I was NOT stupid. In fact, I learned that I was smart and powerful. I also learned to listen to my SELF when it tried to warn me. But, of course, at the time I probably would not have heeded the warning if I had listened. I had to manifest my greatest fears so that I could conquer them. I had to fail in order to learn that I was strong enough to try again and succeed. I had to fail to finally break through my wall of denial to find the courage to leave a bad situation and face my fear of being alone. And, I had to fail in order to learn to distinguish between the voice of my fear and the voice of my SELF. Through my behavior, I had proven what my SELF had always known. My first chakra had opened. What a ride! I learned to support myself for the first time, I created a new home, and I learned that I could integrate my masculine and feminine energy to create a NEW LIFE. I stepped upon the First Step to SELF. Now I had to LIVE it...
THE FIRST PILLAR OF LIGHT
Our child has finally grown up. It has taken much longer than we ever intended. And even though we feel like an adult, we know that there is a center that is still soft and vulnerable. If we were to give that center up, we know that we would become hard and inflexible. For in the center, we feel pain. In feeling pain we can remember to learn and grow and change. Now, we have to learn how to guide our self, not just from our strong, adult exterior, but also from the soft vulnerable interior that is the center of our SELF. We have to learn to shield that center from the outside pain, while we still allow love to enter from the ones whom we trust. This center is the threshold to our inner SELF. The inner worlds are now becoming accessible. We place our deepest love and trust on this threshold so that we can be protected and guided in every moment of our life. Just inside the doorway to our inner SELF is a pillar of light with a shining crystal atop it. This pillar guards the First Step to SELF. The light of this pillar will always shine to remind us of the spiritual lifeforce, which continuously flows from our core into our physical universe. We are ready now to enter the doorway, walk to the pillar and peer into its crystal. At first, all we can see is a red glow. Then, gradually, our vision focuses and the glow becomes a flame, A FLAME OF INNER COURAGE! We will need this courage to maintain the responsibilities of our everyday life while we continue on our inner journey up the Seven Steps to SELF.
“Now can you remember? Now can you recall? The times when you were lonely and knew not whom to call. You went INSIDE to find a friend, one whom you knew could hear. For deep inside was nice to run, a place to hide your fear. But no matter how you waited, the time would someday come. To go into the world and face what you'd run from. Can you use what you had gained inside to help all those around you? Can you hold within your heart so deep the Life you’ve known as true?
Are you ready to grow up now and leave the child inside to face the world around you with dignity and pride? Are you an adult or a child?” “Can't I be both?” Yes, but not at the same time!”
THE SECOND STEP
CONFRONTING EMOTION “I am going to stay and face it,” I said. “Whatever happens, it can't be worse than running away. “I have run and run and the shadow at my back only gets bigger. “Whatever I have created, it is time to look it in the face.” I turned with the conviction of my final words and planted my feet to wait for the confrontation. It felt good. At last, I felt in control. At last, I was the warrior rather than the victim.
It came to me so slowly and subtly that I couldn’t see it until it was upon me. Would I have the strength to fight it and the courage to make it my friend? At last, I would find out now, once and for all.
Emotions ~ Healing the Pain
Often the first emotions that we finally allow ourselves to realize and express are painful ones, because they are the memories that we repressed in our early life. It is not until we can balance these painful emotions with emotions of comfort and happiness that we can find peace. This peace, of course, is fleeting because there is always a new catalyst to which we can react. But if we can clear our past, we can experience each moment in a clear and present way. Then, we will not be as buffeted about by the challenges of everyday life.
TAKING THE SECOND STEP
We see the second step before us. It is the stairway to our first adult home. This home was filled with emotional memories of fun, fear, laughter, and sorrow. Can we use the wisdom we have learned from our child to heal the painful emotions and balance them with 21
happiness and joy? “YES,” we bravely affirm. However, as we move towards the stairway, the emotions overwhelm us. We will have to go very slowly. PERSONAL HISTORY, SECOND STEP THE SECOND CHAKRA TIME FRAME 1979-1983 It was now the summer of 1979. I was 33 years old and on my own for the first time in my life. Well, that is, I was on my own for three weeks. I was awakening to my SELF, who needed lots of love and lots of passion. Not just "having sex," but actually “making love.” Our connection was so strong that we experienced total unity as the magic flushed up our spines, uniting us into ONE. For me, this kind of sex had to be filled with love, deep, passionate love. For eleven years, my only real love was for my children and a few friends. Now, I had met a man with whom I was totally, uncontrollably and passionately. But he wasn't the father of my children and too often, I had to choose between them and him, actually between them and myself. I had spent a lifetime repressing and "depressing" my emotions. Now I had my first taste of love and my appetite for more was unquenchable. SPIRITUAL LIFE After being together for a year, we moved to the beach. It was too far away to study with Mrs. Reed, but I did continue to get my written channeling from the Long Island organization whose writings Mrs. Reed had used. I really don't think I was very spiritual at that time. I had not yet totally forgiven God, my SELF, for saying everything would be all right. In other words, I had not yet learned that I was the creator of my life. It wasn't until I entered my Ph.D. program, and some very deep therapy, that I was able to gain a degree of mastery over my emotions and release my addiction to being a victim. Every day, I studied the astrology that I had leaned from Mrs. Reed, but I was still a ship without a Captain. Hence, I needed to consult astrology, tarot, and psychics as often as I could. 22
I could not yet believe that I knew all the answers in a higher dimensional component of myself. My consciousness was still primarily limited to the third dimension, although there were frequent pleas, and some visits, to the fourth dimension to seek help. CAREER LIFE After the divorce, in fact immediately after the divorce, I was married to my new Love. However, with a happy marriage, and fulfilling my long held desire of moving to the beach, I had to admit that I did not enjoy the audiology practice that I had established. I definitely could not spend my whole life doing it. I could not "settle" for a job that was not my heart's calling. My awakening SELF was moving up into my second chakra, and I could not just "work." My emotional awakening told me that I had to do what I could love. Also, it was time now to focus on my children. They had had to survive a depressed mother in deep denial, my going to grad school, an absentee father, a divorce, and a mom and dad who instantly hooked up with someone else after the divorce. So, did I really focus on my children and give them all my attention? No, at least not directly. I went into a Ph.D. program and, luckily for them, went into intensive psychotherapy. Boy, did I need it! Finally, I was able to hear and heal some of my long repressed pain. I could stop reacting to my life and start creating it. PHYSICAL BODY Beside the fact that I had yeast infections, or was it honeymooner's disease, for two years, my body faired pretty well. Besides, I was in grad school studying Clinical Psychology and in weekly therapy, so I could release pain from my psyche rather than manifesting it in my body. My program was very mind-body oriented. It also helped me align the masculine energy of my analytical mind with the female energy of my inner reflection. This aided me to maintain my balance of masculine and feminine polarities as I cleared my second chakra. Interestingly enough, shortly after I experienced a hypnotic regression uncovering how I had really felt when my father abanded me, my yeast infections stopped. My body was saying to me, "Are you sure you can trust him, any him? Maybe, he will abandon you like all the 23
other men in your life." But the body can't speak English so it speaks pain. The pain starts as a whisper, but we bravely carry on like the good troopers that we are. Then, to get our attention, the body speaks in a little louder pain, but we are brave. We can endure our suffering courageously. Then, the body has had it and it yells, "PAIN!" Finally, we listen. However, too often we listen as the victim and cannot understand the very clear message that the body we are living in is relaying to us. My body was saying, "You are afraid. You, meaning the you who lives inside of me, the body, are still too frightened to really trust. Furthermore, you still have mountains of repressed anger." It would take the clearing of my third chakra before I could even begin to understand my anger. However, I did release a lot of pain and sorrow when I cleared my second chakra.
FINAL INITIATION FOR THE SECOND STEP
Whereas the final initiation for my first chakra was VERY obvious, the initiation for my second chakra was subtle. Even as a child I had had many fourth dimensional experiences in the Land of Faerie, but all the denied emotions had stopped my further experiences in the higher planes. I had reached a psychic plateau and I blamed God, or was it men that I blamed? Perhaps I was really angry at my own masculine self who got the bright idea of going out on "his" own. Anyway, my repressed anger had made me a victim, and the Spiritual Path stops when the traveler cannot take responsibility for the life he/she has created.
When I entered therapy, became conscious. Then agendas" that were really to "save the marriage." If of leaving the marriage, I when the marriage ended.
more and more of my unconscious mind I became aware of the many "hidden in control; for example, my getting the MA I had been conscious of the hidden agenda would not have fallen into such devastation
I would have looked at my divorce as a success and been happy that my education allowed me to get employment even though I would have to re-take my test. But, that was not the case. I had built my life upon illusion, and when the bubble popped, I was devastated. As my unconscious mind and all the pain and confusion that it held became accessible to my conscious mind, I created a pathway from my deepest subconscious secrets up into my conscious mind. As I created this pathway in my third dimensional consciousness, I also created a pathway through the lowest fourth dimensional astral plane. With a clear pathway through the pain and fear of my fourth dimensional consciousness/aura, I began to have physic experiences that came from the higher sub-planes of the fourth dimension. I, also, began to receive messages from the higher dimensional expressions of my SELF. I stopped pouring over my astrology readings and consulting psychics at every turn and began to go inside to listen to my inner guidance. I connected with both the masculine and feminine aspects of my inner guidance and developed an intimate relationship with them. That is when I began to trust my self. Hence, I began to trust others, as well. Gradually, and almost unknowingly, I had stepped upon the second step to SELF.
THE SECOND PILLAR OF LIGHT
Tentatively, we step onto the second step to SELF. Craning our necks, we peer into the crystal atop the second pillar. But, we see nothing, for within this crystal is the Void. Hence, we see nothing, as well as everything. For nestled deep within this void, is the seed of creativity. In fact, it is our center of creativity and the possibility of creating everything OR nothing. We stare deeply into the nothingness, but, suddenly, we pull back in fear and astonishment. Could we be empty, yet full, of creative potential? Could we have a 25
void inside of us? The idea frightens, but also entices, us. If we were to stare too deeply into this void, would we become lost— lost in the void and lost in our self. We lean forward to look again into the crystal. Too late, we feel a connection, and before we know it, the void pulls us in. Or do we leap? Once in the void we can no longer decipher how we entered. In the void, all opposite polarities become one, and all that was once the same, polarizes into opposition. Concepts of our mind and experiences of our emotions blur into a nothingness that is simultaneously peaceful and frightening. Our thoughts cannot exist in the void for there is nothing to understand or to analyze. Furthermore, our emotions become so confused that they cancel each other out. What can we hold on to? What can we understand, feel, know, or question? All experience of familiarity disappears in an onslaught of ultimate stimulation and complete negation of sensation. Light falls into darkness in the exact moment that it is created. Loneliness and unity dance in and out of reality. We have lost our sense of self, that is, the self that once existed before we entered the void. Life and death, birth and decay, whirl together in harmony to the sweet music of potential. Currents of light and sound flicker in and out of existence and encompass us with such force that we feel engulfed, enlivened, suffocated and rejuvenated. And then—it is over. It is almost as if the void has spun us out, out into a world that is now foreign to us. Immediately upon leaving the void, most that we have experienced is forgotten. However, we emerge from within the void with a virginal perception of reality. The clouds clear to reveal the Sun in its fullest glory. Blossoms bloom upon the trees, flowers begin to open and birds chirp a welcome to the day, as the morning dew releases the scent of eternity. To survive the void is to die—die in order to be reborn—and then to be reborn in order to die again and again. Die to each day, to each moment, to each memory and to each sorrow. Life and death are one. Nothing and everything is one. Forever and never are continuous. The clock ceases to tick. Space was never traveled, yesterday never happened and tomorrow will not come. 26
In every second, we are reborn. As eternity collapses into the NOW, we are new. Separation becomes Unity. Aloneness becomes unity with all and reunion with SELF. The flower ceases to exist, but its essence remains. If only we could remember that which has never happened—except within the void.
A SOUL’S REMORSE
A life so small, so incomplete A time so short and not so sweet The harshness of an unfair land To be alone with no one’s hand Why must it be that one should suffer? Where is the help? What is the buffer? Pull the spark back to the flame Its no one’s fault - no one’s to blame The cycle turns - the dead awaken The living feel they are forsaken. Where is the balance? What is the rule? Is it best to know or to act the fool? Show me now the pathway Home For a speck of truth, the world I comb The morning rises - a new beginning Am I losing now - or am I winning? And does it matter how it all turns out? If we end in a whisper or end in a shout
How was the journey? What did we learn? What did we covet? What did we earn? We touch the stars and feel the earth We release our death and know our birth The choices were all made before When we finish them, we ask for more The flower drops down to the ground the fruit of life soon to be found
THE THIRD STEP
Thoughts As I listen inside my mind I realize that a crowd of ideas is trying to confuse me. Worries, calculations, promises, and dreams are constantly echoing about in the inner recesses of my brain. How can I still this crowd of ideas? How can I center my self in the midst of a mental hurricane? Where has this storm come from? Have I not listened to my “self” before, or is all this "noise" new?
No, I suspect it has always been there, but I have been too busy listening to the noise without to hear the noise within. Well, now I can hear it. Now, I know it is there. But how can I master it? I know I can’t control the outside voices, but I must learn to calm the buzz within. D0 I need to listen to the many inner cries, or should I ignore them as a mother may ignore a spoiled child's repeated demands? And where am “I”? Somewhere within this inner circus must be my SELF. Somewhere amongst the “clowns” and “elephants” there must be a Ringmaster. But where?
Thoughts ~ Learning to Think from Within
Once we have gained the ability to experience our emotions and not repress them or become trapped in them, we find that our thoughts often push us back into negativity. Then, we must remind ourselves to listen to the SELF with whom we are slowly gaining a relationship. When we were repressing, or trapped in, our emotions, it was impossible to hear our thoughts. Once our emotional body has calmed, our thoughts come to our attention. Can we choose our thoughts or are they our jailer who thrusts our daily portion before us without asking our opinion? The answer is that before we can choose our thoughts, we must learn to listen to them. Only when we can listen can we discriminate between the thoughts we choose to allow to live in our minds and the thoughts that we choose to reject. Furthermore, only when we listen can we discriminate between the thoughts that are ours and the thoughts that we have learned, or taken on, from others.
TAKING THE THIRD STEP
We see the third step before us and instantly recognize the stairway that led up to our college campus and/or first important job. These are the areas of our life in which we first began to learn some mastery over our mind. Our emotions were strong, as we had not yet earned our confidence, and our inner child was not sure if we were “smart enough.” However, the still, inner voice of our SELF told us that we WOULD be
successful. We chose to listen to that inner voice. We listened through the disappointments and listened through the challenges as, again and again, we returned to climb these stairs. For, at the top of this stairway, awaited confidence. PERSONAL HISTORY, THIRD STEP THIRD CHAKRA TIME FRAME 1983-1986 By 1983 I had finished most of my PhD course work, and I was writing my dissertation. I had also begun to see clients. I found that the emotional instincts of the second chakra were quite different from the psychic energy of the third chakra. My experience taught me that the emotional energy of the second chakra is very instinctive and based on action for survival. On the other hand, the psychic energy of the third chakra was more mental and based on thinking before acting. I learned that the third chakra governs both the power of my own self-awareness and the power in relationships that can result from that self-awareness. In other words, when I was able to use my power to attend to my emotions and listen to my thoughts, I was able to maintain my personal power within relationships. If I had not found my own innerpower, I would find myself in power struggles with others to unconsciously prove to myself that I was powerful enough. When my SELF began to inhabit my third chakra, I was forming relationships in which I had a great deal of power to influence others. One of the first lessons I had to learn was that people really listened to me. Hence, I had to be "conscious" of that power. This was definitely a time of accomplishments, ego development, self-control, and will power. It was also a time, more than any other, when I was defining myself and standing up for my freedom to be that SELF that I had discovered. SPIRITUAL LIFE My mind was taking in new information almost faster than I could absorb it. Interestingly, I found myself drawn to the Oriental spiritual path. I studied with a Tai Chi teacher every week, and I also attended weekly meditations with a Taoist teacher. Both of these disciplines 33
focused on slowing down the mind. Tai Chi was especially difficult for me. My teacher kept saying, "Slower, slower, match your mind with the pace of your movement." Moving VERY slowly and connecting my mind to each movement was a huge challenge for me. My meditations were also forcing me to remain still in my body to find the stillness of my mind. This stillness allowed me to create a pathway through the oceans of the mid fourth dimensional Emotional Plane and connect with the Mental Plane in the higher fourth dimension. Concurrently, this allowed me to navigate my emotions in my outer world and gain a greater mastery over my mind. CAREER LIFE My career life and spiritual life were starting to merge. One of my mentors who was teaching me hypnosis, also taught me automatic writing. This was not the type of automatic writing where another being entered my body, but instead, it was a way to get "out of my own way" and communicate in writing with the world inside of myself. The first person I heard from was my inner child, which I titled, “A Child’s Adventure in Faerie.” I found that when I wrote my inner guidance, whether it be from a higher dimensional being or a higher dimensional expression of myself, I could get more details and clarity. The writing also assisted me in grounding the information in my everyday world. First I would receive it; then I would re-read it, edit it and expand upon it. Gradually, the communications turned into stories, poems, and eventually, books. But that was later. My professional world was busy, yet completely fulfilling. This time I had no hidden agenda regarding my graduate school, and my conscious and unconscious mind were in complete agreement. I was being challenged every minute and loving it. I knew that I was following my destiny. This knowledge was soon to be tested. PHYSICAL BODY My mind was great, but my body, as usual, had to take the brunt of my stress. I was working four days a week, finishing my Ph.D., was married, had two teenagers, and my third chakra was giving me every symptom of chronic stress. My digestion was disturbed, my stomach often upset was and it felt as 34
though I were starting to get an ulcer. There was a constant, uncomfortable feeling in my solar plexus that didn't go away until I finished school. Then it left. Yes, my SELF had definitely entered my third chakra.
FINAL INITIATION FOR THE THIRD STEP
My final initiation for this chakra was the sum-total of all I had learned since I had started my process of awakening. It was time to get my license, and there was a mishap with my records at the state licensing board. The laws were due to change, and if I didn’t sit for the exam at that time, I would have to go back to school to take more classes. That was NOT an option. So, I had to study without knowing whether or not I could take the test. Meanwhile, I was working full time, raising teenagers and haggling with the licensing board about my records. I had to keep calm or I would not be able to concentrate on my studies. Therefore, I had to use all that I had learned. I had to shift from the "will mode" of: "I will do this" to the allowing mode of: "All I can do, is all I can do." Just as the sensations my body were concentrated on the area between the third and fourth chakra, my initiation was to leave behind the will mode of the third chakra and move into the heart mode of allowing my life to unfold. I meditated, did my Tai Chi and yoga, and worked only three days a week. Then I got too "busy" and stopped with my stress maintenance. It all came to a head when I fell apart in front of the entire class, and bashed my car into a post after I hysterically tried to leave the parking structure. Wait a minute. Is this familiar? Have I done this before? When was the last time I had car accidents and was terrified about the
outcome of my "final" test? Yes, life is a pass-fail system. Since I had made such a mess of my MA I had to "do it again" with my Ph.D. The accident got my attention. Five hundred dollars later, I realized that stress maintenance techniques only work if you do them! Well, my mind, and intellect, worked. I passed all my exams and began yet another new life. Oh, but what about my husband and kids who had been waiting for me to finish school so that they could get more of my attention? That was the lesson of my heart chakra. But I had moved through my lessons of the third chakra, and I stood upon the threshold to the Third Step of Becoming my SELF.
THE THIRD PILLAR OF LIGHT
Together, we step onto the third step to SELF and look into the crystal atop the pillar. Inside we see the face of a lotus flower shinning upon us. We gaze into the flower so deeply that our consciousness falls into the crystal and we are pulled into the water beneath the lotus. As we adjust our vision, we see that the lotus is far above us floating contentedly upon the surface of the water. We reach for the lotus, but it aloofly floats beyond our grasp. We try to swim to it, but our feet are stuck in the thick mud at the bottom of the pond. We must wait for that which we perceive as beyond our grasp. As we wait, we try to clear our mind so that negative thinking will not repel that for which we wait, but thoughts of doom circle our mind like a shark in murky waters. Impatience and a growing fear weigh heavily on us and force us deeper and deeper into the mud. We must learn to be patient. We must learn to calm our thoughts and wait in peace. “The road to illumination is paved with patience,” speaks a voice from deep inside. But time agitates us and the confined space limits us. Old thoughts trap our mind and ancient emotions keep the water about us churned and muddy. If only we could find Peace—peace of mind and peace of heart. Then we could wait. But what are we waiting for? We do not know the answer, but the question brings us hope. Are 36
we waiting for a reunion? Yes, reunion with our SELF. We suddenly know that we must allow our feet to root themselves into the earth and wait for the stem of the lotus with an open heart and quiet mind. As we hold this new thought in our mind, something like peace begins to settle in our heart. We look up to the surface of the water and see that the lotus, once floating freely, is slowly beginning to lower its roots. Our first instinct is to try to escape the mud and scramble to the surface to grab frantically at whatever we can reach. But something inside quietly reminds us to remain patient, hold the peace and wait with a welcoming heart and calm mind. We settle in and allow our self the patience to not know how long it will take. As we do so, we notice that the mud feels warm and comforting between our toes. We realize that the water holds us down but also keeps us light and buoyant. Slowly, we move our arms in an undulating fashion and feel the sensate pleasure of the water moving across our skin. Maybe it isn’t so bad after all. Maybe the wait can actually be pleasant if we are willing to accept “what is” instead of constantly searching for “what might be.” If we can feel the NOW, than maybe we can hold the hope of a beautiful tomorrow and a pain-free yesterday. Yes, to experience the NOW to the fullest. If we can do that, there will be NO wait. There will be NO painful memories from the past or worries about the future. There will only be the NOW.
What is the reason for my life and why have I come here to a world so filled with sorrow, with anger, and with fear? Though my thoughts are all confused I know the answer’s there for deep inside I hear a call, but I’m not sure from where. There is a tranquil message pulling softly at my mind. It feels so very loving and sounds so sweet and kind. This voice that hears my pain lives somewhere deep inside. It hides behind my ego and is muted by my pride. This presence is so quiet whereas others yell and cry. It wisely gives me reasons and gently tells me why.
If my mind is calm and centered it fills my heart with cheer, but if there is a mental storm it’s impossible to hear. “The answers are all known,” it says. “If you turn your mind around to see what can’t be seen and hear what has no sound?” If the portal to this inner world lives deep inside my Soul, then to step across that threshold is my promise and my goal.
THE FOURTH STEP
AWAKEN The early morning light shines through the window glistening and dancing across the table. Now is the time to remember, remember my SELF. Now, when the light is near, I must allow it to enter deep within to reveal my Soul to awaken ancient memories that know all, feel all, think all, love all. For only in knowing my SELF can I truly know another.
Only in trusting my SELF can I truly trust another. Only in receiving comfort from my SELF can I truly comfort another. Only in loving my SELF can I truly love another.
Relationships ~ Learning to Love Ourselves, Others, and the Planet
Relationships allow us to learn about love and the healing power that it holds. However, whatever conflict we hold inside ourselves will be mirrored in those relationships. Only in forgiving and loving ourselves, both in our past and in our present, can we allow ourselves to trust enough to freely love another. Yes, we must also forgive ourselves for the pain we have suffered within relationships. Trust of another is based on trusting our own instincts and feelings. Because of this, we must forgive ourselves for not knowing, allowing too much or staying too long. When we have learned to truly trust ourselves, we allow ourselves to truly trust another. Once we have permitted love into our hearts and lives, we begin to realize that each of us is a portion of a greater whole. This whole is our planet. If we do not love our planet, we are not being loving to the people for whom we are creating a safe and beautiful place to live. Once our hearts are filled with love, our sphere of concern widens and a
responsibility to all life grows. This responsibility to all life is the dominion of the Goddess. The Goddess is the beacon of the power of love. This power of love is an energy field, which is not limited to women or even to humans. The power of the Goddess finds our mates, bears our children, and holds our families together. The Goddess nurtures, heals, and grows the seeds of our creativity into manifestation. Men may also live the power of the Goddess, and more of them are doing so every day. Balancing of the God and Goddess within us allows us to create and maintain relationships that are co-operative and peaceful.
TAKING THE FOURTH STEP
We see the fourth step before us. It is the stairway to the home of our family. Can we allow the joy of love to take root in our heart and give birth to all that continues? Or, will we allow the pain of the past to hold us in fear? Every step on this stairway holds a lesson. Can we learn our lessons from the past and release them so that we can live in the NOW? Can we learn how to hold our love completely open—without losing our SELF? To answer these questions, we must first learn to unconditionally love our self NOW. PERSONAL HISTORY-FOURTH STEP FOURTH CHAKRA TIME FRAME 1985-1988 The opening of the chakra just above it usually precedes the final initiation of a chakra. Therefore, my final initiation for the third chakra was in 1986, but the opening of the fourth chakra first began in 1985 with the death of my beloved grandmother. In fact, both of my grandmothers died that year. As I was claiming my power, the “grandmother generation” died. This pushed my mother into the “grandmother” role and me firmly into her role as “mother.” The baton was passed on to the next generation, and my power within the family unit increased. Even though I had been a mother for quite some time, now it was time to be a mentor.
SPIRITUAL LIFE The fourth, heart chakra represents our love relationships on a horizontal plane with persons, places, and all life forms as well as our love relationship (or lack of it) for ourselves. The high heart represents our unconditional love on a vertical plane with our higher dimensional guides and higher dimensional expressions of SELF. The high heart does not totally open until we have traveled into the Crown Chakra to join with our completion, the fifth dimensional expression of our Divine Complement. However, grounding of unconditional love into our third dimensional heart greatly expands our consciousness and heals our “broken heart.” I will talk about the opening of my lower heart here, and later, talk about the experience of opening my high heart. In 1985 I was still receiving spiritual communications from Long Island, New York. Several of the Ascended Masters who channeled through the Long Island “church” offered a gift to their readers to come into the fourth dimension each night for one month (the harvest month of October) to have one veil of illusion removed per night. I decided to accept that invitation. Each morning I channeled my experiences of the night before. This was my first book, Thirty Veils of Illusion. During this month, my beloved grandmother was dying. It was as if I was crossing over just like her, only I would still maintain my physical body. As my heart chakra was opening, I was consciously and clearly bridging the gap between my world and the higher worlds. The bridge was not only created with the information that I received, but also with the love that I was able to feel coming to me from the fourth dimension. This experience also gave a voice to my inner SELF that had been silenced by my struggles to “survive” and “fit in.” I also traveled to Long Island to meet everyone that I had been communicating with for over a decade. Somehow, that experience disillusioned me. They were all “just people.” This was the beginning of a long lesson that I was to learn about integrating the spiritual life into my physical life. Since I was unable to love me for who I was—right now—I needed to believe that all spiritual people where somehow sainted. This belief allowed me to “not be good enough” to be a Master. I hope that the readers of this journal will see that I am just a regular person. Even though I truly did have all the experiences documented 43
here, it did not make me into a saint or ascended being. It just allowed me to be more of who I always was. Spiritual work does not finish, as it is infinite. However, at that time I could not realize that. I still felt such fear and struggle in my daily life that I had to believe that something wonderful would come along and take it all away. CAREER LIFE During the opening of my heart chakra my career life took a back seat to my personal life. My family needed me, and I discovered that I deeply needed them. I also knew that my body needed me too. My immune system was compromised by all my stress, and I greatly needed time to heal my family and myself. I decided to take a few years to work only three days a week, and boy, did I need it for the challenges ahead! It may have sounded as if I had completely abandoned my family in all my spiritual and career ventures, but that was not true. When I was so busy, people would ask me, “How can you do all this when you have a husband and two children?” I would respond, “It is because of them that I can do all of this.” However, I had been gone too much, both psychically and mentally. We all went to therapy and I tried to do my best to heal whatever wounds I had created by my absence. One of the main things that I learned was that I had guilt about not being a good mother because I had guilt about not being a good daughter. I also realized that what I had done for myself I had actually done for the family. In allowing myself to follow my inner directions I had been a role model for my children to do the same. PERSONAL LIFE—PHYSICAL BODY The heart chakra rules the thymus gland, which governs our immune system. I knew that it would be a very good idea at this time to focus my attentions on taking care of my physical body. I ate healthy, meditated, practiced Yoga or Tai Chi, and daily wrote out my feelings in my journal. I believe that it was these practices that saved my health. That is, along with a long hard look at my dark side— depression! There was in anchor in my heart that needed to be removed. That anchor was made of fear, and it expressed itself as depression.
FINAL INITIATION FOR THE FOURTH STEP
Interestingly, although the heart chakra is about being in relationships, my final initiation was about being alone. Isn’t that where all our relationships begin—with ourselves? My husband had an opportunity to take a job where he would be away. We would only be able to see each other on Sunday afternoons when he would be in town. For months before that, my inner voice had been whispering, “You know, you never have lived alone.” Well, now I faced that challenge. We needed the money, my husband needed the experience and I needed to totally focus on my children—at last. Little did I know that my real focus would be on myself and my life long battle with depression. All my life my depression had hidden within my emotional dramas, mental challenges, and my busy, busy life. Now, I was not working very hard, the kids were in school or otherwise involved in being teenagers and for a lot of time I was alone—that is alone with my depression. I could, of course, find more dramas to tack my depression onto, but the reality is that depression is a mind/body illness, and I had been depressed since I was a child. Since I was a child I had felt different and alone. I wanted to go “Home,” but I didn’t know where Home was. I only knew that it was not in that house, or that planet or even that dimension. The physical world had always scared me. Too many people were mean, and I lived in constant fear of not fitting in. Of course this struggle was silent. To someone looking from the outside, I probably looked like a “lucky,” middle class girl, in a nice home, from a good family. However, as a teenager I had daily thoughts about suicide and
felt totally alone with even the most “popular” group. I tried to solve my depression by getting married, by having children, by getting a career, by getting married again etc., etc. However, doing something is not the cure for depression. Depression was, and still is, my dark side. It is the excuse I can give myself for being a victim. “They” are the enemy. “They” are the reason why I live in fear and unhappiness. Before I could open my heart chakra and step into my role as mentor, I had to face my own dark side and make it my friend. I meditated, I cried, I screamed, I released oceans of pain. “Take this from me,” I called to my higher guidance. “I can no longer tolerate this feeling of not being good enough, of not being HOME.” But “Home” was some place far away, unreachable, unattainable. I was a victim to my choice to incarnate. The part of me that had remembered my Multidimensional SELF had become my enemy. Now I had to find a way to forgive the world and to forgive myself for being a part of it. I had nowhere to hide now, not in a relationship, not in school, not in work and not in my children. I had to face my own pain alone. I had to accept that my pain/fear was real, even if I could not yet understand why it was so intense. And release it I did. How did I release it? I felt it; I felt all the feelings that had been hiding in my unconscious for my entire life. It was not fun. In fact it was awful, but it was also a relief to finally let the dam break, to let my happy face crack, and to allow myself to feel how I really felt. It took a lot of courage, and enough love for myself to allow my honest feelings to the surface. Fortunately, my inner guidance was strong and held my hand throughout the entire process. Gradually, as I allowed my unconscious self to communicate my “bad” feelings to my conscious self, my depression subsided. Then I began to have dreams. The house we lived in was small and the landlady was “crazy” and invasive. She stalked my “nest,” invaded my world and was a constant source of agitation in my life. I was already deeply missing my real Home, and the landlady (a projection my own “craziness”) was making my earthly home uninhabitable. However, I thought I should stay where I was for my son who was still in high school. Then one day my son said, “Mom, when are we going to leave this place?” Simultaneously, the landlady raised the rent by hundreds of dollars, and a realtor called me to look at a new place. I had been having nightly dreams about a dream house right by the 46
ocean. The last dream I had had was that I had moved into my new home. It was blocks from a beautiful ocean cove and had a great view. In the dream, I was getting ready to go to bed and was walking to lock the door when a feeling of deep, joyous thanksgiving overcame me. I fell to my knees and said, “Thank you God for this beautiful home!” I went to the house that the realtor had told me about. It had been vacant for 6 weeks, and the owners were desperate to rent it. I knew that it was within my price range—barely. When I went there, I saw that it was 1-½ blocks from the beach. I entered the house alone, as my husband was still working away and walked up a strangely familiar stairway. When I entered the living room I saw a gorgeous view. I fell to my knees and said, ”Thank you God for this beautiful home.” It was a few days later when I was standing on the beach with my friend that I remembered the dream because it was exactly the same cove as in my dream. When we moved into our new house I installed the “no junk” law. Anything that was old or unnecessary did not make the cut into the new house. While during my final shipment of boxes to our new home I heard my inner guidance say in a voice so clear it sounded physical, “Congratulations, you have completed your karma with landlords.” I lived in that house for almost seventeen years, and the house and the landlords were always wonderful. The initiation of my heart chakra allowed me to clear much of the old fear and sorrow of not being in my true “Home” in the higher dimensions. It was through surrendering that fear to my higher expression of SELF that I allowed the love of my heart to manifest a perfect “Home” in the physical world. Most important of all, I learned that HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS!
THE FOURTH PILLAR OF LIGHT
As we move toward the fourth pillar, we feel a warming in the exact place in our heart where we have always hidden dread. Can it be that we are actually feeling alive and happy, not once in awhile, or in between moments of desperation and pain, but happy and peaceful for most of the time? Happy and peaceful, not because we got something or did something or because someone special cared about us, but happy because we are alive. Can we dare to allow our self to feel good, simply because we are our SELF—no matter what, no matter where, no matter why? Carefully, with a growing excitement, we approach the fourth pillar. Tentatively, we look into its crystal, but the images seem to change and swirl around into different forms and pictures. But, slowly, very slowly, one image becomes clearer than the rest. What can it be? At first it looks like a basket and then it seems to be a funnel. Then we realize, with tears in our eyes, that it is a cornucopia. A horn of plenty in our heart! And flowing from that cornucopia is everything that we could ever need or desire. How can we deserve this? What have we done? "It is your birthright," we hear from deep within. "However, you need to reach the fourth pillar of becoming your SELF before you love your self enough to accept this gift and unselfish enough to use its harvest for the good of all.” Can we accept this gift? Can we bear the responsibility of all this freedom? Can we remember our treasure when we believe that we need something, or will we slip back into old attitudes of desire and impatience? Now that there are no limitations to hide behind, what can possibly be our excuse for failure? But, of course, there can be no failure when there is no need. No need to get, or do, or be. No drive to fulfill, or goal to achieve. No struggle to overcome, or reason to force us on. We can stop now. We can stop needing, wanting, trying because it is already received, finished, achieved. 48
Suddenly this gift seems like a curse. How could we return to our mundane life with this knowledge of completeness? We would be completely and utterly different from everyone, or, at least, everyone that we have known so far. We can tell no one, for they would think we are arrogant or insane. However, strangely enough, we don’t care what THEY think. We don’t need THEIR approval. We don’t fear THEIR contempt. We are totally confused, yet we don’t care. We don’t need to understand, and we don’t need to—need. We are free—free of desire. There is nothing to desire because we have it all! How can we function on the physical plane without the element of desire? With that question, a deep peace overtakes us. Yes, that is the answer. Without desire, we will have peace—peace of mind, peace of emotions, and peace of body. Without desire, we will peacefully accept what our SELF, our Soul/SELF, assigns to us from moment to moment. There is no need to try or to struggle. All we have to DO IS remember that we ARE complete, and we are FREE! If only we can love our SELF enough to release the habit of needing to know that WE ALREADY HAVE IT ALL.
Arise my ones do hear my call The time has come for one and all To hear my plea, to know my name I am the Goddess of this Earth plane From high above our earth's vibrations There is assistance to save our nations Listen now and do not fear The answers are for those who hear And now, my ones, the time is nigh The Goddess needs you - hear my cry For those who don't, I cannot save One is the master or the slave The time has come to pick which side One can no longer run nor hide The Truth is now, the Power’s here Do you follow Love or follow Fear? Against my form no longer sin This is the chance to begin again 50
To wash my surface clear of mire For, of the greed, I now do tire Hear my call and join my force Arise my One, NOW make this choice! I, the Goddess, am as indestructible as I am infinite. However, I weary of this low vibration and do not wish to be limited to it much longer. For eons, I have tried to maintain my resonance. Yet, I slowly grew denser and denser, as my human inhabitants fell deeper and deeper into their forgetfulness. Now, I will raise my Heart to its highest expression, and I wish my children to join me. But I can't wait much longer. The moment is NOW! I need all of you to focus your intention in that direction. It is time that you remember who you are and accept the full power of that awareness. If you listen to me at regular intervals, I shall give you direct messages. Lovingly, I AM GAIA GODDESS OF EARTH
THE FIFTH STEP
WITHIN THIS MOMENT For all of my life I have awaited this moment. Within this moment I AM creation. Within this moment I AM free. Can I allow this moment to nest in my heart and guard it with my unconditional love and forgiveness? Can I now be who I have always been—but forgot? Can I remember the song of creation and my own cry for life? A life in which I can learn to remember. A life in which I can return without leaving.
“Yes,” I cry from the core of my being. “I create all the knowing and I live all the seeing.”
Creativity ~ Becoming a Vessel of Light
When love has healed our past and calmed our thoughts and emotions, renewed hope enters our awareness. Creativity can then enter our life, and we can begin to free the shackles of limitation that were taken on during a life of separation from our SELF. If we can open up our hearts and minds, we can allow the light of a new beginning to take root in our consciousness and enhance our creative potential. However, first we must confront our fear of judgment, from others and from ourselves, so that we can be the vessel of light that has always been our Destiny. To do that, however, we must be willing to change, and, in order to change, we must face the unknown. It is through facing the unknown that we are forced to call upon our innate, inner reserves of creative power. Fortunately, our growing relationship with our SELF can direct and guide us through the chaos that precedes creative transition.
TAKING THE FIFTH STEP
We see the fifth step before us, but we can’t recognize the stairway, as it flickers in and out of our reality, just like our creative power. Our
urge to be creative tried to take hold when we were a child, but it was somehow lost as we “grew up.” Finally, the vision of the stairway becomes clear and constant. These are the stairs leading to our first spiritual mentor. Of course, for spirituality and creativity are both expressions of our inner light. PERSONAL HISTORY, FIFTH STEP FIFTH CHAKRA TIME FRAME 1988-1992 The fifth chakra governs creativity and I had lots of space, as my new home was much larger than my old one. Also, I had brought only the best of my furniture. I was to live here with the children another year before my husband returned to work again in Los Angeles, but he loved the house as much as I did. SPIRITUAL LIFE Along with my new home I gained a new spiritual teacher. I was introduced to him through one of my mentors at school who had helped me greatly in learning to control the rush of psychic abilities that were freed when I cleared my emotions. This new teacher taught the pathway to Soul and introduced me to a whole new network of inner Guides with whom I could communicate. I had gained a degree of mastery over my emotions when my SELF cleared my second chakra and a degree of mastery over my thoughts with the clearing of my third chakra. Also, the opening of my heart chakra allowed me to live in a higher octave of the love vibration. Therefore, I could communicate more easily and clearly with higher and higher dimensions. Upon each of the planes of the fourth dimension there are Mystery Temples where I would go during sleep and in meditation to learn. I voraciously read all the information that this path offered and integrated the lessons into my own consciousness by writing short stories. However, when I met my new teacher, an old pattern returned. As with all of the spiritual teachers I had had, I placed them upon a pedestal of perfection. 54
Then when I realized that, no matter how high they were spiritually, they were still human and had problems like the rest of us, they would crash from their pedestals and I would be disillusioned. The reality is, I was still trying to escape the third dimension and all of its inherent problems and weaknesses. I was still seeking the perfect place where I could hide from the challenges of a polarized reality. CAREER LIFE During the opening of my fifth chakra, my careers blossomed. I gained more and more psychotherapy clients while my audiology practice remained constant. I had money, lots of it, but I also had debts, lots of them. My journey of self-discovery continued, and as I taught others, I learned more about myself. I settled into a comfortable pattern and stayed there until a little voice whispered in my ear, “You haven’t made a change for a long time.” PERSONAL LIFE My daughter went off to college the same year that my husband came back to Los Angeles. Then, we had only one teen at home. I worked hard, but I had time to go to my son’s athletic events, take art classes and travel. Then, one day I looked in the mirror and realized that facing my depression, having my depression, had been fattening. With the depression pretty well managed and my thyroid gland activated by my SELF clearing the fifth chakra, I was able to lose weight and keep it off—until menopause. However, my body had more to say about the stress of ten years of hard work. What it had to say was, “When you are asleep, you express your stress by grinding your teeth. When you grind your teeth, you crack them. When you crack them, eventually you get an abscess.” Nothing I had experienced was as painful as an abscessed tooth. And I had two of them. One abscess flared during a thirteen-hour international plane flight. There was nothing I could do but take Tylenol and hold an ice pack to my face. The other abscess pestered me for months; I was saving money and being in denial. Eventually, one morning at 1:30 AM the pain was unbearable, and I put in an emergency call to my dentist. “Take it out,” I cried. “Don’t try to save it, just take it out. I can’t stand the pain.” With both painful experiences, my “imagination” kept projecting a 55
scene of myself in some ancient time telling a secret which I had vowed to keep. It seems that many others suffered from my action. My memory also raced through time after time when I was unable to allow my true SELF to be expressed. I felt the inner pain of squelching my pure creative force for fear that I would be judged. And who was my greatest critic? Me!
FINAL INITIATION OF THE FIFTH STEP
What did the pain mean? Hadn’t I already released my inner pain? The answer was NO. Becoming a spiritual being does not mean that you cease being human. The spiritual path is not an escape. It is not a recipe for perfection. The spiritual path is a commitment to face all of your self so that you can FEEL all of your self, even if it hurts. Then, and only then can you learn to love ALL of your self? My final initiation was to learn that until I could love my self, I could not creatively express my SELF. I could assist others by giving service, listening and communicating intimately—about them. But I could not release the creative force that was ME. I was afraid. I was afraid that THEY would judge me. Unfortunately, the “they” that had once been outside of me had taken permanent residence inside my head. It was the pain that made me realize that fact. In some parallel reality/past life I had “let my truth out,” but I had done so in a manner that had hurt many others. I had suffered greatly for that mistake, and brought it with me into this life. I had to live my childhood in an environment where I was different and not quite “good enough.” I learned very young to keep my SELF a secret. Now, I was
longing to express that hidden SELF so intensely that it hurt. I had been journaling since the early eighties, and it had been slowly evolving to short stories and poems. It was in 1992 that the dam burst. I was leaving for Kauai, Hawaii the following day and looking for a journal to pack. I found an old one that had the beginnings of a story, which I believed to be a past life. I read the first paragraph and thought to add a sentence or two. Well, hours later I put the pen down. For the entire vacation, story after story—life after life, came through like a storm. As I furiously wrote my stories, I deeply, intimately FELT all the emotions. I lived and relived the people on the page. I wrote, painted, lay on the beach and swam in the warm ocean. One day while swimming, I decreed that these stories would one day be a book. I called to my SELF to give me the diligence to complete my task and the courage to present my creation when the task was completed. That book is Visions from Venus. I started writing it in 1992 and selfpublished it in 2001. For my final initiation I learned that the core of creativity is PATIENCE.
THE FIFTH PILLAR OF LIGHT
We want to step onto the fifth step, but something stops us. It seems innocent enough. But somehow, we can’t move towards it. There is always something else we have to do, or think. We can’t forget the fifth pillar, but we can’t confront it either. We know that there is something inside that crystal that we deeply want, but we are afraid that we may actually get it. Well, we have run out of excuses and reasons. Now it is time to look inside. Slowly and tentatively we walk to the edge of the pillar. We notice that the closer we get, the taller the pillar appears to become. By the time we are close enough to look into the crystal atop it, we have to stand on our tiptoes in order to see inside of it. As we peer into the crystal, we see nothing, but we hear a soft melody. The tone is as clear as a flute and as free as a bird. The melody strikes a resonant cord deep within us of something long forgotten yet still familiar. Pictures and memories flash across our mind as the melody floats in and out of our perception.
The tone alters our consciousness, and the melody draws us in. At first we resist, but gradually, we relax and allow the melody to lift us up above our constraints and limitations and carry us like a feather in the wind. We discover that if we surrender to the melody, we can soar high like a bird. We even find our wings hidden deep within our heart. We spread them wide and flap them freely as we float on the current of sound. We see a ball of radiant light rising just above the horizon. The warmth of it entices us, and the power of it frightens us, but we are riding the current and cannot deviate from our course. We are on a journey beyond our control that is directed from some unknown place deep within our SELF, deep within our Soul. As the light comes closer, the tone becomes louder. The very atmosphere pulsates with light and vibrates with sound. It is becoming increasingly difficult to fly through the turbulence, but we find it impossible to alter our route in any way. Furthermore, we are losing all sense of boundaries. Everything, including us, is becoming a blur. However, the tone remains clear and the source of light a strong magnet that pulls us deeper and deeper into its center. There is something there that is ours—that is our SELF. We can feel it approaching. The tone grows almost unbearably loud until we can no longer hear it, as we have become the tone. We experience our SELF without form. We are a formless Being of light and sound. We embrace the many colors of our light and dance with the melody of our sound. Now we know the gift within the ball of light. It is our creative potential—pure and infinite. It is the potential to create and to be created, potential to BE the light and BE the sound. Our journey stops suddenly and all is still. We are in the Center, the eye of the hurricane. The light is there, but only as a potential. The sound is there, but only as a potential. The stillness is infinite. All about us is nothing, yet potentially everything. WE are nothing and potentially everything. The calm is complete, the stillness absolute. Time and space cease to exist. Memory and cognition are gone. Emotions are impossible. This is calmer than the void, softer than the light, quieter than the sound. We become the stillness and become the potential. Gradually, the stillness becomes a whisper and the light a flicker. The awaking melody catches our wings, and we begin to fly again. We are 58
returning now. We do not know to where or to what, but the potentials are infinite!
In Faerie night the land is far The home of all is on a star The moon is bright, but gives no light Because it hides the Ones from sight To look upon a fairy’s play Will mean you see not one more day Their secret is now kept within A veil of darkness oh so thin And, if you wish to pierce this veil, On a moonbeam ever shall you sail The fairies guard your secret life That can’t withstand a world of strife But, in that realm your light does hide You keep it there, deep down inside Dare you risk that others know This light within, and let it show?
Show the fairies, show their play Release your fear and pave the way The way to know and see around Another world that does abound. From the corner of a young child’s eye, Its always there - its not a lie. Could it be safe to say its real? Bu,t if you do, will you break a seal? A seal between the life that hides And the life outside that rants and cries You can’t hold back, not one more day For of this place, you now must now say,
“I release all secrets and hold them bright. I show the world my inner light.”
THE SIXTH STEP
I walk to the edge of a still pond. When I see my reflection, many memories fill my mind. Some of these memories are good and some of them make me feel uncomfortable. But, all of them are mine, my universe that I carry inside my consciousness. I am the ruler of this inner universe, as well as its most humble servant. This inner reality affects my outer world in every way. It is a mirror, an echo, a cause, and a new beginning. If I can remain clear and calm, I am able to hear a voice speaking to me from deep within this inner realm. But, too often, my outer world pulls me away from my calm, my mirror and my new beginning. If I could observe myself as clearly as looking into this still pond, I could remain objective and not be buffeted about by the storms of my outer life. Then, I could remain clear and unbiased, so that my reactions to my outer world are based on my truth and not on my illusions, or the illusions of others. However, the winds of turmoil of my outer life make small ripples on the image of my self that distort my perceptions and make my reactions to life erratic and unreliable. It is obvious when the external winds are blowing. Unfortunately, there are also the internal winds which are much more illusive. When the inner winds blow, what appears to be a true impression can actually be a distortion.
I have to have an inner reference point, an icon of purity, which is above all danger of disruption. Then, when I become distracted or confused, this reference can remind me of the truth, the truth of my SELF. As I hold this thought, the Sun rises above the trees and shines directly onto the water, obscuring my reflection on the surface of the pond. I turn to look into the rising Sun and the world around me blurs, as well. I close my eyes, but still the spectacle of light holds true inside me. It remains constant and bright. Even as the afterimage fades, the memory of the golden ball of light is as clear as the direct sight of it. That which I know outside of me, is inside as well. I am so sure that I can trust this golden light that I fall into it in complete surrender. In response, it falls into me, surrenders to me. The Sun’s golden glow is warm upon my face and calm within my mind. The light encompasses me and makes me feel love, Unconditional Love. I allow the light to absorb me, and, gradually, a semblance of eyes appears. I stare into them, and they envelope me. The eyes sooth my fears and ease my mind. They radiate pure love. And, they are familiar. Yes, they are my eyes, my truth, my Soul! Nothing, inner or outer, could disturb the purity of this vision, for it is the vision of my true SELF—the ONE who I AM!
Imagination ~ The Joining of Worlds
Imagination is that portion of us that is childlike. It isn’t real. Or is it? Could it be that our imagination is a powerful tool that we can use to mold our dreams for the future into the NOW? If we can take the risk
and enter the unknown, we may find that we are so important that our imagination is the thread that ties us to our Soul/SELF and hence, to all of life. Through our imagination, we can create a portal between our outer world and the rich inner worlds of Soul where everything is possible—if only we can imagine.
TAKING THE SIXTH STEP
We see the sixth stair before us on a stairway that disappears into the clouds. We know this stairway well for it lives in our imagination and leads to our inner universe on the “other side.” We have kept this passageway a secret so that the pain and fear of our outer life could not invade our inner sanctuary. Now, the clouds are thinning and a light shines down the stairway beckoning us to join these worlds. Can we allow our inner SELF to shine upon mundane life, just as the light shines through the clouds? We will have to climb the stairs to find the answer. PERSONAL HISTORY, SIXTH STEP THE SIXTH CHAKRA 1992-1994 My SELF rested in my fifth chakra for a long time when the whisper of “Time for a change,” became a shout. “Get ready for a bumpy ride,” the inner voice said. The next two years would be filled with change. SPIRITUAL LIFE All of my life I had a very vivid imagination of past lives, which I now perceive as parallel realities. When my awakening process first began, past lives came to me in rushes. I had dreams and when I awoke an inner voice would say, “This is a dream of another life.” But nothing was as extreme an experience of my other lives than when my SELF entered my sixth chakra. I often use the term “other lives,” avoiding the term past lives, because all lives are actually simultaneous and happening in different space/time quadrants. With my sixth chakra clearing and opening, I was able to psychically travel into the fourth dimension. From the fourth dimension, I was out of space/time as it is known on the third 64
dimension and could easily view any other third dimensional life that I desired. However, I did not desire to visit them. They came to me so strongly that I HAD to write them down. These other expressions of my SELF were calling me to hear their stories. While I wrote each life, I lived it simultaneously with my present life. I was experiencing my first multidimensional awareness. There had always been other lives on the edges of my consciousness, but now they came in full force. Unfortunately, all of them were sad with unhappy deaths filled with pain and disillusionment. Many years earlier I had received an inner message that said, “Once you have healed enough of your pain in this life, your other lives will rush forward for the same healing.” Well they were rushing forward all right. Many times, I found it quite difficult to live two lives at once. The good part was, as I wrote these lives, I found resolution for the conflicts, comfort for the pain and love for the fear. These lives were put together in books one, Visions from Venus and two, Reconstructing Reality. One of my most powerful and disturbing experiences was when I reexperienced my first life in a third dimensional body at the fall of Atlantis. I felt, in every fiber of my being, the ripping apart of my essence as only my female polarity was able to enter my third dimensional, physical body. I lived again the deep sorrow and abandonment when my other half, my Divine Complement, left me. When I wrote through the feelings of that life, I released a deep pain in my heart that had haunted me my entire life. A few days after completing the writing of my life during the total destruction of Atlantis, a strong earthquake hit Los Angeles, where I live. When I first wrote Visions from Venus, it was from the perspective of the fourth dimension. Later, when my SELF integrated into my crown chakra and my third eye had opened, I rewrote the book from the perspective of the fifth dimension. The entire process covered many years. I found that as I healed each “past life”, that a part of my present life was healed as well. Eventually, I was able to access lives in which had reunited with my Divine Complement and moved as a unified being into the fifth dimension upon my death. Perhaps, it was to reliving of my own ascension lives that caused me to, again, become disillusioned with a spiritual teacher. But also, and most important, my inner guidance told me that my writing and 65
meditating had brought me to the threshold of the Soul Plane—the fifth dimension. Once there, I would no longer have physical teachers. My instruction would come from higher dimensional Beings and from my inner, Multidimensional SELF. CAREER LIFE AND PERSONAL LIFE My career life and personal life are presented together here because my body (personal life) demanded changes in my career, and I had to listen. When my son went off to college, I found I had a lot more energy to put into my career. After battling the empty nest syndrome of, “My babies are gone!” to “I am free!,” I settled into making more mental space for more psychotherapy clients. It worked, and soon I had more clients then ever. However, simultaneously, I still had my audiology career. I was working too much, again! Meanwhile, I was living two lives at one time and going through menopause. This time I had to let my body take charge of my career rather than the other way around. Ladies, if anyone tells you menopause is a breeze that person is a man! I had PMS ALL the time, ten hot flashes an hour (highlighted by red face, perspiration, and a new kind of body odor) and woke up five times a night. That is, if I could sleep at all. Well, I was a good new age, ex-hippie. I was going to take the natural route. I scheduled massages once a week, I got a personal trainer, I went to a homeopathic doctor, an oriental medicine doctor and a chiropractor. NOTHING WORKED. The pituitary gland in my sixth chakra was activated and my biochemistry was OFF. It was the 50-60 hour weeks and the no sleep that finally did me in. I surrendered to western medicine and started taking the hormones. However, I was still tired all the time. Finally, I sprained my right ankle and put my back out. Was the load too heavy for me to step forward? I had to take the leap. I couldn’t carry two careers (while I was also living at least two lives at a time) any longer. One of my careers had to go. There was no question which career I would choose to keep: the counseling. But was it really giving me enough money by itself? I did have a lot of debts. My body said, “Jump. You have been sitting on the fence too long. You are using me up.”
FINAL INITIATION FOR THE SIXTH STEP
The act of having enough confidence in myself, my inner guidance, and in my own vision of my destiny was my initiation. My Multidimensional Soul/SELF was awakening in my sixth chakra showing me the big picture. I had to believe in it. I had to trust that I would love my work and be able to survive financially. That meant that I had to believe that I deserved to make money at something that I found creative and interesting. When I quit the audiology career, I had lots of time. For quite a few years I had had more money than time, so I went to a lot of places in my outer world. Now there was no extra money to spend for travel, but the journey inside was free. Inside I went. My meditations had taken me through the fourth dimension and I was knocking on the door of the fifth dimension. When I first arrived, I met the “Greeter” who worked with me. He was a guardian of the Threshold whose service was to assist newcomers. I was initially blind and deaf on the fifth dimension. My perceptions were not yet calibrated to that vibration. I had trained my inner perceptions to perceive the fourth dimension, but I had not yet adapted to the higher frequencies of the fifth dimension. Also, the sensations of the fourth dimension are very bright and loud and sometimes feel almost physical. However, the sensations of the fifth dimension are subtle and illusive. 67
Besides the Greeter, the only thing I could perceive for a while (a while really has no meaning because there is no time in the fifth dimension) was the green grass. Eventually, I could see a swirling vortex of yellow and red, only with a different tint to the colors. The Greeter said that that was the actual fifth dimension. However, it took me a long “third-dimensional time” to get there. In due course, the Greeter told me that I was ready to go to a fifth dimensional “town” that was located on the threshold area. This experience was almost too much for me. For one thing, once in the town, I had an experience of unity and complete equality beyond anything I had ever felt. While traveling in the fifth dimensional wave of consciousness, I felt complete, unconditional acceptance and unconditional love. The feeling was so blissful that it almost hurt. Also, there was no hierarchy system. There was no one who was better or worse. I remember feeling something dislodge in my mind when I realized that, after this experience, I would not have another physical, spiritual teacher. Now I would have to seek my answers inside my SELF. When I was in the “town”, I had some problems. In the fifth dimension, every thought and emotion is instantly expressed. All of these new sensations were a bit frightening to me, and I created a big monster with my fear. My fear created something that made me even more fearful. (By the way, the monster looked just like the monster I used to see in my nightmares as a child.) However, the other people in the “town” understood that I was a newcomer, and, just as they unconditionally accepted me, they unconditionally accepted my “monster.” The re-creation of my childhood monster told me that I needed more instruction. I told the Greeter that I would like to study with a woman since, back on earth, I was a woman, and I wanted to experience fifth dimensional, female power. He obligingly took me to my new inner teacher. This woman was the leader of a small group of newcomers like myself. I was to learn a powerful lesson in this group. The leader was teaching us that the fifth dimension was beyond time and space. The group was in a circle and we were instructed to merge with the person next to us. For a “moment” a man and I were in exactly the same time and space, yet we completely maintained our individuality. 68
I returned from my meditation and realized I was late for a third dimensional appointment. I rushed out the door and down the stairs to my garage. I drove out slowly as I always do, thank heavens, but a bicyclist on the sidewalk hit my car with his bike and rolled over the hood of my car. I was horrified. How could I have such a spiritual experience and then kill someone? I rushed to the man, who wasn’t dead, and took him into my house to give him a little first aid. At that moment, our eyes met and I realized that it was him—the man in my meditation. We had been in the same place at the same time in the third dimension just as we had been in the fifth dimension. I didn’t tell the man of my experience because it seemed too weird, and I was afraid of judgment. I saw the man just one more time. He came back and seemed to be waiting by my garage. He was fine, but it had cost him $1,000 at the chiropractor. It had cost me exactly $1,000 to fix my car. My initiation/lesson was to release all judgment of who is, and who is not, “spiritual.” This man did not appear to be at all enlightened. His bicycle was old, and he looked poor and displaced. However, he was at exactly the same place spiritually that I was. Just as we can’t judge a book by its cover, we can’t judge a multidimensional person by his or her third dimensional life. I had learned another lesson in humility.
THE SIXTH PILLAR OF LIGHT
We wait what appears to be a very long “time” before we even attempt to climb the stair to the sixth pillar. Something about it is foreboding. Probably, it is the Power. The Power of this pillar is so intense that it frighten us. Fortunately, we know that we cannot resist it any longer. It is time NOW to make that single step that we so deeply believe will change our life forever. We have felt the change coming for quite some time. Something inside is going away to be replaced by something else that has not yet been born. This transition frightens us and halts our forward motion. As we raise our foot to take this simple step, which will complicate every area of our life, we reflect on all that has happened so far. Like the moment before death, our 69
entire life flashes before us. There is, of course, too much to consciously register, but there is a general theme that seems to be replaying in drama after drama. The theme is personal inadequacy. With that realization, we stop, foot raised in midair. Are we inadequate? Have we been avoiding this step knowing that, if we take it, we will realize that for our entire life we have secretly felt inadequate? If that is so, once this step is taken, we will have to drop that modus operandi forever. We will have to accept that we ARE adequate. We will have to accept and love our self exactly as we are in every moment, through every emotion and with every thought. No wonder we have avoided this pillar so long. We have wondered why we have clung so ardently to a negative selfimage. What could be the possible profit? Of course, with the question come the answer. Fear of judgment! We lied to our self that if we know first that we were inadequate, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when THEY told us so! Of course, THEY were seldom rude enough to come right out with it. THEY were nicer than that. THEY told us with a look, with a pat, or with their eyes. If only we hadn't been so sensitive. If only we had been able to believe their hollow words of praise. However, the praises were short and very far apart, whereas the criticisms were constant and covered every area of our life. Worst of all, the ones who criticized us the most were often the very ones who professed to love us. And now, unfortunately, much of the criticism comes from us. Can we take this step? Are we “adequate” to the task? A battle begins to wage deep within us. Who is right, the outsiders who now secretly live in our head, or the small voice inside who whispers, "You can do it." We can do it, we will do it—we DO it! We take the step quickly, as if we are jumping into a cold pond. We simply choose to lower that raised foot, not on the step that we are on, but instead on the next step, the step just above us. Quickly, we shift our weight to the foot on the higher step, as we know that if we hesitate, we may stop our forward motion. With a leap of faith—faith in our SELF—we plant our other foot firmly on the sixth step, just feet away from the pillar.
Now we will have to look inside the pillar's crystal to see what is there. We inch forward and have to stretch our body to our tallest SELF, as this pillar is much taller than the others. Quickly, before we lose our nerve, we look into the crystal. Initially, we see only swirling Golden Light that is more beautiful than anything we could ever imagine. The Golden Light moves in clockwise circles as though it follows a plan. Yes, something is taking shape. Something is being created within the Golden Light. It is a face. No, wait. It is OUR face. But, the face is perfect. Not perfect in its shape, age, expression, or any other gauge of perfection that has been offered in the past. The face is perfect because it is the Face of our SELF, our Multidimensional Soul/SELF. It is perfect because it is the archetype of everyone and everything we have ever attempted to be in all of our lives. It is perfect because it is of the ONE! And, being of the ONE, it is above judgments or polarities. It is not good, bad, beautiful, or ugly. IT SIMPLY IS. Therefore, it is PERFECT! The face doesn’t have to be changed, improved, or altered. It only asks that we accept and cherish it. It is beyond time and space. Therefore, it has no age or definite form. It exists because it is Truth. And, we can see it because we have been brave enough to look. We have been brave enough to face our belief in our personal inadequacy and have chosen to NOT allow it to hold us back any longer. We have chosen to move on to the next step knowing that our life will be inalterably changed. We don’t know how life will be now, although, we are certain that it will be different. We have looked into the face of true SELF, and in doing so, we have changed our self-image for all of eternity. We no longer need to judge ourself. Therefore, we no longer need to fear judgment from others. Others may choose to accept us, or not. We are free of their opinion, for we now KNOW our SELF, and others no longer have the power to disrupt that knowing. Of course, there is always habit. Habit can make us forget who we are. Habit can resurrect old behaviors that are now dead. Therefore, we will have to look into the Face of our Multidimensional Soul/SELF every day and in every way. We will have to find our Face in the crystal, then in the mirror, and in the faces of others. Then, we will find the Face of Soul in trees, rocks, birds, insects, fish, and in all of the creatures of Gaia. The Face of Soul is everywhere and in everything.
Can we remember to see it? Can we remember to be who we are NOW and not who we used to be? Yes! We WILL” remember to remember!” If we forget, we will look into the Face of our SELF who will NOT judge us for forgetting. Instead, we will be encouraged to remember to remember. All we have to do is to take that one step and look into our own Face of Soul. Then everywhere, in everyone and in everything, will see their Face of Soul. This Face shines complete acceptance and therefore, complete love. For love without acceptance, is like a face without a Soul. And, that acceptance must begin with our self!
Moments in the meadow, moments by the pond. Moments of a life gone by to set the sun upon. When were all these moments? Wherever did they go? For lives of stress and worry, what is there now to show? Maybe there's a moment, one that has not passed. A special time of laughter that shall forever last. That “NOW” is dawning in the east. The rays show round the bend. For all of life to feel the light and blessings it may send. For hidden in the moments is the NOW that lasts forever. A peace of mind and change of heart no stress, nor fear, can sever.
To hold that light of hope forever near the heart, is to make a seal, a contract, which no one else can part. And now, just what will happen? Now that it has started. That which has been shut so tight, with Truth, it can be parted. The puzzle is together. The secret, it is out. The password has been spoken, in a whisper, not a shout. The joining of our worlds, the ones inside and out, bringing spirit into matter is what life’s all about. With head high in the heavens and feet deep in the earth, we face a new beginning, a cycle in rebirth. Beyond all of the reasons, the limits and the time, with awareness of our battles, our strife and our long climb. The climb up to the top of that which has been sought. The making of our mountains through feelings and through thought. And where are these steep mountains, we have worked so hard to make? These symbols upon which we have placed such high a stake. These mountains they are made from the inside to the out. And, of this simple fact we must not have a doubt. 74
For deep inside our SELF our Spirit shows the way so all the moments can unite to make a bright, new day.
THE SEVENTH STEP
THE KISS Dear Love, so soft and gentle You kissed my lips today Silent as a morning cloud You came into my dream You reached for me and pulled me through The limits of my mind Then palm to palm, and heart to heart The worlds between us blurred But with your kiss my world came back And I was left alone Oh, but alone shall never be What once it was for me For all my life the memory of Your kiss upon my lips Shall draw me back into your world, The place where we are ONE In that Oneness I shall know The Being that I AM With open heart I think with love And love with peaceful mind
Polarities extend beyond The limits they have known And you and I shall live inside THE SILENCE OF OUR LOVE
Freedom ~ Living in Surrender
At first, Soul may seem far away and separate from our everyday life. But, once our imagination has paved a path and initiated a communication with us, we can begin to bring our Soul into our mundane world as the purist expression of our Awakened SELF. This bringing in of the energy and guidance of our Soul/SELF is best accomplished if we can totally surrender to it. Our Soul is the portion of us that our inner child has never forgotten. Can we believe as adults what we knew as children? Can we believe that we deserve our Soul’s presence in our daily life and allow it to work within and through us? Can we accept the guidance that our Soul constantly and consistently offers?
There are many questions to be asked. To find our own answers we must go inside—inside ourselves. The answers may change with every quest. It is this search that makes up our life.
TAKING THE SEVENTH STEP
The seventh and final stairway is before us. Where will it take us and who would we become when we arrive? The stairway does not look at all familiar, yet it evokes a loneliness deep inside of us. We want to travel up these stairs, but at the same time, we fear them. We close our eyes to calm our self and take a deep breath. The awareness comes upon us slowly like a misty dawn and fills us with the joy of the first day of spring after a long winter. We know the stairway now. Actually, we feel it. This is the stairway HOME. We listen carefully to a silent call that tugs at our Soul. No, it doesn’t tug at our Soul—it IS our Soul. Now that we hear our Soul’s call, can we surrender to its Wisdom? PERSONAL HISTORY, SEVENTH STEP SEVENTH CHAKRA 1994-1996 It was 1994, and my connection with my inner worlds had given me the courage to let go of the “what ifs” and live more in the “now.” I was slowly gaining the wisdom to allow each moment to unfold before me, at least more often. SPIRITUAL LIFE My meditations continued like a serial story with each installation picking up where the last one let off. My lessons with the fifth dimensional group continued, and I had learned by now to better perceive with my fifth dimensional senses. In one very special meditation the inner teacher took me aside and said, “Follow me.” I did, and she took me to a beautiful garden with a circular pond with a waterfall at the far end. My teacher instructed me to enter the pond and swim to the waterfall. When I dove into the “water,” I realized that it was liquid light and felt like swimming in silk. The water shimmered with a silver sheen and created a soft melody as I moved through it. Also, I could breathe it like we breathe oxygen on Earth. The water felt like a welcoming 78
womb, full of hope and expectation. Would this water also take me to a new life? I swam in this pool for what seemed like a lifetime until, at last, the sound of the waterfall broke my reverie. The sound beckoned me to enter it, to merge with it. There was a secret there, a promise. This promise made my heart leap and my mind race with myriad memories of loss, pain, joy, and love. Without my even knowing, I was suddenly in front of the waterfall. There was a small ledge of rock so that I could face the waterfall and look into it, like a mirror. Yes, there was a reflection. Was it of me, or was someone on the other side of the water? My heart expanded beyond the limits of my form, as my mind asked that question. Something or someone familiar, more familiar than me, was on the other side of the waterfall. Could I join this person? Is that what he, or she, wants? Upon further inspection, I realized that it was a male, yet so like me that he was a male counterpart of me. I could wait no longer. With one step, a step that I have waited for all of time to make, I stepped through the waterfall. It seemed like forever before I had walked through the falling liquid light. When you have waited lifetimes, how long does it take to make a single step? Then, we were face to face. In a flash of radiant joy, I realized that the person was my Divine Complement, the other polarity of me that I had felt my entire life. We stood face-to-face and heart-to-heart. Naturally our lips met in our Soul’s kiss, and we merged into one being. I/we were the complete, androgynous, fifth dimensional being that we had always been. Time stopped, space disappeared. I was Home. We were Home. Then a hedge, which I had not noticed before, opened up in a welcoming manner. A memory from this life’s childhood flooded my mind. There was another hedge. It was at my Grandmother’s house, and I would climb through it to play with my very first friend. Now, with my first friend in ALL of my lives, we walked through the hedge, arm in arm, into the higher planes of the fifth dimension.
CAREER LIFE There is a natural inflow and outflow of life. Being self-employed most of my life, I have experienced this most obviously in my career. Living next to Mother Ocean, I have always likened that inflow and outflow to the ocean’s waves. When the waves are pulling back into the ocean it is best to go into the water. I can, of course, go into the water when the waves are crashing forward, but there will be much resistance. Once in the water it is best to return to the shore riding the force of the shore-bound waves. If I try to go against the wave, I will again meet resistance. It is the same in life. There are times of inflow when we are naturally drawn to go inside to learn and to prepare for the time of our outflow/“ride.” During inflow, our primary focus is on our inner life as our outer life is usually familiar and unchanging. While following the outflow we are busy “doing” in the world and often find it difficult to find the time to go inside. My career was still in inflow. Gradually, I was gaining more clients, but I had lots and lots of time to write. All of my life I had wanted to go away somewhere so that I could do “something.” I had envisioned myself going far away to write. But the Universe taught me again and again that the only place I need to go is within. PHYSICAL BODY Finally, my body had calmed down. The hormones had assisted the pituitary gland of my sixth chakra in its transition. My SELF was now awakening in my Crown Chakra. In fact, this awakening occurred when I met my Divine Complement behind the waterfall. The pituitary gland is known as the Seat of the Mind and the pineal gland of the seventh chakra is known as the Seat of the Intuition. My intuition was becoming a part of my body and my everyday life. The pineal gland was now preparing to combine its essence with the pituitary gland to awaken my Third Eye. When it did, I began my final initiation.
FINAL INITIATION FOR THE SEVENTH STEP
Since I was writing more, I had finally purchased a computer and had become comfortable with it. My seventh grade typing class had paid off, because I did not have to look at the keys. I had always avoided typing because I went too fast, just like I did in my life, and made too many mistakes, just like I did in life. With computers, typos are no problem as they can be easily corrected. My written meditations told me to write with the computer so that I could close my physical eyes to see with my Third Eye, and quickly write down what I was experiencing. What I received was communication from the Brother- and Sisterhood of Light. They initiated me into multidimensional Cosmic Consciousness and took me on a journey through the vortex. (This journey is documented in the Dreams and Aspirations Door of the Conscious Section.) In this journey I met my own future, fifth dimensional, androgynous self, Kepier. I also met the Arcturians, who were to be my primary inner guides. My initiation was, “how could I tell anyone about this?” Surely, I was being delusional. Then I discovered the Internet and found that there were a lot of people, all over the world, who were just like me!! There was an opportunity for me to enter a college Website and “come out of the closet.” All my life I had kept my spiritual life a secret. I had never had many people in my life who shared the same experiences that I had, and I was still afraid that I would be judged—like I had judged my own 81
spiritual teachers. How could I go public? Maybe people would think I was crazy? Or, maybe people would not even care! It was the “not caring” that happened. I think my log-in counter read 250 when the site went off-line. I had probably logged into it 100 of those 250 times to check the counter. My test was to not “need to be acknowledged,” but instead to acknowledge myself. A few people connected with me, and I learned that it was more important to have the courage to try than to be successful. Most importantly, I had come out. I had publicly stated, “I am a multidimensional being and SO ARE YOU!” I had stepped upon the Seventh Step to Soul, but my process of awakening had not ended. I had met my Divine Complement, my future SELF and the Arcturians. Now, I had to ground all these experiences in my third dimensional life.
THE SEVENTH PILLAR OF LIGHT
We are very near the top now. The seventh pillar stands just beyond our reach. It has taken us a while to resume our journey because the sixth pillar demanded changes in our physical life before we could continue. Now we believe, or at least hope, that we are ready to approach the seventh and final pillar. As we step onto this last step, and walk towards the pillar, an overwhelming doubt engulfs us. All the old feelings of inadequacy threaten to overwhelm us again. With tremendous will power, we push them aside and promise our self that we are ready for this step. A battle rages inside us as confidence and inadequacy are at war. Finally, confidence wins and we move forward to look into the seventh crystal. It is difficult to see anything in the crystal because our attention drifts off whenever we look into it. When we return, we cannot remember where we have been. This happens time after time, until we become exhausted from the effort of trying to stay focused. Strangely enough, when we finally give up trying, we succeed. We look into the crystal on the pillar and, as usual, drift off. But, as we do so, we manage to stay aware of our experience.
We feel our self being lifted up, higher and higher, until the step, the pillar, and all that we have formerly identified as our self are far below. And then, they are all gone. We float for what seems a very long time, but may be only a moment. It is difficult to determine because time is not as we have always measured it. We are not alone, however. Many lights that have the “feel” of living beings lovingly surround us. The “lights” flicker in and out of many different forms. When we look, we find that we, too, are a light being whose form changes with each thought and emotion. We embrace the companionship of these obviously caring Beings. In response to our acceptance, they surround and welcome us, as if we have just returned HOME after a long, long journey. In fact, the light beings actually appear to be our family, welcoming us Home. Within the same moment, many familiar messages enter our consciousness. Remarkably, we are able to differentiate each message from the others. Suddenly, we realize—we ARE Home—Home at last. We are in the fifth dimension, the realm of Soul. The rules of this realm are totally different from those of the physical world. There is no movement, no going from place to place. We are at one place, then, as we desire it, we are at another place. There is also no cause and effect, no chain of reaction. What is—IS—and, each place’s springs instantly from our desire. Interestingly, our desire is not a need. We have no needs because nothing is lacking. If we think of something, someplace, or someone, it instantly IS. When we cease to think of it, it is NOT. We are the core of our reality, an island unto our SELF. On this island there is only the IS, the NOW, and the HERE. We are far beyond surviving, fighting, experiencing, and even beyond creating. We are living in complete surrender. Divine Life is the expression of our every breath. We know that if we allow our consciousness to fall, we will not remain in this reality. Still, old habitual negative thoughts and feelings call to us from the depths of our memory. “NO!” we cry. “Just as we have denied ourself this reality all of our life, we will now deny ourself the indulgence of doubts and fears.” We know, though, that we cannot remain in this realm—yet. Our life mission is not complete. This plane is to be our place of learning and 83
regeneration. Here, we can remember who we truly are, and why we have come to third dimensional Earth. We also know that, eventually, we will learn to keep a portion of our SELF awake within this realm. But it will take earth-time before we can keep the thread of continuous consciousness from here all the way down the dimensional path to our physical self. We determine to accomplish this goal, and with that determination, we feel a pull from our physical world. Fortunately, we know that we can return. We have found the way once, and now, we carry an inner compass to bring us back. This compass is a memory, the memory of an essence, The essence of our true, Multidimensional Soul/SELF.
NOW AND FOREVER
Now that the sleep of many lives has come into its morning light. Now that the fear of many moments has begun to lose its fearsome might. Now that the flower of my own creation has renewed itself in a new ideation. Now and forever there can be freedom. Now and forever there can be peace. Peace to go inside and see all I’ve dreamed to be. My dues are paid. I’m not afraid. For I’ve been shown I’m not alone. And, in the showing there is a knowing
and the power that can only be, as I live my life by being me. Because I understand this vision I have the strength for this decision. For as the hand fits in the glove I surround myself with Peace and Love.
AWAKENING CONTINUES FOREVER
Our process of Spiritual Awakening continues forever, as Spirit is infinite. Hence, we are infinite. PERSONAL HISTORY 1996— When the pineal gland joined the pituitary gland to open my Third Eye, I looked at Visions from Venus and saw it, not from my fourth 86
dimensional perspective, but instead, from my fifth dimensional perspective. This book then became two books, Visions from Venus, A Multidimensional Love Story and Reconstructing Reality, More Visions from Venus. When I observed my other lives from a fifth dimensional perspective, I began seeing my present life from a fifth dimensional perspective, as well. This perspective began the process of grounding my Multidimensional Soul/SELF into my physical, earth vessel. Because of this grounding, my higher communications with the inner planes expanded to include the higher expressions of my SELF in the fifth dimension and beyond. Among these expressions of SELF are, Mytria—my fifth dimensional Pleiadian SELF; Jaqual—my fifth dimensional SELF from Antares; Franquoix—my Draconian/Arcturian hybrid fifth dimensional SELF; IlliaEm, my Arcturian eighth dimension and beyond Oversoul, and Tarmaine—my non-manifest fifth dimensional and beyond SELF from Sirius B. I wish to remind each reader that ALL of us have these connections. I am no different than anyone else. It is just that I have awakened enough to allow myself to remember, and connect with, these higher dimensional expressions of my Multidimensional SELF. However, there was another extremely difficult challenge that I had not expected—the opening of my High Heart. Although some of my friends had suffered pain for months from the opening of their Heart Chakra, my opening had been relatively pain free. Because of this, I was not prepared for the difficulty I experienced with the opening of my High Heart. The High Heart is located just above the human heart and resonates to the color pink. Whereas the human heart is the center of conditional, physical love, the High Heart is the center of unconditional love. In order for my High Heart to open, I had to heal a core belief that was established with my first human incarnation. The leaky boat of my finances was sinking. I had to throw everything overboard that was not vital. I guess I could have gotten a “job,” but that idea seemed as though I did not trust my Soul. I could only do what my heart loved doing, but first I had to release my shame—lots and lots of shame. Why was I ashamed? I was ashamed because of my old indoctrination that I was not “good enough” or “successful” 87
unless I made lots of money. In other words, a financial portfolio is the true measure of a person’s worth. Even worse, being in debt was an extremely shameful thing. My body was responding to the shame and signaled the beginning of my initiation. I became very ill with a lung infection during Christmas 1997. I was so ashamed because I could not buy nice presents. I had to learn that “I” was enough of a present, and that I, my being, my love, was a great gift. This flew in the face of every core belief I had been programmed with as a child. Unfortunately, I did not learn this lesson that Christmas and did not gift myself. In fact, I think I was pretty miserable to be around. As a child, I received copious Christmas presents. Every year I felt ashamed because I was getting presents when it was Jesus’s birthday. I would start the unwrapping vowing to think of Jesus and send Him love with the opening of each present. However, I never was successful. Somewhere in the flurry of excitement of physical “stuff” I would forget my vow and forget completely about Jesus. From this early experience, my desire for physical wealth became shameful to me. This belief that I could love God OR love physical wealth actually started with my first incarnation and was repeated in life after life. In these many lives I was the ruthless conqueror driven by greed, or the conquered victim driven by fear and shame. It took me the entire year of 1998 to release all this shame. The shame that had begun with guilt about poor finances, expanded into ALL the shame I had ever felt in ALL my lives. Many of these lives were as a woman. My lessons had been around the enslavement of my love, my sense of unworthiness, and shame for what had been done to me and for what I had done to myself. Many of us who have taken on female bodies in this life have volunteered to assist in releasing the shame that the feminine energy has accumulated from the eons of male domination and female subjugation. In order for Gaia to ascend into the fifth dimension, the Goddess must be free to express Her full power. Then the polarities of masculine and feminine can be balanced and merge into the Oness of the fifth dimension. It was not until that shame was released that I could open my High Heart to Unconditional Love. This Unconditional Love had to be for my self first. After all, how could I give to others that which I did not possess myself? Also, to love another unconditionally without 88
unconditionally loving ourselves can turn us into a doormat. When we love ourselves unconditionally, we will not allow others to treat us poorly, as we may do with human love. Also, a vital component of unconditional love is unconditional acceptance and unconditional forgiveness. Again, in order to give away these unconditional, fifth dimensional virtues, we must give them to ourselves first. That is what took a year. How could I love, accept, and forgive myself—UNCONDITIONALLY? My body struggled bravely through this process. The lung infection, heart chakra malady, returned two more times. In my entire life I had not been sick that often. However, I refused to leave my Path. I knew that I had to trust. I knew that I had to “let go” and “let God/Goddess.” By late 1998 I was feeling better, emotionally and physically. It was then that I began to receive communications from ACEA (All Consciousness of Earth’s Ascension). I also had a powerful present and lesson from Kepier, my future SELF. For my birthday on December 27, 1998, she gave me the gift that would allow me to finally release my secret belief that I could not be spiritual while having financial abundance. Here is a part of that letter: 12-27-98 Happy birthday to me, this day marks the close of one of the more difficult years of my life. I wish to take some time now to reflect upon what lessons I have learned so that I will not have to learn them again, at least not in the same painful manner. I will ask Kepier for assistance… Dear Kepier, Please assist me in understanding the lessons that I have learned this year and instruct me about fifth dimensional manifestation. Dear One, I am pleased to assist you in both of your requests. First, allow me to add one new lesson that you have learned this year, the lesson of humility. Humility is a very important quality for a Lightworker. You, as well as the many others who wish to ground the fifth dimension into the body of Gaia, are healing your third and fourth dimensional fears with your fifth dimensional, unconditional love. It is in this manner that 89
you shall create the reality that you so desire. Remember, THE STRONGEST CREATIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FORCE OF ALL CREATION IS
If you wish to create something, you must love it into your life. You have wished for more money, but you have continued to hate it, or be angry at and afraid of it. That is not love. For your birthday—our birthday—for I now reside inside of you, I give you the gift of “LOVE OF MONEY.” Yes, money. Not financial freedom or reward—but MONEY. Money is a word that you have tainted with your shame. Now love that word and love money. Love attracts. Love heals. Heal your relationship with money by loving it. Call on me often. I will continue to send you the feeling of “love of money” until you have healed your old relationship with money and have learned to love it into your life. In response to your next question, the key to fifth dimensional manifestation is WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR MIND—YOU LIVE IN YOUR LIFE. If you can believe in your mind that you cannot have both money and spirituality, then that belief becomes a reality. On the other hand, if you believe that money does NOT limit your spirituality, than you can have both money and an awakened, spiritual life in the same moment. Remember, you are creating your own reality. An old belief that was created many lives ago, and reactivated in this childhood, can be released simply by ceasing to believe in it. Within in a few months, my business had more than doubled, and I had plenty of money to live comfortably. I had cleared my third and fourth dimensional lives of shame and was able to keep my mind centered on loving money. Whereas before I would say, “I am so afraid that I can’t get enough money.” I now would say, “When I get my money I will spend it on…” The money did come, and the shame was cleared. While my High Heart was opening I had surrendered my first, second and third chakra to the Goddess because I knew that I had to be completely grounded to bring down my Power.
My root chakra encouraged me to come out of hiding and to BE, openly and honestly, who I AM. My first step towards that was my website www.multidimensions.com and the publication of my books, one of which, Thirty Veils of Illusion, was written over fifteen years ago.
The process of my awakening took over 22 years. Part of the reason for the long journey is that the process started in 1974 when the resonant frequency of the planet was much lower. Now as the entire planet is preparing for a conscious ascension into the fourth and fifth dimension, there is less vibrational and social resistance. The other part is that I am a Capricorn. Slow and steady works for me so that I can learn to “use” each experience in my daily life. On the other hand, some people may have the entire awakening experience in a relatively short span of time. The children of the Baby Boomers were not raised with the same social restraints that we had. Therefore, they can awaken more quickly and easily. Also, “Generation X” is much more able to express both masculine and feminine energies, which is the vital component in the process of awakening to SELF. The merging of the male and female energies within one form is the sign of completion of the awakening process and the opening of the Third Eye. (Please see my other site www.multidimensions.com for more information on chakras, Kundalini and the process of connecting to and integrating your Multidimensional SELF).
If I had not also had a career to serve as an expression for my masculine energy, my body would not have fared as well as it did. This may not be true for all women, but as a Capricorn, it was true for me. I write my story because I believe that many others have had, or soon will have the same experience, but they may not know what is happening to them. I found great comfort in knowing that others have shared my experiences. When I was first awakening, I read many, many autobiographies of people entering their Spiritual Path. If we are uninformed regarding our process, we can suffer great anxiety and depression. I have found this to be very true with my counseling practice. In fact, a person may even think that they are having a nervous breakdown when, actually, they are actually having a SPIRITUAL INITIATION. I would very much like to hear other people’s stories of awakening. In fact, I am creating a section on this site where those who are willing can share their experiences, either anonymously or with their email, to encourage communication. We, the Lightworkers of Earth, have been hiding ourselves too long. I have gotten great comfort and education from others’ stories on the web. I hope that there are those who can benefit from my story as well.
Patterns of a puzzle cast upon a page. Patterns of a life gone by the remnants of an age. How many will remember? How many even care all the times that were important through the stormy and the fair? Memories of an echo, a dream which must now end. What is the moral of this round? What message did it send? Will the world know that it's over? Was a difference made this time? Was the purpose met for coming? Was there a reason or a rhyme? Forever is as never. Always is a lark. Completion is a comma, a quick stroll through the park.
What's next will surely matter, a beginning to an end. The pieces fall in place now as the path winds round the bend.
You may wonder what I have learned through my process of awakening. The answer is simple: REALITY IS A PERSPECTIVE There are as many versions of reality as there are different perspectives of life. Through reading my story you may think that my life changed quite a bit over the years, which is true to some extent. But, mostly my outside life was much the same, and it was my beliefs that changed. Then, as my beliefs changed, my expectations changed. Since, our perceptions are greatly guided by our expectations, as my expectations changed, so did the manner in which I perceived my reality. Then, when my perceptions changed, my reality changed— because the reality we perceive is the reality we live. Hence, reality is a perspective. For example, let us imagine that it is a beautiful day at the beach and we are walking along the pier. We had a good week at work, our family life is working well, and we feel creatively fulfilled. Because we feel clear and balanced, we perceive reality as a glorious day on the pier and all is well in the world. We choose to look up into the clear, blue sky to see the puffy, white clouds slowly moving above us. We can focus on the laughter of children, the smell of delicious food in a nearby restaurant, and the happy people who are also enjoying a relaxing day. On the other hand, let us imagine, instead, that we are a homeless person who has fallen down on the ground from destitution and despair. In this case, because we are unclear and out of balance, we can manage to look only at the littered sidewalk for signs of possible food and the nearby trash can, which our empty bottle of cheap wine has rolled against. In this state of consciousness, or unconsciousness, we can hear only our own inner torment, feel only the gurgling sensation of our empty stomach, and see only the dark red, lowerastral mist that seems to lie on the sidewalk.
Could these two people be living in the same city? Yes. In fact, they could be standing next to each other, yet invisible in each other’s reality.
Imagine reality as a seven-story tower with windows around each of the stories. Each of the seven stories of the tower represents a different frequency (hence, a different color), as well as a different perspective of reality. The windows at the top of the tower represent the highest frequency experience of third dimensional reality and the bottom window represents the lowest frequency experience of third dimensional reality. Furthermore, the windows of each story are covered with a frequency filter specific to that story, to filter IN the frequency of light for that window and to filter OUT the frequencies of the other stories. Each of these stories represents a different perception of reality, which is based on the belief system that is consistent with that octave of light.
Because these filters allow a different octave of perception from outside the tower looking in, there would appear to be many different realities. However, inside the tower, there is actually only ONE reality, seen through many different viewpoints. As can be seen in the above illustration, these perceptions of reality are on a hierarchical scale, which means that basic needs must be met before we are able to move into the higher stories of the tower. Also, we can choose to perceive reality through the lower window if we wish. However, we cannot perceive reality through the higher windows until we have expanded our beliefs to embrace the concepts of those windows. This fact, also, holds true for the dimensions. We can perceive the lower dimensions from the higher dimensions, but until we expand our consciousness into the higher dimensions, we cannot perceive them. On the other hand, once our consciousness expands to embrace the higher dimensions, we can open our belief system to that which formerly seemed impossible. When we perceive reality from the first story, our life is based on believing that we must learn to be grounded, so that we can find protection and survive in our daily life. We must learn to protect ourselves and survive on our own before we can begin the process of Awakening to our SELF in our daily life. When we perceive reality from the second story, our beliefs focus our reality on our emotions, instincts and family. Our world has expanded because we feel safe, grounded and know we can survive. Because of this, we are able to take on the responsibility of a family. From the vision of the third story, our beliefs create a reality based on our thoughts, gaining our inner power and enhancing our intellect. Our consciousness is further expanding, and we are finding our personal power and educating ourselves to create a better life. The belief in our inner power encourages us to move beyond the confines of mere survival and seek a better life for ourself and our family. From the fourth story, our beliefs allow us to see reality as an opportunity to create intimate relationships and strong bonds with others, and with our SELF. We now believe that we are empowered enough to learn the lessons of true love, so that we can create deep intimacy in our life.
From the fifth story, our beliefs allow us to perceive reality as an opportunity to have deeper communications, not only with others, but also, with the higher expressions of our SELF. These communications usually beg to be expressed through our creativity. From the sixth story, we believe that we can perceive our inner, spiritual life, and we strive to intermingle our spirituality with the physical world outside of our window. We live in the physical world, but seek to constantly be in union with the higher expressions of our Multidimensional Soul/SELF. From the seventh story we believe/know that we ARE our Multidimensional SELF. Hence, our perceptions are free of the separations and limitations of an inner or outer polarized world. In fact, from this window, there are no polarities at all—in our reality or within our SELF. We are all ONE Being playing in the third dimensional Game of Spirit into Matter. From this window, we perceive reality as an opportunity to participate in the great moment of Planetary Ascension. The lower stories of our Tower are vital, for they are the foundation upon which we create our expanded perceptions of reality. Furthermore, on different days, as well as at different times in the same day, we will see reality through different stories of our Tower. For example, we may have expanded our consciousness to be able to perceive reality through the seventh story window but have a “bad day” and need to go down to the lower stories to do some maintenance work. We can use our Tower to perceive reality through any window we choose. However, we usually don’t know that until we are able to work through old belief patterns that restrict us to the lower stories. Furthermore, we can use the filters in the windows of our Tower to filter OUT the fear and anger of our changing reality and filter IN the unconditional love and gratitude of the NEW Earth that we are creating as ONE Being. So, how can we know exactly where we are in our Tower? To answer that question we must ask our SELF, who is the core of consciousness.
THE CORE OF CONSCIOUSNESS
I AM the core of your consciousness. I live inside of the inside of you. Your eyes are my eyes, and your ears are my ears. Through you, I can see and hear your everyday reality that you have created with your mind. I can see what you see and hear what you hear. But, I have an advantage that, too often, you do not. I am ALWAYS aware of YOU. I cannot forget that I AM looking through your eyes and hearing through your ears. I AM of you, but I AM more. I AM the part of you that looks through you.
I AM the part of you that is ALWAYS self-aware, ALWAYS awake. While you are asleep to your physical world, I AM awake. While you are asleep to your dream world, I AM awake. I AM ALWAYS awake, and I ALWAYS remember. Always, I remember that the world OUTSIDE of you is a creation of your own illusions. Always I remember that the world INSIDE of you is a creation of your own illusion. So, if ALL, inside and out, is an illusion, what is real?
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