Bringing

Down The

House
Tom  Matlack  talks  to  a  sexual  abuse  survivor  who  helped  
expose  the  Catholic  Church’s  cover-­‐up.

Tom  Matlack  talks  to  a  sexual  abuse  survivor  who  helped
expose  the  Catholic  Church’s  cover-­‐up.
In  the  fall  of  1997,  I  was  introduced  to  a  gentle,  funny  man  who  had  
a  photographic  memory  for  Hollywood  birthdays.  “Princess,”  as  many  
ŽĨŚŝƐĨƌŝĞŶĚƐĂīĞĐƟŽŶĂƚĞůLJĐĂůůŚŝŵ͕ǁĂƐŽŶĞŽĨƚŚĞƉĞŽƉůĞ/ĐĂŵĞƚŽ
trust  and  upon  whom  I  relied.  He  would  take  my  late-­‐night  phone  calls  
whenever  I  felt  myself  sinking  in  my  troubled  personal  life  as  a  divorced  
father  of  two  small  children.
/ŶƚŚĞƚŚŝƌƚĞĞŶLJĞĂƌƐƐŝŶĐĞ͕WƌŝŶĐĞƐƐĂŶĚ/ŚĂǀĞƌĞŵĂŝŶĞĚĐůŽƐĞ͘&ŽƵƌLJĞĂƌƐĂŌĞƌǁĞďĞĐĂŵĞ
ĨƌŝĞŶĚƐ͕ŚĞƚŽůĚŵĞƚŚĂƚŚĞ͛ĚĚĞĐŝĚĞĚƚŽƚĂůŬƚŽĂƌĞƉŽƌƚĞƌĨƌŽŵƚŚĞŽƐƚŽŶ'ůŽďĞ͛Ɛ/ŶǀĞƐƟŐĂ-­‐
ƟǀĞdĞĂŵ͕ǁŚŝĐŚŚĂĚũƵƐƚďĞŐƵŶƚŽĂƐŬƋƵĞƐƟŽŶƐĂďŽƵƚƉŽƐƐŝďůĞƐĞdžƵĂůĂďƵƐĞŽĨĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ
ŝŶƐŝĚĞƚŚĞĂƚŚŽůŝĐŚƵƌĐŚ͘dŚĞƚĞĂŵǁŽƵůĚĞǀĞŶƚƵĂůůLJǁŝŶƚŚĞWƵůŝƚnjĞƌWƌŝnjĞ͘dŚĞŶ;ϮϬϬϭͿ
and  now,  I  hope  I  have  been  a  compassionate  friend  to  Princess  as  the  story  unfolded  on  the  
ŝŶƚĞƌŶĂƟŽŶĂůƐƚĂŐĞ͘
WƌŝŶĐĞƐƐǁĂƐĂŬĞLJǁŝƚŶĞƐƐĂƚƚŚĞƐƚĂƌƚĂŶĚŚĂƐĐŽŶƟŶƵĞĚƚŽƐƚĞƉĨŽƌǁĂƌĚƟŵĞĂŶĚĂŐĂŝŶƚŽ
ŵĂŬĞƐƵƌĞƚŚĂƚŚĞ͕ĂŶĚŽƚŚĞƌƐůŝŬĞŚŝŵ͕ǁŽŶ͛ƚďĞƐŝůĞŶĐĞĚ͘WƌŝŶĐĞƐƐǁĂƐŽŶĞŽĨƚŚĞĮƌƐƚďƌĂǀĞ
ƐĞdžƵĂůĂďƵƐĞǀŝĐƟŵƐƚŽƐƉĞĂŬŽƵƚ͘tŝƚŚŽƵƚŚŝŵ͕ŝƚ͛ƐƉŽƐƐŝďůĞƚŚĂƚƚŚĞĐŚƵƌĐŚǁŽƵůĚŚĂǀĞ
ĐŽŶƟŶƵĞĚŝƚƐĐŽǀĞƌͲƵƉĨŽƌLJĞĂƌƐ͘
My  personal  life  improved  from  those  early  days,  but  I  somehow  sensed  that  my  friend  was  
ĐĂƌƌLJŝŶŐĂŚĞĂǀLJďƵƌĚĞŶ͘/ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬŝƚǁĂƐŵLJƉůĂĐĞƚŽĂƐŬĂůŽƚŽĨƋƵĞƐƟŽŶƐĂďŽƵƚŚŽǁ
the  scandal  had  impacted  him,  but  I  generally  listened  and  tried  to  provide  encouragement.
ZĞĐĞŶƚůLJ͕ƚŚŽƵŐŚ͕/ĚĞĐŝĚĞĚƚŽƚĂůŬƚŽŚŵĂďŽƵƚƚŚĞůĂƐƟŶŐŝŵƉĂĐƚŽĨƉĞĚŽƉŚŝůŝĂŽŶ
ŚŝƐůŝĨĞ͘,ĞĂŐƌĞĞĚďLJƐĂLJŝŶŐ͕͞tŚĂƚďĞƩĞƌǁĂLJƚŽĐĞůĞďƌĂƚĞŶŶͲDĂƌŐƌĞƚ͛ƐϲϵƚŚ
birthday?”
Q:    What  is  a  good  man? 
͗ŐŽŽĚŵĂŶŝƐĐŽŵƉĂƐƐŝŽŶĂƚĞ͕ƐƚƌŽŶŐ͕ĞŵƉĂƚŚĞƟĐ͕ƐŵĂƌƚ͕ŶŽŶͲũƵĚŐŵĞŶƚĂů͘
Q:    What  have  you  learned  about  yourself  in  the  last  years  by  going  through  the  process  that  
you  have? 
͗/ůĞĂƌŶĞĚƚŚĂƚ/ƐĞƚŵLJƐĞůĨƵƉ͕ƚƌĞĂƚĞĚŵLJƐĞůĨůŝŬĞĂǀŝĐƟŵ͕ŝŶũƵƐƚĂďŽƵƚĞǀĞƌLJĂƌĞĂŽĨŵLJ
ůŝĨĞ͘dŚĞǁŚŽůĞǀŝĐƟŵŵĞŶƚĂůŝƚLJǁĂƐƌĞĂůůLJŝŶŐƌĂŝŶĞĚ͘dŚĂƚŚŽƌƌŝĮĞĚŵĞǁŚĞŶ/ƌĞĂůŝnjĞĚŝƚ͘/
thought,  wow,  I  have  a  lot  of  work  to  do.
Q:    How  about  your  ability  to  trust? 
͗/ŶƚŚĞƉĂƐƚ͕/ĂůǁĂLJƐŐĂǀĞƉĞŽƉůĞƐŽŵƵĐŚƉŽǁĞƌ͕ĂŶĚŶŽǁ/ĚŽŶ͛ƚŐŝǀĞƚŚĞŵĂƐŵƵĐŚ
power  in  my  life.  For  forty  years  I  had  all  this  guilt  and  felt  like  I  was  responsible.  Now,  I  look  
at  it  as  a  crime  perpetrated  against  me  that  should  never  have  happened.  But  that’s  not  how  
/ůŽŽŬĞĚĂƚŝƚŵŽƐƚŽĨŵLJůŝĨĞ͘tŚĞŶ/ĮŶĂůůLJůŽŽŬĞĚĐůĞĂƌůLJĂŶĚĚŝƌĞĐƚůLJ͕ƚŚĞƌĞǁĞƌĞƌĂĚŝĐĂů
changes.  Ironically,  I  can  now  trust  more  easily.

Q:    What  inspired  you  at  the  very  beginning  to  confront  this? 
͗ŶŐĞƌ͘/ǁĂƐƌĞĂůůLJƟƌĞĚŽĨĐĂƌƌLJŝŶŐŝƚ͖ŝƚĨĞůƚƌĞĂůůLJŚĞĂǀLJ͘ŶĚĂŶŐĞƌĂƚƚŚĞŝŶƐƟƚƵƟŽŶƚŚĂƚƉƌŽ-­‐
ƚĞĐƚĞĚŵLJƉĞƌƉĞƚƌĂƚŽƌ͘ŶŐĞƌĂƚŚŝŵ͘ŶŐĞƌĂƚŵLJƐĞůĨ͕ŵĂLJďĞ͕ƚŚĂƚ/ŚĂĚĂůůŽǁĞĚŝƚƚŽŐŽŽŶĨŽƌƐŽ
ůŽŶŐ͘ŶŐĞƌƚŚĂƚ/ŚĂĚŶĞǀĞƌĚŽŶĞĂŶLJƚŚŝŶŐĂďŽƵƚŝƚ͘dŚĞŽƚŚĞƌƌĞĂƐŽŶǁĂƐƚŚĂƚƚŚŝƐŝƐĐŽŶƟŶƵŝŶŐ
ƚŽĚĂLJǁŝƚŚŽƚŚĞƌĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĂƚĞǀĞƌLJƟŵĞŽŶĞƉĞƌƐŽŶƐƉĞĂŬƐƵƉ͕ŝƚ͛ƐŵŽƌĞĚŝĸĐƵůƚĨŽƌƚŚĂƚ
crime  to  happen  and  for  someone  to  get  away  with  it.  So  I  think  every  voice  counts.
Q:    How  has  all  this  changed  how  you  view  men’s  capacity  for  evil?   
ŽLJŽƵƚŚŝŶŬLJŽƵ͛ƌĞŵŽƌĞĐƌŝƟĐĂůŽĨŚƵŵĂŶŶĂƚƵƌĞĂƚƚŚŝƐƉŽŝŶƚ͕Žƌ
more  hopeful? 
͗^ŽŵĞƟŵĞƐ/ƚŚŝŶŬŽĨƚŚĞŵĂŶǁŚŽĞdžƉůŽŝƚĞĚŵĞĂŶĚĚŝǀŽƌĐĞŵLJ-­‐
ƐĞůĨĨƌŽŵƚŚĞƐŝƚƵĂƟŽŶĂŶĚƚŚŝŶŬŽĨĂůůƚŚĞĚŝīĞƌĞŶƚƚŚŝŶŐƐŚĞĚŝĚƚŽ
ĂůůƚŚĞƐĞĚŝīĞƌĞŶƚĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ͘ŶĚ/͛ŵĂŵĂnjĞĚƚŚĂƚŽŶĞƉĞƌƐŽŶĐŽƵůĚ
ĚŽƐŽŵĂŶLJĞǀŝůĂĐƟŽŶƐ͘ƵƚŶŽǁ/ĨĞĞůŵƵĐŚŵŽƌĞŚŽƉĞĨƵůďĞĐĂƵƐĞ
/ĚŝĚƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ͘/ĂůƐŽƐĂǁĂůŽƚŽĨŐŽŽĚƚŚŝŶŐƐŝŶŵLJũŽƵƌŶĞLJͶ
people  who  helped  me,  people  who  did  kind  things  for  other  people  
going  through  this.  I  feel  more  hopeful  about  the  human  race.
Q:    What  do  you  think  about  how  this  issue  plays  into  the  kind  of  
sexuality  in  our  country  right  now?  It  seems  like  there’s  this  explo-­‐
ƐŝŽŶŽĨƐĞdžƵĂůĞdžƉůŽŝƚĂƟŽŶŽŶĂůůůĞǀĞůƐͶƉŽƌŶŽŐƌĂƉŚLJ͕ƉƌŽƐƟƚƵƟŽŶ͕ǁŚĂƚĞǀĞƌ͘ƵƚǁĞĚŽŶ͛ƚƚĂůŬ
ĂďŽƵƚƚŚĂƚĂůŽƚŝŶƚŚŝƐĐŽƵŶƚƌLJ͘tĞ͛ƌĞŵƵĐŚŵŽƌĞĐŽŵĨŽƌƚĂďůĞƚĂůŬŝŶŐĂďŽƵƚǁŚĂƚdŝŐĞƌtŽŽĚƐ
ĚŝĚ͘ 
͗zĞĂŚ͕ƚŚĞŵĞĚŝĂĂůǁĂLJƐƵƐĞƐƐĞdžƵĂůŝƚLJƚŽƐĞůůƉƌŽĚƵĐƚƐ͕ĂŶĚƚŚĞŽŶĞƚŚŝŶŐŝŶƚŚŝƐĐŽƵŶƚƌLJŶŽŽŶĞ
ǁĂŶƚƐƚŽƚĂůŬĂďŽƵƚŝƐƚŚĂƚĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶĂƌĞƐĞdžƵĂůďĞŝŶŐƐ͘WĞŽƉůĞĂƌĞǀĞƌLJƵŶĐŽŵĨŽƌƚĂďůĞǁŝƚŚƚŚĂƚĂŶĚ
ǁŽƵůĚƉƌĞĨĞƌƚŽŝŐŶŽƌĞƚŚĂƚƌĞĂůŝƚLJ͘^Ɵůů͕ĐŽŵƉĂŶŝĞƐ͕ŵĂŝŶƐƚƌĞĂŵĐŽŵƉĂŶŝĞƐ͕ŚĂǀĞůŽŶŐƵƐĞĚĐŚŝů-­‐
ĚƌĞŶďLJĞdžƉůŽŝƟŶŐƚŚĞŵƐĞdžƵĂůůLJ͘dŚŝŶŬŽĨƌŽŽŬĞ^ŚŝĞůĚƐ͛ĂĚ΀͞EŽƚŚŝŶŐĐŽŵĞƐďĞƚǁĞĞŶŵĞĂŶĚ
ŵLJĂůǀŝŶƐ͘͟΁͘^ŚĞǁĂƐǁŚĂƚ͕ϭϰŝŶƚŚĂƚĂĚ͍dŚĂƚǁĂƐǀĞƌLJĐŽŶƚƌŽǀĞƌƐŝĂůŝŶϭϵϳϵ͕͛ϴϬ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬŝƚ͛ƐŶŽƚ
ŶĞǁ͕ďƵƚLJĞĂŚ͕ƉĞŽƉůĞĚŽŶ͛ƚůŽŽŬĂƚŚŽǁĐŽŵĞǁŚĞŶLJŽƵĐŚĞĐŬŝŶƚŽĂŶLJDĂƌƌŝŽƩ,ŽƚĞů͕LJŽƵĐĂŶ
ƐĞĞĂůůƚŚŝƐƉŽƌŶ͕ĂŶĚLJĞƚƚŚĞLJ͛ƌĞDŽƌŵŽŶƐ͘dŚĞLJ͛ƌĞǀĞƌLJĐŽŶƐĞƌǀĂƟǀĞ͕ďƵƚƚŚĞLJ͛ƌĞŵĂŬŝŶŐŵŽŶĞLJ
in  porn.  Most  hotel  chains  do  that.
EŽŽŶĞǁĂŶƚƐƚŽƌĞĂůůLJĂĚĚƌĞƐƐŝƚ͘dŚĞLJǁĂŶƚŝƚƚŽŐŽĂǁĂLJ͕ƚŚĞLJǁĂŶƚƚŽƐǁĞĞƉŝƚƵŶĚĞƌƚŚĞƌƵŐ͘

Q:    I  believe  that  one  of  the  reasons  the  Catholic  Church  was  able  to  get  away  with  the  cover-­‐
ƵƉŝƐďĞĐĂƵƐĞ͕ĂƐĂƐŽĐŝĞƚLJ͕ǁĞ͛ƌĞŶŽƚƌĞĂůůLJǁŝůůŝŶŐƚŽĐŽŶĨƌŽŶƚŽƵƌŽǁŶƐĞdžƵĂůŝƚLJŝŶĂĚŝƌĞĐƚĂŶĚ
ŽƉĞŶĂŶĚŚĞĂůƚŚLJǁĂLJ͘,ŽǁŚĂƐLJŽƵƌƉĞƌĐĞƉƟŽŶŽĨƐĞdžƵĂůŝƚLJŝŶŽƵƌĐƵůƚƵƌĞĐŚĂŶŐĞĚƚŚƌŽƵŐŚ
LJŽƵƌĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͍ƌĞLJŽƵŵŽƌĞĐLJŶŝĐĂůŽĨŝƚ͕ĂƌĞLJŽƵŵŽƌĞĐƌŝƟĐĂůŽĨƚŚĞǁĂLJƚŚĂƚƐĞdžƵĂůŝƚLJŝƐ
expressed  in  our  country? 
͗zĞĂŚ͕/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬ/ĐŽƵůĚďĞŵŽƌĞĐLJŶŝĐĂůƚŚĂŶ/ĞǀĞƌǁĂƐĂďŽƵƚŝƚ͕ŝĨƚŚĂƚ͛ƐƉŽƐƐŝďůĞ͘;>ĂƵŐŚ-­‐
ƚĞƌ͘ͿƵƚ/ŵĞĂŶ͕ƚŚĞĂƚŚŽůŝĐŚƵƌĐŚĐŽŶƟŶƵĞƐƚŽƚŚŝƐĚĂLJƚŽůŝĞĂďŽƵƚǁŚĂƚƚŚĞLJŬŶŽǁĂŶĚ
ǁŚĂƚƚŚĞLJĂůůŽǁĞĚ͘dŚĞƐĞƉƌĞƐƐƌĞůĞĂƐĞƐƚŚĞsĂƟĐĂŶŚĂƐďĞĞŶŚĂŶĚŝŶŐŽƵƚƚŚĞůĂƐƚĐŽƵƉůĞŽĨ
ŵŽŶƚŚƐũƵƐƚƐŚŽǁƐƚŚĞŵĂůůƚŽďĞďŝŐŐĞƌůŝĂƌƐƚŚĂŶĞǀĞƌ͘
But  I  mean,  if  you  think  about  it,  priests,  the  Catholic  Church,  they’re  not  supposed  to  be  hav-­‐
ŝŶŐƐĞdž͕ĂŶĚLJĞƚƚŚĞLJ͛ƌĞŐŝǀŝŶŐĂĚǀŝĐĞĂďŽƵƚĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞƐƚŚĞLJ͛ƌĞŶŽƚƐƵƉƉŽƐĞĚƚŽŬŶŽǁĂďŽƵƚ͘
tŚŝĐŚƐŽƌƚŽĨŵĂŬĞƐŶŽƐĞŶƐĞ͘
I  don’t  believe  for  a  minute  that  they’re  sincere  or  sorry  that  these  crimes  have  been  commit-­‐
ƚĞĚ͕ĂŶĚĐŽŶƟŶƵĞƚŽďĞĐŽŵŵŝƩĞĚ͘/ŵĞĂŶ͕ƚŚĞLJŚĂĚƐĞǀĞŶŚŽƐƉŝƚĂůƐŝŶƚŚĞhŶŝƚĞĚ^ƚĂƚĞƐďƵŝůƚ
ŝŶƚŚĞϭϵϲϬƐŚŽƵƐŝŶŐƉĞĚŽƉŚŝůĞƉƌŝĞƐƚƐ͘ŶĚLJĞƚŝŶϮϬϬϮ͕ĂŶĚƵƉƚŽƚŽĚĂLJ͕ƚŚĞLJĐůĂŝŵƚŚĂƚƚŚĞLJ
ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚŬŶŽǁƚŚĞĞdžƚĞŶƚŽĨƚŚĞƉƌŽďůĞŵ͘
Q:    What  was  supposed  to  go  on  in  the  hospitals?  Were  they  sup-­‐
posed  to  cure  them? 
͗zĞĂŚ͕ƚƌĞĂƚŵĞŶƚ͘dŚŝƌƚLJĚĂLJƐĂŶĚLJŽƵ͛ƌĞĐƵƌĞĚ͘ƵƚǁŚLJǁŽƵůĚ
there  be  a  need  for  sevenhospitals?
Y͗ŽLJŽƵƚŚŝŶŬŝƚŵĂŬĞƐƐĞŶƐĞĨŽƌƉƌŝĞƐƚƐƚŽďĞĐĞůŝďĂƚĞ͍dŽŵĞ
ƚŚĂƚ͛ƐǁŚĞƌĞƚŚĞƉƌŽďůĞŵďĞŐŝŶƐ͕ĂůƚŚŽƵŐŚƚŚĂƚ͛ƐŽŶůLJƉĂƌƚŽĨƚŚĞ
ƉƌŽďůĞŵ͘ 
͗tĞůů͕/ƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĂƚ͛ƐƐƵĐŚĂƐĞƉĂƌĂƚĞŝƐƐƵĞ͕ďĞĐĂƵƐĞŝƚ͛ƐũƵƐƚŶŽƚĂ
ŶĂƚƵƌĂůƐƚĂƚĞŽĨďĞŝŶŐĨŽƌƉĞŽƉůĞ͘dŚĞƌĞĂƌĞƉůĞŶƚLJŽĨŐŽŽĚƉƌŝĞƐƚƐ
who  don’t  rape  children.  So,  I  don’t  know.
Y͗tŚĂƚǁĂƐƚŚĞŵŽƐƚŚĞůƉĨƵůĨŽƌLJŽƵĂůŽŶŐƚŚĞũŽƵƌŶĞLJŝŶƚĞƌŵƐŽĨŚŽǁLJŽƵǁĞƌĞĂďůĞƚŽĮŶĚ
your  way  through? 
͗,ŽǁĚŽ/ĂƌƟĐƵůĂƚĞƚŚĂƚ͍>Ğƚ͛ƐƐĞĞ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬĂƩĞŶĚŝŶŐƚŚĞƚƌŝĂůŽĨƚŚĞƉƌŝĞƐƚǁŚŽƌĂƉĞĚŵĞ͘/ƚ
was  very  helpful,  because  I  hadn’t  seen  him  in  almost  twenty  years,  and  I  walked  into  a  court-­‐
ƌŽŽŵ͕ĂŶĚŚĞƌĞǁĂƐƚŚŝƐĞůĚĞƌůLJŵĂŶ͘ŶĚƚŽƐŝƚƚĞŶĨĞĞƚĨƌŽŵŚŝŵĞǀĞƌLJĚĂLJĨŽƌƚŚƌĞĞǁĞĞŬƐ͕
ǁĂƚĐŚŝŶŐŚŝŵ͕ƌĞĂůŝnjŝŶŐƚŚĂƚƚŚŝƐŵĂŶǁĂƐƌĞĂůůLJĐƌĂnjLJǁĂƐĂĐƚƵĂůůLJǀĞƌLJŚĞůƉĨƵůƚŽŵĞ͘
On  a  certain  level  it  helped  me  forgive  him.  He’s  really  mentally  ill,  and  he  has  no  idea  that  he  
did  anything  wrong  or  immoral.  He  really  thinks  he  did  the  right  thing,  that  he  was  helpful  to  
ƚŚĞƐĞĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶďLJŚĂǀŝŶŐƐĞdžǁŝƚŚƚŚĞŵ͘:ƵƐƚƚŽŐŽŝŶĂŶĚƐĞĞŚŝŵͶ/ǁĂƐĂŵŝĚĚůĞͲĂŐĞĚŵĂŶ͕
ŝŶƐƚĞĂĚŽĨĂŬŝĚͶǁĂƐŝŶƚĞƌĞƐƟŶŐ͘ŶĚƚŚĂƚĚŝĚƐŽƌƚŽĨĐŚĂŶŐĞƚŚĞǁŚŽůĞƉĞƌƐƉĞĐƟǀĞŝŶĂůŽƚŽĨǁĂLJƐ͘

tŚĂƚĞůƐĞ͍ŽŝŶŐƚŚŝŶŐƐůŝŬĞƚĞůůŝŶŐŵLJƐƚŽƌLJĨŽƌƚŚĞƐĞƐƚĂƚĞƌĞƉƌĞƐĞŶƚĂƟǀĞƐůŝƐƚĞŶŝŶŐƚŽĂ
ƉƌŽƉŽƐĞĚďŝůůŽŶĂďŽůŝƐŚŝŶŐƚŚĞƐƚĂƚƵƚĞŽĨůŝŵŝƚĂƟŽŶƐŽŶĐŚŝůĚƌĂƉĞŝŶDĂƐƐĂĐŚƵƐĞƩƐ͕ƚŚĂƚ
ǁĂƐŚĞůƉĨƵů͘ǀĞƌLJƟŵĞ/ƐƉŽŬĞĂďŽƵƚŝƚǁĂƐŚĞůƉĨƵů͘
Y͗tŚĞŶLJŽƵǁĞŶƚƚŽƚŚĞƚƌŝĂů͕ǁĂƐƚŚĂƚLJŽƵƌŝĚĞĂ͕ŽƌƐŽŵĞŽŶĞĞůƐĞ͛Ɛ͍ 
͗EŽ͕ƚŚĂƚǁĂƐŵLJŝĚĞĂ͘KƌŝŐŝŶĂůůLJƚŚĞŚĂĚĂƐŬĞĚŝĨ/ǁŽƵůĚďĞǁŝůůŝŶŐƚŽďĞĂǁŝƚŶĞƐƐ͕
and  I  didn’t  want  to,  but  I  said  I  would  do  it.  Eventually  they  decided  not  to  have  any  former  
ǀŝĐƟŵƐƚĞƐƟĨLJ͘
But  the  reason  why  I  said  I  would  do  it  is  because  I  thought  it  could  help  put  him  away.   
ŐĂŝŶ͕ƚŚŝƐŵĂŶƐŚŽƵůĚŶ͛ƚŐĞƚĂǁĂLJǁŝƚŚƚŚĞƐĞĐƌŝŵĞƐ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬǁƌŝƟŶŐĂůŽƚĂďŽƵƚŝƚŚĞůƉĞĚ͕
ũƵƐƚũŽƵƌŶĂůŝŶŐĂďŽƵƚŵLJĨĞĞůŝŶŐƐ͕ďĞĐĂƵƐĞ/͛ĚĨĞůƚŽǀĞƌǁŚĞůŵĞĚĂŐƌĞĂƚĚĞĂůŽĨƚŚĞƟŵĞĨŽƌĂ
ĨĞǁLJĞĂƌƐƚŚĞƌĞ͕ƚƌLJŝŶŐƚŽƐƚĂLJŽŶƐĐŚĞĚƵůĞ͕ũƵƐƚƐƟĐŬŝŶŐƚŽĂƐŶŽƌŵĂůĂůŝĨĞĂƐƉŽƐƐŝďůĞ͕ƚƌLJŝŶŐ
ƚŽĚŽũƵƐƚŶŽƌŵĂůƚŚŝŶŐƐ͘
Y͗tŚĞŶLJŽƵǁĞƌĞƚƌLJŝŶŐƚŽƉŝĞĐĞƚŽŐĞƚŚĞƌĞdžĂĐƚůLJǁŚĂƚŚĂƉƉĞŶĞĚĂŶĚŚŽǁŝƚŚĂĚĂīĞĐƚĞĚ
LJŽƵ͕ĚŝĚLJŽƵĂůǁĂLJƐŚĂǀĞĐůĂƌŝƚLJ͍KƌǁĞƌĞƚŚĞƌĞƟŵĞƐǁŚĞŶLJŽƵǁĞƌĞƵŶƐƵƌĞ͍ 
͗EŽ͕ƚŚĞƌĞǁĂƐĂůǁĂLJƐĐůĂƌŝƚLJ͘KƚŚĞƌƚŚŝŶŐƐĐĂŵĞƚŽŵĞͶ/ŚĂǀĞƚŚŝƐŐƌĞĂƚŵĞŵŽƌLJ͕ĂƐLJŽƵ
ŬŶŽǁ͘;>ĂƵŐŚƚĞƌ͘Ϳ/ǁĂƐŶ͛ƚƐŽŵĞŽŶĞƚŚĂƚĚŝĚŶ͛ƚƌĞŵĞŵďĞƌƉŚLJƐŝĐĂůĂĐƚƐŽƌĂŶLJƚŚŝŶŐůŝŬĞƚŚĂƚ͘ 
ƵƚƚŚĞŶĂƐƟŵĞǁĞŶƚŽŶĂŶĚ/ǁĂƐŝŶƚŚĞƌĂƉLJ͕/ĂĐƚƵĂůůLJƌĞĂůŝnjĞĚƚŚĂƚ/ŚĂĚƌĞƉƌĞƐƐĞĚĂĨĞǁ
ƐĞdžƵĂůƚŚŝŶŐƐŚĞĚŝĚƚŽŵĞ͘dŚĞLJǁĞƌĞƉŚLJƐŝĐĂůůLJƉĂŝŶĨƵůƚŚŝŶŐƐ͕ĂŶĚŝŶƚŚĞƌĂƉLJ/ƌĞŵĞŵ-­‐
bered  them.
Y͗,ŽǁĂďŽƵƚŽŶƚŚĞŽƚŚĞƌƐŝĚĞ͕ŝŶƚĞƌŵƐŽĨLJŽƵƌĐĂƉĂĐŝƚLJƚŽůŽǀĞĂŶĚĐŽŶŶĞĐƚ͍,ŽǁĚŽLJŽƵ
feel  about  that  now?  Do  you  feel  like  that’s  been  repaired? 
͗EŽ͘/ĚŽŶ͛ƚ͘;>ĂƵŐŚƚĞƌ͘Ϳ^ŝŶĐĞLJŽƵĂƐŬĞĚ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬŝƚ͛ƐďĞƩĞƌ͘/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬ/͛ŵĮdžĞĚ͘;>ĂƵŐŚ-­‐
ƚĞƌ͘Ϳ/ƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĂƚ/ŚĂǀĞŐŽŽĚĚĂLJƐĂŶĚďĂĚĚĂLJƐ͕ŵŽƌĞŐŽŽĚĚĂLJƐ͘/ƚ͛ƐĂƉƌŽĐĞƐƐ͘/ĐĞƌƚĂŝŶůLJ
don’t  feel  like  I’m  falling  apart  like  I  did  when  I  started  doing  the  work  on  this.  I  certainly  
don’t  feel  like  I’ve  got  this  big  secret  weighing  me  down  that  I’m  carrying  around  like  I  did  for  
so  many  years  before  I  dealt  with  it. 
ƐĨĂƌĂƐŵLJĂďŝůŝƚLJƚŽƚƌƵƐƚŽƌůŽǀĞ͕ŝƚ͛ƐďĞƩĞƌ͘Ƶƚŝƚ͛ƐŶŽƚƉĞƌĨĞĐƚ͕ĂŶĚ/͛ŵŶŽƚĂƐĂĨƌĂŝĚŽĨ
ďĞŝŶŐŚƵƌƚ͕ĞdžƉůŽŝƚĞĚ͘/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƐĞĞŵLJƐĞůĨĂƐĂǀŝĐƟŵ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬͶĂŶĚ/ŶĞǀĞƌƚŚŽƵŐŚƚƚŚŝƐĐŽŶ-­‐
ƐĐŝŽƵƐůLJ͕ďƵƚͶ/ƚŚŝŶŬ/ƐĂǁŵLJƐĞůĨĂƐƚŚŝƐƐĐĂƌĞĚŬŝĚŵLJǁŚŽůĞůŝĨĞ͕Žƌ/ǁĂƐĂƐĐĂƌĞĚŬŝĚ͘ŶĚ
I  don’t  see  myself  that  way.

Q:    So  what  advice  do  you  have  when  you  talk  to  other  people  who  are  struggling  with  this  
experience? 
͗KŚ͕ŝƚ͛ƐŚĂƌĚ͘/ƌĞŵĞŵďĞƌ/ǁĂƐŽƵƚǁŝƚŚƐŽŵĞŽŶĞƚŚĂƚ/͛ĚŬŶŽǁŶĨŽƌLJĞĂƌƐĂŶĚ/ƚŽůĚ
ŚŝŵŵLJĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͘ŶĚƚŚĞŶŚĞƐĂŝĚƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐƚŚĂƚƐƵƌƉƌŝƐĞĚŵĞ͖ƚŚĂƚŚĞ͛ĚŚĂĚĂƐŝŵŝůĂƌ
ĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͘/ƚǁĂƐŚŝƐƵŶĐůĞ͕ĂŶĚŝƚǁĞŶƚŽŶĨŽƌĂĨĞǁLJĞĂƌƐǁŚĞŶŚĞǁĂƐĂĐŚŝůĚ͘ŶĚŝƚƐƟůů
owned  him.
/ƌĞŵĞŵďĞƌǁŚĞŶŚĞƚŽůĚŵĞ͕/ƐŽƌƚŽĨĮůůĞĚƵƉǁŝƚŚƚĞĂƌƐ͕ďĞĐĂƵƐĞŚĞǁĂƐĂƐŵĂůůŬŝŶĚŽĨ
person.  He  was  older  than  me,  but  very  baby-­‐faced,  and  I  thought  he  must  have  been  so  
ůŝƩůĞǁŚĞŶŚĞǁĂƐϭϭ͕ϭϮ͕ϭϯ͘,ĞƚŽůĚŵĞƚŚĂƚǁŚĞŶŚĞǁĂƐŝŶŚŝƐƚŚŝƌƟĞƐ͕ŚĞǁĞŶƚƚŽŚŝƐ
ŵŽƚŚĞƌͶŝƚǁĂƐŚŝƐŵŽƚŚĞƌ͛ƐďƌŽƚŚĞƌǁŚŽŚĂĚƌĂƉĞĚŚŝŵĨŽƌƚŚŽƐĞƚŚƌĞĞLJĞĂƌƐͶĂŶĚƚŽůĚ
ŚĞƌǁŚĂƚŚĂƉƉĞŶĞĚ͘ŶĚƐŚĞƐĂŝĚ͕͞/ĚŽŶ͛ƚǁĂŶƚƚŽŚĞĂƌĂďŽƵƚŝƚ͘͟ŶĚ/ƐĂŝĚ͕͞zŽƵŵƵƐƚŚĂǀĞ
ĂůŽƚŽĨƌĂŐĞƚŽǁĂƌĚLJŽƵƌŵŽƚŚĞƌ͘͟ŶĚŚĞƐŶĂƉƉĞĚĂƚŵĞͶ͞/ůŽǀĞŵLJŵŽƚŚĞƌ͘͟
/ƚŽůĚŚŝŵ͕͞/ĚŝĚŶ͛ƚƐĂLJLJŽƵĚŝĚŶ͛ƚůŽǀĞLJŽƵƌŵŽƚŚĞƌ͕ďƵƚLJŽƵǁĞƌĞŝŶLJŽƵƌƚŚŝƌƟĞƐ͕ǁŚLJ
would  you  go  to  your  mother  about  something  that  happened  twenty  years  ago,  unless  you  
ǁĂŶƚĞĚŚĞƌƚŽĂĐƚůŝŬĞĂƉĂƌĞŶƚĂŶĚƐĂLJ͕͚/͛ŵƐŽƌƌLJ͛Žƌ͚/͛ŵƐŽƌƌLJƚŚĂƚŚĂƉƉĞŶĞĚ͍͛zŽƵǁĞƌĞŶ͛ƚ
ďůĂŵŝŶŐŚĞƌ͕ďƵƚƐŚĞĚŝĚŶ͛ƚƌĞĂůůLJĚŽŚĞƌũŽďĂƐĂƉĂƌĞŶƚ͕ĂŶĚƐŽLJŽƵŵƵƐƚŚĂǀĞŐƌĞĂƚƌĂŐĞ͘͟ 
ŶĚŚĞŐŽƚǀĞƌLJĂŶŐƌLJĂƚŵĞ͘
But  he  eventually,  literally,  drank  himself  to  death.  I  remember  when  he  died,  I  thought,  
tŽǁ͕ƚŚŝƐŝƐǁŚĂƚŬŝůůĞĚŚŝŵ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĞƌĞ͛ƐĂůŽƚŽĨƐƵŝĐŝĚĞƐ͕ĂŶĚĂůŽƚŽĨƐĞůĨͲĚĞƐƚƌƵĐƟǀĞďĞ-­‐
havior,  a  lot  of  wasted  lives  because  of  child  rape.
^Ž͕ǁŚĞŶƚŚĂƚŚĂƉƉĞŶĞĚͶ'ŽĚ͕ƚŚĂƚǁĂƐƐĂĚ͘^Ž͕/ŶĞǀĞƌƉŽƌƚƌĂLJŵLJƐĞůĨĂƐ͞ŽƚŚŝƐ͕͟͞ŽŶ͛ƚ
ĚŽƚŚĂƚ͕͟ĂƐĂŶĞdžƉĞƌƚ͘/ũƵƐƚƚƌLJƚŽůŝƐƚĞŶ͘/ƚĞůůŵLJĞdžƉĞƌŝĞŶĐĞ͘ŶĚ/ŐŝǀĞĂǁŝĚĞďĞƌƚŚ͘
Q:    What  do  you  think  that  people  who  are  not  survivors  should  know  about  the  whole
 experience? 
͗/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĂƚƉĞŽƉůĞ͕ŝŶŐĞŶĞƌĂů͕ƌĞĂůŝnjĞƚŚĞůŽŶŐͲƚĞƌŵĞīĞĐƚƐƚŚĂƚŝƚŚĂƐŽŶƉĞŽƉůĞ͘/
ƚŚŝŶŬƐŽŵĞƉĞŽƉůĞƚŚŝŶŬũƵƐƚ͕ŽŬĂLJ͕ƚŚĂƚŚĂƉƉĞŶĞĚƚǁĞŶƚLJ͕ĨŽƌƚLJLJĞĂƌƐĂŐŽ͘ƵĐŬƵƉ͕ƚŚŝŶŐƐ
ŚĂƉƉĞŶ͘ĞĂŵĂŶ͕ŽƌďĞĂǁŽŵĂŶ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬŽŶĞŽĨƚŚĞƌĞĂƐŽŶƐƚŚĞLJŚĂǀĞƚŚĂƚƌĞĂĐƟŽŶŝƐƐŽ-­‐
ciety.  Nobody  wants  to  talk  about  it,  because  most  people  
ŬŶŽǁƐŽŵĞŽŶĞǁŚŽ͛ƐďĞĞŶƐĞdžƵĂůůLJĂďƵƐĞĚ͕ĂŶĚĂůŽƚŬŶŽǁ
ƐŽŵĞŽŶĞŝŶƚŚĞŝƌĨĂŵŝůLJ͕ŽƌǁŚĂƚĞǀĞƌ͕ƚŚĂƚŚĂƐƐĞdžƵĂůůLJ
abused  someone.
I  think  there’s  a  real  need  for  society  in  general  to  be  
educated  about  the  whole  process.  I  don’t  know  how  that  
would  happen,  but  there’s  so  much  depression  and  rage  
ĂŶĚƚŚĞƌĞ͛ƐƐŽŵĂŶLJŶĞŐĂƟǀĞƐŝĚĞĞīĞĐƚƐ͘'ŽĚ͕/ĚŽŶ͛ƚ

Y͗tĞůů͕/ƚŚŝŶŬŝŶĂĐĞƌƚĂŝŶǁĂLJďLJĐŽŵŝŶŐĨŽƌǁĂƌĚŝŶƚŚĞďĞŐŝŶŶŝŶŐ͕/ƚŚŝŶŬLJŽƵƉůĂLJĞĚĂ
ƌĞĂůƌŽůĞŝŶƚŚĂƚ͘/ŵĞĂŶ͕ƚŚĞƌĞ͛ƐƐƟůůĂůŽŶŐǁĂLJƚŽŐŽ͕ďƵƚ/ƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĞƉƵďůŝĐƉĞƌĐĞƉƟŽŶŽĨƚŚĞ
ƉƌŽďůĞŵŝƐĐĞƌƚĂŝŶůLJĂŚĞůůŽĨůŽƚďĞƩĞƌƚŚĂŶŝƚǁĂƐŶŝŶĞLJĞĂƌƐĂŐŽ͘ 
͗/ĚŽƚŽŽ͕LJĞĂŚ͕/ŐƵĞƐƐ͘/ǁŽŶĚĞƌƐŽŵĞƟŵĞƐ͕/ĚŽŶ͛ƚŬŶŽǁ͘/ŚŽƉĞƐŽ͘
Y͗zŽƵǁŽŶĚĞƌǁŚĞƚŚĞƌƉĞŽƉůĞƐƟůůǁĂŶƚƚŽĚŝƐĐŽƵŶƚŝƚĐŽŵƉůĞƚĞůLJ͍ 
͗EŽ͕/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĞLJƵŶĚĞƌƐƚĂŶĚŝƚĐŽŵƉůĞƚĞůLJ͕ƚŚĞŐĞŶĞƌĂůƉƵďůŝĐ͘/ƚŚŝŶŬĂůŽƚŽĨƉĞŽƉůĞ
ǁĂŶƚŝƚƚŽŐŽĂǁĂLJďĞĐĂƵƐĞŝƚ͛ƐƵŐůLJ͘dŚĞLJĚŽŶ͛ƚǁĂŶƚƚŽůŽŽŬĂƚŝƚŽƌŚĞĂƌĂďŽƵƚŝƚ͕ĂŶĚ
/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬƚŚĞLJǁĂŶƚƚŽͶ/ĚŽŶ͛ƚƚŚŝŶŬĂůŽƚŽĨƉĞŽƉůĞǁĂŶƚƚŽďĞĞĚƵĐĂƚĞĚĂďŽƵƚƚŚĞ
ƐƵďũĞĐƚŵĂƩĞƌ͕ũƵƐƚďĞĐĂƵƐĞŝƚ͛ƐƐŽĚŝƐƚĂƐƚĞĨƵů͘WĞŽƉůĞĚŽŶ͛ƚǁĂŶƚƚŽŚĞĂƌĂďŽƵƚĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ
ďĞŝŶŐƌĂƉĞĚĂŶĚŚŽǁƚŚĂƚŝŵƉĂĐƚƐůŝǀĞƐĚŽǁŶƚŚĞƌŽĂĚ͘ŶĚŝƚ͛ƐƐĐĂƌLJ͕ĂŶĚŝƚĐŽƵůĚďĞƚŚĞŝƌ
children.  I  know  it’s  one  of  the  reasons  they  should  hear  about  it,  but  I  think  it’s  one  of  the  
reasons  that  makes  them  uncomfortable.
ƉŚŽƚŽĐƌĞĚŝƚ;ŚĂŶĚƐ͕ǁĂƚĞƌĚƌŽƉͿ͗^ƚĞƉŚĞŶ^ŚĞĸĞůĚ
ǁǁǁ͘ƐƚĞƉŚĞŶƐŚĞĸĞůĚ͘ĐŽŵ

About  Tom  Matlack

dŽŵDĂƚůĂĐŬŝƐũƵƐƚĨŽŽůŝƐŚĞŶŽƵŐŚƚŽďĞůŝĞǀĞŚĞŝƐĂ
ĚĞĐĞŶƚŵĂŶ͘,ĞŚĂƐĂϭϲͲLJĞĂƌͲŽůĚĚĂƵŐŚƚĞƌĂŶĚϭϰͲĂŶĚ
5-­‐year-­‐old  sons.  His  wife,  Elena,  is  the  love  of  his  life. 
ƚdŚĞ'ŽŽĚDĞŶWƌŽũĞĐƚDĂŐĂnjŝŶĞ͕ǁĞǁƌŝƚĞ͕ĚŝƐĐƵƐƐ͕ĂŶĚŝŶǀŝƚĞ
commentary  on  a  whole  slew  of  topics  for  men  and  about  men  
ŝŶƚŽĚĂLJ͛ƐǁŽƌůĚ͘ZĞĂů͕ŚŽŶĞƐƚ͕ĐŽŵƉůĞdž͕ĂŶĚƚŚŽƵŐŚƚͲƉƌŽǀŽŬŝŶŐ͘
dŚĞ'ŽŽĚDĞŶWƌŽũĞĐƚĐŽͲĨŽƵŶĚĞƌdŽŵDĂƚůĂĐŬ͛Ɛ͞'ŽŽĚ/Ɛ'ŽŽĚ͟
ĐŽůƵŵŶƌƵŶƐŽŶDŽŶĚĂLJĂŶĚdŚƵƌƐĚĂLJ͘

Visit www.GoodMenProject.com

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful