P. 1
Chronicles of Bruiser Tales of a Street Sweeper

Chronicles of Bruiser Tales of a Street Sweeper

|Views: 3,683|Likes:
Published by a4905751

More info:

Published by: a4905751 on Aug 06, 2010
Copyright:Traditional Copyright: All rights reserved

Availability:

Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
See more
See less

11/08/2012

pdf

text

original

This was a pretty unremarkable evening. I was at a normal shopping center, doing my normal
job. All in all, it was boring as hell. Well, it's about 3am on a Wednesday, and There is
trendy little bar in the center I'm sweeping. This is actually in the good part of town, as marked
by the Mercedes SLK Kompressor. Electric blue. Hardtop convertible.

Well, I'm sweeping around it and I notice a lady passed out in the front seat
unremarkable. Lady has too many cosmos with her girl friends, passes out in her car to sleep it
off for a while. Well, I park a ways away and start to fill out my log sheet, being that this is the
last stop of a short night.

I see the lights on the SLK snap on and i set my clipboard down and pop open a can of soda.
This is going to be fun to watch.

There are giant, artsy concrete pillars on the lot that make a valiant effort to try and make it
look like something other than a parking lot

*WHAM!*

Goes the front end of the car

*WHAM!*

Goes the ass end of the car as she tries to back up.

*WHAM!*

Goes the front of the car again.

This series repeated itself at least four or five times. The lady final
to deploy the airbag.

She stumbles out of the car.

She looks at it.

She throws her shoe at the windshield.

She vomits.

She gets back in and passes out.

I quickly dialed Bryce.

The SomethingAwful Forums

This story is copyright ©2007 Bruiser. All Rights Reserved.

25

This was a pretty unremarkable evening. I was at a normal shopping center, doing my normal
job. All in all, it was boring as hell. Well, it's about 3am on a Wednesday, and There is
trendy little bar in the center I'm sweeping. This is actually in the good part of town, as marked
by the Mercedes SLK Kompressor. Electric blue. Hardtop convertible.

Well, I'm sweeping around it and I notice a lady passed out in the front seat. This is pretty
unremarkable. Lady has too many cosmos with her girl friends, passes out in her car to sleep it
off for a while. Well, I park a ways away and start to fill out my log sheet, being that this is the

ghts on the SLK snap on and i set my clipboard down and pop open a can of soda.

There are giant, artsy concrete pillars on the lot that make a valiant effort to try and make it
look like something other than a parking lot. The lady backs up and turns around.

Goes the ass end of the car as she tries to back up.

This series repeated itself at least four or five times. The lady finally hit the pillar hard enough

She throws her shoe at the windshield.

The SomethingAwful Forums

This was a pretty unremarkable evening. I was at a normal shopping center, doing my normal
job. All in all, it was boring as hell. Well, it's about 3am on a Wednesday, and There is a quiet,
trendy little bar in the center I'm sweeping. This is actually in the good part of town, as marked

. This is pretty
unremarkable. Lady has too many cosmos with her girl friends, passes out in her car to sleep it
off for a while. Well, I park a ways away and start to fill out my log sheet, being that this is the

ghts on the SLK snap on and i set my clipboard down and pop open a can of soda.

There are giant, artsy concrete pillars on the lot that make a valiant effort to try and make it
. The lady backs up and turns around.

ly hit the pillar hard enough

Chronicles of Bruiser

This story is

It better be good, because I'm asshole dee

Don't you have some sort of police work to be doing?

Why, is there some police work that needs to be done?

Well, if you count a woman totaling her SLK Kompressor in a parking lot over and over and

over again. Well, yeah.

She alive?

Drunk. Passed out actually.

Damnit, Bruiser! Why do you always have to make more paperwork for me?

Who loves 'ya, baby?!

I'm on my way.

He shows up about 10 minutes later and knocks on the window of the SLK.

Ma'am? You alright in there?

Yesth occifer. I'm justh shleepin'. I had a hawd day todayyyyyy at works. I'm to tired to drive
ho- *stops herself and swallows a gag*

What happened to you car?

Shlome ashole hit me.

Wow, he did a real number on it, didn't he?

Ye- BLLLLLLWWWWAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG *vomits all over the dash*

Ma'am, have you been drinking?

I may have had a spritzer or two

Bryce picks up a piece of paper that fell out of the car. It's the bar tab.

Let's see. You had 9 vodka tonics and 3 cosmopolitans. It says

The SomethingAwful Forums

This story is copyright ©2007 Bruiser. All Rights Reserved.

26

It better be good, because I'm asshole deep in a Clancy novel.

Don't you have some sort of police work to be doing?

Why, is there some police work that needs to be done?

Well, if you count a woman totaling her SLK Kompressor in a parking lot over and over and

Damnit, Bruiser! Why do you always have to make more paperwork for me?

He shows up about 10 minutes later and knocks on the window of the SLK.

Ma'am? You alright in there?

Yesth occifer. I'm justh shleepin'. I had a hawd day todayyyyyy at works. I'm to tired to drive
*stops herself and swallows a gag* -home.

Wow, he did a real number on it, didn't he?

WAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG *vomits all over the dash*

Ma'am, have you been drinking?

I may have had a spritzer or two

Bryce picks up a piece of paper that fell out of the car. It's the bar tab.

Let's see. You had 9 vodka tonics and 3 cosmopolitans. It says here the bill was divided, so

The SomethingAwful Forums

Well, if you count a woman totaling her SLK Kompressor in a parking lot over and over and

Damnit, Bruiser! Why do you always have to make more paperwork for me?

Yesth occifer. I'm justh shleepin'. I had a hawd day todayyyyyy at works. I'm to tired to drive

here the bill was divided, so

Chronicles of Bruiser

This story is

this is all you.

GOD...DAMN! That's fucking epic!

I know, right?

I-I-I-I... BLLLLLWWWAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

*looks at Bruiser* Dude.

You know I keep you entertained.

Do you just go out and find things to fuck u

Maybe.

I hate you.

Love 'ya baby!

I wished him well and drove home. When i looked in my mirror as I drove away, the lady was
falling over trying to walk a straight line.

The SomethingAwful Forums

This story is copyright ©2007 Bruiser. All Rights Reserved.

27

GOD...DAMN! That's fucking epic!

I... BLLLLLWWWAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

You know I keep you entertained.

Do you just go out and find things to fuck up my night?

I wished him well and drove home. When i looked in my mirror as I drove away, the lady was
falling over trying to walk a straight line.

The SomethingAwful Forums

I wished him well and drove home. When i looked in my mirror as I drove away, the lady was

Chronicles of Bruiser

This story is

You're Reading a Free Preview

Download
scribd
/*********** DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! ************/ var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//-->