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Principles 101

Principles 101

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Published by John Demoney

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Published by: John Demoney on Aug 31, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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  • clearinG oUT The bUllshiT
  • ParT i: iDenTifYinG The Problem
  • The DaTinG Game
  • The nice GUY
  • The PlaYer
  • WhY YoU fail
  • Boring & Superficial
  • no Direction
  • irreSponSiBle
  • can’t Make a DeciSion
  • paSSive-aggreSSive
  • noBoDy liStenS to you
  • unrealiStic expectationS
  • poor expreSSion
  • can’t get your neeDS Met
  • girlS take aDvantage of you
  • Poor social inTeracTion moDels
  • limiTeD social inTeracTion KnoWleDGe/exPerience
  • Where To sTarT
  • social inTeracTion is Universal
  • ParT ii: UnDersTanDinG The solUTion
  • hoW To aPProach social inTeracTion
  • The neeD for PUblic scrUTinY
  • saTisfacTion
  • The caUse of aTTracTion
  • aTTracTion ToDaY
  • fUncTional KnoWleDGe
  • Too shorT, Too UGlY, Too [inserT inaDeqUacY]
  • The neeD for PrinciPles
  • orDer vs. DisorDer
  • balance—The PerfecT arranGemenT
  • DisPosiTional orDer
  • PosiTional orDer
  • brinGinG orDer To YoUr social inTeracTions
  • exPosinG DisorDer
  • TraininG ProDUces consisTencY
  • limiTaTion PrevenTs DisorDer
  • ProPer form creaTes limiTaTion
  • freeDom anD limiTaTion
  • socieTY oPPoses male aUThoriTY
  • aUThoriTY mainTaineD Pain & PleasUre
  • love
  • fear
  • ParT iii: aPPlYinG The solUTion
  • The anaTomY of an exPecTaTion
  • GivinG YoUr aUThoriTY DirecTion
  • relaTionshiP beTWeen aUThoriTY & exPecTaTions
  • fUncTional & DYsfUncTional exPecTaTions
  • Passive exPecTaTions
  • acTive exPecTaTions
  • Personal & social exPecTaTions
  • aDDressinG fUncTional Desires (YoUr neeDs)
  • enforcinG YoUr exPecTaTions
  • hoW To GeT YoUr fUncTional exPecTaTions meT
  • Pain anD PleasUre
  • hoW mUch Pain To aPPlY
  • Where To aPPlY Pain
  • When To aPPlY Pain
  • Maintaining your authority
  • looking for coMpetence vS. creating coMpetence
  • hanDling authority violationS
  • froM reBellion to SuBMiSSion, in three StageS
  • pain vS. reaSoning
  • attituDe vS. actionS
  • aPPlYinG Pain Passive-aGGressivelY
  • comPlaininG/WhininG
  • senDinG mixeD siGnals
  • aPPlYinG Pain oPPressivelY
  • aPPlYinG Pain DirecTlY
  • DisaPProval/rejecTion
  • enforcinG conseqUences
  • breaKinG DYsfUncTional associaTions
  • The necessiTY of PleasUre
  • aPPlYinG PleasUre
  • aPProval/accePTance
  • TraininG YoUr exPression
  • removinG DisorDer from YoUr exPression
  • comPonenTs of an orDerlY exPression
  • effecTs of an orDerlY exPression
  • examPles of an orDerlY exPression
  • WriTTen exPression
  • sPeaKinG WiTh aUThoriTY
  • PhYsical aPPearance

Even men make the mistake of employing passive-aggressive
behaviors when trying to take back their authority. Those
untrained to handle confrontation, often complain about the
very circumstances they help create; husbands complain about
unsympathetic, unappreciative wives. Boyfriends whine about
their girlfriends not taking care of their sexual needs. Yet the
common thread linking these emasculated men is their inability
to directly apply pain.

When disapproval and rejection become too terrifying to deal
with, people resort to passive-aggressive behavior. Directly
stating an expectation involves the inherent risk of having that
expectation disapproved or rejected. And if that expectation is
important enough to you, a confrontation inevitably develops
between the disapproved expectation and its opposing

Because the thought of disapproval/rejection is so upsetting,
passive-aggressive people resort to stating their expectations
indirectly. For passive-aggressive people, being held
accountable to their expectation is a terrifying thought. If their
expectation is disapproved/rejected, they feel as if their very
person is being disapproved/rejected.

The passive-aggressive approach seeks to take authority,
while avoiding confrontation. To do this, pleasure and pain are
applied simultaneously.

Pain is applied to competing expectations in the form of
indirect rather than direct disapproval/rejection. This
minimizes the chances of a confrontation occurring. Pleasure


is also applied indirectly, in a token showing of submission, to
bribe the other person into forfeiting their authority.

Functionally applying pain and pleasure requires a direct
and merited application. Applying direct and merited pain
establishes authority, while applying direct and merited
pleasure maintains authority. But when these two messages
are used indirectly or without warrant, the result is confusion
and disorder.

Passive-aggressive behavior is expressed through actions
or words characterized by complaining and whining. Women
should not engage in this behavior because it violates their
natural position of submission. And men should likewise avoid
its use because it prevents them from establishing functional

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