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Complimentary Fashion

Complimentary Fashion

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Published by Case Blackwell
Hoff approved.
Hoff approved.

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Published by: Case Blackwell on Sep 04, 2010
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07/10/2013

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Complimentary Fashion by Case Blackwell and Pat McLean

e-mail: woodsinthebear@gmail.com website: woodsinthebear.com

Complimentary Fashion August 2010 CAST Franz - 30s - over the top German accent Kyler - 20s Dimitrious - 20 Seamus - 20s Griffen - 20s Hobo - 50s (Kyler is shopping for clothes. Franz approaches Kyler.) Oh, no. Hideous? Not that. FRANZ That’s hideous.

KYLER It’s in your store. I will dress

FRANZ Do not lecture me on the contents of my store. you now. Dimitrious!

(Franz claps his hands twice. Dimitrious enters, modeling footwear.) FRANZ Fabulous! Athletic socks and thong sandals. No one is doing this. More than fierce. Ready to tackle the town. KYLER That’s a little too retiree in Boca for me. FRANZ Hah. Silly urban American boy. high European fashion. KYLER Ok, how much are we talking? (Franz claps.) FRANZ You need price check? Dimitrious! (Dimitrious enters and strikes a series of poses, then exits.) FRANZ 220 Euros. KYLER That’s $440! No style. Not ready for

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FRANZ It’s the price of class. KYLER Ok, fine. FRANZ Go see Hagen Fragen. He will have your purchase and complimentary designer foot ladder. (Kyler exits.) (Seamus is shopping for clothes. Franz approaches Seamus.) Oh, no. Fat? Not that. FRANZ That makes you look fat.

KYLER I’m no where near fat. I will

FRANZ Do not lecture me on the contents of your waistline. dress you now. Dimitrious!

(Franz claps his hands twice. Dimitrious enters, modeling outfit.) FRANZ Fabulous! Jean shorts and a wife beater with mustard stains. No one is doing this. Ferocious like a pretzel. Ready to invade the disco. SEAMUS Maybe if I lived in a trailer park. FRANZ Sigh. Pathetic American suburbanite. years behind German fashion. No style. Thirty

SEAMUS ... Alright. I’ve got a girlfriend to impress. talking? (Franz claps.) FRANZ Dimitrious!

What are we

(Dimitrious enters and strikes a series of poses and exits.) FRANZ 430 Euros.

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SEAMUS That’s almost $900. FRANZ Small price to pay to exit the womb that is your wardrobe. SEAMUS You drive a hard bargain, but wrap it up. FRANZ Go see Hagen Fragen. He will have your purchase and complimentary Sharper Image pneumatic hammer. (Seamus exits. Griffen is shopping for clothes. Franz approaches Griffen.) Oh, no. Not that. in blind rage. FRANZ You will make people want to strike you

GRIFFEN Nobody is going to hit me for what I’m wearing. FRANZ Do not lecture me on your impotent liberal pacifism. now blitzkrieg your pants. Dimitrious! (Franz claps his hands twice. Dimitrious.) I will Enter

FRANZ Fabulous! Elastic waistband sweatpants, high school class ring and vintage 1996 Big Dog t-shirt. No one is doing this. Delicious like industrial adhesive. Ready to solicit the nursing home. GRIFFEN That’s... what? FRANZ Dismissive gesture. Foolish American mountain hermit. No style. Submerged in the shizen filled sewer of American culture. GRIFFEN You are nothing if you aren’t a damn fine salesman. take it. How much? (Franz claps.) FRANZ Dimitrious! I’ll

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(Dimitrious enters and strikes a series of poses. Franz slaps Dimitrious. Dimitrious exits.) FRANZ 1340 Euros. GRIFFEN That’s over $2500! FRANZ It’s the price of looking uber muffinshlagen. GRIFFEN Is muffinshlagen in right now? FRANZ Very. Go see Hagen Fragen. He will have your purchase and complimentary Hans Groebel designer sewer grate. (Griffen exits. Hobo enters.) What you are

FRANZ Oh no, not... wait. That. That is brilliant. wearing is beyond words.

HOBO I’m just lookin’ for a warm meal and a place to sleep. some whiskey if you’ve got it. FRANZ You are the future of fashion. Dimitrious! Dimitrious

Maybe

(Franz claps twice. enters.) FRANZ You are fired. And you. That scent. must know what it is. HOBO I call it dumpster urine. (Blackout.)

It is tantalizing.

I

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