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By Anca Sovarosi
6—Pitfalls of modern self 10—Living in the now vs. Having in the now 13—Projections 19—Reality vs. Imagination 20—Media
24—Dreams 26—Purpose 27—Moment that Mattered 27—Resistance to change 28—Listening to instincts 29—Risks 30—Mistakes 30—Fear & Courage 31—Value 33—Reputation 33—Perseverance
36—The ‘One’ 38—Love 41—Relationships 44—The Unicorn Factory debunked 46—The Saviour Excuse 48—Faith in Humanity
Actually, that’s more like it.
Part 1 “To make a dream come true, wake up.”
we need to expand ourselves beyond it. Knowing to trust yourself. we rationalize our way into bending ethics. You’d think we’d have it all. nurture for their offspring. they take and give from this world. and I’m anything but shy when it comes to staring the beast in the eyes. sometimes with no regards to fairness. and stick to their ‘core’ values. beliefs. that the world is a symbiosis of organisms living at once. and most importantly. Our minds have the capacity to reframe any moment and twist its meaning to the one that best suits our interest. and therein our weakness & strength. which to keep changing. we have the highest suicide. We became so confident on our ability to analyze. form societies. pessimism rates in history. mostly through imitating or experimenting. which may grant us what we want outside society lines. our spiritual core? More so. I noticed two predominant techniques of selfregulation: stagnation and constant adaptation. we fuel assumptions. Legacy of university grads. we’re the know-it-all. we’re social creatures. And yet. Are plants competing more than just coexisting? Or is it a combination of both? Using evolution/competition exclusively to design and understand life is as limited as using a bi-dimensional model to explain space. which at human level is basic caring (‘I don’t care what your photos show. Others are more comfortable knowing they can constantly ‘become’ something else. I don’t think there’s a right way or a wrong way. and stick to constantly changing. Way too many of us default exclusively to a two-axis world. do-it-all. I’ve been fascinated by this paradox for years. we’re swimming in learned helplessness. to trust 6 • . besides thinking we understand? We stop curiosity. Organisms coexist. What we accomplish by that. how are you doing today?’). but at what cost to our souls. Key is balancing both. Just because we can read it all does not mean we know it all. depression. and treated me accordingly. Dino-eat-Dino world forgets that animals adapt. Our shiny modern self comes with pitfalls: • The competition handicap (believe it’s all a fight. hearts. to process behaviour seen in others before blindly imitating. it’s actually one of the most amazing memories. or why things in society are the way they are. other’s people wellness or even our own health.Pitfalls of modern self Here we are. are who they are. knowing which parts you like to keep in your core. and not one ruling all). about fighting. of my first tango lesson). KungFuTango. when competition is but a smear of the becoming process of this world. and if we were to take a broader look at our world. whatever you want to call it. which become facts in our minds (I remember someone thinking my blog name. was a statement about me. but I have seen that extremes become unhealthy. dream-it-all generation. Some people feel better staying within a comfortable area. the very hub of life. that we come to think we know the reasons why people do what they do. favourite actions. our flora is far more diverse than our fauna. Self-regulation – ‘Man is not an island’.
so the only way you can accomplish that is by doing the things I like. The most common example I cold see is in the girlfriends group that separates once some get married and have children and gravitate towards women with same situation. there are people like us out there. while single girls tend to gravitate towards other single girls. And if enough people do that.yourself enough to experiment new ways of being and knowing your core will not be harmed if you don’t like the results. It’s all generations. much. the people talking on the bus. grow a healthy crop. 7 . forgetting to mention they’re the ones responsible for filtering through. to the point that we don’t feel threatened when our bodies. our worst or our best. We’re just starting to grasp the reality of who we are and what we can be come. build spaceships. We can influence water structure by the energy of our mood. and we want to re-confirm our identity by people who we hang out with. not others. And yet that is exactly the expectation we have from the people we like: never to change. the media. reassurance that our choices are the right ones. the friends online. we’re not convinced enough. And as individuals. or to change when we do. understanding this does not mean becoming empty vessels without identity or constantly shifting. sometimes just transmitting what we absorb. and it will not match the expectations you’re facing from others. much better. We’ve started teaching our children to seek their own voices a few generations ago. • Projections – Our ability to manifest emotions. or our hopes. We. We need to learn to understand ourselves better. because it may be whispering something inside yourself that does not match the projections received. yet we’re not passionate enough. I might end up disappointed in people overall. I will become disappointed in you. That’s what makes finding your own voice hard. fuelling the same thoughts? Be yourself does not mean don’t change. become a wonderful father or strap dynamite across its chest. The neighbours. We can project our fears. Most end up blaming (better said) justifying their results through life by referring to other people’s projections. sing a crowd to tears. We. but the opposite. all of us. minds or hearts are in the presence of different people. and we haven’t solved the other pieces of the puzzle: it’s not just the children that need to find their voice beneath projections. intentions over all matter. • Identity – Is it possible that tendency to be true to ourselves may be taken to extremes? Of doing the same things over and over again. not a singled out family unit. Of course. it’s because we expect comfort of identity. the teacher. we are projecting just as much of what we receive. We can raise a child to discover the cure for cancer. If you stop that. like we do. The way we interact and expect other people to be is an impeccable mirror of how we see identity. Why is there uncomfortably to be around a life long friend that goes through a different life stage than you? It’s not necessarily that one changed and the other didn’t. I like you and I want to keep liking you. It’s an expectation that projected on those around us is only limiting freedom of being and expression.
how we define an accomplished life. and that is great. what if he was wrong? What if it’s not a pyramid anymore. etc. technology? It’s not really the time invested that worries me so much. compared to the time we invest in acquiring knowledge. win/lose illusions. is great. what if it’s a needs circle that isn’t complete if we do not allocate the same attention to all areas? Fourth grade sex ed. but we are still to fully update and integrate our core life definitions. how we take part in our world. 8 . confidence. our emotions. And questions like: what is success. our soul.• Beta-dictionaries. Between money. overall wellness. our technology. succumbing to peer pressure. but how it ranks in our everyday life as a priority. where you only get to the next level if you have enough of the previous one. And yet how much do we invest in teaching ourselves to respect and take care of it. sharing. We’re updating live our slang. treat our fellow humans… they all evolve as we are. do we bring basic ethics and values within the same curriculum? I don’t care it seems higher on Maslow’s pyramid. kindness. but by paying attention to our generational journey. My question is. We need to do that not by segregating from the rest of the world. • Forgetting the heart – Our very core. fashion. what do people choose first? And most importantly. whether we bail or adapt is our choice. as long as we don’t forget to teach them about compassion. compromising for career/ success and being true to a set of common values. why? Knowing that a person will get over having their heart trampled. We all play a part in our collective wisdom. how we love. making choices. and incorporate the wisdom carried by those before us in the new ways we will define our lives. building careers. ethics. empowerment. how we build our relationships. does that justify walking over it in the first place? Canada recently modified sex education to bring basic knowledge starting with fourth grade.
we lose because we only confine the outside world to give back to us only on our limited terms. regardless of whether uplifting or lowering it. once meaning what is equal to me should be equal to you becomes in selfish logic more important that human ethics: if I had to break my values to achieve something. It has little to do with the principle of fairness.• Selfish logic. I just don’t get it. Selfish logic expands even beyond things. you still lose. into concepts. principles to fit our own model. Fairness. because made our minds play reframing games to get the things we want. it’s only fair that you have to break yours too. and everything to do with the customized. Entitlement is not that high and mighty. Being fair to whom? According to whom? Whenever we fail to see the bigger picture beyond ourselves. 9 . or devalue the things we could not get as ‘un-wantable’. and devalue people. personally reframed understanding of fairness: bringing the external world at the same level as you. anyway you apply it.
and if you keep comparing it to past. you might find the ride has old fashioned details. I know better. Almost want to believe. Really? Really? I remember reading phrases like this endless times and never quite getting it. What door. might not have the most gorgeous views. interesting people to talk to. even if not admit it. but in the end not really. but on how we open up and allow these experiences to affect and give back to us. these silly things don’t work! If I open my door it’ll be a salesman. then even when the neighbour knocks I will see only him. or best prices. The gift of our present is not the things we get or the experiences we go through. that convict that’s been loose in my neighbourhood for weeks now. and limit myself from seeing the woman biking on the other side of the sidewalk. and then end up back in the same reality. a cute cafeteria. Today’s ferry ride might not be the most luxurious one. or standards you’ve read in brochures. or the friend I just called in. almost ain’t doing it. to what possibilities? I’m opening my door right now.Living in the now vs. That’s pretty much it. In every moment a door opens to all possibilities. heard your friends talk about and seen in movies. I used to think like that. but I still get a limited set of options. Yet if you drop your mind and forget all the standards you think they’re supposed to be there. carrying fresh cookies 10 . so it can’t really be all! That’s bull. and even that discount coupon for the show you wanted to see tonight. If I believe only a limited number of people can knock on my door. Heart beats a little bit faster. a neighbour. you hope for a while. You might think like that. Having it all now The best ferry ride is always the one you are on right now. Well. The best ferry ride is always the one you open up all senses to. you might end up thinking it’s a horrible ride. fluffy things a motivational speaker would say to get your money.
I can see how everything in the body can surcharge up to the challenge. Can this level of perception of the now all the way to the millisecond be reached by mere awareness? Or is it just a plain old case of practice makes perfect – repeating a skill again and again will instinctualize the basic motions. Was it time mastery. how come I’m not aware of seconds now? In a life-threatening situation. senses. So much that by overusing sometimes we end up confusing living in the now with having it all now. Open up with mind to the now. With the worst equilibristic. I have learned exactly how to prepare my body to make the fall comfortable. and the decision between cushioning my fall to ease it or pushing myself forward on my legs. dictating and knowing the possibilities of the future so well. but the second fall was a routine roller blade around sea wall. and it takes time for that to develop. The simplest moment thought me about living in the now: falling off rollerblades. All it takes to lose your balance is to stop leaning forward. NOW is hot. but if it was that simple. allow the present to surprise you and it will. consciously. I could see it if I weren’t so wrapped into predicting. heightened adrenaline levels increase sensorial intake. If I’d be willing to injure myself a little harder. It was enough time to realize my body relaxing. 11 . It took less than a second to make a difference. being aligned with yourself. In rollerblading. yet increasingly boring rides. you don’t even have to lean back. Not because you can’t have things now. and you might just rediscover new meanings. really? It was simply full awareness in every millisecond. After falling a few times. where my future partner might be. or because you can’t have it all. in fashion. I’m going to disappoint you upfront and say having it all now is a hoax. Both. and enjoyed comfortable. of panic anticipating the fall. allowing sensors to be receptive to the next level of stimuli? It’s simple. it was remembering and recreating the past. One day I went rollerblading incredibly tired. with all your thoughts. Simply because happiness comes from who you are. Forget definitions. And that’s not all. center of gravity moving from my feet to my spine. the confusion of what do I do now. It usually takes less than a second to fall.cookies to her friend’s book launch. I became proud of my ‘safe-skating’ abilities. This is shocking news! If it happens in a routine moment. my rear getting lower and pulling my entire body backwards. Dare to act and follow through and you will be able to give new meanings. and the fall seemed to last forever. body and mind. this means it can happen in a routine moment! What was the Molotov cocktail of states that made it happen? Sure. High processing (as I would consider consciousness to be) takes away from the resources allocated to perceiving all the stimuli. Yes. Every time I would blade it wasn’t in the present. I would have learned how to prevent a fall way sooner. I remember the feeling of relaxation. I saved that fall. Instead. but usually at the cost of brains capacity to process the overload.
Steve Jobs called them connecting the dots. Take an imperceptible moment and act upon your mind shift. health. simple. Some moments like to arrive hollering. if approached with all dimensions of life. there are those moments that just exist. … and then. How will that affect me when I’ll hit a rough spot. for fear the simplicity of their truth is not interesting enough. Some moments wrap themselves in smoke and lies. my needs. aims at the core of each moment. Let’s not forget character. where suspension and easiness merge into natural flow. not all hidden is worth discovering. My twelve year old niece. or will I start compromising pieces of me. going beyond their façade. Not all meant to impress is impressive. and experience with all your core being aligned. Some like to keep you waiting. not all in your face is obvious. relationship. Some like to sneak up on you.Let’s not approach this with just a few dimensions. straight right in front of you. Having it all now may satisfy my ego. love. like career. and that’s when miracles happen! 12 . truthful. Imperceptible moments are when you open all your receptiveness to the present. over-hyping awesomeness around them. so obvious that the energy of their being is enough. but merely to the one dancing. fooling themselves that is an accomplishment to take you by surprise. In tango we call them imperceptible moments. if all I’m thought is that things are simple? Will I know how to fight? Work hard for something? Will I stand tall. so as to convince there is more value than the fear they don’t. which are not obvious to the spectator eye. dreams. as if their simple existence is not truly wanted. community. right and silent. but what will it teach me in the long run? That things are simple. so I can keep up the fantasy of having it all now? Living in the now. when things make sense. It’s when mind shifts happen. Let’s not forget the heart. one by one.
zest for free thinking from my awesome high school literature teacher. ugly things out there that get to you. by other people projecting their thoughts. creative. when we pick a book. spice and everything nice projections are not the only ones that come to touch you. intentionally or not. Friends that call you a 13 . Every now and then those projections land on us. (except that guy with Wilson volley ball on an island) Somehow we invented this notion. or cherished a moment of clarity. I figured some aspects of life out on my own. Bruce Poon Tip. wishes and agendas out there. and as much knowledge as I could absorb from countless thought leaders: Tony Robbins. lonely. speechless business ethics from my bosses. relentless faith learned from my brother. hearts from as many as I could encounter (especially in friends with unlimited patience and understanding for my bursts of life). ever. And I feel grateful for every positive. That’s why maybe even if I have over 300 online friends I still cry myself to sleep alone. There are plenty of mean. playfulness in social experimentation from my university guru. when I smashed on the floor. The more we try to reach and connect with each other. Wayne Dyer. A boy that calls you names because you did not give in when you were supposed to. loving projection that reached me. That being said. A teacher that calls you stupid because you did not memorize what you were told. kicks in the brain from unexpected journey partners. scrupulous work ethic of my father. and so does each and every one of us. Through all these projections we need to figure things our by ourselves. nasty. even though I make plenty each day. but definitely not by myself. Inside me I had working the endless love of my mother. the passion for learning of my first grade teacher. Jim Rohn. myself sometimes too. yes. see a movie or engage in conversations. I figured out things on my own. sometimes we even invite them. A boss that calls you incompetent because you exposed one of his mistakes. Deepak Chopra. Theoretical Bullshit. even if I feel people clicking on my blog I still feel alienated when my inbox is mostly spam. That’s why we spend our lives seeking people ‘like us’. one of us. That does not mean I figured it out all by myself. Evid3nc3. All these incredible people made sure that I am not alone in this. We’re constantly surrounded by humanity. but that does not mean we’re alone. the more I see people around me feeling alienated from others. We’re not alone. or when I can’t remember the last time I received a phone call. because connecting to them feels natural. Bogdan Mihalascu & Youtube geniuses: ProfmTH. and over-hyped into negativity. and somehow the way we live our lives fails to match that expectation. Nutrition by Natalie… just to name a few. alienation is something we do not pay enough attention to. I had a whole army on my side. Paulo Coelho. feels like something we know and can do. I’ll touch more on connections later in the book. sugar.Projections Here’s another myth to debunk. Maryann Williamson. On the topic of aloneness being a concept we invented and overhyped. Dr. I believe it’s because we have a description of how being connected with others should be like in our minds.
If you dismiss them. or because it’s really the best thing. It’s about being grateful to each person that touches you in love. but clearly knowing what against. tell them how lucky you are to have them in your life. thank them for their care. a friend supportive enough. understanding. almost everyone loves you. when I truly understood the power of love. If you choose to acknowledge their love. by showing consideration. In fact. All is ever needed is understanding it in your mind. When I understood that everything everyone does is about love. or simply fighting. that they have a point of view worthy enough. Even without accepting their agenda. Thank them for their care. according to the best of their knowledge. and gifted them the feeling that they are a parent loving enough. 14 . imposed. Wait a minute! How much does it have to do with you and how much with themselves? A closer look can help debunk some of the pressures around projections.loser because you did not win what they would have wanted to win. so does everyone else. supporting. you gifted them with the feeling of not being a parent good enough. people will respond at that level. regrets. acted out of love. which will end up feeding doubt. family and their agenda. It’s never about who’s right or wrong. Understanding is the first step in activating love. in your response. frustration and conflicts went away too. There’s no need to become a boring thanking machine. feeling they are capable of giving love to somebody. Stop fighting it. It’s about meeting the other in love and figuring a way out together without fearing you will lose out. at the core. sometimes without understanding. or be willing to understand your points of view. but your loved ones will support you. of course they do! Don’t you? The only reason their intentions over you may become frustrating is when they seem against yours. you dismissed their gift of love. it’s how they know best to express their love. Too much pressure to do something you don’t feel right for you? Stop fighting it. on a deeper level. • Friends. it’s not because they want to control you. People that call you a chicken because you did not do what they dare not do. but there is never enough time to show love. And those who don’t love you yet. feeling they are worthy of receiving love. It’s because both. In exchange. nobody will ever pressure you when you show consideration. whenever you sense tension between you and close ones. And what do you know? The anguish. you accepted their gift of love towards you. all my pain went away. There’s always time to make a decision. And once you start being at that level. I’ve been anguishing a long time feeling used. towards other and yourself. The only conflict appears when is between loving someone and being loved back. No one around you hates you. misunderstood. Not necessarily knowing what for except freedom. trusting. It does not feel like they have your best interests at heart? Maybe they are asking for love. Everything that everyone does is somehow related to love. Yes. not only they will back down. simply haven’t found a way to love you. Until one day. restricted. and create fear next time they want to show love to the best of their abilities. humanly love. it’s true they might have their own agenda. and consider their point of view without feeling you have to give into your position. Why? Not because they agree with you. or a friend loving enough. At the same time you want love. and do what you think its best to do.
doable. from conversations and things seen at other people. or accepting a relationship that is not all you hoped it would be. Win what?!? Whenever the voice of peers become greater than your own. Yes. But at this moment in life I feel I deserve the satisfaction of knowing I accomplished something else. enjoy life a little! Don’t be so strict. do you listen or do you search for your own meaning of things? Win what? Money over backbone? Almost what I can be as a woman over confronting the fear of being alone and having patience to become all I want to be as a woman? A man I had to tear apart and devalue as a human being in order to get him in my arms? All I have to do is stay strong when I feel ‘losing’ being projected on me. you’ll know exactly what you want and deserve and what not. you can win this!. just to see myself in the mirror with it and returning it back.• “You deserve it” fakeness. have some cake! You worked hard. like buying a little dress a few weeks down the road. know what you need to do for it and are willing to do it. friends. Of course I deserve it! Doesn’t everybody? That phrase resonates in principle with equality. coming from commercials. Saying yes to some things and no to others becomes easier. However. you feel it is aligned with your values. I’ll have tons over the course of my life… why is it so bad for me to turn it down? I can have fun drinking tea and chatting. and it will enhance you and those around you in moments to come. Most of the ‘you deserve it’ you’ll hear come from outside voices. On the same page with the deserving lines. go for it! The win is yours to take! What about the things you’re not so sure of? Like staying at that job that demands you compromise your values for a pay check. Simplest example of how easy is for immediate satisfaction to trick you into it? Try going out with girlfriends after a week of dieting. laughing. Media. you deserve it! You gotta learn to live a little. and with unicorns roaming free in fields of rainbow. is not good for you… You deserve it!” What if I am enjoying my life already? What if I feel more alive than ever? What if I don’t feel strict? What if I feel like proving to myself for once in my life I can win over this cake? I ate plenty of cake before. it only stands true when you’re embracing it with all your dimensions aligned: your heart feels it’s right.. and listen to your inner voice before paying attention to the other ones. and when you align all of yourself to it. peer groups. So do millions of starving children around the world.. I deserve the whole damn cake. If you know what you want to win. why can’t the rest of the table enjoy theirs without shoving it down my throat? I deserve it. and the right to pursue happiness. possible. You might hear them even when you’re shopping alone. and with enough effort and technology. without eating that cake. Silence them and hear your own voice. “The Winning illusion”. winning a jackpot that only asks you bend your ethics a little (if there’s such thing). your character can only grow from it. Question is. • 15 . All you’ll hear is: “Come on. or the simple dares your friends sometimes make you do? Come on. Beautiful. That’s all.
Or didn’t play in their game at all. instead will use the very word to bring you down. etc… stop yourself for a minute and think. this does not weaken the winning mentality. It always came up when I would listen to my own inner compass and somehow didn’t play by their rules. And when I’m going on a date or just meeting someone. Losing what exactly according to whom? I may win something in the short or long run. Go! • Labels vs. “You’re incompetent” trap. and my partner is looking for signs of the kind of love he wants. • 16 . where I would put all my energy and focus and produced results. For the ones that guided me through my ‘incompetence’ and thought me how to be a leader on top of that. or in front of the world at large. your present and your future self. when we get something we want. That’s when ‘winning’ small things fails to shine in comparison to the character price you’ll have to pay for it. health. never by people that were assessing me. the one you want to create. An ungifted boss will not see the opportunity. but in the end it is my mirror that I have to face. it never came up in a clear workload. the part of you fighting will drain your resources. it is only to make themselves feel better by bringing you to the underground level they feel at. stupid. Who doesn’t love love? Who doesn’t want to have love? I know I do. only by people I’ve built a rapport with in time. but from our inability to enjoy reality to its full and complete value by not being aligned to it completely. The forever lasting love is not a myth. to give your best in a relationship and have the willingness to make things work. And interestingly. to try harder. You’re not competent enough? Go build whatever you need to pass your own tests. Whenever someone calls you a devaluing word. That being said. giving it depth. And gears you towards overcoming that. It polishes it. character. As for the pushing you to do better. in an attempt to get your attention back and restore the equilibrium of your entire being. Forget about either mind. your past self. cause insecurity. it comes from the commitment to give today every chance to last. each day. focus and enables one to act from an energizing. shame on them as well for not having enough common sense to push you towards your potential in a less degrading way. I am deeply grateful. That’s why many of us. Shame on the person that tries to bring you down. It does not come from the commitment to stick together like ball and chains. When you pursue winning something that is not aligned with your entire core. I am hoping for the kind of love that I want. wonder: is that all there is? There has to be more than this… Dissatisfaction does not come from reality having less value than we imagine it has. I am perfectly ok with seeming a loser in my friend’s books.The winning illusion doesn’t hold when you align all of yourself to it. the very sound of the word makes my heart tingle and float towards the ceiling. and the one that watches me back proud or ashamed of what I’m becoming along the way. It’s quite simple. to do better. what is the purpose of that name calling? It can either be bringing you down or pushing you forward. it exists. A gifted leader would understand incompetency simply means not developing enough skill or understanding of the system you’re dealing with. Love Ahhh. and it will become a shadow inside you sabotaging the very essence of what you are trying to win. You want to do something? Go do it. Interestingly. Don’t ever let anyone call or make you feel incompetent. heart. be it incompetent. I’ve been told a couple of times in my life I’m incompetent. At one point one of my favourite myths to debunk. empowering inner place.
An interesting phenomenon in this day and age is the projection of labels when the understanding of love does not match. I haven’t seen many benefits of that for myself. Today you’re creating the future. And that. ending most of his conversations with ‘That’s the way it is’. Don’t let labels thrown upon you steal away from your wonderful journey of love. ‘frigid’. He would like to meet someone. ‘boring’. A statistical information is only a snapshot of the past. Statistics = snapshots of past. with the overall interest you would want to be treated yourself. as their ride in this life. I feel loved when someone wants to connect with the real me. ‘That’s the way it is!’. it still only tells you the present. Finding a partner in this life to share love. Jim is a single man. and most couples don’t make it. Reality A. Even with real time information. Is seeing and treating your fellow kind with the understanding. he will approach the relationship. but in our own thoughts and actions. what is the most probable course of his actions? Give his best. it has no limits. And I’m aware this comes with time. In which sometimes you encounter people that just don’t know how to treat others better. Love can never be taken away from you. but is aware that the divorce rate has gone up. as their vanilla lover. age 34. or try a few times. kindness and compassion. He’s has complexes about his modest job. If I would not warm up early enough in our interaction. for my life. yet cautious. and sometimes predict the trends in the future. they would wonderfully label me as ‘bitch’. a slightly different journey. ‘stiff’… oh man. and when it crumbles. as their kinky lover. do whatever it takes to make it work and bring the love back. It is the very driving force of life. feel better because it was in the statistics anyway… he did his best. ‘too picky’. the list goes on! The society has understanding for open relationships yet as a single woman. someone worthy of exchanging points of view with. Here’s two possible scenarios where using statistics as a predictor or reality validator might not serve you well. Whether we want to continue it or change its course it’s not in the statistics to decide. is anything but love. When they’ll hit the boredom plateau. wants to know me beyond appearance to the point that they will treat me as their partner. or fights. as everything. The only purpose of such labels is to get you to react how they want you to react. When he meets Diana. even when the core needs that drive it are not understood. my lovely human friends. a 35 y old secretary with a broken heart. ‘un-wantable’… need I go on? What is the final purpose of labelling someone like that? If they would have cared for me even the least they would not bestow this kind of energy on me. as a best friend. modest appearances and a certain pessimistic view of the world. Men already in a relationship would approach me and project expectations for only one of a few of the aspects of love that I crave inside of me. Labels I felt immediately imposed on me: ‘hard to get’. Why use the past to predict it badly? I always wondered when I saw we use statistics to define our present. or trouble. but ‘that’s the way it is’? 17 . it is the fuel that gets me up in the morning.
He’d love to meet a partner and change his loneliness. or what it will be tomorrow. When he meets Diana. In time. they build on a solid foundation. or fights. and teach each other how to express love. old secretary with a broken heart. Jim is a single man. age 34.Reality B. how to open up to receive love. When they hit the boredom plateau. Anything can be fixed. so he’s willing to help Diana rediscover her heart. and find a way to make today work. and if he wants something to make it he’s gonna have to make it. he will approach the relationship open. He is aware the divorce rate has gone up. All he does is approach it with open heart. and most couples didn’t make it in the past decades. we’re living now in a world that changes every day. She teaches him how to express his. they already have a history of counting on each other. He has a modest job and modest appearances but plenty of things he’s enjoying in his life. 18 . For as much information that statistic has. He does not know the way it should be today. a 35 y.
nasty enemy creatures that just want to eliminate us. reality beats it by far.is no longer a secret that they’ve become the main creator of our collective subconscious. entrepreneurs or all kinds making an impact. I want to see more movies that depict the excitement for the future that cartoons have these days! Man. I want to see the documentary where for one day every person on a ship is asked to give without expecting anything in return. it’s an achieving role. frightening and an overall burst of emotions to realize that we do not have enough projections out there of our world being saved. the fear of being conquered by aliens: from Alien and Predator type of aliens. as pictured in movies. along with music. Imagination Imagination is amazing. The thrill of every mind reading Jules Vernes over the course of a century paved the way for the excitement of an entire world as we landed the moon. or sustainability working.Reality vs. as in District 9. Just look at our view of some fears. no doubt about it! Whenever I think of Jules Vernes describing the trip to the moon or under the sea in details a hundred years before it actually happened. how come we see only a few saved. I get trembles. that we might co-exist with whatever comes at us. too! 19 . how come the most seducing story is that of depleting our world or resources enough to make us want to leave our bodies for some other world? How come there are so many desolating movies about a sombre faith for humanity. it’s exciting. I see wondrous smaller scale productions. swimming in desperation and somehow showing a smear of hope? We’re better than this humanity. historically proven then this that we are changing our lives with our imagination? And as awesome as it is. and more recently. Looking at our collective mindset. and all the implications that come from that. Imagination open the road for an entire mankind to be in awe. Imagination should not have an escapist role in life. With that being the case. I want to see the epic tale of a high school classroom putting their efforts together for an entire semester to raise money and build a few wells in Africa. social media. is it ever exciting to be a child in our times! Let’s make it exciting to be an adult again. What better fact. to War of the Worlds scenarios where the enemy is smaller but so much meaner… all the way to finally coming to break through a new thought. hooray! Speaking of stories and movies . Way to come along. oh my! Haven’t we come a long way! From the way we write to the way we think and imagine. we can do much better than this! I want to see the incredible love story between a solar energy specialist and biologist while they’re changing the way we grow food on our planet. but from the huge box office kind. humanity. most sacrificed.
because if we do it. weekly. If we want to fool the system so badly that we’ll use expressionism for multiple reasons. As a professional blogger. you will find out something about yourself you do want to know: that you have control over your actions. so must everyone else. so we’re sinking into metaphors. And we end up seeing weird meaning everywhere. some not. it’s almost becoming our live. quotes. If you don’t click on it. Here’s a simple test to see if you’re compulsive about media. etc… As a person. As an artist. says mean things at some point. if I see kinky photos. Some haven’t discovered it yet. Are we back to medieval social perceptions? Social media is changing the way we understand and define our lives. you decide the dates of your shows. go for it. how little is too little? Managing expectation of presence Just how much are you expected to be online? How much alive aren’t you if you don’t have an camera with you? Once you build an expectancy to engage. you build the expectation with your promise: “a representative will reply within X hours/days”. deal with pressure and go for it. has a bad day. And by not doing anything that can be directly linked to us. Having so much of ourselves out there makes freedom challenging. and over what influences you. anything that can have multi meanings. Everyone snaps. If you click this button (= go to the end of the book). attaching emotions to links. what is the expectancy to be present online? How much of your choice to express yourself or connect with peers is in your hands. your time. you build your commitment to your readers by posting daily. everyone has the naughty side.Media Part of our life. Next question in integrating media is: where do we draw the lines in our lives? How much is too much. If peers is what you want. Why are we so quick to jump to assumption is the whole persona? If I see a nice media. do you owe it to your public to deliver? As a company. and not the whole. Media is still an expression of yourself. they’re bad people? How about all being just sides of people? Everybody can be nice. because we’ve been stripping it away. we’re teaching ourselves to be professional cowards. and the greatest part is we’re learning to adapt ourselves to it as we’re going on. If silence is what you want. and how much in the hands of others? The answer is simple: it is always in your hands. some are more comfortable showing it. you will find out something about yourself you may not want to know. they’re kinky. Sure recipe for developing paranoia skills. if I see mean things. in my humble opinion. • Ambiguity vs clarity We’re still defining our own boundaries when it comes to online identity. they’re nice people. If silence when there is huge peer pressure is what you want. in the end we only learn nothing has any meaning. too! • 20 . You decide when you want to express yourself and why. go for it. songs. Expressionism only works if the intention is expressing yourself.
it does not make us. We use them to express ourselves. Best advice in managing other’s triggers to emotional response? Be mindful of your media entry. despite of social media? Put your own ideas out there. and we make it. for gulping down or twisting information to sometimes lower our values instead of strengthening them. If I like to talk using my own words. I found myself trying to seek the deeper meaning beyond the simplest of sentences. However we decide to take this journey. Yet we need to do more than just absorb and use that information to relive the imitating monkey saga every single time. Just because we like a source does not mean stop processing every single information coming from that source. Peer love or hate is emotion. and at the same time others will trigger it over you. If media makes your day. your emotions. and directed to the person it was meant for (if). thoughts. We are capable of pursuing so many purposes and causes outside media or with little connection. This is not an invitation for having all rainbows and sunshine out there… just for more awareness on how we portray the unpleasant elements in our lives. because I developed the expectancy they always have a second meaning in there. and receive other’s emotions through them. A word of caution: we are more than a profile.Another thing I noticed is the tendency for expecting consistency from others. And guess what? Your negative emotions. mood. This links back to the need for consistency in identity in us and others. favourite parts of a website we like to see. not to limit us away from it. you will trigger it in your ‘public’. flying all over the place. If you have a strong emotional presence. and define more and more of our identity through those means. We seem to gravitate mostly towards social media. etc… should be defined before accessing media. please take the following at advice value. as cold as it may seem (considering behind every link there are people): let’s never forget it’s just another tool we know how to use. We are capable of feeling much more than music. some of them requesting your response. 21 . I find people interpret me literally whenever I use metaphors. as if it were a black or white matter. Let’s make use of it. It’s not the website’s or newspaper’s fault. latest discoveries… etc) we keep coming back to that place and associating the same value. The price for having 850 social friends not like you is sometimes worth it for the freedom of you liking yourself. We did not spent thousands of years to evolve from sitting in a cave. • Emotions and reactions. sounds and net emotions. • Dissemination of information Even though internet and media is practically unlimited. favourite websites. With social media you might find yourself overwhelmed with other’s words and emotions. in your words. We have reason. watching shadows on a screen. Just a quick thought. Music is emotion. Let’s hope we don’t become shadows. watching shadows on a wall into people that sit in caves. sometimes without processing. and with the antique perception identity has one or few dimensions. Let’s use it as a way to expand our experience of reality. We are more than a string of thoughts. When we attribute a value to something (valuable information. than media ruins your day. entertainment. With other people that like using metaphors. might just ruin other days as well. Your opinions. How about having the courage to be yourself. scattered to touch other people. it seems that we gravitate toward a few limited portals: favourite news channel. express ourselves and become. • Identity. Let’s continuously find new and better ways to connect with each other. Colours are emotion. but ours.
• Skewed perception of what’s out there. We’re seekers and reactors. We learn from each other to imitate really fast. Can be a great behaviour modification if for the right cause. • Weakness that by formatting our minds in a collective way may limit the creation of alternative ideas. When impartial. Expand it and all of the sudden you have a different perception of the world. • A strength is that it helps perfect and polish an idea. • Anonymity breads irresponsibility. locating someone). therefore affects our vocabulary. • Training emotional responses. forming communities and allowing them to influence our way of thinking. sometimes people imitate behaviours seen or asked of them (e. Some notable pitfalls: • Believing anything that goes there. Various combinations and ingredients can be found in the way information is presented. observed opinions/behaviours become acceptable. I found that people would post things hinting at my persona. public emotional pressure would change according to ‘trash’ info.ew communities & impact on our human nature We seem to spend a lot of time on several popular sites. • Believing irrelevant ‘trash’ information will not hurt our mind. but it enters it. If we want to build more exciting solutions for our world. it might be tempting to default oneself to the lowest common denominator of the community instead of striving for the better in themselves. the overload of information can clutter our minds. The limited channel keeps people conditioned in the same type of news. with the discernment not to limit all action. and same type of emotional reactions. When presented in an emotional format. What would be our ability to create exciting future solutions if we’re constantly monitoring everything? An even better question. our vessel. Can be overcome by active thinking and developing creativity. 22 . it helps rationalization. not of decision what to do with it. disseminates almost instantly. we need to become processors and creators on top of that! Limiting reaction as much as possible helps. • Identity can be stolen. process and choose how information affects your emotional states and opinions/decisions/actions. and a whole crowd would hit me with an overload of emotional response. our public opinion. • Teaching us to become ‘Trash’ miners. Even if I tried to keep consistency. • How an information is presented online matters. of course. That’s why it seems wise to think. encourages emotions. Following people and companies can create a limited channel for news to enter your mind. how can we improve our ability to create exciting future solutions while keeping up with information? • Fast information = no time to seek deeper value or verify truth. Mindset of seeking information.g.
23 .Part 2 Don’t chase your dreams… run ahead and show them the way.
obtain approvals from work. to take two months off work to go traveling. establish itinerary. I cannot even dream to ask now. What if I’d told you that clutter is not the problem. unknown that surround it. that boat. in the back of your mind? What are those thoughts you keep repeating in the unspoken corners of your soul. come back. For example. Most of us don’t go that far. having everything we can think of. behind every single job and family duty that state clearly such dreams should not be allowed? Postponing a week here. what if…what if… Our dreams get lost on their way out to happening due to self inflicted negative clutter. that expensive pair of shoes? Somehow we got stuck in this mindset. what if I’ll have bad weather while I’m there. if society conditioned us to imagine being enslaved in a job machine. until there’ll be nothing left but a vague memory. coordinate with partner to get two months off work at the same time. my friend. and pull it completely from the swamp of thoughts of fear. more solutions for the planet. tasting it every now and then. of keeping the thought behind your mind. and only imagine freedom in a few limited ways: travel. that somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that dreams are hard to achieve? It does not matter who started what. owing that bike. clear. until you find yourself scavenging for arguments if that was even your dream? The magic of dreaming is the surreal aspect. Hold your dream in the palm of your hands. seeing the kids grow up. clear two months. really. What if I’d tell you. a few years there. and bring it right in front of you. what if I lose my job while I’m away. go. of living one life dreaming of another. I don’t want to leave my kids at home but that means more expense and is it going to be a vacation. look at it. not bringing it forward. winning lottery. if they come with us). get back to work. for our future as mankind? How? Terrifyingly simple. healthy and with their own families. is not the reason you cannot achieve your dreams. putting it back.Dreams What do you secretly dream of. get insurance. Take one of your dreams. that this very cycle is the one that clouds our minds with petty wishes. just taking it. decide whether we want to take the kids or not. pack. and chains us to being unable to envision more solutions to develop ourselves. What would it take to make it real? Think of the actions that need to happen. is not the thing that we’re really scared of? 24 . find deal on flights. What if I’d tell you it’s a mind trick. and get stuck in the things we find hard to clear out of the way before even holding the dream clearly in our hands: my co-worker submitted a request for three weeks off and got rejected. not the ones that you can’t see happen. enjoy travel. until no arguments seemed convincing enough to move towards any big changes that would most certainly disturb such a convenient routine. find solutions for kids (if stay at home. figure out next dream. clean. think: save money. my partner will not want to run double risk and miss both our incomes for the months away.
Clutter is just the excuse we use. having to re-invent it every single time. we are cowards in front of the few little excuses we repeat in our minds about our dreams. and a better one. What we’re most scared of is that unknown place in the back of our minds. that’s all. or by the moment you saw a fancy lady walking down the street as a child and wanted to be just like that when you grew up. if only in your mind. to feel it in your toes. where the dream habits.any dream! You get to carv it! That’s why we are afraid of making dreams real. know you can do so much more and see your mirror looking back at you in disappointment. alive human emotions to that little dark place where we keep dreams locked under a swamp of excuses. Because it’s convenient to be able to reach a glimpse of hope every single time you need it. once you will have a taste of it you will itch to act on it. alive. accomplishment. better dream. loved… we associate our most intense. I promise you. being truly yourself. or by a scene in a movie where Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo drive in a little jeep. 25 . I challenge you to take those dreams into your hands. but to create it from our own will transformed into action. much more convenient that removing it from there and having to find hope in everything and anything. like a jar placed in the same shelf in your pantry year after year. That place becomes important as we go through life because we associate hope. see them without the clutter of fear and practice making them true. in a place where we know how to find it and access it. But of course. freedom. Because we convinced ourselves that keeping dreams there. and reach that second when every blood cell screams with excitement: Yes! I fucking did it! I challenge you to face the moment of emptiness that follows fearless. Pick a dream…. Once we will learn to turn dreams into reality faster. Because it’s easy to accept a pre-fabricated dream than to face it become true in less than a year and have to face your own power and at the same time your own failure in creating a bigger. in that almost-but-not-quite state. equals keeping hope within reach. Is much better to have a little pre-made dream in your mind for a lifetime than have it come true. some of you already knew that. happiness. and to learn to make a new dream. or our friends. a better one. for we’ve started a long time ago. And the question that comes up every time we want to take our dream out and try to make it happen. and a better one. and we will learn to create worthier dreams. the question that few dare face is… what will we fill that place with once we remove the dream? We accept a definition of enslavement freely and we accept a definition of freedom related to that enslavement just as freely. The dream planted by our parents. breathe it in deeply. we will have developed the skills as individuals and as humanity not just to dream of a better world.
I’ve been called boring. Yet the moment I dared to say the magic words and pay the loser price for my freedom. and boredom. 26 . I never had that. everything else disappears. They’re best friends with boredom. because the more I searched for other people and things to make my life interesting. or hear others name people or situations as boring. Everyone has something interesting inside them that I can find out. A situation can have endless possibilities within it. Regrets. I’ve been struggling for months to gather the courage to quit my job. to do things I don’t want to do and then complain about them and have peer sympathy. circumstances and regretting became more and more familiar emotions. The more I failed the more blaming others.Purpose One thing I never really could understand is boredom. In a week they became same old thing. and take action towards it. Being bored out of your mind hurts. As soon as I hit the routine of having no purpose besides choosing my purpose. with the responsibility that tags along. or connect with. because they share the same common ground: lack of personal will (intent) or personal action. blaming. Purpose and boredom are like each other’s kryptonite. the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders! For about a week or so. no need to go to work in the morning. how can anything in this life be boring? The only time when I hit boredom was after achieving a dream. the more I failed. When you formulate an intent. all the little things I did to fill in my time shifted very soon from being interesting or entertaining to plain and boring. economy and all it wasn’t an easy decision.
Moment that Mattered What is the moment that truly matters? All this saying about seize it when it comes. Resistance to change I’ve heard it a thousand times before. and an acquired preference. What’s most interesting is that in the midst of all the anguish. By one single action years ago. He hang up. change is not easy. and assured him: ‘Whatever you want to do. they’re facing their fears.’ In one instant. My family immigrated to Canada almost six years ago. and when the tools came out. God only knows what’s in someone’s heart to make them come to such a decision. changing your favourite drink… is about comfortability. he is living his dream. wardrobe. It happens to a lot of immigrant families. That’s when people around you are trying to be their best. and I would hear people call me irresponsible. Yet all those changes were nothing compared to even considering changing myself. unloving. This is not an easy decision when you’re already retired. Now is when your partner is giving its best. And all you need is to access your love. The moment that matters is not in your past. when I was anguishing over quitting. doubts. I’m an X-er living in a millennial’s world. After years of personal anguish. ‘Whatever you want to do. and we’re all speeding in the rollercoaster that bridges any generational divide. I called and wished him all the best. Changing jobs. I received a call from him. 27 . how will you know? It took the slightest drop of love. I worked all my life trying to find who I am.’. my father finally decided to pursue a life back home. some miss Romania more than anything. the weight of the world was lifted. and changing life completely by moving to another city. and love the other enough to see the world through their eyes and just be there for them. Some like it. houses. Because you worked so hard to getting there. or unsuccessful. left behind. and we didn’t really talk about it in years that followed. or the way you want it. worries. your neighbour needs a smile more than ever. and a few months ago. beyond the fear of being abandoned. I will support you. I will support you. expressing who I discovered I am. and not in your future. because everything around you demands YOUR identity. friends. of feeling we’ll be abandoned. and your family seems to thrive on another continent. lost. Is just now. Two years later now. unsettled. when your children are challenged more than ever. body. traveling. or just cry. having too much responsibility now on two continents. even when nothing makes sense. and now that I finally grasped something. beyond the fear of being played and used. your true love that goes beyond the fear of not being loved enough. The only moment that matters is right now. I was already living a different reality. because it finally feels good. I am supposed to change it? What kind of cruel sick life prank is that? The most interesting part of changing yourself is the false belief that you owe it to yourself to remain the same. in the middle of all these thoughts so selfish at core. the most amazing boomerang in my life to realize every single present moment matters.
It was a surprise to land in North America and learn the way systems work here. DO IT! 28 . is to be listened to. or unsure if this is the change you truly want. If you’re curious about doing something. yet just because I liked it does not mean I have to be only that version of me forever. friends & family. find someone that speaks no common language and spend a day with them just to see how it goes? You want to walk into your boss office and demand your raise. instead of teaching them what to do with information once received. the bank teller will cheerfully disclose your monthly payment and the number of years. so why the stupid thoughts? I want it. Listening to instincts Where does your confidence come from? From the things you know about yourself and the world. Ever. which affects all areas of your life: health. Just because change sounds exciting doesn’t mean all blind change is good. do it. Not being ready to take all the risks. So if I choose the easy payments I end up paying you over the course of my life over 500. You want to know why? Instincts. Resistance to change comes from misalignment within you. since when becoming better implies the bad? Whenever I look around me the people who stagnated stubbornly into some mindset are the ones who move/scare me most. kiss a stranger. Curiosity never killed the cat.000 apartment. So we end up spending all our lives chasing information. you’ll get bored too soon. walk up to a bully ten times your size and show them the finger. You want a mortgage. do it. You always wondered what it would feel like to try weird food. or even end up realizing the change was unnecessary. but not give you the total sum so you can make a fully informed decision. You want to dress differently today? Do it. to freely formed thoughts (curiosity) or the freedom of our expression. as if I give in into something? Why do I feel that change means I must have been a bad person. somehow I lost at being myself. Why do I have this thought that if I have to change I’ve failed. and good. you don’t have access to all the building information until you actually show interest in the apartment and make a deposit. heart. dress up all nice and dance until dawn.000 for a 200. do it.000 in total payments? Why didn’t you say so? We think we have an advantage keeping information away. I liked who I was. Why are you resisting? Listen to your own inner voice. Even our courtship seems to be based on that… leave some mystery for later. or quit and start that mom & pop shop you’ve always dreamed of? Do it. from the experiences that build you when you act your curiosities. but if I bear a little discomfort and less years it’ll only cost me 375. Every censorship mechanism controls either our access to knowledge. it feels natural. we teach our children how to chase and get more information. …Change. and from expressing yourself. Resistance is not to be crushed. your own character & values. with all the failures sprinkled on the way. it may protect you down the road. You want to buy an apartment.All this vehemence towards maintaining an external identity status quo with little concern for the depth of it creates the expectancy of continuity. find a teacher in Indonesia and ask them about their children challenges there.
for yourself and others. calculated risks are not real risks. It works in ensuring that we know exactly how much effort will be required before we even start making that effort. If your actions or thoughts are nurturing or hurting. It also ensures that we don’t put in any extra effort. Oh. Because the calculation only keeps you within a few limited parameters. warning you when your curiosity might put your health. but a real. Risks When was the last time you took on a real risk? No. the world around us. Try enough times. In that inner voice. and you will achieve enough bad results and enough good results to actually achieve something. instincts will guide you towards the best combination of thought and actions. Whether we have an idea of who we are or still try to define ourselves. not the going out in the rain without an umbrella kind. ‘It’s not professional to appear like that’. we think we’re smart.Curiosity. Be careful. your heart or your character in danger. it will not be revealed by conditioning. We think we’re so smart we’re trying to analyze everything. foresee every action. so that we won’t really find out just how much more we are capable of. it’s where we bring forth our curiosity and gain/ lose proof of how limited/unlimited we truly are. Risking a new stimulus will lead you to a different result. I-have-no-idea-what-will-happen kind of risk? When was the last time you dare to cross over an invisible bridge? We’re smart. 29 . Does it work? Of course it does! It works in providing us with the best outcome our minds could come up with. you might end up forgetting how to listen to your own voice. It works in stopping from paying attention to the language of the universe. self-expression is the way we bring our knowledge and curiosities to the world. not truly opening to the endless possibilities of this world. Risk is nothing more than daring to allow yourself receptiveness to other stimuli than your regular ones. ‘People that like me don’t talk to me like that’… are meant to stop you only if you allowed outside voices to speak louder than yours. is the most incredible platform for your own evolution. good or bad. It’s where we test and change knowledge of ourselves. and in case you’re wondering. Correction. ‘Girls don’t do that’. and always choose the best for ourselves. Instincts simply regulate it. that brain restlessness that wants to reach out outside yesterday’s thought. If necessary. be willing to silence all other voices so you can hear the voice that truly matters. Listening to those inside voices will help you know which curiosities are harmless to pursue and which bring thorns.
Mistakes are there to prove you’re only a mistake away from succeeding. you will have no time left for fear. by showing where you weaknesses are. what matters and what doesn’t in your life. You might hesitate at first. to fail. 30 . In business. Pay its price. Paying attention to fear does not mean you’re a coward. If you want to know exactly what will be the price of your next risk. and move towards a new mistake. it will show you every single thing you hold dear to you and risk losing.Mistakes Treasure your mistakes like you would a God-given luxury. Treasure your freedom to try. open your door wide. but it will be gone. If you’re willing to talk and listen to it. all principles are the same. and to protect you. Fear & Courage Fear is one of the best friends you can develop in your lifetime. Not a lot of friends know how to do that. learn its lesson. The best way to treasure a mistake is to respect it’s power. but overbook your day with courage! That way. Mistakes are there to teach you. Because after your battles are won. pour down some tea. For there is no greater prisoner than the man who can make no mistakes. it will point out every single time you’re on the brick of a change. you will want to find that fear again to thank her. is not the absence of courage. invite her in. If it’s fear you’re worry about. mistakes are the best reason why you can’t ever give up. and to keep moving forward. talk to her the night before. Making a relationship successful takes the same effort and attitude towards mistakes as finding one: don’t give up. and your loved ones are protected. But don’t let that bring you down. love and overall life. Courage is only real when you’ll act while embracing your fears. when fear knocks. or lose some confidence if the fears become true after a few times. and listen to what it has to say. but when it comes to actions. to forge you. you have already listened to what it has to say. that’s how you ensure you don’t get to repeat the same mistake.
and find flaws with the hair. the breasts. you are devaluing your relationship to be exactly that: only a contract. or if a past love is the only one that could ever bring you happiness. and treat it as such. thus devaluing every moment spent in a love you consider not quite what you hoped for. are the ones that thrived no matter what. and tear it to pieces. Ever wondered why some people thrive no matter where and what. strengthen her belief that her relationship can still work. When one of the girls in your entourage complains about her boyfriend slipping away to other girls. Those who devalue purposes. less grateful on what your partner brings you. Because if you place the only real value in a binding contract and take the value out of each moment and interaction. organizational systems. while others are never satisfied of what they do? We all need to work. 31 . because you are not acting. thus taking out the empowering value of a word/ quote. help her believe in their love again. their belief they can improve. add value! Uplift their spirit. It’s easy to take a relationship into a marriage contract and by thinking you are stuck to feel less joy. The people who managed to add value to their actions. You are the one that decides how important the fax you’re sending is. feeling and thinking in your current love like you hoped you would act. Uplift their belief in the goodness of people. the skin. by weakening their faith in others. It’s easy today to devalue anything. they can change whatever they want to change. Any idiot can do it. not because they haven’t found the meaningful work yet. something the easy way. we all need to bring our contribution to our world. or unsure of themselves. people in your life. Idiots not because they don’t get what they think they want. how important the purpose of your job is. You are the decider of how much value you add to the things. more grumpy. by making them feel powerless in front of love. how important the report you complete is. don’t use it as an excuse to seduce her. Take the most inspiring leadership quote. less will to be spontaneous. not their weaknesses so you can get the promotion first. Is easy to talk to a person and find out from their words. but simply that in time they have become professional ‘devaluers’! It’s easy today to criticise everything and anything. spin it. what they want. and most do. ideas. but because whenever we allow ourselves to be such idiots we’re paying a huge price as humanity by devaluing ourselves.Value Have you ever bought something of value? Neither have I… Stop trying and start creating! When someone close to you is down. pointing out that even Hitler was a successful leader. You may get her to break up with her boyfriend. grant them the very thing but at the cost of breaking them inside. projects. will never really manage to acquire satisfaction in their work. When a co-worker has a weak day. but beyond that you succeed at devaluing both of them and yourself as people. the …everything. You are the one that decides if the love you have in your life right now is invaluable. It’s easy to take a human body and decompose it. in human relationships. whether they liked their job or not. to spin words out of their meaning until nothing has meaning. feed their strengths. body language. You are the creator of value in your work. more focused on what you think you don’t have. what they care about and twist it. even the simplest tasks. the hands.
or for the next relationship to fall in the same pattern. daring to be the lover. true love we are capable of. the thought that if I love my current partner with everything I have. embracing with the enthusiasm of a child. deeper love than we ever thought possible! The kind of love where you see the world through your loved one’s eyes and heart. emotional blackmail. one truly loving heart at a time. and release their soul to immerse itself in present love. our wishes and hopes for life. we are the ones that decide to wake up willing to be by our partner’s side. by allowing part of our weaker side to come to light. and give yourself every change to immerse yourself completely in love NOW. It is a sign of being loved. and discovered our mother-daughter relationship can be recreated with greater value. without doubt. as a mother. with only pure joy of being able to touch such place. Yet I’ve seen our hearts. This is a mind trap many create over and over again. we are the ones that can take any person. sabotaging themselves every single day. today! It’s going to take a while until more and more of us connect inside with the greater. if necessary contact a previous love. that decide to add value to the present moment and the present love by pouring our affection. models of life and confronted the fear of ’what if I disappoint by this’ thoughts? Yet by doing it. nobody else created those rules. we are capable of a much greater. than this must mean I did not love the previous one enough… And I loved them. we are the ones that decide in the first place what is even considered beautiful and what not. energy and heart. and lift up our exes. but somehow I failed showing it as I should have. Immersing in the now. regardless of looks and make them radiate of beauty inside. and we are capable of so much more. A tricky excuse we invented to prevent us from that is the regret and fear towards past. We just need a few pieces of the puzzle put in place. son. After living years not feeling a daughter good enough because I did not share her enthusiasm for church life. and because of this regret I am punishing myself to love less in the current relationship. both of us couraged up and opened up our regrets. we freed each other to grow. and of a love so deep that will devalue all three people involved to mend a torn heart. and we’re getting there. neediness to see them tear away from their potential happiness to feel more miserable so we can interpret that as a sign of being loved. openly. my beautiful loving friends. I’ve seen it. If you don’t love with all of yourself today. and take our relationship to a higher level. with all my mind. daughter. and connecting with a love greater than the fear of disappointing a loved one allowed me to talk to my mother about our expectations from each other. help them overcome whatever regrets they may have. you’re creating even more regret for tomorrow. without remorse. we did. the crazy adventurous person we always dreamed inside ourselves we can be. etc. The trap is that is self-perpetuating. completely. The solution? Discard any regret. allowing them to love completely. the friend. and say what you need to say. completely. love and caring. father. 32 . every time we have the will to take action towards one another supporting the other’s value and caring. without past jealousy.We can add value to a leader by aligning it with ethical principles of our times. brighter.
when one night I faced the terrifying question: what if nobody will ever be interested in me? What if I will spend the rest of my life alone. if you’re unhappy with yourself. Reputation will not stay with you forever. people around me would adopt various reactions. maybe not. and all the men interested in me somehow chose someone else. but that’s when I realized the value of a wave of reputation going on for you. and most of all. Depending on peer group. loving?(in other words. it took from 6 to 9 months of constant behaviour to change my reputation in people’s eyes. Depending on the crowd you want to reach. and you can change it in whatever direction you want to. I for one. and stop it. that and a most incredible home improvement boss. reputation). you can ride it. but what about when you can’t see in front of you? How do you walk the invisible path? When you cannot grasp at anything around you. then they laugh at you. connecting. To the point that people would come to my office to discuss fitness exercises. is a piece of cake when you know your path. But like any momentum. When I first hit the excitement of having results and committing to a healthier lifestyle. ‘Yeah diet. all in takes is enough constant action to first stop the pendulum going in the direction you don’t want. watching everyone else hooking up. how do you walk that path? I learned about walking the invisible path through my failed attempts to form a successful relationship. Perseverance “First they ignore you. You can have it. right? We made your favourite recipe!’… all the way to ‘Well. realising I am 28 years old. How long do you need to keep going? As Jim Rohn used to say… UNTIL! Perseverance is easy. let’s see how long this diet lasts. what if this hope will never happen?) That night opened a lot of dark thoughts. based on their own lifestyle and their impression of me (aka. anything that you do that builds it will build it. anything you do against it will slow it. Maybe it was the overall guilt. we know what happened to the other ones’. I realized the true impact when I got so confident I’d go from work after a few nights of pastry binging (for those that don’t know. flour makes you look a little puffy 8-24 hours after consumption). am happy with the way I am’. when you cannot see where your next step will be. then they fight you… then you win!” My favourite quote about perseverance has it all. and keep building speed once it goes in the direction you want. resilience in front of intimidation. From remarks like: ‘Well. do what you think you need to do. a lot of questions: 33 . healthy eating ideas and active lifestyle. discipline. when in one of my lows. but you only live once.Reputation Going through the weight loss battle sure opened the doors of enlightenment on reputation for me! Well. and people would congratulate me for how much weight I lost since last week. hope.
is mastering enough self confidence and relentlessness to move forward when you can’t see. it’s the immutable. A favourite tale by Paulo Coelho.Men will always choose anyone else but me. wandering if it’s worth it. indeed. But I had no idea what I should do. 34 . Some days we might see a glimpse of it. tired. . I was lucky to have two events in my life that paved the way to get me out of that state. We need to practice our perseverance in front of invisible roads. It’s the simplest thought that moves us FORWARD. for our challenges are many. while you find yourself pedalling by yourself. where being tired of pedalling alone for so long.What’s the point? Nobody cares about me. why. in any matter of life. In time.Life is disappointing. some days we might not. and solutions need to pour for us to overcome them. and slowly as they find different ways in life.If that all love really is? Ethicless lust? . But it’s not seeing it that creates the future. I knew what I mustn’t do. I could not see much in front of me for more than a year now.Hurt it’s not worth it. . We need to grow ourselves fast as humanity. the only way out was walking on an invisible bridge. and not fall off to dark thoughts about our future. wondering if you should sit by the side of the road as well.Maybe it’s pointless. and it took swimming through an entire hell of regrets for months until I was able to get up and start walking in the direction my hope was leading me. My second event was a depression the year before. I not only developed the confidence and unstoppable hope in the love and relationship I want.You only matter if you’re beautiful.It’s so unfair… A dark night. I did sit by the side of the road. why. . . Since the dark thoughts seemed like a pit full of lava calling for my mind. about people starting on a biking journey. .I must be a failure. . friends start sitting by the end of the road. . non-negotiable thought that we can create it that will make us walk on that path and thus create it. but walking the paths I chose and putting my hope in action is what paved my way.Why. but in all areas of my life.Maybe I don’t deserve love. I am a human failure. Mastering true perseverance is not when you see the road ahead of you. The only way out of darkness is not to look down: look forward. why. exhausted. Giving up equals death. By the time darkness of doubt hit again. why? .. .Where is the love in this world? . move forward.
35 Part 3 “What would the world be like if we.Heather Arney . would not play so small?”. as humans.
yet only projecting some aspects of a relationship. you stick through thick and thin. This is not love. etc. that’s when you succeed. it’s not unconditional. allowing them to become your friend. When people start relationships based on half interest. or not push their button in forcing them to stay by my side? What about loving someone enough as a person to respect their decision to choose another girl. or those not having the maturity to admit they’re not emotionally available. If I did not feel comfortable and did not react as they wanted to. your dreams and actions partner. your lover. I. What about me loving someone enough to respect their existing relationship? What about me loving someone enough to realize that even if he’s free his heart isn’t? What about loving someone enough to point out weaknesses. I need to give it all I have. they feel different. energy and passion to completely ends up being ‘the job’. It’s love the way he wants it. Boys would talk with me. if we’re fuelling that as a mentality we’re only devaluing ourselves. The ‘one’ is the partner you treat considering all aspects of a successful relationship with. The job you commit your time. talking. for one. or having some needs secured in another relationship. The one you are a real friend for. a huge pet peeve is ambiguous communication. love it. When you give your whole best. project only remaining of needs on another partner. ends up being your best friend. ‘bitch’. Together forever happens only if today is a successful together day. In other words…’you’d better not waste my time’. you are considerate towards. What about taking the time to get to know somebody. We all know it. or just doing fun stuff together? As much as I can tell from a person online.The ‘One’ I thought the whole hype about ‘the one’ was understood by now. never feel bad for fighting a fight that feels good inside your hearts! Speaking of relationships and internet courtship. Single people. not half of a chance. and show interest in meeting only if my the chances of guaranteeing affection would increase. you need to give it to feel it. And to make it successful. if love is unconditional only if it meets his terms and criteria. ‘shitty unicorn’. much more different in person. were approaching me desiring a relationship. then there’s nothing wrong with me believing there is out there love ‘the way I want it’. Same principle applies in all aspects of your live. feeling. the end result is the best. this is adults playing sick semantics. but I keep encountering people that just feel better tearing the concept down. It’s interesting to notice in this whole online dating experience how committed men. It does not matter if it’s a fully committed or open. The partner you behave as a real partner towards. ends up becoming your successful partner. When you show interest in all sides of a person. and still support them for a loving and respectful relationship? No woman is ever an enemy. your conversation partner. The one is the one you give a real chance to. can you? Love is unconditional. and the continuous cowardification of people online. I’d have the most interesting labels projected over me: ‘stiff’. 36 . as bitch as it makes me. The hobbies you give all your best to become long enduring hobbies. you are accepting to live with only a part of yourself fulfilled in that relationship. your everything… and they get to know yours as well. and if by some miracle I would not give in and accept half of a relationship the reactions would change: ‘You can’t love. If that’s the case. so they can feel good when they’re not giving 100% in a relationship. reacting on the spot.’ Well.
For all the people out there complaining their partner is great. ask yourselves this: have you given them a chance to be that extra something for you? Were you willing to see them with that extra pair of eyes? I haven’t met a single man or woman that was not capable of being everything and doing everything for love: I see great fathers and mothers in every person I meet. forgetting we didn’t grow as people by ourselves either. potential for great friends. even if many were arranged? Is it because people were so great. the deep yearning to be worthy of being loved and capable of loving. 37 . we’re everywhere. but not providing quite enough. Have you ever wondered why so many relationships were so successful in our grandparents generation. We’re lacking the willingness to see ourselves and treat ourselves like that. It’s in every single person. We’re also lacking the willingness to help others grow to whatever needs and expectations we have. or is it because by being committed they were willing to be ‘the one’ and treat the other to become ‘the one’? We’re not lacking ‘the one’ material in our society. or because they were stuck. the sparkle in their eyes for naughtiness. but the willingness to see them. it’s not those qualities that are lacking.
Spend some time understanding yourself. if not all. little do to with being love. For people in relationships.. started crying: ‘Besides being a boy with my mom. so I started asking. heart beating. but maybe it isn’t. An artist confessed she feels loved when she’s embraced. like a pawn in someone else’s chess board. A writer admitted he feels loved when he loves himself. like an objective to be deciphered instead of a partner to be known and maybe to enjoy a part of this journey through life. It’s the feeling of being analyzed. or sees warm eyes looking back. together. there is no certainty when it comes to human feelings. such as phrases suggesting there might be affection. Opposite to that.’ I thought I hurt him. I became intrigued when people feel loved. our different dictionaries about love. that’s why she dances so alive. when you feel loved. having their friends interrogate me to figure me out instead. 38 . mostly strangers. until at the end of our trip he came to shake my hand and thanked me. talks to me. For example. of our mental limitations. A most gracious dancer said in tears she felt loved when after years spent in bed somehow she got her health back.Love For months last year. as a matter of fact it’s easier to maintain this so called attraction better through mystery and ambiguity.. ‘When do you feel loved?’ An old man on a bus to Seattle. missed connections. yet not fully knowing why. Only he knows what for. approached like a battle. sends me an e-mail. and in the end…makes it much more easier to become love. I feel loved whenever someone is interested in me directly. and I let him be. I feel unloved whenever there is ambiguity. It’s not that I like certainty. uses whatever media to involve me directly. Feeling loved is a human thought. I don’t remember feeling loved. Yet giving it time and understanding it unveils the humanity of our concepts. keeps the mind going. when does you partner feel loved? You might find out a lot about yourself or understand when you don’t feel loved. the first one I ever asked that to. or when you tend to react. does an activity.
what would our perception of love be like down the road? Our species has long evolved beyond just reproduction. the most important one: .How often do you initiate things that make your partner feel loved? And. in university. again and again. how often do YOU initiate for others? I was surprised to read so many answers referring to expectations from partners in giving love. realization that many were not initiating enough on themselves. and be willing to get to know the people in our lives again and again? What if we’d take more initiative in doing the things that make us feel loved. Are you the same you were in high-school. instead of having a continuous will to know the person next to you. We’re overpopulating our small planet.When do you feel loved? .When does your partner feel loved? .How often does your partner initiate the things that make you feel loved? . . before your first kid? Neither am I. that we know make others feel loved? I’m looking at our journey of love in the past few decades and I wonder. and little to nothing of the things that make them feel loved.From the things that make YOU feel loved. What if we’d be willing to understand we’re all changing. As if people that got to know each other at the beginning of a relationship keep projecting the same ideas about the other throughout. our core consciousness has evolved as well.A few months ago I sent out a survey to my network asking them five simple questions. The purpose of each connection that we have for some time now is about love. 39 .
and learn to recognize all the ways people around us give us love. that you don’t love me enough. our greatest need and desire is to be able to express the love within us and recognize. by soul tingles at the very thought of it. What if we’d understand this nature of us and start to show love without expecting it. together? Just imagine how that would ripple into our world! I don’t know about you. how they know best? What if instead of pointing fingers that we don’t satisfy each other.What if we’d understand love is our very core as beings. When we interact with people. like I know I deserve…what if instead of all that we’d teach each other greater and better ways to love each day? What if we’d each seek the love in the other. 40 . what do you think will that do to our will and ability to achieve others. receive the love from others. for lack of better words is the essence of God inside each of us. and not the lack of? Imagine how our world would look like if we’d all unleash our ability to express all the love we have inside. and to recognize it in each other! Imagine if we’d take the time to prove to one another we’re capable of pure love! Imagine if we’d prove to ourselves as humanity we are capable of one thing.
they would take a side of themselves to the extremes. 41 . She takes risks? So am I. and I felt rejected. changing a pleasant hiking trip conversation from usual questions about faith to talks about buying cans and moving to live far away in the forest when the Apocalypse comes. To form a comfort zone. it seemed too cruel for my heart to digest at the time. but almost verified against a checklist to see if I match. it took a while to figure out a similar pattern in all the men I would be interested in or would be interested in me. In personal/intimate relationships. I thought this was a disparate phenomenon until I started seeing it more and more around me. I didn’t realize at the time that it was because they were starting to like me. After the warming up period. that all the extreme probing took place. the Christian. She changes your opinion by showing you how un-wantable X is? So can I about her. changing from normal conversations to burning crosses and religious mockery. An entrepreneur that takes his enthusiasm for revolution to the extremes probing me if I will support these extremes.Relationships Relationships come from our need to connect with other people. Until I started to observe the competition caused by open relationships between men and women and the changes in behaviour for everyone involved. She has tattoos. A year later. easiest way was to turn to devaluing everything else that isn’t them. so as to meet the ‘right partner’. In order to attract the man’s attention. And because the need to feel love grew greater with little real fulfillment. when we would start to like and seem to gravitate towards another. women would feel the pressure to become everything he wanted. being not that of connection. plus absorb aspects from the other women. in an attempt to be ‘all that and more’. I didn’t pay much attention to the checklist thought. I am a flexible person. I seek the connecting portal with each person. I thought it was me. The atheist. It does not matter whether intimate relationships. inadequate. I didn’t know it was a cultural communication issue. not enough . piercings? So will I. I didn’t understand it at the time. on a constant basis. work or family. friendships. She dances? So can I. and I kept focusing on what I perceived I lacked and tried to better myself as a person and a woman. that’s why they liked me. where we can live and be ‘ourselves’. Each time I was shocked by the position put into.
It’s only fair. or else…somebody else will. But beyond that. common purpose. not good enough of a partner. feeling they’re not good enough of a man/woman. It’s going through the rejection behaviours again and again projected on us by not matching checklists that some develop doubt. since you cannot make a mistake. It’s the way we were thought to seek out only certain patterns in our potential partners that makes us only ‘scan’ for that familiar aspects. What if we’d connect with others free of expectation. there is no tolerance for that.Since when did we become a checklist to complete. and to express less and less. There are many factors that play in forming relationships: common spaces or activities. It teaches people desperation. it’s not allowing them to be truly free. later even if you’re alone when you’ll feel the need for love you will tend to default to pain. so if you spend enough time in this state. It teaches you that love = pain. and understanding instead of reacting whenever our services do not get serviced back? 42 . Yet that’s not connecting truly with the other person. and seek the connecting path between each of us? Nobody says you need to enter or commit yourself to somebody you don’t envision a life together with. you do something I like. so one person touched by this can perpetuate a learned negative projection to dozens. knowing them because we want to know them. even feeling maybe they don’t deserve love or happiness anyway. It’s this seek-pattern mentality embedded in our minds that triggers so many rejection reactions. The way we’re forming relationships follows an expectancy formula: I do something you like. What ever happened to embracing people as they are. my main concern is the mindset that we have in approaching other people. This in times breeds no tolerance for any mistakes in the people around you. Fairness finishes quite soon if one of us stops doing a good service to the other one. It teaches your heart to settle for less and less love. and if repeated long enough. and with a time bomb over our heads? Become this by week-end. is conditioning them to a chained. timing. limited way of expressing their true self. most times without us even realizing it. those who play those games may get instant pleasure. you do me a good service. and only in demanded formats. I do you a good service. but learn quickly to become dissatisfied. and reject the ones unfamiliar. What kind of love is accomplished through this? What is the price paid in human hearts and wasted years? The price paid is that people learn they’re no good enough. gravitate towards those.
. Be gone! I’m not scared of you. what do you want in your life today? Say it loud. you’re not worthy of my ‘love’ enough unless you do as I ask you to. so you better love me back. or your essence as a being capable and worthy of love. how do you want your love to be? How do you want your relationships to be? You got it. go away. I’d better get something for liking you. Give me something back. Am I the only one that sees a pattern here? Protect the good inside of you with your life. day. World. because once something bad touches it you cannot get it back. I don’t want to know how you see them . whether you can see It or not! We’re creating our own future. Pain. I will feel treated unfair and will react to either ruin your mood.It’s this getting something back expectancy that causes so much pain and anguish in our lives. and take something away from you. I will feel treated unfair and will react to alter your perception of receiving / giving love. I like you. And the way I want you to. Nurture trust. or reputation behind your back. Hunt innocence. so you better like me back. how come we don’t change that mindset? Dark. at exactly what point in our evolution did we decide that? When did we convince ourselves that is the only way? Is that why when misery hits us we are convinced there’s no other way. that’s right! 43 . something that you can’t replace.. a forced lied night in your bed. if not I’ll take it from you! An ego trip. but once that’s betrayed it can never be recovered. let your lungs fill and your mind crate your dreams before your very eyes. sing it to the mountains. creation! I’m bringing you every day in my life! World. enough. Men. there you are! I want you in my life! Adventure. If you don’t. doubt is there to stay. And if by some chance you don’t have my mindset. Girls. I have plenty of light to fill it with. excitement. They’ll use your hearts when you dare to open them. stay away from players. and I’m not scared of the emptiness discarding all this garbage from my life will create. once it’s lost it cannot be replaced. I can come up with an entire arsenal of emotional blackmail techniques to make you think you’re not loving enough. If you don’t. I love you. Hush! I will allow myself the peace of self-forgiveness. so we embrace it again and again until it becomes the only familiar thing we know? If we’re so smart. Regrets. they’ll take something away from you that can’t be replaced. be nice. I’m trying to figure out. It’s only fair according to the mindset I’ve been inoculated with.ah. self-esteem. Love! I want you in my life! Happiness! I want you in my life! Purpose!. Only be with men that treat you nice. but how you’d like them to be. I don’t need you in my life. because if not you’ll become damaged goods. you’re only here because I allowed you inside my mind and heart.
and the other is wrong. and try to experience it for myself. love…etc. combined with the know-it-all attitude of nowadays makes us analyze everything and everyone. Have you ever had a cute person smiling at you in the elevator and giggled all day long just at the thought of that? One second. in different words. I found myself in the dilemma of figuring out who am I first. Both thinking they’re right. expressing their love to the best of their ability and with the (limited) knowledge they had. I joined the choir. for people ‘like us’. strong sense of belonging. or that people can’t be changed. One using emotional authority. and observe their concepts. but it backfires. to be more like ‘us’. Sometimes we find a group. the youth activities group. but no problem. Some wasted life. one Christian as the wars over righteousness continued. or manipulative. trying to figure out which one is right after all. girl! Just keep on seeking people like you! People like me? I grew up in an AtheistChristian home. Hearing their sorrows. it was painful to find myself with years wasted. I felt a checklist. We’re constantly looking for peers. in an attempt to project enough insecurity in what we don’t like in others and enough coolness in what we want more of. I felt like a checklist. Even if one would complain and say it’s been done injustice by the other. Oh yes. and I had a chance to create a Christian circle of friends. etc. one smile… a whole day was changed. And beyond observing enough patterns to start recognizing and being able to navigate through it. The conversations were interesting. female competition felt like a marketplace. and after exhausting both possibilities. who knows. a few hours later I would hear the other one claiming the same thing. I decided to immerse myself into the Christian world. Both justifying every action on their cause. strong sense of belonging. love. The problem is not that isn’t working. Of course they can. and slowly I started to see none is wrong. interactions. slowly and surely devaluing the other to obtain some leverage ground.The Unicorn Factory debunked In the past four years I’ve been particularly immersed in seeking the truth. I’ve been fortunate enough in my lifetime to experience the trials and tribulations of my parents. Both are acting from the warmth of their heart. Have you ever thought: if only there were more people like me? This mentality. I was blessed to realize their human nature. and wanting so much to belong somewhere yet feeling there is no place where I belong. the problem isn’t that people can’t be changed. Same thing. After a heartbreak. and after a while we change and need to find again people ‘like us’. male-female approach felt like a marketplace. and observe their concepts. so I can go back to the conditioned belief of seeking people like me. maybe even self-esteem or the very hope to find somebody. spiritual superiority and common world dismissal was disappointing. I was gravitating towards the two familiar worlds from home. We’re all attempting to change people around us. Unaware at the moment. life. this is a situation of love being stuck in a certain mind frame fighting an entire life to show itself! After coming to Canada. fun always available. the Faith under Fire programs. human interactions. the Sunday school. 44 . I got to learn just how much alike they are. The conversations were interesting. one atheist. you can do it all again. fun always available. superiority and religious mockery disappointing. no steady community. the problem is that they can. Where did that journey lead me? Well…here. This was not a situation of people being mean. I happened to enter into an atheist circle of friends. life.. For years I just tried to comfort. the other emotional weakness to trigger actions. Hmmm… When I decided I didn’t belong there either.
Everything you do touches others. but the bending of their personality to match yours. even harder to sustain. our interest-groups… every time we want to prove our point. our families. whether they’re friends or not… that’s when I realized we were all unicorns in the first place. Question is… how? Do you touch people to match your insecurities. our communities. the satisfaction of a single person (or two or an army or so) choosing to stay by your side is beyond measure. what you obtain in the end is mutilations of personality/ character. We are all alike and we are all different. whether they want to be with me or not. And the moment I understood it’s not worth trying to change people and could see every individual by itself. to respect them no matter what. might not love you ‘unconditionally’ according to your dictionary. Because a truly free person might not stay beside you. your given up view of the world. as much as our systems try. so of course we’re afraid to teach other freedom. Freedom is hard to teach. There is no Unicorn Factory. 45 . present.When what you’re feeding in others is not their freedom /free will. our churches. people. after years of watching dozens of people leave when empowered with their own free will. the more I’d see bleeding horses running wild on fields of horns. your anger towards past. And is worth every feeling of loneliness that paved the way. whether they like me or not. The only thing I can say from experience is that. as much as we try as individuals with our friends. future? Or do you touch them with the best of yourself? Are you looking to relate with others seeking your highest potential or are you looking for the lowest common denominator that will justify and comfort all insecurities? The more I tried to manufacture unicorns around me.
At one moment. enjoyed good food. firmly convinced it’s just a sign of me derailing. relaxed. what am I thinking…how can I be so selfish. Only to feel an incredible external pressure. This explains why I’m fighting lack of purpose. 46 . if you’re anything you’re the evil one honey. I could not live with myself if I did not put these out there! o. This thoughts are incredible. Suuure. Yet the more events escalated. the more I would experience myself and understand. and definitely needing attention. to share and help people. Anca? Get off the pedestal before you awake in a mental hospital and deal with real life. the potential for impact of such thoughts become clearer. in fact you’re pathetic. while the fear of hurting humanity stays stronger. For a day and a half I convinced myself I can discard those thoughts completely.The Saviour Excuse When I had my first thought of compiling a book with all acquired knowledge. a key link in our evolution. I owe it to the world to share it. these are worth my very life. Who do you think you are. thinking too much. so attention desperate to think MY contribution is so needed. I backed out of the thought completely. you’re not that important. this explains my whole life. the more it became a duty. right. You’re not a missing link. and with this topic. I was born to do this! After one day. It became so great that for a whole day I firmly felt and believed I’m the fifth element. as if everyone else is expecting some sort of Saviour. both my mind and the belief background started attacking the very empowering thought. Yeah. Get back to life. The only big coming can only be the Antichrist. You refuse to start working and get a direction again and you’re making any excuse to justify laziness. not the cool one. I quickly dismissed it. that’s all. As much as I would smash thoughts against each other in my head. reading too much. I started oscillating a lot between extreme states of mind. to the point that I would not feel mentally sound. minded my life. and felt I was getting somewhere (at least definitely healthier).
Oh. I felt I’m missing something. through the eye of God. I’m not sharing these thoughts to fluff. hope. analyze. really. It’s fear of responsibility. leashing whatever emotion I feel like on the other. I understood the struggle back into weakness and fear. I’m sharing these thoughts so when they will hit you.. Am I ready to never see my family again? and while generating all possible solutions for a paranoid life on the run. of knowing I do have an impact. Conspiracy or not? I honestly don’t know. wishing someone else would be the saviour. in every source possible but themselves. without the need to judge. Dare to send doubt to its origins and embrace your own power. OMG! That’s it! I was right. I am the bait to doom!!! They’re using all this media and a pumped up prophet to make people willingly give away their power to some web shadow. crushed at my mind’s failure to generate solutions. I must do something to prevent it… shut my mind off didn’t work. again and again. the nature of my previous mind. I understood why everyone else. evolution. so I can give away my power and not have to do much. I understood why recycling or sustainability was never on the conversation topics in church. I understood it for the first time without sadness for reactions. how I wish I were in their place… not to worry about a thing…not deal with loneliness. including myself in the past. and not having to do much. once a truly empowering thought appeared. not have to worry about much. no internet. escape…where? Small village. comment. It’s seeing the world as a human. But I understood the nature of my thoughts. One night. analyze or show others I’m better than their thoughts of me. socialize.. 47 . This is the biggest brainwashing scheme of all times! And I played all along! The last thought was so powerful and shocking. I cannot convince myself I’m not the doom bringer. I went for a long windy walk to find a detour solution. and feeling so burdened. I could not stand straight. humanity. and I’d better wake up. when you will be overwhelmed by doubt of power to the point of insanity … to know you’re not alone. seeks inspiration. How come am I the only one who sees that? How come the other ones put the pressure of being some sort of hope bringer? I already eliminated it in my mind. be excited about the latest news without really being worried. I was fighting the external pressure felt to be some sort of saviour and the internal pressure to be the bringer of doom. life. of the burden. I do touch people.Yet in the back of my mind.
we’re devaluing ourselves. • How come with all the hardships in the past few years we’re still holding to the same principles that created the problems. for someone else to share the hope formula. instead of everyone in the group being proud their representative went on a trip and they all got to improve the roads of a village? We’re devaluing ourselves. Who wants to think of their future if the most possible future is in a nursing home or bashed by the ones you sacrificed for? We’re devaluing our future. if we have ecological products on shelves. I don’t know it. questions that come back to the end consumer and each individual. with all this understanding of our spiritual evolution. I don’t think Vandana knew it. we’re devaluing our own reason for being. we don’t build our lives to last? How come we don’t show any respect for those who last. I ask myself: if I don’t know to keep the hope. • How come reasoning and spiritual evolution projects get to fight against something to prove their existence instead of fighting to achieve something greater with their existence? We’re devaluing ourselves. • How come we invest so much in our education only to willingfully waste our minds afterwards on sites that do not improve us? We’re devaluing ourselves.Faith in Humanity I have a question for all thinkers: why do you feel you lose faith in humanity? When you feel let down. • How come. we’re throwing away our potential as humanity. afraid of our own witch hunts? We’re devaluing ourselves. We need to add value to ourselves. Personally. not take it away. where the entire room was waiting. our journey together. with all this technology and communication we’re choosing to talk more and more ambiguous.if I can’t keep hope. Especially hope in humanity. watching things done by those around us. we’re still keeping pride and tradition higher than raising the awareness necessary to activate everyone and improving one little planet? We’re devaluing ourselves. why… if you were the person next to you? Not to mention the simplest thought of how about having faith for yourself. • How come. why is it? What causes it? Most cases. when. When I feel hopelessness approach. There are still aspects of our societies that sadden me. 48 . like individualism. if we want to last. These days I see more and more people adding value to our lives. • How come. Simple logic carried forward: if we’re losing or gaining faith based on others. for our elders. people still buy the non-recyclable ones? We’re devaluing ourselves. breathless. could it be that others do the same thing by observing us? How would you act. We are. • How come. how can I possibly expect the one next to me to keep hope? Hope has a way of being priceless. much more than the ones that are taking it away. and one achieving all? How come in a group everyone gets to envy the one that managed to go on a trip. Yet even more amazing was the second before the answer. in yourself rather than others? At a Vandana Shiva event a girl raised in the crowd and asked: how do you keep HOPE? It was amazing seeing the speaker emanate positivity.
knees me into dust only to raise my body and make it act. I am humanity. my friends! Get ready for lots of sunshine. Unfortunately you need to be at the same level or smaller. when I wish your troubles become bearable. to our beliefs. I don’t know what kind of power I’ve been told my entire life. I understood how every quote I ever read was not only right. to our elders. from a place of love. Not just my baby. but that won’t make me less cautious. I don’t remember how I got it. I understood my power over everything and nothing.What if… we would realize our power? What if we’d really get it? What if we’d really make more conscious decisions? Shop better. but in order to get there we need to start one by one. to our children. but all. It’s going to be a wonderful day. when I wish love pours overflowing your heart. I must have learned from an outdated dictionary. a power so great that my mind needs to knee every single time the very thought appears. This power humbles my heart every time. we’re just dawning! The love in me salutes the love in all of you. when I’d wish you’d reach to others with your love before anything else. What if we’d focus our energies on building something greater? What if we’d start to add value to ourselves? To our lives. It’s easy to bring anything down. and worry about creating the best meaning for our existence? We cannot do it by ourselves. when I wish you’d learn to chase the pain away. all I can pray for is that you go to your mirror and say this to yourself: I have unlimited faith in humanity. that corrupts and blinds. Respect everyone better. What if we would not have to worry about finding the meaning of our existence. when I wish you’d see love shining inside each of every one of us. And all I can pray for. Focus on a worthy purpose instead of bringing anything down. but one day I just did. but it touches on a specific moment in our evolution. 49 .
Test response = today you could have been better. 50 . You CHOSE not to.
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