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3 questions to change your anything in your life
How do you change the current situation you are in just now? That is what I am asked most often by clients. For any situation whether it be career, love, finances, home, family, anything at all, you have to ask yourself three simple questions. What is my current situation? – You have to fully understand and be aware of your current situation A lot of clients I deal with say they don’t have a problem until they admit they have a problem, for example with alcohol – an alcoholic is not an alcoholic until they admit they’re an alcoholic. You have to be fully aware of your situation and admit that it is wrong. Obviously most people know this or they wouldn’t be asking the question ‘how can I change?’. The next question you have to ask is: Where do I want to be? – For you to change anything in your life you have to know where you want to go in life. You wouldn’t jump into the back of a taxi and say to the driver: You: ‘I want to go somewhere’ Driver: ‘Where to guv?’ You: ‘Don’t know, just take me there’ Driver (on the phone): ‘I think I’ve got a psychiatric patient who needs help here’ It’s the same with life, you have to know where you want to go before you can actually get there. I was speaking with a client a few weeks ago who said she wanted a new job, as she was really fed up and bored with her current job. I asked her what kind of job she wanted, she looked at me and said ‘the same type of job I’ve got just now!’. Where is the logic in that? Most people are happy to trundle along doing the same boring job for the rest of their lives and maybe the adventurous ones will go to a different company but do the same job. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you are happy. If you are not happy, decide what you want to do first before making plans to change. The last question to ask yourself is: How am I going to get there? – Simple question, tough to put into practice. However this can be made easier for you. When you are planning, try not to bog yourself down with all the hows, wheres, why’s and what’s, just do it. If you know you want to change, if you know what you want to change to just start!. Do anything to start you along the path of change. For example: You want a new career, you know the type of job you want, great. But, you don’t have any experience, what then? Go do a course at college – that’s a first step, go do some voluntary work in the line of work you want to do, send out your CV to companies you’d like to work for, do anything but make the first step.
pills.. Change it! I can already hear you thinking 'yeah right. Your job Are you doing the job you are meant to be doing? If you work full time you spend most of your waking day working. toys and other rubbish. 1. niece or nephew came to you one day and said they were feeling really shit and it was because of their job at the restaurant. Your house was tidy so new possibilities could happen in your life.. 3. the skirting boards need dusting. Then it reaches saturation point. Answer me this question: If your son. it's not that easy' why is it not that easy? The money is too good. you spirit was lifted. Well it might be time to clean out your life! Do you feel a bit low.. feelings of despair... your kitchen drawers are housing letters. hopelessness and your life is lacking direction? You need to look at your life and what you are doing that makes you feel like this. Have you ever let the house cleaning pile up so much it gets you down for a few weeks? the washing has not been done. you may say that's different as they are young.. I don't have any other skills. feel lethargic. the ironing needs done.. however in their mind it is no different from your situation.. I've done this in the past and felt like shit every time I went home.. you get up on a Saturday morning early and decide that's it the house is getting cleaned from top to bottom. your mind felt lighter and you had a little more energy even though you had just spend 5-8 hours cleaning... the wardrobes every single thing that I had been neglecting the previous weeks. I other words giving up their crappy job is no less different than you giving up your job and starting something else. You could invite people up for dinner because you're not ashamed of the mess..Changing jobs Housework! Are you living the life you really want to live or thought you would be living 1. This is your spirit lifting and your perspective changing.. 5.. How did you feel? my guess is you felt great... With their limited knowledge and experience of the world their perspective on life is the same as yours. I would spend all day cleaning out the drawers..' what it comes down to having the balls to step up to the plate and change your future happiness and your family's. it's easy to find a different job.. Okay I hear all the reasons for not doing it. the garage needs cleaned out.. Now. If you are doing this every day it adds up to a lot of unhappiness. in the clear up you managed to find your phone so you returned your phone calls so you felt you weren't neglecting your friends and family. Come 8pm you've done it. you could feel good giving some clothes to charity.. I can hear lots of 'yeah but I. 10 years ago? Maybe it's time to look at your life and take stock and get rid of the debris. book.. I've been doing it for 30 years there's nothing else. 2 . you felt a weight lifted as you'd dealt with all the letters that you had been meaning to deal with but put them in the drawer for later. your wardrobes are full of crap... After listening to them you would more than likely advise them to change jobs. they didn't like it and it was getting them down. There are scores of reasons you felt better about cleaning the house. daughter. If you hate your job you hate 8-12 hours of your day. and I’m too old.
7 tips 1. work in the social care sector. My wife knew I was unhappy. When I discussed my plans for a new business selling Signed 1st edition books and worked out the finances and after discussing it with my wife I went for it. but I did work around 12 hours a day. She has grabbed her balls and gone to university full time to study for a degree. My wife is now in the same situation. However. So I folded the business and went back to BT on a temporary contract working with the people I had worked with before. I was out of sync and it showed. I grabbed my balls and left the company. I am not totally in sync but I am a lot closer than I was before and I am happier for it. I would only get £11. a big house. I was unhappy. Do you need to change your job or do you need to change the way you do your job? Write down all the things you don't like about your job Now write down all the things you do like It maybe you don't need to change your job it could be your working practice or the people you work with. I started looking around for voluntary work. but managed to get a job as a support worker helping the homeless and that is where I am today. I got paid well. health benefits the works. she left a job paying nearly double what I earn just now. I noticed how unhappy most of them were and they were getting paid a hell of a lot more than me. You need to know this first before you do anything else. I had no experience. I was grateful to my friend and manager for giving the chance to earn a bit until I re-evaluated my life. Some people have left jobs and later found out it wasn't the actual job itself they didn't like it was an aspect of the workplace they didn't like.Grab your balls! I worked at BT for 10 years answering the phones to unhappy customers and some happy customers. Again I turned to the social care sector and the same things happened as before. would get a great pension. Then when the chance of voluntary redundancy came up I thought about it and dismissed it many times. It's a bit scary but we KNOW it will work out and we have made moderate adjustments to our lives to help her dream. So again I looked at voluntary work. so I applied for a few jobs and couldn't get in. however it was from home.000. I wanted to help people in some way.000. 3 . After a year or so the business decreased dramatically for various reasons and I could no longer get the money I was getting before. I resented the fact that I had to get up every morning and go to work at a place I didn't like. The first year was great and I had an annual turnover of £40. I had a wedding to pay for. 2 children.
you've done the figures. 6. it might be learning. 7. 5. you've done some training. Now grab your balls and jump.co. It has been shown that if we keep our minds active our brain can regenerate and build more synapses and keep us youthful in mind and spirit.g. It might be teaching. Get this out of your thinking pattern and you can change your life. don't. You really are only a number and you can be replaced. Change your thinking A lot of people have gotton into such a rut about their jobs that they believe it will be impossible to leave their job without getting the sack or being made redundant or retiring. you've done everything.stevenaitchison. You have to start thinking about what you want and need. It is a myth that you cannot teach old dogs new tricks. it might be driving just try and find the theme. your family.uk/blog 4 . Be willing to learn What keeps young people young is their enthusiasm for learning. Speak it over with your partner. what is holding you back.2. www. Do the figures and the training and everything else. Be willing to take courses or go to university or college or back to take some exams. A lot of people also believe that they are being selfish if they think about leaving. The more we learn the healthier our brains are. Build a bridge to a new career If you can invest the time and money you might still be able to work and learn a new career at the same time therefore giving you the chance to move one foot out of the door of your current job and one foot into a new job. 3. spoke it over with friends and family. This might be hard to swallow but it's the truth. Grab your balls You've figured out what you want to do. get them on your side. If someone gave me a million pounds If someone gave you a million pounds to change careers what career would you choose? Whatever you answer will give you an insight into the type of job you really want and for some the type of person you really are. Try the following exercise: Write down 7 things you love to do Write down your 7 best talents (be honest and don't be shy) Write down 7 jobs you'd love to do Write down 7 things other people say you're good at Write down 7 courses you would take at university if you had the chance After you have down this look at all the things you've written and try and find a common theme. but look after you and you will be better equipped to look after other people e. If you feel you are being disloyal to your employer. 4. Do you know what you really want to do? Most people don't know what they really want to do with their working life. As we get older we tend to think we are too old to learn something new.
kiss your partner goodbye. Don't go cold turkey. We drain our energy by waking up in the middle of a dream (we are more lethargic if we have woken up during REM sleep). pick your battles well. shower. By ditching the alarm clock you wake up naturally and your brain will automatically adjust to your sleeping cycle and prompt you when to wake up. This is a typical scenario and I've only scratched the surface. It might sound a little scary at first but it is worth it. wake up with an alarm clock at 7am. Whilst we are sleeping we go through stages of sleep. drag yourself out of bed. and do it all over again the next day. go home at 5pm or stay on. The alarm clock often wakes us up. shout at kids to get up for school. clean the dishes. Before going to sleep tells yourself what time you want to get up. If I need to get up a little earlier than normal I remind myself what time I need to get up. Ditch the alarm clock If you waken each morning with an alarm clock try and stop this habit. think of all the things you've got to do that day. feeling even more harassed as you know your partner might be upset. you need this power so keep it to yourself. or a guy whatever flicks your switch). It is no wonder that a lot of us feel drained. We drain our energy shouting at our kids. We are giving our energy away to people and projects we shouldn't be. We drain our energy fighting with loved ones. make breakfast. get kids wakened for school. shout at kids to get ready. If are awakened abruptly from REM sleep it is difficult to recover from the grogginess we feel. We drain ourselves every day by talking to people who steal our energy. put make up on (if you're a woman. get them into the car. In the morning we are often drifting in and out of REM sleep. but I still get a good rest as my brain is taking care of the sleep. What do I mean by this? Think of your typical day it could go something like this. go into the office. get the kids wakened for school. speak to the kids and your partner. I have been doing it for over 12 years and I have honestly never used an alarm clock in all that time. you get worried as time is running out and you haven't finished your work. read your e-mail. 5 . brush teeth. Sound a bit far fetched. talk on the telephone getting harassed sometimes. when you argue and fight with someone and it upsets you afterward you are giving someone else your power. tell the kids to stop arguing. you eventually go home. kick back relax go to bed.Claim back your energy Lots of us are giving our energy away needlessly every day. get packed lunches ready. What does happen is that I sometimes wakes up a few hours before the stated time and then 1 hour before it and then half an hour before it. in the morning and at night when we have finished working. Here are 7 tips for keeping your energy 1. set the alarm clock for 10 minutes later than normal. make the dinner.
a queue in the shops. Children learn by example and I started to notice that my boys were using the same technique as me when they wanted to get their point across or they were upset. losing your keys. a queue for a bus. I asked him what the problem was and he said he had had a fight with his girlfriend and they had split up and he felt as if he was having a breakdown. After 5 minutes of looking for it and not finding it I was starting to get angry. 3.g. People you work with They are just that. Their opinion of you doesn’t matter therefore do not let them upset you. your wallet. I wrote a quick note to the insurance company and explained I had lost the paper they had sent but I was sure they would have a copy of it themselves. Be yourself always and you will lose less energy. If you need to say something to them do it immediately and don’t let a small comment from them simmer inside you. They are not your friends. Stop shouting at the kids This is a tough one for some of us. Now if my kids do something they shouldn't have we will sit them down make them know we are angry or upset and punish them accordingly (by this I mean take away something they like e. they are not your relatives they are people you work with. they are people you work with. He was letting someone else control how he thought about his life therefore how he felt and how he acted. computer or something else). I still couldn’t find it and thought ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. I still shout but only when I've reached saturation point. If we stop to think about the things we get upset about we would realise how silly it was.2. When you shout when you are upset you are literally throwing your energy to that person and the bad vibes it creates can last a long time. If you do this you will gain a lot of your power back and sometimes a lot of respect. He was able to control himself and to a degree his thoughts and able to reclaim some of his power. Fighting with loved ones One of my clients was really upset a few weeks ago and couldn't stop crying. 6 . my client got it. the TV. I lost a sheet of paper this morning for an insurance pack I had to send back. This is clearly not good for you or for your children. The silly things How many times have you got angry or upset waiting in a traffic jam. This was a simple statement but a powerful one. 5. I immediately recognised this and just let it pass. I spoke with him for over an hour and one he had calmed down I said did he realise he was giving his power to another person. It’s the little things that can upset us the most. 4. Every day we lose some of our energy by giving credence to what other people think about us.
www. gain back your energy and change your life.stevenaitchison.6. choose your battles well. and I was empowered.co. If you find yourself panicking about things. ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’ and most times it’s not as bad as you think it is. 7. Don’t think everyone wants a fight with you.e. scary as it was. When you worry about things you’re giving your energy away to something non existent. When you’re panicking you’re gibing your energy away to something non existent. The quickest way to gain control of your energy and gain more power is to always stand up for yourself. you can still have a laugh with someone if they are making fun of you as long as it is with your consent i. I gained my self respect back and gained respect from others. I always stand up for myself in the right situations. When I was younger I was bullied and later on in life I had massive problems with confrontation. they’re laughing with you. I realised what an effect this was having on me and over time I realised I didn’t really stand up for myself. I just couldn’t handle it at all. What’s the worst that can happen? This is my wife and I favourite phrase ‘What’s the worst that can happen’. An incident happened when I was around 17 and I stood up for myself. Stand up for yourself. Change your thoughts. anything.uk/blog 7 .
You are picturing your outcome for the day ahead. It literally affects every single area of our lives from going for a walk to building up a business. You picture. it is real and it can be directed. If you took 10 minutes out of your day. You wake up.Visualising the life you want The visions in your head create the life you live! Everybody who has ever read a self development book of any kind knows this. I asked the boy of he could try something for me. I got a chance to speak with my friend’s son and he did indeed have a scowl. My friend reported. a few days ago. We spoke about his problems at school and he told me what my friend had told me. a great year and ultimately a great year. ready for action. It is attracted to the same type of energy you have created e. that his son has not been in trouble for a few weeks and had actually enjoyed going to school.g. a great month. in your mind. picture your place of work and either roll back to sleep or jump up. During the conversation it was clear that his son was always on his guard in case someone picked on him or bumped into him. I didn’t mention about the fights or anybody who was causing the trouble. Feet together. either dreading it or looking forward to it. legs straight. another reason he was attracting attention to himself. don’t say you don’t have the time because that’s just not true and you know it. Bend down and try and touch your toes without bending your knees. playing football. A lot of people are concentrating so much on what they don’t want that they are attracting more of what they don’t want. How it works By visualising something you are literally creating a ball of energy. a great week. literally. My friend told me his son always had a scowl on his face and looked angry all the time. I also asked him if he could try a fun exercise very morning and that was too picture in his mind having a great day at school. positive energy you have created will attract positive energy someone else has created. what you have to do for the day. I asked him to picture having a laugh with his friends. 8 . See how far you get. I asked him to be aware of every time he scowled and to straighten his face. we could have a great day. The thing is when we have pictures in our head and dread the image we are never going to have a good day and we leave our days in the hands of fate. Sound far fetched? Try this: Stand up. but it is worth re-iterating. Think about what you do every morning to go to work. You do this with almost everything you do day to day. I was talking with a friend the a few weeks ago and he told me his son was always getting into trouble at school and seemed to attract children who wanted a fight. We have to realise that our thoughts are real and they have energy. and getting on well at school and enjoying himself. I wanted him to concentrate on the good things and not wake up every morning thinking he was going to get into a fight.
This is the power of visualisation. if you think you can’t visualise. Open your eyes. If you keep thinking about the lack of money you have you will NEVER attract money into your life. Be on the lookout for people coming into your life. without bending your knees. take it for granted that your thoughts stem from mental energy which forms a physical energy which is attracted to the same form of energy of others and attracts back to you. which is quite easy to creep into your thoughts. Don’t just visualise 1 million pounds and expect not to work for it. and try and touch your toes. preferably a set time every day Always give it positive energy. Set your desired outcome Visualise it in your minds eye Focus on it often. www. This works every time and the only reason it won’t work is you working in negative thoughts into your thinking when visualising your desired outcome.uk/blog 9 . yourself bending down and touching your toes but this time going further than you did the first time. You will have to be aware of the synchronicities that will happen after a few days of your practicing your visualisations. However of you do it often you will get what you wish for or visualise for. For now. that’s for another article. Do this a few times.Now try this. If you do this only once you may get something back in return. Now do it again. only this time it is affecting your physiology as well. signs in general that will lead you towards your desired outcome. but it is true. Picture in your minds eye or feel it. Positive thinking This might sound clichéd. The process works like this.stevenaitchison. books presenting themselves. Be sure not to mix up those positive thoughts with thoughts of negativity.co. If you have any stories about how this has worked for you let me know or if you have any questions let me know and I will be happy to answer your questions. Also be prepared to work for your desired outcomes. You will not attract positive things in your life if half your time is spent thinking negatively. Now stand up for real and bend down. I am willing to bet that you got further than you did the first time you tried it. bend forward in your minds eye and bend forward and go further than you did the last time.
you go to work to get paid.everything has a payoff. I do like my job. It doesn’t have to be this way at all. complain about the large caseload I have and the amount of time to do an effective job but I try and look at my job in a different way. You may not like going to the gym but you do it as the rewards are greater than being a bit flabby or downright fat. do the minimum. Think about it for a minute. Would you go to work if you didn’t get paid? For most of us that would be NO! NO! NO! So your primary goal. 10 . you make love to produce endorphins in your body and make you feel good. I have the chance to help them stay in a house or a flat and possibly help them to become the person they want to be. the payoff is the money which is deposited into your bank account every month or every week. the money is a good thing. you eat to stop the hunger. you take the dog for a walk so he doesn’t make the house messy…. I challenge you to think of something you do which doesn’t have a payoff. I cannot help people who do not want to be helped and there are a lot of people like that in my line of work. you go to the toilet to relive your bladder and to stop feeling uncomfortable.Staying in love Having a great partnership whether in your personal life or your professional life is easy. your kids. When we do something there has to be a payoff at the end. I have the chance to change a person’s life for the better. your education. You may not like it but you still do it as the rewards are greater than the pleasure of staying in bed. it pays the mortgage but spiritually I get the better payoff. Once they are in their flat or house I still work with them to try and maintain it. For example going to work everyday. However longer term it can be harder. any area of your life. However once in a while someone extends their hand for help and that hand is met with a multitude of hands willing to help and I have a chance to be a part of a life changing process starting with helping to put a roof over someone’s head. and to help them find employment or help with their health needs. What do I do to make the payoff less important than the actual work I do? Change my perspective on your work. Now. There is a payoff for everything we do in life. is go to work and get some money. in this example. it is my first step to that outcome. That’s the bigger payoff. My main job is to help prevent and to help sustain tenancies for persons who have previously been homeless. In this article I will show you a really simple trick to stay in love with your partner. I could in. your job. The payoff What most of us do though is make the payoff the primary goal. My job is a path to what I really want to be doing in my life and that is changing people’s lives. to begin with. Yeah right! You might be saying as if that could happen. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t get paid but I still like it and I enjoy what I do. My aim when I go to work is to try and make the payoff less important.
We are not meant to just drift along hoping that the feelings will stay. chocolate for example. It’s true for anything in your life. If you don’t want to like something anymore. www. they will feel a different vibe from you and they will respond. feel it. Don’t just say it out loud. it clogs your arteries (see your blood vessels being blocked. what happened?’ take time to get acquainted with them again. hear the voice that gets you excited. think back to when you felt all those things. see yourself naked in the mirror as a fat person). But what happens when the kids are being a pain in the arse. Do it with everything that may be dying in your life. you have a payoff by loving your kids. responsible children. Think of 5 reasons why you really hate it makes you fat (see yourself being fat. Feeling the love Some people think ‘I don’t think I love my partner anymore. loving. affection time and attention from you and you get happy. if you start to think about your partner all over again your partner will see the changes in you. look at your partner and see those beautiful eyes you adore.Falling in love again What the hell has all this got to do with staying in love with your partner? Everything! You have a payoff by being I love. what happens when your partner has two sets of love handles.).stevenaitchison. you have a payoff by loving life but it’s a two way process you love and adore your kids. That’s what it means when people say you have to work hard at a marriage. We have to feel the feelings we felt when we first fell in love and that keeps us going. I am not saying your relationship will change overnight however.uk/blog 11 . Feel the hate Incidentally you can do this in reverse. Just re acquaint yourself with what you felt when you first started on the thing in your life and you can get the feelings back and subsequently the love back. You have to re-acquaint yourself with those feelings as those feelings can go if we don’t notice it going. see it. see yourself being out of breath. feel their heart. If you can really put emotion into this and do it often it is a very powerful tool for change in your life. you have to work hard to feel the love for you partner.co. they will get love. see yourself being ridiculed. You get the picture. what happens when you hate your job? Start falling in love with what you originally fell in love with! Take a moment to think of 5 reasons why you love your children Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your partner Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your job (and there will be some) Take a moment to think of 5 reasons you love going to university When doing this exercise you have to put your heart and soul into it.
The point of that story was to show that I had all the ingredients of getting what I wanted except I had emotionally held on too tight to my desire of having my perfect partner. I have noticed that my web design and hosting business bradlewdesigns ticks over nicely as I do not focus on it too intently and I don’t need money from it. All areas of life This happens in many areas of my life and I have to catch myself before I become too emotionally involved. This is true in most areas of your life. I was feeling a bit down. Her name is Sharon. we have a love that I have never known and we have a little dog called Trinity (after the character from The Matrix). 12 . Later on I decided to go as everybody else seemed to be going. I eventually grew tired of looking and on the 19th July 2002 I was walking along Argyle street in Glasgow on my way to work and I said to myself ‘that’s it. As soon as I let go of the desire she came to me. I visualised a woman with long dark hair. I held out my hand and asked if she wanted to dance and it was electric. if you hold your hands too loosely. I got chatting to a few friends on the night out and we were having a laugh and at 7.30pm a woman walked in wearing a red t shirt and a pair of brown cord trousers. Earlier on in the week I had been asked to go to a 40th birthday party from some colleagues at work and I had said maybe but on that day I didn’t feel like it. The secret is to hold it gently. intelligent and able to stand up for herself. she had two boys from a previous marriage whom I adore. And due to the fact that I don’t need the income from it I tend to get more work.Letting go to get what you want Have you ever gone for a job interview not caring at all whether you get the job or not and invariably you end up getting it? This has happened to me a few times and in different areas of my life. I gave it the works. she was petite. they clung to you. the butterfly will simply fly away. they called all the time? How did you feel? A bit claustrophobic I would guess and I would also guess that you are no longer with that person. perfect. Have you ever dated someone who just held too tightly to you. During the day I was saddened as I hadn’t found ‘the one’. and that is working with computers and learning new technologies. If you squeeze too tightly the butterfly will be crushed. She was not interested in me at all at the beginning but then a song came on that I loved. I love being a bachelor and that is the way I will stay for the rest of my life’ and at that I gave up the fight to find my perfect woman. Every time I went out for a night out I would look for her. Michael Neill stated in his book ‘you can get what you want’ Imagine what you want is like a beautiful butterfly in your hands. I get passive income from the hosting side of it and I get to do something I love from the design side of it. I looked up and said ‘who the hell is that!’ I later found out it was a colleague’s sister. I pictured us having two children and I pictured the house we lived in. I dated in-between but never really found anybody whom I could say ‘she’s the one’. For years I had been dreaming about my perfect partner. I had this in my head for about 6 years. The best time it ever happened to me was the night I met my wife. we have a fantastic house.
doing your website. enquire about it. You can’t do everything at 100 miles per hour if the cosmos only works at 60 miles per hour. getting an accountant (one who you feel connected to and who knows your business). If you want to start a business.uk/blog 13 . what it smells like use all your sense. I will continue as I love doing it. If you take it easy you’ll enjoy every minute of the process. enjoy the process of research and finding out. It took me 4 weeks to pull myself back. Do this often but feel relaxed when you are doing it. I try to concentrate on the articles and the ideas in the articles rather than the money now. Steps – Take gentle steps toward your goals. Just take some quality time to reflect and you will reach your goals a lot quicker.The recipe The goal – you need to have a goal. and I need to go fish. Just hold up your hands and say I need some time with my family. even if nobody writes a comment or clicks on the ads or makes a donation. Stay focused on what you want but let the tension and stress you might feel go. You need to let the cosmos catch up with your goals and their next step. I need a break. how it looks. When I first started this blog. but I love doing this now. Rest and let go . only 4 weeks ago I checked my stats every hour I was obsessed. I then dropped it to every few hours then every day and now I check it when I feel like it. Now get emotional with it how do you feel inside about it. www. Too many people want everything to happen yesterday.Let go of your goals for a bit.stevenaitchison. if you take gentle steps you will feel less stressed and enjoy the whole experience. setting up the bank accounts with your business name on it. preferably written down so you can check on it from time to time. Visualise – Picture in your minds eye everything about the goal.co.
long and hard saying ‘I’m horny!!!’ Just before sleep kiss: A quick peck on the cheek or lips to say ‘goodnight babe’. 4. all over the face type of kiss saying ‘I’m hungry’ The spiritual kiss: slow.7 tips for fantastic kissing: Kissing is often an overlooked art when it comes to seducing your partner. Women prefer passionate kissing when the man has had a close shave rather than the man with stubble. Most people hate seeing other people kissing in public. Making love kisses: • • • Thank god. 2. softer. Obviously there are many types of kisses and they can be used in different settings. Vary your kisses from soft. what makes a good kiss? How can you improve your kissing? Here are 7 tips to make that perfect kiss: 1. Men: Have a good shave. Kiss with your eyes open and maintain eye contact. Here are some kisses that are used with partners. 7. well! It kind of speaks for itself. long kisses to hard and passionate kisses 6.. Do not kiss your partner if you have a mouth infection of any kind. Have you ever seen this in the high street. Lounging about the house kisses: • • • • Just a quick kiss: A quick kiss just to remind them you love them Kids are out playing kiss: A longer kiss followed by the words ‘the kids are out playing…………….uk/blog 14 . most people close their eyes when kissing. Make use of your partners body and kiss them all over. Greeting kisses with your partner • • • The hello kiss: A quick kiss on the lips which says ‘hey babe.stevenaitchison. An obvious one this but do not eat strong tasting foods like curry or garlic. The hello kiss +: A bit longer than the hello kiss. by this I mean a close shave. Leave the passionate kisses in the privacy of your home or where nobody can see you. viruses can be carried through the saliva when kissing. passionate. I was thinking about you today (eyebrows raised). so keeping your eyes open can be different and fun.co.’ You’re getting it tonight kiss: passionate. it’s gross. But. www. long. unless your partner is eating it too. 3. the painters have left kiss: Menstrual cycle is over and it’s time to get back on track I really want you kiss: long. Do it in private. Not even in the door kiss: A passionate kiss which says. passionate which says ‘I love you on a deeper level’ There are a million more types of kisses I’ve only named 10 of our most popular. kissing is not just meant for the mouth. how was your day’. sorry! 10 of the most popular ones I have read about and seen on TV. playful. this kiss says ‘hey babe. I don’t mean the quick pecks I mean the passionate ‘I really want you kiss’. 5.
Now look at five of your biggest successes and do exactly the same. Here’s the thing. and your wife everything you are proud of in your life. getting out of debt. feel the feelings as you mentally see your child do something for the first time and you realise they’re growing up. play some of your favourite music in the background. Now think of five things you have done in your life which you felt great about. your kids. do you feel a bit brighter? If you have done this exercise correctly and really put your heart and soul into it you should have changed your state of mind within the matter of five minutes. Feel the feelings again. . your business. Think of five things you are proud of in your life: your family. meeting your wife. How do you feel now? Are you sitting up a bit straighter. playing with your children. Picture the scenario: You’ve woken up one morning full of the joys of spring. And pretty soon you should be able to change your state by clicking your fingers twice. how did you feel on all of these five moments.stevenaitchison. yourself. How does that make you feel. You obviously have forgotten all about this but it still doesn’t stop you from being in a bad mood pretty much the rest of the day. feel the feelings. Try it for 21 days www. and the pouring rain.33. every time you do this exercise click your fingers twice as soon as you have finished doing it. you’ve received a letter stating you are due someone £542. and when you’ve got all the roles and your biggest successes and proudest moments click your fingers twice.making the school rugby team as captain. A great exercise to try and a very simplistic one is by doing the following.uk/blog 15 . Really get into all the roles. get into the scene again and feel the feelings.co.Change your mood This is a great exercise for ‘changing your state’ as NLPers would call it. Feel the emotions when you look at your wife and feel how blessed you are. pretty pissed off I would imagine. Keep your eyes closed whilst doing this. feel all the feelings associated with the proudness you feel.
Helen Miran. everyday remind yourself how attractive you are. Why is this? Attractiveness is a state of mind! It truly is. someone you like laughing with. Think of all your best qualities and focus on them instead of focusing on the bad points about yourself. Due to the years of conditioning your mind has had it will find it difficult to give up on the image that you are unattractive. and Adam Sandler. good to look at? I am sure there a re a few who are not your cup of tea but you still find them attractive. from real life. their zest for life and their ‘I don’t give a shit what you think about me’ attitude. and you have to tell yourself occasionally throughout the day that you attract the right kind of people towards you. You won’t attract people to you if you feel unattractive yourself. How to change your feeling about yourself A lot of people for years have told themselves they are not attractive and guess what. not from TV or films. I’m fat. Persevere Keep going with the above exercise. I am attractive’. goodness knows we all have them but what makes the difference is that the attractive people don’t necessarily focus on them all the time. positive talking does not work like that. Of the people you picked as attractive how many of them are visually attractive. What makes people attractive is their confidence. they won’t be to other people as well. Jerry Lewis. Karen from ‘Will and Grace’. This may take a few weeks to get you really from the ‘unattractive mindset’ to ‘attractive mindset’. When I say attractive I mean the whole package. You have to stop the years of that little voice in your head saying’ I’m ugly. and someone who is attractive in appearance. if you tell yourself that often enough you will be all those things. someone that draws you closer. I’m unattractive’. someone you want to listen to when they speak. you have to feel the emotions of those situations. From TODAY start telling yourself you are attractive. Take a few minutes to do this. I don’t mean look in the mirror and say ‘I am attractive.Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive Think about the people in your life who are attractive. 16 . You have to see yourself in situations where people are attracted to you. Think of some of the people for example on TV who may be conventionally unattractive but have that certain something that makes them attractive: For example my wife thinks James Belushi has something about him.
Exercise. I am great at empathising with people. see 21 days to a new habit . For example you might say I get on well with people. the things people say ‘she’s really good at that’.stevenaitchison. It’s the inner talk that keeps us believing what we believe. I was funny etc. focus on your chosen 5 attributes. people did think I was intelligent. see yourself being good at it. Now pick the top five most important ones to you. Every chance you get just remind yourself how good you are at (chosen attribute). so start looking. Make sure you do this every day and at every opportunity. and I care a lot about animals.I hate being around people when I was younger as I thought I was no good at talking. You can also apply this technique to all areas in your life. I thought people laughed at me.uk/blog 17 .co. Then after years of self doubt I changed my inner talk to telling myself people did like me. If you look for enough evidence that you are attractive you will find it. I thought I was no good. You will need to try and cope with the new you and it’s not as easy as you might think. I love my job. Or the next 3 weeks. I am kind. List the things you are good at. feel yourself being good at it. List everything. and the only reason I knew this was because people kept on telling me and pretty soon I kept telling myself and pretty soon I really believed it. I will write a follow up article on this topic as once you have mastered you inner talk on attractiveness you will be overwhelmed by the change it brings in your life. www. or what you think you are good at yourself. However the one thing I had going for me was relative good looks.
Feel free to share your 21 day new habits. Your neural pathways have formed already and you will more than likely continue with your new habit. 21 days to eat healthily. tell yourself (your conscious brain) that you are going to try it for 21 days. Your brain thinks ‘lack of’ instead of the benefits of. like smoking. 21 days to meditation. When starting or breaking any habit we tend to tell our conscious mind we are going to change and it’s for life. or so it thinks.stevenaitchison. 21 days of anything. Give up sweets for 21 days Meditate for 21 days Write in the blog every day for 21 days Get up before 6am every day (I’ve actually made this a habit now) Drink a vegetable juice for 21 days This is just a small list of the things I am doing. Immediately your brain kicks in and says no smoking for life. Your conscious mind will just say ‘is that right? I’m in charge here. you will have seen the benefits along the way your unconscious will want to continue if it has been beneficial. This might sound a little strange when I say ‘talking to your conscious’ as it is your conscious talking to your conscious. first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. when you have completed this for 21 days your conscious mind has the choice of stopping it or carrying on. smoking for example. It can’t really think as clearly about the benefits because it hasn’t yet had the benefits of giving up smoking but it knows the supposed pleasures that smoking brings. www. This is not a bad thing. So what habits can we start for 21 days? I have made a list for myself that I am in the middle of doing. We all know we have conversations with ourselves. we just have to be aware of our thoughts when we have given up a habit such as smoking. If you tell your mind you want to try something for 21 days it won’t be so unwilling to co-operate. at work when you’re a bit stressed. should I go to the gym should I not. When you want to start a habit. Now. That’s 21 days of going to the gym every day or exercising in some way every day. There are a hundred conversations we have with ourselves everyday. When we want to start something or give up something. however research has shown that the neural pathways to any habit could be lifelong and a cue or a trigger can cause us to start back up an old habit. and then it starts to think of all the situations it likes a good cigarette in. just after sex etc. I’ll decide’ so there will be a battle between your two sides of your conscious mind. going out for a drink at night. This can also work when trying to break a habit. you might normally say to yourself ‘right that’s it I’m giving up for good’. should I go to the pub should I not.co. don’t tell yourself you are doing it for life.21 days to a new habit Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. 21 days doing. For example if you want to start the habit of meditating tell your conscious self that you are trying it for 21 days.uk/blog 18 .
I don’t want you getting the sack or losing out on a relationship or anything like that. a poor social life. the ones that have loved you all your life) opinion of you count and it is good to listen to them as long as you’re getting a balanced view and there are no hidden agendas. You know what I mean and you will have lots of examples. Say ‘NO’ more often. stop and say to yourself ‘I come first’ and you will find the courage to say no to your co-worker. To do this you will need to make a conscious effort to stop at certain things you do and say ‘I come first’. That little two letter word can send your self esteem soaring and gradually build confidence in you. Just say NO when it feels right to say NO When you have practiced those two suggestions above for a few months your self belief will have improved enormously.Say NO to boast your self esteem Being poor. forget what the people on the street might think about you. Maybe when your coworker has asked you do something you are uncomfortable with. Let me know if you have any stories about saying NO and how it has changed your life. When this has happened you will find that you will care less about what other people think about you as you are being more congruent with yourself and you will feel comfortable with yourself. You have probably heard it all before but it’s worth re-iterating a million times for some people to listen. your family’s (your true family. lack of confidence as we all know is in your head. ‘I come first.stevenaitchison. Now this will take a long time to engrain this feeling within us. and say it. www. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of someone else’. This is all very well saying this. poor self esteem. Do what you do and be proud. not doing well at university or school. Well that is the time to say ‘NO’. What we have to do to claim ourselves back is forget what other people are saying about us.uk/blog 19 . Now I don’t mean you say NO to everything. By this I mean your social circle. When that little warning bell goes off in your head and you get that little tingle in your stomach that says ‘something’s not right’ say ‘NO’. All too often we get tied up in thinking that our worth is based on the size of our house or the size of our cars and who we hang around with. and our worth is only gauged by ourselves not anybody else. Our worth is based on who we think we are. Forget what you think your co-workers think about you.co. but how do we stop ourselves from worrying about what other people might think of us? We have to decide that we care about us. In other words make a conscious decision.
Lana’s energy had rubbed off on Gillian as well. Lana and Gillian were the ones who stood out for being very level headed. I believe it was her energy. the jungle was free from all the branches. very thoughtful. as did her friend and work colleague. lets call them Lana and Gillian. Now the strange thing is that she had a friend who worked beside her who had the same kind of energy. And she didn’t look in any way out of the ordinary. I imagine it must have been like walking through a jungle trying to chop down all the branches. My wife was also on the course. Your energy becomes purer and less tainted by the worries and the constant wariness of having to conform to the way other people think you should act. She happily recounted her life story and then she told me she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and ever since then she let go of the things in life that held her back. Changing your perspective on life will literally change your life: Although Lana had been diagnosed with breast cancer she stood up in her battle to fight it. It was very clear. ferns. 20 . Chance had it that I was sitting next to Lana in group work. which was not important to her and concentrate on the things which were important mainly her family. This tells me two things: Letting go of your inhibitions lightens you. I was touched. As a direct result of her being diagnosed with breast cancer Lana managed to clear out the stuff. This woman did everything she wanted to do in life. It is useful to get a visual picture of where you are in your life and what areas need attention it is worth noting which areas of your life need a perspective change. ferns etc and there was a clear path. She ‘didn’t lie down to it’. after a while. she could see straight through. that there was something different about her. She said she had noticed Lana when she had first walked in. By the end of the two day course. weeds. sky dived. also had the same attitude and again I think she be good in her current job role. in her mind. before she said a word. I am happy to say Lana is now completely free from the breast cancer and proud of her prosthetic nipple! Changing your perspective How do you change your perspective on life without being diagnosed with a life threatening illness? There will be different areas of your life that you may have to focus on whilst trying to change your perspective on life in general. but in a different group to me. to a lesser extent. loved her family more. It was a very strange thing to witness. Lana truly did not care what other people thought of her. I believe she would be great in her job. she went on holidays to places she thought she would only dream of. kind. and most of all the ones who laughed the most. weeds. I think a lot of people did.The Cancer view of life Whilst doing a course on suicide intervention I met a lovely woman who stood out from the crowd because of her energy and zest for life. friends and her dreams and ambitions. I believe that simply being around her friend and work colleague. Before the group work started I was chatting to her and asked her about herself. stopped thinking about what other people thought about her. watching for snakes and spiders etc and then when she was diagnosed with cancer. Gillian.
This is a very simplified example and it’s not that easy to shift your perspective. the job I have. that was £70. Yep easy for me to say and a bit sanctimonious but stay with me here.co. shoes to match £50. you now know which areas you need to focus on and possibly change your perspective on lets try it out with an example. I truly live in luxury and most people. NO. thank yourself or whatever or whoever. www. the taxi home £15. the house I live in. You have to practise and practice all the time. £70. have I got it NO! However I look around me and see all the things I have. the luxury I live in. If she kept looking through the eyes of a homeless person. if they are honest will admit to the same. Honestly it sounds saintly and a bit weird but it works. The chart is also useful for looking at areas in your life where you need to focus more attention. So if you scored 50% with your finances you need to look at this area in your life and possibly change your perspective on it. Now that could have paid off her catalogue debt. can I afford it. thank god. YES! do I still want it YES!. do I need it.g. Think about that for a moment. it cost £70 for the dress. Her perspective on life is ‘don’t have. is take time out of the day. Okay. Still works towards getting that new car or losing weight. For each area put in a percentage of where you are happy with e. I am honestly grateful. so you get two for the price of one. Now talking of that night out. In the meantime change your perspective on what you have right now and you will change your world. Exercise to try In your mind think about the areas on the wheel of life you looked at before: Now with each area on the wheel thank the universe. the internet connection. the night out itself. Right now I want a 42 inch plasma screen TV and have done for about a year. If she really wants something badly she could have saved that money or invested it. One thing I do and my wife does. typically those under 70-100%. We have a young woman who feels she does not have a lot of money and can’t buy the things she wants in life and has too much debt. which she has done most of her life. at first. the luxury of time. my children. the very fact that you have a computer and an internet connection tells me you are well off. but be grateful for what you have right now. there are around 4-5 billion people out there worse off than you. I am truly grateful for my wife. Using the information When you have charted all the areas look at the ones that need attention. did she really need it. Its £1200. usually in the morning to be grateful for the things you have. she might ask herself ‘Do I have too much’ or ‘what have I bought that I don’t really need?’ she bought the new dress for the Christmas night out. all in all £205 for a Christmas night out.stevenaitchison. You are in the top 30% of the wealthiest people in the world. I am happy with my family life so I would put it up to 80% meaning I don’t have a lot of work to do with my perspective on my family life.uk/blog 21 . If you’re looking at this article from the comfort of your own home. Post a comment here and tell us what you are grateful for. or getting a new job. can’t get’. Now if she performed a simple switch in thinking like and looked at her life from a homeless person’s point of view she would realise she has a lot to be thankful for. thank them for what you have. Getting what you want Everything you want in life will come to you if you take steps toward it.Use this link to chart and print a wheel of life and find out what areas need looked at.
don’t live to geek.A life coach with something to say 21. blogging at it’s best www. listen to the radio shows they are very funny.com – Predominantly a list blog.geniustypes. www. geek to live 15. www.com/blog/ . 7.com – Another great site form the Positive Blog Network 12. www.youalreadyknowthisstuff.au – This guy does everything. 8. no nonsense blog 20.positivesharing.cultivategreatness. 4.mindhacks.salesmotivation.net/blog .info – some good stuff on this blog 19. www. www. www.encouragingcoach. www.blogs.net – Motivational sales talk from gary jones. www.lazyway.Originator of the Positive Blog network www. 2. 6.com – The chief happiness officer. The PBN will expand over time and you will have instant access to some great blogs.steve-olson.com/ .kthdsn. www.com/lazy_way/ . This month I will look at the personal development field. www. They are in no particular order. 9. great guy www.com.com – A well thought out blog with really good content 14.thefastlane.com – Still one of the best out there 13.Blogging the lazy way 22 .Beth is a life coach with good content on her blog 11.blogspot.com – Personal development from a geeks point of view.greyspk.pickthebrain.craigharper.org – A great addition to the Positive Blog Network 10.com – Great blog. www.com – One of my favourite blogs http://www.50 best personal development blogs Personal development is my business and my life. 3.A good motivational blog 16. www.wisebread.lifeoptimizer. Here are a few others that you might like to check out. These are some of the best personal development blogs out there and we will be expanding.com/wordpress . 1. 5.talentdevelop.stevepavlina. but great stuff nonetheless www.com – Well laid out blog and quality content www. www.justindriscoll. from the Positive Blog network 18.com/blog/ . You’ve probably all seen the positive blog network (PBN) logo in the sidebar.ririanproject.com – Personal development with a twist of film www. In the 6 months that I have been blogging I have come across some excellent blogs in all subjects and thought it would be a good idea to share some of the top blogs in the different areas.com – another great blog form the Positive Blog Network 17.lifehacker.A simple. www.
www. www.enchillcom. www.uk/blog 23 .howtobecooler.sharpbrains.entrepreneurs-journey.davidmaister.com/blog . www. www.A weird blog with some brilliant posts 40. www.php . www.askdanandjennifer.Always a pleasure reading the stories on this blog 47. www.com/ .Another great blog with some good articles 50. www.lifecoachesblog.com – An inspiring blog to change your life 39.A man on the way to the top 45.laurayoung.problogger.com/ .com/ .org/ .typepad.uk/blog .ens. www. www.universeofsuccess. www.blogspot.liveyourinspiration.fr/~alphapsy/blog/ . www.another good blog with some good articles 41.davidseah.optimindzation.Don’t be put off by the navigation there’s some great stuff here 46. www.I love this blog 30.com/ .Your onestop brain fitness centre 48.thedisquiet.unlimitedchoice.blog.Another inspiring blog with some inspiring articles 42.net – Not really personal development but Darren Rowse has certianly helped my blog 32.polyphasicsleep.com/ .com/blog .Another great blog you have to check out 35.com – another brilliant blog on getting things done 38.com/ .Thinking outside the box blog 31. www.generativetransformation. www. www.A Simple blog with some good posts 44. www. www.briankim.lifehack.org/blog/ . www.22.com/ .cognition.They don’t come much better than this 33.Helping men who have something missing in their lives 23.blogspot. www.abetteryoublog.personal development from a scientific point of view 34.miloriano. www.com – Dating advice blog 26.typepad.urbanlighthouse.com – a great blog with some great podcasts 27.com/index.Hundreds of coaching tips on this blog 29.blogspot.co.One of the best www.lifebeyondcode.com/ . www. headrush.bruceeisner.com/blog .stevenaitchison. www.com/ .radicalhop.com/blog/ .typepad.An interesting blog about sleeping patterns 28. www.a career development blog 24. www.com – Another one of my favourites 36.com/ .life-coach-thea.Social skills for the shy and insecure 25.Some useful articles on this blog 49. www.com/ .Lots of posts lots of advice 43.stevenaitchison. www.All about the brain and science 37.co.auriumsoft.com/ . www.net/blog/ .com/ .
it doesn’t matter that I look a bit crazy I don’t know the people who might be thinking this so what does it matter. So I am anchoring a new habit to the existing habit of driving www. I turn my computer on every single morning which is the habit and I now practice my gratitude and intentions which is anchoring the habit to an existing one. Instead of listening to the radio. It got me thinking about how else we could develop habits so that they don’t become a chore for us. my kids. This is a great idea for doing other things we might not necessarily do.uk/blog 24 . For example. and my intentions. and because I haven’t really done it before I am quite apprehensive so I am practicing it in the car. our health. If we anchor a habit to another habit this would increase out chances of developing the new habit. I am practicing a seminar in my head I am giving for the ‘law of attraction’.stevenaitchison. books on CD. it takes about 7 minutes to boot and load up all the software etc so I use those 7 minutes to internalise everything I am grateful for in life: My wife. I never really gave it much thought but I have been doing this unconsciously for a number of months.Anchoring a habit I was reading an article written by Gleb Reys ‘Creative habit naming’ and I thought it was a great idea. it’s a 5 hour seminar.co. I also practice speaking in my car gestures and all. I spend about 1-2 hours every day in my car driving to see clients etc. our love for each other. and I have around 20 at the moment. I have been practicing the law of attraction and part of this involves thinking about my intentions every day and I also think about what I am grateful for every day. my job etc and then I go on to visualise my intentions for my life. I listen to podcasts I have downloaded. When I get up in the morning I go downstairs and turn on the computer. self help developments books. Now my computer being quite old.
How the hell does putting money in your wallet attract more money? Okay try it. Whenever you see something you like you can say to yourself I can buy that if I wanted to. If you need to buy something at the shop do not use the £100. 100 times. you had £100 in your pocket.’ 25 . I have started carrying more money in my wallet and believe it is a catalyst to me receiving more money. Put some money in your wallet! Esther Hicks wrote about it in ‘Ask and it is given’. In your mind you have spent £10. it did. mentally. Money has been coming into my life ever since I removed the blocks in my mind about money. There is a great way to change your thinking about money and attract more of it. Your mind goes from lack of money to lots of money. but are you ready for it? Mentally you’ve got to be ready to receive money. I didn’t have any special talents to make money. You might walk past a computer shop and see that iPod you wanted and say to yourself ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’.Attracting money into your life I suspect most people would like to attract more money into their life. I am noticing more and more in my life that the law of attraction really does work especially since I downloaded my intentions onto my iPod. I really do believe that what we think about is what we attract in our lives. I used to believe that I would never be able to make money. However the amount of money coming into my life that I have not worked for can continue ‘til the cows come home. If I am being completely honest I have had to slow the amount of opportunities coming my way as I do not have time to take on the jobs I am offered. If you try this for a few weeks your mind has fewer blocks about money coming into your life as you have spent that £100. I have seen the transformation in my life and I have seen more money than ever coming into my life. I had failed in the past etc etc.000. Do this for a few weeks and see what happens. but say to yourself I’ve got the money to buy it. You are mentally preparing yourself to receive more money into your life. I wrote about it here. These thoughts definitively hindered my progress in making money and as soon as I dropped them and believed I deserved money in my life and believed it would come. Put £100 ($150) in your wallet and do not spend it. You might have passed a clothes shop and said ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’ and you could. Resist the temptation to buy it.
As an example I used to run a small book dealing business which I stopped in September 2005. The tax office might have issued it eventually but I hadn’t received anything so far. 5 days ago I was at a hall helping some of my clients fill in benefits forms and get advice on benefits and child tax credit etc and someone was there from the tax office. After explaining to me that the tax office would eventually get around to issuing a rebate it would be better to ask for it and I could receive it quicker. I filled in all my tax returns etc and thought I was up to date with everything. Everybody deserves abundance in their lives and that includes you and there is more than enough to go around. Now if I hadn’t seen the girl from the tax office I wouldn’t have asked the question about a tax rebate. Try it If you are open to receiving money you will receive it. don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. If you don’t believe this rubbish that I am talking try it for yourself. www.stevenaitchison. I casually asked if I would be due any rebate.uk/blog 26 . 3 days later (yesterday) I received a cheque for £543.co. She asked my to write a quick letter and she would hand it in. If you don’t have £100 in your pocket try it with £50 and work up or try it with £20 and work up. If you have a deep seated belief that this will not work it may take longer to start attracting money. If you are open to this you will manifest money a lot quicker.
knives and want to wrestle with their dad and siblings. not just a father Being a Dad is possibly the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your life. We were walking along and he started singing a little marching song: ‘I don’t know what you’ve been told. The dad is the role model in every sense. unless you are not working I think one always feels that they do not do enough for their kids. about love. was complaining of being cold. a cuddle. The fact that myself and my wife are so loving towards each other makes a huge difference in the boy’s lives. This is when the parents have to. and it is important to be around. However. I feel I work too much and don’t see my kids or wife often enough and it’s this time in their young lives which I will affect the most if I am with them. make me feel proud. Their father is still very important. No other relationship will be as wild as this. I mean real belly laughing and tears forming laughing. make me laugh. 27 . But what is being a dad? I was out today in Glasgow with my two sons and the youngest one. This is where the dad steps up and takes the reigns form the mother. but plays a less prominent role. It is teaching them so much about relationships. about respect. It was one of those moments that happens every once in a while and it does so much for our relationship. make sure that their son has role models and peers in their lives that will be a positive influence. Ages 0 – 6 years: Boys are still very much attached to their mother. It will be the longest commitment you ever make in your life and it will be the source a lot of you r emotional turmoil’s. their sense of humour. one minute I am on a high with them the next minute I am on a downer. The three stages of boyhood Research has shown that there are distinct stages in boyhood. This is when the boys are learning about skill and being male. as he is probably the hardest to deal with. their playfulness. about how to treat other people. who I am probably hardest on. All that from a kiss. as much as possible. The truth is we are good parents and we do spend enough time with our boys. but my big butt is freezing cold’ and we all started laughing. Ages 14 – Adulthood: This is when the mother and father take a step back and let other role models take a more prominent role. make me mad. My wife also feels like this sometimes and we convince ourselves we do it for the family and for the future. I am a dad of two boys aged 9 and 11 and they constantly drive me nuts. The mother is still very much there.Being a dad. it brings us closer than ever before. and in general there are three. There is a big change and they want to play with swords. I constantly feel I could be a better dad. Ages 6 – 14: This is the stage when boys want to develop their sense of what it is to be male. a look and a bit of larking around. guns. their love and respect for the world is learned from their father at this stage. However the mother shows the boy warmth love and shows that the world is a safe place to live in.
if possible. If they need you for a life to a friend’s house.Tips for being a great dad You can’t be a great dad all the time.stevenaitchison. We also tell each other if we think the other is being unfair in certain aspects of parenting. or family in general. just be there for them.uk/blog 28 . Over the years the most important tips I would give about being a great dad are. being angry etc. but as long as you are conscious of the way you are parenting your boys it will go a long way. If they say they need to talk to you in private. Be open: I am always hugging my boys. Being a dad can be very hard work but it can also be very rewarding. being quiet. be there. I love my boys and cherish them. being playful with them or wrestling with them. be there. Make the unpopular decisions as well: It’s important that discipline be dished by both the parents. In every sense. A simple ‘I am angry with my boss at work’ will suffice.co. like work and use it as an excuse for neglecting your children. www. We have an open and honest talk about where we can possibly improve. It stops your children wondering what you are thinking if they see you acting different on some days e. Be active and show support for each others decisions in front of the children. I am not always a good dad but I question my responsibility every day and that’s what will make me a better dad. children worry about their parents as well and worry more about if they have caused the worry. My wife and I have frequent discussions about parenting and how we could be better parents. Make time for your children: it is so easy to get caught up in other things in life. Always be there: It is not always possible to be around all of the time but it is possible to be there all the time at the drop of a hat.g. If you children call you and say they need you. be there. It is not fair to the other parent if you leave all the hard decisions to them all the time. I think it is important to show your feelings to them. This way one parent is not seen as the bad one all the time.
However. This feeling lasts a long time before I slip back into my normal loving self. what would your feelings be: sad. miserable. sisters nieces and nephews and my health and I am thankful too you for reading this. what it does is let me be thankful and never take them for granted.co. I do get tearful). my job. Okay. are trying to find happiness outside of ourselves. For example the first few months of blogging I wanted to make a million pounds and follow people like Steve Pavlina. or most of us. my mum. here’s how it works. I am thankful for my wife. nearly killing ourselves all in the pursuit of happiness for us and our families when in fact if we loved our families first and loved the job we were doing we would find that happiness here and now and not in the future. and really go for it and try to imagine the thing that would make you unhappy. sound strange. lonely. or losing your family.uk/blog 29 . Now. We are so busy chasing the rainbow of happiness we forget what makes us happy now. We have to get that feeling back.stevenaitchison. (Warning! this is a very powerful exercise so be prepared) Exercise Think of something that would make you unhappy. The answer was of course because I loved the writing and the possibility that some people might find my articles useful. How we define happiness is the key to our success of finding it inside of ourselves.Being unhappy to find happiness Many of us. suicidal. I did lose heart but I kept on writing and I wondered why I did keep writing. For example if you pictured losing your family. One of the ways you can test your happiness is by testing your unhappiness. not because it was all about the money. Robert Scoble and Seth Godin but I quickly learned I was not going to make that. come out of the scene you were in and look at what you have. for example losing your house. dad. look at your family now. Darren Rowse. So many of us are working hard to make money. Reflect on that for a moment. Debbie Weil. my dog. How does it make you feel? I always feel extremely grateful and look at them in a different way as if I have been given a second chance with them. and they will if we intend them long enough and work at it. What happened then was that the money started coming in and more ideas came my way and now that I concentrate on the writing the money side takes care of itself and I intend it to keep on taking care of itself until I can finally do what I love doing full time. my house. we have to be thankful for what we have in the here and now. How many of us have seem something on TV and said ‘It really makes you appreciate what you’ve got’? I bet most of us have said this however how long has it taken us to forget this and get on with our lives and forget what we really have! For any of our dreams to happen in the future. working long hours. something we can never reach. www. either writing for the blog or giving seminars. When I do this exercise I imagine losing my family and I really do get to the point of being tearful (okay I admit it. If we continue to look on the outside we are going to be disappointed as we always look for more and ultimately happiness becomes the end of the rainbow. So it is with life. Happiness is an inner game and should be pursued on the inside. We have to take time to stop and think about our lives every now and again and re-evaluate what we are doing and whether or not we are happy inside or chasing the rainbow. my two boys. I wrote because it might help other people. From then on I wrote because I loved writing.
at about the age of 14 I boldly announced I did not believe in God when I was asked the question. So. various answers were proffered from just look at the grass. The biggest example of this is religion. I asked lots of questions and asked lots of different people even ministers and priests and I did not receive. believing in God was not my belief it was someone else’s and someone else’s before them and someone else’s before them etc etc. wearing hooded tops and being rowdy a lot of us might immediately try and compartmentalise these as follows: youths . from friends. not one. be unfounded when we question them. However far from being liberated by this conclusion there was a gaping hole in my life. I still don’t have a satisfactory answer to that question and it haunted me for years. how do you know there is a God?. everybody believed in God and it was sacrilegious to believe otherwise. It was. single satisfactory answer to the question. The question to myself was. this was met with horror and disdain except from my mother. I searched for answers in books. in a lot of cases. What are beliefs? Our beliefs help us provide stability in our lives by compartmentalising everything in order to make sense of the world. spiritualism etc. until I started to swing toward the belief that there was some kind of unified conscious that we could tap into. What I do believe in is a ‘universal force’ that everybody and their granny can tap into should they so wish. my friends believed this. As an example if you see a group of youths on the street. was I just deliberately trying to be different and a bit strange or did I genuinely believe in the theories? Well the answer is I know I don’t believe in a God of any kind. The point here is. if there wasn’t a God what is my purpose in being here. but it is a base to start with. I used to look at them and think that wasn’t proof. From the day we were born we have been programmed to believe other people’s beliefs. I liked these ideas and I liked some of the theories although some of them were a bit wild. an outdated belief without foundation.loud – hooded tops – street corner – dark = dangerous = steer clear = fight or flight This is a very simple example but one that shows where our beliefs lead us and what actions it prompts us to take once we have boxed all the relevant categories and then put them together and then formulate a belief. from groups of different people and I couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer. in myself. the church told me this. my school taught this.Changing beliefs Our beliefs about the world around us and ourselves can be limiting and can. look all around you. it proved God created it. Dion Fortune. So I asked my parents and their take on it was ‘how else could we have been brought into the world if it wasn’t God’. my parents told me this. I had been studying psychology and particularly Carl Jung and liked some of his ideas like the ‘collective unconscious’. 30 . Robert Bruce and theories of the Akashic records. then I found Edgar Cayce. I was programmed from the moment I could talk that God created the world. When I was ten years old I asked some of my friends ‘how do you know there is a God’. I haven’t really voiced this belief as it is my belief and it is not a firm belief it is a soft belief at best. to me. This article looks at beliefs and how they are formed and what we can do to the beliefs that may be holding us back. what is anybody’s purpose.
it means if we dig deep enough we may find some of our belief are unfounded and find they are outdated and do not fit with our lives. inner confident. The only reason I found out that my belief in tooth fairies was not real was because I saw my mother putting money under my sisters pillows when I was younger. good looking. does it mean all our beliefs are unsubstantiated? No. I am very questioning. people who read. I used to believe in the tooth fairy when I was really young. I read a lot. 31 . a bit overweight. we’ve never had evidence to the contrary to cause a massive shift from one belief to another. and so on. now this is not the case as it would depend on what the person was reading. intelligent. what I class. Break this down further. all of these reasons are beliefs within themselves e. so therefore I have to refine that belief to. It was experiential. like the one above. honest.Obviously beliefs are perpetuated the more we come into contact with that particular scenario. it will take a few moments. Where does this leave us.g. how many of our beliefs have we questioned in our lives? Not that many I suspect because we have never had to question them. List the things you believe to be true about yourself: My list would be. and when I found out that my mother used to put a 10 pence piece under my pillow I was a bit distraught but I pretended to go along with the belief to get more money. Now I have the dilemma of asking what comprehension really is. Now. We can dig deeper and deeper until we unearth the core of a belief which is nothing really than a set of other beliefs. as intelligent books are intelligent. people who read and comprehend intelligent books are intelligent. However. So therefore I have to refine the belief again to. Changing our beliefs Exercise: This is a very quick exercise for you to try in your head. I knew there were no fairies because I saw my mother putting the money under the pillow. So a belief can be seen as the compartmentalising of different things together to form a particular belief. I pick up things easily etc etc. how do I know that the people reading these intelligent books are actually comprehending the words they are reading. I believe that people who read a lot is a sign of intelligence. Now try to think of each belief and ask where it came from. which in turn causes us to act in a certain way. For example I believe I am intelligent because I have a degree.
co.stevenaitchison. am I aware? yes.uk/blog 32 . Unconsciously I questioned this belief and simply analysed what intelligence was. Analysing our beliefs gives us more of an awareness of that belief which we can then go on to use in our everyday lives. www. I tried a whole host of things to prove to myself I wasn’t stupid. I do not question it anymore and haven’t done for years. For example I used to have the belief that I was a bit thick. I went to university. Now the belief that ‘I am intelligent’ has been fully installed in my brain. Choose a belief that is holding you back. I read a lot more books I was interested in. can I socially interact?yes. can I comprehend?yes. there were a whole load of other yes which led me to say well I’m not that thick or stupid. Go through all the beliefs that are holding you back and analyse each one in turn and see if you can install new beliefs over the old one and start to act congruently with your new belief. I joined a chess club.How can we use this knowledge? The knowledge that our beliefs are not set in stone can be a liberating revelation and we can use this knowledge to change some of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and our lives. So I started to do things that were more congruent with being intelligent.
this was just a blip. I wouldn’t sell for the ridiculous amount they were offering. have money in the bank. no debt. That was the year that changed my life forever. 2 children a boy and a girl. I panicked but thought it will turn again. I was skipping university (one of my other goals was to get a degree in psychology) to stay at home and day trade. I hade been investing in shares since 1998 but I soon discovered I loved the thrill and started day trading. These were all outcomes way beyond what I thought I could realistically achieve but I kept at them and focused every day. Then the realisation of the market being in meltdown hit me.000 in shares. keep it real and keep your outcomes realistic and achievable. The tech market was really flying and I was feeling on top of the world. Glasgow (not the best area of town). on paper. I started looking at my outcomes again and started to concentrate on them again. I lost a lot in the beginning. I remember one day I had £100. Let me share a story with you going back to 1998: I was elated as I had achieved my dream of making over £30. I am still looking at being a motivational speaker but I am about 10 steps closer to that dream than I was. a car. I was trading on a 14 day contract.000. Today I have all those things (except for the veranda) and I am extremely happy with my life. I was so low and feeling down. I upped my trading game and started playing the markets using spread betting. I walked out with an education in money and a degree in psychology. Then the tech market started falling. be married. I set myself an outcome of making £100.Breaking your outcome barriers I have many outcomes I wish to achieve in my life and there are many outcomes I have already achieved. have a lovely house with a veranda overlooking the garden. I attended a seminar by Jack Black and immediately said to my friend ‘that’s what I will be doing with my life’. To get there I had to achieve other outcomes first.000 and focused on it for weeks. What usually happens is the outcomes keep getting bigger the more I achieve. which I have written about. I wanted to be a motivational speaker. on the stock market. The other point is that no matter how unrealistic our outcomes seem keep working on them as todays realistic is tomorrows standard. However as soon as I started going from a deficit to making a profit I stopped concentrating on my outcomes. 33 . Within the space of a few months I was getting closer to my outcome of £100.000. The point of the story is to illustrate that no matter how low we are in our lives we can still concentrate on our outcomes even if it feels impossible to reach. Pretty soon I couldn’t get rid of my shares as nobody was buying they were all selling. I managed to get my degree in 2000. This is a great sign that I am doing something right in my world. have a good job. I set outcomes to meet my perfect woman. again on paper. Over the years I have heard a lot of people say. I was in a small flat in Govan. My balance started changing from being in the red to being in the black.000 and it was not a good feeling at all. about £4000. Yes make them achievable but if it’s achievable it’s not unrealistic. Eventually I went bankrupt to the tune of £65.
Don’t limit yourself when setting your outcomes. I looked at him slightly puzzled.stevenaitchison. If one of your goals is to get out of debt don’t focus on paying of one credit card at a time concentrate on having absolutely no debt and having money in your savings account? The breakthrough method of achieving When I used to practice Tae Kwon Do I had a mental block about punching through the boards. if you are aiming for his stomach aim 6 inches behind his stomach.000 in savings this year.Think big That’s the beauty of setting outcomes. This was a great breakthrough for me in tae Kwon Do and in life. He told me to imagine that the board is 6 inches behind its actual position and try to break the imaginary board. I mustered up the energy and force and imagined a board behind the actual one and broke through it first time. aim for £20. When I first started setting outcomes for my life I thought about achieving little things. Now I know there will be some people who say ‘Oh you are just setting yourself up for failure’ this is rubbish. If you want to meet a nice partner to settle down with aim to meet ‘the perfect’ partner to settle down with. just concentrate on achieving them. aim that little higher and you will get more of what you want in life. Anybody who wants to succeed at something will always achieve it if they work hard enough and know exactly what they want and work on it mentally and physically every day. you don’t have to worry about how they will be achieved.000. This was the single most important lesson I ever learned in Tae Kwon Do. For every single outcome you want to achieve in life. My teacher saw this block and told me I was ‘hitting the board to break it’. Another huge lesson I learned from all of this is dream big. This way I am concentrating all my energy and power on the imaginary rather than the actual and I am going through the actual board. If you want to clear your credit card debts this year aim to clear of all your debts. Aim beyond what you want to achieve www.uk/blog 34 . It is the same with your outcomes.co. stomach or whatever it may be. If for example you want to make £10. and then when I achieved them I had to think a little bigger. He told me to do this when fighting an opponent. if you are kicking his leg aim 6 inches to the side of his leg. I was always afraid of breaking my hand and I couldn’t quite hit the thickest board hard enough to break through it. leg.
that time of the month day cards. If you can’t manage the springclean in one day. One of the biggest small tasks is cleaning out the bedroom and kitchen drawers. I usually have a cup of tea and a biscuit. fathers day. the garage needs cleared. paint the bathroom. the loft needs cleared. A great way to shake this feeling is to clean the house. when I’ve got a bit time’ there is an instant ‘post it’ note stuck in my brain saying ‘do the ironing’. this way nothing else will get in the way. clear the shed. Think about all the things that need done about the house. sort out your paperwork there are lots of things that need our attention. Of course my wife does this a lot of the time. when your whole house has been done take another day to go round the whole house for a few hours and give a general clean. throw out old clothes. mothers day. Reward yourself every 90 minutes (if it’s a big clean) every 30 minutes if it’s smaller clean. I know you might not have time but make it. Start with the undtidiest room in the house and don’t finish until its clean and tidy. I only keep the cards my sons made me and wife gave me. granny day. Why does cleaning the house make us feel this way? Cleaning the house frees up energy for you to concentrate on more important things in your life. I have lots of post it notes stuck in my brain and they all niggle at me until they are completed. It seems to clear the mind and make way for important tasks to get done. 35 . That niggling feeling stays with me until the job is done. do the garden. If you haven’t worn it in 6 months chuck it. old books (personally I can’t throw books away or give them away) and giving it a general spring clean is like a shower for your mind. If you don’t believe this. which sometimes makes me feel worse as I know I am not pulling my weight.Clear your house to clear your mind Do you ever wish you were more organised in your daily life? Sometimes I feel there is just too much going on in my head that it overwhelms me and I cannot get things done. the wardrobes need emptying. Don’t turn on the TV for background noise as something will distract you and you might want to sit down and watch. Here are my 10 tips for springcleaning your mind by springcleaning the house • • • • • • • • Schedule time at the weekend to start your clean. try tidying and cleaning the untidiest room in the house and pay attention to how you feels afterwards. When I see a pile of ironing that needs to be done and I say ‘I’ll do it tomorrow. Cleaning the house and ridding it off old clothes. birthday. 3 hours of spring cleaning the house might free up 10 hours in your daily life as your mind will be free to concentrate and focus on other tasks. throw out old toys. so it’s worth the effort. old toys. Often when I do this and have motivation to carry on and clean the rest of the house. fix that leaking tap. concentrate on one task at a time or one room at a time and spread it over x number of days. Now is the time to do them. or turn on a program from Hayhouse radio If you are starting the clean in the morning get up an hour early and you will be more focused. Throw out old christmas. dog day. Instead turn on the radio for some noise.
that’s how I make myself feel better). keep their own rooms tidy and take out the bins.stevenaitchison. if you clean a bit every day it keeps your mind free.uk/blog 36 . This has an added bonus of making them more indepenedent and teaching them skills for when they leave the nest (well. I don’t mean deleagte all the jobs but delegate smaller jobs to your kids. When mess build up in the house so it builds up in your mind. Delegate: this is a great way to keep the house tidy. www. My kids wash and dry the dishes.• • Make a habit of cleaning a room every day. Making a habit of cleaning a bit every day will free your mind for other important tasks.co.
thinking and feeling what is immediately in front of you. everything you believe about the world and other people. Of course the books I have read. It is the beginning of what Maslow would call Self actualization 37 . reality and spirituality and led me to two scientists. There are various levels of these clouds that surround us and. there are more and more people at this level of consciousness and it is culminating in a mass awakening. In this stage you have started to question some of your beliefs about the world. you create and manifest the things and people around you. we can tap into a lot of them. a great physicist who only died in 1994 and Dr David R Hawkins a scientist whose work is fascinating me at the moment. and open up our minds enough. the radio interviews I have heard with physicists and other scientists and spiritual people all go a long way to me formulating this idea. Your ego resides here also. In this state of consciousness you are starting to believe that you create your own world. The theory just now goes something like this. I believe this is what is happening in the world at the moment. It’s been ruminating for a while and I am trying to find a way to describe it or play with it. Clouds of consciousness are something we all have. I am rapidly coming to a place whereby there is a definite idea about this formulating. When I was nearing the end of this article it got me researching along a path of: consciousness. At the moment it really is a case of suck it and see what happens and play around with different ideas. everything you do is for the benefit of yourself. There are various levels between each of the four levels mentioned below. You are not operating from a self point of view you are starting to think about the bigger picture and to help others and to find ways to be able to do this. These clouds contain everything that encompasses your current reality. The awakening consciousness is the beginning. More and more of us are starting to believe there is something more to life and something more to our minds than was previously imagined. David Bohm.Clouds of consciousness Recently I wrote a little about something called ‘clouds of consciousnesses. I thought you might like to read about them yourself. GOD is a belief within yourself and a connection to other states of consciousness. everything you believe. However I truly believe there is a global shift happening and that pretty soon most of us will die whilst in the awakening consciousness stage. Self consciousness – These are the clouds which immediately make up who we are. This is where the self consciousness cloud lies. Most of us would stay in this state of consciousness until the day we die. You can access a higher aspect of yourself. You have not formulated any original ideas about the world and decided to question your life. Imagine a band of clouds tightly surrounding your head. yourself and the people around you. GOD is not an entity with laws. Awakening consciousness – This is the second level in this theory. should we wish. that was a way of stifling the awakening. The first 4 of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs would reside here. what we think about ourselves and the world around us. I am not talking about organised religion. but may not necessarily understand it completely. It is probably nothing new but I have not read about it or seen anything on the internet. the real religion is when you’ve found GOD within yourself. but for now I will write briefly about the main four clouds. everything you think about. It almost blinds you as you are only seeing.
this could be where your mind goes when you die.uk/blog 38 .co. We. about getting visitors to this blog all the things ego is concerned with. It has one foot in the ‘real world’ and one foot in the ‘pure world’. for me. Practical value Having a theory like this brings up a lot more questions than it answers. basically if we momentarily transcend our ‘Awakened consciousness’. through kundalini. This will probably be the subject of my next article. Krishna Marti. about earning money. so from this point on it is mostly hypothesising. I was writing articles that I thought readers would want rather than what I really wanted to put up. Okay. Awakened consciousness . Recently I got back into the habit of checking my stats for this blog. it’s the library of the world. Mother Theresa.After awakening consciousness there would be a permanent state of awakened consciousness whereby you live in a world dominated by your thoughts to serve others. as living beings. about getting clicks on my Google adsense ads. it’s stimulates my goal to be ‘awakened’. So having theories like this reminds me every day that I am still living in my ‘self conscious’ world and reminds me to at least try and have more experiences in the ‘Awakening consciousness’ cloud. Your ego is a residual memory however you will still be self aware but from a spiritual point of view. other articles. and to transcend the ‘Awakened consciousness’ we have to have transcended the other levels. it’s good having theories but theories should have some practical value. I can’t write about the other levels of consciousness as I have never experienced them.stevenaitchison. I have been struggling for a while with the concept of reality and how one’s person’s world can be so different from my world. meditate. I wouldn’t be overly concerned about what people think of me. Universal consciousness . due to inspiration can be written and uploaded in 1-2 hours. I believe Buddha. purely an ego thing to do as I had started to think about the money it was earning rather than the content it was providing. and other spiritual beings all lived here.The ‘pure world’. or astral project. www. I have spent three days on this article as I have a passion for its content. This type of consciousness begins to transcend the reality as we know it. However. can maybe tap into this universal consciousness when we have that ‘a-ha’ experience. So we have to break through various clouds of consciousness to get to the universal consciousness. If we were to live in this cloud we wouldn’t be of this world. Allah. The mind could be uploaded into a melting pot of mind.Here comes the tricky bit. How can this theory have any practical value? For me it reminds me that I am still living in a state of self consciousness and it reminds me to try and have more ‘awakening consciousness’ moments. astral projection and inspirational thinking. consciousness and spirit for the good of the future world. I believe I have experienced glimpses of them through lucid dreaming. we wouldn’t need our bodies. Christ. Since writing this it has led to me change my view on reality and what it really is.
It’s like pouring syrup over me which is hard to get out of. I left my phone in the office and stayed at home. When I went in the next day. It’s a sad fact but we can all be replaced at work quite easily. Spend time with the kids. The kids were at school and my wife had a day of Uni so we went shopping together and then for a coffee at Borders. If you work lots of hours every day work 1 less hour per day and spend it with your inner core.uk/blog 39 . trivial tasks. Deep down you know what your inner core is and you know where it is not. Think about this often and figure out small ways which leads you back to your inner core. Remember this if you are doing more than your fair share. By this I mean real time. I know what you mean’. Take a day off work. sit down and talk.co. it was brilliant. no emergencies just a few enquiries. The small things done every day will soon build up to be the main thing in your life. Ask yourself the question What is my inner core? (What do you most cherish in the world and want to spend more time doing or being with?) It could be your family It might be a passion you have It might be spending time with yourself It could be anything If you vaguely understand what I mean here you might be sitting saying ‘yes. not over dinner or in bed at night. social events etc all paint over what’s really important to me. Little things we have to do niggle us and are in the back of our minds. Make a point to spend time with your passion everyday. Get the housework done. trivial arguments. I am in the middle of a project just now which I get a lot of phone calls from clients etc but I took the day off. Get them done and out of the way so you can concentrate on your inner core and what’s important. If your passion is your wife. Simple and yet the hardest thing to do for some people. My life and my inner core is my family and somewhere along the way the fact that they are my inner core gets forgotten.Getting connected to you Sometimes I feel like my life gets covered over by unimportant things and I lose my inner core. bills. Its hard to explain but things like work. no world crisis. we might be missed but we can be replaced. Do less of what takes you away from you. www. nothing had changed. Get the little things out of the way. By this I mean you know what you want in life and you know the things that steal the energy which keeps you away from what you want. When we work in a clean environment if frees our mind energy to concentrate on more important things. I have felt like this for a few weeks and thought about ways to clean the syrup from my core and here is what I have come up with. They grow up so quickly it’s frightening.stevenaitchison. It’s very easy to get covered in this syrup and a lot of people don’t recognise it until its too late. talk and let each other know how much they mean to you.
Once you told yourself for two months when you will give up just give up Tell yourself every day it is easy to give up smoking. however the main one was my own health. Other reasons included my children. it will be very easy on the day to give up. this gives you a little pressure and shows your friends and family you are committed. and do it for yourself. Tell your friends and family you will be giving up on ‘that date’. www. feeling like a leper when going outside to smoke. the smell on my clothes. the smell in the house. if you smoked after your dinner at night. go for a walk instead or go clean the bathroom. your brain will really start to believe it after a month or so. My tips for giving up smoking would be: Give yourself compelling reasons to give up.g. Break the old patterns of behaviour surrounding your smoking e.uk/blog 40 . It is easy to give up smoking. I enjoyed the supposed feeling it gave me after dinner. with a cup of tea. There were lots of different factors that led me to even start thinking about giving up. they kept telling me I was going to die and got quite distressed about it. Don’t try patches or gum with nicotine in it.Giving up smoking It has been around 18 months since I gave up smoking and every time I meet a smoker they always ask how I did it. I have to say it took me three times before I eventually gave up for good. Pretty soon your mind will get out of the old habit and start forming new habits. don’t do it for other people.stevenaitchison. The truth is I did want to but felt it would be too hard and I didn’t want to fail. I worked on my belief system about giving up smoking and convinced myself it was going to be easy and when the time came it was easy. I began telling myself it was easy to give up smoking and after about 2 months I gave up for good and haven’t looked back since. so it was easier to say I enjoyed it too much. whilst having a drink etc. you have to believe it. however we have been conditioned to believe the opposite is the case.co. However when I realised it was me who was creating this feeling and not the cigarettes things started to change in my way of thinking. Set a date about 2 months in advance of when you will give up and tell yourself every day you are going to give up on that day. There are a million reasons to give up and only one reason to continue and that is addiction. Our mind will believe whatever we tell it to believe and adjust our physiology and cravings accordingly. When you tell yourself it is easy to give up smoking for two months. I used to tell myself I could give up if I really wanted to but I didn’t want to.
My workout in the mornings are. When I am doing my biceps work I close my eyes and imagine that the only way I can get my family back is to finish the last rep. abs 3 reps. lost a few grams and watched Oprah all within the space of 15 minutes. Watch the television. If you are the type of person who does the same thing in the gym all the time. cycle faster. and rowing at the same pace. biceps. www. When I am on the rowing machine I am sitting in the boat with Steve Redgrave as my rowing partner and my family are on the bank of the river cheering me on. treadmill for 12 minutes.5 miles per hour (just over a 9 minute mile). Sometimes I zone out and don’t hear them as I am visualising but they are still being heard. I close my eyes on all my exercises. I can lift heavier weights.uk/blog 41 . When I am on the bike I am in the tour de France and again I see my family on the big screen cheering me on. lifting the same amount of weights. why not try varying the routine. Visualisation is a great way to attain your goals see Visualise your life Vary your workout routine. so this is what I have come up with to make the gym a little more interesting: Close your eyes. I think this is a great way to focus on your goals whilst getting fit and losing weight at the same time. This is a great motivator for me as I am the type to push myself all the time and love competition. walking and rowing’ spice old Elmer and get him thinking for a change by reversing your routine. treadmill. I am the type to workout alone however I know a lot of people like a partner as a motivator. I used to run 5 miles per hour (a 12 minute mile) now I have pushed myself to run 6.stevenaitchison. Why not share your gym tips and we can all be gym freaks in no time. When I first started going to the gym I was running at the same pace. Push yourself some more. I think this is a good idea as it can be good to have someone cheering you on and just pushing you that little extra. I always imagine peoples brains walking into the gym like Elmer Fudd. bench presses 3 reps.How to make the gym more interesting Keeping fit and losing weight are excellent motivators for going to the gym but sometimes it can be very boring. This way I can visualise me being in the Olympics. run faster etc. This is what I do every morning. This simple little thing allows your mind to wake up a little. I imagine my oars going in and out of the water and it can be very real when I’m in the zone. if you normally finish with leg curls make this the start of the routine. This can help take your mind off the exercise itself. Last month I wrote an article ‘Change your life with a computer and a headset’ if you tried this it means you can listen to your goals whilst at the gym. Join a class. This has the added benefit of strengthening your visualisation acuity. leg curls. I have also managed to row 1000 meters in 4 minutes which was a great achievement for me. bike. Pretty soon you’ll have run a mile. why not switch to your favourite channel and workout to a little TV. except for the treadmill. Try it with a partner.co. Now I tray and add a little every week. Try reversing your routine altogether. bike 10 minutes and rowing machine 1000 meters. Listen to your goals. This can be an excellent motivator as you automatically try a little harder when other people are around pushing you that little bit further. burned 150 calories. Most modern gyms have TV screens in them. legs 3 reps. biceps 3 reps. I started looking at my workout when it became a little stale and frankly boring. shoulders drooping and saying ‘Same old routine. These are only a few suggestions for making the gym more interesting. Someone else suggested this to me.
Kaizen literally means "To become good through change"." What is taken apart is usually a process. I didn’t really get it when I was working at Hughes as I was there for the money and for partying at the weekend. What is Kaizen? Kaizen was created after World War 2 as a way of continuously improving the work place. or service. just-in-time delivery. right-sized equipment. In this aspect it describes something very similar to the assembly line used in mass production. standardized work. humanizes the workplace. shared and implemented. particularly the practice of Kaizen. per year are written down. 60 to 70 suggestions per employee. Now that I have read about and absorbed the ideas of Kaizen I have started to introduce one area and implement an action plan every 2 weeks. At Japanese companies. such as Toyota and Canon.” Kaizen for personal development I am working with the idea of Kaizen for personal development. production load levelling of amount and types. It is also a process that. One of the principle ideas of Kaizen is to change the easiest things first. product. when done correctly. Kaizen is not a case of the management getting together once a month. Masaaki Imai is considered the father of Kaizen after releasing the book Kaizen: The Key to Japan's Competitive Success. I believe it would be good for all areas of life. etc. it involves every employee in a company putting forwards suggestions for improvement. eliminates hard work (both mental and physical). and teaches people how to do rapid experiments using the scientific method and how to learn to see and eliminate waste in business processes. A closer definition of the Japanese usage of Kaizen is "to take it apart and put back together in a better way. The first one I have implemented is the wasted amount of time spent on the computer. I remember when I worked as a production operator at Hughes Micro-electronics they used the Kanban Kaizen system.Kaizen for personal development In the pursuit of self improvement we can look at many different areas. Kaizen is a daily activity whose purpose goes beyond improvement. 42 . However having looked at it again it is an interesting concept. Wikipedia has this to say about Kaizen: “The goals of Kaizen include the elimination of waste (defined as "activities that add cost but do not add value"). paced moving lines. An area I have been interested in for a few months has been business. system. It comes from the Japanese words "Kai" meaning school and "Zen" meaning wisdom. It has been adapted throughout the world across many businesses and has been used for years.
It is a slow process so I wouldn’t go head long into this. so instead of working 3 hours I work for 4 hours. work another half hour. promoting the blogs etc. I have found you can implement it in every area of life. Jason Thomas over at Lifehacker. submitting them to article sites. I also work and SWT together. I would look at one area at a time and build it up from there. pick an area which you think might benefit from change. Then I spend two glorious hours SWT.stevenaitchison. What I have noticed so far is the SWT time has become more focused on work. SWT for 1 hour etc. So what I have done now is work first. so I might work for half and hour. I have found doing it this way I work for longer.co. submitting to social bookmarking sites. The SWT time has been cut to two hours as well which saves me 1 hour per day to work on other areas of my life. Themanufacturer. www. When I started wiring this article I began looking for other articles on other blogs mentioning Kaizen and I found a few great ones. SWT for half an hour. That would include writing articles. Look at the process closely and ask what changes could you make to make it better or quicker or have less wastage. The frequency at which you implement changes is obviously up to you however I would space it every few weeks or every month. It’s a case of surfing and reading blogs on areas that interest me but for no other reason than for personal pleasure. So it leaves me about 4 hours spent “surf without thinking” (SWT).At the moment I spend 5 -7 hours on the computer per day.com has a great one and discusses how he has implemented into his life. I spend around 3 hours working on my own blog and working on the one I manage.com has an interesting article written by Jon Minerich Kaizen in your life To implement the practice of Kaizen in your life. get all the work thing out the way.uk/blog 43 . from doing the housework to spending more time with the children.
I have since gone back and revisited those days and managed to change the overall feeling of the time. The psychologist Frederick Bartlett called this ‘Schemata’. When I have gone back it is not specific memories. Now. work and the usual chit chat. our interactions with people change from day to day. I then remembered tucking into pasta bolognaise. 44 . the kids had already had their dinner. but we won’t go there just now that’s for another post. when I was feeling like that I was still collecting memories along the way. Last week someone asked me what I had for dinner the previous night (who knows why he asked me. We are changing everyday. our mood changes. bleak memories. Our memories are not always accurate. Read that statement again ‘your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head’. I pictured us talking about school. and I hadn’t sat down with my whole family it was just my wife I had sat down to dinner with.wordpress. rather it is a cloud of feeling that I am changing. That might sound ridiculous but it’s true. I have collected the memories from that part of my life and carried it on into the future.’ Neurophilosophy. However it works with specific memories as well. I thought the world was against me. anyway I thought back to the previous night. And I didn’t have pasta bolognaise. I thought people didn’t like me. However. albeit momentarily. In my mind I pictured myself and my family sitting down and eating together at the table. memories are organized within the historical and cultural frameworks of the individual. depressive memories when in actual fact it was my perception of the world at the time but it wasn’t necessarily a true representation of life. I didn’t even question that at the time). I felt sorry for myself. ‘According to Bartlett. I’d had rice and chicken. but I’d effectively re-written a part of my past. This has become part of the human psyche and it is an embedded belief in a lot of people. I went about my business as usual and then remembered I had been working late the previous night. So what! You might say.com I remember in my early twenties life was totally down and miserable. our knowledge and expectations change.Rewrite your past to create your future Ever thought your past dictates the state of your life just now? Why not rewrite your past to create your future. our perception of life changes from day to day. Well why not relax this belief and while we’re at it let’s change the past. So I replied to the person asking that I’d had pasta bolognaise. our belief system changes all the time. in fact I’d say they are inaccurate most of the time. What might sound even more ridiculous is that some theories state that you cannot prove your past existed. There are theories galore stating that what has happened in your past can have a huge impact on the way you are living your life just now. When you really break it down your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head. and we do this everyday without realising it. and the process of remembering involves the retrieval of information which has been unknowingly altered in order that it is compatible with pre-existing knowledge.
Quick exercise Think back to when you last felt angry with someone Go back into the memory and start to change various aspects of it. change the way people are interacting with you. Change the colours in the scene. not deny the events that happened. Why not make the changes now instead of waiting on the changes to come. look at the person you are angry with and study them and try and gauge their feelings.stevenaitchison. Now replay the scene again and notice the changes in yourself and the way you feel about the situation. By changing the feelings of the past you will be altering your current and future life.uk/blog 45 . was there something that made you feel this way. If we are ill at any stage in our lives would it be possible to change the illness by remembering a time when we were well and projecting it into the future? www. Study the person again and mentally ask them questions. Freeze frame the scene. how are they feeling? Did something happen to them to make them feel this way? Ask yourself how you are feeling. I believe that our memories and thoughts affect the cells in the body. Over time if you do this long enough and practice it you will start to feel a shift. but it can be that easy sometimes.co. mentally and possibly physically.Don’t deny your past What I am advocating is changing the feeling of your past. depending on how much you have been working on your memories. are you still as angry? This is a simplified way of changing a memory. Use this as another tool to get yourself to feel positive about your world. I believe this method could be extremely useful in other areas of our lives such as during ill health. If you don’t feel positive about your world just now and haven’t done for a long time it might take a long time to change that view.
e-mail. We all give in and buy that toy don’t we. When you get out of bed in the morning to go to work. Self discipline is a skill and once you get to grips with it. no matter what programs are available to do so. etc there has never been an easier way to reach our minds through advertising. video. that is self discipline. especially at this time of year. Advertisers have become a lot smarter and appealed to our psyche rather than our rational minds. in fact it could benefit every area of your life. radio. when you have a shower or a bath every morning. you might not have recognised it but it does.Self discipline. A lot of us don’t realise that we are all being manipulated in some way to do things that may be harmful to us. and to continue to control these urges until a satisfactory resolution has been sought Self discipline occurs in every part of your life right now. it can alter your life. Although you might not have recognised it as such we use this skill every day in our lives. when you brush your teeth every morning. yes it’s great that there are groups of people who are doing the same as they can be a good motivator but again it comes down to self discipline. 46 . it ultimately comes down to self discipline. mobile phones. magazines. iPods. they are bombarded with adverts for toys and they have to have the latest thing. it’s just stupid’ and that same part of my mind give’s lots of different reasons not to do it. Imagine if you harnessed this power to change different aspects of your life. I believe there are benefits to having a cold shower which is why I started the discipline in the first place. Why is so much spent on advertising for children when it’s the adults who are buying? Because it’s the children who ultimately apply the pressure for us to buy the latest toy. willpower and motivation Self discipline – Taming the lazy monkey Every morning I have a freezing cold shower. If you want to lose weight. What is it? Self discipline is the training of your mind to control. Each morning I fight that inner voice and discipline it to accept that I am taking a freezing cold shower. newspapers. If you want to give up smoking. there are some great adverts out there which slip into our minds and build up and eventually get us to act to buy something or do something. that is self discipline. computers. perceived harmful. it’s been a natural progression. that is self discipline. I am not talking conspiracy or anything like that. For example our children. why? Because part of my mind says ‘Don’t do it. There are many areas of your life it could benefit. urges. Who’s in control of your mind? With television.
stevenaitchison. our job.The practice of self discipline Whilst it’s hard to control your thoughts and actions as a child it should be easier for an adult. we have to conform to the companies rules and procedures. making love. www. let me know what you would add. Some of the areas in your life you could change might be. If you’ve not been taught self discipline as a child how are you expected to self discipline yourself as an adult? The truth is self discipline comes automatically for some us as our responsibilities become greater. For example when we get a job. we have to get up at a set time. you would think! However this is not necessarily the case. that’s all self discipline.co. What good would self discipline have in your life? What if you could practice self discipline in everything you do? How would your life change? Would it change? Think of these questions for a moment. saving money. Depending on the person some of these rewards will be bigger and have more meaning than some of the others. we have to work a set number of hours. The amount of time spent with the kids Your weight Your fitness The tidiness of your house The tidiness of your office The cleanliness of your house Fixing all the broken things in your house (fix that shelf once and for all) The amount of time spent watching TV Watching what you eat Fasting for one day per week Having a cold shower every morning Get your finances sorted out Write those letters you’ve been meaning to write Make the phone calls you’ve been meaning to make Organise your life Getting up early to be thankful of all the things you have The list could go on and on and I am sure you could add a few as well. Usually the things we learn to practice self discipline in are the things we are rewarded with e.uk/blog 47 .g. going to the gym.
) Take the dog for a walk every single morning for 21 days Stop drinking coffee for a week Get up half an hour earlier than usual for 21 days Take a cold shower every morning for 21 days Don’t eat sweets of any kind for a week I am sure there are lots of things you could think of to exercise your willpower. For example every morning I have a cold shower it takes willpower to turn that dial all the way down to 0 for a freezing cold temperature. My willpower is acquiescing a bit now and it is getting easier to do it but it still takes willpower and then the self discipline to stay under. If you’ve got a lot of willpower you would get up and take her for a walk.stevenaitchison. Why do I do it? Because I can. you have achieved your goal. I am proving to myself I control my mind and I believe there are benefits to be had from taking a cold shower. I used to do it gradually but now I just yank it right down to 0 when I have finished washing.co. There are certain steps needed to kick your willpower into action 1. Will power and self-discipline go hand in hand. 4. you never know you might be able to give classes in it. it’s cold. the above list is just a few examples. 3. An outcome (what is it you want to do?) A plan (how are you going to do it?) Action (get off your arse and do it!) Let self discipline take over and repeat steps 1 -3 if necessary Okay you’ve managed to get out of the sofa. www. but (always a but) do you want to go on to bigger and better things. 2. you’re lying all cosy and comfortable watching TV in front of the fire and the dog is crying to go for her daily walk. Here are a few exercises to keep your willpower active and fit: Read for half an hour every day Stand on a chair for 5 minutes a day (If anybody asks what you are doing tell them it’s a new form of meditation. For a specific task you might only need to engage your willpower once and self discipline will carry you through to your goal.Self discipline. Start exercising your willpower regularly to keep it active and healthy.uk/blog 48 . walk the dog in the pouring rain what now/ nothing. On the other hand you might have to engage your will power a hundred times before your goal has been reached. of course you do. Picture the scene: It’s pissing down with rain outside. willpower and motivation Willpower Willpower is the initial force needed for you to take action. You need the willpower to start whatever it is you want to do and you need the self discipline to carry on where the willpower left off and this will go round in circles. if you’re lacking in willpower you’ll carry on watching TV and justify to yourself the reasons for not taking her a walk.
make the rewards bigger and you can have all the motivation you need. 49 . Now I make the rewards of the toy fight more rewarding. In the past I have said ‘Sorry boys. it is giving us all exercise. Pick two from your list and start to practice self discipline and willpower. willpower and motivation Motivation Motivation plays a huge part in the exercising of self discipline and willpower. (we’re always knackered at the end of it). you’ve learned all about self discipline. Write them down. We all need motivation in our lives however. We have to have some kind of motivation to do everything we do in life. we may not always feel motivated. For example. rather than having a toy fight with my two sons. Pulling it all together Okay. willpower and motivation what can you do to put it all together and use it in your day to day lives? First of all you need to recognise where it will be useful to exercise your self discipline and willpower. You might have already done this Once you’ve got a list. which they love. depending on the size of the reward. better thinking. You wouldn’t be reading this article just now if you didn’t think you weren’t going to get something from reading it. I just wanted to point out that motivation plays a big role when we come to exercise out self discipline and our willpower. I am sure you can think of areas in your life already where you will be able to use them. it’s all good. I get to spend time with my boys. it doesn’t matter.Self discipline. Motivation is a huge subject but I will not discuss it at length here. it stops them from watching TV for half an hour. I usually want to keep working on my blogs. The way to gaining more motivation is to make the rewards bigger. we laugh like we have never laughed and I feel great at the end of it. And after the half hour there is more blood pumping through my brain. better clarity of mind. I’ve got work to do and I really need to get this done’ and then I would happily continue to work away safe in the knowledge that I had a good excuse to keep on working. So. more oxygen. small or big. even if it is half an hour. a quick list.
What will happen is your inner voice will reason with you as to why it’s a bad idea to turn that dial down to cold. Keep telling that inner voice that you are boss and you decide what you do.For example if your two were to give up sweets and take a cold shower in the morning (ones I have done already). its well worth practicing this it is one of the best tools to master in your life and one of the most beneficial. Your willpower and self discipline is like a muscle which needs to be built up gradually. every morning get up. I would start with a couple of things at first. Do the same with giving up the sweets or whatever you have chosen to do. jump in the shower.uk/blog 50 . A word of warning here. set yourself up for the day and tell yourself you are self disciplined and have lots of willpower. Good luck with this. Listen to that voice and just tell it ‘I am the boss here’. www. I would advise you not to go all out and try your self discipline on everything. once you’ve washed gradually turn the shower down to cold until it is all the way down to it’s coldest setting.co. why would you want to do this anyway.stevenaitchison. start tomorrow. it will try and cajole you saying ‘it’s too warm. just because you read it in a blog post doesn’t mean to say you have to do it’ it will bombard you with reasons.
strong and a closer connection to the person. all my friends were very outgoing. in an unselfish way. etc. Once you’ve felt this power you will never want to tell another persons secret or brag again. I loved to listen to everybody else and listen to the banter. very confident. The next time you feel like bragging or boosting about something or giving away a secret. they want to feel important so they brag and boost stealing energy from people that give them attention. people cannot necessarily see it but somehow they can feel it and sense it coming from you. I usually said ‘we had a good night’ and left it at that. www. try your hardest to hold onto it and see how much inner power it gives you and how strong you feel after it. Keeping things to yourself. silent mysterious type. how did you feel then? Exactly the opposite: disappointed in yourself. has a strength which is manifested in your personality and subsequently your aural energy. After this I became much more comfortable with who I was and I loved being the strong. I once told the whole sordid details and ended up feeling shit about myself. However I still tried to surround myself with people who I wanted to be like. and a lot of other people thought I was a right shit. Your aural energy is the energy you give off every day. Have you ever held onto a secret for someone? They’ve made you promise not to tell anyone and it was a really juicy secret? How did it feel when the secret eventually came out and the person who told you not to tell anyone knew it wasn’t you it came from? I would guess you felt proud. needless to say I never ever did it again. to me it meant I didn’t have the confidence to be in amongst my peers.stevenaitchison. and quite arrogant. and move on. I didn’t mind being in groups. Now have you ever done the opposite? told the secret you weren’t supposed to. Ironically I became more outgoing but still kept that inner silence.Silent power Silent power is the ability to keep something held deep within yourself therefore allowing you an inner strength and determination which builds up to confidence. Inner Strength Being silent has strength about it. For years I tried to get rid of this and tried to be more gregarious and a ‘bit of a lad’ but nothing I tried worked. Eventually I came to the realization I was this way because of my confidence not through lack of confidence.uk/blog 51 . all except one. After a few years and an event that changed my life I decided to drop my friends.co. When I was younger I used to think being quiet and introverted was a sign of weakness. I remember when I was a teenager my friends used to brag about the girls they had been with and something inside me thought it was wrong to ‘kiss and tell’ so when I went out with a girl I didn’t say anything. People who brag about themselves all the time lose this energy and have to gain it from somewhere else. the girl I had bragged about felt shit. disloyal.
Slowing the world down
Sometimes it’s an absolute nightmare trying to juggle everything we have to do in a day. In the world we live in today we are available 24 hours a day. We work longer hours and take in much more information through TV, newspapers, iPods, DABs, the internet, smartphones, billboards, magazines, letters, junk mail, and e-mail to name but a few. Its information overload and we are trying to juggle all this with our work, family, and playtime. Our brains are amazing and we are amazing as a species. However sometimes we’ve got to give our brains a helping hand and say enough is enough. Here are some tips to slow down the mad world for a few minutes a day; Give yourself ten minutes at home and at work before checking your e-mails. This allows your brain that little bit longer to get into the swing of things and to prepare it for the day ahead. Take a lunch break. Make this a priority; I am amazed at how many people don’t take a lunch break. I make it a priority to take an hour (54 minutes to be precise) every day. Turn off your mobile and go somewhere other than the office, this splits the day in half and it will set you up for the second half. If you are out and about all the time in the car, pull over to a nice spot, turn the phone off and just read for ten minutes or absorb the scenery. Despite what you think 10 minutes can be excused no matter how important you think you are to the company. Delegate as much as you can and concentrate on the important tasks. This is easier said than done, but try asking someone to do something for you; a voluntary agency, your children, your friends, your work colleagues etc. Make a ‘to do list’ every morning and prioritise your work and tasks for the day. This gives a huge sense of satisfaction when jobs are completed and also motivates you to keep going. If it’s too much just stop doing it. I recently took on too many jobs at once and was halfway into a project and I realised I was stressing myself, I was cranky with my family and it was because I had taken on too much. I decided to end a project for building a website for someone and apologised profusely and gave him back the money. He was not happy at all and told me so. I felt really bad but at the same time it was a weight lifted and a lesson learned.
Stages of your own evolution
I had my Christmas night out last night with my workplace and since I haven’t had a drink for 4 months or so I was feeling a little drunk after 2 or 3 drinks. I kept on drinking in the hope that I would become a little less self conscious about the fact that I was getting drunk. However this did not work and I felt even more self conscious, particularly because the boss was there and was not drinking. I couldn’t get out of that place in my head so I decided to go home early, around 11.30pm. Anybody that knew me in the past would know that this is not me at all and I would be the one suggesting to go on to a nightclub at 2am in the morning, singing and dancing all the way there. As I tend to do when I have been out on a night out with the workplace I go over the events in my head. I came to the conclusion that I am just not that person anymore. It’s another stage in my evolution, but rather than accept this stage I found it was quite sad to let it go and upon a bit of introspection it was because it had served me so well in the past. Now, this might sound all a bit serious thinking, after all it was a Christmas night out. It was just one of those realisation moments when I knew I had moved on from a stage in my life. I thought about this in the morning (this morning) when I woke up and thought about the stages of our evolution. I thought it would be a good exercise to try and think about the stages of my evolution. From an Erikson psychosocial point of view I would have reached the Generativity stage of my own evolution, from a spiritual point of view, according to Scott M Peck, I have reached stage 3 or 4 of my spiritual evolution, from a Freudian sexual point of view I have reached……. who knows! The one I was interested in was the ego stage and according to Loevingers ego development stages I have probably reached the Conscientious and Individualistic stage. In James Fowler’s stages of faith development I have reached stage 5 – Conjunctive faith. I thought looking at these stages of development was useful as a loose guide and of course that’s what all these theories are; loose guides. They are useful for thinking about yourself and how far you have travelled in your life so far. I know I have moved on in all areas of my life and sometimes it can be sad sometimes joyful but most of the time it is exciting. I am excited by life , excited for the future and hope you find some use with the above links.
Recently I have been questioning everything in my life, but most of all reality. I used to think reality was a given, we couldn’t change it, it wasn’t malleable, we were stuck with what we had. However when I started questioning it, really questioning it some interesting answers were brought up and I had to change my belief about reality itself. First of all we have to ask what different types of reality are there: Objective reality – This is basically when we all agree on roughly what the world and its contents are. For example if the whole world were to look at a snake we could all name it as such, as our idea of a snake is pretty much the same across the world. Now, the same snake might elicit different reactions from people across the world, some people revere snakes others are terrified, others are curious etc, but we still all agree a snake is a snake. If we transfer this model and put it into our own lives we have no real control over our lives as reality is independent of our thoughts, it will still exist even if we believe it does not. Subjective reality – essentially this is when you create the world you live in, you create the people, you create the people having their own ideas, you create the laws etc. This is possibly the hardest to get my head around, but I have been playing with it for a while with some interesting results. I have been playing with the idea that I can create anything I want by thinking and believing it can happen. I found I can get to the believing part when I start small and work up to bigger things. For example when I wanted money in my life I simply thought and started to believe that I would be given £10, sure enough £10 or more came my way by way of an unexpected source. Okay £10 worked, what about £100? That worked as well, therefore strengthening my belief that this really works. Okay what about £1000, I concentrated on my past successes with this, I believed it would come, and it did, it took a bit longer but it came in the form of money from a fund my wife received. I have experimented with other things as well and I must say I like this form of reality; it’s a lot more fun than having the view that everything in life happens to me by chance. However it is still a struggle to believe that I am imagining you reading this page and I am giving you thoughts. I am imagining my whole world. Another reality: Template driven reality So what about an alternative, probably not a new one but one I came about by questioning. A template driven model of reality. This is the marrying of the objective reality and subjective reality models, assuming there are only two basic models. In this model of reality we are each programmed with set rules about the world e.g. the law of gravity, this is the objective part of reality. However what we do with the template is up to us.
Which of the above blogs would get more traffic to their blog i. new ideas.stevenaitchison. adding plugins. our ability to shape our own lives. you updated it with some of your educational achievements and your job etc. However it doesn’t really matter as I am having great time thinking about my own reality structure and playing with it. manipulating various features of the template it looks and feels totally different from other blogs which have the same basic template. This is what gives us our uniqueness.The blog analogy I would imagine it is just like this blog you are reading just now.co. The blog itself is a basic template. We are all living in a world full of theories so why not make up our own theories! www. Now by adding widgets on. you added various family members. you updated your knowledge of the world regularly. You updated the template design on occasion and you kept up to date with what was going on in the blogging world. after all nobody else can prove otherwise. Imagine your wants and desires in the world to be analogous to traffic to your blog. imagine you were given a blog template and did absolutely nothing with it. You wouldn’t really be excited about your blog Imagine the same blog being constantly updated with new content. you contributed to the world. Now. you promoted your blog regularly. their desires and wishes fulfilled more times? Your own world and theory I can see the benefits of taking on a subjective world viewpoint and I have swayed more to living a subjective world viewpoint however I still find it difficult to totally accept it intellectually.uk/blog 55 . You wrote a few times in it. writing my own content. friends.e. you kept on thinking of ways to improve it. more and more people came to see it.
a bit like me when I was younger. it would mean perfecting the craft of speaking. it would mean studying and writing a lot. After he saw the amount of work and possible money involved he dropped that and move onto something else. If you can see the end of your dream and can see the outcome then the bits in-between become a little easier. The dream did not die. so we looked into it. Once I have the experience of speaking regularly I can develop the personal development course next year and roll it out. I still wanted to do it. I encouraged him to go for it but he said he wanted something a little easier to obtain. That was about 9 years ago. one of my dreams is to become a personal development speaker. 56 . Then I worked back the way. Now the first thing I do is think about the outcome. I watched Jack Black (Scottish Personal Development speaker) and said that’s the job for me. A blog seemed a great way to start and would really show me if I had the commitment to do this as I would need to continue writing a blog for months maybe years before I got anything out of it.The process of a dream Over the years I have noticed that the things I have failed in are the things I have not thought out. I am pleased with the blog and am still committed to it and have now set the wheels in motion and written a course about blogging which will give me confidence in speaking to audiences. I decided last year I would pursue this dream I had. I thought about the end and where it might lead. and he said he wanted to be a pilot. it would mean facing up to my fears. I said that was a great and ambitious plan. I was speaking with someone last week who is very impulsive and has all these grand ideas. I think about the end of the project and work back. For example. but I did read every personal development book I could. I have started projects in the past and got really enthusiastic and then the enthusiasm dies. The process worked like this. but it was still a dream. I didn’t do anything about at first. He then wanted to be a professional football player. it would mean a lot of rejection at first. I have analysed the failures and discovered that I used to get the whiff of an idea and then go for it all guns blazing without thinking about it. 8 years later the dream was still burning a little ember in the back of my mind.
Want to share your dream. www.uk/blog 57 . Do one thing that will take you a step closer to your dream.I am so much closer to my goal than I was. Keep acting on it. You’ll always find someone willing to encourage you. Review your dream regularly Achieve your dream It’s great having dreams and little daydreams and it’s also great keeping them that way. and get good at the processes in-between. make phone calls.stevenaitchison. Think about the end and what it will mean. 4. Your have to have a dream before you can achieve it. share it here by leaving a comment. So if we broke it right down the process of achieving your dreams might work like this: 1. Now the wheels are turning quite rapidly and things are starting to fall into place. You are reading this blog for a reason. why not act on that reason. If the dream is still alive keeping taking the action steps until you achieve it. speak to someone.co. you have to act on it before you even get close to the dream. this will tell you if you are on track or if the dream is dying. like the daydream of winning the lottery. The dream stayed a dream until I actually moved on it and started thinking about it and doing something with it. I saw the end of the dream and what it would mean to me if I achieved it. Take one step everyday to work on your dream. Act on the dream. Thinking and visualising your dream is important to keep it alive. If the dream dies then that’s okay. 3. you know it is unlikely to happen but it’s good to daydream about it. even if that means thinking about it. You’ll notice the main ingredients of this dream of mine. Take action steps. 5. Now if your dream is something you really want to do. Review your dream regularly. it saves you a lot of time. do anything and keep the momentum. 2. make a call. speak to someone about it. 6.
I will discuss these clouds of consciousness in future posts as I am playing with the theory and trying to experience it as much as possible before formulating any concrete belief. It takes a giant leap of faith to believe it but once it starts to help us in our day to day lives the law of attraction will work a lot quicker.Timeline perspective Are you happy with all the different areas of your life? What about the old you. the present and the future. This is the beauty of checking out all of my current beliefs it’s great to play with them . I have not yet made the transition to full time life coach or seminar speaker and internet entrepreneur. we have to believe that I will happen. So we are tapping into the law of attraction cloud Timeline cloud Just as there may be clouds of consciousness for everything we can think of and some we have yet to think of we have clouds which pertain to us specifically. I am working with the theory that these clouds of consciousnesses can be tapped into simply by thinking about tapping into them. Let the answers come to you if you can and try and let everything that comes into your mind come out onto the paper or the computer. It is looking at yourself from the past. past. would they be happy with the way your life is just now?what about your future self? Here’s a different approach to try to find out how happy you are with the different areas of your life. dismiss them and formulate my own. if we want to tap into psychic consciousness all we have to do is think about having psychic experiences. we eventually believe it will work and eventually it will work. The Timeline perspective is learning to look at all the areas of your life from lots all of your different perspectives. Try it out Okay here’s an example to play with and check out the timeline perspective. I am currently a support worker for the homeless. Within these clouds we can access our past consciousness. 58 . I see consciousness as being a split up into different clouds and each consciousness cloud can be tapped into should we wish to use its knowledge. We think that the law of attraction works. Look at one specific area of your life just now for example your career. pour present consciousness and our future consciousness. I believe this is how the ‘Law of attraction’ works. For example. read about it let it soak us and sure enough psychic experiences will come. present and future. It may have a memory which we can tap into. Why? Why would you use the timeline perspective of yourself? I believe consciousness is an amazing aspect of human life and I also believe we can access consciousness from all ourselves. Ask yourself these questions and be as honest as you possibly can. instead of someone telling me this is what you should believe and anything else is just stupid or crazy. I will use my answers by way of an example.
I will leave this post here for now as there is so much more to say on this subject and I will be talking about it a lot in the future. is that person happy with your current career? – No not at all. Think back to yourself 5 years ago. would that person be happy with your current career? – Again he would be surprised and he wouldn’t dream that he would be working as a support worker with the homeless. life.co. Now think of yourself 1 year from now. and it is by no means a new revelation: You ALWAYS have to think about your future before you do it. he wanted more prestige. he would be very unhappy if he was still in the same job. However when I came to answer the questions about different aspects of my life it was really surprising what my past thought about my present and what my future thought about my present choices. You have just accessed your future self. You always have to access your future self at some point. would that person be happy with your current career? .stevenaitchison. more money.I think they would be a little disbelieving but I think they would be very surprised and happy yes. is that person happy with your current career? – He is happy with the experience it gave him but feels it is nearing the end of that career.Are you happy with your current career? – Yes I am very happy with where I am just now Think back to yourself 1 year ago. For now I hope the meeting with your three selves goes well. www. Think back to yourself 10 years ago. think of the work you will do. I think you get the picture now. This was a great revelation to me when I discovered it. Accessing our future selves Now you might think ‘how the hell can we access our future selves’. possibly get up to go to work. For a moment think about what you are going to do tomorrow. The moment you wake up you are accessing your future self you have to think about what you are going to do before you do it. What I found most interesting about this exercise is that I believed I would be happy with this career in all aspects of myself: past. Now think of yourself 5 years from now. present and future. etc etc.uk/blog 59 . would that person be happy with your current career? He wouldn’t have been happy as he wanted something else in. the people you will talk to.
I am presuming you have a soundcard with mic in ports Some music that gets you into a relaxed state. make money etc. 90% of your life is controlled by your subconscious mind. You can buy these really cheaply from any computer store. Use classical music or relaxation music. Your subconscious mind has been imprinted a long time ago with programs of life making it very difficult to imprint new programs. We are using the power of the computer to change the way we live but can we use it to change our lives internally? I would like to show you a way to use your computer to change your own life using the internet. There is lots of information on learning and your brain waves and learning have a search around Google. Write down 10. a set of intentions and a quick software download. Delta and Theta states.30 intentions under 3 – 8 main headings. we know that when you are sleeping your brainwaves are alternating between Alpha. To imprint a new program. When you use positive thinking you are usually in a Beta state of mind. I bought mine for £13 after a donation I was given by a reader of this blog. I cannot imagine what I would do without my computer to communicate. an estimated. it requires you to be in a relaxed state of mind. This exercise is possibly the most powerful exercise you will do in your life and possibly the one that will change your life forever.Using your computer to change your life Computers have changed our lives and our world beyond measure. I use the the Audacity software which lets you alter your recording when you have completed it. So it is very difficult to reach your subconscious mind using your conscious mind. Career. Health. generate ideas. I have the headings: Family. to write. research. listen. When you are in a relaxed state of mind you are emitting what is called Alpha Waves and that is when new imprinting can take place. Love. read. I use a beautiful piece of music from the Estonian composer Arvo Part called ‘Spiegel Im Spiegel’. a headset with microphone attachment. However. The trouble is that. The easiest one to reach is Alpha waves and it is in this state that you can change your life. So to reach your unconscious mind and imprint new programs you have to reach one of the unconscious brainwave states. This powerful exercise requires a few pre-requisites. What you will need • • • • • You will need a headset with a microphone attached. Finance. Positive talking is using your conscious mind to try to communicate with your subconscious mind. Positive thinking I believe positive talking and thinking is not enough to change your life. which is the normal waking conscious state. and Personal growth and I have 4 intentions in each category. to organise my life. Download some recording software so you can record your voice. 60 .
I was going to wait until the full 21 days was over before I wrote an article about it. or whenever you have to wait a long time for something. I have lost another few pounds in weight. Now you can listen to your recording whenever you want and have a spare 10 minutes to relax. as you know. has massive benefits on your everyday life. Do it in a calm. my relationships with my children are better. This will probably last from 10-15 minutes. duplicate the recording 5 times. > Now click on file and click export as MP3 and save it to a folder. To duplicate the recording it is just like copying and pasting on word. or traffic jams. slow voice. 61 . I was so excited about the changes in my life that I wanted to tell you about it sooner. I am less stressed at work. You now have your recording but repeated 5 times. Highlight the recording or press CTRL+A > go to ‘File’ > Click Copy > Now go to the end of the recording > go to file again and click paste (CTRL+V) and do this 4 times. Added benefits If you use this three times per day you have the added benefit of relaxing three times per day. loud enough and easy to understand. Marc calls them affirmations but I prefer to use the word intentions. Duplicate your recording using Audacity. Ready to record Make sure you can find 10 minutes free time when there will be absolutely no distractions. I am constantly amazed at way my life changes for the better and it’s definitely down to personal development. Another thing is to take your time over your intentions. It’s like meditating for 15 minutes. This. three times a day. I am making more money from the blog.’. I am just enjoying life more. preferably having no one in the house at all.. Now start to read your intentions out loud. You can download it to your iPod or MP3 player and listen to it when you are waiting in queues.The intentions After reading and listening to Marc Allen I always start each intention with ‘In a healthy and positive way……. When you are happy with the recording making sure it is clear. 3 times a day. and I have more energy. When you have read out all your intentions stop the recording. Think about what you really want in life as this exercise is very powerful and you have heard the saying ‘Be careful what you wish for you might just get it’. this in itself will change your life dramatically. Turn on your favourite piece of music and then hit the record key on Audacity. Some of the things are: I have received 2 website commissions. I recorded my intentions 9 days ago and have been listening to it every day. However. I have noticed dramatic changes that I cannot put down to coincidence.
I would like to challenge you to try this for 21 days. every day for 21 days. the subconscious mind.A challenge for you All this talk of intentions. There is only 1 rule and that is you take the challenge and check in with me every day for 21 days. If you like you can send me an e-mail to let me know you are willing to take the challenge and I will e-mail you every day to give you that push you need to carry on with the challenge. www. The challenge is: Record your intentions as described above and then listen to your recording 3 times per day.uk/blog 62 . letting me know what you have done that day. You are only taking 30-45 minutes per day to change your life. I challenge you to do this and tell me there are no benefits to it. I will add your name to a separate post entitled the ‘The “Change your life” challenge’ and if you send me a link to your blog or website I will post a linkback to it.co. Alpha waves etc might sound airy fairy to some of you.stevenaitchison.
a failed exam something big but not huge. Use your mind to the full. our confidence has gone. www. When I do exercises like this it further strengthens my belief that we create.co. and sounds back. This is for those times when we have lost it for a few days. If we can control our state of mind we can.stevenaitchison. revert to a time when it was working okay. in part.uk/blog 63 . Depending on how deep the mojo losing has gone there are steps you can take to get the mojo back. control the world. when the cloud disappears the sunshine is back. It all starts at the start 1. Recognise when the mojo losing feeling started. It involves going back. This is a computer term meaning that if something goes wrong with a program. thank yourself for your life (it is you who is creating it). taste. Go back to the last known good configuration. 2. loss of a job. An example trigger would be falling out with your partner. to the last time you felt good about yourself and the world. people you thought were on your side are suddenly against you? You feel the whole world is against you? Unless you are a manic depressive hopefully this only happens once in a blue moon. When we are in the black cloud of feeling down the world is not a good place. This exercise should help. If you can do this a few times a day for the next few days you will see a dramatic difference in the way you feel. get the feelings back.What to do when you lose your mojo Have you ever had that feeling in your life when nothing is working? You’re feeling down. Usually there is a trigger event that starts the snowball rolling and the downward spiral of feelings. touch. You know you will go back to your old self soon but it’s shit feeling that way you do just now. Thank yourself This is important. 3. and get the smell. effectively. This is the time to thank yourself. This involves visualising yourself in the time when you felt good. What do you do when this happens? This exercise is not for people who are depressive and are on medication for their depression. Feeling down for a few days is not a good feeling. in your mind. the world around us. however it reminds us how good our life really is.
What happens is that I get grumpy as hell as sometimes. So. I usually get up at around 5. a blogger. website creator. a counsellor. and getting ready for support worker. 5 roles in all. 7am comes. Then when I know the kids are ready and had breakfast and their lunches have been made I then have a cold shower and get ready for work. I am not finished one role before I slip into another. don’t finish it. a husband. I now finish my blogging and website stuff at 7am and am a father and husband until 8. a website creator. and consultant. A tip for switching between roles This may seem extremely simple but the trick to switching between roles successfully is two fold: • • Recognise what roles you play in life and note down when you play them Set times for changing between the various roles. So I take it out on my family. Due to the blog and a few website commissions coming in I am much busier than normal the past few weeks. I usually wake my kids up at around 7am. a coach. It was my wife who pointed out I was being a bit grumpy. I didn’t really take notice of the different roles until a few weeks ago. I walk upstairs wake them and come back downstairs to cram a few minutes more work. husband. This is mentally frustrating and can cause stress and anger. from 7am until about 8am I have slipped between roles of blogger. even if I don’t like the task. This has to be a conscious thing. mentally.30am I wake my wife up for work or university and then cram another few minutes into work. you start one page. Obviously this changes at the weekend and on holidays. a support worker.30am. which wasn’t like me. or not brushing their teeth after me telling them for the 5th time. not realising why I am being a bit grumpy. So. At the moment I am a Father. Nothing really gets finished. then I am a support worker until 4.Your roles in life How many roles do you have in life? I have at least 8 roles which I have to juggle and separate.15am. We spoke about it and nailed it down to the mornings and nailed it down to not being able to concentrate on one role at a time.30ish and work on the blog or a website. It’s like reading 8 pages of a book. when I say separate I mean mentally separate each role. I then shout at the kids for not being ready. father. For example if you work in the morning set a time for finishing that work and don’t go back to it.45pm then I am a father and husband until about 7pm and then I am a blogger and website creator until about 10pm. 64 . don’t finish that one and so on and so forth. as my father and husband roles greatly increase in time. At around 7. go on to the next page. I then cram another few minutes in. I don’t like things being left undone. What is happening is that I am not mentally finishing one job before trying to go into another job and then not finishing that one before going into another. I hate starting something and not finishing it. I have a cup of tea with my wife and then get the boys ready for going out to school and off we trot at about 8.
www.uk/blog 65 . and I am getting more things done in life and am procrastinating less. If you do work out the percentages why not post them and I will create an overall pie chart for everyone. but money dictates. It was interesting to see how much time I spend in different roles. The pie chart shows a typical 120 hour waking week for me. less stressed. I think you will be surprised at the number of hours spent in each role.This has helped me tremendously over the last few weeks. I would like to get rid of the 25% I spend working as a support worker for the homeless. What roles do you have in life? Why not create a pie chart like the one above or simply note down the percentages of each different role. What I also found useful was to create a pie chart of what roles I play and the percentage I play them. I am a lot calmer. it may let you look at life in a new way. However I like my job but spreading the 25% around some of the other roles would be great. Doing the pie chart a few weeks ago made me realise I needed to spend more time with my family so I rearranged a few hours to make more time for my family.co.stevenaitchison.
Just chill out and enjoy the rest of the day. meditate. ratio of 1:4:2. welcome guests. #5 – Allow mess – Christmas is a children’s holiday as well. This needn’t be the case. one of us will say ‘Oh that doesn’t look that much compared to the other one. Every year.Be Happy – This is not meant to be a stressful time of year. anything but make sure you allow time for yourself. eaten the dinner. look around your house. This way you gear yourself up for the stress and all that goes with Christmas. plan your Christmas shopping in one day. without fail. www. allow them to be a bit messy for a day then kick butt on Boxing Day. #8 – Delegate . they are usually happy. My son’s roles will be to clear the living room before dinner. #3 – Get the food in early – Very important this one. Yes children will notice but if you explain to them. remember what it’s all about. You don’t want to be stuck with Turkey breast slices if you’ve planned your meal around a 12Ib Turkey. tidied up (a little). having fun and enjoying your time together. read a book.When you are in queue’s do your breathing exercises. Here are a few tips for staying sane this Christmas. hold for 4 and out for 2. better yet get a foot massage from your partner. Don’t leave the food shopping until last minute. it won’t. the family getting together.co. This includes presents. #6 – Quality time – Allow yourself a break during the day or during the lead up to Christmas and New Year. Children are messy and want to play NOW and don’t care about clearing up. #4 – Spending limit – Stick rigidly to your spending limit. and look around your estate. #1 – Be Thankful – Don’t want to depress you but be thankful. #9 – Breathe . we better buy a few extra presents’. Put your feet up. Although it may not look as if you’ve bought one of your children a lot compared to the other the amount of money spent is the same and that’s what matters. breath in for 1. sit in the bathroom. Count your blessings. now Relax. Take a nap. #2 – Relax – You’ve opened the presents. You are truly blessed. You might think that if you tool half an hour to yourself the world would fall apart. hold for 16 and breathe out for 8 seconds. Take 1 day to plan it and 1 day to action it. #7 . whilst we can do the dinner etc.stevenaitchison. #10 – Plan Christmas .Don’t try and organise the whole day yourself allocate roles to your family. don’t get too stressed about the place being a mess for a day or half a day.uk/blog 66 . There are millions of people worse off so look around your family and silently thank them.10 tips to stay sane at Christmas Christmas and the New Year can be a stressful time of year for a lot of people. food and decorations.If you’ve not already done so. So if you breathe in for 4. lay the table. played some games.
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