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3 questions to change anything in your life Changing jobs Claim back your energy Vizualising the life you want Staying in love Letting go to get what you want 7 tips for perfect kissing Change your mood Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive 21 days to a new habit Say NO to boost your self esteem The cancer view of life 50 best personal development blogs Anchoring a habit Attracting more money into your life Being a dad, not just a father Being unhappy to find happiness Changing beliefs Breaking your oputcome barriers Clear your house to clear your mind Clouds of consciousness Getting connected to you Giving up smoking How to make the gym more interesting Kaizen for personal development Rewrite your past to create your future Self discipline, willpower and motivation _ Self discipline Self discipline, willpower and motivation – Willpower Self discipline, willpower and motivation – Motivation Silent power Slowing the world down Stages of your own evolution Template reality The process of a dream Timeline perspective Using a computer and a headset to change your life What to do when you lose your mojo Your roles in life 10 tips to stay sane at Christmas 1 2-4 5–7 8–9 10 – 11 12 – 13 14 15 16 – 17 18 19 20 – 21 22 – 23 24 25 – 26 27 – 28 29 30 -32 33 – 34 35 – 36 37 – 38 39 40 41 42 – 43 44 – 45 46 – 47 48 49 – 50 51 52 53 54 – 55 56 – 57 58 – 59 60 – 62 63 64 – 65 66
3 questions to change your anything in your life
How do you change the current situation you are in just now? That is what I am asked most often by clients. For any situation whether it be career, love, finances, home, family, anything at all, you have to ask yourself three simple questions. What is my current situation? – You have to fully understand and be aware of your current situation A lot of clients I deal with say they don’t have a problem until they admit they have a problem, for example with alcohol – an alcoholic is not an alcoholic until they admit they’re an alcoholic. You have to be fully aware of your situation and admit that it is wrong. Obviously most people know this or they wouldn’t be asking the question ‘how can I change?’. The next question you have to ask is: Where do I want to be? – For you to change anything in your life you have to know where you want to go in life. You wouldn’t jump into the back of a taxi and say to the driver: You: ‘I want to go somewhere’ Driver: ‘Where to guv?’ You: ‘Don’t know, just take me there’ Driver (on the phone): ‘I think I’ve got a psychiatric patient who needs help here’ It’s the same with life, you have to know where you want to go before you can actually get there. I was speaking with a client a few weeks ago who said she wanted a new job, as she was really fed up and bored with her current job. I asked her what kind of job she wanted, she looked at me and said ‘the same type of job I’ve got just now!’. Where is the logic in that? Most people are happy to trundle along doing the same boring job for the rest of their lives and maybe the adventurous ones will go to a different company but do the same job. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you are happy. If you are not happy, decide what you want to do first before making plans to change. The last question to ask yourself is: How am I going to get there? – Simple question, tough to put into practice. However this can be made easier for you. When you are planning, try not to bog yourself down with all the hows, wheres, why’s and what’s, just do it. If you know you want to change, if you know what you want to change to just start!. Do anything to start you along the path of change. For example: You want a new career, you know the type of job you want, great. But, you don’t have any experience, what then? Go do a course at college – that’s a first step, go do some voluntary work in the line of work you want to do, send out your CV to companies you’d like to work for, do anything but make the first step.
.... your wardrobes are full of crap. your kitchen drawers are housing letters.. you get up on a Saturday morning early and decide that's it the house is getting cleaned from top to bottom. the wardrobes every single thing that I had been neglecting the previous weeks. If you hate your job you hate 8-12 hours of your day. book.. Your job Are you doing the job you are meant to be doing? If you work full time you spend most of your waking day working. pills.. 10 years ago? Maybe it's time to look at your life and take stock and get rid of the debris. toys and other rubbish. your mind felt lighter and you had a little more energy even though you had just spend 5-8 hours cleaning. Then it reaches saturation point. daughter. Answer me this question: If your son.. Come 8pm you've done it. however in their mind it is no different from your situation. 5. feelings of despair. 2 .. hopelessness and your life is lacking direction? You need to look at your life and what you are doing that makes you feel like this. I would spend all day cleaning out the drawers. After listening to them you would more than likely advise them to change jobs. 1.. you could feel good giving some clothes to charity. I've done this in the past and felt like shit every time I went home. it's easy to find a different job.. in the clear up you managed to find your phone so you returned your phone calls so you felt you weren't neglecting your friends and family.. Okay I hear all the reasons for not doing it.. and I’m too old. it's not that easy' why is it not that easy? The money is too good. I other words giving up their crappy job is no less different than you giving up your job and starting something else.' what it comes down to having the balls to step up to the plate and change your future happiness and your family's. I've been doing it for 30 years there's nothing else. Change it! I can already hear you thinking 'yeah right.. the garage needs cleaned out. You could invite people up for dinner because you're not ashamed of the mess. the skirting boards need dusting.. There are scores of reasons you felt better about cleaning the house. you felt a weight lifted as you'd dealt with all the letters that you had been meaning to deal with but put them in the drawer for later.... Now. Have you ever let the house cleaning pile up so much it gets you down for a few weeks? the washing has not been done. This is your spirit lifting and your perspective changing. Well it might be time to clean out your life! Do you feel a bit low. feel lethargic. With their limited knowledge and experience of the world their perspective on life is the same as yours.. How did you feel? my guess is you felt great. niece or nephew came to you one day and said they were feeling really shit and it was because of their job at the restaurant. 3. Your house was tidy so new possibilities could happen in your life. If you are doing this every day it adds up to a lot of unhappiness. I can hear lots of 'yeah but I. the ironing needs done.. I don't have any other skills...Changing jobs Housework! Are you living the life you really want to live or thought you would be living 1. they didn't like it and it was getting them down. you may say that's different as they are young.. you spirit was lifted.
Then when the chance of voluntary redundancy came up I thought about it and dismissed it many times.000. I had a wedding to pay for. work in the social care sector. However. 7 tips 1. It's a bit scary but we KNOW it will work out and we have made moderate adjustments to our lives to help her dream. When I discussed my plans for a new business selling Signed 1st edition books and worked out the finances and after discussing it with my wife I went for it. health benefits the works.000. I was unhappy. I had no experience. After a year or so the business decreased dramatically for various reasons and I could no longer get the money I was getting before. I was out of sync and it showed. So I folded the business and went back to BT on a temporary contract working with the people I had worked with before. I wanted to help people in some way. a big house. My wife knew I was unhappy. I started looking around for voluntary work. however it was from home. The first year was great and I had an annual turnover of £40. I got paid well. 2 children. I was grateful to my friend and manager for giving the chance to earn a bit until I re-evaluated my life. I am not totally in sync but I am a lot closer than I was before and I am happier for it. You need to know this first before you do anything else. I would only get £11. Do you need to change your job or do you need to change the way you do your job? Write down all the things you don't like about your job Now write down all the things you do like It maybe you don't need to change your job it could be your working practice or the people you work with. So again I looked at voluntary work. so I applied for a few jobs and couldn't get in. My wife is now in the same situation. would get a great pension.Grab your balls! I worked at BT for 10 years answering the phones to unhappy customers and some happy customers. but I did work around 12 hours a day. Again I turned to the social care sector and the same things happened as before. Some people have left jobs and later found out it wasn't the actual job itself they didn't like it was an aspect of the workplace they didn't like. She has grabbed her balls and gone to university full time to study for a degree. I noticed how unhappy most of them were and they were getting paid a hell of a lot more than me. I grabbed my balls and left the company. 3 . she left a job paying nearly double what I earn just now. I resented the fact that I had to get up every morning and go to work at a place I didn't like. but managed to get a job as a support worker helping the homeless and that is where I am today.
You really are only a number and you can be replaced.co. 7. spoke it over with friends and family. Change your thinking A lot of people have gotton into such a rut about their jobs that they believe it will be impossible to leave their job without getting the sack or being made redundant or retiring. 6. Be willing to take courses or go to university or college or back to take some exams.2. Try the following exercise: Write down 7 things you love to do Write down your 7 best talents (be honest and don't be shy) Write down 7 jobs you'd love to do Write down 7 things other people say you're good at Write down 7 courses you would take at university if you had the chance After you have down this look at all the things you've written and try and find a common theme. it might be driving just try and find the theme.uk/blog 4 . 4. You have to start thinking about what you want and need. www. 5. It has been shown that if we keep our minds active our brain can regenerate and build more synapses and keep us youthful in mind and spirit.stevenaitchison. Speak it over with your partner. It might be teaching. Get this out of your thinking pattern and you can change your life. As we get older we tend to think we are too old to learn something new. don't. The more we learn the healthier our brains are. you've done the figures. Do the figures and the training and everything else. your family. what is holding you back. you've done some training. This might be hard to swallow but it's the truth. It is a myth that you cannot teach old dogs new tricks. but look after you and you will be better equipped to look after other people e. A lot of people also believe that they are being selfish if they think about leaving. it might be learning. If you feel you are being disloyal to your employer. If someone gave me a million pounds If someone gave you a million pounds to change careers what career would you choose? Whatever you answer will give you an insight into the type of job you really want and for some the type of person you really are. Grab your balls You've figured out what you want to do. get them on your side. Do you know what you really want to do? Most people don't know what they really want to do with their working life. Now grab your balls and jump. 3. you've done everything.g. Be willing to learn What keeps young people young is their enthusiasm for learning. Build a bridge to a new career If you can invest the time and money you might still be able to work and learn a new career at the same time therefore giving you the chance to move one foot out of the door of your current job and one foot into a new job.
you need this power so keep it to yourself. get the kids wakened for school. put make up on (if you're a woman. clean the dishes. If I need to get up a little earlier than normal I remind myself what time I need to get up. go into the office. In the morning we are often drifting in and out of REM sleep. think of all the things you've got to do that day. It might sound a little scary at first but it is worth it. shout at kids to get ready. get them into the car. Here are 7 tips for keeping your energy 1. get kids wakened for school. If are awakened abruptly from REM sleep it is difficult to recover from the grogginess we feel. but I still get a good rest as my brain is taking care of the sleep. Don't go cold turkey. Ditch the alarm clock If you waken each morning with an alarm clock try and stop this habit. read your e-mail. What does happen is that I sometimes wakes up a few hours before the stated time and then 1 hour before it and then half an hour before it. pick your battles well. set the alarm clock for 10 minutes later than normal. shout at kids to get up for school. Before going to sleep tells yourself what time you want to get up. speak to the kids and your partner. tell the kids to stop arguing. you eventually go home. make breakfast. We are giving our energy away to people and projects we shouldn't be. What do I mean by this? Think of your typical day it could go something like this. The alarm clock often wakes us up. Whilst we are sleeping we go through stages of sleep. shower. you get worried as time is running out and you haven't finished your work. 5 . We drain ourselves every day by talking to people who steal our energy. talk on the telephone getting harassed sometimes.Claim back your energy Lots of us are giving our energy away needlessly every day. kick back relax go to bed. It is no wonder that a lot of us feel drained. wake up with an alarm clock at 7am. We drain our energy fighting with loved ones. or a guy whatever flicks your switch). Sound a bit far fetched. get packed lunches ready. brush teeth. I have been doing it for over 12 years and I have honestly never used an alarm clock in all that time. make the dinner. in the morning and at night when we have finished working. and do it all over again the next day. drag yourself out of bed. This is a typical scenario and I've only scratched the surface. feeling even more harassed as you know your partner might be upset. By ditching the alarm clock you wake up naturally and your brain will automatically adjust to your sleeping cycle and prompt you when to wake up. go home at 5pm or stay on. when you argue and fight with someone and it upsets you afterward you are giving someone else your power. We drain our energy shouting at our kids. We drain our energy by waking up in the middle of a dream (we are more lethargic if we have woken up during REM sleep). kiss your partner goodbye.
He was able to control himself and to a degree his thoughts and able to reclaim some of his power. I lost a sheet of paper this morning for an insurance pack I had to send back. 4. Stop shouting at the kids This is a tough one for some of us. Their opinion of you doesn’t matter therefore do not let them upset you. He was letting someone else control how he thought about his life therefore how he felt and how he acted. Now if my kids do something they shouldn't have we will sit them down make them know we are angry or upset and punish them accordingly (by this I mean take away something they like e. I asked him what the problem was and he said he had had a fight with his girlfriend and they had split up and he felt as if he was having a breakdown. the TV. I wrote a quick note to the insurance company and explained I had lost the paper they had sent but I was sure they would have a copy of it themselves. This is clearly not good for you or for your children. Every day we lose some of our energy by giving credence to what other people think about us. a queue for a bus. losing your keys. computer or something else). they are people you work with. a queue in the shops. Be yourself always and you will lose less energy. I still shout but only when I've reached saturation point. 3. I spoke with him for over an hour and one he had calmed down I said did he realise he was giving his power to another person. When you shout when you are upset you are literally throwing your energy to that person and the bad vibes it creates can last a long time. I still couldn’t find it and thought ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. They are not your friends. 6 . After 5 minutes of looking for it and not finding it I was starting to get angry. It’s the little things that can upset us the most. Children learn by example and I started to notice that my boys were using the same technique as me when they wanted to get their point across or they were upset. If you do this you will gain a lot of your power back and sometimes a lot of respect. This was a simple statement but a powerful one. People you work with They are just that. Fighting with loved ones One of my clients was really upset a few weeks ago and couldn't stop crying. The silly things How many times have you got angry or upset waiting in a traffic jam. If you need to say something to them do it immediately and don’t let a small comment from them simmer inside you.g. they are not your relatives they are people you work with. my client got it.2. 5. your wallet. If we stop to think about the things we get upset about we would realise how silly it was. I immediately recognised this and just let it pass.
7.co. Change your thoughts. gain back your energy and change your life. Don’t think everyone wants a fight with you. you can still have a laugh with someone if they are making fun of you as long as it is with your consent i. When you worry about things you’re giving your energy away to something non existent.6. If you find yourself panicking about things. I realised what an effect this was having on me and over time I realised I didn’t really stand up for myself. I just couldn’t handle it at all. Stand up for yourself. scary as it was. ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’ and most times it’s not as bad as you think it is. choose your battles well. When I was younger I was bullied and later on in life I had massive problems with confrontation. When you’re panicking you’re gibing your energy away to something non existent. An incident happened when I was around 17 and I stood up for myself. I always stand up for myself in the right situations. www. anything.stevenaitchison.e. The quickest way to gain control of your energy and gain more power is to always stand up for yourself. What’s the worst that can happen? This is my wife and I favourite phrase ‘What’s the worst that can happen’. they’re laughing with you. I gained my self respect back and gained respect from others.uk/blog 7 . and I was empowered.
either dreading it or looking forward to it. 8 . You do this with almost everything you do day to day. it is real and it can be directed. and getting on well at school and enjoying himself. I didn’t mention about the fights or anybody who was causing the trouble. legs straight. Sound far fetched? Try this: Stand up. I got a chance to speak with my friend’s son and he did indeed have a scowl. I also asked him if he could try a fun exercise very morning and that was too picture in his mind having a great day at school. a great week. Feet together. ready for action. We have to realise that our thoughts are real and they have energy. we could have a great day. I asked him to picture having a laugh with his friends. a great month. You picture.g. You wake up. My friend told me his son always had a scowl on his face and looked angry all the time. I asked the boy of he could try something for me. a great year and ultimately a great year. I was talking with a friend the a few weeks ago and he told me his son was always getting into trouble at school and seemed to attract children who wanted a fight. A lot of people are concentrating so much on what they don’t want that they are attracting more of what they don’t want. Bend down and try and touch your toes without bending your knees. During the conversation it was clear that his son was always on his guard in case someone picked on him or bumped into him.Visualising the life you want The visions in your head create the life you live! Everybody who has ever read a self development book of any kind knows this. If you took 10 minutes out of your day. playing football. See how far you get. The thing is when we have pictures in our head and dread the image we are never going to have a good day and we leave our days in the hands of fate. My friend reported. literally. in your mind. a few days ago. but it is worth re-iterating. Think about what you do every morning to go to work. I asked him to be aware of every time he scowled and to straighten his face. positive energy you have created will attract positive energy someone else has created. that his son has not been in trouble for a few weeks and had actually enjoyed going to school. It literally affects every single area of our lives from going for a walk to building up a business. don’t say you don’t have the time because that’s just not true and you know it. How it works By visualising something you are literally creating a ball of energy. We spoke about his problems at school and he told me what my friend had told me. I wanted him to concentrate on the good things and not wake up every morning thinking he was going to get into a fight. picture your place of work and either roll back to sleep or jump up. another reason he was attracting attention to himself. It is attracted to the same type of energy you have created e. what you have to do for the day. You are picturing your outcome for the day ahead.
I am willing to bet that you got further than you did the first time you tried it. and try and touch your toes. If you have any stories about how this has worked for you let me know or if you have any questions let me know and I will be happy to answer your questions. If you keep thinking about the lack of money you have you will NEVER attract money into your life. For now. Don’t just visualise 1 million pounds and expect not to work for it. Set your desired outcome Visualise it in your minds eye Focus on it often.Now try this. yourself bending down and touching your toes but this time going further than you did the first time. Be on the lookout for people coming into your life. that’s for another article. books presenting themselves. Also be prepared to work for your desired outcomes. The process works like this. Now do it again. preferably a set time every day Always give it positive energy. only this time it is affecting your physiology as well. which is quite easy to creep into your thoughts. signs in general that will lead you towards your desired outcome. If you do this only once you may get something back in return. Positive thinking This might sound clichéd. www. without bending your knees. bend forward in your minds eye and bend forward and go further than you did the last time. take it for granted that your thoughts stem from mental energy which forms a physical energy which is attracted to the same form of energy of others and attracts back to you. However of you do it often you will get what you wish for or visualise for. You will not attract positive things in your life if half your time is spent thinking negatively. Open your eyes. Do this a few times. but it is true.uk/blog 9 . if you think you can’t visualise. You will have to be aware of the synchronicities that will happen after a few days of your practicing your visualisations. This is the power of visualisation.co. This works every time and the only reason it won’t work is you working in negative thoughts into your thinking when visualising your desired outcome. Now stand up for real and bend down.stevenaitchison. Be sure not to mix up those positive thoughts with thoughts of negativity. Picture in your minds eye or feel it.
you go to work to get paid. Think about it for a minute. your job. Would you go to work if you didn’t get paid? For most of us that would be NO! NO! NO! So your primary goal. you eat to stop the hunger. That’s the bigger payoff. complain about the large caseload I have and the amount of time to do an effective job but I try and look at my job in a different way. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t get paid but I still like it and I enjoy what I do. You may not like it but you still do it as the rewards are greater than the pleasure of staying in bed. What do I do to make the payoff less important than the actual work I do? Change my perspective on your work. It doesn’t have to be this way at all. I have the chance to help them stay in a house or a flat and possibly help them to become the person they want to be. it pays the mortgage but spiritually I get the better payoff. Once they are in their flat or house I still work with them to try and maintain it. I cannot help people who do not want to be helped and there are a lot of people like that in my line of work. I challenge you to think of something you do which doesn’t have a payoff. You may not like going to the gym but you do it as the rewards are greater than being a bit flabby or downright fat. is go to work and get some money. the payoff is the money which is deposited into your bank account every month or every week. the money is a good thing. In this article I will show you a really simple trick to stay in love with your partner. For example going to work everyday.everything has a payoff. you go to the toilet to relive your bladder and to stop feeling uncomfortable. you make love to produce endorphins in your body and make you feel good. Yeah right! You might be saying as if that could happen. 10 . I do like my job. it is my first step to that outcome. When we do something there has to be a payoff at the end. and to help them find employment or help with their health needs. to begin with. in this example. However longer term it can be harder. do the minimum. My main job is to help prevent and to help sustain tenancies for persons who have previously been homeless. My job is a path to what I really want to be doing in my life and that is changing people’s lives. you take the dog for a walk so he doesn’t make the house messy…. your education.Staying in love Having a great partnership whether in your personal life or your professional life is easy. The payoff What most of us do though is make the payoff the primary goal. I could in. I have the chance to change a person’s life for the better. your kids. However once in a while someone extends their hand for help and that hand is met with a multitude of hands willing to help and I have a chance to be a part of a life changing process starting with helping to put a roof over someone’s head. any area of your life. There is a payoff for everything we do in life. Now. My aim when I go to work is to try and make the payoff less important.
). I am not saying your relationship will change overnight however. Do it with everything that may be dying in your life. www. it clogs your arteries (see your blood vessels being blocked. But what happens when the kids are being a pain in the arse. think back to when you felt all those things. Feeling the love Some people think ‘I don’t think I love my partner anymore. what happens when you hate your job? Start falling in love with what you originally fell in love with! Take a moment to think of 5 reasons why you love your children Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your partner Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your job (and there will be some) Take a moment to think of 5 reasons you love going to university When doing this exercise you have to put your heart and soul into it.stevenaitchison. they will feel a different vibe from you and they will respond. We have to feel the feelings we felt when we first fell in love and that keeps us going. It’s true for anything in your life. You get the picture. If you don’t want to like something anymore. you have to work hard to feel the love for you partner. what happened?’ take time to get acquainted with them again. You have to re-acquaint yourself with those feelings as those feelings can go if we don’t notice it going. chocolate for example. If you can really put emotion into this and do it often it is a very powerful tool for change in your life. feel it. see yourself being out of breath.Falling in love again What the hell has all this got to do with staying in love with your partner? Everything! You have a payoff by being I love. if you start to think about your partner all over again your partner will see the changes in you. see yourself being ridiculed. see yourself naked in the mirror as a fat person).co. hear the voice that gets you excited. loving. you have a payoff by loving your kids. Feel the hate Incidentally you can do this in reverse.uk/blog 11 . they will get love. Don’t just say it out loud. see it. Just re acquaint yourself with what you felt when you first started on the thing in your life and you can get the feelings back and subsequently the love back. look at your partner and see those beautiful eyes you adore. That’s what it means when people say you have to work hard at a marriage. affection time and attention from you and you get happy. you have a payoff by loving life but it’s a two way process you love and adore your kids. feel their heart. what happens when your partner has two sets of love handles. Think of 5 reasons why you really hate it makes you fat (see yourself being fat. responsible children. We are not meant to just drift along hoping that the feelings will stay.
the butterfly will simply fly away. I was feeling a bit down. Every time I went out for a night out I would look for her. She was not interested in me at all at the beginning but then a song came on that I loved. I dated in-between but never really found anybody whom I could say ‘she’s the one’. The secret is to hold it gently. I have noticed that my web design and hosting business bradlewdesigns ticks over nicely as I do not focus on it too intently and I don’t need money from it. intelligent and able to stand up for herself. All areas of life This happens in many areas of my life and I have to catch myself before I become too emotionally involved. The best time it ever happened to me was the night I met my wife. we have a fantastic house. As soon as I let go of the desire she came to me. I gave it the works. 12 . perfect. Later on I decided to go as everybody else seemed to be going. I get passive income from the hosting side of it and I get to do something I love from the design side of it. if you hold your hands too loosely. I got chatting to a few friends on the night out and we were having a laugh and at 7. If you squeeze too tightly the butterfly will be crushed. And due to the fact that I don’t need the income from it I tend to get more work. Michael Neill stated in his book ‘you can get what you want’ Imagine what you want is like a beautiful butterfly in your hands. This is true in most areas of your life. I looked up and said ‘who the hell is that!’ I later found out it was a colleague’s sister. I love being a bachelor and that is the way I will stay for the rest of my life’ and at that I gave up the fight to find my perfect woman. Her name is Sharon. she was petite. Earlier on in the week I had been asked to go to a 40th birthday party from some colleagues at work and I had said maybe but on that day I didn’t feel like it.Letting go to get what you want Have you ever gone for a job interview not caring at all whether you get the job or not and invariably you end up getting it? This has happened to me a few times and in different areas of my life.30pm a woman walked in wearing a red t shirt and a pair of brown cord trousers. she had two boys from a previous marriage whom I adore. I had this in my head for about 6 years. I pictured us having two children and I pictured the house we lived in. we have a love that I have never known and we have a little dog called Trinity (after the character from The Matrix). During the day I was saddened as I hadn’t found ‘the one’. and that is working with computers and learning new technologies. they called all the time? How did you feel? A bit claustrophobic I would guess and I would also guess that you are no longer with that person. I visualised a woman with long dark hair. I held out my hand and asked if she wanted to dance and it was electric. I eventually grew tired of looking and on the 19th July 2002 I was walking along Argyle street in Glasgow on my way to work and I said to myself ‘that’s it. Have you ever dated someone who just held too tightly to you. The point of that story was to show that I had all the ingredients of getting what I wanted except I had emotionally held on too tight to my desire of having my perfect partner. For years I had been dreaming about my perfect partner. they clung to you.
I will continue as I love doing it. Steps – Take gentle steps toward your goals. enquire about it. Do this often but feel relaxed when you are doing it. If you take it easy you’ll enjoy every minute of the process. Rest and let go .co. You need to let the cosmos catch up with your goals and their next step. I then dropped it to every few hours then every day and now I check it when I feel like it. I try to concentrate on the articles and the ideas in the articles rather than the money now. getting an accountant (one who you feel connected to and who knows your business). setting up the bank accounts with your business name on it. only 4 weeks ago I checked my stats every hour I was obsessed. Just hold up your hands and say I need some time with my family. You can’t do everything at 100 miles per hour if the cosmos only works at 60 miles per hour. even if nobody writes a comment or clicks on the ads or makes a donation. It took me 4 weeks to pull myself back. Stay focused on what you want but let the tension and stress you might feel go.The recipe The goal – you need to have a goal.uk/blog 13 .stevenaitchison.Let go of your goals for a bit. Now get emotional with it how do you feel inside about it. enjoy the process of research and finding out. When I first started this blog. Just take some quality time to reflect and you will reach your goals a lot quicker. I need a break. If you want to start a business. www. doing your website. but I love doing this now. Visualise – Picture in your minds eye everything about the goal. what it smells like use all your sense. and I need to go fish. Too many people want everything to happen yesterday. preferably written down so you can check on it from time to time. if you take gentle steps you will feel less stressed and enjoy the whole experience. how it looks.
passionate. Make use of your partners body and kiss them all over. Lounging about the house kisses: • • • • Just a quick kiss: A quick kiss just to remind them you love them Kids are out playing kiss: A longer kiss followed by the words ‘the kids are out playing…………….uk/blog 14 . softer.’ You’re getting it tonight kiss: passionate. Do not kiss your partner if you have a mouth infection of any kind. Greeting kisses with your partner • • • The hello kiss: A quick kiss on the lips which says ‘hey babe. how was your day’. Most people hate seeing other people kissing in public. all over the face type of kiss saying ‘I’m hungry’ The spiritual kiss: slow. 7. this kiss says ‘hey babe. I was thinking about you today (eyebrows raised). An obvious one this but do not eat strong tasting foods like curry or garlic. www. The hello kiss +: A bit longer than the hello kiss. Men: Have a good shave. Have you ever seen this in the high street. what makes a good kiss? How can you improve your kissing? Here are 7 tips to make that perfect kiss: 1.co. long.7 tips for fantastic kissing: Kissing is often an overlooked art when it comes to seducing your partner. playful. kissing is not just meant for the mouth. sorry! 10 of the most popular ones I have read about and seen on TV. But. Obviously there are many types of kisses and they can be used in different settings. 2. viruses can be carried through the saliva when kissing. Do it in private. 5. Women prefer passionate kissing when the man has had a close shave rather than the man with stubble. Vary your kisses from soft. most people close their eyes when kissing. 3. passionate which says ‘I love you on a deeper level’ There are a million more types of kisses I’ve only named 10 of our most popular. Making love kisses: • • • Thank god. well! It kind of speaks for itself. so keeping your eyes open can be different and fun. the painters have left kiss: Menstrual cycle is over and it’s time to get back on track I really want you kiss: long. Not even in the door kiss: A passionate kiss which says. Leave the passionate kisses in the privacy of your home or where nobody can see you. Kiss with your eyes open and maintain eye contact. long kisses to hard and passionate kisses 6.. Here are some kisses that are used with partners.stevenaitchison. by this I mean a close shave. it’s gross. long and hard saying ‘I’m horny!!!’ Just before sleep kiss: A quick peck on the cheek or lips to say ‘goodnight babe’. I don’t mean the quick pecks I mean the passionate ‘I really want you kiss’. unless your partner is eating it too. 4.
do you feel a bit brighter? If you have done this exercise correctly and really put your heart and soul into it you should have changed your state of mind within the matter of five minutes. and when you’ve got all the roles and your biggest successes and proudest moments click your fingers twice. get into the scene again and feel the feelings. You obviously have forgotten all about this but it still doesn’t stop you from being in a bad mood pretty much the rest of the day. And pretty soon you should be able to change your state by clicking your fingers twice. playing with your children. Feel the emotions when you look at your wife and feel how blessed you are.33. Try it for 21 days www.Change your mood This is a great exercise for ‘changing your state’ as NLPers would call it. pretty pissed off I would imagine. every time you do this exercise click your fingers twice as soon as you have finished doing it. Really get into all the roles. and the pouring rain. feel the feelings as you mentally see your child do something for the first time and you realise they’re growing up. feel all the feelings associated with the proudness you feel. . Keep your eyes closed whilst doing this. Now think of five things you have done in your life which you felt great about. feel the feelings. How does that make you feel. A great exercise to try and a very simplistic one is by doing the following. How do you feel now? Are you sitting up a bit straighter. how did you feel on all of these five moments. play some of your favourite music in the background. Picture the scenario: You’ve woken up one morning full of the joys of spring.stevenaitchison. you’ve received a letter stating you are due someone £542. getting out of debt. Think of five things you are proud of in your life: your family. your business. and your wife everything you are proud of in your life. meeting your wife.co. yourself.making the school rugby team as captain. Here’s the thing. Now look at five of your biggest successes and do exactly the same.uk/blog 15 . your kids. Feel the feelings again.
Persevere Keep going with the above exercise. From TODAY start telling yourself you are attractive. everyday remind yourself how attractive you are. When I say attractive I mean the whole package. You have to stop the years of that little voice in your head saying’ I’m ugly. someone that draws you closer. I’m unattractive’. you have to feel the emotions of those situations. You have to see yourself in situations where people are attracted to you. positive talking does not work like that. someone you want to listen to when they speak. You won’t attract people to you if you feel unattractive yourself.Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive Think about the people in your life who are attractive. Helen Miran. from real life. and someone who is attractive in appearance. 16 . Of the people you picked as attractive how many of them are visually attractive. Why is this? Attractiveness is a state of mind! It truly is. How to change your feeling about yourself A lot of people for years have told themselves they are not attractive and guess what. Karen from ‘Will and Grace’. What makes people attractive is their confidence. if you tell yourself that often enough you will be all those things. I don’t mean look in the mirror and say ‘I am attractive. I’m fat. Take a few minutes to do this. This may take a few weeks to get you really from the ‘unattractive mindset’ to ‘attractive mindset’. Due to the years of conditioning your mind has had it will find it difficult to give up on the image that you are unattractive. Think of all your best qualities and focus on them instead of focusing on the bad points about yourself. I am attractive’. good to look at? I am sure there a re a few who are not your cup of tea but you still find them attractive. goodness knows we all have them but what makes the difference is that the attractive people don’t necessarily focus on them all the time. someone you like laughing with. their zest for life and their ‘I don’t give a shit what you think about me’ attitude. they won’t be to other people as well. Jerry Lewis. Think of some of the people for example on TV who may be conventionally unattractive but have that certain something that makes them attractive: For example my wife thinks James Belushi has something about him. and you have to tell yourself occasionally throughout the day that you attract the right kind of people towards you. not from TV or films. and Adam Sandler.
and I care a lot about animals. www. List everything. the things people say ‘she’s really good at that’. or what you think you are good at yourself. You can also apply this technique to all areas in your life. I love my job. I thought I was no good. Make sure you do this every day and at every opportunity. You will need to try and cope with the new you and it’s not as easy as you might think.uk/blog 17 . feel yourself being good at it. see 21 days to a new habit . Then after years of self doubt I changed my inner talk to telling myself people did like me.I hate being around people when I was younger as I thought I was no good at talking. people did think I was intelligent. I am great at empathising with people. so start looking. Or the next 3 weeks. focus on your chosen 5 attributes. I am kind. List the things you are good at. Exercise. It’s the inner talk that keeps us believing what we believe.stevenaitchison. see yourself being good at it. For example you might say I get on well with people. and the only reason I knew this was because people kept on telling me and pretty soon I kept telling myself and pretty soon I really believed it. However the one thing I had going for me was relative good looks.co. I will write a follow up article on this topic as once you have mastered you inner talk on attractiveness you will be overwhelmed by the change it brings in your life. If you look for enough evidence that you are attractive you will find it. Every chance you get just remind yourself how good you are at (chosen attribute). I thought people laughed at me. Now pick the top five most important ones to you. I was funny etc.
When starting or breaking any habit we tend to tell our conscious mind we are going to change and it’s for life. going out for a drink at night. just after sex etc. If you tell your mind you want to try something for 21 days it won’t be so unwilling to co-operate. however research has shown that the neural pathways to any habit could be lifelong and a cue or a trigger can cause us to start back up an old habit. www. you will have seen the benefits along the way your unconscious will want to continue if it has been beneficial. When you want to start a habit. Now. and then it starts to think of all the situations it likes a good cigarette in. you might normally say to yourself ‘right that’s it I’m giving up for good’. or so it thinks. That’s 21 days of going to the gym every day or exercising in some way every day. like smoking. Give up sweets for 21 days Meditate for 21 days Write in the blog every day for 21 days Get up before 6am every day (I’ve actually made this a habit now) Drink a vegetable juice for 21 days This is just a small list of the things I am doing. should I go to the pub should I not. We all know we have conversations with ourselves. when you have completed this for 21 days your conscious mind has the choice of stopping it or carrying on. There are a hundred conversations we have with ourselves everyday. Your conscious mind will just say ‘is that right? I’m in charge here. should I go to the gym should I not. This can also work when trying to break a habit. 21 days of anything. It can’t really think as clearly about the benefits because it hasn’t yet had the benefits of giving up smoking but it knows the supposed pleasures that smoking brings. This is not a bad thing. So what habits can we start for 21 days? I have made a list for myself that I am in the middle of doing. first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. we just have to be aware of our thoughts when we have given up a habit such as smoking.21 days to a new habit Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. at work when you’re a bit stressed. This might sound a little strange when I say ‘talking to your conscious’ as it is your conscious talking to your conscious. tell yourself (your conscious brain) that you are going to try it for 21 days. Immediately your brain kicks in and says no smoking for life. When we want to start something or give up something. don’t tell yourself you are doing it for life. 21 days to meditation. I’ll decide’ so there will be a battle between your two sides of your conscious mind.co. For example if you want to start the habit of meditating tell your conscious self that you are trying it for 21 days. Your brain thinks ‘lack of’ instead of the benefits of. smoking for example. Your neural pathways have formed already and you will more than likely continue with your new habit.stevenaitchison.uk/blog 18 . 21 days to eat healthily. 21 days doing. Feel free to share your 21 day new habits.
When this has happened you will find that you will care less about what other people think about you as you are being more congruent with yourself and you will feel comfortable with yourself. Well that is the time to say ‘NO’. a poor social life. ‘I come first. stop and say to yourself ‘I come first’ and you will find the courage to say no to your co-worker. You have probably heard it all before but it’s worth re-iterating a million times for some people to listen. Forget what you think your co-workers think about you. www. lack of confidence as we all know is in your head. Now this will take a long time to engrain this feeling within us. and say it. In other words make a conscious decision.co. poor self esteem. and our worth is only gauged by ourselves not anybody else. What we have to do to claim ourselves back is forget what other people are saying about us. Let me know if you have any stories about saying NO and how it has changed your life. That little two letter word can send your self esteem soaring and gradually build confidence in you. not doing well at university or school. Say ‘NO’ more often. but how do we stop ourselves from worrying about what other people might think of us? We have to decide that we care about us. By this I mean your social circle. forget what the people on the street might think about you. This is all very well saying this. your family’s (your true family. the ones that have loved you all your life) opinion of you count and it is good to listen to them as long as you’re getting a balanced view and there are no hidden agendas.uk/blog 19 . I don’t want you getting the sack or losing out on a relationship or anything like that. Just say NO when it feels right to say NO When you have practiced those two suggestions above for a few months your self belief will have improved enormously. Maybe when your coworker has asked you do something you are uncomfortable with. All too often we get tied up in thinking that our worth is based on the size of our house or the size of our cars and who we hang around with. Now I don’t mean you say NO to everything. You know what I mean and you will have lots of examples. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of someone else’. Our worth is based on who we think we are. To do this you will need to make a conscious effort to stop at certain things you do and say ‘I come first’.stevenaitchison. Do what you do and be proud. When that little warning bell goes off in your head and you get that little tingle in your stomach that says ‘something’s not right’ say ‘NO’.Say NO to boast your self esteem Being poor.
I imagine it must have been like walking through a jungle trying to chop down all the branches. in her mind. ferns etc and there was a clear path. She happily recounted her life story and then she told me she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and ever since then she let go of the things in life that held her back. lets call them Lana and Gillian. She ‘didn’t lie down to it’. My wife was also on the course. sky dived. stopped thinking about what other people thought about her. to a lesser extent. Your energy becomes purer and less tainted by the worries and the constant wariness of having to conform to the way other people think you should act. Now the strange thing is that she had a friend who worked beside her who had the same kind of energy. It was very clear. It was a very strange thing to witness. and most of all the ones who laughed the most. as did her friend and work colleague. that there was something different about her. before she said a word. Gillian. weeds. It is useful to get a visual picture of where you are in your life and what areas need attention it is worth noting which areas of your life need a perspective change. And she didn’t look in any way out of the ordinary. By the end of the two day course. I believe it was her energy. but in a different group to me. Lana’s energy had rubbed off on Gillian as well. I believe she would be great in her job. kind. She said she had noticed Lana when she had first walked in. Chance had it that I was sitting next to Lana in group work. This woman did everything she wanted to do in life. Lana and Gillian were the ones who stood out for being very level headed. This tells me two things: Letting go of your inhibitions lightens you. Lana truly did not care what other people thought of her. very thoughtful. loved her family more. the jungle was free from all the branches. watching for snakes and spiders etc and then when she was diagnosed with cancer. I believe that simply being around her friend and work colleague. friends and her dreams and ambitions. I was touched. she went on holidays to places she thought she would only dream of. weeds. also had the same attitude and again I think she be good in her current job role. I am happy to say Lana is now completely free from the breast cancer and proud of her prosthetic nipple! Changing your perspective How do you change your perspective on life without being diagnosed with a life threatening illness? There will be different areas of your life that you may have to focus on whilst trying to change your perspective on life in general.The Cancer view of life Whilst doing a course on suicide intervention I met a lovely woman who stood out from the crowd because of her energy and zest for life. after a while. Changing your perspective on life will literally change your life: Although Lana had been diagnosed with breast cancer she stood up in her battle to fight it. ferns. which was not important to her and concentrate on the things which were important mainly her family. she could see straight through. 20 . I think a lot of people did. Before the group work started I was chatting to her and asked her about herself. As a direct result of her being diagnosed with breast cancer Lana managed to clear out the stuff.
Yep easy for me to say and a bit sanctimonious but stay with me here. £70. So if you scored 50% with your finances you need to look at this area in your life and possibly change your perspective on it. is take time out of the day. or getting a new job. usually in the morning to be grateful for the things you have. I am happy with my family life so I would put it up to 80% meaning I don’t have a lot of work to do with my perspective on my family life. Exercise to try In your mind think about the areas on the wheel of life you looked at before: Now with each area on the wheel thank the universe. have I got it NO! However I look around me and see all the things I have. You are in the top 30% of the wealthiest people in the world. We have a young woman who feels she does not have a lot of money and can’t buy the things she wants in life and has too much debt. thank them for what you have. If she really wants something badly she could have saved that money or invested it. if they are honest will admit to the same. can I afford it.co. If you’re looking at this article from the comfort of your own home. This is a very simplified example and it’s not that easy to shift your perspective. Okay. can’t get’. The chart is also useful for looking at areas in your life where you need to focus more attention. I truly live in luxury and most people. all in all £205 for a Christmas night out. Still works towards getting that new car or losing weight. so you get two for the price of one. thank god. NO.uk/blog 21 . YES! do I still want it YES!. Right now I want a 42 inch plasma screen TV and have done for about a year. thank yourself or whatever or whoever. Think about that for a moment. do I need it. the house I live in. Now that could have paid off her catalogue debt.Use this link to chart and print a wheel of life and find out what areas need looked at. Getting what you want Everything you want in life will come to you if you take steps toward it. she might ask herself ‘Do I have too much’ or ‘what have I bought that I don’t really need?’ she bought the new dress for the Christmas night out. shoes to match £50. at first. Post a comment here and tell us what you are grateful for. One thing I do and my wife does. Now if she performed a simple switch in thinking like and looked at her life from a homeless person’s point of view she would realise she has a lot to be thankful for. I am truly grateful for my wife. Her perspective on life is ‘don’t have. Honestly it sounds saintly and a bit weird but it works. did she really need it. the luxury of time. www. Using the information When you have charted all the areas look at the ones that need attention. Its £1200. the taxi home £15. If she kept looking through the eyes of a homeless person. typically those under 70-100%.stevenaitchison. the very fact that you have a computer and an internet connection tells me you are well off. Now talking of that night out. which she has done most of her life. there are around 4-5 billion people out there worse off than you. the internet connection. the job I have. I am honestly grateful. but be grateful for what you have right now. my children. the night out itself. You have to practise and practice all the time. it cost £70 for the dress. For each area put in a percentage of where you are happy with e. In the meantime change your perspective on what you have right now and you will change your world. the luxury I live in.g. that was £70. you now know which areas you need to focus on and possibly change your perspective on lets try it out with an example.
www. blogging at it’s best www. www. listen to the radio shows they are very funny. www. don’t live to geek.kthdsn. In the 6 months that I have been blogging I have come across some excellent blogs in all subjects and thought it would be a good idea to share some of the top blogs in the different areas. from the Positive Blog network 18.com – The chief happiness officer. www.cultivategreatness.Beth is a life coach with good content on her blog 11. 9. www.salesmotivation. 3.Blogging the lazy way 22 . www. great guy www. 5. The PBN will expand over time and you will have instant access to some great blogs. This month I will look at the personal development field.com – Predominantly a list blog. www.steve-olson.net – Motivational sales talk from gary jones. 7.com – Personal development with a twist of film www.com/blog/ .youalreadyknowthisstuff. You’ve probably all seen the positive blog network (PBN) logo in the sidebar.com – Another great site form the Positive Blog Network 12.com.talentdevelop.greyspk.blogspot.com/lazy_way/ .craigharper.A simple.com – A well thought out blog with really good content 14. 2.com – One of my favourite blogs http://www.stevepavlina. www.A life coach with something to say 21.lifehacker.com – another great blog form the Positive Blog Network 17. 1.Originator of the Positive Blog network www.org – A great addition to the Positive Blog Network 10. www.encouragingcoach.A good motivational blog 16.50 best personal development blogs Personal development is my business and my life.com/ . www.com – Personal development from a geeks point of view. www. www.au – This guy does everything.com – Well laid out blog and quality content www.justindriscoll.positivesharing.com – Great blog. 8.com – Still one of the best out there 13. They are in no particular order. Here are a few others that you might like to check out. 6.com/blog/ . no nonsense blog 20.thefastlane.blogs.lifeoptimizer.wisebread. www.info – some good stuff on this blog 19.com/wordpress . geek to live 15. 4. www. but great stuff nonetheless www.net/blog .pickthebrain.lazyway.mindhacks.ririanproject.geniustypes. These are some of the best personal development blogs out there and we will be expanding.
enchillcom.generativetransformation.unlimitedchoice.davidseah.bruceeisner.com/ .All about the brain and science 37.laurayoung.com/ . www.entrepreneurs-journey.com – Dating advice blog 26.A weird blog with some brilliant posts 40.com/ .An interesting blog about sleeping patterns 28.typepad.Another great blog with some good articles 50.com/ .optimindzation.com – An inspiring blog to change your life 39.typepad. www. www.Helping men who have something missing in their lives 23. www.Always a pleasure reading the stories on this blog 47.briankim.com/ .A Simple blog with some good posts 44.com/blog .com/ .blogspot. www.uk/blog . www. www.howtobecooler. www.radicalhop.liveyourinspiration.Some useful articles on this blog 49. www. www.com/ .com/ .They don’t come much better than this 33. www. www. www.org/blog/ .personal development from a scientific point of view 34.net – Not really personal development but Darren Rowse has certianly helped my blog 32. www.miloriano.a career development blog 24.com/ . www.Thinking outside the box blog 31.blogspot.org/ . www.lifecoachesblog.One of the best www.uk/blog 23 .Lots of posts lots of advice 43.lifehack.Social skills for the shy and insecure 25.com/ .co.I love this blog 30.blog.com/blog/ .22.com – a great blog with some great podcasts 27.sharpbrains.com – another brilliant blog on getting things done 38.polyphasicsleep.blogspot.Hundreds of coaching tips on this blog 29.another good blog with some good articles 41.Another great blog you have to check out 35.davidmaister. www.lifebeyondcode.urbanlighthouse.stevenaitchison.life-coach-thea.com/ .com/blog .com/blog .com/ . www.co. www. www.net/blog/ . www.com/ . www.stevenaitchison. www. www. headrush.abetteryoublog.cognition.A man on the way to the top 45.universeofsuccess.Another inspiring blog with some inspiring articles 42.auriumsoft.com – Another one of my favourites 36.Don’t be put off by the navigation there’s some great stuff here 46. www. www. www.thedisquiet.php . www.Your onestop brain fitness centre 48.ens.fr/~alphapsy/blog/ .problogger. www.askdanandjennifer.typepad.com/index.
It got me thinking about how else we could develop habits so that they don’t become a chore for us.uk/blog 24 . and my intentions. Now my computer being quite old. If we anchor a habit to another habit this would increase out chances of developing the new habit. our health. I never really gave it much thought but I have been doing this unconsciously for a number of months. For example. my kids. and because I haven’t really done it before I am quite apprehensive so I am practicing it in the car.stevenaitchison. So I am anchoring a new habit to the existing habit of driving www. my job etc and then I go on to visualise my intentions for my life. our love for each other. it doesn’t matter that I look a bit crazy I don’t know the people who might be thinking this so what does it matter. I spend about 1-2 hours every day in my car driving to see clients etc.Anchoring a habit I was reading an article written by Gleb Reys ‘Creative habit naming’ and I thought it was a great idea. When I get up in the morning I go downstairs and turn on the computer. books on CD. I also practice speaking in my car gestures and all. I turn my computer on every single morning which is the habit and I now practice my gratitude and intentions which is anchoring the habit to an existing one. I listen to podcasts I have downloaded. self help developments books. and I have around 20 at the moment. This is a great idea for doing other things we might not necessarily do. I have been practicing the law of attraction and part of this involves thinking about my intentions every day and I also think about what I am grateful for every day.co. it takes about 7 minutes to boot and load up all the software etc so I use those 7 minutes to internalise everything I am grateful for in life: My wife. Instead of listening to the radio. it’s a 5 hour seminar. I am practicing a seminar in my head I am giving for the ‘law of attraction’.
I used to believe that I would never be able to make money. Whenever you see something you like you can say to yourself I can buy that if I wanted to. Put £100 ($150) in your wallet and do not spend it. In your mind you have spent £10. but are you ready for it? Mentally you’ve got to be ready to receive money.’ 25 .Attracting money into your life I suspect most people would like to attract more money into their life. I had failed in the past etc etc. I have seen the transformation in my life and I have seen more money than ever coming into my life.000. You are mentally preparing yourself to receive more money into your life. However the amount of money coming into my life that I have not worked for can continue ‘til the cows come home. Do this for a few weeks and see what happens. I have started carrying more money in my wallet and believe it is a catalyst to me receiving more money. How the hell does putting money in your wallet attract more money? Okay try it. but say to yourself I’ve got the money to buy it. If I am being completely honest I have had to slow the amount of opportunities coming my way as I do not have time to take on the jobs I am offered. I am noticing more and more in my life that the law of attraction really does work especially since I downloaded my intentions onto my iPod. If you try this for a few weeks your mind has fewer blocks about money coming into your life as you have spent that £100. These thoughts definitively hindered my progress in making money and as soon as I dropped them and believed I deserved money in my life and believed it would come. you had £100 in your pocket. it did. You might walk past a computer shop and see that iPod you wanted and say to yourself ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’. Resist the temptation to buy it. You might have passed a clothes shop and said ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’ and you could. If you need to buy something at the shop do not use the £100. There is a great way to change your thinking about money and attract more of it. mentally. I didn’t have any special talents to make money. Put some money in your wallet! Esther Hicks wrote about it in ‘Ask and it is given’. I wrote about it here. Money has been coming into my life ever since I removed the blocks in my mind about money. 100 times. Your mind goes from lack of money to lots of money. I really do believe that what we think about is what we attract in our lives.
I filled in all my tax returns etc and thought I was up to date with everything. don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. 3 days later (yesterday) I received a cheque for £543. I casually asked if I would be due any rebate.co. If you don’t have £100 in your pocket try it with £50 and work up or try it with £20 and work up. Now if I hadn’t seen the girl from the tax office I wouldn’t have asked the question about a tax rebate. She asked my to write a quick letter and she would hand it in. If you are open to this you will manifest money a lot quicker. After explaining to me that the tax office would eventually get around to issuing a rebate it would be better to ask for it and I could receive it quicker.As an example I used to run a small book dealing business which I stopped in September 2005. If you have a deep seated belief that this will not work it may take longer to start attracting money. Everybody deserves abundance in their lives and that includes you and there is more than enough to go around.stevenaitchison. Try it If you are open to receiving money you will receive it. If you don’t believe this rubbish that I am talking try it for yourself. 5 days ago I was at a hall helping some of my clients fill in benefits forms and get advice on benefits and child tax credit etc and someone was there from the tax office.uk/blog 26 . www. The tax office might have issued it eventually but I hadn’t received anything so far.
make me feel proud. their love and respect for the world is learned from their father at this stage. However the mother shows the boy warmth love and shows that the world is a safe place to live in. All that from a kiss. I mean real belly laughing and tears forming laughing. Ages 14 – Adulthood: This is when the mother and father take a step back and let other role models take a more prominent role. and it is important to be around. make sure that their son has role models and peers in their lives that will be a positive influence. It was one of those moments that happens every once in a while and it does so much for our relationship. as much as possible. knives and want to wrestle with their dad and siblings. but plays a less prominent role. My wife also feels like this sometimes and we convince ourselves we do it for the family and for the future. We were walking along and he started singing a little marching song: ‘I don’t know what you’ve been told. There is a big change and they want to play with swords. I am a dad of two boys aged 9 and 11 and they constantly drive me nuts. The truth is we are good parents and we do spend enough time with our boys. and in general there are three. about love. their sense of humour. The three stages of boyhood Research has shown that there are distinct stages in boyhood. but my big butt is freezing cold’ and we all started laughing. This is when the parents have to. This is when the boys are learning about skill and being male. Their father is still very important. about respect. I feel I work too much and don’t see my kids or wife often enough and it’s this time in their young lives which I will affect the most if I am with them. was complaining of being cold. unless you are not working I think one always feels that they do not do enough for their kids. as he is probably the hardest to deal with. However. But what is being a dad? I was out today in Glasgow with my two sons and the youngest one. Ages 6 – 14: This is the stage when boys want to develop their sense of what it is to be male. a look and a bit of larking around. The fact that myself and my wife are so loving towards each other makes a huge difference in the boy’s lives. guns. one minute I am on a high with them the next minute I am on a downer. It will be the longest commitment you ever make in your life and it will be the source a lot of you r emotional turmoil’s. No other relationship will be as wild as this. Ages 0 – 6 years: Boys are still very much attached to their mother. make me mad. it brings us closer than ever before.Being a dad. a cuddle. I constantly feel I could be a better dad. not just a father Being a Dad is possibly the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your life. their playfulness. 27 . The dad is the role model in every sense. It is teaching them so much about relationships. about how to treat other people. This is where the dad steps up and takes the reigns form the mother. make me laugh. who I am probably hardest on. The mother is still very much there.
A simple ‘I am angry with my boss at work’ will suffice. If you children call you and say they need you. be there. We have an open and honest talk about where we can possibly improve.g. being playful with them or wrestling with them. I am not always a good dad but I question my responsibility every day and that’s what will make me a better dad. Be active and show support for each others decisions in front of the children.co. I love my boys and cherish them. but as long as you are conscious of the way you are parenting your boys it will go a long way. Being a dad can be very hard work but it can also be very rewarding. Always be there: It is not always possible to be around all of the time but it is possible to be there all the time at the drop of a hat. It stops your children wondering what you are thinking if they see you acting different on some days e. like work and use it as an excuse for neglecting your children. I think it is important to show your feelings to them. or family in general.stevenaitchison. children worry about their parents as well and worry more about if they have caused the worry. This way one parent is not seen as the bad one all the time. if possible. www. Be open: I am always hugging my boys. My wife and I have frequent discussions about parenting and how we could be better parents. Make time for your children: it is so easy to get caught up in other things in life. It is not fair to the other parent if you leave all the hard decisions to them all the time. being quiet. If they say they need to talk to you in private. be there.Tips for being a great dad You can’t be a great dad all the time. Make the unpopular decisions as well: It’s important that discipline be dished by both the parents. being angry etc. Over the years the most important tips I would give about being a great dad are. We also tell each other if we think the other is being unfair in certain aspects of parenting. be there.uk/blog 28 . just be there for them. In every sense. If they need you for a life to a friend’s house.
For example the first few months of blogging I wanted to make a million pounds and follow people like Steve Pavlina. How many of us have seem something on TV and said ‘It really makes you appreciate what you’ve got’? I bet most of us have said this however how long has it taken us to forget this and get on with our lives and forget what we really have! For any of our dreams to happen in the future. not because it was all about the money. and really go for it and try to imagine the thing that would make you unhappy. Debbie Weil. nearly killing ourselves all in the pursuit of happiness for us and our families when in fact if we loved our families first and loved the job we were doing we would find that happiness here and now and not in the future.uk/blog 29 . How we define happiness is the key to our success of finding it inside of ourselves. we have to be thankful for what we have in the here and now. From then on I wrote because I loved writing. If we continue to look on the outside we are going to be disappointed as we always look for more and ultimately happiness becomes the end of the rainbow. So it is with life. Okay. working long hours. what it does is let me be thankful and never take them for granted. or most of us. I do get tearful). and they will if we intend them long enough and work at it. When I do this exercise I imagine losing my family and I really do get to the point of being tearful (okay I admit it. We have to take time to stop and think about our lives every now and again and re-evaluate what we are doing and whether or not we are happy inside or chasing the rainbow. miserable. The answer was of course because I loved the writing and the possibility that some people might find my articles useful. sound strange. sisters nieces and nephews and my health and I am thankful too you for reading this. my mum. lonely. Reflect on that for a moment. my house. suicidal. either writing for the blog or giving seminars.co. dad. are trying to find happiness outside of ourselves. What happened then was that the money started coming in and more ideas came my way and now that I concentrate on the writing the money side takes care of itself and I intend it to keep on taking care of itself until I can finally do what I love doing full time. So many of us are working hard to make money. Now. I did lose heart but I kept on writing and I wondered why I did keep writing. what would your feelings be: sad. my job. www. I wrote because it might help other people. for example losing your house. Robert Scoble and Seth Godin but I quickly learned I was not going to make that. I am thankful for my wife. For example if you pictured losing your family. Darren Rowse. This feeling lasts a long time before I slip back into my normal loving self. We are so busy chasing the rainbow of happiness we forget what makes us happy now. Happiness is an inner game and should be pursued on the inside. something we can never reach. We have to get that feeling back. or losing your family. However.Being unhappy to find happiness Many of us. my dog.stevenaitchison. look at your family now. here’s how it works. (Warning! this is a very powerful exercise so be prepared) Exercise Think of something that would make you unhappy. How does it make you feel? I always feel extremely grateful and look at them in a different way as if I have been given a second chance with them. come out of the scene you were in and look at what you have. my two boys. One of the ways you can test your happiness is by testing your unhappiness.
I haven’t really voiced this belief as it is my belief and it is not a firm belief it is a soft belief at best. The point here is. it proved God created it. I used to look at them and think that wasn’t proof. various answers were proffered from just look at the grass. I was programmed from the moment I could talk that God created the world. from groups of different people and I couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer. to me. wearing hooded tops and being rowdy a lot of us might immediately try and compartmentalise these as follows: youths . I asked lots of questions and asked lots of different people even ministers and priests and I did not receive. in myself. 30 . an outdated belief without foundation. When I was ten years old I asked some of my friends ‘how do you know there is a God’. I still don’t have a satisfactory answer to that question and it haunted me for years. then I found Edgar Cayce. in a lot of cases. was I just deliberately trying to be different and a bit strange or did I genuinely believe in the theories? Well the answer is I know I don’t believe in a God of any kind. spiritualism etc. be unfounded when we question them. Robert Bruce and theories of the Akashic records. look all around you. the church told me this. from friends. The biggest example of this is religion. So. What are beliefs? Our beliefs help us provide stability in our lives by compartmentalising everything in order to make sense of the world. until I started to swing toward the belief that there was some kind of unified conscious that we could tap into. single satisfactory answer to the question. So I asked my parents and their take on it was ‘how else could we have been brought into the world if it wasn’t God’. Dion Fortune. what is anybody’s purpose. my parents told me this. my school taught this. my friends believed this. I searched for answers in books. everybody believed in God and it was sacrilegious to believe otherwise. at about the age of 14 I boldly announced I did not believe in God when I was asked the question. As an example if you see a group of youths on the street. From the day we were born we have been programmed to believe other people’s beliefs. if there wasn’t a God what is my purpose in being here. believing in God was not my belief it was someone else’s and someone else’s before them and someone else’s before them etc etc.loud – hooded tops – street corner – dark = dangerous = steer clear = fight or flight This is a very simple example but one that shows where our beliefs lead us and what actions it prompts us to take once we have boxed all the relevant categories and then put them together and then formulate a belief. I had been studying psychology and particularly Carl Jung and liked some of his ideas like the ‘collective unconscious’. this was met with horror and disdain except from my mother.Changing beliefs Our beliefs about the world around us and ourselves can be limiting and can. but it is a base to start with. It was. What I do believe in is a ‘universal force’ that everybody and their granny can tap into should they so wish. how do you know there is a God?. This article looks at beliefs and how they are formed and what we can do to the beliefs that may be holding us back. not one. I liked these ideas and I liked some of the theories although some of them were a bit wild. However far from being liberated by this conclusion there was a gaping hole in my life. The question to myself was.
people who read and comprehend intelligent books are intelligent. how many of our beliefs have we questioned in our lives? Not that many I suspect because we have never had to question them. good looking. Break this down further. For example I believe I am intelligent because I have a degree. honest. I believe that people who read a lot is a sign of intelligence. now this is not the case as it would depend on what the person was reading. does it mean all our beliefs are unsubstantiated? No. it means if we dig deep enough we may find some of our belief are unfounded and find they are outdated and do not fit with our lives. Where does this leave us. 31 . List the things you believe to be true about yourself: My list would be. We can dig deeper and deeper until we unearth the core of a belief which is nothing really than a set of other beliefs. Now. I am very questioning. I knew there were no fairies because I saw my mother putting the money under the pillow. how do I know that the people reading these intelligent books are actually comprehending the words they are reading. intelligent. people who read.g. The only reason I found out that my belief in tooth fairies was not real was because I saw my mother putting money under my sisters pillows when I was younger. inner confident. so therefore I have to refine that belief to.Obviously beliefs are perpetuated the more we come into contact with that particular scenario. which in turn causes us to act in a certain way. However. and so on. it will take a few moments. Now I have the dilemma of asking what comprehension really is. So a belief can be seen as the compartmentalising of different things together to form a particular belief. all of these reasons are beliefs within themselves e. So therefore I have to refine the belief again to. what I class. I used to believe in the tooth fairy when I was really young. I read a lot. Changing our beliefs Exercise: This is a very quick exercise for you to try in your head. It was experiential. we’ve never had evidence to the contrary to cause a massive shift from one belief to another. and when I found out that my mother used to put a 10 pence piece under my pillow I was a bit distraught but I pretended to go along with the belief to get more money. as intelligent books are intelligent. Now try to think of each belief and ask where it came from. a bit overweight. like the one above. I pick up things easily etc etc.
www. can I socially interact?yes. I went to university.stevenaitchison.How can we use this knowledge? The knowledge that our beliefs are not set in stone can be a liberating revelation and we can use this knowledge to change some of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and our lives. So I started to do things that were more congruent with being intelligent. For example I used to have the belief that I was a bit thick. can I comprehend?yes. Go through all the beliefs that are holding you back and analyse each one in turn and see if you can install new beliefs over the old one and start to act congruently with your new belief. Choose a belief that is holding you back. Analysing our beliefs gives us more of an awareness of that belief which we can then go on to use in our everyday lives. I do not question it anymore and haven’t done for years.co. Unconsciously I questioned this belief and simply analysed what intelligence was.uk/blog 32 . there were a whole load of other yes which led me to say well I’m not that thick or stupid. Now the belief that ‘I am intelligent’ has been fully installed in my brain. I read a lot more books I was interested in. I tried a whole host of things to prove to myself I wasn’t stupid. am I aware? yes. I joined a chess club.
no debt. Over the years I have heard a lot of people say.000 and focused on it for weeks. What usually happens is the outcomes keep getting bigger the more I achieve. on the stock market. which I have written about. My balance started changing from being in the red to being in the black. I was skipping university (one of my other goals was to get a degree in psychology) to stay at home and day trade.000. I walked out with an education in money and a degree in psychology. 33 . keep it real and keep your outcomes realistic and achievable.000. These were all outcomes way beyond what I thought I could realistically achieve but I kept at them and focused every day. I set myself an outcome of making £100. To get there I had to achieve other outcomes first. have a good job. The other point is that no matter how unrealistic our outcomes seem keep working on them as todays realistic is tomorrows standard. have money in the bank. The tech market was really flying and I was feeling on top of the world. Eventually I went bankrupt to the tune of £65. Then the realisation of the market being in meltdown hit me. That was the year that changed my life forever. The point of the story is to illustrate that no matter how low we are in our lives we can still concentrate on our outcomes even if it feels impossible to reach. Then the tech market started falling. I was in a small flat in Govan.000 and it was not a good feeling at all. I managed to get my degree in 2000. I remember one day I had £100. I set outcomes to meet my perfect woman. Glasgow (not the best area of town). Yes make them achievable but if it’s achievable it’s not unrealistic. a car. have a lovely house with a veranda overlooking the garden.Breaking your outcome barriers I have many outcomes I wish to achieve in my life and there are many outcomes I have already achieved. Let me share a story with you going back to 1998: I was elated as I had achieved my dream of making over £30. This is a great sign that I am doing something right in my world. Today I have all those things (except for the veranda) and I am extremely happy with my life. be married. about £4000. I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I started looking at my outcomes again and started to concentrate on them again. I was so low and feeling down. I attended a seminar by Jack Black and immediately said to my friend ‘that’s what I will be doing with my life’. on paper. this was just a blip. I hade been investing in shares since 1998 but I soon discovered I loved the thrill and started day trading. However as soon as I started going from a deficit to making a profit I stopped concentrating on my outcomes. again on paper. Pretty soon I couldn’t get rid of my shares as nobody was buying they were all selling. I wouldn’t sell for the ridiculous amount they were offering. I am still looking at being a motivational speaker but I am about 10 steps closer to that dream than I was. I panicked but thought it will turn again. I upped my trading game and started playing the markets using spread betting. I was trading on a 14 day contract. 2 children a boy and a girl.000 in shares. I lost a lot in the beginning. Within the space of a few months I was getting closer to my outcome of £100.
Another huge lesson I learned from all of this is dream big.stevenaitchison. He told me to do this when fighting an opponent. My teacher saw this block and told me I was ‘hitting the board to break it’. If one of your goals is to get out of debt don’t focus on paying of one credit card at a time concentrate on having absolutely no debt and having money in your savings account? The breakthrough method of achieving When I used to practice Tae Kwon Do I had a mental block about punching through the boards.Think big That’s the beauty of setting outcomes. He told me to imagine that the board is 6 inches behind its actual position and try to break the imaginary board. just concentrate on achieving them. aim that little higher and you will get more of what you want in life. It is the same with your outcomes. if you are aiming for his stomach aim 6 inches behind his stomach. When I first started setting outcomes for my life I thought about achieving little things. Aim beyond what you want to achieve www. If you want to meet a nice partner to settle down with aim to meet ‘the perfect’ partner to settle down with. if you are kicking his leg aim 6 inches to the side of his leg. I mustered up the energy and force and imagined a board behind the actual one and broke through it first time. Now I know there will be some people who say ‘Oh you are just setting yourself up for failure’ this is rubbish. aim for £20.co. stomach or whatever it may be. you don’t have to worry about how they will be achieved. I looked at him slightly puzzled. and then when I achieved them I had to think a little bigger. This was a great breakthrough for me in tae Kwon Do and in life.000 in savings this year. If you want to clear your credit card debts this year aim to clear of all your debts. If for example you want to make £10. This way I am concentrating all my energy and power on the imaginary rather than the actual and I am going through the actual board. Anybody who wants to succeed at something will always achieve it if they work hard enough and know exactly what they want and work on it mentally and physically every day. Don’t limit yourself when setting your outcomes.uk/blog 34 . I was always afraid of breaking my hand and I couldn’t quite hit the thickest board hard enough to break through it.000. leg. This was the single most important lesson I ever learned in Tae Kwon Do. For every single outcome you want to achieve in life.
I only keep the cards my sons made me and wife gave me. Cleaning the house and ridding it off old clothes. 3 hours of spring cleaning the house might free up 10 hours in your daily life as your mind will be free to concentrate and focus on other tasks. clear the shed. Often when I do this and have motivation to carry on and clean the rest of the house. Why does cleaning the house make us feel this way? Cleaning the house frees up energy for you to concentrate on more important things in your life. which sometimes makes me feel worse as I know I am not pulling my weight. mothers day. Reward yourself every 90 minutes (if it’s a big clean) every 30 minutes if it’s smaller clean. When I see a pile of ironing that needs to be done and I say ‘I’ll do it tomorrow. Start with the undtidiest room in the house and don’t finish until its clean and tidy. Don’t turn on the TV for background noise as something will distract you and you might want to sit down and watch. the wardrobes need emptying. 35 . the garage needs cleared. when I’ve got a bit time’ there is an instant ‘post it’ note stuck in my brain saying ‘do the ironing’. old toys. old books (personally I can’t throw books away or give them away) and giving it a general spring clean is like a shower for your mind. Throw out old christmas. If you don’t believe this. Of course my wife does this a lot of the time. It seems to clear the mind and make way for important tasks to get done. I have lots of post it notes stuck in my brain and they all niggle at me until they are completed. If you can’t manage the springclean in one day. the loft needs cleared. dog day. Think about all the things that need done about the house. Here are my 10 tips for springcleaning your mind by springcleaning the house • • • • • • • • Schedule time at the weekend to start your clean. so it’s worth the effort. I usually have a cup of tea and a biscuit. A great way to shake this feeling is to clean the house. this way nothing else will get in the way. do the garden. paint the bathroom. sort out your paperwork there are lots of things that need our attention. granny day. If you haven’t worn it in 6 months chuck it. or turn on a program from Hayhouse radio If you are starting the clean in the morning get up an hour early and you will be more focused. concentrate on one task at a time or one room at a time and spread it over x number of days. Instead turn on the radio for some noise. That niggling feeling stays with me until the job is done. fathers day. Now is the time to do them. that time of the month day cards. throw out old toys. I know you might not have time but make it. fix that leaking tap. throw out old clothes. when your whole house has been done take another day to go round the whole house for a few hours and give a general clean. try tidying and cleaning the untidiest room in the house and pay attention to how you feels afterwards. One of the biggest small tasks is cleaning out the bedroom and kitchen drawers.Clear your house to clear your mind Do you ever wish you were more organised in your daily life? Sometimes I feel there is just too much going on in my head that it overwhelms me and I cannot get things done. birthday.
Delegate: this is a great way to keep the house tidy. Making a habit of cleaning a bit every day will free your mind for other important tasks. that’s how I make myself feel better).co.uk/blog 36 . I don’t mean deleagte all the jobs but delegate smaller jobs to your kids. My kids wash and dry the dishes.stevenaitchison. www. When mess build up in the house so it builds up in your mind. This has an added bonus of making them more indepenedent and teaching them skills for when they leave the nest (well. if you clean a bit every day it keeps your mind free.• • Make a habit of cleaning a room every day. keep their own rooms tidy and take out the bins.
we can tap into a lot of them. You have not formulated any original ideas about the world and decided to question your life. there are more and more people at this level of consciousness and it is culminating in a mass awakening. should we wish. The awakening consciousness is the beginning. More and more of us are starting to believe there is something more to life and something more to our minds than was previously imagined. everything you believe. everything you think about. Self consciousness – These are the clouds which immediately make up who we are. you create and manifest the things and people around you. GOD is not an entity with laws. Of course the books I have read. reality and spirituality and led me to two scientists. It almost blinds you as you are only seeing. I thought you might like to read about them yourself. the radio interviews I have heard with physicists and other scientists and spiritual people all go a long way to me formulating this idea. Clouds of consciousness are something we all have.Clouds of consciousness Recently I wrote a little about something called ‘clouds of consciousnesses. It’s been ruminating for a while and I am trying to find a way to describe it or play with it. a great physicist who only died in 1994 and Dr David R Hawkins a scientist whose work is fascinating me at the moment. I am not talking about organised religion. yourself and the people around you. You can access a higher aspect of yourself. It is the beginning of what Maslow would call Self actualization 37 . thinking and feeling what is immediately in front of you. Awakening consciousness – This is the second level in this theory. This is where the self consciousness cloud lies. I am rapidly coming to a place whereby there is a definite idea about this formulating. The first 4 of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs would reside here. Your ego resides here also. I believe this is what is happening in the world at the moment. In this stage you have started to question some of your beliefs about the world. There are various levels between each of the four levels mentioned below. Most of us would stay in this state of consciousness until the day we die. what we think about ourselves and the world around us. When I was nearing the end of this article it got me researching along a path of: consciousness. It is probably nothing new but I have not read about it or seen anything on the internet. the real religion is when you’ve found GOD within yourself. that was a way of stifling the awakening. and open up our minds enough. everything you believe about the world and other people. At the moment it really is a case of suck it and see what happens and play around with different ideas. However I truly believe there is a global shift happening and that pretty soon most of us will die whilst in the awakening consciousness stage. Imagine a band of clouds tightly surrounding your head. These clouds contain everything that encompasses your current reality. There are various levels of these clouds that surround us and. but may not necessarily understand it completely. The theory just now goes something like this. In this state of consciousness you are starting to believe that you create your own world. but for now I will write briefly about the main four clouds. You are not operating from a self point of view you are starting to think about the bigger picture and to help others and to find ways to be able to do this. everything you do is for the benefit of yourself. GOD is a belief within yourself and a connection to other states of consciousness. David Bohm.
I have been struggling for a while with the concept of reality and how one’s person’s world can be so different from my world. it’s the library of the world. due to inspiration can be written and uploaded in 1-2 hours. other articles. Allah. Okay. The mind could be uploaded into a melting pot of mind. purely an ego thing to do as I had started to think about the money it was earning rather than the content it was providing. meditate. If we were to live in this cloud we wouldn’t be of this world. So having theories like this reminds me every day that I am still living in my ‘self conscious’ world and reminds me to at least try and have more experiences in the ‘Awakening consciousness’ cloud. How can this theory have any practical value? For me it reminds me that I am still living in a state of self consciousness and it reminds me to try and have more ‘awakening consciousness’ moments.The ‘pure world’. astral projection and inspirational thinking. consciousness and spirit for the good of the future world. so from this point on it is mostly hypothesising. about getting clicks on my Google adsense ads. This will probably be the subject of my next article. Krishna Marti. through kundalini. I wouldn’t be overly concerned about what people think of me.uk/blog 38 .co. as living beings. or astral project. It has one foot in the ‘real world’ and one foot in the ‘pure world’. I have spent three days on this article as I have a passion for its content. Awakened consciousness . So we have to break through various clouds of consciousness to get to the universal consciousness. I believe Buddha. www. I can’t write about the other levels of consciousness as I have never experienced them. Universal consciousness . basically if we momentarily transcend our ‘Awakened consciousness’. about getting visitors to this blog all the things ego is concerned with.stevenaitchison. Mother Theresa. and to transcend the ‘Awakened consciousness’ we have to have transcended the other levels.After awakening consciousness there would be a permanent state of awakened consciousness whereby you live in a world dominated by your thoughts to serve others.Here comes the tricky bit. about earning money. Recently I got back into the habit of checking my stats for this blog. this could be where your mind goes when you die. Christ. Your ego is a residual memory however you will still be self aware but from a spiritual point of view. we wouldn’t need our bodies. We. However. I was writing articles that I thought readers would want rather than what I really wanted to put up. it’s good having theories but theories should have some practical value. and other spiritual beings all lived here. Practical value Having a theory like this brings up a lot more questions than it answers. This type of consciousness begins to transcend the reality as we know it. for me. I believe I have experienced glimpses of them through lucid dreaming. it’s stimulates my goal to be ‘awakened’. Since writing this it has led to me change my view on reality and what it really is. can maybe tap into this universal consciousness when we have that ‘a-ha’ experience.
Deep down you know what your inner core is and you know where it is not. Ask yourself the question What is my inner core? (What do you most cherish in the world and want to spend more time doing or being with?) It could be your family It might be a passion you have It might be spending time with yourself It could be anything If you vaguely understand what I mean here you might be sitting saying ‘yes. By this I mean you know what you want in life and you know the things that steal the energy which keeps you away from what you want. Simple and yet the hardest thing to do for some people. Get the little things out of the way. Get the housework done. By this I mean real time.stevenaitchison. Think about this often and figure out small ways which leads you back to your inner core. social events etc all paint over what’s really important to me. The kids were at school and my wife had a day of Uni so we went shopping together and then for a coffee at Borders. not over dinner or in bed at night. It’s very easy to get covered in this syrup and a lot of people don’t recognise it until its too late. bills. I left my phone in the office and stayed at home. I know what you mean’.Getting connected to you Sometimes I feel like my life gets covered over by unimportant things and I lose my inner core. nothing had changed. Its hard to explain but things like work. trivial arguments. If you work lots of hours every day work 1 less hour per day and spend it with your inner core. Spend time with the kids. trivial tasks. I am in the middle of a project just now which I get a lot of phone calls from clients etc but I took the day off. sit down and talk.uk/blog 39 . Do less of what takes you away from you. talk and let each other know how much they mean to you. no world crisis. If your passion is your wife. My life and my inner core is my family and somewhere along the way the fact that they are my inner core gets forgotten. it was brilliant. They grow up so quickly it’s frightening. Take a day off work. no emergencies just a few enquiries. When I went in the next day. The small things done every day will soon build up to be the main thing in your life. we might be missed but we can be replaced. Little things we have to do niggle us and are in the back of our minds. I have felt like this for a few weeks and thought about ways to clean the syrup from my core and here is what I have come up with. It’s like pouring syrup over me which is hard to get out of. Remember this if you are doing more than your fair share. When we work in a clean environment if frees our mind energy to concentrate on more important things.co. It’s a sad fact but we can all be replaced at work quite easily. Make a point to spend time with your passion everyday. Get them done and out of the way so you can concentrate on your inner core and what’s important. www.
so it was easier to say I enjoyed it too much. you have to believe it. www. go for a walk instead or go clean the bathroom. they kept telling me I was going to die and got quite distressed about it. Break the old patterns of behaviour surrounding your smoking e. I used to tell myself I could give up if I really wanted to but I didn’t want to. I began telling myself it was easy to give up smoking and after about 2 months I gave up for good and haven’t looked back since. I worked on my belief system about giving up smoking and convinced myself it was going to be easy and when the time came it was easy. whilst having a drink etc. The truth is I did want to but felt it would be too hard and I didn’t want to fail. and do it for yourself. Set a date about 2 months in advance of when you will give up and tell yourself every day you are going to give up on that day. Tell your friends and family you will be giving up on ‘that date’.g.uk/blog 40 . When you tell yourself it is easy to give up smoking for two months. however the main one was my own health. I enjoyed the supposed feeling it gave me after dinner. Don’t try patches or gum with nicotine in it. this gives you a little pressure and shows your friends and family you are committed. don’t do it for other people. your brain will really start to believe it after a month or so. Once you told yourself for two months when you will give up just give up Tell yourself every day it is easy to give up smoking.Giving up smoking It has been around 18 months since I gave up smoking and every time I meet a smoker they always ask how I did it. However when I realised it was me who was creating this feeling and not the cigarettes things started to change in my way of thinking.co. Pretty soon your mind will get out of the old habit and start forming new habits. feeling like a leper when going outside to smoke. however we have been conditioned to believe the opposite is the case. My tips for giving up smoking would be: Give yourself compelling reasons to give up. the smell on my clothes. I have to say it took me three times before I eventually gave up for good. There are a million reasons to give up and only one reason to continue and that is addiction.stevenaitchison. Other reasons included my children. if you smoked after your dinner at night. with a cup of tea. There were lots of different factors that led me to even start thinking about giving up. it will be very easy on the day to give up. It is easy to give up smoking. Our mind will believe whatever we tell it to believe and adjust our physiology and cravings accordingly. the smell in the house.
biceps 3 reps. My workout in the mornings are.uk/blog 41 . This can be an excellent motivator as you automatically try a little harder when other people are around pushing you that little bit further.co.5 miles per hour (just over a 9 minute mile). Pretty soon you’ll have run a mile. This can help take your mind off the exercise itself. I am the type to workout alone however I know a lot of people like a partner as a motivator. This has the added benefit of strengthening your visualisation acuity. cycle faster. bike. lifting the same amount of weights. leg curls. Watch the television. run faster etc.stevenaitchison. treadmill for 12 minutes. bike 10 minutes and rowing machine 1000 meters. Last month I wrote an article ‘Change your life with a computer and a headset’ if you tried this it means you can listen to your goals whilst at the gym. This way I can visualise me being in the Olympics. Visualisation is a great way to attain your goals see Visualise your life Vary your workout routine. This is a great motivator for me as I am the type to push myself all the time and love competition. Try it with a partner. walking and rowing’ spice old Elmer and get him thinking for a change by reversing your routine. If you are the type of person who does the same thing in the gym all the time. legs 3 reps. why not switch to your favourite channel and workout to a little TV. lost a few grams and watched Oprah all within the space of 15 minutes. I imagine my oars going in and out of the water and it can be very real when I’m in the zone. Try reversing your routine altogether. bench presses 3 reps. Someone else suggested this to me. Sometimes I zone out and don’t hear them as I am visualising but they are still being heard. I think this is a great way to focus on your goals whilst getting fit and losing weight at the same time. Listen to your goals. When I am on the rowing machine I am sitting in the boat with Steve Redgrave as my rowing partner and my family are on the bank of the river cheering me on. This simple little thing allows your mind to wake up a little. I always imagine peoples brains walking into the gym like Elmer Fudd. if you normally finish with leg curls make this the start of the routine. I have also managed to row 1000 meters in 4 minutes which was a great achievement for me. and rowing at the same pace. Push yourself some more. I think this is a good idea as it can be good to have someone cheering you on and just pushing you that little extra. When I am on the bike I am in the tour de France and again I see my family on the big screen cheering me on. shoulders drooping and saying ‘Same old routine. abs 3 reps. This is what I do every morning. Why not share your gym tips and we can all be gym freaks in no time. why not try varying the routine. I close my eyes on all my exercises. Most modern gyms have TV screens in them. I can lift heavier weights. I started looking at my workout when it became a little stale and frankly boring. except for the treadmill. burned 150 calories. Now I tray and add a little every week. Join a class. I used to run 5 miles per hour (a 12 minute mile) now I have pushed myself to run 6. so this is what I have come up with to make the gym a little more interesting: Close your eyes. These are only a few suggestions for making the gym more interesting. When I first started going to the gym I was running at the same pace. treadmill. When I am doing my biceps work I close my eyes and imagine that the only way I can get my family back is to finish the last rep.How to make the gym more interesting Keeping fit and losing weight are excellent motivators for going to the gym but sometimes it can be very boring. biceps. www.
” Kaizen for personal development I am working with the idea of Kaizen for personal development. system. The first one I have implemented is the wasted amount of time spent on the computer. At Japanese companies. per year are written down. paced moving lines. A closer definition of the Japanese usage of Kaizen is "to take it apart and put back together in a better way. eliminates hard work (both mental and physical). Kaizen literally means "To become good through change". or service. such as Toyota and Canon. It has been adapted throughout the world across many businesses and has been used for years." What is taken apart is usually a process. just-in-time delivery. I didn’t really get it when I was working at Hughes as I was there for the money and for partying at the weekend. 60 to 70 suggestions per employee.Kaizen for personal development In the pursuit of self improvement we can look at many different areas. shared and implemented. it involves every employee in a company putting forwards suggestions for improvement. Kaizen is a daily activity whose purpose goes beyond improvement. 42 . What is Kaizen? Kaizen was created after World War 2 as a way of continuously improving the work place. Kaizen is not a case of the management getting together once a month. I remember when I worked as a production operator at Hughes Micro-electronics they used the Kanban Kaizen system. However having looked at it again it is an interesting concept. humanizes the workplace. Wikipedia has this to say about Kaizen: “The goals of Kaizen include the elimination of waste (defined as "activities that add cost but do not add value"). Now that I have read about and absorbed the ideas of Kaizen I have started to introduce one area and implement an action plan every 2 weeks. right-sized equipment. One of the principle ideas of Kaizen is to change the easiest things first. Masaaki Imai is considered the father of Kaizen after releasing the book Kaizen: The Key to Japan's Competitive Success. particularly the practice of Kaizen. etc. and teaches people how to do rapid experiments using the scientific method and how to learn to see and eliminate waste in business processes. It is also a process that. I believe it would be good for all areas of life. product. An area I have been interested in for a few months has been business. standardized work. It comes from the Japanese words "Kai" meaning school and "Zen" meaning wisdom. production load levelling of amount and types. when done correctly. In this aspect it describes something very similar to the assembly line used in mass production.
I have found doing it this way I work for longer. Then I spend two glorious hours SWT. When I started wiring this article I began looking for other articles on other blogs mentioning Kaizen and I found a few great ones.stevenaitchison. SWT for half an hour. That would include writing articles.co. I would look at one area at a time and build it up from there. SWT for 1 hour etc.uk/blog 43 . The frequency at which you implement changes is obviously up to you however I would space it every few weeks or every month. from doing the housework to spending more time with the children. submitting them to article sites. get all the work thing out the way. What I have noticed so far is the SWT time has become more focused on work. I have found you can implement it in every area of life.com has a great one and discusses how he has implemented into his life. so instead of working 3 hours I work for 4 hours. So it leaves me about 4 hours spent “surf without thinking” (SWT). promoting the blogs etc. so I might work for half and hour.At the moment I spend 5 -7 hours on the computer per day. So what I have done now is work first. The SWT time has been cut to two hours as well which saves me 1 hour per day to work on other areas of my life. submitting to social bookmarking sites. I spend around 3 hours working on my own blog and working on the one I manage. www. Themanufacturer. Jason Thomas over at Lifehacker.com has an interesting article written by Jon Minerich Kaizen in your life To implement the practice of Kaizen in your life. Look at the process closely and ask what changes could you make to make it better or quicker or have less wastage. It is a slow process so I wouldn’t go head long into this. I also work and SWT together. pick an area which you think might benefit from change. It’s a case of surfing and reading blogs on areas that interest me but for no other reason than for personal pleasure. work another half hour.
and the process of remembering involves the retrieval of information which has been unknowingly altered in order that it is compatible with pre-existing knowledge. I felt sorry for myself. the kids had already had their dinner. I thought the world was against me. When I have gone back it is not specific memories.com I remember in my early twenties life was totally down and miserable. memories are organized within the historical and cultural frameworks of the individual. The psychologist Frederick Bartlett called this ‘Schemata’. our interactions with people change from day to day. Read that statement again ‘your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head’. I have collected the memories from that part of my life and carried it on into the future. I’d had rice and chicken. rather it is a cloud of feeling that I am changing. I thought people didn’t like me. Now.Rewrite your past to create your future Ever thought your past dictates the state of your life just now? Why not rewrite your past to create your future. However it works with specific memories as well. Well why not relax this belief and while we’re at it let’s change the past. when I was feeling like that I was still collecting memories along the way. ‘According to Bartlett. I have since gone back and revisited those days and managed to change the overall feeling of the time. We are changing everyday. I pictured us talking about school. albeit momentarily. depressive memories when in actual fact it was my perception of the world at the time but it wasn’t necessarily a true representation of life. In my mind I pictured myself and my family sitting down and eating together at the table. bleak memories. Our memories are not always accurate. 44 . Last week someone asked me what I had for dinner the previous night (who knows why he asked me. and we do this everyday without realising it. And I didn’t have pasta bolognaise. There are theories galore stating that what has happened in your past can have a huge impact on the way you are living your life just now. So what! You might say. This has become part of the human psyche and it is an embedded belief in a lot of people. but we won’t go there just now that’s for another post. our knowledge and expectations change. our mood changes. I went about my business as usual and then remembered I had been working late the previous night. However. in fact I’d say they are inaccurate most of the time. but I’d effectively re-written a part of my past. I then remembered tucking into pasta bolognaise. That might sound ridiculous but it’s true. work and the usual chit chat. So I replied to the person asking that I’d had pasta bolognaise. and I hadn’t sat down with my whole family it was just my wife I had sat down to dinner with.wordpress. I didn’t even question that at the time). our perception of life changes from day to day. What might sound even more ridiculous is that some theories state that you cannot prove your past existed.’ Neurophilosophy. When you really break it down your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head. our belief system changes all the time. anyway I thought back to the previous night.
change the way people are interacting with you. Over time if you do this long enough and practice it you will start to feel a shift. but it can be that easy sometimes. Use this as another tool to get yourself to feel positive about your world.Don’t deny your past What I am advocating is changing the feeling of your past. how are they feeling? Did something happen to them to make them feel this way? Ask yourself how you are feeling. I believe this method could be extremely useful in other areas of our lives such as during ill health. Freeze frame the scene. By changing the feelings of the past you will be altering your current and future life.co. If we are ill at any stage in our lives would it be possible to change the illness by remembering a time when we were well and projecting it into the future? www. Now replay the scene again and notice the changes in yourself and the way you feel about the situation. Change the colours in the scene. I believe that our memories and thoughts affect the cells in the body. are you still as angry? This is a simplified way of changing a memory. not deny the events that happened. Study the person again and mentally ask them questions. depending on how much you have been working on your memories. Quick exercise Think back to when you last felt angry with someone Go back into the memory and start to change various aspects of it. mentally and possibly physically. was there something that made you feel this way. look at the person you are angry with and study them and try and gauge their feelings.stevenaitchison.uk/blog 45 . If you don’t feel positive about your world just now and haven’t done for a long time it might take a long time to change that view. Why not make the changes now instead of waiting on the changes to come.
that is self discipline. What is it? Self discipline is the training of your mind to control. why? Because part of my mind says ‘Don’t do it. For example our children. We all give in and buy that toy don’t we. etc there has never been an easier way to reach our minds through advertising. that is self discipline. 46 . they are bombarded with adverts for toys and they have to have the latest thing. I am not talking conspiracy or anything like that. I believe there are benefits to having a cold shower which is why I started the discipline in the first place. If you want to lose weight. If you want to give up smoking. you might not have recognised it but it does. video. Who’s in control of your mind? With television. Imagine if you harnessed this power to change different aspects of your life. mobile phones. magazines. in fact it could benefit every area of your life. no matter what programs are available to do so. yes it’s great that there are groups of people who are doing the same as they can be a good motivator but again it comes down to self discipline. Although you might not have recognised it as such we use this skill every day in our lives. and to continue to control these urges until a satisfactory resolution has been sought Self discipline occurs in every part of your life right now. it can alter your life. When you get out of bed in the morning to go to work. Each morning I fight that inner voice and discipline it to accept that I am taking a freezing cold shower. that is self discipline. when you have a shower or a bath every morning. Advertisers have become a lot smarter and appealed to our psyche rather than our rational minds. there are some great adverts out there which slip into our minds and build up and eventually get us to act to buy something or do something. Why is so much spent on advertising for children when it’s the adults who are buying? Because it’s the children who ultimately apply the pressure for us to buy the latest toy. it’s just stupid’ and that same part of my mind give’s lots of different reasons not to do it. it ultimately comes down to self discipline. it’s been a natural progression. A lot of us don’t realise that we are all being manipulated in some way to do things that may be harmful to us. Self discipline is a skill and once you get to grips with it. e-mail. There are many areas of your life it could benefit. perceived harmful.Self discipline. newspapers. urges. radio. when you brush your teeth every morning. computers. iPods. willpower and motivation Self discipline – Taming the lazy monkey Every morning I have a freezing cold shower. especially at this time of year.
Some of the areas in your life you could change might be.stevenaitchison. going to the gym. For example when we get a job. What good would self discipline have in your life? What if you could practice self discipline in everything you do? How would your life change? Would it change? Think of these questions for a moment. let me know what you would add. that’s all self discipline. Usually the things we learn to practice self discipline in are the things we are rewarded with e.uk/blog 47 . If you’ve not been taught self discipline as a child how are you expected to self discipline yourself as an adult? The truth is self discipline comes automatically for some us as our responsibilities become greater. we have to conform to the companies rules and procedures. we have to work a set number of hours. saving money.The practice of self discipline Whilst it’s hard to control your thoughts and actions as a child it should be easier for an adult. www.co. Depending on the person some of these rewards will be bigger and have more meaning than some of the others. our job. you would think! However this is not necessarily the case. we have to get up at a set time.g. making love. The amount of time spent with the kids Your weight Your fitness The tidiness of your house The tidiness of your office The cleanliness of your house Fixing all the broken things in your house (fix that shelf once and for all) The amount of time spent watching TV Watching what you eat Fasting for one day per week Having a cold shower every morning Get your finances sorted out Write those letters you’ve been meaning to write Make the phone calls you’ve been meaning to make Organise your life Getting up early to be thankful of all the things you have The list could go on and on and I am sure you could add a few as well.
2. you’re lying all cosy and comfortable watching TV in front of the fire and the dog is crying to go for her daily walk. On the other hand you might have to engage your will power a hundred times before your goal has been reached.Self discipline. Picture the scene: It’s pissing down with rain outside.uk/blog 48 . it’s cold. www. If you’ve got a lot of willpower you would get up and take her for a walk. of course you do. 3. You need the willpower to start whatever it is you want to do and you need the self discipline to carry on where the willpower left off and this will go round in circles.stevenaitchison. the above list is just a few examples. but (always a but) do you want to go on to bigger and better things. walk the dog in the pouring rain what now/ nothing. There are certain steps needed to kick your willpower into action 1. For a specific task you might only need to engage your willpower once and self discipline will carry you through to your goal. For example every morning I have a cold shower it takes willpower to turn that dial all the way down to 0 for a freezing cold temperature. Here are a few exercises to keep your willpower active and fit: Read for half an hour every day Stand on a chair for 5 minutes a day (If anybody asks what you are doing tell them it’s a new form of meditation. My willpower is acquiescing a bit now and it is getting easier to do it but it still takes willpower and then the self discipline to stay under.co.) Take the dog for a walk every single morning for 21 days Stop drinking coffee for a week Get up half an hour earlier than usual for 21 days Take a cold shower every morning for 21 days Don’t eat sweets of any kind for a week I am sure there are lots of things you could think of to exercise your willpower. I used to do it gradually but now I just yank it right down to 0 when I have finished washing. 4. you never know you might be able to give classes in it. I am proving to myself I control my mind and I believe there are benefits to be had from taking a cold shower. willpower and motivation Willpower Willpower is the initial force needed for you to take action. An outcome (what is it you want to do?) A plan (how are you going to do it?) Action (get off your arse and do it!) Let self discipline take over and repeat steps 1 -3 if necessary Okay you’ve managed to get out of the sofa. Why do I do it? Because I can. Start exercising your willpower regularly to keep it active and healthy. Will power and self-discipline go hand in hand. you have achieved your goal. if you’re lacking in willpower you’ll carry on watching TV and justify to yourself the reasons for not taking her a walk.
I usually want to keep working on my blogs. it doesn’t matter. willpower and motivation Motivation Motivation plays a huge part in the exercising of self discipline and willpower. better clarity of mind. small or big. even if it is half an hour.Self discipline. You might have already done this Once you’ve got a list. more oxygen. Motivation is a huge subject but I will not discuss it at length here. you’ve learned all about self discipline. it’s all good. I am sure you can think of areas in your life already where you will be able to use them. We have to have some kind of motivation to do everything we do in life. it is giving us all exercise. Pick two from your list and start to practice self discipline and willpower. it stops them from watching TV for half an hour. depending on the size of the reward. Now I make the rewards of the toy fight more rewarding. which they love. we laugh like we have never laughed and I feel great at the end of it. rather than having a toy fight with my two sons. a quick list. Pulling it all together Okay. I get to spend time with my boys. In the past I have said ‘Sorry boys. So. I’ve got work to do and I really need to get this done’ and then I would happily continue to work away safe in the knowledge that I had a good excuse to keep on working. 49 . Write them down. I just wanted to point out that motivation plays a big role when we come to exercise out self discipline and our willpower. And after the half hour there is more blood pumping through my brain. You wouldn’t be reading this article just now if you didn’t think you weren’t going to get something from reading it. make the rewards bigger and you can have all the motivation you need. willpower and motivation what can you do to put it all together and use it in your day to day lives? First of all you need to recognise where it will be useful to exercise your self discipline and willpower. (we’re always knackered at the end of it). we may not always feel motivated. For example. We all need motivation in our lives however. The way to gaining more motivation is to make the rewards bigger. better thinking.
uk/blog 50 . its well worth practicing this it is one of the best tools to master in your life and one of the most beneficial. start tomorrow. just because you read it in a blog post doesn’t mean to say you have to do it’ it will bombard you with reasons. Listen to that voice and just tell it ‘I am the boss here’. once you’ve washed gradually turn the shower down to cold until it is all the way down to it’s coldest setting.co. Keep telling that inner voice that you are boss and you decide what you do. A word of warning here. set yourself up for the day and tell yourself you are self disciplined and have lots of willpower. What will happen is your inner voice will reason with you as to why it’s a bad idea to turn that dial down to cold.For example if your two were to give up sweets and take a cold shower in the morning (ones I have done already). www. jump in the shower. it will try and cajole you saying ‘it’s too warm. I would advise you not to go all out and try your self discipline on everything. every morning get up. Your willpower and self discipline is like a muscle which needs to be built up gradually.stevenaitchison. I would start with a couple of things at first. Good luck with this. why would you want to do this anyway. Do the same with giving up the sweets or whatever you have chosen to do.
After this I became much more comfortable with who I was and I loved being the strong. Eventually I came to the realization I was this way because of my confidence not through lack of confidence. Ironically I became more outgoing but still kept that inner silence. For years I tried to get rid of this and tried to be more gregarious and a ‘bit of a lad’ but nothing I tried worked. etc. all my friends were very outgoing. and quite arrogant. has a strength which is manifested in your personality and subsequently your aural energy. and move on. Now have you ever done the opposite? told the secret you weren’t supposed to. I usually said ‘we had a good night’ and left it at that. people cannot necessarily see it but somehow they can feel it and sense it coming from you. People who brag about themselves all the time lose this energy and have to gain it from somewhere else. strong and a closer connection to the person. Inner Strength Being silent has strength about it.uk/blog 51 . However I still tried to surround myself with people who I wanted to be like. I loved to listen to everybody else and listen to the banter. try your hardest to hold onto it and see how much inner power it gives you and how strong you feel after it. they want to feel important so they brag and boost stealing energy from people that give them attention. in an unselfish way.co. I remember when I was a teenager my friends used to brag about the girls they had been with and something inside me thought it was wrong to ‘kiss and tell’ so when I went out with a girl I didn’t say anything. the girl I had bragged about felt shit. www.stevenaitchison. all except one. Have you ever held onto a secret for someone? They’ve made you promise not to tell anyone and it was a really juicy secret? How did it feel when the secret eventually came out and the person who told you not to tell anyone knew it wasn’t you it came from? I would guess you felt proud. Once you’ve felt this power you will never want to tell another persons secret or brag again. to me it meant I didn’t have the confidence to be in amongst my peers. When I was younger I used to think being quiet and introverted was a sign of weakness. Keeping things to yourself. After a few years and an event that changed my life I decided to drop my friends. and a lot of other people thought I was a right shit. very confident. disloyal. Your aural energy is the energy you give off every day. how did you feel then? Exactly the opposite: disappointed in yourself. needless to say I never ever did it again. I once told the whole sordid details and ended up feeling shit about myself.Silent power Silent power is the ability to keep something held deep within yourself therefore allowing you an inner strength and determination which builds up to confidence. The next time you feel like bragging or boosting about something or giving away a secret. I didn’t mind being in groups. silent mysterious type.
Slowing the world down
Sometimes it’s an absolute nightmare trying to juggle everything we have to do in a day. In the world we live in today we are available 24 hours a day. We work longer hours and take in much more information through TV, newspapers, iPods, DABs, the internet, smartphones, billboards, magazines, letters, junk mail, and e-mail to name but a few. Its information overload and we are trying to juggle all this with our work, family, and playtime. Our brains are amazing and we are amazing as a species. However sometimes we’ve got to give our brains a helping hand and say enough is enough. Here are some tips to slow down the mad world for a few minutes a day; Give yourself ten minutes at home and at work before checking your e-mails. This allows your brain that little bit longer to get into the swing of things and to prepare it for the day ahead. Take a lunch break. Make this a priority; I am amazed at how many people don’t take a lunch break. I make it a priority to take an hour (54 minutes to be precise) every day. Turn off your mobile and go somewhere other than the office, this splits the day in half and it will set you up for the second half. If you are out and about all the time in the car, pull over to a nice spot, turn the phone off and just read for ten minutes or absorb the scenery. Despite what you think 10 minutes can be excused no matter how important you think you are to the company. Delegate as much as you can and concentrate on the important tasks. This is easier said than done, but try asking someone to do something for you; a voluntary agency, your children, your friends, your work colleagues etc. Make a ‘to do list’ every morning and prioritise your work and tasks for the day. This gives a huge sense of satisfaction when jobs are completed and also motivates you to keep going. If it’s too much just stop doing it. I recently took on too many jobs at once and was halfway into a project and I realised I was stressing myself, I was cranky with my family and it was because I had taken on too much. I decided to end a project for building a website for someone and apologised profusely and gave him back the money. He was not happy at all and told me so. I felt really bad but at the same time it was a weight lifted and a lesson learned.
Stages of your own evolution
I had my Christmas night out last night with my workplace and since I haven’t had a drink for 4 months or so I was feeling a little drunk after 2 or 3 drinks. I kept on drinking in the hope that I would become a little less self conscious about the fact that I was getting drunk. However this did not work and I felt even more self conscious, particularly because the boss was there and was not drinking. I couldn’t get out of that place in my head so I decided to go home early, around 11.30pm. Anybody that knew me in the past would know that this is not me at all and I would be the one suggesting to go on to a nightclub at 2am in the morning, singing and dancing all the way there. As I tend to do when I have been out on a night out with the workplace I go over the events in my head. I came to the conclusion that I am just not that person anymore. It’s another stage in my evolution, but rather than accept this stage I found it was quite sad to let it go and upon a bit of introspection it was because it had served me so well in the past. Now, this might sound all a bit serious thinking, after all it was a Christmas night out. It was just one of those realisation moments when I knew I had moved on from a stage in my life. I thought about this in the morning (this morning) when I woke up and thought about the stages of our evolution. I thought it would be a good exercise to try and think about the stages of my evolution. From an Erikson psychosocial point of view I would have reached the Generativity stage of my own evolution, from a spiritual point of view, according to Scott M Peck, I have reached stage 3 or 4 of my spiritual evolution, from a Freudian sexual point of view I have reached……. who knows! The one I was interested in was the ego stage and according to Loevingers ego development stages I have probably reached the Conscientious and Individualistic stage. In James Fowler’s stages of faith development I have reached stage 5 – Conjunctive faith. I thought looking at these stages of development was useful as a loose guide and of course that’s what all these theories are; loose guides. They are useful for thinking about yourself and how far you have travelled in your life so far. I know I have moved on in all areas of my life and sometimes it can be sad sometimes joyful but most of the time it is exciting. I am excited by life , excited for the future and hope you find some use with the above links.
Recently I have been questioning everything in my life, but most of all reality. I used to think reality was a given, we couldn’t change it, it wasn’t malleable, we were stuck with what we had. However when I started questioning it, really questioning it some interesting answers were brought up and I had to change my belief about reality itself. First of all we have to ask what different types of reality are there: Objective reality – This is basically when we all agree on roughly what the world and its contents are. For example if the whole world were to look at a snake we could all name it as such, as our idea of a snake is pretty much the same across the world. Now, the same snake might elicit different reactions from people across the world, some people revere snakes others are terrified, others are curious etc, but we still all agree a snake is a snake. If we transfer this model and put it into our own lives we have no real control over our lives as reality is independent of our thoughts, it will still exist even if we believe it does not. Subjective reality – essentially this is when you create the world you live in, you create the people, you create the people having their own ideas, you create the laws etc. This is possibly the hardest to get my head around, but I have been playing with it for a while with some interesting results. I have been playing with the idea that I can create anything I want by thinking and believing it can happen. I found I can get to the believing part when I start small and work up to bigger things. For example when I wanted money in my life I simply thought and started to believe that I would be given £10, sure enough £10 or more came my way by way of an unexpected source. Okay £10 worked, what about £100? That worked as well, therefore strengthening my belief that this really works. Okay what about £1000, I concentrated on my past successes with this, I believed it would come, and it did, it took a bit longer but it came in the form of money from a fund my wife received. I have experimented with other things as well and I must say I like this form of reality; it’s a lot more fun than having the view that everything in life happens to me by chance. However it is still a struggle to believe that I am imagining you reading this page and I am giving you thoughts. I am imagining my whole world. Another reality: Template driven reality So what about an alternative, probably not a new one but one I came about by questioning. A template driven model of reality. This is the marrying of the objective reality and subjective reality models, assuming there are only two basic models. In this model of reality we are each programmed with set rules about the world e.g. the law of gravity, this is the objective part of reality. However what we do with the template is up to us.
new ideas. Which of the above blogs would get more traffic to their blog i. their desires and wishes fulfilled more times? Your own world and theory I can see the benefits of taking on a subjective world viewpoint and I have swayed more to living a subjective world viewpoint however I still find it difficult to totally accept it intellectually. writing my own content. imagine you were given a blog template and did absolutely nothing with it. after all nobody else can prove otherwise. you contributed to the world. This is what gives us our uniqueness. you added various family members.The blog analogy I would imagine it is just like this blog you are reading just now. manipulating various features of the template it looks and feels totally different from other blogs which have the same basic template. you updated it with some of your educational achievements and your job etc. However it doesn’t really matter as I am having great time thinking about my own reality structure and playing with it. You updated the template design on occasion and you kept up to date with what was going on in the blogging world. The blog itself is a basic template.e.stevenaitchison. You wouldn’t really be excited about your blog Imagine the same blog being constantly updated with new content. adding plugins.uk/blog 55 . Now by adding widgets on. you promoted your blog regularly. more and more people came to see it. You wrote a few times in it. Imagine your wants and desires in the world to be analogous to traffic to your blog. Now. our ability to shape our own lives. you kept on thinking of ways to improve it.co. friends. We are all living in a world full of theories so why not make up our own theories! www. you updated your knowledge of the world regularly.
Then I worked back the way. so we looked into it. I have started projects in the past and got really enthusiastic and then the enthusiasm dies. I decided last year I would pursue this dream I had. After he saw the amount of work and possible money involved he dropped that and move onto something else. I said that was a great and ambitious plan. If you can see the end of your dream and can see the outcome then the bits in-between become a little easier. but it was still a dream. He then wanted to be a professional football player. For example. I think about the end of the project and work back. it would mean a lot of rejection at first. I watched Jack Black (Scottish Personal Development speaker) and said that’s the job for me. it would mean perfecting the craft of speaking. Now the first thing I do is think about the outcome. I thought about the end and where it might lead. I still wanted to do it. it would mean studying and writing a lot. but I did read every personal development book I could. it would mean facing up to my fears. 8 years later the dream was still burning a little ember in the back of my mind. a bit like me when I was younger. The process worked like this. The dream did not die. 56 . I have analysed the failures and discovered that I used to get the whiff of an idea and then go for it all guns blazing without thinking about it. I didn’t do anything about at first. one of my dreams is to become a personal development speaker. and he said he wanted to be a pilot. That was about 9 years ago. Once I have the experience of speaking regularly I can develop the personal development course next year and roll it out. I was speaking with someone last week who is very impulsive and has all these grand ideas. I encouraged him to go for it but he said he wanted something a little easier to obtain. I am pleased with the blog and am still committed to it and have now set the wheels in motion and written a course about blogging which will give me confidence in speaking to audiences.The process of a dream Over the years I have noticed that the things I have failed in are the things I have not thought out. A blog seemed a great way to start and would really show me if I had the commitment to do this as I would need to continue writing a blog for months maybe years before I got anything out of it.
www. I saw the end of the dream and what it would mean to me if I achieved it. like the daydream of winning the lottery.stevenaitchison.uk/blog 57 . Take action steps. Now if your dream is something you really want to do. Act on the dream. 2. Review your dream regularly Achieve your dream It’s great having dreams and little daydreams and it’s also great keeping them that way. Your have to have a dream before you can achieve it. 5. make phone calls. The dream stayed a dream until I actually moved on it and started thinking about it and doing something with it. Do one thing that will take you a step closer to your dream. why not act on that reason. Want to share your dream. You’ll always find someone willing to encourage you. Review your dream regularly. You’ll notice the main ingredients of this dream of mine. you know it is unlikely to happen but it’s good to daydream about it. speak to someone about it. speak to someone. share it here by leaving a comment. If the dream dies then that’s okay. do anything and keep the momentum. Think about the end and what it will mean. and get good at the processes in-between. 4. You are reading this blog for a reason. Thinking and visualising your dream is important to keep it alive. Now the wheels are turning quite rapidly and things are starting to fall into place. 3. So if we broke it right down the process of achieving your dreams might work like this: 1. you have to act on it before you even get close to the dream.co. 6. Keep acting on it. this will tell you if you are on track or if the dream is dying. Take one step everyday to work on your dream. even if that means thinking about it. it saves you a lot of time.I am so much closer to my goal than I was. make a call. If the dream is still alive keeping taking the action steps until you achieve it.
The Timeline perspective is learning to look at all the areas of your life from lots all of your different perspectives. the present and the future. I see consciousness as being a split up into different clouds and each consciousness cloud can be tapped into should we wish to use its knowledge. present and future.Timeline perspective Are you happy with all the different areas of your life? What about the old you. It is looking at yourself from the past. dismiss them and formulate my own. past. So we are tapping into the law of attraction cloud Timeline cloud Just as there may be clouds of consciousness for everything we can think of and some we have yet to think of we have clouds which pertain to us specifically. Let the answers come to you if you can and try and let everything that comes into your mind come out onto the paper or the computer. I am working with the theory that these clouds of consciousnesses can be tapped into simply by thinking about tapping into them. we eventually believe it will work and eventually it will work. This is the beauty of checking out all of my current beliefs it’s great to play with them . Why? Why would you use the timeline perspective of yourself? I believe consciousness is an amazing aspect of human life and I also believe we can access consciousness from all ourselves. read about it let it soak us and sure enough psychic experiences will come. Try it out Okay here’s an example to play with and check out the timeline perspective. I will use my answers by way of an example. We think that the law of attraction works. Look at one specific area of your life just now for example your career. would they be happy with the way your life is just now?what about your future self? Here’s a different approach to try to find out how happy you are with the different areas of your life. I believe this is how the ‘Law of attraction’ works. It may have a memory which we can tap into. Ask yourself these questions and be as honest as you possibly can. if we want to tap into psychic consciousness all we have to do is think about having psychic experiences. I have not yet made the transition to full time life coach or seminar speaker and internet entrepreneur. we have to believe that I will happen. pour present consciousness and our future consciousness. Within these clouds we can access our past consciousness. I am currently a support worker for the homeless. It takes a giant leap of faith to believe it but once it starts to help us in our day to day lives the law of attraction will work a lot quicker. For example. I will discuss these clouds of consciousness in future posts as I am playing with the theory and trying to experience it as much as possible before formulating any concrete belief. instead of someone telling me this is what you should believe and anything else is just stupid or crazy. 58 .
he would be very unhappy if he was still in the same job. think of the work you will do. The moment you wake up you are accessing your future self you have to think about what you are going to do before you do it. would that person be happy with your current career? – Again he would be surprised and he wouldn’t dream that he would be working as a support worker with the homeless. and it is by no means a new revelation: You ALWAYS have to think about your future before you do it. present and future. Now think of yourself 5 years from now. possibly get up to go to work. I will leave this post here for now as there is so much more to say on this subject and I will be talking about it a lot in the future. would that person be happy with your current career? . For a moment think about what you are going to do tomorrow. What I found most interesting about this exercise is that I believed I would be happy with this career in all aspects of myself: past. would that person be happy with your current career? He wouldn’t have been happy as he wanted something else in. is that person happy with your current career? – He is happy with the experience it gave him but feels it is nearing the end of that career. is that person happy with your current career? – No not at all. I think you get the picture now.stevenaitchison. life. You always have to access your future self at some point. etc etc.I think they would be a little disbelieving but I think they would be very surprised and happy yes. However when I came to answer the questions about different aspects of my life it was really surprising what my past thought about my present and what my future thought about my present choices.uk/blog 59 . For now I hope the meeting with your three selves goes well.Are you happy with your current career? – Yes I am very happy with where I am just now Think back to yourself 1 year ago. Accessing our future selves Now you might think ‘how the hell can we access our future selves’. www. This was a great revelation to me when I discovered it. more money. the people you will talk to. Think back to yourself 10 years ago.co. You have just accessed your future self. Think back to yourself 5 years ago. he wanted more prestige. Now think of yourself 1 year from now.
I bought mine for £13 after a donation I was given by a reader of this blog. So it is very difficult to reach your subconscious mind using your conscious mind. to organise my life. The easiest one to reach is Alpha waves and it is in this state that you can change your life. There is lots of information on learning and your brain waves and learning have a search around Google. When you use positive thinking you are usually in a Beta state of mind. make money etc. However. What you will need • • • • • You will need a headset with a microphone attached. I use a beautiful piece of music from the Estonian composer Arvo Part called ‘Spiegel Im Spiegel’. and Personal growth and I have 4 intentions in each category. a headset with microphone attachment. Write down 10. 60 . read. an estimated. Download some recording software so you can record your voice. Love. So to reach your unconscious mind and imprint new programs you have to reach one of the unconscious brainwave states. Positive talking is using your conscious mind to try to communicate with your subconscious mind. When you are in a relaxed state of mind you are emitting what is called Alpha Waves and that is when new imprinting can take place. This exercise is possibly the most powerful exercise you will do in your life and possibly the one that will change your life forever. generate ideas. I use the the Audacity software which lets you alter your recording when you have completed it. I am presuming you have a soundcard with mic in ports Some music that gets you into a relaxed state. a set of intentions and a quick software download. Finance. to write. it requires you to be in a relaxed state of mind. You can buy these really cheaply from any computer store. which is the normal waking conscious state. This powerful exercise requires a few pre-requisites.Using your computer to change your life Computers have changed our lives and our world beyond measure. Health. Positive thinking I believe positive talking and thinking is not enough to change your life.30 intentions under 3 – 8 main headings. 90% of your life is controlled by your subconscious mind. research. I cannot imagine what I would do without my computer to communicate. I have the headings: Family. listen. The trouble is that. we know that when you are sleeping your brainwaves are alternating between Alpha. Delta and Theta states. Use classical music or relaxation music. To imprint a new program. Your subconscious mind has been imprinted a long time ago with programs of life making it very difficult to imprint new programs. We are using the power of the computer to change the way we live but can we use it to change our lives internally? I would like to show you a way to use your computer to change your own life using the internet. Career.
I was so excited about the changes in my life that I wanted to tell you about it sooner. as you know. To duplicate the recording it is just like copying and pasting on word. I am just enjoying life more. > Now click on file and click export as MP3 and save it to a folder. this in itself will change your life dramatically. and I have more energy. I have noticed dramatic changes that I cannot put down to coincidence. my relationships with my children are better. duplicate the recording 5 times. slow voice. three times a day. has massive benefits on your everyday life. Turn on your favourite piece of music and then hit the record key on Audacity. or traffic jams. I have lost another few pounds in weight. You now have your recording but repeated 5 times. Another thing is to take your time over your intentions. You can download it to your iPod or MP3 player and listen to it when you are waiting in queues. When you have read out all your intentions stop the recording.’. I was going to wait until the full 21 days was over before I wrote an article about it. 3 times a day. However. When you are happy with the recording making sure it is clear. Duplicate your recording using Audacity. Added benefits If you use this three times per day you have the added benefit of relaxing three times per day. Ready to record Make sure you can find 10 minutes free time when there will be absolutely no distractions.. I recorded my intentions 9 days ago and have been listening to it every day. I am less stressed at work. Do it in a calm. Some of the things are: I have received 2 website commissions. 61 . It’s like meditating for 15 minutes. Now start to read your intentions out loud. or whenever you have to wait a long time for something.The intentions After reading and listening to Marc Allen I always start each intention with ‘In a healthy and positive way……. preferably having no one in the house at all. Now you can listen to your recording whenever you want and have a spare 10 minutes to relax. Think about what you really want in life as this exercise is very powerful and you have heard the saying ‘Be careful what you wish for you might just get it’. Marc calls them affirmations but I prefer to use the word intentions. I am constantly amazed at way my life changes for the better and it’s definitely down to personal development. loud enough and easy to understand. Highlight the recording or press CTRL+A > go to ‘File’ > Click Copy > Now go to the end of the recording > go to file again and click paste (CTRL+V) and do this 4 times. I am making more money from the blog. This. This will probably last from 10-15 minutes.
Alpha waves etc might sound airy fairy to some of you.co. The challenge is: Record your intentions as described above and then listen to your recording 3 times per day. letting me know what you have done that day.uk/blog 62 . You are only taking 30-45 minutes per day to change your life. There is only 1 rule and that is you take the challenge and check in with me every day for 21 days. I would like to challenge you to try this for 21 days. www.stevenaitchison. I will add your name to a separate post entitled the ‘The “Change your life” challenge’ and if you send me a link to your blog or website I will post a linkback to it. I challenge you to do this and tell me there are no benefits to it. If you like you can send me an e-mail to let me know you are willing to take the challenge and I will e-mail you every day to give you that push you need to carry on with the challenge.A challenge for you All this talk of intentions. the subconscious mind. every day for 21 days.
in part. get the feelings back. our confidence has gone. Usually there is a trigger event that starts the snowball rolling and the downward spiral of feelings. This involves visualising yourself in the time when you felt good. When I do exercises like this it further strengthens my belief that we create. You know you will go back to your old self soon but it’s shit feeling that way you do just now. 3. taste. in your mind. This is the time to thank yourself. It involves going back. 2. Recognise when the mojo losing feeling started. and sounds back. What do you do when this happens? This exercise is not for people who are depressive and are on medication for their depression. When we are in the black cloud of feeling down the world is not a good place. Depending on how deep the mojo losing has gone there are steps you can take to get the mojo back. control the world. Use your mind to the full. An example trigger would be falling out with your partner. If you can do this a few times a day for the next few days you will see a dramatic difference in the way you feel. Thank yourself This is important. Go back to the last known good configuration. www. the world around us. effectively. however it reminds us how good our life really is. This exercise should help. when the cloud disappears the sunshine is back.uk/blog 63 . This is a computer term meaning that if something goes wrong with a program. touch. people you thought were on your side are suddenly against you? You feel the whole world is against you? Unless you are a manic depressive hopefully this only happens once in a blue moon. a failed exam something big but not huge. thank yourself for your life (it is you who is creating it). to the last time you felt good about yourself and the world. loss of a job.stevenaitchison. If we can control our state of mind we can. Feeling down for a few days is not a good feeling. This is for those times when we have lost it for a few days.What to do when you lose your mojo Have you ever had that feeling in your life when nothing is working? You’re feeling down. revert to a time when it was working okay.co. and get the smell. It all starts at the start 1.
I am not finished one role before I slip into another. So. go on to the next page. a coach. I usually wake my kids up at around 7am. Due to the blog and a few website commissions coming in I am much busier than normal the past few weeks. husband. This has to be a conscious thing.15am. For example if you work in the morning set a time for finishing that work and don’t go back to it. It was my wife who pointed out I was being a bit grumpy. I then cram another few minutes in. from 7am until about 8am I have slipped between roles of blogger. website creator. father. At the moment I am a Father. What happens is that I get grumpy as hell as sometimes.30am.Your roles in life How many roles do you have in life? I have at least 8 roles which I have to juggle and separate. and getting ready for support worker. Then when I know the kids are ready and had breakfast and their lunches have been made I then have a cold shower and get ready for work.30ish and work on the blog or a website. We spoke about it and nailed it down to the mornings and nailed it down to not being able to concentrate on one role at a time. a counsellor. I walk upstairs wake them and come back downstairs to cram a few minutes more work.30am I wake my wife up for work or university and then cram another few minutes into work. I usually get up at around 5. 64 . I hate starting something and not finishing it. Nothing really gets finished. as my father and husband roles greatly increase in time. I have a cup of tea with my wife and then get the boys ready for going out to school and off we trot at about 8. you start one page. then I am a support worker until 4. when I say separate I mean mentally separate each role. which wasn’t like me. a support worker. So. I didn’t really take notice of the different roles until a few weeks ago. mentally. Obviously this changes at the weekend and on holidays. What is happening is that I am not mentally finishing one job before trying to go into another job and then not finishing that one before going into another. don’t finish it. even if I don’t like the task.45pm then I am a father and husband until about 7pm and then I am a blogger and website creator until about 10pm. It’s like reading 8 pages of a book. a website creator. So I take it out on my family. a blogger. At around 7. not realising why I am being a bit grumpy. and consultant. a husband. or not brushing their teeth after me telling them for the 5th time. I now finish my blogging and website stuff at 7am and am a father and husband until 8. I then shout at the kids for not being ready. 7am comes. This is mentally frustrating and can cause stress and anger. 5 roles in all. A tip for switching between roles This may seem extremely simple but the trick to switching between roles successfully is two fold: • • Recognise what roles you play in life and note down when you play them Set times for changing between the various roles. don’t finish that one and so on and so forth. I don’t like things being left undone.
However I like my job but spreading the 25% around some of the other roles would be great. I think you will be surprised at the number of hours spent in each role. It was interesting to see how much time I spend in different roles. I would like to get rid of the 25% I spend working as a support worker for the homeless. If you do work out the percentages why not post them and I will create an overall pie chart for everyone.co. less stressed. Doing the pie chart a few weeks ago made me realise I needed to spend more time with my family so I rearranged a few hours to make more time for my family. www.This has helped me tremendously over the last few weeks. and I am getting more things done in life and am procrastinating less. but money dictates. The pie chart shows a typical 120 hour waking week for me.uk/blog 65 . I am a lot calmer. What roles do you have in life? Why not create a pie chart like the one above or simply note down the percentages of each different role.stevenaitchison. What I also found useful was to create a pie chart of what roles I play and the percentage I play them. it may let you look at life in a new way.
This includes presents. Every year. without fail. played some games. welcome guests. #8 – Delegate . sit in the bathroom. remember what it’s all about.If you’ve not already done so. Here are a few tips for staying sane this Christmas. Don’t leave the food shopping until last minute. ratio of 1:4:2. hold for 16 and breathe out for 8 seconds.co. plan your Christmas shopping in one day. #3 – Get the food in early – Very important this one. having fun and enjoying your time together.Don’t try and organise the whole day yourself allocate roles to your family. now Relax. anything but make sure you allow time for yourself. #2 – Relax – You’ve opened the presents. tidied up (a little). whilst we can do the dinner etc.Be Happy – This is not meant to be a stressful time of year. lay the table. #5 – Allow mess – Christmas is a children’s holiday as well. Take a nap. and look around your estate. it won’t. eaten the dinner. You are truly blessed. allow them to be a bit messy for a day then kick butt on Boxing Day. #4 – Spending limit – Stick rigidly to your spending limit. You might think that if you tool half an hour to yourself the world would fall apart. food and decorations. meditate. hold for 4 and out for 2. www. Put your feet up.When you are in queue’s do your breathing exercises. Children are messy and want to play NOW and don’t care about clearing up. Yes children will notice but if you explain to them. My son’s roles will be to clear the living room before dinner. better yet get a foot massage from your partner. they are usually happy. Just chill out and enjoy the rest of the day. So if you breathe in for 4. the family getting together. one of us will say ‘Oh that doesn’t look that much compared to the other one. Count your blessings.uk/blog 66 . You don’t want to be stuck with Turkey breast slices if you’ve planned your meal around a 12Ib Turkey. breath in for 1. #9 – Breathe . Take 1 day to plan it and 1 day to action it. #7 . Although it may not look as if you’ve bought one of your children a lot compared to the other the amount of money spent is the same and that’s what matters. There are millions of people worse off so look around your family and silently thank them. #6 – Quality time – Allow yourself a break during the day or during the lead up to Christmas and New Year. This needn’t be the case.stevenaitchison. #10 – Plan Christmas .10 tips to stay sane at Christmas Christmas and the New Year can be a stressful time of year for a lot of people. #1 – Be Thankful – Don’t want to depress you but be thankful. read a book. we better buy a few extra presents’. This way you gear yourself up for the stress and all that goes with Christmas. look around your house. don’t get too stressed about the place being a mess for a day or half a day.
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