3 questions to change anything in your life Changing jobs Claim back your energy Vizualising the life you want Staying in love Letting go to get what you want 7 tips for perfect kissing Change your mood Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive 21 days to a new habit Say NO to boost your self esteem The cancer view of life 50 best personal development blogs Anchoring a habit Attracting more money into your life Being a dad, not just a father Being unhappy to find happiness Changing beliefs Breaking your oputcome barriers Clear your house to clear your mind Clouds of consciousness Getting connected to you Giving up smoking How to make the gym more interesting Kaizen for personal development Rewrite your past to create your future Self discipline, willpower and motivation _ Self discipline Self discipline, willpower and motivation – Willpower Self discipline, willpower and motivation – Motivation Silent power Slowing the world down Stages of your own evolution Template reality The process of a dream Timeline perspective Using a computer and a headset to change your life What to do when you lose your mojo Your roles in life 10 tips to stay sane at Christmas 1 2-4 5–7 8–9 10 – 11 12 – 13 14 15 16 – 17 18 19 20 – 21 22 – 23 24 25 – 26 27 – 28 29 30 -32 33 – 34 35 – 36 37 – 38 39 40 41 42 – 43 44 – 45 46 – 47 48 49 – 50 51 52 53 54 – 55 56 – 57 58 – 59 60 – 62 63 64 – 65 66

3 questions to change your anything in your life
How do you change the current situation you are in just now? That is what I am asked most often by clients. For any situation whether it be career, love, finances, home, family, anything at all, you have to ask yourself three simple questions. What is my current situation? – You have to fully understand and be aware of your current situation A lot of clients I deal with say they don’t have a problem until they admit they have a problem, for example with alcohol – an alcoholic is not an alcoholic until they admit they’re an alcoholic. You have to be fully aware of your situation and admit that it is wrong. Obviously most people know this or they wouldn’t be asking the question ‘how can I change?’. The next question you have to ask is: Where do I want to be? – For you to change anything in your life you have to know where you want to go in life. You wouldn’t jump into the back of a taxi and say to the driver: You: ‘I want to go somewhere’ Driver: ‘Where to guv?’ You: ‘Don’t know, just take me there’ Driver (on the phone): ‘I think I’ve got a psychiatric patient who needs help here’ It’s the same with life, you have to know where you want to go before you can actually get there. I was speaking with a client a few weeks ago who said she wanted a new job, as she was really fed up and bored with her current job. I asked her what kind of job she wanted, she looked at me and said ‘the same type of job I’ve got just now!’. Where is the logic in that? Most people are happy to trundle along doing the same boring job for the rest of their lives and maybe the adventurous ones will go to a different company but do the same job. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you are happy. If you are not happy, decide what you want to do first before making plans to change. The last question to ask yourself is: How am I going to get there? – Simple question, tough to put into practice. However this can be made easier for you. When you are planning, try not to bog yourself down with all the hows, wheres, why’s and what’s, just do it. If you know you want to change, if you know what you want to change to just start!. Do anything to start you along the path of change. For example: You want a new career, you know the type of job you want, great. But, you don’t have any experience, what then? Go do a course at college – that’s a first step, go do some voluntary work in the line of work you want to do, send out your CV to companies you’d like to work for, do anything but make the first step.

you get up on a Saturday morning early and decide that's it the house is getting cleaned from top to bottom.. you spirit was lifted. This is your spirit lifting and your perspective changing. 3. however in their mind it is no different from your situation. If you are doing this every day it adds up to a lot of unhappiness. Have you ever let the house cleaning pile up so much it gets you down for a few weeks? the washing has not been done.' what it comes down to having the balls to step up to the plate and change your future happiness and your family's. I would spend all day cleaning out the drawers. Answer me this question: If your son. it's easy to find a different job.. toys and other rubbish.. you could feel good giving some clothes to charity.. Okay I hear all the reasons for not doing it... your mind felt lighter and you had a little more energy even though you had just spend 5-8 hours cleaning... your kitchen drawers are housing letters.... I other words giving up their crappy job is no less different than you giving up your job and starting something else. There are scores of reasons you felt better about cleaning the house. After listening to them you would more than likely advise them to change jobs. 2 .. your wardrobes are full of crap... the garage needs cleaned out. Now. the skirting boards need dusting. With their limited knowledge and experience of the world their perspective on life is the same as yours. niece or nephew came to you one day and said they were feeling really shit and it was because of their job at the restaurant.. they didn't like it and it was getting them down. You could invite people up for dinner because you're not ashamed of the mess. and I’m too old. the ironing needs done. in the clear up you managed to find your phone so you returned your phone calls so you felt you weren't neglecting your friends and family. Well it might be time to clean out your life! Do you feel a bit low. it's not that easy' why is it not that easy? The money is too good.. 10 years ago? Maybe it's time to look at your life and take stock and get rid of the debris. the wardrobes every single thing that I had been neglecting the previous weeks. feelings of despair.. you may say that's different as they are young. Your job Are you doing the job you are meant to be doing? If you work full time you spend most of your waking day working. book. daughter. 5. If you hate your job you hate 8-12 hours of your day. Your house was tidy so new possibilities could happen in your life. you felt a weight lifted as you'd dealt with all the letters that you had been meaning to deal with but put them in the drawer for later. I don't have any other skills. I can hear lots of 'yeah but I. Come 8pm you've done it...Changing jobs Housework! Are you living the life you really want to live or thought you would be living 1. feel lethargic.. Change it! I can already hear you thinking 'yeah right.. I've done this in the past and felt like shit every time I went home.. Then it reaches saturation point.. pills. 1. hopelessness and your life is lacking direction? You need to look at your life and what you are doing that makes you feel like this. I've been doing it for 30 years there's nothing else. How did you feel? my guess is you felt great.

I was out of sync and it showed. So I folded the business and went back to BT on a temporary contract working with the people I had worked with before. however it was from home. I started looking around for voluntary work. she left a job paying nearly double what I earn just now. I would only get £11. She has grabbed her balls and gone to university full time to study for a degree. a big house. I had no experience. but managed to get a job as a support worker helping the homeless and that is where I am today. 7 tips 1. health benefits the works.Grab your balls! I worked at BT for 10 years answering the phones to unhappy customers and some happy customers. I was grateful to my friend and manager for giving the chance to earn a bit until I re-evaluated my life. My wife is now in the same situation. Do you need to change your job or do you need to change the way you do your job? Write down all the things you don't like about your job Now write down all the things you do like It maybe you don't need to change your job it could be your working practice or the people you work with. When I discussed my plans for a new business selling Signed 1st edition books and worked out the finances and after discussing it with my wife I went for it. It's a bit scary but we KNOW it will work out and we have made moderate adjustments to our lives to help her dream. so I applied for a few jobs and couldn't get in.000. So again I looked at voluntary work. I resented the fact that I had to get up every morning and go to work at a place I didn't like. My wife knew I was unhappy. You need to know this first before you do anything else. I was unhappy. 3 . I wanted to help people in some way. Some people have left jobs and later found out it wasn't the actual job itself they didn't like it was an aspect of the workplace they didn't like. The first year was great and I had an annual turnover of £40. I grabbed my balls and left the company. However. 2 children. would get a great pension. I am not totally in sync but I am a lot closer than I was before and I am happier for it. I had a wedding to pay for.000. After a year or so the business decreased dramatically for various reasons and I could no longer get the money I was getting before. I got paid well. Again I turned to the social care sector and the same things happened as before. Then when the chance of voluntary redundancy came up I thought about it and dismissed it many times. work in the social care sector. I noticed how unhappy most of them were and they were getting paid a hell of a lot more than me. but I did work around 12 hours a day.

stevenaitchison. If you feel you are being disloyal to your employer. It is a myth that you cannot teach old dogs new tricks. Do you know what you really want to do? Most people don't know what they really want to do with their working your family. www. It has been shown that if we keep our minds active our brain can regenerate and build more synapses and keep us youthful in mind and spirit. Try the following exercise: Write down 7 things you love to do Write down your 7 best talents (be honest and don't be shy) Write down 7 jobs you'd love to do Write down 7 things other people say you're good at Write down 7 courses you would take at university if you had the chance After you have down this look at all the things you've written and try and find a common theme. 5. Be willing to learn What keeps young people young is their enthusiasm for learning. get them on your side. Do the figures and the training and everything else. Grab your balls You've figured out what you want to do. As we get older we tend to think we are too old to learn something new. Build a bridge to a new career If you can invest the time and money you might still be able to work and learn a new career at the same time therefore giving you the chance to move one foot out of the door of your current job and one foot into a new job. Now grab your balls and jump. spoke it over with friends and family. you've done the figures. Speak it over with your partner. you've done everything. what is holding you back. don't. Be willing to take courses or go to university or college or back to take some exams.2. Get this out of your thinking pattern and you can change your life. 6. it might be learning. it might be driving just try and find the theme. you've done some training.g. but look after you and you will be better equipped to look after other people e. A lot of people also believe that they are being selfish if they think about leaving. This might be hard to swallow but it's the truth. 3. 4. It might be teaching. You have to start thinking about what you want and need. The more we learn the healthier our brains are. If someone gave me a million pounds If someone gave you a million pounds to change careers what career would you choose? Whatever you answer will give you an insight into the type of job you really want and for some the type of person you really are. 7. Change your thinking A lot of people have gotton into such a rut about their jobs that they believe it will be impossible to leave their job without getting the sack or being made redundant or 4 . You really are only a number and you can be replaced.

Don't go cold turkey. get them into the car. drag yourself out of bed. think of all the things you've got to do that day. get packed lunches ready. If are awakened abruptly from REM sleep it is difficult to recover from the grogginess we feel. Sound a bit far fetched. kick back relax go to bed. I have been doing it for over 12 years and I have honestly never used an alarm clock in all that time. Ditch the alarm clock If you waken each morning with an alarm clock try and stop this habit. We are giving our energy away to people and projects we shouldn't be. We drain our energy shouting at our kids. In the morning we are often drifting in and out of REM sleep. kiss your partner goodbye. get the kids wakened for school. wake up with an alarm clock at 7am. The alarm clock often wakes us up. read your e-mail. Whilst we are sleeping we go through stages of sleep. Before going to sleep tells yourself what time you want to get up. get kids wakened for school. you get worried as time is running out and you haven't finished your work. We drain our energy by waking up in the middle of a dream (we are more lethargic if we have woken up during REM sleep). shout at kids to get ready. Here are 7 tips for keeping your energy 1. when you argue and fight with someone and it upsets you afterward you are giving someone else your power. or a guy whatever flicks your switch). feeling even more harassed as you know your partner might be upset. shower. go into the office. What does happen is that I sometimes wakes up a few hours before the stated time and then 1 hour before it and then half an hour before it. shout at kids to get up for school. speak to the kids and your partner. 5 . clean the dishes. talk on the telephone getting harassed sometimes. If I need to get up a little earlier than normal I remind myself what time I need to get up. you eventually go home. you need this power so keep it to yourself. pick your battles well.Claim back your energy Lots of us are giving our energy away needlessly every day. in the morning and at night when we have finished working. make breakfast. brush teeth. What do I mean by this? Think of your typical day it could go something like this. but I still get a good rest as my brain is taking care of the sleep. It is no wonder that a lot of us feel drained. put make up on (if you're a woman. By ditching the alarm clock you wake up naturally and your brain will automatically adjust to your sleeping cycle and prompt you when to wake up. make the dinner. go home at 5pm or stay on. We drain ourselves every day by talking to people who steal our energy. We drain our energy fighting with loved ones. tell the kids to stop arguing. This is a typical scenario and I've only scratched the surface. and do it all over again the next day. It might sound a little scary at first but it is worth it. set the alarm clock for 10 minutes later than normal.

a queue in the shops. I still couldn’t find it and thought ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. If you do this you will gain a lot of your power back and sometimes a lot of respect. He was able to control himself and to a degree his thoughts and able to reclaim some of his power. 5.g. Stop shouting at the kids This is a tough one for some of us. Be yourself always and you will lose less energy. I still shout but only when I've reached saturation point. I wrote a quick note to the insurance company and explained I had lost the paper they had sent but I was sure they would have a copy of it themselves. Children learn by example and I started to notice that my boys were using the same technique as me when they wanted to get their point across or they were upset. your wallet.2. I lost a sheet of paper this morning for an insurance pack I had to send back. Every day we lose some of our energy by giving credence to what other people think about us. my client got it. 3. a queue for a bus. the TV. they are people you work with. they are not your relatives they are people you work with. losing your keys. I spoke with him for over an hour and one he had calmed down I said did he realise he was giving his power to another person. I asked him what the problem was and he said he had had a fight with his girlfriend and they had split up and he felt as if he was having a breakdown. It’s the little things that can upset us the most. They are not your friends. 6 . If we stop to think about the things we get upset about we would realise how silly it was. computer or something else). This is clearly not good for you or for your children. 4. When you shout when you are upset you are literally throwing your energy to that person and the bad vibes it creates can last a long time. Now if my kids do something they shouldn't have we will sit them down make them know we are angry or upset and punish them accordingly (by this I mean take away something they like e. Fighting with loved ones One of my clients was really upset a few weeks ago and couldn't stop crying. Their opinion of you doesn’t matter therefore do not let them upset you. I immediately recognised this and just let it pass. After 5 minutes of looking for it and not finding it I was starting to get angry. People you work with They are just that. If you need to say something to them do it immediately and don’t let a small comment from them simmer inside you. This was a simple statement but a powerful one. The silly things How many times have you got angry or upset waiting in a traffic jam. He was letting someone else control how he thought about his life therefore how he felt and how he acted.

www. they’re laughing with you. scary as it was. anything. Don’t think everyone wants a fight with Change your thoughts. and I was empowered. you can still have a laugh with someone if they are making fun of you as long as it is with your consent i. I realised what an effect this was having on me and over time I realised I didn’t really stand up for myself. When I was younger I was bullied and later on in life I had massive problems with confrontation. 7. If you find yourself panicking about things.6. gain back your energy and change your life. Stand up for yourself. choose your battles well. ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’ and most times it’s not as bad as you think it is. I just couldn’t handle it at all. What’s the worst that can happen? This is my wife and I favourite phrase ‘What’s the worst that can happen’.e. I gained my self respect back and gained respect from others. When you’re panicking you’re gibing your energy away to something non existent. When you worry about things you’re giving your energy away to something non existent. I always stand up for myself in the right situations. The quickest way to gain control of your energy and gain more power is to always stand up for yourself. An incident happened when I was around 17 and I stood up for 7 .stevenaitchison.

We have to realise that our thoughts are real and they have energy. If you took 10 minutes out of your day. You do this with almost everything you do day to day. I was talking with a friend the a few weeks ago and he told me his son was always getting into trouble at school and seemed to attract children who wanted a fight. legs straight. I asked the boy of he could try something for me. Sound far fetched? Try this: Stand up. Feet together. don’t say you don’t have the time because that’s just not true and you know it. I got a chance to speak with my friend’s son and he did indeed have a scowl. positive energy you have created will attract positive energy someone else has created. I asked him to be aware of every time he scowled and to straighten his face. picture your place of work and either roll back to sleep or jump up. a great week. We spoke about his problems at school and he told me what my friend had told me. You wake up. ready for action. a great year and ultimately a great year. Bend down and try and touch your toes without bending your knees. literally. Think about what you do every morning to go to work. it is real and it can be directed. During the conversation it was clear that his son was always on his guard in case someone picked on him or bumped into him. I didn’t mention about the fights or anybody who was causing the trouble. a great month. what you have to do for the day. a few days ago. You picture. My friend told me his son always had a scowl on his face and looked angry all the time.g. You are picturing your outcome for the day ahead. we could have a great day. I also asked him if he could try a fun exercise very morning and that was too picture in his mind having a great day at school. 8 . another reason he was attracting attention to himself. My friend reported. either dreading it or looking forward to it. and getting on well at school and enjoying himself. It literally affects every single area of our lives from going for a walk to building up a business. The thing is when we have pictures in our head and dread the image we are never going to have a good day and we leave our days in the hands of fate. A lot of people are concentrating so much on what they don’t want that they are attracting more of what they don’t want. I asked him to picture having a laugh with his friends. See how far you get. but it is worth re-iterating. How it works By visualising something you are literally creating a ball of energy. in your mind. It is attracted to the same type of energy you have created e.Visualising the life you want The visions in your head create the life you live! Everybody who has ever read a self development book of any kind knows this. that his son has not been in trouble for a few weeks and had actually enjoyed going to school. I wanted him to concentrate on the good things and not wake up every morning thinking he was going to get into a fight. playing football.

that’s for another article. This is the power of visualisation. Be sure not to mix up those positive thoughts with thoughts of negativity. yourself bending down and touching your toes but this time going further than you did the first time. www. For now. if you think you can’t visualise. preferably a set time every day Always give it positive energy. but it is true. You will have to be aware of the synchronicities that will happen after a few days of your practicing your visualisations. Now stand up for real and bend down. I am willing to bet that you got further than you did the first time you tried it. books presenting themselves. only this time it is affecting your physiology as well. Don’t just visualise 1 million pounds and expect not to work for it. Do this a few times. Also be prepared to work for your desired outcomes. You will not attract positive things in your life if half your time is spent thinking negatively. Open your eyes.Now try this.stevenaitchison. bend forward in your minds eye and bend forward and go further than you did the last If you do this only once you may get something back in return. Now do it again. without bending your knees. The process works like this. If you have any stories about how this has worked for you let me know or if you have any questions let me know and I will be happy to answer your questions. Be on the lookout for people coming into your 9 . This works every time and the only reason it won’t work is you working in negative thoughts into your thinking when visualising your desired outcome. signs in general that will lead you towards your desired outcome. Set your desired outcome Visualise it in your minds eye Focus on it often. take it for granted that your thoughts stem from mental energy which forms a physical energy which is attracted to the same form of energy of others and attracts back to you. However of you do it often you will get what you wish for or visualise for. Positive thinking This might sound clichéd. and try and touch your toes. Picture in your minds eye or feel it. which is quite easy to creep into your thoughts. If you keep thinking about the lack of money you have you will NEVER attract money into your life.

to begin with. the payoff is the money which is deposited into your bank account every month or every week. I have the chance to help them stay in a house or a flat and possibly help them to become the person they want to be. you make love to produce endorphins in your body and make you feel good. You may not like going to the gym but you do it as the rewards are greater than being a bit flabby or downright fat. Yeah right! You might be saying as if that could happen. in this example. it pays the mortgage but spiritually I get the better payoff. My aim when I go to work is to try and make the payoff less important. you eat to stop the hunger. For example going to work everyday. you go to the toilet to relive your bladder and to stop feeling uncomfortable. In this article I will show you a really simple trick to stay in love with your partner. it is my first step to that outcome. My job is a path to what I really want to be doing in my life and that is changing people’s lives. I have the chance to change a person’s life for the better. you go to work to get paid.Staying in love Having a great partnership whether in your personal life or your professional life is easy. Now. your kids. is go to work and get some money.everything has a payoff. That’s the bigger payoff. My main job is to help prevent and to help sustain tenancies for persons who have previously been homeless. I do like my job. However longer term it can be harder. Think about it for a minute. However once in a while someone extends their hand for help and that hand is met with a multitude of hands willing to help and I have a chance to be a part of a life changing process starting with helping to put a roof over someone’s head. Would you go to work if you didn’t get paid? For most of us that would be NO! NO! NO! So your primary goal. The payoff What most of us do though is make the payoff the primary goal. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t get paid but I still like it and I enjoy what I do. your education. What do I do to make the payoff less important than the actual work I do? Change my perspective on your work. your job. It doesn’t have to be this way at all. do the minimum. I challenge you to think of something you do which doesn’t have a payoff. you take the dog for a walk so he doesn’t make the house messy…. any area of your life. and to help them find employment or help with their health needs. 10 . complain about the large caseload I have and the amount of time to do an effective job but I try and look at my job in a different way. There is a payoff for everything we do in life. the money is a good thing. Once they are in their flat or house I still work with them to try and maintain it. When we do something there has to be a payoff at the end. I could in. You may not like it but you still do it as the rewards are greater than the pleasure of staying in bed. I cannot help people who do not want to be helped and there are a lot of people like that in my line of work.

hear the voice that gets you excited.stevenaitchison. what happened?’ take time to get acquainted with them again. they will get love.). what happens when your partner has two sets of love handles. Feeling the love Some people think ‘I don’t think I love my partner anymore. see yourself being out of breath. what happens when you hate your job? Start falling in love with what you originally fell in love with! Take a moment to think of 5 reasons why you love your children Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your partner Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your job (and there will be some) Take a moment to think of 5 reasons you love going to university When doing this exercise you have to put your heart and soul into it. feel their 11 . Feel the hate Incidentally you can do this in reverse. www. We are not meant to just drift along hoping that the feelings will stay. you have to work hard to feel the love for you partner.Falling in love again What the hell has all this got to do with staying in love with your partner? Everything! You have a payoff by being I love. responsible children. That’s what it means when people say you have to work hard at a marriage. chocolate for example. see yourself being ridiculed. feel it. Don’t just say it out loud. Just re acquaint yourself with what you felt when you first started on the thing in your life and you can get the feelings back and subsequently the love see it. Think of 5 reasons why you really hate it makes you fat (see yourself being fat. affection time and attention from you and you get happy. If you can really put emotion into this and do it often it is a very powerful tool for change in your life. you have a payoff by loving your kids. see yourself naked in the mirror as a fat person). it clogs your arteries (see your blood vessels being blocked. they will feel a different vibe from you and they will respond. If you don’t want to like something anymore. look at your partner and see those beautiful eyes you adore. Do it with everything that may be dying in your life. if you start to think about your partner all over again your partner will see the changes in you. I am not saying your relationship will change overnight however. You get the picture. You have to re-acquaint yourself with those feelings as those feelings can go if we don’t notice it going. think back to when you felt all those things. But what happens when the kids are being a pain in the arse. you have a payoff by loving life but it’s a two way process you love and adore your kids. We have to feel the feelings we felt when we first fell in love and that keeps us going. loving. It’s true for anything in your life.

For years I had been dreaming about my perfect partner. perfect. I pictured us having two children and I pictured the house we lived in. Earlier on in the week I had been asked to go to a 40th birthday party from some colleagues at work and I had said maybe but on that day I didn’t feel like it. This is true in most areas of your life. Her name is Sharon. I get passive income from the hosting side of it and I get to do something I love from the design side of it. During the day I was saddened as I hadn’t found ‘the one’.Letting go to get what you want Have you ever gone for a job interview not caring at all whether you get the job or not and invariably you end up getting it? This has happened to me a few times and in different areas of my life. Michael Neill stated in his book ‘you can get what you want’ Imagine what you want is like a beautiful butterfly in your hands. The best time it ever happened to me was the night I met my wife. I have noticed that my web design and hosting business bradlewdesigns ticks over nicely as I do not focus on it too intently and I don’t need money from it. All areas of life This happens in many areas of my life and I have to catch myself before I become too emotionally involved. I got chatting to a few friends on the night out and we were having a laugh and at 7. she had two boys from a previous marriage whom I adore. Later on I decided to go as everybody else seemed to be going. we have a fantastic house. and that is working with computers and learning new technologies. Every time I went out for a night out I would look for her. The secret is to hold it gently. I was feeling a bit down. intelligent and able to stand up for herself. I love being a bachelor and that is the way I will stay for the rest of my life’ and at that I gave up the fight to find my perfect woman. I gave it the works. As soon as I let go of the desire she came to me. I eventually grew tired of looking and on the 19th July 2002 I was walking along Argyle street in Glasgow on my way to work and I said to myself ‘that’s it. we have a love that I have never known and we have a little dog called Trinity (after the character from The Matrix). Have you ever dated someone who just held too tightly to you. I visualised a woman with long dark hair. She was not interested in me at all at the beginning but then a song came on that I loved. they clung to you. if you hold your hands too loosely. I had this in my head for about 6 years. And due to the fact that I don’t need the income from it I tend to get more work. I dated in-between but never really found anybody whom I could say ‘she’s the one’. I looked up and said ‘who the hell is that!’ I later found out it was a colleague’s sister. they called all the time? How did you feel? A bit claustrophobic I would guess and I would also guess that you are no longer with that person. 12 . I held out my hand and asked if she wanted to dance and it was electric. If you squeeze too tightly the butterfly will be crushed. she was petite. The point of that story was to show that I had all the ingredients of getting what I wanted except I had emotionally held on too tight to my desire of having my perfect partner.30pm a woman walked in wearing a red t shirt and a pair of brown cord trousers. the butterfly will simply fly away.

You can’t do everything at 100 miles per hour if the cosmos only works at 60 miles per hour. Rest and let go . I then dropped it to every few hours then every day and now I check it when I feel like it. doing your website. Just hold up your hands and say I need some time with my family. enquire about it. Stay focused on what you want but let the tension and stress you might feel go. if you take gentle steps you will feel less stressed and enjoy the whole experience. Too many people want everything to happen yesterday. enjoy the process of research and finding out. preferably written down so you can check on it from time to time. how it looks.The recipe The goal – you need to have a goal. If you want to start a business. It took me 4 weeks to pull myself back. and I need to go fish. www. Now get emotional with it how do you feel inside about it. only 4 weeks ago I checked my stats every hour I was obsessed. what it smells like use all your sense. I will continue as I love doing it. Just take some quality time to reflect and you will reach your goals a lot quicker. I try to concentrate on the articles and the ideas in the articles rather than the money now. setting up the bank accounts with your business name on it. Visualise – Picture in your minds eye everything about the goal. You need to let the cosmos catch up with your goals and their next getting an accountant (one who you feel connected to and who knows your business). but I love doing this now. When I first started this blog. even if nobody writes a comment or clicks on the ads or makes a donation.Let go of your goals for a bit. Do this often but feel relaxed when you are doing it. Steps – Take gentle steps toward your goals. I need a break.stevenaitchison. If you take it easy you’ll enjoy every minute of the 13 .

Here are some kisses that are used with partners. passionate which says ‘I love you on a deeper level’ There are a million more types of kisses I’ve only named 10 of our most popular. it’s gross. what makes a good kiss? How can you improve your kissing? Here are 7 tips to make that perfect kiss: 1. how was your day’. so keeping your eyes open can be different and fun. Men: Have a good shave.7 tips for fantastic kissing: Kissing is often an overlooked art when it comes to seducing your partner. most people close their eyes when kissing. 7. passionate. 4. Women prefer passionate kissing when the man has had a close shave rather than the man with stubble. I was thinking about you today (eyebrows raised). by this I mean a close shave. But. viruses can be carried through the saliva when kissing. softer. playful. The hello kiss +: A bit longer than the hello kiss. well! It kind of speaks for itself. Leave the passionate kisses in the privacy of your home or where nobody can see you. 3. kissing is not just meant for the mouth. the painters have left kiss: Menstrual cycle is over and it’s time to get back on track I really want you kiss: long.stevenaitchison. long kisses to hard and passionate kisses 6. An obvious one this but do not eat strong tasting foods like curry or garlic. Make use of your partners body and kiss them all over. Not even in the door kiss: A passionate kiss which 14 . unless your partner is eating it too. all over the face type of kiss saying ‘I’m hungry’ The spiritual kiss: slow. Have you ever seen this in the high street.’ You’re getting it tonight kiss: passionate. 5. Kiss with your eyes open and maintain eye contact. Do not kiss your partner if you have a mouth infection of any kind. long. long and hard saying ‘I’m horny!!!’ Just before sleep kiss: A quick peck on the cheek or lips to say ‘goodnight babe’. Greeting kisses with your partner • • • The hello kiss: A quick kiss on the lips which says ‘hey babe. www. Do it in private. this kiss says ‘hey babe. I don’t mean the quick pecks I mean the passionate ‘I really want you kiss’. 2. Making love kisses: • • • Thank god. sorry! 10 of the most popular ones I have read about and seen on TV. Most people hate seeing other people kissing in public. Vary your kisses from soft.. Obviously there are many types of kisses and they can be used in different settings. Lounging about the house kisses: • • • • Just a quick kiss: A quick kiss just to remind them you love them Kids are out playing kiss: A longer kiss followed by the words ‘the kids are out playing…………….

How does that make you feel. A great exercise to try and a very simplistic one is by doing the following. and when you’ve got all the roles and your biggest successes and proudest moments click your fingers twice. your kids.Change your mood This is a great exercise for ‘changing your state’ as NLPers would call it. How do you feel now? Are you sitting up a bit 15 .co. meeting your wife. you’ve received a letter stating you are due someone £542. and your wife everything you are proud of in your life. playing with your children. and the pouring rain. Now think of five things you have done in your life which you felt great about. Feel the feelings again. Think of five things you are proud of in your life: your family. Really get into all the roles. how did you feel on all of these five moments. play some of your favourite music in the background. feel the feelings as you mentally see your child do something for the first time and you realise they’re growing up.33. Here’s the thing. every time you do this exercise click your fingers twice as soon as you have finished doing it. pretty pissed off I would imagine. Keep your eyes closed whilst doing this. feel the feelings.stevenaitchison. do you feel a bit brighter? If you have done this exercise correctly and really put your heart and soul into it you should have changed your state of mind within the matter of five minutes.making the school rugby team as captain. You obviously have forgotten all about this but it still doesn’t stop you from being in a bad mood pretty much the rest of the day. your business. Try it for 21 days www. getting out of debt. get into the scene again and feel the feelings. yourself. Feel the emotions when you look at your wife and feel how blessed you are. Now look at five of your biggest successes and do exactly the same. Picture the scenario: You’ve woken up one morning full of the joys of spring. . And pretty soon you should be able to change your state by clicking your fingers twice. feel all the feelings associated with the proudness you feel.

Persevere Keep going with the above exercise. I’m unattractive’. you have to feel the emotions of those situations. What makes people attractive is their confidence. they won’t be to other people as well. Think of all your best qualities and focus on them instead of focusing on the bad points about yourself. from real life. someone you like laughing with.Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive Think about the people in your life who are attractive. positive talking does not work like that. I don’t mean look in the mirror and say ‘I am attractive. You won’t attract people to you if you feel unattractive yourself. Take a few minutes to do this. Why is this? Attractiveness is a state of mind! It truly is. This may take a few weeks to get you really from the ‘unattractive mindset’ to ‘attractive mindset’. How to change your feeling about yourself A lot of people for years have told themselves they are not attractive and guess what. I’m fat. Due to the years of conditioning your mind has had it will find it difficult to give up on the image that you are unattractive. When I say attractive I mean the whole package. Think of some of the people for example on TV who may be conventionally unattractive but have that certain something that makes them attractive: For example my wife thinks James Belushi has something about him. Jerry Lewis. From TODAY start telling yourself you are attractive. their zest for life and their ‘I don’t give a shit what you think about me’ attitude. good to look at? I am sure there a re a few who are not your cup of tea but you still find them attractive. Helen Miran. I am attractive’. and Adam Sandler. someone that draws you closer. Karen from ‘Will and Grace’. goodness knows we all have them but what makes the difference is that the attractive people don’t necessarily focus on them all the time. someone you want to listen to when they speak. if you tell yourself that often enough you will be all those things. everyday remind yourself how attractive you are. Of the people you picked as attractive how many of them are visually attractive. You have to stop the years of that little voice in your head saying’ I’m ugly. and someone who is attractive in appearance. and you have to tell yourself occasionally throughout the day that you attract the right kind of people towards you. You have to see yourself in situations where people are attracted to you. not from TV or films. 16 .

You can also apply this technique to all areas in your life. Make sure you do this every day and at every opportunity. or what you think you are good at yourself. I will write a follow up article on this topic as once you have mastered you inner talk on attractiveness you will be overwhelmed by the change it brings in your life. and the only reason I knew this was because people kept on telling me and pretty soon I kept telling myself and pretty soon I really believed it. Now pick the top five most important ones to 17 . I thought I was no If you look for enough evidence that you are attractive you will find it. You will need to try and cope with the new you and it’s not as easy as you might think. It’s the inner talk that keeps us believing what we believe. so start looking. List everything. I am great at empathising with people. List the things you are good at. However the one thing I had going for me was relative good looks. For example you might say I get on well with people. I was funny etc. Every chance you get just remind yourself how good you are at (chosen attribute). focus on your chosen 5 attributes. and I care a lot about animals. feel yourself being good at it. see yourself being good at it. Or the next 3 weeks. www. see 21 days to a new habit .stevenaitchison. people did think I was intelligent.I hate being around people when I was younger as I thought I was no good at talking. Then after years of self doubt I changed my inner talk to telling myself people did like me. the things people say ‘she’s really good at that’. I thought people laughed at me. Exercise. I love my job. I am kind.

smoking for example. It can’t really think as clearly about the benefits because it hasn’t yet had the benefits of giving up smoking but it knows the supposed pleasures that smoking brings. For example if you want to start the habit of meditating tell your conscious self that you are trying it for 21 days. you will have seen the benefits along the way your unconscious will want to continue if it has been beneficial. at work when you’re a bit stressed. 21 days to 18 . Now. When starting or breaking any habit we tend to tell our conscious mind we are going to change and it’s for life. This is not a bad thing. don’t tell yourself you are doing it for life. Immediately your brain kicks in and says no smoking for life. www. We all know we have conversations with ourselves. like smoking. When we want to start something or give up something. Give up sweets for 21 days Meditate for 21 days Write in the blog every day for 21 days Get up before 6am every day (I’ve actually made this a habit now) Drink a vegetable juice for 21 days This is just a small list of the things I am doing. Your neural pathways have formed already and you will more than likely continue with your new habit. when you have completed this for 21 days your conscious mind has the choice of stopping it or carrying on. tell yourself (your conscious brain) that you are going to try it for 21 days. going out for a drink at you might normally say to yourself ‘right that’s it I’m giving up for good’. 21 days to eat healthily. first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. should I go to the gym should I not. I’ll decide’ so there will be a battle between your two sides of your conscious mind. This might sound a little strange when I say ‘talking to your conscious’ as it is your conscious talking to your conscious.21 days to a new habit Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. 21 days of anything. That’s 21 days of going to the gym every day or exercising in some way every day. and then it starts to think of all the situations it likes a good cigarette in. we just have to be aware of our thoughts when we have given up a habit such as smoking. Your brain thinks ‘lack of’ instead of the benefits of. or so it thinks. If you tell your mind you want to try something for 21 days it won’t be so unwilling to co-operate. just after sex etc. This can also work when trying to break a habit. should I go to the pub should I not.stevenaitchison. There are a hundred conversations we have with ourselves everyday. When you want to start a habit. Your conscious mind will just say ‘is that right? I’m in charge here. Feel free to share your 21 day new habits. however research has shown that the neural pathways to any habit could be lifelong and a cue or a trigger can cause us to start back up an old habit. 21 days doing. So what habits can we start for 21 days? I have made a list for myself that I am in the middle of doing.

but how do we stop ourselves from worrying about what other people might think of us? We have to decide that we care about us. In other words make a conscious decision. By this I mean your social circle. Now I don’t mean you say NO to everything. a poor social life. When this has happened you will find that you will care less about what other people think about you as you are being more congruent with yourself and you will feel comfortable with yourself. forget what the people on the street might think about you. Say ‘NO’ more often. Forget what you think your co-workers think about you. This is all very well saying this. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of someone else’. Let me know if you have any stories about saying NO and how it has changed your life. and our worth is only gauged by ourselves not anybody else. Our worth is based on who we think we are. That little two letter word can send your self esteem soaring and gradually build confidence in To do this you will need to make a conscious effort to stop at certain things you do and say ‘I come first’. poor self esteem. Maybe when your coworker has asked you do something you are uncomfortable with. Well that is the time to say ‘NO’. When that little warning bell goes off in your head and you get that little tingle in your stomach that says ‘something’s not right’ say ‘NO’. I don’t want you getting the sack or losing out on a relationship or anything like that. your family’s (your true family. All too often we get tied up in thinking that our worth is based on the size of our house or the size of our cars and who we hang around with. Just say NO when it feels right to say NO When you have practiced those two suggestions above for a few months your self belief will have improved enormously. Now this will take a long time to engrain this feeling within us. the ones that have loved you all your life) opinion of you count and it is good to listen to them as long as you’re getting a balanced view and there are no hidden agendas. and say 19 . lack of confidence as we all know is in your head. You know what I mean and you will have lots of examples. You have probably heard it all before but it’s worth re-iterating a million times for some people to listen. not doing well at university or school.Say NO to boast your self esteem Being poor. www. What we have to do to claim ourselves back is forget what other people are saying about us. ‘I come first. Do what you do and be proud. stop and say to yourself ‘I come first’ and you will find the courage to say no to your co-worker.

that there was something different about her. Lana’s energy had rubbed off on Gillian as well. She said she had noticed Lana when she had first walked in. Before the group work started I was chatting to her and asked her about herself. also had the same attitude and again I think she be good in her current job role. She ‘didn’t lie down to it’. I think a lot of people did. in her mind.The Cancer view of life Whilst doing a course on suicide intervention I met a lovely woman who stood out from the crowd because of her energy and zest for life. She happily recounted her life story and then she told me she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and ever since then she let go of the things in life that held her back. It was very clear. sky dived. And she didn’t look in any way out of the ordinary. I imagine it must have been like walking through a jungle trying to chop down all the branches. I believe she would be great in her job. Your energy becomes purer and less tainted by the worries and the constant wariness of having to conform to the way other people think you should act. Now the strange thing is that she had a friend who worked beside her who had the same kind of energy. It was a very strange thing to witness. By the end of the two day course. I believe it was her energy. I believe that simply being around her friend and work colleague. This woman did everything she wanted to do in life. Gillian. weeds. This tells me two things: Letting go of your inhibitions lightens you. Changing your perspective on life will literally change your life: Although Lana had been diagnosed with breast cancer she stood up in her battle to fight it. loved her family more. Lana and Gillian were the ones who stood out for being very level headed. weeds. but in a different group to me. I am happy to say Lana is now completely free from the breast cancer and proud of her prosthetic nipple! Changing your perspective How do you change your perspective on life without being diagnosed with a life threatening illness? There will be different areas of your life that you may have to focus on whilst trying to change your perspective on life in general. ferns. friends and her dreams and ambitions. as did her friend and work colleague. before she said a word. which was not important to her and concentrate on the things which were important mainly her family. after a while. the jungle was free from all the branches. stopped thinking about what other people thought about her. lets call them Lana and Gillian. to a lesser extent. watching for snakes and spiders etc and then when she was diagnosed with cancer. My wife was also on the course. ferns etc and there was a clear path. kind. she went on holidays to places she thought she would only dream of. 20 . and most of all the ones who laughed the most. Chance had it that I was sitting next to Lana in group work. I was touched. Lana truly did not care what other people thought of her. very thoughtful. As a direct result of her being diagnosed with breast cancer Lana managed to clear out the stuff. she could see straight through. It is useful to get a visual picture of where you are in your life and what areas need attention it is worth noting which areas of your life need a perspective change.

Now if she performed a simple switch in thinking like and looked at her life from a homeless person’s point of view she would realise she has a lot to be thankful for. Post a comment here and tell us what you are grateful for. or getting a new job. Still works towards getting that new car or losing weight. do I need it. the job I have. thank god. shoes to match £50. can’t get’. the luxury I live in. the house I live in. there are around 4-5 billion people out there worse off than you. Honestly it sounds saintly and a bit weird but it works. which she has done most of her life.g. my children. usually in the morning to be grateful for the things you have. at first. Her perspective on life is ‘don’t have. Using the information When you have charted all the areas look at the ones that need attention. www. If you’re looking at this article from the comfort of your own home. You are in the top 30% of the wealthiest people in the world. Right now I want a 42 inch plasma screen TV and have done for about a year. can I afford it. all in all £205 for a Christmas night out. have I got it NO! However I look around me and see all the things I have.Use this link to chart and print a wheel of life and find out what areas need looked at. did she really need it. So if you scored 50% with your finances you need to look at this area in your life and possibly change your perspective on it. Its £1200. if they are honest will admit to the same. the very fact that you have a computer and an internet connection tells me you are well off. I am truly grateful for my wife. the night out itself. Okay. For each area put in a percentage of where you are happy with e. typically those under 70-100%. If she really wants something badly she could have saved that money or invested it. £70. Exercise to try In your mind think about the areas on the wheel of life you looked at before: Now with each area on the wheel thank the universe. the luxury of time. One thing I do and my wife does. thank them for what you have. I truly live in luxury and most people. Yep easy for me to say and a bit sanctimonious but stay with me here. You have to practise and practice all the time. Getting what you want Everything you want in life will come to you if you take steps toward it.stevenaitchison. In the meantime change your perspective on what you have right now and you will change your world. 21 . This is a very simplified example and it’s not that easy to shift your perspective. that was £70. she might ask herself ‘Do I have too much’ or ‘what have I bought that I don’t really need?’ she bought the new dress for the Christmas night out. Think about that for a moment. YES! do I still want it YES!. so you get two for the price of one. If she kept looking through the eyes of a homeless person. the internet connection. Now talking of that night out. thank yourself or whatever or The chart is also useful for looking at areas in your life where you need to focus more attention. I am honestly grateful. is take time out of the day. the taxi home £15. I am happy with my family life so I would put it up to 80% meaning I don’t have a lot of work to do with my perspective on my family life. but be grateful for what you have right now. Now that could have paid off her catalogue debt. you now know which areas you need to focus on and possibly change your perspective on lets try it out with an example. it cost £70 for the dress. We have a young woman who feels she does not have a lot of money and can’t buy the things she wants in life and has too much debt.

cultivategreatness. You’ve probably all seen the positive blog network (PBN) logo in the – another great blog form the Positive Blog Network 17.A good motivational blog 16. www. .lifehacker.Originator of the Positive Blog network www. 4. listen to the radio shows they are very funny. www.youalreadyknowthisstuff.wisebread. This month I will look at the personal development – Well laid out blog and quality content www.steve-olson. www.positivesharing.stevepavlina. 2. no nonsense blog – One of my favourite blogs http://www. .com/blog/ .com – Personal development with a twist of film www.A simple. – This guy does everything.blogspot.lazyway. from the Positive Blog network . www.greyspk. – Motivational sales talk from gary jones. blogging at it’s best www. – A great addition to the Positive Blog Network 10. – A well thought out blog with really good content 14. They are in no particular order. great guy www. In the 6 months that I have been blogging I have come across some excellent blogs in all subjects and thought it would be a good idea to share some of the top blogs in the different areas. – Personal development from a geeks point of view. www. The PBN will expand over time and you will have instant access to some great blogs. but great stuff nonetheless www.A life coach with something to say 21.50 best personal development blogs Personal development is my business and my – Another great site form the Positive Blog Network 12. www. www. These are some of the best personal development blogs out there and we will be expanding. www.Blogging the lazy way 22 – some good stuff on this blog – Predominantly a list blog. Here are a few others that you might like to check out.kthdsn. 7. www.salesmotivation.encouragingcoach. don’t live to – Still one of the best out there 13. www. 3. – Great – The chief happiness .Beth is a life coach with good content on her blog 11. geek to live www.pickthebrain.

com/ .life-coach-thea.typepad.php .Don’t be put off by the navigation there’s some great stuff here . www. – Not really personal development but Darren Rowse has certianly helped my blog – a great blog with some great podcasts 27.a career development blog 23 .I love this blog .They don’t come much better than this .typepad.blogspot.Lots of posts lots of advice 43. – Another one of my favourites 36.generativetransformation.Another great blog with some good articles . www.A man on the way to the top 45.A weird blog with some brilliant posts .stevenaitchison.Hundreds of coaching tips on this blog .com/ .com/blog/ .Thinking outside the box blog 31.blogspot.entrepreneurs-journey.A Simple blog with some good posts 44.Your onestop brain fitness centre 48.auriumsoft.Some useful articles on this blog .polyphasicsleep. www. www. www.Another inspiring blog with some inspiring articles 42.One of the best www. www.Helping men who have something missing in their lives 23.cognition. www.radicalhop.An interesting blog about sleeping patterns . www.typepad.another good blog with some good articles 41. www. www. www.Always a pleasure reading the stories on this blog – another brilliant blog on getting things done . headrush.ens.All about the brain and science . www.enchillcom.miloriano.askdanandjennifer.Another great blog you have to check out 35. .net/blog/ .blog. www.davidseah. .com/ .abetteryoublog. www.blogspot. www.personal development from a scientific point of view – An inspiring blog to change your life 39. – Dating advice blog 26. www.howtobecooler. . .laurayoung. www.lifehack. . www. www.Social skills for the shy and insecure 25.

Instead of listening to the radio. I spend about 1-2 hours every day in my car driving to see clients etc.stevenaitchison. I have been practicing the law of attraction and part of this involves thinking about my intentions every day and I also think about what I am grateful for every day. I am practicing a seminar in my head I am giving for the ‘law of attraction’. When I get up in the morning I go downstairs and turn on the computer. our love for each other. and because I haven’t really done it before I am quite apprehensive so I am practicing it in the car. my job etc and then I go on to visualise my intentions for my life. our health. I listen to podcasts I have 24 . I never really gave it much thought but I have been doing this unconsciously for a number of months. This is a great idea for doing other things we might not necessarily do. For example. If we anchor a habit to another habit this would increase out chances of developing the new habit. I also practice speaking in my car gestures and all.Anchoring a habit I was reading an article written by Gleb Reys ‘Creative habit naming’ and I thought it was a great idea. It got me thinking about how else we could develop habits so that they don’t become a chore for us. self help developments books. Now my computer being quite it takes about 7 minutes to boot and load up all the software etc so I use those 7 minutes to internalise everything I am grateful for in life: My wife. I turn my computer on every single morning which is the habit and I now practice my gratitude and intentions which is anchoring the habit to an existing one. and my intentions. it’s a 5 hour seminar. it doesn’t matter that I look a bit crazy I don’t know the people who might be thinking this so what does it matter. my kids. So I am anchoring a new habit to the existing habit of driving www. and I have around 20 at the moment. books on CD.

These thoughts definitively hindered my progress in making money and as soon as I dropped them and believed I deserved money in my life and believed it would come. I had failed in the past etc etc. Put some money in your wallet! Esther Hicks wrote about it in ‘Ask and it is given’. I used to believe that I would never be able to make money. I have seen the transformation in my life and I have seen more money than ever coming into my life.’ 25 . There is a great way to change your thinking about money and attract more of it. it did. but are you ready for it? Mentally you’ve got to be ready to receive money. Put £100 ($150) in your wallet and do not spend it. Whenever you see something you like you can say to yourself I can buy that if I wanted to. In your mind you have spent £10. but say to yourself I’ve got the money to buy it. I have started carrying more money in my wallet and believe it is a catalyst to me receiving more money. If you need to buy something at the shop do not use the £100. I really do believe that what we think about is what we attract in our lives. Your mind goes from lack of money to lots of money. Money has been coming into my life ever since I removed the blocks in my mind about money. mentally.Attracting money into your life I suspect most people would like to attract more money into their life. Do this for a few weeks and see what happens. I didn’t have any special talents to make money. 100 times. However the amount of money coming into my life that I have not worked for can continue ‘til the cows come home. you had £100 in your pocket.000. You might walk past a computer shop and see that iPod you wanted and say to yourself ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’. If you try this for a few weeks your mind has fewer blocks about money coming into your life as you have spent that £100. If I am being completely honest I have had to slow the amount of opportunities coming my way as I do not have time to take on the jobs I am offered. I am noticing more and more in my life that the law of attraction really does work especially since I downloaded my intentions onto my iPod. How the hell does putting money in your wallet attract more money? Okay try it. I wrote about it here. Resist the temptation to buy it. You are mentally preparing yourself to receive more money into your life. You might have passed a clothes shop and said ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’ and you could.

5 days ago I was at a hall helping some of my clients fill in benefits forms and get advice on benefits and child tax credit etc and someone was there from the tax office.As an example I used to run a small book dealing business which I stopped in September 2005. I filled in all my tax returns etc and thought I was up to date with everything. 26 . If you are open to this you will manifest money a lot The tax office might have issued it eventually but I hadn’t received anything so far. She asked my to write a quick letter and she would hand it in. Everybody deserves abundance in their lives and that includes you and there is more than enough to go around. don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. I casually asked if I would be due any rebate.stevenaitchison. If you have a deep seated belief that this will not work it may take longer to start attracting money. 3 days later (yesterday) I received a cheque for £543. Now if I hadn’t seen the girl from the tax office I wouldn’t have asked the question about a tax rebate. If you don’t have £100 in your pocket try it with £50 and work up or try it with £20 and work up. Try it If you are open to receiving money you will receive it. After explaining to me that the tax office would eventually get around to issuing a rebate it would be better to ask for it and I could receive it quicker. If you don’t believe this rubbish that I am talking try it for yourself.

Ages 14 – Adulthood: This is when the mother and father take a step back and let other role models take a more prominent role. it brings us closer than ever before. unless you are not working I think one always feels that they do not do enough for their kids. not just a father Being a Dad is possibly the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your life. No other relationship will be as wild as this. The truth is we are good parents and we do spend enough time with our boys. one minute I am on a high with them the next minute I am on a downer. All that from a kiss. about respect. It will be the longest commitment you ever make in your life and it will be the source a lot of you r emotional turmoil’s. This is where the dad steps up and takes the reigns form the mother. a look and a bit of larking around. Their father is still very important. their playfulness. This is when the parents have to. as he is probably the hardest to deal with. I mean real belly laughing and tears forming laughing. make me feel proud. It is teaching them so much about relationships. who I am probably hardest on. I constantly feel I could be a better dad. Ages 0 – 6 years: Boys are still very much attached to their mother. was complaining of being cold. about love. their love and respect for the world is learned from their father at this stage. My wife also feels like this sometimes and we convince ourselves we do it for the family and for the future. I am a dad of two boys aged 9 and 11 and they constantly drive me nuts. However. their sense of humour. I feel I work too much and don’t see my kids or wife often enough and it’s this time in their young lives which I will affect the most if I am with them. The three stages of boyhood Research has shown that there are distinct stages in boyhood. This is when the boys are learning about skill and being male. and it is important to be around.Being a dad. a cuddle. make sure that their son has role models and peers in their lives that will be a positive influence. Ages 6 – 14: This is the stage when boys want to develop their sense of what it is to be male. but my big butt is freezing cold’ and we all started laughing. It was one of those moments that happens every once in a while and it does so much for our relationship. knives and want to wrestle with their dad and siblings. about how to treat other people. make me laugh. There is a big change and they want to play with swords. The dad is the role model in every sense. as much as possible. but plays a less prominent role. The fact that myself and my wife are so loving towards each other makes a huge difference in the boy’s lives. make me mad. We were walking along and he started singing a little marching song: ‘I don’t know what you’ve been told. 27 . But what is being a dad? I was out today in Glasgow with my two sons and the youngest one. The mother is still very much there. guns. and in general there are three. However the mother shows the boy warmth love and shows that the world is a safe place to live in.

Be active and show support for each others decisions in front of the Being a dad can be very hard work but it can also be very rewarding. I am not always a good dad but I question my responsibility every day and that’s what will make me a better dad. Make time for your children: it is so easy to get caught up in other things in life. I think it is important to show your feelings to them. like work and use it as an excuse for neglecting your children. We also tell each other if we think the other is being unfair in certain aspects of parenting. be there. In every sense. or family in general. if possible. just be there for them. be there. Be open: I am always hugging my boys. If they need you for a life to a friend’s house. Over the years the most important tips I would give about being a great dad are. We have an open and honest talk about where we can possibly improve. If you children call you and say they need you.stevenaitchison.g. This way one parent is not seen as the bad one all the 28 . It stops your children wondering what you are thinking if they see you acting different on some days e. being quiet. being playful with them or wrestling with them. If they say they need to talk to you in private. Make the unpopular decisions as well: It’s important that discipline be dished by both the parents. It is not fair to the other parent if you leave all the hard decisions to them all the time. children worry about their parents as well and worry more about if they have caused the worry. be there.Tips for being a great dad You can’t be a great dad all the time. www. My wife and I have frequent discussions about parenting and how we could be better parents. being angry etc. Always be there: It is not always possible to be around all of the time but it is possible to be there all the time at the drop of a hat. A simple ‘I am angry with my boss at work’ will suffice. I love my boys and cherish them. but as long as you are conscious of the way you are parenting your boys it will go a long way.

or losing your family. dad. we have to be thankful for what we have in the here and now. my dog. How many of us have seem something on TV and said ‘It really makes you appreciate what you’ve got’? I bet most of us have said this however how long has it taken us to forget this and get on with our lives and forget what we really have! For any of our dreams to happen in the future. This feeling lasts a long time before I slip back into my normal loving self. my two boys. here’s how it works. If we continue to look on the outside we are going to be disappointed as we always look for more and ultimately happiness becomes the end of the rainbow. not because it was all about the money. for example losing your house. my job. For example the first few months of blogging I wanted to make a million pounds and follow people like Steve Pavlina. Robert Scoble and Seth Godin but I quickly learned I was not going to make that. sound strange. The answer was of course because I loved the writing and the possibility that some people might find my articles useful. I wrote because it might help other people. look at your family now. or most of us. and they will if we intend them long enough and work at it. either writing for the blog or giving seminars. (Warning! this is a very powerful exercise so be prepared) Exercise Think of something that would make you unhappy. We have to get that feeling back. Reflect on that for a moment. Okay. Darren Rowse. However. One of the ways you can test your happiness is by testing your unhappiness. miserable. How does it make you feel? I always feel extremely grateful and look at them in a different way as if I have been given a second chance with sisters nieces and nephews and my health and I am thankful too you for reading this. suicidal. I do get tearful). nearly killing ourselves all in the pursuit of happiness for us and our families when in fact if we loved our families first and loved the job we were doing we would find that happiness here and now and not in the future. www. So it is with life. I am thankful for my wife. We have to take time to stop and think about our lives every now and again and re-evaluate what we are doing and whether or not we are happy inside or chasing the 29 . something we can never reach.stevenaitchison. Now. What happened then was that the money started coming in and more ideas came my way and now that I concentrate on the writing the money side takes care of itself and I intend it to keep on taking care of itself until I can finally do what I love doing full time. what would your feelings be: sad. my house. From then on I wrote because I loved writing. are trying to find happiness outside of ourselves. So many of us are working hard to make money. my mum. How we define happiness is the key to our success of finding it inside of ourselves. I did lose heart but I kept on writing and I wondered why I did keep writing. Debbie Weil. Happiness is an inner game and should be pursued on the inside. what it does is let me be thankful and never take them for granted. We are so busy chasing the rainbow of happiness we forget what makes us happy now. lonely. For example if you pictured losing your family.Being unhappy to find happiness Many of us. and really go for it and try to imagine the thing that would make you unhappy. come out of the scene you were in and look at what you have. When I do this exercise I imagine losing my family and I really do get to the point of being tearful (okay I admit it. working long hours.

if there wasn’t a God what is my purpose in being here. until I started to swing toward the belief that there was some kind of unified conscious that we could tap into. However far from being liberated by this conclusion there was a gaping hole in my life. my friends believed this. Robert Bruce and theories of the Akashic records. spiritualism etc. but it is a base to start with. to me. The biggest example of this is religion. So. 30 . I asked lots of questions and asked lots of different people even ministers and priests and I did not receive. The question to myself was. at about the age of 14 I boldly announced I did not believe in God when I was asked the question. As an example if you see a group of youths on the street. what is anybody’s purpose. This article looks at beliefs and how they are formed and what we can do to the beliefs that may be holding us back.loud – hooded tops – street corner – dark = dangerous = steer clear = fight or flight This is a very simple example but one that shows where our beliefs lead us and what actions it prompts us to take once we have boxed all the relevant categories and then put them together and then formulate a belief. how do you know there is a God?. from friends. I still don’t have a satisfactory answer to that question and it haunted me for years. in a lot of cases. it proved God created it. So I asked my parents and their take on it was ‘how else could we have been brought into the world if it wasn’t God’. wearing hooded tops and being rowdy a lot of us might immediately try and compartmentalise these as follows: youths . believing in God was not my belief it was someone else’s and someone else’s before them and someone else’s before them etc etc. I searched for answers in books. From the day we were born we have been programmed to believe other people’s beliefs. then I found Edgar Cayce. from groups of different people and I couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer. my school taught this. be unfounded when we question them. the church told me this. What are beliefs? Our beliefs help us provide stability in our lives by compartmentalising everything in order to make sense of the world. in myself.Changing beliefs Our beliefs about the world around us and ourselves can be limiting and can. Dion Fortune. look all around you. various answers were proffered from just look at the grass. When I was ten years old I asked some of my friends ‘how do you know there is a God’. I was programmed from the moment I could talk that God created the world. this was met with horror and disdain except from my mother. I haven’t really voiced this belief as it is my belief and it is not a firm belief it is a soft belief at best. I used to look at them and think that wasn’t proof. It was. everybody believed in God and it was sacrilegious to believe otherwise. single satisfactory answer to the question. an outdated belief without foundation. was I just deliberately trying to be different and a bit strange or did I genuinely believe in the theories? Well the answer is I know I don’t believe in a God of any kind. I liked these ideas and I liked some of the theories although some of them were a bit wild. not one. The point here is. my parents told me this. What I do believe in is a ‘universal force’ that everybody and their granny can tap into should they so wish. I had been studying psychology and particularly Carl Jung and liked some of his ideas like the ‘collective unconscious’.

so therefore I have to refine that belief to. it will take a few moments. The only reason I found out that my belief in tooth fairies was not real was because I saw my mother putting money under my sisters pillows when I was younger.Obviously beliefs are perpetuated the more we come into contact with that particular scenario. and when I found out that my mother used to put a 10 pence piece under my pillow I was a bit distraught but I pretended to go along with the belief to get more money. how many of our beliefs have we questioned in our lives? Not that many I suspect because we have never had to question them. So a belief can be seen as the compartmentalising of different things together to form a particular belief. all of these reasons are beliefs within themselves e. inner confident. I used to believe in the tooth fairy when I was really young. as intelligent books are intelligent. a bit overweight. I read a lot. what I class. people who read and comprehend intelligent books are intelligent. we’ve never had evidence to the contrary to cause a massive shift from one belief to another. List the things you believe to be true about yourself: My list would be. how do I know that the people reading these intelligent books are actually comprehending the words they are reading. Where does this leave us. Changing our beliefs Exercise: This is a very quick exercise for you to try in your head. people who read. I pick up things easily etc etc. It was experiential. now this is not the case as it would depend on what the person was reading. Now I have the dilemma of asking what comprehension really is. like the one above. and so on. Now try to think of each belief and ask where it came from. Now. honest. However. We can dig deeper and deeper until we unearth the core of a belief which is nothing really than a set of other beliefs. which in turn causes us to act in a certain way. does it mean all our beliefs are unsubstantiated? No. good looking. Break this down further. I am very questioning.g. So therefore I have to refine the belief again to. intelligent. I knew there were no fairies because I saw my mother putting the money under the pillow. For example I believe I am intelligent because I have a degree. I believe that people who read a lot is a sign of intelligence. 31 . it means if we dig deep enough we may find some of our belief are unfounded and find they are outdated and do not fit with our lives.

can I socially interact?yes. Unconsciously I questioned this belief and simply analysed what intelligence was. I went to can I comprehend?yes. For example I used to have the belief that I was a bit thick. Go through all the beliefs that are holding you back and analyse each one in turn and see if you can install new beliefs over the old one and start to act congruently with your new belief. I tried a whole host of things to prove to myself I wasn’t stupid.stevenaitchison. Analysing our beliefs gives us more of an awareness of that belief which we can then go on to use in our everyday lives. www. So I started to do things that were more congruent with being intelligent. Now the belief that ‘I am intelligent’ has been fully installed in my 32 . am I aware? yes. there were a whole load of other yes which led me to say well I’m not that thick or stupid. I do not question it anymore and haven’t done for years. I joined a chess club. Choose a belief that is holding you back.How can we use this knowledge? The knowledge that our beliefs are not set in stone can be a liberating revelation and we can use this knowledge to change some of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and our lives. I read a lot more books I was interested in.

My balance started changing from being in the red to being in the black. Let me share a story with you going back to 1998: I was elated as I had achieved my dream of making over £30. no debt. I was skipping university (one of my other goals was to get a degree in psychology) to stay at home and day trade. What usually happens is the outcomes keep getting bigger the more I achieve. I remember one day I had £100. Today I have all those things (except for the veranda) and I am extremely happy with my life. Over the years I have heard a lot of people say. I walked out with an education in money and a degree in psychology. I lost a lot in the beginning. I set myself an outcome of making £100. Then the realisation of the market being in meltdown hit me. I wouldn’t sell for the ridiculous amount they were offering. However as soon as I started going from a deficit to making a profit I stopped concentrating on my outcomes. I am still looking at being a motivational speaker but I am about 10 steps closer to that dream than I was. Pretty soon I couldn’t get rid of my shares as nobody was buying they were all selling. about £4000.000. I hade been investing in shares since 1998 but I soon discovered I loved the thrill and started day trading. I set outcomes to meet my perfect woman. have a lovely house with a veranda overlooking the garden. which I have written about. have a good job. I started looking at my outcomes again and started to concentrate on them again. again on paper. be married. Glasgow (not the best area of town). on the stock market. The point of the story is to illustrate that no matter how low we are in our lives we can still concentrate on our outcomes even if it feels impossible to reach.000 and focused on it for weeks. Then the tech market started falling. To get there I had to achieve other outcomes first. keep it real and keep your outcomes realistic and achievable. The tech market was really flying and I was feeling on top of the world. These were all outcomes way beyond what I thought I could realistically achieve but I kept at them and focused every day. on paper. this was just a blip. 33 . Eventually I went bankrupt to the tune of £65. Yes make them achievable but if it’s achievable it’s not unrealistic. Within the space of a few months I was getting closer to my outcome of £100. 2 children a boy and a girl.Breaking your outcome barriers I have many outcomes I wish to achieve in my life and there are many outcomes I have already achieved.000 and it was not a good feeling at all. I panicked but thought it will turn again.000 in shares. I was trading on a 14 day contract. I was so low and feeling down. I attended a seminar by Jack Black and immediately said to my friend ‘that’s what I will be doing with my life’. I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I was in a small flat in Govan. That was the year that changed my life forever.000. a car. This is a great sign that I am doing something right in my world. The other point is that no matter how unrealistic our outcomes seem keep working on them as todays realistic is tomorrows standard. have money in the bank. I managed to get my degree in 2000. I upped my trading game and started playing the markets using spread betting.

This was a great breakthrough for me in tae Kwon Do and in life.stevenaitchison. If one of your goals is to get out of debt don’t focus on paying of one credit card at a time concentrate on having absolutely no debt and having money in your savings account? The breakthrough method of achieving When I used to practice Tae Kwon Do I had a mental block about punching through the boards. If for example you want to make £10. just concentrate on achieving them. Now I know there will be some people who say ‘Oh you are just setting yourself up for failure’ this is rubbish. If you want to meet a nice partner to settle down with aim to meet ‘the perfect’ partner to settle down with. aim that little higher and you will get more of what you want in life. This way I am concentrating all my energy and power on the imaginary rather than the actual and I am going through the actual board. if you are kicking his leg aim 6 inches to the side of his leg. This was the single most important lesson I ever learned in Tae Kwon Do. My teacher saw this block and told me I was ‘hitting the board to break it’. When I first started setting outcomes for my life I thought about achieving little things. He told me to do this when fighting an opponent. I was always afraid of breaking my hand and I couldn’t quite hit the thickest board hard enough to break through it. For every single outcome you want to achieve in life. I mustered up the energy and force and imagined a board behind the actual one and broke through it first time.Think big That’s the beauty of setting outcomes. It is the same with your outcomes. and then when I achieved them I had to think a little bigger. Another huge lesson I learned from all of this is dream big.000 in savings this year. Don’t limit yourself when setting your outcomes. if you are aiming for his stomach aim 6 inches behind his stomach. stomach or whatever it may be. Anybody who wants to succeed at something will always achieve it if they work hard enough and know exactly what they want and work on it mentally and physically every day.000. you don’t have to worry about how they will be 34 . leg. He told me to imagine that the board is 6 inches behind its actual position and try to break the imaginary board. Aim beyond what you want to achieve www. I looked at him slightly puzzled. If you want to clear your credit card debts this year aim to clear of all your debts. aim for £20.

throw out old clothes. old books (personally I can’t throw books away or give them away) and giving it a general spring clean is like a shower for your mind. I usually have a cup of tea and a biscuit. If you can’t manage the springclean in one day. fathers day. Often when I do this and have motivation to carry on and clean the rest of the house. If you don’t believe this. When I see a pile of ironing that needs to be done and I say ‘I’ll do it tomorrow. Now is the time to do them. I know you might not have time but make it. or turn on a program from Hayhouse radio If you are starting the clean in the morning get up an hour early and you will be more focused. If you haven’t worn it in 6 months chuck it. do the garden. Here are my 10 tips for springcleaning your mind by springcleaning the house • • • • • • • • Schedule time at the weekend to start your clean. mothers day. birthday. I only keep the cards my sons made me and wife gave me. concentrate on one task at a time or one room at a time and spread it over x number of days. Cleaning the house and ridding it off old clothes. Reward yourself every 90 minutes (if it’s a big clean) every 30 minutes if it’s smaller clean. granny day. Throw out old christmas. 35 . sort out your paperwork there are lots of things that need our attention. the garage needs cleared. so it’s worth the effort. Start with the undtidiest room in the house and don’t finish until its clean and tidy. clear the shed. One of the biggest small tasks is cleaning out the bedroom and kitchen drawers.Clear your house to clear your mind Do you ever wish you were more organised in your daily life? Sometimes I feel there is just too much going on in my head that it overwhelms me and I cannot get things done. when I’ve got a bit time’ there is an instant ‘post it’ note stuck in my brain saying ‘do the ironing’. 3 hours of spring cleaning the house might free up 10 hours in your daily life as your mind will be free to concentrate and focus on other tasks. Don’t turn on the TV for background noise as something will distract you and you might want to sit down and watch. throw out old toys. this way nothing else will get in the way. which sometimes makes me feel worse as I know I am not pulling my weight. old toys. I have lots of post it notes stuck in my brain and they all niggle at me until they are completed. Why does cleaning the house make us feel this way? Cleaning the house frees up energy for you to concentrate on more important things in your life. that time of the month day cards. Instead turn on the radio for some noise. the wardrobes need emptying. Think about all the things that need done about the house. It seems to clear the mind and make way for important tasks to get done. That niggling feeling stays with me until the job is done. fix that leaking tap. dog day. when your whole house has been done take another day to go round the whole house for a few hours and give a general clean. A great way to shake this feeling is to clean the house. Of course my wife does this a lot of the time. the loft needs cleared. try tidying and cleaning the untidiest room in the house and pay attention to how you feels afterwards. paint the bathroom.

co. that’s how I make myself feel better).• • Make a habit of cleaning a room every day. Delegate: this is a great way to keep the house tidy. When mess build up in the house so it builds up in your mind. My kids wash and dry the dishes. This has an added bonus of making them more indepenedent and teaching them skills for when they leave the nest (well. keep their own rooms tidy and take out the bins. Making a habit of cleaning a bit every day will free your mind for other important tasks.stevenaitchison. www. I don’t mean deleagte all the jobs but delegate smaller jobs to your kids. if you clean a bit every day it keeps your mind 36 .

You can access a higher aspect of yourself. More and more of us are starting to believe there is something more to life and something more to our minds than was previously imagined. I believe this is what is happening in the world at the moment. that was a way of stifling the awakening. David Bohm. I am rapidly coming to a place whereby there is a definite idea about this formulating. yourself and the people around you. you create and manifest the things and people around you. This is where the self consciousness cloud lies. should we wish. Awakening consciousness – This is the second level in this theory. Imagine a band of clouds tightly surrounding your head. Of course the books I have read. everything you believe about the world and other people. These clouds contain everything that encompasses your current reality. a great physicist who only died in 1994 and Dr David R Hawkins a scientist whose work is fascinating me at the moment. reality and spirituality and led me to two scientists. there are more and more people at this level of consciousness and it is culminating in a mass awakening. When I was nearing the end of this article it got me researching along a path of: consciousness. In this stage you have started to question some of your beliefs about the world. There are various levels of these clouds that surround us and. However I truly believe there is a global shift happening and that pretty soon most of us will die whilst in the awakening consciousness stage. everything you do is for the benefit of yourself. we can tap into a lot of them. It almost blinds you as you are only seeing. Clouds of consciousness are something we all have. and open up our minds enough. I am not talking about organised religion. Self consciousness – These are the clouds which immediately make up who we are. There are various levels between each of the four levels mentioned below. It’s been ruminating for a while and I am trying to find a way to describe it or play with it. what we think about ourselves and the world around us. You are not operating from a self point of view you are starting to think about the bigger picture and to help others and to find ways to be able to do this. You have not formulated any original ideas about the world and decided to question your life. At the moment it really is a case of suck it and see what happens and play around with different ideas. It is the beginning of what Maslow would call Self actualization 37 . I thought you might like to read about them yourself. the radio interviews I have heard with physicists and other scientists and spiritual people all go a long way to me formulating this idea. The first 4 of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs would reside here. but may not necessarily understand it completely. The awakening consciousness is the beginning. everything you think about. Your ego resides here also. the real religion is when you’ve found GOD within yourself.Clouds of consciousness Recently I wrote a little about something called ‘clouds of consciousnesses. The theory just now goes something like this. Most of us would stay in this state of consciousness until the day we die. It is probably nothing new but I have not read about it or seen anything on the internet. everything you believe. GOD is not an entity with laws. In this state of consciousness you are starting to believe that you create your own world. but for now I will write briefly about the main four clouds. GOD is a belief within yourself and a connection to other states of consciousness. thinking and feeling what is immediately in front of you.

Awakened consciousness . basically if we momentarily transcend our ‘Awakened consciousness’. I have been struggling for a while with the concept of reality and how one’s person’s world can be so different from my world. 38 . We. Practical value Having a theory like this brings up a lot more questions than it answers. I believe I have experienced glimpses of them through lucid dreaming. Christ. and other spiritual beings all lived here.The ‘pure world’. This type of consciousness begins to transcend the reality as we know it. as living beings. Since writing this it has led to me change my view on reality and what it really is.After awakening consciousness there would be a permanent state of awakened consciousness whereby you live in a world dominated by your thoughts to serve others. Krishna Marti. due to inspiration can be written and uploaded in 1-2 hours. Allah.Here comes the tricky bit. other articles. about getting clicks on my Google adsense ads. Mother Theresa. consciousness and spirit for the good of the future world. This will probably be the subject of my next article. However. I can’t write about the other levels of consciousness as I have never experienced them. can maybe tap into this universal consciousness when we have that ‘a-ha’ experience. about earning money. purely an ego thing to do as I had started to think about the money it was earning rather than the content it was providing.stevenaitchison. we wouldn’t need our bodies. So we have to break through various clouds of consciousness to get to the universal consciousness. Universal consciousness . I have spent three days on this article as I have a passion for its content. Your ego is a residual memory however you will still be self aware but from a spiritual point of view. www. How can this theory have any practical value? For me it reminds me that I am still living in a state of self consciousness and it reminds me to try and have more ‘awakening consciousness’ moments. Okay. I believe Buddha. so from this point on it is mostly hypothesising. If we were to live in this cloud we wouldn’t be of this world. or astral project. this could be where your mind goes when you die. Recently I got back into the habit of checking my stats for this blog. it’s the library of the world. it’s good having theories but theories should have some practical value. So having theories like this reminds me every day that I am still living in my ‘self conscious’ world and reminds me to at least try and have more experiences in the ‘Awakening consciousness’ cloud. through kundalini. astral projection and inspirational thinking. I was writing articles that I thought readers would want rather than what I really wanted to put about getting visitors to this blog all the things ego is concerned with. for me. I wouldn’t be overly concerned about what people think of me. it’s stimulates my goal to be ‘awakened’. It has one foot in the ‘real world’ and one foot in the ‘pure world’. The mind could be uploaded into a melting pot of mind. and to transcend the ‘Awakened consciousness’ we have to have transcended the other levels.

co. If your passion is your wife. I left my phone in the office and stayed at home. Little things we have to do niggle us and are in the back of our minds. nothing had changed. If you work lots of hours every day work 1 less hour per day and spend it with your inner core. By this I mean you know what you want in life and you know the things that steal the energy which keeps you away from what you want. Do less of what takes you away from you. Spend time with the kids. The small things done every day will soon build up to be the main thing in your life. Deep down you know what your inner core is and you know where it is not. Simple and yet the hardest thing to do for some people. not over dinner or in bed at night. Ask yourself the question What is my inner core? (What do you most cherish in the world and want to spend more time doing or being with?) It could be your family It might be a passion you have It might be spending time with yourself It could be anything If you vaguely understand what I mean here you might be sitting saying ‘yes. Think about this often and figure out small ways which leads you back to your inner core. They grow up so quickly it’s frightening. it was brilliant. I have felt like this for a few weeks and thought about ways to clean the syrup from my core and here is what I have come up with. I know what you mean’. It’s like pouring syrup over me which is hard to get out of. talk and let each other know how much they mean to you. sit down and talk. Make a point to spend time with your passion everyday. no emergencies just a few enquiries. The kids were at school and my wife had a day of Uni so we went shopping together and then for a coffee at Borders. Its hard to explain but things like work. trivial arguments. trivial tasks. Get the little things out of the way. bills. I am in the middle of a project just now which I get a lot of phone calls from clients etc but I took the day off. Remember this if you are doing more than your fair share. When we work in a clean environment if frees our mind energy to concentrate on more important things. no world crisis. www. Get them done and out of the way so you can concentrate on your inner core and what’s important.stevenaitchison. It’s very easy to get covered in this syrup and a lot of people don’t recognise it until its too late. Get the housework done. When I went in the next day. It’s a sad fact but we can all be replaced at work quite 39 . Take a day off work. My life and my inner core is my family and somewhere along the way the fact that they are my inner core gets forgotten. By this I mean real time. social events etc all paint over what’s really important to me. we might be missed but we can be replaced.Getting connected to you Sometimes I feel like my life gets covered over by unimportant things and I lose my inner core.

don’t do it for other people. Break the old patterns of behaviour surrounding your smoking e. Don’t try patches or gum with nicotine in it. Set a date about 2 months in advance of when you will give up and tell yourself every day you are going to give up on that day. However when I realised it was me who was creating this feeling and not the cigarettes things started to change in my way of thinking. When you tell yourself it is easy to give up smoking for two months. Pretty soon your mind will get out of the old habit and start forming new habits. Tell your friends and family you will be giving up on ‘that date’. with a cup of tea. Our mind will believe whatever we tell it to believe and adjust our physiology and cravings accordingly. It is easy to give up smoking. however the main one was my own 40 . I have to say it took me three times before I eventually gave up for good. I used to tell myself I could give up if I really wanted to but I didn’t want to. it will be very easy on the day to give up. There were lots of different factors that led me to even start thinking about giving up. There are a million reasons to give up and only one reason to continue and that is addiction.stevenaitchison. they kept telling me I was going to die and got quite distressed about it. your brain will really start to believe it after a month or so. Other reasons included my children. whilst having a drink etc. I worked on my belief system about giving up smoking and convinced myself it was going to be easy and when the time came it was easy. if you smoked after your dinner at night. however we have been conditioned to believe the opposite is the case. and do it for yourself. I enjoyed the supposed feeling it gave me after dinner.g. feeling like a leper when going outside to smoke. the smell in the house.Giving up smoking It has been around 18 months since I gave up smoking and every time I meet a smoker they always ask how I did it. Once you told yourself for two months when you will give up just give up Tell yourself every day it is easy to give up smoking. go for a walk instead or go clean the bathroom. the smell on my clothes. My tips for giving up smoking would be: Give yourself compelling reasons to give up. so it was easier to say I enjoyed it too much. I began telling myself it was easy to give up smoking and after about 2 months I gave up for good and haven’t looked back since. www. The truth is I did want to but felt it would be too hard and I didn’t want to fail. you have to believe this gives you a little pressure and shows your friends and family you are committed.

These are only a few suggestions for making the gym more interesting. run faster etc. and rowing at the same pace. why not try varying the routine. Visualisation is a great way to attain your goals see Visualise your life Vary your workout routine. This simple little thing allows your mind to wake up a little. This can help take your mind off the exercise itself. I used to run 5 miles per hour (a 12 minute mile) now I have pushed myself to run 6. When I am on the bike I am in the tour de France and again I see my family on the big screen cheering me on. treadmill for 12 41 . I have also managed to row 1000 meters in 4 minutes which was a great achievement for me. I imagine my oars going in and out of the water and it can be very real when I’m in the zone.stevenaitchison. I am the type to workout alone however I know a lot of people like a partner as a motivator. When I am doing my biceps work I close my eyes and imagine that the only way I can get my family back is to finish the last rep. I started looking at my workout when it became a little stale and frankly boring. This can be an excellent motivator as you automatically try a little harder when other people are around pushing you that little bit further. biceps 3 reps. leg curls. why not switch to your favourite channel and workout to a little TV. I think this is a good idea as it can be good to have someone cheering you on and just pushing you that little extra. This is what I do every morning. Why not share your gym tips and we can all be gym freaks in no time. Last month I wrote an article ‘Change your life with a computer and a headset’ if you tried this it means you can listen to your goals whilst at the gym. so this is what I have come up with to make the gym a little more interesting: Close your eyes. lost a few grams and watched Oprah all within the space of 15 minutes. Sometimes I zone out and don’t hear them as I am visualising but they are still being heard.How to make the gym more interesting Keeping fit and losing weight are excellent motivators for going to the gym but sometimes it can be very boring. I close my eyes on all my exercises. Listen to your goals. www. lifting the same amount of weights. Try it with a partner. If you are the type of person who does the same thing in the gym all the time. burned 150 calories. When I am on the rowing machine I am sitting in the boat with Steve Redgrave as my rowing partner and my family are on the bank of the river cheering me on. treadmill. bike 10 minutes and rowing machine 1000 meters. Now I tray and add a little every week. Someone else suggested this to me. Join a class. bench presses 3 reps. This has the added benefit of strengthening your visualisation I can lift heavier weights. When I first started going to the gym I was running at the same pace. This is a great motivator for me as I am the type to push myself all the time and love competition.5 miles per hour (just over a 9 minute mile). This way I can visualise me being in the Olympics. shoulders drooping and saying ‘Same old routine. abs 3 reps. cycle faster. My workout in the mornings are. Most modern gyms have TV screens in them. Pretty soon you’ll have run a mile. legs 3 reps. bike. I always imagine peoples brains walking into the gym like Elmer Fudd. if you normally finish with leg curls make this the start of the routine. walking and rowing’ spice old Elmer and get him thinking for a change by reversing your routine. biceps. except for the treadmill. I think this is a great way to focus on your goals whilst getting fit and losing weight at the same time. Try reversing your routine altogether. Push yourself some more. Watch the television.

The first one I have implemented is the wasted amount of time spent on the computer. etc. such as Toyota and Canon. Wikipedia has this to say about Kaizen: “The goals of Kaizen include the elimination of waste (defined as "activities that add cost but do not add value"). humanizes the workplace. What is Kaizen? Kaizen was created after World War 2 as a way of continuously improving the work place." What is taken apart is usually a process. It comes from the Japanese words "Kai" meaning school and "Zen" meaning wisdom. I remember when I worked as a production operator at Hughes Micro-electronics they used the Kanban Kaizen system. it involves every employee in a company putting forwards suggestions for improvement. product. production load levelling of amount and types. One of the principle ideas of Kaizen is to change the easiest things first. In this aspect it describes something very similar to the assembly line used in mass production.Kaizen for personal development In the pursuit of self improvement we can look at many different areas. just-in-time delivery. Kaizen is a daily activity whose purpose goes beyond improvement. eliminates hard work (both mental and physical). Now that I have read about and absorbed the ideas of Kaizen I have started to introduce one area and implement an action plan every 2 weeks. system. A closer definition of the Japanese usage of Kaizen is "to take it apart and put back together in a better way. particularly the practice of Kaizen. Kaizen literally means "To become good through change". paced moving lines. per year are written down. An area I have been interested in for a few months has been business. and teaches people how to do rapid experiments using the scientific method and how to learn to see and eliminate waste in business processes. Masaaki Imai is considered the father of Kaizen after releasing the book Kaizen: The Key to Japan's Competitive Success.” Kaizen for personal development I am working with the idea of Kaizen for personal development. It has been adapted throughout the world across many businesses and has been used for years. However having looked at it again it is an interesting concept. 42 . I didn’t really get it when I was working at Hughes as I was there for the money and for partying at the weekend. when done correctly. It is also a process that. At Japanese companies. standardized work. or service. 60 to 70 suggestions per employee. right-sized equipment. I believe it would be good for all areas of life. Kaizen is not a case of the management getting together once a month. shared and implemented.

I have found doing it this way I work for longer. That would include writing articles. get all the work thing out the way. I also work and SWT together. www. I have found you can implement it in every area of life. so instead of working 3 hours I work for 4 hours.stevenaitchison. SWT for 1 hour etc. What I have noticed so far is the SWT time has become more focused on work. Jason Thomas over at Lifehacker. promoting the blogs etc. The frequency at which you implement changes is obviously up to you however I would space it every few weeks or every month. Look at the process closely and ask what changes could you make to make it better or quicker or have less wastage. SWT for half an has an interesting article written by Jon Minerich Kaizen in your life To implement the practice of Kaizen in your life. so I might work for half and hour. Then I spend two glorious hours SWT. submitting them to article sites. from doing the housework to spending more time with the So what I have done now is work first. Themanufacturer. work another half hour. When I started wiring this article I began looking for other articles on other blogs mentioning Kaizen and I found a few great ones. It is a slow process so I wouldn’t go head long into this. It’s a case of surfing and reading blogs on areas that interest me but for no other reason than for personal pleasure. The SWT time has been cut to two hours as well which saves me 1 hour per day to work on other areas of my life. submitting to social bookmarking sites. So it leaves me about 4 hours spent “surf without thinking” (SWT). pick an area which you think might benefit from 43 .com has a great one and discusses how he has implemented into his life. I would look at one area at a time and build it up from there. I spend around 3 hours working on my own blog and working on the one I manage.At the moment I spend 5 -7 hours on the computer per day.

Now. I felt sorry for myself. albeit momentarily. memories are organized within the historical and cultural frameworks of the individual. the kids had already had their dinner. work and the usual chit chat. And I didn’t have pasta bolognaise. We are changing everyday. I thought the world was against me.wordpress. I thought people didn’t like me. but I’d effectively re-written a part of my past. I pictured us talking about school. bleak memories. Read that statement again ‘your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head’. There are theories galore stating that what has happened in your past can have a huge impact on the way you are living your life just now. and I hadn’t sat down with my whole family it was just my wife I had sat down to dinner with. This has become part of the human psyche and it is an embedded belief in a lot of people. our interactions with people change from day to day. So what! You might say. 44 . That might sound ridiculous but it’s true. our knowledge and expectations change. So I replied to the person asking that I’d had pasta bolognaise. The psychologist Frederick Bartlett called this ‘Schemata’. When you really break it down your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head. but we won’t go there just now that’s for another post. and we do this everyday without realising it. Well why not relax this belief and while we’re at it let’s change the past. I didn’t even question that at the time). However it works with specific memories as well. I’d had rice and chicken. In my mind I pictured myself and my family sitting down and eating together at the table.’ Neurophilosophy. anyway I thought back to the previous night. in fact I’d say they are inaccurate most of the I remember in my early twenties life was totally down and miserable. rather it is a cloud of feeling that I am changing. our belief system changes all the time.Rewrite your past to create your future Ever thought your past dictates the state of your life just now? Why not rewrite your past to create your future. When I have gone back it is not specific memories. and the process of remembering involves the retrieval of information which has been unknowingly altered in order that it is compatible with pre-existing knowledge. our mood changes. Last week someone asked me what I had for dinner the previous night (who knows why he asked me. our perception of life changes from day to day. I went about my business as usual and then remembered I had been working late the previous night. I have since gone back and revisited those days and managed to change the overall feeling of the time. However. What might sound even more ridiculous is that some theories state that you cannot prove your past existed. I have collected the memories from that part of my life and carried it on into the future. when I was feeling like that I was still collecting memories along the way. depressive memories when in actual fact it was my perception of the world at the time but it wasn’t necessarily a true representation of life. I then remembered tucking into pasta bolognaise. Our memories are not always accurate. ‘According to Bartlett.

I believe this method could be extremely useful in other areas of our lives such as during ill health. Freeze frame the scene. Now replay the scene again and notice the changes in yourself and the way you feel about the situation. depending on how much you have been working on your memories. Over time if you do this long enough and practice it you will start to feel a shift.stevenaitchison. was there something that made you feel this way. If you don’t feel positive about your world just now and haven’t done for a long time it might take a long time to change that view. look at the person you are angry with and study them and try and gauge their feelings.Don’t deny your past What I am advocating is changing the feeling of your past. Study the person again and mentally ask them questions. Change the colours in the scene. but it can be that easy sometimes. how are they feeling? Did something happen to them to make them feel this way? Ask yourself how you are feeling. I believe that our memories and thoughts affect the cells in the body. Why not make the changes now instead of waiting on the changes to mentally and possibly physically. are you still as angry? This is a simplified way of changing a memory. change the way people are interacting with 45 . Quick exercise Think back to when you last felt angry with someone Go back into the memory and start to change various aspects of it. If we are ill at any stage in our lives would it be possible to change the illness by remembering a time when we were well and projecting it into the future? www. By changing the feelings of the past you will be altering your current and future life. Use this as another tool to get yourself to feel positive about your world. not deny the events that happened.

Self discipline is a skill and once you get to grips with it. that is self discipline. Each morning I fight that inner voice and discipline it to accept that I am taking a freezing cold shower. A lot of us don’t realise that we are all being manipulated in some way to do things that may be harmful to us. willpower and motivation Self discipline – Taming the lazy monkey Every morning I have a freezing cold shower. When you get out of bed in the morning to go to work. There are many areas of your life it could benefit. Although you might not have recognised it as such we use this skill every day in our lives. yes it’s great that there are groups of people who are doing the same as they can be a good motivator but again it comes down to self discipline. iPods. when you brush your teeth every morning. etc there has never been an easier way to reach our minds through advertising. it’s just stupid’ and that same part of my mind give’s lots of different reasons not to do it. Who’s in control of your mind? With television. in fact it could benefit every area of your life. Imagine if you harnessed this power to change different aspects of your life. If you want to lose weight. radio. that is self discipline. when you have a shower or a bath every morning. there are some great adverts out there which slip into our minds and build up and eventually get us to act to buy something or do something. computers. mobile phones.Self discipline. I believe there are benefits to having a cold shower which is why I started the discipline in the first place. urges. I am not talking conspiracy or anything like that. magazines. Advertisers have become a lot smarter and appealed to our psyche rather than our rational minds. and to continue to control these urges until a satisfactory resolution has been sought Self discipline occurs in every part of your life right now. video. If you want to give up smoking. no matter what programs are available to do so. why? Because part of my mind says ‘Don’t do it. it can alter your life. What is it? Self discipline is the training of your mind to control. it ultimately comes down to self discipline. perceived harmful. they are bombarded with adverts for toys and they have to have the latest thing. especially at this time of year. e-mail. Why is so much spent on advertising for children when it’s the adults who are buying? Because it’s the children who ultimately apply the pressure for us to buy the latest toy. We all give in and buy that toy don’t we. it’s been a natural progression. 46 . that is self discipline. you might not have recognised it but it does. For example our children. newspapers.

uk/blog 47 . For example when we get a job. let me know what you would add. If you’ve not been taught self discipline as a child how are you expected to self discipline yourself as an adult? The truth is self discipline comes automatically for some us as our responsibilities become greater. that’s all self discipline. The amount of time spent with the kids Your weight Your fitness The tidiness of your house The tidiness of your office The cleanliness of your house Fixing all the broken things in your house (fix that shelf once and for all) The amount of time spent watching TV Watching what you eat Fasting for one day per week Having a cold shower every morning Get your finances sorted out Write those letters you’ve been meaning to write Make the phone calls you’ve been meaning to make Organise your life Getting up early to be thankful of all the things you have The list could go on and on and I am sure you could add a few as well. we have to work a set number of hours. www.stevenaitchison. Some of the areas in your life you could change might be. saving money. our job.g. going to the gym. Usually the things we learn to practice self discipline in are the things we are rewarded with e.The practice of self discipline Whilst it’s hard to control your thoughts and actions as a child it should be easier for an adult. making Depending on the person some of these rewards will be bigger and have more meaning than some of the others. What good would self discipline have in your life? What if you could practice self discipline in everything you do? How would your life change? Would it change? Think of these questions for a moment. we have to conform to the companies rules and procedures. you would think! However this is not necessarily the case. we have to get up at a set time.

For example every morning I have a cold shower it takes willpower to turn that dial all the way down to 0 for a freezing cold temperature.stevenaitchison. I am proving to myself I control my mind and I believe there are benefits to be had from taking a cold shower. If you’ve got a lot of willpower you would get up and take her for a walk. 48 . but (always a but) do you want to go on to bigger and better things. On the other hand you might have to engage your will power a hundred times before your goal has been reached. of course you do. the above list is just a few examples. 2. There are certain steps needed to kick your willpower into action 1. you’re lying all cosy and comfortable watching TV in front of the fire and the dog is crying to go for her daily walk. I used to do it gradually but now I just yank it right down to 0 when I have finished washing. walk the dog in the pouring rain what now/ nothing. willpower and motivation Willpower Willpower is the initial force needed for you to take action. For a specific task you might only need to engage your willpower once and self discipline will carry you through to your goal. Why do I do it? Because I Will power and self-discipline go hand in hand. you never know you might be able to give classes in it. An outcome (what is it you want to do?) A plan (how are you going to do it?) Action (get off your arse and do it!) Let self discipline take over and repeat steps 1 -3 if necessary Okay you’ve managed to get out of the sofa.) Take the dog for a walk every single morning for 21 days Stop drinking coffee for a week Get up half an hour earlier than usual for 21 days Take a cold shower every morning for 21 days Don’t eat sweets of any kind for a week I am sure there are lots of things you could think of to exercise your willpower. 4. Picture the scene: It’s pissing down with rain outside. if you’re lacking in willpower you’ll carry on watching TV and justify to yourself the reasons for not taking her a walk. www. Start exercising your willpower regularly to keep it active and healthy. My willpower is acquiescing a bit now and it is getting easier to do it but it still takes willpower and then the self discipline to stay under. you have achieved your goal. it’s cold. Here are a few exercises to keep your willpower active and fit: Read for half an hour every day Stand on a chair for 5 minutes a day (If anybody asks what you are doing tell them it’s a new form of meditation. You need the willpower to start whatever it is you want to do and you need the self discipline to carry on where the willpower left off and this will go round in circles.Self discipline.

For example. rather than having a toy fight with my two sons.Self discipline. willpower and motivation what can you do to put it all together and use it in your day to day lives? First of all you need to recognise where it will be useful to exercise your self discipline and willpower. Pick two from your list and start to practice self discipline and willpower. depending on the size of the reward. The way to gaining more motivation is to make the rewards bigger. more oxygen. we may not always feel motivated. even if it is half an hour. I just wanted to point out that motivation plays a big role when we come to exercise out self discipline and our willpower. which they love. better thinking. Motivation is a huge subject but I will not discuss it at length here. small or big. Pulling it all together Okay. And after the half hour there is more blood pumping through my brain. We have to have some kind of motivation to do everything we do in life. it is giving us all exercise. You wouldn’t be reading this article just now if you didn’t think you weren’t going to get something from reading it. So. I’ve got work to do and I really need to get this done’ and then I would happily continue to work away safe in the knowledge that I had a good excuse to keep on working. you’ve learned all about self discipline. we laugh like we have never laughed and I feel great at the end of it. In the past I have said ‘Sorry boys. it doesn’t matter. I get to spend time with my boys. (we’re always knackered at the end of it). Now I make the rewards of the toy fight more rewarding. it stops them from watching TV for half an hour. it’s all good. 49 . better clarity of mind. We all need motivation in our lives however. a quick list. willpower and motivation Motivation Motivation plays a huge part in the exercising of self discipline and willpower. I am sure you can think of areas in your life already where you will be able to use them. You might have already done this Once you’ve got a list. make the rewards bigger and you can have all the motivation you need. I usually want to keep working on my blogs. Write them down.

set yourself up for the day and tell yourself you are self disciplined and have lots of willpower. Keep telling that inner voice that you are boss and you decide what you A word of warning here.stevenaitchison. its well worth practicing this it is one of the best tools to master in your life and one of the most 50 . I would advise you not to go all out and try your self discipline on everything.For example if your two were to give up sweets and take a cold shower in the morning (ones I have done already). every morning get up. www. just because you read it in a blog post doesn’t mean to say you have to do it’ it will bombard you with reasons. it will try and cajole you saying ‘it’s too warm. start tomorrow. Good luck with this. why would you want to do this anyway. I would start with a couple of things at first. What will happen is your inner voice will reason with you as to why it’s a bad idea to turn that dial down to cold. Your willpower and self discipline is like a muscle which needs to be built up gradually. once you’ve washed gradually turn the shower down to cold until it is all the way down to it’s coldest setting. jump in the shower. Listen to that voice and just tell it ‘I am the boss here’. Do the same with giving up the sweets or whatever you have chosen to do.

try your hardest to hold onto it and see how much inner power it gives you and how strong you feel after it. The next time you feel like bragging or boosting about something or giving away a disloyal. Now have you ever done the opposite? told the secret you weren’t supposed to. Ironically I became more outgoing but still kept that inner silence. in an unselfish way. Once you’ve felt this power you will never want to tell another persons secret or brag again. I usually said ‘we had a good night’ and left it at that. to me it meant I didn’t have the confidence to be in amongst my peers. and quite arrogant. Eventually I came to the realization I was this way because of my confidence not through lack of confidence. When I was younger I used to think being quiet and introverted was a sign of weakness. Your aural energy is the energy you give off every day. I loved to listen to everybody else and listen to the banter. and a lot of other people thought I was a right shit. www. I once told the whole sordid details and ended up feeling shit about myself. silent mysterious type. all my friends were very outgoing. the girl I had bragged about felt shit. all except one. After a few years and an event that changed my life I decided to drop my friends.stevenaitchison. etc. very confident. strong and a closer connection to the person. I remember when I was a teenager my friends used to brag about the girls they had been with and something inside me thought it was wrong to ‘kiss and tell’ so when I went out with a girl I didn’t say anything. needless to say I never ever did it again. Inner Strength Being silent has strength about it. After this I became much more comfortable with who I was and I loved being the strong. Have you ever held onto a secret for someone? They’ve made you promise not to tell anyone and it was a really juicy secret? How did it feel when the secret eventually came out and the person who told you not to tell anyone knew it wasn’t you it came from? I would guess you felt proud. However I still tried to surround myself with people who I wanted to be like. I didn’t mind being in groups. people cannot necessarily see it but somehow they can feel it and sense it coming from 51 . how did you feel then? Exactly the opposite: disappointed in yourself. Keeping things to yourself. they want to feel important so they brag and boost stealing energy from people that give them attention. People who brag about themselves all the time lose this energy and have to gain it from somewhere else.Silent power Silent power is the ability to keep something held deep within yourself therefore allowing you an inner strength and determination which builds up to confidence. For years I tried to get rid of this and tried to be more gregarious and a ‘bit of a lad’ but nothing I tried worked. has a strength which is manifested in your personality and subsequently your aural energy. and move on.

Slowing the world down
Sometimes it’s an absolute nightmare trying to juggle everything we have to do in a day. In the world we live in today we are available 24 hours a day. We work longer hours and take in much more information through TV, newspapers, iPods, DABs, the internet, smartphones, billboards, magazines, letters, junk mail, and e-mail to name but a few. Its information overload and we are trying to juggle all this with our work, family, and playtime. Our brains are amazing and we are amazing as a species. However sometimes we’ve got to give our brains a helping hand and say enough is enough. Here are some tips to slow down the mad world for a few minutes a day; Give yourself ten minutes at home and at work before checking your e-mails. This allows your brain that little bit longer to get into the swing of things and to prepare it for the day ahead. Take a lunch break. Make this a priority; I am amazed at how many people don’t take a lunch break. I make it a priority to take an hour (54 minutes to be precise) every day. Turn off your mobile and go somewhere other than the office, this splits the day in half and it will set you up for the second half. If you are out and about all the time in the car, pull over to a nice spot, turn the phone off and just read for ten minutes or absorb the scenery. Despite what you think 10 minutes can be excused no matter how important you think you are to the company. Delegate as much as you can and concentrate on the important tasks. This is easier said than done, but try asking someone to do something for you; a voluntary agency, your children, your friends, your work colleagues etc. Make a ‘to do list’ every morning and prioritise your work and tasks for the day. This gives a huge sense of satisfaction when jobs are completed and also motivates you to keep going. If it’s too much just stop doing it. I recently took on too many jobs at once and was halfway into a project and I realised I was stressing myself, I was cranky with my family and it was because I had taken on too much. I decided to end a project for building a website for someone and apologised profusely and gave him back the money. He was not happy at all and told me so. I felt really bad but at the same time it was a weight lifted and a lesson learned.


Stages of your own evolution
I had my Christmas night out last night with my workplace and since I haven’t had a drink for 4 months or so I was feeling a little drunk after 2 or 3 drinks. I kept on drinking in the hope that I would become a little less self conscious about the fact that I was getting drunk. However this did not work and I felt even more self conscious, particularly because the boss was there and was not drinking. I couldn’t get out of that place in my head so I decided to go home early, around 11.30pm. Anybody that knew me in the past would know that this is not me at all and I would be the one suggesting to go on to a nightclub at 2am in the morning, singing and dancing all the way there. As I tend to do when I have been out on a night out with the workplace I go over the events in my head. I came to the conclusion that I am just not that person anymore. It’s another stage in my evolution, but rather than accept this stage I found it was quite sad to let it go and upon a bit of introspection it was because it had served me so well in the past. Now, this might sound all a bit serious thinking, after all it was a Christmas night out. It was just one of those realisation moments when I knew I had moved on from a stage in my life. I thought about this in the morning (this morning) when I woke up and thought about the stages of our evolution. I thought it would be a good exercise to try and think about the stages of my evolution. From an Erikson psychosocial point of view I would have reached the Generativity stage of my own evolution, from a spiritual point of view, according to Scott M Peck, I have reached stage 3 or 4 of my spiritual evolution, from a Freudian sexual point of view I have reached……. who knows! The one I was interested in was the ego stage and according to Loevingers ego development stages I have probably reached the Conscientious and Individualistic stage. In James Fowler’s stages of faith development I have reached stage 5 – Conjunctive faith. I thought looking at these stages of development was useful as a loose guide and of course that’s what all these theories are; loose guides. They are useful for thinking about yourself and how far you have travelled in your life so far. I know I have moved on in all areas of my life and sometimes it can be sad sometimes joyful but most of the time it is exciting. I am excited by life , excited for the future and hope you find some use with the above links.


Template reality
Recently I have been questioning everything in my life, but most of all reality. I used to think reality was a given, we couldn’t change it, it wasn’t malleable, we were stuck with what we had. However when I started questioning it, really questioning it some interesting answers were brought up and I had to change my belief about reality itself. First of all we have to ask what different types of reality are there: Objective reality – This is basically when we all agree on roughly what the world and its contents are. For example if the whole world were to look at a snake we could all name it as such, as our idea of a snake is pretty much the same across the world. Now, the same snake might elicit different reactions from people across the world, some people revere snakes others are terrified, others are curious etc, but we still all agree a snake is a snake. If we transfer this model and put it into our own lives we have no real control over our lives as reality is independent of our thoughts, it will still exist even if we believe it does not. Subjective reality – essentially this is when you create the world you live in, you create the people, you create the people having their own ideas, you create the laws etc. This is possibly the hardest to get my head around, but I have been playing with it for a while with some interesting results. I have been playing with the idea that I can create anything I want by thinking and believing it can happen. I found I can get to the believing part when I start small and work up to bigger things. For example when I wanted money in my life I simply thought and started to believe that I would be given £10, sure enough £10 or more came my way by way of an unexpected source. Okay £10 worked, what about £100? That worked as well, therefore strengthening my belief that this really works. Okay what about £1000, I concentrated on my past successes with this, I believed it would come, and it did, it took a bit longer but it came in the form of money from a fund my wife received. I have experimented with other things as well and I must say I like this form of reality; it’s a lot more fun than having the view that everything in life happens to me by chance. However it is still a struggle to believe that I am imagining you reading this page and I am giving you thoughts. I am imagining my whole world. Another reality: Template driven reality So what about an alternative, probably not a new one but one I came about by questioning. A template driven model of reality. This is the marrying of the objective reality and subjective reality models, assuming there are only two basic models. In this model of reality we are each programmed with set rules about the world e.g. the law of gravity, this is the objective part of reality. However what we do with the template is up to us.


This is what gives us our uniqueness. Which of the above blogs would get more traffic to their blog i. after all nobody else can prove otherwise. friends. you updated your knowledge of the world regularly. writing my own content. you promoted your blog regularly. adding plugins. more and more people came to see it. You updated the template design on occasion and you kept up to date with what was going on in the blogging world. new ideas. Imagine your wants and desires in the world to be analogous to traffic to your blog. However it doesn’t really matter as I am having great time thinking about my own reality structure and playing with it. Now by adding widgets on.The blog analogy I would imagine it is just like this blog you are reading just 55 . The blog itself is a basic template. our ability to shape our own lives. you updated it with some of your educational achievements and your job etc. you added various family members. their desires and wishes fulfilled more times? Your own world and theory I can see the benefits of taking on a subjective world viewpoint and I have swayed more to living a subjective world viewpoint however I still find it difficult to totally accept it intellectually. you kept on thinking of ways to improve it. manipulating various features of the template it looks and feels totally different from other blogs which have the same basic template. You wouldn’t really be excited about your blog Imagine the same blog being constantly updated with new content. imagine you were given a blog template and did absolutely nothing with it. you contributed to the world. We are all living in a world full of theories so why not make up our own theories! www. You wrote a few times in it.e.

The process worked like this. The dream did not die. That was about 9 years ago. I have started projects in the past and got really enthusiastic and then the enthusiasm dies. For example. so we looked into it. but it was still a dream. it would mean a lot of rejection at first. 56 . it would mean perfecting the craft of speaking. I watched Jack Black (Scottish Personal Development speaker) and said that’s the job for me. 8 years later the dream was still burning a little ember in the back of my mind. Now the first thing I do is think about the outcome. I encouraged him to go for it but he said he wanted something a little easier to obtain. it would mean studying and writing a lot.The process of a dream Over the years I have noticed that the things I have failed in are the things I have not thought out. I was speaking with someone last week who is very impulsive and has all these grand ideas. A blog seemed a great way to start and would really show me if I had the commitment to do this as I would need to continue writing a blog for months maybe years before I got anything out of it. I thought about the end and where it might lead. Once I have the experience of speaking regularly I can develop the personal development course next year and roll it out. a bit like me when I was younger. I still wanted to do it. one of my dreams is to become a personal development speaker. He then wanted to be a professional football player. it would mean facing up to my fears. I think about the end of the project and work back. If you can see the end of your dream and can see the outcome then the bits in-between become a little easier. After he saw the amount of work and possible money involved he dropped that and move onto something else. I decided last year I would pursue this dream I had. Then I worked back the way. I didn’t do anything about at first. I said that was a great and ambitious plan. and he said he wanted to be a pilot. I am pleased with the blog and am still committed to it and have now set the wheels in motion and written a course about blogging which will give me confidence in speaking to audiences. I have analysed the failures and discovered that I used to get the whiff of an idea and then go for it all guns blazing without thinking about it. but I did read every personal development book I could.

make phone calls. So if we broke it right down the process of achieving your dreams might work like this: 1. Thinking and visualising your dream is important to keep it alive. 5. Take one step everyday to work on your dream. You’ll always find someone willing to encourage you. The dream stayed a dream until I actually moved on it and started thinking about it and doing something with it. you know it is unlikely to happen but it’s good to daydream about it. and get good at the processes in-between. 6. You are reading this blog for a reason. speak to someone. even if that means thinking about it. you have to act on it before you even get close to the dream. do anything and keep the momentum. If the dream dies then that’s okay. 3. Do one thing that will take you a step closer to your dream. Take action steps. it saves you a lot of time. www. why not act on that reason. Review your dream regularly Achieve your dream It’s great having dreams and little daydreams and it’s also great keeping them that way. If the dream is still alive keeping taking the action steps until you achieve it. Review your dream regularly. Want to share your dream. Think about the end and what it will mean. Your have to have a dream before you can achieve it. Now the wheels are turning quite rapidly and things are starting to fall into place. Act on the 57 . speak to someone about it.I am so much closer to my goal than I Keep acting on it. 4. like the daydream of winning the lottery. Now if your dream is something you really want to do. You’ll notice the main ingredients of this dream of mine. I saw the end of the dream and what it would mean to me if I achieved it. make a call. this will tell you if you are on track or if the dream is dying. share it here by leaving a comment.stevenaitchison. 2.

Ask yourself these questions and be as honest as you possibly can. past. present and future. we have to believe that I will happen. read about it let it soak us and sure enough psychic experiences will come. Look at one specific area of your life just now for example your career. Why? Why would you use the timeline perspective of yourself? I believe consciousness is an amazing aspect of human life and I also believe we can access consciousness from all ourselves. we eventually believe it will work and eventually it will work. pour present consciousness and our future consciousness. would they be happy with the way your life is just now?what about your future self? Here’s a different approach to try to find out how happy you are with the different areas of your life. The Timeline perspective is learning to look at all the areas of your life from lots all of your different perspectives. It takes a giant leap of faith to believe it but once it starts to help us in our day to day lives the law of attraction will work a lot quicker. I am currently a support worker for the homeless. This is the beauty of checking out all of my current beliefs it’s great to play with them . I will discuss these clouds of consciousness in future posts as I am playing with the theory and trying to experience it as much as possible before formulating any concrete belief. For example. I believe this is how the ‘Law of attraction’ works. instead of someone telling me this is what you should believe and anything else is just stupid or crazy. 58 . Try it out Okay here’s an example to play with and check out the timeline perspective. if we want to tap into psychic consciousness all we have to do is think about having psychic experiences. I see consciousness as being a split up into different clouds and each consciousness cloud can be tapped into should we wish to use its knowledge. Let the answers come to you if you can and try and let everything that comes into your mind come out onto the paper or the computer.Timeline perspective Are you happy with all the different areas of your life? What about the old you. I will use my answers by way of an example. So we are tapping into the law of attraction cloud Timeline cloud Just as there may be clouds of consciousness for everything we can think of and some we have yet to think of we have clouds which pertain to us specifically. I am working with the theory that these clouds of consciousnesses can be tapped into simply by thinking about tapping into them. It is looking at yourself from the past. the present and the future. Within these clouds we can access our past consciousness. We think that the law of attraction works. It may have a memory which we can tap into. I have not yet made the transition to full time life coach or seminar speaker and internet entrepreneur. dismiss them and formulate my own.

life. the people you will talk to. would that person be happy with your current career? . he would be very unhappy if he was still in the same job. The moment you wake up you are accessing your future self you have to think about what you are going to do before you do it.I think they would be a little disbelieving but I think they would be very surprised and happy yes. Think back to yourself 5 years ago. Now think of yourself 5 years from now. would that person be happy with your current career? He wouldn’t have been happy as he wanted something else in. he wanted more prestige. This was a great revelation to me when I discovered it. think of the work you will do. present and future. I think you get the picture now. more 59 . and it is by no means a new revelation: You ALWAYS have to think about your future before you do it. Accessing our future selves Now you might think ‘how the hell can we access our future selves’. www. is that person happy with your current career? – He is happy with the experience it gave him but feels it is nearing the end of that career. Now think of yourself 1 year from now. However when I came to answer the questions about different aspects of my life it was really surprising what my past thought about my present and what my future thought about my present choices. etc etc. You always have to access your future self at some point. For a moment think about what you are going to do tomorrow.stevenaitchison.Are you happy with your current career? – Yes I am very happy with where I am just now Think back to yourself 1 year ago. would that person be happy with your current career? – Again he would be surprised and he wouldn’t dream that he would be working as a support worker with the homeless. possibly get up to go to work. I will leave this post here for now as there is so much more to say on this subject and I will be talking about it a lot in the future. What I found most interesting about this exercise is that I believed I would be happy with this career in all aspects of myself: past. For now I hope the meeting with your three selves goes well. Think back to yourself 10 years ago. You have just accessed your future is that person happy with your current career? – No not at all.

Love. generate ideas. This exercise is possibly the most powerful exercise you will do in your life and possibly the one that will change your life forever. 60 . which is the normal waking conscious state. Delta and Theta states. When you use positive thinking you are usually in a Beta state of mind. to organise my life. listen. So to reach your unconscious mind and imprint new programs you have to reach one of the unconscious brainwave states. a set of intentions and a quick software download. Positive thinking I believe positive talking and thinking is not enough to change your life. to write. we know that when you are sleeping your brainwaves are alternating between Alpha. research. an estimated. The trouble is that. You can buy these really cheaply from any computer store. The easiest one to reach is Alpha waves and it is in this state that you can change your life. 90% of your life is controlled by your subconscious mind. read. make money etc. There is lots of information on learning and your brain waves and learning have a search around Google. Write down 10. I bought mine for £13 after a donation I was given by a reader of this blog. To imprint a new program.Using your computer to change your life Computers have changed our lives and our world beyond measure. I cannot imagine what I would do without my computer to communicate. Career. This powerful exercise requires a few pre-requisites. Finance. Use classical music or relaxation music. I am presuming you have a soundcard with mic in ports Some music that gets you into a relaxed state. Health. I use a beautiful piece of music from the Estonian composer Arvo Part called ‘Spiegel Im Spiegel’. Positive talking is using your conscious mind to try to communicate with your subconscious mind.30 intentions under 3 – 8 main headings. However. a headset with microphone attachment. I have the headings: Family. Your subconscious mind has been imprinted a long time ago with programs of life making it very difficult to imprint new programs. it requires you to be in a relaxed state of mind. I use the the Audacity software which lets you alter your recording when you have completed it. Download some recording software so you can record your voice. and Personal growth and I have 4 intentions in each category. What you will need • • • • • You will need a headset with a microphone attached. We are using the power of the computer to change the way we live but can we use it to change our lives internally? I would like to show you a way to use your computer to change your own life using the internet. So it is very difficult to reach your subconscious mind using your conscious mind. When you are in a relaxed state of mind you are emitting what is called Alpha Waves and that is when new imprinting can take place.

or whenever you have to wait a long time for something. When you are happy with the recording making sure it is clear. Do it in a calm. Added benefits If you use this three times per day you have the added benefit of relaxing three times per day. or traffic jams. Marc calls them affirmations but I prefer to use the word intentions. three times a day. Now you can listen to your recording whenever you want and have a spare 10 minutes to relax. 3 times a day. I have lost another few pounds in weight. Ready to record Make sure you can find 10 minutes free time when there will be absolutely no distractions. 61 . Duplicate your recording using Audacity. and I have more energy. has massive benefits on your everyday life. To duplicate the recording it is just like copying and pasting on word. this in itself will change your life dramatically. duplicate the recording 5 times.’. However. When you have read out all your intentions stop the recording. I was going to wait until the full 21 days was over before I wrote an article about it.. slow voice. > Now click on file and click export as MP3 and save it to a folder. Highlight the recording or press CTRL+A > go to ‘File’ > Click Copy > Now go to the end of the recording > go to file again and click paste (CTRL+V) and do this 4 times. loud enough and easy to understand. This will probably last from 10-15 minutes. It’s like meditating for 15 minutes. I am just enjoying life more. This. You now have your recording but repeated 5 times. preferably having no one in the house at all. I am less stressed at work. Some of the things are: I have received 2 website commissions. I am making more money from the blog. Think about what you really want in life as this exercise is very powerful and you have heard the saying ‘Be careful what you wish for you might just get it’. I recorded my intentions 9 days ago and have been listening to it every day. I was so excited about the changes in my life that I wanted to tell you about it sooner. Turn on your favourite piece of music and then hit the record key on Audacity. as you know. I have noticed dramatic changes that I cannot put down to coincidence.The intentions After reading and listening to Marc Allen I always start each intention with ‘In a healthy and positive way……. Now start to read your intentions out loud. Another thing is to take your time over your intentions. You can download it to your iPod or MP3 player and listen to it when you are waiting in queues. my relationships with my children are better. I am constantly amazed at way my life changes for the better and it’s definitely down to personal development.

uk/blog 62 . every day for 21 I challenge you to do this and tell me there are no benefits to it. I will add your name to a separate post entitled the ‘The “Change your life” challenge’ and if you send me a link to your blog or website I will post a linkback to it.A challenge for you All this talk of intentions. There is only 1 rule and that is you take the challenge and check in with me every day for 21 days. www. the subconscious mind. Alpha waves etc might sound airy fairy to some of you. I would like to challenge you to try this for 21 days. The challenge is: Record your intentions as described above and then listen to your recording 3 times per day. letting me know what you have done that day. You are only taking 30-45 minutes per day to change your life.stevenaitchison. If you like you can send me an e-mail to let me know you are willing to take the challenge and I will e-mail you every day to give you that push you need to carry on with the challenge.

If you can do this a few times a day for the next few days you will see a dramatic difference in the way you feel. in your mind. loss of a job. control the world. If we can control our state of mind we can. the world around us. You know you will go back to your old self soon but it’s shit feeling that way you do just now. to the last time you felt good about yourself and the world. Feeling down for a few days is not a good feeling. When I do exercises like this it further strengthens my belief that we create. when the cloud disappears the sunshine is back. a failed exam something big but not huge. Recognise when the mojo losing feeling started. This exercise should help. This is for those times when we have lost it for a few days. and get the smell. get the feelings back. Depending on how deep the mojo losing has gone there are steps you can take to get the mojo back. It involves going back. touch. our confidence has gone. When we are in the black cloud of feeling down the world is not a good place.stevenaitchison. thank yourself for your life (it is you who is creating it). An example trigger would be falling out with your partner.What to do when you lose your mojo Have you ever had that feeling in your life when nothing is working? You’re feeling down. What do you do when this happens? This exercise is not for people who are depressive and are on medication for their 63 . Use your mind to the full. and sounds back. This involves visualising yourself in the time when you felt good. in part. It all starts at the start 1. revert to a time when it was working okay. Usually there is a trigger event that starts the snowball rolling and the downward spiral of feelings. effectively. 2. This is the time to thank yourself. 3. This is a computer term meaning that if something goes wrong with a program. Go back to the last known good configuration. people you thought were on your side are suddenly against you? You feel the whole world is against you? Unless you are a manic depressive hopefully this only happens once in a blue however it reminds us how good our life really is. taste. www. Thank yourself This is important.

from 7am until about 8am I have slipped between roles of blogger. don’t finish that one and so on and so forth. I usually wake my kids up at around 7am. and consultant. a husband.Your roles in life How many roles do you have in life? I have at least 8 roles which I have to juggle and separate. father. I walk upstairs wake them and come back downstairs to cram a few minutes more work. which wasn’t like me.45pm then I am a father and husband until about 7pm and then I am a blogger and website creator until about 10pm. At the moment I am a Father. 7am comes. Obviously this changes at the weekend and on holidays. A tip for switching between roles This may seem extremely simple but the trick to switching between roles successfully is two fold: • • Recognise what roles you play in life and note down when you play them Set times for changing between the various roles. I then shout at the kids for not being ready. At around 7. I am not finished one role before I slip into another. when I say separate I mean mentally separate each role. even if I don’t like the task. Then when I know the kids are ready and had breakfast and their lunches have been made I then have a cold shower and get ready for work. For example if you work in the morning set a time for finishing that work and don’t go back to it. don’t finish it. I now finish my blogging and website stuff at 7am and am a father and husband until 8. mentally. This is mentally frustrating and can cause stress and anger.15am. a counsellor. So.30am I wake my wife up for work or university and then cram another few minutes into work. a support worker.30am. you start one page. I don’t like things being left undone. or not brushing their teeth after me telling them for the 5th time. a website creator. go on to the next page. 64 . So I take it out on my family. website creator. and getting ready for support worker. I didn’t really take notice of the different roles until a few weeks ago. This has to be a conscious thing. I usually get up at around 5. What happens is that I get grumpy as hell as sometimes.30ish and work on the blog or a website. I have a cup of tea with my wife and then get the boys ready for going out to school and off we trot at about 8. then I am a support worker until 4. a coach. I then cram another few minutes in. not realising why I am being a bit grumpy. I hate starting something and not finishing it. It was my wife who pointed out I was being a bit grumpy. Due to the blog and a few website commissions coming in I am much busier than normal the past few weeks. as my father and husband roles greatly increase in time. We spoke about it and nailed it down to the mornings and nailed it down to not being able to concentrate on one role at a time. It’s like reading 8 pages of a book. a blogger. What is happening is that I am not mentally finishing one job before trying to go into another job and then not finishing that one before going into another. Nothing really gets finished. So. 5 roles in all. husband.

stevenaitchison. The pie chart shows a typical 120 hour waking week for me. However I like my job but spreading the 25% around some of the other roles would be 65 . I think you will be surprised at the number of hours spent in each and I am getting more things done in life and am procrastinating less. Doing the pie chart a few weeks ago made me realise I needed to spend more time with my family so I rearranged a few hours to make more time for my family. it may let you look at life in a new way. I am a lot calmer. It was interesting to see how much time I spend in different roles. I would like to get rid of the 25% I spend working as a support worker for the homeless. If you do work out the percentages why not post them and I will create an overall pie chart for everyone. What roles do you have in life? Why not create a pie chart like the one above or simply note down the percentages of each different role. but money dictates. www.This has helped me tremendously over the last few weeks. What I also found useful was to create a pie chart of what roles I play and the percentage I play them. less stressed.

it won’t. tidied up (a little). #5 – Allow mess – Christmas is a children’s holiday as well. You might think that if you tool half an hour to yourself the world would fall apart. whilst we can do the dinner etc. meditate. www. better yet get a foot massage from your partner. #8 – Delegate . hold for 16 and breathe out for 8 seconds. plan your Christmas shopping in one day.When you are in queue’s do your breathing exercises. the family getting together. #3 – Get the food in early – Very important this one. This includes presents. You don’t want to be stuck with Turkey breast slices if you’ve planned your meal around a 12Ib Turkey. #7 . Take 1 day to plan it and 1 day to action it. read a book. having fun and enjoying your time together. Every year. remember what it’s all about. and look around your estate. Put your feet up.Don’t try and organise the whole day yourself allocate roles to your family. Don’t leave the food shopping until last minute. Although it may not look as if you’ve bought one of your children a lot compared to the other the amount of money spent is the same and that’s what matters. My son’s roles will be to clear the living room before dinner. we better buy a few extra presents’.stevenaitchison. one of us will say ‘Oh that doesn’t look that much compared to the other one. lay the table. This needn’t be the case. ratio of 1:4:2. food and decorations. #4 – Spending limit – Stick rigidly to your spending limit. There are millions of people worse off so look around your family and silently thank them. #1 – Be Thankful – Don’t want to depress you but be thankful.10 tips to stay sane at Christmas Christmas and the New Year can be a stressful time of year for a lot of 66 . now Relax. welcome guests. don’t get too stressed about the place being a mess for a day or half a day. Yes children will notice but if you explain to them.Be Happy – This is not meant to be a stressful time of year. sit in the bathroom. anything but make sure you allow time for yourself. #9 – Breathe . eaten the dinner. Children are messy and want to play NOW and don’t care about clearing up. #6 – Quality time – Allow yourself a break during the day or during the lead up to Christmas and New Year. look around your house. breath in for 1. allow them to be a bit messy for a day then kick butt on Boxing Day. without fail. #2 – Relax – You’ve opened the presents. Take a nap. So if you breathe in for 4. Just chill out and enjoy the rest of the day. You are truly blessed. hold for 4 and out for 2. Count your blessings. played some games. #10 – Plan Christmas .co. Here are a few tips for staying sane this Christmas.If you’ve not already done so. This way you gear yourself up for the stress and all that goes with Christmas. they are usually happy.

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