3 questions to change anything in your life Changing jobs Claim back your energy Vizualising the life you want Staying in love Letting go to get what you want 7 tips for perfect kissing Change your mood Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive 21 days to a new habit Say NO to boost your self esteem The cancer view of life 50 best personal development blogs Anchoring a habit Attracting more money into your life Being a dad, not just a father Being unhappy to find happiness Changing beliefs Breaking your oputcome barriers Clear your house to clear your mind Clouds of consciousness Getting connected to you Giving up smoking How to make the gym more interesting Kaizen for personal development Rewrite your past to create your future Self discipline, willpower and motivation _ Self discipline Self discipline, willpower and motivation – Willpower Self discipline, willpower and motivation – Motivation Silent power Slowing the world down Stages of your own evolution Template reality The process of a dream Timeline perspective Using a computer and a headset to change your life What to do when you lose your mojo Your roles in life 10 tips to stay sane at Christmas 1 2-4 5–7 8–9 10 – 11 12 – 13 14 15 16 – 17 18 19 20 – 21 22 – 23 24 25 – 26 27 – 28 29 30 -32 33 – 34 35 – 36 37 – 38 39 40 41 42 – 43 44 – 45 46 – 47 48 49 – 50 51 52 53 54 – 55 56 – 57 58 – 59 60 – 62 63 64 – 65 66

3 questions to change your anything in your life
How do you change the current situation you are in just now? That is what I am asked most often by clients. For any situation whether it be career, love, finances, home, family, anything at all, you have to ask yourself three simple questions. What is my current situation? – You have to fully understand and be aware of your current situation A lot of clients I deal with say they don’t have a problem until they admit they have a problem, for example with alcohol – an alcoholic is not an alcoholic until they admit they’re an alcoholic. You have to be fully aware of your situation and admit that it is wrong. Obviously most people know this or they wouldn’t be asking the question ‘how can I change?’. The next question you have to ask is: Where do I want to be? – For you to change anything in your life you have to know where you want to go in life. You wouldn’t jump into the back of a taxi and say to the driver: You: ‘I want to go somewhere’ Driver: ‘Where to guv?’ You: ‘Don’t know, just take me there’ Driver (on the phone): ‘I think I’ve got a psychiatric patient who needs help here’ It’s the same with life, you have to know where you want to go before you can actually get there. I was speaking with a client a few weeks ago who said she wanted a new job, as she was really fed up and bored with her current job. I asked her what kind of job she wanted, she looked at me and said ‘the same type of job I’ve got just now!’. Where is the logic in that? Most people are happy to trundle along doing the same boring job for the rest of their lives and maybe the adventurous ones will go to a different company but do the same job. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you are happy. If you are not happy, decide what you want to do first before making plans to change. The last question to ask yourself is: How am I going to get there? – Simple question, tough to put into practice. However this can be made easier for you. When you are planning, try not to bog yourself down with all the hows, wheres, why’s and what’s, just do it. If you know you want to change, if you know what you want to change to just start!. Do anything to start you along the path of change. For example: You want a new career, you know the type of job you want, great. But, you don’t have any experience, what then? Go do a course at college – that’s a first step, go do some voluntary work in the line of work you want to do, send out your CV to companies you’d like to work for, do anything but make the first step.

I can hear lots of 'yeah but I.. Change it! I can already hear you thinking 'yeah right.. 10 years ago? Maybe it's time to look at your life and take stock and get rid of the debris. the skirting boards need dusting. 3. Come 8pm you've done it. There are scores of reasons you felt better about cleaning the house.. Then it reaches saturation point. If you hate your job you hate 8-12 hours of your day. the garage needs cleaned out. 2 .. I would spend all day cleaning out the drawers. niece or nephew came to you one day and said they were feeling really shit and it was because of their job at the restaurant. daughter.. I other words giving up their crappy job is no less different than you giving up your job and starting something else. You could invite people up for dinner because you're not ashamed of the mess. you may say that's different as they are young. 1. you get up on a Saturday morning early and decide that's it the house is getting cleaned from top to bottom. 5. in the clear up you managed to find your phone so you returned your phone calls so you felt you weren't neglecting your friends and family. your wardrobes are full of crap. pills. Okay I hear all the reasons for not doing it.' what it comes down to having the balls to step up to the plate and change your future happiness and your family's. you could feel good giving some clothes to charity.Changing jobs Housework! Are you living the life you really want to live or thought you would be living 1. Now. Your house was tidy so new possibilities could happen in your life. I don't have any other skills. however in their mind it is no different from your situation.... I've been doing it for 30 years there's nothing else. toys and other rubbish... feelings of despair. your mind felt lighter and you had a little more energy even though you had just spend 5-8 hours cleaning... Answer me this question: If your son... they didn't like it and it was getting them down... After listening to them you would more than likely advise them to change jobs. This is your spirit lifting and your perspective changing. With their limited knowledge and experience of the world their perspective on life is the same as yours... the wardrobes every single thing that I had been neglecting the previous weeks. and I’m too old. it's not that easy' why is it not that easy? The money is too good. you spirit was lifted. hopelessness and your life is lacking direction? You need to look at your life and what you are doing that makes you feel like this. it's easy to find a different job. If you are doing this every day it adds up to a lot of unhappiness. the ironing needs done. feel lethargic. Well it might be time to clean out your life! Do you feel a bit low.. I've done this in the past and felt like shit every time I went home. you felt a weight lifted as you'd dealt with all the letters that you had been meaning to deal with but put them in the drawer for later. book.. your kitchen drawers are housing letters.. Your job Are you doing the job you are meant to be doing? If you work full time you spend most of your waking day working.. Have you ever let the house cleaning pile up so much it gets you down for a few weeks? the washing has not been done. How did you feel? my guess is you felt great..

My wife knew I was unhappy.Grab your balls! I worked at BT for 10 years answering the phones to unhappy customers and some happy customers. It's a bit scary but we KNOW it will work out and we have made moderate adjustments to our lives to help her dream. so I applied for a few jobs and couldn't get in. would get a great pension. I grabbed my balls and left the company. I got paid well. Some people have left jobs and later found out it wasn't the actual job itself they didn't like it was an aspect of the workplace they didn't like. but I did work around 12 hours a day. The first year was great and I had an annual turnover of £40. My wife is now in the same situation. After a year or so the business decreased dramatically for various reasons and I could no longer get the money I was getting before. I had a wedding to pay for. I was unhappy. I wanted to help people in some way. I resented the fact that I had to get up every morning and go to work at a place I didn't like. I noticed how unhappy most of them were and they were getting paid a hell of a lot more than me. I was out of sync and it showed.000. however it was from home. I started looking around for voluntary work. When I discussed my plans for a new business selling Signed 1st edition books and worked out the finances and after discussing it with my wife I went for it. I would only get £11. a big house. I was grateful to my friend and manager for giving the chance to earn a bit until I re-evaluated my life. health benefits the works. but managed to get a job as a support worker helping the homeless and that is where I am today. I am not totally in sync but I am a lot closer than I was before and I am happier for it. So again I looked at voluntary work. Do you need to change your job or do you need to change the way you do your job? Write down all the things you don't like about your job Now write down all the things you do like It maybe you don't need to change your job it could be your working practice or the people you work with. she left a job paying nearly double what I earn just now. 2 children. Again I turned to the social care sector and the same things happened as before. 7 tips 1. work in the social care sector.000. I had no experience. 3 . However. You need to know this first before you do anything else. So I folded the business and went back to BT on a temporary contract working with the people I had worked with before. She has grabbed her balls and gone to university full time to study for a degree. Then when the chance of voluntary redundancy came up I thought about it and dismissed it many times.

Speak it over with your partner. Do you know what you really want to do? Most people don't know what they really want to do with their working life. get them on your side. it might be learning. Get this out of your thinking pattern and you can change your life. Build a bridge to a new career If you can invest the time and money you might still be able to work and learn a new career at the same time therefore giving you the chance to move one foot out of the door of your current job and one foot into a new job. what is holding you back. 5. Change your thinking A lot of people have gotton into such a rut about their jobs that they believe it will be impossible to leave their job without getting the sack or being made redundant or retiring. It might be you've done the figures. 3. If someone gave me a million pounds If someone gave you a million pounds to change careers what career would you choose? Whatever you answer will give you an insight into the type of job you really want and for some the type of person you really are. Be willing to learn What keeps young people young is their enthusiasm for learning. but look after you and you will be better equipped to look after other people e. Now grab your balls and jump.g.2. You have to start thinking about what you want and need. don't. This might be hard to swallow but it's the truth. spoke it over with friends and family. you've done everything. You really are only a number and you can be replaced. Be willing to take courses or go to university or college or back to take some exams. The more we learn the healthier our brains are. it might be driving just try and find the theme. It has been shown that if we keep our minds active our brain can regenerate and build more synapses and keep us youthful in mind and spirit. Do the figures and the training and everything else. 4 . 7. As we get older we tend to think we are too old to learn something new. 6. If you feel you are being disloyal to your employer. you've done some training. Try the following exercise: Write down 7 things you love to do Write down your 7 best talents (be honest and don't be shy) Write down 7 jobs you'd love to do Write down 7 things other people say you're good at Write down 7 courses you would take at university if you had the chance After you have down this look at all the things you've written and try and find a common theme. 4. your family. It is a myth that you cannot teach old dogs new tricks. Grab your balls You've figured out what you want to do. A lot of people also believe that they are being selfish if they think about leaving.

It might sound a little scary at first but it is worth it. We drain our energy by waking up in the middle of a dream (we are more lethargic if we have woken up during REM sleep). clean the dishes. put make up on (if you're a woman. think of all the things you've got to do that day. get the kids wakened for school. Here are 7 tips for keeping your energy 1. We drain our energy fighting with loved ones. We drain ourselves every day by talking to people who steal our energy. speak to the kids and your partner. If I need to get up a little earlier than normal I remind myself what time I need to get up. shower. If are awakened abruptly from REM sleep it is difficult to recover from the grogginess we feel. Don't go cold turkey. shout at kids to get ready. make breakfast. when you argue and fight with someone and it upsets you afterward you are giving someone else your power. get packed lunches ready. get them into the car. read your e-mail. We are giving our energy away to people and projects we shouldn't be. in the morning and at night when we have finished working. kick back relax go to bed.Claim back your energy Lots of us are giving our energy away needlessly every day. 5 . or a guy whatever flicks your switch). This is a typical scenario and I've only scratched the surface. go into the office. get kids wakened for school. make the dinner. talk on the telephone getting harassed sometimes. pick your battles well. I have been doing it for over 12 years and I have honestly never used an alarm clock in all that time. Before going to sleep tells yourself what time you want to get up. you get worried as time is running out and you haven't finished your work. The alarm clock often wakes us up. drag yourself out of bed. Ditch the alarm clock If you waken each morning with an alarm clock try and stop this habit. What does happen is that I sometimes wakes up a few hours before the stated time and then 1 hour before it and then half an hour before it. kiss your partner goodbye. and do it all over again the next day. In the morning we are often drifting in and out of REM sleep. Whilst we are sleeping we go through stages of sleep. What do I mean by this? Think of your typical day it could go something like this. but I still get a good rest as my brain is taking care of the sleep. you eventually go home. It is no wonder that a lot of us feel drained. go home at 5pm or stay on. you need this power so keep it to yourself. wake up with an alarm clock at 7am. tell the kids to stop arguing. Sound a bit far fetched. We drain our energy shouting at our kids. set the alarm clock for 10 minutes later than normal. feeling even more harassed as you know your partner might be upset. brush teeth. shout at kids to get up for school. By ditching the alarm clock you wake up naturally and your brain will automatically adjust to your sleeping cycle and prompt you when to wake up.

I asked him what the problem was and he said he had had a fight with his girlfriend and they had split up and he felt as if he was having a breakdown. They are not your friends. 6 . This was a simple statement but a powerful one. When you shout when you are upset you are literally throwing your energy to that person and the bad vibes it creates can last a long time. I still couldn’t find it and thought ‘what’s the worst that can happen’. He was letting someone else control how he thought about his life therefore how he felt and how he acted. I still shout but only when I've reached saturation point. After 5 minutes of looking for it and not finding it I was starting to get angry. If you need to say something to them do it immediately and don’t let a small comment from them simmer inside you. The silly things How many times have you got angry or upset waiting in a traffic jam. I immediately recognised this and just let it pass. they are people you work with. It’s the little things that can upset us the most. the TV.g. a queue for a bus. Children learn by example and I started to notice that my boys were using the same technique as me when they wanted to get their point across or they were upset. I lost a sheet of paper this morning for an insurance pack I had to send back. He was able to control himself and to a degree his thoughts and able to reclaim some of his power. I wrote a quick note to the insurance company and explained I had lost the paper they had sent but I was sure they would have a copy of it themselves. Every day we lose some of our energy by giving credence to what other people think about us. they are not your relatives they are people you work with. People you work with They are just that. Now if my kids do something they shouldn't have we will sit them down make them know we are angry or upset and punish them accordingly (by this I mean take away something they like e.2. If you do this you will gain a lot of your power back and sometimes a lot of respect. 3. losing your keys. This is clearly not good for you or for your children. Be yourself always and you will lose less energy. 5. I spoke with him for over an hour and one he had calmed down I said did he realise he was giving his power to another person. your wallet. If we stop to think about the things we get upset about we would realise how silly it was. my client got it. Fighting with loved ones One of my clients was really upset a few weeks ago and couldn't stop crying. Their opinion of you doesn’t matter therefore do not let them upset you. a queue in the shops. 4. Stop shouting at the kids This is a tough one for some of us. computer or something else).

If you find yourself panicking about things. I realised what an effect this was having on me and over time I realised I didn’t really stand up for myself. Don’t think everyone wants a fight with you. they’re laughing with you. choose your battles well. When you’re panicking you’re gibing your energy away to something non existent. gain back your energy and change your life. www. What’s the worst that can happen? This is my wife and I favourite phrase ‘What’s the worst that can happen’. you can still have a laugh with someone if they are making fun of you as long as it is with your consent i. When I was younger I was bullied and later on in life I had massive problems with confrontation. I gained my self respect back and gained respect from 7 . anything. scary as it was. 7. Change your thoughts. I just couldn’t handle it at all.stevenaitchison. When you worry about things you’re giving your energy away to something non existent. ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen’ and most times it’s not as bad as you think it Stand up for yourself. An incident happened when I was around 17 and I stood up for myself. The quickest way to gain control of your energy and gain more power is to always stand up for yourself. and I was empowered. I always stand up for myself in the right situations.e.

Feet together. ready for action. it is real and it can be directed. I also asked him if he could try a fun exercise very morning and that was too picture in his mind having a great day at school. You picture. I was talking with a friend the a few weeks ago and he told me his son was always getting into trouble at school and seemed to attract children who wanted a fight. See how far you get. Sound far fetched? Try this: Stand up. We have to realise that our thoughts are real and they have energy. picture your place of work and either roll back to sleep or jump up. a few days ago.Visualising the life you want The visions in your head create the life you live! Everybody who has ever read a self development book of any kind knows this. a great month. don’t say you don’t have the time because that’s just not true and you know it. If you took 10 minutes out of your day. I didn’t mention about the fights or anybody who was causing the trouble. legs straight. I asked him to be aware of every time he scowled and to straighten his face. The thing is when we have pictures in our head and dread the image we are never going to have a good day and we leave our days in the hands of fate. playing football. Bend down and try and touch your toes without bending your knees. and getting on well at school and enjoying himself. My friend reported. During the conversation it was clear that his son was always on his guard in case someone picked on him or bumped into him. we could have a great day. 8 . in your mind. How it works By visualising something you are literally creating a ball of energy. a great year and ultimately a great year. My friend told me his son always had a scowl on his face and looked angry all the time. literally. a great week. what you have to do for the day. I asked the boy of he could try something for me. You do this with almost everything you do day to day. another reason he was attracting attention to himself. Think about what you do every morning to go to work. I wanted him to concentrate on the good things and not wake up every morning thinking he was going to get into a fight. You wake up. but it is worth re-iterating. We spoke about his problems at school and he told me what my friend had told me. It literally affects every single area of our lives from going for a walk to building up a business. I asked him to picture having a laugh with his friends. that his son has not been in trouble for a few weeks and had actually enjoyed going to school. either dreading it or looking forward to it. A lot of people are concentrating so much on what they don’t want that they are attracting more of what they don’t want. positive energy you have created will attract positive energy someone else has created. It is attracted to the same type of energy you have created e. You are picturing your outcome for the day ahead. I got a chance to speak with my friend’s son and he did indeed have a scowl.g.

stevenaitchison. For now. yourself bending down and touching your toes but this time going further than you did the first time. Be sure not to mix up those positive thoughts with thoughts of negativity. if you think you can’t visualise. If you have any stories about how this has worked for you let me know or if you have any questions let me know and I will be happy to answer your questions.Now try this. I am willing to bet that you got further than you did the first time you tried it. Now stand up for real and bend www. Picture in your minds eye or feel it. If you keep thinking about the lack of money you have you will NEVER attract money into your life. You will have to be aware of the synchronicities that will happen after a few days of your practicing your visualisations. and try and touch your toes. books presenting themselves. preferably a set time every day Always give it positive energy. Set your desired outcome Visualise it in your minds eye Focus on it often. Don’t just visualise 1 million pounds and expect not to work for it. Now do it again. Do this a few times. signs in general that will lead you towards your desired outcome. The process works like this. that’s for another article. Positive thinking This might sound clichéd. If you do this only once you may get something back in return. You will not attract positive things in your life if half your time is spent thinking negatively. Also be prepared to work for your desired outcomes. This works every time and the only reason it won’t work is you working in negative thoughts into your thinking when visualising your desired outcome. bend forward in your minds eye and bend forward and go further than you did the last time. but it is true. which is quite easy to creep into your thoughts. only this time it is affecting your physiology as well. Be on the lookout for people coming into your 9 . take it for granted that your thoughts stem from mental energy which forms a physical energy which is attracted to the same form of energy of others and attracts back to you. However of you do it often you will get what you wish for or visualise for. without bending your knees. This is the power of visualisation. Open your eyes.

I challenge you to think of something you do which doesn’t have a payoff. My main job is to help prevent and to help sustain tenancies for persons who have previously been homeless. Would you go to work if you didn’t get paid? For most of us that would be NO! NO! NO! So your primary goal. complain about the large caseload I have and the amount of time to do an effective job but I try and look at my job in a different way. What do I do to make the payoff less important than the actual work I do? Change my perspective on your work. My job is a path to what I really want to be doing in my life and that is changing people’s lives. Once they are in their flat or house I still work with them to try and maintain it. in this example. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t get paid but I still like it and I enjoy what I do. you make love to produce endorphins in your body and make you feel good. You may not like it but you still do it as the rewards are greater than the pleasure of staying in bed. It doesn’t have to be this way at all. I could in. your kids. to begin with. your job. and to help them find employment or help with their health needs. the payoff is the money which is deposited into your bank account every month or every week. Think about it for a minute. 10 . you go to work to get paid. However longer term it can be harder. you eat to stop the hunger. I cannot help people who do not want to be helped and there are a lot of people like that in my line of work. it is my first step to that outcome. I do like my job. You may not like going to the gym but you do it as the rewards are greater than being a bit flabby or downright fat. There is a payoff for everything we do in life. Now. I have the chance to help them stay in a house or a flat and possibly help them to become the person they want to be.everything has a payoff. That’s the bigger payoff. the money is a good thing. any area of your life. However once in a while someone extends their hand for help and that hand is met with a multitude of hands willing to help and I have a chance to be a part of a life changing process starting with helping to put a roof over someone’s head. For example going to work everyday. When we do something there has to be a payoff at the end. is go to work and get some money. do the minimum. you take the dog for a walk so he doesn’t make the house messy…. your education. it pays the mortgage but spiritually I get the better payoff.Staying in love Having a great partnership whether in your personal life or your professional life is easy. Yeah right! You might be saying as if that could happen. My aim when I go to work is to try and make the payoff less important. The payoff What most of us do though is make the payoff the primary goal. I have the chance to change a person’s life for the better. In this article I will show you a really simple trick to stay in love with your partner. you go to the toilet to relive your bladder and to stop feeling uncomfortable.

you have to work hard to feel the love for you 11 . Feel the hate Incidentally you can do this in reverse. you have a payoff by loving life but it’s a two way process you love and adore your kids. what happened?’ take time to get acquainted with them again. I am not saying your relationship will change overnight however. feel their heart. Do it with everything that may be dying in your life. Think of 5 reasons why you really hate it makes you fat (see yourself being fat. If you can really put emotion into this and do it often it is a very powerful tool for change in your life. It’s true for anything in your life. if you start to think about your partner all over again your partner will see the changes in you. We are not meant to just drift along hoping that the feelings will stay. affection time and attention from you and you get happy. what happens when your partner has two sets of love handles. Just re acquaint yourself with what you felt when you first started on the thing in your life and you can get the feelings back and subsequently the love Feeling the love Some people think ‘I don’t think I love my partner anymore. chocolate for example. they will feel a different vibe from you and they will respond. But what happens when the kids are being a pain in the arse. see it. what happens when you hate your job? Start falling in love with what you originally fell in love with! Take a moment to think of 5 reasons why you love your children Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your partner Take a moment to think of 5 things you love about your job (and there will be some) Take a moment to think of 5 reasons you love going to university When doing this exercise you have to put your heart and soul into it. it clogs your arteries (see your blood vessels being blocked. see yourself naked in the mirror as a fat person). you have a payoff by loving your kids. That’s what it means when people say you have to work hard at a marriage. loving. If you don’t want to like something anymore. You get the picture. look at your partner and see those beautiful eyes you adore. responsible children.Falling in love again What the hell has all this got to do with staying in love with your partner? Everything! You have a payoff by being I love. hear the voice that gets you excited. think back to when you felt all those things. see yourself being ridiculed. they will get love.stevenaitchison. www. see yourself being out of breath. feel it.). Don’t just say it out loud. We have to feel the feelings we felt when we first fell in love and that keeps us going. You have to re-acquaint yourself with those feelings as those feelings can go if we don’t notice it going.

And due to the fact that I don’t need the income from it I tend to get more work.Letting go to get what you want Have you ever gone for a job interview not caring at all whether you get the job or not and invariably you end up getting it? This has happened to me a few times and in different areas of my life. they called all the time? How did you feel? A bit claustrophobic I would guess and I would also guess that you are no longer with that person. I looked up and said ‘who the hell is that!’ I later found out it was a colleague’s sister. 12 . I pictured us having two children and I pictured the house we lived in. if you hold your hands too loosely. perfect. I gave it the works. I had this in my head for about 6 years. she had two boys from a previous marriage whom I adore. Every time I went out for a night out I would look for her. I get passive income from the hosting side of it and I get to do something I love from the design side of it. they clung to you. we have a fantastic house. Her name is Sharon. she was petite. For years I had been dreaming about my perfect partner. This is true in most areas of your life. I was feeling a bit down. we have a love that I have never known and we have a little dog called Trinity (after the character from The Matrix). As soon as I let go of the desire she came to me. Have you ever dated someone who just held too tightly to you. I love being a bachelor and that is the way I will stay for the rest of my life’ and at that I gave up the fight to find my perfect woman. the butterfly will simply fly away.30pm a woman walked in wearing a red t shirt and a pair of brown cord trousers. All areas of life This happens in many areas of my life and I have to catch myself before I become too emotionally involved. I eventually grew tired of looking and on the 19th July 2002 I was walking along Argyle street in Glasgow on my way to work and I said to myself ‘that’s it. Michael Neill stated in his book ‘you can get what you want’ Imagine what you want is like a beautiful butterfly in your hands. intelligent and able to stand up for herself. Later on I decided to go as everybody else seemed to be going. The point of that story was to show that I had all the ingredients of getting what I wanted except I had emotionally held on too tight to my desire of having my perfect partner. Earlier on in the week I had been asked to go to a 40th birthday party from some colleagues at work and I had said maybe but on that day I didn’t feel like it. I got chatting to a few friends on the night out and we were having a laugh and at 7. If you squeeze too tightly the butterfly will be crushed. I visualised a woman with long dark hair. I dated in-between but never really found anybody whom I could say ‘she’s the one’. and that is working with computers and learning new technologies. During the day I was saddened as I hadn’t found ‘the one’. The secret is to hold it gently. She was not interested in me at all at the beginning but then a song came on that I loved. The best time it ever happened to me was the night I met my wife. I have noticed that my web design and hosting business bradlewdesigns ticks over nicely as I do not focus on it too intently and I don’t need money from it. I held out my hand and asked if she wanted to dance and it was electric.

It took me 4 weeks to pull myself back. You can’t do everything at 100 miles per hour if the cosmos only works at 60 miles per hour. but I love doing this now. You need to let the cosmos catch up with your goals and their next step. Too many people want everything to happen 13 . www. enjoy the process of research and finding out. Do this often but feel relaxed when you are doing it. If you want to start a business. Steps – Take gentle steps toward your goals. Just hold up your hands and say I need some time with my family. doing your website. I will continue as I love doing it. getting an accountant (one who you feel connected to and who knows your business). what it smells like use all your sense. Now get emotional with it how do you feel inside about it. enquire about it. Rest and let go .stevenaitchison. I need a if you take gentle steps you will feel less stressed and enjoy the whole experience.The recipe The goal – you need to have a goal. and I need to go fish. preferably written down so you can check on it from time to time. how it looks. Just take some quality time to reflect and you will reach your goals a lot quicker. even if nobody writes a comment or clicks on the ads or makes a donation. If you take it easy you’ll enjoy every minute of the process. setting up the bank accounts with your business name on it. Stay focused on what you want but let the tension and stress you might feel go. Visualise – Picture in your minds eye everything about the goal.Let go of your goals for a bit. I then dropped it to every few hours then every day and now I check it when I feel like it. I try to concentrate on the articles and the ideas in the articles rather than the money now. When I first started this blog. only 4 weeks ago I checked my stats every hour I was obsessed.

7 tips for fantastic kissing: Kissing is often an overlooked art when it comes to seducing your partner. Obviously there are many types of kisses and they can be used in different settings. Do not kiss your partner if you have a mouth infection of any kind. 2. Making love kisses: • • • Thank god. Greeting kisses with your partner • • • The hello kiss: A quick kiss on the lips which says ‘hey babe. Here are some kisses that are used with partners. all over the face type of kiss saying ‘I’m hungry’ The spiritual kiss: slow. I don’t mean the quick pecks I mean the passionate ‘I really want you kiss’. passionate which says ‘I love you on a deeper level’ There are a million more types of kisses I’ve only named 10 of our most popular. Most people hate seeing other people kissing in public. so keeping your eyes open can be different and fun. unless your partner is eating it too. Men: Have a good shave. what makes a good kiss? How can you improve your kissing? Here are 7 tips to make that perfect kiss: 1. Leave the passionate kisses in the privacy of your home or where nobody can see you. Make use of your partners body and kiss them all over. Do it in private. how was your day’. softer. long kisses to hard and passionate kisses 6. passionate. Not even in the door kiss: A passionate kiss which says. The hello kiss +: A bit longer than the hello kiss. Vary your kisses from soft. kissing is not just meant for the mouth. But. most people close their eyes when kissing. Women prefer passionate kissing when the man has had a close shave rather than the man with stubble. long and hard saying ‘I’m horny!!!’ Just before sleep kiss: A quick peck on the cheek or lips to say ‘goodnight babe’. 5. long.. the painters have left kiss: Menstrual cycle is over and it’s time to get back on track I really want you kiss: long. www. 4. Lounging about the house kisses: • • • • Just a quick kiss: A quick kiss just to remind them you love them Kids are out playing kiss: A longer kiss followed by the words ‘the kids are out playing……………. well! It kind of speaks for itself. 7. viruses can be carried through the saliva when 14 .’ You’re getting it tonight kiss: passionate. by this I mean a close shave. I was thinking about you today (eyebrows raised). Have you ever seen this in the high street. sorry! 10 of the most popular ones I have read about and seen on TV.stevenaitchison. playful. An obvious one this but do not eat strong tasting foods like curry or garlic. it’s gross. this kiss says ‘hey babe. Kiss with your eyes open and maintain eye contact.

Now look at five of your biggest successes and do exactly the same. Try it for 21 days www. Now think of five things you have done in your life which you felt great about. getting out of debt. How does that make you feel. Here’s the thing. Feel the emotions when you look at your wife and feel how blessed you are. yourself. Keep your eyes closed whilst doing this. Picture the scenario: You’ve woken up one morning full of the joys of spring. Think of five things you are proud of in your life: your family. you’ve received a letter stating you are due someone £542. And pretty soon you should be able to change your state by clicking your fingers twice. every time you do this exercise click your fingers twice as soon as you have finished doing it. and when you’ve got all the roles and your biggest successes and proudest moments click your fingers twice. meeting your wife. You obviously have forgotten all about this but it still doesn’t stop you from being in a bad mood pretty much the rest of the your kids. and the pouring rain. play some of your favourite music in the background.Change your mood This is a great exercise for ‘changing your state’ as NLPers would call 15 . . your business. Feel the feelings again. get into the scene again and feel the feelings. feel the feelings. how did you feel on all of these five moments. A great exercise to try and a very simplistic one is by doing the following. playing with your children. Really get into all the roles. feel the feelings as you mentally see your child do something for the first time and you realise they’re growing up. How do you feel now? Are you sitting up a bit straighter. do you feel a bit brighter? If you have done this exercise correctly and really put your heart and soul into it you should have changed your state of mind within the matter of five minutes. pretty pissed off I would imagine.stevenaitchison. and your wife everything you are proud of in your life. feel all the feelings associated with the proudness you feel.making the school rugby team as captain.

they won’t be to other people as well. positive talking does not work like that. This may take a few weeks to get you really from the ‘unattractive mindset’ to ‘attractive mindset’. I’m unattractive’. and someone who is attractive in appearance. I don’t mean look in the mirror and say ‘I am attractive. What makes people attractive is their confidence. You won’t attract people to you if you feel unattractive yourself. not from TV or films. Of the people you picked as attractive how many of them are visually attractive. everyday remind yourself how attractive you are. Think of all your best qualities and focus on them instead of focusing on the bad points about yourself. Due to the years of conditioning your mind has had it will find it difficult to give up on the image that you are unattractive. from real life. How to change your feeling about yourself A lot of people for years have told themselves they are not attractive and guess what. Persevere Keep going with the above exercise. Take a few minutes to do this. if you tell yourself that often enough you will be all those things. Jerry Lewis. someone that draws you closer. I’m fat. and you have to tell yourself occasionally throughout the day that you attract the right kind of people towards you. You have to see yourself in situations where people are attracted to you. their zest for life and their ‘I don’t give a shit what you think about me’ attitude. Why is this? Attractiveness is a state of mind! It truly is. 16 . Think of some of the people for example on TV who may be conventionally unattractive but have that certain something that makes them attractive: For example my wife thinks James Belushi has something about him. you have to feel the emotions of those situations. goodness knows we all have them but what makes the difference is that the attractive people don’t necessarily focus on them all the time. someone you like laughing with. someone you want to listen to when they speak. good to look at? I am sure there a re a few who are not your cup of tea but you still find them attractive. You have to stop the years of that little voice in your head saying’ I’m ugly. I am attractive’. and Adam Sandler. Karen from ‘Will and Grace’.Oozing sex appeal and being more attractive Think about the people in your life who are attractive. When I say attractive I mean the whole package. From TODAY start telling yourself you are attractive. Helen Miran.

focus on your chosen 5 attributes. Every chance you get just remind yourself how good you are at (chosen attribute). Or the next 3 weeks. so start looking.I hate being around people when I was younger as I thought I was no good at talking. Make sure you do this every day and at every opportunity. You can also apply this technique to all areas in your life. I will write a follow up article on this topic as once you have mastered you inner talk on attractiveness you will be overwhelmed by the change it brings in your life. see yourself being good at it. Then after years of self doubt I changed my inner talk to telling myself people did like me. It’s the inner talk that keeps us believing what we believe. I thought people laughed at me. and the only reason I knew this was because people kept on telling me and pretty soon I kept telling myself and pretty soon I really believed it. I love my job. www. List the things you are good at. feel yourself being good at it. For example you might say I get on well with people. List everything. If you look for enough evidence that you are attractive you will find it. and I care a lot about animals. However the one thing I had going for me was relative good looks.stevenaitchison. the things people say ‘she’s really good at that’.co. people did think I was intelligent. I was funny etc. see 21 days to a new habit . Now pick the top five most important ones to you. I am 17 . You will need to try and cope with the new you and it’s not as easy as you might think. or what you think you are good at yourself. I thought I was no good. Exercise. I am great at empathising with people.

If you tell your mind you want to try something for 21 days it won’t be so unwilling to co-operate. going out for a drink at 18 . I’ll decide’ so there will be a battle between your two sides of your conscious mind. This is not a bad thing. When you want to start a habit. It can’t really think as clearly about the benefits because it hasn’t yet had the benefits of giving up smoking but it knows the supposed pleasures that smoking brings. When we want to start something or give up something. 21 days doing. That’s 21 days of going to the gym every day or exercising in some way every day. at work when you’re a bit stressed. Feel free to share your 21 day new habits. Your neural pathways have formed already and you will more than likely continue with your new habit. When starting or breaking any habit we tend to tell our conscious mind we are going to change and it’s for life. first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. just after sex etc. Your conscious mind will just say ‘is that right? I’m in charge here. So what habits can we start for 21 days? I have made a list for myself that I am in the middle of doing. however research has shown that the neural pathways to any habit could be lifelong and a cue or a trigger can cause us to start back up an old habit. There are a hundred conversations we have with ourselves everyday. we just have to be aware of our thoughts when we have given up a habit such as smoking. We all know we have conversations with ourselves. 21 days to eat healthily. tell yourself (your conscious brain) that you are going to try it for 21 days. should I go to the gym should I not. This can also work when trying to break a habit. Now.21 days to a new habit Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. like smoking. www. Give up sweets for 21 days Meditate for 21 days Write in the blog every day for 21 days Get up before 6am every day (I’ve actually made this a habit now) Drink a vegetable juice for 21 days This is just a small list of the things I am doing.stevenaitchison. Your brain thinks ‘lack of’ instead of the benefits of. 21 days to meditation. you might normally say to yourself ‘right that’s it I’m giving up for good’. should I go to the pub should I not. you will have seen the benefits along the way your unconscious will want to continue if it has been beneficial. For example if you want to start the habit of meditating tell your conscious self that you are trying it for 21 days. smoking for example. Immediately your brain kicks in and says no smoking for life. when you have completed this for 21 days your conscious mind has the choice of stopping it or carrying on. don’t tell yourself you are doing it for life. This might sound a little strange when I say ‘talking to your conscious’ as it is your conscious talking to your conscious. or so it thinks. and then it starts to think of all the situations it likes a good cigarette 21 days of anything.

Say ‘NO’ more often. All too often we get tied up in thinking that our worth is based on the size of our house or the size of our cars and who we hang around with. Forget what you think your co-workers think about you. the ones that have loved you all your life) opinion of you count and it is good to listen to them as long as you’re getting a balanced view and there are no hidden agendas. Now I don’t mean you say NO to everything. Now this will take a long time to engrain this feeling within us. This is all very well saying this. Well that is the time to say ‘NO’. and our worth is only gauged by ourselves not anybody 19 . In other words make a conscious decision. lack of confidence as we all know is in your head. not doing well at university or Let me know if you have any stories about saying NO and how it has changed your life. What we have to do to claim ourselves back is forget what other people are saying about us. I have to take care of myself before I can take care of someone else’. but how do we stop ourselves from worrying about what other people might think of us? We have to decide that we care about us. your family’s (your true family. stop and say to yourself ‘I come first’ and you will find the courage to say no to your co-worker. poor self esteem.stevenaitchison.Say NO to boast your self esteem Being poor. That little two letter word can send your self esteem soaring and gradually build confidence in you. To do this you will need to make a conscious effort to stop at certain things you do and say ‘I come first’. Our worth is based on who we think we are. When that little warning bell goes off in your head and you get that little tingle in your stomach that says ‘something’s not right’ say ‘NO’. By this I mean your social circle. and say it. a poor social life. forget what the people on the street might think about you. ‘I come first. You have probably heard it all before but it’s worth re-iterating a million times for some people to listen. Just say NO when it feels right to say NO When you have practiced those two suggestions above for a few months your self belief will have improved enormously. Maybe when your coworker has asked you do something you are uncomfortable with. When this has happened you will find that you will care less about what other people think about you as you are being more congruent with yourself and you will feel comfortable with yourself. You know what I mean and you will have lots of examples. I don’t want you getting the sack or losing out on a relationship or anything like that. www. Do what you do and be proud.

and most of all the ones who laughed the most. Before the group work started I was chatting to her and asked her about herself. Lana truly did not care what other people thought of her. that there was something different about her. Your energy becomes purer and less tainted by the worries and the constant wariness of having to conform to the way other people think you should act. I was touched. before she said a word. I am happy to say Lana is now completely free from the breast cancer and proud of her prosthetic nipple! Changing your perspective How do you change your perspective on life without being diagnosed with a life threatening illness? There will be different areas of your life that you may have to focus on whilst trying to change your perspective on life in general. This woman did everything she wanted to do in life. Lana and Gillian were the ones who stood out for being very level headed. weeds. I believe that simply being around her friend and work colleague. kind. I believe it was her energy. By the end of the two day course. watching for snakes and spiders etc and then when she was diagnosed with cancer. stopped thinking about what other people thought about her. friends and her dreams and ambitions. loved her family more. As a direct result of her being diagnosed with breast cancer Lana managed to clear out the stuff. but in a different group to me. after a while. also had the same attitude and again I think she be good in her current job role. And she didn’t look in any way out of the ordinary. Lana’s energy had rubbed off on Gillian as well. weeds.The Cancer view of life Whilst doing a course on suicide intervention I met a lovely woman who stood out from the crowd because of her energy and zest for life. She ‘didn’t lie down to it’. I imagine it must have been like walking through a jungle trying to chop down all the branches. to a lesser extent. Gillian. lets call them Lana and Gillian. My wife was also on the course. It was a very strange thing to witness. I believe she would be great in her job. She said she had noticed Lana when she had first walked in. which was not important to her and concentrate on the things which were important mainly her family. 20 . in her mind. very thoughtful. sky dived. It is useful to get a visual picture of where you are in your life and what areas need attention it is worth noting which areas of your life need a perspective change. Now the strange thing is that she had a friend who worked beside her who had the same kind of energy. as did her friend and work colleague. Changing your perspective on life will literally change your life: Although Lana had been diagnosed with breast cancer she stood up in her battle to fight it. Chance had it that I was sitting next to Lana in group work. It was very clear. She happily recounted her life story and then she told me she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and ever since then she let go of the things in life that held her back. ferns. ferns etc and there was a clear path. she went on holidays to places she thought she would only dream of. the jungle was free from all the branches. This tells me two things: Letting go of your inhibitions lightens you. she could see straight through. I think a lot of people did.

I am happy with my family life so I would put it up to 80% meaning I don’t have a lot of work to do with my perspective on my family life. YES! do I still want it YES!.stevenaitchison. all in all £205 for a Christmas night out. the very fact that you have a computer and an internet connection tells me you are well off. shoes to match £50. you now know which areas you need to focus on and possibly change your perspective on lets try it out with an example. do I need it. NO. Its £1200. We have a young woman who feels she does not have a lot of money and can’t buy the things she wants in life and has too much debt. my children. which she has done most of her life. Her perspective on life is ‘don’t have. the luxury I live in. usually in the morning to be grateful for the things you have. Honestly it sounds saintly and a bit weird but it works. So if you scored 50% with your finances you need to look at this area in your life and possibly change your perspective on it. the house I live in. Now that could have paid off her catalogue debt. at first. One thing I do and my wife does. did she really need it. If she kept looking through the eyes of a homeless person. Think about that for a moment. Now talking of that night out. You are in the top 30% of the wealthiest people in the world. Now if she performed a simple switch in thinking like and looked at her life from a homeless person’s point of view she would realise she has a lot to be thankful for. have I got it NO! However I look around me and see all the things I have. You have to practise and practice all the time. or getting a new job. Okay. thank god. If you’re looking at this article from the comfort of your own home. there are around 4-5 billion people out there worse off than you. Using the information When you have charted all the areas look at the ones that need attention. For each area put in a percentage of where you are happy with e. Getting what you want Everything you want in life will come to you if you take steps toward it. I am truly grateful for my wife. This is a very simplified example and it’s not that easy to shift your perspective. if they are honest will admit to the same. can’t get’.uk/blog 21 . can I afford it. thank them for what you have. I am honestly grateful. the internet connection. Right now I want a 42 inch plasma screen TV and have done for about a year. Exercise to try In your mind think about the areas on the wheel of life you looked at before: Now with each area on the wheel thank the universe. Post a comment here and tell us what you are grateful for. thank yourself or whatever or whoever. so you get two for the price of one. she might ask herself ‘Do I have too much’ or ‘what have I bought that I don’t really need?’ she bought the new dress for the Christmas night out. www.g. the night out itself. the job I have. £70. is take time out of the day.Use this link to chart and print a wheel of life and find out what areas need looked at. In the meantime change your perspective on what you have right now and you will change your world. Yep easy for me to say and a bit sanctimonious but stay with me here. the luxury of time. If she really wants something badly she could have saved that money or invested but be grateful for what you have right now. typically those under 70-100%. it cost £70 for the dress. Still works towards getting that new car or losing weight. The chart is also useful for looking at areas in your life where you need to focus more attention. I truly live in luxury and most people. the taxi home £15. that was £70. – Motivational sales talk from gary – Personal development from a geeks point of view. . The PBN will expand over time and you will have instant access to some great blogs. – A well thought out blog with really good content – One of my favourite blogs http://www.lifeoptimizer.wisebread. www.Blogging the lazy way 22 .com/lazy_way/ .stevepavlina.youalreadyknowthisstuff. 4.A life coach with something to say 21. blogging at it’s best www. www. – Still one of the best out there 13. 5.kthdsn. These are some of the best personal development blogs out there and we will be – Well laid out blog and quality content www.Beth is a life coach with good content on her blog 11.lifehacker. www. This month I will look at the personal development – Predominantly a list blog.mindhacks. from the Positive Blog network 18. 3. geek to live 15.A good motivational blog 16. www. www.lazyway. . great guy – A great addition to the Positive Blog Network – another great blog form the Positive Blog Network 17. www. www. 6. listen to the radio shows they are very funny. Here are a few others that you might like to check out. but great stuff nonetheless www.ririanproject.pickthebrain. . In the 6 months that I have been blogging I have come across some excellent blogs in all subjects and thought it would be a good idea to share some of the top blogs in the different areas.geniustypes. 7.50 best personal development blogs Personal development is my business and my life. don’t live to geek. 1. You’ve probably all seen the positive blog network (PBN) logo in the sidebar.thefastlane. 9. – some good stuff on this blog 19.A simple.Originator of the Positive Blog network www. no nonsense blog – Another great site form the Positive Blog Network – Personal development with a twist of film www. They are in no particular – The chief happiness – This guy does – Great .com/wordpress . www. www.

www.Social skills for the shy and insecure 25.miloriano.urbanlighthouse. www.I love this blog – Another one of my favourites . www.Hundreds of coaching tips on this blog 29. www. www.problogger. .bruceeisner.typepad.thedisquiet. – another brilliant blog on getting things done 38.typepad.One of the best www. www. www.sharpbrains. www.Another great blog you have to check out .com/ .com – Dating advice blog – An inspiring blog to change your life 39. .com/ . www.stevenaitchison. www.An interesting blog about sleeping patterns – a great blog with some great podcasts .com/blog .com/ – Not really personal development but Darren Rowse has certianly helped my blog onestop brain fitness centre 48.A Simple blog with some good posts 44.entrepreneurs-journey.stevenaitchison.Helping men who have something missing in their lives .php .liveyourinspiration. www. www.davidseah. www.a career development blog 24.All about the brain and science 37. . headrush.Thinking outside the box blog . www.Lots of posts lots of advice 43.universeofsuccess.Don’t be put off by the navigation there’s some great stuff here www.blogspot. www. .lifecoachesblog.blogspot.Some useful articles on this blog 49.They don’t come much better than this 33.another good blog with some good articles 41. www. .Always a pleasure reading the stories on this blog 47.typepad.briankim. inspiring blog with some inspiring articles 42. www.A weird blog with some brilliant posts .com/ . www. www.laurayoung. 23 .org/ .lifebeyondcode. .A man on the way to the top 45.Another great blog with some good articles 50.personal development from a scientific point of view 34.

stevenaitchison. it’s a 5 hour seminar. This is a great idea for doing other things we might not necessarily do. my job etc and then I go on to visualise my intentions for my life. For example. Now my computer being quite old. our love for each other.Anchoring a habit I was reading an article written by Gleb Reys ‘Creative habit naming’ and I thought it was a great idea. and I have around 20 at the books on CD. I am practicing a seminar in my head I am giving for the ‘law of attraction’. it takes about 7 minutes to boot and load up all the software etc so I use those 7 minutes to internalise everything I am grateful for in life: My wife. my kids. I spend about 1-2 hours every day in my car driving to see clients etc. I also practice speaking in my car gestures and all. I never really gave it much thought but I have been doing this unconsciously for a number of months. I turn my computer on every single morning which is the habit and I now practice my gratitude and intentions which is anchoring the habit to an existing one. self help developments books. I have been practicing the law of attraction and part of this involves thinking about my intentions every day and I also think about what I am grateful for every day. I listen to podcasts I have downloaded. When I get up in the morning I go downstairs and turn on the computer. it doesn’t matter that I look a bit crazy I don’t know the people who might be thinking this so what does it matter. If we anchor a habit to another habit this would increase out chances of developing the new habit. and my intentions. It got me thinking about how else we could develop habits so that they don’t become a chore for us. So I am anchoring a new habit to the existing habit of driving www. and because I haven’t really done it before I am quite apprehensive so I am practicing it in the car. our 24 . Instead of listening to the radio.

How the hell does putting money in your wallet attract more money? Okay try it. it did. I have seen the transformation in my life and I have seen more money than ever coming into my life.000. You are mentally preparing yourself to receive more money into your life. There is a great way to change your thinking about money and attract more of it.’ 25 . but are you ready for it? Mentally you’ve got to be ready to receive money. Put some money in your wallet! Esther Hicks wrote about it in ‘Ask and it is given’. you had £100 in your pocket. I used to believe that I would never be able to make money. I am noticing more and more in my life that the law of attraction really does work especially since I downloaded my intentions onto my iPod. If I am being completely honest I have had to slow the amount of opportunities coming my way as I do not have time to take on the jobs I am offered. Do this for a few weeks and see what happens. If you try this for a few weeks your mind has fewer blocks about money coming into your life as you have spent that £100. mentally. I didn’t have any special talents to make money. I have started carrying more money in my wallet and believe it is a catalyst to me receiving more money. I had failed in the past etc etc. These thoughts definitively hindered my progress in making money and as soon as I dropped them and believed I deserved money in my life and believed it would come. However the amount of money coming into my life that I have not worked for can continue ‘til the cows come home. but say to yourself I’ve got the money to buy it. You might have passed a clothes shop and said ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’ and you could. Put £100 ($150) in your wallet and do not spend it. 100 times. You might walk past a computer shop and see that iPod you wanted and say to yourself ‘I could buy that if I wanted to’. Money has been coming into my life ever since I removed the blocks in my mind about money. In your mind you have spent £10.Attracting money into your life I suspect most people would like to attract more money into their life. Your mind goes from lack of money to lots of money. I wrote about it here. Whenever you see something you like you can say to yourself I can buy that if I wanted to. Resist the temptation to buy it. If you need to buy something at the shop do not use the £100. I really do believe that what we think about is what we attract in our lives.

5 days ago I was at a hall helping some of my clients fill in benefits forms and get advice on benefits and child tax credit etc and someone was there from the tax office. After explaining to me that the tax office would eventually get around to issuing a rebate it would be better to ask for it and I could receive it quicker. Everybody deserves abundance in their lives and that includes you and there is more than enough to go around. She asked my to write a quick letter and she would hand it in. 3 days later (yesterday) I received a cheque for £543.As an example I used to run a small book dealing business which I stopped in September 2005. The tax office might have issued it eventually but I hadn’t received anything so far. If you are open to this you will manifest money a lot quicker. If you don’t believe this rubbish that I am talking try it for yourself. Try it If you are open to receiving money you will receive it. I casually asked if I would be due any rebate. If you don’t have £100 in your pocket try it with £50 and work up or try it with £20 and work up. Now if I hadn’t seen the girl from the tax office I wouldn’t have asked the question about a tax rebate. don’t knock it until you’ve tried 26 . I filled in all my tax returns etc and thought I was up to date with everything. If you have a deep seated belief that this will not work it may take longer to start attracting money.

guns. a look and a bit of larking around. We were walking along and he started singing a little marching song: ‘I don’t know what you’ve been told. their love and respect for the world is learned from their father at this stage. a cuddle. Ages 0 – 6 years: Boys are still very much attached to their mother. However the mother shows the boy warmth love and shows that the world is a safe place to live in. their playfulness. as he is probably the hardest to deal with. Ages 6 – 14: This is the stage when boys want to develop their sense of what it is to be male. who I am probably hardest on. make me feel proud. All that from a kiss. But what is being a dad? I was out today in Glasgow with my two sons and the youngest one. Ages 14 – Adulthood: This is when the mother and father take a step back and let other role models take a more prominent role. I feel I work too much and don’t see my kids or wife often enough and it’s this time in their young lives which I will affect the most if I am with them. I mean real belly laughing and tears forming laughing. about love. knives and want to wrestle with their dad and siblings. The truth is we are good parents and we do spend enough time with our boys. It is teaching them so much about relationships. 27 . make sure that their son has role models and peers in their lives that will be a positive influence. I constantly feel I could be a better dad.Being a dad. make me laugh. about respect. but my big butt is freezing cold’ and we all started laughing. and it is important to be around. about how to treat other people. There is a big change and they want to play with swords. The mother is still very much there. not just a father Being a Dad is possibly the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your life. This is where the dad steps up and takes the reigns form the mother. The fact that myself and my wife are so loving towards each other makes a huge difference in the boy’s lives. was complaining of being cold. one minute I am on a high with them the next minute I am on a downer. Their father is still very important. This is when the boys are learning about skill and being male. However. This is when the parents have to. My wife also feels like this sometimes and we convince ourselves we do it for the family and for the future. make me mad. as much as possible. I am a dad of two boys aged 9 and 11 and they constantly drive me nuts. and in general there are three. their sense of humour. It was one of those moments that happens every once in a while and it does so much for our relationship. The dad is the role model in every sense. unless you are not working I think one always feels that they do not do enough for their kids. No other relationship will be as wild as this. It will be the longest commitment you ever make in your life and it will be the source a lot of you r emotional turmoil’s. but plays a less prominent role. The three stages of boyhood Research has shown that there are distinct stages in boyhood. it brings us closer than ever before.

be there. Being a dad can be very hard work but it can also be very rewarding. be there. being angry etc. If they need you for a life to a friend’s house. children worry about their parents as well and worry more about if they have caused the worry. I think it is important to show your feelings to them.stevenaitchison. We have an open and honest talk about where we can possibly improve. I love my boys and cherish them. It is not fair to the other parent if you leave all the hard decisions to them all the time. It stops your children wondering what you are thinking if they see you acting different on some days e. I am not always a good dad but I question my responsibility every day and that’s what will make me a better dad. like work and use it as an excuse for neglecting your children. Make time for your children: it is so easy to get caught up in other things in life. In every 28 . but as long as you are conscious of the way you are parenting your boys it will go a long way. or family in general. be there. My wife and I have frequent discussions about parenting and how we could be better parents. Make the unpopular decisions as well: It’s important that discipline be dished by both the parents. Over the years the most important tips I would give about being a great dad are. being quiet. If they say they need to talk to you in private. www.g. A simple ‘I am angry with my boss at work’ will suffice. Always be there: It is not always possible to be around all of the time but it is possible to be there all the time at the drop of a hat. This way one parent is not seen as the bad one all the time. being playful with them or wrestling with Be active and show support for each others decisions in front of the children. if possible. Be open: I am always hugging my boys.Tips for being a great dad You can’t be a great dad all the time. We also tell each other if we think the other is being unfair in certain aspects of parenting. If you children call you and say they need you. just be there for them.

come out of the scene you were in and look at what you have. sound strange. or most of us. we have to be thankful for what we have in the here and now. miserable. and they will if we intend them long enough and work at it. nearly killing ourselves all in the pursuit of happiness for us and our families when in fact if we loved our families first and loved the job we were doing we would find that happiness here and now and not in the future. Now. Reflect on that for a moment. When I do this exercise I imagine losing my family and I really do get to the point of being tearful (okay I admit it. We have to take time to stop and think about our lives every now and again and re-evaluate what we are doing and whether or not we are happy inside or chasing the rainbow. How we define happiness is the key to our success of finding it inside of ourselves. sisters nieces and nephews and my health and I am thankful too you for reading this. my job. Happiness is an inner game and should be pursued on the inside. www. (Warning! this is a very powerful exercise so be prepared) Exercise Think of something that would make you unhappy. suicidal. Debbie Weil.stevenaitchison. How many of us have seem something on TV and said ‘It really makes you appreciate what you’ve got’? I bet most of us have said this however how long has it taken us to forget this and get on with our lives and forget what we really have! For any of our dreams to happen in the future. I wrote because it might help other people. For example the first few months of blogging I wanted to make a million pounds and follow people like Steve 29 . I do get tearful). One of the ways you can test your happiness is by testing your unhappiness. my dog. working long hours. what it does is let me be thankful and never take them for granted. either writing for the blog or giving seminars. or losing your family. Robert Scoble and Seth Godin but I quickly learned I was not going to make that. However. something we can never reach. This feeling lasts a long time before I slip back into my normal loving self. not because it was all about the money. here’s how it works. lonely. and really go for it and try to imagine the thing that would make you unhappy. The answer was of course because I loved the writing and the possibility that some people might find my articles useful. So many of us are working hard to make money. Okay. dad. From then on I wrote because I loved writing. So it is with life. I did lose heart but I kept on writing and I wondered why I did keep writing. my For example if you pictured losing your family. what would your feelings be: sad. I am thankful for my wife. my house. What happened then was that the money started coming in and more ideas came my way and now that I concentrate on the writing the money side takes care of itself and I intend it to keep on taking care of itself until I can finally do what I love doing full time. my two boys.Being unhappy to find happiness Many of us. are trying to find happiness outside of ourselves. How does it make you feel? I always feel extremely grateful and look at them in a different way as if I have been given a second chance with them. If we continue to look on the outside we are going to be disappointed as we always look for more and ultimately happiness becomes the end of the rainbow. We are so busy chasing the rainbow of happiness we forget what makes us happy now. We have to get that feeling back. look at your family now. Darren Rowse. for example losing your house.

look all around you. I still don’t have a satisfactory answer to that question and it haunted me for years. I asked lots of questions and asked lots of different people even ministers and priests and I did not receive. to me. As an example if you see a group of youths on the street. from groups of different people and I couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer. I had been studying psychology and particularly Carl Jung and liked some of his ideas like the ‘collective unconscious’. an outdated belief without foundation. was I just deliberately trying to be different and a bit strange or did I genuinely believe in the theories? Well the answer is I know I don’t believe in a God of any kind. my parents told me this. What are beliefs? Our beliefs help us provide stability in our lives by compartmentalising everything in order to make sense of the world. at about the age of 14 I boldly announced I did not believe in God when I was asked the question. believing in God was not my belief it was someone else’s and someone else’s before them and someone else’s before them etc etc. I haven’t really voiced this belief as it is my belief and it is not a firm belief it is a soft belief at best. I used to look at them and think that wasn’t proof. It was.Changing beliefs Our beliefs about the world around us and ourselves can be limiting and can. The biggest example of this is religion. my friends believed this. in myself. I searched for answers in books. not one. Dion Fortune. it proved God created it. if there wasn’t a God what is my purpose in being here. single satisfactory answer to the question. So. What I do believe in is a ‘universal force’ that everybody and their granny can tap into should they so wish. various answers were proffered from just look at the grass. I liked these ideas and I liked some of the theories although some of them were a bit wild. The question to myself was. When I was ten years old I asked some of my friends ‘how do you know there is a God’. spiritualism etc. However far from being liberated by this conclusion there was a gaping hole in my life. The point here is. the church told me this. but it is a base to start with. So I asked my parents and their take on it was ‘how else could we have been brought into the world if it wasn’t God’. wearing hooded tops and being rowdy a lot of us might immediately try and compartmentalise these as follows: youths . then I found Edgar Cayce. Robert Bruce and theories of the Akashic records. from friends. this was met with horror and disdain except from my mother. I was programmed from the moment I could talk that God created the world. From the day we were born we have been programmed to believe other people’s beliefs. until I started to swing toward the belief that there was some kind of unified conscious that we could tap into. in a lot of cases. be unfounded when we question them. This article looks at beliefs and how they are formed and what we can do to the beliefs that may be holding us back. my school taught this. 30 . how do you know there is a God?.loud – hooded tops – street corner – dark = dangerous = steer clear = fight or flight This is a very simple example but one that shows where our beliefs lead us and what actions it prompts us to take once we have boxed all the relevant categories and then put them together and then formulate a belief. everybody believed in God and it was sacrilegious to believe otherwise. what is anybody’s purpose.

For example I believe I am intelligent because I have a degree. how do I know that the people reading these intelligent books are actually comprehending the words they are reading. List the things you believe to be true about yourself: My list would be. It was experiential. Now. so therefore I have to refine that belief to. I am very questioning. now this is not the case as it would depend on what the person was reading. we’ve never had evidence to the contrary to cause a massive shift from one belief to another. and so on.g. I believe that people who read a lot is a sign of intelligence. a bit overweight. people who read. So therefore I have to refine the belief again to. Changing our beliefs Exercise: This is a very quick exercise for you to try in your head. I knew there were no fairies because I saw my mother putting the money under the pillow. honest. I pick up things easily etc etc. how many of our beliefs have we questioned in our lives? Not that many I suspect because we have never had to question them. I used to believe in the tooth fairy when I was really young. as intelligent books are intelligent. Now try to think of each belief and ask where it came from. inner confident. and when I found out that my mother used to put a 10 pence piece under my pillow I was a bit distraught but I pretended to go along with the belief to get more money. Break this down further. good looking. all of these reasons are beliefs within themselves e. which in turn causes us to act in a certain way. Where does this leave us. Now I have the dilemma of asking what comprehension really is. it will take a few moments. intelligent. people who read and comprehend intelligent books are intelligent.Obviously beliefs are perpetuated the more we come into contact with that particular scenario. So a belief can be seen as the compartmentalising of different things together to form a particular belief. it means if we dig deep enough we may find some of our belief are unfounded and find they are outdated and do not fit with our lives. However. does it mean all our beliefs are unsubstantiated? No. 31 . The only reason I found out that my belief in tooth fairies was not real was because I saw my mother putting money under my sisters pillows when I was younger. We can dig deeper and deeper until we unearth the core of a belief which is nothing really than a set of other beliefs. what I class. like the one above. I read a lot.

For example I used to have the belief that I was a bit thick. www. So I started to do things that were more congruent with being intelligent. I read a lot more books I was interested in.stevenaitchison. I joined a chess club.How can we use this knowledge? The knowledge that our beliefs are not set in stone can be a liberating revelation and we can use this knowledge to change some of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and our lives. I do not question it anymore and haven’t done for years. Go through all the beliefs that are holding you back and analyse each one in turn and see if you can install new beliefs over the old one and start to act congruently with your new belief. Analysing our beliefs gives us more of an awareness of that belief which we can then go on to use in our everyday lives. I tried a whole host of things to prove to myself I wasn’t stupid. am I aware? yes. can I comprehend?yes. Now the belief that ‘I am intelligent’ has been fully installed in my can I socially interact?yes. I went to university. Choose a belief that is holding you back. there were a whole load of other yes which led me to say well I’m not that thick or 32 . Unconsciously I questioned this belief and simply analysed what intelligence was.

What usually happens is the outcomes keep getting bigger the more I achieve. I wouldn’t sell for the ridiculous amount they were offering. on the stock market. be married. Let me share a story with you going back to 1998: I was elated as I had achieved my dream of making over £30. I set myself an outcome of making £100.Breaking your outcome barriers I have many outcomes I wish to achieve in my life and there are many outcomes I have already achieved. The point of the story is to illustrate that no matter how low we are in our lives we can still concentrate on our outcomes even if it feels impossible to reach. I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I panicked but thought it will turn again. I attended a seminar by Jack Black and immediately said to my friend ‘that’s what I will be doing with my life’. which I have written about. Glasgow (not the best area of town). I was skipping university (one of my other goals was to get a degree in psychology) to stay at home and day trade. have a lovely house with a veranda overlooking the garden. I upped my trading game and started playing the markets using spread betting. That was the year that changed my life forever. no debt.000 and it was not a good feeling at all. Pretty soon I couldn’t get rid of my shares as nobody was buying they were all selling. Today I have all those things (except for the veranda) and I am extremely happy with my life.000. Over the years I have heard a lot of people say.000 and focused on it for weeks. Then the tech market started falling. I walked out with an education in money and a degree in psychology. Yes make them achievable but if it’s achievable it’s not unrealistic.000. about £4000. I started looking at my outcomes again and started to concentrate on them again. I am still looking at being a motivational speaker but I am about 10 steps closer to that dream than I was. I managed to get my degree in 2000. These were all outcomes way beyond what I thought I could realistically achieve but I kept at them and focused every day. I set outcomes to meet my perfect woman. However as soon as I started going from a deficit to making a profit I stopped concentrating on my outcomes. Within the space of a few months I was getting closer to my outcome of £100. My balance started changing from being in the red to being in the black. The tech market was really flying and I was feeling on top of the world. I remember one day I had £100. 33 . I was trading on a 14 day contract. keep it real and keep your outcomes realistic and achievable. again on paper. I was in a small flat in Govan. I lost a lot in the beginning. a car. this was just a blip. Then the realisation of the market being in meltdown hit me. Eventually I went bankrupt to the tune of £65. on paper. I was so low and feeling down. The other point is that no matter how unrealistic our outcomes seem keep working on them as todays realistic is tomorrows standard. have money in the bank. I hade been investing in shares since 1998 but I soon discovered I loved the thrill and started day trading.000 in shares. To get there I had to achieve other outcomes first. have a good job. This is a great sign that I am doing something right in my world. 2 children a boy and a girl.

Aim beyond what you want to achieve www. if you are kicking his leg aim 6 inches to the side of his leg. Now I know there will be some people who say ‘Oh you are just setting yourself up for failure’ this is rubbish. This was a great breakthrough for me in tae Kwon Do and in life. If you want to meet a nice partner to settle down with aim to meet ‘the perfect’ partner to settle down with. For every single outcome you want to achieve in When I first started setting outcomes for my life I thought about achieving little things. I mustered up the energy and force and imagined a board behind the actual one and broke through it first time. This way I am concentrating all my energy and power on the imaginary rather than the actual and I am going through the actual board. It is the same with your outcomes. aim for £20. stomach or whatever it may be. Anybody who wants to succeed at something will always achieve it if they work hard enough and know exactly what they want and work on it mentally and physically every day. If for example you want to make £10. I was always afraid of breaking my hand and I couldn’t quite hit the thickest board hard enough to break through it. He told me to imagine that the board is 6 inches behind its actual position and try to break the imaginary board.Think big That’s the beauty of setting outcomes. I looked at him slightly puzzled. leg. My teacher saw this block and told me I was ‘hitting the board to break it’. If one of your goals is to get out of debt don’t focus on paying of one credit card at a time concentrate on having absolutely no debt and having money in your savings account? The breakthrough method of achieving When I used to practice Tae Kwon Do I had a mental block about punching through the boards. you don’t have to worry about how they will be achieved. Another huge lesson I learned from all of this is dream big.000. He told me to do this when fighting an opponent. If you want to clear your credit card debts this year aim to clear of all your debts.000 in savings this year. Don’t limit yourself when setting your outcomes. This was the single most important lesson I ever learned in Tae Kwon Do.stevenaitchison. just concentrate on achieving them. aim that little higher and you will get more of what you want in 34 . and then when I achieved them I had to think a little bigger. if you are aiming for his stomach aim 6 inches behind his stomach.

Don’t turn on the TV for background noise as something will distract you and you might want to sit down and watch. I only keep the cards my sons made me and wife gave me. Instead turn on the radio for some noise. that time of the month day cards. throw out old toys. paint the bathroom. One of the biggest small tasks is cleaning out the bedroom and kitchen drawers. Throw out old christmas. when I’ve got a bit time’ there is an instant ‘post it’ note stuck in my brain saying ‘do the ironing’. Often when I do this and have motivation to carry on and clean the rest of the house. A great way to shake this feeling is to clean the house. Think about all the things that need done about the house. 35 . Here are my 10 tips for springcleaning your mind by springcleaning the house • • • • • • • • Schedule time at the weekend to start your clean. If you can’t manage the springclean in one day. dog day. Now is the time to do them. try tidying and cleaning the untidiest room in the house and pay attention to how you feels afterwards. so it’s worth the effort. That niggling feeling stays with me until the job is done. I know you might not have time but make it. mothers day. fathers day. I usually have a cup of tea and a biscuit. when your whole house has been done take another day to go round the whole house for a few hours and give a general clean. do the garden. Why does cleaning the house make us feel this way? Cleaning the house frees up energy for you to concentrate on more important things in your life. Of course my wife does this a lot of the time. sort out your paperwork there are lots of things that need our attention. clear the shed. the garage needs cleared. old toys. concentrate on one task at a time or one room at a time and spread it over x number of days. the wardrobes need emptying. If you don’t believe this. I have lots of post it notes stuck in my brain and they all niggle at me until they are completed. Reward yourself every 90 minutes (if it’s a big clean) every 30 minutes if it’s smaller clean. Cleaning the house and ridding it off old clothes. Start with the undtidiest room in the house and don’t finish until its clean and tidy. or turn on a program from Hayhouse radio If you are starting the clean in the morning get up an hour early and you will be more focused. this way nothing else will get in the way.Clear your house to clear your mind Do you ever wish you were more organised in your daily life? Sometimes I feel there is just too much going on in my head that it overwhelms me and I cannot get things done. 3 hours of spring cleaning the house might free up 10 hours in your daily life as your mind will be free to concentrate and focus on other tasks. birthday. When I see a pile of ironing that needs to be done and I say ‘I’ll do it tomorrow. throw out old clothes. It seems to clear the mind and make way for important tasks to get done. fix that leaking tap. If you haven’t worn it in 6 months chuck it. which sometimes makes me feel worse as I know I am not pulling my weight. granny day. old books (personally I can’t throw books away or give them away) and giving it a general spring clean is like a shower for your mind. the loft needs cleared.

uk/blog 36 . I don’t mean deleagte all the jobs but delegate smaller jobs to your kids.stevenaitchison. When mess build up in the house so it builds up in your mind. Delegate: this is a great way to keep the house tidy. if you clean a bit every day it keeps your mind free. that’s how I make myself feel better). This has an added bonus of making them more indepenedent and teaching them skills for when they leave the nest (well. keep their own rooms tidy and take out the www.• • Make a habit of cleaning a room every day. My kids wash and dry the dishes. Making a habit of cleaning a bit every day will free your mind for other important tasks.

Most of us would stay in this state of consciousness until the day we die. Awakening consciousness – This is the second level in this theory. the radio interviews I have heard with physicists and other scientists and spiritual people all go a long way to me formulating this idea. what we think about ourselves and the world around us. It’s been ruminating for a while and I am trying to find a way to describe it or play with it. and open up our minds enough. you create and manifest the things and people around you. You are not operating from a self point of view you are starting to think about the bigger picture and to help others and to find ways to be able to do this. When I was nearing the end of this article it got me researching along a path of: consciousness. I believe this is what is happening in the world at the moment. a great physicist who only died in 1994 and Dr David R Hawkins a scientist whose work is fascinating me at the moment. but for now I will write briefly about the main four clouds. More and more of us are starting to believe there is something more to life and something more to our minds than was previously imagined. In this state of consciousness you are starting to believe that you create your own world. everything you believe. yourself and the people around you. There are various levels between each of the four levels mentioned below. everything you believe about the world and other people. thinking and feeling what is immediately in front of you. there are more and more people at this level of consciousness and it is culminating in a mass awakening. should we wish. I am rapidly coming to a place whereby there is a definite idea about this formulating. At the moment it really is a case of suck it and see what happens and play around with different ideas. we can tap into a lot of them.Clouds of consciousness Recently I wrote a little about something called ‘clouds of consciousnesses. Clouds of consciousness are something we all have. reality and spirituality and led me to two scientists. Your ego resides here also. It is probably nothing new but I have not read about it or seen anything on the internet. I thought you might like to read about them yourself. You can access a higher aspect of yourself. However I truly believe there is a global shift happening and that pretty soon most of us will die whilst in the awakening consciousness stage. David Bohm. There are various levels of these clouds that surround us and. everything you do is for the benefit of yourself. In this stage you have started to question some of your beliefs about the world. GOD is a belief within yourself and a connection to other states of consciousness. Imagine a band of clouds tightly surrounding your head. I am not talking about organised religion. Of course the books I have read. The awakening consciousness is the beginning. These clouds contain everything that encompasses your current reality. It almost blinds you as you are only seeing. You have not formulated any original ideas about the world and decided to question your life. It is the beginning of what Maslow would call Self actualization 37 . The first 4 of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs would reside here. the real religion is when you’ve found GOD within yourself. The theory just now goes something like this. Self consciousness – These are the clouds which immediately make up who we are. but may not necessarily understand it completely. everything you think about. GOD is not an entity with laws. that was a way of stifling the awakening. This is where the self consciousness cloud lies.

co. We. So we have to break through various clouds of consciousness to get to the universal consciousness. It has one foot in the ‘real world’ and one foot in the ‘pure world’. So having theories like this reminds me every day that I am still living in my ‘self conscious’ world and reminds me to at least try and have more experiences in the ‘Awakening consciousness’ cloud. or astral project. However. can maybe tap into this universal consciousness when we have that ‘a-ha’ experience. purely an ego thing to do as I had started to think about the money it was earning rather than the content it was providing. I was writing articles that I thought readers would want rather than what I really wanted to put up. as living beings. Allah. Recently I got back into the habit of checking my stats for this blog. I believe Buddha.The ‘pure world’. The mind could be uploaded into a melting pot of mind. Since writing this it has led to me change my view on reality and what it really is. This will probably be the subject of my next article. This type of consciousness begins to transcend the reality as we know it. I wouldn’t be overly concerned about what people think of me. consciousness and spirit for the good of the future world. we wouldn’t need our bodies. about earning 38 .Here comes the tricky bit. basically if we momentarily transcend our ‘Awakened consciousness’. about getting clicks on my Google adsense ads.stevenaitchison. I believe I have experienced glimpses of them through lucid dreaming. Christ. for me. other articles. If we were to live in this cloud we wouldn’t be of this world. and to transcend the ‘Awakened consciousness’ we have to have transcended the other levels. astral projection and inspirational thinking. due to inspiration can be written and uploaded in 1-2 hours. I have been struggling for a while with the concept of reality and how one’s person’s world can be so different from my world. Mother Theresa. I can’t write about the other levels of consciousness as I have never experienced them. I have spent three days on this article as I have a passion for its content. How can this theory have any practical value? For me it reminds me that I am still living in a state of self consciousness and it reminds me to try and have more ‘awakening consciousness’ moments. Krishna Marti. about getting visitors to this blog all the things ego is concerned with.After awakening consciousness there would be a permanent state of awakened consciousness whereby you live in a world dominated by your thoughts to serve others. this could be where your mind goes when you die. Okay. Practical value Having a theory like this brings up a lot more questions than it answers. it’s the library of the world. and other spiritual beings all lived here. through kundalini. www. it’s good having theories but theories should have some practical value. Your ego is a residual memory however you will still be self aware but from a spiritual point of view. Universal consciousness . Awakened consciousness . it’s stimulates my goal to be ‘awakened’. so from this point on it is mostly hypothesising. meditate.

sit down and talk. Ask yourself the question What is my inner core? (What do you most cherish in the world and want to spend more time doing or being with?) It could be your family It might be a passion you have It might be spending time with yourself It could be anything If you vaguely understand what I mean here you might be sitting saying ‘yes. talk and let each other know how much they mean to you. Get the housework done. By this I mean you know what you want in life and you know the things that steal the energy which keeps you away from what you want. trivial arguments. Think about this often and figure out small ways which leads you back to your inner core. I know what you mean’. we might be missed but we can be replaced. Deep down you know what your inner core is and you know where it is not. not over dinner or in bed at night.stevenaitchison.Getting connected to you Sometimes I feel like my life gets covered over by unimportant things and I lose my inner core. It’s very easy to get covered in this syrup and a lot of people don’t recognise it until its too 39 . it was brilliant. When I went in the next day. Its hard to explain but things like work. Spend time with the kids. My life and my inner core is my family and somewhere along the way the fact that they are my inner core gets forgotten. Little things we have to do niggle us and are in the back of our minds. Get the little things out of the way. By this I mean real time. If you work lots of hours every day work 1 less hour per day and spend it with your inner core. They grow up so quickly it’s frightening. The small things done every day will soon build up to be the main thing in your life. When we work in a clean environment if frees our mind energy to concentrate on more important things. It’s a sad fact but we can all be replaced at work quite easily. Make a point to spend time with your passion everyday. social events etc all paint over what’s really important to me. Get them done and out of the way so you can concentrate on your inner core and what’s important. nothing had changed. I left my phone in the office and stayed at home. trivial Simple and yet the hardest thing to do for some people. Do less of what takes you away from you. no emergencies just a few enquiries. www. no world crisis. Take a day off work. If your passion is your wife. The kids were at school and my wife had a day of Uni so we went shopping together and then for a coffee at Borders. It’s like pouring syrup over me which is hard to get out of. Remember this if you are doing more than your fair share. I have felt like this for a few weeks and thought about ways to clean the syrup from my core and here is what I have come up with. bills. I am in the middle of a project just now which I get a lot of phone calls from clients etc but I took the day off.

Tell your friends and family you will be giving up on ‘that date’.Giving up smoking It has been around 18 months since I gave up smoking and every time I meet a smoker they always ask how I did it. Don’t try patches or gum with nicotine in it. the smell on my clothes. however the main one was my own health. However when I realised it was me who was creating this feeling and not the cigarettes things started to change in my way of thinking. There were lots of different factors that led me to even start thinking about giving up. the smell in the house. you have to believe it. however we have been conditioned to believe the opposite is the case. Our mind will believe whatever we tell it to believe and adjust our physiology and cravings accordingly. www. whilst having a drink etc. Pretty soon your mind will get out of the old habit and start forming new habits. When you tell yourself it is easy to give up smoking for two months. feeling like a leper when going outside to smoke. they kept telling me I was going to die and got quite distressed about it. I began telling myself it was easy to give up smoking and after about 2 months I gave up for good and haven’t looked back since. I have to say it took me three times before I eventually gave up for good. Set a date about 2 months in advance of when you will give up and tell yourself every day you are going to give up on that day. My tips for giving up smoking would be: Give yourself compelling reasons to give 40 . Other reasons included my I used to tell myself I could give up if I really wanted to but I didn’t want to. with a cup of tea. The truth is I did want to but felt it would be too hard and I didn’t want to fail. don’t do it for other people. I worked on my belief system about giving up smoking and convinced myself it was going to be easy and when the time came it was easy. There are a million reasons to give up and only one reason to continue and that is addiction. it will be very easy on the day to give up. your brain will really start to believe it after a month or so.stevenaitchison. It is easy to give up smoking. so it was easier to say I enjoyed it too much. go for a walk instead or go clean the bathroom. Break the old patterns of behaviour surrounding your smoking e. and do it for yourself. Once you told yourself for two months when you will give up just give up Tell yourself every day it is easy to give up smoking.g. this gives you a little pressure and shows your friends and family you are committed. I enjoyed the supposed feeling it gave me after dinner. if you smoked after your dinner at night.

legs 3 reps.5 miles per hour (just over a 9 minute mile). shoulders drooping and saying ‘Same old routine. This way I can visualise me being in the Olympics. why not try varying the routine. lifting the same amount of weights. Why not share your gym tips and we can all be gym freaks in no time. Try reversing your routine altogether. I imagine my oars going in and out of the water and it can be very real when I’m in the zone. I am the type to workout alone however I know a lot of people like a partner as a motivator. I think this is a great way to focus on your goals whilst getting fit and losing weight at the same time. biceps 3 reps. When I am on the rowing machine I am sitting in the boat with Steve Redgrave as my rowing partner and my family are on the bank of the river cheering me on. When I first started going to the gym I was running at the same pace. Listen to your goals. run faster etc. treadmill. lost a few grams and watched Oprah all within the space of 15 minutes. Join a class. This is what I do every morning. bench presses 3 reps.stevenaitchison. biceps. These are only a few suggestions for making the gym more interesting. This simple little thing allows your mind to wake up a little. leg curls.How to make the gym more interesting Keeping fit and losing weight are excellent motivators for going to the gym but sometimes it can be very boring. This has the added benefit of strengthening your visualisation acuity. Last month I wrote an article ‘Change your life with a computer and a headset’ if you tried this it means you can listen to your goals whilst at the gym. Visualisation is a great way to attain your goals see Visualise your life Vary your workout routine. if you normally finish with leg curls make this the start of the routine. When I am on the bike I am in the tour de France and again I see my family on the big screen cheering me on. I used to run 5 miles per hour (a 12 minute mile) now I have pushed myself to run 6. Push yourself some more. so this is what I have come up with to make the gym a little more interesting: Close your eyes. www. Most modern gyms have TV screens in them. Watch the television. When I am doing my biceps work I close my eyes and imagine that the only way I can get my family back is to finish the last rep. cycle faster. Try it with a partner. This is a great motivator for me as I am the type to push myself all the time and love except for the 41 . I can lift heavier weights. abs 3 reps. bike. I think this is a good idea as it can be good to have someone cheering you on and just pushing you that little extra. I started looking at my workout when it became a little stale and frankly boring. This can help take your mind off the exercise itself. I close my eyes on all my exercises. walking and rowing’ spice old Elmer and get him thinking for a change by reversing your routine. Sometimes I zone out and don’t hear them as I am visualising but they are still being heard. bike 10 minutes and rowing machine 1000 meters. My workout in the mornings are. why not switch to your favourite channel and workout to a little TV. Pretty soon you’ll have run a mile. burned 150 calories. treadmill for 12 minutes. I have also managed to row 1000 meters in 4 minutes which was a great achievement for me. Someone else suggested this to me. and rowing at the same pace. I always imagine peoples brains walking into the gym like Elmer Fudd. Now I tray and add a little every week. This can be an excellent motivator as you automatically try a little harder when other people are around pushing you that little bit further. If you are the type of person who does the same thing in the gym all the time.

Kaizen for personal development In the pursuit of self improvement we can look at many different areas. I didn’t really get it when I was working at Hughes as I was there for the money and for partying at the weekend. or service. The first one I have implemented is the wasted amount of time spent on the computer. Kaizen is a daily activity whose purpose goes beyond improvement. Wikipedia has this to say about Kaizen: “The goals of Kaizen include the elimination of waste (defined as "activities that add cost but do not add value"). humanizes the workplace. At Japanese companies. Now that I have read about and absorbed the ideas of Kaizen I have started to introduce one area and implement an action plan every 2 weeks. 60 to 70 suggestions per employee. eliminates hard work (both mental and physical)." What is taken apart is usually a process. Kaizen literally means "To become good through change". standardized work. 42 . when done correctly. such as Toyota and Canon. A closer definition of the Japanese usage of Kaizen is "to take it apart and put back together in a better way. One of the principle ideas of Kaizen is to change the easiest things first. per year are written down. However having looked at it again it is an interesting concept. and teaches people how to do rapid experiments using the scientific method and how to learn to see and eliminate waste in business processes. I remember when I worked as a production operator at Hughes Micro-electronics they used the Kanban Kaizen system. shared and implemented. paced moving lines. It comes from the Japanese words "Kai" meaning school and "Zen" meaning wisdom.” Kaizen for personal development I am working with the idea of Kaizen for personal development. An area I have been interested in for a few months has been business. In this aspect it describes something very similar to the assembly line used in mass production. it involves every employee in a company putting forwards suggestions for improvement. Masaaki Imai is considered the father of Kaizen after releasing the book Kaizen: The Key to Japan's Competitive Success. etc. right-sized equipment. I believe it would be good for all areas of life. What is Kaizen? Kaizen was created after World War 2 as a way of continuously improving the work place. particularly the practice of Kaizen. Kaizen is not a case of the management getting together once a month. It is also a process that. system. It has been adapted throughout the world across many businesses and has been used for years. production load levelling of amount and types. product. just-in-time delivery.

It is a slow process so I wouldn’t go head long into this. So it leaves me about 4 hours spent “surf without thinking” (SWT). promoting the blogs etc. What I have noticed so far is the SWT time has become more focused on work. www. It’s a case of surfing and reading blogs on areas that interest me but for no other reason than for personal pleasure. I have found you can implement it in every area of life. pick an area which you think might benefit from change.At the moment I spend 5 -7 hours on the computer per day. The frequency at which you implement changes is obviously up to you however I would space it every few weeks or every month. That would include writing articles. I have found doing it this way I work for longer. Themanufacturer. so I might work for half and hour. work another half hour. When I started wiring this article I began looking for other articles on other blogs mentioning Kaizen and I found a few great ones. submitting to social bookmarking has a great one and discusses how he has implemented into his SWT for half an hour. Look at the process closely and ask what changes could you make to make it better or quicker or have less 43 . So what I have done now is work has an interesting article written by Jon Minerich Kaizen in your life To implement the practice of Kaizen in your life. Jason Thomas over at Lifehacker. get all the work thing out the way. Then I spend two glorious hours SWT. SWT for 1 hour etc. I spend around 3 hours working on my own blog and working on the one I manage. so instead of working 3 hours I work for 4 hours. submitting them to article sites. from doing the housework to spending more time with the children. The SWT time has been cut to two hours as well which saves me 1 hour per day to work on other areas of my life. I would look at one area at a time and build it up from there. I also work and SWT together.stevenaitchison.

Our memories are not always accurate. I have since gone back and revisited those days and managed to change the overall feeling of the time. bleak memories. anyway I thought back to the previous night. when I was feeling like that I was still collecting memories along the way. and we do this everyday without realising it. in fact I’d say they are inaccurate most of the time. What might sound even more ridiculous is that some theories state that you cannot prove your past existed. and I hadn’t sat down with my whole family it was just my wife I had sat down to dinner with. our belief system changes all the time. When you really break it down your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head. So I replied to the person asking that I’d had pasta bolognaise. our perception of life changes from day to day. our knowledge and expectations I remember in my early twenties life was totally down and miserable. our mood changes. There are theories galore stating that what has happened in your past can have a huge impact on the way you are living your life just now. I felt sorry for myself. the kids had already had their dinner. And I didn’t have pasta bolognaise. I thought the world was against me. In my mind I pictured myself and my family sitting down and eating together at the table. Read that statement again ‘your past is a collection of memories you hold in your head’. This has become part of the human psyche and it is an embedded belief in a lot of people. However. our interactions with people change from day to day. I then remembered tucking into pasta bolognaise. I pictured us talking about school. I went about my business as usual and then remembered I had been working late the previous night. However it works with specific memories as well. ‘According to Bartlett.Rewrite your past to create your future Ever thought your past dictates the state of your life just now? Why not rewrite your past to create your future. Well why not relax this belief and while we’re at it let’s change the past. but I’d effectively re-written a part of my past. So what! You might say. but we won’t go there just now that’s for another post. We are changing everyday. Now. I didn’t even question that at the time). depressive memories when in actual fact it was my perception of the world at the time but it wasn’t necessarily a true representation of life.wordpress. The psychologist Frederick Bartlett called this ‘Schemata’. When I have gone back it is not specific memories. I’d had rice and chicken. rather it is a cloud of feeling that I am changing. albeit momentarily. work and the usual chit chat.’ Neurophilosophy. I thought people didn’t like me. and the process of remembering involves the retrieval of information which has been unknowingly altered in order that it is compatible with pre-existing knowledge. 44 . memories are organized within the historical and cultural frameworks of the individual. Last week someone asked me what I had for dinner the previous night (who knows why he asked me. I have collected the memories from that part of my life and carried it on into the future. That might sound ridiculous but it’s true.

If you don’t feel positive about your world just now and haven’t done for a long time it might take a long time to change that view. was there something that made you feel this way. Quick exercise Think back to when you last felt angry with someone Go back into the memory and start to change various aspects of it.Don’t deny your past What I am advocating is changing the feeling of your past. Study the person again and mentally ask them questions. look at the person you are angry with and study them and try and gauge their feelings. By changing the feelings of the past you will be altering your current and future life. Now replay the scene again and notice the changes in yourself and the way you feel about the situation. Change the colours in the scene. Why not make the changes now instead of waiting on the changes to come. mentally and possibly physically. Freeze frame the scene. how are they feeling? Did something happen to them to make them feel this way? Ask yourself how you are feeling. are you still as angry? This is a simplified way of changing a memory. not deny the events that happened. but it can be that easy 45 . I believe that our memories and thoughts affect the cells in the depending on how much you have been working on your memories. If we are ill at any stage in our lives would it be possible to change the illness by remembering a time when we were well and projecting it into the future? www.stevenaitchison. Use this as another tool to get yourself to feel positive about your world. I believe this method could be extremely useful in other areas of our lives such as during ill health. Over time if you do this long enough and practice it you will start to feel a shift. change the way people are interacting with you.

urges. magazines. iPods. For example our children. why? Because part of my mind says ‘Don’t do it. Imagine if you harnessed this power to change different aspects of your life. no matter what programs are available to do so. 46 .Self discipline. Self discipline is a skill and once you get to grips with it. video. If you want to lose weight. when you have a shower or a bath every morning. when you brush your teeth every morning. If you want to give up smoking. e-mail. it ultimately comes down to self discipline. etc there has never been an easier way to reach our minds through advertising. What is it? Self discipline is the training of your mind to control. computers. yes it’s great that there are groups of people who are doing the same as they can be a good motivator but again it comes down to self discipline. perceived harmful. We all give in and buy that toy don’t we. mobile phones. willpower and motivation Self discipline – Taming the lazy monkey Every morning I have a freezing cold shower. Each morning I fight that inner voice and discipline it to accept that I am taking a freezing cold shower. Advertisers have become a lot smarter and appealed to our psyche rather than our rational minds. Although you might not have recognised it as such we use this skill every day in our lives. it’s just stupid’ and that same part of my mind give’s lots of different reasons not to do it. there are some great adverts out there which slip into our minds and build up and eventually get us to act to buy something or do something. they are bombarded with adverts for toys and they have to have the latest thing. and to continue to control these urges until a satisfactory resolution has been sought Self discipline occurs in every part of your life right now. in fact it could benefit every area of your life. When you get out of bed in the morning to go to work. that is self discipline. that is self discipline. A lot of us don’t realise that we are all being manipulated in some way to do things that may be harmful to us. Why is so much spent on advertising for children when it’s the adults who are buying? Because it’s the children who ultimately apply the pressure for us to buy the latest toy. There are many areas of your life it could benefit. radio. newspapers. I am not talking conspiracy or anything like that. Who’s in control of your mind? With television. I believe there are benefits to having a cold shower which is why I started the discipline in the first place. it’s been a natural progression. you might not have recognised it but it does. it can alter your life. especially at this time of year. that is self discipline.

making love. we have to conform to the companies rules and procedures. Usually the things we learn to practice self discipline in are the things we are rewarded with e. Depending on the person some of these rewards will be bigger and have more meaning than some of the 47 .g.The practice of self discipline Whilst it’s hard to control your thoughts and actions as a child it should be easier for an adult. we have to get up at a set let me know what you would add. our job.stevenaitchison. Some of the areas in your life you could change might be. you would think! However this is not necessarily the case. What good would self discipline have in your life? What if you could practice self discipline in everything you do? How would your life change? Would it change? Think of these questions for a moment. The amount of time spent with the kids Your weight Your fitness The tidiness of your house The tidiness of your office The cleanliness of your house Fixing all the broken things in your house (fix that shelf once and for all) The amount of time spent watching TV Watching what you eat Fasting for one day per week Having a cold shower every morning Get your finances sorted out Write those letters you’ve been meaning to write Make the phone calls you’ve been meaning to make Organise your life Getting up early to be thankful of all the things you have The list could go on and on and I am sure you could add a few as well. going to the gym. we have to work a set number of hours. If you’ve not been taught self discipline as a child how are you expected to self discipline yourself as an adult? The truth is self discipline comes automatically for some us as our responsibilities become greater. www. saving money. that’s all self discipline. For example when we get a job.

you have achieved your goal. Why do I do it? Because I can. Start exercising your willpower regularly to keep it active and healthy. you never know you might be able to give classes in 48 . For a specific task you might only need to engage your willpower once and self discipline will carry you through to your goal.stevenaitchison. There are certain steps needed to kick your willpower into action 1. If you’ve got a lot of willpower you would get up and take her for a walk. An outcome (what is it you want to do?) A plan (how are you going to do it?) Action (get off your arse and do it!) Let self discipline take over and repeat steps 1 -3 if necessary Okay you’ve managed to get out of the sofa. Picture the scene: It’s pissing down with rain outside. For example every morning I have a cold shower it takes willpower to turn that dial all the way down to 0 for a freezing cold www. willpower and motivation Willpower Willpower is the initial force needed for you to take action. Here are a few exercises to keep your willpower active and fit: Read for half an hour every day Stand on a chair for 5 minutes a day (If anybody asks what you are doing tell them it’s a new form of meditation. 4.Self discipline. walk the dog in the pouring rain what now/ nothing. of course you do. 3. it’s cold. the above list is just a few examples. My willpower is acquiescing a bit now and it is getting easier to do it but it still takes willpower and then the self discipline to stay under. you’re lying all cosy and comfortable watching TV in front of the fire and the dog is crying to go for her daily walk. On the other hand you might have to engage your will power a hundred times before your goal has been reached. if you’re lacking in willpower you’ll carry on watching TV and justify to yourself the reasons for not taking her a walk. but (always a but) do you want to go on to bigger and better things.) Take the dog for a walk every single morning for 21 days Stop drinking coffee for a week Get up half an hour earlier than usual for 21 days Take a cold shower every morning for 21 days Don’t eat sweets of any kind for a week I am sure there are lots of things you could think of to exercise your willpower. You need the willpower to start whatever it is you want to do and you need the self discipline to carry on where the willpower left off and this will go round in circles. I used to do it gradually but now I just yank it right down to 0 when I have finished washing. Will power and self-discipline go hand in hand. I am proving to myself I control my mind and I believe there are benefits to be had from taking a cold shower. 2.

we may not always feel motivated. small or big. Motivation is a huge subject but I will not discuss it at length here. I usually want to keep working on my blogs. So. willpower and motivation Motivation Motivation plays a huge part in the exercising of self discipline and willpower. Pick two from your list and start to practice self discipline and willpower. In the past I have said ‘Sorry boys. I am sure you can think of areas in your life already where you will be able to use them. (we’re always knackered at the end of it). more oxygen. you’ve learned all about self discipline. Now I make the rewards of the toy fight more rewarding. even if it is half an hour. For example.Self discipline. it doesn’t matter. We have to have some kind of motivation to do everything we do in life. which they love. better clarity of mind. You might have already done this Once you’ve got a list. Pulling it all together Okay. I’ve got work to do and I really need to get this done’ and then I would happily continue to work away safe in the knowledge that I had a good excuse to keep on working. it is giving us all exercise. rather than having a toy fight with my two sons. we laugh like we have never laughed and I feel great at the end of it. it stops them from watching TV for half an hour. make the rewards bigger and you can have all the motivation you need. willpower and motivation what can you do to put it all together and use it in your day to day lives? First of all you need to recognise where it will be useful to exercise your self discipline and willpower. I just wanted to point out that motivation plays a big role when we come to exercise out self discipline and our willpower. I get to spend time with my boys. a quick list. 49 . And after the half hour there is more blood pumping through my brain. The way to gaining more motivation is to make the rewards bigger. We all need motivation in our lives however. it’s all good. You wouldn’t be reading this article just now if you didn’t think you weren’t going to get something from reading it. depending on the size of the reward. Write them down. better thinking.

uk/blog 50 . A word of warning here. it will try and cajole you saying ‘it’s too warm. start tomorrow.stevenaitchison. Listen to that voice and just tell it ‘I am the boss here’. Good luck with this. I would start with a couple of things at first. once you’ve washed gradually turn the shower down to cold until it is all the way down to it’s coldest setting. set yourself up for the day and tell yourself you are self disciplined and have lots of willpower. why would you want to do this anyway. every morning get up. I would advise you not to go all out and try your self discipline on everything. What will happen is your inner voice will reason with you as to why it’s a bad idea to turn that dial down to its well worth practicing this it is one of the best tools to master in your life and one of the most beneficial. Your willpower and self discipline is like a muscle which needs to be built up gradually. just because you read it in a blog post doesn’t mean to say you have to do it’ it will bombard you with reasons. Keep telling that inner voice that you are boss and you decide what you do.For example if your two were to give up sweets and take a cold shower in the morning (ones I have done already). Do the same with giving up the sweets or whatever you have chosen to do. jump in the shower. www.

etc. they want to feel important so they brag and boost stealing energy from people that give them attention. When I was younger I used to think being quiet and introverted was a sign of weakness. silent mysterious type. Your aural energy is the energy you give off every day. After a few years and an event that changed my life I decided to drop my friends. all except one. disloyal. needless to say I never ever did it again. people cannot necessarily see it but somehow they can feel it and sense it coming from you. the girl I had bragged about felt shit. all my friends were very outgoing. Eventually I came to the realization I was this way because of my confidence not through lack of confidence. I remember when I was a teenager my friends used to brag about the girls they had been with and something inside me thought it was wrong to ‘kiss and tell’ so when I went out with a girl I didn’t say anything. and a lot of other people thought I was a right Keeping things to yourself. After this I became much more comfortable with who I was and I loved being the strong. Once you’ve felt this power you will never want to tell another persons secret or brag again. www. Inner Strength Being silent has strength about it. very confident. Now have you ever done the opposite? told the secret you weren’t supposed to. in an unselfish way. However I still tried to surround myself with people who I wanted to be like. For years I tried to get rid of this and tried to be more gregarious and a ‘bit of a lad’ but nothing I tried worked.stevenaitchison. Have you ever held onto a secret for someone? They’ve made you promise not to tell anyone and it was a really juicy secret? How did it feel when the secret eventually came out and the person who told you not to tell anyone knew it wasn’t you it came from? I would guess you felt proud. and quite arrogant. to me it meant I didn’t have the confidence to be in amongst my peers. I didn’t mind being in 51 . strong and a closer connection to the person. People who brag about themselves all the time lose this energy and have to gain it from somewhere else. I usually said ‘we had a good night’ and left it at that. The next time you feel like bragging or boosting about something or giving away a secret. Ironically I became more outgoing but still kept that inner silence. try your hardest to hold onto it and see how much inner power it gives you and how strong you feel after it. has a strength which is manifested in your personality and subsequently your aural energy. how did you feel then? Exactly the opposite: disappointed in yourself.Silent power Silent power is the ability to keep something held deep within yourself therefore allowing you an inner strength and determination which builds up to confidence. I once told the whole sordid details and ended up feeling shit about myself. and move on. I loved to listen to everybody else and listen to the banter.

Slowing the world down
Sometimes it’s an absolute nightmare trying to juggle everything we have to do in a day. In the world we live in today we are available 24 hours a day. We work longer hours and take in much more information through TV, newspapers, iPods, DABs, the internet, smartphones, billboards, magazines, letters, junk mail, and e-mail to name but a few. Its information overload and we are trying to juggle all this with our work, family, and playtime. Our brains are amazing and we are amazing as a species. However sometimes we’ve got to give our brains a helping hand and say enough is enough. Here are some tips to slow down the mad world for a few minutes a day; Give yourself ten minutes at home and at work before checking your e-mails. This allows your brain that little bit longer to get into the swing of things and to prepare it for the day ahead. Take a lunch break. Make this a priority; I am amazed at how many people don’t take a lunch break. I make it a priority to take an hour (54 minutes to be precise) every day. Turn off your mobile and go somewhere other than the office, this splits the day in half and it will set you up for the second half. If you are out and about all the time in the car, pull over to a nice spot, turn the phone off and just read for ten minutes or absorb the scenery. Despite what you think 10 minutes can be excused no matter how important you think you are to the company. Delegate as much as you can and concentrate on the important tasks. This is easier said than done, but try asking someone to do something for you; a voluntary agency, your children, your friends, your work colleagues etc. Make a ‘to do list’ every morning and prioritise your work and tasks for the day. This gives a huge sense of satisfaction when jobs are completed and also motivates you to keep going. If it’s too much just stop doing it. I recently took on too many jobs at once and was halfway into a project and I realised I was stressing myself, I was cranky with my family and it was because I had taken on too much. I decided to end a project for building a website for someone and apologised profusely and gave him back the money. He was not happy at all and told me so. I felt really bad but at the same time it was a weight lifted and a lesson learned.


Stages of your own evolution
I had my Christmas night out last night with my workplace and since I haven’t had a drink for 4 months or so I was feeling a little drunk after 2 or 3 drinks. I kept on drinking in the hope that I would become a little less self conscious about the fact that I was getting drunk. However this did not work and I felt even more self conscious, particularly because the boss was there and was not drinking. I couldn’t get out of that place in my head so I decided to go home early, around 11.30pm. Anybody that knew me in the past would know that this is not me at all and I would be the one suggesting to go on to a nightclub at 2am in the morning, singing and dancing all the way there. As I tend to do when I have been out on a night out with the workplace I go over the events in my head. I came to the conclusion that I am just not that person anymore. It’s another stage in my evolution, but rather than accept this stage I found it was quite sad to let it go and upon a bit of introspection it was because it had served me so well in the past. Now, this might sound all a bit serious thinking, after all it was a Christmas night out. It was just one of those realisation moments when I knew I had moved on from a stage in my life. I thought about this in the morning (this morning) when I woke up and thought about the stages of our evolution. I thought it would be a good exercise to try and think about the stages of my evolution. From an Erikson psychosocial point of view I would have reached the Generativity stage of my own evolution, from a spiritual point of view, according to Scott M Peck, I have reached stage 3 or 4 of my spiritual evolution, from a Freudian sexual point of view I have reached……. who knows! The one I was interested in was the ego stage and according to Loevingers ego development stages I have probably reached the Conscientious and Individualistic stage. In James Fowler’s stages of faith development I have reached stage 5 – Conjunctive faith. I thought looking at these stages of development was useful as a loose guide and of course that’s what all these theories are; loose guides. They are useful for thinking about yourself and how far you have travelled in your life so far. I know I have moved on in all areas of my life and sometimes it can be sad sometimes joyful but most of the time it is exciting. I am excited by life , excited for the future and hope you find some use with the above links.


Template reality
Recently I have been questioning everything in my life, but most of all reality. I used to think reality was a given, we couldn’t change it, it wasn’t malleable, we were stuck with what we had. However when I started questioning it, really questioning it some interesting answers were brought up and I had to change my belief about reality itself. First of all we have to ask what different types of reality are there: Objective reality – This is basically when we all agree on roughly what the world and its contents are. For example if the whole world were to look at a snake we could all name it as such, as our idea of a snake is pretty much the same across the world. Now, the same snake might elicit different reactions from people across the world, some people revere snakes others are terrified, others are curious etc, but we still all agree a snake is a snake. If we transfer this model and put it into our own lives we have no real control over our lives as reality is independent of our thoughts, it will still exist even if we believe it does not. Subjective reality – essentially this is when you create the world you live in, you create the people, you create the people having their own ideas, you create the laws etc. This is possibly the hardest to get my head around, but I have been playing with it for a while with some interesting results. I have been playing with the idea that I can create anything I want by thinking and believing it can happen. I found I can get to the believing part when I start small and work up to bigger things. For example when I wanted money in my life I simply thought and started to believe that I would be given £10, sure enough £10 or more came my way by way of an unexpected source. Okay £10 worked, what about £100? That worked as well, therefore strengthening my belief that this really works. Okay what about £1000, I concentrated on my past successes with this, I believed it would come, and it did, it took a bit longer but it came in the form of money from a fund my wife received. I have experimented with other things as well and I must say I like this form of reality; it’s a lot more fun than having the view that everything in life happens to me by chance. However it is still a struggle to believe that I am imagining you reading this page and I am giving you thoughts. I am imagining my whole world. Another reality: Template driven reality So what about an alternative, probably not a new one but one I came about by questioning. A template driven model of reality. This is the marrying of the objective reality and subjective reality models, assuming there are only two basic models. In this model of reality we are each programmed with set rules about the world e.g. the law of gravity, this is the objective part of reality. However what we do with the template is up to us.


Now by adding widgets on. imagine you were given a blog template and did absolutely nothing with it.stevenaitchison. more and more people came to see it. This is what gives us our uniqueness. However it doesn’t really matter as I am having great time thinking about my own reality structure and playing with it. new ideas. friends. You wrote a few times in it. you updated your knowledge of the world regularly. Now. We are all living in a world full of theories so why not make up our own theories! www. you contributed to the world. adding plugins. manipulating various features of the template it looks and feels totally different from other blogs which have the same basic template. you promoted your blog regularly. Imagine your wants and desires in the world to be analogous to traffic to your blog. our ability to shape our own lives.The blog analogy I would imagine it is just like this blog you are reading just now. You wouldn’t really be excited about your blog Imagine the same blog being constantly updated with new content. you added various family members. after all nobody else can prove otherwise. The blog itself is a basic 55 . their desires and wishes fulfilled more times? Your own world and theory I can see the benefits of taking on a subjective world viewpoint and I have swayed more to living a subjective world viewpoint however I still find it difficult to totally accept it intellectually. you updated it with some of your educational achievements and your job you kept on thinking of ways to improve it. writing my own content. Which of the above blogs would get more traffic to their blog i. You updated the template design on occasion and you kept up to date with what was going on in the blogging world.

I encouraged him to go for it but he said he wanted something a little easier to obtain. 56 . I watched Jack Black (Scottish Personal Development speaker) and said that’s the job for me. and he said he wanted to be a pilot. it would mean a lot of rejection at first. 8 years later the dream was still burning a little ember in the back of my mind. I didn’t do anything about at first. That was about 9 years ago. The dream did not die. Now the first thing I do is think about the outcome. If you can see the end of your dream and can see the outcome then the bits in-between become a little easier. After he saw the amount of work and possible money involved he dropped that and move onto something else. Once I have the experience of speaking regularly I can develop the personal development course next year and roll it out. Then I worked back the way. one of my dreams is to become a personal development speaker. A blog seemed a great way to start and would really show me if I had the commitment to do this as I would need to continue writing a blog for months maybe years before I got anything out of it. so we looked into it. I decided last year I would pursue this dream I had. it would mean studying and writing a lot. I have started projects in the past and got really enthusiastic and then the enthusiasm dies. I have analysed the failures and discovered that I used to get the whiff of an idea and then go for it all guns blazing without thinking about it. it would mean facing up to my fears. I still wanted to do it. but I did read every personal development book I could. but it was still a dream. The process worked like this. I was speaking with someone last week who is very impulsive and has all these grand ideas. a bit like me when I was younger. I am pleased with the blog and am still committed to it and have now set the wheels in motion and written a course about blogging which will give me confidence in speaking to audiences. I think about the end of the project and work back. He then wanted to be a professional football player. For example. it would mean perfecting the craft of speaking. I said that was a great and ambitious plan. I thought about the end and where it might lead.The process of a dream Over the years I have noticed that the things I have failed in are the things I have not thought out.

Thinking and visualising your dream is important to keep it alive. 5. Take one step everyday to work on your dream. Review your dream regularly. 3.stevenaitchison. Keep acting on it. share it here by leaving a comment. even if that means thinking about it. 2. Do one thing that will take you a step closer to your dream. I saw the end of the dream and what it would mean to me if I achieved it. Act on the dream. speak to someone about it.I am so much closer to my goal than I was. 6. this will tell you if you are on track or if the dream is dying. you have to act on it before you even get close to the dream. make a call. So if we broke it right down the process of achieving your dreams might work like this: 1. you know it is unlikely to happen but it’s good to daydream about it. Want to share your Think about the end and what it will mean. speak to someone. If the dream is still alive keeping taking the action steps until you achieve it. Now the wheels are turning quite rapidly and things are starting to fall into place. You are reading this blog for a reason. 57 . do anything and keep the momentum. like the daydream of winning the lottery. make phone calls. it saves you a lot of time. and get good at the processes in-between. why not act on that reason. www. You’ll always find someone willing to encourage you. You’ll notice the main ingredients of this dream of mine. Now if your dream is something you really want to do. The dream stayed a dream until I actually moved on it and started thinking about it and doing something with it. Take action steps. Review your dream regularly Achieve your dream It’s great having dreams and little daydreams and it’s also great keeping them that way. If the dream dies then that’s okay. Your have to have a dream before you can achieve it.

Ask yourself these questions and be as honest as you possibly can.Timeline perspective Are you happy with all the different areas of your life? What about the old you. dismiss them and formulate my own. It takes a giant leap of faith to believe it but once it starts to help us in our day to day lives the law of attraction will work a lot quicker. I am currently a support worker for the homeless. Why? Why would you use the timeline perspective of yourself? I believe consciousness is an amazing aspect of human life and I also believe we can access consciousness from all ourselves. if we want to tap into psychic consciousness all we have to do is think about having psychic experiences. It is looking at yourself from the past. past. Look at one specific area of your life just now for example your career. instead of someone telling me this is what you should believe and anything else is just stupid or crazy. I am working with the theory that these clouds of consciousnesses can be tapped into simply by thinking about tapping into them. present and future. read about it let it soak us and sure enough psychic experiences will come. would they be happy with the way your life is just now?what about your future self? Here’s a different approach to try to find out how happy you are with the different areas of your life. It may have a memory which we can tap into. The Timeline perspective is learning to look at all the areas of your life from lots all of your different perspectives. the present and the future. So we are tapping into the law of attraction cloud Timeline cloud Just as there may be clouds of consciousness for everything we can think of and some we have yet to think of we have clouds which pertain to us specifically. We think that the law of attraction works. I believe this is how the ‘Law of attraction’ works. we eventually believe it will work and eventually it will work. I see consciousness as being a split up into different clouds and each consciousness cloud can be tapped into should we wish to use its knowledge. pour present consciousness and our future consciousness. Within these clouds we can access our past consciousness. Let the answers come to you if you can and try and let everything that comes into your mind come out onto the paper or the computer. I will discuss these clouds of consciousness in future posts as I am playing with the theory and trying to experience it as much as possible before formulating any concrete belief. I have not yet made the transition to full time life coach or seminar speaker and internet entrepreneur. This is the beauty of checking out all of my current beliefs it’s great to play with them . 58 . For example. we have to believe that I will happen. I will use my answers by way of an example. Try it out Okay here’s an example to play with and check out the timeline perspective.

Are you happy with your current career? – Yes I am very happy with where I am just now Think back to yourself 1 year ago. For a moment think about what you are going to do tomorrow. Think back to yourself 10 years However when I came to answer the questions about different aspects of my life it was really surprising what my past thought about my present and what my future thought about my present choices. Accessing our future selves Now you might think ‘how the hell can we access our future selves’. more money. and it is by no means a new revelation: You ALWAYS have to think about your future before you do it. The moment you wake up you are accessing your future self you have to think about what you are going to do before you do it. present and future. Now think of yourself 5 years from 59 . would that person be happy with your current career? . Now think of yourself 1 year from now. For now I hope the meeting with your three selves goes well. think of the work you will do. he would be very unhappy if he was still in the same job. You have just accessed your future self. life.I think they would be a little disbelieving but I think they would be very surprised and happy yes. I think you get the picture now. You always have to access your future self at some point. he wanted more prestige. possibly get up to go to work. is that person happy with your current career? – He is happy with the experience it gave him but feels it is nearing the end of that career. etc etc.stevenaitchison. would that person be happy with your current career? – Again he would be surprised and he wouldn’t dream that he would be working as a support worker with the homeless. www. would that person be happy with your current career? He wouldn’t have been happy as he wanted something else in. Think back to yourself 5 years ago. is that person happy with your current career? – No not at all. This was a great revelation to me when I discovered it. I will leave this post here for now as there is so much more to say on this subject and I will be talking about it a lot in the future. the people you will talk to. What I found most interesting about this exercise is that I believed I would be happy with this career in all aspects of myself: past.

Love. make money etc. to write. read. There is lots of information on learning and your brain waves and learning have a search around Google. I am presuming you have a soundcard with mic in ports Some music that gets you into a relaxed state. We are using the power of the computer to change the way we live but can we use it to change our lives internally? I would like to show you a way to use your computer to change your own life using the internet. To imprint a new program. listen. This powerful exercise requires a few pre-requisites. So it is very difficult to reach your subconscious mind using your conscious mind. a set of intentions and a quick software download. Positive thinking I believe positive talking and thinking is not enough to change your life. Career. Finance. an estimated. Positive talking is using your conscious mind to try to communicate with your subconscious mind. This exercise is possibly the most powerful exercise you will do in your life and possibly the one that will change your life forever. generate ideas. 90% of your life is controlled by your subconscious mind. to organise my life. I use a beautiful piece of music from the Estonian composer Arvo Part called ‘Spiegel Im Spiegel’. we know that when you are sleeping your brainwaves are alternating between Alpha. a headset with microphone attachment. and Personal growth and I have 4 intentions in each category. I have the headings: Family. I bought mine for £13 after a donation I was given by a reader of this blog. You can buy these really cheaply from any computer store. Write down 10. Use classical music or relaxation music. The easiest one to reach is Alpha waves and it is in this state that you can change your life. research. Your subconscious mind has been imprinted a long time ago with programs of life making it very difficult to imprint new programs. Delta and Theta states. it requires you to be in a relaxed state of mind. When you use positive thinking you are usually in a Beta state of mind. which is the normal waking conscious state.30 intentions under 3 – 8 main headings. When you are in a relaxed state of mind you are emitting what is called Alpha Waves and that is when new imprinting can take place.Using your computer to change your life Computers have changed our lives and our world beyond measure. I use the the Audacity software which lets you alter your recording when you have completed it. What you will need • • • • • You will need a headset with a microphone attached. Download some recording software so you can record your voice. I cannot imagine what I would do without my computer to communicate. 60 . So to reach your unconscious mind and imprint new programs you have to reach one of the unconscious brainwave states. The trouble is that. Health. However.

Duplicate your recording using Audacity. This will probably last from 10-15 minutes. or traffic jams. I have noticed dramatic changes that I cannot put down to coincidence. and I have more energy. > Now click on file and click export as MP3 and save it to a folder. You can download it to your iPod or MP3 player and listen to it when you are waiting in queues. or whenever you have to wait a long time for something. This. When you have read out all your intentions stop the recording. Think about what you really want in life as this exercise is very powerful and you have heard the saying ‘Be careful what you wish for you might just get it’. It’s like meditating for 15 minutes. three times a day. has massive benefits on your everyday life. duplicate the recording 5 times. as you know. preferably having no one in the house at all. I have lost another few pounds in weight. 61 . Added benefits If you use this three times per day you have the added benefit of relaxing three times per day. Marc calls them affirmations but I prefer to use the word intentions. Turn on your favourite piece of music and then hit the record key on Audacity. slow voice. However. Now you can listen to your recording whenever you want and have a spare 10 minutes to relax. Do it in a calm. I am just enjoying life more. Some of the things are: I have received 2 website commissions. I am less stressed at work. To duplicate the recording it is just like copying and pasting on word.The intentions After reading and listening to Marc Allen I always start each intention with ‘In a healthy and positive way…….’.. I am constantly amazed at way my life changes for the better and it’s definitely down to personal development. Ready to record Make sure you can find 10 minutes free time when there will be absolutely no distractions. 3 times a day. When you are happy with the recording making sure it is clear. I recorded my intentions 9 days ago and have been listening to it every day. Now start to read your intentions out loud. Highlight the recording or press CTRL+A > go to ‘File’ > Click Copy > Now go to the end of the recording > go to file again and click paste (CTRL+V) and do this 4 times. I was so excited about the changes in my life that I wanted to tell you about it sooner. my relationships with my children are better. loud enough and easy to understand. this in itself will change your life dramatically. I am making more money from the blog. I was going to wait until the full 21 days was over before I wrote an article about it. You now have your recording but repeated 5 times. Another thing is to take your time over your intentions.

www. The challenge is: Record your intentions as described above and then listen to your recording 3 times per day. If you like you can send me an e-mail to let me know you are willing to take the challenge and I will e-mail you every day to give you that push you need to carry on with the challenge. every day for 21 days. I will add your name to a separate post entitled the ‘The “Change your life” challenge’ and if you send me a link to your blog or website I will post a linkback to it. letting me know what you have done that day. Alpha waves etc might sound airy fairy to some of 62 .co. the subconscious mind. There is only 1 rule and that is you take the challenge and check in with me every day for 21 days. I challenge you to do this and tell me there are no benefits to it.A challenge for you All this talk of intentions.stevenaitchison. I would like to challenge you to try this for 21 days. You are only taking 30-45 minutes per day to change your life.

and get the Go back to the last known good configuration. thank yourself for your life (it is you who is creating it). in part. a failed exam something big but not huge. It involves going back. This involves visualising yourself in the time when you felt good. to the last time you felt good about yourself and the world. This exercise should help.stevenaitchison. www. It all starts at the start 1. What do you do when this happens? This exercise is not for people who are depressive and are on medication for their depression. and sounds back. taste. get the feelings back. An example trigger would be falling out with your partner. 2. when the cloud disappears the sunshine is 63 . loss of a job. Feeling down for a few days is not a good feeling. effectively.What to do when you lose your mojo Have you ever had that feeling in your life when nothing is working? You’re feeling down. 3. revert to a time when it was working okay. Thank yourself This is important. Usually there is a trigger event that starts the snowball rolling and the downward spiral of feelings. Use your mind to the full. When we are in the black cloud of feeling down the world is not a good place. Recognise when the mojo losing feeling started. touch. This is a computer term meaning that if something goes wrong with a program. This is the time to thank yourself. control the world. however it reminds us how good our life really is. If we can control our state of mind we can. the world around us. You know you will go back to your old self soon but it’s shit feeling that way you do just now. in your mind. This is for those times when we have lost it for a few days. our confidence has gone. If you can do this a few times a day for the next few days you will see a dramatic difference in the way you feel. Depending on how deep the mojo losing has gone there are steps you can take to get the mojo back. When I do exercises like this it further strengthens my belief that we create. people you thought were on your side are suddenly against you? You feel the whole world is against you? Unless you are a manic depressive hopefully this only happens once in a blue moon.

and getting ready for support worker. We spoke about it and nailed it down to the mornings and nailed it down to not being able to concentrate on one role at a time. For example if you work in the morning set a time for finishing that work and don’t go back to it. This is mentally frustrating and can cause stress and anger. which wasn’t like me. then I am a support worker until 4. as my father and husband roles greatly increase in time. when I say separate I mean mentally separate each role. Then when I know the kids are ready and had breakfast and their lunches have been made I then have a cold shower and get ready for work. mentally. website creator. a support worker. I now finish my blogging and website stuff at 7am and am a father and husband until 8. A tip for switching between roles This may seem extremely simple but the trick to switching between roles successfully is two fold: • • Recognise what roles you play in life and note down when you play them Set times for changing between the various roles. a blogger. I walk upstairs wake them and come back downstairs to cram a few minutes more work. 7am comes. you start one page. I don’t like things being left undone.45pm then I am a father and husband until about 7pm and then I am a blogger and website creator until about 10pm. So I take it out on my family. What happens is that I get grumpy as hell as sometimes. husband.30ish and work on the blog or a website. or not brushing their teeth after me telling them for the 5th time. I usually get up at around 5. What is happening is that I am not mentally finishing one job before trying to go into another job and then not finishing that one before going into another. from 7am until about 8am I have slipped between roles of blogger. a coach. Due to the blog and a few website commissions coming in I am much busier than normal the past few weeks. a website creator. don’t finish that one and so on and so forth.Your roles in life How many roles do you have in life? I have at least 8 roles which I have to juggle and separate. Obviously this changes at the weekend and on holidays.30am I wake my wife up for work or university and then cram another few minutes into work. not realising why I am being a bit grumpy. Nothing really gets finished. I am not finished one role before I slip into another. This has to be a conscious thing. and consultant. go on to the next page. It’s like reading 8 pages of a book. At around 7. 5 roles in all.15am. even if I don’t like the task. I didn’t really take notice of the different roles until a few weeks ago.30am. It was my wife who pointed out I was being a bit grumpy. 64 . At the moment I am a Father. So. don’t finish it. I then shout at the kids for not being ready. I then cram another few minutes in. I usually wake my kids up at around 7am. I hate starting something and not finishing it. So. I have a cup of tea with my wife and then get the boys ready for going out to school and off we trot at about 8. a husband. father. a counsellor.

it may let you look at life in a new way. I am a lot calmer. However I like my job but spreading the 25% around some of the other roles would be great.This has helped me tremendously over the last few weeks. www. but money I think you will be surprised at the number of hours spent in each role. The pie chart shows a typical 120 hour waking week for me. If you do work out the percentages why not post them and I will create an overall pie chart for everyone. What I also found useful was to create a pie chart of what roles I play and the percentage I play 65 . What roles do you have in life? Why not create a pie chart like the one above or simply note down the percentages of each different role. less stressed.stevenaitchison. Doing the pie chart a few weeks ago made me realise I needed to spend more time with my family so I rearranged a few hours to make more time for my family. It was interesting to see how much time I spend in different roles. I would like to get rid of the 25% I spend working as a support worker for the homeless. and I am getting more things done in life and am procrastinating less.

tidied up (a little). without fail. plan your Christmas shopping in one day. anything but make sure you allow time for yourself. read a book. You don’t want to be stuck with Turkey breast slices if you’ve planned your meal around a 12Ib Turkey. look around your house. Don’t leave the food shopping until last minute.Be Happy – This is not meant to be a stressful time of year. played some games. Children are messy and want to play NOW and don’t care about clearing up. #9 – Breathe . remember what it’s all about. allow them to be a bit messy for a day then kick butt on Boxing Day. hold for 4 and out for 2.stevenaitchison. welcome guests. #6 – Quality time – Allow yourself a break during the day or during the lead up to Christmas and New Year.Don’t try and organise the whole day yourself allocate roles to your family. Here are a few tips for staying sane this Christmas.10 tips to stay sane at Christmas Christmas and the New Year can be a stressful time of year for a lot of people. This includes presents. #5 – Allow mess – Christmas is a children’s holiday as well. and look around your estate. ratio of 1:4:2. now Relax. Count your blessings. it won’t. #1 – Be Thankful – Don’t want to depress you but be thankful.When you are in queue’s do your breathing exercises. #7 . Put your feet up. You might think that if you tool half an hour to yourself the world would fall apart. hold for 16 and breathe out for 8 seconds. the family getting together. Take a nap. we better buy a few extra presents’. Just chill out and enjoy the rest of the day. whilst we can do the dinner 66 . Take 1 day to plan it and 1 day to action it. having fun and enjoying your time This needn’t be the case. Every year. So if you breathe in for 4. don’t get too stressed about the place being a mess for a day or half a day.If you’ve not already done so. #4 – Spending limit – Stick rigidly to your spending limit. There are millions of people worse off so look around your family and silently thank them. meditate. #3 – Get the food in early – Very important this one. Yes children will notice but if you explain to them. lay the table. www. This way you gear yourself up for the stress and all that goes with Christmas. breath in for 1. sit in the bathroom. food and decorations. eaten the dinner. You are truly blessed. My son’s roles will be to clear the living room before dinner. Although it may not look as if you’ve bought one of your children a lot compared to the other the amount of money spent is the same and that’s what matters. #10 – Plan Christmas . one of us will say ‘Oh that doesn’t look that much compared to the other one. better yet get a foot massage from your partner. #8 – Delegate . #2 – Relax – You’ve opened the presents. they are usually happy.

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