- /t~ FtIIt U Bam staHl - #7

/

I hope I never die doing something ridiculous. I cringe at the thought. Lights out. The 01'

X in the eyes. Nightmare. .

It happens though. I read the other day that a lady Doctor climbed down the chimney of her Lover, attempting to recoup their relationship. I'm guessing trying to catch him roasting Smores with another Lover. Smores are awesome.

Again. Down the chimney! Do I have to print a diagram of a chimney? This ain't Santa Clause shit. This ain't tap the side of your nose and end up in the living room with twinkling lights and a Unicorn Poster in your stocking. Sugar Plum Fairy sweet dreams. Hell, The last time I "tapped" the side of my nose, I woke up naked on a Tuesday with a swollen dick and a sore on my lip.

Screw Save The Whales ... Somebody save my Dick! Just kidding, Just Kidding.

Bring it down a notch. Filter your mind process. As my Wife says "Filter Baby". She says it in that Texas drawl. "Baaaaby, FiUIlllterrr". I love when she says that. Means she cares. Trying to make me a civil Man. Tarzan The Movie. III did it'' ... "I done it" type shit.

An I want to do is bite her bottom lip. Beautiful lips, that women.

Anyway back to the Dr. Dumb Ass Chimney Sweeper.

Fast forward.

Found three days later Dead.

Again ... Folks you can't fit down a chimney. Just don't work like that.

A Bird. A Bat. Rat. Mouse. Bug shit. A Raccoon, but a raccoon ain't that dumb. A Opossum? again, not that dumb.

Remember Folks. Cartoons are Cartoons. Never ever hit yourself or others with hammers or bottles. Unless necessary. Never poke eyes or stick thumbs up nose holes, unless need be. It Hurts. One of my pupils doesn't dilate right and my nose bleeds just watching reruns on CMC of Scarface. Life is cruel and Rubber mallets really do hurt.

Never shoot yourself out of an ACME Cannon. Bunnies do not talk, unless his name is Bugs Bunny, You can not breathe under water. Cars do not talk to you. Pamela Anderson can not really save you from drowning. The Ghetto is not Good Times. The Beach Boys

can't really surf and Rob Halford ain't singing to the ladies in the first row (Hey

wait a minute 1)

4-Sale:

Bullwhip, Assless Chaps, Nipple clamps, Forearm spikes, Random chains, Climbing gear, Wrist restraints, Paul Stanley Blow up Doll, A dozen Chrome Butt Plugs, Plastic and Metal Cock rings, Fist replica of Hulk Hogan. Cher poster, Ricky Martin Poster. The Smiths Box Set.

Welcome to Issue #71.

Cover Art and Flash on inside by : Eric Arcia - More Info go to www.myspace.com/gogiants

DATE

BY ALEX LEffiERT

Last week, my friend Chris came over with his new girlfriend. Her name is Sharon. They've been seeing each other for two weeks. I like her. She is very pretty and she talks constantly. She doesn't always talk about interesting things, but that doesn't slow her down. I like being around people who talk a lot because then I don't have to. I prefer to sit in the background. and just listen. We were drinking beer and listening to records. Sharon could really drink. I like a woman who can drink.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" she asked me.

I laughed. "No. No, I don't," I replied.

"What's sofuony?"

"Oh, nothing. "

"I have a friend who lives in the city who would be perfect for you .. She's having a bard time finding a good man. We should all go out together in the city next weekend. We'll go out to this really cool Morrocan restaraunt I know of and then we'll go toa club. I'm sure you'll like ber. She's really cute."

"I don't know. I don't really want to date someone who u.ves in the eity," I said.

"You don't have to date her, smy. We'll just go out and have some fun. Maybe you'Uget lucky .. She basn't had a man in a long time," Sharon said.

"I guess .. As long as you tell her I'm not looking fora girlfriend oranytbing, " I said.

"Great. I'Il call ber tomorrow and set it up. Won't this be fun, Chris?"

"Wbat? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening," Chris said.

"Never mind him. He never listens to me. I'll call her," Sharon said.

"An r.ight. What the fuck," I said as I took a good long swallow of beer.

When the night came to go to the city, I wished I hadn't agreed to go. I bate this kind of shit. What the fuek was I thinking? Chris and Sharon picked me up and we drove to the city in Sharon's car. It was a nice car and she drove fast and talked even faster. I mostly just stared out the window. When we got to the city I felt frightened. The city makes me nervous. All of those taU buildings and the' traffic and the flood of people. It was just too much for me. I felt trapped ia Sharon's car as we drove over tbe bridge and into the city .. We got to Sharon's friend's house and Sharon went inside to get ber .. They came back to the car. Sharon was r.igbt, she was cute. Not really my type, but cute. She was short with stocky legs and bleached blonde hair. She got in the back seat with me and smiled.

"My name's Gina," she said. I told her mine and we were off .

..

It seemed like it took an hour to drive through the city to tbe restaurant. As usual, I struggled for things to say. She didn't help much. We both stared out our respective windows most of the time. I pretended to be interested in all tbe tall buildings and she seemed bored. She acted like she wished she wasn't on this date. I didn't want to be on it either, but at least I was trying to make the most of it. She wasn't even trying. What was I doing here?

We got to the restaurant and sat at a circular table with our shoes off. We sat on the Door. Sharon seemed to think sittin.g on the floor was cool. I prefer a chair when I eat. I sat on one side of the circle and Gina sat on the other side crunched up against Sharon. They whispered and laughed to each other. I was on the side of the table that was in the aisle and occasionally the waitress and people going to the bathroom would bump into me. I couldn't order a beer fast enough. I let Sharon order for me because I had never eaten Morrocan food. I didn't recognize anything on the menu. It was hot in there and I was sweating. Soon, music started and a belly dancer came out. The music was loud and we couldn't talk anymore and I felt relieved. The food was expensive so Chris and I split the bill. Then we left and went to the car for the drive to the club. As we walked to the car I prayed that someone would say they were tired and we should go home. I knew that would never happen, but I clung to that dream all the way to the club. I went straight to the bar when we got inside and ordered a shot and a beer. I offered to buy Gina a drink, but she declined and gave me a sour look. I started to hate her. All four of us went to the dance floor and danced. I'm a terrible dancer and I wanted someone to kill me. For some reason, there was a poster of the dark haired guy from the TV show "CHiPS" on the wall. After a couple of songs I went to the bar and sat there and drank beer. Chris looked over at me occasionally and motioned with his head for me to come back on the dance floor. I would just smile and hold up my beer. Chris and Sharon were good dancers and they looked good together on the dance floor. I was happy for them. Some other guy started to dance with Gina. She finally seemed to be having fun. I got drunk and kept checking my watch. I couldn't wait for last call. When it finally came I ordered two shots, drank. them and waited outside for the three of them.

We got in the car and drove to Gina's house. It seemed to take forever. I was starting to get a headache. We got to Gina's house and everyone said their goodbyes. As Gina walked up the driveway Sharon told me to be a gentleman and walk her to the door.

"But she hates me," I said.

"No she doesn't, silly. Go on," Sharon ordered.

I got out of the car and caught up to Gina on the porch. I didn't know what to say.

"Well, I'll see you later," I said. "Goodnight," she said.

We both stood there for a minute and stared at our shoes. I could feel her disappointment. I've never been able to read a woman. It seems like when you think they like you, they don't. When you think tbey don't like you, they do. I leaned in and kissed her. She kissed me back. I was shocked. I pulled away quickly. I went in for a longer kiss this time, but she

turned her cheek and put her hand on my chest and stopped me.

"I was just being nice . .I don't want to kiss you again. You're boring," she said.

She was right. I am boring. And drunk. I turned and walked back to the car. I got in and we headed for the bridge.

By the time we got home, the sun was coming up. They dropped me off at my apartment and I went inside. I took off my clothes and laid down on my bed in my boxers. I didn't get under the sheets because I knew I would never sleep. I stared at the ceiling for awhile and thought about my evening. After twenty minutes or so, I got up and made some breakfast. I felt terrible.

/

.. / .

--~

Glen Lantz

Bathin (Babbling Ghost #18)

absent in my presence! through a noon time shadow! as they grow around mel fining me with their essence! I am empty and they are full! the clarion descent through gravell no paint upon their flesh! their dusty dry bones! on their way down! bringing me down! they sing as the hammer falls/ pounding nail into wood! holding me there! against my will! and I still hear the voice of the morning! before the crimes of man! before the call of vengeance/ I stand alone! I stand talll

© Deep Piercing Cut 2009

I, I

Glen Lantz

Sallos (Babbling Ghost #19)

she fills me with her silence/ the begging of doubt is belief/ Dixie land and whorehouse! living the blues/ roller skating in the park! as cold as the day before/ Phoebus dies/ walking in the street! another hit and run! it makes me blue to think about it/ never acting like people/ more like fish or birds/ yes, that's it! they act more like birds/ the kind that can't fly! they just stand around and peck at the ground! with their sad screwed up faces/ pecking the ground for bugs/ they are always eating bugs/ and bugs don't have a clue/ they don't see the impending doom! that hangs above their heads/ they are too busy living in the dirt! struggling to survive/ bouncing like madmen on the marbled floor/ standing around looking tough! with our war paint onl

© Deep Piercing Cut 2009

Glen L.·llltz

Purson (Babbling Ghost #20)

in a far off place/ the sun bleached jaws of sharks/ hang on the wall! millions of sharp pointy teeth/look down on mel as the man speaks/ they fall! as the ladies watch in horror/ so nice and white! still wanting blood! still wanting the taste of man! close the window and walk away/ people never believe/ the desires of dead sharks on a wall!

they only laugh at the things that are not funny/ every time different and the same! when I read about your brother dying, I cried! even though I know it's not real!

that you made the story up! you were good at that! making things up/ telling lies! if you worked for the government, they would call it disinformation/ that was you, disinformation/

for a while, looking out the window! remembering the dream! seeing your red hair! my hand broken from busting out the window of my car/ I loved you and hated you all at once! I imagined you dead! I almost killed you many times! over and over in my head! you lifeless/ all the love letters I sent came back to me! you wrote "address unknown" on them and sent them back! I knew it was you, it was in your handwriting! I used to get so damn mad when you danced with someone else! it always pissed me off!

all ofa sudden, I get this feeling that comes over me! a tightening of the stomach! and the muscles in the back of my neck get all sore! and I feel terrible, real bad! like I did something I shouldn't have! depressed, lonesome, and guilty! I felt like a condemned man on death row/ like I was the only person alive on earth! it was just me and the zombies/ who came out at night looking for something to eat! I guess they were sensitive to the light or something! all alone and feeling rotten/ rotten tomato on the window sill collecting bugs! those tiny little nats!

all pass by as ghosts! I sit and write/ and the world passes away/ people make plans and live their lives! as I sit and write/ forcing myself free from the tangle of life/ my eyes are tired from your inner beauty/ your aura shines too bright! watching you on your webcamJ the jerky dance you do in front ofthe camera! you won't let me see your pictures! it's all a one lane road for you!

the thick and the dry! rejection of order! flying on fragile wings/ a slow burn among the desolation! with the momentthatcrushes/ not being able to hold still/ being altered by unstable truths! the isolation spirals out! out of one's reach! escaping forever! seeking the space between eternities! this temporal body makes me dream of death! as you whisper in my ear "mortal coil"! thinking of you forever! and the gates of Hell open up/ becoming larger! and my shadow! goes nowhere! and your words are engraved upon my heart! with the subtle slashing blade/ I place my fmger to my mouth and say "shhh ... "/ I witness the deliverance with my own two eyes! my surface vibrates/ and the lion roars! blood spills upon the alter!

© Deep Piercing Cut 2009 ,-

Pyrite Love

he was alone =nothing to do--he met a love-sand this is what he went through they would cruise around--having so much fun

gazing into her eyes--------and calling her hun

well one day it happened=-their off on the wrong track she threw out his Iove------and she's never comin back CHORUS

pyrite love---fools gold ha!---not true love---pyrite love

what could he do--she was not there-she was alone--with no lover his brain's not intact--------he's all by himself

just thinking ofher-----------erazed menial health

yes he's mad as a dog-------so he tries suicide

he's hoping she'll loose it----be's hoping she'll cry

CHORUS X3

pyrite love---fools gold ha!---not true love---pyrite love

Beaver Hensley+Chrome Rubber copyright1988 Hensley/McColm

,

--_

..

Hey Folks did you know that next month will be 6

years ofNielzine!

Really! 6 years? Yes, 6 whole years! 0' MY LORD that's a lot of SIXES! Three to many in my book says the Man on Sunday Morning Television at like 6"0 Clock in the Crap Founded Morning.Not that mornings are crap. Well, without coffee they are. Coffee is Mother Natures way of saying you can not live without Caffeine. Mothers Natures way of saying you will have a really shit ass day if you do not indulge in Her beans. Mother Nature is a Bitch and She will kick your scrawny ass down. Fact. True. Nielzine would never lie to you ..... unless need be.

Remember Folks Lies are as old as the Stars. It breaks down like this. The Big Bang, Ocean, Mud, Monkeys and Lies.

Shit, I forgot what I was talking about. I hate that. Let's see ... Frogs, Bears, Snails and Puppy dog tails ..... oh right! Next Month is NIELZlNE 6 YEARS! My Goodness! So Happy, So Proud! Screw Apple Pie! A "Nielzine in .e¥ef-oven" is the Motto I'm slinging

from the hip. evert

NIELZINE WANTS YOU! SEND TODA Yl

It's easy and Fun! All you need is a pen, pencil, crayon, mud, paint, bass, drums, sweat, paper, plastic, hops, dice, memories, soap box, day dreams, paper helps ... or not. Air, food at times, random thoughts,laughter, sight or unseen, walk, sit, shit, educated or not, learned or lived, Tacos, Chow Mien, work or not. None, done. Tired or not. Dio or Elvis. Sad, sleepy, a bleeding tooth, a Happy ass day in the park. Hands in your face crying, BBQ on a Tuesday, wasp sting. razor burned, warm wind, leaves, vines, vultures, butter, meat, Snail tracks on old dog food, trucks, rats, beer. cell phones and eels. Small fish in a small pond you like to trip on. A face you look at in the mirror. A face you either love or hate. Get used to it.

ART PROJECT FOR THE MASSES.

Organic! FREE! DISCOUNTED! $I.99! Cage Free! Recycled Twelve Times in a ROW!! Not one damn animal was harmed during this Zine (except for the Bacon animal) and (The beer animal, .. .is there a beer animal? .. shit I hope not ... because I may have just drank all their young ... Oh shit ... PETA ain't gonna like this .. burp!) Are there Litters of 18? Burp. Just kidding. Just kidding.

Metal Box. I'll keep the light on for ya Just Some Dude (That wants your Soul) ----

Nielzine

Add a stamp and lick envelope.

NIELZINE

P.O. BOX 723 Santa Rosa, California 95402

Email mehere:NIELZINE@aol.com

Your History Class: www.Scribd.comlNielzine

I found a nice place to get my Coffee fix the other day. (I snatched up the last chocolate croissant as well) I love those dang thangs!

Place called Snake Ojllocated at 435 Santa Rosa Ave, Peddlin' Coffee, Elixers and Frozen Drinks. WiFi, the whole deal.

Nice Folks, Check em' out.

Ladies and Gentelman ..... Mr. 101m Lennon!

~N [_£NNON ~~J~/O