Alchemy for the Brain-Damaged I: The Royal Art
Saturday, August 20th, 2005

I thought it might be time to get round to this. I’ve never intended to be a simple alarmist, or a pithy commentator. That gets old rather fast. So let’s run the grand old experiment… start with some definitions, a little background, and some operating premises. You can peek at the first part of this if you haven’t already and then come back. It would certainly help to read a good block of what I’ve got on AB so far as well, just so you get a feeling for my take on magick, but it’s not mandatory obviously. Okay. So are we talking technique, or are we talking visionary experience? Hopefully both. From the ’spiritual’ perspective it behooves one to preference the latter, but part of the point of magick is that it empowers the personality to pursue the spiritual more effectively. My feeling is that done correctly, technique leads to vision, with the added benefit of also having a skill set to implement the vision afterword. In a nutshell, unless your natural inclination is towards renunciation and asceticism, or christlike devotion to others, you’ll get something out of cultivating some skills in this area. so we’ll start with technique. Crowley would suggest and most seem to agree, that magick is about change and will. Alchemy traditionally of course revolves around the refinement of the base material of consciousness into ‘gold’. Yoga translates literally as ‘union’ or ‘yoking’ (as in yoking an animal to a plow). You could look at this as consolidating the scattered and disparate foci of the mind and body into a perfected vessel of the divine. The esoteric martial arts are similar to yoga, but slanted toward the practical necessities of battlefield survival, and other forms of violent confrontation.

-2For our purposes here, we’ll be treating magick as this: the cultivation of intent. Full stop. That’s it. That covers everything you need to know for now. In terms of models, I’m going to go to what seems like the source of magic ’systems’ which to me is hermeticism. You could make a case that shamanism is the oldest form of magick, and I’m not inclined to disagree, but my feeling is that most shamanism was and is idiosyncratic and personal. It’s like jazz. Each shaman makes it up as they go along. And while I have a lot of fondness for that idea, you don’t need me to go and make up your own shit. So we’ll start with ‘the royal art’. First of all, you could learn a bit in asking why it’s called that. The royal art? Well simply, I think it was called that for three reasons. One, only the ruling classes had the education and time to learn magick. Second of all, the cultivation of intent is obviously quite useful to a priest, or a king, or for that matter anyone who aspires to be a king, chieftan, or a priest. It was sort of the ancient equivalent of personal empowerment seminar or success psychology, but obviously a bit different given the older and more rudimentary psychology of the average person of prehistory. I mean if developmental psychologists are to be believed the structure that we think of as the ‘ego’ is a relatively recent invention, and is definitely less formed in archaic cultures. Whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing is besides the point for our purpose, but it’s interesting to contemplate how much of the ‘modern’ mind is the product of ancient alchemy. You may not like what’s been done with it, historically, but the fact that you can even question or critique it, is proof that you enjoy it’s benefits… And Third, this path is sort of a symbolic process of merging with the godhead, which is about as ‘royal’ as royal gets. It’s important to recall that in ancient times the ruler was synonomous with the godhead, and while we’re inclined to think of that as ignorant authoritarianism, those societies and systems of government endured for thousands of years, while our current ‘democratic’ experiment looks to have petered out in less than a couple hundred. So while the modern knee jerk reaction is to assume we know so much better than those stupid peasants and servants back in the day, maybe they knew something that we don’t. But let’s leave aside any further theoretical preamble for the moment and get down to brass tacks. Surely we will be discussing all kinds of outlandish techniques and tools for exercising and developing the intent, but if you lose sight of what those things are for, namely to help you understand the workings of your own mind, you’re well on your way to the ghetto of the lost and the doomed. At all times keep in mind that it’s about discovering the difference between what you think you want and what you really need, and you should be fine. That can be hard to do when reality starts to feel like putty in your hands, and gods are offering you a seat on the board of directors, but the truth is, even dieties are unhappy sometimes and just because their experiences on a scale of 1 to 10 go to 1,000,000 doesn’t change the relative facts of it. So. What I want you to do, provided you’re interested in playing along, is to make a list of what you want. Let’s say ten things. Ten things you want that are achievable from your current perspective. You may want to be a rock star, but if you don’t think it’s possible to

-3be a rock star, for you right now, then leave it off the list. As well, for the moment, I suggest you make as many of the things on the list as possible relatively short term projects. The reason is, you want to be able to complete some of these relatively quickly and turn over your list a little bit. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. By the same token, you want the things on your list to have bit of emotional juice to them. Wanting to make a sandwich is not so great. Wanting to drive for three hours to the nearest Arby’s is better. Wanting to own your own restaurant chain is better still. And yes it’s perfectly alright to want utterly banal and trivial things. That’s part of the point when we start. That’s the base material which we will proceed to refine. Good enough for now? I’ll be participating in this myself and posting my doings, by way of illustration if nothing else. Off you go!

but they are increasingly seen as archaic holdovers from an uptight and self important elitist practice that have no place in an egalitarian democracy which professes freedom and equal opportunity. guys! The big problem with this mentality is that it promotes the same kind of crippling thinking that infests capitalism and consumerism ie. If you aren’t prepared to face some difficulties and perservere through some obscure rituals. applications and sponsorship. Is your inner world subject to the constitution. Anyway. This is your inner world. August 21st. that shit won’t fly. so why should I do anything else? This may work for buying a pimped-out ride or some fly new sneakers. Do not use. There practices still survive in many forms mind you. Why the hell should I have to make all these binding promises and jump through hoops to learn this shit? Put up or shut up.3. if you aren’t willing to make some personal sacrifices and bind yourself with some . There is a place to go. 2005 in difficulty. This is not a market transaction. It is beneficial to set up a ruler. . This is not a democracy. I worked for my money already. One of the big movements of occultism in the last century was to shed a lot of what was seen as ‘trappings’. if I am prepared to pay the market price for something and show up. then you have my sympathy. For scholars of this topic I’m working through the yang sequence 1. they fulfill a very important function: they make you work for it. I’ll be switching metaphors liberally however to give a multi faceted overview of this thing filtered through many systems.5 etc as this mirrors the cultivation of intent I’m talking of here. to egalitarian social mores? Is your inner life subject to market forces? It is not. Certainly the best example is the chaos magick current which prides itself on the complete absence of extraneous trappings.the Taoist I ching I’ve incorporated some aspects of the I ching here because it’s a good map of this whole process from a non western perspective. If you think it is. oaths of various kinds and involved induction rituals before instruction would begin. I should be entitled to have the product on a silver platter.-4- Alchemy for the Braindamaged II: Difficulty Sunday. What unfortunately gets overlooked is that while a lot of those trappings seem unnecessary. but when it comes to inner cultivation. at no personal cost to myself. creativity and development are effective if correct. Certainly even up to the Golden Dawn or OTO there was rather a lot of formal declarations.

an overarching ideal. then you haven’t got the fortitude to do anything with the teachings anyway. or dig me a well. and cutting some things loose. to endure discomfort? Am I willing to let things slide in other areas? Are you correct in your intentions. or a relationship. What’s the overriding principle? What unifies your life? What is your purpose? Who or what do you serve? If you don’t know. it starts to make sense. add more using your new criteria. ask yourself what you are prepared to do to meet that goal. or are you looking for a free lunch? If you think you’re going to learn a new skill without making some room in your life. the willing submission to a larger principle. that once you’ve thought about it. The couch is always there if you get too uncomfortable. you’re probably kidding yourself. or old school martial arts. How far are you willing to go? Will you do whatever it takes . or are you hoping it will land in your lap? Are there some things on that list you will give up to get other things? Are there items. Be it a teacher. yes? You’re already learning something before you get in the door. Go chop wood for a few years. Where’s your compass? What will bring you through the difficulties of the path? Most people get by on the weak nourishment of an ego fattened on consumer culture and unearned luxuries. I assure you it is in your best interest. aren’t really worth the hassle? What’s the one thing you must have on that list above all others? answer and revise your list accordingly. If you look at this thing from the perspective of cultivating intent. Your next assignment. rank the things on the list in terms of importance. which I’m sad to say has gotten lost to a large extent these days is what the description of the hexigram calls setting up a ruler. should you choose to overlook your bruised sense of entitlement. The other aspect to this. is twofold: Examining our list. Once you’ve done that. If you’ve dropped some things. what am I prepared to do? What am I prepared to give up? Am I willing to wait. So before you run off half cocked looking to secure power and obscure knowledge. you probably have a good idea of how to set up a ruler. If this seems too harsh or confrontational. a religion. next time: how to banish demons! . or stand out in the cold for a couple days. so you might as well save everyone the time and the hassle and go home. then you’ll be ready. Meaning.-5commitments to your teachers. your fellow students and yourself. ask yourself this. Think of a buddhist temple. If you can. then put it on the back burner for now.

nah fuck it turn it off Fear is your only god on the radio Nah fuck it. You may refer to this. 2005 Turn on tha radio. that it could theoretically exert influence on a person. experience dismay with our oversaturated environment. crosses and kerosene Vietnow. . Even for the hardest headed rationalist materialist. So perhaps we can benefit from learning a thing or two about how to deal with malignant spirits. In those days. it’s easy to accept the premise that humans are influenced by the environment. The average modern is inundated with signals and influence that we are rarely even cognizant of. ( and by ‘the day’ I mean the paleolithic era ) when animism was fashionable. for good or ill. there was a lot of concern with what you might call psychic hygiene. turn it off Turn it off. understood the necessity of exerting some discriminating control over what was influencing your psychophysical life. that still survive to this day. nah fuck it turn it off Fear is your only god on the radio Nah fuck it. it was accepted fact that everything in the environment had ’spirit’. turn on tha radio. as ‘banishing’.-6- Alchemy for the Braindamaged III: Keep Chillin’ Monday. All the paleolithic peoples. Indeed there are whole industries devoted to quashing our active awareness of influence over our interior lives. and their first proto-shamans.RATM Back in the day. It might be part of the reason certain of these tribal peoples. if you like. your saviour’s my guillotine. September 5th.

You may even get good enough to do this while walking. Allow your mind to fill up with the felt impressions of external influences. the weather. imposed. I do recommend you take some time to do this carefully and in depth. you’ll be well on your way to original thoughts once you’ve done a thorough housecleaning. The good news is there tend to be lots of them. speech. blended and idiosyncratic version of something invented ages ago. the architecture. but do you ever really think about this? Do you ever really ask yourself how different your life might be without these influences? Do you ever ask yourself how deep the hooks really go? Would you be shocked to find out how much of your life is shaped by the imagined opinions of strangers on the street? Would you be shocked to realize how much your mind is affected by a stream of pixels coming through a computer screen? How you ever thought about turning these things off? Can you even conceive of shutting these influences out? Once you’ve done that. your job. that are easy to spot. you may be bothered by pictures on tv. which means essentially to cleanse it of outside forces that may skew the actions you take there. Very very few people do. It may seem common sense. take some time to notice what is influencing your thoughts. . We might recombine the bits in different ways. and describe them differently. as you get better with this you’ll develop a clearer sense of what influences you can take or leave. More refined forms of ceremonial magick place great importance on ‘purification’ of the ritual space. the media. It grows and evolves in all kinds of interesting ways. Find a place where you can concentrate and not be disturbed. from the ones that are conditioned. and how to separate yourself from the latter quickly and efficiently. So don’t feel bad if you haven’t got a lot of truly original shit in your head. Learn to associate the images and thoughts with how they make you feel. After all. everything circulating in human culture is a recombined. because not many people have the concentration to do this on the fly and get any significant results. or magickal will. is learning to differentiate your own consciously chosen perspectives and influences. implanted or habituated into you. 2. but not that much is really ever new under the sun. But alongside that picture will usually be some kind of mental or tactile sensation which is fairly palpable. For now though… 1. The bad news is. Certainly. you can proceed to a formal banishing practice. Aside from the odd profound innovator. but here’s how you start: First of all. the physical world is more or less exactly the same stuff that’s always been here for the last several million years now. that’s because pretty much everything in your head came from somewhere else.-7Pretty much every occult or spiritual tradition has a version of this practice. But I digress… My take on this skill comes in two parts. Part and parcel of developing an authentic spiritual life. repackaged. Other people. For example. If your mind is fairly strong you can just close your eyes on the bus or lying in bed. If it makes you feel better. Clarity and purity of intent are paramount. and actions in your surroundings. especially recently.

In particular. particularly in the formative stages of a goal. Once you’ve got a good sense of detatchment. Homework: Obviously. What you can experiment with. make them small. As you get more skills. or at least in the case of far away goals. If they are loud make them quiet. This is the area where you have comfortable emotional and physical distance from things that are pressing in upon you. You may find just doing the last step will work fine. return to your list and decide what level of influence you will accept. do the above banishing practice. and even when you’re not consciously thinking about it. If you have a connection to some kind of higher force. if defining your space is insufficient. What level of conditioning are you prepared to live with right now? Repeat this practice as often as possible. right? That’s intentional. contemplate how you might change your relationship to these external factors. and they still feel very close and urgent. 5. keeping in mind all the criteria and practices we’ve done so far. or as far as the room. moats and whathaveyou will work. Next. That’s fine. you need to establish how much you want that pressure coming in on you. just add more items to your list. guardian animals. pillars of fire. It may also be the case that you’ve gone out and one some stuff already. allow them to be spatially displaced away from you. or your house. Full-On Muthafuckin Sorcery. but I’ll add a little submodal trick from NLP. as an ongoing thing. You may also have noticed that some of those things seem to be happening anyway. Depending on your comfort level. The seemingly endless amounts of prayers and mantras of the devoutly religious have their roots in this concept. If the pictures are big. at the very least ) have some kind of interior visual or auditory aspect. now that they aren’t urgently assaulting you. Keep the perimeter of ‘your space’ as clear as possible. Bitch! . by all means draw upon that as well. you’ll find that you can get a good sense of personal autonomy at any time you wish it. if they bright and in color make them dim and monchrome. Define your personal space. And again. that things seem to be coming more into focus. examine your list of goals and determine exactly how much of that list is a result of someone or something else influencing you. While a certain amount of that is inevitable. ‘banish often’ is a tried and true dictum of occult practice. All kinds of symbolic angels. You’ll probably find that your ‘demons’ ( which is a nice conceptual shorthand for negative psychic influences. this could be limited to your skin.-83. is purposefully altering the sensory presentation of these things. allow yourself to feel anything outside your space recede and diminish in significance. and if necessary change your list accordingly. As you do this. You may have noticed that I haven’t been demanding that you go out and ‘do’ anything on your list of goals yet. Having done it at least a few times. 4. Any visualisations you can do to augment your sense of enclosed space will help.

Yes you. 2005 Yeah. and get with it Whoo! White Stripes. In fact it’s so simple I doubt you can handle it. . why don’t you? The flies get it And the frogs get it And all them big jungle cats get it And I bet your little dog gets it Yeah. too And everything in the ocean blue They just happen to know exactly what to do So why don’t you? Yeah. You want power? Lets talk about muthafuckin power. I just want you to get with it ’cause everyone that’s under your shoe And every bird and bug in the jungle. You’re so hopelessly crippled by all the stupid bullshit in your head and all your idiotic concepts that I really doubt you will understand what I’m about to tell you. enough of the metaphysical bollocks. But let’s give you the benefit of the doubt.Instinct Blues Okay. It’s really simple.-9- Alchemy for the Braindamaged IV: …I can do anything Thursday. I want you to get with it Yeah. September 8th. I doubt YOU can handle it. come on. I am talking to you.

You can do it whenever you want. anywhere. For once in your life stop thinking and understand this. It’s all a fucking sham. your parents and siblings didn’t do it. as if that will automatically make you into Hitler or Charlie Manson. and this is meant to frighten us into not going anywhere near our own power. but I don’t feel powerful. Really. You are either a master. We’re constantly exposed to examples of people who abuse other people. It doesn’t come from people either. EXACTLY. The book didn’t do it. and I don’t care. namely to examine and make intelligent and healthy choices about your interaction with people. then go back to what you were probably doing with it instead. and lots of people do. But won’t that make me selfish? Fuck off. You are either one of those people who is waiting for someone to tell them what to do or you are not.. a mistress. If you’re afraid to actually do something useful with your thinking process. If you want to . Go banish some more and shut the fuck up.10 The truth about power is that it’s already right there in front of you. the law didn’t do it. there is nothing to justify. Humans are the only creatures in nature pathetic enough to try and justify our own existance. or did he just do it? Did someone give Jim Morrison his magnetic serpent power. with his authority. Morality is an excuse to quit thinking. Society has fuck all to do with laws and everything to do with influence. You can say or do or have anything you want. Don’t pretend that you give a shit about any arbitrary construct. Get with the fucking program or go home. You can justify it any way you like. And you can do it again. On or off. There is nothing contained in these words. or did he just step forth and get it? Really. YOU did it. the rock star. Shut the window in your browser and fuck off. There’s plenty of people out there who will gladly tell you what a good person you are.whinewhinewhine… Yeah exactly. STOP thinking. It is in you right now. You have way more power than you can ever use.. Seriously. I don’t have time for people like you. the millionaire. Come back when you’re ready to pull your head out of your ass. Nothing you see. You don’t FEEL powerful. I’m not one of them. Still not simple enough? Do you suppose that these powerful people have something going for them you do not? Do you suppose there is some real difference between you and the politician. and I can hear all the little bitches whining already…. You do exactly what you’re prepared to live with and nothing less. Why the fuck do you think that is? Do you think they raise robot slaves and obedient servants to feel powerful? Of course they fucking don’t. Law is based on the terror of natural charisma. or read or experience is going to make you powerful. There is nothing contained in any words. It’s digital. Nobody has any power over you that you did not give them. or a slave. asshole. namely disempowering yourself and becoming a better robot. You’re alive. I don’t know. Morality is a construct. the prophet? Did somebody infuse Martin Luther King Jr. Society is structured to check the tendency to exert power. You are born with all the authority you could ever need.

You think I’m joking? I’m not . But all that shit is besides the point. then you’ll probably be fine. God? God is everywhere and nowhere. the things in it. The only obstacle is quite simply whether you are prepared to get it on or not. that is a popular story. The world. They have no idea how to deal with the real thing. You will not be flying in the face of all the other authority figures out there. Or better yet.. and make up a story about where it came from. Would you like me to do something about that? Fine. Does this sound cynical? Does this sound like I’m condoning abuse of the innocent and gullible? Why are you still here? Why are you wasting both of our times? What in the fuck makes you think I have the ability to condone or authorize anything you do? Or anything anyone else does either? I don’t. It’s pretty simple. In case it weren’t obvious already by the sickening spectacle of hurricane katrina. Anyone stupid enough to think that is not someone who’s going to understand what I’m saying anyway. just be a nice robot. and granted. You are the source of authority. There. You talk about authority as if it were something that fell from the sky. friends. the paper mache reality of all your so-called authority figures is rapidly coming clear as nothing more than the naked use and abuse of simple power. Most of them derive their power from second or third hand sources anyway. People who want to abuse and harm others are going to abuse and harm others regardless. Flagellate yourself with someone else’s words please. Raise bunny rabbits for kids in cancer wards. Get it through your fucking head. there are very few. or employees. it’s like open source software. All you out there who might be reading this and feel that you may be abusive and harmfull at some time in your future. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone dumb enough to cling to these delusions like the railing of the titanic. already. Groupies. The hospitals are full of people who didn’t have the juice to walk their talk. Make up your own story if you want. and yourself are exactly. Start your own FUCKING COUNTRY. Just go away. mean exactly. are limited exactly and only exactly in the ways you say they are.11 delude yourself that morality and laws make the slightest bit of difference. I hope you find whatever you think you’re going to find by living that way. Full stop. and be ready to back it up. Happy now? Either you’re prepared to trust that humans are mostly positive and constructive in their natures or not. I dunno. If you can keep it together long enough to attract some followers. go kill yourselves instead. It didn’t fall from the sky. Either you get it or you don’t . All authority came from somebody who wasn’t afraid to use it. Period. Start your own Church. Society is built on those too stupid and naive to recognize that charisma and natural influence is and always has been the glue of human groups. Whatever. you need to go back and finish puberty. It’s not like there won’t be room for new versions of both pretty soon. to start with.

next time: More bullshit for those you who haven’t got it yet. You can absolve yourself of responsibilty with more generation x slacker bullshit: oooohhh but what gives me the right to decide what’s best for everyone else? Exactly the same goddamn thing that gives that simpering alchoholic on tv the right to decide what’s best for everyone. you will see it quickly starting to comply with that state of being. You still don’t get it. . because you’re afraid to make a judgement call. and probably never will. pick something on your list that requires an act of decisive will and just do it. You can tell me all this simple compassion shit if it makes you feel better. Homework: for all you fledgling power users out there. The world is exactly the way it is because people LIKE YOU are too fucking meek to step up and do what’s best for the planet and the people on it.. Go watch the Simpsons and drown in the irony like the fluid in some geriatric patient’s lungs. Please tell me you get this. NOW. You obviously still aren’t getting this. I noticed I used the word ‘good’. Once you start acting as if the universe will provide everything you could possibly want. Is that a problem? Too fucking bad. NOTHING. And yeah. Please tell me you aren’t going to sit there and piss away the abilty to do something good. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. All this other magick bullshit is simply meant to be training wheels and perceptual tools.12 fucking joking.

. whilst reading passages out of Mein Kampf. Let me give you a hint: if you say you’re ‘against’ anything. 2005 If you don’t think you’re a genius. as long you get enough support from your peer group. or you define your life in terms of changing something about the world around you. but chances are all you do is bounce off the programming other people have in utterly predictable fashion. exclusionary and prejudicial in your own ways. I mean. Regardless of your background.13 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged V: Structures and Ultrastructures Sunday. -Salvador Dali Okay. so sit down and shut up. The door is always there if you’re feeling the need to assert yourself a little bit. I can see you acting all smug about how liberal/anarchist/discordian and ‘deprogrammed’ you are. like seeing yourself smeared in feces. but rather than integrate it into a healthy psyche. you probably aren’t. And all you so called ‘non-conformists’ can shut the fuck up right now. while acknowledging the limitations of that view in functional terms. you’re as robotic as the next idiot. we instead are taught to recoil in horror at anyone who dares to ignore the consensus and social norms. I though I’d take some time to discuss what we just did. Rather than try to shoehorn some cumbersome explanations into the body of the next segment. September 18th. narrow minded. since for some strange reason it seems to have thrown everyone into paroxysms of adulation or confusion. it’s pretty likely the idea of being a law unto yourself is going to call forth stereotypical images of moralistic horror. how pitiful is it that almost nobody can just kind of sit with the feeling of being an autonomous authority? We all go through a phase of thinking we’re the center of the universe. But anyway. sodomising homeless children over the kitchen table. . You’re perfectly willing to be hateful.

Now.to give you an particularly vigorous and confrontational variation on the banishing ritual. If you read any Howard Bloom. But maybe things play out another way: perhaps you start to see that you are not dependent on the story for your existence. We have hormonal cellular features that are meant to debilitate and kill us if we become ostracised from our social group. . You might become the shaman. or you’re attacked by an animal and survive. you might have noticed him talk about the self destruct mechanism in human beings.. But then something happens.14 If you really need to know what the intent behind my last rant was. some notion of the cosmos. The alternative is to be cast out entirely. or there’s a plague. certainly. may or may not have been the product of ancient alchemical development? Well imagine this for a moment: you’re back in prehistory. for whatever reason. you get a glimpse of what lies outside the normal reality structure for your tribe. or you eat something no one else has eaten before. Suck it up. but you’re still playing a role within it.for those of you who didn’t. this is starting to sound reminiscent of shamanic lore yes? Joseph Campbell. or the construct that we generally refer to as ego. you undergo a biological and social crisis. That’s your ‘approved’ role. that perhaps gives you a nice look at how neurotic and inhibited you are. to risk starvation. Or to put it another way: the crazy guy who lives outside the village and answers questions that don’t have solutions in the normal framework. or fight against me … Yeah whatever man. I commented on how the ‘ego’. tribes have a mechanism to incorporate you back into the society. You’ve stepped outside the framework. part of some tribe of hunter gatherers. an established social order. So. So back in those days. It’s better than nothing. death. It’s really hard to do all that stuff you’re talking about. being plugged into the group story was a matter of biological survival. You may recall that back in the first part of this series. then here ya go… . and who knows what. . You have the ability to reject that story . someone will actually dislike me. You start to see that maybe it’s not as true as you formerly thought it was.for those of you sufficiently able to roll with that. after all. you may have caught a glimpse of an unconditioned and autonomous sense of will. Maybe you’ve broken the taboos and been exiled. You’ve got a fairly well formed mythology. and even now. the heroic quest and alla that? The upshot is. Maybe you get lost. it’s quite clear the hardest part in any of them was being willing to imagine and act on it. In situations like that. When you look at all the major achievements in history. voluntarily or not.

What would things look like if you successfully conquered the earth. So it’s not suprising that around this time. In other words. How much of it is just a way to escape things . If you’ve never stepped into the realm of unconditioned will.. you still need the support of others. Instead of waiting for a random accident to push someone outside the old structure. trying to treat it as those things is futile and possibly dangerous. the taboos. madmen and culture heroes. but not just yet. where else would that kind of radical break with the old order come from? At first. Maybe you’re not content to be the tame freak on the edge of society. Every few hundred years at most. Almost always. The ego had gotten a foothold. Anyone with a sword could potentially overturn the whole order of things. this kind of social upheaval was relatively rare. particularly the oldest tribes. will help you establish a firm foundation there. this new structure in the human being starts to become more and more common. Almost always. I’m willing to bet most of you have had an ‘bubble busting’ experience at some time. Homework: write yourself a little description of your perfect world. now there are God-Kings and High Priests. Go into as much detail as you like. to push you into taking a small step into an unformed corner of the mind. this person has some sort of supernatural origin. but as time and history march on. Is it a political manifesto? Is it a manual for functional skills? Is it a philosophical treatise? Yes and No. and less so every day. then it’s forthcoming. it’s not that rare. ” go banish some more and shut the fuck up. After all. Like I said earlier.” If you’re just curious how I personally will answer those questions in particular. and things would change forever. based on a personal vision. have a myth about their origins. Once you’ve gotten outside the bubble.15 altogether and write a new one. pick out all the features of ‘your’ perfect world that are really just rebellion against the way things are now. It becomes harder to keep everyone safely inside the confines of the story. You wanna run the show. and then you’re the one in charge. So our previous installment in best understood in that vein: to try and shock you. the one who delivered all the old rules. particularly the banishing practices. you could turn the whole thing upside down. Where once there were shamans and chieftains. then those questions will answer themselves. the stories about creation. who laid down the structures of the tribe in distant memory. challenge you. they began to develop ways to intentionally breach the structure from the inside. there’s what can be called a ‘culture-hero’. Continuing the homework assignments. In some cases that person is credited as progenitor of the whole human race. people started trying to get a handle on what it was that drove all these bizarre mutations in the first place. Yeah. and called all the shots? Once you’ve done that. Pretty much every culture. but if you can get enough of them onboard your story.

. revise and update your list of goals accordingly. .16 you dislike? How much of your ideal reality is shaped by stuff you think you have no control over? Who are your ‘enemies’ and what would you do to them if you had the chance? Can you even do this exercise without going into spams of guilt. whining and fear of external rejection? As always. Next: How to build a ten inch cock that shoots fireballs in your spare time.

all of you who have been clamoring for the pathway to magickal powers are about to get your wish. . So what constitutes the ‘right’ reason? Well. but for the purpose of this installment they have a common root. I’ll discuss both in good time. if you actually take this route. The reason I say ‘benign’ is because you can have a certain amount of success with them with a minimal amount of effort. Generally speaking though. September 26th. These are things like focused prayer. The bad news is. Some of them are relatively benign and form the core of most magickal practice.17 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged VI: Not scared? You will be…. Do yourself a favor and read up on the hazards before you start playing this game. but they tend to hit a ceiling before you run into too much trouble. These abilities are meant to be markers for the changes in your consciousness and byproducts of the introspective and meditative aspects that I’ve focused more on so far. and do your best to forget about them the rest of the time. you’ll probably go insane. possession. Monday. lets be clear here for a minute: This series of articles is not about accumulating supernatural powers. and the literature is rife with them. develop them as learning tools. ( and it seems a great many of you dropped in with your opinions without reading anything else of mine on these subjects ) I’ve written at great length about the deviations associated with cultivating psychic or occult powers for the wrong reasons. Please. There are literally thousands of special powers you could attain. or the bad news? The good news is. For those of you who don’t read my other stuff. 2005 Would you like the good news first. and are of a different order. Doing something like that for it’s own sake is not something I care to endorse. the ideal is to devote your practice to some cause or value that transcends your selfish perspectives as much as possible. you notice them if they come. even in jest. divination. and summonings of various entities. Others are referred to in yogic writings as the ’siddahs’ or attainments. use them if you really really really have a good reason..

A safe transition to occult powers is probably not in the cards for you. you’ll probably freak out. if you actually did that. and you’re prepared to debate your belief in any form of ‘impossibility’. 5. So before you start throwing around illinformed pronouncements about what is and is not possible. If you’re obsessed with developing explicitly supernatural powers. It helps if it’s relatively static and simple. and neurological disorders of various stripes. Sit still. go do some samatha meditation for five hours a day for ten years and then tell me what is and is not possible. Old Uncle Aliester would die of embarrassment. transition as quickly as possible into some kind of skill or activity you enjoy doing. hold your focus on the object. Your ability to channel and shape energy is directly related to your powers of concentration. But don’t let me get in the way of your consumer instinct towards instant gratification. whether it be starting a new nation or standing up to armed men. or a potted plant will do. If you don’t do the first . you’ll have already crippled yourself in that department anyway. All they’ve done is bump against the limits of their ability to concentrate. So I can understand why the misinformation out there runs so thick. 4. bouts of paranoia. Pick an object of concentration. Most postmodern ‘occultists’ have all the willpower of a heroin addict with fetal alcohol syndrome. The breath is ideal. bumps up against the socalled limits of occult power. If you think five hours staring at a wall is a ‘long time’ you don’t get a opinion in the occult powers debate. For the foolish or truly dedicated. you’d probably go through half a dozen or more nervous breakdowns. kay? Of course. or anyone else. degrees of psychosis. I’m sure you guys were helpful at the foundation of all the countries that exist right now.. I’ll throw in some exercises for that purpose a little farther down the line. Any time you. Do it every day for at least an hour. mind wandering and internal babble as possible. After each session.18 That root is concentration. Chances are your mind is so hopelessly splintered and contradictory that you couldn’t finish a half hour sitcom. The reason most people in our society have such ridiculous ideas about what our minds can do is simple: our minds are ridiculously weak. For a year. Thanks for comin’ out. How did they do that? Are you saying the media is stronger than your own will? Did someone put a gun to your head and make you watch alla that CNN? CONCENTRATION. epilepsy. 3. they’ve done no such thing. I’m always sort of amused when people talk about how ‘the media’ screws with our minds. the exercise is as follows: 1. A circle on the wall. If you think it’s ‘impossible’ to do anything. With as little daydreaming. If you try. 6. or kill yourself. Yes really. and most of the material out there is meant to soften that fact to themselves. 2.

or tedious playa hating. Every skill will improve. Save it for your mother. and keep your eye on the ball. or the ‘chaos’ magicians wanking their way to enlightenment. banish some more and lay off for a week or two.. If you are already good at something it will quickly transit into the subtly supernatural. If you start freaking out. So keep your yap shut and concentrate. Focus on your training. You will become clearer.19 part. grasshopper. more decisive. every emotion will become richer. I don’t need to hear your complaining. you’ll find yourself automatically hitting the wall in your development and you may never get past it. If you do. Next time: reading the entrails . none of that will do a goddamn thing for you anyway. Don’t dwell on it. stronger. This practice will supercharge pretty much everything in your life.

Most of us have a lot less practice maintaining attention in depth. That. how it works and why it’s hazardous. and useful skills. Very shallow very superficial attention = very shallow and superficial supplies of energy. 2005 Before we move on. is the depth of our attention is also the depth of the well of energy we can tap. nothing in that ecology ever really gets big and fat enough to cause problems in the whole system. if ever. We maintain views on the whole universe after all. With deeper concentration that can change fast. That. Most of us have no problem with a extremely wide and diverse breadth of attention. Or we think we do anyway.20 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged VII: A Symbolic Order Monday. The thing to remember though. Breadth and depth. and they can both be trained. To do that requires holding the focus in a single place for long periods and if you’ve not had a lot of experience with that. This whole ecology is sustained more or less by the attention/energy you give it. We tend not to notice the contradiction and conflicts in our mental ecology because we rarely. It helps to think of the mind as a kind of ecology full of all kinds of conflicting impulses. In practice you can treat energy and attention as the same thing. combined with the . Now attention has ( at least ) two aspects to it. and since the supply of energy is so shallow. concepts. October 3rd. beliefs. You may find that tapping into a much larger supply of energy can feed some or all of your weird internal aberrations to grotesque levels.. it can be highly uncomfortable. This is why I recommended highly that you consciously and deliberately direct that deepened faculty of attention into things you enjoy. probe deep enough into it to notice them. and emotional perspectives on things. In truth one follows the other so closely they might as well be the same. a couple more points on the last installment relating to concentration: why it works. going back to our ecology metaphor. So.

you will definitely want a solid backbone to hang your ontology on. and no shortage of fodder to make new ones. There is a part of your mind that really really needs to be able to define and encapsulate your relationship to the word around you. We feel good and calm in the act of doing this. as long as you have a nice serviceable symbolic order to fall back on. Feeding those subjects a massively increased fund of energy will send you round the bend right quick. It doesn’t need to . is that you really will benefit from having a map that doesn’t get shredded. At least not by you. And you need to learn to filter things through that map. This is the gift of postmodernism after all. For the time being. Not all the time. or nurse old grudges. because sometimes you will have to. The nice thing about abstraction. And believe me. We tend to have this neurotic thing about the ‘real truth’ as if nothing is acceptable except the naked reality of things. and to have a nice durable map to guide that new wand of yours with. even without the help of intense mind power. We feel the rightness of it. that sometimes. But I’m here to tell you. even if you don’t feel the need to subscribe to it unquestioningly.. At least not until you’ve taken the time to craft a new one. Just because you can do something. particularly under the circumstances I’ve described above. but when you have to. is that it permits us to compress the whole gamut of phenomena into a manageable and internally consistent system of symbols. if that’s all you’ll settle for. you’ll most likely end up chewing your wrists open in short order. I’m willing to bet most of you have had difficulties in this area already. We have the god given right to shred anything placed in front of us to expose it’s inherent flaws and contradictions. not because it’s the ‘real thing’ but because it works. It’s unweildly excesses and unverifiable pronouncements.21 mental housecleaning in the other parts should keep you out of trouble provided you are mostly sane and stable to begin with. as a means of handling stress. We think we’re defending the holy right to overturn dogma and ask ‘the tough questions’ as if no one had ever done that before. you need to learn to suspend your ruthless cutting apart of the ground beneath your feet and use a model of reality. or tear apart the last remanants of your existing ontology. Now there are no shortage of maps these days. What you do not want is to turn your new willpower that can crush diamonds and use it to probe the tattered edges of your self esteem. Problem is. What you need to understand. doesn’t mean you should do something. So it helps to exercise a little restraint. The rest of the time you can happily just sit in the unknowingness of the grand mystery of whatever the popular buzzword is these days. Sometimes you will need to to have a framework there to interpret something. ripping a map apart is entirely besides the fucking point. when concentration states are overloading your brain and nervous system. or you will freak right the fuck out.

you’re stressing here and chilling there. set it aside and come back to it later. or both. Resist the urge to pick it apart. Eliminate as much of the conflict and contradiction as you can right now. If it’s not that. They don’t. that won’t take the strain of what you’re doing. which incorporates the tree of life as well as the tarot symbolism. like. you know it’s arbitrary. and as you progress in your practice these fault lines will open up in a big way. to make revisions. If that happens. It’s better that way. but they provide avenues for divination practice. and simply experience it as intense levels of stress. But suit yourself. the kabbalistic tree of life. . as if going in two totally divergent directions entails two different minds. Save that shit for CNN and the drudge report. interpretations. which is coming up. I’m sure you’ll find that some of those things don’t mesh. Interpret the things that happen around you through that lens. When you get bored with that. You’re doing one thing at the expense of another thing. Your mind. Your list is a good entry point. But having a good definition. anyhow. DON’T immediately start questioning and subverting your new model. you hate this and love that. You might think that these are harmless usages of the mind. you’re moving in one direction here and another there. start examining yourself for contradictions and internal conflicts. one that leaves you lots of room to maneuver. then my friend. and will rip under pressure. Looking at the why and what and how of your goals. The problem isn’t being stuck without a net. it could be patently absurd. If it means narrowing your focus and scope of activities temporarily. Play with it. later on. These are the fault lines in your psyche. Homework: pick a symbolic map of the universe. is a lot better than simply assimilating christian theology as a subconscious safety net. On a related note.. which is probably what a lot of you are doing right now. My personal preference is the crowley thoth tarot. then do it. it’s gonna be something. even to rip out and replace chunks. Think about this carefully. reading your tarot cards. The problem is being stuck with a shitty net that you’re not consciously aware of. It’s one mind. and shit. next. Use it.22 be all that convincing or comprehensive a definition. you are truly FUCKED. PRIMORDIAL FUCKING CHAOS!! CTHULHU FHTAGN! …or. Four that I recommend highly would be the I ching. Not only are all of these fairly flexible. and norse runes. If not. You believe totally here and question ruthlessly over there. Quit fighting yourself. you’ll almost certainly wish you had done it. Don’t underestimate the benefits of a symbol system to fall back on. Even if on some level. Most likely you will suppress the conscious knowledge of these chasms in your mind as they widen.

in this moment. It’s all over and done with. your perceptions. what’s the best. There are others. And even if it doesn’t. It makes no difference. or correct. that’s what. it still does. as far as your concerned. but the best is to hold up a symbolic mirror to the workings of your own mind. friends. your meaning to things. or flyspecks on a wall. How about it? I didn’t think so. But as usual I’m going to rain acid and aborted fetuses all over your parade. . Your reaction. Being stuck inside your own head is a bitch that way… So at this point you may be wondering. Even if I handed you deadly accurate facts about the future.. and ends there. No moving parts. Do you understand that? No? How about the past? It’s not even happening anymore.23 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged VIII: A panful of mercury Monday. So why not cut to the chase? This is the best use for divination practices in my opinion. is that you’re not really looking to understand some temporal junction. yes? You’ve picked out your own shiny new symbolic map of things and you’re itching to learn the secrets of the universe. map for understanding your own mind? The one you have. It could be a stream of random numbers. Predict the upticks of the stockmarket and cash in! Or at least figure out when you’re gonna get laid again. cut up pages from a book. obviously. besides my usual tactic of browbeating my readers. What I’m getting at here. You’re looking to understand yourself. 2005 So… You’re prepared to take a run at the practice of divination. All the information is there. Take a good look. You want to understand your future? Do you even understand your present? It’s right here after all. October 10th. Everything starts there. It doesn’t matter. The real operation takes place in your head. all of it is going to interpreted in terms of it’s relevance to you.

Does this tell you the truth of how things ‘are’ ? Maybe. hey? Let’s find out what my worst fear is. it will seem like unformed chaos at first.24 The mind has an incredible capacity for pattern recognition. So don’t feel I’m cheating you by taking a prepacked set of meanings. What it definitely does. with your indulgence I’ll walk us through an operation of this kind. Some gap in my perception. The structure of the reading makes no difference either. We’ll keep this reasonably simple and use this online reading widget so you can play along or do your own. I just find the images resonant and impactfull. when you make that space. Our tool will be the Crowley toth deck. Clouds and tea leaves are good because they move. is tell you a lot about how your perception works. The fire of inquiry and meditation would seperate the reflective mind from the base material. This was a metaphor. Divorce it from the ordering routine of the mind. It’s what the symbols suggest. Then sit with it.. When you see faces in the clouds. albeit slowly. More explicit card references are here. Or. but it can help if you’re not able to just stare at a piece of black glass and trip out like old John Dee used to do. This seemingly magickal appearance of this flowing liquid mirrorlike mindstuff was understood as isomorphic for the processes of the mind. The ancient alchemists used to heat up cinnabar in a pan and watch the mercury slowly separate and bead up over the fire. Maybe not. Only by mapping one thing over another. The birth of consciousness. when you provide a symbolic language or an unformed pattern for it to speak with? That’s what it’s really all about. Shred it and reassemble it. So how do you do this? The simple answer is however you want. Pretend that you just got the answer to your inquiry. So. But it helps to have some kind of clear inquiry in mind. Lets go for primordial horror. Only by transposing the pattern of a known thing over the unknown. My deepest unacknowledged terror. Our inquiry will be some area where I feel a void of understanding. And that’s more valuable anyway. The meanings of the cards don’t really matter. Pick out your map and find a way to put it in motion somehow. those faces are really in your head. Cards are good because you can shuffle them. Dredging up the unformed chaos of the deep mind. What is it? What are you being told here? What is your subconscious trying to communicate to your conscious mind. at least. He . yes? This is the same thing. I’ll be going at right angles to all that anyway. Does any of that have anything to do with ‘real’ mercury? Only tangentially.

25 received a symbolic language to summon the apocalypse. but be the bad guy in the eyes of others. The world seems on the cusp of great changes. who remain in the human perspective. I’m just trying to find out what scares the fuck out of me… so: card one. Hoping time does the work for me? Wanting to be freed of the obligation to struggle. Primal desire as source of suffering? card two. We judge ourselves. I’ve always secretly wanted to be a superhero. Leveling of inequities.wands are the will. Our decisions do have consequences and eventually everyone has to face them. Phase shift. Final judgment. to fight for justice and truth. card three.. I’m definitely afraid I may find myself on the wrong side. The sword of karma. Adjustment is a reminder that the universe is not human. Fear of inhumanity. which are swords. the five of wands: strife. Cosmic justice is not about us. On another note. The Apocalypse. conflict. The preceding four is the number of solidity and form. Thwarted lusts. card four. Do you love something inhuman? Do you crave the embrace of something which cares nothing for people. which represents me. Thinking of my earlier discussion of inner conflicts. the organic lust as opposed to constructed ideas. As a buddhist I tend not to buy into external judgment. Forces rule us all that care nothing for our perspective.cosmic justice and balance. that I’m really the villain of the piece. In my case. Conflicting desires. Will immersed into time. the goal . The appearance of matter is followed by the introduction of instability.Epochal change. On another note. the current situation atu viii: Adjustment. the egotistic hope for deliverance from on high. To realize one day that I picked a path to injustice. Fear of my growth truncated by historical events? Of not reaching the high ground when the flood hits? Being on the wrong side? Not able to make your peace until it’s too late. but karma remains. Dramatic change of context that makes everything obsolete. justice is a huge issue. impermanence. To serve justice. Fear of being torn apart by inner conflict? Never finding peace or resolution. or their suffering? Cold calculations. not a hero. the obstacle atu xx: The Aeon. The number five represents the introduction of time and change. a final judgment on our momentum as a species.

card six. small problems. The passive. or excuse your contribution to the suffering of the world. after all. Oh goody. Fire and water in synthesis. so long thwarted. don’t get distracted by success. The queen is water. or think your way out of it. Have all the tools to solve the problems in front of you. and called it an improvement. or on a case by case basis. ” never bring a knife to a gunfight ” card five. Fear of embracing pain. foundation of the current situation three of swords: sorrow. the same contradiction but reversed to the other side. If some pain is good and necessary.swords represent air. nor should it. but I’m scared to death that what I think is growth is just more of the same. Life without pain has no meaning.hard one. my future is the mirror image of my past. I spend all my time learning things that may be usefull in the short term. Neo is a part of the matrix. the rain of riches in your perfect world. fluid principle.. The base concept of division and separation. the future the knight of cups. Time spent building up my assertive side to balance my mostly passive nature.26 the queen of swords. Primal suffering rooted in wrong views. fear of breaking through and . the power of motion. Too much. being too lost in your wealth to question it. but ignore the larger importance of certain things. when you need to simply accept that some pain. division. Welcome to Kafka.HAHAHAHA!!! the exact opposite of the queen of wands. the future enviroment the nine of disks: gain. Always wanting the other side of the fence. some evil can never be eliminated. constructed ideas. In tandem with the earlier stuff. card eight. then the temptation is to contribute to it. so long pushing at old barriers. Win every battle and lose the war. but seems to miss the big picture. To adapt and flow. I over-desire the mastery of small goods. The necessary descent into delusion. the past the queen of wands. Maybe it’s not true. the integration of active and passive principles.the three is the minimal number to create a shape. Wanting to escape. Is martial arts skill that big a deal compared to medicine? Is medicine that big a deal compared to spiritual truth? Where do you plant your flag and put in the time to attain mastery? You have to serve the highest good you can see. Not as much history with this image. All I’ve done is take a different perspective on the same dysfunction.the illusion of getting everything you want. not enough? Adding more contradiction than I can handle? Afraid I’ve got too much backed up habit to ever really change? card seven. To me the queen of swords has always stood out as the person who is incredibly skilled and deft in the little details. a fear of justification. but miss the point of the whole thing. The idea intelligible.

or maybe. Forget what you know. Forget it all. the master of keeping everything in the air at once. too much to do. but I don’t really understand the cost. Nothing you did mattered. The world makes of you what it will. Touched by god.spontaneous insight. everything I think I want. wrong. wrong. self importance. I am up to it. wrong. Just a fool. well. forget what you think you know. the outcome atu o: the fool. I sense a peice of allgeorical fiction in this… next time: Augoeides . the juggler. You know nothing. Trust in god and shut up. Not up to it. Compete disconnect from my old understanding. the challenge. You think you’re free and that’s exactly what you were supposed to think. hopefully that’s a painfully clear examination of how to do something like this. the holy fool. too much to learn. blind luck. Divine madness. union of opposites. missing the whole fucking point. It’s all good and it was always supposed to be good. conceit. You didn’t have to do anything. atu i: the magus. it was certainly painfull for me…lol.alchemy. It wasn’t my own work and struggle. No one can ever measure up to that. What will meeting that challenge make of me? card eleven. card nine. it was just the way things were always going.. not equal to the challenge. the summit of magickal skill. the birth of higher forms. *cough* …. You had nothing to do with it. the influence of society atu xiv: art. inadequacy. synthesis.27 just going back to sleep again. card ten. everything to everyone. jumping outside the frame. The rebellion of lucifer. ego. but imposed on me from outside. zac of all trades. getting everything on your list and thinking that’s the reason for doing it.

the freedom to express your will. The statements of intent. Not yet anyway. I make impossible demands. and a symbolic scaffold to hold the mind together under stress. which is a lot more worthwhile thing to do with your time. that with a couple of exceptions. I haven’t put a lot of emphasis on ‘getting’ the stuff on your lists. the cleansing of external influences. It’s only useful insofar as it shows you how far you’re prepared to go to get your latest hookup. Rather I’ve encouraged you to explore your desires. This purification process. and start taking exception to my approach. The reason for that is. The cultivation of concentration. 2005 At this point. as you explore and integrate aspects of the unconscious. lay the groundwork for the biggest piece of alchemical heavy lifting you’re likely to attempt on my watch. and come back to me. Save yourself the hassle and go watch Requiem for a Dream. but that would be too bad. but pay more attention to the evolving process of your own will. However I assure you there is a method to it all. It’s by far more beneficial to go ahead and do things. and threaten you with madness and insoluble moral and ethical paradoxes.28 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged IX: Solve et Coagula Saturday. Week after week. clarify and strengthen your intention. This is all going somewhere.. the willingness to commit yourself. along with all the other skills I’ve been sharing. you might be thinking that I’m just fucking with you. I call you names. I certainly have sympathy for anyone who wants to get their back up about all of that. For most people. Perhaps my rhetorical excesses are just an excuse to pick at everyone’s emotional scabs and call it insight. as it begins to purify itself. getting the shit you want doesn’t matter. and in general check your head. because then you’d be missing the opportunity to look at yourself. even if it’s just to yourself. For instance. October 15th. you may or may not have noticed. I swear. getting the things you want is like a heroin addict getting a fix. .

and you’ve spent some time with it. you won’t commit the cardinal sin of postmodernism: mistaking the map for the territory. a scaffold. and prioritised them. allow yourself to experience the changes that come from achieving the next goal on your list. and you know it’s just made up. What is rare is undergoing it consciously. . you are utterly transfigured. you drop it. In many cases various kind of madness and general flakiness ensue. but having unconscious contact through a symbolic intermediary. Mine is getting a bike. Spend some days on this. That’s fine. your spirit guide. Let your imagination fully absorb that and play with the ramifications. How does getting a bike change things. and imagine that you’ve already done it. Or like I said earlier. Not that you can dispense with the symbolic intermediary altogether mind you. ie: if you made the filter. anyway: here’s the basic framework of the invocation. If your goal is some kind of practice or process you’re trying to improve or implement. carries the traces of that distortion. what’s different? Use some of the submodal tricks we discussed in banishing to enrich this experience. This happening is not as rare as you might suppose. If alien abduction or angelic visitation helps you reboot your personality. thank you very much. at the level you specified.29 This is the invocation of your inner genius. you won’t make yourself over in the image of your filter. that’s what we spent the last couple episodes on after all. gone through an iteration or two? You’ve done some things. But if you selected and built the map yourself. your daimon. dropped others. The filter is like clothing. Under normal circumstances you just sort of muddle along and hope for the best. It’s important to proceed in measured steps. the holy guardian angel. When it’s done the job. from the perspective of already having the last item. In the kabbalah. I assume you’ve got got your list. not a thing that needs will to maintain. Maybe it’s fairly trivial. but when you’re able to open this channel of communication. What’s the ripple effect in other areas? Do I feel differently about my life. There are enough flakes on the internet as it is. your true will.. Again. then assume you’re at the point where it’s natural or automatic for you. Usually what happens is someone gets ‘abducted by aliens’ or talks to the archangel gabriel. What I want you to do now is take the least important thing on your list. and that’s good. If you do this honestly and carefully it will take a fair bit of time. But don’t mistake that for the source of the reboot. But move up to the next thing. Imagine you’ve gotten that. my experience? Maybe not much. That’s just embarrassing and pitiful. or has some kind of profound visionary experience and then marches off in a transformed state. then go ahead and use it. It’s supposed to take the stress of causing changes in the deeper structure. and don’t rush it. there is allowance for a kind of interface between the individual human and the divine will.

It’s critical to be able to see your self going from one to the next to the next in a way your mind will accept as plausible. which it is. conduct a kind of dialogue. You are now alchemical punter version 3. You have to do this in such a way that your mind accepts the plausibility of it. Now do it all again. and how different are they from the person you are right now? And yes. At any point. absorb the implications of that. but it also makes it easier for your mind to accept and process.. skill and clarity. more relaxed or creative? Who is this person. and answer them from that perspective. Repeat the process. Understand how much deeper and clearer they see things. walk. maybe a whole lot. this could take weeks or months to do properly. Now from the perspective of that person. You may be feeling a bit woozy after two. One or two a day is plenty. you want to follow these logical operations until you generate a massive amount of discontinuity. Treat it as a kind of meditation. but is eventually forced into a kind of crisis of reevaluation by the gap between that self and the one you have now. talk and think differently? Maybe a little. Imagine you are that person and absorb the impact. more reflective. of being. Maybe you’re a big old psycho and want to go for four or even five. How have you changed as result? How are you a different person? Do you see life differently? Are you more confident. If necessary go back and make sure you haven’t short changed any of the logical processes in your mind. If you’ve done it well the other person is almost unrecognizable to your current iteration. Do you dress differently. do think of this as a different person. at this stage. What are their priorities. Pretend you’re writing an biography of a real person. step by step. Not only is it true. . Continue this to at least three iterations. Describe the thinking and feeling process as they reach out to higher and higher aspirations. Ten new things that person wants to do. At this point most of your effort will probably be spent bridging the discontinuity between you and them. simply ask this other self some questions. Whatever. of meeting all of that persons goals. If you go too fast or pile on too many imagined outcomes your suspension of disbelief will go snap and you’ll have lost the thread of the working. Be sure to banish when you do this before and after. Just be careful not to snap the thread. Ten things that come from a different way of thinking.30 It’s really important not to rush this. In any event. That’s good. Not as a wishful fantasy trip.0 Now move on to version 4. I guarantee you’ll find it very informative to talk to a version of yourself with much more confidence. make a new list.0 Another whole list in your mind. Yes. Once you’ve done the whole list in your mind. their hopes. Banish often so as not to contaminate the working with bullshit from the rest of your current life. their fears? You may.

It’ll be slower and probably less dramatic. you could have done it many times already. But maybe it’s just growing up. confusion and fear. then good. the profound. but easier to accept than the truth. the archetypal and the idealistic. It will present itself in a way that may not be factually accurate. Maybe it’s just learning to take responsibility for all the powers we really have. That humans are what we are and we should just learn to accept it. without doubts. At some point the disassociated self images rip loose and force a communication with with the frontal mind. or friends? Do they still like the same kind of books or tv shows? Where do they live and how do they live? Do any of those things even matter anymore to this being. Flesh it out. broader shoulders. sometimes in a highly allegorical and symbolic fashion. but you’ve have the benefit of presence of mind and some influence over the content. If you haven’t done it already. instead of judging us all for the actions of a few. . Maybe you can live without excuses. Maybe it’s possible to ask more of ourselves and let others do as they please. In many traditions it is said that before this process is undergone that all acts of magick are inevitably poisoned by the cravings of the ego. awes. You would simply be feeding the hungry ghosts in your head. Maybe it’s possible to be an example and not an object lesson. There’s no reason to wait. Maybe it’s possible to have bigger hearts. Perhaps we can quit being ashamed of what we are. is for some reason or other that crisis of discontinuity builds up in the deep mind. If it inspires. without pointless resentments. Some folk may have doubts there is such a thing as a higher self. but you will almost certainly find that beyond a certain point your concerns will blend naturally into the universal. but now take the time to have a serious discussion with this being. fuelled by intense emotions or mystical experiences. created by contradictions. How does that version of yourself think about family. or even terrifies you.31 If your mind is strong and your imagination vivid. Make it real. There’s no guarantee your higher self is less egotistical than you are now. You may be incubating a self image that borders on the posthuman or semi divine. you may even be pushing the boundaries of what is normally considered to be ‘human’. That idealizing some new form of life is just a pretext to judge and reject others and promote some kind of fascist fantasy trip. and start making some tentative steps towards something we can hardly imagine right now. stronger minds. You’ve done it properly. then have your dialogue now. at least in a way that makes sense to you right now? Do you even speak the same language anymore? Can you understand this other self of yours? Or has it become too alien? What happens to most people who experience this. or what we’re not.. Maybe you don’t really need that stuff as much as you seem to think you do. and specifically address where you’re going with your life and how you can bring your current actions more in line with the long term strategy. Doing it the way I’ve presented here should sidestep those problems.

we’re just now getting started. So maybe the solution to our ‘human’ failings is to become something more. or any of the links in my sidebar. through the alchemy of the will expressed as change. It’s easy to look at the tidal waves of corruption. you are hopefully not simply crushed by the weight of the problems in the world today. To retire to your cave or transfigure the earth. To treat all things as the will of god. Terrence Mckenna said here that perhaps the only hope for the salvation of the world is through magick. You are a part of nature. you do have influence. while we’re currently on part ix of these. that humble acceptance hasn’t done it either. The same. to do anything. and you don’t need to be afraid to use it.. and throw up your hands. To accept the ebbs and flows of impermanence. you can change things. filth. next: a brief pause for station identification . But the path of the magus is different. We’re only human after all. The path of the mystic is to rest in the unchanging. That’s natural. And these things seem so far beyond the grasp of any normal human being. to turn back to your own concerns and leave the world to fend for itself. You will is just as much an expression of god as any other. murder and deceit. The same. Your will is as valid as any other. That preaching hasn’t done it. really. To do nothing. that science and reason haven’t done it.32 If you’ve been reading my stuff for a while now. With that in mind.

then your mind will fill that space you opened with something. and give some tips on how to fill out the skeleton. It’s not much fun. and use questions. and this is one way of coming in through the back door. and projecting them forward tends to be a highly linear. the methods will get more and more abstract by neccesity. 2005 This’ll be an extension of the last installment. If you ask your holy guardian angel why you’re such a fuckup. There are vast regions of the mind you either cannot or choose not to access under normal circumstances. they can unlock that holistic right brain integrative function that most of us can’t quite get a grasp of. You need to find a way to make a phase shift. and you need a way to sidestep that. because depending on how you shape them. and the great work even less so.. left brain kind of process.33 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged X:Into the Crucible Monday. It works in much the same . Making your lists. On the other hand. You don’t need superhuman intelligence giving you superhumanly accurate reasons why you’re a failure in all your relationships. as I’d recommended you do before. In the past I’ve had success using poetry or fiction to accomplish that kind of whole mind synchronization. So be careful. As we go farther. being as it an expansion of the augoeides process and how to go about it. they open up a space your mind is compelled to fill. but in this case I’ll take a different angle. why your job sucks and how you’ve failed everyone you ever cared about. not just an additive progression. and there is the possiblity of making your future into some kind of exaggerated projection of the trends of your present. October 31st. Real life as most people live it isn’ t like that. You definitely need to add a personal element to make the daimon spring to life for you. I’ll share some pieces of my own approach. as it were. if you use them well. believe me. Questions are powerful.

to make the biggest difference in myself? . I formulated the five questions ahead of time. and spending another two polishing the martial arts every day as well. A long ways from who I am now. I’m more relaxed. I’ll be picking this conversation up with a version of myself that is somewhere between the second and third iterations. _________________ In brief. ordained and learning to teach dharma classes. but as my mind got stronger and I felt better. more flexible and faster than ever. I eat better. In any case. now that I don’t have to justify not doing everything I’m capable of. proficient speed reader. That kind of thing drains you a lot. I have so much more energy. you might want to try it. you know what I mean? I’m more confident. I have more time to train and study. So he’s a practicing medical massage therapist. what are the biggest differences between your current life. let’s jump to the example.34 way the use of divination does. Since we’ve already done that. This piece will help solidify the connection so I can move into the fourth or even fifth iterations of the process without snapping the thread. Pretty soon I’ll have enough to go to japan to train or maybe new jersey and the tracker school. and then sat down to write the answers out. I make more money and spend less. I quit the old job once I was getting money for massage work. and solidly in the habit of meditating at least two hours every day. cleared my mind with some concentration practice. Treating symbols as answers does more or less the same thing. the days went farther and I did more with them. which freed me up to do things that actually meant something to me. What are the things that from the perspective of the future I ought to change today. It’s hard work to do so much and finish it all every day. I worried that there wasn’t going to be enough time to do everything. I’m thinking about perhaps buying land the way ran prieur did. and my own? I work for myself and make my own schedule.. Maybe a little less. I can read a book each day easily in a couple hours. feel better and look better. but it’s easier than not doing it. but still recognizable and intelligible. I’d rather be exhausted than frustrated and ashamed of myself any day of the week. did my banishing. now thatI don’t have to bridge the disconnect between the job I was doing and my purpose in life. How far removed from me in time are you? About two years at the rate you’re going.

Nothing is impossible and you’ve always known that. Going back to the same websites ten times a day isn’t helping anything except to take the edge off your boredom. I’ve been with Alaina for a few years now and I think I need to give some thought to our future together. and never let anyone take it away from you. It feels good to help. To point to a better world. god can fix it. You know well that getting off your ass is the hardest part. That’s why you’re here. but you don’t have to. but it also feels good to be friendly. And yes it’s not easy explain to them. Petty and vindictive people will be petty and vindictive people. now I have to think about what to do with them. and then make some concrete decisions of how and what I’m going to do in the long term. You never surrender to despair. Like I said.. At the same time. that I’ve gotten my own stuff more or less under control. To give them hope when there is none. Not everyone is a broken robot who needs a shrink. Up until now I’ve sort of been coasting while I worked on myself and she developed her career. If you can face it. Even when you were the lowest you never gave up. Be more open and giving with people. To show them things they can’t bring themselves to believe. You’re here to give people hope. so quit trying to protect yourself from them. You’re never going to be a boring person. quit wasting so much time on trivia. I have to think about reaching out to more. You never accepted that we were stuck with this. Not to fool your self or others. . Other than that. You’ve always seen a different world than this one. I’d like to be able to get an overview of everything. Not to pretend that things are different than they are. and what is my purpose here? It’s simple when you think about what you’ve always done and still do. Time to change that. I want to diversify. Practice more instead. and how do you pursue them? I’m at a transition.35 Spend less time thinking about what you’re going to do and just do it. it is hard work. you know that. It won’t kill you to smile a bit more. Yes. they don’t understand where you’re coming from. but doing it is easier than feeling like shit for not doing it. But to face what the world is and to face the job of making it better. I’m starting to get a handle on the skills I set out to learn when I was a kid. Everything you’ve learned. Now. What is your list of goals. I’ve gotten good at helping people one a time. My mind is getting strong enough to bridge a lot of fields and take in huge amounts of information quickly. everything you’ve done is a way to prepare yourself for that. the last thing you want is to become just like them. What is my life really about. when no else can see it .

3 hours of insight or concentration practice every day 2.36 The dharma practice is very fruitfull. Risk can only be reduced so far. But at least you will be where you were meant to be. sooner or later. I think it’s possible I may have to reasses everything when that happens. 1. but it’s the truth and you know it. Don’t forget that all you really want is to connect with a larger purpose. practice dream yoga to reduce my need for sleep and explore lucid dreaming 8. do a structured series of readings in one new field every month 10. ____________ Next: apocalyptic supermind . I’m starting to see glimpses of what the culmination of the path might be. Don’t fall so in love with skills and knowledge that you hesitiate to give yourself when it’s needed. make concrete plans to go to japan or the tracker school in new jersey What do you want to tell me that I haven’t already asked? There’s only so much preparation you can do. give some serious thoughts to the future of my relationship 4. no matter how much you study and train. 3 hours of martial arts practice everyday 6. I’d like to set aside time for retreats to bring that about. look into buying some land 7. I feel sure that it will.. teach dharma classes for beginners 3. make plans for a spiritual retreat of two weeks every year 5. At a certain point you have to make a leap of faith and trust that you will either survive it or you won’t. That’s not easy to accept. expose more people to my hobby-based writing and speaking 9.

It may feel like your life and mind are dissolving into chaos. poison represented an agent of transformation. The crisis that precedes re-integration. October 31st.. darker emotions come to the fore. you may come to a place where a lot of heavier. To them. but it is neccisary and you might as well embrace it.37 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XI:The Putrefaction Monday. By definition. the darkening. It may be that in the augoeides work. Nevertheless it is true. the descent into chaos. accentuating all the things you want to be. There are always things left on the other side of that wall. . that you need. the putrefaction. The immersion into the shit and poison you’ve been incubating in your head for so long.Vessel of God At a certain point in the work. you will find that the projection of idealised self images helps draw out some of the repressed material in your psyche. Boyd Rice. Maybe you left your clarity in the basement when you threw your rage out. But that split is never a clean one. 2005 To the alchemists. And there is an alchemical myth about a poison which for most men is extremely deadly. of course. In ancient alchemy this is known as the nigredo. Maybe you took the edge off your confidence when you decided to be stop bullying people. the symbol and its very meaning had far more esoteric connotations. It’s also a manifestation of unresolved contradictions that may take on life of thier own because of the energy your concentration practice is feeding them. while for the elect it confers mastership and absolute power. a vehicle for the reconciliation of opposites. You may add all kinds of Jungian blather about the id and shadow at this point. I wouldn’t want to tell you that it’s a ‘good’ thing. can only mean repressing the things you don’t want to be.

If it never comes. I squeeze my mind until it’s like a perfect diamond. I have nothing in common with these people. Everything you stand for is systematically being reduced to rubble and ashes as we speak. It’s part of the work. soon. real steel. twisted and perverted everything that walks crawls or flies to line your pockets. It can be seductive. There is nothing for me here anymore. I’m not here because you and people like you have raped the earth. off the leash and out for a run. Anyone who tried to come between you and me is dead. I’m not here because of that. it never comes.. these platitudes. I pack the few things I care about in a small bag. forever. violated children. To see yourself without remorse. Pretending I didn’t have a little eruption of it the other night. It’s easy to rationalise a little bit more. I leave this place. to be a little less compassionate. I’ve always known it would be this way in the end. I ‘ve been in the woods for almost a year. without compromise. It’ll make me weak and slow and it will kill me before I do what needs to be done. For some reason I kept it in the corner of my eye for so long. The alternative is madness. in the safe realms of fiction land. like I anticipated in part VIII. to feel more self rightious than you deserve. Real edge.38 It goes round and round like this and sometimes you need to wallow in the sickness to find the pieces you’ve lost. or restraint. but I’d be remiss in not mentioning it. And now I know why. and in a few minutes I’m going to snap your fucking neck with my bare hands. here is my shadow. these words. And then I pick up the sword. __________ People may think I’m dead by now. or worse. And you’ll be dead too. ********* Don’t speak. But not yet. So for those of you waiting for me to ‘flip my shit’ again like I did in part IV. Why did it take me so long to face what I really am? . I don’t pick it up very often. Don’t bother calling for help. It’s real. I have to rip free of all that old garbage. _________ The sword has been sitting in the corner for several years. First I want you to understand why I’m here.

That’s the sad thing. I’m clarifying their mission statement. Classes on awakening. But I don’t want a thimble full of rats blood. It’s time to give them something to fear. Once they’re in the door I start to condition them. Some are only useful for money. _________________ It amazing how easily some folks see what they want to see. I want a river. I say. And I want the fattest pigs in the barn. ___________ I’d feel a little worse about dealing heroin if I t weren’t being primarily consumed by my rank and file cultists. but a few can be turned into perfect killing machines. Short term money. vague promises. Fuck them and fuck their merry go round. My soldiers need to taste some blood. ___________ I start small. Vague ideas. Some hits to cut a piece of the drug trade. This robot factory is so fragile and yet we work so hard to keep it going. I don’t need many. Even the ‘revolutionaries’ just secretly want to be in charge. An executive or two. But enough of them are able to carry guns.39 No more. brokerage houses and wall street legal firms. In another life I might have cared about the irony. ready to do some business on wall street. I’ll feed them their own hearts. Most are cannon fodder. They already thought they were on a mission from god. It didn’t take long at all to convince all the usual lowlives I was just another decadent cult leader with a gang of fanatics. Too bad the only people who do it are pathetic hedonists and manipulative narcissists. Everyone wants to lash out at these scum but no one had the intelligence or the guts to make it happen.. I’m just a sub contractor for god. or influence. ___________ The posters are simple. It’s so easy. My first meeting on ‘investing’ my drug profits and all I can think of is how badly I want to kill them all. And the little parasites will all burn in the end. who I cherry pick from all the biggest investment banks. There’s so much built up resentment in society. . It’s easier when you’ve done it yourself. I walk back to the city. too.

Because if they’re not already gone. That’s partly true. It took years but I found out all their names. Got a little more blood from this stone we call earth. And here I am. they soon will be. I knew you’d all try to run. Can you call wall street a cult? ___________ The first day of the big push makes 9-11 look like the fourth of July. ___________ I’m killing them all right now. but they didn’t take it seriously. “why is it still here. I told him one day I would come thank him. I have all your names. and I’ve spent many many years training men and women whose sole joy is the idea of tearing people like you apart. . The paedophiles. As I looked into his eyes I imagined punching my hand through his chest. ___________ I shook his hand once at some dinner. How much easier is it to wreck the system when you’re practically running what’s left of it. You guys did such a good job of hollowing out the military and police force that they won’t be able to fight for you. Cowards always think deep down that everyone else must be a coward too.. Because no one can be bothered to clean it up and get rid of it. You guys knew the system was coming apart anyway right? You dragged it out a lot longer than I expected. Marshall Mcluhan said once that the people who own society have no belief in it. and all of his friends.40 Someone said once that there are no heroin or cocaine cults. the liars and thieves. And I was waiting for you. all their hiding places. for everything they’d done. So put them out of your mind. It’s amazing what you can buy off the back of a truck in the former soviet union. Most people would give anything to have such a clear sense of happiness. he said. And you’ll be nothing but a memory. the rapists. He blinked and smiled awkwardly. It’s even more amazing no one ever used one. the blackmailers. then?” someone asked him. Nor do they care to. after years of neglect and disfunction? I practically advertised I was going to do it. I’ll be the one teaching them to grow food in a few years. and where they would run when it all came crashing down.

you see. And you gave the camera one of those smirks. Now I know. and I guarantee it won’t hurt any more or less than you deserve. you know. It might as well be me. then I can accept that. How many lives have you unmade? You had to know someone would come for you eventually. I used to wonder what that might mean. I’m here because one day a long time ago I was looking at you on tv. The world makes us and unmakes us. That’s what your little rapist’s religion tells you. Not ever. I’ve had a long time to think about this. My first name is from the bible. but we all have a place in nature. God remembers. This may end up being the purpose of my life. No? That’s too bad. We’re all too weak and stupid and complacent to fight you.41 So I’ll tell you why I’m here. Not now. I promise I’ll make it quick and clean. So we know who you are. Smile for the camera. It’s etymology is “god remembers”. Have you ever wondered what a thousand rich child molesters crucified on the front lawn might look like? With their severed cocks stitched up inside mouths that have had all their teeth kicked out? The world is about to see what that looks like. I wonder… how many children died. This is when you were still officially in power. And if so.. and the last thing they ever saw was that fucking smirk on your face? How many? If you can remember even one of their names. at last. I always wanted to be an artist. and we know our business together. and we know who I am. How you can take what you want and play everyone for fools and make a mockery of every honorable and compassionate thing in this world. and you thought no one would ever call you to account for it. . It took me a long time to understand it. Yours won’t be the first stupid religion to join the ashpile of history. Those smirks where you’re just broadcasting to everyone how untouchable you are. You and everyone like you. You pissed on it. That’s why I’m here. right? Well I guess you were wrong. Don’t worry. I’m sure you know what I mean. As long as you die knowing that there is justice in this universe and no one escapes it. This is ours.

no matter how seemingly ridiculous. or any other science We’ve spent a fair bit of time already tinkering with the first two. Insufficient skills 3. Insufficient knowledge 2.. Not to worry. November 13th.42 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XII:Getting Yours Sunday. Being subject to unpredictable randomness. turn to the dark side. The ‘laws’ of physics. 1. Now we will.. ie ‘chance’ 5. You’ll grow out of that. don’t say I didn’t warn you. . Up until now we haven’t given too much air time to the prospect of ‘getting yours’. 2005 Even if you’re currently in the throes of some divine revelation spurred on by your augoeides workings. you’re not reflexively bound by some set of neurotic limitations in what you think you can and cannot do. you’re still going to need to give some thought to how you’re going to pursue your goals. I hope by now. Lack of time 4. At this stage you can probably be trusted not to flip your shit. If you’re just dropping in now… well. but it may still be that you’re not prepared to put the more outrageous or grandiose things on your list yet. You may even say that being in the throes of divine revelation is the best possible reason to consider how you’re going to pursue your goals from one day to the next. If you think about it there are really only five factors standing between you and pretty much anything you can imagine. or hang yourself in the shower. Or at least tinkering with your mind such that you can approach the first two in the most efficient way.

not asking to be shielded from something you know is coming. The fifth is the most seemingly intractable. not pleading. That’s it. It surely doesn’t need to be that complex. or they have too much emotional negativity tied up in not getting it. It doesn’t matter whom or what you ask. ‘Seemingly’ being the operative word. bugs bunny. even if they do become desperate enough to try this. You ask to make a connection to someone that you think you’re going to value and cherish. and you have to be willing to accept it in whatever way it presents it self. Rest assured that as you develop in the first four. create obscure glyphs representing their requests and wank or flagellate themselves to sidestep the ego attatchment to not asking for help. Very little you do would be more fruitfull than figuring out how to circumvent the supposed ‘laws’ of the physical universe. But in the rest of your life you’re treating people like shit. You might be calling bullshit just now. Now let me be more specific here about what you do need: You have to have a clear idea of what you want. the fifth will seem a lot less imposing. Chaos magicians usually call it sigilisation. But I don’t suppose most of you care to spend your lives that way. or they’re asking for something in an excessively specific way. Just ask for it. Some call it conjuration. or enchantment. Your mental abilities will dictate how well you can use. and prioritize your life. are asking for something they don’t want to go away. How exactly does one engineer around the apparent randomness of events? The answer to this is rather simple.. but tell me… have you tried it? Have you tried asking for a seemingly random bit of life to come your way? Not begging. or having the touch. is. but if your behavior and consciousness contradicts the thing you’re asking for. Just stating your intentions clearly and asking for help. Most people. your own higher self. Guess what? The universe doesn’t just listen when you ask it to. Which leaves the fourth. For example: you ask to meet a new partner. then you’re already asking for the opposite thing a hundred times a day. Some people call this prayer. it’s all well and good to ask for the universe to help you out one time. . What I mean by that last one. and depends largely on how you structure it. It doesn’t matter what you call it. All that is required is the willingness to ask for assitance from a force outside your normal understanding. Some call it flow. not threatening. The universe. perceive and reinterpret time. Makes no difference whatsoever. stated in the positive. valis.43 Time is fairly elastic. god.

If you change your mind a hundred times a day. And secondly. it teaches you to PAY ATTENTION. It’s inertia. then asking for a real connection one time isn’t gonna make much difference. but specify how you want all the normally random stuff to go. sooner or later. If your behavior is saying you don’t respect your connection with people. in a sphere that is least likely to intersect other people. You also have to consider that there could be dozens. Just your regular routine.. Is it any wonder your mind is so weak? The real exercise is in the down time. Don’t ask for completely out-of-context occurrences just yet. All the trivial random stuff that nobody pays any real attention to. I’ll offer you a little exercise to sharpen your skills in this area. Firstly it trains you to formulate and state your intentions consistently. That’s where you build strength and that’s where you have to worry about resistance the least. but since I like to think I’m such a nice guy. The ’sooner or later’ aspect is something to keep in mind too. Most of you are so fixated on your big flashing shiny dream goals for a few hours a day and then shut your intention off the rest of the time. Specify which videos are going to be rented out at the video store. The universe seems to be made of energetic wave material. This serves a few purposes. or even hundreds of people pulling in different directions. so it’s not suprising that almost nobody does it successfully. If you want it to respond. The public sphere is a heavily contested region for the ‘gangs of rival shamen’ that RAW likes to talk about. The guy or gal who gets to it first has the edge. who do you want to talk to. or get some help. which songs on the radio or in the setlist for a band you’re seeing. If you’re one of those folks who gets approached by strangers. you have to be consistent and you have to be willing to wait. Every day. All of this mitigates against your ability to influence probability. specify what episode of your tv show is going to be on that night. or you can’t spend more than five minutes focusing on your stated result. The one last thing to keep in mind is that because the material world is slow moving. Don’t ask for something to go away.44 It listens all the time. Every day state in the positive how you want all the random stuff to happen. The smaller and more personal your arena the easier it is to make things flex for you. and very slow. Specify how long it takes to get to work. So you either have to wait for your opening. Notice . It tends to preference what already exists. Specify who phones you in the evening. on a consistent basis. Keep in mind what I said here about clearing out your contradictory focuses. what do you want them to talk about? Etcetera etcetera…. Say what you want instead. that responds to intention the way lucid dreams do. Specify who you bump into on the way. compose a little story about how you want things to go. but much of it is very thick. and it gives you what you ask for the most. the material universe is going to respond to the guy next to you who has it it a bit more together.

It’s the nature of the universe.. ie. next: weapon of choice .45 that these benefits all accrue irregardless of whether any of the things you ask for actually occur or not. iwanthisiwantthissobadit’sgoingotbesoawesomewhenigethisi justcan’twaittoget whati’ve beenobsessingaboutforsolongandi’vegottahaveitfuck whatifitdoesn’tworktheni’mreallyfucked thisshitsuckswhyamieventryingfuckfuckfuckcommoncommon work!!! Clear enough? DON’T do that. just remember: it’s not you. And when you start feeling extremely paranoid. Any problems arise from deranged people who aren’t shy about asking for help with their deranged ideas. and assume that it will work if you stay with it and hold steadily. banish often. The world is a friendly place. The last thing to be wary of is what crowley calls the ‘lust of result’. Just chill. Have fun.

you can practice ten parts. With me so far? No? Why is that? Are you secretly thinking that there’s just no way you’ll ever do all this stuff. We’ll assume you are instead winner. Who cares? .46 - Alchemy for The Braindamaged XIII: Biting Through Monday.. But I digress. Understanding one part. unless it’s your welfare checque. . 2005 Excellence or inferiority in learning to comprehend essence and life is all a matter of finding out principle. you can practice one part. Do not collect two hundred dollars. even if it takes you the rest of your life. Do not pass go.scripted. That you can and will accomplish all of your goals. Like Chris Walken you are the man ( or woman ) with the plan. and you’re hoping maybe just thinking about it is gonna make you feel better? Fuck that shit. so what? You’re gonna get everything you want. then you’re the happy owner of what we call a loser script. November 21st. For the sake of argument we’re going to presume that you can and will do everything you set out to do. You’ve failed before you even started. If you aren’t willing to believe that yes. you will indeed accomplish everything you set out to do. understanding ten parts.the Taoist I Ching Okay. But really. and proud of it. That is simply our opening proposition.

and above all to give you a sense of emotional satisfaction. like most people do. Until you see the underlying game rules. too. For as long as you’re attatched to anything resembling an outcome. Stop me if this sounds familiar: you get up in the morning or whenever. not the other way around. All the particulars. but have you ever stopped to consider the nature of the game itself? And no. and recognize it for what it is. For a second or two. As in I ching hexagram 21. CONTENT. and choose the parameters accordingly. Ignore the specifics. The limit conditions. to numb out the sense of not having any emotional satisfaction. That’s an exotic option. But it is very important that you do it. the rules and expectations. short of disengaging from them entirely. the colors inside the lines. Gandhi was once heard to say: What you do doesn’t matter at all. but it’s doable. you gotta bite through all that content and get to the root. and you fulfill whatever you perceive to be your obligations or important projects. or you can take some faltering steps toward personal authenticity and existential commitment.47 I know you do. I’m not talking about some kind of conspiracy narrative or social control rant. You could spend a million lifetimes shuffling around content inside the frame of whatever your current parameters happen to be. but why? It’s just content. The size of the field. What are the parameters that constrain the content? How are you any different than all the other talking monkeys who quest for an abstract sense of emotional fulfillment every day? Probably only in the contours of your game. the people in your life. the game is playing you. There’s always going to be some set of game rules. Now there’s not much chance you’re going to be able to disengage from the content when it’s bombarding you in some kind of endless confusing wave. The things you eat. you enact the same rituals over and over again to reinforce a sense of continuity and familiarity. Think about that for a little while. the things you say. their games and whatnot. It’s just a game. most people wouldn’t do that even if they had the ability. When you’re fooled by the changing appearances of things into imagining that what’s happening to you day after day doesn’t follow any underlying principles.. ignore the content. . But generally speaking. And you may be sliced bread in your chosen game. You can immerse yourself in the content and try to forget it’s only a game. or at the very least. you’re going to have to accept the fact that your life is a game. which they usually don’t. and consider the lines. what you do and how you feel about it. Is that satisfactory? Maybe it is. That’s just content. I’m talking about the parameters that enclose the content. The world’s largest stack of monopoly money is still monopoly money.

Your ability to engage an object of focus and hold it. Every human has them. Now if these sound really abstract. it’s because each of you already uses them all. the Cup is acceptance. and everything that you find is yours to play with. Most cultures identify these with the elements. One of you may have a strong wand and treat the world like your playground. or even create a new game altogether. nor do they care to. Theoretically we all deal with the same shared cultural content. To place two different things in the same sphere and examine how they work together. the Sword. but we’ll start with four. active force. but the way we contexualise it. To magnify a corner of the picture and make that your whole world. or pentacle. To let things come to you and accept them as they are. To break anything you see into pieces that you can handle easily. To step back. To scale down. The root meaning of the word reality is ‘a small coin’. Some of you may habitually take the sword to everything in your life. makes all the difference.. what we choose to engage or disengage with. The passive principle. the Cup. but in utterly idiosyncratic ways. To rest in the role of being acted upon. many americans couldn’t find canada on a map. This is why many rituals take place in a circle. You make the rules. Conversely. It represents dynamic. and the Coin. collapse the game. Chop it up and see how it works. The coin is synthesis. also known as the pentacle or the disc. There are plenty of these archetypal modalities of consciousness. In each case we have an enclosed circle. The Wand.48 And again. apply your intent and sustain it. The Sword is analysis. The only difference is how we apply them. analyzing it into it’s smallest details. When you use the wand you are the actor. for instance. a perimeter drawn. The limits of your coin are the limits of your world. drawn on the ground. . The rules I’m talking about are in your head. Others feel comfy speculating on the nature of collapsed neutron stars in a distant galaxy and how it might impact on their lives. To let go of a context that you don’t like anymore. To scale up your focus and take in a bigger picture. to play a part in someone else’s game. You see? There’s so much room for variation there. You are the center of the drama. and usually dies never even recognizing them. And opposite that is the Coin. The Wand represents the will. The ability to disengage from a set of foci. To rub out your old boundary and draw a bigger one. the way we place a frame around the stuff to deal with it. let me stress. manifest it. but for our purposes we’ll treat them the way the hermetics do: as your magickal weapons. is born with them. what acts on us. The wand allows you to enter a new game and make it your own. another might be happy just to rule the roost at home. or what we act upon. Some may have a very small pentacle. and out. this is not some kind of high horse conspiracy rant. others may accept everything uncritically until it’s time to place bets on football. To divide things into their component parts.

I WILL. What on your list could benefit from being broken down into something smaller? Take anything that’s too big right now and break it into steps. but quick. right? Some people only really do one thing for their whole lives. I hope. The Cup: Now take a deep breath. actually? A taoist sage said once that worry is preposterous: we don’t know enough to worry about anything. What really enriches your mind and your soul. than it’s necessary to have nice clothes to feel good about your appearance. and what’s just distractions? Drop at least one thing you want altogether and replace it with helping some one you love with something they want. The Sword: What don’t you understand? What’s too big to get your head around? Your life is built on billions of tiny interactions and processes that you know NOTHING about. Quit trying to bang your life. But it can help. Quit buffering the fear of failure and just announce yourself. And while you’re at it change any wimpy wording: no more I want. Why are you trusting someone else to fix something you won’t even look at? Why are you worried about politics when you can’t manage your relationships? Why are you worried about relationships when you can’t manage your health? Why are worried about your health when you can’t manage your own thoughts? Why are you worried about anything. there’s a lot of room to play with your toys. or you could use your sword to take your sense impressions down to the level of virtual particles blinking in an out of existence in the femtosphere. Whatever floats your boat. . Make the first step your new goal. It’s castles made of sand in the end. The Wand: this is the easiest because the act of setting goals in the first place is a function of the wand. _______ Homework: You’ve been off the hook for a while now.. you better get on that understanding thing. in four parts. I’d like…. You could have a pentacle that encloses the whole shimmering infinite void. as is much of what we’ve done so far. so we’ve got a hard one. I tend to think it’s better not to have the crutch in the first place. So since you’re gonna worry anyway. But take the time to see if anything on your list could benefit from more specificity. Time to dust off your list of delusi. Look at your goals and decide if you’ll really care one way or another in a few years. What exactly do you want and how exactly do you want it? None of this wishy washy crap.49 You could be the wand itself and feel like god on earth. Make it so. Do you really need all this stuff? It’s all just content anyway. Sooner or later you need to drop the crutch. Now it’s no more necessary to actually have a physical weapon of each type to experience these phenomena.I mean goals. your friends and yourself into some arbitrary shape. What I’m saying is. fuck that. The universe responds to courage. or you could be the holy grail of christ on the cross. I’ll wait.

Imagine what a red giant or a binary star looks like coming up in the morning. How many civilizations do you think are out there? Even if you think there aren’t any. but our decendants probably will. very personally important goals. do you think? Sunrises right here are pretty impressive. Is what you’re doing with your life going to be worth mentioning when they do? Is that okay with you? In the context of a universe that probably does contain an inconceivable number of races with an inconceivable number of languages. Don’t confuse the two. Just remember: There’s a difference between having a small world and being afraid of a big one. That’s cool.. or just small and trivial? You may have some very small. You and I may never go there.50 The Coin: Go outside on a clear night. very specific. how many stars? How many planets? How many natural wonders exist on those worlds. are you going to feel honored to participate. artifacts and works of art. . Check the stars.

just a you that maybe you don’t identify with very much anymore. It’s no more or less ‘real’ than the persona you assume with your significant other. They may all be very different. to fit into a certain situation. and the rest are deliberate ‘acting’. in a number of different contexts. that probably is still ‘you’. What you likely don’t pay much attention to is the mechanism whereby you switch from one role to another. but you recognize them all as authentic or true reflections of you as a person. but you probably don’t think about it very much. You always are aware of acting. but you slip into when you’re with your folks because you have so much practice with that role. or had it pointed to you. Even contradictory. Deep in all of us is the need for a kind of internal stability and consistency and this leads us to adopt certain behaviors as helpful to that goal. and they may be radically different. whereas in work or school or public places.. that while you think of yourself as a coherent entity. 2005 I’m going to ask you to think about roles for a second. Part of the reason is we tend to have one or two core roles that we think of as us. or your best friends. there is more of an impetus to present a contrived or forced appearance that is so antithetical to your usual set of references that it’s impossible to lose your self-consciousness in those contexts. you in fact play a number of different roles. when you’re with your parents. You probably know this already. December 5th. I’m sure you’ve probably recognized. You’re always holding an aspect of yourself outside the experience.51 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XIV:Design Science Revolution Monday. and reject others as contrary. . or the mechanism whereby you lose yourself in certain roles and not others. What I mean is.

and more importantly. Now. I know that there are for myself. but the point is that you could. Am I saying that there are no such things as spirits and gods? Absolutely not. Anthony Hopkins did such a good job losing himself in the role of Hannibal Lecter that he needed professional help to disentangle himself from it after the fact. a common range of experience. The reason this works is that you already have a whole bunch of different scales for experience in your head. but to conceptualize entirely different orders of experience and understanding they felt the need to attribute them to autonomous complexes of energy and intentionality. So then. with no roles of your own that use a completely different range of experience? The short answer is you steal them. but all that does is establish a new ceiling to bang up against. Some cultures call this possession. and inhabit it fully? And why exactly would we want to do that you might ask? Well. and bring it into everyday life? To craft a new identity. The reason it makes no difference is that anything you think you can know or experience by assuming the role of some other entity is still going to come through your hardware. ancient practitioners understood this concept. sometimes profoundly. spirits. you want 20 or 30 or 100 instead? How the hell do you do that. that creates a context where you can theoretically lose yourself in a role that has nothing whatsoever to do with your inner compass. Now maybe you don’t want to borrow the worldview of a fictional cannibalistic serial killer permanently. isn’t it possible to transplant that focus. You adopt another identity. So what happens if you want to totally step outside of that old scale.. regardless of how different your various personal roles might be. It will probably help. You can get the same charge theoretically from a made up deity as you can from one with a long history. they share certain common traits. one of those unifying modalities like we discussed last time.52 But if you were to participate in the theatre for instance. What if you don’t want to bust your ass to reach 11. and not feel threatened. gods whathaveyou. More on that another time. That ceiling is a reference point for all your various personality roles. and you may well get to a new place from time to time. that your roles cluster around. If you think of joy on a scale for instance. that ability to adopt different persona. You needn’t bother with that unless you want to. ie. you may have a bunch of roles that go to 5 or 6 on the joy scale. Why is that? Well in either case it depends entirely on how well you can ‘lose yourself’ on command in your new persona. and one that goes to ten occasionally. in ritual magick this is known as invocation. but it makes no difference. That 1-10 scale itself is one of those core principles. but you divide them into two types: ones that are possible for . but none of them go past ten. but there can be side effects. and then you drop it. Or anything else for that matter. demons. You can push against that ceiling really hard.

Deep down. child. homework. Compassion. at least temporarily. To the extent the self can be considered an object at all. distinctive vocabulary. fiction and entertainment. pupil. The problem with this is that you don’t have a self. First off. Alongside each one. a complex of interchangeable modules. but it’s nothing of the sort. note which role you were operating in at the time. To admit you can instantly step into ten thousand on the bliss scale requires you to let go of your whole invested life experience. Compose a description of that person. Now based your own scale decide on someone. It is a process. Partner. habits. real or fictional who has that quality at some new. ego is not a thing. relationships. 100 on the joy scale is.53 you. So lets be clear about what it is. Creativity. Pick some quality you want a bit more of. It’s tempting to think of ego or self as some kind of object or indwelling essence that needs to be dropped or exorcised.. speech and behavior. this hypothetical ’self’. and how it feels. debauched reprobate and so forth. their attitudes and beliefs . The only thing holding you back is the ignorant assertion of a core identity. In order to keep your internal continuity you sort experiences and sensations you have no persona structure to support into the category of ‘other’ and save them for fantasy. you’ve got a pretty good idea of what 20. it is a designed object. beliefs and experiences saying that the ‘best’ you can do is a ten on the joe/jane blow scale and you fought damn hard to do that. Inner peace. arbitrarily high number. ie. It is the process of referencing one’s self through thoughts. Detatchment. Treat that core identity as what it is: a stepping stone. ‘You’ are a plurality. We go into tailspins of confusion and dismay when we think of what might happen if we lost our egos. All the problems arise from trying to make a dynamic process into a static object. Understanding. A set of markers for your next reconstruction. and then we can start making it work for us. and rate them on a scale. but you diligently keep the door shut on stepping into that yourself. and you are the designer. 30. and ones that are not. to keep your identity from falling into complete disorder. Bliss. Of their personality traits. Make a short list of the five most profound experiences you’ve had of that type. So it would be better to say that ego is the whole complex of mental programs chasing it’s own tail in the effort to affirm the existence of a non existent thing. It’ll always be there if you want to play with it again. How much harder then to tap into the ecstasy of a deity or archetype? You’ve got a whole lifetime of behaviors. in what you think you already see and know about the world. To adopt a whole new view of the world requires letting go of your prior investment. because you attribute that possibility to other people and other beings.

Chances are they’re so wracked by anxiety and confusion that they have no idea whatsoever what’s going on with anyone else. make or break situations can be very helpful. nobody else really knows who you are inside and for the most part. Just have a realistic sense of what you can do at a given stage. If you’ve never explored drama or the theatre. and your neurotic habit patterns for the rest of your life or not. it’s a matter of learning to let go of anxiety and just run with it. If you don’t know or aren’t sure. nobody really cares. You’re right either way. They all want to do what you’re about to do. That big empty space that we’re always trying to fill is like a kind of irritant that the pearl of identity forms around. Role playing games are a good compromise. Conversely. Writing or talking to yourself in other voices is a useful halfway house too. you might as well relax. No. All the ins and outs of the framework that lets them sustain the quality you’re after at the level you want. then make it up. and when you shift the perspective at the core of that. The Augoeides makes good material for this because it’s an idealized or extrapolated image of self. so it’s easier to adopt what you feel is an already latent potential. At the end of the day you’ve got to decide if you want to be bound by the expectations of other people. In that way. From this point on. When you do. you’ll wonder why the hell you waited so long to get started.54 about things. Do them and yourself a favor and just get on with it. the ceiling you keep hitting in yourself is a byproduct of a bunch of other aspects of your internal structure that could take you years to root out consciously. The ability to go to a hundred on the joy scale is supported by a bunch of other things in the same structure that constellate around a different kind of hypothetical self.. but as soon as you’re out of the plane. you might want to consider it. it’s not easy. The truth is. because there’s nothing to be done about it any more. For myself I treat it like skydiving: you can obsess about your chute as much as you want. the whole structure shifts to accommodate it. Why is this necessary? Because attributes never exist in isolation. putting yourself in no-exit. . This practice helps you sidestep all that arduous drudgery.

At one point my body chemistry was so toxic I was venting tar-like black substances out of various orifices. I might have appreciated the potential of madness for art. Timothy Leary and/or NLP. as my own regimen is somewhat different and more complex than the homework assignments on AB. If I’d been thinking about it. It’s hardly cutting edge to postulate the idea of the reality tunnel. This veers dangerously close to what’s known as solipsism. I’m not sure how much the practices I advocate here might have resulted in the trip into purgatory. It does tie in thematically to our latest topic. or filter. December 27th. or various other names for deliberately altering your subjective experience of the objective world. In any event. Not to worry though: I saved some and will be selling it on ebay shortly. 2005 . Be that as it may.55 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XV: Hellworlds and Hyperworlds Tuesday. Winner script. and not particularly useful for writing pithy articles. I had not originally planned to take much of a break over the holidays. . Where most of these folk stop short is the idea that maybe your subjective reality tunnel might actually have objective effects. so we’ll be addressing my newfound streak of disorder in some fashion. even to those who make a career out of denouncing Descartes. I’ll spare you the details.. or gloss. I’d find it hard to believe many of my readers wouldn’t be familiar with Robert Anton Wilson. So lets take it as a given you can change your view of the world. but alas I was too busy squeezing every last drop of adrenaline out of my tired aching kidneys. but the alchemical process conspired to render me quite literally insane. Even the leading lights of the counterculture shy away from erasing the boundary between the observer and the observed world. The notion that our minds and the world around us might be engaged in some kind of organic interplay at the deepest level is a bit unsettling. loser script. or metaprogram. pessimist optimist yadda yadda.

at no point is the validity of the physical world out there under threat from the workings of your mind. the world seems not to agree with our weird ideas. the only people who actually roll up their sleeves and engage with that notion by and large are the occultists. the task of modifying and upgrading your reality tunnel takes on an altogether different order of importance. while you may happily accept the idea of viewing the world in a whole myriad of ways. We need to know that there is an ‘out there’ to anchor our ‘in here’. And while certain lip services are rendered to the idea of the observer created universe. chances are you still share more underlying assumptions with every other human on earth than not. In terms of what we’ve spoken of before it is the tension between the wand and the cup. is that. In that sense we absolve ourselves of any responsibility for dumping our fearful ignorant and otherwise useless views of the world. Most people simply indulge in a quest to find out what’s ‘really’ true about the world and act accordingly. or being a character in your story. You might say your memes spread as well as they may to your surroundings. Part of the reason it’s a virtual taboo. You might say something as simple as decisions informed by a particular reality tunnel tend to reinforce that reality tunnel.. If everyone were able to easily and consistently find confirmation for their strangest ideas. Deep down we all secretly suspect that there really is a world ‘out there’ that we have no effect on. because after all it’s all in my head and harms nobody. Even if our ideas of what is objectively real is primarily regulated by long term habit and unexamined prejudices. While you may have all manner of unusual notions and nonstandard views. desperately need to believe that is true. And why? Well. any notion of the consensus would unravel entirely in short order.56 Sadly the word ‘quantum’ has become as fuzzy and useless as the word ‘god’. the obvious reason is that most of us haven’t got a the slightest fucking idea how to handle our ‘in here’ so we rely on ‘out there’ to provide our reference points to keep us sane. You can found this idea on several levels of operation. and ponder whether or not your delusions are rippling out to shape the physical world in collaboration with all the other delusional schmucks in your surroundings. The flipside is that deep down we secretly. And if you’re prepared to integrate the psychoplastic ramifications of your intention on the quantum substratum of reality. If you were to incorporate some of our earlier considerations regarding the psychoplastic nature of reality. which tends to keep us all moving in more or less the same direction. Between being the author. our only real bulwark against our own potential for insanity is that beyond a certain point. You can debate which is true in some . So we have this tension between the world as creation and the world as creator. The reason I mention this is that in our own lives. that acts on us. perhaps through the phenomena of synchronicity. You might say that your views affect the views of those around you. then you’ve got a whole gamut of vectors whereby your mind infects the surrounding world. it provides a kind of stabilizing rudder and momentum for our consciousness.

Right now you’re probably pursuing someone else’s idea of treasure at the heart of the labyrinth. the degree to which we understand the journey as being an inner unfolding. the closer we are to the truth. At the end of that road is his . which you play in the pursuit of what lies at the resolution of the game. Some people define very clear games that have very clear end points. and hence you’re playing by the rules they taught you in order to get it. And even if you simply decided not to. including you. we can come to understand that perhaps the true meaning of the heroic quest is what it does to our minds. We might ask ourselves what the fuck this poor bastard thinks he’s doing in that cubicle 40 hours a week. We make these games to capture the treasures that we think will enrich us. and your place in it. it wouldn’t be sufficient. Does this mean you shouldn’t play? Does this mean you shouldn’t delve into these realms of light and darkness? Hardly. there’s always something at the heart of it that keeps you there. but that’s the parameters of the game for him. So when you look at the world around you. Certainly once we come to understand this as a psychological phenomenon with social consequences. what it looks and feels like and what you have to do to get it. usually to no avail. even if it’s simply the challenge to embrace joy and relaxation? In any event. the question always has to be: what’s at the heart of it? Why are you there and what’s the payoff that keeps you there? What are the challenges you feel you need to face to navigate this world. the reality tunnel you habitually live in. and do quickly. It is a psychological mechanism that is inherent in all human beings. It’s so much a part of you. and the games you play with yourself are seen as they are. The degree to which we externalise and project this process onto the world is the degree to which we have forgotten our own role in creating the scenario in the first place.. the moment you truly understand that you’re trying to capture something that lies dormant in your own mind. Conversely the degree to which we internalize this process. It’s important to keep in mind that whether your world is made by others or made by you. What varies is how we assemble that quest in ourselves and how we go about it. so you are well advised to come to grips with it. while others slap together endless open ended scenarios whereby they spend their whole lives chasing some nebulous notion of externalised happiness. the world view you have is a game. Everyone. it would take much of the rest of your life to fully detatch from that mindset.57 ultimate sense but what you can’t really debate is that you’re here. Anyone who has even a superficial familiarity with Joseph Campbell knows he identified the universality of the heroic quest. is take a conscious attitude to it. A very mundane example of this is the typical middle class careerperson. here you are. What you can do. goes through this continuous process of deciding what you want. Hellworld or Hyperworld. or one you might like to live in. the walls of the labyrinth become transparent. and we set these games in the worlds we believe they have to take place in. In a very real sense.

Your world. or society. the realms of unleashed progress. You’ll just be broke and homeless and still wondering how you’re going to get that brass ring one day. Thankfully we also have the Hyperworlds. ‘ peak oil’ . while always understanding the importance of walking the path of risk. ( which you’ve already done) . and lay the groundwork for others to fall into them. Of sliding into complacency and neglecting the need for challenge and growth. Your life.58 hypothetical treasure. You plumb these dark dimensions and in doing so you solidify them and call them forth. I do think the mature person chooses to live in a joyful. even if we could see it. And if you’re going to be here. And so very few of us have the discipline to back out of the trap. Each of these has their cheerleaders and evangelists.. and rebirth. ” Electronic Retribalisation”. and what sort of view of life you need to make it happen. Chances are he learned his vague dreams from someone else who lived their whole life with the same vague dreams. not your friends. The bad news is that people are swiftly being herded into a number of alternatives. If you’re really serious about getting out. “The Singularity”. define what you have to do to get it( ditto). We have the Hellworlds of ‘war that won’t end in our lifetimes’ . They infect the world. And the sad thing is. But that’s just me perhaps. or where it might end. not your significant other. You’ve just fallen into a backroad of that particular Hellworld. promising world of limitless opportunities. Material prosperity and media saturated leisure are receding in the distance. But chances are the only reason you’re there is because you convinced yourself that the carrot at the end of the stick just got yanked into the bowels of post apocalyptic nightmare and you can’t help but follow it. You make the rules. you set the standards. his sense of bliss. then define what you want. ‘climate collapse’ or ‘the new world order’. then you better make your reasons good ones.I. Your game. You do. Is it your secret desire to run free across the decimated wasteland of a collapsed western world? Maybe if your name is Ran Prieur. “S. Another lost soul in the Hellworld of bourgeoisie prosperity. . You’ll probably wander around for awhile and eventually recreate the same scenario with a few modifications. Will he ever get it? Probably not. “2012″. Until you see what’s leading you into these places you’ll never be free of them.M. ‘clash of civilizations’ . The good news is the default reality tunnel of western society is quickly losing what little grounding it had in observable truth. “The Archaic Revival”. in light of our earlier considerations. opportunity creativity and abundance. you decide if you succeed or fail. they spread.L. change.E”. your children. because he entered that game with no clear idea of where it would lead. You want to break out of that shit? Quitting your job won’t do it. The main danger to these places is apathy. Not your parents. they become more real. People wander into these headspaces because for whatever reason they feel like this stuff represents some unavoidable modification to the game rules they’ve already laid out. these nightmares aren’t just in your head.

I can see now that my initial concern was to tell a story. In some ways. before I descend into the valley of my own making again. and while the temptation is there to treat it as a mistake and wonder how to avoid it in the future. you could choose to experience anything at any level of intensity you wish. and their never-ending terrorscape might offer. I’m happy to stand on the crest of the hill and survey the landscape.. you quickly come to understand what you really value. It can remain there. conflict. of being ripped apart in the bowels of hell. In doing so I’ve come to understand very well that I’m not the only one doing this. Particularly to myself. With a toolbox for personal transformation at it’s heart. I have survived the challenges I posed to myself. not just jolts to a jaded nervous system. for a real looming sense of loss and dislocation. To make it so you’ve earned your treasures. not just nebulous anxieties. You’re playing a game with yourself for everything on your list. It’s a lucid dream and you’re in control. at least so far. but it’s partner will always be the story that makes the world. Maybe some of them are hard and you’re developing courage.59 Depending on your perspective. my methods are not much different. Although I like to think I’m presenting people with better options than the reality priesthood. In that sense the quest is a success. confusion and searching. If you’ve ever faced the prospect of losing it all. to make it real. Maybe some of them are mysterious and you’re cultivating understanding. I pull the trick on you with my left and show you how it’s done with my right. the weaknesses and childish attatchments. to craft a world of real dangers. and real potentials for adventure and growth. in the end. these things are the cornerstones of the world you’re really living in. Given that. this chapter is the pivot for everything I’ve written here so far. At any moment. Maybe some of them are easy and you’re working to overcome laziness. There are no limits. ‘The real world’ is just another story somebody told you once. driven out the flaws in my thinking. That’s what it felt like for me. only more transparent. Certainly the alchemical quest is equally founded in the transformation of the self. there is no ‘real world’ to break yourself against. And sometimes even I don’t see what I’m doing. The world and yourself are of the same clay. to paint a picture of the dark dimension growing up around us all. right? What is this all about? Maybe you’re doing what you feel like you have to do to make the experience real for you. why are you doing what you’re doing? You must have a good reason for all this struggle. A real quest for the world. The focuses you invest time and energy into reinforce that view of the . but only if you wish it. This is not just in your head. To create a world in your imagination and call it forth. and gathered the prizes I’d left in wait. Homework: Assume for a moment that it’s all a sham. Whatever the case. One thing I may have overlooked is the potential for genuine terror. For the time being. At the heart of it. this is the ultimate act of magick. the fact remains that it has helped purify me.

and look at the picture you’ve painted for yourself. then by all means do so. If you want to spend the rest of your life like Sisyphus and his rock. not the destination. But perhaps you’ve become addicted to struggle. There is fulfillment in process. Even if you could get all these things you want at the drop of a hat… would you? Would it be worth anything if you did? In many ways we validate our experiences in terms of our struggle to achieve it.60 world. It may be a dream you can’t leave yet. When it’s not rewarding anymore you can walk away. Try answering to yourself for a change and not the delusions swirling in your head. and forgotten what it’s all supposed to be for. Fuck that rock and fuck the hill. Just don’t forget you have options.. In many ways life is about the journey. Follow the cord back out of the maze. next time: stoned immaculate . So take some time to track it back. but it’s still just a dream.

While those of us playing at this little game are engaged in more or less the same process of refining and manifesting intent. I’m talking a broad stroke sweeping difference in the quality of intent. You’ll always be able to find some way in which you are not functioning well with your surroundings. levels of intent. Whatever. Meditation masters who lived in the woods and were peers of gotama at that time. resolving and repairing incidences of dysfunction of whatever type. The therapeutic level is primarily concerned with addressing perceived deficits in self or others. And I’m not talking about having personally specific content. His first students on becoming enlightened were hard core ascetics. and it’s confirmation that the process proceeds more or less as intended. not all of us are engaging in it for the same reasons. 2006 Apologies for the lag time in writings. Now that all sounds rather vague and nebulous I know. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Poor self esteem. ie.. Inevitably the act of living life starts to take away from talking about it. I’ll be making three gross divisions here. You’ll always be able to find a ‘problem’ if you look for one. poverty of sensation. The first level of intent has to do with what can be thought of as therapy. Which brings us around to our next topic. If you’re engaged in the alchemical process as a means of ‘fixing’ a ‘problem’ of some sort then that’s therapy. January 11th. mind you. . The historical buddha gotama dealt with this in his life and teaching.61 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVI: Sickly Expressed Deliverance Wednesday. They grasped his message almost instantly. In a good way thankfully. but that mindset tends to be self perpetuating. fear and insecurity. I wouldn’t recommend spending your whole life on it though. control issues. but bear with me. Namely.

Often it is a precursor. the transcendent impulse is to rise up and out of that whole context and assume a consciousness that pervades and includes all that exists. Which brings us to our next level which we may think of as the yogic level. Now.62 But as time went on and he shared his ideas with others. Here you’re extending your existing capabilities. Whereas the the artistic level is concerned with extending your reach in the conditioned realm. you can’t fix everything. definitions. So you can no doubt see how a person mired in episodes of therapeutic drama is not going to get this. The ‘wretched of the earth’ as it were. these are not all or nothing delineations. just as it is with artistic or yogicly accomplished types who exhibit the occasional burst of . a way of preparing the mind for the leap into the next level. If you try. It’s about developing skills and strength of mind. Learning to tap into higher and wider perceptions. obviously. your quest for expression will be turned into a flashing neon sign for your personal issues. more potent sources of energy.. Probably because they know full well that unless these people unfuck themselves. If you’re broken and dysfunctional you can’t really do any of this. is that transcend people quite often spend most of their time dealing with people who need therapy. That level. Or to move away from whishy washy phraseology. let alone achieving transcendence. is anything that arises or passes away in that light or awareness necessarily going to have any bearing on you at all? Probably not. to regarding yourself as being the source or substance of that phenomena itself. Nor should you. If one identifies oneself as being of the same nature as infinite light. What he stressed however is that. more profound and lasting sensations and experiences. you shift from regarding yourself as being a phenomena. is transcendent or nondual. What is interesting though. to being the light itself. People whose lives are hellish. This level shows up in all the spiritual or esoteric paths. our final one. they aren’t going to be good artists. or an endless transparent awareness. At a certain point your focus shifts to a kind of ultimate realization or release from boundaries. Much of what we know today as buddhism is what gotama created to help these dysfunctional laypeople who weren’t sufficiently together to reach any higher. The transcendent attitude is to shift from regarding oneself as being a pattern created by light. A typical metaphor is to regard the universe as a projection or hologram of some sort. like I said. History is filled with ‘transcendent’ characters with all kinds of seemingly dysfunctional personality quirks. but not always as an end in itself. conceptual structures or imprinted limitations. Simply get your shit together to the point where your life is not a train wreck and move onto higher realms of experience and intent. more and more he found that he was being approached by people who wanted to be ‘fixed’ or who had massive personal problems that prevented them from walking the path as the buddha laid it out. or the artistic plane.

For example. But in truth. And it hardly needs to be mentioned how the creative genius flirts with madness and incapacity as often as not. and I’m quite sure that most other people have this from time to time.63 transcendant insight. But. The difference is intent. or is it that they’re so dysfunctional that they’ve retreated into the false liberation of pushing your own bliss button until you don’t even register the outside world anymore? Is this really any different than a heroin addict who spends 17 hours a day on the nod staring at the tip of his shoe. So you can begin to see the tangled relationship these levels have. creative expression. Conversely. The mind is by far more complex and sophisticated than you give it credit for. and the rest will slip into insignificance. It’s primarily meant for oneself. Things that need to be handled will be handled. The point worth making is. and figure this person must be one of these suffering martyrs who bleeds for every blade of grass that goes under a lawnmower. or cash out of the game altogether. and can’t establish any healthy boundaries on what can be done to help others at the expense of oneself.. then your subconscious will put everything else in the appropriate place relative to that. Our homework is. transcendent insights to fuel your artistic expression. where is your emphasis? Where is your intent directed? Fixing shit that doesn’t work. They need devotees to spoonfeed them. If you decide where you want your conscious focus to be. where is it at for you? Not what you think you have to do. Just do it. and the rest trying to score? Probably only in the skill and efficacy this person has used to service his pathology. . accordingly. the indian countryside is dotted with ’saints’ who are so blissed out by their yogic mastery of certain states that they seemingly must have transcended the mundane plane. get your groove on. speak nor eat. and the goals which move you towards transcendant freedom. or mine your personal issues for material to work into your art. So are they supremely enlightened. is that I want to get something ‘out of the way’ before I can fully explore my creative expressions. The goals which service your personal problems. or departing from the scripted reality tunnel altogether? Appearances can be deceiving mind you. So the ground zero question is simply this. more time. focusing on all this ‘problem’ stuff is just prolonging the situation. my recurring thing. the goals which express your creative vision. You might develop skills to address your therapy. You don’t have to do anything. for example it’s easy to mistake the altruist who finds the touch of god in helping others. Not that it’s especially helpful or profitable trying to go around pigeonholing other people. Blah blah. I need less stress. They neither move. What do you WANT? Quit twisting yourself into knots to fullfill whatever you think needs to be done before you can feel good about yourself. I need a better job. fairly simple: Sort your list into three categories.

If you want your problems to be of paramount significance. If you want the answer to the universal question. do that.64 Once you’ve done that. Put in them in the order in which their importance warrants. . Do not put them in the order you think they need to be be in. If you’d rather deepen your skill sets then do that. then great. one way or another.. then obviously you better get on that shit. Reasses their order of importance based on what they do for you IN AND OF THEMSELVES. The bills will get paid. dawg.

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Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVII: Shoot the Curve
Friday, February 17th, 2006

part I part II part III part IV part V part VI partVII part VIII part IX part X part XI part XII part XIII part XIV part XV part XVI

Let’s talk about projection. Or more specifically, projecting trends into the future. When I was talking about my health previously, I engaged in a practice of tracking certain habit trends both forward from a past where I started them and into the future whereby I could predict where they would lead. This ability is a function of the frontal or conscious mind, as it deals with constructs of linear time. The subconscious mind cares nothing for time. To the subconscious mind only the present moment exists. Even when it draws experience from the past or future, that experience is considered to be in the present moment. It cannot distinguish between an image and the reality. But anyway. It seems like this ability to project trends is growing in the human race, both as we develop greater skill in recognizing patterns and greater ability to abstract beyond the present moment and take in a bigger picture.

- 66 And here’s the funny thing: because we can use that ability to tap into wildly extrapolated future states, it provides the subconscious mind with an avenue for plausibly accessing experiences that we might otherwise not dare to do. Technology not a sufficient cause for optimism? Extrapolate it forward twenty years and imagine yourself as a transhuman demigod exploring space. There’s a headrush for you, and because all you did was plug things that are really happening into your future conjuring algorithm, it must be true. your subconscious mind buys it. Disenfranchised with the present? Track the rates of oil extraction, ecological destruction, and population growth into your curve generator and shudder in terror, or else gasp in ecstasy that the hated world that is, is on the way out. Same function either way. You’re utilizing a hypnotic principle called time distortion. If you can trick a person into visualizing an outcome, then their subconscious mind treats it as it were already happening and they don’t resist it. All you did was provide the raw data and the timeframe. So if you carefully frame the data and the time frame you could make pretty much anyone accept pretty much anything. With me so far? Now here’s the big whammy. If you’re really clever with this stuff you can generate what is known as a catastrophic transition. You project some process so far into it’s future that it launches off the graph that you used to measure it and into a completely unpredictable realm of behavior. The reason things like peak oil or the singularity pack such a punch is that they use mathematical trends to convince your brain that you’re going into a totally unpredictable transition state. You’ve been tricked into confounding your normal categories and definitions of things. What’s interesting is, you’ve sucked yourself into the realm of chaotic behavior, and in that state of imprint vulnerability, someone else can come along and implant some new set of ideas. It’s the same principle as brainwashing. You render someone helpless, destroy their existing model of the world and in the totally dependent state of confusion, they will grab hold of whatever you give them. In short, you take someone’s model, time distort it until it explodes and then help them reinterpret the aftermath. TA-DA!!! New reality. New self, even, perhaps. Now keep in mind, this is not usually an deliberate act on the part of another person to brainwash you. But human beings are hypnosis machines and these distortions and trances are how we construct our world and communicate with each other. Words are just the delivery vehicle for sharing our personal trance states. Now presuming you understand this, or even if you don’t, you can use this to your benefit. I’ve said elsewhere that your frontal mind places strong limitations on what are accessible or internally consistent experiences for you to have. No matter how much fun or pleasure or joy you want, your subconscious mind knows you almost always prefer to preserve your sense of self and inner continuity, so anything too strong to incorporate

- 67 into your reality stays in the category of ‘other’ or at least displaced so far into some vague future that there’s no danger in the present moment to your safe state of misery and confusion. If you’re reasonably together or progressively goal oriented you’ll have designed and implemented a kind of incremental curve whereby you can, over time, access more happiness, more love or more creative flow and relaxation or whatever. What I’m going to show is how to reshape the curve, perhaps even jump it altogether into the realm of catastrophic transition. I trust by now you’ve got the tools to do something usefull with it. We already did something like this before, but this version is even easier and more shocking to your current equilibrium state. The two of them actually work together quite well, I find. What you do is, and this is easy, is to presume that nothing in yourself is ever going to change. Your conscious mind should have no trouble accepting this, because most of us either crave stasis or fear it so much that we can’t stop thinking about it. Imagine that for the rest of your life you’re going to keep doing exactly what you’re doing right now, and do it in all the same ways with all the same beliefs. Imagine it in five or ten year increments. Same job, same partner, same limitations, same hobbies and habit patterns. Some of them will be good, some will be not so good. Where will you be? Your mind shouldn’t have any difficulty accepting this scenario, because it doesn’t require you to do anything different. You don’t need to be mindful, or conscious of your activities. You just need to stay on autopilot. How long will you live? How is your health? What sort of experiences have you had? Children, real estate, extended family? What sort of markers for personal growth occur simply by adding more time into the equation? Now I’m going to presume that you haven’t hanged yourself in the shower just now, probably because of the few things in your life that involve growth, creativity and learning. If I addressed this to a crowd of ‘average’ people they would probably shrivel in despair. But if you’ve been around for some time, you almost certainly have some kind of regimen of meditation, banishing, metaprogramming work, or artistic expession in place. So play it out. No more grand upheavals or ecstatic changes. Just play out what you’re doing as routine right now, right this moment in your life, and give yourself the time to see where you end up. Plug 40 or 50 years into that, in five year increments, and what comes out the other end? Do you even get 40 or 50 years, or does your diet, lack of exercise and generally shit state of mind do you in long before that? Or conversely, does your ongoing regiment of health enhancing activities and positive state creation see you through into your second century of life? Think about education. Are you content with everything you’ve learned? If so, you can look forward to seeing your cherished assumptions systematically torn apart by time and change until you end up confused, rigid and disillusioned. OR, you do some simple math: you could get the EQUIVALENT of a PhD in pretty much anything in an average of about

.68 five or six years. because no human being is truly static. How much learning have you picked up so far. your accelerating curve becomes more and more like a vertical line shooting towards the great who-knows-what. Even a modest 50 or 60 years of adult life is the equivalent of ten PhD’s if you continue learning. you will not only learn and grow more. until your current measurement system for understanding your life no longer is relevant. fear and toxicity. You are not a simple equation. and reliably still later. rigidity. If you invest in negativity. then 3 years. you can look forward to an exponential swirl down into the recycling bin. then who knows? The joyous and creative states that come fleetingly now. then habits that predictably accelerate positive change. The PhD equivalent you picked in 6 years will come in 4 years soon enough. and how much do think you will pick up just out of habit in the years to come? Now change the exercise a little bit. So as you shitcan the dead weight and install more useful behaviors. positivity. but you will be learning and growing faster and faster as time goes by. Your personal singularity. As time goes on you do not simply continue at the same rate. all due respect to Ray Kurzweil but we don’t need some fucking computer to jump the curve for us. BUT: If you invest in learning. You’ve jumped the curve. until the whole concept of time and change and scales of positive experience cease to bound your consciousness. even informally. Because. will come sparingly soon enough. then habits that involve predictable positive change. You have negative habits dragging you down and positive ones accelerating you towards your personal apotheosis. and eventually the most outlandishly ecstatic states become your new baseline. . You see how this works? First you have habits that involve no change. embracing healthy change and discipline. growth. We’ve got the equipment right now. Life is cheap and the biosphere is never short of human beings. Whatever you invest in right now is what you are getting better and better at. If you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem. then habits that predictably accelerate the acceleration of positive changes. And these things are mixed.

is utterly saturated front to back with messages that try to impinge on your boundaries and implant imperitives that are foreign to your preexisting sense of self. It probably goes without saying that without a self there is no other. the dissassociated self. February 25th. . But then what? You can’t neccisarily dissolve all your boundaries can you? Some people might like to. civilised and tribal. for example. but is that always a good thing? There are plenty of opportunists. a diety. order and chaos. What they all have in common is that they appear to exist outside the boundaries of the self. free love and the sexual revolution. the whole world is full of little selves that would love to imprint on you. As I’ve said we’re hypnosis machines and invading and colonising each others headspaces is the way it’s done round here. dada. Boundaries dissolved or in the process of dissolving. that would love to take advantage of your dissolving boundaries. Surrealism. these beings and objects. and an entry into some new territory altogether. black and white. and then they jump back out. self and other. psychedelics. waving these things. so buckle up. 2006 And the objects that they make have the peculiar ability to themselves generate this linguistic “stuff” which condenses as other objects. psychiatry and psychotherapy.and then they jump back out. There’s an awful lot of discussion these days about what can be grouped under the broad heading of ‘the other’. Terence Mckenna once said that the great project of the twentieth century was one of boundary dissolution. The media. showing you objects. the objects are turning into beings and making other objects. But I’ll bring it to the forefront of our discussion becuase it’s crtically important. Indeed. a supernatural manifestation. or the self-transforming machine elves from hyperspace. an answer to a couple of questions. just throwing this stuff in all directions. feminism. between the conscious and the unconscious..-Terrence McKenna This will be an update to some of the principles of banishing. human or not. male and female. they jump into your chest . Sometimes that other is an alien. civil rights.69 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVIII: A line in the Self Saturday. So beings are making objects. They jump into your body and disappear into your body.

And there’s really nothing to say you can’t draw and redraw that line anywhere you like. and the other is whatever is left out. Then you reaffirm your more current state of confidence and self-esteem. and then physically mime shoving him or her out of the circle. The self is whatever is inside the line you happen to draw. everytime you do this you’re actively redefining what exactly is ’self’ and ‘other’. that they cannot seperate themselves from it. of course.. you are. Someone who is constantly buffeted by a victim mentality. it’s important to repeat it the same way. However you do it. The only thing that changes from one to the next is the strength and size of the line drawn around self.70 When you undertake the practice of banishing. If you can’t come to some kind of accord then tell the little bastard to fuck off. the other persons feelings are their feelings. You contract it to expell foreign influences. persecuted and overwhelmed. What matters is you incorporate whatever symbolism or activity will make that experience more real to you. No boundary = No difference. But. So in short. You can talk yourself into new ones. Let’s say you have the nagging voice of your ten year old self constantly dragging you down with fear and poor self esteem. over and over again. harden it to repel invasive forces and soften it to allow desirable or benign ones acess. who feels put-upon. simply by redrawing the line to exclude what you don’t want anymore. Your mind responds to effort and repetition. Exactly how you do it entirely ideosyncratic. permeable. banishing is that process by which you draw the line. You talked yourself into the boundaries you have now. visualise your whiny ten year old self in front of you. and then force the ejected self to renegotiate your relationship before reintegrating them. You could even take a long-existing behavior or persona and eject it completely. taking the plastic. boundary between self and other and modifying it in some way. Repeat that twenty or thirty times over the course of a month or two and you’ll probably be getting somewhere. You could just close you eyes and say piss off. but not neccisarily identify with them. Then there are others still who will take on those feelings so totally. They happily try to dump their negative feelings on anyone who will listen. Others will be completely detatched and wonder what the big goddamn deal is all the time. for all intents and purposes. Now you might ask: how does this process apply to entities that seemingly have their own volition and autonomous existance? Those things are surely not manifestations of my self? . Most people in that situation will be aware of that friends feelings. Take feelings for example: you all probably have the one friend who cannot get their shit together. but what works better is to surround yourself with symbols of success and confidence. expand it to encompass new ones. in effect. It notices the things you do constantly and will move to support them.

. The aliens are as real to you as you are to yourself. kidnappings. And if you encounter something new and recoil from it. Or it may be that it’s a little more in line with Terrence’s experience. They give you gifts. Which I suppose raises all kinds of questions about what the deal is with all these alien contact experiences and the like. These creature bathe you in luv. They teach you thier magick and welcome you as a friend. My suspicion is that they the veiled attempts of the collective unconscious to pierce the walls of repression around the human sense of self. until I finally got down to flickering quantum static.. you have at the exact same time defined the boundaries of the other.71 Not directly. For myself I find the parallels between alien contact and satanic ritual abuse a little too close for comfort. Every step you take into the other is one step the other takes backwards. So even if you encounter something that seems utterly strange and alien to you. That particular experience took me close enough to madness that i realised i was done with drugs. and that’s where it goes back to in the end. then it follows that they might be manifestations of some other trying to either reconcile itself to the human ego. In that state I was able to dissect everything I encountered into smaller and smaller units. If you’ve got an extremely rigid and/or neurotic ego. Everything you take from outside and integrate is one less attribute whirling around in the deep waters of the not-self. At the time i never thought to go the other way and see what was wating at the top. no. surgeries. they may function as autonomous entities but in truth it all emerges from the same flickering void of nothingness. and recall the admonitions of rene guenon that the crumbling of our collective barrier to the subhuman realm leaves us exposed to all manner of predators and parasites. all you’ve done is create a membrane of self/not-self to eventually dissolve and integrate. rectal probes. They litterally merge with your body. But the funny thing is. What both of these polarities have in common however is a complete loss of boundary control. which leads me to believe that the intensity of contact -type experiences is strongest either in the neurotic whose rigid defences suddenly collapse. the moment you define the boundaries of the self. or invade it and colonise it. fetal tissue manipulation. From the buddhist perspective all identities are delusional postulates with no inherent reality. there’s going to be a lot of alien seeming shit prowling around at all times. How many times have you heard about implants. My experience of contacting an ‘other’ came under the influence of what i would later estimate as 10-15 dried grams of psilociibin mushrooms. Think of it like both sides of the crinkly edge of a fractal. and messianic dispensations of wisdom from our little grey buddies? If you accept that these creatures are at least quasi non physical. the only reason that’s so is because you made it that way. or in the skilled adept who willingly drops his defences for a time. Pure noise in the basement of reality.

All of which may be considered a proper preamble to our next installment wherein we unchain the primordial monsters in the qlippothic depths of reality and make them our bitches… . A vast conscious emptyness of unformed potential. It had no boundaries to dissolve so I was already one with it. It wanted nothing because it was everything. until we rejoin the godhead. and can a bit of a white-knuckle ride at times. It seemed and still seems to me that our purpose in existing was to accept and integrate every potential of the self. hence the usefullness of banishing..72 Meditation eventually gave me the opposite experience: a limitless transparent presence that transcended and included everything that exisited. Of course that could take a long time.

You see other peole do these things. the penultimate chapter of this series. You're bound up in endlessly circular sniveling and whining about what you don't want. Your feelings. your relationships. You can't sit still for more than fifteen minutes. 'optimistic' or 'creative'.73 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XIX: Controlled Demolition Thursday. March 30th. Twenty seems like a nice number. You have no idea what might constitute 'happy'. but you have no clue whatsoever how that might become true for you. or context that will not yeild to any degree of effort. Where you locate that sense is perfectly variable. your body. Maybe you do a little circular . Some habit. A simple. They all represent a profound terror of losing or destabilising one's sense of self. yet adamant refusal of some part of the mind to go any further. becuase it feel like ants are burrowing into your subcutaneous fat and supping on your blood. and hardly a planned one. your beleifs. some routine. All these seemingly disparate problems are actually the same problem. or what looks like these things. So down to work. I could squeeze a couple more in there but It hardly seems essential. In any process of personal transformation. some fondly held belief. To fling oneself against the unmoveable seems sure to plunge one into madness or despair. 'relaxed'. One more run around the block before I break down and tell you what it's getting at.. Time is of the essence. there is the inevitable collision with what can only be characterised as a wall. Maybe you can't visualise what you actually want. but everyone puts it somewhere. your material circumstances. 2006 And here we are.

even when you can see they don't serve you anymore. It's easy to up and leave your external circumstances. Certainly you can be as happy. consider that the real stubborn changes are internal ones. YOU are the one who is holding you back. It's hard to let go of your obsessive need for approval or control or recognition. The world will get along just fine if you change everything about yourself. Now before you start patting yourself on the back as some radical innovator who can drop everything and go hike to peru.. If you know that. It's hard to let go of your ongoing lusts. It should be abundantly clear by now that you can do just about anything. If your life has been going so great up untill now. ought to be reason enough to question it. then what's the fucking problem? It's not that your mind is averse to better or richer experiences. YOU are your own worst enemy. And even if it did. wouldn't that be prefferable anyway? What the fuck are you so eager to hang on to? . That sense of free fall? When you actually made a defintive break with the past and moved into the unknown. as smart.74 bucket brigade from one to the other. Can you even imagine letting go of anger altogehter? Where is it writ large that humans beings have to get angry? or fearfull? or desperate? or depressed? Certain physiological phenomena are inevitable. Most people who 'know' you won't even notice. or live out of a backpack and squat in an abandoned building and dumpster dive. Nobody knows. The fact that everyone seems to be doing it. and if they do. The real cornerstones of the static ego. It's hard to love unselfishly. to want to please the authors of their captivity. That's no excuse to dig yourself into the same emotional or existential hole that everyone else is living in. The last thing a prisoner wants to do is admit that you can just leave at any time. But chances are there's one or two that will not yeild or shift in any lasting way. It just has trouble beleiving them to be possible. or the attempt at a static ego. they'll probably just pretend it isn't happening. as the case may be. It has difficulty relinquishing the present circumstance to move towards the new one. Your social life will probably not fall into upheaval if you chuck all your internal neurotic bullshit. as rich or famous as any other human at the very least. What you need to get through your head is that YOU are your jailer. You 've probably all experienced that sense at least once. nobody cares. that's probably exactly what you do. compared to facing the real issues that probably drove you to do those things in the first place. what the fuck are you doing here? You can't have it both ways. Some people learn to love their jailers. but transitory. to need their jailers. YOU are the barrier to full potential. it's easy to quit your job. when one of them starts to look shaky. as creative. fears and obsessions. In fact. You don't get to change irrevocably and stay the same in all the comforting ways.

Even the people who claim to know and love you the best would not see that 'you' were gone. These ideas about what you are. this turns out to be much more satisfying than actually getting any . you capitulate to your fears. You are not even the same entity you were yesterday. second possibility: you formulate some novel scenario for your life. and the ecstacy of breaking through old limitations. you alternate between ruthless and somewhat depressing gruntwork to learn new things. You hijack any and every tool at your disposal to accomplish the emotional breakthrough on the other side of the wall. are ghosts and they will haunt you unto death. And they don't even do that very well. and does anyone notice? Not really. They don't help you do anything. third possiblity: you reorient your life to continuiously tearing down your walls and undermining your limiting voices. never-ending upheaval and complete change. Unless you kill them first.. the voices break you enitrely. and your new world sucks as bad as the old one sooner or later. the happier you will be. except perhaps to cope with the fear that you don't really exist as some unchanging essence. They insert themselves for the sole purpose of maintaining the delusion of static identity. expectations and beliefs about life. your life. This arraingement will take one of a several forms in the final analysis: first possiblity. This is 99% of the remaining 1%. and probably never will. and then go back to sleep. The sooner you get rid of this idea that you are the same entity that was extruded from your mother's womb at birth. manage to outmanuever the voices that want to hold you in fearfull stasis.75 If by some sci fi contrivance someone were able to steal your body. becuase that fear has probably never gone away for more than a few bare seconds in total of the course of your life. welcome to 99% of the human race. really. and do your best to carve out whatever sort of satisfactory existence your life script will permit you have. untill you quit playing the game with these voices. These voices in your head that are constantly making statements about who and what you are. which is probably related to exactly how comfortable they are with changeing constantly themselves. the only possible authentic life or realtionship in this world is based on contant. And you know why? Because 'you' are constantly changing all the time already. You know it's true. So. do not magnify extend or optimise your capabilities in any way. they would probably fumble around for a couple days and then adapt so smoothly no one would ever notice something had changed forever. and by hook or crook. In a sense these insert themselves as intermediaries between your total mental resources and the world outside of you. Not anymore than makes them comfortable to do. Welcome to an anthony robbins seminar. Hopefully you don't commit suicide when your old walls are replaced by brand new ones.

leading you to notice the larger nigh-infinite consciousness that was always present to begin with. although those who pull it off tend to be. If you extend this practice long enough you eventually realise the utter transparency or provisional nature of all your identities and inner voices. Any of the tools I've offered up so far are helpfull in this regard. you're well on your way. frustration. and enjoying the ride. The sooner you move your emphasis from getting the things on your list. but I tend to think of that as a bit of a waste. so I'll prescribe a course of action for each one. In which case skip to the end of possiblity three. within the bounds of your morality and conscience. Life is funny that way. Option three: If you've been along for the ride thus far and actually doing anything. This will repeat the experience at a higher level of intensity and dig up any attatchements you missed the first time. Do anything and everything it takes to get it. and then some. fourth possiblity:You utterly relinquish all of your ego attatchments in some profound act of devotional surrender to the vastness of creation. Option four: Dramatic but effective. Spend a whole day tryng to convince yourself you are afflicted with some terminal illness and only have one year to live. You may count yourself in the ranks of shamans. Option one: Do nothing. and the best part is you've already done it! Give yourself a pat on the back. but it is historically not very popular. You eventually learn that having goals makes for usefull focal points. you embrace an outcome utterly for a short period of time and then drop it when you integrate the new perspectives it offers. the sooner you will see the true purpose of the magickal path. Very easy. but that's just one more t-shirt for the collection by the time you get there. Hopefully you elude the slight risk of falling into a depression or dependance on something external to make the ride keep going. Homework: I'm not going to presume to tell you which option you should adress. and insight. but getting them is not especially important. Option two: Do your best to culitvate some kind of obsessive desire for a carefully specified outcome. Immerse yourself in that sense of despair. When you feel like you've made peace with it and understood how to live your remaining life in that light. sadness and eventual acceptance.. towards understanding the progressive growth of creativity. flexibilty. . leading you to set goals as close to utterly impossbile as you can. Conversely. magi and visionary artists of all stripes since the dawn of time. get up the next day and imagine your only have a month to live. This option remains open at any time.76 hypothetical goal or emotional cookie. Make of that what you will.

. By this point it will become very very clear how useless most of your mental activty is most of the time. and to do it over and over again will lead you to the goal in short order. your life will never be the same.77 Then do it again the next day. If you perform this exercise to the utmost even once. but only give yourself a single day to make your peace with life.. If need be do it one more time and live out the last hour of your life.

. but if you try either a few times in succession it should work. . I will polish the rough edges off this system in short order. June 7th. the pod and direct download are both still a bit prone to go 404.78 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XX: To Stand at the Edge of the World Wednesday. but I'm sure you're all clever enough to find your way around it for now. 2006 And here we are.

as it's much easier for me to rant for half an hour than hunch over a keyboard pecking away for two days.79 As to content. but i think I get the point across.. In retrospect. perhaps I shouldn't have tried to compose my thoughts in real-time. This is not truly the end of the series mind you. In fact. awkward with the mic. Having come to the end. merely a change of form and substance. change. I'm already thinking of the next one. pass through . and painfully earnest. Having changed. well. But enough for now. new material should come with even greater regularity. For simplicity's sake keep the comments here if you can. you'll perhaps find me faltering in my speech.

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