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Alchemy for the Brain-Damaged I: The Royal Art
Saturday, August 20th, 2005

I thought it might be time to get round to this. I’ve never intended to be a simple alarmist, or a pithy commentator. That gets old rather fast. So let’s run the grand old experiment… start with some definitions, a little background, and some operating premises. You can peek at the first part of this if you haven’t already and then come back. It would certainly help to read a good block of what I’ve got on AB so far as well, just so you get a feeling for my take on magick, but it’s not mandatory obviously. Okay. So are we talking technique, or are we talking visionary experience? Hopefully both. From the ’spiritual’ perspective it behooves one to preference the latter, but part of the point of magick is that it empowers the personality to pursue the spiritual more effectively. My feeling is that done correctly, technique leads to vision, with the added benefit of also having a skill set to implement the vision afterword. In a nutshell, unless your natural inclination is towards renunciation and asceticism, or christlike devotion to others, you’ll get something out of cultivating some skills in this area. so we’ll start with technique. Crowley would suggest and most seem to agree, that magick is about change and will. Alchemy traditionally of course revolves around the refinement of the base material of consciousness into ‘gold’. Yoga translates literally as ‘union’ or ‘yoking’ (as in yoking an animal to a plow). You could look at this as consolidating the scattered and disparate foci of the mind and body into a perfected vessel of the divine. The esoteric martial arts are similar to yoga, but slanted toward the practical necessities of battlefield survival, and other forms of violent confrontation.

-2For our purposes here, we’ll be treating magick as this: the cultivation of intent. Full stop. That’s it. That covers everything you need to know for now. In terms of models, I’m going to go to what seems like the source of magic ’systems’ which to me is hermeticism. You could make a case that shamanism is the oldest form of magick, and I’m not inclined to disagree, but my feeling is that most shamanism was and is idiosyncratic and personal. It’s like jazz. Each shaman makes it up as they go along. And while I have a lot of fondness for that idea, you don’t need me to go and make up your own shit. So we’ll start with ‘the royal art’. First of all, you could learn a bit in asking why it’s called that. The royal art? Well simply, I think it was called that for three reasons. One, only the ruling classes had the education and time to learn magick. Second of all, the cultivation of intent is obviously quite useful to a priest, or a king, or for that matter anyone who aspires to be a king, chieftan, or a priest. It was sort of the ancient equivalent of personal empowerment seminar or success psychology, but obviously a bit different given the older and more rudimentary psychology of the average person of prehistory. I mean if developmental psychologists are to be believed the structure that we think of as the ‘ego’ is a relatively recent invention, and is definitely less formed in archaic cultures. Whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing is besides the point for our purpose, but it’s interesting to contemplate how much of the ‘modern’ mind is the product of ancient alchemy. You may not like what’s been done with it, historically, but the fact that you can even question or critique it, is proof that you enjoy it’s benefits… And Third, this path is sort of a symbolic process of merging with the godhead, which is about as ‘royal’ as royal gets. It’s important to recall that in ancient times the ruler was synonomous with the godhead, and while we’re inclined to think of that as ignorant authoritarianism, those societies and systems of government endured for thousands of years, while our current ‘democratic’ experiment looks to have petered out in less than a couple hundred. So while the modern knee jerk reaction is to assume we know so much better than those stupid peasants and servants back in the day, maybe they knew something that we don’t. But let’s leave aside any further theoretical preamble for the moment and get down to brass tacks. Surely we will be discussing all kinds of outlandish techniques and tools for exercising and developing the intent, but if you lose sight of what those things are for, namely to help you understand the workings of your own mind, you’re well on your way to the ghetto of the lost and the doomed. At all times keep in mind that it’s about discovering the difference between what you think you want and what you really need, and you should be fine. That can be hard to do when reality starts to feel like putty in your hands, and gods are offering you a seat on the board of directors, but the truth is, even dieties are unhappy sometimes and just because their experiences on a scale of 1 to 10 go to 1,000,000 doesn’t change the relative facts of it. So. What I want you to do, provided you’re interested in playing along, is to make a list of what you want. Let’s say ten things. Ten things you want that are achievable from your current perspective. You may want to be a rock star, but if you don’t think it’s possible to

-3be a rock star, for you right now, then leave it off the list. As well, for the moment, I suggest you make as many of the things on the list as possible relatively short term projects. The reason is, you want to be able to complete some of these relatively quickly and turn over your list a little bit. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. By the same token, you want the things on your list to have bit of emotional juice to them. Wanting to make a sandwich is not so great. Wanting to drive for three hours to the nearest Arby’s is better. Wanting to own your own restaurant chain is better still. And yes it’s perfectly alright to want utterly banal and trivial things. That’s part of the point when we start. That’s the base material which we will proceed to refine. Good enough for now? I’ll be participating in this myself and posting my doings, by way of illustration if nothing else. Off you go!

Why the hell should I have to make all these binding promises and jump through hoops to learn this shit? Put up or shut up. There practices still survive in many forms mind you. at no personal cost to myself. This is your inner world. applications and sponsorship. creativity and development are effective if correct. if you aren’t willing to make some personal sacrifices and bind yourself with some . guys! The big problem with this mentality is that it promotes the same kind of crippling thinking that infests capitalism and consumerism ie. . but they are increasingly seen as archaic holdovers from an uptight and self important elitist practice that have no place in an egalitarian democracy which professes freedom and equal opportunity. if I am prepared to pay the market price for something and show up. If you aren’t prepared to face some difficulties and perservere through some obscure rituals. 2005 in difficulty.3. This is not a democracy. For scholars of this topic I’m working through the yang sequence 1. to egalitarian social mores? Is your inner life subject to market forces? It is not. I worked for my money already. This is not a market transaction.the Taoist I ching I’ve incorporated some aspects of the I ching here because it’s a good map of this whole process from a non western perspective. It is beneficial to set up a ruler. I should be entitled to have the product on a silver platter. so why should I do anything else? This may work for buying a pimped-out ride or some fly new sneakers. One of the big movements of occultism in the last century was to shed a lot of what was seen as ‘trappings’. Certainly even up to the Golden Dawn or OTO there was rather a lot of formal declarations. oaths of various kinds and involved induction rituals before instruction would begin. Is your inner world subject to the constitution. but when it comes to inner cultivation. Certainly the best example is the chaos magick current which prides itself on the complete absence of extraneous trappings. Do not use. What unfortunately gets overlooked is that while a lot of those trappings seem unnecessary.-4- Alchemy for the Braindamaged II: Difficulty Sunday. Anyway. that shit won’t fly. August 21st. they fulfill a very important function: they make you work for it. If you think it is.5 etc as this mirrors the cultivation of intent I’m talking of here. There is a place to go. then you have my sympathy. I’ll be switching metaphors liberally however to give a multi faceted overview of this thing filtered through many systems.

an overarching ideal. or a relationship. Think of a buddhist temple. to endure discomfort? Am I willing to let things slide in other areas? Are you correct in your intentions. Once you’ve done that. or stand out in the cold for a couple days. or dig me a well. I assure you it is in your best interest. and cutting some things loose. then you’ll be ready. If you can. then put it on the back burner for now. Where’s your compass? What will bring you through the difficulties of the path? Most people get by on the weak nourishment of an ego fattened on consumer culture and unearned luxuries. How far are you willing to go? Will you do whatever it takes . The couch is always there if you get too uncomfortable. or are you looking for a free lunch? If you think you’re going to learn a new skill without making some room in your life. Meaning. Go chop wood for a few years. or old school martial arts. ask yourself this. What’s the overriding principle? What unifies your life? What is your purpose? Who or what do you serve? If you don’t know. If you look at this thing from the perspective of cultivating intent. Your next assignment. so you might as well save everyone the time and the hassle and go home. then you haven’t got the fortitude to do anything with the teachings anyway. that once you’ve thought about it. what am I prepared to do? What am I prepared to give up? Am I willing to wait. yes? You’re already learning something before you get in the door. add more using your new criteria. the willing submission to a larger principle. or are you hoping it will land in your lap? Are there some things on that list you will give up to get other things? Are there items. your fellow students and yourself. should you choose to overlook your bruised sense of entitlement. So before you run off half cocked looking to secure power and obscure knowledge. Be it a teacher. The other aspect to this. a religion. next time: how to banish demons! . aren’t really worth the hassle? What’s the one thing you must have on that list above all others? answer and revise your list accordingly. you probably have a good idea of how to set up a ruler. ask yourself what you are prepared to do to meet that goal. If this seems too harsh or confrontational. which I’m sad to say has gotten lost to a large extent these days is what the description of the hexigram calls setting up a ruler. it starts to make sense. rank the things on the list in terms of importance. If you’ve dropped some things.-5commitments to your teachers. is twofold: Examining our list. you’re probably kidding yourself.

your saviour’s my guillotine. Even for the hardest headed rationalist materialist. In those days. All the paleolithic peoples. that it could theoretically exert influence on a person. understood the necessity of exerting some discriminating control over what was influencing your psychophysical life. there was a lot of concern with what you might call psychic hygiene. if you like. Indeed there are whole industries devoted to quashing our active awareness of influence over our interior lives. crosses and kerosene Vietnow. It might be part of the reason certain of these tribal peoples. nah fuck it turn it off Fear is your only god on the radio Nah fuck it. and their first proto-shamans. September 5th. as ‘banishing’. that still survive to this day. nah fuck it turn it off Fear is your only god on the radio Nah fuck it. ( and by ‘the day’ I mean the paleolithic era ) when animism was fashionable. it was accepted fact that everything in the environment had ’spirit’. turn it off Turn it off. You may refer to this. The average modern is inundated with signals and influence that we are rarely even cognizant of.RATM Back in the day. 2005 Turn on tha radio. turn on tha radio. experience dismay with our oversaturated environment. So perhaps we can benefit from learning a thing or two about how to deal with malignant spirits. it’s easy to accept the premise that humans are influenced by the environment. .-6- Alchemy for the Braindamaged III: Keep Chillin’ Monday. for good or ill.

It grows and evolves in all kinds of interesting ways. I do recommend you take some time to do this carefully and in depth. But I digress… My take on this skill comes in two parts. is learning to differentiate your own consciously chosen perspectives and influences. the media. from the ones that are conditioned. your job. Aside from the odd profound innovator. If your mind is fairly strong you can just close your eyes on the bus or lying in bed. and describe them differently. But alongside that picture will usually be some kind of mental or tactile sensation which is fairly palpable. the architecture. the physical world is more or less exactly the same stuff that’s always been here for the last several million years now. take some time to notice what is influencing your thoughts. as you get better with this you’ll develop a clearer sense of what influences you can take or leave. So don’t feel bad if you haven’t got a lot of truly original shit in your head. because not many people have the concentration to do this on the fly and get any significant results. You may even get good enough to do this while walking. everything circulating in human culture is a recombined. If it makes you feel better. you’ll be well on your way to original thoughts once you’ve done a thorough housecleaning. which means essentially to cleanse it of outside forces that may skew the actions you take there. especially recently. but here’s how you start: First of all. but not that much is really ever new under the sun. Learn to associate the images and thoughts with how they make you feel. imposed. but do you ever really think about this? Do you ever really ask yourself how different your life might be without these influences? Do you ever ask yourself how deep the hooks really go? Would you be shocked to find out how much of your life is shaped by the imagined opinions of strangers on the street? Would you be shocked to realize how much your mind is affected by a stream of pixels coming through a computer screen? How you ever thought about turning these things off? Can you even conceive of shutting these influences out? Once you’ve done that. After all. . The good news is there tend to be lots of them. and how to separate yourself from the latter quickly and efficiently. We might recombine the bits in different ways. or magickal will. implanted or habituated into you. Other people. that’s because pretty much everything in your head came from somewhere else. 2. Certainly. and actions in your surroundings. you may be bothered by pictures on tv.-7Pretty much every occult or spiritual tradition has a version of this practice. Allow your mind to fill up with the felt impressions of external influences. The bad news is. the weather. Find a place where you can concentrate and not be disturbed. Very very few people do. repackaged. It may seem common sense. Clarity and purity of intent are paramount. Part and parcel of developing an authentic spiritual life. For example. you can proceed to a formal banishing practice. For now though… 1. blended and idiosyncratic version of something invented ages ago. that are easy to spot. speech. More refined forms of ceremonial magick place great importance on ‘purification’ of the ritual space.

and if necessary change your list accordingly. As you get more skills. guardian animals. contemplate how you might change your relationship to these external factors. at the very least ) have some kind of interior visual or auditory aspect. allow them to be spatially displaced away from you. do the above banishing practice. you’ll find that you can get a good sense of personal autonomy at any time you wish it. this could be limited to your skin. or as far as the room. Keep the perimeter of ‘your space’ as clear as possible.-83. The seemingly endless amounts of prayers and mantras of the devoutly religious have their roots in this concept. but I’ll add a little submodal trick from NLP. This is the area where you have comfortable emotional and physical distance from things that are pressing in upon you. You may also have noticed that some of those things seem to be happening anyway. as an ongoing thing. you need to establish how much you want that pressure coming in on you. examine your list of goals and determine exactly how much of that list is a result of someone or something else influencing you. allow yourself to feel anything outside your space recede and diminish in significance. Once you’ve got a good sense of detatchment. That’s fine. right? That’s intentional. If they are loud make them quiet. that things seem to be coming more into focus. As you do this. 5. If the pictures are big. ‘banish often’ is a tried and true dictum of occult practice. Any visualisations you can do to augment your sense of enclosed space will help. and they still feel very close and urgent. You may find just doing the last step will work fine. All kinds of symbolic angels. moats and whathaveyou will work. Define your personal space. Depending on your comfort level. Homework: Obviously. particularly in the formative stages of a goal. In particular. You may have noticed that I haven’t been demanding that you go out and ‘do’ anything on your list of goals yet. While a certain amount of that is inevitable. or your house. 4. now that they aren’t urgently assaulting you. or at least in the case of far away goals. Full-On Muthafuckin Sorcery. And again. Next. and even when you’re not consciously thinking about it. by all means draw upon that as well. is purposefully altering the sensory presentation of these things. It may also be the case that you’ve gone out and one some stuff already. What you can experiment with. make them small. if defining your space is insufficient. keeping in mind all the criteria and practices we’ve done so far. You’ll probably find that your ‘demons’ ( which is a nice conceptual shorthand for negative psychic influences. If you have a connection to some kind of higher force. if they bright and in color make them dim and monchrome. pillars of fire. Bitch! . What level of conditioning are you prepared to live with right now? Repeat this practice as often as possible. Having done it at least a few times. return to your list and decide what level of influence you will accept. just add more items to your list.

You’re so hopelessly crippled by all the stupid bullshit in your head and all your idiotic concepts that I really doubt you will understand what I’m about to tell you. Yes you.-9- Alchemy for the Braindamaged IV: …I can do anything Thursday. I just want you to get with it ’cause everyone that’s under your shoe And every bird and bug in the jungle. In fact it’s so simple I doubt you can handle it. 2005 Yeah. and get with it Whoo! White Stripes. enough of the metaphysical bollocks. too And everything in the ocean blue They just happen to know exactly what to do So why don’t you? Yeah. It’s really simple.Instinct Blues Okay. why don’t you? The flies get it And the frogs get it And all them big jungle cats get it And I bet your little dog gets it Yeah. You want power? Lets talk about muthafuckin power. I want you to get with it Yeah. I doubt YOU can handle it. come on. September 8th. . But let’s give you the benefit of the doubt. I am talking to you.

Nothing you see. If you’re afraid to actually do something useful with your thinking process. the prophet? Did somebody infuse Martin Luther King Jr. If you want to . We’re constantly exposed to examples of people who abuse other people. the rock star.whinewhinewhine… Yeah exactly. then go back to what you were probably doing with it instead. Nobody has any power over you that you did not give them. On or off. YOU did it. Shut the window in your browser and fuck off. You don’t FEEL powerful. Why the fuck do you think that is? Do you think they raise robot slaves and obedient servants to feel powerful? Of course they fucking don’t. and I can hear all the little bitches whining already…. Get with the fucking program or go home.10 The truth about power is that it’s already right there in front of you. I’m not one of them. I don’t know. namely to examine and make intelligent and healthy choices about your interaction with people. Go banish some more and shut the fuck up. your parents and siblings didn’t do it. It’s digital. as if that will automatically make you into Hitler or Charlie Manson.. There’s plenty of people out there who will gladly tell you what a good person you are. For once in your life stop thinking and understand this. asshole. or read or experience is going to make you powerful. the millionaire. Don’t pretend that you give a shit about any arbitrary construct. Morality is an excuse to quit thinking. or did he just step forth and get it? Really. with his authority. Really. a mistress. Humans are the only creatures in nature pathetic enough to try and justify our own existance. EXACTLY. anywhere. The book didn’t do it. the law didn’t do it. Society has fuck all to do with laws and everything to do with influence. But won’t that make me selfish? Fuck off. You do exactly what you’re prepared to live with and nothing less. You can do it whenever you want. Morality is a construct. You can say or do or have anything you want.. There is nothing contained in any words. You are either a master. Come back when you’re ready to pull your head out of your ass. but I don’t feel powerful. You are either one of those people who is waiting for someone to tell them what to do or you are not. or did he just do it? Did someone give Jim Morrison his magnetic serpent power. and I don’t care. You can justify it any way you like. namely disempowering yourself and becoming a better robot. It doesn’t come from people either. There is nothing contained in these words. It’s all a fucking sham. Seriously. Still not simple enough? Do you suppose that these powerful people have something going for them you do not? Do you suppose there is some real difference between you and the politician. Law is based on the terror of natural charisma. You are born with all the authority you could ever need. You have way more power than you can ever use. It is in you right now. and lots of people do. there is nothing to justify. STOP thinking. and this is meant to frighten us into not going anywhere near our own power. I don’t have time for people like you. And you can do it again. Society is structured to check the tendency to exert power. or a slave. You’re alive.

All authority came from somebody who wasn’t afraid to use it. then you’ll probably be fine. Just go away. Groupies. friends. I dunno. The only obstacle is quite simply whether you are prepared to get it on or not. are limited exactly and only exactly in the ways you say they are. Happy now? Either you’re prepared to trust that humans are mostly positive and constructive in their natures or not. Period. you need to go back and finish puberty. It’s not like there won’t be room for new versions of both pretty soon. They have no idea how to deal with the real thing. already. People who want to abuse and harm others are going to abuse and harm others regardless. and granted. Whatever. Anyone stupid enough to think that is not someone who’s going to understand what I’m saying anyway. Full stop. Get it through your fucking head. You are the source of authority. mean exactly. Make up your own story if you want. God? God is everywhere and nowhere. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone dumb enough to cling to these delusions like the railing of the titanic.11 delude yourself that morality and laws make the slightest bit of difference. the things in it. Either you get it or you don’t . go kill yourselves instead. There. I hope you find whatever you think you’re going to find by living that way. it’s like open source software. The hospitals are full of people who didn’t have the juice to walk their talk. The world. In case it weren’t obvious already by the sickening spectacle of hurricane katrina. It didn’t fall from the sky. there are very few. Start your own FUCKING COUNTRY. and make up a story about where it came from. All you out there who might be reading this and feel that you may be abusive and harmfull at some time in your future. and be ready to back it up. But all that shit is besides the point. Would you like me to do something about that? Fine. Flagellate yourself with someone else’s words please. It’s pretty simple. Or better yet. Does this sound cynical? Does this sound like I’m condoning abuse of the innocent and gullible? Why are you still here? Why are you wasting both of our times? What in the fuck makes you think I have the ability to condone or authorize anything you do? Or anything anyone else does either? I don’t. or employees. You talk about authority as if it were something that fell from the sky. that is a popular story. If you can keep it together long enough to attract some followers. Society is built on those too stupid and naive to recognize that charisma and natural influence is and always has been the glue of human groups. to start with. You think I’m joking? I’m not . You will not be flying in the face of all the other authority figures out there.. and yourself are exactly. the paper mache reality of all your so-called authority figures is rapidly coming clear as nothing more than the naked use and abuse of simple power. Start your own Church. just be a nice robot. Raise bunny rabbits for kids in cancer wards. Most of them derive their power from second or third hand sources anyway.

you will see it quickly starting to comply with that state of being. pick something on your list that requires an act of decisive will and just do it. All this other magick bullshit is simply meant to be training wheels and perceptual tools. because you’re afraid to make a judgement call. Homework: for all you fledgling power users out there. I noticed I used the word ‘good’. Please tell me you aren’t going to sit there and piss away the abilty to do something good. next time: More bullshit for those you who haven’t got it yet. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.12 fucking joking. Go watch the Simpsons and drown in the irony like the fluid in some geriatric patient’s lungs. The world is exactly the way it is because people LIKE YOU are too fucking meek to step up and do what’s best for the planet and the people on it. Please tell me you get this. and probably never will. You can tell me all this simple compassion shit if it makes you feel better. Is that a problem? Too fucking bad. NOTHING.. . NOW. And yeah. You can absolve yourself of responsibilty with more generation x slacker bullshit: oooohhh but what gives me the right to decide what’s best for everyone else? Exactly the same goddamn thing that gives that simpering alchoholic on tv the right to decide what’s best for everyone. You obviously still aren’t getting this. You still don’t get it. Once you start acting as if the universe will provide everything you could possibly want.

September 18th.. how pitiful is it that almost nobody can just kind of sit with the feeling of being an autonomous authority? We all go through a phase of thinking we’re the center of the universe. while acknowledging the limitations of that view in functional terms. I though I’d take some time to discuss what we just did. as long you get enough support from your peer group. But anyway. we instead are taught to recoil in horror at anyone who dares to ignore the consensus and social norms. 2005 If you don’t think you’re a genius. . Let me give you a hint: if you say you’re ‘against’ anything. Regardless of your background. but chances are all you do is bounce off the programming other people have in utterly predictable fashion. I can see you acting all smug about how liberal/anarchist/discordian and ‘deprogrammed’ you are.13 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged V: Structures and Ultrastructures Sunday. I mean. but rather than integrate it into a healthy psyche. like seeing yourself smeared in feces. sodomising homeless children over the kitchen table. whilst reading passages out of Mein Kampf. or you define your life in terms of changing something about the world around you. since for some strange reason it seems to have thrown everyone into paroxysms of adulation or confusion. it’s pretty likely the idea of being a law unto yourself is going to call forth stereotypical images of moralistic horror. you’re as robotic as the next idiot. You’re perfectly willing to be hateful. -Salvador Dali Okay. so sit down and shut up. Rather than try to shoehorn some cumbersome explanations into the body of the next segment. And all you so called ‘non-conformists’ can shut the fuck up right now. The door is always there if you’re feeling the need to assert yourself a little bit. exclusionary and prejudicial in your own ways. you probably aren’t. narrow minded.

to give you an particularly vigorous and confrontational variation on the banishing ritual. part of some tribe of hunter gatherers. or you eat something no one else has eaten before. certainly. you might have noticed him talk about the self destruct mechanism in human beings. or the construct that we generally refer to as ego. So. Or to put it another way: the crazy guy who lives outside the village and answers questions that don’t have solutions in the normal framework. You’ve stepped outside the framework. or there’s a plague. that perhaps gives you a nice look at how neurotic and inhibited you are. . or fight against me … Yeah whatever man. and even now. and who knows what. death. That’s your ‘approved’ role. When you look at all the major achievements in history. You may recall that back in the first part of this series. the heroic quest and alla that? The upshot is. You have the ability to reject that story . an established social order. You’ve got a fairly well formed mythology.. Maybe you get lost.for those of you sufficiently able to roll with that. you get a glimpse of what lies outside the normal reality structure for your tribe. Maybe you’ve broken the taboos and been exiled. But maybe things play out another way: perhaps you start to see that you are not dependent on the story for your existence.for those of you who didn’t. to risk starvation. I commented on how the ‘ego’. You might become the shaman. it’s quite clear the hardest part in any of them was being willing to imagine and act on it.14 If you really need to know what the intent behind my last rant was. but you’re still playing a role within it. Now. some notion of the cosmos. If you read any Howard Bloom. for whatever reason. this is starting to sound reminiscent of shamanic lore yes? Joseph Campbell. being plugged into the group story was a matter of biological survival. you undergo a biological and social crisis. We have hormonal cellular features that are meant to debilitate and kill us if we become ostracised from our social group. The alternative is to be cast out entirely. may or may not have been the product of ancient alchemical development? Well imagine this for a moment: you’re back in prehistory. . you may have caught a glimpse of an unconditioned and autonomous sense of will. tribes have a mechanism to incorporate you back into the society. It’s better than nothing. It’s really hard to do all that stuff you’re talking about. You start to see that maybe it’s not as true as you formerly thought it was. or you’re attacked by an animal and survive. someone will actually dislike me. then here ya go… . Suck it up. But then something happens. In situations like that. voluntarily or not. So back in those days. after all.

but not just yet.. the stories about creation. and called all the shots? Once you’ve done that. to push you into taking a small step into an unformed corner of the mind. but if you can get enough of them onboard your story. I’m willing to bet most of you have had an ‘bubble busting’ experience at some time. have a myth about their origins. you still need the support of others. Where once there were shamans and chieftains. Once you’ve gotten outside the bubble. In some cases that person is credited as progenitor of the whole human race. based on a personal vision. this person has some sort of supernatural origin. challenge you. If you’ve never stepped into the realm of unconditioned will. it’s not that rare. Pretty much every culture. and then you’re the one in charge. you could turn the whole thing upside down. now there are God-Kings and High Priests. Homework: write yourself a little description of your perfect world. people started trying to get a handle on what it was that drove all these bizarre mutations in the first place. then those questions will answer themselves. After all. and things would change forever. who laid down the structures of the tribe in distant memory. they began to develop ways to intentionally breach the structure from the inside. this new structure in the human being starts to become more and more common. It becomes harder to keep everyone safely inside the confines of the story. You wanna run the show. but as time and history march on. Every few hundred years at most.” If you’re just curious how I personally will answer those questions in particular. The ego had gotten a foothold. where else would that kind of radical break with the old order come from? At first. Is it a political manifesto? Is it a manual for functional skills? Is it a philosophical treatise? Yes and No. particularly the banishing practices. there’s what can be called a ‘culture-hero’. Instead of waiting for a random accident to push someone outside the old structure. Almost always. In other words. this kind of social upheaval was relatively rare. the taboos. trying to treat it as those things is futile and possibly dangerous. Like I said earlier. Anyone with a sword could potentially overturn the whole order of things. Go into as much detail as you like. and less so every day. will help you establish a firm foundation there. pick out all the features of ‘your’ perfect world that are really just rebellion against the way things are now. Almost always. Yeah. then it’s forthcoming. ” go banish some more and shut the fuck up. particularly the oldest tribes. So our previous installment in best understood in that vein: to try and shock you. So it’s not suprising that around this time. Continuing the homework assignments. What would things look like if you successfully conquered the earth. madmen and culture heroes. Maybe you’re not content to be the tame freak on the edge of society. the one who delivered all the old rules. How much of it is just a way to escape things .15 altogether and write a new one.

Next: How to build a ten inch cock that shoots fireballs in your spare time.16 you dislike? How much of your ideal reality is shaped by stuff you think you have no control over? Who are your ‘enemies’ and what would you do to them if you had the chance? Can you even do this exercise without going into spams of guilt. whining and fear of external rejection? As always.. revise and update your list of goals accordingly. .

Others are referred to in yogic writings as the ’siddahs’ or attainments. The bad news is. and the literature is rife with them. There are literally thousands of special powers you could attain.17 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged VI: Not scared? You will be…. Generally speaking though. possession. These are things like focused prayer. all of you who have been clamoring for the pathway to magickal powers are about to get your wish. but they tend to hit a ceiling before you run into too much trouble. lets be clear here for a minute: This series of articles is not about accumulating supernatural powers.. 2005 Would you like the good news first. Do yourself a favor and read up on the hazards before you start playing this game. Doing something like that for it’s own sake is not something I care to endorse. So what constitutes the ‘right’ reason? Well. Some of them are relatively benign and form the core of most magickal practice. but for the purpose of this installment they have a common root. For those of you who don’t read my other stuff. even in jest. Please. These abilities are meant to be markers for the changes in your consciousness and byproducts of the introspective and meditative aspects that I’ve focused more on so far. if you actually take this route. Monday. and are of a different order. I’ll discuss both in good time. use them if you really really really have a good reason. . you notice them if they come. or the bad news? The good news is. and summonings of various entities. ( and it seems a great many of you dropped in with your opinions without reading anything else of mine on these subjects ) I’ve written at great length about the deviations associated with cultivating psychic or occult powers for the wrong reasons. and do your best to forget about them the rest of the time. you’ll probably go insane. divination. The reason I say ‘benign’ is because you can have a certain amount of success with them with a minimal amount of effort. the ideal is to devote your practice to some cause or value that transcends your selfish perspectives as much as possible. develop them as learning tools. September 26th.

If you don’t do the first . A safe transition to occult powers is probably not in the cards for you. transition as quickly as possible into some kind of skill or activity you enjoy doing. If you try. bouts of paranoia. epilepsy. Old Uncle Aliester would die of embarrassment. kay? Of course. For a year. bumps up against the socalled limits of occult power. But don’t let me get in the way of your consumer instinct towards instant gratification. For the foolish or truly dedicated. So before you start throwing around illinformed pronouncements about what is and is not possible. or anyone else. you’d probably go through half a dozen or more nervous breakdowns. degrees of psychosis. I’m sure you guys were helpful at the foundation of all the countries that exist right now. A circle on the wall. 3. 2. you’ll probably freak out. 4. hold your focus on the object. the exercise is as follows: 1. Pick an object of concentration. Chances are your mind is so hopelessly splintered and contradictory that you couldn’t finish a half hour sitcom. If you’re obsessed with developing explicitly supernatural powers. Yes really. 5. How did they do that? Are you saying the media is stronger than your own will? Did someone put a gun to your head and make you watch alla that CNN? CONCENTRATION. If you think five hours staring at a wall is a ‘long time’ you don’t get a opinion in the occult powers debate. Thanks for comin’ out. if you actually did that. they’ve done no such thing. With as little daydreaming. Do it every day for at least an hour. All they’ve done is bump against the limits of their ability to concentrate. I’m always sort of amused when people talk about how ‘the media’ screws with our minds. and you’re prepared to debate your belief in any form of ‘impossibility’.. and most of the material out there is meant to soften that fact to themselves. If you think it’s ‘impossible’ to do anything. The breath is ideal. It helps if it’s relatively static and simple.18 That root is concentration. So I can understand why the misinformation out there runs so thick. or a potted plant will do. mind wandering and internal babble as possible. and neurological disorders of various stripes. After each session. Most postmodern ‘occultists’ have all the willpower of a heroin addict with fetal alcohol syndrome. Your ability to channel and shape energy is directly related to your powers of concentration. whether it be starting a new nation or standing up to armed men. Sit still. you’ll have already crippled yourself in that department anyway. go do some samatha meditation for five hours a day for ten years and then tell me what is and is not possible. 6. I’ll throw in some exercises for that purpose a little farther down the line. or kill yourself. Any time you. The reason most people in our society have such ridiculous ideas about what our minds can do is simple: our minds are ridiculously weak.

If you start freaking out. So keep your yap shut and concentrate. I don’t need to hear your complaining. You will become clearer. This practice will supercharge pretty much everything in your life. If you do. stronger. Save it for your mother. Focus on your training. and keep your eye on the ball. more decisive.19 part. or tedious playa hating. Don’t dwell on it. grasshopper. Every skill will improve. you’ll find yourself automatically hitting the wall in your development and you may never get past it.. none of that will do a goddamn thing for you anyway. If you are already good at something it will quickly transit into the subtly supernatural. or the ‘chaos’ magicians wanking their way to enlightenment. every emotion will become richer. banish some more and lay off for a week or two. Next time: reading the entrails .

October 3rd. Breadth and depth. With deeper concentration that can change fast. it can be highly uncomfortable. and emotional perspectives on things. In practice you can treat energy and attention as the same thing. That. It helps to think of the mind as a kind of ecology full of all kinds of conflicting impulses. and they can both be trained. is the depth of our attention is also the depth of the well of energy we can tap. if ever. Most of us have no problem with a extremely wide and diverse breadth of attention. nothing in that ecology ever really gets big and fat enough to cause problems in the whole system. This whole ecology is sustained more or less by the attention/energy you give it. and since the supply of energy is so shallow. We tend not to notice the contradiction and conflicts in our mental ecology because we rarely. The thing to remember though. Most of us have a lot less practice maintaining attention in depth. In truth one follows the other so closely they might as well be the same. a couple more points on the last installment relating to concentration: why it works. probe deep enough into it to notice them. You may find that tapping into a much larger supply of energy can feed some or all of your weird internal aberrations to grotesque levels. concepts.20 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged VII: A Symbolic Order Monday. That. going back to our ecology metaphor. 2005 Before we move on. how it works and why it’s hazardous. We maintain views on the whole universe after all. combined with the . beliefs. Very shallow very superficial attention = very shallow and superficial supplies of energy. This is why I recommended highly that you consciously and deliberately direct that deepened faculty of attention into things you enjoy. Or we think we do anyway. Now attention has ( at least ) two aspects to it. and useful skills.. So. To do that requires holding the focus in a single place for long periods and if you’ve not had a lot of experience with that.

What you do not want is to turn your new willpower that can crush diamonds and use it to probe the tattered edges of your self esteem. particularly under the circumstances I’ve described above. But I’m here to tell you. Just because you can do something. We think we’re defending the holy right to overturn dogma and ask ‘the tough questions’ as if no one had ever done that before. And you need to learn to filter things through that map. as a means of handling stress. doesn’t mean you should do something. And believe me. There is a part of your mind that really really needs to be able to define and encapsulate your relationship to the word around you. We tend to have this neurotic thing about the ‘real truth’ as if nothing is acceptable except the naked reality of things. Not all the time. not because it’s the ‘real thing’ but because it works. or tear apart the last remanants of your existing ontology. as long as you have a nice serviceable symbolic order to fall back on. The rest of the time you can happily just sit in the unknowingness of the grand mystery of whatever the popular buzzword is these days. The nice thing about abstraction. or you will freak right the fuck out. Sometimes you will need to to have a framework there to interpret something. At least not until you’ve taken the time to craft a new one. For the time being. At least not by you.21 mental housecleaning in the other parts should keep you out of trouble provided you are mostly sane and stable to begin with. you will definitely want a solid backbone to hang your ontology on. even without the help of intense mind power.. if that’s all you’ll settle for. What you need to understand. that sometimes. It doesn’t need to . is that you really will benefit from having a map that doesn’t get shredded. and no shortage of fodder to make new ones. even if you don’t feel the need to subscribe to it unquestioningly. So it helps to exercise a little restraint. We feel the rightness of it. ripping a map apart is entirely besides the fucking point. is that it permits us to compress the whole gamut of phenomena into a manageable and internally consistent system of symbols. We have the god given right to shred anything placed in front of us to expose it’s inherent flaws and contradictions. This is the gift of postmodernism after all. you need to learn to suspend your ruthless cutting apart of the ground beneath your feet and use a model of reality. but when you have to. Feeding those subjects a massively increased fund of energy will send you round the bend right quick. you’ll most likely end up chewing your wrists open in short order. and to have a nice durable map to guide that new wand of yours with. because sometimes you will have to. or nurse old grudges. Now there are no shortage of maps these days. We feel good and calm in the act of doing this. Problem is. It’s unweildly excesses and unverifiable pronouncements. I’m willing to bet most of you have had difficulties in this area already. when concentration states are overloading your brain and nervous system.

The problem isn’t being stuck without a net. then do it. you’re stressing here and chilling there. you hate this and love that. you are truly FUCKED. then my friend. But having a good definition. You believe totally here and question ruthlessly over there. Your mind. Eliminate as much of the conflict and contradiction as you can right now. You’re doing one thing at the expense of another thing. Interpret the things that happen around you through that lens. like. PRIMORDIAL FUCKING CHAOS!! CTHULHU FHTAGN! …or. If it’s not that. Homework: pick a symbolic map of the universe. the kabbalistic tree of life. Think about this carefully. and simply experience it as intense levels of stress. Play with it. DON’T immediately start questioning and subverting your new model. If that happens. and as you progress in your practice these fault lines will open up in a big way. interpretations. you’re moving in one direction here and another there. My personal preference is the crowley thoth tarot. When you get bored with that. The problem is being stuck with a shitty net that you’re not consciously aware of. it could be patently absurd. Resist the urge to pick it apart. These are the fault lines in your psyche. Save that shit for CNN and the drudge report. which incorporates the tree of life as well as the tarot symbolism. which is probably what a lot of you are doing right now. you know it’s arbitrary. On a related note. Four that I recommend highly would be the I ching. anyhow. you’ll almost certainly wish you had done it. Most likely you will suppress the conscious knowledge of these chasms in your mind as they widen. It’s one mind. next. Use it. reading your tarot cards. Not only are all of these fairly flexible. and norse runes. Looking at the why and what and how of your goals. I’m sure you’ll find that some of those things don’t mesh. as if going in two totally divergent directions entails two different minds. But suit yourself. it’s gonna be something. later on. start examining yourself for contradictions and internal conflicts. . that won’t take the strain of what you’re doing. You might think that these are harmless usages of the mind. Don’t underestimate the benefits of a symbol system to fall back on. If it means narrowing your focus and scope of activities temporarily. set it aside and come back to it later. It’s better that way. is a lot better than simply assimilating christian theology as a subconscious safety net. even to rip out and replace chunks. and will rip under pressure. If not. and shit. but they provide avenues for divination practice. to make revisions. or both. which is coming up. Quit fighting yourself. Even if on some level. one that leaves you lots of room to maneuver. Your list is a good entry point. They don’t.22 be all that convincing or comprehensive a definition..

your meaning to things. Predict the upticks of the stockmarket and cash in! Or at least figure out when you’re gonna get laid again. besides my usual tactic of browbeating my readers. October 10th.23 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged VIII: A panful of mercury Monday. You want to understand your future? Do you even understand your present? It’s right here after all. The real operation takes place in your head. There are others. is that you’re not really looking to understand some temporal junction. map for understanding your own mind? The one you have. You’re looking to understand yourself. but the best is to hold up a symbolic mirror to the workings of your own mind.. No moving parts. in this moment. Take a good look. 2005 So… You’re prepared to take a run at the practice of divination. Being stuck inside your own head is a bitch that way… So at this point you may be wondering. It’s all over and done with. and ends there. Your reaction. or flyspecks on a wall. yes? You’ve picked out your own shiny new symbolic map of things and you’re itching to learn the secrets of the universe. or correct. as far as your concerned. What I’m getting at here. all of it is going to interpreted in terms of it’s relevance to you. It could be a stream of random numbers. And even if it doesn’t. cut up pages from a book. So why not cut to the chase? This is the best use for divination practices in my opinion. How about it? I didn’t think so. your perceptions. Everything starts there. obviously. It doesn’t matter. Even if I handed you deadly accurate facts about the future. what’s the best. Do you understand that? No? How about the past? It’s not even happening anymore. it still does. It makes no difference. friends. All the information is there. that’s what. . But as usual I’m going to rain acid and aborted fetuses all over your parade.

I’ll be going at right angles to all that anyway. Clouds and tea leaves are good because they move. My deepest unacknowledged terror. So. Pick out your map and find a way to put it in motion somehow. at least. Our inquiry will be some area where I feel a void of understanding. Shred it and reassemble it. Then sit with it. What is it? What are you being told here? What is your subconscious trying to communicate to your conscious mind. So don’t feel I’m cheating you by taking a prepacked set of meanings. The fire of inquiry and meditation would seperate the reflective mind from the base material. yes? This is the same thing. Does this tell you the truth of how things ‘are’ ? Maybe. The birth of consciousness. Only by transposing the pattern of a known thing over the unknown. This seemingly magickal appearance of this flowing liquid mirrorlike mindstuff was understood as isomorphic for the processes of the mind. What it definitely does. We’ll keep this reasonably simple and use this online reading widget so you can play along or do your own. The meanings of the cards don’t really matter. but it can help if you’re not able to just stare at a piece of black glass and trip out like old John Dee used to do. Dredging up the unformed chaos of the deep mind. Some gap in my perception. Maybe not. when you make that space. with your indulgence I’ll walk us through an operation of this kind. Divorce it from the ordering routine of the mind. albeit slowly. And that’s more valuable anyway. He . hey? Let’s find out what my worst fear is. Or. More explicit card references are here.24 The mind has an incredible capacity for pattern recognition. The ancient alchemists used to heat up cinnabar in a pan and watch the mercury slowly separate and bead up over the fire.. So how do you do this? The simple answer is however you want. Only by mapping one thing over another. I just find the images resonant and impactfull. when you provide a symbolic language or an unformed pattern for it to speak with? That’s what it’s really all about. Pretend that you just got the answer to your inquiry. is tell you a lot about how your perception works. Cards are good because you can shuffle them. it will seem like unformed chaos at first. When you see faces in the clouds. Lets go for primordial horror. This was a metaphor. Does any of that have anything to do with ‘real’ mercury? Only tangentially. Our tool will be the Crowley toth deck. But it helps to have some kind of clear inquiry in mind. The structure of the reading makes no difference either. those faces are really in your head. It’s what the symbols suggest.

the goal . I’m just trying to find out what scares the fuck out of me… so: card one. Do you love something inhuman? Do you crave the embrace of something which cares nothing for people. conflict.. I’ve always secretly wanted to be a superhero. Hoping time does the work for me? Wanting to be freed of the obligation to struggle. Cosmic justice is not about us. impermanence. but karma remains. card four. the five of wands: strife. The Apocalypse.Epochal change. which represents me.cosmic justice and balance. On another note. Thwarted lusts. Thinking of my earlier discussion of inner conflicts. the current situation atu viii: Adjustment. On another note. but be the bad guy in the eyes of others.wands are the will. Fear of inhumanity. To realize one day that I picked a path to injustice.25 received a symbolic language to summon the apocalypse. The number five represents the introduction of time and change. to fight for justice and truth. that I’m really the villain of the piece. Leveling of inequities. The preceding four is the number of solidity and form. or their suffering? Cold calculations. Conflicting desires. The appearance of matter is followed by the introduction of instability. Will immersed into time. Forces rule us all that care nothing for our perspective. Fear of being torn apart by inner conflict? Never finding peace or resolution. a final judgment on our momentum as a species. We judge ourselves. which are swords. justice is a huge issue. In my case. Adjustment is a reminder that the universe is not human. As a buddhist I tend not to buy into external judgment. the obstacle atu xx: The Aeon. Phase shift. Final judgment. Fear of my growth truncated by historical events? Of not reaching the high ground when the flood hits? Being on the wrong side? Not able to make your peace until it’s too late. card three. The world seems on the cusp of great changes. To serve justice. Our decisions do have consequences and eventually everyone has to face them. Dramatic change of context that makes everything obsolete. the egotistic hope for deliverance from on high. who remain in the human perspective. I’m definitely afraid I may find myself on the wrong side. the organic lust as opposed to constructed ideas. The sword of karma. not a hero. Primal desire as source of suffering? card two.

Life without pain has no meaning.HAHAHAHA!!! the exact opposite of the queen of wands. division. then the temptation is to contribute to it.. so long pushing at old barriers. fluid principle. or on a case by case basis. ” never bring a knife to a gunfight ” card five. Neo is a part of the matrix. The necessary descent into delusion. but miss the point of the whole thing. Wanting to escape. If some pain is good and necessary. the future enviroment the nine of disks: gain. the integration of active and passive principles. fear of breaking through and . don’t get distracted by success. the future the knight of cups. Too much. and called it an improvement. To me the queen of swords has always stood out as the person who is incredibly skilled and deft in the little details. Welcome to Kafka. foundation of the current situation three of swords: sorrow. or excuse your contribution to the suffering of the world. when you need to simply accept that some pain. The queen is water. but I’m scared to death that what I think is growth is just more of the same. the power of motion. The passive. the same contradiction but reversed to the other side. after all. Time spent building up my assertive side to balance my mostly passive nature. being too lost in your wealth to question it. The idea intelligible. a fear of justification. In tandem with the earlier stuff. I over-desire the mastery of small goods. my future is the mirror image of my past. The base concept of division and separation. Have all the tools to solve the problems in front of you. so long thwarted.swords represent air.the three is the minimal number to create a shape. I spend all my time learning things that may be usefull in the short term. the rain of riches in your perfect world. some evil can never be eliminated. Fire and water in synthesis. card six. not enough? Adding more contradiction than I can handle? Afraid I’ve got too much backed up habit to ever really change? card seven. Fear of embracing pain. or think your way out of it. Primal suffering rooted in wrong views.hard one. Not as much history with this image. but seems to miss the big picture. Oh goody.the illusion of getting everything you want. nor should it. card eight. To adapt and flow. All I’ve done is take a different perspective on the same dysfunction.26 the queen of swords. constructed ideas. small problems. but ignore the larger importance of certain things. the past the queen of wands. Always wanting the other side of the fence. Win every battle and lose the war. Maybe it’s not true. Is martial arts skill that big a deal compared to medicine? Is medicine that big a deal compared to spiritual truth? Where do you plant your flag and put in the time to attain mastery? You have to serve the highest good you can see.

You think you’re free and that’s exactly what you were supposed to think. ego. You had nothing to do with it. the master of keeping everything in the air at once. You didn’t have to do anything. getting everything on your list and thinking that’s the reason for doing it.spontaneous insight. Just a fool. the influence of society atu xiv: art. the birth of higher forms. self importance. everything to everyone. Forget it all. missing the whole fucking point. well. wrong. atu i: the magus. jumping outside the frame. Nothing you did mattered. union of opposites. the summit of magickal skill. Compete disconnect from my old understanding. I sense a peice of allgeorical fiction in this… next time: Augoeides . too much to do. or maybe. The world makes of you what it will. it was certainly painfull for me…lol. not equal to the challenge. zac of all trades. No one can ever measure up to that. Forget what you know. the outcome atu o: the fool. it was just the way things were always going.alchemy. hopefully that’s a painfully clear examination of how to do something like this. synthesis. wrong. everything I think I want. The rebellion of lucifer. Trust in god and shut up. inadequacy. but imposed on me from outside. You know nothing.. card nine. the challenge. forget what you think you know. card ten. *cough* …. What will meeting that challenge make of me? card eleven. wrong. It wasn’t my own work and struggle. Not up to it.27 just going back to sleep again. but I don’t really understand the cost. the juggler. the holy fool. blind luck. too much to learn. Divine madness. It’s all good and it was always supposed to be good. Touched by god. conceit. I am up to it.

because then you’d be missing the opportunity to look at yourself. you may or may not have noticed. getting the shit you want doesn’t matter. the willingness to commit yourself. and a symbolic scaffold to hold the mind together under stress. However I assure you there is a method to it all. which is a lot more worthwhile thing to do with your time. . The reason for that is. This is all going somewhere. lay the groundwork for the biggest piece of alchemical heavy lifting you’re likely to attempt on my watch. It’s by far more beneficial to go ahead and do things. and threaten you with madness and insoluble moral and ethical paradoxes. Perhaps my rhetorical excesses are just an excuse to pick at everyone’s emotional scabs and call it insight. The cultivation of concentration. getting the things you want is like a heroin addict getting a fix. the cleansing of external influences. and come back to me. I swear. but that would be too bad. The statements of intent. For instance. even if it’s just to yourself. Week after week. as it begins to purify itself. 2005 At this point. but pay more attention to the evolving process of your own will. It’s only useful insofar as it shows you how far you’re prepared to go to get your latest hookup. I call you names. October 15th. along with all the other skills I’ve been sharing. I haven’t put a lot of emphasis on ‘getting’ the stuff on your lists. you might be thinking that I’m just fucking with you. I certainly have sympathy for anyone who wants to get their back up about all of that.. This purification process. the freedom to express your will. clarify and strengthen your intention. and in general check your head. as you explore and integrate aspects of the unconscious. Not yet anyway. I make impossible demands. Save yourself the hassle and go watch Requiem for a Dream. For most people.28 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged IX: Solve et Coagula Saturday. and start taking exception to my approach. Rather I’ve encouraged you to explore your desires. that with a couple of exceptions.

there is allowance for a kind of interface between the individual human and the divine will. dropped others. a scaffold. But move up to the next thing. It’s important to proceed in measured steps. but having unconscious contact through a symbolic intermediary. But don’t mistake that for the source of the reboot. What is rare is undergoing it consciously.. Maybe it’s fairly trivial. Under normal circumstances you just sort of muddle along and hope for the best. That’s just embarrassing and pitiful. the holy guardian angel. I assume you’ve got got your list. you are utterly transfigured. you won’t commit the cardinal sin of postmodernism: mistaking the map for the territory. allow yourself to experience the changes that come from achieving the next goal on your list. Imagine you’ve gotten that. carries the traces of that distortion. my experience? Maybe not much.29 This is the invocation of your inner genius. The filter is like clothing. that’s what we spent the last couple episodes on after all. what’s different? Use some of the submodal tricks we discussed in banishing to enrich this experience. and prioritised them. ie: if you made the filter. How does getting a bike change things. anyway: here’s the basic framework of the invocation. and imagine that you’ve already done it. Usually what happens is someone gets ‘abducted by aliens’ or talks to the archangel gabriel. your spirit guide. If you do this honestly and carefully it will take a fair bit of time. you won’t make yourself over in the image of your filter. . you drop it. gone through an iteration or two? You’ve done some things. or has some kind of profound visionary experience and then marches off in a transformed state. But if you selected and built the map yourself. and you’ve spent some time with it. at the level you specified. your true will. There are enough flakes on the internet as it is. In the kabbalah. When it’s done the job. Spend some days on this. and you know it’s just made up. but when you’re able to open this channel of communication. Mine is getting a bike. Again. your daimon. not a thing that needs will to maintain. Not that you can dispense with the symbolic intermediary altogether mind you. What I want you to do now is take the least important thing on your list. then go ahead and use it. It’s supposed to take the stress of causing changes in the deeper structure. and that’s good. That’s fine. Let your imagination fully absorb that and play with the ramifications. thank you very much. In many cases various kind of madness and general flakiness ensue. Or like I said earlier. If your goal is some kind of practice or process you’re trying to improve or implement. then assume you’re at the point where it’s natural or automatic for you. If alien abduction or angelic visitation helps you reboot your personality. and don’t rush it. What’s the ripple effect in other areas? Do I feel differently about my life. from the perspective of already having the last item. This happening is not as rare as you might suppose.

Banish often so as not to contaminate the working with bullshit from the rest of your current life. skill and clarity. Not as a wishful fantasy trip. simply ask this other self some questions. Just be careful not to snap the thread. You have to do this in such a way that your mind accepts the plausibility of it. That’s good. I guarantee you’ll find it very informative to talk to a version of yourself with much more confidence. Treat it as a kind of meditation. What are their priorities. One or two a day is plenty. You are now alchemical punter version 3. their fears? You may. Not only is it true. their hopes. Understand how much deeper and clearer they see things. Repeat the process. Ten new things that person wants to do. In any event. How have you changed as result? How are you a different person? Do you see life differently? Are you more confident. Once you’ve done the whole list in your mind. If necessary go back and make sure you haven’t short changed any of the logical processes in your mind.0 Now move on to version 4. more relaxed or creative? Who is this person. You may be feeling a bit woozy after two. you want to follow these logical operations until you generate a massive amount of discontinuity. Now from the perspective of that person. at this stage. step by step. more reflective. Whatever.30 It’s really important not to rush this. Now do it all again. If you go too fast or pile on too many imagined outcomes your suspension of disbelief will go snap and you’ll have lost the thread of the working. but it also makes it easier for your mind to accept and process. Pretend you’re writing an biography of a real person. Do you dress differently. which it is. Describe the thinking and feeling process as they reach out to higher and higher aspirations. and how different are they from the person you are right now? And yes. and answer them from that perspective. If you’ve done it well the other person is almost unrecognizable to your current iteration. Imagine you are that person and absorb the impact. At any point. Maybe you’re a big old psycho and want to go for four or even five. of meeting all of that persons goals.. walk.0 Another whole list in your mind. do think of this as a different person. Yes. talk and think differently? Maybe a little. maybe a whole lot. make a new list. Ten things that come from a different way of thinking. this could take weeks or months to do properly. Be sure to banish when you do this before and after. of being. conduct a kind of dialogue. but is eventually forced into a kind of crisis of reevaluation by the gap between that self and the one you have now. . It’s critical to be able to see your self going from one to the next to the next in a way your mind will accept as plausible. Continue this to at least three iterations. absorb the implications of that. At this point most of your effort will probably be spent bridging the discontinuity between you and them.

and specifically address where you’re going with your life and how you can bring your current actions more in line with the long term strategy. Maybe it’s possible to have bigger hearts. Maybe it’s possible to ask more of ourselves and let others do as they please. You would simply be feeding the hungry ghosts in your head. then have your dialogue now. you may even be pushing the boundaries of what is normally considered to be ‘human’. but you’ve have the benefit of presence of mind and some influence over the content. Maybe you can live without excuses. Maybe you don’t really need that stuff as much as you seem to think you do. Doing it the way I’ve presented here should sidestep those problems. confusion and fear. but you will almost certainly find that beyond a certain point your concerns will blend naturally into the universal. awes.31 If your mind is strong and your imagination vivid. But maybe it’s just growing up. It will present itself in a way that may not be factually accurate. At some point the disassociated self images rip loose and force a communication with with the frontal mind. but easier to accept than the truth. . broader shoulders. Some folk may have doubts there is such a thing as a higher self. Maybe it’s just learning to take responsibility for all the powers we really have. or friends? Do they still like the same kind of books or tv shows? Where do they live and how do they live? Do any of those things even matter anymore to this being. or what we’re not. If it inspires. If you haven’t done it already. but now take the time to have a serious discussion with this being. sometimes in a highly allegorical and symbolic fashion. There’s no reason to wait. In many traditions it is said that before this process is undergone that all acts of magick are inevitably poisoned by the cravings of the ego. and start making some tentative steps towards something we can hardly imagine right now. stronger minds. or even terrifies you. the archetypal and the idealistic. Maybe it’s possible to be an example and not an object lesson. Perhaps we can quit being ashamed of what we are. That idealizing some new form of life is just a pretext to judge and reject others and promote some kind of fascist fantasy trip. the profound. There’s no guarantee your higher self is less egotistical than you are now. Make it real. without pointless resentments.. then good. at least in a way that makes sense to you right now? Do you even speak the same language anymore? Can you understand this other self of yours? Or has it become too alien? What happens to most people who experience this. without doubts. created by contradictions. you could have done it many times already. is for some reason or other that crisis of discontinuity builds up in the deep mind. fuelled by intense emotions or mystical experiences. You’ve done it properly. Flesh it out. instead of judging us all for the actions of a few. That humans are what we are and we should just learn to accept it. How does that version of yourself think about family. You may be incubating a self image that borders on the posthuman or semi divine. It’ll be slower and probably less dramatic.

That preaching hasn’t done it. To treat all things as the will of god. We’re only human after all.. we’re just now getting started. to turn back to your own concerns and leave the world to fend for itself. With that in mind. while we’re currently on part ix of these. that humble acceptance hasn’t done it either. next: a brief pause for station identification . You are a part of nature.32 If you’ve been reading my stuff for a while now. that science and reason haven’t done it. or any of the links in my sidebar. and throw up your hands. And these things seem so far beyond the grasp of any normal human being. To retire to your cave or transfigure the earth. through the alchemy of the will expressed as change. Terrence Mckenna said here that perhaps the only hope for the salvation of the world is through magick. really. You will is just as much an expression of god as any other. you do have influence. It’s easy to look at the tidal waves of corruption. The path of the mystic is to rest in the unchanging. That’s natural. murder and deceit. The same. Your will is as valid as any other. you are hopefully not simply crushed by the weight of the problems in the world today. and you don’t need to be afraid to use it. The same. But the path of the magus is different. you can change things. So maybe the solution to our ‘human’ failings is to become something more. filth. to do anything. To do nothing. To accept the ebbs and flows of impermanence.

and give some tips on how to fill out the skeleton. being as it an expansion of the augoeides process and how to go about it.. Questions are powerful. as I’d recommended you do before. and this is one way of coming in through the back door. So be careful. as it were. because depending on how you shape them. believe me. not just an additive progression. Making your lists. if you use them well. In the past I’ve had success using poetry or fiction to accomplish that kind of whole mind synchronization. You don’t need superhuman intelligence giving you superhumanly accurate reasons why you’re a failure in all your relationships. Real life as most people live it isn’ t like that.33 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged X:Into the Crucible Monday. they open up a space your mind is compelled to fill. then your mind will fill that space you opened with something. 2005 This’ll be an extension of the last installment. the methods will get more and more abstract by neccesity. and there is the possiblity of making your future into some kind of exaggerated projection of the trends of your present. You definitely need to add a personal element to make the daimon spring to life for you. If you ask your holy guardian angel why you’re such a fuckup. they can unlock that holistic right brain integrative function that most of us can’t quite get a grasp of. I’ll share some pieces of my own approach. October 31st. On the other hand. why your job sucks and how you’ve failed everyone you ever cared about. left brain kind of process. and projecting them forward tends to be a highly linear. and you need a way to sidestep that. There are vast regions of the mind you either cannot or choose not to access under normal circumstances. It works in much the same . and the great work even less so. and use questions. but in this case I’ll take a different angle. As we go farther. You need to find a way to make a phase shift. It’s not much fun.

It’s hard work to do so much and finish it all every day. I quit the old job once I was getting money for massage work. feel better and look better. did my banishing. I’ll be picking this conversation up with a version of myself that is somewhere between the second and third iterations. and then sat down to write the answers out.. Treating symbols as answers does more or less the same thing. let’s jump to the example. What are the things that from the perspective of the future I ought to change today. I eat better. I worried that there wasn’t going to be enough time to do everything. now thatI don’t have to bridge the disconnect between the job I was doing and my purpose in life. but still recognizable and intelligible. proficient speed reader. the days went farther and I did more with them. and spending another two polishing the martial arts every day as well. A long ways from who I am now. more flexible and faster than ever. I have more time to train and study.34 way the use of divination does. Since we’ve already done that. to make the biggest difference in myself? . and my own? I work for myself and make my own schedule. I can read a book each day easily in a couple hours. I have so much more energy. So he’s a practicing medical massage therapist. I formulated the five questions ahead of time. which freed me up to do things that actually meant something to me. _________________ In brief. In any case. That kind of thing drains you a lot. How far removed from me in time are you? About two years at the rate you’re going. you might want to try it. I’m more relaxed. but it’s easier than not doing it. but as my mind got stronger and I felt better. now that I don’t have to justify not doing everything I’m capable of. I make more money and spend less. I’m thinking about perhaps buying land the way ran prieur did. I’d rather be exhausted than frustrated and ashamed of myself any day of the week. and solidly in the habit of meditating at least two hours every day. what are the biggest differences between your current life. cleared my mind with some concentration practice. Maybe a little less. This piece will help solidify the connection so I can move into the fourth or even fifth iterations of the process without snapping the thread. ordained and learning to teach dharma classes. you know what I mean? I’m more confident. Pretty soon I’ll have enough to go to japan to train or maybe new jersey and the tracker school.

Everything you’ve learned. quit wasting so much time on trivia. It feels good to help. What is my life really about. and then make some concrete decisions of how and what I’m going to do in the long term. My mind is getting strong enough to bridge a lot of fields and take in huge amounts of information quickly. and never let anyone take it away from you. and how do you pursue them? I’m at a transition. Going back to the same websites ten times a day isn’t helping anything except to take the edge off your boredom. now I have to think about what to do with them. Not to pretend that things are different than they are. everything you’ve done is a way to prepare yourself for that. you know that. I’d like to be able to get an overview of everything. but doing it is easier than feeling like shit for not doing it.. the last thing you want is to become just like them. What is your list of goals. Time to change that. and what is my purpose here? It’s simple when you think about what you’ve always done and still do. You’ve always seen a different world than this one. Other than that. god can fix it. It won’t kill you to smile a bit more. but you don’t have to. that I’ve gotten my own stuff more or less under control. I want to diversify. Even when you were the lowest you never gave up. And yes it’s not easy explain to them. You know well that getting off your ass is the hardest part. . Yes. Be more open and giving with people. You’re here to give people hope. That’s why you’re here. Not to fool your self or others. I’m starting to get a handle on the skills I set out to learn when I was a kid. Like I said. Up until now I’ve sort of been coasting while I worked on myself and she developed her career. I’ve gotten good at helping people one a time. Not everyone is a broken robot who needs a shrink. You’re never going to be a boring person. I’ve been with Alaina for a few years now and I think I need to give some thought to our future together. To give them hope when there is none. To point to a better world. Now. At the same time. Petty and vindictive people will be petty and vindictive people. I have to think about reaching out to more. To show them things they can’t bring themselves to believe. If you can face it. so quit trying to protect yourself from them. when no else can see it .35 Spend less time thinking about what you’re going to do and just do it. it is hard work. You never accepted that we were stuck with this. Practice more instead. But to face what the world is and to face the job of making it better. Nothing is impossible and you’ve always known that. but it also feels good to be friendly. You never surrender to despair. they don’t understand where you’re coming from.

Don’t forget that all you really want is to connect with a larger purpose. Don’t fall so in love with skills and knowledge that you hesitiate to give yourself when it’s needed. I’m starting to see glimpses of what the culmination of the path might be. I think it’s possible I may have to reasses everything when that happens. But at least you will be where you were meant to be. I feel sure that it will. 1. give some serious thoughts to the future of my relationship 4. Risk can only be reduced so far. teach dharma classes for beginners 3.36 The dharma practice is very fruitfull. look into buying some land 7. make concrete plans to go to japan or the tracker school in new jersey What do you want to tell me that I haven’t already asked? There’s only so much preparation you can do. practice dream yoga to reduce my need for sleep and explore lucid dreaming 8. expose more people to my hobby-based writing and speaking 9. 3 hours of insight or concentration practice every day 2. sooner or later. make plans for a spiritual retreat of two weeks every year 5. do a structured series of readings in one new field every month 10. At a certain point you have to make a leap of faith and trust that you will either survive it or you won’t. 3 hours of martial arts practice everyday 6. I’d like to set aside time for retreats to bring that about.. That’s not easy to accept. but it’s the truth and you know it. ____________ Next: apocalyptic supermind . no matter how much you study and train.

Maybe you left your clarity in the basement when you threw your rage out. that you need. By definition. a vehicle for the reconciliation of opposites. October 31st. The immersion into the shit and poison you’ve been incubating in your head for so long. Boyd Rice. of course. poison represented an agent of transformation. while for the elect it confers mastership and absolute power. darker emotions come to the fore. And there is an alchemical myth about a poison which for most men is extremely deadly. accentuating all the things you want to be.. the descent into chaos. the putrefaction. In ancient alchemy this is known as the nigredo.Vessel of God At a certain point in the work. Maybe you took the edge off your confidence when you decided to be stop bullying people. you will find that the projection of idealised self images helps draw out some of the repressed material in your psyche. you may come to a place where a lot of heavier. The crisis that precedes re-integration. the symbol and its very meaning had far more esoteric connotations. the darkening. I wouldn’t want to tell you that it’s a ‘good’ thing. It may be that in the augoeides work. To them. There are always things left on the other side of that wall. You may add all kinds of Jungian blather about the id and shadow at this point. 2005 To the alchemists. can only mean repressing the things you don’t want to be. but it is neccisary and you might as well embrace it. Nevertheless it is true. It’s also a manifestation of unresolved contradictions that may take on life of thier own because of the energy your concentration practice is feeding them. It may feel like your life and mind are dissolving into chaos. But that split is never a clean one.37 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XI:The Putrefaction Monday. .

Pretending I didn’t have a little eruption of it the other night. Don’t bother calling for help. Real edge. And you’ll be dead too. I have nothing in common with these people. I have to rip free of all that old garbage. I squeeze my mind until it’s like a perfect diamond. I ‘ve been in the woods for almost a year. I’ve always known it would be this way in the end. I leave this place. or worse. but I’d be remiss in not mentioning it. Everything you stand for is systematically being reduced to rubble and ashes as we speak. I’m not here because of that. But not yet. Anyone who tried to come between you and me is dead. in the safe realms of fiction land. If it never comes. soon. here is my shadow. real steel. I’m not here because you and people like you have raped the earth. The alternative is madness. It’s easy to rationalise a little bit more. And now I know why.. violated children. to feel more self rightious than you deserve. it never comes. I don’t pick it up very often. these platitudes. and in a few minutes I’m going to snap your fucking neck with my bare hands. like I anticipated in part VIII.38 It goes round and round like this and sometimes you need to wallow in the sickness to find the pieces you’ve lost. First I want you to understand why I’m here. There is nothing for me here anymore. _________ The sword has been sitting in the corner for several years. twisted and perverted everything that walks crawls or flies to line your pockets. It’s real. So for those of you waiting for me to ‘flip my shit’ again like I did in part IV. to be a little less compassionate. I pack the few things I care about in a small bag. It’s part of the work. To see yourself without remorse. these words. It’ll make me weak and slow and it will kill me before I do what needs to be done. off the leash and out for a run. __________ People may think I’m dead by now. or restraint. And then I pick up the sword. For some reason I kept it in the corner of my eye for so long. forever. ********* Don’t speak. It can be seductive. without compromise. Why did it take me so long to face what I really am? .

. But I don’t want a thimble full of rats blood. That’s the sad thing. ___________ The posters are simple. but a few can be turned into perfect killing machines. An executive or two. vague promises. ___________ I’d feel a little worse about dealing heroin if I t weren’t being primarily consumed by my rank and file cultists. or influence. . I’m just a sub contractor for god. I’ll feed them their own hearts. Even the ‘revolutionaries’ just secretly want to be in charge. Too bad the only people who do it are pathetic hedonists and manipulative narcissists. There’s so much built up resentment in society. Some are only useful for money. I’m clarifying their mission statement. And the little parasites will all burn in the end. Short term money. I say. Classes on awakening. But enough of them are able to carry guns. It didn’t take long at all to convince all the usual lowlives I was just another decadent cult leader with a gang of fanatics. My soldiers need to taste some blood. too. My first meeting on ‘investing’ my drug profits and all I can think of is how badly I want to kill them all. It’s time to give them something to fear. They already thought they were on a mission from god. ___________ I start small. Once they’re in the door I start to condition them. In another life I might have cared about the irony. brokerage houses and wall street legal firms. It’s easier when you’ve done it yourself. Most are cannon fodder. Fuck them and fuck their merry go round. Everyone wants to lash out at these scum but no one had the intelligence or the guts to make it happen. It’s so easy. This robot factory is so fragile and yet we work so hard to keep it going. And I want the fattest pigs in the barn. Some hits to cut a piece of the drug trade. Vague ideas. who I cherry pick from all the biggest investment banks.39 No more. I don’t need many. _________________ It amazing how easily some folks see what they want to see. I want a river. ready to do some business on wall street. I walk back to the city.

Marshall Mcluhan said once that the people who own society have no belief in it. You guys knew the system was coming apart anyway right? You dragged it out a lot longer than I expected. It’s amazing what you can buy off the back of a truck in the former soviet union. And here I am. then?” someone asked him. and I’ve spent many many years training men and women whose sole joy is the idea of tearing people like you apart. ___________ I shook his hand once at some dinner. Got a little more blood from this stone we call earth. As I looked into his eyes I imagined punching my hand through his chest. the liars and thieves. And you’ll be nothing but a memory. Because no one can be bothered to clean it up and get rid of it. Nor do they care to. Because if they’re not already gone. all their hiding places.40 Someone said once that there are no heroin or cocaine cults. and where they would run when it all came crashing down. they soon will be. I told him one day I would come thank him. he said. It took years but I found out all their names. Cowards always think deep down that everyone else must be a coward too. It’s even more amazing no one ever used one. You guys did such a good job of hollowing out the military and police force that they won’t be able to fight for you. And I was waiting for you. for everything they’d done. I’ll be the one teaching them to grow food in a few years. I knew you’d all try to run. So put them out of your mind. after years of neglect and disfunction? I practically advertised I was going to do it. and all of his friends. That’s partly true. Can you call wall street a cult? ___________ The first day of the big push makes 9-11 look like the fourth of July.. I have all your names. . the blackmailers. but they didn’t take it seriously. The paedophiles. He blinked and smiled awkwardly. Most people would give anything to have such a clear sense of happiness. the rapists. “why is it still here. ___________ I’m killing them all right now. How much easier is it to wreck the system when you’re practically running what’s left of it.

You and everyone like you.. Those smirks where you’re just broadcasting to everyone how untouchable you are. right? Well I guess you were wrong. Don’t worry. I always wanted to be an artist. you know. Yours won’t be the first stupid religion to join the ashpile of history. and the last thing they ever saw was that fucking smirk on your face? How many? If you can remember even one of their names. It took me a long time to understand it. I’m here because one day a long time ago I was looking at you on tv. and you thought no one would ever call you to account for it. Now I know. It might as well be me. You pissed on it. Not ever. And you gave the camera one of those smirks. This may end up being the purpose of my life. and we know who I am.41 So I’ll tell you why I’m here. Not now. I used to wonder what that might mean. at last. It’s etymology is “god remembers”. you see. How many lives have you unmade? You had to know someone would come for you eventually. We’re all too weak and stupid and complacent to fight you. and I guarantee it won’t hurt any more or less than you deserve. I promise I’ll make it quick and clean. How you can take what you want and play everyone for fools and make a mockery of every honorable and compassionate thing in this world. And if so. then I can accept that. That’s what your little rapist’s religion tells you. So we know who you are. As long as you die knowing that there is justice in this universe and no one escapes it. The world makes us and unmakes us. I’ve had a long time to think about this. and we know our business together. I’m sure you know what I mean. I wonder… how many children died. This is when you were still officially in power. but we all have a place in nature. No? That’s too bad. God remembers. Have you ever wondered what a thousand rich child molesters crucified on the front lawn might look like? With their severed cocks stitched up inside mouths that have had all their teeth kicked out? The world is about to see what that looks like. This is ours. My first name is from the bible. . That’s why I’m here. Smile for the camera.

At this stage you can probably be trusted not to flip your shit. Insufficient skills 3.42 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XII:Getting Yours Sunday. Now we will. ie ‘chance’ 5. 1. Being subject to unpredictable randomness. November 13th. Not to worry. The ‘laws’ of physics. Lack of time 4. I hope by now. don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you think about it there are really only five factors standing between you and pretty much anything you can imagine. 2005 Even if you’re currently in the throes of some divine revelation spurred on by your augoeides workings. Or at least tinkering with your mind such that you can approach the first two in the most efficient way. you’re not reflexively bound by some set of neurotic limitations in what you think you can and cannot do. You may even say that being in the throes of divine revelation is the best possible reason to consider how you’re going to pursue your goals from one day to the next. . Up until now we haven’t given too much air time to the prospect of ‘getting yours’. If you’re just dropping in now… well. You’ll grow out of that. you’re still going to need to give some thought to how you’re going to pursue your goals.. or any other science We’ve spent a fair bit of time already tinkering with the first two. no matter how seemingly ridiculous. or hang yourself in the shower. turn to the dark side. but it may still be that you’re not prepared to put the more outrageous or grandiose things on your list yet. Insufficient knowledge 2..

It surely doesn’t need to be that complex. valis. is.. Most people. Some call it flow. and you have to be willing to accept it in whatever way it presents it self. create obscure glyphs representing their requests and wank or flagellate themselves to sidestep the ego attatchment to not asking for help. and prioritize your life. Some call it conjuration. or enchantment. and depends largely on how you structure it. It doesn’t matter whom or what you ask. or they have too much emotional negativity tied up in not getting it. Now let me be more specific here about what you do need: You have to have a clear idea of what you want. or they’re asking for something in an excessively specific way. . But I don’t suppose most of you care to spend your lives that way. The universe. bugs bunny. not asking to be shielded from something you know is coming. Makes no difference whatsoever. What I mean by that last one. but if your behavior and consciousness contradicts the thing you’re asking for. your own higher self. The fifth is the most seemingly intractable. You might be calling bullshit just now. even if they do become desperate enough to try this. ‘Seemingly’ being the operative word. stated in the positive. Some people call this prayer. Guess what? The universe doesn’t just listen when you ask it to. Chaos magicians usually call it sigilisation. Just stating your intentions clearly and asking for help. or having the touch. Just ask for it. god. It doesn’t matter what you call it. not threatening. Very little you do would be more fruitfull than figuring out how to circumvent the supposed ‘laws’ of the physical universe. Your mental abilities will dictate how well you can use. How exactly does one engineer around the apparent randomness of events? The answer to this is rather simple. All that is required is the willingness to ask for assitance from a force outside your normal understanding. Which leaves the fourth. Rest assured that as you develop in the first four. but tell me… have you tried it? Have you tried asking for a seemingly random bit of life to come your way? Not begging. the fifth will seem a lot less imposing. then you’re already asking for the opposite thing a hundred times a day. That’s it. not pleading. You ask to make a connection to someone that you think you’re going to value and cherish. For example: you ask to meet a new partner.43 Time is fairly elastic. are asking for something they don’t want to go away. it’s all well and good to ask for the universe to help you out one time. But in the rest of your life you’re treating people like shit. perceive and reinterpret time.

but since I like to think I’m such a nice guy. Keep in mind what I said here about clearing out your contradictory focuses. on a consistent basis. or even hundreds of people pulling in different directions. Specify who you bump into on the way. Most of you are so fixated on your big flashing shiny dream goals for a few hours a day and then shut your intention off the rest of the time. And secondly. The universe seems to be made of energetic wave material. Specify which videos are going to be rented out at the video store. The smaller and more personal your arena the easier it is to make things flex for you. or you can’t spend more than five minutes focusing on your stated result. so it’s not suprising that almost nobody does it successfully. which songs on the radio or in the setlist for a band you’re seeing. If you’re one of those folks who gets approached by strangers. but specify how you want all the normally random stuff to go. and very slow. specify what episode of your tv show is going to be on that night. If you change your mind a hundred times a day. This serves a few purposes. who do you want to talk to. sooner or later. So you either have to wait for your opening. Every day state in the positive how you want all the random stuff to happen. The public sphere is a heavily contested region for the ‘gangs of rival shamen’ that RAW likes to talk about. It’s inertia. If you want it to respond. in a sphere that is least likely to intersect other people. the material universe is going to respond to the guy next to you who has it it a bit more together. Notice . The one last thing to keep in mind is that because the material world is slow moving. that responds to intention the way lucid dreams do. The ’sooner or later’ aspect is something to keep in mind too. but much of it is very thick.. All the trivial random stuff that nobody pays any real attention to. Just your regular routine. It tends to preference what already exists. Don’t ask for completely out-of-context occurrences just yet. and it gives you what you ask for the most. The guy or gal who gets to it first has the edge. it teaches you to PAY ATTENTION. All of this mitigates against your ability to influence probability. then asking for a real connection one time isn’t gonna make much difference. Specify who phones you in the evening. Is it any wonder your mind is so weak? The real exercise is in the down time. I’ll offer you a little exercise to sharpen your skills in this area. That’s where you build strength and that’s where you have to worry about resistance the least. Specify how long it takes to get to work. You also have to consider that there could be dozens. Don’t ask for something to go away. Firstly it trains you to formulate and state your intentions consistently. or get some help. If your behavior is saying you don’t respect your connection with people. you have to be consistent and you have to be willing to wait. compose a little story about how you want things to go. Every day. Say what you want instead.44 It listens all the time. what do you want them to talk about? Etcetera etcetera….

Have fun. just remember: it’s not you. iwanthisiwantthissobadit’sgoingotbesoawesomewhenigethisi justcan’twaittoget whati’ve beenobsessingaboutforsolongandi’vegottahaveitfuck whatifitdoesn’tworktheni’mreallyfucked thisshitsuckswhyamieventryingfuckfuckfuckcommoncommon work!!! Clear enough? DON’T do that. The last thing to be wary of is what crowley calls the ‘lust of result’.. banish often. It’s the nature of the universe. ie. and assume that it will work if you stay with it and hold steadily. Just chill. Any problems arise from deranged people who aren’t shy about asking for help with their deranged ideas. next: weapon of choice .45 that these benefits all accrue irregardless of whether any of the things you ask for actually occur or not. And when you start feeling extremely paranoid. The world is a friendly place.

the Taoist I Ching Okay. Like Chris Walken you are the man ( or woman ) with the plan. .. We’ll assume you are instead winner. Do not pass go. Understanding one part. you can practice one part. understanding ten parts.scripted. and proud of it. But really. That you can and will accomplish all of your goals. Who cares? . so what? You’re gonna get everything you want. and you’re hoping maybe just thinking about it is gonna make you feel better? Fuck that shit. November 21st. You’ve failed before you even started. even if it takes you the rest of your life. That is simply our opening proposition. you can practice ten parts. For the sake of argument we’re going to presume that you can and will do everything you set out to do. then you’re the happy owner of what we call a loser script.46 - Alchemy for The Braindamaged XIII: Biting Through Monday. With me so far? No? Why is that? Are you secretly thinking that there’s just no way you’ll ever do all this stuff. you will indeed accomplish everything you set out to do. Do not collect two hundred dollars. 2005 Excellence or inferiority in learning to comprehend essence and life is all a matter of finding out principle. If you aren’t willing to believe that yes. unless it’s your welfare checque. But I digress.

but why? It’s just content. I’m talking about the parameters that enclose the content. and consider the lines. It’s just a game. The world’s largest stack of monopoly money is still monopoly money. not the other way around. You could spend a million lifetimes shuffling around content inside the frame of whatever your current parameters happen to be. the colors inside the lines. For a second or two. and above all to give you a sense of emotional satisfaction. you’re going to have to accept the fact that your life is a game. the things you say. As in I ching hexagram 21. or you can take some faltering steps toward personal authenticity and existential commitment. But generally speaking. and recognize it for what it is. There’s always going to be some set of game rules. to numb out the sense of not having any emotional satisfaction. The things you eat. I’m not talking about some kind of conspiracy narrative or social control rant. or at the very least. like most people do. the game is playing you. CONTENT. you gotta bite through all that content and get to the root. the rules and expectations. For as long as you’re attatched to anything resembling an outcome. too. All the particulars. That’s an exotic option. what you do and how you feel about it. the people in your life. Until you see the underlying game rules.47 I know you do. their games and whatnot. and choose the parameters accordingly. And you may be sliced bread in your chosen game.. short of disengaging from them entirely. most people wouldn’t do that even if they had the ability. Is that satisfactory? Maybe it is. What are the parameters that constrain the content? How are you any different than all the other talking monkeys who quest for an abstract sense of emotional fulfillment every day? Probably only in the contours of your game. When you’re fooled by the changing appearances of things into imagining that what’s happening to you day after day doesn’t follow any underlying principles. . which they usually don’t. but have you ever stopped to consider the nature of the game itself? And no. ignore the content. Stop me if this sounds familiar: you get up in the morning or whenever. and you fulfill whatever you perceive to be your obligations or important projects. but it’s doable. Think about that for a little while. Ignore the specifics. The size of the field. That’s just content. The limit conditions. But it is very important that you do it. You can immerse yourself in the content and try to forget it’s only a game. Gandhi was once heard to say: What you do doesn’t matter at all. you enact the same rituals over and over again to reinforce a sense of continuity and familiarity. Now there’s not much chance you’re going to be able to disengage from the content when it’s bombarding you in some kind of endless confusing wave.

The passive principle. The coin is synthesis. active force. makes all the difference. this is not some kind of high horse conspiracy rant. This is why many rituals take place in a circle. The Wand represents the will. The limits of your coin are the limits of your world. To divide things into their component parts. Some of you may habitually take the sword to everything in your life. In each case we have an enclosed circle. the way we place a frame around the stuff to deal with it. or even create a new game altogether. many americans couldn’t find canada on a map. drawn on the ground. the Cup is acceptance. but we’ll start with four. The rules I’m talking about are in your head. . also known as the pentacle or the disc. let me stress. To let things come to you and accept them as they are. is born with them. The Wand. it’s because each of you already uses them all. To break anything you see into pieces that you can handle easily. Every human has them. and usually dies never even recognizing them. There are plenty of these archetypal modalities of consciousness. When you use the wand you are the actor. To rest in the role of being acted upon. You make the rules. One of you may have a strong wand and treat the world like your playground. You are the center of the drama. And opposite that is the Coin. nor do they care to. The ability to disengage from a set of foci. apply your intent and sustain it. Chop it up and see how it works. To scale up your focus and take in a bigger picture. and everything that you find is yours to play with. It represents dynamic. The root meaning of the word reality is ‘a small coin’. To place two different things in the same sphere and examine how they work together. but for our purposes we’ll treat them the way the hermetics do: as your magickal weapons. To step back.. what acts on us. but in utterly idiosyncratic ways. To let go of a context that you don’t like anymore. and out. Theoretically we all deal with the same shared cultural content. for instance. analyzing it into it’s smallest details. what we choose to engage or disengage with. others may accept everything uncritically until it’s time to place bets on football. You see? There’s so much room for variation there. Most cultures identify these with the elements. or what we act upon. the Cup. The only difference is how we apply them. To scale down. the Sword. Others feel comfy speculating on the nature of collapsed neutron stars in a distant galaxy and how it might impact on their lives. Conversely. To magnify a corner of the picture and make that your whole world. Some may have a very small pentacle. to play a part in someone else’s game. The Sword is analysis. a perimeter drawn. but the way we contexualise it. another might be happy just to rule the roost at home. manifest it. Now if these sound really abstract. or pentacle.48 And again. and the Coin. collapse the game. To rub out your old boundary and draw a bigger one. Your ability to engage an object of focus and hold it. The wand allows you to enter a new game and make it your own.

you better get on that understanding thing. Sooner or later you need to drop the crutch. So since you’re gonna worry anyway. actually? A taoist sage said once that worry is preposterous: we don’t know enough to worry about anything. right? Some people only really do one thing for their whole lives. It’s castles made of sand in the end. The Sword: What don’t you understand? What’s too big to get your head around? Your life is built on billions of tiny interactions and processes that you know NOTHING about. there’s a lot of room to play with your toys. Time to dust off your list of delusi. I’d like…. But it can help. I’ll wait. Whatever floats your boat. What on your list could benefit from being broken down into something smaller? Take anything that’s too big right now and break it into steps. fuck that. so we’ve got a hard one. _______ Homework: You’ve been off the hook for a while now.49 You could be the wand itself and feel like god on earth. as is much of what we’ve done so far. You could have a pentacle that encloses the whole shimmering infinite void. Look at your goals and decide if you’ll really care one way or another in a few years. your friends and yourself into some arbitrary shape. And while you’re at it change any wimpy wording: no more I want. . The Wand: this is the easiest because the act of setting goals in the first place is a function of the wand. than it’s necessary to have nice clothes to feel good about your appearance.. Quit trying to bang your life. The Cup: Now take a deep breath. What exactly do you want and how exactly do you want it? None of this wishy washy crap. I hope. or you could be the holy grail of christ on the cross. What really enriches your mind and your soul. Now it’s no more necessary to actually have a physical weapon of each type to experience these phenomena. in four parts. Make the first step your new goal. What I’m saying is. Do you really need all this stuff? It’s all just content anyway. Quit buffering the fear of failure and just announce yourself. I WILL. Why are you trusting someone else to fix something you won’t even look at? Why are you worried about politics when you can’t manage your relationships? Why are you worried about relationships when you can’t manage your health? Why are worried about your health when you can’t manage your own thoughts? Why are you worried about anything. and what’s just distractions? Drop at least one thing you want altogether and replace it with helping some one you love with something they want. Make it so. I tend to think it’s better not to have the crutch in the first place. or you could use your sword to take your sense impressions down to the level of virtual particles blinking in an out of existence in the femtosphere.I mean goals. But take the time to see if anything on your list could benefit from more specificity. but quick. The universe responds to courage.

. artifacts and works of art.50 The Coin: Go outside on a clear night. Is what you’re doing with your life going to be worth mentioning when they do? Is that okay with you? In the context of a universe that probably does contain an inconceivable number of races with an inconceivable number of languages. very personally important goals. Just remember: There’s a difference between having a small world and being afraid of a big one.. do you think? Sunrises right here are pretty impressive. are you going to feel honored to participate. How many civilizations do you think are out there? Even if you think there aren’t any. Check the stars. Don’t confuse the two. very specific. but our decendants probably will. how many stars? How many planets? How many natural wonders exist on those worlds. You and I may never go there. or just small and trivial? You may have some very small. That’s cool. Imagine what a red giant or a binary star looks like coming up in the morning.

and reject others as contrary. or the mechanism whereby you lose yourself in certain roles and not others. You probably know this already. and the rest are deliberate ‘acting’. December 5th. in a number of different contexts. They may all be very different. or your best friends. and they may be radically different. you in fact play a number of different roles. It’s no more or less ‘real’ than the persona you assume with your significant other. there is more of an impetus to present a contrived or forced appearance that is so antithetical to your usual set of references that it’s impossible to lose your self-consciousness in those contexts. You always are aware of acting. What you likely don’t pay much attention to is the mechanism whereby you switch from one role to another. 2005 I’m going to ask you to think about roles for a second. but you probably don’t think about it very much. but you slip into when you’re with your folks because you have so much practice with that role. when you’re with your parents. just a you that maybe you don’t identify with very much anymore.51 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XIV:Design Science Revolution Monday. I’m sure you’ve probably recognized. You’re always holding an aspect of yourself outside the experience. Even contradictory. What I mean is. to fit into a certain situation. . or had it pointed to you. Deep in all of us is the need for a kind of internal stability and consistency and this leads us to adopt certain behaviors as helpful to that goal. but you recognize them all as authentic or true reflections of you as a person. that probably is still ‘you’.. Part of the reason is we tend to have one or two core roles that we think of as us. that while you think of yourself as a coherent entity. whereas in work or school or public places.

Some cultures call this possession. you may have a bunch of roles that go to 5 or 6 on the joy scale. that creates a context where you can theoretically lose yourself in a role that has nothing whatsoever to do with your inner compass. That 1-10 scale itself is one of those core principles. I know that there are for myself. So what happens if you want to totally step outside of that old scale. a common range of experience. and you may well get to a new place from time to time. ancient practitioners understood this concept. but it makes no difference. You can get the same charge theoretically from a made up deity as you can from one with a long history. So then. and not feel threatened. but none of them go past ten. Now. but there can be side effects. but to conceptualize entirely different orders of experience and understanding they felt the need to attribute them to autonomous complexes of energy and intentionality. Am I saying that there are no such things as spirits and gods? Absolutely not. and inhabit it fully? And why exactly would we want to do that you might ask? Well. The reason this works is that you already have a whole bunch of different scales for experience in your head. ie. isn’t it possible to transplant that focus. sometimes profoundly. What if you don’t want to bust your ass to reach 11.. spirits. gods whathaveyou. but all that does is establish a new ceiling to bang up against. that ability to adopt different persona. they share certain common traits. That ceiling is a reference point for all your various personality roles. The reason it makes no difference is that anything you think you can know or experience by assuming the role of some other entity is still going to come through your hardware. You needn’t bother with that unless you want to. and bring it into everyday life? To craft a new identity. and one that goes to ten occasionally. regardless of how different your various personal roles might be.52 But if you were to participate in the theatre for instance. You adopt another identity. Now maybe you don’t want to borrow the worldview of a fictional cannibalistic serial killer permanently. Or anything else for that matter. one of those unifying modalities like we discussed last time. but the point is that you could. You can push against that ceiling really hard. in ritual magick this is known as invocation. with no roles of your own that use a completely different range of experience? The short answer is you steal them. More on that another time. Why is that? Well in either case it depends entirely on how well you can ‘lose yourself’ on command in your new persona. It will probably help. that your roles cluster around. demons. and more importantly. you want 20 or 30 or 100 instead? How the hell do you do that. Anthony Hopkins did such a good job losing himself in the role of Hannibal Lecter that he needed professional help to disentangle himself from it after the fact. If you think of joy on a scale for instance. and then you drop it. but you divide them into two types: ones that are possible for .

The only thing holding you back is the ignorant assertion of a core identity.. Make a short list of the five most profound experiences you’ve had of that type. Compose a description of that person. Alongside each one. fiction and entertainment. Pick some quality you want a bit more of. real or fictional who has that quality at some new. to keep your identity from falling into complete disorder. So lets be clear about what it is. Treat that core identity as what it is: a stepping stone. beliefs and experiences saying that the ‘best’ you can do is a ten on the joe/jane blow scale and you fought damn hard to do that. and you are the designer. So it would be better to say that ego is the whole complex of mental programs chasing it’s own tail in the effort to affirm the existence of a non existent thing. Understanding. The problem with this is that you don’t have a self. Inner peace. A set of markers for your next reconstruction. In order to keep your internal continuity you sort experiences and sensations you have no persona structure to support into the category of ‘other’ and save them for fantasy. ie. It’s tempting to think of ego or self as some kind of object or indwelling essence that needs to be dropped or exorcised. To the extent the self can be considered an object at all. arbitrarily high number. First off.53 you. pupil. distinctive vocabulary. but you diligently keep the door shut on stepping into that yourself. habits. and then we can start making it work for us. To adopt a whole new view of the world requires letting go of your prior investment. Detatchment. Creativity. Compassion. but it’s nothing of the sort. It is a process. a complex of interchangeable modules. and how it feels. All the problems arise from trying to make a dynamic process into a static object. How much harder then to tap into the ecstasy of a deity or archetype? You’ve got a whole lifetime of behaviors. Of their personality traits. you’ve got a pretty good idea of what 20. and rate them on a scale. Now based your own scale decide on someone. 30. this hypothetical ’self’. in what you think you already see and know about the world. and ones that are not. Deep down. because you attribute that possibility to other people and other beings. 100 on the joy scale is. Partner. It is the process of referencing one’s self through thoughts. It’ll always be there if you want to play with it again. homework. it is a designed object. their attitudes and beliefs . relationships. at least temporarily. debauched reprobate and so forth. We go into tailspins of confusion and dismay when we think of what might happen if we lost our egos. child. Bliss. ego is not a thing. note which role you were operating in at the time. To admit you can instantly step into ten thousand on the bliss scale requires you to let go of your whole invested life experience. ‘You’ are a plurality. speech and behavior.

That big empty space that we’re always trying to fill is like a kind of irritant that the pearl of identity forms around. You’re right either way. From this point on. Why is this necessary? Because attributes never exist in isolation. All the ins and outs of the framework that lets them sustain the quality you’re after at the level you want. it’s a matter of learning to let go of anxiety and just run with it. Chances are they’re so wracked by anxiety and confusion that they have no idea whatsoever what’s going on with anyone else. For myself I treat it like skydiving: you can obsess about your chute as much as you want. If you don’t know or aren’t sure. In that way.54 about things. nobody else really knows who you are inside and for the most part. No. The ability to go to a hundred on the joy scale is supported by a bunch of other things in the same structure that constellate around a different kind of hypothetical self. make or break situations can be very helpful.. so it’s easier to adopt what you feel is an already latent potential. and your neurotic habit patterns for the rest of your life or not. you might as well relax. you might want to consider it. If you’ve never explored drama or the theatre. the whole structure shifts to accommodate it. When you do. Just have a realistic sense of what you can do at a given stage. They all want to do what you’re about to do. Role playing games are a good compromise. the ceiling you keep hitting in yourself is a byproduct of a bunch of other aspects of your internal structure that could take you years to root out consciously. putting yourself in no-exit. nobody really cares. then make it up. it’s not easy. This practice helps you sidestep all that arduous drudgery. The truth is. Do them and yourself a favor and just get on with it. Writing or talking to yourself in other voices is a useful halfway house too. The Augoeides makes good material for this because it’s an idealized or extrapolated image of self. because there’s nothing to be done about it any more. and when you shift the perspective at the core of that. At the end of the day you’ve got to decide if you want to be bound by the expectations of other people. Conversely. you’ll wonder why the hell you waited so long to get started. . but as soon as you’re out of the plane.

I might have appreciated the potential of madness for art. 2005 . or various other names for deliberately altering your subjective experience of the objective world. pessimist optimist yadda yadda.. Timothy Leary and/or NLP. or metaprogram. or gloss. If I’d been thinking about it. I’d find it hard to believe many of my readers wouldn’t be familiar with Robert Anton Wilson.55 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XV: Hellworlds and Hyperworlds Tuesday. but alas I was too busy squeezing every last drop of adrenaline out of my tired aching kidneys. I’m not sure how much the practices I advocate here might have resulted in the trip into purgatory. I had not originally planned to take much of a break over the holidays. I’ll spare you the details. In any event. and not particularly useful for writing pithy articles. as my own regimen is somewhat different and more complex than the homework assignments on AB. Not to worry though: I saved some and will be selling it on ebay shortly. Winner script. even to those who make a career out of denouncing Descartes. so we’ll be addressing my newfound streak of disorder in some fashion. It does tie in thematically to our latest topic. Where most of these folk stop short is the idea that maybe your subjective reality tunnel might actually have objective effects. but the alchemical process conspired to render me quite literally insane. At one point my body chemistry was so toxic I was venting tar-like black substances out of various orifices. or filter. This veers dangerously close to what’s known as solipsism. loser script. December 27th. . Be that as it may. So lets take it as a given you can change your view of the world. The notion that our minds and the world around us might be engaged in some kind of organic interplay at the deepest level is a bit unsettling. Even the leading lights of the counterculture shy away from erasing the boundary between the observer and the observed world. It’s hardly cutting edge to postulate the idea of the reality tunnel.

or being a character in your story. Deep down we all secretly suspect that there really is a world ‘out there’ that we have no effect on.56 Sadly the word ‘quantum’ has become as fuzzy and useless as the word ‘god’. our only real bulwark against our own potential for insanity is that beyond a certain point. In terms of what we’ve spoken of before it is the tension between the wand and the cup. that acts on us. The flipside is that deep down we secretly. then you’ve got a whole gamut of vectors whereby your mind infects the surrounding world. the task of modifying and upgrading your reality tunnel takes on an altogether different order of importance. the world seems not to agree with our weird ideas. chances are you still share more underlying assumptions with every other human on earth than not. If everyone were able to easily and consistently find confirmation for their strangest ideas. You might say something as simple as decisions informed by a particular reality tunnel tend to reinforce that reality tunnel. the obvious reason is that most of us haven’t got a the slightest fucking idea how to handle our ‘in here’ so we rely on ‘out there’ to provide our reference points to keep us sane. And why? Well. is that. We need to know that there is an ‘out there’ to anchor our ‘in here’.. which tends to keep us all moving in more or less the same direction. The reason I mention this is that in our own lives. because after all it’s all in my head and harms nobody. You can found this idea on several levels of operation. And if you’re prepared to integrate the psychoplastic ramifications of your intention on the quantum substratum of reality. Between being the author. You might say your memes spread as well as they may to your surroundings. In that sense we absolve ourselves of any responsibility for dumping our fearful ignorant and otherwise useless views of the world. If you were to incorporate some of our earlier considerations regarding the psychoplastic nature of reality. You might say that your views affect the views of those around you. And while certain lip services are rendered to the idea of the observer created universe. desperately need to believe that is true. the only people who actually roll up their sleeves and engage with that notion by and large are the occultists. while you may happily accept the idea of viewing the world in a whole myriad of ways. it provides a kind of stabilizing rudder and momentum for our consciousness. While you may have all manner of unusual notions and nonstandard views. So we have this tension between the world as creation and the world as creator. Even if our ideas of what is objectively real is primarily regulated by long term habit and unexamined prejudices. at no point is the validity of the physical world out there under threat from the workings of your mind. Most people simply indulge in a quest to find out what’s ‘really’ true about the world and act accordingly. Part of the reason it’s a virtual taboo. You can debate which is true in some . and ponder whether or not your delusions are rippling out to shape the physical world in collaboration with all the other delusional schmucks in your surroundings. any notion of the consensus would unravel entirely in short order. perhaps through the phenomena of synchronicity.

We might ask ourselves what the fuck this poor bastard thinks he’s doing in that cubicle 40 hours a week. The degree to which we externalise and project this process onto the world is the degree to which we have forgotten our own role in creating the scenario in the first place. and your place in it. the degree to which we understand the journey as being an inner unfolding. Does this mean you shouldn’t play? Does this mean you shouldn’t delve into these realms of light and darkness? Hardly. the question always has to be: what’s at the heart of it? Why are you there and what’s the payoff that keeps you there? What are the challenges you feel you need to face to navigate this world. or one you might like to live in. the closer we are to the truth. so you are well advised to come to grips with it. Certainly once we come to understand this as a psychological phenomenon with social consequences.. what it looks and feels like and what you have to do to get it. Conversely the degree to which we internalize this process. goes through this continuous process of deciding what you want. there’s always something at the heart of it that keeps you there. but that’s the parameters of the game for him. here you are. Some people define very clear games that have very clear end points. and the games you play with yourself are seen as they are. even if it’s simply the challenge to embrace joy and relaxation? In any event. At the end of that road is his . We make these games to capture the treasures that we think will enrich us. and hence you’re playing by the rules they taught you in order to get it. and we set these games in the worlds we believe they have to take place in. it wouldn’t be sufficient. What you can do. Everyone. we can come to understand that perhaps the true meaning of the heroic quest is what it does to our minds. is take a conscious attitude to it. the moment you truly understand that you’re trying to capture something that lies dormant in your own mind. It’s so much a part of you. So when you look at the world around you. Anyone who has even a superficial familiarity with Joseph Campbell knows he identified the universality of the heroic quest. It’s important to keep in mind that whether your world is made by others or made by you. A very mundane example of this is the typical middle class careerperson. and do quickly. In a very real sense. including you. the walls of the labyrinth become transparent.57 ultimate sense but what you can’t really debate is that you’re here. usually to no avail. the world view you have is a game. while others slap together endless open ended scenarios whereby they spend their whole lives chasing some nebulous notion of externalised happiness. which you play in the pursuit of what lies at the resolution of the game. And even if you simply decided not to. Hellworld or Hyperworld. the reality tunnel you habitually live in. It is a psychological mechanism that is inherent in all human beings. Right now you’re probably pursuing someone else’s idea of treasure at the heart of the labyrinth. What varies is how we assemble that quest in ourselves and how we go about it. it would take much of the rest of your life to fully detatch from that mindset.

58 hypothetical treasure.E”. You make the rules. You plumb these dark dimensions and in doing so you solidify them and call them forth. Chances are he learned his vague dreams from someone else who lived their whole life with the same vague dreams. The good news is the default reality tunnel of western society is quickly losing what little grounding it had in observable truth. Thankfully we also have the Hyperworlds. Material prosperity and media saturated leisure are receding in the distance. they spread. change. ‘ peak oil’ . Will he ever get it? Probably not. ‘climate collapse’ or ‘the new world order’.I. or society. But chances are the only reason you’re there is because you convinced yourself that the carrot at the end of the stick just got yanked into the bowels of post apocalyptic nightmare and you can’t help but follow it. while always understanding the importance of walking the path of risk. ( which you’ve already done) . then you better make your reasons good ones. define what you have to do to get it( ditto). Is it your secret desire to run free across the decimated wasteland of a collapsed western world? Maybe if your name is Ran Prieur. “2012″. because he entered that game with no clear idea of where it would lead. We have the Hellworlds of ‘war that won’t end in our lifetimes’ . you set the standards. Until you see what’s leading you into these places you’ll never be free of them. And if you’re going to be here. The main danger to these places is apathy. And so very few of us have the discipline to back out of the trap. “The Archaic Revival”. Another lost soul in the Hellworld of bourgeoisie prosperity. You want to break out of that shit? Quitting your job won’t do it. If you’re really serious about getting out. you decide if you succeed or fail. even if we could see it. Each of these has their cheerleaders and evangelists. and what sort of view of life you need to make it happen. . they become more real. or where it might end. ‘clash of civilizations’ . You’ll just be broke and homeless and still wondering how you’re going to get that brass ring one day. not your significant other. But that’s just me perhaps. People wander into these headspaces because for whatever reason they feel like this stuff represents some unavoidable modification to the game rules they’ve already laid out. these nightmares aren’t just in your head. and lay the groundwork for others to fall into them. promising world of limitless opportunities.. The bad news is that people are swiftly being herded into a number of alternatives. in light of our earlier considerations. I do think the mature person chooses to live in a joyful. “The Singularity”. You’ve just fallen into a backroad of that particular Hellworld. Not your parents. not your friends. Your game. “S. opportunity creativity and abundance. You do. And the sad thing is. Your life. his sense of bliss. They infect the world. You’ll probably wander around for awhile and eventually recreate the same scenario with a few modifications. your children. the realms of unleashed progress.L. Your world. Of sliding into complacency and neglecting the need for challenge and growth.M. ” Electronic Retribalisation”. then define what you want. and rebirth.

At any moment. And sometimes even I don’t see what I’m doing. In doing so I’ve come to understand very well that I’m not the only one doing this. driven out the flaws in my thinking. to craft a world of real dangers. and gathered the prizes I’d left in wait. this is the ultimate act of magick. To create a world in your imagination and call it forth. One thing I may have overlooked is the potential for genuine terror. This is not just in your head. in the end. In that sense the quest is a success. Maybe some of them are hard and you’re developing courage. but it’s partner will always be the story that makes the world. That’s what it felt like for me. With a toolbox for personal transformation at it’s heart. A real quest for the world. my methods are not much different. not just jolts to a jaded nervous system. you quickly come to understand what you really value. and real potentials for adventure and growth. There are no limits. for a real looming sense of loss and dislocation. The focuses you invest time and energy into reinforce that view of the . Given that. I’m happy to stand on the crest of the hill and survey the landscape. To make it so you’ve earned your treasures.. confusion and searching. You’re playing a game with yourself for everything on your list. Homework: Assume for a moment that it’s all a sham. the fact remains that it has helped purify me. Maybe some of them are mysterious and you’re cultivating understanding. For the time being. why are you doing what you’re doing? You must have a good reason for all this struggle. Although I like to think I’m presenting people with better options than the reality priesthood. there is no ‘real world’ to break yourself against. the weaknesses and childish attatchments. ‘The real world’ is just another story somebody told you once. this chapter is the pivot for everything I’ve written here so far. at least so far. to paint a picture of the dark dimension growing up around us all. In some ways. Whatever the case.59 Depending on your perspective. If you’ve ever faced the prospect of losing it all. and while the temptation is there to treat it as a mistake and wonder how to avoid it in the future. and their never-ending terrorscape might offer. of being ripped apart in the bowels of hell. conflict. Particularly to myself. Certainly the alchemical quest is equally founded in the transformation of the self. The world and yourself are of the same clay. only more transparent. It’s a lucid dream and you’re in control. these things are the cornerstones of the world you’re really living in. before I descend into the valley of my own making again. you could choose to experience anything at any level of intensity you wish. Maybe some of them are easy and you’re working to overcome laziness. to make it real. right? What is this all about? Maybe you’re doing what you feel like you have to do to make the experience real for you. not just nebulous anxieties. but only if you wish it. I pull the trick on you with my left and show you how it’s done with my right. It can remain there. At the heart of it. I have survived the challenges I posed to myself. I can see now that my initial concern was to tell a story.

Fuck that rock and fuck the hill.60 world. When it’s not rewarding anymore you can walk away. Follow the cord back out of the maze. and look at the picture you’ve painted for yourself. If you want to spend the rest of your life like Sisyphus and his rock. So take some time to track it back. But perhaps you’ve become addicted to struggle. then by all means do so. not the destination. In many ways life is about the journey. There is fulfillment in process. next time: stoned immaculate . and forgotten what it’s all supposed to be for.. It may be a dream you can’t leave yet. Just don’t forget you have options. Even if you could get all these things you want at the drop of a hat… would you? Would it be worth anything if you did? In many ways we validate our experiences in terms of our struggle to achieve it. but it’s still just a dream. Try answering to yourself for a change and not the delusions swirling in your head.

resolving and repairing incidences of dysfunction of whatever type. mind you. Which brings us around to our next topic. His first students on becoming enlightened were hard core ascetics. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. but bear with me. 2006 Apologies for the lag time in writings. The historical buddha gotama dealt with this in his life and teaching. Now that all sounds rather vague and nebulous I know. You’ll always be able to find a ‘problem’ if you look for one. Poor self esteem. . The therapeutic level is primarily concerned with addressing perceived deficits in self or others. January 11th. They grasped his message almost instantly. If you’re engaged in the alchemical process as a means of ‘fixing’ a ‘problem’ of some sort then that’s therapy. In a good way thankfully. I’m talking a broad stroke sweeping difference in the quality of intent. and it’s confirmation that the process proceeds more or less as intended. control issues. Meditation masters who lived in the woods and were peers of gotama at that time. Namely. While those of us playing at this little game are engaged in more or less the same process of refining and manifesting intent. poverty of sensation.. Whatever.61 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVI: Sickly Expressed Deliverance Wednesday. I wouldn’t recommend spending your whole life on it though. fear and insecurity. I’ll be making three gross divisions here. not all of us are engaging in it for the same reasons. And I’m not talking about having personally specific content. but that mindset tends to be self perpetuating. ie. You’ll always be able to find some way in which you are not functioning well with your surroundings. The first level of intent has to do with what can be thought of as therapy. levels of intent. Inevitably the act of living life starts to take away from talking about it.

This level shows up in all the spiritual or esoteric paths. obviously. What he stressed however is that. your quest for expression will be turned into a flashing neon sign for your personal issues. or an endless transparent awareness.. People whose lives are hellish. a way of preparing the mind for the leap into the next level. to being the light itself. is transcendent or nondual. more profound and lasting sensations and experiences. If you try. is that transcend people quite often spend most of their time dealing with people who need therapy. to regarding yourself as being the source or substance of that phenomena itself. A typical metaphor is to regard the universe as a projection or hologram of some sort. If one identifies oneself as being of the same nature as infinite light. you can’t fix everything. let alone achieving transcendence.62 But as time went on and he shared his ideas with others. is anything that arises or passes away in that light or awareness necessarily going to have any bearing on you at all? Probably not. Which brings us to our next level which we may think of as the yogic level. Learning to tap into higher and wider perceptions. What is interesting though. Whereas the the artistic level is concerned with extending your reach in the conditioned realm. they aren’t going to be good artists. Here you’re extending your existing capabilities. The ‘wretched of the earth’ as it were. At a certain point your focus shifts to a kind of ultimate realization or release from boundaries. like I said. Nor should you. Probably because they know full well that unless these people unfuck themselves. the transcendent impulse is to rise up and out of that whole context and assume a consciousness that pervades and includes all that exists. That level. Simply get your shit together to the point where your life is not a train wreck and move onto higher realms of experience and intent. Much of what we know today as buddhism is what gotama created to help these dysfunctional laypeople who weren’t sufficiently together to reach any higher. but not always as an end in itself. you shift from regarding yourself as being a phenomena. If you’re broken and dysfunctional you can’t really do any of this. Often it is a precursor. definitions. conceptual structures or imprinted limitations. our final one. these are not all or nothing delineations. more potent sources of energy. The transcendent attitude is to shift from regarding oneself as being a pattern created by light. more and more he found that he was being approached by people who wanted to be ‘fixed’ or who had massive personal problems that prevented them from walking the path as the buddha laid it out. Or to move away from whishy washy phraseology. History is filled with ‘transcendent’ characters with all kinds of seemingly dysfunctional personality quirks. So you can no doubt see how a person mired in episodes of therapeutic drama is not going to get this. Now. It’s about developing skills and strength of mind. or the artistic plane. just as it is with artistic or yogicly accomplished types who exhibit the occasional burst of .

But. speak nor eat. the goals which express your creative vision. For example. for example it’s easy to mistake the altruist who finds the touch of god in helping others. is that I want to get something ‘out of the way’ before I can fully explore my creative expressions. and the rest will slip into insignificance. and the goals which move you towards transcendant freedom. The mind is by far more complex and sophisticated than you give it credit for. If you decide where you want your conscious focus to be. Our homework is. and figure this person must be one of these suffering martyrs who bleeds for every blade of grass that goes under a lawnmower. So the ground zero question is simply this. where is it at for you? Not what you think you have to do. and the rest trying to score? Probably only in the skill and efficacy this person has used to service his pathology. and can’t establish any healthy boundaries on what can be done to help others at the expense of oneself. or departing from the scripted reality tunnel altogether? Appearances can be deceiving mind you. . It’s primarily meant for oneself. get your groove on. transcendent insights to fuel your artistic expression. The point worth making is. then your subconscious will put everything else in the appropriate place relative to that. Things that need to be handled will be handled. Blah blah.63 transcendant insight.. more time. I need less stress. The difference is intent. Conversely. my recurring thing. the indian countryside is dotted with ’saints’ who are so blissed out by their yogic mastery of certain states that they seemingly must have transcended the mundane plane. But in truth. accordingly. You might develop skills to address your therapy. They need devotees to spoonfeed them. And it hardly needs to be mentioned how the creative genius flirts with madness and incapacity as often as not. and I’m quite sure that most other people have this from time to time. creative expression. I need a better job. You don’t have to do anything. What do you WANT? Quit twisting yourself into knots to fullfill whatever you think needs to be done before you can feel good about yourself. or is it that they’re so dysfunctional that they’ve retreated into the false liberation of pushing your own bliss button until you don’t even register the outside world anymore? Is this really any different than a heroin addict who spends 17 hours a day on the nod staring at the tip of his shoe. fairly simple: Sort your list into three categories. Not that it’s especially helpful or profitable trying to go around pigeonholing other people. The goals which service your personal problems. where is your emphasis? Where is your intent directed? Fixing shit that doesn’t work. So are they supremely enlightened. So you can begin to see the tangled relationship these levels have. or cash out of the game altogether. or mine your personal issues for material to work into your art. They neither move. Just do it. focusing on all this ‘problem’ stuff is just prolonging the situation.

one way or another. Put in them in the order in which their importance warrants. If you want the answer to the universal question. then obviously you better get on that shit. . The bills will get paid. dawg. Reasses their order of importance based on what they do for you IN AND OF THEMSELVES. If you want your problems to be of paramount significance.. If you’d rather deepen your skill sets then do that. do that. Do not put them in the order you think they need to be be in. then great.64 Once you’ve done that.

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Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVII: Shoot the Curve
Friday, February 17th, 2006

part I part II part III part IV part V part VI partVII part VIII part IX part X part XI part XII part XIII part XIV part XV part XVI

Let’s talk about projection. Or more specifically, projecting trends into the future. When I was talking about my health previously, I engaged in a practice of tracking certain habit trends both forward from a past where I started them and into the future whereby I could predict where they would lead. This ability is a function of the frontal or conscious mind, as it deals with constructs of linear time. The subconscious mind cares nothing for time. To the subconscious mind only the present moment exists. Even when it draws experience from the past or future, that experience is considered to be in the present moment. It cannot distinguish between an image and the reality. But anyway. It seems like this ability to project trends is growing in the human race, both as we develop greater skill in recognizing patterns and greater ability to abstract beyond the present moment and take in a bigger picture.

- 66 And here’s the funny thing: because we can use that ability to tap into wildly extrapolated future states, it provides the subconscious mind with an avenue for plausibly accessing experiences that we might otherwise not dare to do. Technology not a sufficient cause for optimism? Extrapolate it forward twenty years and imagine yourself as a transhuman demigod exploring space. There’s a headrush for you, and because all you did was plug things that are really happening into your future conjuring algorithm, it must be true. your subconscious mind buys it. Disenfranchised with the present? Track the rates of oil extraction, ecological destruction, and population growth into your curve generator and shudder in terror, or else gasp in ecstasy that the hated world that is, is on the way out. Same function either way. You’re utilizing a hypnotic principle called time distortion. If you can trick a person into visualizing an outcome, then their subconscious mind treats it as it were already happening and they don’t resist it. All you did was provide the raw data and the timeframe. So if you carefully frame the data and the time frame you could make pretty much anyone accept pretty much anything. With me so far? Now here’s the big whammy. If you’re really clever with this stuff you can generate what is known as a catastrophic transition. You project some process so far into it’s future that it launches off the graph that you used to measure it and into a completely unpredictable realm of behavior. The reason things like peak oil or the singularity pack such a punch is that they use mathematical trends to convince your brain that you’re going into a totally unpredictable transition state. You’ve been tricked into confounding your normal categories and definitions of things. What’s interesting is, you’ve sucked yourself into the realm of chaotic behavior, and in that state of imprint vulnerability, someone else can come along and implant some new set of ideas. It’s the same principle as brainwashing. You render someone helpless, destroy their existing model of the world and in the totally dependent state of confusion, they will grab hold of whatever you give them. In short, you take someone’s model, time distort it until it explodes and then help them reinterpret the aftermath. TA-DA!!! New reality. New self, even, perhaps. Now keep in mind, this is not usually an deliberate act on the part of another person to brainwash you. But human beings are hypnosis machines and these distortions and trances are how we construct our world and communicate with each other. Words are just the delivery vehicle for sharing our personal trance states. Now presuming you understand this, or even if you don’t, you can use this to your benefit. I’ve said elsewhere that your frontal mind places strong limitations on what are accessible or internally consistent experiences for you to have. No matter how much fun or pleasure or joy you want, your subconscious mind knows you almost always prefer to preserve your sense of self and inner continuity, so anything too strong to incorporate

- 67 into your reality stays in the category of ‘other’ or at least displaced so far into some vague future that there’s no danger in the present moment to your safe state of misery and confusion. If you’re reasonably together or progressively goal oriented you’ll have designed and implemented a kind of incremental curve whereby you can, over time, access more happiness, more love or more creative flow and relaxation or whatever. What I’m going to show is how to reshape the curve, perhaps even jump it altogether into the realm of catastrophic transition. I trust by now you’ve got the tools to do something usefull with it. We already did something like this before, but this version is even easier and more shocking to your current equilibrium state. The two of them actually work together quite well, I find. What you do is, and this is easy, is to presume that nothing in yourself is ever going to change. Your conscious mind should have no trouble accepting this, because most of us either crave stasis or fear it so much that we can’t stop thinking about it. Imagine that for the rest of your life you’re going to keep doing exactly what you’re doing right now, and do it in all the same ways with all the same beliefs. Imagine it in five or ten year increments. Same job, same partner, same limitations, same hobbies and habit patterns. Some of them will be good, some will be not so good. Where will you be? Your mind shouldn’t have any difficulty accepting this scenario, because it doesn’t require you to do anything different. You don’t need to be mindful, or conscious of your activities. You just need to stay on autopilot. How long will you live? How is your health? What sort of experiences have you had? Children, real estate, extended family? What sort of markers for personal growth occur simply by adding more time into the equation? Now I’m going to presume that you haven’t hanged yourself in the shower just now, probably because of the few things in your life that involve growth, creativity and learning. If I addressed this to a crowd of ‘average’ people they would probably shrivel in despair. But if you’ve been around for some time, you almost certainly have some kind of regimen of meditation, banishing, metaprogramming work, or artistic expession in place. So play it out. No more grand upheavals or ecstatic changes. Just play out what you’re doing as routine right now, right this moment in your life, and give yourself the time to see where you end up. Plug 40 or 50 years into that, in five year increments, and what comes out the other end? Do you even get 40 or 50 years, or does your diet, lack of exercise and generally shit state of mind do you in long before that? Or conversely, does your ongoing regiment of health enhancing activities and positive state creation see you through into your second century of life? Think about education. Are you content with everything you’ve learned? If so, you can look forward to seeing your cherished assumptions systematically torn apart by time and change until you end up confused, rigid and disillusioned. OR, you do some simple math: you could get the EQUIVALENT of a PhD in pretty much anything in an average of about

Life is cheap and the biosphere is never short of human beings. you can look forward to an exponential swirl down into the recycling bin. and eventually the most outlandishly ecstatic states become your new baseline. If you invest in negativity. You see how this works? First you have habits that involve no change. Whatever you invest in right now is what you are getting better and better at. Your personal singularity. As time goes on you do not simply continue at the same rate. then habits that involve predictable positive change. Even a modest 50 or 60 years of adult life is the equivalent of ten PhD’s if you continue learning. then habits that predictably accelerate positive change. because no human being is truly static. will come sparingly soon enough. rigidity. . positivity. fear and toxicity.. but you will be learning and growing faster and faster as time goes by. And these things are mixed.68 five or six years. you will not only learn and grow more. your accelerating curve becomes more and more like a vertical line shooting towards the great who-knows-what. then 3 years. If you’re not part of the solution you’re part of the problem. We’ve got the equipment right now. until the whole concept of time and change and scales of positive experience cease to bound your consciousness. then who knows? The joyous and creative states that come fleetingly now. The PhD equivalent you picked in 6 years will come in 4 years soon enough. all due respect to Ray Kurzweil but we don’t need some fucking computer to jump the curve for us. growth. BUT: If you invest in learning. You are not a simple equation. Because. and how much do think you will pick up just out of habit in the years to come? Now change the exercise a little bit. embracing healthy change and discipline. until your current measurement system for understanding your life no longer is relevant. So as you shitcan the dead weight and install more useful behaviors. You have negative habits dragging you down and positive ones accelerating you towards your personal apotheosis. and reliably still later. How much learning have you picked up so far. then habits that predictably accelerate the acceleration of positive changes. even informally. You’ve jumped the curve.

Boundaries dissolved or in the process of dissolving.-Terrence McKenna This will be an update to some of the principles of banishing.. an answer to a couple of questions.69 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XVIII: A line in the Self Saturday. just throwing this stuff in all directions. So beings are making objects. 2006 And the objects that they make have the peculiar ability to themselves generate this linguistic “stuff” which condenses as other objects. these beings and objects. psychedelics. civil rights. civilised and tribal. or the self-transforming machine elves from hyperspace. The media. self and other. and an entry into some new territory altogether. There’s an awful lot of discussion these days about what can be grouped under the broad heading of ‘the other’. dada. It probably goes without saying that without a self there is no other. Surrealism. so buckle up. human or not. between the conscious and the unconscious. February 25th. They jump into your body and disappear into your body. But then what? You can’t neccisarily dissolve all your boundaries can you? Some people might like to. But I’ll bring it to the forefront of our discussion becuase it’s crtically important. male and female. Terence Mckenna once said that the great project of the twentieth century was one of boundary dissolution. the objects are turning into beings and making other objects. free love and the sexual revolution. . the dissassociated self. As I’ve said we’re hypnosis machines and invading and colonising each others headspaces is the way it’s done round here. waving these things. a supernatural manifestation. Indeed. What they all have in common is that they appear to exist outside the boundaries of the self. showing you objects. the whole world is full of little selves that would love to imprint on you. that would love to take advantage of your dissolving boundaries. Sometimes that other is an alien. black and white.and then they jump back out. and then they jump back out. is utterly saturated front to back with messages that try to impinge on your boundaries and implant imperitives that are foreign to your preexisting sense of self. psychiatry and psychotherapy. order and chaos. they jump into your chest . a diety. for example. feminism. but is that always a good thing? There are plenty of opportunists.

You could just close you eyes and say piss off. Then you reaffirm your more current state of confidence and self-esteem. who feels put-upon. And there’s really nothing to say you can’t draw and redraw that line anywhere you like. over and over again. It notices the things you do constantly and will move to support them. Then there are others still who will take on those feelings so totally. Exactly how you do it entirely ideosyncratic. harden it to repel invasive forces and soften it to allow desirable or benign ones acess. everytime you do this you’re actively redefining what exactly is ’self’ and ‘other’. The self is whatever is inside the line you happen to draw. visualise your whiny ten year old self in front of you. Your mind responds to effort and repetition. of course. boundary between self and other and modifying it in some way. Now you might ask: how does this process apply to entities that seemingly have their own volition and autonomous existance? Those things are surely not manifestations of my self? . banishing is that process by which you draw the line. No boundary = No difference. However you do it. Others will be completely detatched and wonder what the big goddamn deal is all the time. You contract it to expell foreign influences. So in short. But. in effect. taking the plastic. permeable. Let’s say you have the nagging voice of your ten year old self constantly dragging you down with fear and poor self esteem. What matters is you incorporate whatever symbolism or activity will make that experience more real to you. You talked yourself into the boundaries you have now. and the other is whatever is left out. and then physically mime shoving him or her out of the circle. Someone who is constantly buffeted by a victim mentality. the other persons feelings are their feelings. Take feelings for example: you all probably have the one friend who cannot get their shit together. If you can’t come to some kind of accord then tell the little bastard to fuck off. you are. it’s important to repeat it the same way. expand it to encompass new ones. They happily try to dump their negative feelings on anyone who will listen. but not neccisarily identify with them.. for all intents and purposes. that they cannot seperate themselves from it. persecuted and overwhelmed. but what works better is to surround yourself with symbols of success and confidence. Most people in that situation will be aware of that friends feelings. Repeat that twenty or thirty times over the course of a month or two and you’ll probably be getting somewhere. You could even take a long-existing behavior or persona and eject it completely. The only thing that changes from one to the next is the strength and size of the line drawn around self. You can talk yourself into new ones. and then force the ejected self to renegotiate your relationship before reintegrating them. simply by redrawing the line to exclude what you don’t want anymore.70 When you undertake the practice of banishing.

They teach you thier magick and welcome you as a friend. you have at the exact same time defined the boundaries of the other. But the funny thing is. My suspicion is that they the veiled attempts of the collective unconscious to pierce the walls of repression around the human sense of self. Or it may be that it’s a little more in line with Terrence’s experience. How many times have you heard about implants. they may function as autonomous entities but in truth it all emerges from the same flickering void of nothingness. Everything you take from outside and integrate is one less attribute whirling around in the deep waters of the not-self. Think of it like both sides of the crinkly edge of a fractal. And if you encounter something new and recoil from it. These creature bathe you in luv. The aliens are as real to you as you are to yourself. or in the skilled adept who willingly drops his defences for a time. which leads me to believe that the intensity of contact -type experiences is strongest either in the neurotic whose rigid defences suddenly collapse. . kidnappings. What both of these polarities have in common however is a complete loss of boundary control. then it follows that they might be manifestations of some other trying to either reconcile itself to the human ego. For myself I find the parallels between alien contact and satanic ritual abuse a little too close for comfort. They give you gifts. and messianic dispensations of wisdom from our little grey buddies? If you accept that these creatures are at least quasi non physical.71 Not directly. rectal probes. At the time i never thought to go the other way and see what was wating at the top. there’s going to be a lot of alien seeming shit prowling around at all times.. all you’ve done is create a membrane of self/not-self to eventually dissolve and integrate. until I finally got down to flickering quantum static. My experience of contacting an ‘other’ came under the influence of what i would later estimate as 10-15 dried grams of psilociibin mushrooms. fetal tissue manipulation. In that state I was able to dissect everything I encountered into smaller and smaller units. and recall the admonitions of rene guenon that the crumbling of our collective barrier to the subhuman realm leaves us exposed to all manner of predators and parasites. Every step you take into the other is one step the other takes backwards. If you’ve got an extremely rigid and/or neurotic ego. the only reason that’s so is because you made it that way. or invade it and colonise it. Which I suppose raises all kinds of questions about what the deal is with all these alien contact experiences and the like. and that’s where it goes back to in the end. Pure noise in the basement of reality. From the buddhist perspective all identities are delusional postulates with no inherent reality. They litterally merge with your body. That particular experience took me close enough to madness that i realised i was done with drugs. So even if you encounter something that seems utterly strange and alien to you. no. surgeries. the moment you define the boundaries of the self.

A vast conscious emptyness of unformed potential. All of which may be considered a proper preamble to our next installment wherein we unchain the primordial monsters in the qlippothic depths of reality and make them our bitches… . It wanted nothing because it was everything.72 Meditation eventually gave me the opposite experience: a limitless transparent presence that transcended and included everything that exisited. until we rejoin the godhead. and can a bit of a white-knuckle ride at times. It had no boundaries to dissolve so I was already one with it. hence the usefullness of banishing.. It seemed and still seems to me that our purpose in existing was to accept and integrate every potential of the self. Of course that could take a long time.

Your feelings.73 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XIX: Controlled Demolition Thursday. I could squeeze a couple more in there but It hardly seems essential. your relationships. your beleifs. some fondly held belief. and hardly a planned one. but everyone puts it somewhere. yet adamant refusal of some part of the mind to go any further. your body. Maybe you can't visualise what you actually want. or context that will not yeild to any degree of effort. 2006 And here we are. there is the inevitable collision with what can only be characterised as a wall. You're bound up in endlessly circular sniveling and whining about what you don't want. To fling oneself against the unmoveable seems sure to plunge one into madness or despair. some routine. In any process of personal transformation. Time is of the essence. but you have no clue whatsoever how that might become true for you. 'optimistic' or 'creative'. You see other peole do these things. You can't sit still for more than fifteen minutes. March 30th. your material circumstances. They all represent a profound terror of losing or destabilising one's sense of self. Where you locate that sense is perfectly variable. All these seemingly disparate problems are actually the same problem. So down to work. or what looks like these things. Some habit. the penultimate chapter of this series. You have no idea what might constitute 'happy'. Maybe you do a little circular . One more run around the block before I break down and tell you what it's getting at.. 'relaxed'. Twenty seems like a nice number. becuase it feel like ants are burrowing into your subcutaneous fat and supping on your blood. A simple.

If you know that. You 've probably all experienced that sense at least once. Now before you start patting yourself on the back as some radical innovator who can drop everything and go hike to peru. even when you can see they don't serve you anymore. If your life has been going so great up untill now. YOU are your own worst enemy. to want to please the authors of their captivity. but transitory. nobody cares. Some people learn to love their jailers. Certainly you can be as happy. then what's the fucking problem? It's not that your mind is averse to better or richer experiences. as rich or famous as any other human at the very least. The real cornerstones of the static ego. it's easy to quit your job. when one of them starts to look shaky. ought to be reason enough to question it. as the case may be. to need their jailers. that's probably exactly what you do. You don't get to change irrevocably and stay the same in all the comforting ways. wouldn't that be prefferable anyway? What the fuck are you so eager to hang on to? . what the fuck are you doing here? You can't have it both ways. And even if it did. they'll probably just pretend it isn't happening. It has difficulty relinquishing the present circumstance to move towards the new one. But chances are there's one or two that will not yeild or shift in any lasting way. compared to facing the real issues that probably drove you to do those things in the first place. In fact. or live out of a backpack and squat in an abandoned building and dumpster dive. consider that the real stubborn changes are internal ones. That sense of free fall? When you actually made a defintive break with the past and moved into the unknown. Nobody knows. It should be abundantly clear by now that you can do just about anything. It's hard to love unselfishly.. or the attempt at a static ego. It's easy to up and leave your external circumstances. YOU are the one who is holding you back. Can you even imagine letting go of anger altogehter? Where is it writ large that humans beings have to get angry? or fearfull? or desperate? or depressed? Certain physiological phenomena are inevitable. YOU are the barrier to full potential. The fact that everyone seems to be doing it. It's hard to let go of your obsessive need for approval or control or recognition.74 bucket brigade from one to the other. as creative. The last thing a prisoner wants to do is admit that you can just leave at any time. as smart. Most people who 'know' you won't even notice. That's no excuse to dig yourself into the same emotional or existential hole that everyone else is living in. What you need to get through your head is that YOU are your jailer. It just has trouble beleiving them to be possible. and if they do. fears and obsessions. Your social life will probably not fall into upheaval if you chuck all your internal neurotic bullshit. The world will get along just fine if you change everything about yourself. It's hard to let go of your ongoing lusts.

and your new world sucks as bad as the old one sooner or later. except perhaps to cope with the fear that you don't really exist as some unchanging essence. In a sense these insert themselves as intermediaries between your total mental resources and the world outside of you. And you know why? Because 'you' are constantly changing all the time already. And they don't even do that very well. Even the people who claim to know and love you the best would not see that 'you' were gone. do not magnify extend or optimise your capabilities in any way. the only possible authentic life or realtionship in this world is based on contant. are ghosts and they will haunt you unto death. You are not even the same entity you were yesterday. This arraingement will take one of a several forms in the final analysis: first possiblity. Hopefully you don't commit suicide when your old walls are replaced by brand new ones. Unless you kill them first. The sooner you get rid of this idea that you are the same entity that was extruded from your mother's womb at birth. becuase that fear has probably never gone away for more than a few bare seconds in total of the course of your life. You hijack any and every tool at your disposal to accomplish the emotional breakthrough on the other side of the wall. This is 99% of the remaining 1%. they would probably fumble around for a couple days and then adapt so smoothly no one would ever notice something had changed forever. You know it's true. third possiblity: you reorient your life to continuiously tearing down your walls and undermining your limiting voices. and probably never will. manage to outmanuever the voices that want to hold you in fearfull stasis. and then go back to sleep. you alternate between ruthless and somewhat depressing gruntwork to learn new things. welcome to 99% of the human race. which is probably related to exactly how comfortable they are with changeing constantly themselves. and do your best to carve out whatever sort of satisfactory existence your life script will permit you have. Welcome to an anthony robbins seminar. expectations and beliefs about life. Not anymore than makes them comfortable to do. These ideas about what you are. your life. So. this turns out to be much more satisfying than actually getting any . These voices in your head that are constantly making statements about who and what you are.. and the ecstacy of breaking through old limitations. the voices break you enitrely.75 If by some sci fi contrivance someone were able to steal your body. you capitulate to your fears. second possibility: you formulate some novel scenario for your life. the happier you will be. really. They insert themselves for the sole purpose of maintaining the delusion of static identity. untill you quit playing the game with these voices. never-ending upheaval and complete change. They don't help you do anything. and does anyone notice? Not really. and by hook or crook.

and enjoying the ride. but I tend to think of that as a bit of a waste. you embrace an outcome utterly for a short period of time and then drop it when you integrate the new perspectives it offers. and the best part is you've already done it! Give yourself a pat on the back. and insight. frustration..76 hypothetical goal or emotional cookie. This will repeat the experience at a higher level of intensity and dig up any attatchements you missed the first time. You may count yourself in the ranks of shamans. sadness and eventual acceptance. Option two: Do your best to culitvate some kind of obsessive desire for a carefully specified outcome. but getting them is not especially important. The sooner you move your emphasis from getting the things on your list. towards understanding the progressive growth of creativity. so I'll prescribe a course of action for each one. but that's just one more t-shirt for the collection by the time you get there. Option three: If you've been along for the ride thus far and actually doing anything. Homework: I'm not going to presume to tell you which option you should adress. and then some. You eventually learn that having goals makes for usefull focal points. Any of the tools I've offered up so far are helpfull in this regard. In which case skip to the end of possiblity three. flexibilty. Conversely. If you extend this practice long enough you eventually realise the utter transparency or provisional nature of all your identities and inner voices. although those who pull it off tend to be. you're well on your way. Immerse yourself in that sense of despair. leading you to notice the larger nigh-infinite consciousness that was always present to begin with. Do anything and everything it takes to get it. magi and visionary artists of all stripes since the dawn of time. Option one: Do nothing. Make of that what you will. fourth possiblity:You utterly relinquish all of your ego attatchments in some profound act of devotional surrender to the vastness of creation. Option four: Dramatic but effective. but it is historically not very popular. Hopefully you elude the slight risk of falling into a depression or dependance on something external to make the ride keep going. get up the next day and imagine your only have a month to live. Spend a whole day tryng to convince yourself you are afflicted with some terminal illness and only have one year to live. Very easy. Life is funny that way. within the bounds of your morality and conscience. the sooner you will see the true purpose of the magickal path. leading you to set goals as close to utterly impossbile as you can. When you feel like you've made peace with it and understood how to live your remaining life in that light. This option remains open at any time. .

By this point it will become very very clear how useless most of your mental activty is most of the time. If need be do it one more time and live out the last hour of your life. .77 Then do it again the next day. If you perform this exercise to the utmost even once. and to do it over and over again will lead you to the goal in short order. your life will never be the same. but only give yourself a single day to make your peace with life..

but if you try either a few times in succession it should work.. . June 7th. 2006 And here we are. but I'm sure you're all clever enough to find your way around it for now.78 - Alchemy for the Braindamaged XX: To Stand at the Edge of the World Wednesday. the pod and direct download are both still a bit prone to go 404. I will polish the rough edges off this system in short order.

you'll perhaps find me faltering in my speech. I'm already thinking of the next one.. merely a change of form and substance. For simplicity's sake keep the comments here if you can. perhaps I shouldn't have tried to compose my thoughts in real-time. as it's much easier for me to rant for half an hour than hunch over a keyboard pecking away for two days. new material should come with even greater regularity. Having changed. Having come to the end. and painfully earnest. In retrospect. pass through . awkward with the mic. In fact. well. But enough for now.79 As to content. This is not truly the end of the series mind you. but i think I get the point across. change.

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