Wooly Woofter The Mongolian Greyhound Gday sports fans, Barry here, I was at the greyhound races the

other day minding me own fucken business when this fuckwitt starts talking to me. You know when you see some stupid looking prick in the crowd who looks a bit psycho, and you think “hope that fuckwitt stays the fuck away from me”. But the whole time you know your going to end up talking to the retard. This bloke was like that. The psycho looking fucker was 8 foot tall for a start so you couldn’t miss the prick. He had a head like a kicked in shit can and one of those little arse licking moustaches that the poofters wear. Almost like a fucken Hitler moustache this bastard had on. He was wearing lime green track suit pants and a yellow shirt with black horizontal stripes like a fucken bumble bee. He also had one of those hats with the propeller on the top. That was a dead giveaway that he was a fucken nutter. So I’m fucken standing near the fence waiting for the next race. I had 200 bucks on the nose on this fucken dish licker called Wooly Woofter. Me mate Lenny knows the owner. If you saw this fucken dog you wouldn’t bet on the prick. He was only half a greyhound. The other half was Mongolian sheep dog. And they’re fucken big bastards. Wooly Woofter was the size of a Shetland pony. And it’s fucken cold in Mongolia so this prick actually looked like a fucken sheep and he had black and white spots like a fucken dalmation. Weirdest looking prick of a thing you’ve ever seen. And the bastard had this habit of rooting all the other dogs before the race. I dunno if Wooly Woofter was a homosexual or if it was just some cunning psychological tactic he employed for putting the other dogs off their game. Anyway, Wooly Woofter hadn’t won a race because his owner would give him a big drink of water before each race to slow the prick down. This went on for a year. It was all a big set up. The owner, Lenny’s mate, was a mad fuckin Chinaman and the pricks name was Hung Long. You don’t see many Chinamen greyhound owners around. Not unless their breeding the fuckers to eat. Feed a whole

gold to Wooly Woofter the dirty big black and white spotted freak hound. “Don’t spose you got a light” he says. Dirty fucken prick that Lenny. gold. So fucken Hung Long and his “greyhound” Wooly Woofter were setting up this big sting. So I give the fuck brain a light. I think to meself “Im not going to tell him that my name isn’t Murray in case he’s looking for an opening to start talking” So I say “Sure. So we’re standing there and I’m trying to ignore this fruit cake and he asks me for a cigarette. Galumphing down the straight. All the other mutts pile in to the pen at the end and Wooly Woofter fucks a couple for good measure. Bit tough too the old greyhounds.family of fucken Chinamen on a greyhound. Past the finish line and it’s gold. Good sign that Wooly Woofter’s psychological tactics have been put in to play. So. I just wished he’d fuck off.” I look up at this prick and say “Good on ya mate” Well…… what else would you say to a freak like that? I couldn’t think of anything to say to the prick. They round the first turn and the Woofter’s a couple of lenghths ahead of the pack. . Trouble is catching the pricks and then finding a pot big enough to cook the bastards in. Wooly Woofter takes the lead from the start. You couldn’t miss the big weird fuck. Wooly Woofter in the lead. “Got a durrie on ya Murray?” he says. They get the dogs in the boxes and the rabbit is ready to go. Fucken Lenny was supposed to come too. And he sticks the fucken cigarette in his mouth back the front and lights the butt. Hung Long’s in the marshalling area rubbing his hands together like a greedy conniving little fuck. here you go” as I pass him a dart. When I went to wake the prick up he had fucken spewed all over himself and his bed. So here they come up the home straight. So I’m fucken standing there with a grin from ear to ear when this 8 foot fuckwitt starts talking to me. I’m standing at the fence and they lead the greyhounds out. I’m getting excited as well. Wooly Woofter’s got a grin on his face and the other dogs are walking with their tails between their legs. So I left the bastard there. I’ll be buying a flash new going out shirt if this bastard gets home. This was the night they were gonna clean up. The shoots open and their off. but the bastard got too pissed in the afternoon and went to have a lay down. He says “I always bet on that dog cause he’s funny looking.

“What ya got there” says Len. So that was enough for me.I shake my head and think “Ohh fucken hell. There’s fucken black smoke everywhere and this stupid gigantic propeller headed fuck just keeps puffing away. “Whats it fucken look like?” I says. . “OK then you fucken robber” I says. “Come on Wooly Woofter” I said as we leave that no good little conniving fuck. Then he says “I like that dogs name” “What. didn’t you just win a shit load of cash because of him?” Hung Long says “That right. Wooly Woofter” I says. he keeps on dragging away as the butt goes up in flames. Then he starts pissing himself laughing. “Get fucked Lenny” I says. here we go” and I expect this prick to acknowledge the fact that he’s obviously fucked up. So I hand over the cash and he gives me Wooly Woofter. “Looks like Hung Long found a sucker to me” says Lenny. Hung looks at me and says “But he champion now. I was walking past the stalls where they keep the greyhounds and here’s fucken Hung Long sharpening up a dirty great butchers knife. now must destroy evidence so don’t get caught” So I’m standing there with a pocket full of cash and this poor fucken dog is about to get the chop. What are doing with that great big fucken knife?” He says “I kill that Wooly Woofter he no good to me now” I says “Hang on a minute. “Yeh it sounds like Wooly Poofter” he says. I turned around and fucked off and let him annoy some other poor prick. I cashed in my ticket with the bookie and started heading home. What would you fucken do? I said “I’ll give you two grand for him. But no. “Lets go home” So we get home and fucken Lenny’s sitting there on the back step looking sorry for himself.” I won five on the prick so it was the least I could do. maybe worth three grand” I said “But you’re about to cut the bastards throat” “three grand or dog gets it” he says with an icy stare. I say “How’s it going Hung.

Ralphie the retard and Wooly Woofter the greyhound cross Mongolian black and white sheep dog.So now I’ve got two fucken dogs. Oh well…………At least no prick will come in the yard……………. .