Diary of the woman who never was 7 I stay in the dark. In my bedroom.

The shutters are closed and you can t tell whether it is day or night. That suits me. I m timeless in my exhaustion. Waiting for it to pass. How long will it take. I have bought an iphone. I ve downloaded some audio books and two films. The Hangover and Sherlock Homes. I play one of them over and over. Background noise to keep some part of my brain from thinking. Sometimes it works. I know when it has because I wake up with a start having fallen asleep. I eat bananas. They are the only thing that feels like I can take. A friend is out. He s like a mentor to me. He makes fabulous margaritas. Maybe that s why I cant get out of bed. I had such a sugar high. Let alone the alcohol high. I couldn t stop babbling. Babble, babble, babble. I don t know what I said. But I didn t cry. That s a good thing. Three months ago any alcohol just unhinged me. I sit on the balcony. The tourists walk by without looking up. Mostly in couples. I don t want to be them. Not many smile.

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