Alice's Adventures in wonderland by lewis carrol

adaptions by Oivia Jones and Paul Blair

(The Wonderland characters appear as a twisting, gibbering forest, whispering ph
rases from the plays, The White Rabbit runs through them followed by Alice.)
Rabbit: I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date. No time to say hello, goodby
e, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.
Alice: What could a rabbit be possibly late for?
Where are you going?
Rabbit: I’m late, I’m late, I’m late I’m late I’m late.
(rabbit pops down the rabbit hole)
Alice: wonder what I will do next, where will this rabbit hole lead to? There’s o
nly one way to find out.
(pops down the rabbit hole)

(appears to be a very deep well, alice falls very slowely. Objects pass as she
goes down.)
Chorus:I am falling down staircase to wonderland. I don’t know where I’m going and
I don’t know where I’ll land. I am falling down the staircase to wonderland.ahhhh h
aaadoo doo Im falling…Falling……to wonderland…. Where will I go…where will I land? That i
s all evident in wonderland…
Where is the road to wonderland??
ALICE:How curious. I never realized that rabbit holes were so dark . . . and so
long . . . and so empty. I believe I have been falling for five minutes, and I s
till can t see the bottom! Hmph! After such a fall as this, I shall think nothin
g of tumbling downstairs. How brave they ll all think me at home. Why, I wouldn
t say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how ma
ny miles I ve fallen by this time. I must be getting somewhere near the center o
f the earth. I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny that wo
uld be. Oh, I think I see the bottom. Yes, I m sure I see the bottom. I shall hi
t the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it will hurt!
Rabbit: Alice.
Alice: Rabbit.
Rabbit: Rabbit. White...
Alice: White Rabbit.
Rabbit: We re running very late, Alice.
(The characters slink away.)
Rabbit: Late, Alice!
(Alice turns to him.)
Rabbit: Oh my ears and whiskers, I haven t got my gloves – what s this.
Alice: What is it.
Rabbit: Cake.
Alice: How lovely.
Rabbit: I don t want cake, I want my gloves.

Alice: It s delicious.
Rabbit: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.
Alice: Mr. Rabbit?
Rabbit: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – you re enormous!
Alice: No I m not.
Rabbit: Much bigger than I thought you we re.
Alice: I was just looking at you before...
Rabbit: Mary-Ann, you must shrink again this instant....
Alice: My name is Alice...
Rabbit: Laaaaaaaate!
Alice: Will you stop it!
Rabbit: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
(He runs off, dropping a small bottle)
Alice: No, I m sorry . I .... Well, I thought I was Alice this morning. Perhaps
I m Ada, and not Alice. Or perhaps I m Mabel. What do I remember.
Now, I remember that... London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital
of Rome. No... that s not right. Oh, no....
The cat has entered.

Cat: Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness you know.

Alice: A Cheshire Cat!
Cat: Hello Alice.
Alice: How did you know my name was Alice?
Cat: The same way you knew I was a Cheshire Cat – because you look just like an Al
ice.
Alice: That is very confusing – I m not sure of many things that I was sure of not
half and hour
ago.
Cat: What is this?
Alice: The Rabbit must have dropped it.
Cat: Drink it.
Alice: If you drink from a bottle marked poison, it will disagree with you...
Cat: Is it marked poison?
Alice: No, it says drink me.
Cat: So drink it.
alice: i am dreaming of a cheshire cat that will appear out nowhere
and show me the way... thourgh wonderland. the cheshire cat is
allways there there to appear nowere and show me to go
ahhhhhh do do do do do haaaaaa the chesheire cat is allways ... allways there
to show me the way thourgh wonderland
cat: i’m dreaming of an alice whom i will show the way through wonderland and i
can apppear out of nowhere and to show her the way though wonderland
both ahhhhhh do do do do do do haaa ha ha ahhhhhh ohhhhhh
cat i will appear out of nowhere when you need me to show you the way though w
ounderland
both: i’m dreaming of a\an cheshire cat\alice who\i will appear out of nowhere to
show me\her the way through wonderland
alice: cheshire cat
(She drinks, cat leaves.)
Alice: Now,
If only I could remember one of my recitations.
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tale,
And poor the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale.
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
And neatly spread his claws,
And welcome little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws.
I m sure those aren t the right words. Maybe I am Mabel after all
the world’ s Spinning around turning inside out&
upside down.
I m freaking out, where am I now?
the worlds Upside down and I can t stop it now
Can t stop me now, oh oh
I found myself in Wonderland
how am i to Get back on my feet, again
Is this real?
or Is this pretend?
I ll take a stand until the end
I ll get by
I ll survive
When the world s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don t you try to stop me
don t cry
When my world s turned upside down, turned inside out
I will try and turn myself around
Don t you try to stop me
don t cry

She starts to cry and a mouse,a dodo, and a duck appear. They are all wet.
How cheefully he seems to grin,
And neatly spread his claws...
(They all produce beakers and test tubes and throw water over her.)
Alice: Ahh, I m soaking!
Mouse: Not a wonder with all your crying.
Dodo: Look at us!
Duck: You flooded us!
Alice: I really must have been very large.
Mouse: Well you re certainly not now, we are very, very small!
Dodo: But very clever.
Duck: And you re the same size as us.
Alice: I wish I were dry.
Mouse: Now gather around everyone, and I shall tell you a tale to dry you out -
I m told it is very dry.
Fury sauid to a mouse,
That he met in the house,
Let us both go to the law:
I will prosecute you. -
Come, I ll take no denial:
We must have a trial;
For really, this morning,
I ve nothing to do.
Said the mouse to that cur.
Such a trial, dear sir.
With no jury or judge,
Would be wasting our breath.
I ll be the judge, I ll be the jury,
Said the cunning old fury;
I ll try the whole cause
And condemn you to death.
Alice: I don t feel much drier.
Dodo: Nor do I, my dear.
Duck: One thing for it! A Caucus race!
Dodo: Yes, a Caucus race.
Alice: What is a Caucus race?
Dodo: The best way to explain it is to do it!
Mouse: We shall go down here, out there, and all around and back again.
Dodo: You must call start Alice.
Alice: On your marks get set...
(They all run off in different directions.)
Alice: I didn t say go!
(They all cavort around, eventually making it back.)
Dodo: The race is over!
Alice: I can t tell who won.
Mouse: I think... we all won.
Duck: Oh, hooray, we all get prizes.
All: Prizes, prizes, prizes!
Duck: Who is to give them.
Mouse: She is.
All: Prizes, prizes, prizes!
(The cat delivers a tray of macaroons.)
Alice: Oh, here you go.
(They all take one and make loud sounds of delight.)
Dodo: There s one left for you, Alice.
(She eats it.)
Mouse: My goodness – she s much bigger now.
Alice: No I m not.
Dodo: She only had one macaroon.
Alice: But, you all look rather small...
Duck: Please don t move, you may do us some harm...
Alice: Oh, what am I now, who am I now...
(The Queen of Hearts enters, hooded, behind Alice, and they all scream.)
Animals: The Monstrous crow!
(They run.)
Alice: I am not a monstrous crow! Wait...
Hearts: Who are you?
Alice: I m Alice. How do you do?
Hearts: What are you doing in this garden?
Alice: I... I don t know exactly.
Hearts: You must be a type of flower... an Alice blossom. I ve never heard of an
Alice blossom.
Alice: I m not a flower, I m a girl.
Hearts: Speak when you are spoken to! If you aren t a flower – then I didn t put y
ou here – so why
are you here?
Alice: Lost my way, I m sorry.
Hearts: Do you know who I am?
Alice: No.
Hearts: Why did I think you would.
(White Rabbit enters.)
White Rabbit: Your majesty! I m sorry you majesty...
Hearts: Quiet fool!
Alice: Your majesty?
Rabbit: Yes – this is the Queen of hearts!
Hearts: You see – so all of the ways around here are mine – in spite of what you may
hear.
Alice: What may I hear?
Hearts: Horrid stories... told by those horrid girls...
Alice: Which horrid girls?
Hearts: The Red Queen and The White Queen...
Alice: More Queens?
Hearts: Yes... we are quite rife with them... Clubs, Spades, Diamonds ... and no
w those girls.
Alice: What makes them so horrid?
Hearts: More, more, more! They are terribly quarrelsome. I give them a lovely ki
ngdom
to share – and they play a giants game of Chess all over it. I should ve had
their heads when I had the chance.
Alice: That would be horrid.
Hearts: Careful – your hair wants cutting...
Alice: Well, how rude...
Hearts: Alice, or whatever, do you play croquet?
Alice: I can, sort of...
Hearts: Then you may join us at the party later...
Alice: What party? Wait...
(Hearts exits.)
Alice: Excuse me Mister Rabbit, what party is it?
Rabbit: My goodness, you startled me!

Alice: I ve been here the whole time.

Rabbit: It s just when I m standing so still.
Alice: I do apologize...
Rabbit: Look, I ve forgotten lost my gloves....
Alice: Oh...
Rabbit: Oh, I haven t got time to search....
Alice: Well you could just go...
Rabbit: But I need them!
Alice: I ll help look....
Rabbit: Oh, thank you.
Alice: You re welcome.
Rabbit: Thank you thank you, I shall just go on and you can bring them to me.
Alice: Where....
Rabbit: At the Garden party.
Alice: Mr. Rabbit....
Rabbit: Goodbye now, I must catch up with the Queen...
(exits)
Alice: Mr. Rabbit.... Well how rude they are, really. Well I suppose I must look
for his gloves...
(The Cheshire Cat enters.)
Cat: Looking for these?
Alice: Oh, yes...
Cat: Now we haven t been introduced...
Alice: You re a Cheshire Cat.
Cat: That s right – and you re an Alice.
Alice: How did you know?
Cat: Well you knew I was a Cheshire cat. (Puts on Gloves). Do I look very much b
igger in these?
Alice: A little... Which way do I go?
Cat: Well, Alice, that depends a great deal on where you intend to get to.
Alice: I want to get somewhere.
Cat: Well if you walk for long enough you re sure to get somewhere... but if you
go that way,
you shall see a frog and a fish arguing...
Alice: Oh no!
Cat: And if you go that way... you shall get to the tea party...
Alice: That sounds much nicer...
Cat: They re all quite mad there, you know.
Alice: Well I don t want to go among mad people.
Cat: Well, you can t help it. I m mad, you re mad, we re all mad here.
Alice: How do you know I m mad?
Cat: If you weren t, you wouldn t be here.
Alice: I don t suppose there s any point in arguing with you.
Cat: So will you go to the Tea Party.
Alice: Well, I hav’nt been invited.
Cat: In that case welcome to the tea party.
Rabbit, Hearts and Hatter enter.
Hearts: Hatter, you are an idiot!
Hatter: But I can t tell you the day of the month your majesty, he put butter in
the works! You should never have
put butter in the works!
White Rabbit: It was the best butter!
Hearts: Idiots!
Cat: How do you like the Queen of Hearts.
Alice: Not at all.
Queen: Alice.
Rabbit: Alice.
Hatter: Alice. Are we harmonizing?
Alice: Your majesty.
Hearts: And who is this?
Alice: This is my friend, allow me to introduce the Cheshire Cat.
Hearts: I don t like the way it looks at me.
Alice: A cat may look at a Queen, I think I read it in a book somewhere.
Hearts: So rude – off with her head!
Rabbit: Consider your majesty, she s only a child.
Hearts: Hmmm.... Your hair wants cutting. Cat, you may kiss my hand.
Cat: I d rather not.
Hearts: Such impertinence.
Hatter: Here we go.
Hearts: Off with its head!
Rabbit: Shall I fetch the executioner?
Alice: It will do you no good, he can disappear in an instant.
Queen: Either you or your head must be off.
Cat: Ha... I d like to see you try. I ll see you later, Alice.
Alice: Goodbye....
Queen: Well, then....
Hatter: Six o clock, time for tea!
Queen: Yes.
(They settle down to tea, with Alice.)
Hearts, R and H: No room, no room!
Alice: Rubbish! There s plenty of room.
Rabbit: Would you like some wine?
Alice: I don t see any wine.
Rabbit: There isn t any.
Alice: Then it wasn t very civil of you to offer it.
Rabbit: It wasn t very civil of you to sit without being invited.
Alice: I suppose not.
Rabbit: Stand.
Alice: Oh..
Rabbit: Please sit down, Alice.
Alice: Thank you.
Hatter: Offer her some tea.
Alice: I was getting to that.
Queen: Well hurry up.
Rabbit: Would you like tea, Alice.
Alice: Yes please.

Rabbit: I ll pour.
Alice; Thank you.
Hearts: Your hair wants cutting.
Alice: Don t you know that it s rude to make personal remarks.
Hearts: I am the Queen, I am never rude... I can t ever be rude...
Hatter: Alice... would you like to hear a riddle.
Alice: Oh yes please!
Rabbit: Good idea, Hatty.
Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice: Oh, I think I can guess that.
Rabbit: You mean you think you can tell us the answer.
Alice: Yes.
Hatter: Then you should say what you mean!
Alice: I do, at least, I mean what I say, which is the same thing.
Hatter: Not a bit, you might as well say I see what I eat is the same as I eat w
hat I see.
Rabbit: You might as well say I breathe when I sleep is the same as I sleep when
I breathe.
Hearts: You might as well say I like what I get is the same as I get what I like
.
Hatter: It usually is in your case.
Rabbit: Go on then, tell us the answer.
Alice: No, I give up – what is the answer?
Hatter: I haven’t the slightest idea.
Alice: Well you might do something better with your time than sit around asking
riddles that you
don t have answers to.
Hatter: If you knew time like I know time you wouldn t talk about it as if it we
re a mere thing. Time
is a man . I used to be on very good terms with time, I could make him do whate
ver I liked.
Imagine if you were friends with time, at ten o clock in the morning, when you w
ere
taking a particularly dull lesson in algebra, you could simply ask time to hurry
things up
and it would be four in the afternoon – high tea time! Ah yes, I used to be able t
o do things
like that often when time and I were friends, but then I was asked to perform a
song at
her concert...
Hearts: Take care Hatter.
Hatter: It went like this: Twinkle, twinkle little bat,
How I wonder where you re at.
Up above the world so high,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle twinkle, little bat
How I wonder where your at.
And she bawled ...
H&H: He s murdering the time, off with his head.
Hatter: And ever since Time and I have not spoken, so it’s always six o clock, tim
e for tea!
Rabbit: Oh, yes please!
Queen: Enough tea! Time for croquet.
Rabbit: Quite! Yes, come on everyone.
Alice: But I haven t finished with my tea!
Queen: Off with her head!
Hatter: Consider, she s only a child!
Queen: Places, everyone!
(An elaborate routine takes place in which the Rabbit runs this way and that, ma
king sure that the Queen s ball always goes through the wicket. The Hatter and A
lice have little success. The Hatter provides musical accompaniment – the william
tell overture. Alice and the Hatter react angrily when the Rabbit dodges their b
alls to prevent them scoring. Each time this happens the Queen calmly says Keep
your temper. Sometimes, Alice or Hatter hold the Rabbit still to allow the oth
er to score. Sometimes the Rabbit misses the Queen s ball. This prompts her to c
all Off with their head! At a moment of the Queen s anger the Hatter calls:
Hatter: Time for tea!
Rabbit: Good idea.
Alice: Indeed!
(As the Queen is about to sit, the Hatter pulls her chair out and she falls. Ali
ce laughs.)
Queen: Off with his head! Off with her head!
(A duel ensues – this time between Hearts, Hatter and Alice. Rabbit provides the m
usic. The Queen is eventually out of breathe, dueling with just the Hatter.)
Alice: This is nonsense – let s just have tea!
Queen: Tea is it – alright, let s give this fine young lady tea!
Rabbit: Oh dear, Alice.
Queen: Twinkle, twinkle little bat...
Hatter: Tea, Alice.
Alice: Not so much...
(During this, Alice is thrown on to the table and stuffed with tea and cake by t
he other three.)
Queen: How I wonder where your at.
Alice: Enough...
Hatter: Up above the world so high...
Rabbit: Like a tea tray in the sky...
Hatter: Cake Alice?
Alice: No thank you
Q and H: Twinkle twinkle little bat,
All three: How I wonder where your at.
Alice: Enough: I should ve seen the frog and the fish fighting!
(Hatter starts a drumroll.)
Hearts: Off with her head! Off with her head!
Rabbit: Oh, my ears and whiskers...
Hearts: Off with his head, off with his head.
Hatter: Presenting, at your request, the Frog and the Fish.
Hearts: Off with his head...
(Frog and Fish enter)
Fish: An invitation from the White Queen to the Red Queen.
Frog: I see, An invitation for the Red Queen from the White Queen.
Fish: No, An Invitation from the White Queen, for the Red Queen.
Frog: Ahh invitation for the Red Queen, from the White Queen.
This continues as...
Hearts: Off with their heads, off with their heads!
Rabbit: Ears and whiskers, ears and whiskers!
Hatter: More tea, more tea.

Alice: Be quiet!
All three: Your hair wants cutting!
(The Frog and fish continue, building in intensity – they do this to the point of
irritation.)
Hearts: Ahhhhhhhh.... those horrible girls.
Rabbit: Majesty....
Hearts: Hatter!
Hatter: Clean cup move down, clean cup move down!
(The three leave. Frog and Fish continue.)
Alice: Enough! Who are the Red Queen and the White Queen.
Frog: Presenting the Red Queen!

(Red Queen enters and frog and fish exit.)

Red Queen: Stand up straight!
Alice: Good day your majesty.
Red: Who are you?
Alice: I m Alice.
Red: What are you doing here?
Alice: I ve lost my way.
Red: Your way? All of the ways around here are mine. And you d best remember tha
t!
Alice: Yes.
Red: Speak nicely, always say your majesty.
Alice: Yes your majesty.
Red: Why did you come here, curstsey while you think. It saves time.
Alice: I just wanted to see the garden... but so many strange things have happen
ed today...
Red: When you say garden, I have seen gardens that make this look like a wildern
ess.
Alice: Does it continue over that hill?
Red: When you say hill, I have seen hills compared to which that is only a valle
y.
Alice: A hill can t ever be a valley. That s nonsense.
Red: When you say nonsense, I have heard nonsense compared to which that is as s
ensible as a
dictionary.
Alice: The Red Queen...
Red: Yes?
Alice: And the White Queen?
Red: Yes, I know her.
Alice: A great game of chess is being played all over the land.
Red: Yes. You catch on quickly.
Alice: I should like to join in.
Red: You can be the White Queen s pawn.
Alice: I should like that, but I should like to be Queen even better.
Red: Well that can be arranged. You are already in the third square. In the four
th square you will
meet Tweedledum and TweedleDee, in the fifth you find wild a forest and one of
the Knights
will show you the way, in the sixth you shall meet the White Queen, in the seven
th you will
visit the garden of live flowers, now that makes this look like wilderness, and
in the eighth
we shall all be Queens together and it will be feasting and fun.
Alice: Well then...
Red: Don t you mean to say thank you for being so kind as to tell me all of thi
s ?
Alice: Thank you for being so kind as to tell me all of this.
Red: Your majesty.
Alice: Your majesty.
Red: Hmm. And now you may proceed to square four. Goodbye.
(Alice steps forward. The Tweedles enter and she notices them.)
Alice: Square four.
Dum: If you think we re waxworks, you ought to pay you know.
Dee: Waxworks weren t made to be looked at for free.
Both: that’s logic!
Dum: Contrawise, if you think we re alive, you ought to say hello .
Both: Hello!
Alice: Curiouser and curiouser.
Dum: What is you name girl?
Dee: Speak!
Alice: My name is Alice.
Dum: And I am TweeddleDum
Dee: And I am TweedleDee
Alice: TweedleDum and TweedleDee agreed to have a battle
For Tweedldum said TweedleDee had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew by a monstrous crow as big as a tar barrell,
Who frightened both the heroes so they quite forgot their quarrell.
Dum: I know what you re thinking about, but it isn t so, nohow!
Dee: Contrawise, if it was so, it might be, and if it were so it would be, but a
s it isn t, it ain t -
That s logic.
Alice: I was thinking of asking you the way out of the woods. It s so dark. Firs
t boy!
Dum: Nohow!
Alice: Second boy?
Dee: Contrawise!
Dum: You have started out all wrong!
Dee: The first thing you do when you meet someone is say how do, and shake hands
!
They All link.
Dum: How do you do?
Dee: How do you do?
Alice: How do you do?
Dum and Dee: Wheeeeeeeee!
They spin and Alice is thrown over.
Dum: Ahhhhhh!
Alice: What on earth is it?
Dum: My rattle!
Dee: Oh, here we go....
Dum: My rattle is broken...
Alice: You re rather big for a rattle....
Dum: Am not!
Dee: We love to play with rattles.
Dum: We?
Dee: I ve said too much.
Dum: You did it!
Dee: Oh stop being such a cry baby!
Dum: You did it. You broke my rattle.
Dee: Yes, yes... I m sorry.
Dum: Come on then.
Dee: No...
Dum: Come on then wimp.
Dee: I am not a wimp.
Dum: Then battle! I will have satisfaction!
Dee: Have this then. (Clobbers him). I ll battle you!
Dum: Ahhh! (They engage).
Dee: Pus face!
Dum: Poo head.
Dee: Fartypants!
Dum: peabrain!
Alice: Oh look, what is that?
(A cloaked figure enters.)
Dum and Dee: The monstrous crow! Ahhhhh. (They run )
(The cloaked figure reveals herself. It is the Queen of hearts.)
Alice: You.
Hearts: That s no way to speak to a Queen.
Alice: Excuse me, your majesty.
Hearts: What are you doing now?
Alice: I m going to the eighth square to be a Queen.
Hearts: I see.
Alice: The Red Queen told me what to do.
Hearts: Well perhaps I ll see you there.
Alice: I didn t know you were invited.
Hearts: You impertinent... Of course I am invited, I m the oldest Queen in Wonde
rland.
Alice: Well, I had better get along to the fifth square. Goodbye.
Hearts: Of course...
(The Red Knight sleepwalks in, sits and snores.)
Alice: What is that?
Heats: Welcome to Square five, that is the Red Knight.
Alice: What is he doing.
Hearts: He s a somnambulist – a sleepwalker to you, I imagine.
Alice: Shall I wake him? The Red Queen said that one of the Knights would show m
e the way.
Hearts: Did she now. Yes – by all means, wake him and hve him show you the way to
the sixth
square. I shall make my own way. Goodbye.
Exits
Alice: Sir Knight. Sir Knight! Wake up!
Red Knight: What, huh, what?
Alice: You must stop sleeping.
Red Knight: Aha! A prisoner!
Alice: What?
Red Knight: You are my prisoner! A White pawn and therefore my prisoner.
Alice: No, but the Red Queen said that you would show me the way.
Red Knight: The way to the royal prison!
Alice: Oh, no, what a horrid trick!
(White Knight enters.)
White Knight: Halt, unhand that pawn.
Red Knight: I will not, sir.
White Knight: You shall, or I will run you through, sir.
Red Knight: Then we must duel, sir.
White Knight: Well then, to it!
Red Knight: Tally-ho!
(They fight. Eventually the Red Knight is apparently slain. He gets up.)

Red Knight: Alright then, sir.

White Knight: Thank you, sir.
Red Knight: We shall meet again no doubt, sir.
White Knight: Until next time, sir.
(Red Knight exits.)
Alice: Thank you, Sir Knight.
White Knight: It was my pleasure. Saving damsels is in a day s work.
Alice: Why do you carry a cage on your back.
White Knight: To catch any stray rats that might hide in my pockets!
Alice: I don t think they will.
White Knight: Perhaps that s because I keep the beehives there.
Alice: You look an awful lot like the White Rabbit.
White Knight: You ve met my boy then?
Alice: He s your son?
White Knight: Yes, adopted him when he was just a little bunny.
Alice: Why is there such a strong resemblance?
White Knight: Haven t you heard that pets become like their owners?
Alice: Oh yes, I suppose so...
White Knight: I ll never know why he fell in with that horrid Queen of Hearts...
he thought it was
secure I suppose – and to rebel agains his old Dad.
Alice: Why?
White Knight: The conversation went something like this:
You are old, Father William , the young man said,
And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head --
Do you think, at your age, it is right?
In my youth , Father William replied to his son,
I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.
You are old , said the youth, as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door --
Pray, what is the reason of that?
In my youth , said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple?
You are old , said the youth, and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -
Pray, how did you manage to do it?
In my youth , said his father, I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.
You are old , said the youth, one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?
I have answered three questions, and that is enough,
Said his father, don t give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I ll kick you downstairs!

And after I said that, he left off and joined that monstrous crow.
Alice: He did that, when you work for the White Queen.
White Knight: Yes, the White Queen and the Red Queen are the only others left. S
pades, Clubs,
Diamonds... they ve all vanished. I prefer healthy debate to despotic dictatorsh
ip,
though hopefully we shall have a break from this constant Chess playing before
long.
Alice: I should so like to meet you r Queen.
White: She is lovely. I shall send you to meet her in the sixth square.
Alice: Why, thank you.
White Knight: Farewell, fair lady.
Alice: Take care sir Knight.
(He exite, White Queen enters.)
White: Mary Ann! Mary-Ann! Oh, there you are...
Alice: Excuse me...
White: Oh, not now Mary-Ann, I need my shawl – I shall be late for the coronation.
Alice: I think...
White: Do you think I should have a shawl or a wrap, or nothing, just some jewel
lery. What do
you think the Red Queen will wear? I don t want to wear the same thing as her.
Alice: Excuse me your majesty but I m not Mary-Ann, I m Alice.
White: Then I ve lost my lady s maid, how am I ever to get ready without my lady
s maid?
I shall miss Alice s coronation.
Alice: But I m Alice, I m here with you.
White: Well how am I supposed to know that, you told me thirty seconds ago – I don
t know it yet.
Alice: That makes no sense at all.
White: Doesn t it?
Alice: No.
White: Ha... It makes perfect sense to me. Are you going to the coronation?
Alice: Of course!
White: You shall pass through the garden of live flowers on the way. They were l
ovely tomorrow,
I wonder what they shall be like today. They may have wilted a little by yesterd
ay, going by
the weather.
Alice: I am so looking forward to seeing them. And to the coronation.
White: The coronation has made me so tired.
Alice: Tired, you look far too young to be that tired.
White: I m 101 years old.
Alice: I can t believe that.
White: Can t you, try again, try harder.
Alice: Perhaps I can help you get ready for the coronation.
White: Oh you darling, would you?
Alice: Of course.
White: Fetch my shawl.
Cat: (Enters.) The shawl.
Alice: Hello.
Cat: How do you like this one?
Alice: She s nice, a little strange, but much nicer than the other two.
White: Who is this?
Alice: This is the Cheshire Cat.
White: Are you going to the coronation.
Cat: Wouldn t miss it!
White: Oh goody.
Cat: I ll leave you ladies to it. Oh, Alice here s the Queen s brooch.
(He leaves.)
White: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Alice: What is it?
White: When you hand me that brooch I shall stick my finger on the pin.
(She takes it and does so.)
See!
Alice: Why not scream now.
White: There s no point, I ve done it already.
inter misson
Red Queen: And I am The Red Queen, you may call me Your Majesty.
White Queen: And you may call me Your Majesty, I am the White Queen.
Alice: Two more queens?
White Queen: There are several here. Red, White...
Red Queen: Spades, Diamonds, Clubs and... Hearts.
White: Though we don t speak of her.
alice:which one spades, diamonds,clubs or hearts
white+red: hearts!!”
red queen and white queen exit
4 of hearts enter
4ofhearts:alice you must go to the court house and attend the trial
alice: but why?
curtain closes
curtain opens in a large court house
all queens are assembled jeff,the
judge of hearts
white rabbit:first witness
enter hatter jeff: take off your hat this instant
hatter: it isn’t mine i keep them to sell i have none my own
jeff:give me your evidence
jeff : do you know anything about this crime
hatter : none what so ever
jeff write that down it is very important
alice: stuff and nonsense
jeff: rule number forty-seven no disrespect to the judge
alice: stop, you’re nothing but a pack of playing cards
curtain closing