The Ten Commandments of Halloween
By Katherine Shields Musings of a Musician Mom, Op. 2 no.9
1. Thou shalt give 10% of thy candy to charity, and 20% to whoever boughteth thy costume and spent an hour applying thy makeup. 2. Thou mayest trick and treat until thy candy sack reacheth 50% of thy gross body weight. 3. Whilst trick and treating through the dark and scary countryside keep track of thy parents, lest you needeth to send the Sheriff out to find them.
4. Droppeth not thy candy wrappers upon the lawn of any house wherein dwelleth an enormous, snarling dog named “Fang” or “Killer.” 5. Thou shalt not play kickball with a jack-o-lantern. 6. Laugheth not at thy parents when they boogie at the party to “Play that funky music, white boy” Someday thy offspring will laugheth at THY music. 7. Thou shalt not scare the dog with thy werewolf mask lest he watereth the carpet. 8. If thou hast scary dreams of goblins and climbeth into bed with thy parents, lieth still and kick them not in the back so they may sleepth through the night. They mightily deserveth a good night’s sleep. 9. Thou shalt not smite anyone with a pretend sword or dagger, even if it be made of rubber and covered in fake blood, unless thou art paying thine own liability insurance premiums. 10. Thou shalt not swipe the candy of thy brethren or sistern, unless they be slumbering.