DEAL WITH THE CATTLE MUTILATORS SEX EDUCATION CONFRONTATION WITH THE PRINCIPAL OPENING (At night, on the edge of a windy, rainy cliff, a homeless woman stands alone. She is crying, scared and in pain. She pulls a music box from her jacket and it starts to play "Rock-a-Bye-Baby." Cops on patrol notice her and shine their spotlight at her. One of the cops runs from the car to grab her, but it is too late as she falls/jumps off the cliff into the darkness.) (In the distance, the cliff scene of emergence vehicle lights slowly begins to appear as a fast approaching helicopter arrives and joins the search. Suddenly, the searchlight shows the woman caught in a tree branch.) (Outside the hospital the ambulance quickly pulls up as the paramedics roll the woman on a stretcher into the hospital and race her down the hall.) (The woman suddenly sits up clenching her abdomen, she releases a long intense scream.) (Her mouth screaming.....Close-up) (Screaming new born baby's mouth.....Close-up) (Mouth of a screaming, laughing child watching a puppet show in the park......Close-up then Zoom-out) (The theme music begins to play with the title, "Freedom Rules!" seen across the screen) (A crowd of kids is seen reacting to the puppet show.)

(Then off in the distance we see a lone child in a sandbox building a sand castle......Zoom-in) Guy - (Present tense remembering back then.) I'll never forget that day in the had become so obvious to me....I didn't belong here. There must have been a mistake....and it must have been me. What were those kids laughing at anyway? The show was "Punch and Judy," and it was humanity at it's worst. For the violent name of "Punch" foretells much to come in the story. The story was about this mad puppet named Punch who, whenever anyone would tell him that he wasn't acting very nice, would get really upset to the point where he'd pull out his big stick and whack the other unlucky puppets to death. How dare they tell Punch what to do. Like, excuse me Punch, but why can't you be nice like the other puppets instead of acting like a serial killer? But they must have deserved what they got according to "Punch Philosophy." Uh huh....yeah right. Maybe the kids thought it was funny that these stupid puppets where hurting and killing each other for no good reason. Or perhaps they were just relieved that this psycho puppet wasn't killing them that day. Then again, it's always difficult to somehow try and rationalize the irrationality of insanity. I guess society has trained it's young to the extent that hugging loving puppets would only put the kids to sleep. How love became equaled with boring, I'll never know (Flashback of him as a boy watching T.V. at the family dinner table.) As for violence in real life, they tried to desensitize me from feeling other's pain with the first televised war (Vietnam scene on T.V. are shown). I remember trying so very hard to eat my T.V. dinner and keep it down as they dragged various dead mutilated bodies in front of us every night on the news for those infamous "Body Counts." Where was the outrage back then for the influence of violence on society? (The pattern of many little tennis shoes are seen crushing down on the Guy's sand castle. It's Guy's two stepbrothers smiling all crazed after the puppet show.) Joey - It's time! Jimmy - Yeah, it's time to go! Joey - Come on Guy! We can't be late again or we'll get in trouble.

(Guy is escorted by his brothers quickly out of the park with one on each side of him like policemen taking someone to jail.) Guy - (Guy's thoughts) It seemed like it was always time to go. There just never was enough time....... (They get into the backseat of the car and their Dad drives them away. The Dad, who works for the CIA, starts talking at them about being late with his head turned around the whole time. The oncoming traffic with their honking horns creates a look of frozen terror on Guy's face.) Dad - Why must you make me wait! Like I got nothing better to do! When will you ever learn that....etc.) Guy - (Guy's thoughts) It all seemed so unreal to know, this world. For no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to ever work out right. Yet, in spite of it all, I still searched for some sort of reason or meaning to life. Like why there was such madness.......such sadness.......etc. GUY THE MISUNDERSTOOD HERO (A drunk kid from the party throws a pin-wheel off the windy cliff which starts this huge fire. Guy dives off the cliff and puts out the fire all by himself. When Guy finally reaches the top of the cliff/street, he sees the riot police in the street for the out-of-control party he was just at. He now has to try and get back to the party through the neighbor's backyard. As he begins to stand-up, he finds himself staring into the barrel of a shotgun that the neighbor is pointing at him.) Earl - Don't move! Guy - Wait! Don't Shoot! Earl - I said don't move! I mean it! Guy - I'm not moving okay? Earl - I know what you're up to. You're not ripping me off, punk! Guy - No man, you got it all wrong. I just got finished putting out this

huge...... Earl - Quiet! I don't want to hear it. You damn kids, all hyped-up on drugs looking for some free stuff. You think the world owes you something don't ya? Guy - What? I can't believe this. Earl - Don't try anything funny. Now move over there toward the door. (They both move over to the door where Earl calls the police.) Earl - Yes, I've got a burglar here for ya...uh huh....and hurry! Guy - I'm not a burglar! Now if you'd only just let me explain.... Earl - Oh, now you're the victim here. Your crying baby act won't work on me or the judge. Guy - I give up man. This is so ridiculous. (Guy starts to walk over to the cliff's edge.) Earl - Hey, what do you think you're doing? (Guy all frustrated decides to mess with Earl's head.) Guy - It's time for me to go now. Earl - Hey! get back over here right now or I'll........ Guy - Or else you'll shoot me with your gun? Or should I wait for the police to come to put me in jail for no reason? Earl - You're talking all crazy kid. Guy - No, I'm taking control now and you can't stop me. Earl - What do you mean? Guy - You saw the movie Peter Pan didn't you?

Earl - Of course I did! Guy - Remember the scene where Tinkerbell shares some of her magic fairy dust with everyone so they could fly? Earl - Ah, yeah. Guy - Well, I met Tinkerbell dancing in your tulips over there. And she sprinkled some magic fairy dust on me. So, I now can fly too. You can't touch me for I'm as light as a fairy now. Watch me fly away. Bye-Bye. (Guy starts flapping his arms and going toward the edge of the cliff as the Police show up.) Joe (Policeman 1) - Freeze! Don't move! Earl - Be careful, he's got the power to fly from Tinkerbell! Tim - (Policeman 2) - Alright Boy, don't be stupid, come away from the cliff! Guy - I will, only if you'll listen to my side of the story. Joe - That's why we're here Son. We want to hear all about it. Guy - Well, I sure hope so. (Guy then walks away from the cliff and the police grab him and drive him away. On the way to the police station the police and Guy get involved in a high speed chase that passes them where guns are being shot out the window. The police call into the station.) Joe - We're in pursuit of two black 1940 Buicks. Traveling east on 22nd at Pacific. Suspects are armed and dangerous. Over! (The inside of the first car reveals an older gentleman, Tesla the famous 20th century inventor/scientist driving. He is also adjusting some dials, switches, and a digital map screen on the dashboard. The second car's occupants are two tiny grey aliens wearing big sunglasses, black trench coats and 40's hats. The aliens are both sitting on several cushions so they can see the road. The chase goes through town with plenty of near misses and a few accidents to other

cars. The next scene is inside the alien's vehicle as they chase Tesla through town.) Smek - I hate Tesla! I want him dead soooo bad! Dork - No, we can not do that. Smek - Why not?! Dork - Orders are to bring him back alive. He has information we need. Smek - So what! You know how many times we've chased that son of a bitch?! Dork - Many times. Smek - Too many times....damn it! Dork - We must control ourselves Smek. Smek - Control ourselves? I'll show you control! (Smek then sticks the machine gun out the window and starts shooting all over the place hitting street lights, store windows, etc. as he also tries to drive at the same time.) Dork - Aim at the tires! Let me have the gun! Smek - I'm shooting the gun! Okay? Hey Tesla, eat this! (The aliens shoot another round of bullets at Tesla. As they do that, Tesla pushes a button and a magnetic pole sticks up in the back. This device then catches all the bullets from the Alien's machine.) Joe - These guys are insane. Be careful Tim! (Just as they all go over the Vincent Thomas Bridge a police helicopter joins in the chase.) Tim - Well it's about time we get some help. (The helicopter is shining it's spotlight into the Alien's vehicle.)

Smek - What's that?! Ouch! My eyes! Get that light out of my eyes! Dork - They appear to be following us. Smek - Don't you think I know that? You think you're smarter than me don't you? Dork - Do not. Smek - Do to. So your head's bigger than mine. Big deal! Dork - mustn't lose your temper. Smek - Agggh! The lights are in my eyes again. Those idiots! That did it! Hand me the "Gizmo of Death." Dork - Alright, but please watch where you aim it this time. Smek - Just feel lucky I'm not aiming it at you! (Dork hands the weapon over to Smek. He then aims and fires the weapon at the helicopter which then explodes in the sky. The cops watch the event and try not to become too emotional.) Joe - Whoever did that just signed their death certificate. Guy - Maybe you dudes are getting into something way beyond yourselves. Joe - I think we're the ones who'll make that decision here! Guy - Whatever.....just trying to help. Smek - Boom! Did you see that? Yeah! Are you impressed now? Dork - Impressive. Smek - Damn right it was! It still never ceases to amaze me how BadAss these stupid Earthlings think they are. THE SWAMI & CO. DEAL WITH THE CATTLE MUTILATORS

("The Swami" is staring out the limo window as it drives through the desert to Vegas at night. A spaceship is seen flying with it's search lights shining onto the ground. "The Swami" then speaks to the Limo Driver Duke.) Swami - Duke! You see them? Duke - Sure do. (Angela and Guy start to wake-up in the backseat.) Guy - What's going on? Swami - We got a spaceship on the horizon. Yes indeed, looks like they're up to their nasty tricks again. Duke, let's give them a little scare...what say you? Duke - Rock 'n' Roll Swami! Angela - Hey! Isn't that a U.F.O? Swami - More like a spaceship flown by evil aliens out for a joyride and a midnight snack. Angela - No way! Swami - It's even stranger than the X-Files. Angela - Wow! So why are they coming here? Swami - That's a long story. And it depends upon which race of aliens you're speaking of. Right now, these particular aliens appear to be "the Greys." It looks like they're up for a little cattle mutilation. We must stop them and save our four-legged friends. Guy - Huh? Swami - The cows! Angela - What's going on Guy? Swami - Relax.....we do this all the time.

Guy - So why are they messing with the cows? Duke - Because they're twisted. They're also messing with us too. You know, abductions of our earth women for their hybrid program because they've lost their ability to "do it," thus trying to save their race. What really upsets me, is they didn't even bother to ask us. Swami - Now Duke, one topic at a time. We don't want to overload these good people with the bizarre. Now as to why they kill these cows by draining all their blood, cutting out their eyes, tongue and genitalia....that's a very good question. Lots of theories are out there. Duke - I told you they're twisted. Swami - Some say they eat those body parts and drinking the blood enable them to manifest in this 3rd dimension. Others say they're doing some sort of genetic experiments creating AIDS among other things working along side their allied aliens co-horts the Lizard People or Reptilian Race. Whatever they're up to, I don't like it. Duke - Plus they're trespassing! Swami - You got that right Duke....let's get em'! (The limo heads off the highway onto a dirt road. They come-up right near the spaceship which has a bright light shining down on one of the cows as "The Swami" and Duke jump out of the car.) Swami - Go away! Leave our cow friends alone! They have done nothing wrong to you! (A couple of black helicopters come up to the side of the spaceship. One of the helicopters speaks out of a loudspeaker.) Helicopter - You are on government property....leave now! Duke - This land is our land! We know what you're up to! Swami - "We the People" have not authorized you to do this! You hear me?!

Duke - Yeah! Not in our name! Guy - The government's in on this too? Helicopter - Leave the area now! Angela - Guy I can't believe this. Guy - I know, it's a total nightmare. Swami - Duke! Go get the video camera! Quick! Duke - I'm on it! (Duke runs to the car trunk and gets the video camera and starts taping the event.) Swami - Now the whole world will see what you're doing! (The spaceship and helicopters depart the area.) Swami - Yes! We did it Duke! Good job. Duke - Yahoo! Swami - They sure don't like cameras do they? Duke - Yeah, it seems they're a little camera shy! Ha! (The Swami and Duke get back into car.) Guy - That was just too weird for words. Angela - So is there anything else we should know about on this trip? Duke - Yeah, we win every time we go to Vegas! You know, good karma. Swami - To Vegas Duke! Duke - Vegas it is......YeeeeeHaaaaaa!!!!!!

SEX EDUCATION (Guy is in a Driver's Ed/Sex Education Class and he's the only guy.) Mr. Nelly - In this class you will learn the basics of life and how to drive from here to there. Although I'm sure there are a some of you who's only goal is to learn how to drive a fast car with a hot date to lover's lane where the sex drive will be put into overdrive. You'll all know what I'm talking about all too soon. And yes, you will learn in this class how to drive a vehicle safely without crashing and killing everyone in some total bloody mess that someone else will have to clean up for you? Understand this too, that you will see death like you have never seen it before. I'm talking about brains spattered all over the pavement with other body part tossed to and fro as the result of mindless driving habits. But on the other hand, we shall have quite an intimate discussion on the miracle we call "life" where the sex act is the utmost of importance. In other words, a key ingredient. Ahhhh, I can see by your grins and blushing faces that's what really turns you on, (Cough) I mean is of great interest to you. Um hum. I see we have someone raising their hand in the back already and I haven't even begun my lecture. Guy - Will the story of "The Birds & Bees" finally be revealed to us? Mr. Nelly - Yep...there's always one in every crowd. Guy - I'm quite serious as to what that story's all about. The title always seemed a bit bizarre to me in it's implications. Mr. Nelly - You mean to tell me your parents never told you the tale? Hahaha! Well, this is as good as any a place to start....if you're really ready for it? Hahahah! Okay, so at the beginning of the 20th century there was this book called "What a Young Boy Ought to Know" written by some minister. As to how a minister became a Sex Expert is beyond me. But anyway, the book was filled with various animals doing it with each other, that is, having sex. And of course the book had "Birds" and "Bees" in there as well. So if curious children would ever ask the question of their parents of where babies came from, their parents

would shove the illustrated book of animal sex into their faces. Things were much simpler in those days. Sally - So the "Birds" and the "Bees" were like...making love together? Mr. Nelly - Ah, such an sweet innocent girl, I mean question. Not exactly. We really shouldn't rush into this delicate subject. I've found that it's important to build-up slowly as to climb to a peak of excitement regarding the taboo subject we call "Sex." Guy - So the half-bird-half-bee man seen now and then in the swamplands is a mere legend? Mr. Nelly - Listen buddy, this is not a laughing matter. Unless you think it would be funny to have this whole class filled with young pregnant girls by the end of the semester. (Guy looks around as some girls are giving him the eye which then turns into a daydream in his head where every girl in class is pregnant or have a crying baby in their arms and they're pulling at him with demands for baby clothes, more time together, etc.) CONFRONTATION WITH THE PRINCIPAL (Mr. Nelly brings Guy into the Principal's Office.) Teacher - We got ourselves a little problem with this here boy. He's got my whole class shook-up with questions of, "Why are we here?" and "We mustn't forget our dreams," and stuff like that. Can you drill some sense into the kid about life in the real world? Principal - No problem. Have a seat son. (He sets a bowl of suckers in front of Guy.) Principal - Sucker? Guy - No thanks. But I can take a hint (Guy smiles). Principal - You see it's like this son....we all would like to think we're very important and special. And that somehow we're going to make some sort of difference in the world. But just between you and me

kid....the reality of the matter is, we really don't. Come on now, people don't have the time to think about that kind of stuff, you know, "Illusions of Grandeur." It's all just a waste of time pie in the sky baloney. Does there have to be a reason to why we exist? Don't answer that! Of course not. We're here because we are and that's all there is to it. Okay? We all do what we got to do to get by. And we do a pretty damn good job going through life without the slightest clue as to why. You want to end-up like that bum on the street? Yeah, he probably originally thought just like you. I'm special, I'm different...I've got my wishes and dreams to fulfill. I'm going to beat the system at it's own game. Right! Like I'm going to win the lotto someday soon or I'm going to find a big bag of money. Get real! I mean, when you go to work, you give-up your dreams. You think that when I was a little boy I said, "I know what I want to be when I grow up....a Principal?" Ha! Give me a break! There's your reality check. And don't blame me, I didn't invent the game....the system. So you just go back to class now and don't worry about those things you can't change. Maybe the world can't change and is happy just the way it is. by Richard Alan Krieger Copyright 2005

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