Bella: Mom help me pack these bags. Renee: Don’t leave Bella, you will stay!

Bella: Yeah you keep telling yourself that. Brenda: appears out of thin air now who says that to their mother? Sunni: Don’t be mean. Bella: Who the fuck are you? Brenda: I don’t know, you must be crazy. You’re hallucinating us. Sunni: Or the person that’s making this story made us. Brenda: No that doesn’t seem likely...

Sunni & Brenda disappear At Forks Bella: Hey Charlie! Charlie: You’re a GIRL?! Damn it Renee! Hides pornographic magazines Brenda: What a great dad! Sunni: I know! Who let you in the airport with porn? Oh no wonder, your riding Delta airlines. Brenda: I remember when I got on there and I asked for a cupcake and they brought me a fucking muffin. Sunni: Shakes head sadly.

Charlie: Who the fuck are they? Bella: I don’t know. I keep seeing them and they say random things. Charlie: Curse you Renee. Mumbles I know I should’ve banged that chick at the party... At house Brenda: Where are our fucking rooms? Sunni: Are they poor? Bella: We’re right here, you know. Charlie: God damn it! I thought we lost them at the airport. Curse you Taylor Launter and all your abs.

Brenda: Is he black? I mean what is he? Sunni: I don’t know but he’s really tan. Brenda: Did you know it’s really cold here? Shivers Sunni: No shit Sherlock! Its Forks Bella: True dat. At school Brenda: Bella what the fuck are you wearing? Sunni: What the fuck are you driving? Bella: You don’t like it? My dad picked it out.

Sunni: ...Wow. Brenda: We’re here. Sunni: This looks depressing. Brenda: How so? Sunni: Everyone is fucking pale! This is a ghost town. Bella: Get out of the fucking car! Sunni: Bitchy much? Brenda and Sunni: Get out of car Volvo pulls into parking spot. Edward Cullen gets out.

Sunni: How...Fucking... Brenda: Gay. Bella: What? Sunni: He drives a soccer mom car. Brenda: laughs I bet he sparkles in the sunlight. Sunni: Shrugs Maybe. In Biology Bella: I can’t believe I’m sitting by Edward Cullen Sunni: I can’t believe Nick Jonas dated Miley Cyrus

Brenda: I can’t believe the cafeteria hasn’t been sued yet. Bella: You didn’t like the rat fur with lemons? I thought it was pretty good. Brenda and Sunni: Wow. Everyone sits down in seats Edward: walks in slow motion All girls sigh Brenda: Oh c’mon he sparkles! Edward sits down next to Bella and faints. Brenda: Damn Bella. Sunni: shrugs I told you to shower today.

Bella blushes At home Brenda: Why am I here? Sunni: I don’t know why ARE you here? Bella: this sucks! Charlie! Charlie: Yes? Brenda: Stop masturbating and entertain us. Sunni: I’m going to go take a shower. Brenda: You better shower to Bella; I heard Edward had to go to the hospital.

Sunni: He doesn’t even need air. What the fuck?! Brenda: Looks at window Was that Edward? Sunni: No it was the Ghost of Christmas Past, of course it was Edward! Brenda: Fucking stalker! Bella: I thought it was kind of sweet. Brenda and Sunni: ...Wow. At school Alice: Hey Bella and other people. Sunni: What a great thing to say to a person.

Brenda: Hi Dylan. Alice: My name isn’t Dylan. Brenda: Really? With that hair I thought... Alice:... Sunni:... Bella... Alice: Anyways...Bella did you see my totally stalker brother last night. Brenda: I did. Sunni: I thought it was really the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Bella: Me too. Alice: Well damn. Brenda: This is gay. Sunni: Even more gay than Edward sparkling. Brenda:...yes. At Biology Edward: I’m sorry for fainting yesterday. I’m Edward Cullen. You must be Bella Swan. Brenda: Yeah she is. But at least stay 30 feet away. Her pits can burn off your eyebrows.

Sunni: And I love my eyebrows. Bella: Wait, how did you know my name? Sunni: Yeah Edward. How DID you know her name? Brenda: Stalker. Edward: Everyone knows her name. Brenda: turns to class of students STALKERS!!! Sunni: Edward why are you so pale. Brenda: He’s fucking Michael Jackson! He has risen!

Sunni: ...wow. Bella: Ignore them. The author made them so they have to be in this. You were saying? Edward: You smell good. Sunni: Really? Edward: Yes really. Brenda: Clutches eyebrows Bella burned my eyebrows!! AAAHH!!! Falls out of seat Sunni: sighs let me call the ambulance again. At school

Jessica: Hey Bella! Sunni: Jessica what is up with your boobs or is that your head? Brenda: HAHA! You just got served bitch! Jessica: You can’t prove that. Sunni and Brenda:... Jess: Anyways Bella, do you want to go shopping in Port Angeles? Brenda: For? Bella: Yeah for? Jess: I don’t know! My brain hurts!

Sunni: Wow. Bella: Sure I’ll go Jess. Jess: Kay. Brenda: I have to pee. Sunni: Go pee. Brenda: Never mind. Sunni: Ew. Bella: its okay, I do it all the time. Brenda and Sunni: Wow. Bella: Is that your catch phrase or something?

Brenda: That’s what she said! Sunni: That was gay. Brenda: You’re gay. Sunni: Edward’s gay. Brenda: True dat. At home Brenda: Charlie you can’t cook worth of shit! Sunni: What is burning? Brenda: My eyebrows. Bella is near. Bella: Hey guys!

Brenda: AHHH!! My perfect eyebrows!!!! Sunni: Damn we just got them done too. Damn you Bella and your fear of soap! Bella: Oh well. Sunni: Bella is that a bite mark on your neck? Bella: NO! Brenda: Where the fuck did you get a bite mark?! Sunni: How do you get action? I’m so much hotter thank you. Brenda: Curse you Kristen Stewart!

At school Edward: Come sit with me Bella Brenda: Stalker Sunni: This food is disgusting. Brenda: Rosalie’s face is disgusting. Rose: Go to hell Brenda. Brenda: Already there Rose, already there. Port Angeles Brenda: Damn it Jess! Just pick a dress! Jess: My thighs won’t fit.

Sunni and Brenda: Wow. Bella: I’m going to the book store. Brenda: Gay. Sunni: Books aren’t gay. Brenda: Since when do you like books? Sunni: Ever since New Moon. Brenda: I liked that movie. Sunni: Yeah, it was funny. Bella: There was nothing funny about that! The girl was depressed! Brenda: That’s what made it funny, Sherlock Holmes.

In Dark alley Sunni: Why are we in a alley again? Brenda: Because Bella wanted to get raped and I said okay. Sunni: Oh yeah. Random guy: Hey girls. Sunni: Um, do we know you? Brenda: I-is that Brad Pitt? Sunni: What the fuck is Brad Pitt doing in Forks? Brad: I don’t know. I was going to be Edward Cullen but I like raping girls.

Sunni and Brenda: Wow. Bella: So are you going to rape us or not? Brad: No I just wanted to talk. Car comes around corner. Sunni: Hey it’s Edward’s gay car! He came to rescue us. Brenda: Ew. Edward: Bella get in the car! I came to save you from Brad Pitt and his horrible movies. Bella gets in car.

Brenda: What about us? Edward: You can go fuck yourself. Sunni: Well then. Next day Sunni: punches Edward OW! What the fuck is up with your hard face? Edward: Because I’m a vampire. Sunni:... Edward:...I mean just kidding? Sunni: You better be or I’m going to the police! Edward: Why?

Sunni: Because, you’re like a 180 years old so you’re just flirting with 15 year old girls. You’re a pedophile. Edward: I didn’t touch Bella. Kisses Sunni Sunni: Ew! Ick! Violation! Harassment! Embarrassment! Robert Pattinson! Far away somewhere Rob: Did you hear something Kristen? Kristen: No, let’s make out. Rob: Kay. Back to Sunni

Sunni:-Gross! Sick! Assault! Bastard! Edward: Are you done? Sunni: Yeah. Why did you kiss me? Edward: I don’t know. I wanted to do it to Bella. Sunni: I’m not Bella. Edward: No shit! Sunni: I’m leaving. Edward: Later bitch! Sunni: Edward you know when you kissed me, I was thinking of Jasper.

Edward: Well so was I. Next day Brenda: I heard you kissed Sunni. Edward: Where did you hear that? Brenda: Twitter. Edward: Curse you Twitter and your insane blogging. Bella: Hey guys! Brenda: Damn it Bella! My fucking eyebrows. Bella: Screw you.

Sunni: Ick! Violation! Gross! Sick! Disgusting! Bella: What’s wrong with her? Brenda: I don’t know. She’s been doing that since yesterday. Sunni: Robert Pattinson!! Somewhere far away Rob: There it is again Kristen! Kristen: It’s just the wind Rob. Rob: It is not the wind! The next day Edward: I want you to meet my family.

Bella: Kay. Cullen house Esme: You must be Bella. Everyone: DAMN IT!!! MY EYEBROWS!! Bella: Nice to meet you all. Jasper: This bitch smells like fish. Edward: Thanks a lot Jasper. Jasper: Shrugs just keeping it real. Sunni: I love you Jasper. Jasper: Who the fuck is she?

Edward: I don’t know. Her and another named Brenda just follow Bella around. Rose: That’s not stalkerish at all. Brenda: Who cares? Bella is a no one. Sunni: True dat. Brenda: What is up with this house? Carlisle: You don’t like it? Brenda: No but I sure did like last night Carlisle. Winks Esme: What is she talking about? Edward: I love you Bella tries to rape Bella.

Bella: get the FUCK off of me! I have AIDS! Edward: Okay jeez. At baseball field Brenda: This is boring. Sunni: True dat. Bella: Go Edward! Alice: The vampires are coming! Brenda: No Shit. James, Laurent, and Victoria show up.

Wind blows. James: You brought a snack? Edward hides his chocolate bar. Sunni: Wow. Alice: Hey where is Perry? Sunni: The platypus? Alice: Duh. Emmett: where is Brenda and Carlisle? Sunni and others peek behind a tree. Carlisle and Bella doing it. Carlisle: Umm....this is so what it looks like.

At Ballet studio James: C’mon Bella, tell Edward to avenge you! Tell him!! Bella: Is there anything you want me to tell him? James: Oh yeah, tell him to give my 30 bucks from that Poker Night last year. And tooSunni: takes out notepad Bella: Yeah Sunni can just write this all down. James: Oh thanks. Sunni: No problem

Edward: I’m here to rescue you!! Sunni: looks at watch you are 5 days late. Brenda: Sorry we had to stop for a taco. THE END!!!