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bro-code

bro-code

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Published by Pritesh Vyas

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Published by: Pritesh Vyas on Nov 12, 2010
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09/07/2015

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Article 1: Bros before hoes.

Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testos terone. Article 2: Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that i t's OK. Article 3: If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time: A. Was an ex-girlfriend. B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her. C. Is you're buddy's sister. However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcom e to rub it in his face for years to come Article 4: Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game. Article 5: You must never own a cat. New amendment to this rule: A Bro may never own more than 2 cats, but only if they adhere to the Bro Code Article 6: If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows: 1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them). 2. Your acquaintances. 3. Your co-workers. 4. The mailman. 5. The UPS guy. 6. NASA. 7. John Kerry. ....1,485,726. Your girlfriend. Article 7: You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. Article 8: Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always m akes a great gift.

No one cares. The Bro with the better paying job is required to buy the first round. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes. Article 11: If you owe someone money. bare-fisted boxing." Article: 15: Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routin e. Article 17: When out with the guys. Article 10: There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.Article 9: If you go the bar with your buddies. C. never accept a call from your girlfriendunless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck. which must be paid immediately. make it quick. Article 12: Standard shotgun rules are as follows. Article 14: It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. relationships may be classified as "games. If the other Bro is temporarily out of money or left his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run these drinks must be repaid. Article 18: Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches. pay them back as soon as humanly possibleunless it's a gambling debt. etc. A. you must buy a round of drinks at least onc e. D. unless there's no way around it. Article 16: Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom. In certain circums tances. unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. later that night by wing man services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering. Shotgun must be called outside. Article 19: Never share a bed with a guy. . street hockey. and if that's the case. hoops. Article 13: NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Shotgun never carries over to a second ride. B.

elbow nudging. Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned.Article 20: Bros Before Hoes. or barring any other reasonable method. alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs bet ween two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]]. interpretive dance and/or pantomime. required. Please refer to the Brobligation rubric as elucidated in AMENDMENT 83: "The REALLY hot sister a nd other hump trumps. I already used it." Article 27: A Bro should never carry a woman's handbag Article 28: A Bro should never go tanning. I t is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable ***** since they've gone out with someone. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand. including but not limited t o: telecommunications. the spo tter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight v ia pictures. though. and post cards. there should be a maximum of 3 guys. in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observatio n. Article 21: In a 6 person hot tub. Article 24: Men do not lie about their age. in a timely manner. Womens Entertainment. and in some cases. Said Bro must use any an d all methods of media distribution at his disposal. I can't stress it enough. Article 25: A Bro should not swing his arms when he is walking. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. I know. Article 22: A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time Article 23: A Bro should not watch Oxygen. but encouraged. the Broney express. Article 26: A Bro will. fiber optics. Article 29: No Bro should dye their hair . video*. or Lifetime.

having said bro escort and be the official bilingual wingman. ginormous & fierce. His job requires him to know more than 2 languages 4. Article 39: A Bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower. he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with. Article 33: A Bro should not speak more than two languages. Unless 1. It is a means of only to impress women and nothing else If in the occurrence that a Bro knows more than 2 languages. Article 38: A Bro should never use the following words: fantabulous.) Article 35: A Bro should never say "it's to die for" Article 36: A Bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat Article 37: A Bro should not wear an ascot. Article 32: A Bro should not "pop" his collar. In the event that he does. He uses the extra language as a means of picking up women who only speak that language 3. He has lived for a minimum of 9 months in a country whose main language is one of those languages 2.Article 30: A Bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud" Article 31: A Bro should never cry during a movie. Article 34: Bros cannot make eye contact during adevils threeway (two dudes. Article 40: A Bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw . it is the given rig ht for said bro to invite other bros to parties where this language is spoken.

whenever possible. provide his Bro with protection. Article 42: If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom. he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. ever wear capri pants. Article 52: No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach Article 53: A Bro will. it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the ac t of coitus itself [whereby which Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]]. Article 51: A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit. Article 45: A Bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders Article 46: A Bro should not eat grapes from the vines Article 47: A Bro should never rollerblade Article 48: The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone Article 49: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack. Article 44: A Bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes. you better be referring to his beer Article 50: A Bro should never. Article 43: A Bro should not wear crocs.Article 41: A Bro should never wear a blouse. When a Bro sig nals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage. i . In the event tha t one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner.

Article 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue with out first disclosing the present-time observed ratio. A third Bro rounds out the pack. provide his Bro with protection. ever wear capri pants. he shall endeavor to make that information availabl e to his Bro. regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows. i n order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-need's location. In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is Article 50: A Bro should never. Article 58: If a Bro. Article 51: A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit. A Bro mu st patronize the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavoring to assist his Bro. Article 59: One Bro makes a solo attack. for whatever reason. it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the ac t of coitus itself [whereby which Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]]. In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is Article 55: No Bro should wear girl jeans Article 56: A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool. In the event tha t one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner.n order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-need's location. Article 52: No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach Article 53: A Bro will. A Bro mu st patronize the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavoring to assist his Bro. But a fourth Bro is one too much . A Second Bro provides a crutch. he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birth day and/or anniversary date. When a Bro sig nals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage. whenever possible.

regarding said lady friend for a period of three months. his Bro shall do anything within hi s means to ensure the desired outcome. Should the dry spells be of equal length. including but not limited to.deserved or not . when the requ isite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed. Bro" and copious q uantities of beer. the high-five. a game of discreet ros hambo(rock paper scissors) shall determine the outcome Article 63: In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adul t variety. one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching a nother Bro in any capacity. Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro to a ticket to an event if said event involves the se cond Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supercedes this purchase and exchange of spirits. Winking is also a no no. or the congratulatory gluteus pat. Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend. up to and including the seduction of said girls wildly unattractive friend/cousin/sister. a Bro shall offer nothing more than "that sucks. Article 61: A Bro shall honor thy father and mother Article 62: In the event that two Bros acquire the same target. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary . Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro to a ticket to an event if said event involves the se cond Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits. Winking is also a no no. or the congratulatory gluteus pat. the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs.Article 60: Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl. a Bro shall offer nothing more than "that sucks. Bro" and copious . Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend. t bump. the fis t bump.

Article 79: No Bro can hit another Bro in the groin unless victim Bro has broken d Bro code.deserved or not . . Article 75: A Bro should not have "an outfit". even if that includes jeopardizing his own records. the missing of work. Article 74: Two men should not share an umbrella. Unless its regarding Article 31. Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing . Article 69: No Bro should ever get a pedicure Article 70: A Bro should never highlight his hair.quantities of beer.regarding said lady friend for a period of three months. Article 76: A Bro should not wear a white belt. Article 78: A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants. Article 72: A Bro should never sing show tunes. when the requ isite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed. Article 71: A Bro should not talk to another Bro in the bathroom. Article 77: A Bro never cries. Article 73: A Bro should never eat out of another Bro's hands. another Bro shall point out that he is a tool Article 68: If a Bro be on a hot streak. or temporary immigration to a foreign country. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary . another Bro will do everything possible to ensure i ts longevity.

" Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another . Article 79: No Bro can hit another Bro in the groin unless victim Bro has broken d Bro code.Article 73: A Bro should never eat out of another Bro's hands." Article 86: If said bros is lost to a relationship. rum. Article 74: Two men should not share an umbrella. scotch or other hard liquor to an excess of a ratio of: once ounce:3kg of body mass (7lbs imperial) Article 89: "A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro. Article 77: A Bro never cries. unless said bros has consumed a whiskey. Article 84: Love thy neigh-Bro Article 85: No bros night out can start with "the wife put out some cheese" & end "with ev eryone at home by eleven. they must void all rights to use the bro s code for any purpose and are rightfully subjected to any and all humorous ploy s made to said post-bros by previous bros. Article 87: A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes'. is obligated to take humiliating photo's and/or videos of the passed out bros. Article 76: A Bro should not wear a white belt. Unless its regarding Article 31. Article 88: Any bros who notice a fellow bros passed out at any social gathering due to drug or alcohol consumption. Article 75: A Bro should not have "an outfit". Article 78: A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants. booya.

and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. the other bros have the right to tell any humiliating stories and facts about said bros for the purpose of ruining said bros chances with the girl(s). Article 94: Should a Bro (1st. he is free to pursue his Bro's adoptive mother. the Bro that notices this must do all in their power to stop said Bro from closing the deal. however. If the assumed weight is on the tu Article 93: If any bros acts out of line and defies any bros code during a multiple bros con versation with any number of girls. animalia.]] Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted. hospital records. Article 90: No bros should know any fellow bros weight for any reason. whichever is easiest. Though the mom of a Bro is always off limits. allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats. [[NOTA BENE: It is customary for a Bro to av oid such Brocularity if his Bro's mom is a 9 or better. Additionally. If she looks good i n it. 2nd or 3rd) be hooking up with an unattractive woman. It is. . unless they are helping another Bro with Article 60. ARTICLE 89 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro from invoking the Sloppy Second clause in any related filings with the International Court of Bros. or comparative d ioxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis. sa id girl can be subjected to humiliating photos as long as other bros are alerted to its undertaking By B. Since the adopte d Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro. the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/o r is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.Bro's mother. S. Previous bros code stipulation should only have an assumed weight. but only after first corroborating non-biological pa rentage through notarized birth certificates. Article 95: Any girl passing out in a non-bedroom designated area of a dwelling occupied by more than one bros is not up for grabs under any circumstances. for fear of Oedipal indu cement.

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