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My Journey through Scientology and into Exit Therapy

My Journey through Scientology and into Exit Therapy

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Published by AnonLover
A former Scientologist reccounts his experience and healing process in a cult recovery self-help exercise inspired by Steven Hassan's book "Releasing the Bonds"
A former Scientologist reccounts his experience and healing process in a cult recovery self-help exercise inspired by Steven Hassan's book "Releasing the Bonds"

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Published by: AnonLover on Nov 23, 2010
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My Journey through Scientology and into Exit Therapy

by Wieber on OCMB, June-July 2007

Table of Contents
Prologue..................................................................................................................................3 Body routed: into the org and out of the fog ............................................................................3 Enchantment via chance encounter ......................................................................................3 Do Fish Swim?....................................................................................................................4 Baited hook, switcheroo ......................................................................................................5 Ensnared by Norma Staunton ..............................................................................................6 Path to indoctrination ..............................................................................................................7 Entering the fold..................................................................................................................7 Rolling right along in the rhetoric ........................................................................................9 Contractual entrapment......................................................................................................10 Becoming fully emersed ....................................................................................................12 Hindsight Revelations .......................................................................................................13 Dedication to a new found cause ...........................................................................................14 The bookselling bombshell drops ......................................................................................14 As the org board turns .......................................................................................................15 Div 6 dupe.........................................................................................................................17 Takin’ it to the streets ........................................................................................................19 Afterthought reflections.....................................................................................................20 Feeding the money machine ..................................................................................................21 In session, full speed ahead................................................................................................21 Interlude to insane pressure ...............................................................................................23 Glutton for punishment......................................................................................................24 Indentured servitude to the e-meter....................................................................................25 Riding things out ...............................................................................................................26 A day in the life, while on staff..........................................................................................27 Reging the masses .................................................................................................................28 Just another cog in the wheel .............................................................................................30 Long, strange trip emerges.................................................................................................31 Things begin to get hairy ...................................................................................................33 Let the sec check games begin ...........................................................................................34 The well begins to run dry .................................................................................................36 A quest for closure unfolds....................................................................................................37 Contractual expiration reached, coercion to stay begins .....................................................37 End of the line ...................................................................................................................39 The rude awakening ..........................................................................................................40 Epilogue - By Jove! It was built that way ..............................................................................41 Making sense of logical fallacies .......................................................................................41 Loaded language, overts and ethics....................................................................................43 Use the Long Form............................................................................................................44 The wonders of word clearing ...........................................................................................45 The sycophantic surveys....................................................................................................46 Homophobic tendencies and enabling bigotry....................................................................49

After reading Releasing the Bonds, I went back and read the instructions for a do-it-yourself exit therapy. I started to write things down/up (take your pick.) I decided to start excerpting some of the narrative here. The first excerpt doesn't tell you much and it rambles. I have edited what I wrote slightly. I will be changing names, dates, orders of things, and other details. [Editor’s note: a further copyedit was done in 2010, to compile these writings into an e-book style narrative for spreading the story of Wieber’s incredible selfguided journey beyond the realm of scientology critics and activists.] What you get may not make any point, and may end abruptly in the middle of something. I originally wrote this stuff for my benefit, and I found doing it helped a great deal. I wrote over four hundred pages of this stuff. Sometimes I would write until I got tired and stop in the middle of something. I think I will not subject you to all of it. So here goes.

Body routed: into the org and out of the fog
Milly is the name of the girl who stopped me on the street and sold me a copy of Dianetics the Modern Science of Mental Health. God, is that a loaded title. This book is also referred to as DMSMH or book one. A wog is a non-scientologist who hasn’t yet been in scientology. Another word for this type of person is raw meat. In the press releases and public literature, such a person is referred to as raw public. A person who leaves scientology is an apostate or a suppressive person or SP. Read the article on newspeak in the back of Orwell’s 1984 for insights as to what goes on within scientology as far as the terminology-related mindset. Especially pay attention to the part about duckspeak.

Enchantment via chance encounter
Milly was this cute little girl with sad eyes. I believe she is now an apostate. She blew with her boyfriend within a couple of months of my recruitment and she never came back while I was in. Blow is a verb and a noun. One blows when one leaves without permission. Since no one ever gets permission to leave, everyone who leaves is a blow. I had been doing drugs for about two years. I started doing drugs in second year of college and continued doing them until the cult captured me. To justify that statement let me say this. I was informed that the purpose of division six is to

capture and control the public. Division six is the public division of the cult organization. I did a lot of drugs. I never did any drugs when I was home or when I went to other countries. However, when I was away from home and in my own country I did a lot of drugs. Mostly what I did was marijuana. This was relatively cheap and easy to get. You can grow marijuana anywhere. It is very much like a weed. So I went around in this foggy mind state for three years. This partly led up to my getting captured but there is another factor that played into this. I just recently found out the connections and so it isn’t up there, in my attention on this. I read science fiction a lot when I was in high school and in college. I never read L. Ron (aka “elron”) Hubbard’s stuff. Among the author’s I liked were L. Sprague de Camp, A. E. Van Vogt, Fletcher Pratt, Fritz Leiber, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein. These guys were Hubbard’s contemporaries. Some of them were his buddies and a few of them were followers. In pre high school days, I read Famous Monsters of Filmland and other magazines published and edited by Forrest J. Ackerman. I found out later that Forrest J. Ackerman was elron’s agent. Man, this is embarrassing stuff. I was going to edit certain things out, because I find them embarrassing now. But they are essential to the story so I'm leaving them in. So here is the next entry, which is prefaced by a single entry from the day before.

Do Fish Swim?
Gnaaaar! So, Milly . . . I had this fantasy that I would find someone with whom I could communicate with by means of telepathy. It isn’t going to happen. So here I am ripe like a banana and having the idea that somewhere there would be somebody I could communicate with without opening my gob. I go walking out on the street thinking, “I’m going out right now and I’m going to find IT.” I take a left onto the Main Street; and walk half a block and here’s Milly blocking my way holding this little yellow book in front of her. She’s smiling at me with this sad doe eyed look, and her fellow booksellers are blocking all the other avenues of escape. So I stop. “Yeah, what do you want?” or “Oh, all right. I’ll talk to you.” Or I said something like that. The lion put a claw into my flank. When the zebra is in the lion’s claws, it doesn’t have much choice but to be eaten. Holly: “Have you ever seen this book?” She didn’t say, “Hello.” She didn’t say, “Do you mind if I have a word with you?”

She held up this paperback book and I read, “Diuretics.” And I said, “Diuretics?” She said, “No.” Pause. I looked again. Dianetics. So we got into a conversation – Clear the planet; scientology musicians; L. Ron Hubbard is Valentine Michael Smith from Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land; super literacy; the means to achieve a complete education from kindergarten to University degree in six years (or something like that.) And I gave her a dollar and bought the book and she got my name and address, which is what she needed, I found out later, for her stat.

Baited hook, switcheroo
When Milly sold me the book she invited me to a coffee house that would be held at her ‘org’ (she didn’t call it an ‘org’) that Friday night. I went to the coffee house that weekend expecting Milly to be there and wanting to ask her some questions. The ‘org’ was not on a main street. I took public transportation to the nearest cross street. Then I walked to the Co$. This was a very long walk. I finally got there. I walked in. It was dark. There were seats around with chairs. I can’t remember if there was music or an act or anything. The tables had place mats on them. These were white sheets of legal paper with ronitudes on them. (My word: a “ronitude” is a brief quotation of L. Ron Hubbard, usually out of context, and often recited by rote to prove points. It comes from Ron and platitude. An example used in a sentence would be, “on any given day, a scientology staff member will say and hear fifty or sixty ronitudes.”) At the time, I didn’t think of them as that. I think there were cartoons to illustrate the various quotes. Of course, they all made good sense. It isn’t until you start to delve that the truth starts to come through. Of course, by then it’s too late for you. So I asked to see Milly. “Milly isn’t here. She’s on post. She’ll be back after 10. There are other people just as nice who you can talk to.” That may not be an exact quote, but the gist of the response to my inquiry was that. Some kind of beverage was served I think but I don’t remember eating or drinking. There was a guy at a table with two others. One of whom I later found out was the main registrar. He and another guy were using a lot of verbal force to get the third guy to do something. There was a short fat woman with glasses, and a bunch of kids. There were posters on the wall with more ronitudes on them. I wanted to leave, but I wanted to talk to Milly. She was good at selling and getting people in. She could have been quite an asset to the ‘org’ but she didn’t stay and I don’t know what the deal was. There were a number of people on staff because they had bought a book from Milly.

Later on Milly showed up. She wasn’t too pleased with having to talk to me, but she did. She used the PR line on me very well, and then terminated the meeting. I suppose if she had been real gung ho, she would have sold me something but she was finished her shift (13 hours at least) and wanted out of there. I left without buying anything or giving anybody any money. That was a rare feat.

Ensnared by Norma Staunton
I read Dianetics, sort of. I didn’t start at the beginning and read it through the way I was told to do. I first read the definition of what a clear is. I have to back up slightly. I’d read about Scientology earlier in an article in LIFE magazine. I looked this up on the internet just now. The article appeared in November of 1968. So I’d been forewarned. I should have paid attention. So I knew about clear and that’s the first thing I read about in the book. I’d taken the hook. “Wow. If that were true, I could use that!” I thought. Then I read other parts and looked for the method of doing the auditing. It’s in there, but it’s very obscure, and difficult to understand how to apply. So I thought, “I’ll go down there and buy an hour of auditing and see if it works,” which is what I did, just after I quit my job. Can you say “stupid?” So I went to the local Co$ on a Friday night. The place had no one in it and it wasn’t busy at all. I walked in and said I was interested in buying some auditing to see if it worked. (Incidentally, that’s a question on one of the sec checks: “Are you here for the sole purpose of finding out if Scientology works?” I guess if you want to know if Scientology works you aren’t good enough to find out if it works or not.) I was taken to see Norma Staunton. She asked me if I had done a personality test. No, I hadn’t and I didn’t want to take one. She said it would be better if I did, so I spent the next half hour answering the personality test questions. Then I went to see the guy who gives the results of the test. He showed me the graph and started in. I said I was interested in buying some auditing. He stopped right there and took me to Norma. Norma was very nice and shared her smokes with me. I smoked then. I smoked a lot of her cigarettes and probably left her in the lurch for a while. Anyway, she told me auditing cost $50 per hour and you had to buy it in 12½-hour intensives or it didn’t do you any good. I didn’t have the $625. I only had $50. She sold me the HAS course, the Hubbard Apprentice Scientologist course. I said I’d be back the next day to start. Everyone there insisted I route onto the course immediately. She initiated a routing form. I went to see the Director of Technical Services and he routed me to the course room, where I met the course supervisor, who told me it was too late to start and I would begin the next day.

There were a couple of people in the room sitting on chairs facing each other. One of them was asking the other, “Do fish swim?” They seemed to be having a good time. The course supervisor explained that they were doing a drill and I would find out about that later. I told her I had figured that it was something like that.

Path to indoctrination
“God made man, but he used a monkey to do it.” - Mark Mothersbuagh/Devo I kept the fact that I was taking courses at Scientology a secret from other people. I got up early the next day and went in to take the HAS course. I got a course pack, a check sheet and a book. All this stuff was an extra eight bucks or so. The book was Dianetics 55, a slim little volume on communication, which also introduced the concept of what a spiritual being is. The picture on the cover was of a man in a white military uniform and white WWII era US army pot helmet wrestling a giant snake hanging from a tree. The course pack was an 8½ by 14 number with mimeographed sheets in it. The covers were stiff green card and the stapled edge had been covered with tape. The contents were HCOBs and HCOPLs. That stands for Hubbard Communication Office Bulletin and Hubbard Communication Office Policy Letter. Although it is standard for courses to begin with Keeping Scientology Working, the HAS course didn’t have that gem in it.

Entering the fold
The first thing on the course was some basic study technology. Actually, this stuff makes some sense and using it could help people with their schoolwork. Having said that I still advise you to stay away. Struggle if you have to, but you’re better off not having the study technology than being in Scientology. So the basic study technology essentially is this: look up every word you do not understand in a dictionary. Read each definition, put the word into several sentences for each definition, and then restudy the material. Use what is being written about as you study or have it to examine. If you can’t get something then use something else that represents it. Then there are clay demos, which I suppose is short for clay demonstration. This is a process where you make bits of stuff out of plasticene, stick little cardboard labels in the bits, and put them all together with one overall label. Then someone else looks at it, and if they get what is on the overall label you pass. At lunch, I talked to this other guy who was just starting. The subject of mind control came up. I was alert to the possibility, but L. Ron Hubbard was very clever at hiding the fact that mind control was being used. If you ask anyone who is in Scientology if they’ve been subjected to mind control they will vehemently deny it and be quite insulted that you brought it up.

At the beginning of the course, you find out about student points, which you must keep track of. Since I started the schedule of points for what you do while studying has changed frequently. You get points for every page you read, every word you look up, every demo you do, every clay demo, etc. You get points for listening to lectures, watching films, drawing pictures. It goes on and on. At the end of the day, you total up your points and put them on a graph. The course supervisor then totals the entire student points achieved while she was supervising you and that becomes her stat. Stat is scieno-speak for statistic. Day 2 gets us to the meat of the course: TRs. TR is scieno-speak for Training Routine or Training Regimen. A TR is a drill that you do to become skilled at something. What you aren’t told is that the TRs are the first stage of your mind control program. The first one you do is called OT TR 0. That is phonetically (oh-tee-tee-are-zero.) This stands for operating thetan training regimen zero. Thetan is scieno-speak for soul or spirit. The public relations reason for the use of this word is that you are a soul and so to avoid confusion the word thetan is used. There probably is another reason for it but that is the one given. Most of the TRs consist of doing various things while you sit facing another person who sits about three feet in front of you. In OT TR 0, you sit doing nothing except being there and confronting with your eyes closed. You do that for hours. Each TR is done until you achieve a major stable win. Here’s where the mind control intent breaks down slightly. To get the full benefit of the TR you should do it for five to eight hours. However, no points can be counted for the drill until it is completed. So the course supervisor has a tendency to rush students through the TRs so she can get the points. When I speak of benefit here, I am speaking of the benefit achieved by the organization, not the student. This and subsequent TRs induce a mild euphoric hypnotic trance in the person doing them. I found at the end of the first day that I was feeling quite high. I felt very lightheaded, very relaxed and very good. After a day or two, I had come to the conclusion that Scientology did indeed work, that everything claimed must be true and that everyone should have this. I was still in the honeymoon phase. The next TR is TR 0. This is just like OT TR 0 except now you do it with your eyes open. It’s been a while and I can’t remember all the numbers. Anyway the next thing is a TR something or other bull bait. In this one, you tromp on your partners buttons. Button is scieno-speak for an area of embarrassment or discomfort. So if you partner has acne you would say something like, “Hey pimple face!” Then when he reacts to that you say, “Flunk” for whatever reason and you start in again, “Hey pimple face!” Eventually he gets to a point where “Hey pimple face!” no longer bothers him. There’s a benefit to doing this, but I would recommend you stay away from it. Learn to control your negative responses to things on your own. You’ll be better off. This is a difficult drill to get started on. I had a hard time with it at first. Many others do, as well.

Eventually you figure it out. Then you do several drills in which you use phrases from Alice in Wonderland. After that come the upper indocs. Indoc being scieno-speak for indoctrination.

Rolling right along in the rhetoric
I want to put a quote here from Orwell’s 1984 from the essay in the appendix called “The Principals of Newspeak.” “Even in the early decades of the twentieth century, telescoped words and phrases had been one of the characteristic features of political language; and it had been noticed that the tendency to use abbreviations of this kind was most marked in totalitarian organizations. Examples were such words as Nazi, Gestapo, Comintern, Inprecor, Agitprop. In the beginning the practice had been adopted as it were instinctively, but in Newspeak it was used with a conscious purpose. It was perceived that in thus abbreviating a name one narrowed and subtly altered its meaning, by cutting out most of the associations that would otherwise cling to it. The words Communist International, for instance, call up a composite picture of universal human brotherhood, red flags, barricades, Karl Marx and the Paris Commune. The word Comintern, on the other hand, suggest merely a tightly-knit organization and a well-defined body of doctrine. It refers to something almost as easily recognized, and as limited in purpose, as a chair or table. Comintern is a word that can be uttered almost without taking thought, whereas Communist International is a phrase over which one is obliged to linger at least momentarily.” In scieno-speak, organization becomes org; distribution secretary becomes dist sec; executive director becomes ED (most people say “ee dee.” Hubbard himself used Ed as in Ed Sullivan); in charge becomes I/C; counter intention is CI; facsimile becomes fac. This brief selection of examples is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg as it were. A major upper indoc TR occurs when you go into a soundproof room and yell at an ashtray. I was paired up with a young blonde skinny guy with glasses – and pimples. We went into the furnace room of the org. (What an ugly word – org.) The idea behind this drill is to become skilled at giving an order that will bypass any and all intermediary barriers, and be obeyed without question or hesitation. These drills, by the way are done both ways, so you also become skilled at obeying an order without question or hesitation. What you are doing in this drill is only occupying your space and the space of the ashtray. Then you give it commands to “stand up” and “sit down in that chair.” So that’s what we did. First, you yell the commands as loud as you can. Then when your throat wears out you speak them in a normal voice. So you tell the ashtray to stand up and then you raise it up off the seat of the chair and into the air above your head. Then you tell it to sit down in the chair and you lower it onto the chair. You repeat this until you have a win. We repeated it until we thought we had a win. We were new at all this so we weren’t exactly sure if we had had a win or not. But we knew when we had had enough.

The next drill is one where you get another person to look at a wall, and then go over to it, and touch it. The person you do this to, is supposed to give you as much grief and resistance as possible to prevent you from having your orders carried out and you by using intention get the other person to obey the commands. This is actually quite a lot of fun. So is bull baiting by the way. I finished the course in about a week as I was doing it twelve hours a day. Sometime during all this, I let it slip to Norma Staunton that I had a $1000 bond saved up. Back then, university tuition for the year was $800 and a place to live was $500 for six months. When I had finished the course, Norma comes up and says, “I have a great idea.” And her great idea was that I cash in my bond and buy word clearing method 1. “Just a suggestion,” says Norma and walks away. I went into agreement with this very quickly. I went home, handled my parents’ antagonism, cashed my $1000 bond, found some more money, took the whole lot back to the org, and gave it to Norma. I think that without the conditioning of the course I had just completed I wouldn’t have been so easy to handle. (Norma being a public registrar got something like a ten percent commission, which more than made up for her cigarettes that I smoked. Regular registrars get a one percent commission with bonuses for high stats.) I have more to tell about this period of time but while we’re on the subject of money, I have this observation. Hardly a day goes by where someone involved with the org doesn’t ask you for money for something. Just about every time you go to the org you come away with less money than you went with. The image that comes to mind is of an African Maasai tribe shooting an arrow into a bull’s neck so they can harvest his blood, mix it with milk and drink it. The only thing is I’m the bull with the arrow in the neck. But it isn't just about me. Just about anyone in scientology is the bull with the arrow in his or her neck.

Contractual entrapment
Author’s note of disclosure: This entry has some offensive material in it. It was very offensive before I edited the thing. Now it is just offensive. It is also embarrassing to me to tell, but it happened and I'm telling it. The worst experiences in my life happened while I was in scientology and my behavior and treatment of other people was at its worst when I was in scientology. When I look at who and what I was at the time I was deepest in, that was me, but I hate that person. Near the completion of doing the HAS course, I was told the recruiter wanted to see me. She was a tall beautiful woman with long hair. During the recruitment process she was very friendly and warm towards me, but once I was securely on staff she spurned my presence. I’ll come back to that shortly. First, I have to tell this. During the week that I did the HAS course I

did not have the time to have a dump. A few hours after completing, my bowels moved. I went to the washroom in the org and got in the cubicle. I knew I needed to clear my bowels and took the time to force the large lump out. This took considerable effort and was fairly painful. Eventually I passed the thing. It finally cleared and plopped loudly and wetly into the toilet’s water. On taking the tissue and wiping myself, I found that the thing was completely dry and had left no residue. I stood up and looked at it. It was large, light brown and riddled with darker brown spots. I resolved to never put off the call of nature again, if at all possible. In Scientology, your time is very much under the control of those who are superior to you, and of those there are a great many. If you are a second late for anything, the punishment is severe. When you are on course, you are expected to arrive free of the need to go to the toilet and not allowed to go during the course time. Now, I’ll get back to the recruiter. The woman invited me to join staff. Contracts are 2½ years or 5 years. There are two orgs in the building one is called the Day Org. The other is called the Foundation Org. It’s called Foundation because when an org starts it usually only has capacity to run during evenings and weekends, as those involved need other jobs to support them until there is enough wherewithal to put the second org in place. You would expect the two orgs to be called Day and Evening, but there you are. Pay is based on a unit. Each org staff member gets a number of units depending on their rank, training and where they are in their auditing. She said that pay varied depending on how the org did every week. The org belongs to the staff members and they get paid a share of what they produce. While I was on staff, my pay averaged about $2 a week. The number of hours I worked averaged about 84 a week. Dedicated slave is more accurate than staff member is. At that time if you didn’t have a job, you were expected to join staff on both orgs. You would work six days a week with one day off and every year, if you got a replacement for your post you could have two weeks off. I never got two weeks off while I was on staff. Oh and by the way, you are responsible for your replacement if you want to leave your post. So I agreed to join staff of both orgs for 2½ years. I figured I could spend that time on staff, learn how organizations worked and then get onto a career path. What I didn’t know then is that everyone is to join staff forever. Once you are on staff the attitude of the higher ups is that the org now owns you and you are there for the duration. The duration being the duration until the current physical universe comes to an end. There’s a billion year contract but that is a token and you will be expected to renew it at the end of the billion years, mate. Once you join staff, there is no regard for your health or well being either. I’ll get into that in more detail later. One of the Aims of Scientology is that honest beings can have rights. That sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? But when you sift through all the double talk, scieno-speak and PR, what it means is that people who are considered in good standing in Scientology will have rights and no

one else will, whether they are honest or not. This assumes of course that Scientology will, as is rightfully so, take control over the running of the world’s civilization. (Note that I have used sarcasm here. The “rightfully so” part is what a Scientologist under full control of the cult would think.)

Becoming fully emersed
So I got recruited. I did an IQ test and another Oxford Capacity Analysis. That’s Scientology’s con game personality test. Even when under full sway of Scientology’s influence I was of the opinion that the OCA was a con game and I was never able to throw off that opinion. Probably a large part of that was because I held the post of Testing I/C for a brief period of time. Somewhere into this staff entry process, [see Auditor’s Sec Check] this question came up: “Are you connected to anyone who is antagonistic to Scientology?” This question comes up a lot. I don’t know but I would expect that it is on every sec check. Sec check is scieno-speak for security check. A security check is a series of questions that a person is asked while holding the cans (electrodes) of an e-meter. Senator McCarthy would have loved this stuff. Many of the questions begin with, “Have you ever...”. So I was asked, “Are you connected to anyone who is antagonistic to Scientology?” “Well, I think my parents are.” That’s a PTS situation. PTS stands for Potential Trouble Source. According to the Suppressive Person doctrine in Scientology, one is PTS if one is connected to a person or group antagonistic to Scientology. So the term PTS (Potential Trouble Source) gets the ronitude treatment. I thought it meant my parents were potential trouble source. No, kid, YOU (echo and reverb) are PTS! So the next thing to do is go see the Ethics Officer or EO. Funny thing is this person is most often referred to as the ethics officer and not ee-oh. I’m told before I can sign your contract and join staff I have to handle my parent’s antagonism. Now by this time, I have this urgent need to go Clear and OT, like someone who wakes up from a long deep sleep and seriously has to pee. During the course, I had come to the conclusion that all this stuff was true and that all the stuff delineated on the grade chart could and would be delivered to one. This included the ability gained for OT VIII, which at that time was “knowing and willing cause over thought, life, matter, energy, space, and time subjective and objective.” OT VIII was then unreleased. It was released about a year after I was routed off staff. I’m getting ahead. Like I told my family member, I was away, but I wasn’t out. However, the ability gained has been changed to “truth revealed.” I read enough of Bare Faced Messiah to know that the revealed truth is that L. Ron Hubbard was a liar and a con man, even though he claimed he wasn’t.

So I took the train home, wearing a Scientology cross around my neck. I thought it looked cool and bought one from the bookstore. I wasn’t supposed to wear it as I wasn’t trained as an auditor and I lost it very soon after. The official version is that L. Ron found a cross like that at a monastery somewhere in Mexico or New Mexico and adopted it for use as the Scientology cross. This never rang true for me, and there were never any photographs of the monastery cross, despite the fact that Hubbard had a lifelong passion and interest in photography. What rings true is that it is taken from Aleister Crowley’s Ordo Templi Orientalis cross, which is the Christian cross that has been crossed out, or if you will a double cross. I have a copy of the tarot deck, which has this cross on the back. I also have a copy of the Golden Dawn tarot deck, which has a similar cross on the back. As I understand it Ordo Templi Orientis, Golden Dawn and AMORC, the Rosicrucians are all destructive cults as is Scientology. I plan to stay far away from those organizations. I had a friend in high school that was into all that occult stuff. He used to get a magazine called Fate. Every issue had ads promoting the Rosicrucians. For all I know the magazine was published by them. His argument for believing all that stuff was, “what would anyone putting this stuff forward have to gain by telling about it?” He’s not a friend anymore, and now I have an answer for him. “What they have to gain is all your money and possessions and your dedicated enslavement.”

Hindsight Revelations
Right now, right this instant; I don’t hate any of them. I don’t pity any of them either. I don’t have much feeling for any of them. I’m talking about all the ones who are left behind, who are still members. Every single one of them from the top to the bottom, from the inside to the outside is a victim every bit as much as I or any other former member was a victim. Even L. Ron himself became a victim. He may or may not have come to believe his own lies, but he became a man in a cage, on the run, and eventually died an ignominious death. I may hate him again tomorrow. I may hate one or more of the people who are in still. Right now I don’t. I read about Mormon’s yesterday. The Mormon Church meets all eight characteristics of a destructive cult and fits most of the characteristics of the BITE model (the organization’s control over an individual’s Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotion) of destructive cults. Jehovah’s Witness, the Moonies, Hare Krishna, Christian Science, National Socialism, Communism, Amway; the list goes on; are all destructive cults. The Mormon Church was founded in 1879. Was John Smith a con man? Did he set the thing up so he could have all the women he wanted to satisfy his overreaching sexual appetite? Did he set it up to get everyone’s money and their possessions and bring them under his control? Did he know what he was doing?

How far back does this go? Did the Christian church start out as a destructive cult? Did Judaism? Did Islam start as a destructive cult as well? What about Buddhism and the eastern faiths? [see also What is a Cult?] It would be interesting, informative and useful to have historical research done on this to find out how far back this goes. It would be interesting to see how much war, conflict, injustice and other social ills have some form or other of a destructive cult at their root. It would be nice if some day in the not too distant future, freedom of mind can be the truth experienced by everyone. For now, I’ll settle for my own freedom of mind.

Dedication to a new found cause
Author’s note of disclosure: What follows has a lot of names in it. Don't go wracking your memory trying to remember any of these people or asking yourself if you knew them, because I have changed all the names. So I went home on the train, all enthusiastic about Scientology. I told a girl on the train about it. She seemed interested and gave me contact info. When I got back, I offered this to someone at the org and they shoved it back on me to disseminate to her. I wrote her. Happily for her she never replied. I got home. I talked to my parents. They reached a point where they weren’t antagonistic, I thought, and let me do what I wanted. I took out all my money from my bank account where I lived and cashed in my bond. A few days later, I was back at the org and turned over my money. I had signed an agreement to join staff before I left. You aren’t allowed to sign an actual contract until you complete staff status 1. I gave Norma the cash. She said that because of me the org was now upstat. Upstat is scieno-speak for up statistic. I’ll get to explaining that and the associated trap later on. I expected that the money for the services would go in an account and that I would get them delivered to me for half price when I finished staff status 1 and signed the contract. However, Scientologists, especially the staff members are a knee-jerk lot of people. Harvey Mendes (since declared SP), the DTS (director of technical services) found out about my payment and routed me onto Method 1 word clearing the next day at full price. That kind of pissed me off. SP stands for suppressive person and there will be more on that later, too.

The bookselling bombshell drops
I have to go back a bit. On the last day of my course, after I had cleared my bowels, a group of us decided we would go out on the main street and sell Dianetics books. There are several Dianetics

books, but when a Scientologist says Dianetics book he is referring to Dianetics, the Modern Science of Mental Health. There are as well, Dianetics, the Original Thesis, Dianetics 55! and Dianetics, Science of Survival. We went out on a cold windy evening. There were about eight of us. I thought it would be a breeze. None of us sold a single book. This is supposed to be a best seller. It takes all the doing you can do to sell one of these things. Even now, you can’t just go out and say, “Do you want to buy a Dianetics book?” or put them out with a sign, “Dianetics books for sale $Price each.” They won’t sell. You have to do something cute like a stress test or a survey or a free personality test, and even then you have to use considerable force to make a sale. That’s been my experience. Norma’s boss was Jack Welden the Dist Sec (Distribution Secretary). Distribution is division 6 of an org. The org has an org board. There are seven divisions on the org board. This comes from an ancient civilization on some other planet. It survived for a trillion years but finally failed because it didn’t have a Qual. (Qualifications Division – Div 5). There are seven divisions on the org board: HCO, Dissem, Treas, Tech, Qual, Dist, Exec. Each division has three departments. Except that in the interim that I was away Div 6 was expanded to Div 6a, 6b, 6c. Anyway, Jack, eager to get his stat up, fixed it so I would work in his division. The statistic for division 6 at that time was NNCF, which means new names to central files. Everything that was done in the division resulted in new names with addresses and if possible phone numbers that would be sent to central files in division 2. Those names would be sent promotional material and letters. All letters from Scientology staff members to the public are the same letter. I’m paraphrasing Stephen Leacock here. So I got sent out to sell books. The bookseller I/C was a guy named Fred. He was Milly’s boyfriend and about four months later, they both blew together. Blow means to leave, as in, “Milly and Fred blew staff.” Then there’s this other bookseller called Jeffrey Martin. Jeffrey asked me what I wanted to do on staff. I said I wanted to promote Scientology – you know sell books, that sort of thing. What I had in mind was ad campaigns. What Jeffrey had in mind was I was his replacement, but he didn’t tell me that. When we got back to the org that night, Jeffrey went running off to Jack. Almost immediately after that, I was posted to bookseller, and Jeffrey was promoted to Dir Clearing, (Director of Clearing).

As the org board turns
I must have some chronology out of whack here, as I was posted to Testing I/C (I/C = In Charge – scientology is full of jokes) shortly after joining staff and was made a bookseller later. So I must have had that job before the relationship with Jeffrey. I think I was testing I/C for a very brief time, probably less than two weeks. This is the way that worked. There was a girl in HCO (Hubbard Communications Office, Division 1) who was in charge of the expeditors. When you sign an agreement to join staff you then work as an expeditor until you are posted or complete staff status 1 and then posted. A post is a position with a title somewhere on the org board. (By the way, right now, under Miscavige, as far as Scientology is

concerned, everyone in the world is on the Scientology org board. That includes you, whomever you are who are reading this. That’s quite an assumption on my part that someone will read this.) So I was assigned to testing I/C. I was given three or four pages of material to read, some cardboard sheets with cutouts on them, and a ruler. As testing I /C, it was my job to score the tests done by public people coming into the org, then to evaluate the test to them and get them to the public registrar wanting a course. I was under the misapprehension that I should be honest with people and so I stank at doing this job. I didn’t hold it long. However, later, when there was no one else around, I would get called on to administer the test because I was trained at it. I spent about twenty minutes learning it. Another thing with this is that I was also expected to do tests for every other reason. Anything to do with tests other than scoring them and evaluating them to a raw public person did not score on my statistic, so I wasn’t very interested in doing the other things. I may as well tell you about the conditions and statistics. It plays a significant role in this story and is a major part of the life of every Scientologist, especially those who are on staff. Every staff member gets posted to a post with a title. That post also has a product and the product is measured with a statistic. One person, one post, one product, one statistic; get it? The org is divided into divisions, the divisions are divided into departments, the departments are divided into units and the units have individuals in them. Each unit has a product and a statistic, which belongs to the I/C of the unit. Each department has a product and a statistic, which belongs to the director of the department. Each division has a product and a statistic, which belongs to the secretary of the division. The org has a product and a statistic, which belongs to the ED. Everyday on staff each staff member keeps track of his or her statistic and records it on a graph at the end of the day. At the end of the week the total for the week is compiled. This is reported to a variety of places and the ethics officer gets a copy. The statistic for the week is then compared with the statistic of the previous week and a condition results. There are two types of condition – statistic conditions and lower conditions. The conditions from lowest to highest are confusion, treason, enemy, doubt, liability, non-existence, danger, emergency, normal, affluence, power. Each of the conditions has a formula. When you are in or assigned to a condition you are to do the formula. Conditions below normal also require atonement and amends, except when you start out, because then you are in non-existence and that’s OK for about thirty seconds. There are some exceptions to the following as auditors have a statistic based on the number of hours they audit and there aren’t any more hours in a week than there are hours in a week. As well, some statistics are expressed as a ratio, and in those cases, there is another formula at work. By and large, what follows is what most staff members suffer with. If you produce exactly the same number of products as the week before, you are in emergency. This produces a horizontal line and gets you yelled at by the ethics officer and your senior. If you produce a few more products than last week, you are in normal. The line on your graph angles slightly up to the right and you breathe a sigh of relief as no one yells at you. No one is very happy with you but at least you are up stat. If you produce many more products and your line slopes up at

about 45 degrees, you are in affluence and now people are somewhat pleased with you. If you produce a great many more products than the week before, you are in power. Your graph slopes up at eighty degrees or more and everyone is ecstatic with you. Elron’s statistic we were told one time was affluence of power, but then he made the rules, didn’t he? If you produce less products than the week before you are in danger. You are a lowly ****er and a stat crasher, you bastard-pig-dog-asshole-****-face-degraded-piece-of-shit! Oh, and your graph slopes down. Now keep up being in danger a few weeks and you will find yourself in one of the lower conditions. Now when you are being recruited to join staff the recruiter tells you, at least the person who recruited me told me that when you join staff you would get auditing and training. When you sign the contract, it says you will get auditing and training. Most people can’t come up with the $300,000 plus to do the bridge so they join staff. However, no one tells you about the catch 22. Everyone gets administrative training. A few people get technical training, where the glamour and accolades go. You get audited if your statistics are up. The higher your condition, the more likely you are to be rewarded with auditing. However, when you are in power and you go in for auditing, who is left on your post to get your products so your stat will be up for the following week? You have to forgo that auditing. Mind you if you pay for auditing, you get it because paid auditing hours and paid completions are statistics that somebody can count on. The other thing going on here is eventually you are going to hit the wall, your stats will crash and you’ll be put in a lower condition. It’s very nearly inevitable. It’s worse in the sea org. In the sea org, stat crashers get to be in the Rehabilitation Project Force or RPF. You can read about this nightmare on the internet. There’s a scholarly paper on it: Brainwashing in Scientology's Rehabilitation Project Force (RPF) by Stephen A. Kent (Ph.D.), Professor-Department of Sociology, University of Alberta. Read it and cringe.

Div 6 dupe
So I eventually got assigned to sell books. Jack Welden made the necessary arrangements with HCO and got me on the team. There was this girl in HCO. She was one of Hans Guttman’s sisters. She was in charge of the expeditors. She came up to me and said matter-of-factly, “I’m your senior.” She comes into play a little later. Jack’s second was a guy named Bert something. He was an OT III. Jack was a Grade V release, Power completion. I remember one Sunday we were sent out super early to sell books on the main street. Scientology

executives are always having great ideas. So we were on the street Sunday morning, 8 a.m. You could roll a quarter down the street and not attract the attention of a derelict. Our little group of about five people with their satchels full of Dianetics books and receipt books and pens arrayed ourselves on the sidewalk to wait for the people so we could sell them the book that would set them on the road to total freedom. We set up right in front of an adult video business that showed porn movies on their own televisions that people could come in and watch for a price. The guy who owned the place must have wanted to distract us. One of the workers inside put a TV in the window facing out, and then ran a very hard-core pornographic movie. I know I was distracted. I think most of the guys on the street on the bookselling team were as well. For the next several months, I sold books on the main street. This went through the winter. I did not get to go home for Christmas. I didn’t go home again for Christmas until I was routed off staff. I was sent out with the book selling crew to the main street to sell Dianetics books. Fred was the in-charge. Jeffrey continued on for a while. He was the in-charge when Fred wasn’t there. Fred wasn’t there a lot. He was getting audited frequently. That was his story but now that I look back at what was going on, I think he may have been going to spend time with Milly but told us the acceptable truth that he was getting a session. Yes but what kind of session? We spent half or more of our time taking coffee breaks in the local restaurant. About a week into this, a guy from the org showed up near the weekend to see what he could get. In Scientology, the weekend isn’t Saturday and Sunday like in the real world. In Scientology, the weekend is Thursday at 2:00 O’clock p.m. That’s when all the stats are collected and reported to management in one of the higher orgs. The reports have to go in very quickly after 2:00. Most people on staff, except for the technicals, do not have lunch on Thursdays. The game is to boost your stat at the last minute before 2pm. After 2:00, you are busy getting your stat in and then you are encouraged to get going on the next week’s production. So the guy shows up at the restaurant where we are having coffee on a Wednesday night, though it might have been a Tuesday. He was the bookstore officer. So he’s in the eleventh hour and needs to get his stat up. Fred asked him what he was there for. He said, “I came out to see what I can get.” What he got was the remaining fifty dollars in my bank account. I got books I didn’t really want. Just recently, I figured that he must have been told something like, “Look, there’s this new guy on staff selling books. Bet he’s got money in a bank account.” He, Fred and Jeffrey triple teamed me into giving him my money.

Takin’ it to the streets
You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see - Michael McDonald & The Doobie Brothers The book sales on the street had stalled very badly and Jack decided we should try door-to-door sales. The org had this old truck that had a picture of a Dianetics book painted on each side and the words, “scientology works.” We would be driven out in that truck to an area and then try selling books door to door. The way we did that was to have a clipboard with a pad of surveys on it. When the door was answered we would say we were from Scientology, leaving out the church part, and say we were doing a brief survey, and could we ask a few questions. The questions were designed to lead to the book sale. So when the questions were finished being answered we’d get to the real purpose of the visit, which was to sell a Dianetics book to get a name and address for central files. After the truck broke down, which it did soon after we started this, we would borrow cars and drive to a location. Meantime I was doing Staff Status 1, working my way through it so I could sign my 2½-year contract. About ¾ of the way through that an order from Flag came that all staff members involved in selling had to study and word clear a book called Big League Sales Closing Techniques. This was a book written by a wog that elron had chosen as the textbook for sales staff in all the orgs. I was taken off Staff Status 1 and put on reading the sales book. This book was extremely difficult for me to read. It came in a plain ugly brown cover, and had flat cheap paper and was written in a style that could only be drier in the Sahara Desert. I struggled through this and eventually got through it. Then we had to word clear it Method 9. This works like this. The word clearer sits on one side of the table and the other person sits on the other side. Each person has a copy of the written material. The person being word cleared reads the material, while the other follows along and watches. Any time the person reading hesitates, says the wrong word, or otherwise does not read smoothly and continuously a word is found and looked up. Doing this with a 200-page book is what I call a tedious task. I wasn’t very good at selling Dianetics books. For me it was a slog. For the other guys in the team it was a slog. None of us were very good at it. Let me just have a look at who was on the team. Tony was a slight good-looking Italian lad slightly younger than I was. There were the two brothers. I’ll call them John and Henry. I can’t remember their names. John reminded me of John Sebastian from the Loving Spoonful – cool upscale hippie type with glasses, whose bridge, by the

way, was paid for. Why he didn’t go to LA to get it I’ll never know. Henry had discovered he was Henry VIII in his auditing. He was slightly shorter, dark hair and had a high degree of suppressed nervous energy. Vic had gotten into Scientology out of high school. He’s very hard-core. He’s still in. He’s been in for close to 30 years. His wife’s been in for almost as long. Both of them are loyal to the bone and neither of them has set foot on the upper end of the bridge. Jacques was a very tall Frenchman who wore a long grey coat most of the time. Chuck had a thin wispy brown beard and serious acne. Edward, the hippy/not-a-hippy was an individual who had long dark hair and a full moustache. By that time, Jeffrey had become Dir Clearing and Fred had left with Milly, never to return again. I have a couple more encounters with him, but if I remember I’ll get to them later. I’m trying to keep this as chronological as I can but it just isn’t perfect. Jimmy Ellis was the executive director. He was a tall pudgy fat guy. He had glasses and thin short hair. He never changed his clothes. Every day he wore the same thing: suit jacket, white shirt, tie, beige dress casual pants. He looked sideways at everyone. He was OT III. He had a sharp manner and a penetrating deprecating style with people. Every week there was a staff meeting. I went to two or three. Jimmy gave a pep talk. After he had finished speaking I felt completely ‘caved in.’ I felt charcoal black and hollow inside with brown paper bags full of vomit and puss floating around. Add to that a very low self-esteem and you come close. So I stopped going to staff meetings. When we were still on the street selling books, one day I ran into Fred on the street. I talked to him briefly and he said he planned on coming back to the org in the future when he had got his life more together. I reported this to Jimmy when I got back to the org. I was trying to give him as good information as I could. I said I thought Fred’s emotional tone was anxiety or something close to that. Emile did the chop and invalidate. He interrupted with, “What do you think he would be in, serenity of beingness?” ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. There’s this thing called the tone scale in scientology. Essentially, it arranges emotions on a scale and assigns numbers to them. There are 65 emotions delineated on the scale ranging from -40 to 40. I’m not writing this to explain or clarify the ‘tech.’ Since reading Barefaced Messiah I’m not so sure of it any more. ‘Tech’ by the way is short for technology. I’m assuming that if anyone ever reads this, they may not have been in scientology (lucky for them) and won’t know what I’m talking about. I hope brief incomplete explanations will do.

Afterthought reflections
There are a couple of things that reading over the above came to mind but that I left out. I'll tell a bit about them here as sort of an aside. One time the book selling team decided to go to a very upscale part of the urban community. We all did extremely well. We were ecstatic at how many books we were selling.

Then we were all rounded up by a couple of policemen in a squad car. Someone in that neighborhood reported us. We rode in the cage in the back. At the police station, we were respectful and answered the questions as simply and politely as we could. The police told us we needed a license for each of us to sell door to door and that license cost something like $400 per person per year. We had borrowed a car from one of the people at the org who was getting audited. When the police ran the plates they found there was a domestic situation with that person in another jurisdiction. The PC was PTS, know what I mean? So that meant more talking and finally the police drove us back to where we had parked the car and we went back to the org. We didn't get yelled at but you could tell Jack was pissed. The other thing was Fred and Milly. Several years later when I was out body routing, Fred and Milly rode by very slowly on very expensive bicycles. They smiled happily at us though they didn't make eye contact and then they rode on. I was ticked off at them at the time. Now I think that they must have got out and got help at being out and stayed out. I hope they are still out and if they are, I'm happy for them.

Feeding the money machine
So, I really wanted to get some actual auditing. The staff members entrusted with bringing in the money are very helpful at getting people to find it, borrow it, obtain it in whatever means. Except they won’t take money obtained by illegal means. At least I was told that. Once or more a week I would be approached to get money for Scientology. It finally occurred to me. My father had insurance policies for me. I could get him to cash those in. He agreed to cash one in. It yielded enough money to buy some intensives, perhaps three or four. I don’t remember the exact number. I’ll tell you this. Twelve and a half hours in the chair goes by very quickly. (In the chair is an expression used for being a PC (pee-see; preclear) in session.) I told the registrar who later replaced Jimmy as ED my idea about the policies. Next thing I know I’m on the way home. But before I went, I complained to him that I wanted to wait to get the auditing until I had signed my contract as then it would be half price. He said he would see to it that it would be delivered on that basis prior to my contract being signed. Then I was on my way. I had to handle my parent’s antagonism again. I tell you. That is something that doesn’t go away. It’s called concern, love, caring. Your parents and relatives care about you, are concerned for your well-being and love you. That’s why they stay antagonistic to Scientology. But as a scientologist, your mind is under someone else’s control.

In session, full speed ahead
So I got the money, paid for the auditing and it started almost immediately. I got a part of the bridge called life repair and set ups for my drug rundown. I also did a thing called ARC

straightwire. I even got some Dianetics and somewhere in there I began to recall past lives. Auditing is the cocaine of Scientology. It’s fun, expensive, scarce and very much desired. No Scientologist can get enough of it. I have observed this, among other things, about scientology: no matter how much money you give scientology, no matter how much you do for scientology, no matter how much you produce for scientology, it is always inadequate and never enough. One thing I noticed is that people just didn’t open up. I’d approach people, say hello, introduce myself. Their attention was never on me but somewhere else and next thing you know they would drift off somewhere else. I have found that routinely and very often, though not absolutely always the cases, when it came to socializing most Scientologists are all wet. When something is wanted from you, they are the friendliest people – warm, toasty, fuzzy, loving. Then when they have the thing they want from you, that all turns off. The other thing I’ve noticed on several occasions is that the OTs tend to run away from me, as if they’re afraid of something. “Hi. How’s it going? Back from the Advanced Org I see. Went OT VII did you?” “Yes.” “So . . .” “Gotta run. Bye.” Leaves me thinking, "It couldn’t have been something I said ‘cause I didn’t say very much." The other thing I recall generally is that whenever we did get together socially all we would talk about was Scientology. It kind of reminds me of the days doing drugs when several people would get together and smoke marijuana. For the entire duration of the high, we would invariably talk about how high we were. “Whoa! Heavy grass! Man I’m so high. Talk about high. I’ve never been this high. Are you high? I’m really high. Heavy grass!” and on and on ad nauseum. What a waste of time. Same thing happened with Scientology, only with much more intensity. We had a guy from a mission. One night he’d had enough. He yelled something like, “Shut up! Will you stop talking about Scientology? We’re up to here with it all day long and now that we’re on our own, all you do is go on and on. Will you, PLEASE, talk about something else? Do you think you can do that?” “Yes,” we said, “we can talk about something else.” ... ...

... “Um . . .” Everyone went his or her own separate way, and the room emptied out.

Interlude to insane pressure
I’m going to skip over one thing that happened because I am not ready to tell about it. I was asked by someone higher up in the organization to ‘blow’ and do some work outside the organization. I was away for a while and that’s all I need to say about that. You will have to either read between the lines or guess what that was about. When I got back, I was told I would be posted as a body router as that’s what the org needed. I dodged it then but eventually I got posted as that. A body router is the lowest and least desirable post in all of Scientology. Once you are posted there, you are stuck there. No one wants to replace you. It is a job that uses a lot of energy and with the lack of funding provided in the form of pay, you eventually waste away. I was about 5’ 10” when I was routed off staff and I weighed about 130 pounds. I’m getting ahead of myself. The day I got back, Jack had me go outside the org and body route at the front door. What a body router does is approach people on the street and gets them to come into the org to take a personality test. Chuck the bookseller was still around and selling books. I think his wife was giving him a hard time and I don’t think he was happy, though he put up a good front. His contract ended soon after and the day it did he left and didn’t come back. There’s the other thing that keeps you in is the free loader debt. For all the services you get you have to sign a note saying you will pay for them in full if you break your contract. I believe this practice is illegal in most countries in the world. If you are in and reading this and want to leave, go to the local labour office in your area and ask them about the law concerning the free loader debt. Then when you get out and someone acting as a collection agent from the org comes to you tell him that they must take you to court on the free loader debt issue, and until a judge orders you to pay it, you will not pay it. This is assuming that you are going to be out per the above definition. If you are only away, that is another matter. I believe I did get assigned to body routing at that time. I must say that at that time I was very poor at doing it and I don’t recall actually bringing anyone in. When I went to do the TRs to complete Staff Status 1, I went to do them in the basic course room. I did them with a fellow named Rick Entwistle, whom I then recruited into Div 6, though I forever after felt guilty for doing that. Rick is still in [as of mid 2007]. He’s now OT IV. He does manual labor though when I knew him earlier he was a very talented musician and I think he would have

had a happier life following that career. Rick Entwistle was a natural when it came to body routing. Where I could not get anyone to talk to me, Rick was raking them in, as it were. He was so good at it that he soon got promoted to public registrar. I got paired up with Bob Tanner. He was a better body router than I was, too. We would go out in the morning right after muster and hand out little tickets for a free personality test. Then we would come back and body route. I got very good at handing out little pieces of paper. I must have handed out hundreds of thousands of little pieces of paper for a free personality test. I believe TRs are part of every course people take in Scientology. They were on the last course I took, the PTS-SP course. I could have signed off on them having done them before but the course supervisor insisted I do them – good student point yield don’t you know? TRs maintain the hypnotic trance. That’s why they’re on every course. In the time I was away I managed to save about $400. A sea org registrar found out about the money and regged me for all of it. The registrar saw I had a bankbook. He eyes lit up. “You have a bank account. How much money do you have in your account? Close it out and give it to me. You know you need this. It’s your future. It’s the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics.” Eventually he got it all. That left me without any money and while I was on staff I never recovered from that. Reg is a verb. It means to be handled by a registrar to get your money. The registrar is a person who basically sells courses and auditing and who brings in the money that makes elron’s life so spectacularly fulsome. Now since a registrar gets your money, being regged has come to mean being handled in order to get something from someone else. It became used in the pejorative as in, “I think I’ll reg him for some cigarettes,” Or “Why don’t you reg her for a cup of coffee?” The other term that became used in a similar fashion was PR. PR is short for Public Relations. In Scientology it became slang for lying or distorting the truth. An example would be, “You’re not PRing me are you?” Another would be, “What a load of PR!” Even among the brainwashed, the truth came out.

Glutton for punishment
I went back. I was away and I went back. I wasn't 'out.' I had been as good and ethical as I could be. Even though the internet was there with all the information that would have taken me 'out' I stayed 'ethical' and didn't read any of it. I think the people running scientology want to get people who have left back. People who have been away for some time have paid off their debts, have money, have built up connections. They're just like little piñatas full of so many surprising goodies. You just have to beat them with a big enough stick at the right time to break them and then you can gather up all of what they have and wreck their life one more time.

Going back puts you through the cult cycle again. You get a second love bombing and everything. The only thing is that when you go back the time frame or 'gradient' applied to you is much faster than when you went in as completely raw meat. I just wanted to relate one very brief thing that happened. I had been through the love-bombing phase and finally paid for a course, watched Orientation and signed what is referred to as the 'Lisa Clause.' I think I had arrived for the second session of the course, or perhaps the third. As I was walking in and making my way to the course room, the executive director called out to me. "We are getting the public to help with things. I want you to come in for five hours a week and distribute promotional material door to door." "No. I'm not going to do that." "Why not?" The people in scientology are trained to not take no for an answer. "I don't want to." That stopped him. He wasn't expecting that one. It never came up in the drill. He then offered other alternative skut-work. No. No. No. No. No. I have decided I don't like skut work and I'm not doing it. Then he asked for $50 a month to pay for advertising. I said I couldn't afford it. He finally relented and let me go from the 'interview.' From the look on his face, I'll bet my folders got very much thicker that day. By the way, if you are a scientologist and you think if your 'TRs' are 'in' that no one can see your responses you are very much mistaken. Your body language and facial expressions happen no matter how much control you think you have over them.

Indentured servitude to the e-meter
I haven’t actually read this but I get the impression that the e-meter is viewed as a sacred artifact and opening one up to examine or fix the innards is considered to be a blasphemy. There was a public person who was good with electronics. He had a little bit of income producing activity going on doing maintenance of e-meters. For him this was not a big deal. We did a psychic fair once. There was a guy there with a mark I or mark II e-meter. It was a great big thing. He had no knowledge, he claimed, whatsoever of Scientology. He expressed a great interest in the e-meters we were using, which was mark IV or mark V. He was enthusiastic about getting his hands on one. One of the Guardians Office people back at the org said that he should not be allowed to have the

e-meter that he did have. They grilled me on this, “What’s his name? Where does he live?” I think she was serious about going after the guy. “I dunno. I didn’t ask him his name. He seemed like a nice guy.” I wanted to go home and borrow money or get money for auditing. If you are on staff and say to the brass that you want to go home to borrow money for auditing they are more than happy to let you go. No problem then. They might have a minder go with you now. I don’t know how much I borrowed that time. I went home and borrowed money again one other time. At another time, I had gone home to borrow money. I had just persuaded my father to lend me the money, when the registrar called to check. Because of the call, my father reversed his decision and didn't loan me the money. In all, I borrowed several thousands of dollars from my father and his business for auditing. I later paid it all back, but this took about six years to do. I came back with money for auditing. The registrar who was now the ED, concluding that I probably had good money flows asked me to be a registrar. I didn’t feel comfortable with that but it meant getting out of division six. I took him up on it. I was a lousy registrar. As a registrar, I think I brought in about $3,000 in sales for the org. Norm, the other registrar, and my senior accused me of losing some $20,000 in sales for the org. I was in the tech services area one night after closing time. The phone rang. The other div 2 registrar, not Norm, said I should get the phone. I did. It was some guy wanting to buy auditing and training and wanting a discount for quantity. From the policies I had been shown on this discounts are not given for training and auditing. I lost the sale. I am suspicious that I was set up in some way, though I can’t prove it. Now that I’m out, I’m happy in retrospect that I wasn’t very good at anything in Scientology. I’m also very happy that the buggers never did use me for the things I do very well with. I would have a very hard time with those things now if that had been the case. But at the time this was traumatic.

Riding things out
I sold books. I had read all of L Ron Hubbard’s books that were available at the time. Scientology, a New Slant on Life had a chapter in it about how women belonged in the home and were by nature subservient to men. Within a year, the book had been amended with that chapter removed. My performance came under review. I was given another chance. Norm would not allow me to talk to a public person who was a local celebrity and who was a very good cash cow for him. I had very specific orders not to ever communicate with him. I did a couple of times, though and felt very guilty each time. Much later, when he had achieved OT VII he wrote a song for staff. My opinion then was and still is now that the song sucked. That person has done some very good creative things since getting out. I hope he stays out. So the ED finally asked me what I wanted to do. I said I would take on the night watchman job every night and while doing that would clean the org. My reasoning for this and that I stated was that staff would no longer be off in rotation, and that they would have more time for their post as

they would not have to spend as much time on their cleaning stations. What I didn’t say was that I could spend nights on this job, not have to worry about stats and to do that until my contract expired. There are a couple of things that need explaining. The org was never locked at any of the entrances. A staff member was always in the building. This night watchman job was issued to contracted staff on rotation. After doing that, the staff member was allowed to go home and sleep the next day until some time in the afternoon. I believe now that this had something more to do with inducing sleep deprivation and screwing up a person’s stats on a rotating basis. By the way, in my opinion, the abuses of Scientology are intrinsic to the writings of L Ron Hubbard. Looking back, I firmly believe that no amount of reform will change that entity into anything that even resembles benign.

A day in the life, while on staff
A typical day on staff goes something like this. This is from my time there. It may have altered slightly since then, but I don’t believe it has changed much. Everyone arrives in the morning. Some staff come late, but anyone arriving after roll call starts gets a chit and often has to do amends. The ED or other designated staff does roll call. That person calls the name of each staff from a list. The staff member says, “Here.” The roll caller says, “Good,” and goes onto the next name. Then there’s a pep talk with ronitudes. Then there are exercises. Then someone does Chinese school. Elron disdained Chinese people; referred to them as chinks; like the word wog, which he applied to anyone not yet a Scientologist. Chinese school went like this: a person with a pointer would go over something on a chart or that could be read by the staff. He or she would point at a word or phrase and say it very loudly. Everyone else would repeat that very loudly. Doing this the list would be repeated a number of times. Later on the instructor pointing would just point and the staff would say the word or phrase. There is a lot of stuff that was gone through in this way over the time I was there. Things that were gone over in Chinese school were the org board, the conditions, the awareness levels, the tone scale and so on. After Chinese school we did cleaning stations. Each staff cleaned an assigned thing in their department’s area. Then we had a muster with our division. This was followed with a muster for the division. Then we went on post. We did post until lunch. After lunch, more post until the end of the day. Then we ate supper. After supper we came back only now we were working in the foundation org. Once again, roll call, then very quick musters then back to work on post until closing time at 9 p.m. More often than not there would be other “duties” to perform after closing time. The dreaded monthly all hands mail out was one of those things. Other things would involve extra letter writing, special cleaning assignments, and other activities requiring all hands. None of this stuff was credited to the staff members in any way but it was required.

Every month an org magazine was produced. This consisted of generic material sent by a higher org. That material was cut and pasted along with additional material specifically concerning the local org. This was printed on two or three sheets of paper of different colours. Inserts and other brochures were also obtained and prepared. Enough copies of all this stuff was made to send to all the names in central files (CF). At the time, there were probably six or seven thousand names in CF. There were 70 to 100 staff. The raw material was divided up among the staff. It was the job of each staff member to assemble the pages and fold them into booklets, add the inserts, put the stuff into envelopes and then lick and seal each envelope. Higher ups could get out of this. The rest of us had to put together 70 to 100 of these things before being allowed to go home and this after putting in a 12-hour day.

Reging the masses
I was made a div 2 registrar. I was teamed up with Jana Duncan. I quite liked Jana Duncan for all the wrong reasons: pretty face, pretty voice, nice figure, laughed a lot. Man she was a mess. I think she eventually “got it” and got out, though. I really hope she did. She was my senior but not by much. She would ask a question and if she didn’t get the answer she wanted, she wouldn’t acknowledge. This is “out-tech.” Per the tech, you are supposed to acknowledge an answer to a question and per the tech “I don’t know” is an answer. I suppose along those lines, “I don’t give a ****” would also be an answer. So she’d ask things like “do you have Joe Schwarz’s phone number?” If I gave her the number she’d acknowledge, but if I said “I don’t know,” she’d just walk away. If I had been a good scientologist I would have ‘KRed’ her. (A couple things here in reverse: there never was a guy named Joe Schwarz that I knew about back then. KR is short for knowledge report. When someone does something out tech or out ethics, suspect, or whatever or not but you are in some doubt about it you are to write a knowledge report and send a copy to ETHICS! If you don’t do that, you are OUT ETHICS!) I can see how the knowledge report thing would and did instill a phobia per Steven Hassan. I think it takes a long time for a person getting out of scientology to get over the phobia trigger of the word ethics or any of its derivatives, such as “ethical.” While we are talking about psychology, that branch of healing is governed by a code of ethics. I believe psychiatry is too. Let me just go check. Ah yes, each of those practices has an ethical code of conduct. First item for psychology is, “Psychologists strive to benefit those with whom they work and take care to do no harm.” First item for psychiatry is, “1. Consider first the well-being of the patient.” PR agents of scientology and its front group, Citizen’s Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) rail against psychiatry and psychology and accuse them incessantly of criminal behavior. Yet those two fields are regulated by government rules and agencies, where scientology and its satellite organizations are not. It would be interesting to survey the population at large to see if the citizens are in agreement with commissioning the so named organization.

Back to Jana Duncan . . . When I started as a registrar, the first thing I did was to try to get comfortable in the tiny and badly laid out space I was assigned to. I was sitting there attempting to get my bearings, get comfortable in the space and orient myself with the job at hand. However, doing those things appears, I guess, unproductive. Jan would impinge on me with, “Wieber, what are you doing right now?” I could not stop for three seconds without her pulling that on me. This would occur seven, eight, ten times, or more, a day. This is a brain washing technique that is used on prisoners under interrogation. Jana would probably be hurt if I told her that. One day the fellow who fixed the e-meters arrived at the org in his car, an older model that had clearly seen better days. “Oh, look!” cried Jana, “Joe has a car!” “So?” I said. “So, he can sell it and give us the money.” Some time soon after I noticed that Joe no longer arrived at the org in his car. I don’t know if he sold it, or if he decided to park it where mercenary division 2 personnel would not see it. Rick gave me a list of “clients.” I like to refer to him in retrospect as Rick Schmick, and yes that is disrespectful. It’s intended to be. Rick gave me this list of people with their phone numbers. He told me they were all good prospects and I should contact them and get them to come in to buy courses. In actuality, what Rick Schmick did was unload his junk prospects on me. I believe he did not want any competition interfering with his lucrative income. After all, he was getting a 1% commission on his sales. That’s what registrars in scientology earn for their efforts. They get 1% commission on their sales and no units. For every $1,000 of services they sell they get $10. Oh, there’s some kind of bonus thing for high production but it’s still a load. Every day for about three weeks I phoned the people on Rick’s list. See that’s the thing. You’re always supposed to be doing something. You can’t take a break. The other thing that this is supposed to do is be magic outflow. The ronitudes are “outflow is better than inflow,” and “inflow equals outflow.” The idea is that if you outflow you will inflow. Oh, another ronitude that applies here is, “quantity is better than quality.” The other concept going on is be-do-have. So you have to be doing something all the time in order to have and you have to outflow in order to inflow. The upshot of all this is, here I was day after day phoning a lot of people that fit in two or three categories: A) out of scientology and not happy to be receiving a phone call from me wanting to sell them more of same. B) out of scientology and really pissed off and angry at receiving a phone call from me. C) in scientology but no longer having any cash, credit or assets to go any further with it. Meantime Rick keeps telling me that “when you get hatted . . .” but never giving me the opportunity to go on course to study the hat. Some explanation is in order here. Every scientologist on staff has a hat. A hat is the material that the staff member needs to know to be able to do the job that they have been posted to. The hat also includes the duties of the post. Ugh!

Now that I’m out, I’m kind of glad I didn’t get to study as much of the tech as I would have liked at the time. It means less for me to unlearn. Though at the time it bothered me considerably that I was being denied the bridge. But, hey, there’s no bridge – true.

Just another cog in the wheel
We had an event at which certain people in the organization would be performing musically. One of the women on staff was discovered to be particularly talented and was selected as a soloist. About a week after the event in which this woman just about brought down the house, she received a committee of evidence and was declared an SP and routed off staff with a big freeloader debt. Of course, the committee of evidence was held off until after the performance. There was a guy on staff back then. He was a likeable guy, who had been posted to mimeo. Mimeo is short for mimeograph, which is a type of machine for making copies of things. Nowadays you use a photocopier. At that time photocopy technology was a little bit away yet. This person was always getting commendations from the Assistant Guardian and other Guardian’s Office staff. He left, or blew or something but came back later. He’s still in as far as I know. He told me later that when he was in mimeo, whenever he got a request from the Guardian’s Office he would take whatever he was working on off the machine, fill the Guardian’s Office request right away and hand deliver it. This was good for a commendation every time. Commendations are a highly desired thing in scientology as they help, though not very much, in keeping the ethics officer away. There was another person who was a very large, morbidly obese, sad sack of a man. (Morbidly obese is not a put down, but a medical term. When someone is morbidly obese they are at a very high risk of dying soon.) This guy was doing the HQS [Hubbard Qualified Scientologist] course when I was doing the HAS course. That course has all the stuff in the HAS course plus dissemination material and an auditing process called op pro by dup, short for opening procedure by duplication. I never did that so you’ll have to go elsewhere for detail on it. This person had been around for a while I surmised. He seemed to know quite a bit about what was going on and was quite dedicated (almost) to the cause. He had done some expanded Dianetics. Expanded Dianetics is a form of Dianetics that deals with evil purposes. From what I understand, people get Expanded Dianetics when they have a rock slam. A rock slam is a specific e-meter manifestation that indicates the presence of evil purposes. The overweight guy was treated like a DB by most of the org personnel. DB is short for degraded being. Homeless people you find all dirty, toothless and begging on the street are considered to be DBs. Treating someone like a DB means, essentially, shunning them. This guy could blow scientology any time he wanted to and no one would care. I made friends with him. When I was a registrar I approached him to see about his training. He very skillfully dodged me. I may be repeating myself, but that’s OK. I was doing the night watchman, janitor thing for a while. Everything was going pretty well then entropy took the toilets out. I was told to fix them. I

didn’t have a clue. If they got fixed I had nothing to do with it. Part of my job was cleaning the toilets in both washrooms. When you’re a janitor it’s your job to go in both washrooms. I was in the women’s washroom cleaning the floor. One of the younger women, lower on the totem pole (I mean org board) came in one time. I said I’d wait outside. “Oh no problem; I’ll go in here and shut the door. You go on with your cleaning it doesn’t bother me.” Later, like on another day, I was in there cleaning the floor. One of the women from higher up in tech division and an OT came in. “Get out! Now! Now! Now! Now! What are you doing in here?” Maybe she thought I was doing a lower condition. Sometimes the people picking up the shit are doing that because it’s their job and not because someone has said they were criminal. I spent about three weeks or maybe a month and a half doing the night shift and cleaning the org. No stats to worry about, regular pay, and no one bothering me much. Then a program from Flag arrived at the org. One of the items on the program was to put me back on post as a registrar; actually named me. In Scientology, you get an order from Flag - you comply. That’s all there is to it. Elron says, “Jump,” you don’t ask how high, you just jump and hope its high enough. I get back to registrar land. Within a week, someone in HCO ordered a review of my performance. The consensus was, “useless but willing.”

Long, strange trip emerges
I guess they can't revoke your soul for trying Get out of the door - light out and look all around - Truckin’ by The Grateful Dead One day, I was told to do an interview with an individual. I went in the office with this guy. He was some kind of mental case; he was in really bad shape. This is the kind of guy that scientology doesn’t want anywhere near the premises because they actually need help. He went on about different things he had read from different schools of philosophy, religion and psychology. He was on a complete spin. Finally, I got him out of there. The other guys in the registrar squad had been listening in and laughing their intestines out. We had two guys on basic courses that were routed to me on completion of their communication course or whatever basic course they had taken. I had just read an HCO PL by elron that said people would be coming off services wanting more. Elron said that. Everything elron wrote is absolutely true. The first guy that was routed to me after completing his course was involved in the higher echelons of Baha’i, some kind of Persian religion that encourages its followers to look at other faiths. So he had done the communication course and didn’t want any more. He was going back to Baha’i. Nothing I could say could persuade him otherwise. So I shook his hand, wished him luck

in his future and said goodbye to him. Hardly thirty seconds went by after he left before I was being severely chewed out for letting him go. Shortly after that another guy was routed to me from completing a basic course. This guy didn’t want any more Scientology as he was dedicated to Eckankar and was going back to it. I asked him about Eckankar. It was founded by Eck master, Paul Twitchell and on and on. I’m not making this up. So this guy wouldn’t sign up for another service and try as I might he left. I think he walked out on me in mid sentence. Again, hardly thirty seconds later I was being chewed out for letting him go. Eckankar I found out recently is listed by Scientology as one of their enemies. Scientology has many enemies. Many of them have assaulted me when I was a scientologist. Eckankar had a booth at a psychic fair we had a booth at. Eckankar has a lot of similarities to scientology. Apparently, Paul Twitchell knew elron as a personal friend. Eckankar even has a grade chart. Theirs is much prettier as it is in many colours. One of the frustrating things in getting into Scientology was to discover all the other cults. Here’s a partial list: Process, Krishna, Moonies, Christian Cults, Jehovah’s Witness, Christian Science, Mormons, Eckankar, Est. As far as I can tell the Process Church of the Final Judgment, EST and Eckankar are cults that were set up by people who had been in scientology earlier. All these groups, I find out on reading Steven Hassan’s books, operate in the same manner as scientology. All of them fit the BITE model of destructive cults and all of them have the eight characteristics of a group that practices mind control. (BITE – has to do with control of Behavior, Information, Thought and Emotion.) For those in any one of these groups, the other groups are all hated. However, right now the org of scientology is involved in a multi faith thingy. Turns out the faiths involved in this multi faith thingy are Unification Church, ISKON (Hare Krishna), the Way and others, all of which are identified as destructive cults by Steven Hassan and others. Recently scientology has taken to using the term, apostate. In the seventies that word was never used. Back then, we considered that scientology was the truth and the way and the other groups were cults. We didn’t like them because they were competition to what we were doing and recruiting the raw public who were the ones we would be able to help. The Krishna group got enough money together to buy an old church. They lived together in it and had sufficient wherewithal to feed themselves. So at least they were better off than we were in that they got to eat and had a roof over their heads. I was in the org late one night working on some of the people Rick and the other reges considered to be losers. I said something about thinking of doing something and then putting it off, but I should have done it when I was thinking of it, or some such. I can’t remember exactly what wisdom I was spouting; didn’t even think of it as wisdom. Anyway, one of the guys gets all enthusiastic like he’s having a major cognition. He decides he’s going home to Florida and gets money for his bridge. (The flag land base did not exist yet, when this happened.)

Next day, he’s gone, just like that. “Where did Abe go?” I explained. They were disappointed. They said he’d end up at the Florida org and the Florida org would get his money. Orgs compete. At least they did then. Abe didn't come back.

Things begin to get hairy
There was a Spanish American fellow who had come in and done a basic course and who had been hanging around. I made friends with him. I’ll call him Juan. I don’t remember his real name. Turns out, Juan was quite an accomplished artist. He had done interior design of commercial properties for a living and painted in his spare time. I hope he got out. I took time out, as it were, from trying to sell people things, and decided to spend time with this fellow and just talk to him. He asked me questions about scientology and I very enthusiastically told him about the grade chart. The grade chart is a large spreadsheet type of thing that shows the various steps a person must make to get up the bridge. The bridge is the term applied to getting from ‘raw meat’ to ‘OT.’ There are two sides, the training side and the auditing side. I don’t want to go into it any more than that. I showed him the various stages and the abilities gained parts and explained how everything worked and how the training side was better than the auditing side and how training raised your abilities and other lies I thought were true back then. A few days later he came in with the money for all his training, which was about $5,000. Remember, back then you could buy a big house for $80,000. My registrar senior, Cedrick, had a talk with him before he handed over the money so Cedrick got half the commission from the sale. I had already made the sale but I guess Cedrick thought he had done half the work. Oh, well . . . Cedrick’s still in so the joke’s on him. I hope he gets out, too, but I doubt that he will. Juan went on course. He was scheduled for evenings or something I guess. Juan was a true professional. He had showed me some of his portfolio from when he was a wog and it was truly impressive. However, Juan was hirsute. Don’t bother looking it up. Hirsute means hairy. Juan was a hairy guy. He had long hair and a long beard. I never saw him without his shirt on but I will bet he was hairy all over. In addition to that none of his hairs could agree on what direction to grow in or whether to be straight, wavy, curly or what-have-you. I bring this up, because I think his hairy appearance made him ethics bait for the division one bully’s, uh, I mean ethics personnel. I overheard some of these guys talking about Juan. They were unhappy that Juan wasn’t fitting in the way they thought he should be. Juan was also getting chits from the course supervisor. “What do we do about Juan?” A few days later Juan was in the public area in dirty clothes with a mop and bucket. Juan normally wore an expensive suit with a tie. But on this day, he was wearing dirty clothes and mopping the floor. Cedrick asked him, “What are you doing that for?”

Juan said, “Some guy from division one said I had to do this or leave. So I’m doing this.” Two weeks out of the basic course and division one was demeaning Juan and he was taking it. Man, I am sorry we body routed him in and sold him those courses.

Let the sec check games begin
One day I body routed a woman who wrote novels. I checked her out in the local bookstore and found she had three or four books out there. (No Internet back then.) She took the test and left without buying anything. She told me her name and I remembered it long enough to check her out then forgot it. So a few months went by and then all the staff got called in for what turned out to be a sec check. This was a little treat delivered by the Guardian's Office. There was a small room set aside somewhere in the org or it may have been a nearby building. I can't remember the location but it wasn't an auditing room. I don't remember the route to the place or if there was a waiting room with people outside but I remember the destination. It was a small room with a table on which there was an e-meter. There was a chair for the staff member, which in this case was me, opposite the door. Then just inside the door, was a person who was trained as an auditor and another person with him. They were both Guardian's Office staff members. The point was made that they were not auditing me. Then the questions started. Essentially, what they wanted to know was everybody I had ever met or had any dealings with. They were especially interested if I was ever connected with any psychiatrists or psychologists. I have a very large extended family - some two hundred family members; uncles, aunts, cousins, in-laws, etc. So yeah, there were a couple of psychiatrists in the family and no I'm not telling you who or how they are related. I told those two. So then they asked did I know anyone in the media. So I mentioned the woman I had body routed who was a novelist. What is her name? When did you first meet her? How long have you known her? What is your relationship to her? How often to you see her? What is her opinion of scientology? And on and on. I couldn't remember her name but I tried to be cooperative and recalled what I thought was her name and gave it to them. I later checked and found I had given them the wrong name. I felt guilt then - relief now.

So this interrogation went on for a couple of hours and at the end the auditor who wasn't auditing me said my needle was floating. By the way, the person with the auditor was very much a participant and also asked questions. Fine. Good. Then a few days later I was called back. The entire scene was repeated. Every question was asked again. Everything done the first time was done the second time. Your needle is floating. End. You may leave. Fine. Good. Another call back. This time the answers to all the questions asked the two previous times were gone over and rechecked. Again this writer that I body routed to do a personality test came up. What is her name? When did you first meet her? How long have you known her? What is your relationship to her? How often to you see her? What is her opinion of scientology? Is she antagonistic to scientology? And on and on. It's like this. I was body routing. I body routed her in for a personality test. She said she wrote books. I checked her out and she's legit. I had a relationship with her for all of ten minutes or less. I never had anything to do with her before or after I body routed her in. Gack! Wreep! Fotuud! Your needle is floating. End. You may leave. Fine. Good. Call back. Same routine. By this time one of the guys I body routed with was NATTERING! Interactions among staff were beginning to get edgy and they weren't the best to start with. Call back. Call back. Call back.

Call back. This was the final time. They promised that. The two people doing the granddaddy of gang bang sec checks were visibly uncomfortable and appeared to be just as razzed as the people going through their mill. Again with the writer. What is her name? When did you first meet her? How long have you known her? What is your relationship to her? How often to you see her? What is her opinion of scientology? Is she antagonistic to scientology? Looking back, I am very happy to say that I never did give those two her right name. I just could not 'recall' it. So we got through this final interrogation. I must have had a look on my face that said, 'call me back one more time and I will demonstrate my very good impression of the Incredible Hulk.' It took about ten minutes to get the 'floating needle.' Finally he said, "You're needle is floating." I didn't protest it because I wanted out of there, but for having a floating needle indicated I have to say I felt like a fresh bag of ****. Two or three days later, we got an announcement at a muster where a report from those two was read. They thanked everyone for their cooperation and they did not find any SPs. This called for a 'Let's hear it for Ron' and a standing ovation to his big brother picture. Funny thing though - within six months three of the staff members who went through that interrogation and found to not be SPs were declared suppressive persons.

The well begins to run dry
While working as a registrar I came to the conclusion that the problem I had was that most of the scientologists were on staff. This was the case to the degree that there were very few people left who were not staff to whom you could sell services. The ones that were left were people who didn’t have money nor had other characteristics disqualifying them from getting services, which also disqualified them from being on staff. There was one girl who had completed her basic course and wanted to be an auditor, but didn’t have the money. A sea org member and I worked to figure out how she could get the money to buy the courses. This took a lot of talking and suggestions and running back and forth. Along with this there was scribbling notes, numbers, and formulas on several sheets of paper. The ultimate solution: join staff – good for the recruiter, not for the registrar.

One of the things that were done a lot was to get people to join staff and promise them that they would go into training to be an auditor. Then when the person had finished staff status 1 and signed their contract, guess what? “Oh we’re in desperate need to fill this administrative post over here and you know the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics, don’t you?” It’s called bait and switch. Scientology is a master of this.

A quest for closure unfolds
There’s an interview that was done with Hubbard in England in the fifties. The story is that the journalist asked to interview Hubbard and Hubbard granted him the interview. However as the interview progresses it becomes evident that the one who produced it was old elron his self. There’s a sequence in which as Hubbard answers a question he goes into a bit of a lecture mode. He stands up, walks over to a faux mantle piece that has a gnu hide nailed on it and does a fireside chat sort of thing. Then he goes back to his desk and the interview continues. All the while this went on I was thinking, ‘did elron kill that animal?’ I’ve seen this thing two or three times. There’s a DVD of it now that has been colourized and it is required viewing. Whenever I watched that film, I was fascinated at the way elron moved his mouth when he was talking. It seemed like he put a lot of effort into forming his mouth shapes. There’s something definitely strange about the way the guy talked. While I was in I had this continuous withhold - There’s a scientology term worth knowing. Let’s look that up in the dictionary and get the scientology association with the word exterminated. Withhold is a verb only. Definition 1: to refuse to do or give something until something else is done. Definition 2: to collect or deduct tax from a salary. Ok, so I had this thing that I didn’t want to tell anyone and it’s funny it never got found out in auditing. This held up all the time. In Scientology, there are lots of pictures of elron to look at. The main visual thing you find is pictures of the guy. There’s a whole book of pictures of him. The pictures of him are from his entire life, from the time he was little until his death, but not including the two pictures ‘they’ don’t want you to see. From looking at his pictures this was a guy I didn’t really like. If I had met him at any time when he was younger, I would not have sought him out as a friend. As a matter of fact, I would have gone out of my way to not have any dealings with him.

Contractual expiration reached, coercion to stay begins
I knew the day that my contract ended. I think everyone who is on staff whose contract is less than a billion years knows the day their contract will expire. The day came. My contract is up. I got a visit from the assistant executive director. This guy had been about as unfriendly, nasty, and belligerent as one could be while I was contracted. However, he came on that time as if we were drinking buddies from way back. "So now it's time for you to sign another contract."

"I don't want to sign another contract." The guy got this stunned look on his face, as if he was really surprised that I didn't want to sign another contract. I would like to quote the entire exchange but I can't remember everything that was said in detail. He used every piece of 'tech' that he had in his arsenal: tone scale, appeal to personal responsibility, "Do it for Ron," all the big league sales 'brick overcoat' removal drills, putting me down, intimidation, building me up. I held out. I was not having a good time on staff. I was way over my head with what I regarded as an impossible debt. I was not getting any auditing unless I paid for it and I wasn't getting any training, either 'tech' or 'admin.' Finally, in exasperation he said, "Write up your hat." At that point in time he reverted to his unfriendly, nasty, and belligerent demeanor. Five or ten minutes later, some other high-ranking person showed up. She may have been the recruiter or in the executive director's circle. I really do not know exactly where she was on the org board. At any rate she showed up all friendly, warm, and started in on how not signing up again meant that I would have an undelivered promise. People are promised that they will receive training and auditing on the bridge to the highest level that the 'org' they are in can deliver. Then when they sign their contract there are always reasons why they do not get auditing or 'technical' training. If you are on staff and pay for auditing you will get it because paid auditing counts towards paid completions, which is the Executive Director's stat. I would estimate that of the auditing I received in scientology while on staff I paid for at least 98% of it. The next thing to get through was the guilt trip from the seniors in the division and department. "The greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics is that you stay on post until you get a replacement." Nobody wants to be a body router. So I soldiered on for another nine months. Finally, the division secretary and the LRH comm (Lafayette Ronald Hubbard Communicator) came to me and told me I was free to go. Looking back, I think they were setting me up. (May they remain in scientology forever. Now there is a terrible curse.) About five minutes after that a big wig from HCO (Hubbard Communications Office, division one) came up to me and asked me to go with him. He took me to a little room where the Executive Director was waiting. I was asked to sit in a chair opposite the door. The Executive Director sat opposite me on the door side of the room and the HCO goon stood in the doorway in front of the closed door. (May they both remain in scientology forever. Unfortunately, that curse will not come true as the Executive Director was declared a suppressive person in the massive purge when Miscavige took on the leadership.) This Executive Director was a Sea Organization person and I might add he was also a royal @$$-

hole. Just for the record for those of you who are in the Sea Organization and still 'in' I have a very low opinion of you but enough venting. Additionally, this low opinion I have of you completely reverses at any time you leave scientology. (With the exception of this one particular individual as I still have a very low opinion of him.) For the next twenty or thirty minutes or longer I was harangued by a professional. This guy put me down, cursed my mother and said she was a ****ing slut and the only connection I really had with her is that my body came out of hers. Then he progressively insulted every one of my family members. He went on that if I was to leave at that time that it would be a long time if ever that I got back on the bridge and that he's seen this before. He said that really bad things would happen to me and on and on and on and I finally signed an 'agreement to join staff.' I was no longer 'free to go.' Two weeks later another person from HCO put a contract in front of me and I signed it. I was routed through qual where I was routed onto the OEC volume six course for which I never arrived in the Academy and three months later I received my committee of evidence and was routed off staff.

End of the line
This is where the narrative part of my exit therapy ends on page 79 of a 409 page piece. From there on, I wrote about aspects of scientology that bothered me or that I needed to externalize. I was a public person at the local 'org.' There was and probably still is a push there to get a new really big building for an “ideal org.” To parody Python: "The two main buttons are 'birthday game' and 'ideal org." "And 'make it go right." "Three. The three main buttons are . . ." There were sea organization personnel dropping in frequently to do things in connection with an 'ideal org.' The 'OT Committee' concentrated on this as well. The 'OT Committee' is a mirror 'org' of public people who hold posts and have stats and who volunteer their time and work to help the 'org.' They also have an 'org board.' I steered clear of that group although I was approached continuously to join it. In order to have an 'ideal org' a really big building is needed. This is so that the 'org' can be made to be 'Saint Hill Size.' "Four. The four main buttons are 'birthday game,' 'ideal org,' 'make it go right' and 'Saint Hill Size.'" 'Saint Hill Size' reminds me of a Burger King slogan. 'Saint Hill Size' we were told could be accomplished with as few as sixty staff members.

The funding for the really big building was/is to come from the local 'parishioners.' There was one event that I went to. The admission was about $15 and it was held in a location away from the 'org' premises. Snacks were promised. About twenty people showed up. There were some Doritos, a veggie platter and some pitchers of water for snacks. The door was locked. A number with a dollar sign was written on a large piece of paper on an easel and no one got to leave until that number was reached in pledges. In the blank spots where no pledges were being said, a guy with maybe two teeth in his mouth at the front of the room read 'LRH' quotes from a book he had made. Phone calls were made from that location to people outside and eventually the number was reached and we got to leave. This is also the format of 'IAS' events. They are not fun. Events connected to the 'ideal org' and the purchase of the really big building in which to contain the 'ideal org' were held frequently, about every three weeks or so. Fund raising and pledging were major features of these events. A number of the people in the 'OT Committee' received 'fund raising' 'hat' material, which they studied without paying a fee in the 'org' course room. They had a book, a check sheet and maybe some study tapes. They did drills, clay demos, and all that stuff. Then came my last event. This was an 'ideal org' recruiting event. I think there were aspects of this event that may have been unique to the local 'org' so as much as I would really like to relate them because I'm sure you would find them entertaining I will refrain from it. The kicker of this event was that all the public people there were told they would be joining staff soon and that this was necessary so that we could deliver scientology, 'Ron's tech' to the public. A contract to set that up was distributed. I walked out rather than sign it. I haven't been back.

The rude awakening
I had been away from the 'org' and out of contact for about ten days. At this point I was still "in." I still had a goal of going 'OT.' I wanted the 'ideal org.' 'LRH' was mankind's greatest friend. All of that programming was in place and going tepocca tepocca tepocca . . . Then my relative came to see me having just spent three days intensively studying about scientology on the internet. The PTS/SP course was no match for that quantity of information coming that fast from my relative. Add to that the fact that I was kind of pissed off at the so-called church. I agreed to not do Scientology any more. This wasn't enough for my relative. I had to study what was on the internet. I had seen clambake before. I hadn't really looked at it much and I reported it to RTC (religious technology center.) Now I began reading it. I read most of what was listed on the home page of xenu.net. I read Barefaced Messiah (which really did it for me). I read Arnie's pages. I read the piece on the RPF: http://www.lermanet.com/scientology/gul ... tForce.htm.

Somewhere in reading Bare-faced Messiah, I became an ex-scientologist. At that instant the paranoia came on me in a very large way. (I'll be using the term, "they" a lot here. In this case "they" is a collective that includes a lot of real and imagined scientologists.) They were coming to get me "right now." I had signed the “Lisa Clause.” This meant they could kidnap me and hold me in a place where I couldn't reach outside for help and they could do it legally. (I now think if scientology did invoke the Lisa Clause they would find themselves in a large pile of stinking offal. But I wasn't thinking that way then.) I imagined that a van would pull up to where I lived. Ten or twelve people would get out, break into where I lived and take me away. I saw a lawyer about the 'Lisa Clause.' He was no help at all. He wouldn't do what I wanted him to do and he said that the 'Lisa Clause' probably had some legal authority to it. If I get legal advice on this again, I'll see another lawyer. His response didn't help. For several weeks I slept with a great big hunting knife really close to hand. Gradually this fear of imminent catastrophe subsided and finally it went away. There were other things going on as well but I wanted to convey a sense of what it feels like to leave. Leaving is hard but the nasty effects of leaving fade away and life gets better.

Epilogue - By Jove! It was built that way
Author’s note of disclosure: I'm off the narrative in these entries. This chapter is more of a collection of retrospective essays. When I was originally writing this stuff, it was a way of externalizing it so I wouldn't have to keep thinking about it. What follows is very open to debate, and like everything in my exit therapy, it is my opinion and only my opinion.

Making sense of logical fallacies
One of the core items in scientology is the third party law. Just about everything Elron wrote was a decree or included a decree that this is the way it is and this is the only way it is. This isn’t the case with what is true for you is what’s true, oddly enough. You look at Dianetics – the single source of aberration – the engram, which later is replaced or supplanted with the body thetan. As you study the “tech,” and when I say “tech” in quotes I’m including elron’s entire cult output, you find this characteristic occurs over and over. ‘This is the one and only reason or cause of this particular phenomenon, and there is no other reason than that one. I have spoken.’ I put that in a single quote to show that isn’t exactly what was said. One thing I noticed in Elron’s lectures is that he would start a train of thought or the pursuit of an

idea and then abandon it, go somewhere else and never get back to where he was going with the first train of thought. Sometimes he starts a sentence, pauses and then starts a new idea and doesn’t ever come back to that half sentence to finish it. Sometimes he sets out with a proposition, then breaks it off, and never comes back to it. I’m just wondering if this is a hypnotic technique. The other thing that comes to mind is that in the tapes of the events with the bigwigs the presentations are rife with ronitudes and each of those is punctuated with "elaraitch!" Bigwigs always include David Miscavige and then an assortment of other higher ups. At one event Mike Rinder was introduced. A comment from one of the opinion leaders in the org was “Hey, Mike Rinder’s back. I like him.” Back to the third party law. The third party law, Elron claims, is the single source of all human conflict including wars. (The single and only reason why people leave scientology is because they have overts on it. Ugh! It just goes on and on. (In scientology an overt is defined as a contra survival act either by commission or omission.)) There is a policy, actually a whole series of policies, on the third party law. Like I said this is one of the core items in scientology. The third party law states that when a conflict arises it happens because a third party is setting the two people in conflict against each other. The third party says bad things about each of the two others in order to bring about conflict. As an example we’ll take Fred, John and Mike. Fred would say to John, “Mike thinks you’re a toad.” Then he would say to Mike, “John say’s you’re an asshole.” Then Mike and John would fight and Fred would get the girl. All wars stem from this according to Elron. So I looked and looked and looked and looked at World War II to see if I could find the third party. According to the third party law the third party doesn’t enter into the conflict but causes it and benefits from it. By the way, Elron never gave any examples of any wars and named the third party. That’s another thing that comes up lacking in Elron’s writings and lectures. Examples of things in actuality are rarely presented. If you examine Dianetics there are examples given but they are made up and not based on any actual situation. As a matter of fact my recollection of Elron’s writings and lectures is that most examples cited were hypothetical and not based on any actual occurrence. Having said that, I must qualify it. I haven’t read all of Elron’s writings and I haven’t listened to all his lectures. In reading about mind control and how that works and how destructive cults like the unification church (Moonies), Mormons, Jehovah’s witnesses, Amway, etc. work; I have come to the conclusion that the activity of mind control applied to people in the manner of a destructive cult may well be contributory to most major conflicts. One of the characteristics of a destructive cult is a charismatic leader who holds and dispenses all authority. Now in a single same breath let me list off a number of such individuals: Mao Tse Tung, Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Pol Pot, L. Ron Hubbard, Sun Myung Moon, Osama Bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein. Could it be that the so-called third party law may not be the single and only source of human conflict? Could it be possible that the action of destructive cults has been a contributing factor to many of the major conflicts (wars) in the world?

First there is the use of hypnosis and other mind control techniques applied to unsuspecting victims to turn them into agents of the charismatic leader. Once put through the mind control process the people coming out on the other ends of product of it will then do things they would never have contemplated when in control of their own minds. Now you have a person who will strap dynamite to his chest and detonate it in a crowd of innocent people. Now you have a person who will sacrifice himself by flying an airplane into a building. Now you have a person who will spend hours on the street selling books or begging for money. Now you have a person who will empty out their bank account and work for slave wages. Now you have a person who will put families into a chamber and inject it with poison. Now you have a person who will run through the fields and behead intellectuals with a shovel. Source. Yes, but source of what? Misery, suffering, poverty, enslavement, starvation, collapse of families, racism, elitism, authoritarianism, humorlessness? Those are all things that come about from the application of the writings of L. Ron Hubbard that are collectively known as Scientology. Greatest good for the greatest number? I don’t think so.

Loaded language, overts and ethics
I said I’d come back to overts. Overt in scieno-speak is short for overt act. It means the commission or omission that result in less than the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics. That brings up another scieno-speak term. The loaded language of scientology is like a giant monkey-puzzle. Dynamic is another core principal of scientology. A dynamic is at first an urge to survive. Later it is a beingness. There are eight dynamics. At first these are the urge to survive as: 1. self, 2. sex, family and rearing of children (now changed to creativity); 3. groups; 4. mankind (your species); 5. life forms; 6. matter, energy, space and time (MEST); 7. spirits; and 8. everything. Later these same things become the beingness of them. ‘Ron says it therefore it is so; elaraitch!’ No one ever said, “Is this true? Let’s examine this and see if it really works. Let’s put forward other ideas and test them and see if this holds up.” This cannot be done for two reasons. One is that in scientology you are kept too involved with things to get into such an exercise. (That’s a cult characteristic by the way.) The other thing that prevents it is KSW. Keeping Scientology Working, a policy that is detailed very well in many other places. The upshot of KSW is that elron is the one and only final authority on everything. We’re into Scientology Ethics and all that here. Essentially ethics boils down to what is the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics? An overt is an act or the omission of an act that is not or does not contribute to the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics. Now if you buy that you are now really walking on eggs, aren’t you? This very thing would cause you to introspect extremely quickly, because now you have to assess every single action or inaction that you do or do not do against this imposed standard, which was promulgated by elaraitch.

If you buy into the “greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics” he now has you by the balls. The first dynamic (you) is just one dynamic. There are seven others stacked against you. Anything that would benefit you lies on the first dynamic and may not be ethical. As a matter of fact, if it doesn’t align with the tenets, requirements and orders of scientology it is unethical. If you don’t give all your money, possessions, time and effort to scientology that is an overt of omission. Further than that the arbiter of your actions as to whether or not they are ethical is not you. Any action or inaction that you do or do not do could now be punishable. Got you!

Use the Long Form
Author’s note of disclosure: This is offered as one additional thing to do to get through to cult members and to help rehabilitate their critical thinking capacity. The method is theoretical and may or may not achieve the desired results. Nevertheless it is worth trying. The quote shown here is from George Orwell’s 1984 and is taken from the essay on newspeak in the back of that book. “Even in the early decades of the twentieth century, telescoped words and phrases had been one of the characteristic features of political language; and it had been noticed that the tendency to use abbreviations of this kind was most marked in totalitarian organizations. Examples were such words as Nazi, Gestapo, Comintern, Inprecor, Agitprop. In the beginning the practice had been adopted as it were instinctively, but in Newspeak it was used with a conscious purpose. It was perceived that in thus abbreviating a name one narrowed and subtly altered its meaning, by cutting out most of the associations that would otherwise cling to it. The words Communist International, for instance, call up a composite picture of universal human brotherhood, red flags, barricades, Karl Marx and the Paris Commune. The word Comintern, on the other hand, suggests merely a tightly knit organization and a well-defined body of doctrine. It refers to something almost as easily recognized, and as limited in purpose, as a chair or table. Comintern is a word that can be uttered almost without taking thought, whereas Communist International is a phrase over which one is obliged to linger at least momentarily.” In the loaded language of scientology, referred to as scieno-speak, organization becomes org; distribution secretary becomes dist sec; executive director becomes ED (most people say “ee dee.” Hubbard himself used Ed as in Ed Sullivan); in charge becomes I/C; counter intention is CI; facsimile becomes fac. This brief selection of examples is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg as it were. I haven’t seen, heard or read about any experiments done to confirm or deny the truth of what is stated in the above quote. However, when dealing with the Church of Scientology International one finds that many words, concepts, organizational titles, practices, organizations, and on and on have been reduced to abbreviations. On the speculation that what Orwell has said about abbreviating things is true, then one could make a practice of writing out things in full, (unless

directly quoting). I will recommend that people writing pieces about any organizations that practice coercive persuasion also adopt this practice. If it is true that abbreviating a name alters its meaning and bypasses the thought processes, then by writing out or saying the name in full and making reference to such things in full the result should be to revitalize the thought processes of those who originate and receive communication about such things. This would perforce require in some instances the rephrasing of certain remarks and statements. For example, “I was com-eved,” cannot be stated as “I was committee of evidenced.” One must think about what one is saying and say something along the line of, “I received a committee of evidence,” or “I was subjected to a committee of evidence,” or some other such statement, which would tend to make a more accurate and clearer picture of some events. At the same time one can see that using the long forms of these things would force one using them to fire up more of their atrophied synapses. For an organization that prides itself on increasing the intelligence of people exercising their intellectual capacities to greater effect should be considered a good thing, wouldn’t you agree?

The wonders of word clearing
My first auditing action was Method One Word Clearing. At that time it was priced for the service, so you paid the amount and the action was done to completion for the price. Since then that was changed and Method One is now delivered at whatever the price is per intensive. So you don't have to go anywhere else for the information, an intensive is a block of auditing that is twelve and a half hours long. When you are in the chair being audited those twelve and a half hours go by extremely fast. My auditor was a young man who had a background in television or some other media like that. He had the puff hair, the batman jaw, the mellifluous announcer voice and everything. We got along but at the same time we didn't get along. I think that we were each secretly asking each other "What the hell are you doing here?" It's like the question resides there but never gets asked and when it appears it gets pushed down. Then whenever you meet you have to go through the process of suppressing what you would say if it weren’t out ethics to say. There may be an aspect of this going on inside the cult because I found that most people when they were off the job were not amenable to being sociable. I don't remember the exact sequence but I think part of the setup prior to getting to the word clearing was a sec check. The only thing is that when you are getting auditing you paid for it isn't called a sec check. I can't remember the details of this except that the questions were along the line of 'who do you know? What have you done? Have you ever . . .?'

At some point, I described a situation where several people pooled their money to buy some hashish at a good price. I was the one who collected the pool of money and went to see another guy who took the money and went to see someone else and came back with this big ****ing brick of hash that we then divided up. And when you finally got your piece it wasn't as big as you thought it would be, but you still didn't feel ripped off. Sorry for the run on sentence, but I couldn't get that out any other way. I did that one time. The auditor then accused me of pushing drugs. Of course the accusation was in the form of an auditing question and even though it was evaluative, the 'tech' did not allow him to rephrase the question. Method One Word Clearing is done as an auditing action. The idea is to recall every misunderstood word you have had in your education and then look up that word and the word chain associated with it. A word chain is like this: You look up the word "egg" say and in the definition is the word "chicken." You misunderstand the word "chicken" and this prevents you from understanding the word "egg" so now you look up the word "chicken" and you find that you misunderstand the word "rooster," which prevents you from understanding the word "chicken," which prevents you from understanding the word "egg." Now you have a word chain. Method One took about three days to complete. The dictionary used was the World Book twovolume jobbie that Hubbard had at some point endorsed as being THE dictionary to use. I once said to someone in charge that the org bookstore could make some extra money and save students some running around if they also sold dictionaries. Jesus, I didn't know I was blaspheming. So we reached a point where all the lists and questions didn't produce any answers from me or any 'reads' on the meter. The auditor said we were done. I wasn't happy with the result. The needle didn't float at the examiner. The auditor took me back in session and we went through another list or two. We tacitly agreed that we didn't want this to go on any longer. I went back to the examiner. My needle floated. I wrote my success story and routed onto the next auditing action, or went on post. That auditor had a girlfriend in the technical division - more than a girlfriend really - not actually officially married but they should have been. Later on, his girlfriend had a committee of evidence and was declared a suppressive person. He went with her. I hope they are still out and live happily together.

The sycophantic surveys
I’d like to tell a bit about surveys. Within the tomes of the OEC (organization executive course) volumes one will find a series of HCO PLs (Hubbard Communications Office Policy Letters) that delineate scientology’s survey technology more commonly referred to as ‘survey tech.’ Surveys are done extensively within scientology. From my view and in my opinion this aspect of the ‘tech’ is misused, used improperly when it is used and mostly not used where it should be used. Having said that, Hubbard’s instructions on this subject when followed exactly may not

produce useful results. One of the situations where this ‘tech’ is abused is at scientology events. When one goes to one of these gala affairs, not only does one find one’s purse, wallet and bank account raided by ruthless fundraisers and registrars but one is virtually forced to do surveys. One gets a written survey that one must fill out and hand in. One also is asked the exact same set of questions by a staff member before one can leave. No matter the event the questions are always the same questions. I guess no one on staff or involved in the event ever thought to look at what the event was about and design relevant questions. Few people on staff ever did surveys. It probably would be useful to post people in public divisions to do surveys, but that wasn’t done and probably isn’t done because a person doing surveys does not directly produce income for the org. An exception to this was the LRH Comm or Lafayette Ronald Hubbard Communicator, who regularly did surveys. Our org had a day LRH Comm and a foundation LRH Comm. These were always some of the more attractive women in the org who were fully trained and interned auditors. They would come around with their clipboards and approach staff to survey them. This provided a pleasant break from the routine since no one messed with the LRH Comm. The problem here was that the LRH Comm would always write your name and post title on the survey for which she was asking questions. As a result the answers I always gave conformed to the party line whether I agreed with it or not. Most staff responded in this manner. We loved big brother and were not going to disappoint him with off policy answers to survey questions done for him. One day the LRH Comm had questions about staff pay. The correct answers to this survey were that staff pay was good and that the policy for it was as it should be. This was despite the fact that most of us were undernourished and had difficulty paying rent for the places where we slept. One staff member, who was a director in the technical division, had some suggestions about pay where staff would receive a kind of minimum wage. She had quite an extensive system of pay equity worked out that would combine a pay that would look after basic needs combined with a system that would reward the staff who were ‘upstat.’ It wasn’t long after that, when she received a committee of evidence and was declared a suppressive person. Whether that particular survey had anything to do with her committee of evidence or not, I do not know, but there certainly was a time frame correlation. Then there was the time we managed to do a survey and produce a promotional hand out from it. This took extra effort on the part of all involved, as the survey was done on our time, not on org time. I wanted to do the survey and produce a promotional piece for the personality test. Another individual in the division was in agreement with this. The ‘survey tech’ was read and we method nined it. (My word processor doesn’t like scieno-speak any more than I do as it just flagged ‘nined’ as an error.) Then I worked out a series of questions. This was checked over by the other staff member in on this and the division secretary. We then

recruited several other staff members and some of the ‘public’ that were hanging around and went out and surveyed about a thousand people in the streets in the vicinity of the org. Then the other staff member and I processed the surveys to get the ‘tone’ and the ‘buttons.’ In scientology when one does surveys, one observes the emotional response with the answer to a question and writes down the tone scale number with the answer to the question. In processing the results you look for specific words that repeat, topics that repeat and then you add up the tone scale numbers and divide by the number of surveys. The specific word repeats are ‘buttons.’ These are supposed to bypass the social veneer and get to the person. The topics are points of agreement or ‘affinity’ and the number is the emotional tone. From this information one can then work up the wording of an ad promoting an aspect of scientology that will use the words found from the survey and at delivered at half a tone above the average emotional tone observed by the surveyors. From all this we came up with the required information and wrote up an ad for a handout. This had to go up lines with a CSW (completed staff work) to get approval. Add three days to the process. The CSW came back disapproved with a cramming order on a policy called ‘Seven Points of an Ad.’ This meant going back over the survey material and rewriting the ad to conform to that policy. Why this wasn’t pointed out to us when we started doing the survey, I’ll never know, because the fact we were doing this wasn’t exactly a secret. Five days later we submitted the new ad with the CSW and after another three days it came back with notes for changes. These were made and the ad was resubmitted and eventually came back approved with a comment from the LRH Comm at what a good team we were. The handout copy was added to the workload of the guy doing the printing and about eight days after that we had our brand new totally on policy handouts promoting the personality test. Several thousand of these puppies were produced and handed out. In total I think we got six responses, where people actually came in for the test because of the handout. Speaking of surveys - I have noticed that surveys in scientology tend to be more threatening and coercive than information gathering. This goes right back to the earliest days when I was selling books where a survey was used to gain entry to a person's personal space in order to force a sale of Dianetics on them. During that time the members of the bookseller team must have collected thousands of survey results that were discarded and never used. Editor’s note: For former members of the Church of Scientology who have inkling to blow charge on all the fruitless surveys they had to endure for destructive purposes, please consider participating in the Church of Scientology Exit Survey for a constructive means of gathering publicly available data for documenting the most troubling aspects of the organization’s practices. For more information on this project see the Exit Zone project index.

Homophobic tendencies and enabling bigotry
“If the auditor is processing anyone known to have been in continual association with a 1.1, he can readily and rapidly assemble the pattern of aberration of this unlucky preclear, since it will consist of the surface display by the 1.1 that all was being done for the preclear's good and a continual and insidious underhanded campaign to hit the preclear at his weakest points.” - L. Ron Hubbard, Science of Survival, 1951 pp 177 I want to talk about homosexuality. This is foreign territory to me. I am not gay. I do not really understand those who are. I am sorry for this. When I am talking about homosexuality I am talking about its manifestation in men and women. When I was younger I had a fear of . . . No, that’s not quite right. I had a pathological fear of homosexual individuals. Unfortunately this led to behavior and attitudes on my part of hate, loathing, and non-communication with such individuals. In the cannon of elron’s writing we find his opinion (contrary to his opinion it is an opinion and not a fact) that those who are homosexual are stuck at an emotional level of 1.1, what elron termed covert hostility. He made a list of emotions in a particular order and to each emotional characteristic assigned an arbitrary number. He himself stated that the numbering of this chart was arbitrary. The numbers on the chart range from minus forty to plus forty. The emotional levels, called tones, range from total failure at the bottom to serenity of beingness at the top. This chart is called the “tone scale.” It was developed soon after Dianetics and written extensively about in a book called ‘Dianetics, science of survival.’ Later on the chart as detailed in this book was expanded into its current form. Since elron is now dead, it is unlikely that any more work will be done to this chart. (From recent occurrences I could be wrong about that.) The concept of such a scale could be a very useful tool, if it were subjected to analysis, experimentation, scrutiny, and testing of a scientific nature. That is unlikely to happen. (Since I wrote that I have changed my mind. I have come to the conclusion that the tone scale as delineated by Hubbard essentially reflects the worldview of a psychopath as regards other people and their emotional responses to what goes on in their lives. The only use most of the writings and lectures of Hubbard are that they give one a greater insight into the twisted logic of a person without a conscience.) To the emotion called covert hostility elron assigned the number 1.1, or if you will, one point one. In a way this chart puts all of human emotion into the realm of newspeak as quoted earlier. Not only does this bypass the thought process to a large degree. It also tends to bypass conscience. At least that is my observation. Those who become more and more adept at the concepts in scientology tend to become more and more callous, contemptuous, and less empathic towards their

fellows. It was my experience, generally, that those who were in the group made no effort or attempt to help their fellow scientologists, who fell upon hard times or got into trouble. On the contrary it was my experience that most scientologists manifested a kind of predatory behavior towards their peers. When someone did falter or get into difficulty the general response was to further deprive that person, steal from him, cast him out and so on. I am speaking in generalities here, but as I write more and more of this narrative and discussion, particulars will emerge. Those involved in scientology tend to focus an inordinate amount of attention, thought and discussion on the emotional tone labeled covert hostility or one-point-one. I am going to commit the high crime of giving you unquoted data. I’ve been doing that anyway, but I am here admitting it. There is a list of high crimes in one of the policy letters elron issued. One-point-one is the emotional tone of the suppressive person. The suppressive person, according to scientology technology, is stuck at the emotional tone of one-point-one. This emotional tone is also the emotional tone of those who are evil, sexual deviants and, are you ready - homosexuals. By the way, homosexuals are also, did you know, ‘stuck’ at one-point-one on the tone scale. I have known many homosexual individuals. Paradoxically, I have unknowingly known many homosexuals. By that I mean that I have known people who were homosexuals but I didn’t know that they were until later. I have examined my experiences, interactions and memories of those whom I have known that I now know were/are homosexual individuals and put them to the test to see if they were all ‘one-point-one.’ Sometimes they manifested behavior that could be construed as covert-hostility. But it has been my experience that those individuals who had this characteristic tended to manifest a large variety of emotional expression. There are several well-known individuals who are scientologists who have careers as actors. Among them are Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Jenna Elfman, Giovanni Ribisi. It is my opinion that these actors, who are scientologists, owe the majority of their career success in the entertainment field to their physical appearance and not their acting abilities. This despite the idea that those who have achieved high levels in scientology training and processing have improved abilities and that these individuals have access and working knowledge of the tone scale. It would then follow that such individuals should have great emotional range, understanding and expression that they can bring to the characters they represent. One needs only to observe their performances, which are readily available, to see that this is not the case. On the other hand, when I look at those performers who bring depth, breadth, believability, understanding and emotional range to the characters they play, who is it that I find tends to have the legs? The person I was thirty some years ago would hate to say this, but I will now. Those actors who have homosexual leanings tend to be among the very best in their field. My opinion of who the best writer in the twentieth century was and is Truman Capote. One of my teachers who taught writing in college had us read a short story by Truman Capote. His diction was effectively and deceptively simple. Within three pages of reading what he had written he had me literally in tears. I cannot remember the details of what I read but even today when I think of it, I choke up.

The only writer I know of who was also a scientologist is elron. I have read some of his fiction and seen a film based on one of his fictional novels. I found his writing to be full of clichés, repetitious, simplistic and ultimately disposable. When stacked up with other pulp writers and science fiction writers he can take his place near the bottom of the stack. Truman Capote was gay and probably the best writer of the twentieth century. That’s my opinion. You want to disagree that’s fine. But before you do, go read some of what he wrote. I have to state something else here, assuming that this will eventually be read by others. As I stated earlier what I am writing here is about my experiences and my opinions. I am not stating this stuff as hard and fast truth, though it may be to me. You, who are reading this, are completely free to disagree with anything I state here. As a matter of fact I would be extremely gratified if you would take my opinions and chew them up and spit them back at me. I only ask that when you do that, you apply YOUR thoughts, YOUR opinions, YOUR standards, YOUR experiences, YOUR ideas and not the thoughts, opinion, standards, experiences or ideas that are imposed on you from other sources than yourself. The tone scale is used in scientology as a diagnostic tool. As the entirety of scientology, in my opinion, was created to benefit elron Hubbard, the usefulness and efficacy of his writings generally and the tone scale specifically becomes questionable. As an artistic tool, the tone scale is apparently a complete washout. It apparently fails to give a competitive edge to those scientologists making a living in the arts. At the same time those individuals involved in the arts who are not scientologists tend to manifest greater control over the emotional content of their output than those who are scientologists. Since the tone scale, as delineated by Hubbard, does not help those artists who are Scientologists. And since the greater skill in using and manifesting emotion rests with those who do not have access to this tool, it can be put forward that the tone scale is not the best of tools for use in human relations and in diagnosis of the human condition. Further than that, study and subsequent use of this tool looks like it would probably be a complete waste of time and effort.

Editor’s note: for further reading on the cult education resources the author used as supplemental references for his do-it-yourself exit therapy journey, please see Wieber’s Reading Lists on WorldCat.

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