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THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. A COLLECTION OF ANONYMOUS RANTS. FALL ‘09.
Rants collected during the days of NOVEMBER 15 to 19.
DAYS 1-5: BEGINNINGS
Rants collected during the days of NOVEMBER 20 to 29.
DAYS 6-15: MIDDLE & END
Notes on PROJECT PROCESS and ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
DAYS 15+: CLOSING NOTES
EDITOR’S NOTE PROJECT PREMISE
NSPIRED by PostSecret; the Freudian defense techniques, the law of closure, and other psychological theories, The Words I Never Said (WINS) is a college project rooted in confession. The point is simple: to admit the words never said to someone for closure. Participants were given three guidelines: rants would be anonymous and could be sent through e-mail, Facebook message, or posted on the Facebook group’s wall; rants should be one paragraph minimum; and rants could contain language as long as the language was justified. All rants received were edited just for punctuation and typos. As an editor, I made a point to preserve the rant’s language in its entirety. All rants received from November 15-29 can be found on the following pages.” -ALYSSA BAILEY
he Words I Never Said was launched on Facebook November 15. These are the rants received through email, Facebook message and posted on the group’s wall in the first five days.”
no? Perhaps th at’s why g at such an irls e there to te ll them tha arly age: to have so seek t they’re b meone Easily con eautiful an vincing co d me ming from a guy.” Dear Dominic dating that chick from Lo Monaghan: Please stop st and date me.” . She made a mistake — that does not mean you have to tear your relationship apart. I love you both so much. Yes. You were my best friend for four years. I will not take sides. never to have to experience a broken heart. eard those eau words refe mouth of g rring to me tiful.. I never will. sometimes it still hurts. “I alway s wonde red what to have gu it was like ys call you to b ‘hot. I hate to see you two apart. To two of my good friends: Enough is fucking enough. I thought I was going to marry you. You know I never wanted to and if I could go back to the way it was before everything happened to make me change how I feel about you. I would. Even though I’m an honors student too.’ ‘cu I’ve only h te’ and ‘b e pretty. it isn’t fair. I thought I was going to be the lucky girl whose first boyfriend was going to be the one for her. To the girl down the hall: I know you’re an honor student. perh an it. Even though I see how much better off I am without you. she should have fought harder to keep you as her friend.. I am not going to call myself smarter than everyone who isn’t. I’m sorry I hurt you. We all know you’re an honors student. FOUR YEARS.’ irls.04 “To my ex. aps?” . Open your eyes and then maybe you’ll agree with me. But what you’re doing now. have your kids. “I miss you even though you were never there. the word m the accu of a girl boyfriends rate.I was wrong. Come fro to think of is pretty in it. Even a blind person can see that you both still care for each other. And no matter how much you want me to agree with you.
You love fall. the colors are so astonishingly beautiful.” To Fat People: Would you please stop wearing skinny jeans? I don’t think you un derstand the concept. just like every computer background and New England postcard argues. look. is fall. it’s breathtaking. no.BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. boots. a shirt and my coat. So all you people who love the “crisp cool air” and the “gorgeous leaves” can just cry in your little corner with a box of tissues next to you. Allow me to correct you. I get it. IT’S A LIE. No. The leaves are not fun. You know what else I love? Huh? Variety. GOING TO MED SCHOOL SO THAT THE MED STUDENTS CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT GROTESQUE DISEASE YOU PICKED UP WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED THAT CATERPILLAR IN THE LEAVES. Splat. the boots. There are maybe three or four days in fall when the clouds clear up and blue is visible. Going to Med School that one. You know why? Because with fall comes FLU SEASON. the world loves fall. Because the leaves are too SLIMY and FILTHY and FULL OF BUGS to poof anywhere! It’s more like splat. . that never happens. they all love fall. What kind of weird cult family rakes leaves together and actually enjoys it? Whose Kool Aid have they been drinking?? And the poof? Yeah. Oh. The scarves. The colors are there for all of one week. brown. there’s the idiot who thought it would be a good idea to dive head first into a heap of rotting foliage. he loves fall. And this whole family raking of the leaves then jumping in them and they go poof. no. everything is brown. I’ll admit it. But then. only a few days later. The air is cold and so dry that my skin begins to resemble a desert. the golds. The reds. Because only in fall and winter do I wear the exact same thing everyday: jeans. “The air is cool and crisp. Okay. and when they’re dry. Euch. the jackets. the leaves are so much fun!” says the ignorant person. I’ll just shrivel up and die like everything else in this godforsaken season. no. Hallmark did it. every time you step on them they burst into millions of paper thin pieces. DAYS 1-5. the dark greens. they stick to your tires and make driving hellish. the gloves. And “It seems to me that everyone’s default favorite season then there’s the fashion. And the leaves. The leaves are DEAD. When they’re wet. brown. get into your shoes and then you have to walk home with leafy gravel grating into your feet. I love all of these things.
Even though I first met you When I was a young. innocent. I took the tests optimistically. “When I grow up. in retrospect. While I admit that your Hatred of me may have been born From the childish antics of My friends and I. bitter. And obnoxious child. It’s what I did best. and you slobber ALL over the hallways. I barely know you Beyond your first name And your job description. Despite the fact That we had never been close. Please let me. I will always remember The way you told me. I almost was. And your job is to make sure That I did. Please. Academics were my thing. GET A ROOM!” . I hadn’t paid what I owed. and I’m tired of seeing you two with each other. I worked hard every night to master the material. That’s fine since I don’t care About your life either. Your snappy reprimands And cutting voice Ruined my day. ‘This is getting old. I worry now about my grade.’ I will always remember The way you stared at me. I wanted to prove my old teacher wrong and do well in your class. But 0. Your constantly cloudy mood Had never affected me before Last Friday.” To a teacher: Ode to a Cranky Front Desk Worker: “You don’t care about my life Whether or not it is experiencing A high or a low. I want to prove I am just as good as she is because I know I am. Today in class we all did poorly on the test. I need you to do more than teach. and I’m afraid of doing even worse in your class. I want to be The exact opposite of what You grew up to be. Old maids. but knowing that SHE was good enough saddens me. You wounded my feelings Worse than they had ever Been injured before.” “I don’t think you know how important this is to me — how important it HAS been always. Not many people Like mean. But then I wasn’t good enough.01% away from being good enough. I only want to tell you this. I need you to reassure me that I am capable.” “You fucked behind the school.06 “Your ignorance speaks volumes about your character. But in the end I was disappointed. I know it is hardly anything to complain about. Expecting me to solve The problem of my debt. You’re not a cute couple. that I am smart.
ev though ever yone pu . DAYS 1-5. ything wa You lef t thinking ever ill not. No rejection nversation. nutes. I don’t thi lesught me the painful world. Without even a seco nt. I cr “To every single girl who has worn leggings a s pants on this campus: Leg gings are not pants. no boy has vulnerable. Even life you tore to shreds it was my heart and letter full of bright ile on. and I just ac s OK. I don’t thi pu I ever worked for. Because it ta was my d my ever ything Because that thing gh — that my best an rk isn’t always enou was nothing I son that hard wo as entitlement. I wrote you a lef t. Bu been years. and yo . We were “frien words. But what you di You’re not a bad pe ever done to me.” And then you ted. And do think you know teacher: I nk yon’t ew how in just five minutes you To a u kn you . when ever yone else that it was ever ything ever ything to me — was Snatched. you I trusted you and tho wn. Out in that hall in mi One conversation. There There is no such thing above and weren’t enough. nd thought. beyond always.” . beneath that ve ep do t I don’t want to because I knew de u’ll never know. You don’t look good in them either. I didn’t want to hu ht I could be open ug were neer of power.BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. you idiot! I th ink you must have one pair of pants in your closet. And I put a sm ds. even though I went ng I did was enough en though could say. no friend e. pretend anymor d in that one co e the way you di anyone’s ever dented m d was the worst thing rson. and nothi t their bets on me. me nded how much you hurt hended how I defe n’t think you compre how that broke my heart. every tear I mea ied that day. It’s letter. I do nk it ever struck you t you down. It’s st rt you .
but if you’re a cruel person on top of that.. Spreading your legs with a . you seriously need to reassess what’s going on in your life. I shut you out all there is much as harder than any of the rest of them. er my have the potential to be a really u have too m . and I hope that you have a life filled with happiness and that your pain goes away. No. My best friend doesn’t care that I get diagnosed with a disorder that makes me sad and upset and irritable and you just . to care. I guess. You You w . You would know about all my doctors. You were my first and will always be special to me. And in case you didn’t know. Every one of my friends thinks you’re sketchy. and your sister in a very awkward situation unnecessarily. my boyfriend. If you cared. “I stopped talking to you because you didn’t care. raw. how I feel about : een girls my medications and how I hide evose tw To all th on. and you tossed it on the floor of my car. But because of “Get s insec to it. ch drama. I’d have told you it got better and then a lot worse. All of that was mildly acceptable while we were friends. Remember the day that I told you about my depression.. you many atch too are actually fat and kind of ugly. . I’d have told you about my struggles with suicidal thoughts and my issues with anxiety. I’m not sure what kind of a thrill you’re getting out of this.” DMX: There’s no reason to start drama. I wa you. It was just too hard after everything that had happened between us. the way you treated me. You’re also kind of about mys rries wo gross. I moves over it. and I would have loved to take you back. but movies. And you have a fat nose.. wounded part of me. would have let you in.I got ov pretty girl but that would require you elf.” d all too dress on is just disgusting. but you’re putting me. ignore me. not as sure. the way you ul you sho eat makes me feel ill and you kind of smell bad. sitting in my car in front of your house? I’ll never forget because you didn’t care. That’s erything from the rest of the world.08 To my first: You meant so much to me.. You’ve said that it’s my fault we’re not friends anymore.. I handed you the most vulnerable. Life ure.
and ave but on you are no e t her. I w figure out your excu ill not allo ses to dam w age my tr mate goa ail to my u l. Does that make me her? Or was I this girl from the very start? Is this blurb that I’m writing at this exact instant nothing more than a puddle of deceptions? Who is really to decide when right from wrong is so undefined?” THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. I will sho g an arrogant w rance. I hav life decisio e made m n. How someone can throw away a lifetime’s amount of dreams for a world full of emptiness is beyond me. DAYS 1-5.” “You took everything from me.. y the hand the little n to uances of reality. Disappointing is the word now associated whenever I see your face. Y ration of y ou are insig our nificant. To the ex boyfriend who used to be D1 basketball player before quitting to join the party scene: “I have lost all respect for you. I h child.” . I used to be in awe with your strong morals and dreams. I w ill provide proof of your ignothe noose hang you rself and for you to the decla stupidity.. She’s a liar! She’s a fake! So . ltihoweve when y r. an d I will trea you as suc t h. I will. she deserved it.. She never should have lived. Now I can’t even look at you in the face without wanting to throw up. I canno y t help you I will not g make you uide you b rs. and now I’m the one paying for it..BEGINNINGS “I hate her. point ou are out bein imbecile .” “I am no t your m other. I hate every word that escapes the beautiful threshold some people call a mouth . why do I insist on saving her? Why do I continue to risk my true happiness to save her from drowning in her own pathetic lies? No one fucking believes me anymore. I hope someday you grow up to see the big picture.
” nex t do or. buy more and more gas for it to waste. and one needn’t constantly check up on it to guarantee that it’s working. we reading a life an .I am an Oldsmobile. hen I di I’ll be waiting.” . The Cadillac has horrible millage. It is much more reliable and dependable. look at the bigger picture. but it’s all anybody could need and is actually superior to the Cadillac. how many people keep that Cadillac? How many of these Caddie are still in constant use? Barely any.. non-aerodynamic behemoth. It’s just that not all drivers realize this. And of the Oldsmobile? To many: Please stop whining. it’ll be waiting. still reliable.. dn’ you t sa as .10 “Everybody wants a Cadillac. But is this necessary? Why does one absolutely need these things when the Oldsmobile is fine enough and actually better? And. and be grateful for what you do have.” an ds b sw eca er u wa se yo s y u li es ved . The Oldsmobile gets far better millage than the Cadillac. d care ab You thin out your re j ca k I pathetic don’t. you should really step back. be we rumors. Many merely overlook and ignore these flaws for the sweets of leather and surround sound. “W And yet all the drivers just want that expensive Cadillac. still trucking. Who wants something that one always has to pay attention to when one can have something indelible and guaranteed to not let you down? The Cadillac is a big. Life will seem shorter and happier that way. Your life is not as terrible as you would like to believe it is. But is it the car that one needs? What of the Oldsmobile? The Oldsmobile may not be the car that everybody wants. “If you use the words ‘gay’ or ‘retarded’ out of context once more in my presence. one must constantly attend to it. and you’re so upset about some miniscule thing? Whenever you start to feel sorry for yourself. in ten years. boxy. It’s the car that people aspire to have.” y a ked nyt “You pe hin me if op stop sp le need to get g . Still working. When they realize that all they need is that reliable Oldsmobile. Some people are born into countries with civil war. they know it is. I’ll do more than smack you.. but it is a hot ride. Y little life ou are us ust but I the las on my et frie t thou mind s ght o get ov he n er yours elf.
who always seemed to have a line of witty repertoire that at once flattered and humored. Love. and want you to miss me a lot. but the only ause every t you bec ore. My visage was constantly ap- propriate to being at the deathbed of my best friend during the weeks that followed. But I miss you. DAYS 1-5. I die in .BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. One of you even started dating a girl I had to sit next to every time I ate lunch. me all my nd been kind to d for me a ght me is to “You have care u have ever tau thing yo ime you are life. “Do you miss me? You slammed the car door as you stormed out of the car and away from my life. You two taught me the reason half of the songs on the radio are about broken hearts and failed romances. Me. just a little. I don’t recognize your personality anymore.” To all the boys who have broken my heart: It’s taken so long to get over the two of you. It seems like ages have passed. The time I could have spent having fun and meeting new people was wasted on thoughts of you. Thank you for making me stronger. I want you to want me.” be nothing like side a little m cruel to him . You taught me the reason I should stay away from boys who seemed a bit too smooth. It was not easy looking at her face. You taught me how to be the girl I am today.
but rather the sadness at the fact that you didn’t care enough to show it. I wanted you to. . Please just hear the You made me love you then hate you. and you said you loved me that day in the park. You don’t understand girls. We talked about it. It will take time. words I don’t say and read the words I can’t write down. to say that you’re sorry.. I wish you knew how much I had been trying all this time. The words “I love you” aren’t words I hand out to just any old friend.. You don’t believe me. “I don’t know why you did it.12 “I still do not understand what is so difficult to understand. In the meantime. all within this short span of time. Later. and I hate that. I did too. and you were being a boy. We promised we weren’t going to fall in love — neither believed in love in high school. We were in love. and you were too busy to notice or care. you still have not figured out that hearing your random drunk hook-up stories tears my heart more and more each weekend. you have made me cynical. Boy woos girl. Read between the lines.” . So I’m waiting. I can’t imagine it now but maybe. I’m not one of the boys. I am too afraid to tell you straight forward because I am too afraid you will reject me. the false memories scare me. I don’t love you anymore. But I’m too stubborn to beg. I want to say I hate you too. I want you to come to me. and it’s not insecurity that caused me to worry. I want to be friends — to go back to how we were. I believe that you did. I just want to be able to talk to each other first. Girl cries. Boy meets girl. you said I had given up. I was being a girl. and everyone knew it. Now. We were sickening. but I’m scared. and now you hate me.” “Dad. tried a break. I wanted you to notice and care and show that you loved me. sitting in my car parked at the corner of your street. Boy loses interest. I resented it. For some unknown reason. But I hope you’re not mad forever. I had been hoping you would.” Then I had enough. but I don’t want this to be the end of us. and I am certainly not going to be the girl who just listens. But we defied our own expectations. and I don’t know if I ever can.But I don’t. That I had not cared enough to try. I know you think it’s just a funny story. I hope you still care for me too. and that afternoon. So what happened? You got busy. I don’t know if anything is real anymore. I really do love you.
I hope you know that even though we’ve both moved on. I’ll sit here waiting for someone else to distract me from what could have been with you. love me. or if we are doomed to resort back to the comfort of friendship. I can’t believe I let you slip through my fingers. you still have that special place in my heart. and it’s ridiculous.” To her: “You said you always hated me. SHUT THE FUCK UP! We all know you’re a liar.. and you s “I’m sorry I treated you like crap. shut up.. We compare notes on the stories you tell. “I wish that you would notice me. Yet I blamed you. Maybe one day we can reconnect. or talked or anything else I did. ted g you ever wan hin “I was everyt s?” ettled for les . DAYS 1-5. and I hope you open your eyes to the pain you cause people. You said you never liked the way I looked. You opened my eyes to the ignorance in this world.. Ever. I wonder why you like me. and things will go back to the way they were. but I was scared. Even if it could be true. but until then.” “I think I love you. I will still care about you. That’s all. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me.” “You’re a liar.” But you never had a reason. Like honestly. I know you scare me. question why you care. I’m sorry I never gave us a chance to be as great as we could have been.” you say. and that no matter what..BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. Just . I wonder if this time and this place is nothing more than a segment — a chapter — in both our lives. I wonder if something this good can truly be forever. I don’t believe a word . and you were the best thing I had going for me. and it was all my fault too.
my heart dropped. you’ve made me question myself as a person because I actually care about being thoughtful toward other people. You’re not worth the stress. You put yourself in these situations. is a problem? Thanks for apologizing and buying me a new one though. Melanie? She seems pretty cool. I hate you. I have never hated anyone. feel like I’m “Please stop making me ions. All I got was you turning it on me like I was some freak because I care about hygiene. I hate your friends. arrogant.” .14 You are the worst person I know. Ugh. It’s a defense mechanism.” “Please stop fucking slamming your closet doors at all hours of the night! We can hear every time they open and close.” To my roommate: “I’m scared o f this friends hip. and I have no sympathy for you. I can’t wait to never have to see you again. bottling it up and then blaming your unhappiness on me when you could have brought it up. Why do you think I won’t notice you rummaging through my top shelf in the bathroom with all of my private stuff? I hate your need to always have something witty or clever to say. self-important. b ut I don’t wan t to get hurt. You know what also makes you mature? Never speaking up about what bothers you. So you just walked in the door. Oh. but I feel like we’re spend ing all our time together. just because I have a good relationship with my family does not make me weak. Get over yourself and Brendon while you’re at it.” looking their personality ove “You are living proof that intelligenc e and common sense don’t always go hand in hand. really. You’re a coward. they are also self-deprecating. careless about yourself and others and worst of all. And why can you not understand why using my toothbrush TWICE. Congrats on never talking to your parents: that makes you so mature. But we have mutual friends that I love. Except Kelly — I like Kelly. and obnoxious. You are selfish. including once while you were sick. they’re some idiot for my own decis my own life.. It’s not th at I don’t like sp ending time with you. And screw you for not having the balls to tell me you’d been searching for a place. It’s only been a few months. This feels like so man y other friendships that turned into some thing else and ended so badly. and you don’t have any substance below all of that. but at least try to be honest and deal with them instead of fucking random guys on the weekends and then complaining about your life. You’ve been nothing but a bitch to her for no reason. you didn’t. I hate that you have this terrible effect on me.. like I did the moment I decided we couldn’t live together anymore. and I’ m terrified of that h appening again . my own. Also. and I can control o should be Maybe it’s not me wh r. I know you’ve got your problems. and she was totally right not to accept your apology. wait. Nobody cares. I can’t wait ‘til you’re out of my life. It makes me stronger and is not a fault. self-deprecating. Also.
But HELLO! I have seen you accidentally eat food with dairy in it. Even worse is when someone tells you what happened. and you SUDDENLY become ill. Oh. I’ve seen you at times when you’re such a bitch.” YO “You seem like the perfect angel. and it doesn’t bother me. THEN PEOP D ATE REPEATE NOT H MIGHT U. I know.” BULL! I snuck cheese into the pasta dish when you were over at my house! I snuck A LOT of cheese into the pasta dish and guess who didn’t get sick?” “YOU BHE DUM HAVE ASK T SI ESTION WOULD U EST Q . But honestly. “You are not lactose intolerant! You are a spoiled child who wants attention any way you can possibly get it.BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. OR ST KF JUST LI ’T HAVE TO AS BE N O WOULD NGLE POINT T E I L EVERY S . and you get sick if you eat dairy. IF YOU YOU ARD EVER HE EN IN CL ASS.” . and NOTHING happened. and you eat it like it’s going out of style! I know what you are thinking: “It’s just one of those things I can eat. and by the way: WHIPPED CREAM IS A DAIRY PRODUCT. Maybe you don’t realize how you sound? I wonder who gave you so much authority that you consider yourself above everyone else? NO ONE. I know. DAYS 1-5. you have a doctor’s note.
So what ex ds forevactly is your de finition of “foreve It’s surely differe r”? nt than mine.. I wish I were that guy who played Superman. I will always be that person not afraid to take the risks in knowing you as no other guy does.” <3 though. can you plea if you di anything ver going to be now? If we’re ne w. You’re d better things no w. ever yone else clue. I promise not to bother you. kills me.. Accepting the hardened idea that feelings are not reciprocated. But I guess this is my chance to let everyone know now. After five years I broke up with her because I made her depressed and suicidal. and all you could come up with was “he’s gay.” “I’ve known you for the longest time now. and we once had something that nobody will ever truly know. I will never truly understand what you were going through. Five years. hang out with. I’m starti ng to think id those words to satisfy yourse but you have no lf at the momen idea how much t.” To a friend: be so wwww can you “Howwwwwww r four years d you fo blind? I’ve love gh you have no t I still feel as thou now ye could n. I’v let me know might be ain that there over and over ag ing for sure. And why? Childish fears.. a life that you only sa time. and I have felt the void that exists when she is not an active part of my life. When I sa id forever.. let’s say.. Once I broke it off.16 “We allow ourselves to fall for that selected female friend who enriches our lives in ways we cannot begin to articulate. and that’s why you told me. Bu you need me. We made the promise to each other that we’d be best frien er. No matter the situation or the conditions. you turned completely around and became someone with no originality . then just what we are no more than ing e gotten the feel . five years. a million red M&Ms forever and always. Could yo se say somethin d.. I just never understood if it was for attention or the fact that I couldn’t be friends with any other girl. You don’t throw that at your boyfriend’s face and expect him to rebound from it in an instant. Not in a sense of what was. t when I’ll still be her e. but what I do have to say is that I will always love you. I don’t know you anymore. Not know something I love you. I th ought it meant so along the lines of mething . Picture your best friend of the opposite sex. it actually meant of f to bigger an to me. . you know the one who could never do any thing wrong.” You could have respected me enough to tell the truth. I mea nt it. And I fear the day when no longer can we have the current relationship because a stranger seems like less risk. Then I could have saved you from myself . D stand in your way on’t let me . more. but what could have been. invest yourself in. But I wish I did. and I sincere happy because ly hope you’re you don’t need me anymore. The real reason I broke your heart. Someone you talk with. I have that best friend. In grade te if you could or u? And g see it.
To a friend:
THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. DAYS 1-5.
“It’s hard to fathom what to say to you. I like to say I
can read people, but you don’t make any sense at all.
I know she hurt you, and I did everything I could to help you get through it. We always talked and became way too close, way too fast. I’ll never understand it. But I fell for you despite all your shortcomings. I tried to help you because I thought if I was that reliable girl, the person who was there when you needed them ... well, then maybe you’d see I’m someone worth taking a chance on. You deserve better than her, and I
thought for a long time I could be that person.
You’ve always been sporadic though. You stopped talking to me abruptly, and I’m letting go. We never talked about what was going on with us. I was terrified to. It’s your apathy and logic. It’s the fact I had no idea what you thought. You told me you hadn’t decided with me yet. But I guess you made your decision now. I think this is for the best. I hate the effect you had on me and how little I mean to you. But you still mean something to me, no matter how much I wish you didn’t. I’m a nice girl, and I deserve better. For some reason though, I can’t stop caring about you. I’ll say it was because there were sparks. I
hope you felt them too.”
you. All we really need to do is talk yet it’s so difficult.
want just th e “heys” anymore. I miss
To a friend: Please come back into my life. I don’t
of nted to be one “I always wa ls.’” ur ‘pretty gir yo
“Everything reminds me of you. Songs we danced to, places we visited, memories we created. I can’t get you out of my mind, and right now I want just that. I don’t want to spite you. I want to forget this bad time and get over you. I hope it gets better. Do you feel this way too?”
You’ve done nothing to deserve it. You smoke, make sarcastic comments, and woo them all. You don’t care. You could not care less that countless boys have fallen for you. You just wear your fishnets, short skirts, and tight tee-shirts, as you talk in a nonchalant fashion about your love of video games, and they fall at your feet. All three did. The first, you messed with for a year. I don’t know him well, but his heartbreak makes me sad. The second, the same. He matters to me because I can’t help think that I was a rebound at least at the beginning. He says he’s happy it turned out this way. But this is love. It doesn’t just turn out. It’s not supposed to. It’s “I sing supposed to be a result of fate, not convenience. I helped him Judy ask you out. You said no. He fell out of like (not love) with you and into like Garland’s with me. I felt like a replacement. I was always jealous of you. I still am, but ‘The I don’t know why. I don’t play video games. Ever. I don’t wear tight shirts to Man show off my curvy short body. I’m tall, thin, and flat. I don’t fit the mold you that Got left behind. And then he, the third boy, fell for you too. This time, you went Away’ in further. You accepted his offer. You are so pessimistic about relationships, the shower. but you said yes. You made him happy. So happy that I think he’s blind to She gives an incred- your faults. You don’t know. But in all honestly, I think you really ible perfordo. And I hate that you don’t care and will continue to break hearts.
mance of that song in A Star is Born.”
“Why are you so perfect yet not at all?
Heartbreaker, I wish you’d stop.”
To the girl I’m keeping secret: “We know we want to be together, but there’s someone keeping us apart, so maybe we can be with one another after you get rid of the one thing that stands between us.”
To the smarties who think they’re better than I am:
“I’m not going to stick my head out anytime soon. Just you wait and see. I’ll be somebody someday. So keep on congregating with your cliques and acting like the own the world. The walls have ears, you know.”
“Stop pretending that you’re so perfect and holy. Hating gays and Muslims doesn’t make you a Christian; it just makes you an asshole. Maybe you should try to be a little less judgmental because everyone’s sick of your ignorance.”
THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. DAYS 1-5. “I just can’t wait to get out. Thanks for everything, but
s to th d 10 days t ee month “It’s beenyouhrymore. You told me, a month ancouldn’t go an u
e day since I told
use yo you I didn’t love e anymore beca I don’t need omised couldn’t talk to m ere now. You pr ago that you with what we w you you anyld me be okay me at all. You to on pretending to have couldn’t talk to more.” felt you now, now, I to tell me if you haven’t. And back. And you king me if I know would come Facebook, as in a very messaging me on sponded to him your best friend e you haven’t re want to becaus again. I don’t where you were to get into this ep sendt want ymore. I can’t ke long time. I don’ e. I can’t do it an you’re ’re aliv let people know worry if you ails telling you to se, only gr y em friends. But plea ing you those an me. Talk to your y best g this to you. I miss m alive. Stop doin healed. I miss y. I hope you’re u will too, one da talk to me when , and I hope yo I’m with ing on e and see that friend. I’m mov ck and talk to m lf. Just be come ba to hurting yourse that when you drive you back won’t elf.” someone else, it py for yours r me, be hap happy fo
Blo bo oesn’t to be fu“You irritatendeWheyn: you try me. He d “ nny, when you try in try serve upwhenryyouyo to be ANYTHto be coalnswolaysg,end de ING I ang at u. H av yo you.” m u had; YOU’RE theen’teyothuatnototiced this?! Of course on ld
me I overreact to uch af ter all. Sa dly nothing I sa o y clicks in that br yours — that shel ain of tered, prejudiced brain of yours. O the way: just be h, by cause a girl has more experienc with dating than e you DOES NO T MAKE HER A WHO RE!!!”
“I hate that you silently judge. I hate that he tells you every-
thing. I hate that you’re so concerned with analyzing it all with your simple mindset about base human intentions and motivations; you forget that this is complex. This is the most emotion I have ever felt because it went from great to awful. Perfect to saddening. I hate that I can’t go to English class anymore without knowing you’re judging. He’s told you everything, I know, from his biased point of view. You’re going to look at me when I talk to any other boy even if it is just friendly. Especially if it is. You don’t know me. You don’t. I don’t pretend to understand you, but you seem to think you do.”
You kept leading him on.” . don’t randomly jump to the next person you see and start up a conversation with him. but uld have. why don’t an attempt to ta you just stay something in ke in your dorm stead of just and sleep or sitting there your compu and playing ter? The class video games is supposed to do something w on be for people w ith their lives. There’s a reason why I don’t come up and talk to you. It ute fun. no hat If you’re you’ve got goin g on. Then you pretended it meant nothing. he smiled. you win a med e that’s 10 years al. It makes y ohol or cigaou feel fa Why do nta you tell pothead stic.” es during class and “This is all new to him. you sh and you’re not going ould have drop to even tr y to lea ped the class b not the most inte rn ack when you co resting class. not gonn speak a a tr y it. He hides it well. you know ER and OVER how to beat a st Congratulations upid video gam . I walked right past you.” “It brings “Pot is fan To eve r yone: me to shame to know that so many people are so less fortunate than you and would kill to be where you are right now. You’d probably ignore me as soon as you see a “better” person to talk to. Serious it’s f us at least make ly. If YOU come up to me and talk. I felt like a mean girl. You flirted. but I love him and so I hate you for what you did to hurt him. ho sits in the “Ok. smoke? s Why do n’t you tr not to It’s a me y it fi dicine in a few sta rst? there’s n ot te to weed one death attrib s. a matter w kes you feel be It’s tter. acting as if what you have is nothing and treating everyone like crap to make yourself feel better. Now stop pla pay attention lik old. It m ’s victimless d .20 To my “friends” who are social butterflies: It really annoys me when you can’t seem to stay put in one place. That’s just rude.” To the perso n w t not a kil ler like a astic. It’s lc rettes. bumping into your shoulder purposefully. You are a flirt and a flake. seriously. and ho actually want we’re all tr ying grade while you’ to to pay attention re sitting down th and get a good ere in the FRON And by the way. and here you are. and he was crushed. don’t gainst it. can s. Stop messing with boys. front row du do you really ha ring chem: ve nothing bette play computer fo r to do than ch otball the whole eck Facebook time in class? If anything. and playing com you at least s puter football th top doing the AGAIN? We e same play OV get it. I am never like that. ying stupid gam e the rest of us. At Homecoming. but you do not mess with him and not feel my wrath. He’s afraid to approach other girls now. the other 150 o notes. so it turns out. then switch back to me as soon as he leaves. . T ROW playing if you do plan o computer game n just sitting there whole time. Sure.
” “Since when does everything have to be about you? You’re disgusting. or screams while you’re talking. ever punish them. a new couple on each seat made for two or even sometimes made for one. It cannot be remotely romantic to sit next to a dorm building and make out with your girlfriend while listening to the sounds of grumpy teenagers complain about their exams or their smelly roommates at 8 o’clock in the morning. crawls on the floor. Who knows. I realize I am scared to confront you because I have to see you again afterwards. but the world doesn’t want to see it. You’re a user: you take without asking and assume everything is your domain. and the next time someone cusses at you. You are a spoiled. Trust me. we might even begin to respect you. I have so much to argue about that it will seem like I hold grudges . it is not the same thing. No one can have fun if you are not. give him a referral. Please. DAYS 1-5.BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. self-centered brat who only cares for people when it’s convenient for you. throws supplies. Of course I’m quiet and compliant and never care about cleaning up your mess. not what the group wants.. Please value that. Mazel tov for finding a guy or a girl who is willing to display a theoretically meaningful gesture in front of the world. and get a room when you’re awake!” . moves his seat. I correct the student. we all do. but that doesn’t mean that I appreciate you leaving one for me to clean. dedicate even more hours to stressing about the school newspaper and in the end I get asked if I’m on yearbook. but that doesn’t mean that you have to be spit on in the process. I know you want to be liked. No. who just replies: “Oh. “One bench after another.” No. and I don’t know how you will react to me.. I care so much. There are so many times where all I’ve wanted to do is punch you in the face and leave. but how else am I suppose to get you to understand how I feel?” To the doubters: Journalism is not Yearbook. but I know that is not the way to solve our problem. do yourself a favor. the day you hand out that first detention slip will mark the beginning of an entirely new era — the frustrating chaos that you currently have to deal with on a daily basis will no longer exist. Go back to sleep. hell. I work hours and hours per week. It’s not fair to those of us who take your class to learn. Do you not realize that nobody wants to see your tongue shoved down someone else’s throat? ‘Cause I am pretty sure I speak for most people: you are mistaken. same thing. “Could you please take control of your class? These kids treat you like complete shit! You know that their excuses are lies and yet you never. and when you are it has to be the fun YOU want to have.
I’m ted side of yo ng and talen world the stro “I confess that I like you. and we tr out what people ab self.” ers put you always let oth l yet “Why do you talented individua re a strong and down? You’ your spirit. As I watch her. for both of us. I am human because of her. “I have never known this kind of love. There are no words adequate enough. step up and sho asking for you to u. but her young life outweighs my own. You’re ridiculous. and it is. I thought that you might give me my first kiss a while ago because I was so comfortable around you. I know I would give anything for her happiness. but I like that personality of yours. You ers break down th lk you always let o when people ta p for yourself du e all can need to stan ughing it off. see you’re sad and defend your u have to step up ere to fight your to help. but I almost think I’d like to cross the boundaries at some point. but I’m intrigued by you. There is something more. To say “I love her” is mediocre at best. I do not know when it happened. and nothing has happened. I just think you are cute in a nonconventional way. But I like the attention. through her and for her. we really are. Briefly. We’re friends. I value our friendship. Would you object?” . Look to our other friendships.22 To the small town girl: By definition a friendship is a relationship. Things are different with you in a way that only makes sense with you. away from a typical friendship. My eyes are now open to experiencing everything with her. She is my world. enjoyable. I have begun to exist. for her to live.” fends you. I look at her. I’m not harboring feelings of unbridled lust. W y you and stop la bad about say. just so there is no “what if” involved when we go our separate ways. Could you be satisfied with the relationship I have with your friends? Or how about my other friends? I fail to believe that sort of relationship would be enough. Just to see. So I hope we dance at Prom. Each relationship unique to the two people it involves. That was lacking with him. and I have tried. and I don’t want it to. Not enough to make a move. and I gasp with the effort to contain my feelings. but yo ys going to be th lwa deSomeone isn’t a er and one that So as a bystand w the battles for you. Unexpectedly and without intention or cause we moved together. I was wrong. Since her entrance into my life.
e hurting us. I trust you more than I trust my family or my friends. So ple anything id. n able to get thro we’ve bee rhear you say fore. Things have love y ugh them. DAYS 1-5. I wonder if you notice mine and feel a moment of a special connection. How we all got so close. but ou. don’t for you.BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. To the runner with the knee brace: When we run in the morning and cross paths. I just don’t take it anymore you can’t ving. you. I love you girl s. when I ove There urting yourTILL plan on h that you S t you decide tha n a day when self o . you’re the reason I’m al ive today. you’r I d to be honest. just maybe . t er: To my brolizhhow much we u rea e I don’t think yo been hard. I thou the only perrs ago. When you nything stup do a g yourself — e not only hurtin do. If e is worth li ed that get it. It hurts me over To o. so. so much. but I value our friendship so . I am not three yea who would do ho loves you and son w ase. M aybe. An you’r m’s crying anymore of Mo can’t take too much. I admire your knee brace every time I see you. I ha ve no idea. br Im et you girls on th e Internet during one of the lowest lows of my life. All by a knee brace. Lif ght you realiz anything. <3 them: I love you. .
I’ll never be the same again.” all of this. devotion. I wish I had taken him by the shoulders and shook him and told him that he is is so extraordinary.. te the world. I should have told him that in a month. I wish I could have argued. told him why he was wrong. I don’t know what would happen. wish you could be happy h you as you think they are. and I worry about you . I don’t ever want to cry in front of you or anyone we know. that it would all work out beautifully. Please do this. You’re also the most insecure person I know. (Though I’m never dating another Christian again!)” . here stand the devoted. I wish I had told him that I would adore him. in a way. unconditionally affectionate friends who never push for more. a year. that’s the beauty of us.” “I like to think I’m always improving or at least changing. and I hope you overcome it. I still remember how amazing it was for months and months. that we weren’t so different. and I’ll never forget all the good you’ve done. I should have said that I wouldn’t try to change him. and I’m sorry that my opinion makes you nervous. You don’t think you’re capable. Ever. It’s re“I wish you didn’t ha e so young is already so ally upsetting that someon the good in people.. he would wish he had said these things to me. but if I wasn’t .” “I wish all my words hadn’t left me when he said he didn’t feel the same way. We are all wor king to get you to step out of your comfort zone.” s: Never lose hope. said he should reconsider. And I think that. Thank you for understanding that for as long as I live. and love from our friendships than our relationships. so smart. I wis No one is as mean Maybe it’s beyou are. five years. That he is so witty and smart and kind and engaging. but in others. Thank you so much for that and guiding me through a bad year to make me who I am today. but take my You’re beautiful. I’ve been there. I don’t agree with some of the things that you’ve done.24 To my fellow dreame r “Thank you for understanding that I don’t ever want to talk about it. I’ve fallen back on who I was. I would treasure him as he is. could see how beautiful e a hard time with you’re young that you hav cause word: life gets better. Has society jaded us in such away that we proclaim the need to fall in love with our best friends yet choose strangers for the fear of being hurt? Is it not the idea that great love comes with even greater risk? Yet. But you fake confidence until you get it. You’re so smart especially in math. That I would make him laugh and inspire him. To her: “How uncanny that we as humans expect more loyalty. In some ways. But it’s not going to change. so wonderful — why does he set the bar for himself so low? I should have told him that he would not have disappointed me. I wish you could see with the simplicities of life. I wish I didn’t have to be so cold and distant with the things that are happening to me and the things that are truly important to me. As crappy as it got in the end. I jaded. I don’t know why you don’t believe in yourself.
I love you.” BEGINNINGS ny time matter how ma sister’s room will it my room. mommy. It was just us for 10 my room? It’s nge years. Nothing will change that. I know I need a job. It’s not like I’m NOT trying to get a job — I’ve applied to a bunch of places. but if you don’t do something soon . Then you got remarried. However. I love you. does everything she can to not be home. enough is enough. spends 3/7 days at home. But I’m starting to think it isn’t true. my and now it’s never be mine. <3 . I need you back. DAYS 1-5. I need the mom you used to be back. who’s 20. I know you keep saying that you’ll lose him before you lose us. “Mom. You. And I need you. We’re closer than mpty nestcited to be an e most families are because of what me have ut can’t you let happened to Daddy. I don’t know what to do or how to tell you that you ARE losing me. b go so weird to Catherine. “ not really hers e “Why don’t you stop worrying abo ut what everyone else does with their li fe and start thin king about how you live your life and how you make peop le feel?” To my mom: First and foremost. I always have. I just get TIRED of all the nitpicking. ither. I know that I should be doing something other than being on the computer. Me. who’s 22... and I always will. “Mummy. I know that I’m overweight and need to go to the gym. It’s not like I’m sitting on the couch every single day. the one who smiled and laughed and didn’t spend her days mad at someone. me and er. you I know you’re ex know I do. you lose me just a little bit more.eep in a stra home and sl no ge room. I love you. I will have to. And ed in a stran b s you call THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. And I don’t want to be the one to break up your marriage. Everyday you agree to give it another try with him when you KNOW its useless. I need you. I know you’re trying to look out for me but sometimes. You don’t need to be telling me these things every single day. Your oldest daughter. some days. I only have you. doing nothing — I do go to the gym at least once a week when school’s not crazy. Because I have nowhere to go.
Aft uess I’ll never er you gra d I hope w e keep in uate. want y touch.” re all of my like “the dra n’t want to igno cause I do think the idea put up with it be our boyfriend. I’m to “I hate to admit it. I’m more open to people. I depended too heavily on you. and we have gott lately. You need to .” now th thank y at I ou for b always wonder what w e could be like. it’s only drama because YOU make it drama. I have fun. Speakin borderline gross together is of you and him o . and h I like an o brother to me at tim lder es. Because w eh o? NO. derful pe .” . My life has been completely boring and drama-free ever since I kicked you to the curb.. You and malice you iends evenly as between fr and leave tribute your time h your boyfriend Y wit spend ALL DA hy? You don’t ind. I se e you wit her. Stop tellfriends. we on ll. t anymore? ven call you tha Ie Bestie: Can ent time together since you got toWe’ve barely sp listic virtues make friend. bu en a lot closer tIg know. Your idea boy g with your gether with the ridge.26 To my ex-friend: I have never regretted ending our poisonous friendship. what you two d ing me about o insecure Honestly . I just everyone else b You think I d ma. since your shrill voice can pierce through anything) that our school is the school with the most drama. I prom well. and by the way. Not everytendencies to ove AKE A JOKE rds: T you. Three wo tended to insult says to you is in ne learn to disthing that everyo ise.. and it wasn’t healthy. you are a wonrson. I’m more laid back and I don’t have to waste time and energy striving for your attention. I make mistakes. I only regret not doing so sooner :) Oh. PLEASE. Hun. I g of y . Thank you not so very much. I ou to k eing a to make me smile ble time even all the when I’ve had a horrible d ay. the other day I heard you say (as the whole class probably did. but I really like who I’ve become as a person in these past months. You’ve b een “I could ne tell this ver you in pers since. Thanks for helping me see it was time to let go. That alon off a b to me want to jump very word said eact to almost e rr .
You have never once apol ogized for anything even when you caused fights. you’re the best friend ever. I can’t talk to my family about some things. but you girls are my rocks. Knowing that no matter what happens. I love you and may TFH live forever. did n’t speak to me for weeks. but I never hold back from TFH. I understand how powerful of an emotion that is. DAYS 1-5. To a friend: I’ve known you forev er. So metimes it’ll feel like we’re sister s and then you’ll tre at me like someone who isn’t worth y of your friendship. but relationships are NOT the cure to what you are feeling right now. It’s not like I don’t understand — you always com e back to me and when yo u like me. As you all know. Even if we never find Atlantis. What I don’t understand is why you can claim you are in so much pain when you are cheating on various people. What you do. I know we all met through Facebook. I know that you are less ce rtain of yourself than you act. find some other way to express your feelings? To my girls from TFH: You girls are my life. . I wish you could see that. How can you just do that? Do you not know how painful it is to watch you to do this to innocent people? I hate to say this. you girls will be there for me. but I am fed up of th is hierarchy. So thank you. an d this is your way of showing it. It needs to end. and spread stories abou t me. You are lonely.BEGINNINGS To a friend: THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. does more in terms of support than you know. and I’ll always lov e you. Thank you for being my best friends when I needed you all the most. it hurts me as well. I know a lot of people think it’s weird that 17 girls from all over the world can have so much in common and still be friends over a year later. But please.
My friends joke that we are destined because our brief relationship was straight out of a movie — saying goodbye in the rain. But I also don’t remember you. As it is. I miss you. rival families. four years have passed.BEGINNINGS THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. Last summer you wanted to see me. I hope you feel the same way about me. or I guess so sparkly vam me pire this tim e? This piece shit so . We will be eighteen when we meet. isorder. We are completely different. I hope for a happy ending to this movie. It’s hard to b thin d ou are very goo ou sometimes. both of us. so we talked. I love d e patient with k. I know we tried. I wrote you a letter and included my email address. DAYS 1-5. And four years of separation by the Atlantic Ocean. Y y ot die. I love st Thanksgiving fish la re somethough I’m not su you. I hope it doesn’t disappoint. I want to ask you if you remember me as more than a pretty face. Is it the 19 50s again or w when is it ok hat? Since ay of me deem as ‘a classic’ has abso lutely no taste or intellig ence for that mat ter. of the Fish C hing my betta ank you for watc Th break. You wanted to travel to see me.” To him: g Recipient the Deservin To are Award. we’re Facebook friends. Either that or they ’re all just a bunc h of sexist idiots. It feels so distant. from age fourteen. I hope you haven’t changed and that I still like you. Now. walks in the neighborhood. I can’t wait. even r your bipolar if it’s you I see o times I you anyway. “The world needs to get over this ‘Twili ght phenom ena’ binge th ey’ve been on for the past year beca use it’s making me nauseated. at making fish n for a woman her entire lif to give up e for a man.
” DAYS 6-15 .MIDDLE & END “T hese are the rants received during the final ten days of the project. Any rants received later were included on the Words I Never Said blog. They begin at November 20 and end on November 29.
I can’t belie ve you think I am unjustly self-ce ntered. I always want to say. too different. What’s the use of me pretending I like it when I don’t? You know very well that it’s something that I can’t change. Ultimately though.” just want to live akes me wonde r what you say about m e behind my back. but I’m not so sure that this a bad thing.” way you can reco ver from a breakup is by saying shit about th e other person until you feel better about yourself. I want you to understand how to be happy with what you have. it’s perfect ly fine for me to be self-cen tered.. When you start talking about my academics and how you’re so disappointed.” I want and who mes to who I date . Don’t what’s right an out bad going to turn You me that it’s all to be unhappy. good and pe always been ck enough and e been held ba I’v a little. ‘Why don’t you live for yourself?’” When you complain how you can’t touch me because I get so annoyed. Don’t judge me or the peop le I chose to be with. and that’s the only reason I don’t talk back to you every time you lecture. St tell d wrong. But w hen it co to date who is best for me. Our goals and our perspectives are just so different . Yes. I am go ing “I’m mature enou gh to make my own decision s. But I also understand where you’re coming from. I want to tell you that you had way too high expectations to begin with and was so possessed with the fact that I was going to turn out EXACTLY how you wanted..” . I just want you to realize how I’m not a bad daughter. you can’t possibly expect me to act like I was back then... I want to say that that was when I was LITTLE. n that I’m going and hat’s going o don’t know w really you has rything for because eve rfect. I confess I can be self-centered at times. It m “I hate that the o nly “Th an ky ou.” “Please what just let me do telling me op I want to do.30 To a friend: The distance has torn us apart. “When you ask the rhetorical question of ‘Who should I live for now that I’ve given up on you?’. just not the perfect one.
I should have always been able to go to and you should have been there then in ways that I will never let you be now. But you can’t take it back. Dad. You will never again see me as innocent because you yourself are the one who stole that innocence. But I can’t do a single thing about it because it would break her heart. and things will change. DAYS 6-15.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. I don’t think I will ever find love because I will never again make the mistake of trusting a man. but it will never change what you did. There is a residue of blackness that your eyes and that camera left on my body that will perpetuate my life forever. you have robbed from me the ability to feel at home in my home. If she knew you what you had done. how could you take from me the one thing that a father should have protected?” . It’s too late for you. You were the one man that there should never have been question. “There is nothing you can do now to ever make me trust you again. now. What did I do to make you think it was okay? What could I have done different to have prevented everything from happening? But more than anything. I hate that you try so hard now to be better. you think you can just pretend like it never happened and maybe I will forget. never cleaner. And now. what you are capable of doing. you find a way to give me back everything that you tainted. You give back what you took from me. I will never be able to hug you and feel clean. Showers will always make me feel dirtier. she would live the rest of her life hating herself for everything she never knew. Your mind will never forget what your eyes have seen.
” . What happened to us? Where did you go? When you started dating Christine. Move on and stop bugging me. and no one cares. there was never anything. hoping you would explain my wrongdoing to me. arrogant... I wish I knew if you did or not. What. Screwing around with Jenny during Twelfth Night? I hope you know all these girls REALLY liked you. but only by comparison to the lack of talent in our school. You can’t act. Getting high with a friend that was sent away to rehab in another state? Cheating on girls? We used to be best friends. just one of the best we’ve got.” “Stephen. And one day accept that I apologized endlessly for something I didn’t even understand. they have feelings too. Let me tell you something: YOU CANNOT ACT. annoying people I’ve ever met. and I can tell you’re only here for one thing. Don’t be so mean to them. I don’t want to talk to you every five minutes.. I hope you have a good life going . Cheating on Christine with Sydney during Jukebox. The Stephen I knew would never do the things you’re doing. You play with girls’ emotions and move from girl to girl within a few weeks. I really liked you. But you’ve let it go to your head. Started saying mean and horrible things about me — to my face and behind my back. I don’t know why they hand stuff to you but they do. you stopped talking to all of your friends. And I hate you for it because you of all people should know that I don’t need that. Just because you have ‘stalkers’ doesn’t make you awesome. You got a whole new set. you’re a good singer . Get over yourself and find someone who will put up with you. it happens. They hand stuff to you because E loves you. You suck. I didn’t need it then. I hate you.32 To the girl from kindergarten/first grade: I hope that one day you can forgive me for what you thought I had done to you. Until I found out who you really were. Now? Not so much. You used to be the sweetest kid. You are by far not the best male singer I’ve heard. And yeah. didn’t you? Too bad the kids who knew who you really were weren’t included in that. and I don’t need it now. I don’t care what Liv says. You left me completely. You think you’re amazing at everything you do. At all. You’re a jerk. You think you’re so cool and you’re not. I hope you know our theatre department was completely free from drama until you showed up. Who the hell are you now? diot!” re an i “You’ “I realize that you’re hurt but get over it. do you need a new girlfriend every show? Christine during right after the Boyfriend. And as much as it’s not fair. You are possibly one of the most pompous..
you take me for granted. You knew everything about me that I showed you. But now. and every single time. I said you were my best friend but yet in the end. I lied. You ignore everything I say. you’ll come up. Despite al you bed. So th a led me to be even better. give me a hug and say you’re sorry. You don’t think that I’d ever have the guts to end our friendship. DAYS 6-15. The fact that potential I ha allowed me to lieved in me then l now.” be so successfu I’m sorry for everything. that I faked because I thought it would make you happy and in the end. I wish you would come to your senses and that things could go back to how they were a few months ago. I’m sorry I went to everyone else with our problems but never came to you to talk about them.” and you helped me through so much.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. We’ve tried to work things out. for some reason. You claim that I’m your friend. yet you don’t treat me like one. “I wish how I could show what you did te much I apprecia kid that never I was that hyper for me. potenver really showed the focused and ne saw l of this.” “You told nk you for your words of discourag ement.” “You were an amazing friend at first. my argument with myself loses more and more fuel. it only made you even more hurt than you ever have been before. then you get upset when I get mad at you. So I’m finally saying this: I’m sorry for those three weeks of horrible treatment I gave you after we broke up. I’m tired of hoping that one of these days. they fue me I couldn’t do it. . but nothing’s the same. I’m sorry I hid so much of what I was feeling away from you instead of sitting down and telling you about it. you tial. but I accomplis hed it in the end. “I’ve tried so hard to justify what I did to you in my mind.
and now it’s too late. I wonder if you even realized how much you affected me. but I I don’t hate yo I hope ing like. We were supposed to work out. I know you never forgave To that kid: me. Maybe it was my fault. I think that if we stick together. and le’s eyes . We were supposed to last. we can’t even talk about it. I don’t know if I ever truly loved you. Maybe it was both of us. and u’re act yo ake ou can w ne day y o from e yourself up and se . but you always held back. and you held back.” __. You bring out the best in me.34 To my best friend. Like you always do. “Why did you even say we could be friends? We never talk anymore.” I’ll always know in my heart that I did the right thing: to help you. it was fun to banter and joke. and you never put in the effort. but maybe one day you will because I know it would change things and the way you see the world. Probably not. I’m amazed by your compassion every day. Now. but you weren’t perfect at a relationship. I never wanted you to be a stranger to me. and I’ve moved on. other peop change. maybe it was yours. You just gave up. Sure. ised not be prom do hate who u. That’s too bad.. Dear _____ that sad to think s really quite u It’ person like yo ch a genuine su form e and con would chang ing you ery th into the v . You were just too much of an immature idiot to realize that our relationship could have been deeper. Thank you for always being here for me. But you didn’t even try. You’re so perfect at everything else in your life. I put everything I had into our relationship. . You have always been by my side through my good and bad moments. And I will never forgive you for that. but there was always a wall. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and am blessed that you are able to accept my apologies and move on. we can help each other. which was always the problem. but it’s a shame to see what we have become. and you are more than capable of handling my flaws. and I just want to sincerely thank you for being such a devoted and loyal friend :) “I wanted to be close to you so much. I really owe my life to you.
. your crushes (which change every week) . You have as my been there for m e through so much. maybe pect much from t was so great. Maybe if you were a little less self-centered. Show that his words actually do mean something to you instead of just praying for my soul for disagreeing with you. If you can’t manage that. and I lo ve you all more than you can imagine. DAYS 6-15.. your endless problems. speak from prid e mine? Maybe I s now becom that was never r granted ha u took fo t yo will regret wha ver have. bu You w e with expe y is all I ntment only cam imum decenc thought disappoi the bare min you: right . Stop preaching hate. your friends. we’re considered “friends. I “I don’t know . you have no right to discriminate.. and I hope that we are always this close. Th ank you fo can’t even begin to describe how much I will miss you all next year. hat you’ll ne w “Religion is not an excuse to discriminate. a little more caring and actually listened to others. and whenever someone tries to talk about him or herself a little bit. and you don’t have any REAL friends simply because all you care about is yourself. and your religion is a weak excuse to do so. An in him: To ere the biggest disappointmentctatiomy lifI e. Whether it be creed.dn’tdexIt di n. but how ca but maybe you maybe I just miss e.” everything I ne r being eded and mo re. your one-word responses make it so obvious that you don’t give a crap.” To my “friend”: Sure. In so you. so g meone I though n I miss somethin expected.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID.” but the truth is we’re really not. why I ever used quotes when I re ferred to you all family.. why the fuck are you religious? Jesus preached love and kindness. you would know what it’s like to have REAL friends. sexuality or any other number of things. Learn to love everyone. I was dumb. color. That’s all you ever talk about: your life. your family. not just those who think like you.
But mainly: thank you.36 “Thank you for being there. For what I did and didn’t do. ‘Than k you. even when he did awful things to you and a lot of other people. I’m sorry that I didn’t have the courage to help you or apologize to you. but I never said a thing. d these things. As I was counting out his change.” “I lo ve so b you. There’s things I’ve always wanted to tell you. but it’s alright since you always manage to brighten my day. I thought about it — a lot. your boss for giving you an Thank opportunity and a chance .’ I was thrown off completely. Now we’ve both gone through relationships and times when you told me that you liked me when I didn’t make a move. Thank the immigrant h a warm behind the counter at the fast food joint where you pic your dinner. He told me it was because he could see scars which resemble past my struggles and he would nev er forgive himself if he left touching my heart today. W without hat’s the point of all this? I simply want to challenge you live like him.” To those who I have hurt and will hurt and to those who will never know I hurt them: I’m sorry. Thank you for you. figuring we wouldn’t have a chance. you are truly one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. but I will remember your warm friendly smile until th . Thank the eld k up erly man in the car ahead of you for letting you pass.” “I was at work today . This message is meant as an apology. but I still can’t and won’t. Some of the other people you hang out with irritate the hell out of me. I’m sorry if I insulted you or your beliefs. As I handed him I asked him why he had sai his pizza. For what I said and didn’t say. came in — a man. I’m sorry if I gave you an eye roll that ruined your day or laughed when you needed comfort.) I’m sorry if I negatively affected you in any way. Now here we are. Thank those complet strangers who’ve aff e ected your life more than they’ll ever know . Never forget th in my grave. I was your shoulder to cry on the entire time. but it doesn’t deserve forgiveness.” minding my own business. He ordere A customer d a pizza. Thank the little to old lady in the baker y for always welcoming you wit smile. I’ve been helping you through a bad break-up where you are still head-overheels for him. bu lind t you you’re can’ j t see ust it. That is criminal. . You are at. he looked me with all of the sincerity at in his soul and said. e day I am laid to rest loved. I’m sorry if I was mean to you (even in my mind) or talked behind your back. I’ve liked you the entire time. wanting always to say how I felt but knowing you still wanted him and me saying anything would only worsen everything. I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing or mistreated you in any way. This is the worst thing I’ve done in my life. I said nothing — to THE girl. “We’ve been friends for over four years. I sm walked over to start makin iled and g his order. For everything. I may never know being your name. (What an awful thing to do. young lady.
and I admire the fact that you are somehow dealing with both of us without blowing up in each of our faces because we’re a frustrating pair. DAYS 6-15. I forg but I think you’ve converted me. for you. Love you so much. I get busy. I’m giddy when you write on my f dif to lot o uld like Facebook wall. I know he’s calling you too and probably complaining about me. and for some reason you were willing to help me go through it. I promised you this wouldn’t change us. Not just because of this but because I care so much about you. We’ll find a way to fix this. I wish I could say it to you because I’m not sure you always realize how much you mean to me. but I know you understand how it is. I never thought I’d be iv one of those girls falling hopelessly. of course. trying to find a way through it. just the three of us before things got so complicated. and suddenly I don’t want to talk to anyone. And I promise that.” MIDDLE & END “Girl. and I don’t want to put you in the middle any more than you already are). You would laugh and say. You never got frustrated with me even though I gave you a thousand reasons to. But it doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking about you in the spare moments. It just doesn’t make sense when it’s not the three of us. You understood it was going to be a process. I know that has been less than fun. and it won’t. I start to hate myself. but I feel like I’ve are a lo said to a known you forever.’ You’ve been so great the past few weeks as I’ve been struggling to get over that damn boy (and I give him that epithet in the most affectionate way possible because. and I will do my best to always be there for you. and I don’t mean it that way. he and I will find a way to make things simple again. it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was OK when we were together. And honestly. ‘I get it. no matter what you need (Ice cream? A movie date to that movie no boy would ever see with you? Someone to be there for you at 2 in the morning because someone broke your heart? You got it). I love you so much. “ T h e r e gs t of thin “I just met you. I know you’ve spent a few too many nights on the phone with me as I re-hash what happened for hours. You’re the best friend I ever could have asked for. but we’ve only gotten close the past couple of months. and I’m delirious when stly I wo e you.” mo you smile at me. girlie. but I know you would know what I mean. I get distracted.” . I at least will try to find a way to do it for you because I love you so much (I think we both do). but it’s less fun now that things have gone south. That sounds really lesbian-ish. ferent p say around. he was my friend long before he was my boyfriend. and I know the last thing you want is for this to break up the three of us. We’ve been through a lot together. I hope that you know that I love you. and I appreciate so much that you never once told me to just get over it already. I’m sorry we go a week or sometimes more without talking. I’ll never forget our late summer nights in the parking lot. and we do stupid shit a little too often. and if we can’t fix our relationship for our own sanity. trying to process it all.THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. I feel like you’ve taken I had ut b I wish everything inside of me and jumbled it eople.
and I hope you realize how lucky a girl would be to And one day. It would hurt way too much to let you say those things to me when everything is still so raw. not if you’re referring to yourself. These are the reasons I’m so broken right now. and I knew istake of my life gest m “It makes my heart hurt every time “I secretly hate you. I almost wish you had taken that away from me. You always have been. same mistake n forgive m at. I can just pick up the phone and dial your number and explain to you just what has promise a million other gone wrong in my life and let you remind me that there are people in this world who think I’m worth something. alcohol-laced telephone calls.” I think of you. I never make th y become ha and could and one da rson there m my mistake d fro ious pe I have learne t the most relig It was the bigagain. I’m no e. These are the reasons I love you.” at God ca better than th but I hope th is. And I may just live with it every day for the rest of my life because you’re not just my ex-boyfriend. You don’t respect my family or other friends. If I saw it. I’ll be have you. you’re my best friend. funny and sensitive Despite the evening I’ve had. and that’s a chance I’m gonna have to take. . in how smart. And I can’t even blame you because you’re doing this so that I don’t get hurt worse further down the road. and I one day I ade the mis my own life m e past this in hate that I ed. You have backstabbed me in ways you wouldn’t even think you did. And I have to believe that I have because otherwise I’m going to ruin anything we have left.” “You’re so much more than what you think of yourself. it’s killing me. Sometimes you listen to me.38 “You’ll never know how many times you’ve made me cry with the things you’ve said and the way you treat me. I told you there wouldn’t be any more late-night. and I suppose that’s something you can’t help because I know you tried. I hope one day you believe that. is because it you will cannot forgive can tell you. You just don’t love me the right way.” been an ass “I’m sorry I’ ve hole. I guess.” . And you think you’re a “heartless bastard”? I never want to hear those words from your lips again. You don’t feel the same. I secretly hate you. I can’t you really are. Maybe it would make it easier if you weren’t so damn kind and caring and forgiving. You’re an amazing person. Not because you girls will too. take. I’m shocked speechless that you’re still willing to see the good in me (even when I’m convinced there is none left) and give me yet another chance. But right now. but hope to mov am asham to this day. I hope that ifI I “I have one n is not the perso not hate me or judge me. I myself e ppy again. Even if it’s never going to able to be OK with be me. and I know that you’ll always be there. I told you I had seen the error of my ways. But some part of me fears it’ll always be you. but that I may never secret that aspire to be. wouldn’t do that for me but because I think it would kill me. too. You’re still the person I can run to with everything that’s going wrong. After everything I put you through the past couple of weeks. but others you just sort of nod and say yeah. You love me that much that you really tried. I told you I was moving on yesterday. How is it that somebody who’s supposed to be there for you through everything can be the one person to make you hurt the worst?” share.
That’s OK. some will want to go steady. some may just want to play around. and it sucks. Imagine what would happen just in our schools . we all find enjoyment in doing different things. Overall.. it is that painful. love is a powerful force. After all. But if those other people are willing to open themselves up and let in that love. We need to accept that we all love in different ways and to respect that and nurture it rather than shun and hurt it.” . a falling out between friends or a fight between parents. love is a lesson of acceptance: something we teenagers really need a lesson in. so much but won’t express it with affectionate touches and kisses. imagine what it would be like if that acceptance of differences happened all over the world. DAYS 6-15. they are making a pact — a pact saying ‘I accept your way of love and respect that you love me for everything I am.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. That’s OK too! What’s not OK is to try and force someone to love in a way they don’t want to love. I would love to see that acceptance come about. Some people will love someone so. Some go overboard with showing loved ones how they feel with hugs and kisses and affection. So why is it that so often people ignore the pact or the bond or pretend that it wasn’t there in the first place? Love is wonderful. so why can’t we all love in different ways? Some people will want to date. I will never understand the teenage notion of ‘love. It is like taking out a whip and giving him or her lashes .’ So even after a break up. Just like we all learn in different ways. And it will take forever and beyond to understand why we love how we love and what it all means... It is so not OK to cut off affection from someone who is affectionate. that pact — that invisible bond — is supposed to draw the people back to each other.. “Sometimes I just love so much it hurts.’ It is so messed up. Love is an individual who affects so many other people...
But I’d rather not. You don’t need to r stu esitate to sa y anything fo pid rub it in. You are You inadve at class. this is not always the case. and blocked . are ey. Hope to never see anyone like you two in the future. I can see right through your fake smiles and unaffectionate hellos and hugs. as you are my mother. “You hav Maybe I don’t even care. Maybe what e such a h you think is the most important thing in old on me now. I hate you.” ould be aw . You’ve given me I rem lls. . you should have learned your lesson. I deleted almost all o f yo the ones I re ceived. You made mistakes and so do I. I grad came. All those sneers and scoffs talented. but I do not only blame myself.” fucking word “I am gonna keep it short and sweet: You two are the most worthless. and r what I want to say . She said kw . So thank you for not bertently mad u stopped e my life he speaking ll.. I can get better. You are nities Class of 2009: Yo more skilled u are smarte only make me try harder. you’re not worth my time. the plays ter peo things harder for me. surely they celebration. you ard but she ’ll want you insisted. You have hurt me more than I ever thought I could be hurt.. I am sorry. at one of I might a your eve ctually nts. I dropped th be. B since this is ut hell. yo all shit me stronger. I failed. not work per show up If you don’t.” . I know. I will always love you. Not I lined. given me reason to try harder. one y . You have not changed and will not. but you didn’t. the sports teams . perfect p bably does eople that yo n’t count fo with. do — the block me a favor feature does and take m decide to e off the list.” “Do you even know what you’re saying? How can you be so harsh? You did the same things . I ropped you class. but you are not nice to me. n I passed ember whe n she invited the pleasure of proving you were with them me for three and to join your end of ye insisting it w ar a half years wrong. You’ve dge me. So there. which no one rea lly wants. backstabbing bitches that I ever met in my life. you in the ha to me whe lieving in me. fectly. st of the em ails you send Please. That pro u. after all that has happened. and ever I deleted yo yone from mpletely ur emails separate [high sch d myself ool]. And even as you try to seem nice now. and I have no idea how long it will take me to get over the past and the hurt that you have caused me.40 “You have disappointed me. but you made The secondaybe only two exceptionsple than I could ever hope to . You made aall of it because you are bet . I hope that one day things can be OK between us. just last year as a matter of fact. I can just give up if that’s what that you r fear all will ju you wanted. I dec to me. but h u are. Just because I’m not the best doesn’t mean I’m worthless. What allowed you to think it’s OK to just not accept us? What did she ever to do you? What did I ever do to you? And now. I am still very angry with you. Even ear after I d the world doesn’t matter to me at all. one. but there will be no change in our relationship anytime soon. have fu r much since I’m less than you to n judging begin I still get mo this rant. I still h tried. You are m nd with m ore . here goes I will owe it all to your criticism and To the : Huma judgment. You are my mother.. and from you I am now time in a happy fo long time r the firs I just thought . I co u from my Facebook.” “Do you even know the definition of family? Don’t think I was stupid enough to forget the things all of you did to me when I was younger.. You got into the schools r than I am. but I cannot tell you when or if that will happen. and none of yo u said a ed your pa This last sum pers instead mer . apparently an outlet fo I will get it right. t it would be shit in my ey nice to men tion that yo es. and it has greatly affected me in many ways. As much as I wish I had people to fulfill your roles in my life. and I know it.
and u. but it’s different and seldom. He’s not your cat. I imagined the rise that I would get out of you. I dislike how you act toward me now. You tried to sq ua of my spirit. For every single time that I’ve thought I loved you. it’s over now. that’s dumb. I will take a couple friends all who love you fo rever. You took m e through hell.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. happines s. then it can be the deptly pulled me up from hs of ev this way. we talk. You may provide everything I need physically.S. I don’t see it. and I don’t like it. DAYS 6-15. telling me that’s impossible. You’re a different person toward me. you are over now. but you broke that trust and walked away from my life.” . how could you even think that you could do something like that? I had a dream — still do — that someo day I’d drop out of college and Tththe first person. tried to break me.” ever though “. you knew every detail and had a boyfriend at the time. there are five times when I’ve known I hate you. To the pe rson who push ed me down ther e in the first pl ace. t I could be.. If this is what things have come to. My life is a much better place w ith joy. You said that you were okay with what was going on between us. I am still the same toward you. For years. He’s OURS. And now look at me: much be tter than I have ever been. P. yo sh ever y part u almost won . I don’t understand why we are no longer friends. Now. You have not on this is how you are going to be. How can something like this come between two people who were best friends for years? You used to be the one I turned to and trusted. Never come near me agai n. I wish you the best and more. ank you. which makes me very “Thank yo sad. but erything I was also placed m higher than I e always been a true friend to you.” are like me — desperate to get away from the injustice of life — and take a motorcycle tour of Europe for a couple of years. Sometimes I wonder if we could ever be friends again. but I never voiced this dream because I knew you’d just fly into a rage or laugh at me and tell me that I’m being ridiculous again and direct me back to whatever boring task I was doing. but your emotional nurturing scores a zero. I have drowning in.. even others notice how you act toward me and can see that you are not a friend. “I didn’t do anything to you. and opportu nity.I also hate the fact that you are always crushing my dreams. but unfortunately. I’m glad you didn ’t.
My be . you’ll never even realize this because you are so stubborn and blind. Please. and you never give me the time of day. We used to be inseparable. and yo far. al e of my be used to be on st friends. And ur u for that. thank yo ld have come th er lose u. I have always tried to spend time with you. you won’t make any sacrifices to see me. care about you to be of us really re not going ty. y If it were not fo o r I’m not sure I co ur time. as makes me wan . and th re like fa ere are I can tru ma fe ly which ta talk to about a w of you whom nything. be scary opening you kn ) The bass in that u o question. I hope re for e been able music yo yo you wit t u listen to h all of here for me u. You a . And you will never appreciate this. And no matter how much my head tells me this.” “I don and I’m not su “You say you’re my best friend and that you’ll always be there for me. You never talk to me anymore no matter how hard I try.. my heart and my soul and my everything will want to be beside you.you hav w that I am he p easier. ’t understand re I ever will. And the worst part of all this: I love you. God dammit. And you’re killing me. but none “You er yone else for you take me and ev You ore . your care. Even when I know you’re doing nothing at all. do b blasting the know ev ecause you see . I love thank my he t to stab ar yo have d u enough fo t and cannot someone.” your back an ways bringing m you in my life. But ever since I left town. and is you.. music in ou rea w your because hich I love (thou d me like a book car. I knew everything about how you treated people. I need you now. Do you forget that? Do you not want that anymore? Or have you found someone to take my place. I’ve completely lost you. and you are still my number one. please see me again. but I am willing erything m to tru st me. You are gh it can it makes not cool. we invite don’t even talk. my president. And I have always tried. I love you completely.42 you. or your life anym here for you. I guess because I was your best friend I thought it would be different. I will always want to be a part of your life. an what I w st friend ou s ily to me ld do without yo : I don’t know u. And the hell you dragged me through with you — and all I got was loneliness and enemies. when I n Please. Dating you. One day we’ least bit sorry for not having places out of pi the r without ly won’t feel am much happie and I honest e moved on and ymore. e. the worst mistake: I had a backstage look at your love life for three years. kes a lot “Stop I trust yo for me to with you u. just like you did with all the girls you’ve ever dated? Ha.” one an r all t h d bein needed g ther at you someo e whe ne mo your ad nI st. I’v e down.” d now we granted. always I hope to neveed you be there most as I will be for me for you. Y and can at times. vic support.
you in the electr Be yourself. fantastic ho that deTo my lovely crites. History repeats itself. They will be there for you to cheer you up or make you smile. no matter what. It’s what life is about. A few more things: Don’t be serious all the time. They are awesome and care about you. of hypo ath You’re a bunch breath when I bre ed fact I can see my spite the — we’re not allow AT cold — YES. that’s OK the living roo on downstairs in Why do you ty.MIDDLE & END usemates: . Embrace your inner dork and show people you’re amazing despite somewhat embarrassing talents. but I wish I did. How is it THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. Just remember that they have added you to their circle and also need a shoulder to lean on. It’s an automatic right. DAYS 6-15. Pursue your passions. And never fall asleep in class because people will make fun of you. Celebrate anything. The power of a smile is underrated. Some of my words of wisdom: . Ha! Isn’t that so cliché? But it is full of truth. I am almost done. I know that I don’t have this courage. it doesn’t mean that you can’t do what you love. they will respect you all the more. Live life to its fullest. The people who matter are not going to care about how much you fit in. This is a courage that not many people have and when people see it. Just because it is not a holiday doesn’t mean you can’t have a party. Make funny faces in the mirror. waste of electrici If this is Surely. Just because everyone else is doing one thing. Find these people and surround yourself with them. it’s TH l cost too much it’l ng on because gling up the central heati to you two snug when it comes I have BUT SAME program THE ? upstairs watching m. that’s a crites about this? ch as to be such hypo have won’t pay as mu to be I how you’re going icity bill.
he doesn’t love. You’ve loved her ever since you “broke up” that fake relationship with a girl who really cared for you. I’m done chasing after you. LOVE her. I also see you flirting with that best friend who has a BOYFRIEND. I know that I shouldn’t really be bothered by this. OK? You’re not the only on e!” “It’s not OK that you chea “It’s so obvious that you like her.” . Go get a grip on life. and their other friend are a few of my best friends who I talk to every day. but the girl you’re in love with. her best friend.44 ted on your boyfriend. and k with everything re dif ferent now. Anyways. So just chill off and find a new girl to like. take it for a ride. and I wish things we of eve need it. You don’t get to decide wh en people are in good and bad moods ba sed on your emotions! Ev eryone has PMS. Good luc rything. I’m still her friend. Stop being such a manwhore. and stop hitting me . but I still th me up with anything.” page for a good amount d stared at an empty doesn’t involve you. I know that you really because even if we don’t “Your boyfriend is a douchebag who doesn’t care about you. She now has an amazing boyfriend who actually cares for her too. I “I sat here an confession to type up that ink about of time trying to think of a to admit it. I you a lot. He doesn’t listen. but that doesn’t change who he is. I don’t even think you love him. And I can’t stand seeing you flirt with two of them — mainly the one you love — every single day. and I side with him even though he’s a littl e five-year-old who needs to grow a pair. You really think that she’d say ‘yes’ a few hours after you broke up with her? And now you STILL keep flirting with her and talk about her with one of her best friends. I hate ntage couldn’t co wish you didn’t take adva I have no clue why. It took her two weeks to say yes to you in the first place. You’re no t a real friend anyhow.” talk. not just her age or shape or anything. He hasn’t won. I wish we weren’t frie nds anymore. She’s just that kind of person to do that and although I don’t agree with it. You can do better. the fact that you chose to break up with her and then ask her out again a few hours later is just ridiculous. and get over her because she is way past over you even though she still leads you on.
which I got on a test I thought I bombed. they freak out way too much about their grades. So yeah.” ur desquite childish. DAYS 6-15. which isn’t that bad even if you do have an A. sorry. but a few of them can really just get on my last nerve. they all think they’re smarter than EVERYBODY. “In my high school.” or something along the lines of that. A lot of others and I have quite a few problems about “Hum kids” — not ALL Hum kids but the ones from my class of 2012. I’ll be like “I got an A on my Algebra 2 test. First off. I’m friends with a few of the Hum kids and all. and it’ll not make feel excited anymore for an A.” OK. and yo edless attention-whoring is less.. and I have a B in it. my friend told me that my ex said this to her. he’ll try to one-up me. Second. “I’m through dating dumb girls and from now on. there’s a class called Humanities.” and he’ll be like “I got an A on my Calculus AB AP test.. (By the way this isn’t about ALL of the kids in that class. I’m only dating girls in Hum because no one else is good enough.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID.) There’s this one boy who I’m sort of friends with and whenever I say something about school or my grades. That’s basically an AP class higher than GT [gifted and talented]. That isn’t a completely bad thing but when they’re upset because they got a 90% or something . I can’t even explain it! They tend to clump together and make other people feel left out. but I’M TAKING THE SAME GOV AP CLASS AS YOU WITH THE SAME TEACHER AND CURRICULUM (just in a different period).” “Your ne ly makes others value you desire to be valued on perate . that’s ridiculous! Third. On a side note. they’re just so … ughhh.
I still istant a don’t ge changed nd how t . motional ov Back of f. you’d y legs. Watching yo ry fo really did mess up b r ever ythin ig time. I am not going to care about the people who think they are better than me. no matter what you think. I know where I am in the world. in the end. And it is to impress those awesome people in my life — not the most popular people but the smartest and kindest. to move your own laz you don’t know how ng in hell.. I know I am insecure sometimes. And to the braggers: other people did just as well as you. It’s cool to know that I am the person I want to be. I can’t believ e I let th thing I’ve ough I d is happe id how you n got so d mess up. act like o ne. and you were a dangerous man. And ye riend ev en ty to you as a f ou are still though riend.46 “My friends warned me. Not everyone needs to know. So I have built a façade.” Because I think way too much: Just because I am a little weird doesn’t mean that you are better than me. wouldn’t tha mine. and I like it. then damn it. it doesn’t matter what part is truly me or not because I have fun all the time with the me I have built.” .. e ’ Bull. tell me But if you st on a and then st ill want to op talking be friends to me. being the person that you want to be and have fun being. Think about how the other people feel. I know I much. that is what being yourself is. The thing is though. I am going to be myself. and I guess. but I love danger. and I am not sure where me begins and the façade starts. Say t da ing goodb ye was by mmit. bu g. Were yo quickly u always mask? If y you like that b ou want o ut just put ut. so in the end. carrying you? “Why am I be crying on the floor because “I thin k you it’s annoy k i the fa now she ng that y ct tha t she is seriou ou want ‘is no t payi s about m my girl f ng att ention e. I like you. ing you from burni I’m the only one keep out of t your hand slip Maybe I’ll just le t be fine?” u fall. I’d appreciate it if you made a move soon. I still love you ever had so far the ha to d rdest and alth o.” er “I’m sor Without me.
Of course not! She can talk on the phone anywhere! There’s only one TV! And does she think I can’t hear her blatantly twisting the truth so it sounds like she’s right? She was butting into someone else’s business all along! There is no way she is the victim here! I wish she would stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for her! Who does she think she is? God’s gift to mankind? Does she think she can just butt into a situation that doesn’t even involve her and tell everyone else what to do and someone isn’t going to get pissed? S doesn’t owe her an apology! She owes S an apology. Not only has my roommate gone and created a massive amount of drama where there was none previously. I’m just a non-person to her. if you ask me! If only N would stop coddling her and telling her she did nothing wrong. DAYS 6-15. whether she’s studying or sleeping or watching TV. but she has dragged me into the middle of it and continues to tear me down on top of that. And it hurts more than anything that I can’t even be friends with you. You’re just too ignorant to admit that you were wrong to break up with me. She can just go and step all over them. We were perfect. “I am so pissed right now I can hardly function.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. maybe she would realize it! And she owes me an apology. I still care about you. As far as she’s concerned. and now I don’t even know who you are. Get over yourself and just be with me. too! But for some reason. Why does she think the world revolves around her?! Seriously? Someone’s being nice to me so it’s automatically because she’s trying to make my roommate jealous!? That makes perfect sense! Seriously?! And the stupid bitch calls her parents and proceeds to have a loud conversation full of lies to them when I am trying to watch a TV show! Lack of respect! I always leave the room if I’m on the phone. We still could be. She doesn’t even have to consider my feelings. I don’t have any. imply that the only reason one of my friends is being nice to me is because she’s trying to make my roommate feel bad! Who is she to judge that someone is being ‘too friendly’ to me and is therefore ‘trying to make her jealous’? Did it ever occur to her that maybe S likes me and treats me well because I give her some respect and don’t deign to tell her how to run her life every five minutes? No! Of course not! That would make too much sense!” . We were best friends before. Do I get the same respect in return? Of course not.
on anyone. and everyone can see what you’re wearing underneath. the leading on afterward.. In the end. that is what I want for you. You’re right.48 “I wish that we could always be friends.” It’s got to stop. So please. I wanted to hate you for what you had done: the manipulation. that’s fashionable. I’m not as cool and I’m not good enough. and everyone can see what you’re not wearing underneath. Hello.. I will always think of you as a good friend. it just don’t work. I’m not as pretty. I’m not as tall. I wish you the best and hope you are happy. I wa nt it too! But you can’t let that define you. the constant communication.. It’s not stylish.” “I see what you mean now when you say I can choose not to hate. but I am not sure that is possible. I can’t drink as much.. I just hope my choice isn’t too late. . trade them in for an actual pair of pants. the anger at me for having the spine to call you out. uggs/rainboots and leggings . But hoodies. for your sake and everyone else’s. regular tops. As your friend. I get it. But now I realize that I have a choice: the choice between hatred and hope — hope for the friendship we once so effortlessly had. having someone who was always there. It’s not flattering . I miss the support we gave each other. I know you want a rela tionship so bad and you want to have someone who loves you — trust me. So I choose hope. You don’t have underwear lines. you have underwear lines. Guess what else I’m not? Your girlfriend! Stop comparing me to her if nothing compares to her.” “From ant knew Iw To all you girls wearing leggings as pants: I et you. no matter what. It’s not cute. my friend. I get wearing leggings with tunics and dresses. I mean really. We’ve already had to experience one. You’re so muc h more than that. letting our friendship die as a result of stubbornness would be as great a shame as letting our relationship die as a result of something so preventable as taking you for granted.” me the mo ed you. and if something or someone may come between us. nt I m “I’m really sick of hearing about her. hope that we are not beyond repair and can be friends again.” “You don’t n eed a guy to make you be autiful. and you deserv e the guy who’ll o nly date you afte r you believe in y ourself.
.. Stop the tell less you w ing me I’m great unant to be with me. ends will justify means. but you spend so much time freaking out about guys. By the end of it all. I know it’s hard to grow up. OK? Be nice to each other and don’t knock each other’s appearance. Everyone’s insecure. make-up — you backstab your friends. Get off your computers and play outside. panic over diets . but you aren’t getting with Zac Efron or that homeroom cutie who only “stares” at you anytime soon.” “I’m sick of hearing about wh a great a at nd aweso me girl I a That me m. and it shouldn’t. You’re too young for that. Take the chance while you still have it. an if I’m no s nothing to me t with y ou. I have ple ty. by the way) and no one’s should be. The future is always unwritten. Just be kids. the Jonas Brothers are not God and are not replaceable in the expression ‘OMG. hair. I don need ano ’t ther friend . I’m n a five yea ot r old. and I’m sorry. Just be nhonest wit hm me you a ren’t intere e and tell sted. I can’t say what I wish I could: that I’m sorry. There will come a time when you can’t anymore.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. So why make it hard now? Forget trying to flirt or make out with Prince Probably NotSo Charming. stress about your work. Diets? Are you kidding me? Trying to steal your best friend’s boyfriend? Your lives are not Gossip Girl (which you’re too young to watch.’ Edward Cullen is not a dream guy. Oh and by the way. the list goes on. To tween girls everywhere: “ Yo u really didn’t hurt me. DAYS 6-15. And girlies? Pick up some grammar too while you’re at it. but life only gets HARDER. I ca n handle truth.” . You scare me.
Now we’re getting a bit better.” “I can’t hate you. I would feel guilty that it happened. I’m not your slave. I am at the best part of my life. I still wish that we had a chance. Frankly. but I sure as hell wish I could. you did help me out. I’ll be there. take your dignity away.” d. I want to hate you. but I love that you can make me sad but you can also make me the happiest person on the planet. You get over girls easily. turns out we don’t need that. but I know that if you did or if anything bad happened to you. and I can’t get past what you did. I will take advantage of every time I’m around you. red — so scare sca “You made me e now. She didn’t return your feelings. I’ll take advantage of it. I take back my apology. When things go bad. According to you.” can’t trust anyon And I “All of you heap your work onto me because you aren’t willing to sacrifice your own time to do what needs to be done. Why did I even apologize to YOU? You should be begging for my forgiveness. I found out that you liked my best friend. it’s not like being a photographer matters much anyways. ‘Oh wait. But I just smile and brush it off. You gave me the biggest hug and told me that you wished you could say that you like me but couldn’t. don’t worry about one thing because everything will be good. Over the summer. YOU were the one who assaulted me. I take back our friendship. and you can do anything because you are amazing. YOU were the one who used me. I wish you would trust someone and have them tear you apart.” . but I’m not sure if you’re over her — THIS one. You knew what you did was wrong.50 “You make absolutely no sense and you never will. and every time you say. I don’t hate you. YOU were the one who played games and got me to do things that I knew I shouldn’t. I want you to know how I will never get past what happened.” “I told you that I liked you on the last day of school. I don’t trust anyone with your name. When school began.’ So why did I apologize? Yes. I tug my clothes shut when I walk by where you did it. I run around all class while you flirt and giggle with each other. for some reason we were awkward. and I love you. who is also your best friend. but for what it’s worth. You say you don’t like your best friend anymore. But you said that at one point you did like me. I’m not your packhorse. but when the moment comes. Don’t get me wrong. I wish you could know what it’s like. YOU were the one who ignored me saying ‘no. and you took advantage of my low self-esteem. I don’t know what to make of it. I wish I could see you more. You were a friend but only part-time. I want you to burn in hell. I will make every moment count and help you through everything in hopes that you will someday feel the same toward me. but I just don’t know if I want to believe that.’ I just want to punch your sneering faces in because you assume your work is more important than mine. unfortunately.
MIDDLE & END of d “Thank you.” weren’t there for me when I needed it.” “You are my best friend. You decisions I’ve made Everything was perfec cried over you. “It really tsucks the wand we threw it all away. But we only argue because we care about . all I know is that I need you. “We may have fun together. Is it selfish to stay friends with you? I don’t know what will happen to me if you leave or if I push you away. I can’t even describe how much you mean to me. we did ut a that before. and you didn’t help me. I want you to be healthy. . We fight because we love each other. talked about into at we turned me to be able to be me.. but I just want what’s best for you. how many many times since then I’ve d if only you could just knew how if only you knew. say what I mean. you taught me confidence. that you your fears aren’t the only get w up a little bit and realize gro k wall of yours. I love you. Move on from me. It will hurt me. I feel like I’m holding you back from being happy. it may even kill me. and you tell me that you want whatever is best for me. If you only until one little mistake.. and want what’s best for each other. An life because of you — in my ones that matter.” in so many times. You saved my life. but we aren’t close friends no matter what you think. You lose sleep a lot because you are too busy worrying about me..” not a good “You are the first quarter THE WORDS I NEVER SAID.. Thank goodness college will cut this friendship short. the really. world.’ bu done. We can spend hours yelling at each other then be back to our normal selves in an instance. You tell me not to push you away. And now n. You worry about me all the time. Our equal amounts of stubbornness makes it difficult to agree sometimes. You’ve helped you. You may [the literary copy of one I edited. I can talk with you on the phone for hours and never have to worry about awkward silences or small talk. I want you to be happy.. DAYS 6-15. I don’t deserve ay we ended up. but I don’t think you’ll ever know you your class. b hile homework w how much you changed my life and helped rn nothing but u did not retu Lost. it’s worth it. You didn’t care about my problems. I know I’ve told you teacher. and I want you to move on. Yo me to come out of my shell. I don’t know what to do anymore. and not be still wa and I am magazine] — scared of what they might think. I’ve tried to hiding away behind that thic be saying. but you t I still don’t think I ca this.. Thank you. Now it’s my turn to save you from me. I love fter that. But for you.” think that you only taught me the curriculum but you know. to tell people my my one project th iting to get opinion. ‘So I’m shouldn’t base your life on I should won’t let me. You say you care about me more than anything else in the . I cannot let you stay with me any longer.
” To all those who are blinded: Do you not get it? That you’re living in the real world? All of you seem to be locked up in your own fantasies. scream. examining what I’m wearing before really looking into my eyes. and I know you blam y that you’re guess I can’t sa re not the only wrong. I still felt the pain. But you’ ‘sister. you laugh at your jokes. you tease in the harshest way. you roll your eyes. I still do now. I want to kick. what will I say? I’ll probably say. like people bound by blood and unconditional love should be. ‘Yes because I still love you.” “I’m sorry for how up. Do you not see that? It isn’t just a game! It’s not right to look at me from toe to head. we’re on speaking terms again now. and sometimes that weight inside my chest is more oppressive than an anvil. did you know how much you meant to me? For five years I had to live without the two of you. and although I was young and didn’t know why you removed yourselves from my life. you’re toying with serious emotions. yell as loud as I can for the world to hear. But here’s something for you: remember that gold is heavier than iron. Yes. you secretly smirk at them in class. but when I see that you place yourself above everyone else.’ I one who lost a did too. How can you not see that? And then when one who really does know what’s up comes around. But will you ever ask me for forgiveness for punishing me for something that I took no part in? For something I was too young to understand? And if you ever do.” “He has the most beau tiful smile in the world.52 “Six years ago (has it been that long?) when you let me go. blinded.” . And then how dare you act like those who are not blinded are worthless? It’s not right to flirt with just anyone. Do you not know what friendship is? It’s not right to just go around drinking and hooking up. I things ended e me. I still don’t understand how can you care so much about so many things that really don’t matter.’ And because of this I’ve been told by some that I have a heart of gold. I could care less about the blinded.
You have no idea how hard it was to sit across from you and give you advice as you started dating my best friend or as you broke up with her. I cannot help but shake uncontrollably. but enough. and on I could dream were a role model and the sweetest pers t a big brother. I have big dreams that I’m too scared to tell you because just you don’t listen to me. you butthead! And don’t sit there and pretend you’re smarter than I am. But I gue ss people are right: When you end it. I took and I was lucky enough to have one.” “No matter how nice I act or how it doesn’t seem to bother to me.” heaven. You tell me you regret what you did.” . People always say how much they wan ly enough..’ Even when you ended it. Eleven the time we got to spend together for ugh time. when you and I gave a relationship a chance. but apparently I just wasn’t good enough . you don’t even talk to me. Sad granted. You are know that you meant the world . you promised me we could be best friends . and I really don’t want to be. because I know more about faith than you ever will!!!” “We used to be so close. I still have a disgust deep inside of me for you. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not perfect. happy life. when I started talking to you again after you broke my heart and lost my trust. there’s no going back. e I thought said how much I love you becaus ether.” “I’m not a little kid anymore. And now that you have her and your little one I don’t matter anymore because I can’t relate to what you’re going through. but you are in my big brother. You were only 21 and . I was in love with you.. but I still wonder every single day why we couldn’t stay together when you ‘loved me so mu ch. I wish I we would have more time tog e to let you could see you just one more tim to me. You now “There is a lot more to Catholicism than facts.” “I loved you. how much you meant to me. we could sit and talk for hours about anything and everything. and I should be happy. You deserved to have a long I never really you lived the life you had to the fullest. That dream prodigy child that you want? It’s not me. I’ve talked to your wife more than I’ve talked to you in the last little while. You were my best friend and then all of a sudden you ’re gone. but you never noticed until after you left. DAYS 6-15. as you told me you were marrying my best friend when I found out she was going to be the mother of your daughter. and I will never forget you every day.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. forever. but I still try to say ‘hi’ from time to time in hop es that you will just remember what we had. I didn’t understand what I did wro ng. Now. but I guess you never listen. I know I have someone now. but I ask myself if you really mean it or are you just trying to sway me again? Whenever I see you. and years of my life just wasn’t eno the awesome perI hardly got to know you for that just isn’t long son you were. and I know you watch over me enough “I never told you you are gone. I can’t hate you. I don’t hate you. of.
at people want.. You little bastards who did this shit to me and anyone else who looks like me CAN KISS MY ASS. that you w you not to and I told underst ppreciate that even if ght to act like I “I ri e. and then you do this? Fuck you. Now han g on a second: ‘Shouldn you do what makes ’t YOURSELF happy an d not care what oth think?’ Yeah. ‘KAY. You were always there and made me realize that there is a point to life. I don’t recognize the guy in front of me … the one who jokes about people’s appearances and talks behind everyone’s back. Two: I was born here too (Queens. probably even more so because I lived in New York when it happened. You used to be the person who’d sit with me in the back of the classroom and sing songs under your breath.” in the it really it — n is out turn the are being an ass ab when you “Why did you leave me? How could you. I enjoyed the friendship we had. I don ’t care if ANYONE thinks ridiculous.” ber the last time I saw a hint of blue sky or SUNSHINE! I’m forgetting what it looks like! Please. One: those aren’t even the right stereotypes. and I was getting the glares of being a ‘terrorist’ as well. Nothing you and you won’t listen to wh do makes sense. do this to me? I trusted you and loved you more than anyone. Your decisio the ns don’t make sense. of all people. just give us a day . and my hair no longer appreciates being frizzy.54 “I can’t stand ignorance. in a high ers school. d y This.. I’ve been called terrorist. go on! I dare you!” hing you do. Imagine turning up at lectures not looking like a drowned rat — oh. I just wish you were still here. a little bit of sparkle — people are starting to forget what it feels like to be dry.” eought som ent and b . THANKS. It’s just too bad you had to go and change for the worse. I don’t need you in my life. Sorry. and you can’t handle criticism. ” “I hate the person you’ve become. buddy. h now. New York. And yet you won’t LISTEN to what people want. baby!) so don’t give me that shit. If g in re something somethin n more owe you f getting d? Eve hopes o being kin let it go. I a e you the ind thing for m oes not giv ou are being k owever. I was affected just like you were. sand nigger. Give us back some sunshine. I can’t even be myself in front of you anymore because how do I know you won’t insult me once I turn around? But for what it’s worth. Here’s my criticism: I don’t care if you think it’s ridiculous. I’m sure it would be magical. My feet no longer appreciate being cold. you’ve gotten yourself in the positio where it’s NOT about wh n at YOU want. The LAST thi it’s ng I’m worried abou t is offending people. idiot. and towel head. You were the one who always told me I deserved better. I AM WEST INDIAN.” “BRITISH WEATHER!!! What are you doing? I can’t remem- “I’m sick of everyt . I can’t believe you actually left my life so suddenly and put me through that pain.
” “Why am I not allowed t o like sex Seriously. Now you want things to go back to how they were. sha form? It do pe esn’t. you’ll tell me that you LIKED me. You have hurt me. I guess you thought it was cool that I took your blows without comment. I cannot believe that we were so far away yet so close and now so close but far away. and I’m bitter. and I’d appreciate it if you could just shut up about my inabilities for one day. so please. I met you a year ago. But — I’m sorry — it will never be the same. But now it’s all over.” mean I sho a girl does uld not be not allowed to And just like sex.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID.” “I don’t want to be known as the one who does all the dumb things and says all the silly things. tone it down. and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I really wanna say that I like you because you seem to feel the same. I heard the names you called me when you thought I wasn’t listening. I appreciate your friendship. and you really only have yourself to blame.” . “I cannot believe you. and you don’t know how depressed you have made me with all the problems you gave me. We had the best times. I know both of us will never admit it. we started getting closer and closer. All I’m is having fu doing n. I told you everything. or if I tell you that I like you. You care about me. How do es what I d daily life aff o in my ect you in a ny way. Ju ? st because I’m “I’ve never met you in real life. I find it hard to believe that you couldn’t and still can’t see the damage you have done to our relationship. We were closer than anyone. but why is it necessary to have a laugh at my expense constantly? It’s wearing on my nerves. I’m N have OT a who re. finally you see what I have been putting into our relationship. This summer. so sto p talking ab . but you have dragged me in the dirt for too long. and you admitted to me that you considered me your best friend. or and my life out me that you kno w nothing a bout. I’m scared that the time will come when we’ll both just give up. DAYS 6-15. because I do like to sex. Now. and I’d never say anything to harm you.
I have tried to cut back and become down-to-earth. DAYS 6-15. It still hu rts when I hear you guys calling each other your ‘bffs ’ and knowing that I used to be included in that. I would like to think that usually you all don’t take me seriously. Rea “There are certain people in my life that I couldn’t do without. The truth is my life would be much worse off without you. You weren’t the best friends I’ve ever had. Sometimes I say things I don’t mean and for that I am truly sorry. an ld me not to st to you sing the stress now you’re cau ld t rid of. but I’d be worse off without you. You ve to spend the who ha d ress over it. but I’ve moved on and so have you.” “If not for you. why di to do w ished this part of k ago you hadn’t fin a wee e tomorrow. Go away now because I don’t know what to feel. and we need to have time to let loose and relax. These are the words I’ll never tell you.” “I don’t think y ou u think it’s alright “What makes yo use you don’t want beca to ruin my weekend dn’t you tell me ell in a class. I was t with the guys. I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’m pretty sure you are losing more and more respect each day. It’s time for you to lighten up and learn how to communicate. but my wishes don’t change a thing. girls while he was ou with the ance from me. ing m not judg “I’ lly. but I am who I am and wonder if I will ever change.” you. I overreac ted to some things yo u did. but I was too stubborn to let it go and just be friends again.” ever realized how much I cared ab out what happened to our friendships. and I port? Now this is du the re le day finishing. but you usually don’t let us. You’re not making any friends. Yes.” you took that ch . If not for my mistakes. I want to forget you. I wish things were different now. but I miss you an d I’m truly sorr y for what has happened ev en though I can’ t go back and fix it. but the way you go about doing so is completely unnecessary.” “You really need to learn how to treat people. I never would have learned. I haven’t to were trying to ge to because I want him my boy it’s not done n supposed to have fu have fun today. I understand that you want to keep things running smoothly. Maybe it’s better that way.MIDDLE & END THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. Sometimes stress runs high.
project growth and design.CLOSING NOTES “T DAYS 15+ he following are notes on project origin.” . Acknowledgements to those involved and information on the Words I Never Said blog and future plans are also included. rant collection.
I hope to continue running WINS through the blog. by PostSecret and the videos of Sadie Benning. really — from saying what we want to say to others. I hope this process has given you closure like it has given me. I didn’t end up with 20 rants. WINS was no longer a college project. I found personal confessions to be the most artistic. My only hope is that it will give others the same drive. I told myself. The course delved into confessions from a psychological. read about the Council of Trent — the list goes on. While the confessions posted and recorded were more individual. Sanford’s confession. The movement grew from there. however. This idea later expanded. The premise of WINS was to provide a forum for people to voice what they held back. it was the psychological idea that the words were public and that person could see them. Rants continued to pour in. miss them or can’t stand them. Too often does fear restrain us from telling those closest to us that we love them or hate them. I made a Facebook group and invited all my friends. I wanted the words to speak for them and to be like any reader. I simply copied and pasted them into a Pages document. studied Gov. I asked anyone who was interested to provide his or her e-mail address. I ended up with over 65 pages of rants. the Rant-A-Thon. We had read the works of Augustine. a postcard or even to friends — they have a very small chance of reaching the person they’re based on. This project has been eyeopening to me and because of the words I’ve read. I copied and transferred rants onto Adobe InDesign pages. I did not know the identities of the people who wrote the rants. They were from people all over the country and world. blog. and during the final day of rant collection. I wanted to change that. I was asked to create a final. From there. I received over 20 pages of rants alone. I would be happy with just 10-20 rants. and religious perspective. when talking to friends about my own experiences with people. I read the rants all together and did some light editing for punctuation. I was most taken back. It wasn’t so much about letting the object of their rant see what they said. To prevent my own bias. criminal. however. the words could apply to anyone. your rants have created a 60-page book. Because the rants were anonymous and ambiguous. I sent out the spreads to three trusted friends to edit any puncutation errors I might have missed. The last step will be sending the final PDF. I had a deliberate process when collecting rants. Depending on the reaction I receive. I did not read them when they were posted on Facebook (through message or on the group wall) or e-mail. and movement. Thank you and congratulations to all of you.” -ALYSSA BAILEY . creative project for a college honors seminar on confession. These rants could give people courage to act and reassurance that they were not the only ones who felt that way. I will be sending this book to over 100 people. I may make additional book editions for the different seasons. The project could be anything as long as it tied in course themes. I’ve found the courage to be more open about my own feelings to the people in my own life. A couple of my friends caught on and invited all their friends. It had grown into something much more. The process took over 20 hours altogether. I am grateful and thankful for everyone who sent in rants. People could start to pay attention to friends they took for granted. watched police interrogations. political. People could learn from others’ mistakes.58 PROJECT NOTES GROWTH AND PROCESS “T HE WORDS I NEVER SAID (WINS) started as an idea. Together. and it will also be posted for my class to see. expecting a small turnout for this project. At this point. Too often do manners stop me — people. These feelings build up and when released — maybe through a video. My rants weren’t just from my high school friends.
It includes all rants received after the Nov. A special thank you to the project editors Miliana Budimirovic. 29 end date for the book. Ben Chalfin.projectwordsineversaid.com.” “T .CLOSING NOTES THE WORDS I NEVER SAID. Your support helped spread the word and complete this book. com. All rants can be e-mailed to wordsineversaid@ gmail. DAYS 15+ “WINS” NOW BLOG & THANKS HE WORDS I NEVER SAID blog launched December 13. Thank you for all your support. and Pratik Das.blogspot. It can be viewed at www.
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