SYSTEMIC SMILING As FC facilitators our awareness in the constellation setting is our most valuable tool for discerning fact

from fiction as a way for love to move forward. We are mirrored internally, every second, as we make ourselves available for the revelation of solutions that will lead to systemic resolutions. For every personal internal attitude, thought, belief or judgement we witness, there is a physical response happening simultaneously somewhere within our bodies. Our movements and the movements of our participants are in fact embodied movements of soul. The challenge of being able to tune into the body and feel deeply is often easier for women. Traditionally women tend to somatise their internal psychological responses easily and safely with regularity in their everyday environments. Most men however, for generations have found it more difficult to embrace the relationship paradigm between thought, logic, attitude and feeling, body and love. A generational patriarchal past has been dependent upon women for the very ground of their embodied existence. Women traditionally were conditioned to take care of the body of the whole family, preparing food, clothes, warmth, affection, patience and perseverance. Their collective conditioning has been to meet the emotional and physical needs of the men in their life, before the men even ask for it, and many are still continuing this in the present. Here often the smiles of women become strained and filled with the pain of the past. The effect of this is that the patriarchal masculine principles of science, education, politics and logic dominate the body, heart, feeling centres of being human. Women allow it to continue and act out of the same collective structures that are actually oppressing them. This is a very fixed pattern in the collective unconscious of women who have been conditioned to serve the masculine instead of serving life itself within them. This is the conditioned woman, and in every woman there is the conditioned woman and a natural woman. Every man also has a conditioned man and a natural man. There is an old saying that says in every bed where a couple lay, there are not two, there are four in the bed. Awareness is needed to discern the differences between the two inside all of us. With this awareness, we stand as facilitators in constellations attempting to put the past aside, in order, to allow inner and outer nature move. The natural essence of true masculine and feminine energy becomes a channel for the life energy of nature or existence itself. It is the energy that sustains and maintains and preserves life itself. “In Freudian psychology, eros, also referred to in terms of libido, libidinal energy or love, is the life instinct innate in all humans. It is the desire to create life and favours productivity and construction. Eros battles against the destructive death instinct of Thanatos (death instinct or death drive). Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction". Plato also said Eros helps the soul remember beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to tell the


truth by eros, the god of love. Eros, in the Socratic logos, can be defined as the longing for wholeness or completeness, a daemon whose aim is to reach wisdom without ever owning her and is used to describe fulfillment between man/woman and man/Gods.” The conditioned man and woman’s foundation is built upon falsity, a lie, in authenticity, imitation. The very foundation and root of such conditioning is a false smile, an inauthentic mask or personality. This is a collective falseness that follows the death instinct. The collective unconscious conditioned man and woman, are the living representatives of the death drive that Freud talks about. The embodiment of the death drive is manifested in a “NO” to life. This is akin to choosing vice or sin. The energy of Eros is manifested in a “YES” to life. This means to choose virtue, love, purity or transformation. Very simply put, all our thoughts and feelings are at any given moment engaged in a yes or a no. Even when we are outwardly agreeing and saying yes we may remain deep down impenetrable, holding tight to NO. We may bow down to victims, perpetrators or mothers and fathers in our own constellations, hundreds of times; and still be in the grip of deep inner resistance that we have no conscious control over. We may even want to say yes. Our minds may know all the logic and rewards of saying yes and still our bodies may lock in to a no. How do we know when this is happening? What can we do to help this situation? We observe that a yes will smile and a no will frown. We also observe that all that is a lie, false and not real within us will frown; and that which is true and in tune with life essence or nature will smile, a true smile, filled with light. Not a false social smile, a systemic smile that penetrates with and carries the light of awareness. The ancient Chinese Daoist and Taoist masters knew this. In fact they practiced it as a meditation for transformation. Smiling was used as a method to cultivate life energy. It was used as a way to work with life energy as opposed to against it.
“One of the most well-known of Taoist neidan (Inner Alchemy) practices is the "Inner Smile" - in which we smile inwardly to each of the major organs of our body, activating within us the energy of loving-kindness, and waking up the Five-Element associational network.” Excerpt above taken from – Taoism ( On this web site is a beautiful meditation to work with your inner smile.) Smiling at our organs and internal energy states of discomfort or dis-ease means that we attempt to become friendly with ourselves. That we look and feel and relate with love to what is as it is. It means that we acknowledge and give recognition to that which draws or calls us. We smile and we look and we listen and we feel what is here in this moment. We don’t ignore, dismiss, overlook or resign ourselves to missing these impulses and requests of life and nature itself. In short when we smile we are immediately aware of an embodied state of being, aware of feeling sensations. When we smile at each other we acknowledge and honour the love and Godliness within each other. We become friendly to ourselves and others. Our light smiles are able to cut through and penetrate our psychobiological darkness. They are infectious and are transmitting something beyond our beliefs, attitudes and personalities. The systemic smile is also a reminder to remain within the “wide” as opposed to the narrow perceptions of life. This smile serves as a reminder to abide in this wideness and expand in giving our love. Remembering this smile dissolves the narrow minded patterns of the past, orientated to taking and wanting more. It dissolves greed. This type of systemic smiling is a very valuable tool for transforming everyday actions and movements. At times this feels like “faking it till you make it.” However, it is actually


working with the body to change the mind. Healing happens not only when we change our thinking. It also happens that we are able to transform our thoughts by changing our body. Systemic smiling sets off many biochemical and cellular changes in our body/mind systems.

Aware and true smiling manifests the will for love and life to survive. It becomes the energy of cellular renewal, a rebirth, a continual beginning of newness in the present moment. Not long ago I was reading Berts book Rising In Love Chapter 15 about the dynamics of all groups in major conflict. This explains how our will to survive includes a will to annihilate or to take what the other has completely, to consume, in an effort to connect, to that which is missing. My understanding is, that this is where unconscious NO leads, towards destruction. It is an energy that wants to TAKE and take it all. This is the masculine aspect existing in the left brain of being human. On the other hand the “Eros” or “YES” to life moves to preserve and embrace life. This is an energy that wants to GIVE, to give it all. This is the feminine aspect in the right brain of being human. These two polarities exist in all of us, and in the mixing and morphing of our evolutionary free will; we are able to choose either at any given moment. The responsibility is ours and ours alone. The only thing that will guide us towards love and life is awareness and the courage to say YES/TO GIVE, to what is as it is; and yes at times, that also includes saying yes to our real NO/TO TAKE. The balance of conscious giving and taking between the masculine and the feminine aspects of us is the only way to balance the collective. In these modern times the emphasis upon taking is predominant; so is the no to life that thrives upon the patriarchal past that pollutes the natural man and woman in all of us. When in the psychobiological grip of a NO I find it very helpful to ask “whom or what does this NO serve?” “Is it serving life? Which will to survive does it serve; the masculine movement towards death and destruction or the feminine towards love and recreation? Does it essentially want to take or does it try to give? Is it preserving ego, pride, identity, personality, beliefs, attitudes and past, or is it serving something beyond belonging and beyond personal belief, egos and attitudes, in the present? If we choose our beliefs above truth of this moment we become perpetrators of belief that annihilates the present, and remain victims of the past. WHICH WILL TO SURVIVE GOVERNS THIS MOMENT CALLED NOW? WHICH WILL, WILL YOU CHOOSE?


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