Everyday Slang from "What's Up?" to "F*%II Off!"



8U6R8D~~ BLqnG PRom "WHQT'8 UP?" TO uP*%# OPPr'

·····Matt Fargo

Illustrated by Lindsay Mack

Vlysses Press ~ ~

Text Copyright © 2007 Matt Fargo. Design and concept © 2007 Ulysses Press. Illustrations © 2007 Lindsay Mack. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever, except for use by a reviewer in connection with a review.

Published by:

Ulysses Press

P.O. Box 3440 Berkeley, CA 94703 www.ulyssespress.com

ISBN10: 1-56975-565-5 ISBN13: '978-1-56975-565-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2006903813

Printed in Canada by Transcontinental Printing


Acquisitions Editor: Nick Denton-Brown Managing Editor: Claire Chun Japanese Editor: Seigo Nakao

Editor: Richard Harris

Proofreader: Mark Rhynsburger

Editorial Associates: Elyce Petker, Laurel Shane

Interior Design and Layout: what!design @ whatweb .. com Cover Design: Double R Design

Front Cover Photography: ©clipart.com Back Cover Illustration: Lindsay Mack

Distributed by Publishers Group West

~ :/~~ :/ti±l:l*(j*-t

Soli Tansman Gloria

~ /;;(~,/t'±f~_f:f*9'

Soli Tansman GI~o:ria

Using This Book


[1] Howdy J1apanese [2] Friendly Japanese [3] Party Japanese [4] Body Japanese [5] Horny' Japanese [6] Angry Japanese [7] Poppy Japanese [8] Sporty .Iapanese [9] Hungry Japanese

::1 21 38 5'7 73 '91

.103, .1,2:0 1,.30

About the Author



l'd like to thank Professor Allan Tansrnan 'for b,eing as generous as he is wise, Oharlie Emrich, Matthew Suldan, Tamil Downes and Brooke Ray Smith for putting up with ridiculous questions about human anatomy! Alice for teaching me to love aqaln I Nakayama Risa for advice about anima and manga, Seigo Nakao for his sagacious vettil1gl, Oooka Hronori for being absurdly handsome, Ito Gabin for blowing my mind, Z81ch Anderson and Aaron Cavin for their cylindrical beards, alill tlhe people at Ulysses Press for tolerating my dirty' mouth I and of course Kameko for her ineffable slheili. llove you all.


II wrote this book assuming that you already know at least enough Japanese to get by.. Maybe you've spent enough time in Japan to get the hang of tile' basics, Or maybe you nerded out on so much anime that you acquired the entire Gundam vocabulary through osmosis. Or listened to those "LearnJapanese in 24 Hours" CDs untu you can order bllowfish sashimi without batting an eyelid. Whatev,er, this book is designed to expand your Japanese past the edge of corwentlonal learninq methods.

One thing about the Japanese language" which you'll find me repeatlnq all through this book- it's very I very contextual. What you say depends on who you are speaking to" and this book is, meant to be used in the company of friends. So be warned that if you say any 'Of the words and phrases lin Dirty Japanese to someone ollder than you, or to. a stranger of any age, you can expect them to look at you as if you'd just peed in their kitchen sink.

But when you're arnonq frlends or fellow debauchers, Ilet's faoe it~ "Konnic,hiwBJ yoroshiku onegal shimasu'" is going to make you stand out lik,e,.". well .. " a foreigner.

So Dirty Japanese is all about tile up-to-date slangish words, super-casual phrases" sexy sayings, and innuendos


that you aren't going to find anywhere ,9188'. {And Y'8S, there's, some just plain rude, deflcky stuff too. Fuck it _, readers with delicate sensibilities can skip over those pages and still get plenty of benefit from the rest of the book)

lEach word or phrase in English ls followed by its Japanese equivalent first as it's written in Japanese characters and then spelled out in tlhsRoman alphabet, A lot of people

who speak pretty decent Japanese can't read a word of It-and you don't really need to. W'elll, not unless you hope to find your way around Tokyo on your own. You can stili get everything in this book from the Roman alphabet versions.

Now take yOUir Dirty Japanese and glet dirty with it!:







··,···HeUo konnichiwa z; Iv r~ -;, 11'd:

Japanese si'ang isn't realily used wah strangers, so there aren't a lot of meet-and-greet-type, slang words. Ilf you're beling introduced to' somebody for the very first time; you gatta suck lt up and settle 'for a good olld-fashioned konnfchiwa'. But when you're rolling witll friends, "hello" will come off a little stiff, so try sliingingl one of the foUlowling slang variatiions on konnichiwa:




Howdy' chiwassu

~;fp :JIg

HDWD!::l Ll8Psn888 :5

How,dy~'lha konchassu


Howdy,-do nchatt


•• I,UU'Whla,t"s UPI? ossu


A slangier way of saying "heno" would be ossu. Like its English counterpart 1;I;what's up," ossu has an infinite number of variations .. Ossu was originally an lincredibly torrnat word, the kind! of thing that a soldier would say to a driU sergeantlike: Iff SIR YES SIIR!'" But in a slang context, ossu comes across as a siilly way to say "hI. jJ Here's Ihow two friends rniqht greet each other, for example:

WhaH:up,! (greetingl) ossu

a3?9 ~!

'Sup. (response) us:su



Whazzap! (greefing} utssu

? L,\-:>"t- !

Whazzaaaaaaap!!! (response) ussussu

? :J9':J9 !

6 Dlrb~ LJ8P8IneSI8

··,·,··Good morninq I Good eveninq ohayo.' kombanwa

t31;t,J: '? · c.lul:;flv(;!

There are also informal variatlons on "good rnornlnq" and:

II'good Bveningu;

G:()od rnorninq Sunshine! ohha

d:3 -.J r;t-

G"molrnirng! ohayon


Evenin' Ikon ba nell a


••••• Long time no see ohlsashiburi

S~'~ ~;S~ 'J

A.s in Engllish I the next part of a gree'ting usually mvolves inquiringl about tlhe other person's, well-bemq,

Lang time no see!! ohisa

;bO~' ,!

How's it hanging'? choshi doyo?

j!J=f c'5 J:: ?

lit'S hangiing, bochibochi denna

(£'5lf~!; -rlutJ.o,

HDWD!:::l LJC3pana:se 7'

How you been? ogenko?

Bfjfv c:: ?

Same' as ,aJiways, [man. a! kawa razu dayo

t~~p 6ft:!.J:o

Andl,justas fat as always,,, al kawarazu debu dashi

·tl3~b Ii; 9T7'tc. iJo

And you're just as retarded as aliways. ornac wa ai kawarazu aha dashi

i5M(;;t~:b i; 97 *t.: l_;o

Yo, guys! yo ornaera



ya ~.-

It's been a while. hisa btsa dana

1A R t;3.td.o

What's the word? salkin doyo?

'~.iff c· ? ~ ?

Same old bullshlt, domokorno neyo

C::> 'b ~ ? 'b;b-,J:'Q

B Dirt:ad uBI=Jane88

.[.' ••• Goodbye sayonara


'When it comes to parting phrases, there are aliso any number of variations on the tradlitionaJ say:6nara.

Buh bye bainara

ftL \t~, ~


hon ja ne



mata ne'

Smelll you later (tough gluy way of sayi~ng "bye") aba yo

lY5tf J:

·····H[ey! oi! Et' !

In British EngUsh, "ol" is a slightly impohte wore used to get people's attention. lin Japanese, 0/ is a slightly iimpolite word used to get people's attention, Go figurel• Other attention grabbers:

Lookl hera

r'~ ... I ,do, '::J .

Hey, kid ... na kirnl

iii" ~

'~\ ~,o

H.OWDl::I LJ8paneSe 9

Come here asec, chotto oide

-;,J: -:J c~~'-Z:o

II want to have aword with yIOU. hanashl ga arundakedo

-'~ -f.. '-t:: :z. t.: *''' " + l!'

~Id' j;jS ,cYJ' "<:JI ru c: r - (_,o

••• ·'·IMyse~lf jlbun 13ft

One of the great things about Japanese is the variety of personal pronouns YOIJ can assume .. The :mlsin three ways to say IT' are:

[I (feminine/polite) watsshi


l'rn Nancy!

wClltashi wa nanshT desu

'.Ld ~ j- )/ ::.,.. ~ 1: ...... "t 0,

I (boyish) baku


I'm studying as hardas I can to get into collsqel boku wa lssho kemmei juken ben kyo 0 yatte rnasu

iiri-~I'tfv~ L\~,~'~~m,~~? -c* -9" 10,

I[ (manly) ore


I totally look like lMel Gibson, don't I[? ore tte meru gibuson ni nitene

.. -:> -C" ;< )[';*':1') /' I::. ~ij -rtl.;t ?

10 DlrtJ,l::::f oaeeneaa

Of course, tihere are also numerous slang ways to say "I, n most of which are variations on the aforementioned pronouns. K~dls us's! alill of these with] dlifferent levels of irony, but nobody just sticks to one pronoun. Especially ,gir,ls-they can use male pronouns wiithout any iinnuendo, though a dude's use of a female pronoun will probably be construed as super 'gay.

I (male, redneck) ora


II don't know how to use them microwaves. ora denshi renji no tsukaikata nanka wakanne

S,€> .. ~f- V / :;(f)1JE~' ntctIvIJ~t:>tJ)futl. ~o

I (malel" dopey)' oira


I went to New York, but I didn't see no big apples.

oira nyuyoku ni lttakedo oklna wingo nanka minakatta ze

43 ~ \ 6, \ NlY r::fi -:) t: r1' C, *e: t$. I) /' j'fs./v

4-:.) E3 t"'1J- ';:, -r_ U

IJ J'L d.., -:J ,,,- l:!. I)

I (fe!maie, slightly Valley Girl) atashi

C;;, t: Il,;

Oh my god, I have no idea what II did all dayl

uwa atashi kyo khlnkhi nani yatteita ka wakannal no

? b, a;tc. L.,,, ~ IBI- 81ij~"":> -rL "'t=.1J)V'f))fv ts. l\O) !

I (fema'le, rich girl) atai


I always take taxis because I can't stand trains ..

atai oensha wa iya dakara itsumo tekusht 0 tsukatte iru noyo

tf;,t~ ~ \ .. , ~* 1j:~tc,1J) 6 L \ J' ~9 (;1 :Y -. ~~? ""( I~ '.QO)J:Q

HOWO!::J LJ8P8n888 1,1

II (male, gleezer) asshi


You know, I used to be quite the 'ladies' man, back in the day. assbl wa mukashl kanari no ira otoko datta :ze

~:J ~ l;t it \, tf~ tei: 'J 0) ~ ~ tc: -:> t: tf 0

·····,Sorry qomen nasai

t: /I) ,Iv tJ. ~ L ,

Apolo'gizing is a reaHy just a. matter of sjncsrlty. If you truly reqret your actions, jjust say so in at straightforwardl and honest manne-r" But If you just don't qive a fuck, try apoloqlzlnqwlth one of the following variations on gomennasa/:

Sorry" Charli'e gomenchai

~'tDlut, ~ l"

Ex-squeeze me gomenkusai

;::tl.Jlv < ~ ~ \

Who,opsy .. daisy mengo mengo

(/J Iv ;:::' d) Jv t:

••• '!II. Excuse mle surrumasen

9ib * 'it ,Iv

l'ExCUS8 me" ls one- of those multipurpose words that call be, a. greeting, a qood-bye, or an apology for farting. The same gloes for Japanese-'you can use these slang variations of "excuseme" in a varie,ty of situations.

P'ardon suimasen


Wfidll pardon me for living!: lkltete suirnasen

~~TlTt,'*ttlV !

'Bouse me surnan


'Souse my shifty J1apanese'. nihonqo ga hetakuso de suman

B *~iJ~,,,t.: < -t-C9*No

$OIrt¥ '" surnaso


$Orr¥ I'm late. osoku natte surnaso

jJ! < ts :J ""( A "::t '_) 0

oomputer speak that went mainstream

Aside from "sorry" and "excuse rne," there are 8! couple other slang ish ways to shrug off guilt:

pay no mind



My bad warine

t:d) l \ _. ;fJ

Apo~ogie's rnoshiwake

,t? G,blt

You poor t.hing kawatso

tp4?~ \-t-:>

HOW0I8 LJ'8pan888 .13;

••••• Pllea,s,'e kudasal ···<t~'~'L'

Asking for a. favor is another of those things that you usually want to ibe polite about. But when you are tallkingl to friends, feellfrs8 to be a liUIB more casual:

Why don't: you. ... ... kurl

... < LJ

Why don't you call me somstime . .... kondo denwa shire kun

~ Jl~~ I_, ""( < "J 0

Purdy-please (archaic; rural) ... kunm

... < fu7;;,

leU me' your name, purdy-pl,ease! onarnae osete kunro

13 ~ijij <J3;1i - "t" < Iv 7::>

Pretty-please {femln'ine) ... cho

"'"5 d::

When you find out where the party iS11 could you text me, pl~etty-lPlease?

nomikai no basho kirnattara menu shlte cho

jX Jj. fto) ±; PJi;;R ~ "".) t:::. is ,;;I. ~ )I v It.,.. "";( ~ c:t 0'

Do ... na


Go do your best-we're all rootinq for you, Den shiterukara gambatte kina

);til G L ~ tJ) t> , nf fu r 1,::> ""( ~ tel: '0

14 Diirta:::l~ caoanese

Do clean up - l've got friends coming over; rornodachl ga kuru kara soji shina

& ii tJ~~* ~1J'l ~ , ~Irtt. L... ts. 0

~ hope you ... .. . kureya

... < tt:,~)

I hope you hang out with me a lot. takusan asonde kureya

tc. < r5:fu Vii Iv -r: < tl.~, 0

'¥ou should .... .. .okure


You should come kick ~t at my place' sometime. kondo uchi e asobi ni kite okure

.~~? "5A..~tJ{:'*TE< nQ

Snease· {a horrible pun) ... chornrnaqe

.... !, J: Ju* (f

Forgliv,€) me, snease! yurushlte chornmaqe

~q: t.l -C-S J=: Iv ~ 1(10

Pleeze (slightly silliy} ... kurahai

.... < ,; (j: 'L \

Plee·ze eat the leftover sushi .. osushi nokotta kara kutte Ikurahai

:E* PJ 9~ -:? t:: t» b, ~ -:J ""( < &S f;t t \ 0'

HDWD!::l u8pan8'68 .15

16 Dirbl::::l uapanese

.'.' •• ,. Let's be friilends, yoroshiku onegai shirnasu

-J:;: -3 Il,., < sLtit , L, *~

'Okay, so literally this phrase doesn't mean "let's be friends," but that's the best Engllish equivalent II can offer. (A literal translation would go sornethinp like "I' hope you will take care of' things in a manner that is convenient for both of us. ") 'When I learned Japanese as a kJid, my teacher qave it the almost as unwieldy rendering. "Please be kind to our friendship,u Basicailly, it's a word that appeals to sorneone's generosity. You use lit after introducing yourself to someone, for the first time, or when you aska favor of somebody who's already your friend. When you say yoroshiku to a friend, it just means something like "do 1mB riqht, baby, Ii as in the following:

My name's Francisco.

Plea.se take care of me while I'm here in Japan.

baku wa furanshisuko desu. nihon ni tru aida wa yoro.shiku desu

fl,li7"7 /I ~ A::I· c:g- 0 B *r.: t \.{) fs91f1 J:.~ iv < ""("To

I don't know much .Japanese,

so work. with me as best you can. nihonqo wa arnari wakaranai node yorolshiku

8 *~t;t~ * £) P lJl) ,; ts t \ OJ-C J: ~ G < 0

In other words, yoroshiku is an all-purpose phrase that you can use whenever you need to irnpiore somebodys altruism. There are also rurnerous sJ,ang versions, of the word:

Take goold care of my lug'gage, now. nimotsu yoro,shilko

?iJttJ J: -5 G t: !

That: wouldl be awesome if you could Ihook me up wiit.h a cute gUIY!

kondo kawaioroko no ko shokal shlte .. shiikoyolro

'~1f:trt~JiL \t \~(J)T*BftL/lo G< d::.~ !

HOWD~ LJ,aP8neS8 .17

101m gonna drop by tomorrow, so ... (don't ass out on me) ash ita wa asobii ni iku node yoroplko

BIR IB "-+~"1' t' r ~- < (J)"'"'f'1. J: %. "1,.0 .....

:n- d-,'~ u~ ,:_ fT ' . . ~~ .' #'"';; v' ,'_, 0

I ••••• Ni,ce to meet you hajiimemashite

,,;;!: IG,~'~ t.r

Not to sound Iliik,S! a broken record, but in Japan you don't ,use slang with someone you don It kno'w. Which means that when you are asking somebody how old they are, where they grew up, or whether they prefer Diet or regular Dr. Papper, you probably need to use polite- speech. Her'e are some basic non-silang icebreakers to us,s with new acquaintances.

INiice to meet ,you. hajimemashite

ric:. A6'a:: l,. ~ 0

What's your name?' onamae nante iundesuka

td~.M1ijl~'? 1v1:-ttJ)'?

Have we met before'?'

dokka de atta Ikoto arimasenka

L;:' fJ"""i"r. ..0.. +. ~ L.. -t:. I I ± -'-'" L -h ?-

c, ':J ) .... "'Z3i::"':), ,::., '- c, ,"",) ~..1 0-.. -~ rv IJ) .

Do you have a light? raita arimasuka

7 -1 -9 - 2Y.> Lj * T 'IJ\ ?

Do you have, tile tiime? jlkan wakarirnasuka

Bij: rdl p t» U *"t 1:;), ?

Thanks. I just wanted to record the exact time I nrst met you, arigato .. aneta nl hajimete atta jilkan 0 seikaku nl kirolku shite okitakattandesu

tf) 'J tJ~c:, ? Q i§) ts t;:. r,::f)] tb -r ~ ""), t: ~ ra' !:- IE ~ I';: ~ct~ L ""( t:J ~ t: tJ~ ::> t::. fu 1: T '0'

.lS Dlrb~ tJ8pan8818

Do you come here often? yoku kolkon~ kurundesuka

J:: < ~.~ f::*.Q1v~91J)?

Do you want to g:et a drink? ocha shirnasertka

~-" "X' I', ~.J..I..l -Il)? c;f".Jl~ v ~ l;!, rv t» .

Ho,w old are you? olkutsu desuka

~I~ \ < ?'l:"'ttJ'J?

No waaaay! You don't Ilook a day older than twenty! uss.o .. hatachi nirno mieani non:

? J -t- 1s:". !! 2 0 iitl.: 'tY!.*-td: l \0) r;: !

How old do you think l look? watashi wa ikutsu ni rniemasuka

~bJ d: ~ \ < :J f ;:.Jii.~:"*. 1" 1;) ?

I'm new to Japan"

watashi wa nlhon nii kita bakkari nandesu

fb. ri a * (:::::*t.:: li':J fJ) L) tJ.i" ~9,o

~ want to make, some ,Japanese friends. nihonjin no tornodachl 0 tsukuritain desu

8 *A(J)~t;3_"S {ft'F LJ t;:t \1v-rTo

What do you Hike to do on your days, off? kyujitsu wa itsumo nant sblte imasuka

i* 8 1(;;t'L \? ~1RJ L- L"L \ * gtJ)?

Teach me some fun words,

nanika omoshlrot kotoba 0 oshiete kudasai

fiijtJ'l .. 45 t> ~.-3, ~ \ ~JI~~x l < t!_~· L \'0'

I'm enjoying hanging out with you. issho ni asondete tanoshi desu

-~ ~~in¥Au -C-C51l..... L \"T:~ g

HDWIO!::I wapsn8S8 .19

' •• ' ••• Pictures shashin 'E'~


Let's take a piicture. issho ni shashin tore)


You know Japanese folks II'oV'9 their pictures. But when you take a photo, don't ask your models to say Il;cheese"-ask them what one pilus one 'is, because the .Iapanese word for "two" (m) pulls. the ,o~d cheeks up like a good faoe-,Iift:

What"s one plus one'? lichi tasu ichii wa

11 t~9 1 1;;1?

Two! ru

f::. ~ \ . .. I,




••• 1 •• Friends nakama


Japan is often seen as a rigmd society, where social pressures deny people tbelr fuU range of expression. This is not true. Wlhat is acceptable to say depends on who's around. When you're with friends, you can say some of the stupidest shit posslble and be loved and forqlven. But even wIth friends there are different levels of mtlmacy, as in the following:

Total stranger aka no tanin


prienOL!::I w8paneS8 21

1H8y~Japanese folks don't just go up and tal'k to total stranglen;, ~ike that.

anone nihonjin wa soyatte aka no tanin ni koe a kaketari shinali no

il;O')tL 18 *A li-t, -? ~":) -C~(1)flBA I;:~ ~ t»

- ' , -- -

rtt;: t) GtJ: V\O)o

Acqualntance shlriai

~o Lj~~ \

I first go~ interestedl in Japan because I had lots of Japanese acqualntances,

ninon ni !<yomi 0 rnotta no wa nlhoniln no shirlai 9a okatta kara da

a ~I:,ft~,~~~ t;:.([)'1" 18 $A.O)'~ ILJ ~L \fJ~ ~ tJ'l '-:J t::..1J~ I';' tc_ 0

Classmate, dokyusel


Do you hang aut with your classmates much? d6kyus,ei; to wa yoku asondelru no

f5] ~J1 ~ ,e: r d:, J: < iQi ,Au 1: l \ ~ (1) ?

Co,w'orker doryo


Do you get allong with your coworkers? doryo to wa naka yoku slhiteru

f6J It c [j: 1~ 1l < G LQ ?

Have you ever dated a coworker? d6ryo to tsukiatta keto aru 13,-L"'1~~A .~ .... - L -h, .~. ? I ~J 1;..1Ijt c...~J c c ",?;,_ c_ c, I!l'; "0) •

lBuddy-buddy naka yoshi

'1~1~ L.,

You know; we really get along well. uchlra tte kekk6 nakayoshl da ne

-s -;, 6 -:J ""( (t? ,e.. ? ilf' ~ L t2 tic,

So,llid 'guy Tyatsu

L \ ~ '\1"' "Y

He's really a soliid guy., altsu wa hont6 n i i yatsu da

®,~ '"Jra:*3 (::t \t '1?V't':o

Sweet girl j ko

t \ L, \'T

She's realIly a sweet glirl. kanojo wa honto nli I ko de ne

fBlt2: 1d:*3 r~l~ \,~ \T-rtlc

Friend tomodachi


Seriously, man, you are such a good friend. ornae wa honto ni I ternodadn da

d3M"l'dt*~ f;: L ,~\,~tc.'~,.tCo

Te'xt flriiendi (literally: "thumb-buddy"] oyatomo


Il've ,got more text friends than real friends. jissal no romodachi yori oyatorno no ho ga oi

,~~~,(]J~,tc_~ J:, ~J *-v 1"~(J)1i b~:~ t \0

Text frl,end (another word for .. ,) merutorno

)l)1.-- 1', 1E-

IPrl8nDU~ LJ8PSnB'B8 23

Bes,t friend shin'yu


My best friend is Japanese. shin'yu wa nihonjin da

m.~rj:, B *At~()

Tight bro's/gkls from way back osana najimi

2JJ ts L; Jj.

We are tight from way back, koitsu to wa osana naJimi da

;:_ L \ ':J C IId:tJJtd: C,ht':o

Crush sukina hltc

9T 2" ts»;

I tihink he's got a new crush

altsu wa sukma hlto ga dekita mital

if) t' -:> f~~T~ tJ.AtJ~T!~ t::ht=. I~ \0,

Boyfriendl kareshi


Your boyfriend seems like a realily n'ice guy. klrni no kareshi wa yasashlso dane

~ (I) im,~ fi'{i G -t' ? t:: tlo

Man (boyfriend) danlla


My' man doesn't Illike meeting my friends,

danna ga atashii no tomodachi ni altaqaranatnda

'->'/:J-fJ1dBtc. L-O)~t~-; II=:~ t ,t~tJ~ 61 tel. ~ 'Iv t~o'

Girlfrilend kanojo


I had a. fee~ing your girlfriend was gonna be hot. omae no Ikanojo tte yappari bijin dane

+~ .......... rt» 1m""" T ~ "-f , ,I ~1 +:." ....... <r.:l f:IIJI 'l./j 'UX »: ~ ...... \....? I 0.'.) ~..I\' tc. 1 ,el. 0

PrisnDlu::I ~aJ:l8n8S8 25

My'girl yorne


1'111 introduce you ito my glirl sometme, but she's not much to look at.

yome wa kondo shokai surukedo arnan kawaiku naindayo

3 :J.1'd:~~'~B1r9~ rt'e .. 65,*~) tnbt \ < t~t' lute. eto

Fuc'k budldy sefure


You know; a tuck buddy is the greatest ~hing a person can Ihave.

yo no naka de mottoma arilgatai sonzai wa yappari sefure dana

"tl! (1) tp~B 'if) ~ It) Ii; tt: I~ \ B:?f (d: ~ ~ [t t) i!: 7 IV t::f,J..o

I ••• , •• Titl,es keisho


Thanks, to Kerete Kid, everybody knows that adding "san" to Daniiel's name makes him "Mister Daniel." But did you Iknow that there alPS' a bunch of other titles you can add to people's names - and not just respectful ones either, but silang ones to use with your friends?

SIENSEI ... 5t ~

Generally used for teachers, or someone who has otherwise been a beacon of knowledge in one's life,

S,AIN .... ~ ,Iu,

Pretty m UGh the equivalent of "Mlstsr," it maintains professional distance.

;26, Dlrw~ oa=aneae

SAMA'''' ~"*

"Sir/Madam ." Only for higlhl'y polite situations, or when

you're beiing ironic.

KIUN ., .. < Iv

An affectionate endinq for a friend's name, usuallliy a male friend who is the same ,ag~e or younger than you.

CHAN .... !" '~ Iv

More attectlonats and cuter that "kun, JI and! therefore often used with gir~s" but wirth boys as weill, when they are being cute.

('IHIIN .. ,. !> /v

This is a slangier version of Behan. tI

'TAN .. ·t~1v

And even slanglier version of "chan."

PON "." f£1v

A silly endiing tor a friend's name. kind of dorky and fun .

••••• Fa,lmily kazoku


Family is what it's all about+especiallv in Japan" where the family unit still retains a subtle semblance of cohesiveness. When speaking about or to your own famlily, i1"8 normal to use slang titles like limy old lady" or "the g.sez'9r" - but be sure to' use respectful names like "father" and "mother" when speaking about other people's families.

IFather otosan


priElnOLH LJI8panS68 2'7

What does your ta:th[er' do for a living? otosan wa donna shlqoto shne lrundesuka

<E:X: ~ AA;j: c. fu tei: 1:t.~ u -c [~ \.Q Iv c: g-1J') 0

Dad papa


My dad's been married three times. papa w.a sankai mo kekkon shlte lru

I~l~ ('dC' .[8] tJ:Jij~il' Il_., -r ~ \ .Qo

Old man, [geezer oyaJl


Myoid man was a lush

uchi no oyaJi wa aruchu datta

? ~, O)itx~1 d:, 7 ) Iv 9J1 t.:: :) t: 0

oyaji gyagu

~Jl){ ~ -\"T ?"

a "ge'9zer pun." In Japan, bad puns are referred to as I~jgee.zer puns,' as the chlief culprits are usuaU:y old men.

Mother okasan


Do you look more like your father or your mother? otosan to okasan no dote hi ni' nits lrundesuka

,S::'X: ~ A.l (:, S-m ~ Iu (J) C· ? b r;: 11;(7: L '\, Q A., --C 1" tJ)?

M[om mama '~"7(

I miss my moms cooklnq.

uchl no mama no te'ryori 'Qa natsukashikute

?"5 (J)x"xO)=F*4111J~1iJJ~1 G < T c

Oldllady ofukuro

s;;5,< ~

Myoid lady used to be pretty hot, back in the' day. ore no ofukuro nanka wakai koro wa cho bijln datta

it (J) d:5 .,5, <" ;s t;J. fv tJ'J , al \ t_w i;t ~ ~A t:3. ? t: 0

Japanese folks don't do the whole "Yo momma" shtick, but I've seen elementary kids throw out the foUowing zlnqer in fits of passion:

Your momma's beUybutton is an outiel ornae no kachan debeso daa

43; 1m 0) £J ~ ~ Iv T r\. Y t-c_ o.s

., •• ' •• Characters kyara


Personalliy, Ilikl9 to judge people by how much money they have. But there are actually several other ways to classlty our fellow human beings, including the. color of their skin and how' tall they are, Here are some different ways to describe people:

Spoiled brat obotchama

dsr£? -; -¥' *

That dude is a spoiled brat. altsu wa ebotchama dakara na

~ ~ \?I~~,l£? -; ~ ~t~tJ'l G,tJ.o

Daddy's little p:riincess, oj6


That glirl is Daddy's littlle pnncess, anoko wa oj 0' dakara na

sO).:rr:tJ3:.t':1J' I? tJo

F'rlsnoLl=J tJ8panS88 29

Rich kanernochl


You must Ibe riich~! anta kanernochi daro

3S./v tz: ~M'5, tc. 6

Poor bimbo


It's impossible to be poor and II:ive' in Tokyo. tokyo wa bimbo na ningen ja yatte ikenai

**(:d:Jtztd.Ar~' G ~.'\b -.J l ~'llttd.. L'\o

Gaudy hade


Americans like gialldiy stuft.

amerlkajln wa hade' na mono gJa sukl dane

Y j. II) t.J A ~ d::~m -¥f J:. "L (]) .fJ~ I;.f ~ tt:·t.J. 0

Pilaiin jirni


I like, to dress re8!IIIy p,ll,aiin. ikanimo jimii na y6fuku 91a suki da

~ \ t.;), r: 'b±f!~td:;$~I~1J~~T~ t~o

Genius tensel


vou're a qoddarnn genius! omae wa t,en:sai da

tJ '~IH~~::t t~'g

30 Dirl:i:::l LJ8PSn888

Airhead ten'nen


You ape such an ,aiirhead. ornao wa maji de ten'nen da

S J:lIH 3:;(' :; -e ~fJ{t':' 0

The word, ten 'nen (~~) real.ly just means "natural," bUt it's often used as an anbreviatlon for tel1'nen bake (~~~'7) or "natural-born idiot. it


su potsu rna n


I was a total~ jock in high school

lkoiko jidai wa ello supotsumen dattanda

~f~~fi:(d:mA~""" ':J ~ /t!_ ? tc.fu t~g

Prettyboy ikernen


She hangs out with lots of pl'1ettyboy,s,., kanojo no tomodachi ni wa lkernen gaoi

1~ tI:. (J) ,~' tc.. ~ r:: r d '-1 '7,,j. / lJ~ ~ l \, 0

Nerd otaku


Now I'm just a regular old nerd"

ima wa goku lppenreklna oteku nanda

~Ir,d: t: < ~fN a~ t.l.;;t ~ ? tcl-lv t:'<lr


hlto atari I A~t.: It) ~,~, \

She's a r@aliyfriendlly gal. anoka hlto atarl i yone

~ (J)~" A ~ t:;., I') L \ I~ '\ ct ,:tJ_'Q'

Antisocial tsuklai warui

~t~~~'~L' He's kind of antlsoclal, aitsu wa chotto tsuldal warui yo

~. ~ '''-:J li~ ,ct ":> C i'1~-&L'~ ~ ,.cto '

Party animal asobinin


All of my friends are p,arty anhnals. tomodachi wa minna asobl'nln nanda

& tc!> r"j J:J./v t: Ylf.'lJ. A tJ. Ju f::· 0

SIa.cker putaro

-;t - :t:Jll~

I 'graduated three years ago but I'm still a jobless slacker. sannen mae ni sotsucyo shitakedo mada pl(j·taro shiteru

3 1:FM r::$~ L-·t~ (t c'* t::_ / -...;t.85 G -c ~ e


dame ninqen

~<';:A f..rli'

What are you doiing. with a 1I,08el" like· him?

altsu no yona dame ningen to' tsukiatte do sunno

Q) ~':J(f)J: ? t.J.-!Y';I.. A.rB' C: J~ a6? l C'? 9 Iv (J)?

Hesponsibls adult shakaijin


.AII my fr~ends have turned into responsible adults. tornodachl wa minna sha'kaijiin ni natchimatta yo

.& t.:: ~ I ih Iv tJ: ~±~ AJ~ ts. :l "5 * :J' t.:: J: 0

The word shakaijin (i±~.A.) means a full-fledged member of society-in other words, someone' with a fun-time job.

Cornpare thiis to jobless slackers known as pOtaro (7':taB).

Businessman rlman

I) -~::,/'

My dad is just a regular ofd businessman. oya] wa futsu ni rlman yatteru

mX:,filfiil: E) -~/'~-:Jl~o

Offiic:e lady oeru


I'm just a regular old o,ffice Ila,dy. atashl wa futsO no oeru nano

a; t~ L-.! i ~,im (J) 0 ltd: (J) Q

..... Everyday people ippan pi


lin Arnerica you have your stoners, preppies, hipsters, band geeks, jocks, goths, vlsiqoths, recnecks, punks, computer nerds" revers, art kids., and those student government types, who end up banqlnq your 'wife later on ln lite. Likewise, Japan has its own set of stock characters that you wilillearn to recognize. So take this book and a pair of binoculars and sse if you can identify the following .lapanese archetypes:


-:/-, :t: .a~ OR 7 I!) ,">" -

A pCitaro or turTta is a Japanese Generation X'er. These are kids in their twenties who have graduat,e,d from college but, reluctant to become a cog in the corporate machlnery, take part-time jobs at the local 7 -Eleven and spend their paychecks on clothes and cell phone

pri8IiDL..l:J LJ81=lanBS8 3'3

accessories. Furlta are treated as a bi'g social problem, on a par with drugs and violence" but really they're just your average college grads with nothing better to do than piss off lMom by driinking millk straiqht out of the carton, They check their e-mail like fifty times an hour and are really into the Food Network.

c GY'ARU ~,~ }~

This is one of the more notorious. Japanese archetypes .. Gir'ls with overwrouqht tans, blond hair, bright fluorescent clothing, and white glitter makeup around their eves, There are diffemnt levels of gyaru; the most violent manifestation of whiich is the yamamba, wihose tan is so dark and whose eye, makeup is so qarishly white that under the black Ilight of a dance club she appears to be.a pair ot clssrnbooleo raccoon 'eyes. As a foreigner, you may be indined to make fun of gyaru I and Japanese people often act ashamed of them, Ibut they are actually more fun to party witlh than just about anybody. Think of them as ,Japanese Jersey girls!, They dance, dlrinlk, and know how toO gle~ drrty-so Ihang up your nano-ups and go h:it up Shibuya for a good, peroxidetinted time. Gyafu banzai!

c BURIKIKO ,~5,~ LJ 'J,"=f-

A ditz. Ut'erally, burlkko mean "a glirl who pretends." Like her American counterpart, a burikko isn't actually ditzy, per se~she just pretends to be because her dad molested her as a kid and she assumed feiigned ignorance as at primitive defense mechanism. And she thinks dudes actually like Paris lHilllton. She's actually really sharp] and says some funny shit when you g,et her drunk enough - but then when you start to 'get intimate and ask her for her numlber shejll suddenly clam up and say: "You mean, like, my social s.ecurity number?!"

cV:ANK) ~ / =f -

A bastardization of the word "yankee,' yankT refers to the male version of gy,aru. Like gyaru, they tend to have

lonq blond hair and obsessive tans, and are likewise undereducated. Don't hate on them for looking a liitHe froufrou, though-these guys are the blue-collar workers of Japan, building Tokyo's skyscrapers by day and sniffing paint thinner by night. They are also tons more fun to rap with than your averaqe salarvrnan, and can hold their own in a fight if it Gomes down to lit. Same story as gyaru, basical'ly" without a vagina.

e OTAIK,U ;t -5' ?'

Otaku iis a word that; li~e bukkake'll has insinuated itself into the English Ilanguage. Those are the guys who spend all night in their apartment with the Ii:ghts aut, playing World of Ware raft and jerking off to science fiction an/me. This is not a judgmental d'68criptlon: in my opinion these folks deserve our awe and our reverence. They have the baills to do what your ego snd pride will never aHow you to do~sink into the mire of self~indulgence, without any regard for what society miight say, So next time, an otaku wa~ks by you on his way to the vldeo arcade, stop for a moment, take off your hat, and hum the intra to Final Fantasy, in the sU,ghtly wavering ke,y of hesitant admiration.

c: HIKKI I:: '/ =t--

HikkT are a reiiatively new phenomenon in Japan . .A particularly acute manifestation of this furfta generation, a hikkfils like a violent amatqern of otaku and apathy. Hikkf.stay in their rooms aU day, so afraid of societal pressure that their lethargy actually becomes an active commitment on a. par with a full-time job. The word hikkr can also refer to Japanese pop singer Utada Hikaru, but in this case it is short for hikikomori, which means "to hole up."

c AKIIBA.KEI 7 =f-l'\ *

A~Boy Tlhes'9 anima fanatics are essentially oteku, but encompass a sliQlht~y lar;ger and more colorful demographic. fl\kiiba refers to Akihabara. the electronics/amrne mecca of Tokyo (and the world at large). So basically akiba ~ej means the kind of people that hang out in Akihabara. This includes folks who like to dress up as their favorite anrne characters (cosplay), computer enthusiasts, hard-core qarners, and the just plain socially awkward, Sometimes referred to as "A-8oys!! -a pun on the term 8-Boys.

c BiBCI t:' - ~-1'

8-boy This is a jigger. Not liike when Jay-Z says "Jigga that Nigga" or when your grandpa asks you to fetch him "a jigger of glin'''-no, this is the Japanese version of a "wi giger" : a .Jaoanese boy who thinks that every day is Halloween and his onllY costume is an Eminem outfit. You can find groups of jio9g.ers break-dancing to Jamiroquai in subway stations throughout Japan. Not as lame as their Caucasian counterparts but still pretty ridiculous, blb6i wear Kangol hats and Timberline boots but would probably turn talll at the Vf5ry slight of at Paki dude, much less a real black ·guy. Flash them a gang s'ign and then get all tripped out when they actually flash a gang sign back.

e IRiMAN I) - ~ '/

aalaryrnan Th is Is perhaps the most parvastve dernoqrapruc lin Tokyo-the ublcuitous, expressionless businessman. The weird thlnqabout these dudes Is that you can get drunk with them and see them emerge from their elaborate cocoons of mannerism, spread their powdery wings and ascend unto the sky" laugh'ing and singing and shitting on their bosses and wives and the wholie sham of modern life~only to glance' at their watches and say, "Oh shit, I'm gonna miss the- last train."

36 Dirt:;:i!~1 w8panSS8


OL stands for "office lady." This is basically the adult manifestation ot the Japanese schoolqlrl=now that she has graduated from coillege, she lis working in an otnce untll she g,ets knocked up. On weekends she goes to Disneyland with her boyfriend and throws a flit when his eyes are closed in the twenty-doillar Splash Mountain photo. She is lousy in bed.

c BAIBA J ~ / \. 7

Middle-agled Iladies" Soccer moms. In the United States, the demographic of middlsaaged women either have this erotic Desperate' Housewives appeal to them, or else they serve as an antidote to the Doner you seem to get in class every day at 2:00 p.m. In Japan, middle-aged ,ladies 'gravitate toward the latter, w~th alii the' spite and zealotry of evangelism thrown in. Remember that one 'friend you had in high scrool, whose mom hated you because she somehow knew that you were gletting her SOil hiqh? Remember how she called all your other friends' moms and got them to hate you, too? Yeah" well picture that, but riding a motor scooter at 50 mph through Japanese suburbia. Not to be. fucked with,

IPriBnOL8,w8panBse 37'

C'Hf=IPT6R 8

'WA~W'AI NIHOIN'GO t>'.~ \VL \ B *~A

., •••• Let's part.y asobo


11 you th,ink about it, partying has a lot to do with slang. When you loosen your tie after a hard day's work, you have the opportunity to 'loosen up your tongue as well, That's. why the best places to hear and speak Japanese slang are clubs and drirnki;ng establlshments.

cARE 'VOU UP fOR .. " . ... . lttoku

'.'~':Jt:< l'

.... some karaoke? karaoke. ..

jJ "7 ;;t..;, ..


· ... another drink? rno ippal. ..

't> '5 L \ ? ri l \ ...

· .. staying out alii night?' oru ...

;t- }l,; ...

· •• another rai II? rain, rno ippon ...

7'1" /, ~? -* .. "

c ('MON, LET'S··· shlyoze ...

, ., . Il_.;.d:: ? if ?

•.. do sQ,m,ething! nanka, ..

{ij} 1J~" ..

.. . driink at my house! orenchi de nornlkal , .

1tlv "5-c':i~h'$?' ".

, .• pl1ay ,a dnnlking ga1me! nornl qerne ...


· .. do sOlme partying.l tonikaku asobu keto nt ..

C II:.lJ), < itil ... ;~ be ,I:.,,·

... raise the roof! lei iei. ..

-{.I-{ 1'I..-( ." .

... take it easy toniglht .. kon'ya wa rnattarl. ..

~~r;t* -:> t: U ...

" .. hit on some guys. 9ya ku na n ...


part:H::JI1 L.J8panS88 39

.". hit on some girls,. nanpa .. ,


, " .smoke some weed and shit. happa suttart . "

1\ '/' } '\ ~ :J t: Lj .. '.

· .. take a break, chotto kyOkei ni. , .

~ L. J*-~~ "-

:J ,j: ":J c, 'I .;~. ......., ..

c II WANINAn . .. . tali na

" .. , t: L \ t:

, .. meet sOlme new people, atarashi tomodachi tsukuri. ..

~JT L- ~ \aJi1'F U .,,"

· .. g:o somewhere else. hoka no tokoro ltte mi. ..

{-ilia) C: ;:: -3 fr ? ""{" Jj. . " '.

· .. blow 'tlhiis pop stand. koko 0 dete iki. " "

~;: ~tfj l~=r~ ...

· " "score a Iman. atoka 0 kudoki. , '. E8~'D,gg~ .. ·· ,n _ RJtC!

· .. sc1ore a wom,an. anna 0 Ikudoki ...

~ r.. ;E.H ~

!JI... £(!: D IDt c .".

· .. go home learly. hayaku kaeri. .' .

!f!, < ~~ L) "" "

··,··,·Whatcha up' tal? ima nanl shiteru?

~iRJ L,-C ~?

'Whatcha up to? ima nani shlteru

~1iij L-""( .Q ?

Are 'You busy tonight? kon'yalsoqashl

~~1t L·~' ?

Pm totally bored s,tupidi. maji (he hlrna dayo

x :Jm I:: x t':J::o

Whatcha wanna do? do, suru

,C?9.Q ?'

I dunno ... Wh,at you wanna do? un do suru

~51u .. , C?9~?

,Anyway" let IS, party. toniksku asobo

C: i~tp< ~If£? 0

Bring it on! yossha


•• ' •• '. Getting down nori nori

J I) / I)

Do you want to know what is the slingile sexiest thing about somebody you meet at a club-,the essential element that sets them, apart from every other piece of tail on the dance noor? The' fact that they ate having a good time. vou wanna be sexy? Then have a good time, d'ammit-ri'ght nowl Then tell everybody about it, using th'9 fo'lliowing phrases:

parb!::l LJ8pan888 41

c T,OiNIIGHT I. ... , ... korrya wa


· .. am in the mood to party! ... nori nori daze

... J I) /1) tcif

" .. am Q,etting my groove, em" · .... mori n i notteru

... ./ 'I) l:) v t: ~Q

'" .. am readyfor anything .. · .. yaw ki m,anm,an

" .. _":"'.' Z -5. :~. • R ~

, ........ c:J .x ... tl}llJ - <)

· .. am having 8! great time!

· .. m 0 riag atteru

.... ~ LJ . ..ttr~· :J'l Qa

· " "w~11 take this !party higber!:

· .. tenshon 0 dondcn ageru 20

"'7/:/ 3 /~c'fuclvJ:(f.Q~Q

· '. "wUlstay up all niight. ... oru SLHU zo

· " .::j" - )l"T .Q, i3 0

,IUII .. II"Taking iit ea,sy rnattari

'~:J t~ 'J

Not every niight can be a party night That's why they 'have Blockbuster Iligints. Actually, in .Japan they would be called "Tsutaya nights'" _. if they weren't already called metter:

So go get a romantic comedy and a bucket of gTeen tea ice cream, wi:glgl'e LInder the «otetsu I' and have yourself a 'good mattari.

c TONIGHT I. ,. kenya wa ...


· .. ami beat • ... . dart na

.. ,·t:=. U t \ ~ ts.

· • "don't feelillik,e, doing shit.

· .. nani mo shitakune

., .. {iij ~ L·t~ < :.fJ.-o

" .. feelliike takingl it easy. · ... rnattari shlta! klbun

± -I> t I I+. I \"~= L\'

• .• q;;.. ? I~ '.) U t::' "" Xl...Jj 0

' .. ' .,am Qlonna eat and 'go to sleep. · " .mesh i kutte nerlJ

... j. :""11? -c~~

• •. am just gonna 'Veg out at home,

- -

, , .ie de gom Qloro shiteru wa

... ~-C'::f!:l =i'D It T -5bQ

· .. wanna watch videos or somethinq,

· .. bideo demo mitai

,.,. t:'T:;f-l; tLFit.: L \0

., •••• Funny shit: ukeru koto


In spite of the- stereotype" Japanese folks have a great sense of humor. 'rou're going to have plenty of shit to Jauglh about. so you Imlignt as 'weillearn how to do it riight

c".~IISlA[RE HI LAR.lOU S! ..... rnecha ukeru

.. ·ct>"51b?7~, !'

Hls/her outfit, .. aitsura no fukuso .. ,.

[f) L \-:)O)nra~·· ,.

E:verything you say .. , omae no iu keto ...

sMa) t=I? ;:: ~ .. ,.

His/herface ... altsura no kao, ..

If)~ \?O)I~'"

This movie. " , kono eiga , . ,.

!-. O)~mru·,,·

The way you dance .. " omae no odorikara ...

d5MO)~t) h"'"


... waratchau

"'~:J'b~? !,

Just I~ooking at theml. '. '. alrsura no kao 0 rnlru dake de ...

(f) L \ ':J 6 (f) ~ll ~' ,~Q tc.1 'J '1::" ..

Your' stupid jokes. ..

omae no kudaranai gyagu ...

;}3, iW 0) ""f6 tJ: t \ =t: t' (;l'"

They always ...

altsura no koto waitsurno. ..

~ L \:J ,t:, (J) L- t: I'~, L \:J 'b"'"

•• '.'.,. COlol shit omoroi koto


Omoroi is your all-purpose word for interestingness" You can use it to describe how funny it was when your friend got drunk and fell into a sewer ditch, or how eoemored you are by the music of David Hasselhoff I 01'" how you were moved by an exhibit at the Hiroshima War Memorial. Anything youfine appealing is omorot. When the moon hits your eye like a. big pizza pie, that's omoroi.

44 Dirb!::l aJ8P'anese


;t 'i:: ClI~ \

This movie lis glreat. kono eiqa omorol na

~ O')~@j.. :t1E [J L ,tJ:~ ~

Japanese folks are funny. nihonjln tte omorol yone

B *A '? l:", :tt [J I~ \,J:: ~o

Take me somewhere fun. dokka ornoroi toko ni tsuretette

C :J tJ~;t -=f: D L \ I~ L.- (:: iI,n ""'( -::;lITo

Do, you know any cool clubs?

dokka ornoroi kurabu shlranal

C -:J 1J)*~ [J t \? 7 /'~IJI ~ t';'l\ ?

That's one f'unky hairdo .. sono karniqata kanari omoroii ne

-to)~~, jJ'ltJ. L) ;t

-=E [J ~ \Qo,

You are a real fun kidl. ants omoroi ko dane

~,Iv,t;;:.., *~tJlt\T t.:tlo

·····Wlhe,re Japenese people ,get down

8 $AC7Ji11fLK1r

Nihonjin no asobikata

Japanese kids don't glO to "bars." Actually, they do - just not as often as they 9'0 to other places, like! karaoke or clubs. Here's a llst of different ways that Japanese folks get stupid:

parb8 u8panese 45


The standard Japanese drinking estabuenmant. lt's basicaUy a cross between a bar and a restaurant. Most of your drinking willi be done in one of these,

That lzakaya has shiHyfoodi but the drinks are cheap .. asoko no lzakaya wa meshi ga mazul kedo sake ga yasui kara

dB --r L.- O)Ji5~~r ;ii&1Jl* 9l\ f:t C ~tJ~~ ~ \ tJ~rS(.

'c [KARAOKE :n -j ;t'T

Small, private karaoke rooms rented by the hour.

Yesterday we sang ,every Boatlos song in thekaraoke joint. kino wa karaoke de bltoruzu no zenkyoku utarte shimatta

W'F 13 I j:n ;, ;t'';:1: 1::' - r' l~ ;( rJ) ~ [ffElif* -:J l L... * .::> t::',e

,e [KUR.AB,U ?:7 7'

Loud music and drinks .. Often categorized by the type of music being Dded:, Hip-hop club, IR,eg:gae club, Punk clob,

IDa you know a g;ood dub for pickIng up rich, handsome men?

kanemochi no ikernen 0 qetto dekiso na kurabu shitteru

~M~~4~~~~~~~~~~5~~57~ -:>-C.Q?

c GES"EN J;j-i! /'

A video game arcade, Swallow your pride, man-nothing beats a good game of drunken Tekken,

Last night I go~ so drunk I wound up playing Dance Dance R'8Volution at the arcade.

kino wa nomlsuqite gesen de danrebo nanka yatchatta

aiEl rt~Jj.1" ~>-c 7- 'i! ,,;/-r: (;1',/ V iF tJ:1U 1J)~ ~ .~ ~? t::.·~ 0

c FAMIRE:S,U '7 7' 2. V.A

Short tor IIIfamily restaurant," this implies IDenny's or some other chain restaurant. They have much better food than

46 Oil'b1:J LJ8paneS8

their American counterparts and serve alcohol! Often open 24 hours, for when a night gets rea~ly sloppy.

Let's walt for tlhe first train at a f'amiily restaurant, famiresu de asaichi no densha 0 mate

7 7 ~ VA ""C~-O)~.~ffl' t ? Q

-e MANGA KIS:SA ~I ij] ~ 3ft

A twenty-tour-hour Internet cafe/comic book library. Pay by the hour to read, watch movies, obsesslvely traq, send drunken mass a-mails, or just sleep until the morning train. Not a party otace, per sa, but a good pilace to kill time between parties. Free soft drinks.

There's nothing to do till the dub opens up -wanna hiit up a rnanqa kissa?

kurabu ga aku made yarukoto nai kara manqa kissa demo itterniru

? 7 7'lJf~ < *-r:~~ i: t:t;I.l 't;'l,,;~~[Ii~~'-C 'b ~ \ '-:> "'( J:j. Q ?

c BA, NOM,IYA /\- • iXJJ.~

A Western-styile bar, speciafzinq in alcohol rather than food.

e SUNAKKU A T '';/ I;J

A bar with mliirty waitresses. Middleaged dudes Ilove these places, but they charge you up the yin-yang for a hallf-assed cocktease.



An expensive bar with younger girls who willi drink with you and sometimes more, depending on your walilet and your demeanor.

Darb!::! OapanE!818~ 47

Usually takes place at an izakaya (see page 46).

c HOSUTE:SU KURABU * ,A t---IJ "7 7"

Ladies, don't feel! objectifiedl! You, too, can pay to drink with handsome young men who miglht even chomp your box for a nominal fee,l

e S,UIORJPPU A ~ I) ~:;/ A titty bar.

c NIOMIIKA~ ,iXh~ A party ..

'C ENKAI ~'~'

Same as nomikai; but usually ceIebrating a specifiic thing.


Spread out a picnic blanket beneath the cherry blossoms; and watch everyone proceed to drink until said picnic bllanket is a kaleicoscopic Jackson Pollock of clhunder.

c DONKi ~ /=f-

W,elcome to Don Quixote, the Japanese Wal-Mart. Not a place you want to. go party at, but if's open 24 hours and you can always find some interesting folks wandering tile ais~!es at 3 a.m.

c, NUIKAI =;x~

The after party. This can be, held at any of the above establishments, and etten invollves rnissinq your train, puking on your friiend's shoes, and hitting on nameless coworkers.

c G'QKONI/IKO,MPA ~ ~ / '. ::t / /'\

A dude invites his male friends, and a girl invaes her female friends, and everybodly gets drunk and feels ,each other out At some point the girls goO to the bathroom and decide

48 DirtJ8 LJ8PBnB8B

who 91'6t5 who .. Basically if's an lnstitutionallzed version of Friday night at the bar.

c Q'IRU ;:t ~}[..,

Thiis, means 'Fuck the last train, we're drinking till morning," and It happens more often then not

c VAM,ANOTE S,EN GE,MU LlJ -¥~~7 ~ A,

.A drinking game whore you go around in at circle and say the names of stations on the Yarnancte Line. W'hen somebody tucks up, tlhey driinlk. There are 8! million other themes for this, like the names of prefectures or names of foreign actresses.

C' OSAMAGE,MIU ,~t*7 -.b.

This iis basically the J1apanese equivalent of 'Truth .or Dare." Kind of childish ana dumb, unless you're drunk enouqh that it's right on your Ilevel.

·····Booze sake


Bacchus has his own lanquaqe, Mostly it consists of slurred confessions about how much you IOV18 your friends, but there are other Bacchanalian vocabulles that you won't be embarrassed of the next morning:

'e CHEERS TO ••• I ni karnpai

... 1-t!>;-±"1;: I

..... ,!f~'rT~ •

. . . .this beautiiful country! kana utsukushl kunl ... ;:0)~L.,1~\~ ...

. . . the kindness of Japanese people! nihonjin no shlnsetsusa ...

B *AIG9U,tJ]' ~ ...

" .. rscoverlnq from alcoholi:sm~1 aruchu ga naotta koto ...

7 )1, - , m-n,) .',.A, ..." +~ ~IIL.. ••.. v or IJ IQ -" 1,= !:....."., c,

. " .aU my ex .. wives (husbands)!. rrrototsuma (motodanna) tachl ..

7t~ (7C~ ~B) te.. ~

, ... brew'! muqlshu .....

Zl·:fi·· .

How about a cllrink? ippaii ikaga

-:rFl '1J)tJ~?

You got beer' on tap? nama blru arlmasuka

~ e ...... }t.-lfS t) *g-tJ) ?

"Beer on tap" in Japan implies a light pilsner.

A. pint of beer, pl!ease. namachu kudasal


Namachu is the standard beer order-a m,ediUl,m-sized (pint) glass from the tap.

Know somewhere we can drink a micr:obrew? dokka jibiru norneru mise wakaru

(~. ~ tJ) ±il, [::' -- ) (.,~: l1J ~ g t> j)),.Q ?

You probably need! to go up into the mountains" to a hot spring or ski resort, tofindi a good micro.brew,.

I want to learn more about sake, ponshu ga motto kuwashlku naritai

~./;l1J~t> ':J t:~ G < f~ to t~IL \0

50 mrtJ~ iJ8P8n888

Ponsbu is short for nipponshu; or "Japanese booze .. " The word sake tends to be a 'general term for booze.

Hot sake gets me fucked up! man. atsukan wa mechal<ucha yo kara na

~'WJl1I d: 61) ~ .~ < "5 ~ fF -)1 ttl .J? tJ. 0

Astuk8'n is heated sake, usually drunk in the winter, and usually cheaper than the drier sake you drink cold.

Why don't you shotgun that sake? soko no ponshu 0 ikkinoml shitara

.z.. (}) 4:2- ...~. -J:::... i= ,«:A,,::1. II+. .... ? L ;,: _ . il\' /il=!l"'~'- )(\Mc7- U I;:' '::;> .•

There's not a lot of beer-bonqinq in Japan, but you do get a lot of good old-fashioned chug'ging.

Chug,! Chug~ Chug!: ii kki i kki ikki

~ .=- .=-

'-'~-)(l.-x\ ,!

This is what you yell whille people clhug chug chug.

Let's drink untill the last train. shuden made noma ze

~'~ * "'("~ "b "5 if 0

... which ain't all that late in Tokyo.

Psrbl::::l u8lpanese 5,1

If you're 'going to barf:, do it in the toilet. gero tchaunnara tolre de yare

70"":J ~ ~ ? IvtJ.'~ r-.;( vc-~.tL e

I'm gonna drink till Wi cernes back up! rlbasu suru made nomu de

I) J~- A 9.Q *L"i~trt:-· 10'

lHilariouslly enough, they call puking "reversing,"


ShoclhUi (potato liquor-drunlk by the pros) m~tQ

ChlQhai (a cocktail with shochu) It/\1o

••••• ' F'uckedl-Ulp-edness deisut


Whatever, man - YOLI aren't going to remember any of these vocabulary words when you're sprawled out an the tetem: mats breathtnc fire, But 'I guess maybe this will make for some nice hangover retrospection as yO'U sit there, trying to remember what happened last night.


· , .shlte kkhatta

· .. ' ,L_...T-e- ~, ~ :J i: 0'

." .buzzed. horoyoi ...


· .. 3 liUle tipsy-oh no! yabal chotto fura fura ...

-V/~:~\" ;'J::? t. 777-j .. ·

. , .. sick, haklke ..


· .. 8 hit drunk. y,oppar,atta kanji gao ..

~, ,[....fS'... ,t.-~ 1"1J~'

lCJ"f -:> _ 0. ~:J' .... ,~, v' , ...

c I A,M ••• , .. ni nattekita

.,,,. f,:tJ: '? T E- t::..o

· .. smashed. beron beron. ' ..

r{ 7:J ,Iv I"{" ;:, Iv , ..

" , .. realily trashed .. rno gudenguden ..

t> 5' <"-ell! <'~-C AJ""

· .. three sheets to the wind. cho deisui jyotai ...

:en • JF.=I dFitI. 'I-I! ~~

.ltQ/j'1t.~1A ~. " .

Yesterday I got so smashed I was hitting on girls in the train. kino nanka beron beron ni natte densha no naka de nanpa shimakuri

a'F B ,t.i.1v IJ)" r{ ~ Iu ,.r< ~ lv i ~ tel: :J T ~ ijI (J) 1:j:J1-y:

T/I'\L,'*< UQ

Don't tlry talkingl to him-he's already three sheets to the wind.

aitsu wa me cho deisui jyota'j nanode hanashi kakenai ho ga ize

tt6 L \"? f ~ tl ? 1l~~5ttgtJ. (f) -r:~' L 'IJ) l t ts. L '11

1J~ L \. ~ 't!\ -

Yesterday I totally drunk-dialed my own sister. kiine sa jibun no ane ni yopparatte denwa nanka kakechimatta

EtF B ~.. El7:J'O)~ffil~M'"J It 6? l:~~tctfvt.r~t:J'),

I)'~ * :J ft:.o -

Hi, my name's Nancy" and I'm an aleoholic. konnichiwa watashi wa nanshr to lrnasu aru chu desu

c:.lUr::~lfd:,f1f~T/Y-,C l~ ~ '*"9, 7 )1;J:f' 1:g'o

··,···Wee,dl happa 1\ ':Il~

If you've been in Japan for more than a couple days, you've probably noticed an elementary school kid or middle-age-d lady sporting a mariluana-emblazonad T~ shlrt, This doesn't mean that saio woman or chilld is down with the 420. On the contrary I it probably means that they have no idea. 'what bud is. This iiis bow pot works in Japan: you don't talk about it except with folks who do it. :Kind of like swingiing in America. Anyway, there are plenty o.f people in Japan who enloy a puff before a night

on the town, and quite a few who enjoy more puffs than that. One caveat though: outside of Hokkaido, Japanese weed is really Ibad - and II don't just say that because I'm from Oregon. Especialily in Tokyo" you usually 'wind

up with this turdy black hash that looks and! smokes like sorns hippie just scraped it out of his homemade Fimo pipe", Note: Not to harsh anyone's stony mellow, but the laws iin Japan iin regard! to possession and! dlstrlbutlon of bud is not friendly. So foillow your natural sense of paranoia when smoking.

What do Japanese folks think about: mariJuana? nlhonjln wa rnarlfana nii tsuite do ornottelru

(3 *Ar;;t"::? I) 77 '7 f~.:J l \T~'? ,~ ?,-C~ \~, ?

I heard that bud grows wild up in Hokkaloo.

hokkatdo de wa talma ga shizen ni haeru tte knandakedo

-II t 't.::::: .. ~..,,-:; I...IJ-....&- IIt;i: ""~ r:!:I 97C I' - rF -:z. -r: f,!§ r ,To L +. " .-II 1:?f31lE!. t: dL /\',m IJ t::Il"" '-::t:..A. rQ)? 1'-., IliJ '" I ~ rv I:::"

ft l:',o,

You know where' I can get some trees around here? dokka kusa qa te ni hairu tokoro wakaru

C:J tJ\ 9 3 fJ~=FI:'AQ C 'i- ~,~:);lJL~ ?

Don'~ you have anything other than ha.sh? choke igai no mono wa nai no

7" 3 :] Cl~}<1):t 0) ld:tJ: L \0) ?

I diidn't bring ,a piiece. paipu motte kitenai wa

l'f\ 'I' :1M= -:J -c ~ l tJ. ~ 't> ,0'

Wanna take some bong rips? bebura de suttee miy6 ka

1~:t7~-CI~~ ~ -c Jj.J: :5 1;)?

I'm 'getting a little stoned.

chotto rarltte kita na

.~ J;: ::> C: :7 I) -:J T:':e: i: tx a

Shit., I'm reallly fucking baked. yabai ore ltchatte iiru wa

-\b i~'~ " itt.. .{:J'!> '\b ,:),'",( ~ \ ~ t> 0

Check him out~he's stoned out 'of his mitnd. hora sitsu raripappa nandaze

t;l i?, t15 L \':J -;1 I) 11~;J I~t~fvt~tf 0

I've 'Qot the munchies something fierce, ore wa kanari manchltteru

{@'ljIJ)tJ. Lj'~ ./7-'":) -(go

····,·Coke koku

::J ,-,?

They do have cocaine in .Japan, I guess. At least you often hear folks talkingt about it. You also see news reports about wayward cops deallnq iit and celebrities geUing pulled over with blow all over their ceshboaro - just like in Americal So, for what it's 'worth, here's my understanding of Scarface' parlance as lit is spoken in contemporary lbkyo..

You know where II can get me some of that whtte' powder? shirol kana ga te ni hairu toko wakaru

B ~ '\;m 1J~ =F r,:: A.Q ~::::] b tJ)·~ ?

Cut me' up a bi9~ fat. nne. ornolkkishl fute rain 0 hrtoite kure

Itt \? ~ G,,)'\ -r x -?.{/~ ijl ~,t: L \'7: <no

Let's go i!nto the bathroom for a bump.

chotto tolre itte snare kukka


I'm not going to be' iin J1apan long, so I don't need you to hook me up w,ith a dealer.

nihon ni wa nagaku iru tsumorit wa naindc Ibainiin no shokai wa rrana:

B * r.: rj:~ (' l '~-:J t.> LJ fd:tJ: L \Iv c\ ~.A.(D~ ftl'd:L\ 6td:~ "0

Are alii Jlapa.nese comecnans on coke?

nlhon no owaral san wa rninna koku yatten'no

18 ;$: (J) t:5 ~ ~ \ ~ lv' d:,Jj./V tJ: '::J - ~ ~ :> ""( Iv OJ l'


1* f',::!fjg 9 ~ [B *~g

.' •• ··The' Japanese ideal nihonjin no riso

S. '_,r'A (J)', ',:tm *;J

,1-'_ ' ~,~~

The Japanese ideal is a ltttte different than the American j,deal, ibut probably not all that differient. I mean" in Africa they like girls with elonqated Iabla, and in ElJrope I've heard it's cool for guys to wear those weenie soccer shoes.

,e, H EISH E HAS~~. kare/kancio wa .. ,.,

{.It • ~m:tt 1=1 ...

· '" .asmall head

· .. atama 9la chlsal

· . "M,tJ't I J\ '~ t, \

., iO, .a sll,ender face

· .. kao ga hosoi

· .• ~ 1J~im.', 1_" ~J;!, _ if. _ I"


· ... round eyes

· .. kurlkuri me .... < t) < L) 13

· ... a short torso andlll,ong legs

· ,. ,d6tan Ch060ku

... n~:tHftlE

· ... a good figulre

..... sutairu ga T

'''.7.:$71' )l.t1J~~ \t'

c HElSHE 115 .. , •• kare/kanolo wa ....

~a . {~~Ii"·

· .. cute ~gluys and girls, but mostly girls) ... kawar

· ... ttl;b, l\ ~\

· .• pretty (girls) ... kirei


· " .beautiful (girls)

· .. utsukushi ... 5€ ~ L \

· .. hot (guys) or cool (girllS) ... kakko I

... tJ '/ ::::J11I' 1"

· .. styl:ish

· .. oshare

.... t3 L-"\b tt

.... popular with the opposite sex .... mote mote

· .. ·tT=ET

" .. hip

.. ..iketeru


• ... sllim

· .. surarito shiteiru

····9~ t) t L--C~ 'Q

· .. skiinny ... hosoi

.. -~mt ,

· " .clean/kempt

· . .sapparl shiteiru

· ".? ri t) L,"""CL \,-@

•••• 1. The Japanese ug1ly nijon no busaiku

8 *'0) r ,.5~ ~ I~ , < J

c HE/SHE [HAS ,A ... , kare/kanolo wa ...

iLi • 1JlR:" rJ:'"

· .. Ibig head

, , .atama ga okT

' ... ufJ~,*c! L \

• .. round face · .. kao ga rnarui

... -Ill b"f,tt ~ ,

" . ,.narrow eye,s · . .kltsune me

.. ·~m§

· . ..long torso and short legs ; , .donaqa tansoku

-, ·M~:m:~fE

· • "bad figu~e

., " .sutairu ga warui

- -. A 9.{ J'IVlJ~~iL \

BOD~ u81=l8i1888 59

c HE/SHE, IS ...

kare/kanojo wa .

fJi · 1Ji~ I';t, .

· .. ugly (guy.s and ,girls) ... busaiku

...... '..ljr, <' ., ..... ~\ C \0 \ . ,

" , .ugly (girl) ... busu

.,"· ... 5,~9

, " .ugly (guy) ... gesu

.. ·r1t'

". Jame ., .. dasai

... +.:. ok I \ I .... C I"t

· . "unpopular with the opposite se,x , .. morena

, .. -ErtJ: 'L'

· .. unhip .. Jketenai

· .. .{ 7T td:, t, \

· .. husky

... kobutori

... JJ\:t: U

,,' .chubby

... potchari

"'f£::)5~ LJ

... debu ... 1: ... ~~

• •. ch1unky ... debuccho

~ ... "" ~

· .. \... ;~\, -:JI ,=> ct

• I, .dirt.y/dlisheveled ... kitanai

.... ;:~~ ,

I "JI -


HE/S HIE 1:5 •.•• kare/kanoJo wa ...

1m · ~lftrt···

· .. !little (not just Iheight- altngether small) ... koqara

.... IJ\:tPi

" '1 .ripped ... gottsui

, .. t: -:> ? L, \

• '1 .dellicate ..... kyasha


· . "tanned

, .... hlyake shitelru

• •• 1 II3~Jt L -c ~ , ~I

• •. pale

., ... aojlrol

""wS ~.,

I' •• scrawny

· .. gari qart shltelru

... jj' [I) .tJ' I) L...l ~ \ ~I

"" .hunched ever (bad posture) '" .nekoze


• •. , ~IIt=I F,l1

• •. :sh:ort

· , .chibikko ... ~ lj -:J l.-

• .. lhaillY

... kernola

... ~'b.t_; ~'

lcoksiike you're getting a bit of a beer beUiy thSP9. chotto b[n.lplParal ga dekita rnltal dane

!> cit -:J C: I~ -) V? ri ; jJ~'1? ~ t;: J;.t.:: t , t.:::fd. 0

I gotta g.o on a diet.

daietto shinakya

.-9' -1 .I 'Y Ir It tei: -a ~ '0

.Jaoanese people have squere asses. n.ihonjin wal kets,ugal shilkalkliJi

13 ;$: A II d: ':r "Y ~~. '[!3li1l~ \, <)

Check out my slxpaekl hera fu~kilil wareteru daro

'.~i:-. ~.. '~. '.' m1J.- ....... '7' %. ~.!:z I' ldk ~-JI " ~.Rn' G·" 11 ,I., '" 'QJj I~ r~l '"

I need to shave my bikini Une. bilkin'iraiirn 0 soranekva

IJ' -I- . ~ 1'" "k. ";!6:11 ... + .=.::.

L.. . .,... .=. -;7"-1 ./r(!:~] ,b I rI. e, ~ o

Man, you are totany riipped! ornae kilrl'nikllJ morl mori jan

+~ "'t ~ ~'iE' Iii =E 1.1 II "'. l_!

<r.J I'!I J" fill r~J _._ ~ _. '.J V ~ ru

·····P'i.ss shonben


If you're ever Ilookingfor someplace to dr.ink lin Tokyo" there's 8! creepy chain of bars called SeiryOmon where, if you g,o in the men's room ano stand in front of the urinal, it starts

'laughing at you, and! then the urinal actually starts moving around so that you have to really make a concerted effort to glnip and aim if you don't want to piss allover your new Japanese shoes,

I wanna g.o pee", oshlkko shit.a:i

;EI_, :> c:: lr t: L \ Q

I gotta take a leak, shonben shire lJ\{fl.; "1:" x ~ 0

II am exoerlenonq an urge tOI 'make urine. ny6ii ga sashite rnalnrnashlta

I~'-'.nl~k I .. -r~ til ±·II .t=

171< llA IJ C U "" .~ '..J a;;. Ll/.__ 0<

Lets piss togeth'er! tsureshon shiyo ze

iI:tt Y 3 / It ,J::. :> tf !

I pissed all over my hands. te ni shonben 0 kakechatte

=F r ::.1 J \ 11£ -8:- 1Yi f t -; "'P :J t: 0

I am a pathetic bed wetter. watashi wa sho mo nai onesho desu

:fh.l;t l,.,ct., 'btJ:.t \;t*~ 311:-90

Check out that drunk businessman pissing in public! hora yopparai rirnan ga tachishon shiteru

I(~ th m-.J ftb'~ \ I) --x /tl;n-; y 31/ L..t-C .Q!

8008 Ll8paneS8 63

Inn, •• Shit kuso


Personally, I think that POQ ls pretty funny, Farting is funnie~ •. but POQ is pretty damn hilarious" S'0 II must say that II was deeply disappointed to find that the, average, Japanese person [isailly tsn't that entertained by deckle. They just don'thave tlhe weird .Judeo-Ohrlstlan taboo about excretion that makes it so funny to us. YOl! can take, 8! Japanese gh"l on a first date to an expensive ltallan restaurant and she willi gaze 81t you over ths candles ano fllowers and Chateau Duchebage and say, "'I 'vie got mad diarrhea today"~ANDIT WON!T BE FUNNY, Trust me, it took [me a tot of failed! potty talk to learn this lesson. Play your g:iggl,es off like you're just about to sneeze, or something.

I need to poop. ulf'lkoshitai

... L. - 1-1:,- II \ ::> TV l..".. V 1'::::.1.< c'

I gotta take a clump. kuso shite


I've got nasty diarrhea .. yalbail>geri shlteru

..yl~~'7IJ L-T~,o

I'm peeing out my ass today. kyo wa g.eripi shitemasu

~·Brt7U it=-L,'L*-9o

I'm been super const~pa.tea lately·,. salkin We mecha bernpl de sa

Bllil:d:&)~ '\bfJ!t.B-C~ ~o

Clheck 'Out the curlicue turd! *. hera makiguso qa aru do

~~ 5, *>@: <~'t- tJf Gf)~, c· !

k The curlicue, turd is a sort of icon in modern Japan. It [looks like the picture' a.bove.

Don't torqet to wipe. fuku no 0 wasurezu nl na

fit < (J) ~':S n.9 I::. t;J. 0

Dude, you smell like crap. ornae unchi kuse na

13*x,. ? AI!, < it~tJ:o

'rou're such a dung beetle. kono funkoroqashl

!._ 0) Jltii tJf lJ !

"'Dung beetle" is at really funny word in Japanese because it literall~y means "poop-roller''<in other words, somebody who pushes these' bigl baJlls of turd around alII dlay.

Sorry men I just dropped a pretty stinky duce.

sakki kanart kusal unchi shichattandakedo gomen na

.~ ~ ~1J)tJ. 'J < .~ ~ \ .; Iv~, l.,. -s ''\b ? t: fu t~ f t

,e', c::,~lvtd..o· .

• 1 •••• 1 Farts onara

d:3't~ ,t;

You couldn't pick a better language to tart in than Japanese" This is because Japanese has a lot of onomatopoeia =words that represent sounds. But before we 'get to the action fart sounds, let's 9'et the basics down:

Who farted!

onara shita no wa doitsu da ""","-b - I +- m 'I'-li" ~'I \ I +.:;; I ""'J.J' '7 \J.I,- 1,1.1' do. L 'Y ':J I..... •

! just cut the cheese. he kolchirnatta de

J1t ;:_ L \ ~ * -:J i: -(\,

Why do I so r,elish the smelll 'Of my own farts?

jibun no onara no nlol ga kon'narurno konornashl no wa naze de aro

~ -)to);t':r:1 0). L '.tl~ ~ Jvt.J. (.;: 'b 9.T * G L \0) ~d:

t ~."":n -i::.. Z - ,d: l:! .._:' ex,; ~ _J ? 0

Somebody must have Ilet one slip .. dareka 90 morashltanda na

~ t» tJ~ jNfi 6, It t;: All tc. tdi: 0

Da~n. yo~u'r.e. _.like ..• a..S .. UiC.id._.ie. ~_. o .... rn _" W .• ith .. ' YO., u.r ga.s today! yabe ornae kyo wa Jilbaku tero 0 yo na onara da na

~/'{'-, ElJU, '~I3IId: -tlTlUO)J:.? t~;tr?

~~~ -

I~_~ OIl'


Somebody was pulling some nasty one .. cheek sneaks durfngl that meeting.

dareka gla kaigicho ni yabe sukashippe 0 rnorashlteta

it t» tl'f ~il9=J ,I;: 1:' « X '9 t.r~ L ":J !lI ~;1ffi E> G l

tz: -

The word sukashippe ("t1J~ L-.., Ji;) literally means "transparent 'tart," and roughly corresponds to the English "silent -but-violent" or "'onscchieek sneak, ,J The Ilady next to you on the airplane is an expert at them.

And for your present Ilgot you ... a cup of teal hai klrnl no purezento wa niglirippe da

t:1 L \.. ~ 0) :11/ tt/, I'--td:· · · I~ ~;') -:> ,!tt~ tf;, !

Anil1tegral pert of .Japaneseetlquette, the nigir/ppe (I;: ~ 'J :) IEt) involves fartinginto your hand and then carrying the fart into the proximily of a friend's nose before unfurmllg your finglers and asking, in a smarmy British accept, I'CUp 0' tea, qov'ner?"

Somebody just pulled a dliiive-b,y on u.s.! altsu ni he no morashlnlqe sarechtmatta

2t6 ~ , J 11;:.Irt 0) ~ b L-~tf ~ n -s * ? i: !

This is pretty selt-explanatory. Also known as a "hil-andrun," this lis when you tart right before getting off an elevatcr or I:saving a room, The sh,eer cowardice of the act I:eaves a sour ,enough sm,eU .in the air.

B,ello'w are several examples of classic Japanese fart noises. Each of these words has its own unique rneaninq and lyrical value. Try sayiingl them out loud in order to real.ly

feel what kinds of fart they stand for. Then feel kind of weird for farting with your mouth.

I just let .. "

· .. tte onara shtta

... ? ""t"*j-7l_.,t~ .!

" " .,3 healthy, bulbblly fart buri buri. ...

,5( U ,~( ~J ...

• .. a fluffi:er, loofahfart bufu .. ,

.......... '"p

,:)\;,Zi!,\' .•

· " .the' classtc, enunciated fart pu ...

... ·0

... l\,-····


... ·'+,l .... ),\.~ ru

bu is the sound of the initial pop, while sun portrays the subsequent hlss, So lit's lilke the dike breaks, and then the water flows out

8008 Ll8P8In8SB 6'7

c Buf

... 5~~ \-,

Pronounced "bwweee, II' iirs one, of lhosefarts where you try to play it off like a stomach-whis~le! but then you realize that you've totally fumed the room ..

c slUKA 9D)--

A whisperer. See sukashippe, above.

c susu "99

The double whisper! for when it takes two puffs to blow oul: the candle in your pants.

c :80


A rumbler. Like when you're siitting in a wooden chaiir and the g:a8 is just whapping out of your ass.

c BERII BERI « t) /"{ t)

Like ,bur/burl above, but wetter. Pasty"

cPUKVO ;~~~ ~-

A tight, well-pronounced fart. No legs are lifted, but rather tlhe tart is pressed through the cheeks Ilks pasta.

e BUBIIIIN .rS~,(j.Jv

The octave, One of those tarts that begins as a deep rumble but quickly crescendos into a falsetto snap.

In Japan, the blame for bad gas falls on the consumption of potatoes rather than beans. Namely, sweet potatoes. They are said to gi,ve one's gut a particularly good carbonating.

But farting reels glood~and lit It"s good to you " it's good! for you, as the old Japanese proverb says:

One fart is worth a thousand doses of medicine. he hitotsu wa kusurl senpuku ni mukau.

Jtf~::> ·1;iMO)=f~1i I:: ~ tr~ ? 01

••••. Snot I baogers l etc .. hanamizu / hanakuso I sonata

.,]1< · • < ~ · ~O)ffl!

Perhaps you noticed that tile .Japaneseword for "booqer" (Ilanakuso .• < t) is just a compound of the word for "nose" and the word for "shit." Put them together, and you 90t "noeeshit." Likewise, the words for "earwax" and "eyegunk" (also introduced in this section) are compound words for "eershit" and "eyeshlt" respectively ..

Hey, stop picki'ng y,our nose. kora hana lilojiirlJ na

~ ,~\ • fa: CQtJo

Don't just stand there with snot coming out your nose .. hana tarashitenjaneyo

~,:;;;. .... , GTl.11" .. ~-~

~;!:E I:? _ ru LI ¥> 101, ch 0

Dude. don't wipe your boogerson me!

oi jibun 1110 hanakuso 0 hlto ni tsukeru na yo

E~\, m)tO).<-t;~Ar:-:>rtQtJJ:!~

I get most of my v,itamins from eating boogers.

boku wa daital hanakusu 0 kutte eiyo 0 tottelrunda

ilf;tt.= ~ vi: I~ \Il < ~~1(:) ~*Jf!:: C ::> -C~, Q

L . +-..! .NI ..... o

Don't you think this booqer looks like your mom'? keno hanakuso tte teme no kachan ni nirene

~ OJ. < "'f'-.J T.. -c AI) l..- 0) til·!, '\b .Iv ~:.: fld. -r;td. -. ?

SOD::! Ll8pane.sB 69

--_ .. _---------_j

You got a Klleenex? tlsshu aru

:r..( ~:/:L~~?

I've got a bloody nose, hanajl ga deta

.. Jin, 1J~ te .t~, Q

He was covered in blood, altsu wa chlmarnire datta

a5 .~ \ :JI f (}: nu * h-tt t=. "J t::. Q

Check out this bountifull harvest of eanNaxJ mite kono mitmiikuso no hofu na shukaku

~ l, ~O)~< -t-O):mtd:l.fJZHtl !

vou're sporting some madeyegunk. omae surge, rnekuso ga tsuiteru

;BM, 9(j- EI < ~1Jf~ ~ \"'r~o

Shit, I got a zit on my ass, yabai ketsu ni niklbl ga dekita

~r~t \, ';r~'~::~ ':fc::1JiT:~ iz:

You should pop your zits, man.

ornae niklbl 0 tsubushlta h6 ga i zo

sM,~~ t:' ~;i Lt=1rlJtL' ~,~ 0

A shltloao of pus came outl suge umi ga deta

9111- 9 ~ 7J~1:t.: !

,I fee.llli~e I"mgmlna puke .. hakike ga suru

P±~~1JfT ~'o

l'rnpuklnq my guts out ore g,ero 10 halki makuttetru

'1t..if 0 ~' Pi ~* < :J"""( L "~'o'

last night I drank too much and reversed my dinner. kino wa nomisugite riibas1!J shichatta

WF E3 (;t~3j.'9~ll) It-A l.- ~'"\b'? t;:.o

I can still smell where Ihe drooled on my p iiill ow.

aitsu ga makura ni yodare otarash~ta tokoro '9a lrnada ni nio wa

.1; ~ \ '":) tJ'~ tt (;: 31 ~' V :e: !Ii. b L- t=. ,t: .= ~ ffi * t2 I;:

~I -,' ......... ~? 11.)<0'

II could hear him snoring from outside'! aitsu no lblkl wa so to karat klkoerun damon

£Y.:,I ~ \:J (J)'" I::'"*, [;Jt 9~ tJ) b, fill ,;:_ X ~ Iv fc ~ ,Iv Q

I dumped Iher because she grinds Iher teeth like crazy. kano]o wa hidoi hagishiri suru kara wakareru keto ni shltanda

i~:t2:r~ac'~ \1I~' L IU 1" ~fJ~ 6J;;IJn.;;. L. c r:: LI t:::_ tv tc Q

Don't touch him, he has cooties! altsu wa engacho dakara fureru na

~ L ',~fa:I.:/,jjT 3 tciJ''J S,~,tL~tJ. !

••• ' •• Sickness byoki


1P'J Xl.

Wh:en I first got to Japan, II was surprised to find that people became uncomtortable when I tolld them about getting both the cl1ap and crabs in the same Canadiian brothel. I Q!uess the Japanese are a little put .off by the 'whole idea of Canada. But thov ere very comfortable with talk.ing about health issues, so feel free to let everyone around you knowlust how rotten you feel:

I fee II gross. klmochi warui .=:-a""'_ ~I' :x\.l~ !:)~'" '0

I'm not feeling giood lately.

saikin w,a demo taii,cho ga yokunai

EiI 'C[-I-L:' ~ *_ 1*$ltJ--f J- <." t: " \ ~ lU eJ.. c... ? U"I"P' j,aJ 'ch " - J: ... . '0

Dude, you don't lI,ook so good. ornae kaolro warui zo

d:3 ....Ii..L.. 1111@,lI!.""f'

•• - ." 1- 'I . , ,

~IJ , :z; , 1,11:." L \, 0

180D~ tJ8panS88 7.1

You're looking palle, there, kao aoi zo


',i!;~ 1"'1 \ (", 0

You alriigiht? daijob,t! kai

*r.=Jf:.tJ) t , ?

That gilil from the olub gave me the elap, kurabu no ko n i: rimbyo 0 moratcchatta

''7 '7 "'(1).:r- f.:~:!IFii ~ ~ b :J ·ts ~ J tc. e

I think II caught a cold, kaee 0 htta kusai

JIl.3Jn~· ~ I L vi: < ~ I~ \0

I have a: stomachache .. , onaka ltal

t:3tJi: tJ'~:fii L \'0

Looks like you ate' soma bad sushi:. osushi ni atstta mitai da

d3~ ~:H:' ~ tt: ? t:;"iJ;;. tc. t \ t::.,o

I" m having my period. lrna wa se:irichu nano


1 have pretty h1eavy pericds, stashl wa sieiri 19la omol he

6.> t:=. L-l:if: !!:JlIJ',f:m: t \ Jj 0

1'm all hung over today .. kyo wa futsukayo:i nanda

~ E3 r;t~ 8 itt \ tJ Au tc

I've got 8! headache. zllItstLlga suru

Bi,.1J~"t ~ 0

Call a doctor. i:shi 10 yobe

~gffi ~ It¥ AZ Q

Get me some pahnlkil!le:r. ltamtdome 0 kure

.,3j..Lt~~ < tL

72 Oiro"d b18PSn8'S8






I [J I- '[J 8 '-r=ii

, 1_ I '+"AICI

••••• Fucking etchi ,I'Y7

No disrespect to tile indigenous peoples of Canada or anything, but we Englliish speakers have so many sundry andi baroque idioms for "fuckinq" that it makes Inuits and their multitude ot words 'for snow sound Ilike,a Speak. & Spell that's running out 'Of batteries" Uk.ewise Japan has no shortaqe of ldiorns for dlipping the old California Roll, depending on how obscure and offensive you want to get. So for brevity's sake what follows willi be the' "bare bones'! of Japanese sexual parlance (and yes, that's a double entendre).

I'm gettingl in the mood to, ... . , .ki n i natte kita

~ ,I~ +- ~.:k. +.

'. , , ;;U I,,,_ I cJ,:? ..... c I:::' 0


~ef's go home arid .. "

le ni kaette . .. koto ni shiy,o

.~.I~~:J T·,,· ~ ell::, L., J: ? 0,

How 'bout ~t we .. " ... .no wa do

... 0) rd: ,.to., ?

All you ever do iis .•. .. . koto shika shinai na

.. ..- t, I'. '. fl -)1. ,+ .... I \ +":" _

t.._ CoO V IJ v I,d-. '" l d-" Q

• •• fuck yaru ...


· .. fuck 'like r,abbits yarirnakuru .. ,

-'f? IL) ~ < ~"'"

• • ,.gle't iit on etch! suru" , "

I ';l79.Q"·

" .. have a quickie ippatsu karnasu.. ,


" .. hiit 'th:at shit; bone

hameru .

J\;:J.~ .

". ,.hump! ornanko suru .. ,

d3~Au~ 9Q""

··'···'G,eni;taHa, etc. seiki nado


Remember how illhigih school you learned to 8il19 "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in Spanish,?Rememlber playi.ng a gam:e of good o.ld "Simon says touch your cabeza"? Turns

74 Dirb!d Ll8panB88'

out, this wasn't just lighthearted fun-professors of applied linquistics tell us that by touching the various parts of your body while say,ing their corresponding names out loud, you actualilly iinternalize a. new language better. It's cailled "tactile learning," and I encourage you to try it with the following section. Simon says tOUGh your chlmpoko" ..

Touch my ... .. . sawatte


Liiclk my ... .. . narnete

... tJ:,tV) -r 0

Spanlk my ... .. . tataite

". ·lJpi t \ T 0

Be gentle with my ...

· .. teinei ni atsulkatte

· , .. T$r::tJ.i:;,"'( 0

Can I touch y,our ...

· .. sawatte ma i

"·M-:J-C~l\~' ?

HOrn!:::l LJ'81PanS88 75

Can I lick your",,, .. .narnete mo i

.. ·iE6tJ-c 'tl 'L \ ~ \ ?

Can I spank your .... · . .tataite rnoi

.. ·Qn t" -c ,'t 'L \ ~ , ?

Gan I take a IPj,cture ,of your" •• · .. no shashin 0 totte 'j

.. ·,rj),~~~iB:> -r ~\ t" '?'

Don't touch my ..• · . ;sawa riLl mil

···'M.@tJ: !

Iliove ...

.-!I • kl

, .. ua.IS,u J

.. ·*~t~

I've never seen a ' ... Uli<:eth,at.. senna ... mita koto nai

~ /vtJ.·· '. J!t.: ~ t: tJ. t \,el


chin chin


Johnsen chinko

T /'::]1

dick chlmpo


wiener chlmpoko





the rim of the head kari


(the chin, if you will-basically another word for the head)







batlsaek fugur:i

rS, < t)

pubes (male) chinqe


mangina (m'al'e asshole) ketsu manko

'r ';r::;r :/' :J

pussy manko


cunt manman


hah''Y pussy kerneko


shaved pussy paipan

1~'4' /\/




cUt mame

G~spot jT supo

G ", , ~,,"_o ,Ail'

pussy lips, bira bira


tit~s oppal

to -:dtt \

nlpptes chikubl



bt chlku


pubes (fe,male') mange

-::( /,~

pussy juice aieki


ass ketsu


asshole ketsu ana


anus enaru

7'7 }~


arl 110 towatari

ilt1J rl'~~ t)

(LJteralliy; the Japanese word evokes a tine of ants crawling out one hole, across a small patch of turf, and down into another; god bless them.)

··,·,··Sexuall acts selkoi


You miglht not know what alii these things mean in English, but that shoulldn't stop you from learning them iin Japanese. I mean, what better way to get, acquainted with your own native "tongue" than by llearning how to say "anallnqus" in Japanese?

I want to do some ..• , .. gal shltai

.. '1J~ L i: I~ '0

HOrn!::l iJ8paneS8 7'9

'Wanna try ...

.. .yatte miy6 ka

· .. "P? -r:;h J:: ? tJ~ ?

Have you ,elver dc)ne',.",.

· . .yatta koto aru

· .. ~? t;::., ~. t i>.Q1 '?

II like •.•

, .. ga sukl

"'1J~~f'~ I)

Il'm tlredof .... .. . akite kita

.,.~ ~ '""(" ~ t;:o

kiiss'ingi kisu


petting pettingu

-",\, ':J T ~ /,I.:f

dry·~hUlmping surnata


'finger .. ,banging ternan


cunnUinQlus kunni -?,/,'':'_

fel:latio fera


pllayingl the skln flut,e shakuhachi


swaillowing gokkun

t: -:J < Iv

80 Dlrb!::l LJ8PsnSSB

facial 9ansha


sittiing on faee 'gammen kij6


sixty''''nine shikkusu nain

::,... '/' ,? ATl' /'

tiHy .. fuclking. palzuri

.I\~ A IJ

lmi:ssionary style seijoi


dogg.y-style' bakku

l~ i:l?

hard fucking plsuton LIndO'

t:.:A. r)/ilitl

(literally: "piston motion")



3 c:-

group sex ranko


bon,dage esu emu,


HDrnl::l tJ.8PsnB6S' B 1.

anall sex



sex on ttle rag kecharnan

7 T 1"' '-:::;:/

(Iliterally, "ketchup pussy")

fem,ale eja,culati,on shiofuki


scat sukatoro


enema kancho

~~IR§.:'B l1tnm

golden shower qarnrnen shawa

~ioo :y',., ? -

bukkaka (skeet skeet skeet) bulkkake

... 5,~ :> t» It

(liT you don't know about bukkake, a uniquely Japanese ~inlk until tile World Wide W'eb gl~obali£ed it, you probablo/ haven't been watching enough Japanese porn. "Ceremonial cum drinkingl" doesn't r;eaJiy .get the concept across. Googleit ~f you must)

Do, iit" .•

motto ...

''b? c:··

. " . faster . .. . hayaku

... .!i! <

. , .. slow,er., ... yukkuri

... VJ> ::> < ~)

B2 Djrb~ Ll8pan8'S8

- - -

· .. hardler . .. . haqeshlku

... ~ IL.I <

· .. softer.

" .. yasashiku

... .If? ~ Lr <

· .. more . ... . yatte


.' •• ' •• l'rn commql lku iku'

L\< V'< !

Aside from "hello" and "qoocbye," this wililbe the most useful Japanese phrase you ever I,earn-if you happen to be a higlhlly attractive and outgoing individual with an indefatiglalbls libiido. Otherwise. YOLl'11 probably have to pull this book out mid-coitus and look the word up.

This hurts, itaiwa

:~~ ';b,a,

This fee!ls fle'ally g:ood. mecha kimochi i

d)·~~'~~'~~.\L'\ !

I'm starting to get off. kimochi yoku nattekita

~~~"b, J: < tJ: :J 1: ~ t: 0

I want to come, ikitai

,iffi ~ tt: ~ \0

l'rn about to come. ikiso

:iJi .:lI:..z. - .I!!! C, c... :J 0

l'rn cOlming!: ilkUl iku


Where do you want it? doko ni hoshl

C;::, f:'~ ~ t, \ ?

Come in Imy assl ketsusha shire

7:/:Aq L" T I

I just carne. ltchatta

~ J -s '~ ':J ft.,a

Do V,ou have a ... '1

.. ,aru

Let's try usingl a .. "

... tsukatte mi'y6 ka

,··f)!? ThJ:,., iJ'l?

••. condom gomLt. " :Jh. ....

,', .. dildo hariqata ...

~ 'J ~""

.. .double dildo unaqi ...

? tJ:i!'" , .

. . . bu.lllet (Iegg) vibrator plnku rota ...


" " .vib:rator baibu .. ,

I~'" / ...

IDOl you liike m'y 'fiin9,ers or' 'IOlU" violrator beHer? ore no yub: to balbu to, dotchi ga i?

ft(.1):j:1ij C) \-1 :t c \' C::> -; 7J1~ ,,~ , ?

- - - - - ---- - -

84 Dirtl:~oapan8:S8

l'rn going to ... , .,' .shichau


II want to .. " · , .shltal

... I .+-'1'. \ VI, ..... \,; '0

You won't. ,",. ?'

· . .shinai no

· ". L ts ~ \ (I) ?

"., .get ,8 hard-on bokkl ".


, .. have ,3 wet dream rnusel ..


~.,.~" ..

· .. lob (have a half-boner) handachl. , a

!:f!la t" ...

· .. beat off (male) shiko sblko ...

~"L- L. '- .. "

· .. masturbate (male and: fema1Ie*)

onanl ...


'," Japanese lacks a mainstream slang word specific to female masturb,ation, though there's no shortag:e of prlv,ale slang terms thatt groups of women use among themselves.



-;::" / ~

<coming onto tits paisha


,coming 1m alii! ass ketsusha


c: PEOPLE COME, IN ALL S,HAPES AND SIZE,S People come in every color of the rainbow. People come inl dlifferent sizes and shapes. People come in alii sorts of people-at different speeds, with varying' deqrees 0'( intensity, in an eclectic assortment of orifices, on any number of occasions, and employilngl a vast arsenal of manual and motorized tools" People make the world '90 round, is basi:cally what l'rn try:ing to say-so let's take a look at the different sorts of pecole that peopl'e come in.

II'm a biit of a I(female).

atashi chotto nanD

® t.-:L-, '\ "5 ct -.:> C: .. " td: 0) 0

l'rn a b,jt of a .. " (male). ore ... l1a tokoro ga arunda

ft~ .. -ts t:. ~ 0 tJ~ NJ?J Iv t!_o

You seem liike a." .. anta ... ,. ppoi na

~.fv tc., "." ':::d£~ 'tJ:OI

Are you a ... ? .... nano

··,·tJJJ) ?

sllut yarlman ~It)·~/·

cheap fuclk katsuqaru

7'yft (ffLtI)

lucky snatch aqernan

If.> I'-l-x ./

(a woman who, wh.en you sleep with her, makes your luck and general status in life ohange' for the better)

86 Oirb8 Q8t=JanS8E!

unlucky snatch saqernan


(a woman who, when you sleep with her, sucks aJl the luck out of you)




dead fish maquro "7;!'-(}"[J

("a girl who doesn't take an active role In lovemakingl)




blllilldiike baritachi

I~ I) 117'

lipstiick lesbian barlneko

) '\ Ij ;t,::J

dirty 'whore abazure


caHgk~ korugraru

:::] _" )v/1-) V

pl,ayer, pilmp yarichin


qjulckd r,aw mikosuri han -~'+'Iat

,_" "" L- ~:,J -r

(premature ejaculator-literally. "three, and a halt strokes")

Horn8 LJ8D8nrS88 8,'7

88 Dirbl:j C18PSnaSEl

HOirnbl iJ8pan8Se g9

premature lej,acula:tion sonS


impotent impo


horny bastard etchi


sadist sado


masochist mazo


pervert .sukebe


foot fetishist: eshl-fetchl


CH~I~T8:R 8

MUKA MUKA NIH10NG'O t, tJ\ ifJ' t» B * E8

•• , •• ,. Elnemlies tcki


The old axiom holds true in any country: for every good soul there are two assholes driving slow inl the passing lane. So I guess it makes sense that there are' twice as, many ways to describe personality flaws as there are to oompliment somebody.

Boss buchO


My boss, is a total fucking asshole. uchi no bucho wa maji rnukatsuku

? "5 OJRBftfd:":? :J;t]tJ)-;J < ·0


Ex-boyftiiend rnotokare

][;n' t-

My ex .. boyfriend was seriously ,evil.. I atashl no motokare wa honto ni saiaku na yatsUi datta

"&; t::.. L· 0) Jt.:h l/ r:j: ~ 3 (,:. a!! tcI.1"" ":J t=. :J tz:

Ex ... gilrlfriend rnoto ka 11 0


My ex"girl,friend was a slutty bitch.

ore no metokano wa she mo ne yariman datta

fti 0) Jt jJ / ~ d: L., ct - t;fJ - i'" I) ~ '/ tc. ':J t: 0

Stalker sutoka

A ·~~iJ~·

Setiously, I've got ilike three stalkers rig:lht now, and irs driving me nuts"

mali de sutoki ga sannin rna lte sa, komatteru no yo

~ :;J"l! At--- ...... :h ...... 1J~' '~'A. 'b ~ '-Z: ~ ,. ~? 1:" Q, (J) J:o

S- - . . ....... dater exp!V II I II



A sex predator tried to feel me up on the subway. chlkatetsu de chikan ni atte, atai no rnune 0 sawarD to shiteita no

±t.T~-rIl~ r:iI? ~" ~,tt:. ~ "q)~t: c!:f:J-3? t L ... ""t,~ \ tcJl) 0

Che,ap,skate kechi


92 Dirt;:;!:::i LJapanese