HOW TO TALK WELL IN FRONT OF PEOPLE

Presenting yourself in front of others can make or break your image. With the thought of first impression being the lasting impression, it's vital to know how to talk in front of people with professionalism. Things You'll Need: • • • • Network meetings Voice/Video recorder T.V Mirror

1. Step 1 First and foremost, try to understand how you were perceived through your close collegues/friends. It can be little embarrassing to ask your peers about how you are with your communication skills , but true friends can tell you with candor. If that's not an option, use video camera to record yourself talking about any subject that you have a knowledge in. Review your tape and dictate on how you were seeing through the monitor. 2. Step 2 You'll be amazed by how you were seen through monitoring yourself. There will be lots of flaws that you'll see and wonder "is that how I am when I talk?". Take down notes on how you can improve yourself in front of others. Listen to the tone of your voice, the content in which you speak and last but certainly not the least, your facial expression and your gestures. 3. Step 3 One of the most effective way to improve yourself is to learn from the ones who are judged by the delivery of their communication. You can easily see them on T.V. To name a few; News Anchors, reporters and talk show hosts on T.V are mainly judged by deliverance skills. Everyone has their pitch and weaknesses. Study them and try to implement that to yourself. You can see that everyone has a neat presentation of deliverance by keeping their words in clear and direct pronunciation, using the right gestures on right time and always being confident. It's been proven through many studies that when people judge your communication skills, only 30% was determined through the words that you choose and staggering 70% is from nonverbal communication.

HOW TO CONQUER A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING
Conquer a Fear of Public Speaking Fear of public speaking is one of the most common phobias. Most people, as many as 75%, are terrified by the thought of getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. Does your stomach twist into knots at the mere thought of speaking in public? The fear of public speaking can hold you back in your career as well as in social situations. But you do not have to let a fear of public speaking stop you. Here is how you can conquer your fear of public speaking and speak with confidence in any situation.

1. Step 1

Know your material. The more comfortable you are with the talk you are going to present, the more relaxed and natural your presentation will be. Never read your speech. You may wish to use cards or an outline with your major points to keep you on track, but know your speech well. 2. Step 2 Dress comfortably and appropriately. Your attire should be at or one level above that of your audience. Do not dress down. Make sure your shoes and clothes fit properly. If your shoes are too tight or your clothes do not fit, you will be distracted and fidget. Do not wear jewelry that is noisy or that might bump against your microphone. And remove keys and change from your pockets so you do not jingle them during your talk. 3. Step 3 Arrive early. Being familiar with the room and the audio visual equipment will remove some stress. Take the opportunity to scope out the room and make sure the equipment is working properly. Test the microphone. Will you be using visuals? Get everything set up and learn how to operate the projector remote. 4. Step 4 Greet people as they arrive. Learn their names and get to know some of them. It will be easier to talk to people you know than a room full of strangers. 5. Step 5 Make sure you have a glass of water available at the podium. Use it if your throat gets dry, or if you just need to pause for a second to compose your thoughts and relax. 6. Step 6 Do not drink alcohol or carbonated sodas before your speech. You may think a drink or two will calm you and help your performance, but it will not. And carbonated sodas can lead to unusual sounds being emitted during your speech. Stick with water (preferably without ice) or warm tea. 7. Step 7 Take a deep breath before you start your speech. If you find yourself getting nervous or flustered during your speech, stop for a moment and take another deep breath. It will calm you. Really. 8. Step 8 Remember that the audience wants you to succeed. They are spending their time (and possibly money) to hear you. They want you to be good, and because of that they will be inclined to think the best of you. 9. Step 9 Speak to individuals in the audience. Find the people you spoke to earlier, or other friendly faces, and make eye contact with them while you speak. You are not speaking to a crowd, you are just having a nice talk with Fred and Ethel. 10. Step 10 Speak in public every chance you get. The best way to overcome a fear of public speaking is to practice. Join Toastmasters, where you can speak often in front of a supportive and helpful audience.

HOW TO GET RID OF THE FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING
The fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia in the medical industry, and is the most common fear people have. Getting rid of the fear of public speaking can help you get ahead in your career. Not conquering the fear of public speaking can be debilitating and can hold you back in life and in your career. 1. Step 1 Join Toastmasters. Find a Toastmasters club in your area and attend a meeting. After you go to a meeting you can sign up to become a member of Toastmasters. This organization helps people become more comfortable communicators through weekly meetings where members practice communicating in a group setting. This practice can help you become more comfortable with public speaking. 2. Step 2 Practice your presentation as soon as you have it written. Practice in front of a mirror (and then a wall) wearing what you plan to wear the day of your presentation. Make it realistic. Imagine a group of people before you listening to you speak. Time your speech. Practicing in front of the mirror will help you keep your head up and be aware of your posture and expressions. Practicing in front of a wall will help you focus on your presentation without distractions. 3. Step 3 Record yourself practicing your presentation. Listen to yourself giving the speech. What can you work on? Do you sound confident? Does your speech need to be reworded in any area? Recording yourself will help you hear your presentation the way the audience will. 4. Step 4 Memorize what you need to say, whether it is a speech or presentation. Know your material. Have the full text and key points available during your presentation just in case. You shouldn't need to look at them that much. Practice until you can give the presentation without forgetting anything. This will help ease the fear of public speaking. 5. Step 5 If possible go to the place where you will give your speech. Do this for any presentation you need to do. Just like in front of the mirror, wear what you plan to wear on your presentation day. Give your presentation as you would if there were an audience there. On your presentation day you should feel more comfortable speaking in public. 6. Step 6 Interact with your audience. Ask a question or for a raise of hands on something related to your speech. Make a good joke and laugh with the audience. It will help loosen you up. Welcome questions during your presentation. You're not alone up there.

continue to rehearse your speech and then rehearse some more. 2. you can generate sentences that will vary each time you practice/deliver your speech but will have the same effect. 6. 4. Imagine you are actually delivering your speech and try to overcome or correct the mistake. don't start over. Step 2 Instead of memorizing every word of your speech. if possible. This will help to eliminate any fear of not knowing what the venue for your public speaking is going to be. not memorizing it. Step 1 The first step to overcoming a fear of public speaking is to know what you are talking about. This involves learning your speech through and through. instead try to remember a general outline of your speech. using the outline. Visualize each paragraph of your speech as an outline with several points underneath it. it probably won't be difficult to gain access a day before or even the day of before everyone arrives. 5.Story about first coming to campus . If you make a mistake while rehearsing. 3. Notice that I did not say memorizing your speech through and through. You should also have a print out or note cards of such an outline and it should look something like this: General welcome . Public speaking in front of even one person is a world of difference compared to doing it in the shower. Step 5 Throughout all of this. If it's at a school or wedding reception.HOW TO OVERCOME PUBLIC SPEAKING FEAR OR PHOBIA Overcome Public Speaking Fear or Phobia Learning to overcome a fear or phobia of public speaking is important for your career. do a run of your speech at the actual forum or location where you will deliver it.Goal of today is deciding budget Based on these general talking points. Step 4 Now after rehearsing on your own to the point that you feel confident in the speech. Take the time to utilize these tips and tricks to get past your fear of become an effective public speaker! Things You'll Need: • • Fear or phobia of public speaking Willingness to take a chance 1. Step 3 Next. Step 6 .Thank students/faculty for attending . deliver it in front of another person. If you attempt to memorize every word you are more likely to freeze up as there are more things to remember. Overcoming a fear of public speaking is all about KNOWING your speech.

Weird isn't it? Now put their clothes back on. If you have any control over the set up. Step 7 Finally. 7. Your public speaking fear can take a back seat to the speech that you want to present. What's the worst that can happen? So you flub a line or two. Make a small joke about a mispronunciation and move on. Step 3 Set up footlights if possible. many students fail to take the next step that involves actual retainment of newly gained knowledge. there are a several things to think about to give yourself the confidence you need. you have your note cards or outline in front of you to get you on track. Fear of public speaking is all in your mind. Although their minds should be attentive and focused in class. is not that difficult to do if you follow the tips below: 1. presentations and meetings difficult. If you are not taking good notes. Memorizing key points for an exam. Step 1 Prepare your speech in advance and practice it often. you should: . HIGH SCHOOL STUDY TIPS: HOW TO MEMORIZE KEY POINTS FOR EXAMS High school students can sometimes find themselves in a rut if they have not retained information. Instead. be confident in yourself. or you cannot study properly. The audience wants you to do well and will not be critical of small mistakes. It can allow you to give the speech you practiced without worrying about the audience's reaction. however. If you are well prepared and feel confident in what you have to say. Part of the fear of public speaking is believing that the audience is somehow against you. having footlights that face you will make the audience virtually invisible to you while you are on stage. To get past a fear of public speaking. you may not feel as frightened to speak in front of a group. 3. you will not be as afraid. To make sure that you are taking good notes. 2. and it is extremely common. If you tell yourself again and again that everyone in the audience wants you to succeed and is standing behind what you say. Not being able to see the faces of the audience is often very calming to a public speaker. I never found this to be helpful. Overcoming it is just a matter of preparation and confidence. then you will not be able to remember the important parts of your notes. believe in the audience and believe that they are all rooting for you. HOW TO LOSE YOUR FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING A fear of public speaking can limit your career and make certain projects. Step 2 Believe that the people you are speaking to are wishing you well. The first step always takes place in the classroom. 1. Public speaking is always listed at the top of the list of fears of the general public.Mow imagine everyone in their underwear.

While some students may glide right through. Step 4 Even though you may have notes already. . and then do it. Step 3 Also try to avoid studying in your bed because your body naturally gets into a rest mode in your bed and you may easily find yourself sleepy as you try to study. especially electronics that may cause you to deviate from your studying.. finally. you need to be in the right environment to be able to study.Be active when you use your notes. If you take the time and plan it right. 2." while the 2/3 will be used for your class notes. and write them in the 1/3 part of the page. Difficulty: Easy Instructions 1. not only that. you may find yourself singing or listening along. Even if you need to study for math or science. the more you will be able to memorize them. . 3. And. HOW TO MEMORIZE NOTES FOR A TEST Every student eventually has to face the task of taking a test. Try to eliminate any distractions. have them test you again using the flash cards. It should separate 1/3 of the page from the other 2/3. The more that you are active with your notes. 4. but you will retain the information instead of simply memorizing it for one test. Do this for at least five pages. go over them again but write down the key points on to flash cards. Then. It may sound like a long process. you can use flash cards to help you memorize the key points of your notes. Copy a line or two from the textbook or existing notes and then read them over. If you are using a binder with dividers. Then. note taking again will help you learn and process the information more. Once you have gone over all of your notes. but you will begin a flow and the studying will be over before you know it. you could be getting an "A" in no time. ask someone to test you. Use the ruler to make a line from the top of the page to the bottom. you can memorize notes for a test and by the time the test comes. The notebooks should also be set up: number all of the pages.Using a ruler. leaving the first five pages blank so that you can write down a table of contents. use a separate sheet of paper to write a table of contents for each section. Step 1 Before you even crack open the book. have them ask you questions using your notes. Use flash cards Flash cards have always been the foundation of many good academic projects. Ask questions when you go over your notes. Have them write up a test.Use separate notebooks or divided parts of your binder to take notes for each class. 2. The 1/3 part of the page will be reserved for your after-class questions and "home notes. 3. Step 2 If you like a little music to help relax you when you are studying then you should play tracks that have no lyrics. every night before you go to bed you should prepare your notebook for class. Ask someone to test you After having gone over your flash cards at least five times. others may struggle and have trouble when the time comes. .

You do not want to overload yourself with so much information that you lose track. February. Find your weak spots and continue to study them until you feel confident about the test. etc. If it is something catchy or unusual. This exercise forces the brain to really think about the words you are memorizing. briefly go over what you just did and then begin new notes. Do this by sentence or definition. 6. Hold all the definition cards in your hand. for others it can be a great challenge. Step 5 Use memory tricks like giving words different meanings. HOW TO MEMORIZE DEFINITIONS FOR A TEST (BEST TRICK!) Memorization. Do this for each word on your list. so take a short break. Step 8 Once you feel like you have got the material down. For example if you are studying the first three months. This trick is so much better than the traditional note card technique of memorizing and challenges the brain in much more interactive way. January. and March. then you can recall that information for the test. Step 2 On the back of each pair of notecards write the same #. you could help remember the names and orders by making a sentence like Jimmy Feeds Mice. Step 7 Repeat things multiple times until you can recall them without looking down. for some it comes easy. Step 3 Shuffle then aline all the word cards in front of you in rows of 5 or 6. Step 6 Take breaks every half hour and refresh yourself. quiz yourself or have somebody quiz you on the material. Step 4 Notecards Pen .5. Here is one technique that will not let you down.. The first pair of cards will have "1" on the back. because repeating a whole paragraph would take way too long and not make much sense. 7. 8. Enjoy this trick and good luck on your test! Things You'll Need: • • Step 1 Write the word you need to define on one notecard and the definition on another (this is a pair). the next pair of cards will have "2" on their back. Its a bit like a rendition of the game Memory except with words and not pictures.

you will find yourself not only being able to prepare for an exam. TEXTBOOK TIPS: 5 WAYS TO MEMORIZE YOUR TEXTBOOK Even in the age of Web 2. you could try to answer the chapter exercises before you even begin reading the actual contents. Textbook tip #2: Do the textbook exercises first Chapter exercises were designed to test a student’s knowledge about the material that is read. otherwise. take a look at the backs of your pairs and see if the numbers match up correctly. You have to read the textbook.The exercise now starts. Read the definition on the first card. and highlight away. and retain the information so that you could apply it to your studies. These summaries usually emphasize the most important points of the chapter and draw your attention to terms and important themes that you should be familar with. . Do you have a problem tackling this massive task? Here are 5 ways to help you work with your textbook and remember what you read. doing so alone wouldn’t help you to master its contents. Mark the passages that interest you and circle the important terms and jargon. Write on its pages. Add your own illustrations. but also having a strong understanding of the course topic. doodle around its edges. it will just be a quaint paper weight on your table. Pencil in your answers daily and you’ll suddenly find yourself able to weather the occasional pop quiz. but did you know that it could also be used the other way around? Rather than doing the exercises at the end of the chapter. Do away with the thought that a textbook should be kept pristine – a clean textbook is an unused textbook. Of course. Textbook tip #1: Get dirty – write on your textbook Though textbooks are essentially print material meant to be read. getting a copy wouldn’t be enough. Step 7 Once all of the cards have a match. we could see that the college textbook still tops the list of essential student resources. By doing this. Textbook tip #3: Browse the chapter summaries With the same principle as doing the chapter exercises first. You have probably seen this first hand while taking classes. Step 5 Put the definition card on top of the word that you you believe matches the definition. Doing so will help you become more familiar with the topics. Step 6 Do this with all of the definition cards. Understanding and utilizing the course textbook is one of the first study tips you’ll hear in the course of your classes. Look at the word cards in front of you to find its match. Use your textbook just like you’ll be using your notebook as a way to summarize your ideas and articulate your thinking. The questions also act as a focusing device that helps you note the most important information in the chapter. reading the chapter summaries also offer the same benefits to the student. Course syllabi depend on textbook content and professors continue to rely on textbooks to formulate their lectures.0. Step 8 Keep playing the game until all your pairs match up correctly. even more than any kind of exam preparation. study its contents.

it would be quite beneficial to tie the lecture notes and textbook content together. try to figure out the logic behind the chapter structure. At this point. but in this case. or is next to it. that’s accurate. you could do the writing in your head and this mental workout will not only help you recall the information. Step 4: Read the chapter summary. it most likely will be on the next test. After taking notes from a lecture session. If you are short on time. Going through this process of connecting the lecture with the textbook contents will help you memorize all the necessary information with less effort. it’s suggested that you choose a chapter for advanced reading. Step 2: Answer the chapter exercises.Textbook tip #4: Connect lecture notes to the textbook Since we already know that teachers use the class textbook in their lectures. a list of terms and their definitions. Step 3: Read the outline for the chapter. STUDY TIPS: HOW TO READ A TEXTBOOK When was the last time you really read your textbook? Do you read the table of contents? Do you only open your textbook when there are assigned exercises in it? Or are you the type who read it from cover to cover? If the above descriptions are similar to how you use your textbook then you’re in for a big surprise. What we need is a sure-fire way of maximizing textbook reading. but it will also ‘cement’ your understanding for a gratifying grade. Textbook tip #5: Write a lecture After you’ve studied the textbook and played around with it a bit. you try to answer the chapter exercises given what you know and what you could figure out. It’s also not an exercise book (unless it’s explicitly stated in the title. Chapters would most certainly have outlines or a chapter-specific table of contents at its beginning. We always think that the chapter summary is meant to recap all the things that were discussed in the chapter – and it does. Refer to this outline after you’ve answered and corrected the chapter exercises. go back to your textbook and mark the areas of the text that were discussed during the lecture. any chapter would do: the chapter you’re currently studying in class or the chapter your doing examination preparation for later. Yes. The point of the exercise is not really the actual answers to the chapters (though they may help). . follow the following steps: Step 1: Choose a chapter. but to engage your thinking about the subject matter. Instead of doing the exercises last. If you want to know how to really read a textbook. Writing a mock lecture or composing a short book for a five yearold would really challenge your understanding of the subject matter. that isn’t enough to get the most out of textbook reading. Just to be clear: a textbook is not a novel that is to be read from cover to cover. that is). Ponder on the chapter sequence and the actual outline. Also. The logic behind this tactic can be explained by one of engaging interest. be sure to make note of it because it must be important. and ideas. Of course. If a professor chooses to talk about it. though it’s a good habit to browse the table of contents. The chapter summary usually has an integrative story. Pencil in explainations. Most people recall the actual content of a course if they are given time to form their own opinions or understanding first before checking if what they did was correct. and a walkthrough of the chapter content. When something is mentioned in the lecture but not in the textbook. mind you – but it could also be used to give us a more-than-useful glimpse of the chapter we will be studying. one that helps out in ways to manage study time. try to remember which topic goes under another. thoughts. Read the chapter summary after you’ve done your initial analysis of the above two sections of the chapter. and coincide with easy study tops that keep you focused. the best way to truley master the knowledge you gained is to bring it to the next level. Step 5: Read the chapter.

Go back to the exercises. . sequences. he may have started to assimilate every four-legged animal as a “dog” (even it it’s a cat or a goat) before finally accommodating each kind of animal (or in this case. making it a smart study tip that could save you more time. Of course. Even though you could memorize your textbook. Use analogies Jean Piaget (a popular psychologist and philosopher) explained that we relate ideas either by assimilating concepts that we don’t know into things already know or by accommodating what we know to something that is new. a process by which you become more familiar with the content ten-fold. In the ancient times. For example. we have to realize that it’s our brain’s way of remembering concepts. As the case is. Join online communities and forums which deal with the subjects you’re studying and co-create ideas with the other members. Study – then write a song about it Or write a mock essay. there are other ways in which ideas could be exchanged. Discover patterns and associations in what you’re studying As seen in the movies. and reading material and use these as a basis for remembering the content. and a dog are three different animals). You’ll find that it’s a lot easier to read the chapter because you have an advanced knowledge of what you’ll be tackling. Share the concepts you’ve been studying about Though classroom discussions are good venues for students to air out their concerns. a goat. conspiracy theorists usually rely on a visual framework to work out the patterns and associations that they could see between different sources. for a child who is only beginning to understand the concept “dog”. you could figure out a way to explain the economic recession to a 5-year old. every idea or piece of information should be connected to another. Doing this exercise helps you organize your thoughts and put something into your own words. or cram your exam preparation. but now we have the Internet to go to. the trick really is to study smarter. 3. do a video – just about anything that will make you create something out of all the content that you’ve studied. you’re finally ready to tackle the actual content. 4. you already know why. and associations between your notes. but the principle stays the same. Find someone who doesn’t know anything about the topic and then teach the subject as concisely as possible. 5. With the same objective in mind. depicting visual associations. Thinking of something as “just like” another creates a point for one to check and analyze in the future.After reading the above sections. 2. Try to remember the chapter exercises and figure out why they were explicitly asked in the chapter. Here are 5 ways to increase your study IQ: 1. It’s not only a smart study tip but also an interesting way to get to know more people. Find it easy? Well. Simply said. it holds your attention in a way that engages you many times more than just reading your textbook. Step 6: Answer the chapter exercises again. Though we may see it as wrong at the start. and connect the chapter content to the chapter summary that you’ve already read. Scenes with newspaper clippings plastered on the walls and red thread connecting one to another are particularly mainstream. you could also write down a mock lecture of the subject for a young child. the “in” thing to do was to go to a marketplace and talk to the resident philosopher or elder. that a cat. Work out patterns. doing this in this manner would be crazy for a college student. Study – then teach it to another person Another smart study tip is to teach the content that you’re studying. STUDY TIPS: STUDY BETTER WITH THESE 5 SMART STUDY TIPS We realized that productivity tips for college students wouldn’t be enough. and the process of discovery makes it a smarter way to study. Recall the chapter outline while you’re reading. The process of creation helps you not only to study smarter. it’s not just about studying longer or devoting more hours poring over the books – there are smarter ways to pick up knowledge and learn faster. lecture notes. For example.

Preparing for an important test begins the first day of school and continues right up to answering the first question. The mind functions better when fully rested. Skipping unknown questions will also improve the overall score of a timed test. Tests in the classroom can determine if a student passes or fails the class and ultimately if they graduate. When you do not know the answer to a question. graded and returned you should review it. In high school most tests are still multiple choice to allow the teachers to more easily make corrections. Learning a few test taking techniques can help anyone do better on a test. Take a few deep breaths before beginning to help focus on the subject. If you are stuck on question 3 and don't move on you will only get two possible right answers. Flash cards can be used for vocabulary in science or math classes. Eat a healthy breakfast so your body can focus on thinking and you are not distracted with hunger. . Review that material again and then set it aside until the nest test. A widely known example are the Schoolhouse Rock cartoons of the 1970's. When taking a multiple choice test read each question completely and choose the correct answer. When a test is scheduled review all of the material the night before and concentrate on any items you aren't sure of. You may remember the answer at that time or be able to figure it out by comparing the possible responses to the two questions. or date An example is the phrase "Kitty Put Cat litter in Fido's Ground Steak" which can be used to remember the scientific classifications of Kingdom. Have someone drill you on facts by asking possible test questions. You may remember the answers now and be able to choose the correct response. Class.HIGH SCHOOL TIPS: HOW TO PREPARE FOR EXAMS Test scores become more important in high school than they were in earlier grades. a parent or a tutor as necessary to ensure that you understand the subject completely. Study with friends or a partner and help each other learn the material. If you do not know the answer SKIP THE QUESTION. Avoid drinking pop or coffee right before the test as the caffeine may cause your body to become agitated and prevent you from focusing on the test. If you are still unsure of the answer narrow it down to two choices and guess. Post Test Activities Once the test has been completed. This is a very important skill that is overlooked by many students. Family. Many tests will ask the same question in several different ways during the length of the exam. Phylum. At that point you have a 50/50 chance of getting it correct. Homework should be completed as assigned. skip it and you may find the question asked in a different way later on. This strategy of skipping unknown questions works on any type of test including essay and fill in the blank. Physical Preparation Make sure you have a good night's sleep before an important test. Some facts can be put to music to help remember them. Taking the Test Many students have trouble with tests because they are nervous about being timed or don't feel they know the material. Verify you understand what you got wrong and why. Some subjects may required additional learning tools to remember the information. Mnemonics can be used in a variety of classes to help students remember a specific fact. Knowlege Preparation Tests may be scheduled or pop quizes and the best way to be prepared is to keep up with the work in the class. Sometimes the act of having to explain something to another person will help you learn it better yourself. Tests such as the ACT or SAT can determine the future of a student. . Once you have read and answered all of the questions you can go back to the beginning of the test and review the questions you skipped. Trying to cram information into your brain at the last minute is not the most effective way of studying for a test. Often the way a questions is worded it is possible to narrow the choices to 2 possibilities. since the more questions you answer the better your score. Review any errors with the teacher. Genus and species.

and 2) all the answers could be found in the first 7 chapters of the textbook. 4. but it’s not much time at all – because this technique works from a cold start. What I like about my technique is its simplicity and the quickness with which you can test it on yourself. which is one reason why a pure stacking mechanism (as described above) can be greatly improved upon when you’re dealing with numbers that big. But remember. the prettiest. 3. After your nap. Take your printed notes into a quiet room. Look at the first sentence in your notes and read it out loud. I realize this sounds like a lot of time. you can get by with less studying and fewer notes. my students. I graduated first in my class (with this being one tool in my toolbelt — not the entire belt). Yes. If your academic goals are more modest than mine. try it with 3 sentences. Next. just in case you were wondering. This technique worked remarkably well. Use short sentences because they’re easier to remember. 1.000 words. It helps. in complete sentences. Then 4. New memories are very vulnerable.000 words. When it comes to memorization. But it has worked for me. Yes.000 words takes a long time. Take breaks whenever fatigue sets in. Why did I do this? My professor had challenged me with two statements on the first day of class: 1) No student had ever aced his introductory exam. this technique is optimized to help you memorize 5 or 6 pages worth of notes. use a pencil or word processor (I prefer the latter because it’s faster) to type. someone else’s. Repeat until you have memorized every sentence in your notes.” Let’s be clear: Memorizing 23. I memorized 7 chapters of my psychology textbook — over 23. . and eliminate all distractions. I memorized all 7 chapters. By the way. 5. you don’t need to memorize 23. After a study session. but it’s good to know there is a way to save yourself if you do. My best advice is to try it for yourself. take a quick nap. 2. I did become the first person to ever score a 100% on my professor’s introductory exam. but studies have shown that sleep helps your new memories stick. who claims to have the “worst memory in the world. Determined to be the first student to ace his test. and even my wife. First. repeat the memory technique once more for maximum retention. shut the door. whether it’s mine. and other information-heavy tests. Below is the simpler version of my system. Then. Eat a snack. I eventually became so good at this technique that I could complete all my studying for any information heavy mid-term or final exam in less than 6 hours. I could actually recite the entire 7 chapters to anyone willing to listen. not 7 entire chapters. developed to help my pupils pass history. or the most interesting technique on the market. I’m not saying you should ignore your classes until the last minute (please don’t — I rarely studied at the last minute myself).HOW TO MEMORIZE ANYTHING In college. Have a glass of water. Repeat the step above. this time with the first 2 sentences. But the technique I used to memorize those chapters can be used to memorize anything. it’s important to find a strategy that works for you. or your own. Does it Really Work? My memory technique isn’t the newest. If you’re looking for a way to increase the capacity of your memory or pass a test. close your eyes and say the sentence without looking at it. psychology. any fact you think might appear on the test. even if you haven’t cracked the book all semester.

and make myself write. do laundry. children. Ask a friend to hold you accountable. clean the house. procrastination’s short-term benefit is a feeling of control and peace. There is nothing easier for getting good grades then doing your work. As usual. complicated tasks into smaller pieces. no matter how small. “I’ll do the laundry tomorrow.11 CAUSES AND CURES FOR PROCRASTINATION I wanted to write an article on procrastination. We juggle our jobs. Lack of energy: Maintain a regular sleep routine. What are you really responsible for? List and prioritize tasks. In case you’re wondering. Put tools and utensils in their proper place so you can find them when you need them. and I’m taking a break. Seeing as tests are going to be the biggest influence on your grade in a class. Resist the urge to keep taking breaks. What are some good ways to prepare for the exams that you will take in your classes? . make a list of the tasks you want to begin first thing the following morning so you can hit the ground running the next day. make a list of the things you plan to do when you get back so you can pick up where you left off. By taking time to understand your own reasons for putting things off and devoting energy to moving forward. Boredom from minutiae: Automate simple repetitive tasks whenever possible. I finally decided to follow my own advice. but what’s not obvious is why I put it off. and preparing well for tests. You’re looking for the sweet spot between procrastination and frenzy. and household chores. Resist the urge to be a couch potato. Just be aware that the feel-good benefits of procrastination can quickly erode into panic. and do so the right way. watch television. We pay bills. and negotiate with associates. Right now. the magic pace at which the assembly line of your life runs smoothly. And in the midst of all this chaos. starting was the hardest part. not a robot. Laziness: Remind yourself of the consequences of procrastination. Exercise regularly. In other words. Avoid eating a heavy lunch. you too can beat procrastination. The irony is obvious. Do not skip breakfast. Priority confusion: Distinguish obligations from options. Eat healthy. HIGH SCHOOL TIPS: HOW TO PREPARE FOR EXAMS There is nothing more important in high school then getting good grades. Lack of focus: Minimize distractions. Try to complete several small tasks to provide a feeling of accomplishment. buy groceries. Poor organizational skills: Clean your work area. Early morning lag: Before you stop working each day. stop checking email. We tell ourselves. Post-lunch fatigue: Before leaving for lunch. but kept putting it off. Here are 11 common causes of procrastination and corresponding tips to help you find the pace you’re looking for: • • • • • • • • • • • Complicated-task anxiety: Break big. I kept putting off this article because I lacked focus. we convince ourselves that none of our varied obligations is so pressing as to require our time right now. Check e-mail and voicemail only twice per day instead of every 5 minutes. Use the 80/20 rule whenever appropriate. So I’ll tell you why — because my life (like yours) is jammed full of responsibilities. We battle traffic.” So take a break. Reward yourself. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to read a book. and mow the lawn. Fear of imperfection: Accept that perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. aging parents. Find a quiet room where you can concentrate. you should try the best you can to prepare for your tests. my life is right as rain. You’re a person. marriages. shut my office door. Indecision: Determine your decision-making criteria. then set a deadline for your decision. Complete a starter task. or chill in your favorite chair while the sun sets outside your beautiful picture window. thank you very much.

and you have spent more time on what you don't know... i know. You can read the book a million times. Does your teacher like multiple choice. three... but what was he doing as the first president anyway? Remember that. hang with bad cliques.. if we can’t have the capacity to memorize content then all will be for nothing....The biggest thing that you need to do is make sure that you take good notes in class. and work with the teacher to figure out what you should be thinking about as the test approaches. the format. i know now your thinking what kind of tip is this. and it won't matter if none of it is on the test. high school is a jungle. you will have a good base for what you are going to do to prepare to study your notes. This helps you huge when you go to take the test. Basically just be smart about your preparation. and not just what is in the book. My name is Caroline Nicole and well im 13 i went on my high school retreat yesterday. then i thought to myself. Most teachers will have some sort of study group the day before the test in class. Wozniak hypothesized that ‘forgetting information’ follows a pattern – the probability of retaining a particular piece of information becomes less likely through time. or have some way to help you study in class. your teacher will usually tell you what is going to be on the test. college/university! become a big master the #1. If you can get a good understanding of the concepts of what is being taught. im the bus.. i know i have my future fine and all lay ed out. This helps you ask better questions before the test.. or something else? Should you focus on names. and know what will be on the test. TIPS ON PASSING HIGH SCHOOL EXAMS Now we all already know. The seat of our experiences is better known by what we recall. we could see that memorization is the foundation of any educational task. Make sure that you go over the notes with your teacher if you feel like you need some clarification about anything. To start your quest for better memory.. well keep on reading because its actually pretty good. High school is easy if you are willing to put in the time before the test preparing for it.. Though we could find ways to make lecture notes more interesting. If you ask. here are 5 easy memory techniques that you could try out: Memory Technique #1: Scheduled Memory Piotr Wozniak. hang out only on weekends.if i can get a good education study hard. and what notes to study. Know the material. You might be able to remember that George Washington was a president. you may catch up into some bad things... and that you paid attention. a Polish memory researcher. well. then i can pass high school. but do you? STUDY TIPS : 5 EASY MEMORY TECHNIQUES It has been said that the core of one’s personality lie in one’s memory. and aspects of the future is made clear by what we remember today. and it helps you to identify things that you might not understand as well. and allows you to focus on a few things at a time. Don't put all your study time into the night before the test. Know what your teacher likes to put on it. He also postulated that we could . and less time on what you do know. Then a brilliant idea came to mind! if i can overcome my fear i can finish high school. essay. On a practical note. There would be some variations in the questions the next day. Make sure that you spend time studying for two. but it was the same material that we needed to know. Know what your teacher likes when it comes to how you study. but you may really think education comes first. and you will have no trouble remember the names. then ill be owning the popular cliques that just chilled and lay ed back..... its actually pretty true! if u receive a good education you can run your own business. then all of a sudden. This allows you to spend less time each night studying. it was appearing to be a scary jungle. devised a way for one to retain any kind of information through the use of scheduled learning. it was kind of scary first i was excited moving to a new environment. or personalize our education with learning styles. or some other aspect of the unit? This helps you study what will be relevant on the test. or perhaps five nights before the test. I remember I had one teacher who would actually go over the questions with us the day before class. dates.

then go to the third sequence. and we won’t forget a how to cook a favorite dish. this technique holds promise. Repeat the same procedure for the third sentences. Now this takes practice. There will always be instance wherein you would be required to memorize something ‘as it is’. or the method of creating songs. doing the same thing for all the sentences you’ve listed and always repeating the sentences at the start of the list. just before you are forgetting it. and then going through the material in a particular manner. or any kind of pattern that would help one remember – is one of the most often-used memory technique today. try to make up a song or draw a cartoon of the particular material you are studying. it’s a method that capitalizes on visualization and imagery to help in remembering content. and so on. Two-Headed Monster) and visualizing that image. there are applications to verbatim memorization: memorizing scripts. songs. Memory Technique #2: Mnemonics The use mnemonics – memory learning aids in the form of pictures. it’s just using imagery to cement and commit material to memory. memorize both sentences in sequence. and the particular bends and peculiarities of this route. When you’re in a slump. it’s not really the product but the process that counts. or by imagining the letter “h” winning a race. the point of the exercise is for the person to imagine enough references that he could remember the images that lead to the actual piece of information that is to be recalled. you’re now ready to use it for study memory. With this kind of rote memorization. You will remember them better. TIPS ON PASSING HIGH SCHOOL EXAMS Hints on passing exams from an examiner / teacher. Memory Technique #3: Rote Spiral Rote memorization has had a bad rap these days – who wants to memorize a whole textbook. Read the first sentence on the list. and go to the second sentence. For example. we can remember any kind of information up to any degree. and yes. that is. word-per-word? But certainly. and one way to do so is to use a rote spiral. For example. Memory Technique #5: Creative Memory It’s easy to remember a nursery rhyme. images. Imagine starting on this route. so it makes sense to try out this memory technique to one subject first. Again. then you could imagine a ‘glass of hyrdogen’ at your doorstep. With this. and second sentences. As a worthwhile investment to study. memorize it. then a balloon full of helium near your gate. games. Although it takes some time to come up with a final creation. at this point. that particular piece of data would be remembered indefinitely. First choose a familiar path that you could use for your visualization. More than anything else. If you’re particularly being creative about it. 1 Before exams study topics you love to hate when you are as fresh as a daisy and not tired.devise a way to repeat learning the information just before we begin to forget it. let’s say the route you use to go to school. or a lego artwork of what you’re trying to memorize. Yellow Tapping. This is the practice of creative memory. or any kind of creative content to help in memorizing something. Then read the first. if you’re learning the periodic table. or by making an acronym out of it (Red-hot. We learn much of what we practice and we memorize what we tend to think about. Try to schedule your studying in such a way that you would study the same material in a couple of days. textbooks. it’s a fun and interesting way to do homework. it is certain that you’ll remember any material verbatim. memorizing the correct spelling of “rhythm” can be accomplished in by remembering the rule “h before y”. . Memory Technique #4: Loci Method An ancient memorization technique developed by ancient Greeks and Romans. speeches. comics. and then attaching each piece of content to the landmarks that you’ve appointed. Try to identify the landmarks that you see. After you’ve finalized all your mental landmarks. The actual mnemonic depends on the preferences of the person and the nature of the situation. maybe you could construct a diorama. A rote spiral is done by first by listing all the sentences that you need one by one.

or put your name and date on all sheets . and he got 100% on the test. when you are tired. Answers will be available fro your brain in a more complete form for you to write down. you are allowed to write on the exam paper anywhere you like to help you see the main points. you will not get the marks allocated.they really want to give you all the marks you deserve .2 Vice versa for topics you really love . Go over topics together over the phone. ask. You do not have to start with the first question and end with the last one. Ask. but don't expect the self-same questions to come up! Similar or different questions will. ring. not what you think it is. and change right answers to wrong ones because you doubt your brain's ability. and 2) all the answers could be found in the first 7 chapters of the textbook. Move on from one-mark questions if you do not have a ready answer. 13 Unlucky for some! Finally check you have answered every question. Look at the mark allocation . circle or underline words and phrases in the questions if this helps you understand the question.and give just that amount of time to a question. Writing on the exam paper will not lose you marks. Your brain gave you the right answers instantly at the start. Some people like to get the essay out of the way first. anywhere! Get past papers to see the style of questions. Test yourself on past papers for timing. Trust your brain! 12 Good time management is critical to success in exams. if it does NOT answer the question. So what did he do? He memorized the entire 7 chapters. not something else. 5 In the exam. 7 Answer the questions in any order on the paper. It is likely that your brain will have done more searching in the meantime and give you an answer. READ ALL QUESTIONS BEFORE AND AFTER GIVING AN ANSWER to check you have answered the question that was asked. Don't go back to the multiple choice questions at the end of the exam. GOOD LUCK! HOW TO MEMORIZE ANYTHING I recently read a remarkable story of a guy who was at college and his professor said the following two statements: 1) No student had ever aced his introductory exam. because your brain acts as a computer does and starts a search for the answers. So how did he do it? .usually about a mark a minute thinking and writing time . 11 Multiple choice questions are very tricky.go to familiar topics to learn more when you are tired because you don't mind studying them. Guess the ones you don't know. 6 Read through the whole exam paper first to feed the questions into your brain. In total he had remembered a whopping 23.000 words. THEN fill out the front cover. 8 Highlight. 10 Remember the examiner is a human being [except that multiple choice might be marked by a computer]. ALWAYS FILL IN ALL ANSWERS to multiple choice questions. There is a chance you will get some of them right.so help them by writing clearly and in sentences. 9 Always ANSWER THE QUESTION. Come back and guess it later. Examiners are not out to trick you and take off marks . No matter how good your answer is. 4 Form a study group with a friend or friends. ask the teacher about any misunderstandings you think you have. at school / college. ask. Examiners ee this happening all the time. ask for extra help before exams. your writing must be legible so that you can be awarded the marks you deserve. 3 Ask.you are allowed extra time to do this administrative work at the end of an exam.

Memorizing tenses and verb endings is critical. Quiz yourself. knowing the "gender" of a car or a bike is important as well. . the best way to study is to go in for help any time you have difficulty understanding a new concept.. don't round to the right place. The best way to do well on an exam is to be prepared. One final point I feel I should make… there is a difference between remembering and understanding. 5. Then. Here is how you stack memories: 1. now. It is very important to go over your work after you finish. -Eat something before the test. VocabBeing prepared for a vocab test means reading. Repeat until you have memorized every sentence in your notes. General Rules for Test Taking-Sleep the night before. Finally. TIPS ON PASSING HIGH SCHOOL EXAMS Sometimes. The best way to prepare depends on the types of tests you are taking. New memories are very vulnerable. some specifics of whatever book or time period you are studying. You should be fine. do sample questions. repeat the memory technique once more for maximum retention. but I suppose it makes sense. Quiz yourself. take a quick nap. especially since how well you do is based largely on your capabilities as a writer. read questions CAREFULLY.He claims to use a technique called stacking. Write the definitions on a sheet. Have a friend read the words out loud to you. Draw pictures that relate to the words. Make sure you memorize relevant equations.. you should have had the time to prepare. use a pencil or word processor (I prefer the latter because it’s faster) to type. Foreign LanguageFor a foreign language test. make sure you can define some synonyms and antonyms. Write the definitions on notecards. “First. Read the book and read the rubric. or fail to find the answer algebraically rather than with guess and check. The only way to ensure success is to know the material. Quiz yourself. making sure that your spelling is correct and all accents are in the right place. -Study ahead of time. but with time and effort you really can store huge amounts of information. Repeat the step above. I should add that I haven’t tried this.” Now I should add that I have tried similar techniques to learn languages. 2. Isolate whatever words you feel you pause quite a bit at before reciting the definition. After a study session. shut the door. EssaysStudying for an essay is difficult. any fact you think might appear on the test. and at first they can seem futile. 3. try it with 3 sentences. Then 4. and for many languages. and find out from your teacher what you are doing wrong. And during the test. and some general themes. -Don't cheat! If you had the time to read this. and eliminate all distractions. doing well on tests can be difficult. MathIn studying for math. Next. Use short sentences because they’re easier to remember. writing. close your eyes and say the sentence without looking at it. Find out what is incorrect. Take your printed notes into a quiet room. Look at the first sentence in your notes and read it out loud. 4. Quiz yourself. Many teachers will take points off if you don't show work. and hearing the words and definitions as much as is needed. -Find out the general topics that will be on the test. After your nap.don't cram the night before. in complete sentences. but studies have shown that sleep helps your new memories stick. this time with the first 2 sentences.

The world revolves around remembering the names of people. Continue this until you have written the entire poem. or the bones of a human arm for Anatomy class. essay.) Have fun and say parts of it as a random quote.HOW TO MEMORIZE QUICKLY [[Image:Corkboard with Post it Notes 4357. .. Do this by not reading the next one until you can recite the first. This may look silly. this can help improve your memory. Write on the Post-It note small pieces of the work when memorizing a speech. It can be a large or small pack. Memorization is the key to just about every job occupation. or just get through daily life. school subject. With time. Here are some ways on the power of the brain to pass that class. Steps Buy a pack of Post-It notes. depending upon the length of what you need to memorize. but it works.. five times without error.jpg|thumb|Use post-it notes to keep track of things you need to remember. such as the end of a paragraph. Post them in vertical descending order. you can recite the answers again and again.Things You'll Need • • Post it Notes Black Pen or Marker HOW TO INCREASE YOUR POWERS OF CONCENTRATION Do you find it difficult to memorize long theoretical questions? Try the following steps to improve your concentration skills! Steps Complete only when in a quiet environment Drink a glass of room temperature water. out loud. this time with both Post-Its. Move to the next Post-It note. (Do not memorize the answers in order because the test is not the same as handouts. or other work of prose. Affix the Post-Its to a highly visible place in your bedroom or living room where you look often. Congratulate yourself at committing to memory the entire body of your poem or body of writing. If you're trying to memorize answers to a test. and even daily chores. Write (in black ink) on each Post-It note one stanza for memorizing poems. Follow step five again. or quote. Memorize the first Post-It. idea. Determine a color that suits your tastes. You can do this by breaking off in sensible places. ingredients in a dinner for a special someone. A color that is too dark or neon does not lend itself to memorization.

1. the correct answer almost always is mixed with something that was meant to confuse the test-taker. yet visible. How does one prepare for something that one couldn’t even prepare for? To help you out. Tips • • • • Do the exercise just before you sit to study.Dot Trick Now draw a small. Slowly slowly increase total time of concentration to 30 Minutes.. . Do not make a large dot. and though it’s really easier to study every day and prepare for exams. and choose one of these. The strategy then is to figure out how to increase the probability of getting the correct answer. but on the average. here are 4 simple quiz tips that could help you get good grades even if you didn’t study. so that there are no ripples in the glass. You should now find an increase in your concentration power. Don't let your eyes move away from the dot Things You'll Need • • • • A Glass Of Room Temperature Water A Pencil A Quiet Room To Complete Steps A watch for checking time QUIZ TIPS: GET GOOD GRADES EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T STUDY In the quest to get good grades. there every student should be prepared for the inevitable. Try to hold the glass as still as possible. Water Trick Fill a glass of water and hold it in front of you. Stare at the ripples in the top of the glass. most probably you’ve taken the occasional test that you weren’t prepared to take. Regardless. Pop quizzes will always be in the landscape of the typical student’s life. Get good grades with multiple choice questions For a multiple-choice question with 4 options. This figure decreases as the number of choices increase. to at least have an edge over exams. there’s a 25% probability that one could get the correct answer just by guesswork alone. dot on the wall facing you. Quiz tip: Look for two choices that are similar. probably because it keeps one on his toes. Increase the exercise duration from time to time. given that you are only vaguely familiar of the content. Quiz tip: Choices that are too different from the others often do not include the correct answer. multiplechoice questions are done with 4 items in mind. and start staring and concentrating on the dot for 60-70 seconds. Stop when the water is completely still. This is the reason why students use different study tips and memory techniques. chances are there will be some quizzes which could slip through the cracks. Start taking deep breaths while staring and for a short time after you have finished staring at the dot. In test construction.

not. but there’s always a tendency to over-compensate for lack of knowledge – one tends to write more if one knows nothing about it. Do you know of other ways to get good grades for quizzed you didn’t study for? Post them in the comments. Quiz tip: Before you answer an essay question. then the statement is false. the fill-in-the-blank questions are derived from this or at least have similar answers. A few common sense guidelines: pick someone who’s a joy to be around and who makes you happy. Love and Relationships 1. yet had to learn (or are still learning) on your own. To remedy this. ensure compatibility beyond the physical because beauty and youth are fleeting. 21 CRITICAL LIFE LESSONS YOU DIDN’T LEARN IN SCHOOL If someone doesn’t take us aside and teach us a few things (assuming we’d listen) before we graduate high school. Get good grades with Fill-in-the-Blank questions The trick with fill-in-the-blank questions is to recognize the context of the question first to derive the correct answer. Most probably. which is a lot easier than figuring out if it’s true. Quiz tip: Resist the urge to pad your answers. 3. Quiz tip: Since true/false statements are almost always logical arguments found on different premises. With that in mind. Choosing a Mate: Your ability to select a suitable spouse will greatly influence your financial and emotional wellbeing. To get good grades with essay questions one needs to pick the best point to write about and stick with it. Quiz tip: If the answer you’re choosing is not grammatically correct. Get good grades with True/False questions Since true/false questions are objective items that rely on a 50/50 chance it’s a bit trickier to get the correct answer. we are doomed to learn life’s hardest lessons in the real world beyond the classroom. one just needs to figure out if the statement is false first. if you graduated long ago (as I did). a long essay might tick off your teacher. while the mind and heart endure. Quiz tip: Statements with absolute logical qualifiers like always.2. These are just some quiz tips that one could use when confronted with an exam that one didn’t prepare for. or sometimes probably signal a true statement. know the person well. if any of these premises are false or any part of the question rings false. this list represents all the things you wish you had been taught. Though some may think that these could help lead to the answer eventually. Get good grades with Essay questions Essay questions might be the easiest of all quizzes. yet parents and teachers seldom mention it. . 4. or cannot almost always are false statements. here are 21 non-academic lessons every person should know before he or she graduates high school. Pick the best three out of these and work your essay around these points. first list down all the possible answers that may fit the question. Quiz tip: Look for clues from other questions within the same test. then most probably it’s not the correct one. never. may not. Quiz tip: Statements with relative logical qualifiers such as may.

Compassion: We are born egocentric. Debtor Responsibility: I believe every person who borrows money has a social. and so forth. listen. Evaluate interpersonal skills regularly. paying bills remains important. Feel free to indulge occasionally. listen. and eye contact. moral. Compassion helps us understand our place in the world and ensures we are emotionally well rounded. appropriate tone of voice. having the desire to give means you care. Look for bargains. Having the capacity to give means you possess. I’ve written about this before. persuade gently. Independent research using the Occupational Outlook Handbook or other resources can help you figure out how to make a living in whatever industry inspires you. while lower income consumers may be wise to carry less. Evaluating Relationships: Given the tremendous importance of relationships. but seldom taps into your most powerful reserve of all: Passion. be friendly and considerate of alternative viewpoints. Shop at discount stores. 12. personally and professionally. it’s surprising we receive so little instruction on how to evaluate. find a job you love. and nurture them. in case you lose your job. Teamwork: Work environments have gravitated toward small teams. Clearly delineate needs (transportation) from wants (a big SUV). 4. 16. 6. but mind the consequences. Saving: Keep 3 to 6 months salary in an emergency fund. Handling Difficult People: An essential life skill. credit card debt. 7. should not exceed 20% of take-home pay. 8. prune. 3. Politics of Advancement: Advancement in the working world often depends as much upon interpersonal skills as it does upon job skills. And my number one rule of debt: credit cards should never be used as supplemental income. I recognize the expression’s value. Start by asking yourself whether each of your relationships drags you down or lifts you up. Passion: School sharpens skills. appreciating. but seldom is. designer clothing) is like jogging to the grocery store on your treadmill: it’s not going to happen. Giving: As a child. As an adult. Practicality: While you’re chasing self-actualization. and ethical responsibility to make payments on time and in the correct amount for the duration of the contract.2. use online calculators to determine the proper amount to save for retirement. Association breeds opportunity. The Material Myth: Pursuing happiness by acquiring material things (granite countertops. but by the time we graduate high school. Sports. such as car and home repair. Debt: Financial gurus suggest that total debt. argument. and group goals are great ways to learn teamwork. correct as needed. handling difficult people can be taught. Money Management 9. excluding first mortgage. This includes car payments. but are seldom adequate. and there are several good books on the subject. team projects. 11. Generally speaking. Career 14. Networking: Ask for business cards. . including Robert Bramson’s Coping with Difficult People. maintain a Rolodex (electronic or otherwise). Persuasion. having the will to give means you want to make a difference. second mortgages. If you want to be happy at the top of Maslow’s pyramid. listen. 13. and sympathizing with others. home equity loans. Surrounding yourself with positive relationships is half the battle. Conversation: Successful relationships require solid communication: use body language. the credit bureaus agree. 5. plasma televisions. we should be capable of understanding. and expectation setting are crucial. keep money on hand for unexpected expenses. 10. I always thought the expression “it’s better to give than to receive” was trite and silly. 15. Upper income consumers may be able to handle higher debt loads due to greater expendable income. and stay in touch with people who respect you. Frugality: Live below your means.

So there you have it: 21 lessons you can’t (or generally don’t) learn in school. daunting. Get plenty of sleep. there’s a good chance that owning a business seems puzzling. you really can. Entrepreneurial: Unless you’re related to business owners or have learned about business ownership on your own. And it’s huge. “Can I do this?” Why is Self-Efficacy Important? As I already mentioned. “How do I feel about myself?” Self-efficacy asks. but seldom make the connection between health and the rest of life. all the schooling in the world won’t help you reach your dreams if you don’t take time to determine what you want and how to obtain it. Try to get 30 minutes of aerobic exercise daily (or at least every other day). Maybe you’ve always wanted to start your own business or go back to school — So why haven’t you? Because you think you will fail? Some people are so afraid of failure they never follow their heart. life-altering objective. determination. They are merely thought starters. Positive Thinking: Attitude determines altitude. But the #1 determinant (and most accurate predictor) of success or failure is a concept many people have never heard of: self-efficacy. Read. Eat nutritious meals in proper portions. • • Self-esteem asks. Drink plenty of water. tenacity. Personal Success 18. The fact that young people in a capitalistic society aren’t given the basic tools of ownership is unfortunate. High school health classes teach these concepts. In other words. I’ve noticed that no single thing does as much to improve my outlook as getting healthy. Yet I wonder how much pain we could prevent if we taught life’s important lessons to our young people instead of relying on the real world to teach them for us. These lessons are not intended to insult teachers or schools. something to think about regarding lessons learned through painful experience. If you have high self-efficacy. 21. Health: Throughout my life. and maybe certain lessons must be experienced to be understood.17. and overwhelming. If you believe you can do it. Attend a workshop. whereas self-esteem is a general feeling about your self-worth. Life is an exploration. Find a mentor. and hard work are all required to reach any big. Setting and Achieving Goals: Goal setting. you are one step ahead of everyone else because you are willing to put your plans into motion. planing. the connection is real. Self-Esteem Self-efficacy is defined as confidence in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. When asked why they . 19. Self-Efficacy vs. Personal Accountability: Most success boils down to perseverance. THE #1 PREDICTOR AND DETERMINANT OF SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE What do you think is the #1 determinant of a person’s success or failure in any given activity? Do you think it’s money? How about intelligence? Natural disposition? Supporting relationships? All of these have an impact. self-efficacy is the single greatest determinant of your success or failure. most of the time. commitment. research. and other products of personal accountability. no doubt. 20. or to suggest curriculum.

Failure is your friend! As long as your failures are a natural product of working your plan and are moving you closer to your desired end-state. or life in prison. the lack of meaning and purpose. Success breeds self-efficacy. If you lack self-efficacy. TYLER DURDEN’S TOP 5 TIPS FOR LIVING Being a typical Generation X male. or attempted to find more satisfying relationships. how many meaningless sounds you made before you talked. consumerism.never went to college. but as Alfred so eloquently said. they are good. Even if you lack the skills to be successful at something today. Once you have your plan. but that’s not really the point. and materialism. embrace it. when Alfred says. you’ll never grow. Our great war is a spiritual war… our great depression is our lives. As you work your plan. it’s no wonder I’ve always loved the movie Fight Club. nor will I attempt to examine Fight Club’s themes comprehensively. Here we have Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden. all lean muscle and crazy blue eyes.” This attitude is self-defeating. If you never act. “Oh. you will never succeed. This says something about human nature: Even though failure is essential to growth. Just think about how many times you fell before you walked. the great spiritual vacuum. Certainty of success breeds action. Fear of failure breeds inaction and ineptitude. you will never act. Master Wayne? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up. If you fear failure. Now create a plan. raging against the great dark plagues of his generation: Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes. yet achievable. I couldn’t do that. I’m just a fan of the movie. I am reminded of a quote from the movie Batman Begins. The first step you complete is the most important because it signals commitment to action. Spend a few minutes thinking of something you have always wanted to do. working jobs we hate so we can buy [things] we don’t need. It’s a vicious cycle. Pretty soon you’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about. work it. You’re probably going to fail. smiling like a shark. Nothing . you will fear failure. We’re the middle children of history… No purpose or place. If you won’t risk failure.” We learn from our failures. The point is that Tyler Durden symbolizes our outrage against the darker version of the American Dream: the endless parade of television commercials. What can you do to improve your chances of success next time? Find someone who has accomplished what you are trying to do and ask for her advice. The sad irony is that the people with the greatest certainty of success (as determined by a high self-efficacy) are the ones most willing to risk failure. pursued the career of their dreams. No Great Depression. which breeds more success. Tyler was insane. Accomplishment helps you learn to trust your skills. “Why do we fall. Developing Self-Efficacy You can build self-efficacy by accomplishing something. they respond by saying. you will never develop self-efficacy. Instead of fearing failure. And if you never succeed. Pick something challenging. figure out why and be determined to learn from it. writing down each step required to obtain your goal. I do not pretend to be an expert on David Fincher’s remarkable movie or the Chuck Palahniuk novel from which it sprang. we fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up. be tenacious. no one likes to fail. of course – anyone who has seen the movie instantly understands that emulating Tyler Durden would involve psychosis. you might develop the skills tomorrow if you start trying. a padded cell. When you fail. We have no Great War. the rat race.

some guy’s name on my underwear. It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. Dark and silent and complete. something happened. Murder. You are not your job. these things don’t concern me. 5. Think for Yourself Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think every thing you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told to want? 4. . we would have nothing. Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat. You are not the car you drive. What concerns me are celebrity magazines. Shampoo-conditioner combos. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments? What would you wish you’d done before you died? You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now. It’s not a… seminar. Reject… the importance of material possessions. Rogaine. And this is my attempt to capture what I affectionately call Tyler Durden’s Tips for Living: filtered for sanity and common sense by yours truly and brought to you in Tyler’s (or his alter ego’s) own words. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. single pat of butter. at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Don’t be a Mindless Consumer We’re consumers. Transcend Temporary. sample-packaged mouthwash. Buy the sofa. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. television with 500 channels. now they own you. without sacrifice. You are not how much money you have in the bank. Lost in oblivion. Losing all hope was freedom. Unfulfilling Relationships Single-serving sugar. The drapes. this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. how would you feel about your life? 3. crime. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography. single-serving cream. and the things you used to own. The people I meet on each flight? They’re single-serving friends. Do Something Meaningful This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time. Then the right set of dishes.more. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest. poverty. Olestra. now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalogue. I found freedom. The Path to Enlightenment is Hard Work I don’t wanna die without any scars. Then the perfect bed. tiny bars of soap. 1. The rug. 2. Viagra. And then. You buy furniture. then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong. Without pain. You tell yourself. I let go.

Tyler himself would hate having his knowledge pre-packaged as a self-help article. what a wonderful and welcome stick in the eye it turned out to be. etc. Ample time can be wasted with useless thoughts. A person with no control over his / her thoughts has no control over his / her life. And to be honest. actions become habit. then we have wasted that particular moment which would remain a permanent loss of time from our life which would never come back. but why? The Internet is already overflowing with such analysis. If we don’t do the things which we ought to do. Given the tremendous cult-following that this movie enjoys. and dredged for sanity and common sense. But thankfully for me. But for so many members of the lost generation.Ironically. Malefic thoughts spread laziness. According to the director. Thoughts lead to actions. habits form one's behaviour. heavily filtered by my own notions of self-improvement. Just know this: fan of the movie or not. the more time you get to think about those thoughts listed Talk with someone about it! Talking about things puts a little distance between you and your thoughts so they aren't so consuming. It’s a list of tips derived from Fight Club. Maybe self-destruction is the answer. Tyler’s a fictional character (in more ways than one). procrastination. know this: the movie is vulgar. and is unlikely to show up on my front stoop bloody-knuckled and ready to brawl. HOW TO AVOID THOUGHTS HAMPERING YOUR DAILY ACTIVITIES Negative thoughts make a person dull and unable to function properly. as he suggests in this slightly modified quotation: Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer…. behaviour builds character. I’m quite sure someone will pop in here to tell me how I’ve misunderstood the movie or misinterpreted Tyler’s intentions. . I’m not planning to throw any real-life punches anytime soon. bloody. and character ultimately makes one’s personality. I suppose I could have made this article about 2 pages longer by adding exposition and analysis to Tyler’s quotations. sexual. Identify the different thought threads Allow a particular time period for it Keep doing your essentials which you were in the middle of doing Keep a running list of the thoughts which keeps pestering between your work Think about all those on your allowed time Make a list of things which you have to do anyway Keep a running list for it too The sooner you finish those things which you have to do anyhow. this isn’t really Tyler Durden’s Tips for Living. so we’ll have to restrict our debate to the comments section of this Website. And it is. violent. if it’s all the same to you. And for those of you who haven’t seen the movie and who might consider doing so upon my recommendation. the movie was intended to be like a sharp stick in the eye. and brimming with ideas that some people struggle to understand. Fair enough. This precious time could have been spend for the other daily chores which we had to do anyway or something productive.

I love writing articles for this Web Site. or abstract thinking. Do you find the work fulfilling in and of itself? Many people become frustrated with their jobs long before they ever reach the point of questioning their ultimate fulfillment. and confidence makes everything I do easier and more enjoyable. which causes him to argue with his wife. He comes home from work in a foul mood. They say there is no such thing as a perpetual motion machine. If you dedicate yourself to tasks that do not fulfill you. That’s the power of synergy! If you spend your time in pursuit of something you find personally fulfilling. You end up with more energy. the positive energy spreads to every area of your life. sense of purpose. so my work makes me happy. the need for purpose and fulfillment is a major driving force. THE KEY TO GREATER ENERGY AND HAPPINESS The key to energy and happiness is synergy. which makes sense because we experience its harmful effect whenever we work in opposition to our internal motivations. number crunching. antagonism can spread like a cancer to every area of your life. Shouldn’t we spend that time on something that matters to us? Living Synergistically If you want to live synergistically. But even if you are lucky enough to find a job with a fantastic boss and stellar environment. speed and agility. such as problem solving. Antagonism The opposite of synergy is antagonism. but a human being working at something he loves comes close. not less. which in turn further increases his stress and leaves him more tired and depleted. so it spreads to others. like strength. Can you get someone to pay you to use your natural gifts to accomplish a mission you believe in? Uncover Your Message . poor utilization of natural skills. then get behind the mighty plow of your life and start pushing. We experience the magic of synergy whenever we dedicate ourselves to work that fulfills us. But for people like me (and maybe you too if you’re still reading this). find something you are truly passionate about. My wife senses my good mood when she gets home from work. And the question is. I have a friend who hates his job so much that even a half-day at the office leaves him drained and grumpy. Let’s take a look at the difference. What things are you good at? What do you love to do? What activities cause you to lose all track of time? The answer to these questions may help reveal your natural gifts. such as the ability to empathize with and care for others. Perhaps you have physical gifts. unrealistic expecations. Reasons to Hate Your Job There are as many reasons to hate your job as there are stars in the sky: bad boss. And that question is. which helps our relationship. there is one important question waiting for you at the top of the mountain. And your happiness is contagious. unhealthy environment. Figuring out your internal motivations can be hard work. The term antagonism implies forces in opposition. which in turn makes me feel even happier! My ever-increasing happiness.SYNERGY. we spend more of our life working than we spend on anything else. After all. Synergy Synergy is a force that causes your total energy to be greater than the sum of its parts. Or you may have emotional gifts. Unfortunately. These may be cognitive gifts. many people are living with antagonism. but it’s a lot harder to spend your life doing work you hate. while others seem to live happily without any sense of purpose at all.

And your life will no longer be about juggling all your obligations. but it’s no longer excessive or debilitating. And the white noise.I believe everyone has a message inside of him or her waiting to get out. So what changed? Let me tell you. But when I awoke. it will be about living the life you were meant to live. If you’re not sure what your message is (like most people). the sound of my worried thoughts was like a million buzzing insects. instead. shifting furniture around. After a stressful day at work. Stop Trying to be Perfect For most people. fleeing my worry. My doctor prescribed Paxil. the urge to prepare can become an exaggerated and unrealistic quest for perfection. like the sound of a car’s motor on a long trip. but not without side effects. allowing sunlight to filter directly into my brain. but it should be something you want to communicate to the world through your actions. anxiety and stress are positive feelings that encourage focus and preparation. One time. I learned to follow that road down into sleep night after night. I would come home and find something else to worry about. I went to the home store about 500 times. screaming. oscillating fan sitting on my bedside table that I would turn on to drown out the hum of my thoughts. I stopped taking it. and all the little worries that used to plague me have evaporated into the winds. understand. My struggles with anxiety are a distant memory. a fine Spring afternoon in 2007. while medicated. as though my skullcap had been flipped open. For now. That’s the perpetual motion of synergy at work. Quite simply. I had an old. and synergy will be yours. I feel great! I no longer have trouble falling to sleep at night.” For me. your message is your purpose in life. usually my latest home improvement project. Your message is the reality that you want others to experience. Sometimes I became so upset I felt like I was having a break down. I will help you discover it later in this series of articles. I found myself in an important meeting with senior management. Several years ago. and I had the strangest feeling of pressure and warmth around the top of my skull. I feel normal. a need to have things “just so. So what’s your message? Is there a particular topic you love sharing with others? If so. I’d start yelling. HOW I OVERCAME ANXIETY (AND HOW YOU CAN TOO) Oh. Find a way to live your message. staring at the curtains. That was one very strange feeling! Some people report great results with Paxil. For the first couple of weeks. I know about anxiety disorders. and carrying on about the position of the fish aquarium or the spectrum of the light coming from the lamps. Would I make it to work on time? Would my boss be upset with me? There were as many reasons to worry as there were stars in the sky. and appreciate. but she was always supportive. trying to find the perfect sheers to compliment our blinds. The wind on my face felt good. trying to get everything just right. conjured images of the open road. maybe your message lies somewhere within that topic. A message doesn’t have to be something you tell the world explicitly. money. my mind. Flash forward to today. but it eventually made my brain feel like it was made of gelatin. On nights when I could not sleep. Once you uncover your message. I still experience anxiety every now and then. even when nothing was wrong. But for those of us suffering from anxiety disorders. I was plagued with non-stop worry about work. a hive. and relationships. the work will come flowing out of you like a river. the point I want you to remember is this: The key to reaping the benefits of synergy is finding a way to use your natural abilities to communicate your message. How my wife put up with my madness I will never know. . When my wife and I decided to redecorate the living room. the worry always returned. it seemed to help. one of the keys to peace was learning to live with imperfection. I struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I would sit in there for hours.

Our quest for perfection creeps into areas where we may not recognize it. If you are struggling to find balance. debug code to rediculous levels of thoroughness (that used to be me). Start Leading a Balanced Life Symptoms of our disorder explode in high stress environments. in practice. How ironic that the obsession compelling me to tinker was the same obsession allowing me to see imperfections in the first place. Passion becomes obsession when it starts having a negative impact on you. but the version I am talking about says that 80% of the value of something can be obtained with 20% of the effort. My need for perfect geometry and black level was like a normal person’s need for oxygen. I moved from software development to software design. one day. trying to get the picture just right. since she was usually trying to watch something at the time. made me calm. I started riding my elliptical machine nightly. Stop Obsessing About What Others Think Many people are concerned about the opinions of those around them. or a person obsessing over the cleanliness of his or her house. My greatest obsession used to be breaking into my television’s secret service menu and tinkering with the picture settings for hours. My job in particular was not congruent with my life purpose. but we must remind ourselves that no one cares about our imperfections like we do. grow. and who proof-read a document hundreds of times. I still tinker with my television and projector every now and then. Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? There are many variations of this rule. But for people suffering from extreme anxiety. If you use your energy for something productive. First.” I would respond. read my six part series on how to lead a synergistic life. Leading a balanced life has reduced my stress more than anything else You Can Beat Anxiety Too . but only for short periods of time to correct a specific problem – and 80/20 is always in effect. you will have less energy to be anxious. The benefits of exercise are well known. in fact good. it definitely worked for me. Start Exercising Being anxious takes energy. I mean balance between your internal motivations and your daily activities. since it helps us fit in. I finally learned to maximize my first 20% and stop. a woman obsessesing over her appearance. this new job allows me to truly embrace my life purpose to help others learn. no. it looked fine. What will my boss think? What will my friends think? Will my associates think I’m stupid? We project our perfectionist tendencies onto others. more relaxed. “Um. After I had built up my cardiovascular health. there is very little difference between a man obsessesing over his television. relate. concern becomes panic. Once I stopped obsessing about the picture. and helped me sleep. I felt stronger. I know people who rehearse important conversations to the point of exhaustion. and achieve. This is normal.I am an audio-video geek from way back. My highest stress environments have resulted from an unbalanced life. “Could you please let me watch this show?” she would say. Instead of worrying about what others think. And when I talk about balance. I have learned to keep moving forward. My second job change was from Systems Designer to Web Master of this site. and more in control. and communicate more effectively. So why should she ask me not to tinker? Finally. I got fed up with myself and put the remote control down. This drove my wife quite mad. This improved my mood. I started working out on my Bowflex. I took a hard look at my job and my personal life. Would I ask my wife not to breathe? Nope. so I found another one. which was a better use of my skills and resulted in an immediate reduction of stress.

find ways to connect. A night out. finances. Yes. 13 Simple Ways to Be Happier It wasn’t long ago that researchers believed that every human being was born with a set “happiness point.” a fixed and unavoidable baseline level of happiness. above all . Join a Supportive Spiritual Group: According to a 2002 article in Time Magazine. “It’s clear that we can change our happiness levels widely. Yes. Learn to be less than perfect. Medicine was my first recourse. your doctor will be able to give you competent medical advice regarding your specific situation.” But David Lykken was wrong. and even though it didn’t work for me. A thoughtful card. This comes as no surprise. address the areas of your life causing you to be unbalanced. our baseline is determined partly by genetics and other factors beyond our control. the common goals and aspirations. up or down.” In reality. You can smile more. 3. Make Time for Romance: If you’ve found the partner of your dreams. or a movie night. In a 2005 Time Magazine interview. Communicate Productively: Successful relationships require solid communication: use body language. Make a spontaneous phone call “just to chat. mental habits. a dinner party. On its face. University of Minnesota researcher David Lykken went so far as to say that “trying to be happier” was as “futile as trying to be taller. and the sense of purpose. “I made a dumb statement. and it’s natural for us to derive joy from the company of others.” he said. Nurture Friends and Family Ties: A study conducted at the University of Illinois by Diener and Seligman found that happy people tend to have strong friendships and family ties. Love and Relationships 1. eventually your happiness will seek its own level. Make time for friends and family. and feel more gladness. and lottery winners alike eventually return to their previous emotional baselines. A helping hand. we do have an emotional baseline. “religious faith seems to genuinely lift the spirit. since medicine and therapy can both be very effective. love more deeply. though it’s tough to tell whether it’s the God part or the community aspect that does the heavy lifting. you can start by reviewing the following 13 strategies: simple. And this new research is a lot of good news for all of us because it proves that happiness is greatly affected by circumstances that we personally have the power to control or influence: friendships. the feeling of family and belonging. If you’re looking for a way to optimize your happiness. it does work for some. experience more peace. since we are social creatures. you might want to consider seeing a doctor. you’ll be happier for it. If you are struggling. You can change your life. the support structure. Start riding your treadmill or going for walks at least 3 times a week. you can always try what I did. appropriate tone of voice. but taking time to do the little things provides its own enjoyment and further cements whatever good thing you already have. keep your relationship solid by demonstrating how much you care. If you keep trying. In 1996. actionable. careers. Lykken took it all back. and designed to boost your happiness in a big way. Cultivate your social skills. romantic relationships. it’s a combination of things: the shared worldview. 2.” So what happened inbetween 1996 and 2005 that changed the way researchers think about happiness? New studies and new findings: that’s what happened.” In short. And most importantly. and I believe you can too. persuade gently. amputees. Best wishes to you. If you are able. Host a backyard barbecue. and eye contact. especially if those relationships tend to be positive and uplifting. to name a few.I beat anxiety. You can learn to be happier. Chocolates. A gentle hug. Keep in mind. A weekend retreat. In other words. An honest expression of gratitude. I know you can lead a better life. 4. the idea appears to have merit: Tsunami victims. no matter what mega-high or ultra-low you find yourself riding. Roses. be considerate of alternative viewpoints. But no – and I cannot say this clearly or loudly enough – your happiness baseline is not carved in stone. I’m not foolish enough to believe that a box of chocolates can turn a bad relationship into a good one.

Positive Thought 10. 5. but longer lasting happiness boost. happiness is a lot less about who you are and a whole lot more about how you live your life. Traditional advice includes positive affirmation. but if you keep asking yourself “why.else. an attitude of gratitude makes a difference. In other words. If you don’t want to do a journal. Live Below Your Means: Financial gurus suggest that total debt. listen. Giving to others puts your own problems into perspective. 11. If you know your basic needs are covered. excluding first mortgage. Money and Career 6. it appears that what goes around really does come around. and generally makes you feel good about your place in the world. And whenever possible.” you just might goad yourself into finding a way to answer that question in a way that makes you happy. making at least a middle-class wage is a proven way to boost your happiness. since living above your means is a thief of happiness. and mental processes. As research has proven. parent. and robber of potential. that’s good news because it means that you can learn to be happier by affecting positive change in your relationships. career. otherwise. Feel free to indulge occasionally. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today – how to raise your self-esteem. try taking a few minutes during your morning commute to remind yourself of all the wonderful things in your life. Seligman says to take time everyday to write down three things that went well and why. 7. 8. should not exceed 20% of take-home pay. Keep a Gratitude Journal: Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has found that taking time once a week to write down all the things you’re thankful for will. generosity. increase your happiness. in fact. Make a Gratitude Visit: Psychologist Martin Seligman says that the most effective way to turbo-charge your joy is to write a testimonial thanking a teacher. Be aware of all the wonderful abilities you bring to the table. Investigate your options. Everyone has something valuable to contribute. Write them down if you have to. 9. or pastor – anyone to whom you owe a debt of gratitude – and then visit that person to read him or her the letter of appreciation. 7 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem Last week. and actually having that money when you need it will do wonders for your peace of mind. Strategize accordingly. The power of being nice is well documented. provides purpose and meaning. and meditation – but my advice includes none of these. capacity to love. in case you lose your job or your car breaks down. and so forth. the obvious answer is “because I have bills to pay. Earn a Livable Wage: If you’re living below the poverty line by choice so you can pursue meaningful work. explore other options. but if paying the bills is your only reason for working. your happiness baseline is affected as much by circumstances and attitudes as by genetic predisposition. 12. Ask Yourself Why: Why do you work? For most people. recognizing your strengths. The transition from an uninspiring job to a personally meaningful vocation is hard work and doesn’t happen overnight. Be Charitable: Research has shown that boosting someone else’s happiness boosts your own too. don’t forget to put money aside for retirement. Meaning and purpose are central to a fulfilling work life. Three Blessings: For a less powerful. . you’ll be happier. 13. harbinger of despair. This particular happiness booster has been shown to improve a person’s mood for up to a month. Positive Introspection: Take time to inventory the characteristics that make you valuable: skills.” That’s a fine answer (we all have bills to pay). attitudes. be nice. Save: Keep 3 to 6 months salary in an emergency fund. more power to you. a couple of readers asked if I had any tips for increasing self-esteem. but mind the consequences. In closing.

often involving the bullying and teasing of peers. introspection. So every bit of advice that I dispense here today has been battle tested in my own life. I’m a skilled communicator. it’s time to formulate your own opinions based upon your life as it exists today. which brings us to my next bit of advice. often because someone of significance disapproved of them: a parent. I know what it’s like to suffer from low self-esteem. And only I have the power to make my life better. you will probably fail before you succeed. A trouble area is a beast that delights in dragging you down into its cave to gnaw on your self-esteem. accomplish something intellectual. which is one of the reasons my peers rejected me in grade school. unexplored parts of your psyche. if you doubt your social skills. and in a way. I started telling myself that the opinions of a bunch of grade-school kids formed more than 25 years ago were an awfully flimsy foundation upon which to base my current opinion of myself. look yourself in the eye. But as I grew older. and say. Whether affirmations work really isn’t the point – the point is that the advice I dispense on this site comes from my own experience. The moral here is simple: If you doubt your intelligence. Improve Your Trouble Areas Do you have one or two areas that send you into spirals of despair? If so. but it did change. My own struggles with self-esteem can be traced back to specific incidents in my childhood. When I was younger. It really doesn’t matter who planted the seeds of your low self-esteem.” This is not an affirmation – it’s a reality check. but they did not work for me because they seemed like a trick – a smoke screen covering the truth – to my highly analytical mind. with no self-esteem issues. it may feel like you’re wrestling a bear. And despite the fact that these words may seem self-defeating. To defeat the beast. you are. fix those areas. My perspective didn’t change overnight. In other words. if you’re still dragging the opinion of someone else around with you. accomplish something social. Once I understood this.Don’t get me wrong – I’m sure affirmations work wonderfully for some people. Embrace Failure . At first. accomplish something physical. How wonderful it is to know we have the power to take the reigns of our lives and assume responsibility for all our life circumstances. and I also know what it’s like to finally learn to believe in myself. or peer. Today. Take Responsibility for Everything in Your Life Find a mirror. There are no easy fixes here because raising your self-esteem requires hard work. I promise you they are the most liberating words I know. I have to write what I know. and dedication. relative. you’ll have to plow through some dark. and if you doubt your physical abilities. And the truth is. So let’s get to work! Discard Outdated and Unfair Childhood Evaluations Many people who suffer from low self-esteem learned to think poorly of themselves during childhood. “I am responsible for everything in my life. I recognized the importance of correcting the problem within me instead of waiting for the world to change. As you work through your problem areas. I had terrible people skills. comfortable around people.

Failure is your friend! As long as your failures are moving you closer to your desired end-state. they are good. and focusing on tomorrow instead of yesterday. I know you can find the healthy self-image you’re looking for 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep. What can you do to improve your chances of success next time? Find someone who has accomplished what you are trying to do and ask for her advice. figure out why and be determined to learn from it. Conversely. We learn from our failures. working hard. Does a person logically appear to be a good influence? If not. let us know. and start evaluating them with your mind. supportive people instead of deadbeats and abusers – well. dancing. probably because they’re easy to pick on. if you’re struggling with low self-esteem. or whatever) and then find a group of like-minded people who are interested in learning this activity with you. meet them head on. how many meaningless sounds you made before you talked. you’ll never grow. that’s half the battle. Following through on my promises taught me I could be dependable and trustworthy. Just think about how many times you fell before you walked. . Finish what you start on a consistent basis. The group is your support structure and your growth catalyst. Finishing big projects taught me to believe in my leadership skills. programming. acting. By learning to finish what I started. I learned the most important lesson of all: that I was capable. your radar for evaluating worthwhile relationships may be totally screwed up. If you won’t risk failure. Join a Productive Club Find something productive that you love to do (writing. in some small way. and you will soon learn to trust yourself. Increase Your Positive Relationships Don’t ask me why. Do you have a tip to help others overcome low self-esteem? If so. leave a comment. There are many more tips I could share. I hope my 7 tips are able to help you. and it will help you accomplish something you can be proud of. but people with low self-esteem seem to attract abusers. isn’t it? What are Your Tips for Increasing Self-Esteem?. overcome whatever self-esteem issues you’re dealing with. Finish what You Start Finishing college taught me to believe in my intelligence. but I want to turn the conversation over to the readers at this point because I believe we’re stronger as a blogging community than we are alone. and let your contemporaries benefit from your knowledge. stop evaluating relationships with your heart. If you’re like I was at one point in my life. By looking inward. Sometimes walking away from a problem is the smartest thing you can do. In this case. When you fail. If you surround yourself with positive. Instead of walking away from challenges. but any decision to quit must come from logic. not fear. consider moving on to a new relationship.

On the other hand. it causes spirals of perfectionism. further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down. Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is). but we do control how we react to those bad things. success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason. practice. Enoch Peterson and loads of kids I can’t even remember made me the butt of their jokes. 13 Simple Words that Could Change Your Life Forever The following 13 words have the power to change your life: Victimhood is a position of powerlessness. so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements. 6. since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. At lunchtime. 1. I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices. You’re a person. take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow. celebrate his victory as your own. review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. practice. Instead of passing the buck. At its best. 9. master the skills required to reach your objective. 7. and every schoolyard thug made it his personal mission to call me names and push me around. 10. pointless. pioneer your own. over-thinking. remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating. To overcome low self-efficacy. and paralysis by analysis. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. 5. and merely extends an enemy’s power over you. guiding you toward fulfillment. if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. 8. including my own. learn to let go. Whenever possible. give people the benefit of the doubt. 2. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. If your friend succeeds. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones.While neither universal nor all-encompassing. at its worst. bullies picked on me all the time. Todd McGraw. . Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant. if your enemy succeeds. not a robot. persecution or no. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him. this ability facilitates accomplishment. When I was in grade school. your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice. Practice. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass. while accountability is a position of power. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us. 3. I practically had a target on my back. you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness. David Cobb. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Read my synergy series of articles for more information. the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives. By understanding the source of your unhappiness. if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose. 4.

My personal low-point occurred when I was 11 years old. I was walking home from school in the rain, backpack and clothes soaked, shivering from the cold. To speed my retreat from the cold, I took a shortcut through the trail out by the creek. And when I rounded the corner from the trail onto the street, I came face to face with three mean high school kids from a neighboring school. Their fearless leader, wearing a leather jacket and shades, sprinted to the end of the street to intercept me. “What’s your name?” he said. “My name is John,” I responded meekly, looking down at my muddy shoes. “Oh yeah?” he smirked. “Where ya goin’?” “Home,” I said. I turned to walk away, but the three high school boys were on my trail. “You hear that, Jimmy? Poor baby’s goin’ home.” These boys were twice my size, 5 years older than I was, and 3 times my number. I was the mouse, and they were cats. And I know what happens to the mouse when the cat is done playing with it, so I was highly motivated to get home in a hurry. I started running, but they knocked me to the ground, took my backpack, and started kicking and punching me. I remember the feeling of their fists against my ribs, the hollow sound it made in my lungs and the feeling of dry air rushing over my vocal chords. The world was a flurry of shadows and pain. Just when I could take no more, an adult from across the street burst out of his front door and chased the bullies off. What might have happened if that adult had not appeared? Soaked and bloody, I retrieved my books from the mud, stuffed them back into my backpack, and walked home. As far as I could tell, I had done absolutely nothing to provoke the attack — I just couldn’t understand why the world was so damned mean. I stayed home from school for a week, and when I finally went back to school I had internalized my role as the victim. And that’s really when my trouble started. The bullies at school seemed to sense my lack of confidence the way a lion senses an injured gazelle. Looking back, it’s clear that I was, indeed, a victim in this particular situation. But life makes everyone a victim from time to time – that’s not really the point. The point is that I allowed myself to become a perpetual victim. I learned to blame bullies for picking on me, teachers for hassling me, and friends for betraying me. I learned to focus on the bad things that other people did to me instead of the good things I could do to improve my life. I even blamed my girlfriend for the disaster that was my first real relationship. Victimhood was a lifestyle, and I had started living it. But you know something? Somewhere along the way, I finally realized the truth in those 13 little words, and I’ll repeat them here because they’re worth repeating: Victimhood is a position of powerlessness, while accountability is a position of power. The only person I can control is myself. So when I accept responsibility for something, I am giving myself power to change it. Yes, life will victimize me, but I cannot control all the random external forces that may harm me – I can really only control myself. Therefore, the position of accountability is the most powerful position of all because it encourages us to look inside ourselves and make necessary changes.

Was I really accountable for all the abuse I endured at the hands of bullies when I was younger? Partly, yes. I lacked social skills, proper hygiene, and decent dress. Plus, I had become so defensive over the years that I reacted to every encounter with hostility. So you see, I contributed to my own plight. I attracted unwanted attention by behaving in an unwanted way. And it was only when I recognized my own power to change myself that my life really started to improve. Today, my life is completely different. I get along well with people, and I am rarely victimized by anyone. And the difference cannot be attributed to the nature of the world, for the world is largely the same today as it was when I was a child. The difference occurred within me. I stopped thinking of myself as a victim, and started thinking of myself as accountable for my own problems. I fixed what was broken inside me. Do you think of yourself as a victim? Do you spend time wondering why people treat you so badly? Do you blame your financial, emotional, and professional problems on someone or something other than yourself? If so, know this: When you attribute your problems to something other than yourself, you give that thing power over you, and you make yourself its victim. Sometimes, it’s better to take responsibility, even if the fault is not your own. Only by taking responsibility for your problems can you take control of your life. How to Develop Self Esteem Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we do not deserve to be happy. Improving your self esteem increases your confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. You gain this confidence by believing that you are unique, you are special, and that you deserve to have your dreams come true! edit Steps Start from within. Ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults, including any from your past; your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Many of us have been hurt by others at some time. It is crucial NOT to internalize that abuse and let them continue to hurt us, because that is, in fact, letting them win. But if we let go of the past and ignore hurtful negativity, and make ourselves happy, then we win. Develop Confidence 4 scientifically proven techniques to give you confidence and power www.instant-confidence.com o Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person who DESERVES to be happy. And believe it. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. And if you've made mistakes that prevent you from believing that you deserve to be happy, take measures to relieve that guilt: apologize to people you may have hurt, learn from those mistakes, and most importantly, forgive yourself.

Start with the small things to gain confidence. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. As you become secure in your ability to make good choices, you will gain confidence in yourself, and be more secure about your abilities in general. o For example, if purchasing jeans makes you anxious because of the plethora of brands, colors, and styles, then just go with your instincts. Trust yourself and go with whatever feels right to you. And if, in retrospect, you really feel you made a wrong decision, the situation can be easily rectified by exchanging the jeans. However, try to stick to your original choice.

o

o

Buy a shirt next, to go with the jeans. Take your time trying on different styles and colors. When you feel a bit of excitement inside of you, you will know you are making a good decision, so buy it. It is that inner feeling that will help you build self-confidence. You will begin to think, 'If I can do this well, I can do other things well too!' Wear your new jeans and shirt the next time you go to meet friends. Show off your outfit. Smile and be proud of yourself because you took the first step of many in gaining confidence in yourself via your ability to make decisions. The new found confidence comes from your willingness to assert yourself and make a simple decision.

Don't always try to please others. It is great to be considerate of others, but think before sacrificing your own needs to please them. It's completely rational to want to help a loved one or a friend, since that person contributes something to your life. But bending over backwards for strangers, mere acquaintances, or people you don't trust may leave you with the short end of the stick. In short, don't allow yourself to be used. Be your own person. Don't try to copy anyone else. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best, do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations. Avoid negative people. People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you're timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be. Face your fears and learn from your failures. We only fail when we do not make the best out of adversity. When something doesn't go the way we would like it to, there is something to be learned from that, which can be applied next time you are in a similar situation. Get up and try again. Stop the negative thoughts. Try positive thinking on for size. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in relation to self-esteem basically states that whatever you believe about you, whether it be perfect or totally off base, becomes true. If you constantly tell yourself you are stupid or that you will never achieve success, you will in turn act as such. So, make a habit out of saying positive things about yourself and use the self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage. Look in a mirror and see the good things such as if you have big brown eyes say "Wow I have big cute brown eyes!" or "My freckles are so cute!" Don't stare at yourself or examine yourself from various angles, searching for flaws. Instead, smile at yourself! THAT is who you really are. Improve your self confidence. You can do this by simply doing things that you make you feel good, like accomplishing something. Accomplishment is the key ingredient to gaining self confidence. Just do it, don't worry about making mistakes. We all make mistakes. Do something to impress yourself. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or vet's office. Be a Big Brother or Sister. Help someone else. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than seeing how your help can make someone else's load a little lighter. Take a class, study hard, and pass - learn something useful or interesting. It could be photography, oil painting, a literature appreciation class, or beginning guitar. You can do a daring feat: bungee jump off a bridge, skydive, go hang gliding (all with a guide, of course). Or you can do something adventurous. Put past events and thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the moment. Your accomplishment raises self-esteem by raising self confidence. Don't worry about being "perfect." Aiming for perfection in life is a lost cause because it is different things to different people. Nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else, so by trying to be perfect you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Instead, seek to achieve goals. For example, take a class in the visual arts. The visual arts allow you to explore yourself and find "perfection" in "imperfections". This self exploration, artistic knowledge, and the accomplishment of finishing the class can do wonders for your self-esteem. Learn to appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. You can better accomplish this by taking up hobbies and projects that you can do that will make use of your strengths. Additionally, by starting on some projects that emphasize your good traits, it will keep you busy so you will end up spending less time thinking about your weaknesses. Reward yourself when you succeed. Bask in the glow of your successes. You deserve to have your dreams, and you can make them come true. Believe in yourself completely, and others will also believe and trust in you. When you accomplish something always treat yourself to something wonderful.

It could be if you move to another State. As your self confidence builds. but once your self confidence becomes something that you can rely upon. Don't let the 21st century take advantage of you. . Every day look at yourself in the mirror. because you need to trust yourself to do your best. Do not let the feeling of self worth that you have built up crumble and fall. self confidence matters a lot. Don't let people who don't know you tell you how to feel or what to strive for. or to another country. you are the one who makes the decisions in your life. Life is in my control!" Don't feel like you are not good enough because you have been created the way that you should be. So do things for your own sake. people who we see doing good in the world can inspire us to do better as well. In compromise. You choose your own path. Just keep in mind that right or wrong. Tell yourself how great you are. Examples: "I'm a good artist! I'm going to be less shy and life will rock even more because more people will see my art!" "I'm clever! I am going to think things out more to solve minor problems around me. circumstances. Visualize yourself being surrounded by people. some decisions may have to be made jointly. Be assertive. Boosting your self-esteem is all about getting what you need/want. then you will be able to. a medical decision. We have to make decisions all of our lives about many details. Listen to a song that suits your mood. Do not let your confidence disappear because you made one wrong choice. it gives you confidence. Make being positive your natural state of being. There is a song for almost everything! When you jam to a favorite tune that you can relate to. and you will! Remember that most people will tell you that they would rather regret things they did do than things they didn't do. you must help yourself first before you can help others. you will feel better about yourself. you have the power to change your situation. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Warnings • Some decisions will involve another person. Try to find something to admire about yourself. Magazine ads and other media tries to take away your self confidence for marketing purposes. Make sure your self talk is positive at all times. a choice of a job or career. Therefore. and people. anything positive about yourself to help you feel confident. The most important thing of all is that you have to believe in yourself. you will find that you will start to become far more confident and life will be the way you want it. or whether or not to go on to College. If you fall down. Choices are made by individuals and their ability look deeply into themselves and say 'I can do that' or 'I would like that'. Remember. to be your role models. what type of person to marry. You might have to compromise. who are patting you on the back or shaking your hand. No one is perfect in every way. Your inner strength will enable you to reach your goals in life. Because you are responsible for your choices. Visualization is a very powerful tool to use. and that is what makes you individual. whether they are famous figures or just people you know. There are other choices to be made. if something doesn't quite work as well as hoped. It can be where to live. where to go to school. Not all decisions may turn out to be right ones. like every time you brush your teeth or rub your eyes. or where to live if you marry. that inner fe of self worth will guide you through tough joint decisions. Don't let media tell you who to be. Once you convince your subconscious the way you want to be. pick yourself up and try again. Decisions will not be only about what to buy or wear. or standing clapping you. Choose people YOU admire. and your self esteem will grow from the inside out. believe you can make them. or how good you look today.Tips • A good trick to starting to build self-confidence is to pick something about yourself that you do like (EVERYONE has as least one aspect about them that they like) and create a phrase: "I'm (aspect) and I'm awesome!" Then pick something that you want to improve: "I'm going to ________ and life will rock even more because ______!" Pick a time to repeat this mantra. If you believe you can. and try to say some positive things about yourself and your accomplishments and achievements. You can't lose or give away what you don't have so be selfish and when you come to a higher level to yourself you can start helping others with lower self-esteem. And at the end only you will recollect what you have done and define who you are and what you're about. Be bold! And comfort yourself. think about it and decide for yourself. that at least you tried something. but often.

o o Allow time to complete things.g. o o o Scan through your work. Reward yourself with a break. Stay focused. conceit. People who try to hide behind these aren't fooling anyone. true self confidence leads you down the path of modesty and respect for others. then initiate the first few steps. o o A half hour or one hour may be a reasonable amount of time to concentrate before taking a break. Feeling anxious is not a good nor a bad feeling. Anxiety is the fuel to responding to what is wrong and thus developing self esteem. Decide how you will proceed while watching television. Give yourself a time limit. No one is perfect. Going from doing nothing to doing something is often the hardest part. relationships weakened. and disrespect for the selfesteem of others are merely masks for inner insecurity and weakness. You may not want to do your work right now. What lies ahead? Chances are. If you learn to estimate yourself by the nature of actions (e. But you can change your habits! Here's how: Steps Examine the amount of time procrastinating. But don't immediately dismiss this feeling. Just get started. you will benefit from facing the task head on. Watch television for a half hour. Set reasonable goals. Set time aside for the unexpected. Approach each task in small intervals. month or several hours. inability to compromise. if you judge yourself by your successes or failures (as others do). Be careful not to act as though you are better than others. Even if you are. Build confidence in your ability to make choices. This may seem less daunting. then you are likely to develop high self esteem (respect yourself) without any disrespect or bitterness about others. Create a new habit. Why don't you find out by using a timer? Examine the effect. It's just a mechanism of yourself of telling you that there's something wrong and you need to act upon it. Pomp. o o It takes about 15 minutes after starting to become engaged. and dive in! Reward yourself along the way. you will see that it is hard to stop! Sit down.• • • The opposite feeling of self-esteem is anxiety. Divide a task over a week. block out any distractions (all electronics!). a movie or some kind of treat as you progress. playing a DVD or texting your friends. Everyone goes through the phases of feeling low or high i. Say "no" to picking up the guitar. but you can still be thinking about how to do it more quickly and efficiently.. Your self-esteem is something that fills you up and helps light your way through life. Good news! . The reward that lies ahead may not be enough to motivate you now. Once you've reached this level of engagement. . their benefit to the society).e. such as tests failed. Don't expect perfection. How to Stop Procrastinating Procrastination can lead to many problems. It's better to try your best than do nothing at all. . This happens especially. You may be shocked by the time wasted in front of the television. weight gained. Imagine how good you will feel when everything is off your mind. low or high self esteem.

You don't have to do it alone. Stop caring about how people perceive you.learning to express yourself and be happy with who you are. it really doesn't matter. if you change yourself for one person or group. Be honest and open. in a distracting location or not thinking ahead. Ask for help. apply this philosophy . and act accordingly. It should be your primary goal to find this out. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made. they're done and in the past.* 2. Encourage yourself by knowing that all the rest of the job will be easier. Avoid saying yes. So read on to know how to express the inner you. if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are. Ph. This cycle is self-defeating. Don't work on a project if you're tired. The fact is. Besides. Beat Procrastination and More" by Joan Minninger. as an individual . growing. and accept yourself first.com Start with the hardest part first. Try to think about what kind of things you would or wouldn't like to do. Be honest with yourself. Be sure you really have the time. For some people. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate your life and choices. What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect. finding out through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. understand. it's learning to love yourself. feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of accepting or dismissing the critique unconditionally. with only your consideration of others as a filter — not their consideration of you. Try a course in time management. You can't be yourself if you don't know.. everyone else is already taken. Remember: An imperfect job done today is always superior to the perfect job delayed indefinitely. you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow. Yuen "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play" by Neil Fiore. It's impossible to be yourself when you're caught up in wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid?" To be yourself. such as: "Procrastination: Why You Do It. However. it's not hiding who you are or changing things about you to fit in. What to Do About It" by Jane B. for others.o o You may procrastinate in order to give yourself an excuse for a subpar performance.D. Change IP and become anonymous Choose from a range of IP's HideMyAss. You can provide yourself with an extra measure of motivation by using the Best Me Technque of selfhypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal. You can even take personality tests. Stop reading this article (as good as it is) and just get on with it! o o Be yourself. o "Beat Procrastination and Make the Grade : A Life-Saving Guide for Students" by Linda Sapadin and Jack Maguire. A very good audio CD/cassette is "Make Your Mind Work for You: New Mind Power Techniques to Improve Memory. whether physically or emotionally — then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your socalled flaws into individualistic quirks. Don't start taking on too many tasks at once. it's totally pointless in the end. and it leaves you exhausted. so there is no use crying over spilled milk. You'll attack it while you're energetic and enthusiastic. thereby reducing or eliminating the need for "will power. learning human beings. but don't beat yourself up. Burka. another person or group may not like you. but be careful to only take what you want from them and not let them define you. Lenora M. edit Steps Define yourself. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself — and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you." Several books are highly recommended. — Oscar Wilde Being yourself is celebrating you. and you could go around in a vicious cycle trying to please people.

then you may want to consider replacing all the excess time you spend on the Internet with offline activities. not a type. so start trying to figure out how you can do that. you'll never be a happy person. In some cases. rather than other people. especially in social situations. learn to watch the way you say things to yourself and others when being honest. If you're always working to be someone you're not. whatever you are. goofy self has some ups and downs. Conversely. don't agree with something you honestly don't think is right. but really. that's just me" and leave it at that. just don't try to force your opinions on other people. People want to make friends with people who have something special about them: whether they make them feel good. but so does everyone else. maybe you have different ideas of things. If everyone on the planet had the same attitude or personality. and that some days you are the statue.You might have your opinions. Follow your own style. edit Tips • There's a big difference between being yourself and being rude. and preferences. such as hobbies or clubs. call you names behind your back. or laugh at you. the world would be a boring place. they have the privilege of being themselves just as you do. stop going and face yourself and your insecurities. Try not going online for a while. but as long as you can shrug and say "Hey. Relax. as well. that's what being yourself is all about. Even if you are interested in something that doesn't interest most people. But by far the majority of people will have the utmost respect for you because you are brave enough to stand up to these things. and what you like is what you like. You shouldn't disrespect people who disagree with you. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. don't be afraid or hide it. Believe in who you are. It lets them know that you're not perfect and makes you feel more at ease. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun. and you'll respect yourself. if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream. or even something as simple as being a great cook. too. but you need to try avoid assuming other people's perspectives of you. for that matter)! As the famous song goes. Accept that some days you're the pigeon. Be yourself and show the world you're proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that's how it should be. If the people you care about are setting standards for you they are trying to change who you are. and if this leads you to start feeling better about yourself. e. have a different sense of humor.g gaming or browsing the internet. Some people might think you're weird. You deserve to be your own best friend.' " When you can sincerely say it. then be proud of it.to others. • • • • • • • • . unless it's destructive to yourself or others. Think about it this way: Being your weird. while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. If you had to hang out with yourself for a day. Maybe you like to sit outside on the deck under an umbrella in the middle of the rain. dreams. Love and accept yourself as you are now. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. or even your manner of speaking. maybe you like strawberry cake instead of the common chocolate cake. If fads or trends strike your fancy. Don't worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest! If you have a habit that helps you escape your worries. "Life's not worth a damn. Whether it's your sense of style. until you can say 'I am what I am. accept it. Have a productive day. you will know that you can be yourself. don't avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do. It's also an attractive quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously! Develop and express your individuality. Stop worrying about the worst that could happen.. It may be easier to nurture your individuality without the perpetual distractions of the Internet. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you. shouldn't you stand out? Standing out is very hard. no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy. people will ultimately respect you for it. what is the most fun type of person you could be. There is a difference between being critical and being honest. yes. People will know how confident you are. Be a character. stand up and show your true inner self. reducing Internet dependency might help you feel more "connected" to yourself. The common thing a lot of people do is copy other's actions because it seems like the better route to fit in.. Even if it's not something you would normally do.

So. (That is. and I want to be myself. you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious. work on it. If you've wanted to ask that girl/guy out. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself. You'll only be hurting yourself in the long run. but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society's ways. so if there is some way you can improve yourself. Keep in mind that 'being yourself' is not always the right thing to do. Goals and bad habits count. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. 'I' have bad acne. who cares? You can go out with whoever you want to.. for all you know others could be making fun of you! Be better than them by setting an example. go for it. unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life. or if you talk quietly)." because you can still change yourself for the better and in ways which will make you grow. Don't think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. edit Steps Realize that you aren't going to change anything by putting yourself down. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way. Just because you don't care about how people perceive you doesn't mean you shouldn't be aware of it. You want to be a person that you can be proud of. Everyone has them. Get out and about. but you aren't sure how. If you want to take ballet. go. Don't stay in your room. you've been trying to change yourself. it means you don't fit in to your society. shoot for the stars. here you go. • • • • • • • • • How to Accept Who You Are So. Do what's right. If you are constantly getting angry and this makes you feel alienated. you have bad acne and you've been stressing on it for a while. and you've decided you might as well give up. Whether you want to fit in or not is up to you. it will show and misunderstandings will occur. You are you. Being yourself can be cool and can get people to notice you. Make sure that you can show the same "you" to everyone consistently. Don't allow your shortcomings to discourage you.edit Warnings • It needs to be understood that "being yourself" does not have anything to do with forcing yourself to just do whatever you desire or pretending that you don't care how others perceive you. Say. Don't say "well. Build up your self confidence. but don't want to be teased over it. While you're being you. Be yourself. especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. Don't be someone else so other people will like you. it will only make you fall head over heels in depression. don't say "it's a part of me. and you've been afraid that someone will tease you. Don't feel bad. if you are outrageously flawed (for example. but don't ignore them either. If you are truly uncomfortable with your pimples or your size and that is impeding your self esteem. Right? Try to do your best in everything. It is actually the process of listening to your inner feelings and maintaining personal integrity." Or if you have some bad habits. Do something that you've always wanted to do. but only for the better (materialistic things/personality do not count. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you've done. Don't lose yourself when you're with other friends. you would end up hurting other people and losing yourself.. work on these things. but in some cultures. For example. Hope this helps. have a short temper). but don't overdo it." Don't deny yourself of the truth by saying it's everyone else's problem and not yours. so I'll give up on getting rid of it. Sometimes it's good to just go with the flow and not stick out like a sore thumb Try not to mock people different to you. that might be perceived as a sexual invitation. then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone's cues and "being yourself. They can think what they want. and you could get yourself in trouble. Let go of your flaws. that's the way it is. Just let go of fear in general. but haven't for some reason. remember that "you" might have your flaws that might need to be changed. It won't help you accept who you are. . Don't listen to anyone that puts you down. in the end. such as your favorite bag that everybody ridicules. you are not really being yourself.) Nobody is perfect. However.

. Eat healthy. Change negative thoughts into Positive thoughts." . But don't stress out if you don't accomplish everything just the way you planned. Look online and find the food pyramid." Be assertive. jogging or walking are examples. sit-ups.Find a way to express yourself. Whether it be dance or scripts. the snake. Try to set goals that are reasonable to achieve. edit Tips • • • • • "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Get sufficient rest. However. Think positive thoughts or take up a relaxing hobby. Just lie down and think about what you did. intensity does help on occasion. Pick a hobby that you enjoy. etc. Mental Plan out your day. Remain flexible and try different approaches to your goals. then try balancing your caloric intake with your exercise. No negative thoughts. Happiness can only be achieved if there is a balance between the physical. such as: the lotus. Keep a diary or journal. current news publications may be more to your liking. do not have too much confidence or else you will appear as a snob. How to Have a Balanced Lifestyle "Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony. Find time to relax. Hobbies can counter daily stress. Go out and do activities to find what you like and then pursue the one or two that strike your fancy. However. Spiritual Pray effectively or meditate and learn different types of asana. the spiritual and the social/emotional. About eight hours of sleep helps the body repair itself. Find out and develop your talents. Always believe in yourself.. the mental. Write but keep it positive.Thomas Merton. Steps Physical Get sufficient exercise. Try classics such as Shakespeare or Jane Austen. the tree. . Do something that helps you forget your limitations and connects you to the infinite source of energy and wisdom. Regular push ups. and set goals. Read. edit Warnings • Be careful. crunches.

etc. or have fishing trip. golf clubs. "I will not fail. but you can't just pick any goals. There is difference between just hearing the words and actually paying attention and listening to them. Cut pictures out of the car that you want. Mind your own business. Social/Emotional Do a good deed for other people. Material Get a good education. Learn about Heaven and Jesus Christ. Steps Think through a set of goals that sound like what you want. . Muhammad. Cooperate with other people that you meet. and put them up somewhere you can see them every day. stereo. or maybe just a car you can stop worrying about? Getting yourself to a reliable car is a goal that is easier to achieve and accomplishes the need you had from the get go. Never live in the past or future. Let's say you want a Corvette specifically. just do what you want right in that moment. Make it general. and try to be specific. for the past cannot be changed. Buddha. Do this with all of the goals you have. Visualizing these items as yours will help keep you motivated." think. or the TV. Synergize mutually advantageous compatibility of elements. If the goals you set for yourself make your life easier or more rewarding. Go outside. Happiness is the most important thing. To get a good self-supporing job. do not simply pick ones that sound good like most people pick New Year's resolutions. Remember people on Forbes 100 are no more happier than average people. whatever you are aiming for. Live in the present. Guru Grant Sahib any Psalms. you will not be dependent upon anyone else. "I will succeed. The key to most motivation remains setting goals. If you are reliigious. Geeta." It's better. hike. "Love it or leave it. Listen to other people. resources or efforts. master the skills necessary for your advancement. go camping. like instead of. If you live a balanced life you will find joy in almost everything you do. or on the wall next to the computer. Some a bit more than others but your happiness will originate from inside of you and not from external sources. When you look say "That's my car" or "That's my TV". and the future will inevitably turn into the present. Think positively without any no's or not's. they are probably the type you need to focus on. are you really saying you want a new car. This is not copping out--no one needs a Corvette. study the Bible. On the fridge door." Money is not that important. That way. Ramayana.Communicate with nature. and keep your mind off other people's daily lives. Tips • • • • Obsessions may be an indication you are not living a balanced live since you are dependent on that thing to be happy. etc. The job has to be the one you love. How to Motivate Yourself A simple guide to getting back up after a tough figurative fall. Qu'ran.

Don't set yourself up for failure by reaching too high at first. goal. you're going back to starting at zero and you will likely feel pretty badly. with an incredibly strong epistemic justification (by which I mean. your mind will recognise this and you will want to do whatever you did to give yourself a treat more. If you can do that. Whatever you accomplish. a set of activities that might take you 2 or 3 hours. Remember. since you weren't in a motivated state to begin with. You are the one doing this. do a bit a day. studying for exams for instance. only put down maybe 3 or 4 things. but neither does beating yourself up. and everything else in life. With any luck you will be reading this well before your exams. Don't just think that you're the best. you are already back on your way. That's about it. You'll be amazed what you'll end up taking on and completing in short time Think about a time that you motivated yourself and saw the benefits. Start where you are comfortable. Your opinion matters the most in your own motivation. but you build up to it. loneliness. However anyone can get themselves motivated. but no matter what other talents or gifts they have been blessed with. you will actually get somewhere. thereby reducing or eliminating the need for "will power. If you can imagine the end goal. Motivation and success is a function of habit. gain confidence dating. etcetera. Get up. and at first. but you know when you're pulling your own leg as to your accomplishments. was your doing. so pace yourself. don't look back.. This is how you learn anything in school. or whim. Don't brag. Rely upon yourself for the motivation and the drive. Now /that/ is positive reinforcement. and replace it with one of good planning. Know that you can do it from experience. You can provide yourself with an extra measure of motivation by using the Best Me Technique of selfhypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal. you KNOW this) that you can handle what comes up because you have before. then a week later start adding things in about an hour at a time and build up. Goals and mental attitudes are the same way. now shouldn't you? Procrastination is the opposite of motivation in our day to day lives. is hard to stay in. It's far easier to just start dealing with your responsibilities and knowing. in it's entirety and then focus on that image subconsciously your mind will figure out how to do it. You have to make it a series of small steps. bouts of crying. It's like doing pushups in the Army. prove it to yourself. or the best looking. If you can complete it. If you write out a long list of things that are really valuable for you to do. errand. Reward yourself when you complete a part of your task. no matter how small that task. Not this article or your mates who encouraged you.Anyone who has had serious issues with motivation knows that someone telling you to "stay motivated" is a bit daft." Warnings • There are things that will occur that you must do. and as such. thoughts of hurting yourself or others. Do not rely on thinking happy thoughts. Warm and fuzzy accomplishes very little. it makes you seem daft. but yours.. Cheers! Tips • • • • • Focus yourself and your availability: your time and space management. activity. because you should be studying for your exams all semester. they have underpinning their self esteem a series of victories over tasks both large and small. When your exams come around you won't be sweating like everyone else. Start again. than trying to know you can tackle it because you're all warm and fuzzy inside. Clinical • • . the first day you get there and feel terrible because you can't keep up with the physical training. You can always reach higher the next week. The most successful people in the world aren't always the brightest. You must break your bad habit of procrastination. CONSULT YOUR MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL if this lack of motivation has been paired with feelings of depression. Get back up if you fall. Other people do not have and will never have the same vested interest in your success. Getting back up to try again. Instead make a list for each day. Make your goals in the very beginning small. So the more you believe it the easier it will be to motivate your self. If you can organize your time and work out something that will allow you to build on your motivation and do something to allow you to achieve your goals. Just keep going. and then you mess one up. There's no limit here.

even ten. It's your life. These areas are: family and home. be careful with it. So maybe we do have certain general goals that apply to all areas of our lives like. If you tell yourself. try making tiny goals for different aspects of your life. you could be waiting all your life. “I don’t really want to volunteer for that project ‘cause I might screw it up. but could be priceless to have a professional talk to you. and seeing a doctor if you're the least bit concerned might cost a bit of coin. The fear of failure is sometimes to blame for setting our goals too low. physical. or let yourself off too easy. or is there some other way? Start small. Instead. “I’m going to be an opera singer” and then sit around and wait for it to suddenly happen. If you say. And then my colleagues will make fun of me. “I want to be successful” or “I want to be rich” but those would seem as far away as the Niagara Falls viewed from Hawaii. “I want to be a successful dad. The problem with so many people is that they do not know what they really want. and not as a byproduct of what you had to avoid. and determine when you want to have achieved that thing. Setting your goals. even the great ones had to start somewhere. By breaking down your goals in smaller.” then try to make goals towards the development of your family life while still keeping an eye out for ways to improve your career and other areas of your life. Get clear about what you want. Be positive when stating your goals. Start with singing lessons for a month. and see how he or she can help. even more if you like. When you set your goal too high. Don’t underestimate yourself. workable units. Set goals in small increments. Remember. In other words you must put a deadline to what you currently want. dates. you might find it too overwhelming and time consuming and just give up. but more encouraging) The next time somebody tells you that setting goals is really a lot of hype. just as big. and then a year and expose yourself to opera music. needs you to make a decision about that which you want. you are more likely to make them come true. Goals don’t necessarily have to be big ones. It’s tempting to sometimes just slack off. social. and anyone who thinks it is can bugger off. so I’ll probably just make time for 20 minutes on the treadmill. complete with time. Things You'll Need • • • • Pen Paper Confidence In Yourself Motivation From Others (optional. You can then progress to more singing lessons year after year. some details. “I am not going to miss my exercise routine today. If you want to write the definitive American novel. amount.” say “I’m really busy. but keep walking. how will you get there if you don’t have an itinerary? Goals tell you where you are going. career. many times it is not something which will follow you your whole life. Have a good plan of attack. or make another one. mental and spiritual. How often have we said. tell him this: if life is a journey. In other words they are not at all clear about what they want in life. Ask yourself: o o o o o o What do I know about this? What information do I have? What information do I need? Where can I get it? What skills do I need to master? What other resources should I use? Is this the best way to do it. Instead of saying. then don’t try to churn out just a page or two a day when you know you are more than capable of writing five pages. It’s akin to quitting cold turkey – there are setbacks. edit Steps You have to decide what you want first of all.” Stating your goal positively will help you view it as a good thing to do. Spread out your goals. one or two for each.” .Depression is a serious illness that results from chemicals in the brain being quite literally out of balance. how you are going to get there and what you will do when you get there. Clinical Depression is treatable.

Although you can always retrace your steps. you can do it. celebrities etc. edit Tips • Small decisions can have a great impact on you working towards your goal. you don't have to like the person to respect them. opportunity. would I feel good about it?” Stop procrastinating.000 home by Christmas” twenty times.. you can lose your way. star. So you’ve heard this before. or using a computer program to really jazz it up works just as well. think. when you are setting goals. lazing around with friends. which direction and what foot-ware. It’s actually being conscious not only of your thought processes. That would be the "when". you’ll realize that there really is no reason for you to be reluctant and that in fact. Write it down. . as a constant reminder to work toward your goals: inside your closet. If you’re trying to save money and then you pass by a shop window where a great pair of shoes seems to have your name on it. We often have to correct our course but at the same time keep a focus on our vision or dream.and when time comes for focusing on big ones we back out because we have an already loaded negative image of that goal. Try to set a schedule and then reward yourself each time you meet it. arranged as stepping-stones. How do you know you’ll actually ruin it? And how do you know for sure your coworkers will laugh at your effort? If you try to reason with your fears. Listen to people who you respect and ask for their advice.. It is simply a misinterpreted relativity. • • How to Hypnotize Yourself Using the Best Me Technique Lessen or eliminate the need for will power. Affirmation is really more than writing down. Big deal. No reason to feel worthless before a big goal just because we have been LIKING petty goals. would I be making my goal of saving easier? Will I be able to meet my deadline if I splurge just this once? A few months from now if I don’t meet my deadline because I didn't save enough. “I am going to buy my $750. Start inculcating the habit of liking something. You must also crystallize your thinking.Remember that some fears are unfounded. if you must have your eyes set on your vision or the outcome. being bullheaded about a goal can seem scary at first. It will become apparent that to set definite time in the future is obtainable. . Without them. a good review of your accomplishment. Well. energy or resources you once had when you could have made your goals happen one by one.. If Henry Ford put off studying and tinkering with machines for another time. Putting your A list of long term goals. then write it down. The most difficult thing is to LIKE something useful. A written list of goals is an effective reminder of what you need to do and once you’re done. That is why everyone must develope the habit of the daily motivational in as many forms as being effective to stay focused. You are actually confirming your willingness to make it come true. Affirm it. that which has no achievement. upon starting the journey you will encounter objections and self doubt. You see. think great thoughts. “If I buy those shoes. To began a journey starts with a step but I might add. You need to think big.Our mind generally rejects any conscious attempt to focus on any worthwhile goal. The How comes with gathering information about resources and education. You may want to hang it up somewhere. to impress the opposite sex etc. goal down on paper is more than just memorizing it.but do they give us any long term returns? They just look jazzy for a small period of time and again life is as usual. it is. Remember. you might not have the time. the back of your medicine cabinet door. Some really lucky souls subconsciously liked these worthwhile goals and made it big. but also of your acts during the day. Time wastage is one of the greatest crimes in history. someone else would have improved on automobiles and he wouldn't have gone down in history as a pioneer. For example we may like that particular model. Being active in life is most effective.. Remember that your goals are your road maps to success in life. If you’re used to procrastination. more often than not. Many of us focus subconsciously on these petty things such as entertainment. or on your bulletin board near your desk. make it clear to you first. Try visualizing the outcome at a time in the future. A simple list on a piece of notebook paper is fine.

this article will show you how to use "Best Me" suggestions to pre-experience the rewards of future goals now.. as the clouds float by making shapes and the sun shines warmly down. Emotions: Let your body absorb the peacefulness which is all around you. all of your tension. using words and images with which you feel most comfortable. so that you are not likely to doze off. to preexperience the accomplishment of a goal. but to put yourself into a relaxed and pleasant frame of mind where your imagination can operate more effectively. and from other forms of hypnosis and self hypnosis. o Belief systems: Imagine that it’s a warm summer afternoon. calm. you can just drift on into. Every letter in "Best Me" corresponds with an element of suggestion. without trying to think critically. Thoughts and images: It’s so calm. you will be free to push the work alone. choose a time when you are not too sleepy or tired. (It's also a great way to relax and fall asleep. lessening or eliminating the need for will power. it should not disturb you to gently adjust your position in order to keep yourself as comfortable as possible. boundless peace. and floating on. about a Twenty feet from a gently bubbling brook. If you accept. believe each detail of the scene as you describe it to yourself. Then. if you have one. Listen to the twitter of the birds in the distance. go through the steps of the Best Me Technique yourself. and savor the freshness of the pure. and take the telephone off the hook or put it on answer mode with the ringer turned off. and tranquility. we often pair words and images together in hypnosis in order to strengthen the effect of our suggestions. The present example uses imagery of lying in a grassy flower covered meadow beside a gently flowing brook to help you relax as you go through the elements of the Best Me Technique in your mind. and dreaming. golden glow of the sunlight relaxes you completely from head to toe. and on. and leaving you filled with perfect. Guide yourself through the elements of the Best Me Technique. and shutting o o o . peaceful. where you are not likely to be disturbed for at least half an hour. state of self-hypnosis by silently counting backwards from ten to one. and that warm. and all of your care. Instead of merely picturing something in the mind’s eye. or suggestion-enhanced experience. and to end your self-hypnosis session.The "Best Me Technique" is a form of hyperempiria. and at a pace which allows you to get the most out of the experience. If you should find yourself becoming uncomfortable during the session. but not everyone responds equally well to the same images. Instead of having to push yourself to do the work. If you are one of the experientially gifted who respond well to suggestion. at full strength in the present when they are most needed for motivation. that all you want to do is keep drifting. and the sound of the water quietly splashing against the rocks you gently melt into the blanket. Turn off your cell phone or pager. the Best Me Technique enables you to paint upon the canvas of experience almost any masterpiece you may desire. and these elements can be applied in a variety of ways: to place yourself into self-hypnosis. infinite. It's the versatility and thoroughness of these elements that makes the "Best Me Technique" distinct from meditation and visualization exercises. Regardless of the words and images you actually use (see suggestions in the Tips section below) Your purpose is not to achieve a trance (which only a few people actually do). and that you’re lying on a blanket in a grassy daisy covered meadow. Sit down or lie down in a position which will enable you to relax deeply. After reading over the following script a couple of times to get the idea. or take a power nap!) edit Steps Unless you actually intend to do so. which involves your whole person in the content of a suggested event. driving out all of your worry. and so peaceful there on the meadow with birds and bees busy at their work. Just as we combine words and pictures on wikiHow pages in order to communicate more effectively. country air. your imagination will allow you to experience the situation just as if you were really there. Sensations and physical perceptions: Feel the cool breeze upon your skin. repeating in time with your breathing after each count: "Sinking down. Dark Find a quiet place with subdued lighting.

but don't just daydream. but after a bit of practice it feels very natural. such as completing a unit of study. o o Decades of research have shown that people vary considerably in their responses to hypnosis. the more peaceful the experience becomes. or relaxing on the deck of a cruise ship as you treat yourself to a much-deserved vacation after your goal has been achieved. (E) And as a result. Of course. And we can all do that! edit Experiencing the Rewards of a Future Goal If you can believe in it. allow yourself to act. An induction procedure is like the theme music to a motion picture or a television drama. as long as you include all of the "Best Me" steps. or you conclude your self-hypnosis session by using suggestions similar to the following. secure in the knowledge that you are on the way to a pre-determined and inevitable success. And if you can believe it. motivating yourself to work out. as long as you include each step of the Best Me Technique in a way that you feel comfortable with. or you can use the building blocks of the Best Me Technique to pre-experience the rewards of a future goal. presenting a paper. so that you feel each portion of the experience as strongly as possible. take a moment to clarify and intensify it in your mind.) . or to rid yourself of other forms of addiction. you can either keep repeating these suggestions to yourself until you drift off to sleep. (You don't need to memorize them. from head to toe. (E) Feel the admiring looks of your friends and family upon you. or passing a major examination while overcoming the stress that goes with it. you can make it happen! Choose the goal. As you proceed through each step. Expectations: As you go through each step. using words of your own choosing to provide the greatest meaning. (T) Visualize this goal so clearly that it feels as if you were actually willing it into existence. you probably have." Motives: At this point. It allows us to shift our thinking from a strictly logical mode of thought to a more flexible. using whatever order and wording you prefer. This example illustrates the accomplishment of a specific goal: graduation. or starting your own business. as you allow yourself to experience this thrill of achievement throughout every part of your body. believe it will happen. You can generally tell how well you are doing in your BMT experience by how good it makes you feel. the Best Me Technique can also be used to enhance performance in other areas. more imaginative way of looking at the world. It may also be a helpful part of a program to lose weight. It takes a while to get the hang of it. For many people. expect it to happen. You may also want to pre-experience the rewards of sub-goals along the way. athletics. Take all the time you need in order to thoroughly pre-experience the attainment of your goal. and feel it happening. You can increase the incentive value of the Best Me Technique still further by pre-experiencing other rewarding aspects of your goal. you can simply allow yourself to drift off into a natural sleep.o o down. and feel it happening. If you are in the Mortgage Business. And the deeper you go. for example. (M) Let yourself believe that you are headed toward a certain and inevitable success. think. you might proceed somewhat as illustrated in the breakdown which follows this section. such as celebrating at a graduation party with friends and family. hear it happen. Hyperempiria is like riding a bicycle. o o o o o o (B) Imagine yourself in the future. just as strongly as if you were willing it into being at that very moment. there is no such thing as a "hypnotized" feeling. If you are inclined to doubt whether or not you have achieved self-hypnosis after a few minutes. and feel as if it were impossible to fail. creative writing. such as singing. Allow yourself to experience each step as strongly as possible. (S) See it happen. and sinking down and shutting down. and enjoy to the fullest your sense of pride and accomplishment as you dwell on the glow of your success. dance. The exact number of repetitions is not as important as the clarity and conviction with which you feel like you are willing your convictions into existence. at the very moment you recieve your statement showing your income . edit Concluding Your BMT Session When you have finished. you can believe it. stop smoking.

In other words. happy. inner core of peace and happiness at the very center of your being. you are going to be back in the everyday state of consciousness in which we spend most of our waking lives." real or imagined. You can open your eyes now. nothing can dislodge. and sleep. as your mind begins to return to its normal level of functioning. and each part of a Best Me experience may contain elements of the others. Having too many goals at once might tend to interfere with your ability to clearly focus your imagination on the rewards of goal attainment. Or. Beginning to return now. drowsiness. You should focus on only one goal per session. Thoughts and images: Your mind will be clear and alert. using the present illustration as a guide. Regular practice using the Best Me Technique is essential until your long-term goal has been achieved. Many other types of imagery are appropriate for use with the Best Me Technique. if you prefer. you don't want to turn off the ignition until you have arrived at your destination!) By including suggestions which define self-hypnosis as a pleasant and beneficial experience in itself. and then use the Best Me Technique for goal achievement. which makes you feel safe. and contented -. using words like this: One. telling yourself that by the time you get to five. Motives: And each time that you return to these peaceful dimensions of self-hypnosis. You can open your eyes now. and turn each new day into a thing of wondrous beauty. you can prepare your mind to pre-experience the rewards of a future goal using the Best Me Technique by meditating instead of using self-hypnosis.o Belief systems: Whenever you are ready. or a specific memory of a place in your past." The purpose of the Best Me Technique is comprehensiveness. which will give you the faith and the strength that you need to accomplish your goals. Four. mind expansion. and you will easily be able to concentrate on anything that you have to do. when it is properly done the Best Me Technique should be an enjoyable and beneficial activity from the very start. telling yourself that at the count of five you will be back wide awake and feeling wonderful. and refreshed. 2000. edit Tips • • o The building blocks of a Best Me experience need not be conceptually "pure. it will improve your life in many different ways and on many different levels. and build your Best Me induction suggestions on one of these. use meditation for induction. rather than making up a "laundry list" of things to pursue. and confident as you prepare to resume your life’s adventure. (When you are driving a car. each time that you return to these blissful dimensions of multimodal trance. in contrast to more traditional hypnotic inductions based on suggestions of lethargy. secure. some of which you may already be aware of and some of which you may not yet realize. You can select any "happy place. Three.[1] If you already know how to perform self-hypnosis. then proceed to using the Best Me Technique for pre-experiencing your goal. If other thoughts should start to distract you during your BMT session. Five. You can also use hyperempiric inductions (Gibbons. and enhanced awareness and sensitivity. you will find a deep. and nothing can overcome. Coming back more and more now. o o o o • • o o . you may prefer to use your own induction at the beginning. 2001). and not merely another task to be accomplished.floating around high above the earth on a soft pink cloud. feeling wonderful. you can systematically and thoroughly relax from head to toe as you go through the steps of the induction one by one. Sensations and physical perceptions: Your entire body will feel happy. Emotions: You are going to be feeling thrilled and delighted by the exciting experiences you have had. Two. Expectations: And because you can unconsciously sense your own needs better than anyone else. relaxing in a grassy meadow beside a gently running brook. o o o o o Now you can silently count to yourself from one to five. based on increased alertness. rested. that nothing can weaken. as one might do while practicing meditation. If you prefer. just passively observe them and let them go. feeling wonderful. Almost back. you can silently think to yourself that you will gradually emerge from self-hypnosis as you silently count from one to five. You will be smiling.

" In addition to using self-hypnosis. mood swings. Don't forget the importance of "environmental engineering. My professional rosary. except under appropriate medical supervision. the most important thing to remember as you Define a Problem and compose BMT suggestions to correct it. Icarus fell to his death when. and it should not be used indiscriminately. you may need to go back and analyze your goal to see if there are any hidden conflicts which may be preventing you from focusing completely upon its achievement. if necessary. you should not attempt to use self-hypnosis to overcome depression.[2] o o o o • o o o • • edit Warnings The willingness to take calculated risks is an important part of what makes us human. he ignored his father’s warnings and flew too near the sun.hyperempiria. a sample script for the graduation ceremony just described is available free of charge at www. you should soon be able to reach your natural level of self hypnosis rather quickly. clinical social worker. Macbeth. You may need to experiment a bit to find which method or combination works best for you. *There is an old saying which goes. And if you can believe it.o • With practice. Do not use self-hypnosis to eliminate pain or other physical symptoms. only to be impaled upon the sword of his enemy. you can believe it. a suggestion must be completely believed in. as some people have claimed.com. This will also provide the extra motivation and encouragement of a relationship with another person. much as a personal trainer might be able to provide the optimum amount of pacing and encouragement during a physical workout. (If you are using BMT to fall asleep. Irving Yalom (1989) famously observed. No matter who is actually providing the suggestions. But our willingness to take calculated risks. in Shakespeare’s play. or to recover old memories. "Be careful what you wish for. If you prefer to use an extended set of suggestions provided by someone else." The sudden expansion in the range of what we are able to accomplish is always fraught with danger. which melted his wings." Still others might do best using a combination of self-hypnosis and Best Me sessions directed by another." and. you may get it. Recordings are also used to extend the effectiveness of hypnotic suggestions provided by someone else (or you can make your own). Self-hypnosis should not be used to treat any type of mental condition. It's the relationship that heals. Hyperempiria can also be used to add new dimensions of fulfillment to a wide variety of other experiences. for example. exulting in his new-found power of flight. without taking the time to go through all the steps as thoroughly as at the beginning. Similarly. is that in order to be completely believed.) Although most experts now agree that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. and to help you plan as you go along. If you can believe in it. to make our own luck -. And unless you are . "It's the relationship that heals. acted upon the prophecies of the three witches to make himself king. you don't need to complete the count all the way down to one if you feel yourself beginning to drift off. For example. It's the relationship that heals. you need to make whatever changes you have to in your daily life in order to bring your goal to completion. except under the direction and supervision of an appropriately qualified and licensed mental health professional.in Greek legend. you may need to seek the services of a psychologist. If you are finding it difficult to put the necessary degree of conviction into your suggestions to Accomplish a Goal. some people may find it easier to have a trusted friend guide them through the steps of the Best Me Technique. to "dream the impossible dream. Regardless of the extent to which psychic abilities are involved when you believe in a goal deeply enough. from adding new dimensions to sexual experience and increasing the frequency and intensity of orgasm to facilitating meditation and prayer. you can make it happen! If you should find that you need to Build Self Confidence in order to pursue a much-desired goal.and it's what having free will is all about! • o o Self-Hypnosis is not a cure-all. because we can never fully predict all the consequences of our actions.is part of what makes us human -. hearing voices or seeing things that do not exist. and if self-help books and articles are not useful enough. This point has been illustrated extensively in fable and in literature. counselor. As Dr. or life coach to provide the necessary support and encouragement. Such symptoms are often a natural warning signal from your body that something is wrong (or that something may be GOING wrong). Others might prefer to think of the role of the hypnotist as similar to an Eastern guru or meditation teacher. and conclude your self-hypnosis session rather quickly.

as long as it catches mice. as long as some people report that their problem has been alleviated. for example. o To illustrate the consequences of this lack of professional standards. . or turn you into someone else's willing servant. • Many self-improvement projects may require the additional professional assistance of a licensed psychologist. just because you haven't found something in the place where you happen to look for it. counselor. accreditations. If you have insurance which covers mental health. but they can just as learn master them free of charge if they are willing to put forth the necessary time and effort in order to do so. o o Though half the world believes in it. we have not been able to find any scientific evidence for reincarnation in laboratory investigations of hypnosis. Many insurance companies do not pay for consulting a hypnotist or hypnotherapist if this is their only professional qualification. after reviewing the experimental evidence. Keep it positive! • Don't try to use self-hypnosis to to maintain a failing relationship.” Those who are critical of this research will point out that you cannot "prove a negative. • Don't be fooled by distorted images of hypnosis in the mass media. as well as cues present in the hypnotic situation . From a clinical point of view. and accredit each other. and then click on "Hypnosis. "It was the absolute professionalism. See a therapist or counselor! • Be careful using the power and versatility of the Best Me Technique to remember past lives. hypnotically induced past-life experiences are fantasies constructed from available clinical narratives about past lives and known or surmised facts regarding historical periods. or social work association and ask for the names of members near you who include hypnosis as one of their specialties. On the other hand. But. . o A good source of accurate. or to rescue a relationship which is in trouble. 204). up-to-date information about hypnosis may be found on the Web page of the American Psychological Association." That is. . counseling. or social worker for their successful completion." o Most States do not license or regulate the practice of hypnosis as a separate profession. As one correspondent wrote who had previously been to several other therapists (including those who practiced past life regression therapy) without success. People can end up paying thousands of dollars to acquire these skills. and don't include any shoulds. Lynn and Kirsch (2006. and "board certifications. license. flatly state. leave you susceptible to demonic or occult influences. this does not mean that what you are looking for does not exist -. • Don't try to use the Best Me Technique to "scare yourself" into achieving your goal. "It doesn't matter whether a cat is black or white. regardless of the reasons for it. regardless of how much or how little training their members actually have. nobody has ever brought back an ancient coin at the conclusion of a past-life regression session as proof that they were really there. o o o Psychiatrists can perform these services too. kindness and profound patience from my regression therapist that enabled me to trust enough to release my fears. or musts in your suggestions. o o o Hypnosis and self-hypnosis will not weaken your will. This is most likely to be a form of denial. the demands of today's marketplace have led many psychiatrists to concentrate primarily on diagnosing mental illness and prescribing psychotropic medication.a physician or a licensed mental health professional yourself. there are probably a large number of potentially serious conditions that you have never even heard of! o You should not stop taking any type of prescription medication while using self-hypnosis without talking to your doctor. “In summary. one psychologist enrolled and certified his cat in several of the larger and better-known organizations which are open to lay hypnotists! o Self-hypnosis is not difficult to learn. or you can check your phone book listings under these headings. Diploma mills frequently take advantage of this lack of regulation to set up their own accrediting boards and professional-sounding organizations to certify. Psychological research has conclusively shown that human beings are motivated primarily by reward rather than by the threat of punishment.somewhere. of course. But there is an old Chinese saying which goes.[3] Click on "Psychology Topics" at the top of the page. you can call your State psychological. or by or phony or unregulated degrees. it doesn't make any difference whether hypnoticallyinduced past-life regression experiences are actually real or whether they are a form of experiential theater." And a cure is a cure. oughts. with a few fortunate exceptions." • Do not allow yourself to be misled by the exaggerated claims of advertisers. p.

Act. You would. If the consequences outweigh the benefits. that says "Don't!!!" You don't know why but you can't. • Finally. Turn can't into can. and that they are within the scope of our ability to attain them. They can help greatly. in order to keep from wasting our lives in futile effort. if there is a deductible which has to be met first. then stop. You need results. Read some inspirational texts.o You may want to check ahead of time to see whether or not your particular need is covered and. if any. Find out why they're not important or they're not going to happen. How to Persuade Yourself to Do Anything You know you should. think of how much good it could do you! Most likely the consequences are silly and unimportant. carry moonbeams home in a jar. o o o The ability to respond to suggestion is distributed in the general population in much the same way that height. just do it.. o The world is full of people whose "impossible dreams" will always be impossible. don't think about it. weight. Ponder the negative results of not following through. there is someone else who fits words of the song from the movie. Tell your obnoxious roommate to hit the road. If you want to call that long lost friend.. and be better off than you are?" Such is the potential and the promise of hyperempiria[4] for those who are able and willing to make use of it. and you'll regret it for the rest of your life. and how much the co-pay. Life is short and you are as valid as anyone else so go for it! edit Warnings • If it's something irresponsible or illegal. Concentrate on the positive outcome. If you can think of some consequences. but most of us have enough to get by. it is up to each of us to decide just how idealistic or how practical we choose to be. You also need to determine whether or not the particular provider you have chosen is in your insurance carrier's network or is able to accept out-of-network reimbursement from that particular provider. such as murder or robbing a bank. You don't need a reason. It's that internal dialogue. how many visits they are willing to authorize. • We must always retain the ability to recognize when a goal is really not worth pursuing. And yet. . Don't do it. which types of mental health providers your insurance carrier is willing to recognize. is going to be. STOP. and intelligence are. Your insurance carrier or your mental health services provider needs to inform you whether or not pre-authorization is necessary. just as there are some people who are color blind cannot comprehend the experience of color. Going My Way: "Or would you rather swing on a star. edit Steps Figure out why you can't. You can't. you must because if you don't you might never see them again. What are the consequences? What is the worst that could happen? If you don't know why not then. we have an added responsibility to make certain that the goals which we have chosen really are worth going after. If we can learn to overcome the discouragement which has protected us in from our own mistakes in goal selection. Pick up the phone and dial that friend. As we put this powerful new technology into use. Consequences can help you. if so. But for everyone whose ability to respond to suggestion is extremely low or virtually nonexistent. why not? Silence the voices in your head that say "No". But there are many others for whom an iron determination can make all the difference. and some of us have a lot. What will happen if you don't do it? Worst case scenarios are a good visual aid. some people are hypnosis blind and cannot comprehend the experience of hypnosis. You could. no matter what the odds against them. Some of us have a little.

Most people only read it and say it over and over. Use colors. Example: Practice saying random things said to you in the order that they're said. Example: After just a glance. Except memorizing a speech. and is exactly what you want to avoid doing if you want to manage your time well. When projects are due. or have a lot of stuff to do. though. an agonizing process . Imagine a room. Tape it up all over your room. You memorize something. write the date in something noticable on the wall. think of the things you need to remember. Print out four to seven copies preferably. think of something to help you remember it. First. edit Steps Get yourself a calendar. Maybe if you're a good drawer. use the Dominic System. memorize it in your head. you can draw it out. too.• If what you are thinking of is harmful to anyone. Use the Roman Room trick. C=3. This method has not been tested. you can always make one and then print it out. Got the SATS next week? Put some SAT practice papers on the desk. It can cut time. . you need to tell someone. and their corresponding times. when parties are on. But don't use the drawing to memorize. Need to remember a specific name? Write down the name on one side of half an index card. so you can experience the benefits. and recite it.but there are other ways to memorize things. so mark it down in a color AND highlight them. This is a compilation of timemanaging and time-saving techniques. E=5 S=6 G=7 H=8 N=9 O=0 o o For each two digit numbers. and paste it up on a frequently-seen place. and put references to them in your head. and give better results. try to train a photographic memory. in almost any circumstance. and so on are all important things. See the related articles at the bottom of this page to learn more. How to Manage Your Time Effectively (Calendar and Memorization Method) Managing time is the key to many things. it can really help you out. It's very useful. Spanish on one side. Then. and English on the other. but if you're in a family. using different colors is always a good idea! Highlight the really important stuff! The SATs are more important than a party. Make sure you write things into it. For number memorizing. so you can remember when to do specific things. It's based on the Roman Room method. That'll bring your eye to them. If you can not buy one. Memorization Techniques Try the Subconscious Reading trick. etc. so use this only if you are using other methods too-don't rely on it. there is a tradition called Declamation. Type up and print out what you need to learn. • A=1. Using A Calendar Write down important events. and here's the idea. Learn memorization methods. Practice your eidetic memory. B=2. and write important facts on the other side. or AD. That is to say. D=4. Example: In certain schools. Or write. Stop procrastinating! Procrastination only piles up work. including yourself. if you use more than one strategy to memorize something. Start doing this now. For school. Don't rely on this to memorize a speech. say. Use study cards. you can remember that pi's first four digits are 1415. memorize all of the room's aspects. It sounds weird. AE.

Gear yourself up into action by telling yourself something like: "I want to do this. After the 'small' task is complete. But. if necessary) "Good stuff. in order to feel good about having pushed yourself in order to get the job done. specific problem or detail. so once you're there. Focus always on one task: the one you are doing. the more confident you will feel -. No need to dig into your past but if you do feel stuck. Remember to reward yourself for the very small things you complete or try. and you are well on your way to completing it. But the sooner you re-start. Completing that task will feel remarkably good. in a relaxed and controlled way. because you'll have time to focus on the other ones. And when you do sit. Often so-called "lazy" people only feel overwhelmed when presented a task that seems more fit for a big team than just one person. Is it something you can actually afford to ignore? Is it something that somebody else can help you with? Can you just forget about this and try a different approach altogether? Are you being too much of a perfectionist? Convince yourself you can do something. set a time when you will return to your task or to do other activities around the house: read a book. Whatever it is. the more you will feel like giving up. the harder it will be to re-start. I really want to overcome this". Take your time. The longer you delay re-starting. it is chronic laziness that kicks in and stops us from doing the things that need to be done. the sticking issue is smaller than you think it is. Finish a step and cheer up. write to a friend. . Doing this will train your mind into wanting to work. Think about the importance of the problem or goal.and that will reinforce the positive behavior that leads to feeling that you can do anything! Don't give up. Brains tend to work inefficiently when there is constant pressure to do several things with tight deadlines. Continue working. however. You'll feel motivated after this. Often people who are called lazy aren't. This WikiHow will help you just get up and do it! edit Steps Try to figure out the single detail or problem which is holding you back. don't give up until you find a way to get past it somehow. and tell yourself (out loud.How to Overcome Laziness The couch can be an enemy when in need for being productive. and you can get past it more easily than you think.especially when it's an unforeseen problem! The more avoidant you are. run a load of laundry. If you manage to do something that you didn't the day before. Some say you may also want to punish yourself for each step you fail to achieve. How to get past the tough point? Tell yourself over and over: "I really want to get past this. you deserve a nice treat. Break down your job into small steps. etc. it's probably one single. Most likely. you're on a roll. As well. it's another thing to keep it going when the going gets tough -.and that's the real cure for laziness. I can get up right now and be productive!" Decide to start the work. and do them. Working towards little goals is actually the secret to big success: big successes are just made up of many little continuous successes. Some who feel they might be "lazy" are actually recreating and reliving unpleasant or dreary "freezes" from childhood. Find the way to do them. but this is ill-advised as it will only reinforce the negative behavior that ultimately leads to avoidance at the prospect of failure. reward yourself by going for a walk for a few minutes or eat some snack or some other small reward/break (or relax doing something you would like to if you have already been out). keep this up and you're going to make it to the end of this". It's hard to get on a roll. It's one thing to find your motivation. and tell yourself "Despite an old habit of freezing up. Stay off the couch until you are ready to take a break. cumulative rewards make you feel confident -. do a task. Say it out loud if you have to. Remember. Sometimes. try jumping up. You need to reward yourself for completing each task. I want to do this now! So I’ll just do it and rest later". jump right onto your next goal as soon as you're done rewarding yourself. until you believe that you actually don't want to give up.

Each day that you wake. an arcade. Whether your short-term memory problems are due to medical problems or simple absentmindedness. as these can lead your body into metabolizing sugars instead of fats. Everyone will become sad at some point. both of large and small things. so you don't become dehydrated. then you should seek professional advice to determine that you have no underlying medical condition and to receive appropriate treatment and advic How to Cope with Short Term Memory Problems If you've ever arrived at the bottom of the stairs not knowing why you went down at all. on your night stand. Make that list of your desires. or prolonged very low self esteem. Low goals will not really motivate you. usually because of a depressing situation (like a death. Doing meditation can help reduce laziness • • • • • • • • edit Warnings • • • If you think you are lazy but nobody else thinks you are. get dressed and make yourself look presentable before leaving your room. etc.. If you don't. Until you are able to integrate these ideas into your life. Be creative and use pictures. Make a to-do list. Depending on your activity and age.Set some long term goals. you have something to look forward to. or it starts interfering with your work/school. Picture what you really want. Make sure to drink a lot of water all day long. Always dress as if you were planning to leave the house -. you may want to print or bookmark this page to help you remember them. If you haven't worked out much before. Place copies of a goal sheet or your routine everywhere: one on the fridge. then start slow. Avoid sugar and especially foods with "high fructose corn syrup" or "corn syrup" in the ingredients. Shower. and in time you will see an improvement in the way that you feel and look. feeling of being overwhelmed. and push you to your dreams.get out of the jammies before leaving the bedroom. or it occurs frequently. Just place them where you look or go to often. It will cause more stress and will defeat your whole purpose here. but then a blood sugar drop and you will feel fatigued and hungry. Your goals can be to save to buy a home. lasts two weeks or more. Pick goals which are high and will really inspire you.say 7 am. magazine articles. so I can do what I want to do. Make your bed so it doesn't appeal to you later. If the suggestions above don’t increase your activity level or elevate your low mood. then you may have a more serious case of depression.. This will provide an inspired start to your day. But if the sadness deepens. Create a vision board to post all your goals and dreams on. . edit Tips • • • When contemplating whether or not you should do something. Consider getting rid of your television. to fully map out your dreams onto this board.) and most come out of it within a few days. on your bathroom mirror. If you have goals set up for yourself. Make sure you're on a healthy diet. a job loss. Working out will give you a lot of motivation and keep you from getting or feeling lazy. you've had a short term memory problem. Getting enough sleep each night can make you feel more awake. unnatural sugars (without fiber) may give you a short energy buzz. Exercise. that red sports car. look at your vision board and focus on where you want to be. DO NOT WORK HARDER.set your alarm to wake up at a decent morning hour . etc. stretch first." Use common sense and picture the demon and the angel on your shoulders. If you work at it using common sense. the angel will win and the demon will lose(always). there are strategies to cope. and prioritize. goals and motivations where you want to move towards to. by your computer. you will be in so much pain from sore or pulled muscles it will be easy to use it as an excuse to stop exercising. If you do not work or need to leave your house first thing in the morning . Also. junk food doesn't give your body the nutrients it needs to be active. Keeping them in mind will help you feel energized and willing to take any step needed to achieve them. Go jogging through your neighborhood a few times a week. you may need up to 10 hours (teenagers) or as little as 5 (elderly). or start your own publishing company). even on the bedroom door. or fulfill your lifelong dreams (maybe you've been wanting to open a bookstore. think to yourself "I'll do what I have to do.

bulletin board. Even if you never reread them. For instance. 1 Don't get distracted. your schedule. o Use a tickler file. notebook. but the ability of the person to focus on a single task. or were you thinking ahead to what to say next? Instead. you must have access to the computer before you forget an item. and even what you needed from downstairs. . water it on the same day you get your paycheck. Then.. Write down your shopping list. along with any other items you place nearby. Then.edit Steps 1. This could mean things like placing things to go upstairs at the bottom of the stairs. you can also "draw" it in your mind by visualizing yourself performing the task in as much detail as possible. or simply always feeding the cat before you make your own breakfast. Don't rely on your memory to tell you when to be where tomorrow. for example. as you shake hands with the fellow. commit it to writing.[1] If you've already forgotten the name of the nice gentleman who was just introduced to you not five minutes ago. Instead. it might not be only a memory problem. o o It may help to tie tasks to a particular day of the week or a particular activity you already do. if you need to. inserting the key into the doorknob. If you do need to look back. if you have a cactus plant to water once every two weeks. If you need to remember to lock the door. Of course. Then visualize yourself pulling the keys out of your pocket. look him in the eye and repeat back the name out loud. so why not use them to your advantage? Form habits to help keep you get things done subconsciously. Whatever it is that you have to remember. Leave items where they are visible and where you will see them until you do whatever needs to be done to them. active effort to pay attention whenever you know you're likely to forget something. Make a conscious. Keep a calendar. Were you really listening when you were introduced. place your keys in the same place. and certainly don't rely on it for next week or next month. the palm of your hand. conspicuous location until they are processed. too. putting bills and paper in a certain. Make routines. or any other format that helps. Have folders or divisions in the file for each day of the month. write it down in the calendar of your choice and make a habit of checking it regularly. so that you're not depending as much on your conscious mind to remember. Be sure to check your tickler file daily. the more likely it will "stick". Attach a new habit to an old habit. make sure they are with you. A tickler file is a file that is set up by date. and putting it back into your pocket. locking the door. say it silently to yourself a couple of times (you'll probably have a few moments when you can tune out the small talk). place it in the tickler file for that date. We all know how powerful habits can be. Visualize it. Every time you get home. Write them down.. Many short-term memory problems can be attributed not so much to the ability of the brain. often the act of writing something down will cause it to go through your brain. Write it down. Computer programs and even websites are available that include such things as calendars that will remind you when the time comes and to-do lists. pulling the key out. Whether in a class. place a note or other cue in a prominent location until the new routine becomes habit. Don't keep one for business and another for personal dates. take notes. Every time you leave. or simply for personal reasons. Use a white board. hearing them jingle. In addition to writing down what you need to do. When something arrives in your purview that requires your attention at a later date. The more detailed your visualization. Pay attention. you'll have a record of it. like taking your medication every time you brush your teeth. Keep one calendar for all your appointments. Have a system. your errands. Take good notes. imagine yourself shutting the door and looking down at your hand on the door knob. Use computers. in a meeting.

project. Use baskets or trays if you'd like to make it look neater or keep some order to it. Memory has a lot to do with confidence. purchase just the groceries you need for the week (take your list!). write down your menu plans.) Then. consult a doctor. If there is something you do routinely. It could be as basic as the order in which you prefer to get ready for work or school in the morning. Overtaxing your mind reduces its ability to focus and concentrate. demeanor. etc). Place things in visible locations. For instance. This applies especially while trying to remember something. • Learn what works for you and experiment with different strategies. Get enough sleep. When appropriate. hang them in clear bags or set them on the shelves up where you can see them. That means you don't have to spend as much time carefully organizing. If you manage to take notes electronically. How to Increase Your Metabolism . leave them in a bag when not in use. Make up checklists. it is likely to come up automatically even if it is not there. If you must take certain sets of items with you when you go somewhere. if fresh vegetables get lost in the crisper drawers until they turn to mush. Canvas tote bags and basic duffel bags are inexpensive (try any thrift store). too. or rack in that spot and make that where you put shoes that are in use. go ahead and pile. edit Warnings • If your memory or the memory of a family member grows worse. Set things up so you don't have to remember. Instead. or by the door when you come in. Your lack of confidence would eventually lead to a state where you forget the habit of remembering. or keep one notebook for each general subject. Relax. it may help to try to use their name several times in the first conversation you have with them. stick to your plan. shelf. place a basket. For example. o o o If you need to have things piled on your desk to ensure that they get attention. and sleep at consistent times. (Hint: you may be able to do this all at once for the month or even the year. then prepare those meals this week. write down that routine. • Set a timer to remember the hard-boiled eggs. end one task before beginning another. giving you that "flustered" feeling. Or try to associate the name and face with something characteristic (beard. Make a plan. Emerging research suggests that the brain consolidates memories during sleep [3].o o Keep a notebook. In this example. • • For remembering people's names. height. don't put them in the crisper drawers. or it could be as intricate as the procedure for getting a part of your job done. or they may explode Setting alarms or timers to trigger your memory can help. Confidence. if you cook for your family. Having different colors and even shapes and sizes will help you to keep different notebooks straight. Develop confidence by appreciating yourself whenever you remember something you usually forget. a desktop search engine. can help you find old notes based on keywords. Tips Caffeine can temporarily improve short-term memory[2] but the above steps are more effective and present fewer risks. and you can have one for music lessons and another for gym clothes. or interest. If you habitually leave your shoes by the bed at night. If you think or believe that you have such a problem. You can use an electronic checklist or place the checklist in a plastic sheet protector and use erasable markers to check things off. such as Google Desktop or Copernic.

if you know your height in inches.g. To calculate your RMR.4. increasing your metabolic rate can enable you to lose more weight without cutting more calories. More than ninety percent of the chemical reactions in your body occur in water. Different activities burn different quantities of calories. RMR is often used interchangeably with basal metabolic rate (BMR). metabolic rate is the rate at which your body burns calories. so make sure you drink an appropriate amount of water. do not exceed your maintenance intake or have a caloric intake lower than your calculated RMR. Very few people have a fast metabolism.[2] Drink iced water. so the maintenance intake is 2000 x 1. In the simplest terms.25s . o o o o Age . In addition to having four to six small meals per day[6]. RMR = 2000. When your drink ice cold water.54 to get your height in centimeters  a = age in years  g = gender = 1 for males. divide by 2. [1] However. frequent meals.2 to get your weight in kilograms  s = height in centimeters. The commercialism surrounding "metabolism-enhancing products" has made it difficult to separate fact from fiction (or advertising).92a + 166g-161  w = weight in kilograms. and weight. Skipping meals does not help you cut calories or lose weight. a faster metabolism will enable you to lose more weight than your friend.Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid gland) and hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid gland) can slow down or speed up metabolism. multiply by 2. 0 for females Adjust your diet accordingly. edit Steps Understand what metabolism is. Extending the time between meals makes your body go into "starvation mode. eating healthy snacks will also increase metabolism. and some factors that you can't.Metabolic rate decreases five percent per decade after age 40. and overweight individuals generally have slow metabolisms.15 = 2300 To lose weight safely. depriving your body of water can encourage it to "hoard" rather than "burn". Your RMR will tell you how many calories you need to maintain your body at rest.[2] Gender . your body burns calories warming it to body temperature. .99w + 6.[3] Calculate your resting metabolic rate (RMR). estimating either is sufficient for the purpose of losing weight. Count calories by recording what you eat and looking up how many calories each food item contains (either on the food packaging or in tables provided in books or online). use the Mifflin-St Jeor equation (which is more reliable than the Harris-Benedict equation[4]). Eat small.If you're trying to lose weight. in fact. if you know your weight in pounds.[2] Heredity . people generally eat less overall when they eat small. diet. even if you both have the same activity level.3% of the population have hypo. Although they are slightly different.You can inherit your metabolic rate from previous generations. There are some factors that you can control and change. There are also calculators online that can do this for you: o RMR = 9. but you can find a few research-based suggestions here. As with food. but the important thing is to raise your heart rate and sustain the activity for approximately thirty minutes. frequent meals.[2] Thyroid disorder . Boost metabolism temporarily with aerobic exercise. Determine what is influencing your metabolism.and hyperthyroidism respectively. Your daily consumption to maintain your weight should be:[5] o o o RMR x 1. but only 3% and .15  E." which decreases your metabolism as a means to conserve energy and prevent starvation.Men generally burn calories more quickly than women because they have more muscle tissue.

you'll lose weight relatively easily because your body's high caloric needs are not being met. but it's just a myth. Every muscle cell that you gain is like a little factory that constantly burns calories for you.g. especially if they are carbohydrate sensitive and/or endomorphs. You might've heard that certain foods (e. Muscle burns more calories than fat does (73 more calories per kilogram per day. You lose 25 lbs. it is likely even standard low-carb diets provide enough. even while you sleep. glasses of non-carbonated water (including green tea. This is the only way to increase RMR. Expect your metabolism to slow down as you lose weight. • • • • • edit Warnings • • Avoid smoking as a weight-loss method. Be careful with dairy products if you are following the Atkins diet.3 carbs. there is no conclusive evidence that whatever influence they have on metabolism is significant enough to result in weight loss. whole milk and cheese helped prevent weight gain in women who had one or more servings a day while low-fat milk did not. Just to be safe. o o o . it has been proven that all foods do have what is called the thermic effect. Glucose provides the energy for your body via a system of chemical reactions called the "krebs-cycle" or "tricarboxylic acid cycle. or if you dislike fish take fish oil supplements. even at rest. Some cheeses may have nearly zero carbohydrates. In order to continue losing weight. Foods with protein have a 30% thermic effect. and are the most thermal of all foods. This is why people who eat 40% protein 40% carbohydrate and 20% mainly monounsaturated fat diets do very well. by eating at least 2-3 portions of fish a week.[7] edit Tips • There are no "fat-burning" foods. the more calories your body has to burn in order to sustain itself. though beware: many formulations are poorly absorbed under the best of conditions. Include omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids.[10] Whole milk also provides the omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA and is the most significant food source of CLA. Milk and products made with milk contain lactose. you will have to restrict your caloric intake even further in order to maintain a difference between what your body needs and what you are providing.and medium-chain fatty acids (especially those in coconut oil) have long been promoted for weight loss and can easily be burned for energy. Consider getting your calcium from cheese. The more weight your body is carrying. and build more muscle.[11][12] a heart-healthy fat that may help increase your metabolism. But after you begin to shed the weight.[2] However. as some traditional food cultures like that of the Inuit are low in carbohydrates and do not result in deficiencies.Boost metabolism in the long run with weight training. the low-carb approach may lead to vitamin deficiency. a carbohydrate. and revs up when you exercise. Plain soy milk has seven net carbs and one gram of fiber. Some sugar substitutes may adversely affect metabolism and weight loss. Foods with higher amounts of fiber also have a high thermic effect. 30 calories from the food are required to break down the fibers in the protein and to properly digest it. Soy products can also be an excellent substitute for dairy while you are on the Atkins diet.[6] While some foods and drinks such as red peppers and green tea have been studied for their potential metabolic rate increasing properties. Yogurt has natural milk sugars in addition to fruit and sweeteners such as sucrose or high-fructose corn syrup. Whole milk has 11 carbs[9]. you may want to invest in supplements. In a nine-year study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. celery and grapefruit) increase metabolic rate. Some sources claim carbohydrates are necessary for absorption of vitamins. to be exact)[2] so the more muscle you build. However.[14] Always consult a dietitian or doctor before making a major change in your diet and exercise routine. So that means if you eat a 100 calorie portion of meat. You cut down your caloric intake to 2000 calories.[13] Low-fat yogurt or lowfat ice cream may have more sugar to compensate for the loss of taste.[2] Let's go through a hypothetical example: You are 200 lbs and your body needs 2500 calories a day to sustain itself. When you begin restricting your calorie intake. which accounts for 60 to 70 percent of the calories you burn daily." Unless you are careful to choose whole foods naturally rich in vitamins. lose more fat. tea and coffee) per day. Drink eight 8-oz. While nicotine is a metabolism booster and appetite suppressant. the higher your resting metabolic rate (RMR) will be. Avoid low-fat dairy products. skimmed milk has 12. Now your body only needs 2250 calories to sustain itself because it's carrying less weight. the body has less mass to carry and thus needs fewer calories.[8] Very low-carb diets are said to burn more calories because the body expends energy changing fats and proteins into glucose. the health hazards far outweigh any benefits. [11] Short.

It's noble to want to help others. Consider the source. if you're helping others to such an extent that you are neglecting yourself. Losing more than a pound a week can be detrimental to your health. It's time to shift the focus from others to yourself. Your sustaining calories might be 1800. is the action really genuine? Would you want others to help you under those terms? And. that someone will leave you. here's a newsflash: Not all the world wants a pushover. Other telltales are: you are either passive or aggressive. Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people. imagine how you would have handled it differently . only to find that he or she is not a bit grateful? If so. Speak to your doctor or midwife before restricting your diet or any specific food group. Let's say you lose 50 lbs. in all probability. you never seem to be having any fun. not getting what you want out of life. or other resource. Where are they? What is acceptable behavior for you and what is unacceptable? Do you tolerate the intolerable? Normalize the abnormal? Accept the unacceptable? Do you know what it feels like to be treated with dignity and respect? Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and how to set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries. Write them down. check with a physician or a nutritionist to determine what would be considered appropriate weight loss for your level of fitness before you start a new exercise or diet plan. Many people pleasers were raised in environments wherein their needs and feelings were pushed aside/not considered. you are often in a hurry for no reason. In order to maintain a steady weight loss you will need to reduce your caloric intake further.o o • • If you continue with your 2000 calorie per day diet (the diet that helped you lose the first 25 lbs) you will still be losing. in order to please someone else. and stop being a martyr. There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others. with little or no in between. not out of fear or guilt. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser Do you habitually give in to other people because you just can't stand the thought of upsetting them? Do you put your needs to one side because you get a buzz from someone else's happiness. many people are codependent. The point here is to recheck your RMR when you lose weight and compare it to your consumption.to please yourself! What is the worst that could have happened? Write down your worst fears. saying what flatters them. is that really wise? . Examine your boundaries. If you are pregnant or nursing. you open yourself up to manipulation and abuse. That is a prison you have trapped yourself in. If you're doing things for others because you would feel bad if you didn't. and to mold yourself to. on your 2000 calorie diet. or that you will be left all alone if you don't say the right thing. but it's something you should do because you want to. Were you always expected to anticipate. By focusing on pleasing others. but at half the speed. everyone else's needs? Did you learn that the only way to receive a positive response was to do what others wanted you to do? If so. 'People pleaser' is actually a code for codependency. Are they realistic? Are they truly terrible? You might be afraid that no one will like you. However. For each of these occasions. edit Steps Think of five times when you did or said something that did not truly reflect your wants and needs. you are a classic "people pleaser. The greatest acts of kindness are those done by choice. You're actually consuming enough calories to gain weight. and it's time to unlock the doors and walk out! The people around you may be used to your compliance. but how would that happen if you had stayed on your diet? This can happen when your exercise has burned through many calories. are they really worth having in your life? Examine your ability to set limits on others. you are constantly controlling or being controlled. but if they're not willing to accept that you have your own needs. the seminal work on the subject. Don't overdo your diet or exercise program. doing what indulges them. or find a Coda meeting. Read 'Codependent No More'. it is at the utmost importance you do not try to consume fewer calories than your RMR! Another possible problem: If you continue with your 2000 calorie per day diet (the diet that helped you lose the first 25 lbs) you may actually gain weight back because of varying levels of exercise. If you slowed on exercise at this point you would actually gain weight again. your caloric needs are increased. not because you feel you have to. You will never reach your potential as an individual if you constantly hide behind others' expectations. Look at your fears." and you are. As mentioned above.

It is best to develop good self-care skills. but they should not be the determining factor.find something small to say "no" to. and it doesn't have to mean you're making a demand. and help others along the way. Don't always make yourself available when you cannot afford to be. doing so invites others to take advantage of you. How can you re-phrase those thoughts to be more constructive? Practice integrity and insist on it in others. what you do is your choice. and most people in the group want to see a particular movie. put in your opinion. but not to accept their responsibility as your own. work hard. realize you are operating from a position of weakness and people-pleasing. To disagree with someone does not necessarily mean you are being unkind. and practice not worrying what anyone else thinks about it.you could keep in mind that. If you feel that you do so much for others.. it's just not my scene. speak up! There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion. lifelong habits take time to overcome. Treat all people with politeness. go on holiday. In fact." Don't make up excuses . Do one thing you have been wanting to do. . If they aren't nice to you (that is.. but you'd rather watch something else. try to come up with a solution that will meet both desires halfway. Don't respond to rudeness with your own rudeness. dignity and respect. Don't get caught up in doing things just because no one else wants you to do them. but ultimately." Understand that being kind and being a "people pleaser" are not the same thing. Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward. or if there's a decision being made. do it for yourself. Keep a balance! Sometimes the needs of other people should come first. but they don't do anything for you. While it's not good to be a pushover. whatever the intention behind it. it's no better to be a manipulative bully or a reckless rebel. but are afraid someone else will not like. and you just can't face it? "I'm sorry darling. It is not. you must remember that no one can read your mind. I find the pressure of entertaining such a large number of people intolerable. be aware that in the long run you compromise your ability to help others as well. get that new look. and let that be that. Dye your hair. You can listen to others. So your husband wants his entire family to come to Christmas dinner.. a "win-win" situation where both sides get even more than they bargained for. It's not fair to make people pry an answer from you. but mean it! You'll be surprised. it just perpetuates the problem. If everybody's going to the movies. you are beautiful and unique on the inside and out. then consider limiting the relationship. no matter how bad your flaws are. Don't become totally selfish. many people pleasers have low self-esteem." by thinking about what you want and rehearsing your "lines. which include healthy assertiveness skills.give your reasons for not wanting something." Don't worry if you slip back into your old ways occasionally. Follow your bliss--you have a responsibility to nourish your talents. or better yet. Compromise. Even asking someone to help you do something will help. Ultimately. dignity and respect). and those that do aren't worth pleasing. edit Tips • • • • • • • • • If you find yourself compromising your own needs. have a treat that you enjoy. Remind yourself that by making choices that are good for you. Recognize when you are being manipulated. but say it firmly. Do not label standing up for yourself as selfish or wrong. If they ask you what you want. not in spite of it. Also. regardless of what anyone else thinks. maybe it's because you don't express your needs or desires. if they do not treat you with politeness. Say it politely. Other people's opinions are a factor in our lives. the world will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take offense. Do something for yourself.whatever you do. So do those who are selfish. Anticipate situations where you would normally "people please. Taking care of yourself prevents you from burning out." Your best friend wants you to go with her or him to a party that will be full of people that you can't stand? "No thank you. If you find that you begin most sentences with "I should" or "I ought". you will have enough "fuel" to do good for others. Remember that there ought to be things that you truly want to do for yourself." Start small . It is possible to be kind and state your own needs at the same time.Learn how to say "no. Ask for what you want. Pin up this affirmation where you will see it every day: "My needs are just as important as yours. Whenever there's a conflict of desires.

Don't say "I had to do this because of you"! Remember. Remember that people in healthy relationships have nothing to hide or defend. especially if you have to be at the investment bank in the morning. if so. your friends and family are normally going to recognize that this person makes you very happy. or have you seen your attitudes change to more closely mirror your partner's. which puts off your family and friends? Recognize your blindness to your partner's faults. and they will rejoice with the two of you.edit Warnings • • Some people may take time to adjust to the new you . it can be necessary and good. they do apply to any kind of relationship. you're probably already aware that there is a problem and haven't yet come to terms with it. as much as it is aimed at themselves. you'll need to determine if the relationship is taking something away. brings out the best in you. Just as you were capable of understanding that change is nothing to fear. While the steps are directed towards romantic relationships. you're always changing plans to do what he/she wants. Just as you might have thought to reject your desires. think twice before mouthing off or getting a pink Mohawk and 5 piercings. and may not understand that their rejection is not so much aimed at you. If you really need your job. • • • HOW TO RECOGNIZE A MANIPULATIVE OR CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP As your relationship with a new person in your life has developed. while family members remark on how you don't seem like yourself. For instance. it is only "fine" because you never make that choice. Or. Instead. You can do much to inspire people and calm their own fears by resisting your own. which requires conscious and consistent practice. where do you go when you are alone? Tell him or her that's where you would like to go this time. Don't blame others for your decision to change.don't apologize for being you. In fact. Are you losing yourself to an odd. Sometimes our starry-eyed affection can make us willfully close our eyes to warning signals. Do not be concerned about what is a good opportunity to practice and what is not. it does make one "temporarily insane" for the first part of a relationship. you are deciding to change for yourself. Notice if your plans are continually overturned in favor of his/her. Infatuation isn't necessarily a bad thing. your partner says "Let's have hamburgers for dinner" and you may really think "Whatever is fine by me" while. Note that expressing your own desires requires first your awareness of what they are. understand that other people may be as well. you find your old friends falling away. or is it unhealthy? Be objective as you analyze how things have changed since this relationship began: Are your family relationships suddenly filled with tension. so might others reject theirs. put an end to the destructive cycle. others will come to realize this in time. relationship? Before you can regain your individuality and strength. Ask yourself: Do you find yourself apologizing or defending your significant other's behavior? If you find yourself getting defensive when someone questions your relationship. always meeting up with his/her friends. In fact. and. Although you may have been afraid to change at first. when a relationship is healthy. and yours in turn only because they think that is what is good for the both of you! Be patient with them. every time your partner's name comes up? Red flags should go up if everyone who cares about you is getting worried or is being pushed away. . Take the few extra seconds to consider it. even though we really kind of know that our friends and family have a point when they say they don't like this or that about the significant other. or worst traits? Do you feed each others' best self. o Does this person bring out your best. and ultimately destructive. however. but be gentle with them! Some people may seem to reject the new you. Some things you may want to do may not be workplace-safe. edit Steps Evaluate honestly: Is this relationship healthy.

You forget her nastiness to their faces because she's nice behind their backs.") or outright rude way ("That's just stupid.but it is part of the control. etc.at this point he/she may even tearfully say he/she wants your help to change. it's scary.and that is what you should have. you deserve so much more . It is a way to use your compassion to keep you interested . or new friends you've made since you've been together? Severing your ties to the familiar stability of people you have always known means she/he has just made himself/herself the center of your universe.and you shouldn't beat yourself up for being attracted to that. Watch for the bad behavior to resume as soon as he/she believes he/she has you hooked and complacent again.o o o Be aware of the way she behaves with your family and friends. A controlling partner will treat your friends with disrespect . or you will actually see him treat them in a dismissive ("You don't have the same experience I have. There's just enough weirdness to make you stop and think. tells you he/she realizes he/she was wrong. Does she interrogate you if you aren't home exactly on time. It's no wonder you fell for him. and soon.." Did you then dismiss the idea that what your friends heard could have actually been true? That's a big red flag. When you find yourself telling your mom or sister. However. Controlling. things will "get away" from him . and now has no competition for your attention. STOP and remind yourself that this isn't the first time you've had this reaction. or if you go out for any reason? Does she question you too intensely about why you were talking to another person? Watch for repeat offenses. shallow apologies and "courting" afterwards."). not outright lies. but rather is kind.he must control things or. it fosters utter dependence on her and her love. rather than to make apologies or excuses? Have all of your past attachments to people and places been replaced by either old friends of your new love. but in a really toxic. "But. But what makes it most awful is that he's probably handsome (you thought so. Are you realizing it's just become easier not to spend time with people you've loved for years. Do not believe this. If her reaction or answers don't satisfy. contradicts them. Why should everyone else understand her and adjust their behavior . Saying.. you have no one but her to turn to. Watch out for subtle discrepancies. call her out on them. controlling way). If this happens more than once. it's usually through half-truths or omissions.it may save you from disaster later. And don't delay doing the analysis . Start analyzing discrepancies between what your girlfriend said and what your friends say. Beware of the "backhanded compliment". manipulative people are not able to just let things happen naturally . Cutting you off from your support systems helps him gain dominance over you and you think it's your decision. You can't have understood that right. He/She does something that is totally unacceptable then asks your forgiveness. have they ever said something about your new girlfriend that made you stop and say. Stop berating yourself for being into this person.so he's compelled by his inner horrors to make sure he's the one pulling all the strings. . You will begin to believe you're unworthy of better treatment. and promises to change. there's a problem there. "Nobody will ever love you the way I do. when you're alone with him/her.on the surface . If she's bizarrely. but she wants you to believe that nobody but she will ever love you again. and complimentary to you about them. Over time. If you feel you need to apologize or explain her behavior to your family or friends.a mask for their internal lack of true confidence)." seems sweet. and she's the best you can hope for. and maybe even funny and charming. When you're being controlled or manipulated. that's sweet. he/she never says a bad word about those friends. If there are a lot of them." that's a bad sign.wouldn't it be easier if she would adjust hers? It's much easier for him to control you when you've decided your loved ones just don't understand your mate. it is time to reevaluate in a major way. these ideas erode your sense of confidence. "Huh? But she said something different to me. or behaves dismissively. loving. you have to understand her like I do. in his mind. right?) and smart. Realize that he's amazing . If your partner is protective of you. Recognize excessive jealousy or possessiveness as a danger signal. particularly if you have let him/her know that you will not tolerate such things again. He will bring you lavish gifts and attempt to sweep you off your feet. overly protective. You're wrong. Keep your support system.your friends will report rude remarks made behind your back. When talking with mutual friends. especially if she interrupts them. These people are often an odd mix of very high intellect or talent. re-establishing his sincerity and your belief that he truly loves you (and he may. It makes you believe your family or friends are simply jealous. again. don't understand him/her. but not quite enough to get you to re-evaluate the entire relationship. He/She seems utterly sincere and convincing . coupled with low self-esteem (although they often seem confident to the point of arrogance . Consider whether she constantly nags about how long it takes you to make a trip to the market or to the post office.

Just so you know. Don't blow off the opinions of your friends and family. for instance -. including threats to harm you or your supporters. One person can be ignored . You've just survived a very tough situation and lived to tell the tale! • • • • • • • Warnings • Severely controlling and manipulative people are often produced by external factors such as abusive parents or clinical mental disorders. Do they tell you you're acting strange lately? Do they comment on how different you seem ." That should be a flag. Get all the anger and hurt out of your system . You cannot hope to change or rescue such a person. even though it is obvious s/he is interested in someone else. like. there may be no choice but to part ways. as much as you may care for them. working it through. "Is my (for example) mum right about every other thing. but even though you want to be compassionate.if talking. But unless s/he is the one to end this relationship. they do have your best interests in mind. If you have something big coming up -. or to commit suicide. If s/he shows up at your door after you've broken it off. get a restraining order). avoid places you frequented together. Tell them you wish you had listened to them.apologize to them for marginalizing them and disregarding their bad opinion of this person. it may be time to re-evaluate this relationship . edit Tips • Do recognize that almost everyone is capable of some manipulative or controlling behaviors from time to time . Because these signs can be subtle.talk to friends and relatives. The entire purpose of the article is to help you examine your relationship for the warning signs.Assess whether the relationship is worth saving. Try to be objective.the new gf/bf?" And if more than one close family member or friend is expressing dislike of the new guy/gal. But when you begin to recognize more than a few of the above warning signs. and (B) direct them to professional help. though . even if you still love her. or going to counseling fails to get your partner to stop these behaviors for longer than it takes to convince you of her sincerity (in other words. s/he will freak out if you are the one to leave. Don't try pointing out all of the above warning signs. the best and easiest approach is to simply cut off contact. Confess to your friends and family . and often occurs over time. but wrong about this ONE thing . one sign may not be a problem.they will be only too happy to share (they will rejoice when you tell them it's over). it can be helpful to see a collection of warning signs. If they affirm the signs are there.many cannot. and that your partner is giving as well as receiving. Period. Don't rely on your own judgment to determine whether threats are serious. both for you and any supporters you might have. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing .and she says something dismissive.we all want to get our way or win the argument. and it just hurts you both more in the end. Key to this entire discussion is the recognition that the establishment of control is subtle. The likelihood of stalking and violent behaviors developing in this type of person is higher than in others. stay with friends or family. This type of person won't recognize him or herself. Resist the temptation to be bitter about the experience. You don't have to be like him/her to get away. All of the above are warning signs that you are involved with a controlling person who's likely to be manipulating you. and spend hours berating you for your thoughtless abandonment. the best help you can give them is to (A) refuse to be their victim. don't open it if you're home alone. notify authorities and take steps to make yourself safe (travel with others. you should spend time with me. give more weight to the negative opinions.and not in a good way? Has anyone you love and respect expressed actual dislike for your partner? Ask yourself. as it is likely to be used as a weapon against you. it's time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether it's truly an equal partnership. behaviors begin again after a short time). That exam isn't such a big deal and it's rude of you not to spend our date with me. Just say it's not a match and you don't intend to continue the relationship. Cutting them off may seem cruel. If you feel you're being stalked. "You shouldn't be studying on our date. Four or five . Giving back in a relationship does not only mean showering you with affection and gifts. It means working together in co-operation on non-romantic subjects. Make sure your relationship is a two-way street. Report • • • • .and try to do it outside of the control of this person. Watch for stalking or menacing behaviors or threats.an exam. Make sure someone else is with you if you do decide to talk to him or her (not recommended). Controlling persons often check out of the relationship before you do.it wastes your time and makes the pig bitter. but it ends the confrontations and forces them to move on or get help. Compassion is not easily understood or accepted by these folks. Don't be mean about it. or at least looking with interest at others. s/he may become detached and apathetic toward you.

manipulative and narcissistic that the best interest of the children is served by leaving the relationship. one way or the other. Use Google or go to the library. isn't it. Don't be cowed by people or ideas that you should "stay for the sake of the children. Once you've found evidence. hard to believe. These people don't want those beliefs challenged because it's as if you were challenging them personally . Whenever people want you to think a certain way. but they will continue to think for themselves. and I hate to burst the bubble because it's fun to believe that could be true. While it is preferable that marriages involving kids be worked out. on the other hand. a controlling manipulator is not amenable to marriage or family counseling. that you're questioning something they accept without question. and anguish. Look into the statements made by others. and you should never stay in a relationship that is either. Unfortunately. Be aware that. and truly want you to be in step with their beliefs without looking into their statements any further. Sometimes. Ask everyone (not just the so-called experts). and allow you to decide for yourself whether that is enough evidence for you. people are trying to look out for your best interest. discomfort. If necessary. and scared of "rocking the boat". They can connect you to an agency close by. bases their self worth on something other than what people think of them. but true!" Or conversely. Yet. people want you to adopt their perspective because it makes them feel more comfortable and secure (safety in numbers). try to think of exceptions. "Yes. with the abuser sitting right next to you during a session. but I just don't think that's true. It's your first duty to protect them. and even dangerous. How to Think for Yourself When you accept everything you're told without question. Stop being a people pleaser. Never be satisfied until you arrive at an answer that has very few exceptions. so they're personally invested in whether or not you buy into the things they say. Remember where you get the "evidence" from. then separation may be the only answer. you can speak up about it. you can say. controlling. That's amazing. If your partner is not willing to commit to counseling. and it could make you feel guilty. I was so interested that I looked that up. follow these steps." When you're breaking the news that your friend is passing along a false tale. just because you saw it in a book or on the internet. you know after we talked last time. and it looks like it isn't true. o In cases where someone says he "just wants the best for you. and then ask yourself why those exceptions exist. and perhaps even offended. in many cases. and search for information to prove or disprove the statements made. controlling partner will damage the children. Do the research. "I know that sounds amazing. not continually allow them to be abused by a person like this. let them know in a humble and compassionate way . and taking the children with you. and you will spawn more of the same type of person.• • • them to the police immediately. people's beliefs make it easier for them to feel like a good person. You'll be amazed at how many times you'll find lots of evidence to contradict the statements of others. the manipulative. If you want to avoid being someone else's puppet. Look for selfish motives. I feel bad to be the bearer of bad news. you open the door to being manipulated. When you get an answer. These people may still experience rejection. Many times." you may be accused of distrust.it seems to them that you are questioning their "good-person-hood". particularly the question "why?". This person is probably just difficult and not dangerous. especially if you have kids. these people spout this erroneous information and never question the accuracy or truth of what they're saying. That's why they take it personally if you don't automatically buy in. but don't take any chances. A freethinker. Couples counseling or marriage counseling may not be a safe place for you to talk about any abuse you are enduring. You need individual supportive counseling that is often available for free at your local domestic violence agency. people just want to be seen as authoritative and trusted. that alone does not make it the truth. and try to answer your own questions as well. manipulative persons can become very destructive. Without family counseling. get a restraining order and call the cops each and every time it's violated. But that benefit is not always obvious or direct. People who don't think for themselves are often scared of disagreeing with others. And sometimes.don't just come in crowing and congratulating . But keep in mind that anyone who truly cares for you will be willing to explain their point of view and why they feel that way. You can look at ____________ (wherever you found your disproving evidence) and see for yourself." Some people are so controlling. Sometimes. it's because it benefits them in some way. edit Steps Ask questions. Some people will become very annoyed. but I looked it up.

and depression. sadness. but which it is too late to retract.yourself for debunking a myth. for example. Ask yourself throughout the day: "How am I feeling right now?" If you can. think of at least two different ways you can respond. It takes courage to face uncertainty. You always have a choice. you look like a jerk. Ask yourself. with 1 being the least intense and 100 being the most intense that you are able to feel. "What is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way I was looking at it before?" Taking this new evidence into account. and anticipation. he can't afford to actually fire anyone. That's why I'm asking. There will always be some degree of uncertainty. Once you recognize an emotion. you may have let slip something that you should not have said which angered him. For example. disgust. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings. "He's getting ready to fire me!" Write down the evidence which supports the thought that produced the emotion. but you will also learn to question your own assumptions. Your emotions control you when you assume there's only one way to react. regardless of your boss's petty annoyances. For . Live outside your comfort zone. fear. Rate your mood on a scale from 1-100. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about. You may look smart to others for a minute. When you're thinking for yourself. because if you're reading this. no matter what. but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: joy. stop and notice the situation that produced it. It means making decisions based on your own analysis. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level. not randomly and uncontrollably. until you find what thought was causing that emotion. you might realize that since nobody gets along well with this particular boss. acceptance. Notice what was going through your mind at the time. You still may not like your job or your boss. you're better able to control them. because the department is too short-staffed. anxiety. and lead to excessive self-doubt. Many times. Be Bold. we're at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level. fear. edit Steps Know your emotions. It means you recognize them and act on them when you deem it appropriate. and that can make you feel lost and confused.[1] The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association emphasizes four major emotions which give us the most trouble: anger. they tend to get worse and erupt later. Not only will some people be very perturbed by your refusal to take their statements at face value. Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch. but to your friend. There are a million different ways you can feel.and you won't have to worry about losing your house! Consider your options. and without even being aware of it. This can be very nervewracking. because you can't say you were trusting someone else's judgment." How to Gain Control of Your Emotions Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. Write down the evidence that is against that thought. But at least you can take the time to find a good one -. you may conclude that your job is safe. Remember that thinking for yourself doesn't mean being sure. and you may want to look for another job. When you feel depressed. you're taking full responsibility for your life and your actions. edit Tips • At its core. Recognize that emotions don't just appear mysteriously out of nowhere. anger. Beware paralysis by analysis. thinking for yourself requires you to be humble and say "I really don't know. the thought may have been in the back of your mind. keep a journal. When you begin to think about it. surprise. rather than someone else's. that you must learn to accept and cope with. you probably know that when you do that. like walking into a dark room.

"looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. But instead.Who do you want to be? What are your moral principles? What do you want the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately.and sometimes they change dramatically! It is terrible when things do not work out exactly as I want them to. it is because they are bad people. Some people have a such a short fuse. If you choose not to respond. you can walk away-but. I have to worry about it. and you experience anger. Maybe it's better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms down. which is the decision you'd be most proud of? This is where religious guidance comes into play for many people. Most of the people who treat you unfairly have friends and family who love them. change the way you see the world. and change is impossible. that's over. Because things in my past controlled my life. even in the short term. I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself. Do nothing. if you're being confronted with a street fight. and there are people in the world who bear ill will to almost everyone. act on: o o Principles . it should be for a reason (as discussed in the next step) not because of a competing emotion (fear of confrontation). you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness. Many prison inmates describe their life as if it were a cork. Could you have predicted the course of your own life? Probably not. almost every wealthy or comfortably retired person would do as little as possible. But people change all the time -. if someone insults you. The "turn the other cheek" philosophy would fall under this category. Here's his list of potential culprits. You can get rid of these ideas by debating within yourself until you have cast them out. that they are constantly losing jobs or endangering friendships because they are unable to endure the slightest frustration.example. If something is dangerous or fearful. They are all false. you can't predict that things are going to work out exactly as you want them to. however. But you can't make your own life miserable by trying to please them. If you learn how to be optimistic and laid back. taking life as it comes. they seek new challenges as a pathway to further growth. or rejected. By the same token. If you want to nip your emotions in the bud. If this were true. can serve as a basis for learning and future growth. but many of us have are inclined to at least some of them part of the time. but not how to change the emotions themselves. edit Tips • Learn to avoid the cognitive distortions which make things look worse than they really are. bobbing up and down on waves of circumstance. Now. Albert Ellis[2] compiled a list of irrational ideas which upset us. what's the next thing on the list that I have to worry about?" It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to face them. Sometimes you just can't help making enemies. I must be loved and approved of by everyone who is important to me. once we can get through them. and you want to take the pacifist route. it's important to continue acknowledging the emotion. You can also directly eliminate many of the underlying core beliefs which give rise to your disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. If you do this. Change your perspective. o o o o o o o o o o I must be perfect in all respects in order to be worthwhile. Misery comes from outside forces which I can’t do very much to change. it would mean that we are prisoners of our past.Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example. When people treat me unfairly. Logic . there are always at least two alternatives: o Don't react. they have to keep doing so now and in the future. Now that you've got several options. If this were really true. Many people believe that "the work of worrying" will help to make problems go away. Nobody can be perfect in everything that we have to do in life. o Make a choice. there's a good chance that burly drunk will be insulted if you turn your back. you'll find that negative emotions make fewer appearances to be reckoned with." But when you use . Most of us have heard the expression. Do the opposite of what you would normally do. treated badly. Even painful experiences. But no matter what the emotion. It is terrible when I am seriously frustrated. The above steps show how to not let your emotions control your behavior. Just because you're not reacting to an emotion doesn't mean that emotion doesn't exist. But if you believe that you're a failure unless you are perfect in every way. People are mixtures of good and bad. your immediate response might be to insult them back. "Okay.

courage." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. Overgeneralization. When you're depressed. Nowadays. Now imagine that you've turned the binoculars around and you're looking through them backwards.cognitive distortions. and loyalty. Here is some advice on how to strengthen your own character. To strengthen one's character is to mold oneself into a productive person within one's sphere of influence. it only makes you feel guilty. and to resist the . it sometimes feels like you're "looking at the world through mud-colored glasses. Character is perhaps the most important essence a person can possess. This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. You believe that you were the cause of something bad that happened. One single negative thing colors everything else. by extending yourself in kindness and concern (freely. "I didn't get a phone call. you "knew it all along. edit Steps Strength in character is about freedom from prejudices so that you love others as yourself. I'll never hear from anybody again. fortitude." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way. was a term originally used for a mark impressed upon a coin. If you aren't perfect. Imagine that you're looking at yourself or somebody else through a pair of binoculars." Should statements. you feel anger. But if somebody says something bad about you. from the Greek word "χαρακτήρα". When you make a mistake. or to train your moral discipline. You think that things are going to turn out badly. A single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. then you're a failure. in a person. to master yourself." Mental filter. and so on. or social worker. it is known as the sum of all the attributes. but suppressing them or denying that they exist is entirely different. and somebody else's faults might look less important than they really are. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. Know what constitutes strength in character. You just assume that he is. and resentment. When you direct should statements toward others. o o o o edit Warnings • • It is important to control your emotions. Something you've done might look less important than it really is. to the others' benefit). You "should" do this. honesty. o o o o o o o o All-or-nothing thinking. frustration. You think somebody is disrespecting you and don't bother to check it out. Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization. You beat up on yourself as a way of getting motivated to do something. you "must" do this. "He's a louse. "I'm a loser. as it defines who a person is. This doesn't make you want to do it. you "ought" to do this. counselor. with nothing in between. Labeling and mislabeling. The Fortune Teller Error." Jumping to conclusions. such as. How to Strengthen Character Build your character to have strength like a lion Character. you give yourself a label. it doesn't count. Everything is good or bad." Disqualifying the positive. Strength in character consists of having the qualities that allow you to exercise control over your instincts and passions. Suppressing your emotions can cause physical disorders and more emotional symptoms. Personalization. Emotional reasoning. and convince yourself that this is already a fact. you attach a negative label to him. Many emotional problems are so complex that they require the additional professional assistance of a licensed psychologist. when you really didn't have very much to do with it. You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it. therefore it must be true. If somebody says something good about you. such as integrity. you tend to look at the world through mud-colored glasses! Here are some examples. Mind reading. You might think that a mistake you made or somebody else's achievement are more important than they really are.

but the leader takes action to adjust the sails and ensure that they're ready to cope whatever the weather. fear things irrationally. Guard against irrational impulses. Be content with what you have. frivolousness. The answer is found in always looking before you leap and in practising good habits to free yourself from the enslavement of your own passions. but be courageous so as to contribute your part to the progress of humankind. or become overwhelmed in sadness or by anger. and avoid entangling yourself in the chaos of your sensations. you must forgo the victory. as empathizing requires you to project yourself and engage as needed (walk in and help clear the other person's pathway). as many are inclined to do. remember that doing so is actually projecting your assumptions about how others live. Strength in character allows you to accomplish your goals. and weaknesses. turning neither to the left nor to the right.[1] whereas sympathy implies an emotional but passive reaction. It allows you to inquire into the causes of ill-fortune. and to love others as yourself. Favour reason over pure emotion. and to continue to climb upward in the face of obstacles. such as listening. and walk therein. The most important way to strengthen your character is to empathize with others. love. Be brave enough to take calculated risks. as Emmanuel Kant did. It is better to focus on how you live. causing you to examine your own motives so that you can empathize ungrudgingly. Guard against irrational impulses. Empathizing differs from sympathizing in connotation. It gives you the courage to admit your own faults. . While good in themselves. and respect for others. Settle all matters upon reason alone. joy and sadness. and not be biased by emotions from the heart. Empathize with others. and is about displaying tolerance. This may come at some cost.[2] Be a leader. and anger. sensual appetites are the marks of a weak character. Be brave. The person with a strong character will examine all the facts using the head. Favour strong reason. while enabling you to cope with setbacks. A pessimist complains about the wind. Inordinate. Fix on the right path. Neither be cowardly.myriad temptations that constantly confront you. instead of just complaining about it. It gives you the strength to keep a foothold when the tide turns against you. Aristotle and Aquinas considered that there are seven human passions: love and hatred. but a leader. Understand why strength of character is important to yourself and especially to others: o o o o Strength of character allows you to carry out your will freely. and the joy associated therewith. Be neither a pessimist nor an optimist. If you shun the battle. looking and mimicking without extending oneself. such as the craving for sweets. especially the weaker souls. Moreover. Imagining that the grass is greener somewhere else is a recipe for lifelong unhappiness. nor evade your rightful duties. these passions can bypass our intellect and cause us to love the wrong things eat too much food. It assists you to accomplish your goals in the end. desire and fear. Be content with your lot. Appreciate your own values and that which you have. an optimist expects the adverse wind conditions to improve. strength in character is freedom from biases and prejudices of the mind. nor aloof. Seek the truth. the ability to delay gratification and practice self control is a sign of strength.

To accept fatalism. it will neither hear nor regard us. neither turn to the right nor the left. Work out your happiness. and. Neither impose your will upon others. and you will have smooth sail. such as the fear of heights. Govern yourself. you will inevitably fail. Learn to do good and eschew evil. Without calmness. Instead. Be neither prodigal. and spare little time for the negatives. turning into an intense desire and interfering with sound reason. An individual with a strong character will not quit when faced with obstacles. Always seek the middle ground. Avoid letting anything other than sound reason dictate your decisions in the conduct of everyday life. but its regulator. but will persevere to the end and overcome all obstacles. Learn to do good. permitting their proper expression. sometimes letting go is more important than clinging to a sinking ship. Have patience. . Aim not for personal goals that trample on others' needs. and to overcome them through relying on common sense and sound judgment. nor allow others to impose their will upon you. Without calmness. but seek the middle ground. and at times impossible. to not yield to feelings deep within your soul. The ability to seek the middle ground is the mark of a strong character capable of resisting extremes. is to discourage yourself from attempting all initiatives to improve your life and self. Learn to master your feelings. It might often be difficult. in the end. and you will also find satisfying personal gains as well. Calmness is a state of quietude that enables you to concentrate and reassemble your divergent thoughts and meditate with profit. You can change destiny by adjusting the sails. If you seek personal gains.Dismiss external suggestions contrary to the resolution you are fixed upon. and never abandon the right path. nor miserly. there can be no strength in character. and that you cannot please everyone. Be patient. If you seek the mutual good. Overcome all fears. Be calm in all things. A physician once said to a young woman complaining of all sorts of troubles for which she asked of him a cure: "Don't think of them: it is the most powerful of all cures. and learn that time is your friend. Contemplation leads to ideas. Each individual is responsible for his or her own development and fortune. Remain aware and accepting that different people will have different suggestions. Seek peace and pursue it earnestly. and ideas lead to opportunities. don't wait for someone else or something else to do it for you because it will never happen unless you persevere. It also helps to know which battles are worth it. learn to wait. and when to let things rest. Destiny is blind and deaf." Physical and mental pains can be alleviated by effort of the will to divert the mind into opposite channels. Be calm. and exacerbated by the dwelling upon them. Calmness is not the foe of feelings. Oppose fatalism. passion can easily become overheated. and opportunities lead to success. Be positive. remember that fixing calamities and changing destiny for the better are ways to strengthen your character and improve your lot in life. Master your feelings. Focus on the positives in life. you will run into conflicts with others. Calmness is a sine qua non of a strong character. but you can learn to suppress their manifestations. all will benefit. Oppose fatalism. that is. Every individual has his or her interest foremost in mind. and walk therein. to believe that destiny is somehow immovable. whether consciously or unconsciously. but aim after noble and worthy motives to benefit society as a whole. Learn to delay gratifications in life. Find the right path.

Be a good friend. that act as weeds undermining your strength. Happiness is health. If you are dishonest. immediately occupy yourself with something else for fifteen minutes. Happiness is a state of mind. Do not be egoistic: always think in terms of others' interests. By the same token. you will have the strength of character to think. To grow a beautiful and fruitful garden like this. Always be truthful in all things and every aspect of life. Learn to overcome such a weakness with practice. Never hold grudges. and attribute to them their exact significance. The mind and the body interconnect. you must clear the soil by removing all the weeds. so you must likewise dispel from your mind all feeble thoughts. Live in harmony with others. Have discipline and self-control. Whenever you find yourself preoccupied with some overwhelming emotion. Flee from bad impulses (including destructive works or actions that one regrets later) -. and be willing to sacrifice. Many great warriors have lost their lives when they react too brashly to insults. remembering that anger is a common vice in all those of weak character. that there are more smiles on the faces of those of modest means. Cultivate your mind with logic. Exercise coolness. to have resolve. So train your physical endurance to strengthen your mental endurance. but accept facts based upon solid reason. Guard against excessive emotions. and conduct your affairs accordingly. excel wherever you are. Have a business plan.and compulsive-obsessive behaviors that become a habit and deform character. and prudence in business. and do your best in whatever you do. edit Tips Be happy. and to act victoriously. Be honest always. and dismiss all petty incidents. acting merely upon a hot head. than on those of wealthy bankers on Wall Street. Avoid building your foundation upon sand. Devote yourself to your friend. Finally.Conquer all fears. Just as a gardener must remove all the weeds to grow the crops. Happiness gives you strength to overcome the monotonous and dispel boredom in life. Timidity is a stumbling block to success. Have discipline. Work hard. and go to fight prematurely against their taunters without adequate preparations. learn to appreciate quality leisure time for its ability to rejuvenate and inspire you to return to your good deeds. How to Be Humble . discernment. Exercise! Do physical exercise to train your endurance. Be happy. up to an hour. and shun idleness like the plague. and that is an assault upon your own character. Entertain no superstitions based upon superficial observations. It has been observed. circumspection. you are dishonest with yourself. Be a good friend. It allows you to make the best of all things. Work hard. preferring instead to build upon a rock. Once you overcome fear.

in order to remember that you are not the best while considering the potential for improvement. more generally. Recognize your own faults. but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more-you will be humbler. and humility can also help you develop as a person and enjoy richer relationships with others. there are other things that are important worthwhile things that you cannot do.Gandhi. a well-known advocate of humility. of course. We make judgments about others all the time. is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people--even people who disagree with you--may be right. and you can get some idea of your limitations. there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you. "In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. It does mean coming to terms with the very real limits of your abilities. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most religions and spiritual traditions. Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. No matter how talented you are. and be thankful for them. beat it down. Why? Because. Rather than saying that so and so is the best guitarist ever. and we know nothing of the future. Somewhat more difficult however. Add to this the fact that there are a great many things that no person can do. What's more." says an old country song. Unfortunately. Any one person can know only the smallest bits and pieces of the tremendous knowledge that has accumulated over the past. Understand this. and understand that everyone else makes mistakes." . Let go of meaningless. try describing things more objectively. and it prevents new relationships from forming. try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people. or improving your existing abilities. especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality.For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it. Instead. and whenever you do. simplistic comparisons. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. humility is an important virtue. "when you're perfect in every way. but pride. judge yourself instead and consider how you could improve yourself. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. it's also completely unproductive and. Disguise it." Very few people. and you may never be able to do some of these things. actually think they're perfect in every way. Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. and we often don't even realize it. I should probably be proud of my humility. is rooted in insecurity about yourself.. even much better than you at something. Also. Conduct an honest evaluation of yourself. mortify it as much as one pleases. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. It's easy to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. to appreciate people for who they are. your enemies will not be able to have that power over you. your likes and dislikes. Recognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams. it's just about impossible to be humble when we're striving to be the "best" or trying to be "better" than others. Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and. say what exactly it is that you appreciate about his skills. struggle with it. and you'll be able to enjoy doing things without worrying about whether you're better or worse at them than others. Honesty with yourself is the best policy. Why do we make mistakes? Because we don't know everything. If you know you are weak in a certain area. it is still alive. Accept yourself as you are. Even in such a culture. Perhaps even worse. and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. and it doesn't mean giving up on learning new things. to a law you don't . in many cases.Benjamin Franklin "It's hard to be humble. We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at our own faults. Stop comparing. but it can still be pretty hard to be humble. and will every now and then peep out and show itself. Never be afraid to admit that you made a mistake. edit Steps Appreciate your talents. Appreciate the talents and qualities of others. the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance. You will still have your personal tastes. or simply say that you like his playing style. Deferring to your spouse's wishes. Judging others causes strife in relationships. Think about the abilities you have. however. As a practical exercise. Look to those who are better.. even if you are the best in the world at doing one thing. harmful. Understand your limitations. we experience only a sliver of the present. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities. Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment. stifle it.

A big part of being humble is respecting others. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. Much of what we give ourselves credit for is actually a product of luck. An unteachable spirit is a proud spirit. Always remember that with a little bad luck yesterday. If you think you know it all. that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents. It can make you look like you have low self-esteem. As soon as you cross the line of being 'unteachable'. • • edit Warnings • • Pretending to be humble isn't the same as being humble. furthermore. Humility can help you be more content with your life. you have no incentive to improve. to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level. really . you have learned humility. Humility is also. It's also essential to being an effective learner. and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Similarly. Other people will recognize this. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Your brain? A rose? The jaded. and even if you fool some. Pride comes before the fall and prevention is definitely better than cure. Pray for it. . you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. or just had the bad luck to make one wrong choice in life. being humble allows you to be honest with yourself. if you feel superior. grew up in a different place. That person . "I've seen it all" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. or even. do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself. which is the opposite of humility. if you know that a particular course of action is wrong. and it can also help you endure bad times and improve your relationships with others. meditate on it. Seek guidance. Of course. Use 'Aikido' where possible when faced with conflict. they might be shivering in the entryway of a darkened storefront or clinging to life in a hospital bed. that today could be the day your luck changes.you. you won't be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge.agree with. confidentiality and discernment is required. somewhat counter-intuitively. sometimes. If you're not into spirituality. know practically nothing. you will also be readier to learn. as individuals. good boundary setting. your whole life could be different today and. Help others. Because we. It is fine to talk about yourself a little. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. However. edit Tips • Keep in mind that being humble has many benefits. Science requires humility. Practice gentleness. from the very same illness for which your doctor treated you with a oneweek course of antibiotics. and ask them to mentor you. Or they may already have died. Think about yourself under different circumstances. and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Instead of simply saying that you know that you're fallible. Under mentorship. don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return. Most of all. bring yourself back down to earth again. but make a conscious effort to ask people about themselves too. don't make it seem like you're being self-deprecating. Remain teachable. Seek trusted and wise counsel and obtain accountability partners if you find this to be a weakness in your life. This is a common misconception. Find people you aspire to be like in certain areas. Absorb the venom from other's attacks and react with gentleness and respect. ie. Children have this sense of wonder. consider the scientific method. an excellent tool for selfdevelopment in general. you shouldn't follow it. you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility. After all. Rejuvenate your sense of wonder. On closer inspection. you take action based on that fact. you may realize that you don't actually know this as often as you think you do. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled. Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. though. but the two attitudes are completely different.might be in jail now. Consider though. far from a hospital. Gentleness of spirit is the sure path to humility. and part of respecting others is helping them.

• • Now that you know that humility wins. There are many 'wolves in sheep's clothing' out there. don't take it too far. thus becoming a doormat. . everything in moderation. Use discernment with all people. Many people pretend to be humble. Remember. While a bit of humility is a good thing. don't use it as a manipulation tactic. but are in fact not.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful