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It cannot be sold by any party. Preface L aughter the best medicine is a term coined by Readers Digest and we deliver small doses in every issue of the magazine. nor used for any commercial purpose whatsoever. Manipal. Laser Typesetting by Aqeel Associates. Mumbai 400 001 and printed by him at Manipal Press Limited. Mumbai 400 011. Adi Marzban Path. Phones : 2309 0621 / 2301 0452 . nor displayed in any bookshop.Published in India by Ashok Mahadevan for RDI Print and Publishing Ltd from (Regd Office) Orient House. and this book a collection of the best jokes from all over is it. This booklet is offered free of cost to select readers of Reader’s Digest. stall or retail outlet. But dont keep its benefits to yourself tell them to your family. Youll become their favourite physician. But we sometimes need an extra-large booster to get into really great shape. friends and colleagues. This book is guaranteed to keep you in good humour for a long time to come.
Seeing this. and the tourist asked what it was. In my country.. please? Visitor: There is a bill. Hes still out all night with the other cats.. but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Only ten years. the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. the guide replied: I dont know. but now hes a consultant. J J J 5 eee 6 . said the guide. Soon after the train started.. Finally. they bought only one ticket. Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village. he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. sir? Visitor: I want to see your master. At the station. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. Wait and watch. He knocked on the door and said. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. the lawyers took their seats. answered one of the engineers. In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. It wasnt there yesterday evening. At the Red Fort at Delhi. When they boarded the train. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer. So when they got to the station. please. Overheard at the veterinarians: I had my cat neutered. Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts. Shortly after the train started. each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Ticket. answered an engineer. when they reached the Qutab Minar. To their astonishment. the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. Maid: And he returned this morning. You Indians are a lazy lot. replied the guide. the ticket collector arrived. Wait and watch. one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. the engineers didnt buy any. He knocked on the toilet door and asked. At Agra he admired the Tajs beauty and asked how many years it took to build. this could have been built in five. The tourist retorted: You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.. the tourist said. In the train.. Ticket please. ef Maid: What do you want. Visitor: Which I have to pay him.Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.. Twenty years. Maid: Whats your business.
he said to his wife. But theres just one thing I dont understand. he husband said. Its so cute and smalland your voice sounds so clear. A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him. Youll bring out the beast in me. Not at all. How do you like your new phone? Oh. he turned her down. the bull stopped a few inches from the boy. As horrified workers nearby watched. said the man carrying the explosive. the efficient woman replied. ooo B oy to mother: Ive decided to stop studying. She was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. And she has five children. saying: Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. the boy calmly continued his milking. Excuse me. the bomb may go off any minute. because he knew too much. Whos afraid of a mouse? Overheard: I can say one good thing about airline food: at least theyre considerate enough to give you only small portions. I just love it! she gushed. a man bought his young wife a cell phone. I see. which one of them had in his lap. To everyones astonishment. J J J 7 8 . How come? asked the mother. Werent you afraid? one of the workers asked the boy. Hes an idiot. I thought we got paid for what we produce herenot for what we produce at home in our own time. turned around and walked away . To come and see you. and hubby was losing his temper. The next day she was out shopping when the phone rang. Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a bomb. Im curious to know what he advised you to do. Dont worry. A patient complains to a famous psychologist: Professor. the driver assured him. darling. and no one has ever been able to help me. or their first anniversary. Be careful. I heard that that someone was shot dead. the boy replied . we have got a spare one in the boot. I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.W hen an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary. Ive been having terrible obsessions for years. Drive a little faster. Hey. Whats that? How did you know I was at the sari shop? F ef ef Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel. So what? his wife shot back. Whos been treating you until now? Dr Lal Rathor.
Elevators were invented in the States. replied the Englishman. then seventy. give me my money! eee O ne man to another. I have had a really lousy day. what the heck. sirens blaring. get to bed early and stay away from women.Le Rochefoucauld 9 10 . I will give you the maximum sentence. The lift? said the American. His cars speed rose to sixty.A man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind. I mean the lift. replied the robber. eee A judge looked severely at the defendant and asked. Give me your money. Doctor. Mister. Dont you give your regular clients a discount eee Late one night. Finally. he demanded. Make up your mind. a woman wholl make me happy. said the American. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. retorted the Englishman. dont worry. the man pushed his accelerator to the floor. the doctor said. the receptionist told him. No ticket. Maximum sentence? said the defendant. You cant do thisIm a politician! In that case. When I saw your car in my mirror. you Honour. ready to receive a speeding ticket. The man thought for a moment and said: Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. a good woman. you mean the elevator. Indignant. Im very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver. Give me a good excuse and Ill let you go. Thinking hed outpace the cop. and pulled over. Oh. I want to marry a smart woman. I dont deserve the best. Whats next best? ef An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being able to set a bad example. Nine? In this case. leaned over the man and said: Listen. The police officer got out. ef J J J An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. I think I should know what it is called. I can drive. The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. But we invented the language. . The best thing for you to do. is give up drinking and smoking. the affluent man replied. said the friend to the old man. eighty. Perhaps. No. said the patient. I thought you were that officer and were trying to give her back to me. The lift will be down presently. Oh. and ninety. the man thought. How many times have you been imprisoned? Nine. and I just want to go home.
speaking at a luncheon in London: A home accidents survey which showed that ninety percent of accidents on staircases involved either the top or the bottom step.A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny pieces and throwing them out the window. What took you so long to get here? asked a surprised St. Youve been dead for ages. replied the drunk. Excuse me. Id sure like to speed like to speed things up between us. he kept making passes at her but without much result. I have to be back in the morning. Tom replied. ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS. The next time the baby was wet. a girl threw open the door. No. Before allowing him entry. Oh. But I am dancing as fast as I can. well. dont stir it then. Im busy. Effective. Did you have a friend you cared for? No. The Duke of Gloucester. But I dont see any elephants around here. Not a single one. My mother helps me. and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement. I didnt mean the next diaper. J J J After they had brought their first baby home from hospital. Look sweetheart. St. 11 12 . Many prominent local politicians were outraged. But. isnt it? crowed the drunk. But I dont have much time. would you mind explaining why youre doing this? It scares away the elephants. Sugar in your tea? she shouted. When she asked. said the woman sitting next to him. No. annoyed at legislation that had eee recently been passed. a young wife suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers. Peter. Ah. Asked how accidents could be reduced. thank you. ooo The editor of a small weekly newspaper. the man replied. he replied finally. Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature? No. Tom ordered tea. she asked if he was now ready to learn how to change diapers. I meant the next baby! ooo A man who had just died. Shortly afterwards. arrived at heavens gate. How do you spell it? he replied. I really go for you in a big way. Venkataratnam Narasimha Rattaiah. the computer answered: Remove the top and bottom steps. he said. he said. He looked puzzled. Finally. A small Indian boy appeared in the class of a London schoolteacher for the first time and she asked him his name. A young soldier who was on a twenty four-hour pass went to a dance in town and there met an attractive young woman. As they danced. she protested wide-eyed. S taying at a small-town hotel. said the woman. Ill do the next one. Peter asked him if hed ever loved a woman. was fed into a computer. he said. He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline: HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS.
One day he asked a shopper. there is a loophole. In disgust the beggar left the temple and sat outside a country liquor shop. said a voice at the other end. on hearing the screeching sounds. everybody looks at you as if youre crazy. many dropped rupee notes in his bowl. And on hearing the voice at the other end. I will show you what exasperation is! He dialled once again. That was anger. slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled. there is a rule. Son. Ernies father said: Hello! This is Melvin. In the name of Bhagwan give before choosing a melon. All I know is that if you just pick up a melon and put it your bag. the beggar said: Hey Bhagwan. son. there is a lawyer. began to howl. Now. and says. where there is a loophole. is Melvin there? Now look here! the voice said angrily.. I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again! Did you hear that? Ernies father asked. where there is a rule. and. Hello. When Paul was working as a salesman at a supermarket. Johnnys father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Annoyed wife to husband: Cant you say weve been married twenty-four years instead of almost a quarter of a century? ef The sign on the door of a lawyers chamber reads: Where there is a will.Little Ernie was having a problem with his homework.. Dad.I. Why dont you look up numbers before you dial them? You see? said Ernies father. there is law. he noticed that this hungry man some money to fill his belly. and so here I am.. he asked. Then he jumped up. Hello. Thanking God. where there is law.. Have there been any calls for me? Husband to wife as they emerge from a long session with a marriage guidance counsellor: Darling. As customers came out of the shop in high spirits. the man replied. where there is a way. Ill give you a practical demonstration.again. But the devotees gave him very little. said his father.. His father picked up the phone and dialled a number. I love you.. ooo 13 ittle Johnny was practising the violin in the living room. I. A few paise in the name of Bhagwan. Bhagwan will bless you. truly inscrutable are thy ways! You give one address but live in another. J J there is a way. That man was not at all happy with our call. Hello. cant you play something the dog doesnt know? 14 L . said Ernies father. Is Melvin there? There is no one called Melvin here! the voice replied. For Gods sake. Ive been doing this for forty years.I. while his father was trying to read. He never knew what they expected to hear. What is the difference between anger and exasperation? Well. snapped his wife. he whined. he cried. A poor man sat begging outside a temple. But watch this! He then dialled the number again. There you go again. The family dog was at there too. shoppers would hold the fruit upto their ears and knock on it.
business has boomed. How did I know how fast you were going to walk? replied the old man. so the traveller kept walking. Make Naples the capital of Italy.. the young man replied promptly. sir. I see. said the doctor thought-fully. Since I put up those signs.Horace Walpole W hat made you marry Daddy. I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in? Back came the rejoinder.. eee D octor: Shall I gave your wife a local anaesthetic? Businessman: Certainly not. Mummy? So youre beginning to wonder. ooo Adoctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat. Why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy? Sonus mother asked. Said the boss One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. As the van driver put down the last box in her second-floor flat. growled the patient. is for you to find out. whats the matter? he asked cheerily. if youll excuse me for an hour or so Ill go along and fetch a friend of mine . too! 16 15 . a tragedy to those who feel. Yes. He hadnt gone far when he heard a call: Hi. A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to how long it would take to get to the next village. One more thing were very particular about is honesty. I can afford something imported.. .a veterinarian. itll take you about 20 minutes. And Sonu replied: Because. There is no doormat outside! A teacher had just moved house with all her possessions including box after box of books. He is the only chap I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions. Well.. sir. Love.. lady. and respect do not unite a people as much as a common hatred of something. Why didnt you tell me that when I asked you? asked the traveller.. . sir. he grumbled. that is what I put in my Geography exam! Customer: Why are the signs in your window so full of spelling and grammatical mistakes? Storekeeper: So that people will think Im a fool and come in expecting to get the best of me.Anton Chekov The world is a comedy to those who think. why didnt you read them before you came? J ooo S onu was saying her bedtime prayers: Please God. That. But the old man didnt answer.An eager young man entered his prospective bosss cabin for an interview. For Heavens sake. Well. make Naples the capital of Italy. mister. friendship..
M y father wants me to have everything he did not have when he was a boy. You poor thing. Yes. said the sales manager. Mathur. The candidate pondered for a moment and then asked if he could have sometime to come up with the answer. but doesnt that shows how much in demand I am? M eee salesman was dismissed because he was rude to a customer. Sir. Have you weighed your little boy? A son. replied his dad. What didnt he have? All As on his report card. This is the job Ive been looking for all my life.From your references I see youve had four jobs in the last month. his wife asked. examination. Mathur asked her friend. The examiner told him to come back the next morning.Rita Rudner In politics. madam. The one who obeys me immediately and does exactly as hes told without arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week.Margaret Thatcher 18 . Its all right. if you want anything done. Bhatnagar. said Mrs. said the youngest kid. Mother: I sent my little boy for one kilo of plums and you only sent 800 grams. how did it go? Did you get the job?. I had no idea his first name was Always. I think so. sir. Oh. 17 ooo When I eventually met Mr Right. Pretty well. . anager .Yes. When the would-be recruit went home. I see youve joined the force. The mother of many children lined up her family.? Mrs. I think . They have already got me working on a case. Here the customer is always wrong. Grocer: My scales are all right. the hour soon passes. W hy do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue? asked the ef Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it. ask a man. ask a woman. A not-too-bright candidate for the police force failed in the written Who shot Abraham Lincoln?. if you want anything said.he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each day. Daddyll win easily. . he replied. eee Hows your husband. Its not fair. the examiner decided to go easy on him with the oral test. asked the examiner. Applicant . bursting into tears. Since he was the Chiefs nephew. A month later the sales manager spotted him walking about in a police uniform. Well.
Do you ever cheat on your wife? Who else? ooo B oss : You should have been here at 8 Oclock. your Honour. How many months? the Judge persisted. Twenty-one years and some months. Oh. the woman answered. Said one: I fear that young man I employed last week as a cashier is dishonest. Steno : Why. but they would not believe me. The employee stormed angrily into the cashiers office. and ends by blocking his retreat. Tell me. eee The famous film actor was being analyzed.Louis Morris Life is one long process of getting tired. . . . you shouldnt judge by appearances. The love that lasts longest is the love which is never returned. Im not.Samuel Butler . Remember you are under oath. then checked his records.Somerset Maugham 19 20 . Im judging by disappearances! Hey. His views are pretty much like your own. I told you that I didnt want to see you here again. .Oscar Wilde ef Thats the trouble with being greeted Have a nice day! it puts all the pressure on you. An occasional mistake I can overlook . One hundred and eight. the tourist said to the mountaineer. Whats the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and its a dollar short! The cashier examined the envelope. replied the other. what happened? Woman begins by resisting a mans advances. asked the psychoanalyst. Last week we paid you a dollar more.George Carlin You can always tell when a man is well informed. J J Two employers were talking.J udge: The last time I saw you. Then it wasnt my son. You didnt complain then.but two in a row is too much! W hat is your age? asked the Judge. Accused: That is what I tried to tell these policemen. did you? Look said the employee. Did it hit you? No. Your son just threw a rock at me as I passed by.
m. An enormous queue had started to form by 7-30 a. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was right at the back of the line. I wont open the shop at all today! Teacher: Who were the first human beings? Pupil: Adam and Eve. he was shoved unceremoniously to the back. no clothes to wear and only one apple between them . with sweeping reductions. ef The reasonable man adapts himself to the world.George Bernard Shaw ooo When a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. Chemistry Teacher: Where did you get an idea like that? Student: You told us the other day it was H to O. J He: I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains. Undaunted. all progress depends on the unreasonable man. an inconspicuous little man walked to the head of the queue. Father: Youre no good. ef He: There are an awful lot of girls who dont want to get married. She: Because no matter how stupid a man is. She: How do you know? He: Ive asked them. Once more.A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale. they never forgive the loss of their prerogative. of course. Therefore. Father: Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor? Suitor: Of course. Chemistry Teacher: Can you give me the formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-. ooo Teacher : You missed school yesterday. The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: If thats your attitude. didnt you? Pupil: Not a bit. .m. Teacher: And how ho you know they were Indian? Pupil: Easy. Teacher: And what nationality were they? Pupil: Indian. he is seldom blind.H L Mencken 21 22 . They had no roof over their heads. the little man went to the head of the queue again. . starting at 9 a. Just before the shop was due to open. the unreasonable persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women.and they called it Paradise. We dont want fools in our family.
muttered one. so the senior creative man at the advertising agency decided to go to Rome to see if he could persuade the Pope to make a TV commercial. . Im quite well known in the movies.I once knew the twenty-year-old daughter of a Hollywood film actress who kept getting depressed because she didnt look as young as her mother. Five hundred thousand. But I shouldnt worry too much hell probably change for the better as he gets older. disappointed adman turned to his secretary and said: Its odd that the Pope refused to do a commercial for tea. .Margaret Mead 23 24 . said the Pope. Doesnt he look just like his father? asked the mother. But still the Pope refused. replied the friend. And thats our very last offer. A tea manufacturer wanted a new advertising gimmick. the ad man told the pontiff. offered the adman. Yes. Dont you recognize me? he asked. he continued. Well give you one hundred thousand pounds for a ten second commercial. It reminds me of the winter of 2057. but I cant do that. Oh! she said. solemnly.George Bernard Shaw History teaches us that men and nations live wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. . Terrible winter were having. The aging actor was trying to chat up the gorgeous young girl. ooo If an artist becomes angry does he lose his temperas? ef Let no one suppose the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact they are employer and employee. I wonder how much the bread people are giving him. Two astrologers met each other in the street on a particularly cold and bitter day. On his way back. One million pounds. All right.Abba Eban J J J Women want mediocre men. and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. All you have say is: Give us this day our daily tea. ooo Pretty young girl: If I go up to your room do you promise to be good? Young man: Why I promise to be FANTASTIC! The proud mother was showing off her new baby to her friend. Im afraid not. her eyes lighting up. replied the Pope. Im sorry. She shook her head. Yes. replied the other. Where do you usually sit? eee The main difference between men and boys is that mens toys cost more money.
then. Shed divided the car neatly in half and had already painted the other side bright yellow. sir. Whos been carrying on with my secretary? he demanded. I keep asking her but I cant understand a word she says. and then one man said. you watch them fight it out trying to decide what colour car caused the accident! J J Office worker: Sir? Boss: Yes? What is it now? Office worker: Please can I have a day off next week to do some late Christmas shopping with my wife and our six kids? Boss: Certainly not! Office worker: I knew youd be understanding. Mother: When did that happen? Sally: About twenty minutes ago. said the chairman. You sack her. I was hoping you could suggest something suitable. Earlier. put it this way who has not been carrying on with my secretary? Again there was silence. Sally: I know. said the Chairman. What on earth are you doing? asked Claude. if I have an accident. Do you have the title or name of the author? Customer: Not really. This was met with silence. Bookshop assistant: No problem. Mother: Why are you crying? Sally: Because I fell and hurt myself. Thanks for getting me out of that terrible chore. ef One day Claude came home from work to find his wife painting one side Customer: Id like to buy a novel. Right. Simple! she replied. All right. My wifes best friend has just celebrated the twentieth anniversary of her twenty-ninth birthday. sir. Ive left the car just outside the shop. Now. Bookshop assistant: Certainly. please. Do you like light or heavy reading? Customer: It doesnt matter. of the car blue. madam. Mother: But youve only just started crying.The elderly aunt bent down and asked her three-year-old nephew: Can you tell me the name of your new baby sister? The little boy shook his head sadly and replied: I dont know what it is. self-consciously: Me. I thought youd gone out. eee 25 eee 26 . You know Ive had so many accidents and I always get caught due to the statements of the witnesses in court. At the company board meeting the chairman rose to make his speech.
Should I give him a sedative? Doctor: No. dear? Doctor: I think Ive at last cured that Smith fellow. Vice versa: dirty poems. gamble. ef Patient: Doctor. ooo ooo Doctors wife: Why are you looking so worried. J B uoyant: male equivalent of gallant. or play around with women? Patient: Certainly not! Doctor: Then what do you want to live to a hundred for? Dogma: the mother of puppies. How can you expect to get a job when you leave school Pupil: Well. Doctor: Do you drive fast cars. Teacher: Everything you do is wrong. every time I take this young mans pulse it gets faster. Ultimate: the last person to marry. Just give him a blindfold. Doctor: Nurse! Did you take this patients temperature? Nurse: Why. Doctors wife: So why are you so worried? Doctor: Ive given him so many pills and potions I cant work out which one worked.Thats a nice suit youre wearing who went for the fitting? J udge: How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? Prisoner: How do I know. doctor? Is it missing? eee 27 28 . B acteria: the back entrance to a cafeteria. sir! Im going to be a TV weatherman. ef Pretty young nurse: Doctor. do you think that I will live until Im a hundred? Doctor: Do you smoke or drink? Patient: No. your honour? I havent heard the evidence yet.
but Ive managed to get two free ice creams this morning. jeered the pub regulars. turned him upside down and shook him until the coin fell out of his mouth. I was thrown out of my flat this morning. boasted Fred. 29 . Tomorrow youll be able to get fifty to one. This is my incredible joke-telling parrot. Shush! whispered the little boy. to tell jokes. and took the parrot down to his pub. and I want a third! ef Fred at last could see a way of making a fortune. All right. after month of hard work. if your husband suddenly dropped dead. Come with me and Ill get you an ice cream and then well go and look for your mummy. Well give you ten to one that your parrot cant tell us a joke.Estate agent to young house-hunting couple: First you tell me what you can afford. Then well have a good laugh about it and go on from there. On the way home Fred shook the bird and shouted: What do you mean by keeping quiet? You made me lose a ten to one bet! Dont worry! squawked the parrot. You poor little boy. found her young son. replied the middle-aged man. ooo M ummy. Oh. replied Fred. But try as he could. what would you do? Mrs Smith: Id probably get a pet dog instead. And my landlord says I must leave the place exactly as I found it. said an elderly lady. replied the young man. At last he felt ready to cash in on all his hard work. Im sorry. Mummy! Where are you? cried the little boy on the promenade. said a small girl. except for a middle-aged gentleman who rushed into the ladys house. 30 eee The frantic-looking lady came rushing out of her house into the street and cried: Help! Help! My young son has swallowed a coin and is choking. but it tastes like dishwater. too. I accept your bet. I dont know what to do! Everyone looked the other way. but we can only supply the mice. thank you! cried the lady. But what did you want all the other creatures for? asked the pet shop manager. Fred was unable to make the parrot talk let alone tell jokes. I dont know what you put in this soup. I know where she is. 18 rats and five mice. Insurance salesman: Surely your husband needs more life insurance? I mean. I know where your mummy is. Go on . Im from the Income Tax Department. Are you a doctor? No madam. ef Is a drunken ghost a methylated spirit? J J J eee Mr Bloggs: Darling. He had trained his parrot. sir. Mrs Bloggs: How do you know? The young man walked into the pet shop and asked if he could buy 387 beetles.
youre forty-three and the headmaster of the school. February has eight letters in it while May only has three! A lifelong Socialist was dying when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. officer. the teachers are terrible. But why? asked his puzzled friends. Ive said no to lots and lots of men.Schopenhauer ooo If a plug would not fit. But I dont want to go.Hilary: Youre the first man Ive ever said yes to. Customer: Then can you assure me that youre using the right bait? The police car. All the kids are horrible. than you can with a kind word alone. The shortest month is February. raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop. he replied. Youve been a staunch Socialist all your life. shook his head and said: Ill just give you a warning this time dont break the speed limit again. Mavis: But. the more we drink. You name. Youll be late for school. Its Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas. Id rather it was a Tory that died than a Socialist. eee eee Teacher: Mavis. it isnt. In fact. replied the driver. replied Alberts mother. Herbert: What were they selling? Customer: Waiter! How much longer do you expect me to have to wait for my poached salmon? Waiter: Im sorry. please? asked the policeman. A heavily built policeman got out and walked over. Teacher: No. Certainly. . I want to stay home. the same is true of fame. G et up. miss. the thirstier we become. its siren blaring. can you tell me which month is the shortest? Mavis: Its May. taking out his notebook and pen. would you socket? 31 32 . Well. protested Albert. ooo You can get a lot more done with a kind word and gun. sir.Al Capone Wealth is like sea water. The policeman thought for a moment. shouted Alberts mother. miss. But. but we are trying to hurry it up for you. then looked at his notebook. and its all extremely boring. .
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