P. 1
the chase

the chase

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Published by Vy Nguyen

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Published by: Vy Nguyen on Jan 15, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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For centuries, men have been having sex like it’s
something they’ve grabbed on the go. Yet women are
genetically wired a little differently. Getting physical
between the sheets—no matter how much fun modern
women have while doing it—does something quite
serious to the chemicals in our brains. Mr Ordinary
becomes Mr Oh-So-Fabulous once we’ve shagged him,
thanks to a hormone that gets released into our brain
known as oxytocin, also dubbed ‘the cuddle hormone’.


The Chase

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This is a devilish little chemical because, despite
how many times we tell ourselves that we’re not
quite that into a guy on the first and second date, but
decide to give him a go anyway, as soon as we hop
into bed with the dude, the hormone starts to do
its dirty work. According to psychiatrists at the Cali-
fornia School of Professional Psychology,1

it starts to
stimulate maternal behaviour. And after a woman has
repeatedly had sex with the same person, just seeing
that person can release more oxytocin in her brain. In
other words, we think we’re soooo into this guy now
simply because our bodies have tricked us into believ-
ing it’s true. Hence we become desperate for him to
call us, to declare his undying love, to father our babies
and ask us to live happily ever after with him behind
a white picket fence.
This is all good and fine if the guy you’ve just
bonked is wildly in love with you too—and you’ll know
this not by his words, but by his actions—but right now
we’re focusing on what to do if this happens to you
when you’re NOT in a committed, monogamous rela-
tionship with the man and, in fact, he’s holding you at
arm’s length from him. You sense something isn’t right
(and women are great at this kind of intuition so listen
to it!) and so you feel that unless you chase, chase, chase
him, he’s not going to put any effort into taking things
further with you.

Men also release oxytocin, but their testoster-
one neutralises it before it can affect their thoughts

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The Chase

and actions. We’re not so lucky—the oestrogen in a
woman’s body magnifies and intensifies the effects of
the hormone, making us all the more clingy.


Oxytocin is released every time you have
sex . . . So whether you like it or not, it’s
going to wreak havoc on your emotional
responses, hindering your ability to have
sex like a man.

‘It all makes sense now!’ Jane squealed when
I explained the oxytocin theory to her and Lulu.
‘I wasn’t even attracted to the Producer in the first
place—but as soon as I’d had sex with him and we
were cuddling afterwards, something changed. The
next day I suddenly found myself thinking more
and more about him. Even fantasising about him.
And then willing him to call. And then sending him
desperate text messages asking him where he’d been.
That’s so not like me!’
I nodded. I’ve seen it all before. While every
woman loves to boast about her ability to have sex
like a man, the oxytocin kicks in once she gets all
caught up in a knot when he doesn’t call. And tries to
rectify the situation by sending him a barrage of flirty
text messages. And even more texts when he doesn’t
reply, asking if everything is okay. Which effectively
turns her into every other gal he’s come into contact

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with. She was so sweet and pretty and seemingly normal,
he thinks. What the fuck happened?
Sex happened, that’s what.

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