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© 2008 Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc. All rights reserved.
Designed by Timothy Slumer; nightanddaydesign.biz
This book is published simultaneously in the United States of America and in Canada.
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any form, without written permission. Inquiries should be addressed to:
Permissions Department, Newmarket Press, 18 East 48th Street, New York, NY 10017.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 ISBN: 978-1-5.5704-808-0
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request.
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Manufactured in the United States of America.
Also published by Newmarket Press:
SUPERBAD: THE ILLUSTRATED MOVIEBOOK
• Introduction by Judd Apatow • The complete script > "Mr. Vagtastic's Guide to Buying Porn"
• 80 color illustrations, including 24 "phallographic" drawings • Commentaries » Cast and crew credits • 144 pages. ISBN: 978-1-55704-798-4
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EVAN: Ever since we were young, Seth and I would get together, grab some pens and paper, whip out our dicks, and proceed to draw. Seth would draw my dick, and I would draw Seth's.
SETH: I could draw the shit out of Evan's dick.
EVAN: For hours we'd do this. Then we'd confess our love and bone. I'm sure thai's how most of you think this penis thing came to be. In reality, it began back in Vancouver, Canada, with an insane idea from a 16-year-old Seth and the talent of my older and dimmer brother, David Goldberg.
David started drawing the second his tiny child body could physically perform the feat. The moment I was old enough, I tried to follow his lead, and never did so again. I wasn't as good, so in the third grade I did the only thing that made sense: I started selling his art and keeping half the profits. I would photocopy four or five comical drawings he'd made and then peruse the school hallways at lunch, selling them for 50 cents a pop.
We never made much, but at the time I felt like Neil Diamond, who I love.
SETH: Then, years down the road, Evan and I became friends. He always
used to draw in class, but because he sucks shit compared to his brother, he would cover it up out of shame, although me and Fogell always assumed he was drawing crude pornographic images that he'd later whack off to, and that's why he was covering them.
One night, in Grade 10, soon after we'd started writing the script, I was thinking of reasons for the Superbad characters Seth and Becca to dislike each other. Then I had what might literally be the strangest epiphany of all time: as a child, Seth should have a dick-drawing problem that he constantly tries to hide. Becca should end up seeing one of his drawings and tattle on him. Then he gets in trouble with the principal and has to see a shrink, and that is why Seth hates Becca. There was no thought process, just a raw and unfettered moment of true creativity.
EVAN: Once the unthinkable happened and we were allowed to make Superbad, we immediately knew there was only one man with the talent, perversion, and time on his hands to pull off this twisted assignment: my brother, David Goldberg.
Little did any of us realize the incredible legal complications that would arise. Seeing as how modern entertainment features such sights as people being disemboweled and tortured, drunk girls in bikinis making out, Jerry Springer, and Kid Nation, we never even gave much thought to there
being true complications. There were. Lots. Legendary super producer Shauna Robertson took the brunt of it, having to deal with clearance issues and keeping Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin) away from them.
Apparently it's not legal for underage kids to see cartoon images of penises.
SETH and EVAN (in unison): But once all was said and done, the dicks were drawn, filmed, and featured and are now bound for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
t'\ y name is David Goldberg and I am the artist who created the penis drawings for the movie Superbad. When my younger brother Evan proposed that I help create various penile masterpieces for his upcoming movie, I felt this would be an excellent medium by which to ply my trade. As comical and lighthearted a role as the penis illustrations play in the movie, however, their creation was a serious and burdensome affair. In order to prepare for my role as Penis Artiste, I first had to immerse ~selL in the world of the penis and go beyond a merely perfunctory analysis.For how can one create what one does not understand?
To this end I embarked upon a rigorous journey to research all things penile. My travels took me to museums all over the world, where I examined numerous representations of the penis as found in various ancient examples of Egyptian, Greek, Roman, Scandinavian, Japanese, and Native American cultural art. Of particular import, the famed "Hohle Phallus" truly left in me an awe-inspiring appreciation for aged German penises. My studies were not merely confined to artistic renderings of the penis, however. I endeavored to read all I could of Sigmund Freud's many thoughts on the phallus and its societal importance, as well as the views of his contemporaries. One of the more inspired discussions of the penis I came across can be found in Jacques Lacan's seminal work, "The Significance of the Phallus."
I also considered medical views of the penis, spending many hours meeting with numerous urologists to gain a more pragmatic and functional
view of the organ and its supporting biology. I spent many sleepless nights poring over Gray's Anatomy (p. 1,247) so I could better picture the penis ... both inside and out. At the end of my time with the urologists I arranged for transportation to Husavik, a small town in the north of Ice-
land. Whilst in Husavik I made numerous visits to the Icelandic Phallological Museum. In this place of uninhibited beauty, surrounded by over one hundred and fifty penises, harvested from forty-two different varieties of sea and land mammals (currently awaiting their first human penis), pen first touched paper. It was there where the penises of my mind became a reality, and it is this reality I now present to you.
Above: Pool Penis.
Opposite: Le Penis.
Above: Totem Penis. Opposite: Penisbrush.
Above: War Penis. Opposite: Hang-gliding Penis.
Opposite: Inuit Penis. Above: Paddlin' Penis.
Above: Che Dick.
Opposite: Penis Stick Band.
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/ Opposite: Silverback Penis Above' P . R
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Above: Penis Chanukah. Opposite: Rice Paddy Penises.
Opposite: Penon the Decapitator. Above: Nova Scotia Penis.
Above: Cyborg Penis. Opposite: Alien Penis.
Previous pages: Frankenpenis. Opposite: Pantheon of Penis.
Above: Penis Ace vs. The Axis of Evil Penises.
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Previous pages: Tiananmen ssqtuar~aring and Love the Dick.
P . r How I Learned to op
Opposite: Dr. Strangelove ems, 0 '. P .
Above: Operation. ems. sS
f Superbad Penis Drawings .
. "I Love You" Scene rom
Previous pages. ite: Penis Armageddon.
Above: Penisball. ~1
Opposite: Penis Inquisition. Above: Oktoberfest Penis.
Above: Peeing Pe . ruses.
Opposite: Squash It.
Above: Seth and Evan Off the Bus Penises. Opposite: Iwo Jima Penis.
Above: Khrushchev Penis.
Opposite: Gopher and Penis Carrot.
Opposite: BBQ Aussie Wang. Above: The Evolution of the Penis.
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Opposite: OJ Penis. Above: Penis at High Noon.
• • •
. . Above: Bop-A-Cock.
Opposite: Titanic Penis. S~
Previous pages: Robin Hood Penis.
Above: Declaration of Independence Penis.
Opposite: Platoon Penis.
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Opposite: Penisaurus. Above: Brigand Penis.
Opposite: Space Wars Penis. Above: Viking Penis.
Above: Petri Dish Dick.
Opposite: Potsdam Penile Conference.
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s:: y Opposite: A Meeting of Heads. Above: Native American Penis.
Above: Smoking Mushroom Penis.
Opposite: Dorky Guy in His Room with Lava Lamp and Superbad Script Penis.
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Opposite: Forlorn Wang. Above: McLovin, Seth, and Evan on Bus Penis Drawings.
Opposite: Scottish Highlands Penis. Above: Pirate Penis.
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Opposite: Viet Dong. Above: The Long Dick of the Law.
Above: Merlin Penis. Opposite: The Devil Wears Penis.
Opposite: Little Penis/Big Penis. Above: Karate Kid Penis.
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Opposite: The Amazing Cocko. Above: Sushi Chef Penis.
Above: "Mutha Fucka, I Kill You" Penis. Opposite: Marionette Penis.
II. Above: Unicorn P .
u4 ems, Opposite: Old Penis.
Above: Parasailing Penis. Opposite: Skateboarding Penis.
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Above: Professor P. Penis, M.D. Opposite: Lumber Jack-off.
Roman Battle Penises.
Above: The David Penis. Opposite: Peace and Love Penises.
Alien Penis, 27 Hang-gliding Penis, 15 - Oktoberfest Penis, 41 Professor P. Penis, M.D., 88
Amazing Cocko, The, 78 Heaven and Hell Penises, 80 -- Old Penis, 85 Psychiatrist Penis, 81
Aquarium Penis, 90 - Operation: Penis, 35
"I Rice Paddy Penises, 23
Love You" Scene from Superbad -
BBQ Aussie Wang, 48 Penis Drawings, 36-37 - -~addlin' Penis, 17 Robin Hood Penis, 54-55
Bop-A-Cock, 53 Inuit Penis, 16 Pantheon of Penis, 30 Roman Battle Penises, 91
Brigand Penis, 59 Iwo Jima Penis, 45 ,... Parasailing Penis, 86 Scottish Highlands Penis, 70
CheDick,18 Peace and Love Penises, 93
- Seth and Evan Off the Bus Penises, 44
Karate Kid Penis, 77 Peeing Penises, 42
Cyborg Penis, 26 Khrushchev Penis, 47 Penis Ace vs. The Axis of Evil Penises, 31 Silverback Penis, 20
- Penis Armageddon, 38 Skateboarding Penis, 87
David Penis, The, 92 Le Penis, 11 Penis at High Noon, 51 Smoking Mushroom Penis, 66
Declaration of Independence Penis, 56 Little Penis/Big Penis, 76 Penisaurus,58 Space Wars Penis, 60
Devil Wears Penis, The, 75 Long Dick of the Law, The, 73 Penis ball, 39 Squash It, 43
DJ Penis, 50 Lumber Jack-off, 89 Penisbrush,13 Sushi Chef Penis, 79
Dorky Guy in His Room with Lava Lamp I' Penis Chanukah, 22 Tiananmen Square Penis, 32-33
and Superbad Script Penis, 67 Marionette Penis, 83 I' Penis Drawing the Penises, 9
Dr. Strangelove Penis, 34 McLovin, Seth, and Evan on Bus Penis Penis Inquisition, 40 Titanic Penis, 52
Evolution of the Penis, The, 49 Drawings, 69 Penis Rancor, 21 Torture Chamber Penises, 38
Meeting of Heads, A, 64 Penis Stick Band, 19 Totem Penis, 12
Fini,96 Merlin Penis, 74 J Penon the Decapitator, 24 Unicorn Penis, 84
Forlorn Wang, 68 "Mutha Fucka, I Kill You" Penis, 82 Petri Dish Dick, 62
.. Pirate Penis, 71 Viet Dong, 72
Native American Penis, 65 11 Platoon Penis, 57 Viking Penis, 61
Gopher and Penis Carrot, 46 Nova Scotia Penis, 25 Pool Penis, 10
Potsdam Penile Conference, 63 War Penis, 14