The Hangover Script

You've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call. Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you. Hi, you've reached... ...Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry. Please leave a message after... Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message or don 't. Do me a favor, don 't text me. It's gay. - Anything? - I tried them all. It keeps going straight to voicemail. Well, there has to be an explanation. Sweetie, it's Vegas. You lose track of time in casinos. There's no windows, there's no clocks. He's probably on a heater. And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.

You do if you're getting married. - Hello? - Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil. Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out. Yeah, listen. Uh... We fucked up. What are you talking about? The bachelor party, the whole night. It... Things got out of control, uh... ...and we lost Doug. - What? - We can't find Doug. What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours. Yeah. That's not gonna happen. To my left a little.

Thank you. Okey-dokey. - Whoa, watch it, pervert! - Alan, he's just doing your inseam. - He's getting very close to my shaft. - All done. You can change now. Right. Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much. All right, buddy, we should get a move on. You know, Doug, I was thinking... If you wanna go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool, you know? What are you talking about? You know, Phil and Stu, they're your buddies, and it's your bachelor party. Come on, Alan. Those two love you. And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back... ...because your wife's brother's there. I just... It's not like that.

It's not like that. I already told you, Alan. Okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's no big deal. Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now. I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it. Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you. I don't think that... Seriously. I don't care what happens. - I don't care if we kill someone. - What? You heard me. It's Sin City. I won't tell a soul. Okay. I got it. Thank you. No, thank you. I love you so much. No. Sid. - Really?

- Come on, we're family now. - You sure? I mean, you love this car. - Doug, it's just a car. Just make sure to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in. Absolutely. That's easy. Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive... ...because there's something wrong with him. - Understood. - Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him. I will be the only one driving this car. I promise. Good. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Ah! Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you. All right. Hold on. I still need some of your permission slips... ...and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.

Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys. You're good, you got it. - Thanks, Mr. Wenneck. - Thank you, Russ. Thanks. Thanks, Bobbitt, way to go. Hold on, I got it. Ahem, do you have to park so close? - Yeah. What's wrong? - I shouldn't be here. Why is that, Alan? I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school. - What? - Or a Chuck E. Cheese. - Mr. Wenneck, I was... - It's the weekend. I don't know you. You do not exist. - Shit. - Heh, heh, heh. - Nice car. - Yeah. I'm driving.

I had to wait two hours for you to call me.. Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel.Whoa.. four times. . Watch the leath. ..Who's this? .Animal.It's Alan.I met you. man? Don't forget your Rogaine..... no chance. .. Don't step. Using of the Rogaine. Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question. . yeah. God. Oh.. Tracy's brother. your hair just looks thinner. buddy. Rogaine.. check. . How you doing. I can totally tell when you forget. And don't forget to use it. like.not like that conference in Phoenix. check.

Yeah. I'm sorry.. Well. it is gross. You're right.What is the matter? .Mm-hm.. Phil will sniff it out. . . .Those places are filthy. I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country. I was late to the podium. I hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there. . I was the keynote speaker. I know.Yeah.I don't know. you know how I feel about that. . It's just boys and their bachelor parties.Not to mention it's pathetic. we're going to Napa Valley. I know.Still? . It's not gonna be like that. you're totally right. . Melissa. And the worst part is.Yeah. it's gross. . Besides. I'm sure if there is one.

Have a good weekend. Faggot! . Dr. Faggot.I should go. Paging Dr. . actually.. .. See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you..that little girl.grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there.. Dr... . baby! Vegas! You're nuts! Come on. You just have to get to know them better.. Whoo! Road trip! Vegas! Vegas.that's somebody's daughter up there. just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us. Faggot.I was just gonna say that. .That's a good idea..... . They are mature. I'm gonna miss you.

I might stay in Vegas.. True.That's really sweet.. you're drinking. Doug. I promised Sid. I may never go back.Absolutely not. whatever.Dude. my dad loves this car more than he loves me. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys. because come Sunday.Yeah. You wanna explain it to them.. Don't forget. Aw.. I was being sarcastic. a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk. I fucking hate my life. . so. Oh. Here we go. what are you. . . Alan? Guys. I will be the only one driving this car. yeah.You know how difficult that was? . Besides. Phil was always our designated drunk driver. Yeah.you're gonna start dying . enjoy yourself. .

you're good. .Don't touch it. Good to know. you know? . . Alan? . Yeah. It's not funny.That was awesome! That was not awesome. Cool. Ha-ha. Don't even look at it. .just a little bit every day. We almost just died. my God! . .You should have seen your face. That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time.That's funny. really? That's why you're single? .Oh.That was insane. Go on.Am I all right over there.Yeah. . Jesus Christ! .Oh. Don't look at me.Boy. .Yeah. You heard me. you've got a sweet ride there. Aw. get out. .Classic. either. What's wrong with you? .

he's kind of weird. . . You think it's strange you've been in a relationship for years. should we be worried? . he means well. you better walk on. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country.Yeah. And one water. . he's like a gremlin. Is he all there? Like.All good with Melissa? .No.I mean.All right. Jesus.. .Yeah. You know. He's just an odd guy. .No.He's actually kind of funny. mentally? I think so. . and she bought it. Comes with instructions and shit. .Oh. I'll hit an old man in public.. yeah. Tracy did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much.

. he didn't even come inside her. if you must know. you gonna pay for it? It says here we should work in teams.. That'll be 32. it's not worth the fight. Oh. And you believe that? Uh. It's 32. I do.but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line? Hey. Who wants to be my spotter? I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight. Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? ..50. And she was wasted. But trust me.. I do believe that.. Okay.50. so you can't go to Vegas.. Alan... yeah. because she's grossed out by semen. And. he was a bartender. first of all.and you have to lie about Vegas? Yeah.

Bin Laden. . where everybody got so sensitive. it's frowned upon. Here we go. Either way.because he practically bankrupted a casino. I'm pretty sure that's illegal too. buddy. Yeah. .. and he was a retard. okay? .. Thanks a lot. It's not illegal.It's not easy. really? . What? He was a retard. like masturbating on an airplane.. It's also illegal. Counting cards is a foolproof system.. you gotta be super smart to count cards. Retard.Oh.It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man. maybe after 9/11.

What do you mean? .Hi. okay? Don't try and get fancy. let me look that up for you. Um.I'm not getting a sig on my beeper. . . . Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly? . you should still call 911. you're a dentist. . there's a phone in your room. Okay. Don't get too excited. Price? Stu.Is there a payphone bank? Bunch of payphones? Business. . . Dr.He's a dentist.Hello.Checking in? Yeah. .It's not fancy if it's true. And if. Price. welcome to Caesars. We have a reservation under Dr. uh. We'll be sure to do that. someone has a heart attack.I'm not sure.

Give her your credit card. .That'll work.I can't give her my credit card. No big deal. . .No. If we're share beds.You good with that? . It's one night. What are we.We'll take it. I was wondering if you had any villas. . 12 years old? Lisa. . . Actually. Guys. I'm bunking with Phil. .It's unnecessary. I apologize. I'm not. is that okay? It sounds perfect.It's pretty awesome. and it's 4200 for the night. So I have you in a two-bedroom suite on the 12th floor. we have one villa available. We can share beds. we are not sharing beds. How much is the villa? Well.We're not even gonna be in the room.Is it awesome? .

. Melissa checks my statements. Come on. . so you can figure it out then.. We'll deal with it tomorrow.Can I ask you another question? . This isn't the real Caesars Palace. We won't charge you until check out. is it? What do you mean? Did. . uh.Sure. You probably get this a lot. You don't get it. I didn't think so. Lisa.Are you crazy? No. Fine. no. .We'll split it.Um. Now. this is on us.Did Caesar live here? . That's perfect. . this is Vegas. Thank you. We just need a credit card on file. Holy shit..

proprietor. it's so quaint. pick a room. of all people.What's his name? .. It's only because I love you. my.. Yeah. ladies. Yeah. Is this all one suite? Thank you. Okay. Yeah. This place is enormous.. "Thank you. guys. Stu"? You're welcome. no. . I bet you. .. Let's be ready in 30 minutes.Oh. I just wish you could see this place. there's no TVs. would love it.. Now we're talking. Or should I say. What else? Um.. We met the. uh.Oh. no phones. because you. They just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms. get dressed. No.

I'm not even gonna say anything. I love you.Yeah. wait. Well. I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding.Um. After the ceremony. Good. Okay. . . like the salad. Doug. Yeah.Thank you. . . It's my grandmother's. . I gotta go. I think it's a big fucking mistake. he went downstairs. because I have something to show you. He said he had to grab a few things.He. Okay.That's a beautiful ring.Stuey.What do you think? If it's what I think it is. Uh-Oh. because we're gonna hit this wine tasting. Palacè. Wait.Where's Alan? . Bye.What the hell is that? . congratulations! . Caesar. uh. . listen. it's so embarrassing.

and I was out of line. So I can hear everything that you're saying. What? It's true. You ready to let the dogs out? . that's his fiancée.She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing. I'm standing right here. She's strong-willed. Wow. Guys. You know it's true. Wait. Hey. He was a bartender on a cruise ship. This is how it works. You know that. That was twice. she is a complete bitch. Hey. It's time. And B. A. Not to mention. Wow. He's in denial. Hey. we've been dating for three years. he wasn't a sailor. that is bullshit. And I respect that. she fucked a sailor. She beats him. It's true. guys. have you not listened to anything I have ever said? Phil.

Hey. are you? . Alan. . that's perfect. it's not a man-purse. I love this fucking town. I get a lot of compliments on this. You know. congrats. Who brought this guy? Yes.Wearing what? The man-purse.We're going up.Thank you. we are ready to let the dogs out. It's called a satchel. .Yeah. . Really? .You're not really wearing that.What? . Indiana Jones wears one. So does Joy Behar. guys.Do what? Let the dogs out. Plus. . You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me? It's where I keep all my things. ..

We're going up? I'm just saying. .You happy? . Oh! . .This is great. we're paying for a villa.Fine. We can do whatever the fuck we want.Just wedge the door open.Good. come on up here..Whoa! Are you kidding? . How the hell did you find this place? Don't worry about it.Look at the view up here..You all right? . okay? We are definitely not supposed to be up here. it's clearly marked. how we doing. .Yeah.Yeah. buddy? . . .Guys. . but. . .Alan. Come on.

All right. . . May tonight be. On the roof. ...Good idea..in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage. I'd like to make a toast. this is good. Short and sweet. . Good call... Um. I wanna talk about something. .Cheers.but a minor speed bump.What do you got over there. . To Doug and Tracy.A little Jägermeister... Oh. no. .Cheers. . . it's like college.. Alan? That's the Eiffel Tower.Right? .There it is. Uh-oh.

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack... You guys might not know this. . I knew he was one of my own.. . and then Doug joined in later.All right. Alan. So were there two. How about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City.. .. And my wolf pack. it grew by one.. but I consider myself a bit of a loner....tonight..I want to.. .All right.. .I'd like to. I was alone first in the pack. I'd like to say something.. ... "Hello...that I prepared. So there were two of us in the wolf pack. And six months ago. But when my sister brought Doug home.

. I thought: 'Wait a second.. ..Dude..What. "Four of us wolves. .. Why did you....All right.running around the desert together in Las Vegas.. I know for sure..Whoa. Could it be?' And now. .What do you got there? . ..I make a toast. .? .What the hell are you doing? ..Iooking for strippers and cocaine." . .." So tonight... . what the fuck? .What is that? .Don't..when Doug introduced me to you guys.Damn it..? ..All right. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack.....Blood brothers.

Hey. come here. thanks.There it is. Alan. buddy. guys. . .No.You sure? .He's good. Alan. Give me the knife. Okay. Stuart. . hear.Do you need a doctor? .Go ahead. Thank you.Hear. crazy.Alan. Thank you very much. All right.No. .Get in here.I'm good.Here.Make him stop.Mm-hm.. . . . . .Perfect. I'm not doing that.You all right? Are you okay? . we're not gonna cut ourselves. . . Stupid tiger. . Hm. Slowly... . to a night the four of us will never forget.

man. okay. Look at this place. Goddamn. .Don't go in. just calm down. I'll check it out.What the fuck? Control yourself. . Al. don't go in. there is a tiger in the bathroom. Whew.AI. . .You okay. Goddamn.There's a tiger in there.Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding. . there isn't.It's big. buddy? No. don't. .What's going on? . . . Al. I am in so much pain right now.Okay. Be careful. It's me.There's a jungle cat in the bathroom! . Don't go in. Gigantic. do not go in the bathroom. Yeah! .No. Phil.See? See? .Phil. Don't. will you put on some pants? .

How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me. Oh.. okay... We're fine. Oh. bro? You mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask twice..before housekeeping shows. I am so screwed. they have my credit card downstairs.. my God. Okay. shit.. What am I gonna tell Melissa? . Let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada. It's gone! It's okay. What the fuck happened last night? Hey. Hey. Phil. My lateral incisor's. Just calm down. . go wake up Doug. Everything's fine. Pants at a time like this? I don't have any p. am I missing a tooth? I can't.. Alan. Phil..I know...

guys..Hey. Plus. I have no idea how it happened. . How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you. . . .. This is Doug's phone.I lost a tooth. man. You're freaking me out. . hey.Hello? . This is Doug's phone.Oh. . he's not in there. his mattress is gone. Phi. okay? Let's just calm down. I'll just call his cell.No shit. Hey. I looked everywhere.It's Phil. I got a massive headache.Did you check all the rooms? Yeah.Alan. . I look like a nerdy hillbilly. He probably went to the pool to get something to eat.

I gotta side with Stu on this one. Let's go hook up with Doug. I checked all the rooms. .Stu. Okay. What the fuck is that? Whose fucking baby is that? Alan. Shh. . No one's here. All right. Phil.It's okay. we'll take it with us. Yeah. . Check its collar or something. we don't have time for this. fine.. are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite? Yeah. . baby. Could you at least just find some pants? Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night? . we'll deal with the baby later.It's not our baby.There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom.Yeah. we're not gonna leave a baby in the room. Shh.

man. how cute. Gym. . Phil. He's a grown man. Oh. .Carlos. Stu.Not at the table. He's jacking his little weenis. front desk. I looked everywhere. Seriously.Because we obviously had a great fucking time. have some juice. Be proud of yourself. Here. casino. Carlos? Thank you. He's fine. look. . Carlos. Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute. you gotta calm down. Hey. Nobody's seen Doug. I can't have juice right now.Ben. What's his name? .Pull yourself together. . He's not here.

.. no. What's the last thing we remember doing last night? Well. . . Okay. He definitely was.. It was like emptiness. And then we ate dinner at The Palm. ... You know what. and I think Doug was there. Right? That's right. And then we played craps at the Hard Rock.and were having those shots of Jäger. We have up until 10 p. guys? I don't even remember going to dinner. That sounds right.so that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him.Okay. the first thing was we were on the roof. All right. What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over. Let's just track this thing. I blacked out. After the Hard Rock... m.. No.

Oh. . Phil. . We drove last night? Driving drunk. Alan. . Do you have anything? I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio. shit. Eleven-oh-five for $800! I am so fucked. I'm fine. Oh. That is my tooth.I guess so. What's on your arm? . yeah. my God.15 a. Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets? This is a good thing.You okay? .m. Classic. Check your pockets. I have a valet ticket from Caesars. .Yeah. No. What the hell is going on? .Jesus.You were in the hospital last night.What is this? .. Check your pockets.What the fuck is that? .

. . he could be hurt. Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes. . are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby? What? I've found a baby before. He left Doug in charge. .You found a baby before? .Yeah. Stu.You ever seen a baby do that? . We have a lead now. Alan. Stu. uh. what? Hey.Uh. We got bigger problems here. Relax. So.. Stu.Well.Dude. we'll be careful.Let's worry about the car later. . this is a good thing. Alan. Doug could be in the hospital. My dad is crazy about that car.. watch this. not cool.Where? .Coffee Bean. guys? Check it out. Wait. Hey. .

It's gonna be okay. Come on. you got a five? . grab it from the other side. . what's going on here? Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night. Come on.Yeah.Here's your car. man. officers. All right. let's just get in and go. Oh. .No shit.Oh. Ha-ha. . don't say a word. Some guys just can't handle Vegas. . .Stu. God. everybody act cool. All right. Is that the mattress from Doug's room? What the fuck? Hey. Stu.No. How the hell did we manage that? . God.All right.

...I think the cop-car part's pretty cool. . Are my glasses okay? Your glasses are fine.. No. Oh. my God. dick.Oh. Come on. Alan. Phil. This is so illegal.I'll hit you on the way back. sir. You just nailed the baby. . Can't you see the fun part in anything? Yeah. Oh. No.Check this out. Doug would love it.Thank you. Which part of this is fun? . . Phil. my God.Thank you.. It is cool. Don't do this! . no. .with a missing child in the back seat. . we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car.

. Phil. you have an amazing rack.Take it easy. . I think it was just you guys. Do you remember how many of us were here? Ah. Ma'am. . some bruised ribs. Although none of you could articulate how it happened. .. in the leopard dress. please. stop the car. No big deal. please disperse. I wanna get out.Just try to call more attention to us. Stop the car.Attention. I already told you. Move out of the way. You came in with a mild concussion. I wanna get out. I don't know.. Look. Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk! I should have been a fucking cop. Definitely no baby. I repeat..Sorry. Attention. Pull over.

I know. Cough. come forward. Give me one more. Thank you. I have a surgery up on the fourth floor. you can put your robe on. .. All right. doctor. All right. Tuck it right in there. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time. And turn. Guys.That's our guy. I really gotta go. Walk with me. And the nurse will be in here in a minute. I'll see you after the weekend. Okay. Thattaboy. He was fine. Felix. Yeah. And cough.And one other guy. I'm sorry. There you go. Just whacked out of his mind. Was he okay? Yeah. Cough. Thank you. . Thank you. I don't want to re-sterilize. All right. No. You all were.

Phil Wenneck. Roofies. I was raped last night? Actually. here we go. you said that several times last night.Okay. 2:45 a. Your blood work came in this morning.. Patient name. I don't think so. Minor concussion. But someone did slip you the drug. But really. so. like I said. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything. Commonly known as the date-rape drug. Wow.m. Doc. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system. you're just a dentist. Yeah. What. Some bruising. Okay. Pretty standard. none of us can remember anything from last night. Ruphylin. Remember? . this is interesting. what are you saying. arrival. Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor..

. At the. The stuff's out of your system..No. . You kept talking about some wedding you just came from.. No shit. wait.. Yeah.You know what? I want the 100 back. Okay. doctor.Yeah. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow. Wait. I really have to leave.or some place we were going? Actually. there was something. You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it. I hope this helps. something we may have been talking about. . You guys kept talking about some wedding last night. Please. no. Is there anything else? Like. . wait. How could someone have drugged all of us? I wouldn't worry about it. Easy.. uh. Best Little Chapel. You're gonna be fine.

not a tour guide. He'll be fine. sir? Hi. I'm a doctor. What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me? How are you. my friend? Look at this guy. What about the baby? Leave him in the car. we're not leaving a baby in the car.Well. I'm sor. .. You're fucking crazy. Figure it out yourself. Whoa.Best Little Chapel.What if they don't remember us? . It's at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off. . I cracked the window. let's just find out.. okay? You're big boys. do you know where that is? I do. Look at these guys. Excuse me. We're gonna be five minutes.

man? Listen. I'm gonna tell you something. the small guy. This guy is the craziest.This guy? . I know some sick people in my life. Yeah.This guy is out of his mind. it's just that we're having a hard time remembering. no. . man.. Like a monkey. Obviously we were here. Eddie. wildest bastard I ever met in my life. It's not that.What's going on.what happened here last night.. What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me? No. you fucking crazy motherfucker? I thought he was gonna eat my dick..Yeah.Do you remember? . man. .. . What's going on. . was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here? You are cracking my balls. Uh. We're looking for our friend Doug.

. Hey. I'll take care of it. That's it.You saw him? Of course. . it's okay. huh? . . .. Stu. Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night? You don't remember nothing? . what's all that? The High Roller package. It's what you ordered.Oh. you got married. Come on. shit happens.You have baseball caps. man. . I have coffee mugs. God.. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this.This never happened. .Come on.This. Look. . .What? . I'll tell you one thing. This can't be happening. My life is over.Yeah. Put it here.Look at that. Stu.Congratulations. you look seriously happy here.

buddy. I need both parties. I can't do it with just him. We made a mistake last night. Carlos. Clean. very tight. all right. Okay. You do annulments? Of course I do. . not a problem.. She probably knows where Doug is. .Great.All right. . man. Uh..And fancy calendars...Oh. I need the chick. Good price for you..But that's because she had a baby. . All right. .. . Tits like that.Awesome. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad. . Isn't that great. all with pictures of Stu and Jade. We need this marriage annulled. Uh. though. That's great.That explains the baby. and she's beautiful. Carlos. Her name's Jade? Yeah. Oh. .but it's no problem. here's the deal. Stu? Come on.

.Hey. please.These mugs. What is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork. . I'm going. .We need her address. what about my dad's car? . Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it. Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. And get the baklava. . This hat.I don't know. man. Come on. Hey. Excuse me. Phil. Okay. We'll get it back. She filled out some paperwork. This car.Hey! It's all evidence .Torch it? Who are you? . I spend my life waiting for you. right? Of course. Phil. This whole situation is completely fucked.I'm sure Doug has it.

thanks. sweetheart. . . Hey.I have to.Fine. . . Uh.Can I help? Yeah. It's Doug. I'm a schoolteacher. This is the third time I'm trying you. That is why we're torching all of it. it's Doug. She's called twice already! . I think it's all the sequoia trees. but I'm not gonna torch a cop car. The reception up here's crazy. .of a night that never happened.Can I ride shotgun? . block the signal. I got a family. Whoa. it's Melissa. I'll do it. I know.Don't touch me.Is it Doug? .I don't have it. how are you? There you are. . okay? I'm all for secrecy.Don't answer.

.. I think it backfired.Go. man? .. you know? Well. but it was a good time. . . I hate that. okay? Hey! What the hell. So how was it last night? Ah.we're about to go for a tractor ride. . actually.I should get going. That sounds nice.I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids. out of the car! . easy. .What was that? They started up the tractor. It was quiet. easy..Ugh. it was really fun. So pretty. listen. lt'd be so cool if I could breast-feed..Where the hell is he? . . I think we're looking for the same guy.Hi.What the fuck? .A tractor ride? .Hey.

Get out of the car! .Fuck! Shit. Why you making trouble for my business. can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here? I'm trying to. Stu? .Phil. . Where is he? I don't know! What are you talking about? Sir. Bye." .Come on. but we're fucking blocked.Go away from here. Oh. my God! What the hell is happening.It's a baby goat. man? .Someone just said "baby. . That's a goat.Hey! There's a baby on board! .No shit he's got a gun! .Get out of the car! . Stu? Is that a baby? Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. .I gotta call you back. . he's got a gun! .What the fuck.

It's 825. That's a fake laugh. Alan. Oh. and that Jewish actor. Ted Danson and Magnum P. .Fuck this shit! Fuck! Fuck! Go.He shot Eddie! .What room was it again? . Everything's gonna be okay. It's got. What the fuck is going on?! I have no idea. go! Fuck. Why don't you just let that go to voicemail? Ha-ha-ha. Okay. . by the way.I. go..He shot me! . uh. Shut up. that was some sick shit! Who were those guys? We're gonna be okay.

I found him. I'll call you back.I know. . we were hoping you could tell us. Ha. Yeah. You're so cute. What do you mean? I got up this morning. you guys.Why are you being so quiet? . I gotta feed Tyler. I did. bud. I already checked with her. What the hell happened to you guys? Actually. . sweetie. . Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.and I came back and you were gone.. I was freaking out.I'm not being quiet. I went to get coffee. And I miss you. he's with his father.. No. ha.. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too. Yeah. I missed you. Come inside.. Thank God.

Well.. my God. I'm gonna go clean him off. that is so Doug. right? . Phil. . ha. . man. Oh. It's all right. Jade.The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa.She's wearing my grandmother's ring! . my God.. Doug. Daddy didn't mean it.Okay. what's up? You guys are acting weird.Look. . . What the fuck. Exactly. you gotta hold it together.You should be proud of yourself. Oh. we can't find him.Holy shit. Are you kidding? He was the best man. . it's Jade. ahem. Ha. Right. Oh. Oh. . uh. sweetie.She is super hot.Very funny. I'm.What? . and we're getting worried. you remember our friend.

She's wearing it. . I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.Oh. .He's okay. And was Doug there then? I didn't see Doug because you guys were ..Fuck.You remember. I haven't seen him since the wedding. my grandmother's Holocaust ring? . good. Okay. About last night. uh. . The wedding. What time was that at? Well. Great. I guess it was around 1. Okay. um. ..He was just hungry. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler. he's fine. ahem. . we can't re. because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. it was. do you remember the last time you saw Doug? Uh. uh.Oh. And. good...

Well. now that I married a doctor.Smart.but stripping's a great way to meet the clients.Uh-huh. God! .. . .. . you said when your shift ended. The room was a wreck. okay.So I just curled up next to Stu.You know this. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer? .Savvy. Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up! .passed out.. I got a question.Oh.Okay.Las Vegas Police! Freeze! . okay. But that's all in the past.Mm-hm. . Um. .Oh. .Okay.Rowr. technically I'm an escort. I'm a stripper. .. I'm just a dentist. . . .

Tracy! It's Phil. . Follow me.. So we're all calling each other's. Come on.We are at the spa at the hotel. We call this place Loserville.After we take the mug shots.where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers..Hey. . We made a deal. we bring them down here. All right.Hey.Where are you guys? .. kids. . We're just getting some sun. Why wouldn't he be? I'm just wondering why you're calling me. Cool. Hello. let's do it. Is Doug around? Of course. . Trust me. you do not wanna be sitting on these benches.. Phil. no talking to girlfriends or wives. Um... .

. The suite is. We'll talk to you later. . You did? Yeah. It's ridiculous. Uh.Okay.. just the works. I gotta go. you are not gonna believe this. What's up? Uh. Room 3. Price. like.. Trace. chop-chop. That's why we're gonna get up early. ..Come on.. Okay. Okay. and we'll be back in plenty of time. We're thinking of spending the night.and we're gonna come back in the morning.. I mean.. You wanna stay an extra night? But the wedding's tomorrow. Are you sure that's a good idea? Wenneck. There's. It's out of control. Garner. .. room service and a butler. We got comped an extra night at the hotel.

. this morning. Alan. And then just. That's weird. I'll go over. just relax. Gentlemen.. The good news is we found your Mercedes.That's great news. Good. See? Yeah.m. There we go.Goddamn it. .. spin around. . and we've got some bad news. We picked it up at 5 a. . .I'll go over... We got it.Wait a second.parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard.. .Stop pulling.. that is weird. . it's over at impound right now.Yeah.Can you just. .? Hold on. .. We've got some good news. ..In the middle.Okay.. .That's great. There was also a note.That's it. .

Woo-hoo.Every fucking day. uh. tomorrow for a wedding. Whoo! Woo-hoo.. we need to be in L..A. We didn't steal anything. if anything. Let's steal a cop car. . we found it.. because it'd be really fucking funny. Yeah. but here's 4 bucks. we'll all get drunk and laid! . "Couldn't find a meter. "Let's go to Vegas. that's just impossible.Yeah. You stole a police car. No. we deserve a reward or something. . like a trophy. uh. . Oh." Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here.we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning. officer.It says.I see assholes like you every day. . .. Um." The bad news is. no.

Uh. . Look. I'm not a cop... But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip... . . . We gotta get to a wedding.....What are you getting at? ..how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. .and you guys don't need people talking about. .. I'm a schoolteacher. . Sir...Not up in here! . I'm no hero. But look.if I may. um.I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you...that would look really bad on me..Yeah.Yeah. what are you getting at? No one wants to look bad. the point is.Yeah.....Oh. .. Phil. ....

These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate. What do you say? Let me ask you a question: Do.I think we can work out a deal.That's right. What? Now. you're in for a real treat today. Ooh! .. uh. Up close and personal... any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that? Uh.Wait a sec.how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect.. . . Discreetly of course.Or you can shoot it from a distance. Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh? . ma'am. no. .What the fuck? . kids. there's two ways to use a stun gun. Okay.

handsome. . Not you. . now. fuck. All right. Let's think this through. All right? Okay. Fat Jesus. You. . Give her a hand.Well done. slide it on back.Yeah! Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.All right. Let's go. fat Jesus. Good job. You don't really wanna do this. pretty boy. Don't listen to this maniac. young lady? Come on up here. come on.Oh. All right. All you gotta do is point. look. Finish him! . how about you. everybody. You can do this. Just focus. aim and shoot. .Good job. it's real simple.

Good job. Hey.No. big man? Come on up here. In the face! In the face! Oh. we got one more charge left. He just needs a little extra charge.Good job. You're holding 50. Well done. That was great. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning. take it easy.Aah! . Anybody wanna do some shooting up here? How about you. same instructions. Eye of the tiger. That's the stuff. little man. All right. Okay. I like the intensity. Just point. . Good.000 volts. aim and shoot. he's still up. There you go. everybody relax. . We've seen it before. Good. He's still up.

. Jesus Christ.There we go. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car. My man doesn't shut up. All right. kids. . Fuck those guys. let's go. you hear me? That was bullshit. who wants to get their fingerprints done. you okay? I'm just worried. who cares? . Some of these big boys. huh? Come on. Do you guys want anything? No.I care! You can't just do that. Alan. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny.They let us go. That's police brutality. I'm getting a soda. you gotta give them two shots.

How'd he die? . but we're gonna figure it out.Died in battle? No. . I'll tell you another thing.What if something happened to Doug? Something bad. Stu. why hasn't he called? I don't know. what if he's dead? I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. okay? Let's not freak him out any more. . . not now. Alan. you can't think like that. .World War II. . I'm s. how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition? That's enough. It was just during World War II. . No.Well.Oh.. Come on... 6-1 odds our car is beat to shit.. It hurts too much. he was skiing in Vermont...I was so upset when my grandpa died. I mean. Alan's seriously worried.Doug is fine.

I can't watch. come on! Ew! . uh.Whose are those? . .I don't know. Not looking. Oh. . . You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay. .Oh.Wow. All right. Oh.Anything? . You see? It's gonna be all right. . These are some black shoes. Alan. . I got a cigar.Sorry.Hmm.What is this. shit.I don't know. It's a men's size 6. Not looking. .They women's shoes? .. thank God.. I found. a snakeskin? Oh. Just tell me what it looks like.That's weird.

. . guys! . . Alan.Get it out. . .Fuck! Oh.I don't want the thing. Oh God! Please! Please! Please stop! . I got jizz on me. All right. my God. . it's wet.Open it! Open it! Open it! . okay. okay.Oh. Blech! . okay.Okay.That's a used condom. man? We gotta get this shit together. . okay.Gross.Oh. God.Hey! Come on.Doug's in the trunk. fuck! Holy shit! Holy shit! . Okay. Jesus Christ. what the fuck..Get it out of the car. guys! What was that? It's in the trunk.

. . there's something I need to tell you. before we went out. guys. I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'm with you.Whoa. I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. Somebody call 911.You gonna fuck on me? .I'm sorry.I slipped something in our Jägermeister.What? . What the fuck was that? I have internal bleeding. . I fudged up. .No..You drugged us? .. Guys.Nobody's gonna fuck on you! We're on your side. That was some fucked up shit. I'll get you some pants. Last night on the roof. I'm with you! . .. I didn't drug you. Who was that guy? He was so mean.

Fuck you! . . . who told you it was ecstasy? The guy I bought it from at the liquor store. Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter. I lost a tooth.I was told it was ecstasy. It was just one hit each. it was roofies! You think I knew that.Your language is offensive.How dare you! She's a nice lady. . Why would you give us ecstasy? I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it.You are such a fucking moron. . I married a whore. But it wasn't ecstasy. I used to do three hits a night. Well. You fucking calm down! He drugged us. You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy? Let's just calm down. Alan.

Does not help....Stu? Little help? .All right. let's get our shit together. it's totally a good thing. let's just take a deep breath.It's true. . you're right. Phil. Let's go back to the hotel. Maybe he's asleep. this is a good thing.with a meth-head butt-fucking his corpse. . . Yeah.. At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason. Let's go. Come on. guys. Here's something I would like to remind you two of: Our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now. All right. We're so much better off now. and I'm gonna make a couple calls. . Maybe Doug's back there.That's highly unlikely. okay? Seriously.

guys.Shut up. Stu. God. Shh. fuck. . I'm sorry. uh. I'm fine. Did we leave the music on? Hey.Hey. side effects of.. What about the tiger? What if he got out? Oh. uh. . because I don't remember. Shh. keep it down.Oh. . Oh. Hey. Because one of the. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger. Guys. come on. . You are literally too stupid to insult. . Stu. God. roofies is memory loss.Yeah.Ow.Alan. Wait. How the fuck did he get in there? I don't know. .Thank you. are you okay? .

Who the hell are you? .Don't make any sudden movements. Mike Tyson? Shh. guys.. I'm a huge fan. fuck! Why did you do that? Mr. Explain. One more time. guys. When you knocked out Holmes. Oh. Hold on..Unh. quiet. who are you? Quiet.Aah! . Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom. Need a chorus line. . . Jesus! Oh. This is my favorite part coming up right now. that was completely unnecessary. Whoa! . that was.No.

man. go ahead because I don't care anymore.I don't give a fuck. we were drugged last night.I don't believe these guys. . .No. If you wanna kill us.Wait. We have no memory of what happened.All right. Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger? We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up. It's true. Yeah. His wallet and his room key is in there.I don't care. Doug. look. . . . .What are you talking about? . We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning. that's our missing friend. That's Doug's. how did you guys find us? One of you dropped your jacket.

Respect. this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.. ..see if there's any clues? Absolutely.. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway? . . What you think. .That was Mike Tyson... about 40 minutes? Don't make me come back for him..I was fast asleep.Come on. I know this is asking a lot. he's not with us no more. . you bring it back.I'm sorry? We're not gonna put it in the Bentley.. don't worry about Omar. . Okay. champ.... You brought it here.? What happened to Omar? Oh. Wha..but do you think we could go to your house and look around. Because if he was up. Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar.Did you guys see him? .

Scissors. This does not seem fair..Yeah. Bud. Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper. . They hate cinnamon. where'd he get him? Hey. my God. . I'm just saying. he's still got it. .Oh. are you okay? . You should do it. For Doug. Tigers love pepper. . There's nothing more fair. just do it. Come on. but you lost. Paper. Phil. I would. Okay.Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson. It's Rock. no shit that was Mike Tyson.Alan should do it.Shit! Fuck. I jammed five roofies in there. It wouldn't be right. Alan.

Hey. it's okay. What do tigers dream of When they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras Or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? . Shit! What do we do now? We wait. I got a little snack for you. Fine.. Fuck. Oh. Real important that you eat this. okay? Yeah. sweetie.Just go in there and throw it in to him.. just have a little. Make sure he eats the whole thing. kitty. Hey. fuck.

Hey. guys. Doug.Who cares. Stu? .Oh. then we're shit out of luck By the way. God. when's the next Halley's comet? . Doug But if he's been murdered By crystal-meth tweakers Well. Dougie.Watch it! His nose.Do you know.Don 't you worry your pretty striped head We're gonna get you back to Tyson And your cozy tiger bed And then we're gonna find Our best friend Doug And then we're gonna give him A best-friend hug Doug Doug Doug. we're all gonna die. . Dougie. That's his nose. man? . . Wait.

No. I don't think so. He said it blew his mind.Fuck it! Stu! Stu. my God. hold on.But it's not tonight. But you don't know for sure? No. .I'm panicking. Wait. my God! .I don't think it's for. okay. Okay. like. Okay.. fuck! . . . So if you guys know if there's gonna be one. I wanna make sure I never. ever miss out on a Halley's Comet. another 60 years or something. Oh.Oh.. right? . it got me! Stu! You got clawed! You're bleeding! . I got this cousin who saw one. .Oh.Aah! .Oh.

Get your fucking hand back in there. .I can't do it.That's good. This is your time to shine. okay? Okay. When we got back. Daddy's gonna kill me. Seriously. . This is how you walk. Mike's got something he wants to show you. We had to push it the last mile. . man.. That thing's out of control. we took a look at the security cameras. buddy.I'm too nervous.Whatever.and steer the car. man..That's it. Whew. Come on in. We need you... Keep it straight. yeah. . you gotta put it down. Alan. . . Great. .You're late.

Oh. That's me. Check it out. Alan. of course. thank God he's alive... man? Really? Really. it's Doug. That's who we've been missing. guys. That's our buddy. Watch this.This is how you walk. I'm on TV. . I've never been on TV before. What are you doing.Maybe. Alan? You got a fire hose. Yeah. uh. What are you doing? Hey. man? Yeah..Oh. We're all best friends. You're gonna overflow the pool. I was. . Of course.. man. Should I wait outside? .I think that's a good idea. . Why don't you just pay attention? I don't have all night. .

Oh. We don't know him that well. . .Yeah.Oh. my God. I just have to say. By the way.. uh. man. .. . Check it out. Stu. that's nice.. where you get that cop car from? We. just regal creature. Nice. Don't touch anything out there. . shit.. Come on..I have never seen a more beautiful. .. You know. Yeah. obviously. Stu. I'm a sick man. That's awful. man? Someone who has a lot of issues.Oh. Fuck this tiger. elegant. Come on. stole it from these dumb-ass cops.Who does shit like that. either. come on. High five that one. You know what? He's not our good fr.

we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up. .was with us at 3:30. Like you said. man. This was hugely helpful. Don't worry about it. again. Really.. totally alive. everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass. And. Because now we know that our buddy Doug. uh.. . You know.Oh. we are so sorry we stole your tiger.. my God.but I think he's kind of a sweetheart. I think he's mean.. I think it's officially time we call Tracy. .. Hallelujah. Finally..I told you he'd get it. That's all we got. champ.. Phil says something that makes sense. . Thanks again. .. All right.I did say that.

Listen.. Just stay focused on Doug.. W. That's what I been saying this whole time.Oh. .Alan.Let's go! . And maybe she's heard from Doug. Get out of the car.. We can leave out the stuff.Oh.We don't have much of a choice. Wait. Please. It's just the inside. . relax. I got a guy in L. . .. Come on. W.. my God. Jesus! .What the fuck? I know that guy. We don't have to tell her everything.A.about me marrying a hooker. . Those are the guys that shot Eddie.Are you guys okay? .What am I gonna tell my dad? .... That's the guy from the trunk. . who's great with interiors... We need to tell her everything. We just need to be completely honest.

It's a purse.Come on. you know what? .Get this other fat boy. Ow. no. easy. . Hey. . relax. take it easy! I want my purse back.Let's go. take it easy.All right. it's a satchel. hey. Wait a second. Hey. . Okay. wait a second. . .What? Your purse? . Okay? And you steal from wrong guy. .Easy.Hey.All right.Okay.Oh. assholes.That's not a purse.I have whiplash. Ow. all right. Get the fat boy. .. . Ow! . . hey. all right. All right. We stole from you? Okay.

.. that's good. there are Skittles in there. Well. It's funny because he's fat. And this one? Nothing. No shit? Eighty grand is nice. He put the chips in his purse. apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night. not again. this was obviously .. Mine had $80. You were on a heater. Don't let the beard fool you. He ended up winning just under 80 grand. .We don't remember anything that happened last night. He's a child. Ow! Oh.000 inside. and then you guys took off with it. That doesn't sound like us.. and he played your hot streak.so help us out a little here. Okay. Hey. look. Now.

..Doug! .You know about our friend? ..and you want to take him home with you. ..Doug! .. . you said he was your lucky charm." why.Lucky charm.Doug. If you want to see your friend again. it's just funny. if it's.a very simple misunderstanding. you get me my 80 grand. Okay..Our friend? . it's no big deal. Alan picked up the wrong purse.You have Doug? ..What? . it's okay! .. Fuck you. .Oh. .Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car! . I did that? Yeah. "No big deal. when I come after you guys. .he starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk? What.

goatee! .You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper! Wait. But this is an easy fix. douche bag. Come on. .Okay. fine. What? Look.Boring. Cash only. We can even write you a check right now.I don't know. . we can get it. I'm sorry we're boring you! . Wait.It's in the hotel room. . . . All right. Quid pro quo. we're very sorry. We can get you the. where's his purse? . fine..Doug. okay. it's okay.You chill out. . . Take nap.There's a person in there.What do you want? Not so good now.. No chance. right? .Alan.Yeah.

Stu. Guys. motherfucker. get out of here. It's not anywhere. Run me over.Toodle-oo. You're not going anywhere. Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn. I looked for it this morning before we left. Whoa. You're already married. no.What? . . . . . Stu.Stu. Well. I'm telling you. I was gonna use it for the wedding. Stu.Oh. Whoa. Stop. Stop. Fuck. at least take the bag off his head! Fuck! Oh! Come on. how much you got in the bank? About 10 grand.Okay.

What are we gonna do? We are so fucked. .No. 10. enough with Melissa. uh. But check this out. she's the worst.so we're good there. bitches. Change only. .Hey.Oh.Nope. All right. did you just eat sofa pizza? .Yes.I'll stick. guys? . Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something. Hey. It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people? . Shut up. these seats taken? . feel free. Yeah. fuck you! Fuck you! .Ew. Besides.000.Did you find it? . Hmm. . let's play some blackjack! That's it. Alan.

I get so nervous when I gamble. Does it hurt? Does this hurt? .You all right? . come on. .Oh.It's hurting. I think the pit boss is watching him.Are you okay? I'm such a klutz. . . Make sure.I don't know either.Splitting fives. .Yes! I don't even know you. . He can't lose. .. Hold on a beat.I don't know. He can't lose. This is my wife. I'm so silly. .Let's just take it easy. my God..Yes! ..Whoa. ow.Oh! Okay.Oh. okay? . . I don't.Too many..It happens. . but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb. . .

We should come back next week. That's for you. 200. Thanks. Oh.You are too.I think you're fine. Phil. But any week after that is totally fine. guys. you know what? Next week's no good. that's $82. take the whole city down. she's had a little too much to drink. I don't fucking believe it. I'm free next week. Uh. goddamn it. With all this. Oh. And 100. Let's go. you're the man. Whoo! . I'm sorry. buddy. 300. . 400. . .Alan.Really? Okay. there. Or we could just focus on getting Doug back.400. . the Jonas Brothers are in town. right now.Upsy-daisy. I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around.

Let him know it's on. ever Leave each other We're the best three friends That anybody could have I mean.What signal? . Classic.Flash your lights. ever. we are back . We are back.Give him the signal. . the three best friends That anybody could have That's right. ever. We are getting Doug back And we're the three best friends That anybody could have We're the three best friends That anyone could have We're the three best friends That anyone can have And we'll never. the three best friends That anybody can have .Now what? .That's right. We are fucking back. . We're back. baby.We are back. ever.

Throw it over. Chow. I'm sorry. Fine. He knows it's on. Phil. Eighty grand. And we would very much appreciate . Funny fat guy fall on face.The deal. Mr. Leslie Chow.What's on? . . just do something. Um.Oh. Chow. we got the money. You okay? All right. And we didn't catch your name last night. Mr. let's go. Then I give you Doug. good morning.See? All right. Of course it's on. . it is a pleasure.. My name is Stu. First of all. cash. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. shit.

. just to verify that he's okay.... Now give me money. And then we take it. he fine. Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this? That is not Doug. Stu.It's all there. . Take it easy. All right... bitches. take it easy.Okay. . . .an opportunity to see Doug. Stu.lf that's cool. thank God.. .Let him go. . . What you talking about. . Your choice.before we give you the money.Okay.or I shoot him.Give him the money.. .Of course. . See. . and I shoot all you motherfuckers.Oh. Ta-da. That is cool. Willis? That him.

. what the fuck you got me into? . He sold you the Ruphylin? .The Doug we're looking for is a white.I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs. . . .. Come on.. His name's Doug too.Your name's Doug? . .. Classic mix-up.? Wha..that sold me the bad drugs. Chow. I'm sorry... . Ha. Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy.Yes.No.....This is the guy. Alan.How you doing? . Hey. That's not our friend.? . . Mr.You know him? . little boy.I am Doug.Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru. That's. You gave us the wrong Doug.Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? ..Wait. . Chow. Damn.He. I'm Doug.

So long. He's a nasty little motherfucker.No.Shit! . fuck that shit. Did you ever get any ecstasy? No. . Come on. yeah. I ain't got no fucking ecstasy. .Gosh darn it! .Not my problem.Hello? . Now.Goddamn it! . pshh. That's nasty. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts. Phil.Ah. I'll be your Doug.Ahem. . . . you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you! .Wait a second. it's Phil. How that sound? Unh. . . No.Mmm. Oh. okay. gay boys. I take him back. where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out. Tracy.Shoot! .Oh.

why you? He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio. There you go with that word. Okay.I got a question for you. for your information.What's up? How did you wind up in Chow's car? That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday. Ruphylin. We fucked up. is the . . Thanks for the lift back to town. we don't remember.What? . You don't remember? No. . No. but why? I mean. Ruphylin. you are the world's shittiest drug dealer. Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy. .We were at the Bellagio? We were shooting craps. What the hell is a Ruphylin? Wow. Ruphylin. listen.Yeah.

.. Damn. because just the other day... right? Because when you take them. Oh. .Rapies. Not you... Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one. we was wondering why they even call them roofies..You know what I'm talking about? . what did you just say? . .me and my boy.Wait.No.date rape drug. Why not floories.you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof.. You sold Alan roofies. Alan. . Doug.It's funny. before that. shit. how about rapies? .Whatever. No. what did you say before? I said groundies.. Don't know. What about groundies? That's a good new name for them. Or. My fault. . I must have mixed up the bags. .

It just hit me." .Stu.. so we gotta get going. Stu.What the fuck. Bye.I know where Doug is.. What's going on? Uh.Okay.. I don't know. We're in a hurry to get back. Where's Doug? He is paying the bill..Listen. Talk to me. . we'll see you soon. nothing. . Fuck. He's probably still drunk from last night. We just had a delicious brunch. "You're more likely to wind up on the floor than. Stu.Phil. He's completely out of his mind. Trace. . Don't listen to Phil. man. . it's Stu.Phil? Hello? .Tracy. I'm really sorry.You said. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue? . man? . l. .

easy with that shit. . ha. .Doug? ..Wait.? .Hey.Sorry. Come on.Uh... What's going on? .Whoa.. . . ha. We must have taken him up there as a prank.No. not our Doug. Black Doug. He's on the roof. . wait.Oh. my God! .Yes. .Like that time in summer camp.Doug made me realize it. You can't open windows in Vegas hotels.so he'd wake up on the roof..Yeah. .Ha. hey.. . Can someone tell me where white Doug is? . Well.He's on the roof.Doug was trying to signal someone. . . we threw it out the window. Alan. impossible. . .Yes..Holy shit. then how did it get. How did you figure that out? .

You guys are retarded. Doug? Doug! Hey. buddy? Where you at. You think he's still up there? .There's only one way to find out. It's not so funny now. guys! He's over here! . ha.Doug! .We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake? Ha.Holy shit.Oh. Doug! Doug! . you know that? . because we forgot where we put him. ha. ha! . though.Doug. you up here. Ha. I found him! He's over here! . He's okay. shit. ha.Hey. You're okay. Which was hilarious.

No. Not okay. you got some color. .He's alive. bud. buddy. It's not your fault. Oh. You look good. but right now we gotta go. we have been looking everywhere for you. you are. ow! God. We gotta go. shut up.Don't touch me. . . Come on. God.I'm getting married today.What the fuck is going on? We can explain everything. .Hey. Doug.Oh. Oh. You okay? . Because. frankly. you're wasting a little bit of time right now.It's okay. my skin burns. My skin burns.Yes. . . All of you. You fucking asshole! Oh. I'm jealous. That's why you need to focus and do everything we say. Shut up. . .

.Is he missing a tooth? . . What about the one after that? You cannot be serious.Just get me home.We will leave without you. .What about Burbank? . Just get me home. is booked.Sold out. . Oh. .Just give me one second.It's on its way. goddamn it. Oh.A. .Every flight to L. the wedding starts in three and a half hours. fuck! We can't drive there. where's the car? . Mm-hm. You know what? We can drive there. . Okay? Hi.What? .Alan. We can make it.Yeah.

Hey. thanks for helping out last night. That was so awesome..This is yours.This whole thing was stupid.? I pulled out my tooth? Why did I pull out my own tooth? . thank you.Hey.. l.What was I thinking? . Jade.You were really fucked up. . Clearly. I can't believe I gave my grandmother's Holocaust ring to someone I just met.l. .Huh.. .. Listen. Sure. . . . Hey. It was stupid. . you don't have to say it. wasn't it? .Oh. I totally understand..You did pull out your own tooth. Look.

Alan bet you that you weren't a good enough dentist... ...to pull out your own tooth. Okay. Heh. - Of course he did. - You won. Yeah. Clearly. Yeah. That's victory, right there. It needs to go down. - It's good. Get in. - No. Safety first. - Alan, it's fine. It's down. - No, I gotta get it down first. - Jesus Christ. Look out. - Don't mess the car up. You're gonna mess the car up. - Hey, what are you doing next weekend? - I don't know. Working. Why? I was thinking maybe I'd come back and take you out to dinner. Really? Like a date? Yeah. Like a date. Only, one that hopefully I'll remember.

Sounds good. - Stu. Come on. - Stu. Come on. I gotta go. Okay. Bye. - Bye. - Bye. All right, here we go. - All right, let's go. - Yeah. Careful. At least the trip wasn't a total disaster. - What makes you say that? - When I woke up on the roof... ...I happened to find $80,worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket. - Oh! - Oh, my God! Looks like we're going home with some money, boys. Here he comes. That's him. - Hey, Neeco! - Hey. What's up, Alan?

Whoo! - Whoa, look out. - Oh, shit. Whoa! Whoa! - Thanks, Neeco. - You got it, man. - Page me! - Adiós. - Who the hell was that guy? - That's my buddy. Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route. - How's my hair? - It looks good. - Is it cool like Phil's? - It's classic Phil. She looks beautiful, man. Sorry I'm late. Vegas. Where were you? And why are you so red? Honey, it's a long story.

.. Oh.. Ow.. Come here. Oh.. . Okay.to never.. Brother of the. my man.Stu? You avoiding me? . my God. What happened to your tooth? Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother. And I promise for as long as we're married. . Excuse me.Daddy... that's very funny. All I know is I am so sorry.Hey. . How was your soccer game? ..Hey.We are gathered here today. Can you forgive me? ..because of the strength of love and of promises kept. Melissa. but I'm expecting my husband any minute. ever put you through anything like this again. That is disgusting. .

What the fuck is going on? . I called that bed and breakfast in Napa. a guy should be able to do what he wants. then why did I do it. Riddle me that. . In a healthy relationship.Stu. .We went to Las Vegas. They said they had no record of you even checking in.Why haven't you returned my calls? Well. . that's not what you do. there was a snafu when we stopped.. That's because we didn't go to Napa. That's what guys do. really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas? My friend was getting married. huh? Because I did it..Okay. I'm sick of doing what you want.Really? Well. Why'd I do it? All you want me to do is what you want me to do. Oh. .

It was a real pleasure meeting you.. all the way through to your core. you're right. You fucked a bartender. You're. shall we dance? Let's do this. You're an idiot... really? .Suck my dick.Yeah. Since when? Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June.. good. I stand corrected.Oh. Boom! . You're such a bad person.Oh.I'm getting my bartender's license.Fuck off. Alan. You. .You told me it was a bartender.That is not how this works! . .Oh. .. . . Like. Because whatever this is ain't working for me! . . It was a bartender.

. that's my camera. You guys are awesome.. wait. .. I don't know what to say. okay? One time. . Some of it's even worse than we thought.. . Wa.Wa..No.I give it six months. Are there photos on it? Yeah. . Go.Hey. this was a gorgeous wedding..You're a dick. Wait.Oh. Thanks for the bachelor party. . . I just wish we could actually remember some of it..I gotta tell you. . . .. thank you. Wait. Give me that. I guess? Yeah. Dougie.. man. guys? Look what I found. .No fucking way. wait.. We look at these pictures together.Whoa.It was in the back seat of the car.

Okay. Oh. one time. .Yeah. .Deal.. . .Deal? .I say we delete it right now. . .And then we delete the evidence. Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital.Deal.Guys. it's in there. dear Lord! That's classic! .