Professional Documents
Culture Documents
written by
Gavin Warner
warner.gavin@yahoo.com
WGA#
ACT ONE
MITCHELL
(reluctantly)
So we’re having a family games
night.
CAMERON
Organised by moi.
MITCHELL
Oh c’mon it’ll be a blast.
(sing-songy)
Charaaaades. Give me one.
CAMERON
Clint Eastwood.
CAMERON (CONT’D)
Mickey Rooney.
A sour expression.
CAMERON (CONT’D)
One Flew over the Cookoo’s Nest.
MITCHELL
No, this is One Flew over the
Cookoo’s Nest. THIS is The Death
and Life of Peter Sellers.
CAMERON
(to the camera)
We’re still working out some of the
subtleties.
Beat.
CLAIRE
Hang on I’ll just check.
PHIL
Gorbotron strikes hitting Rotozor
in the fuel tank.
CLAIRE
Phil, Cam wants to know if we’d
like to go to a family games night
at their place tonight.
PHIL
(sounding robotic)
That’s a big O.
CLAIRE
Is that a ‘yes’?
PHIL
Word to your mother.
CLAIRE
(to the phone)
I’ll get back to you.
MANNY
I don’t understand why Tom and
Jerry fight all the time. Why can’t
they just sit down and reason out
their differences.
JAY
It’s a cartoon. It’s funny.
Beat.
MANNY
There’s this kid at school called
Henrich that keeps picking on me.
JAY
(indicating to the T.V.)
So, be like the Jerry. Outsmart
him.
Gloria enters.
GLORIA
We’re going to a games night at
Mitchell and Cameron’s tonight--
JAY
But I’ve got a thing on at
the...thing...
GLORIA
Annnndd...
JAY
(to Manny)
I don’t like the sound of that and.
GLORIA
Does anyone know what day it is
today?
JAY
Happy birthday Manny.
MANNY
Already had it.
GLORIA
We’re picking up Diego from the
airport.
JAY
Whosa?
GLORIA
My cousin Diego. We talked about
this last month.
JAY
Ah, that’s why I remember it so
well.
JAY
No, no we don’t.
GLORIA
My cousin Diego arrives today from
Bogota. He’s the sweetest florist
you’ll ever meet.
JAY
Maybe he’ll get on well with Mitch
and Cam.
CAMERON (O.S.)
Daddy. Daddy. Are you in here. I
really want to go to the park and
am wondering why you are being so
emotionally withdrawn today.
MITCHELL
The whole Games Night thing it
just...brings back memories.
CAMERON
We’ve all had a bad run of
charades. I remember a time when
everyone thought--
MITCHELL
You’re not listening.
CAMERON
Just adding some levity.
MITCHELL
Our family loved board games.
Friday nights. But one year my dad
found some magazines under my
bed...he was so mad with me that
he’d wouldn’t play on my side
anymore. Soon our family grew out
of board games anyway, but the
point was--
CAMERON
He wasn’t there for you.
MITCHELL
Yeah and he--
CAMERON
Kept to himself. Kept busy.
MITCHELL
Yes. Yes.
CAMERON
Was emotionally distant?
MITCHELL
Right...
(realization dawns)
Oh.
PHIL
Every Tuesday night before there
were kids biting our ankles we’d
have a few friends around, play a
few games...
FLASHBACK
PHIL
Yes. Yes. Winner.
(to the others)
Loooosers. Woo hoo. U.S.A.
CLAIRE
Are you okay?
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
It’s not all about winning.
PHIL
Yep. That’s what the losers say.
PHIL (CONT’D)
And here’s my secret weapon.
CLAIRE
Oh God.
Phil pulls out the card deck. Hands it toward the unseen
camera operator.
PHIL
Ask me any question.
Phil waits.
Beat.
PHIL
That’s a good one. Uh...let me
think now...when Gorbachov was
president it was...
PHIL (CONT’D)
(reaching)
Can I...
Examines it carefully.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Did you take this from the front or
the back?
PHIL
(handing back the card)
Ok. Ask me again.
Cameron and Mitchell have parked the stroller and are pushing
Lily on a swing. Both involved. A happy family.
Another woman comes along. Puts her kid on the swing beside
Lily. Begins pushing.
WOMAN
(to Mitchell)
She’s gorgeous. How old is she.
MITCHELL
Two.
WOMAN
Really. So’s mine. She walking yet?
CAMERON
Really.
WOMAN
Took to it like a champion. What
about climbing?
MITCHELL
Great climber.
WOMAN
Jesse could climb from day dot. Up
on chairs, holding the edge of
anything she could get her hands
on.
Mitchell begins unhooking the chain holding Lily in the seat.
MITCHELL
Yeah. Well you know we’ve got to
get her to swimming class now.
WOMAN
(shocked)
She can swim?
MITCHELL
Does 15 in less than a minute.
WOMAN
Wow.
Claire and Hayley are waiting at the front door with Claire.
Phil enters dressed in a tight fitting basketball outfit.
PHIL
Still fits.
CLAIRE
Really?
HAYLEY
Do we have to go mom?
CLAIRE
Your brother who loves you needs
your support...
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
...so does your father.
PHIL
Here’s the baller.
CLAIRE
Play fair. Do your best.
PHIL
Ball just hit the rim.
Phil looks at the camera.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL (CONT’D)
Do you think Michael Jordan ever
said, ‘Let’s just go out there and
play fair. Let’s NOT slam dunk on
everyone’s heads today.’
Claire shuts the door behind Phil, Luke and the girls as they
leave. She then indicates that the camera should follow her.
Claire then moves into the living room. Goes to the couch.
Reaches in-between the cushions. Pulls out more cards.
SERIES OF SHOTS
HAYLEY
Dad!
MITCHELL
For lying to that lady.
CAMERON
For sticking up for your daughter.
Being there for her.
LILY
Da!
Their car screams to a stop. Mitchell gets out and takes Lily
out of her seat.
CAMERON
(high-pitched)
She said ‘Da.’
(to a walker nearby)
She said ‘Da’.
PHIL
C’mon Lukey. Call for it. Call for
it.
Phil looks over at Hayley. Reaches across and grabs her phone
off her.
HAYLEY
Dad!
PHIL
At least try and look interested.
HAYLEY
(sarcastic)
Yay Luke.
ALEX
(bored)
Yay Luke.
PHIL
Yes. C’mon little buddy!
A whistle blows.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Now listen son, you need to start
getting your game on.
(MORE)
PHIL (CONT’D)
You don’t want to shame on this
family do you.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Let’s not forget I was an all-
American football legend.
HAYLEY
Let’s not forget you were a
cheerleader.
PHIL
Games were made or broken on my
thigh stands young lady.
Phil breaks the huddle. The girls quickly sit down again.
PHIL (CONT’D)
Just...start bringing home the
bacon.
LUKE
What’s that mean?
PHIL
Okay, let me put it another way, if
you don’t get that ball and put it
in that hoop, I’m going to be all
like, ‘who are you? You’re not my
son.’
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL (CONT’D)
Encouragement. We all need it.
Luke is trying really hard to get the ball this time but
without much success. Phil is shouting instructions from the
sideline. He suddenly stops.
PHIL
Lot of potential huh coach.
COACH
It was...disturbing.
PHIL
Oh, no, I mean, Luke.
COACH
Has he tried baseball?
PHIL
He has. Look, he swished didn’t he.
COACH
Controversial. And...it’s not all
about winning.
PHIL
(pretending to cough)
Michael Jordan.
COACH
Sorry, did you say something?
PHIL
No, no, just got a tickle. So then
tell me coach, what is it all about
then.
COACH
One word - ‘team’.
PHIL
That’s right. And how do you spell
that?
COACH
Uh...T..E..A..M.
PHIL
Exactly. Ever notice the letters m
and e in there?
PHIL
Don’t sweat it champ. I don’t think
he was the right coach for you
anyway.
LUKE
So am I still your son?
ALEX
Dad?
PHIL
Of course buddy. That was just
court talk. Maybe the coach was
right.
LUKE
About winning?
PHIL
About baseball.
ALL KIDS
(looking through the
windscreen)
Dad!
GLORIA
I want to get Diego a welcome
present.
(she points ahead)
Let’s stop at Costco.
JAY
I’m not getting out.
GLORIA
So you’re not proud of your wife
and son’s wife’s nationality.
JAY
You always put things so...harshly.
Jay, Gloria and Manny come through the doors. Jay is looking
around nervously hoping not to get noticed by anyone he
knows. As they head toward one of the isles they see Mitchell
and Cameron pushing their trolley.
GLORIA
Hey boys.
JAY
Oh great.
CAMERON
Hey Gloria.
CAMERON (CONT’D)
I like this!
GLORIA
My cousin Diego is coming from
Bogota.
CAMERON
So you’re making him feel welcome.
How sweet. Make sure you bring him
along tonight then.
MITCHELL
You all look so festive...
(to Jay)
especially you.
JAY
Yeah yeah. Laugh it up.
MANNY
That’s him.
GLORIA
Who?
MANNY
Henrich. The kid who’s picking on
me at school.
GLORIA
A kid is picking on you at school.
Jay did you...?
Jay nods.
GLORIA (CONT’D)
(to Jay)
Well go over there. Talk to his
father. Mano o mano.
Jay stares at the father who looks a little rough around the
edges.
JAY
But...the kid’s got to learn to
fight his own battles.
MITCHELL
Yeah, I did.
JAY
Alright alright.
JAY (CONT’D)
Uh...your boy there...well...he’s
been picking on my kid and...maybe
you could talk to him.
HENRICH’S FATHER
About...
JAY
About stopping.
HENRICH’S FATHER
Why?
JAY
Why? Because it’s hurting his
feelings that’s why.
Henrich’s father looks Jay up and down, looks to his son and
smirks.
JAY (CONT’D)
C’mon. You’re a father. How would
you feel if it was the other way
around.
HENRICH’S FATHER
I’d tell him to harden the--
JAY
I bet you would.
JAY (CONT’D)
Ah, forget it.
JAY
You know this is traditional
Colombian poncho. My wife’s
Colombian, my kid’s Colombian, and
we have quite a few Colombian
friends who’d be interested in the
whole...situation we have here.
HENRICH’S FATHER
You know...the colours aren’t so
bad.
Jay nods and walks off. He moves up to Manny and puts an arm
on him. Begins to lead him away toward an isle.
JAY
C’mon Manny. He won’t bother you
anymore.
GLORIA
Baby, what did you say?
JAY
I just reasoned with him. You
know...mano o mano.
GLORIA
Awwww. You’re so brave.
GLORIA (CONT’D)
He looks scared of you.
JAY
(wide-eyed)
Mmmm hmmmm.
MITCHELL
I don’t know. This mother was all
like my daughter can do this. And
my daughter can do that.
Out the window in the back yard Phil and Luke are wrestling.
Phil is dressed in a cape and a mask and Luke has underpants
over his head and is wearing some bed leggings.
CLAIRE
Not every kid develops the same
Mitch.
MITCHELL
That’s true. That’s helpful.
CLAIRE
Take you for example. You were
never as good at sport as me. A
late bloomer.
MITCHELL
That’s not as helpful.
CLAIRE
Don’t you remember...Mum and Dad
were always letting us try new
things.
MITCHELL
Yeah. Basketball.
CLAIRE
Baseball.
MITCHELL
Present wrap club.
TOGETHER
Mum’s idea.
MITCHELL
Ice skating. Who would’ve thought
I’d find my niche.
CLAIRE
Even then I was the one who...
MITCHELL
Alriiight. Point taken. Bet me ice-
skating disappointed dad though.
CLAIRE
Nah. You were always the apple of
his eye.
MITCHELL
What?
CLAIRE
Even when he found out you were gay
Mitch.
MITCHELL
Really?
CLAIRE
It was such a turbulent time you
probably didn’t notice. It was hard
for him too with his traditional
values.
MITCHELL
(in deep thought)
Yeah. Right.
CLAIRE
The key with kids is to work on
their strengths.
Phil is now climbing on the bin ready to Hammer Drop Luke who
is sprawled on the grass pretending he’s injured.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Uh, I gotta go.
MITCHELL
See you tonight.
CLAIRE
Honey that’s not...
CRUNCH
LUKE
Owwwwww.
CLAIRE
...safe.
Luke sits between his parents on the couch. He has his arm in
a sling.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
I realized that Luke’s strength
lies in pretend-play, so we--
PHIL
You.
CLAIRE
I, enrolled him in acting classes.
PHIL
Mainly girls. Wearing eighteenth
century dresses and pretending to
be the Brontes.
CLAIRE
One of the male students recently
got cast in the next Narnia--
PHIL
Sure...as one of the sisters.
CLAIRE
The kid’s making more than his
parents income combined.
PHIL
When does Luke start again?
CLAIRE
Monday.
JAY
So...Diego...you’re a florist.
DIEGO
A fauna engineer.
JAY
Uh huh. How’s that working out for
you?
DIEGO
Good.
JAY
Great.
DIEGO
I just open my twenty third store
in Barranquilla.
JAY
Wow. So business is blooming.
Jay laughs at his own joke. Stops when he sees Diego is not.
JAY (CONT’D)
Diego. Do me a favour and wave at
that guy over there.
JAY (CONT’D)
Lose the smile.
Henrich’s father looks across, sees Jay, and then sees the
huge Colombian man in the back waving darkly at him.
Jay laughs.
MUSIC
MONTAGE
INT. STUDY - NIGHT
Cameron opens the study door for Manny and sweeps an arm
toward the other children who are sitting around a stack of
board games looking bored.
When Cameron leaves, the kids quickly sweep the board games
away and pull out a set of poker cards. Hayley begins
dealing.
Jay and Gloria are in the lounge chair, Phil and Claire on
the floor with Mitchell and Cameron around the coffee table.
CLAIRE (V.O.)
Life’s not about getting it right
all the time...
CLAIRE (V.O.)
Especially those closest to us...
CLAIRE (V.O.)
And celebrating their strengths
with them.
PHIL
This is so exciting. This is so
exciting.
Phil bursts in the door and pushes his way to the front,
seats Luke, then heads toward Michael and shakes his hand.
PHIL
Hello Mr. Jordan. I’m a big fan of
your work.
MICHAEL
Thanks.
PHIL
The NBA final of ‘86...what a game.
That was magic.
MICHAEL
Yeah it was...Magic Johnson. Not
me.
PHIL
You weren’t on the bench or...
PHIL (CONT’D)
Well, 90 against the Mavericks--
MICHAEL
Also Magic.
PHIL
I think my wife mixed up my DVDs
again.
MICHAEL
If you don’t mind...
MICAHEL
Alright welcome everyone. Nice to
see you today. My name’s Michael
Jordan and let me start by saying,
‘It’s not all about winning.’
END OF SHOW